I guess im asking the wrong place but does anyone know of a method to log back into an instagram account?? I was dumb forgot the password. I appreciate any help you can offer me.
@Juan Sage thanks so much for your reply. I found the site on google and Im trying it out now. Takes quite some time so I will get back to you later when my account password hopefully is recovered.
ENFJs can get really extreme during arguments! Being one myself, I have shown extreme excitement during a funny debate and extreme anger during a heated argument!
Yes, thinkers are typically known for being insensitive, but when dominant feelers reach the point where their thinking comes out, it's really scary. I've found this is especially true for ExFJs. The normally nice, always kind to everyone person suddenly turns and all their bitterness (their own suppressed feelings from being stepped on in the past) comes out. Their eyes become intense, focused and cold. A thinker (or an Fi-type maybe) may accidentally offend you, because they're not aware of the feeling atmosphere (which is actually very innocent, considering they just don't know better), but ExFJs know EXACTLY how to hurt you, because they know how they've been hurt themselves. This is the bad side of empathy. Our culture tends to think only of the good side of empathy. But it's also the reason we've been able to torture each other so effectively, for example. Because we're capable of great good, we're also capable of great evil. Animals are innocent, and rarely capable of either. Two sides of the same coin.
I consider that I have above average longevity for tolerance of 'bad behavior' and fairly incredible amounts of patience and giving people the 'benefit of the doubt'. So when I get to a point of being completely depleted because of the constant giving and not being respected in kind for my simple boundaries...I can feel an inverse happen within and suddenly I'm a roaring abyss that will consume everything in it's path until balance and restoration of the self is achieved. If * someone * has caused this break and is unjustified in their conduct, and I am in this imbalanced state, suddenly a well of access to all of their hidden fears, desires and private motives will, like a library of pain, deftly come to my mind and being highly articulate...an ensuing decimation will occur that will leave a scorched earth mark where upon a person once stood. Objectively, it seems terrifying. Over the years I have learned to manage and care for myself so that I do not ever get to this point(I'm more direct earlier on when I begin to feel taken advantage of). While other types seem to be able to 'blow off steam' and never really obliterate those around them...it seems that the shocking turnaround of seeing normally generous sweet me, become irate, disgusted, and completely uncaring of the feelings of the humans around them, seems to add to the astonished reactions of those around. In other words, people seem to take it harder when I get pissed, so I try not to.
Even ENFJ's who are normally the kindest, most empathetic persons can have dark days. If they use their superior social skills to let you know that they feel you've done something bad to them, they are REALLY scary. I saw a friend do that once, and I'm still glad I wasn't the target.
Enfj brother and i (Istp) got into a small heated discussion. Believe me when i say he has high intellect and charming as beekeeper. When i told him logically about something, even warned him it may sound insulting....he went for the jugular....fully apologizing afterward for his unacceptable behavior to me: yet telling me as i had tears in my eyes to not leave and if i left i should just "roll out"...lol. Empty apology. Yikes! never again. Ill keep my nice forewarned logical stuff to myself. lol I still love him...
lol - I wear earbuds/headphones out in public all of the time, so that people won't randomly approach me....doesn't work. When meeting new people I always feel like, "oh no, I hope this person doesn't want to be my friend...I have enough friends" and then I feel bad that I don't have endless stores of emotional energy for everyone. So then somehow I end up being that person's friend after all....cuz I talked myself into it being the 'right thing'. Then if they ever unfollow me on social media later, or equivalency offline, I'm so ticked at myself for seeing it coming and still giving into the social connection and pressuring myself into a relationship that I didn't want in the first place. -
@@peachtreaty4754 I can relate to this, utterly. I feel that our struggles as a type are unseen for the most part. That because of our ability to charm and relate, that it persuades people to believe that we are just only that. While yes, I am an eclectic mix of interests and talents, I have my own hidden world that goes largely unseen by the populace.
abc stv THIS! This is EXACTLY how I feel! Omg, the amount of times I’ve had to turn down relationships because people like me. But I know yes, I may like them it isn’t enough for me to feel sentimental value to in turn love them back.
Are NF types obsessed with trying to know the other types? I an an ENFJ and asked at least 50 people to take their Myers-Briggs test 😂 Including people I JUST MET! ENFJs can make friends easily, right?
More seriously, that second half is so very spot-on. I'm no longer a work-aholic... though part of that is because I'm way better at helping others when I first set boundaries for myself LOL
As a healthy ENFJ I can’t relate to this video. However I know we have the skills to manipulate and it’s scary. I just don’t see how we truly have the guts to do it. There has to be more to the story. Perhaps an fence walker nice narcissist.
You're right when you said you can become really scary. But I know that you can only be a dark ENFJ if, and only if, you're hurt and triggered sooo freaking hard. You guys are just so selfless. ☺
this is true. yall are so loved by everyone, but that comes with a lot of power. and ive seen some of yall use that power to manipulate😯 but i feel like yall are generally pretty empathic & know better than to fw ppl emotions
I am a enfj i was bullied for years. After years i started using my skills against my bullys. Held back on the atomic bombs daddy issues and crippling fear of inaccuracies but I picked apart every thing eles. Not proud of it but after manipulating the school system and soical attacks. They broke and stopped. I had no choice.
You didn’t mention the most annoying side of an ENFJ. They can be VERY bossy. And they are so driven to accomplish things and be the best at everything that they can have unrealistic expectations of those around them. They seem to always be pushing people to grow and love themselves and others etc etc but they get impatient with this and can be very pushy about it. They don’t understand when someone just wants to be comfortable where they are at. And it comes out in the form of scolding. They will scold individuals to get them to either better themselves or conform to social niceties. Most of the video and other videos out there just seem to focus on ENFJs using their social skills for evil. Almost no one wants to talk about the bossy, scolding and self righteous holier than thou side. Probably because overall they are a hard type to criticize. They are winning at everything they set out to and they are hard not to love.
Here we go! Now this is a dark side of myself i relate to! Getting annoyed at people for not growing and avoiding people like the plague that would keep me from growing or regress me
As an ENFJ. This is true. I’m fully aware of it NOW at 34. My brother and friend who are INFP, are not talking to me because of this. “Bossy scolding and self righteous holier than tho” Yeah, That’s me ! Meditation is the only thing that helps. We must self reflect.
I’ve done this plenty during team sports, I would get so frustrated and bossy when people wouldn’t show the devotion I thought was necessary to win when they were comfortable where they were at. So long story short I joined an individual sport😂😂
As an ENFJ-A myself, I don't agree with the notion that we can't take other people's criticism well. (this is one of the reasons I feel we are one of the least understood personalities) The real reason why our "extroverted" function does well is due to the fact that we FIRST understand ourselves better than anyone else and THEN become confident and curious enough to also understand other human beings. We value constructive feedback and easily overturn negative people and happily go an extra mile to make them see where they're wrong. We often sacrifice our ego in order to convince people that they can also be better. I see no insecurity there. The risk of a "darkside" lies in knowing that one day we might lose hope in humanity and become meticulous psychopaths.
You have to go through the heros journey to get to that point though. Early in life you will not be as confident in your understanding of people and it may take a while to notice other people don't actually know what they are talking about and have given them too much credit in some areas
My mum is an ENFJ and usually takes constructive criticism well. She always gives people the benefit of the doubt. But sometimes she’s super sensitive, takes everything personally, & just shuts down in difficult conversations. Not usually though.
you just made my life easier, imma just print this comment out and hand it to ppl around me as a visit card so that they’ll be able to understand that enfjs are as humble as a person can be and that we take criticism s o well!!
INFP here..my best friend is an ENFJ. she is incredibly empathetic, open-minded, popular, highly intelligent, and HILARIOUS. everybody loves being around her. ive learned not to get into debates with her tho. she dont be letting anyone win😂 she is firm in her beliefs and it takes A LOT to convince her
My boyfriend is the stereotypical self-sacrificing ENFJ. Sometimes he doesn't even notice he's being stepped on, or that his kindness is being exploited. And when he notices, he can come up with some reason to avoid standing up for himself (the best one is, he says he'll get his revenge in the future, but in seven years I've never seen any of that lol). I'm INFP and I can't tolerate injustice, especially if it's being done to my loved ones. So between us it usually goes like this: he tells me some injustice or wrongdoing he experienced; I get mad at the person who did that to him and tell him he should stand up for himself, and think of how he could do that; he listens but then comes up with a reason not to do anything; I get mad at him because usually his reasons are bullshit to me; then he changes topic and I forget about it lol. But after many years I can see this pattern.
Fascinating. I'm much more like you in those kinds of scenarios but just to counter our mindsets I would say that forgiveness is an increasingly rare thing it seems these days. Also, there is a power to being above retaliation although I must say... I am currently not above such things ~ Nathan
Regarding injustice, after taking at least 30+ tests I know I'm iNTp but I've got extremely strong sense of injustice. I've never read about any intps having strong SoI while many INFPs do. Is it possible to be intp with strong Fi (more explaining to such a sense than Fe)? I've also took some cognitive function usage tests and I had respectively - very high TI, slightly less but also very high BOTH Ne/Ni then "good use" of Fi while Fe "not in use".
@@lovewho Hi Nathan, thanks for your reply! That's very true. I believe forgiveness is one of the highest virtues both individuals and societies can achieve. But I also believe there's a difference between forgiving and passively enduring injustice. The latter being what my boyfriend tends to go with (usually). I'm sure he forgives, too; but I don't think forgiveness is the main reason why he doesn't react to injustice. I believe it's mostly because he wants to avoid conflict. Which is totally understandable for a Fe dom! By the way, that difference I was talking about between forgiveness and passivity/submission may be what drove me away from christianity as a teen... But that's a whole different discussion!
You frame your boyfriend as a limpwristed weakling, when he probably just has better foresight than you do. Retribution often has unforeseen social consequences, such as retaliation in turn or escalation. Life isn't a no consequences episode of House of Cards. When he days he's waiting, he probably means he's waiting for less risk of potential, life altering blowback or when his Ti is sure in its assessment. Also, ENFJs have a broad view of revenge, like living their lives well, not showing weakness, and still killing their enemies with kindness to shame them or paint them as abusers. They like the idea of torturing others with their success. But hey, maybe your boyfriend is actually a limpwristed weakling. You know him and his circumstances better than any of us do. Maybe his desires for any form of retribution are delusional.
I witnessed a similar pattern with my best friend who is an ENFJ. She is strong, capable and confident but only has recently started standing up for herself at work and with those that were taking advantage of her generosity.
For years my charisma attracted people towards me, but unfortunately most of those people were self seeking and used me as a source of light. Over time, I began to get bitter from their 'use' of me and my ability to lift them up, while not reciprocating when I was in need. Add in generally toxic people taking advantage of my kindness and you have who I am currently am today- a dark ENFJ with a RBF, little words and biting tongue. Before I got to this point another thing I noticed was people who were unable to live the most authentic form of themselves didn't like me bc I was comfortable in my own skin and spoke truth on matters they wished to ignore.
This is a great explanation of dark ENFJs. I am an ENFJ and i can truely say there was a time where i switched to the dark side a lot. Today i am more selfreflected, even tho if somebody hurts me or is mean to me or any friend i can switch right back to the dark side. Having people (Thinkers) around me who keep me humble and focused on logic more then my intense feelings helped a lot. Moreover my Relationship with an INTP who told me a lot. I love how i am more calm and not that of an impulsive feeler anymore. Being a healthy ENFJ and using my "power" for good, feels so much better. But even though i am working on me and trying to stay on the bright sight, my impulsive feeling snaps in certain situations and i regret it instantly. Nobody is perfect i would say but as long as we try our most to be the best version of our selfes, we can be proud of us and also happier :)
Ashura Nero they are prone to become cruel and embarrass you and hit you at your lowest points because they are good at reading people. Just remember that ENFJs and INFJs are people too. Stop putting them on pedestals and allow them space to make mistakes and not be perfect. I did this once to a ENFJ and shortly found out his dark side and realized he was just a person too. I think so many people like ENFJs because they are people pleasers. I wish they would be more true to themselves I think there’s a balance. I’m still learning that right balance too myself as a INTP as when to say something to people tactfully Ti and when to just use my Fe when a person is not in a place to hear it. Allowing people to change at their own pace.
As an ENFJ myself, questioning my logic really hits hard sometimes -- feeling like they're attacking me in some way. This video is excellent, thank you for making me realize the root of this problem and even giving advice on overcoming it.
Why I like to watch ENFJ analysis is because I can finally relate. As a type who can see through the essence of people, it’s kinda hard to accept that we are rarely understood by most people who said that they liked us. Most of the people who like me like me just because I am the rare person they meet, who can empathize and give warmth to them. They want to stick with me because they want to suck my energy restlessly like a leech. I don’t feel cared by those kind of people at all and will never truly like them back. So I’m now in a humble circumstance that whenever someone cares for my feelings seriously, I hold them as my friends fondly, which is ridiculously sad.
As an ENFJ who was always widely social and never at a loss for dates, I noticed in my teen years that had I a bad habit of ending relationships on my own terms. Even if I knew the relationship was dead, I would continue it until an opportune moment to break up. (I.E. one of us moving) Most of the time, its not even malicious, its us not wanting to hurt the other person by saying "We're not right for each other" I imagine its hard for the person dating you to feel like the relationship is going well, then slightly awkward but hopeful, and then just over. Its so painful to hurt people you build relationships with and care about even if you know its not meant to be.
Because of my intuition usually being highly accurate on a person's 'level of genuine-ness', I find it somewhat ironic how terrified I am of the "cold, reptilian" that I might encounter. I'm an INFP and one of my closest friends is ENFJ; if he turned scaly I'd probably have my faith in humanity permanently shaken. Please don't give me any more nightmare material! 😳😂 Except I'm dying to hear your take on the Darkside of the INFP... 🤣👍 Also, thumbs up for the cool graphics in the thumbnail! 👍
You know what I, as an infp recently had a head butt with a manipulative ENFJ And when I say I had an intuition that something was wrong about this guy from the start...believe me. It's only that I don't trust myself, and I don't know why. That I didn't take actions and stop involving with that narcissist immediately. Narcs are coward in ways u wouldn't expect and they are *liars* ... But I don't get why I felt so gratified after exposing that lil shit🤣
@@potatowarrior747 ENFJ's are falsely described as narcissists while it is the other way around. Narcissists acts like ENFJ's altruistic and charismatic. But ENFJ's are this in their core because they lead with FE. While narcissists lacks empathy they are all about their own gain. They are egocentrical and manipulate you in thinking they care about you while using you. It's surprices me how people don't understand the basic definitions. Understand the difference between extremely empathic and sympathic and no empathy and sympathy at all.
What I am saying is. Your faith in humanity will be shaken because an true ENFJ is a good person and this is why you look up to them as an example of humanity. Your enfj will not change into a snake. It's the snakes that behave as enfj's that you might recognise with your intuition 😊 or not till it's to late. But remember that's what narcissists do.. They are manipulative so they shouldn't make you doubt about the good ones. No need for being affraid of your friend charish what you have 🤗
I'm an INFP ... this is really scary, even deadly for us... I've met one was playing with my attention on and off it was extremely toxic, fortunately, I kicked him off my life. So much for that match :(
I commit to use my powers for good! One thing I’ve heard is that ENFJ’s make very good second-in-commands. We’re excellent supporters, and being second helps to keep us from getting carried away, especially if that first is someone who isn’t afraid to speak their mind and be honest with the ENFJ. I get too overwhelmed when I’m in charge anyway, and worried that I’ll get carried away.
That’s funny you say that, I’m an ENFJ and I actually want jobs where I’m second in command, working behind the scenes to do good. I don’t want the spotlight or the pressure, but I want to do good and have the right influence so that I’m able to do good.
Oh trust me. Sometimes deep down enfj want to be dark and hurt other people with our abilities. We genuinely love people, especially our friends and family. BUT sometimes when other people don't match our high expectation, or don't give us the same amount of care that we gave them. We want to hurt them, by manipulating them and other people around them, just to teach them a lesson, that they should be grateful. OH GOD WHAT AM I TYPING
I feel like I get to see this darker side of ENFJ since she’s my sister, ... like a lot. It’s very interesting how accurate this is, and it’s funny because we have this on going joke where I’d say, “I feel sorry for your friends who don’t know how much you kind of don’t care.” And she’s say “Shshhhsh” and we both laugh maniacally 😂
I have an ENFJ sister too! I feel like this comment section is making their darker side seem like they are some type of psycho. They are good at understanding people so it only makes sense that "hitting others where it hurts" comes easy to them.
Let me be an honest ENFJ, yes I manipulate people for their own good, for turn them into their better self and I'm an ambivert person, I always listen, give advice like I'm my friends free psychologist(thats their definition) but never ask for it and I really dont want to be asked about it. Most of the time I'm super selfless about these, but rarely, when someone makes me angry I just make them suffer socially, first make them helpless and alone by manipulating other people to do it then help them and be the savior. Yes
You are not being honest when you say that ENFJs are manipulative for the good of others, ENFJs are manipulative to be seen as a good person, or when they want things to go their way. But at least you spoke the truth about what you do when you don't like someone. I met ENFJ people just like you, never again.
@@ppaola I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way. I think it goes without saying that you were probably wronged by an ENFJ however correlation does not equal causation so just because an ENFJ has wronged you does not mean that every ENFJ is going to be on a Machiavellian streak of manipulation. I could also write off certain MB types but already in my experience I have seen star contrast between the two because I do not feel as though your MB type is a dictation of your character but more so your nature. Anyone can become manipulative or use manipulation to their advantage as an ENFJ it just happens to be natural for me to be able to discuss and persuade and look for common ground more easily than others (I'm like I'm trying to do now) but I feel like people have a skewed vision of what manipulation is. If I try to point a conversation to a direction or end result in unity, then I had to take part in manipulating something but manipulation does not necessarily pertain to negativity is just meaning that rather than letting things unfold I want to have a hand in the direction and steer wheel myself. I prefer to only have one hand on the wheel while the other person has their hand on the other. As someone who always wants to go out of their way to help and assist people not always for personal gain I feel called upon to try to give you some logical reasons to change your mind because I'm assuming that you have a T in your type. But I hope the next time you have an encounter with one of us you feel more so cared for and not necessarily let on or used
@@ppaola It’s not right nor accurate categorize a whole group like that. It’s better to say that you’ll stay away from an unhealthy type of a certain category. GL.
@@ethanmiles20 the problem with you ENFJs is thinking that only you can manipulate. You didn't have to say you were trying to manipulate me, because I realized that as soon as I opened the message (the same way an ENFJ in another message tried). You know what makes you guys stop being so manipulative? Having something to use against you, an ace in the sleeve, and that's exactly what I did. So when the ENFJ I met was swearing that an ISFJ like me was falling for her lies, I was already showing all the prints with the truths and speaking openly about everything she had already done and tried to hide from all the people involved in what happened. Isn't that what you guys do, try to turn the group against the person?? I hope every ENFJ finds someone who teaches the mirror-reflecting lesson. And what saying about " I feel called upon to try to give you some logical reasons to change your mind ".... Why you guys don't take your own advice? A hyper-fixation on advising and correcting the behavior of others, the best you can do is take that advice, and let people make their own choices without becoming so controlling, you ENFJs don't change your mind and want people to do that, hypocrisy.
This is the first thing I noticed about an ENFJ I *used* to be friendly with at work. I don't mind manipulation, actually. We all do it at some point in life. Hell, there are times when I admire it (advertising), especially if it's done well, but her reason for manipulating is what pissed me off. When you manipulate because you lack talent and are using your charm to sabotage others, then I can't get with it. At all. Not only that, but she was sloppy and for some reason, assumed I couldn't see when she was doing it.
Yep I found my people who took off the ENFJ mask. Don't let them cover their faces again. Unfortunately, I couldn't make others see what I saw and I preferred to leave the group to keep my emotions in peace. And they play the victim when they are discovered.
As an ENFJ myself, I can say this is very true, but I'm luckily a healthy one. Te in demon position can be also very scary. Some of my close friends (INFJ) who never made me mad imagine me as a soft lil puppy, and even said " I can't even imagine You being evil. " Though, I could be, I just find more happiness in helping others, I think being merciless and/or corrupt probably would backfire anyway in the end.
I'm an ENFJ-T . When things in my life strart to seem out of control. I step back and need to self reflect and logic my way around any barriers to my goals. I'm sure others are like this. Many other points you make I can relate. I do use an I function when I really need it. Cheers 🥰
Loving the ENFJ videos! As it's rare anyone mentions about this type in detail. Definitely a possibility to be dark! It's a choice though, I feel sometimes it's not a choice for other types and rather nature. I have the ability, but I'd destroy who I am as a person being it. Feel like I'm improving outside of my extroverted intuition, as I'm obsessed with personal growth and all my spare time is invested in it. Helping others with it too, always trying to open up perspectives to myself and others. Spent 20 something years being selfless, now my time is an investment for those not inside my inner circle. Working a lot on my logical side, as taking on a new challenge on in Data analytics. My role is personal development focus, but now specialising in this area. It be amazing to hear of other ENFJ's experiences, who have mastered this inferior area.
a s, that's really interesting you say that we have a choice. I have said that a few times myself. As you said, I also can't go there, it would destroy who I am as a person and that's the furthest thing ENFJs want to do.
Love how you described this, i can totally relate! I realised when quarantine started in 2020; I started doing more things for personal growth and found myself loving it being in quarantine and having to socialise less than i normally do. Also i loved that you're not obliged to show up daily during quarantine. During this 2 year period I also realised the limits I want to put on other relationships apart from my inner circle. I'd like to think that's how I - as you have nicely worded - improved outside of ENFJ's extroverted intuition. :D
I am an enfj who has been bullied all her school life and never had friends although when sitting in a social situation I always charm everyone and I can understand 100% how people are feeling, I just got sick of alot of times trying to be friend people so just prefer to be alone
So true. ENFJ here! We can be very manipulative because we can read people so well. We can be very charismatic and charming if we want something. However, I don't neglect my own needs. I feed/nourish myself first. If I'm not nourished, I can't nourish anyone else. I'm very self-aware.
The nicest people have the ability to be the most cruel people and the cruelest people have the ability to be the most kind. That’s why you always hear stories of people saying that person was the nicest person in the world they would never hurt a fly and boom they turned out to be a secret killer. Sometimes killers overcompensate in their niceness to a unhealthy extreme to try and balance out their bad acts. I think infjs and ENFJs can be Especially prone to this. Because of the pressure of being seen as perfect. Please take this label off them XNFJs are people with flaws too. If you become self aware you can control your dark side from over taking you.
I am a enfj. After years of being bullied in schools and I mean form 3rd grade to 11th grade. I started using my natural talents offensively in in 6th graded. I put up with a lot with compassion for years form the bullys and pulled punches. But it was bad and the teachers did nothing. So i took it into my own hands i manipulated the school system and soical system and thier own minds to hurt them so they stop. They did after two years i gave them so many chances, I held back my nukes on thier character such as daddy issues and crippling insecurities. But i got into there heads without trying and had other people on them without them knowing some times. I think i left mental scaring they did the same to me. Still i am not proud but i was in a situation without other options. I also got one guy on the bully for life list and never to be placed in a class with me again. U want to know what he did ? He bullied other classmates, I stopped him so he bullied me relentless. I really can't stand people who hurt people for fun. If the teachers hadn't put him on the list I had a scandal constructed basied on facts but would needed to be set up to permanently remove him form the school. Thankfully, the teachers finally did something so i didn't have to. I don't regret taking down my bullys they were cruel to me and others. I only regret a child had to do a teachers job. I always had to step in and stop bullies in my school constantly making me a target. The systems in place for handling bullies did not work. So i had to see cruelty everyday to others then me. It did mess me up, i started being muniptive regularly in conflict because i was 12 and didn't have a better way to cope with conflict. My sister is still mildly scared of me because of that time. I have been to thearpy for the bulling and thankfully don't have to go dark enfj anymore. If u have questions ask me. I am not a psychopath i like people to be aware of dark enfj if u find a enfj turned dark in the wild. But honestly, it probably wont help, if they sense u understand thier movments they will move on. That doesn't mean however u r outside of thier spear of influence. Best advice don't BE A JERK enfj hate insensitivity.
You're very right about the ENFJ shaking your hand and looking you in the eye thing lol. Along with the dead cold eyes. I've seen this behavior before myself.
There are many things to learn from the ENFJ; I'm uncertain of my own type, but I'm guessing it to be ENTP as love to pick things apart (Ti) and am constantly making new connections and searching for new concepts(Ne). I've recognized how much opportunity there is for growth/improvement in the Fe realm. For example, I've been at my current job for one year - as part of a 30 month professional training program I am put through various departments for that period. When I was in my first department I was annoyed by the small talk around me; listening to dance moms talk about their kids recital was my idea of hell. I didn't care, so why should I pretend to. For my second department I didn't show up to the Christmas party - I had taken the day off to prepare for an exam, so it wouldn't make sense to come in for a meal right? Well my manager didn't think so, he had expected me to come in and was disappointed. For my current rotation I genuinely tried to make an effort with my team; ask them about their weekend, talk to them about their interests, etc. Do I care about most of what they're talking about? No. But is it sometimes interesting and do I feel more connected with my co-workers as a result. Yes. And did my manager point out how well I integrated in the team and how well everyone liked working with me? Also yes. To be honest I feel a bit manipulative; as if I'm forcing social niceties for the sake of "getting ahead". I feel as though I'm being dishonest at times as well - pretending to be something/someone that I'm not. It can also make you question your identity - I think on some level people can be proud to be the as**ole who doesn't care or the person who has "no-filter". If you try to improve yourself you may have to go through a rather peculiar metamorphosis, and you may questions the ethics of your own behavior at times. I feel a bit unlike myself if I engage in this behavior for too long - a good antidote is to have friends who you can Ti with and who also don't care about all that Fe/Si that drains you. The reality is doors open much easier when you know the doorkeeper; blasting isn't always the most effective option. Thank you for reading. (hey look that's an Fe flex...)
Belinda Goodine that’s my same story as a female ENTP. I hate the small talk and niceties, to the point where I’m well out of practice. It’s one of the reasons I hope to work from home as a freelancer. I know how to ask the initial questions like “how was your weekend?”, but find it difficult to know where to go from there because I just don’t care. If I show my true self in front of them they’d all think I was a harsh bitch, so I end up just quietly getting on with my work.
I’m ENFJ and currently the work at a retail. To be honest it feels very manipulative for me to sell to people. I’m good at it but sometimes I don’t feel very genuine doing it. I do it more for getting better sales than for customers. Sometimes I even feel guilty for making them buy more stuff even though I know it’s better for them
@@seventhsheavenYes! My absolute favourite people are work are those who I can argue with at lunch about politics, philosophy, whatever - it's so energizing for me to be able to speak freely and all the more fun if they disagree with me! I definitely present different versions of myself depending upon who I'm speaking with, and it can be exhausting when there is no release.
@@HaHaHaLMFAOtv LOL I once got into an debate with my marketing professor where I laid out for him the reasons I thought marketing was inherently unethical in many cases. I was actually good at it, but had a few qualms.
@J my best friend in college was an INTP. I loved working with her - there was no BS whatsoever and we had such a synergy. I don't see her often as we live in different cities, bit when we do it's as if things never changed. Last time I saw here we sat for five hours in a sushi shop philosophizing and it was pure bliss 🖤.
I have a thing where I analyze people (eg. Why they do things a certain way. What's their motive), and I do it often. Ever since, I've always been a huge justice warrior. I loath injustice. I don't know about other ENFJs but most of my childhood I felt special, special in a way that I was destined for something more. However, times have changed and I see now that such childish things are mere speculations, I had to be at least a tinier realistic (still I never stop dreaming). Generally, I'm seen as nice and outgoing. Though a few months ago, for the first time in several years, I lashed out on some good friends of mine. Cold-hearted, cruel, hardcore lashed out. And it was completely out of character for me, but even more so is that I did not give a flipping fuck about them and how they felt about it. I just snapped. I called them names, picked on their insecurities, wrote a long ass letter about how I'm so fed up with them. But bro here's the best/wort part....... It was displaced anger. I wasn't even directly angry at them at the time. I was stressed because of... Well... I don't know? A bunch of stuff. All those bad shit I let slide in the pass caught up and boom! I exploded. Lesson learned : passive-aggression is deadly, when near an ENFJ who is about to blow, fucking RUN at your own risk. Edit : I can confirm about caring so much about other people and how other people feel, why other people feel that way, that I end up having no idea how I feel. No sense of self/ identity.
ENFJs don't blame people for your bad or good behavior whatever, you guys tend to manipulate to control. Need for control comes from insecurity. Y ' all want to seem empathetic and fall into this damn trap of pleasing everyone. When some don't act like you expect, then you show the demon that you hide deep down, and becoming passive agressive and emotionally volatile.
I like this video because it highlights that we aren't just these soft socially butterflies. There's a highly complex & intense logical process going on underneath. Similar to an almost, dispassionate cold soldier, always plotting goals and prepared to pounce on opportunities to understand anything. Our innerworld is very intense and penetrating once we train ourselves to make sense of it (A painful process).
Im enfj, and i can charm and pull anyone i want in, its easy. I have like a few people and can always know how they feel and what to do to make them like me back. Everyone i have liked has liked me back. I once had a very toxic friend who tried to make me lose my friends, now he has no friends and im the one with his friends. Tried to be friends with him but feel for the trap 6 times.
Hi 😊. I agree with everything in the video. Lack of expertise is not easy to cover up with social skills because of the insecurities and lack of logic. I think we are covering it with high responsibility, hard work and self sacrifice. And we need a lot of support and validation from outside when we are insecure. I think that is not always possible and can be cause of depression and kind of nervous breakdowns ...
As a daughter of enfj mother I can see those traits in her. She uses manipulation all the time to get her way, even when a command like: do the dishes would work just fine. She always compliments me first and all of that before asking me to do things, honestly as an intj it annoys me a lot. But she is as well very giving to the point that she does not take care of herself at all and jumps at every request my siblings or I have. With logic, yeah she ain't very good at it (sorry not sorry) she also feels attacked, when I correct her. Otherwise she is sweet, I am glad to have her.
This is so on point its scary how easily I can pull this off without realizing it. I spend so much time thinking of others around me I know exactly what I need to say or do to get a response from someone. It would be very difficult for me to truly hurt someone because it would crush my soul but for those I truly hate.....
This is very accurate especially the manipulation and cult leader parts lol. I have done these things in the past and I am not proud. But sometimes I can get carried away and use my influencing skills for my own interest i also get very mad when I motivate someone to do something and they fail I get very bossy and rude it was a struggle. But now I try my best to remind myself that other people's lives are not my responsibility.
I felt called out 🤭. In my teenage years I was a damn dark enfj, manipulative as fuck and I knew how to make people do what I wanted. Bullshitting my way through life. Thankfully I learned the wrong in my ways, went to therapy and understood why the fuck I was doing all those things
I m an ENFJ I am at the near end of my teenage phase and i have experienced many many things throughout this time.....i m at my worst days right now....and at this moment i m one the darkest i have ever noticed .. ...here are some traits i noticed in myself while being a dark ENFJ -> self blaming, negative energy as main consious -> wanting to become despicable and villainous cuz people don't seem to understand me anymore -> not giving importance to those who are not at my level of sophistication ->losing intrest and hope to find friends in locality cuz everyone seems dumber than me I m still trying to help people that's why posting this comment and if you relate to these then i hope you and i become 'healthy' ENFJ again
As a enfj in sophomore year, I can relate to you even though I went through hell in my freshman year it was fun, I can really feel you when no one can understand you, it’s weird because they’re your friend but they don’t reciprocate the energy you unleashed onto them and it feels like you’re giving more than what you’re receiving. I’ve made lots of friends and yet I haven’t found a person to match my energy, and it’s so easy to manipulate people around into you that it feels like game, fortunately I don’t do that because it makes me so guilty. It’s all in matter of finding someone in a right place, and bettering yourself and having a right mindset to find someone who can at least understand you. Even though I’m younger than you, I hope this helps, my fellow enfj :)
I can relate so much to this comment. I´m 21 and still in this phase even tho the road becomes clearer it´s Ni wanting a vision to work with in your life and you have to know who you are to know what you want. It´s difficult emotionally but have patience with yourself and be kind because we know we don´t listen nobody but ourselves lol. Try to engage in some sports (get the anger out of your system) develop that Se and Ni.
I’m really good at telling moods as walking in a room. I’m also REALLY good at coming up with smooth things to say on the spot. But don’t worry, I choose GOOD!!!
Daenerys Targaryen is a good character example of a dark ENFJ I think. This whole time we thought we saw her endgame, but her capacity to get what she wanted at all costs was something harder to see in her.
I’m an ENFJ and her trajectory was so obvious from basically the beginning. I have always been baffled at how so many people were sooo surprised when she lost her shit because it wasn’t out of character at all. Just watch it back and pay attention to the pattern of her tendency for impatience and lack of self control masked by “good intentions” and a holier than thou outlook and attitude the entire time. She was super annoying.
I saw the reptile eyes when my ex had been dumped by someone else and was telling me why I should go back with him. And he cared more about himself, all the manipulation in the relationship, was to get his needs met. It was dreadful for this ISFP, I nearly had a mental breakdown and it's taken me years to recover. Thank god I'm alive, and lesson learned. Oh boy, lesson learned!!
It could be just because they are the opposite of me (Istp), but I'm really into the Enfj type. They are so mesmerizing. They sound cool. I've never met one in real life, only read about them and seen fictionalized versions in media.
@Quirini Copie actually, studies show (from 2018 I believe) that overall INFJs are now the 3rd least rare type, so not as rare as before, whereas ENFJs have become rarer in the #15 spot out of 16. I think it's the ENTJs who have the rarest personality type, however, in men alone ENFJ is the rarest. ☺
Love this! I had planned yesterday to sleep well and my sister woke me up just before I was falling asleep. I’m still furious. To be honest, I feel like I’m the worst person at the moment. So your dark side video came at the perfect moment 😤👌
I love that that’s your dark side. It’s actually quite sweet. I hope that doesn’t just anger you more. But yeah, sleep is important, I get mad when I’m woken up just as I’m getting some much needed Zs.
Monika from Doki Doki Literature Club is an...interesting example of ENFJ gone very, very wrong. If you haven’t played it, I know it sounds like total weeb shit, but take it from someone who doesn’t like weeb shit, it’s a good game and it’s FREE. I should replay to type the other girls, particularly Yuri (INFP?).
I’m often the person who people come to first when they want to talk about something personal. I pick up on subtle behaviors and vibes that others typically don’t. I know peoples’ insecurities and weak spots and I absolutely have the ability to use all of that against them. Definitely be careful with EXFJs. Especially ENFJs. We can be the kindest and most caring people you’ve ever met, but we can absolutely be the cruelest.
When unharnessed Fe crashes into the darkness, it produces rather spectacular break ups. For one Fe lead, it involved an entire set of belongings and documents being set on fire, and some police and hospital visits. Another ENFJ had been engaged 3 times before getting married. Also, when they are set on revenge, they shred their enemy's social image and reputation to pieces. If an Fe lead starts hating you, they will make sure EVERYONE hates you too. This is truly scary to behold. Also, the final point: I was house sitting for one ENFJ for a month and I swear to God every single detail in that house was designed to cause the maximum pain when attempting to interact with it.
Interesting, how did they do those? and I'm somewhat sure that 'every single detail was designed to cause maximum pain when attempting to interact with' involves something like intricacy or traps, particularly involving electricity or something fragile in pieces or fixes ...definitely not thinking of an advanced algebra security passwords though.
A lot of what you said resonates. I am an ENFJ who has worked customer service in food/bev and retail my whole life. I’m definitely in burnout mode with having my steadfast understanding and true intentioned kindness be taken advantage of at this point. I can feel the change in my frustration tolerance level and I just don’t have as much to give right now. I realize that how I react to this is my own responsibility so I’ve been doing my best to practice boundaries and self care because the insensitivity and cluelessness of others is so damn draining and disheartening at this point. I’ve also been a teacher and I do feel that because my efforts are received and appreciated much kore in that industry, I feel much more fulfilled doing that. Point being, if I don’t feel like the lengths I will go to to help others is a. making a positive difference or b. respected, I am not a happy camper. But in the end, I’m never going to change how other people interact in the world. So I have to adjust myself. I never want to hurt other people and I prefer to be tolerant and understanding despite what they do. I can’t do that when I allow myself to become drained and resentful.
Kids dad was like this. Fucked me in court big time. He had a knack of conning ppl and it was like they knew but they kept dealing with him. It was interesting to watch. I learned about ppl from him
As an ENFJ I'll admit that I'm aware of these tendencies to go rogue and how easy it would be, but everyone has their own set of morals regardless of type. I choose to live and do good! You are spot on though about ENFJ's getting away on social skills alone. I feel like the biggest fraud in my career.....it may be true haha
I’ve been wondering about the “dark side of the ENFP” video for a while. Feel free to email us (the email address is in be description) if you have any insights on your... darkside ~ Nathan
INTP here. Everybody be commenting how hard it is to find a dark side in ENFJ, well I've got something to tell you. There was this girl in my university group who I believe to be an ENFJ (although don't take my word for it, I'm rather new to the typology). I think what is said in the video is pretty accurate about her. Extremely manipulative and able to "scan" people and tailor her responses according to who she's talking to - that's why she often brought up "logic" and "being lonely" during our conversations. "I'm so likeable, I like things that you like!" The quality of pretence is unparalleled, she could put on such an act, bursting into tears telling about horrible traumas of her childhood (some of which later appeared to be false) and just begging for attention... It was difficult for me to stay numb, so I opened up a little. I thought we were friends and tried to help her out in a difficult situation, but eventually she declined any help. Later I found myself being passive-aggressively bullied by her little "mob" while still being treated nicely tete-a-tete. Apparently, she didn't take me very seriously the whole time, it's like she was playing. Being a person who values TRUTH the most, I find people who are "no substance" and all bullshit the most dangerous and unpleasant to be around. She honestly scarred me (or rather, opened old wounds) and I regret having anything to do with her.
I feel you. I don't get along with them. I'm shocked by their manipulations and avoid them. So many seem like they're all about encounter groups, hokey, pop psych stuff, spiritualism, collectivism; I just find them and that stuff repulsively toxic. - INFP
I witnessed this a bit with an ENFJ. Particularly how they treated an ENTJ, and a few others in the process for their political quest for influence and control. I was a huge support to the ENTJ and even stopped talking to the ENFJ cold turkey, no explanation, because of the manipulation that the ENTJ would point out about the ENFJ. In very specific regards, the ENTJ was more authentic, it seems... And the ENFJ definitely did make some huge mistakes. As if they didn't understand the full implications of how their choices would affect someone emotionally; they only knew how to react to the emotions once they were brought forth. As an INFJ I can relate to that a little bit: not being very good at predicting how people will feel. It sounds like maybe this ENFJ has a cluster B personality disorder? Just a thought, I don't truly know It turns out that my loyal support toward the ENTJ was a mistake. The reason he understood manipulation so much, in this case, is because he himself is so manipulative. He is so under the radar and kinda brilliant about it that it's freaking creepy. The most dangerous counterfeit is the one that most resembles the true. Sometimes I wish I had never met him either. Though we did have a lot of very great times, we had very similar sense of humor and similar interests. I do think that there's a lot to learn. Relationships teach us about ourselves. No one can make us feel or think anything... we only have the capacity to control ourselves. It's still wrong the choices people make towards us that are hurtful, and there will likely be consequences, but I just don't think we have to be a slave to the pain of experiences forever. Albeit, I think this understanding takes outside help and empowerment to realize our potential. Sorry you had to go through that. I hate lies and hypocrisy with a burning passion as well. My Ti in child function position is too honest to the point of lacking tact but is very innocent and vulnerably open like a child. Not too many can or want to handle it. In the spirit of truth, perhaps we all have a little bit of hypocrisy and deception inside. Saying pridefully, "I would never do that!" may reveal that there is an area that we are blind to. That's a hard lesson I learned anyway.
@@jessenceq3250 thank you very much for the detailed answer! Your mention of the ENTJ friend vividly reminded me of the other person who once exposed the lies of the ENFJ. I still talk to her occasionally, but I'm not sure she was 100% honest with me either... > The reason he understood manipulation so much, in this case, is because he himself is so manipulative. Yeah, that may well be the case here. > The most dangerous counterfeit is the one that most resembles the true. I couldn't agree more with this. I think they were both masterful at intrigues and since I don't have a gut feeling regarding people's intentions, I'm susceptible to that. That awful situation when you don't know what to believe anymore, as if you don't have ground under your feet. In that period I felt like some pawn trapped in that nasty "social" game of gossip. Your assumption about a cluster B personality disorder may be right, but I don't know either and would only take it from her doctor. > Though we did have a lot of very great times, we had very similar sense of humor and similar interests. It applied to our friendship also. Sometimes I miss the times we would laugh at things only she and I of all people would understand and it sometimes feels lonely-ish now that I don't, but I wouldn't settle for her personality to do that again. I see where you're coming from, but I don't necessarily agree with the concept of experience and self-discovery at the cost of your own emotional well-being. Your negative experience will (hopefully) tell you to stay away from certain types of people/activities etc. to prevent another trauma from happening, and in that regard, it's really helpful. Yess. I know it's incorrect to forswear. I sometimes realize I am doing things I judge other people for, and it makes me feel like a terrible person. I am my worst critic at times. But we're people, not robots, and our behaviour does not follow an ideal pattern, we're controversial beings. For the sake of acknowledging my own imperfection, I try not to be too judgmental. But I know for a fact that I'd never secretly talk shit about someone I call "a friend" behind their back, cause that attitude is what caused me a lot of pain in the past and I wouldn't do that to anyone. At least, if I sometime realized that I did, I wouldn't bear the self-hatred.
As an Intp who was close to an enfj this resonates very well, I used to think that he was an actual close friend and was very logical but then all of a sudden I spot this inconsistency in what he said to me that had no logical reasoning and it really disappointed me to what he said to other people about me you know like I thought we had this deep connection and that he truly understood what I was saying but no I've come to realize they are just the type of people to fill the need of what the majority of people want as if it were some kind of instinctual survival tactic similar to what the other comments have said and yea it hurts once you understand who they are
@@a-pathetic You're welcome! I can thought/insight ramble for days. The pawn/ungrounded feeling is absolutely the worst. For me, it makes me question my perceptions to an unhealthy degree and just generally makes me more weary of people than I'd ever prefer to be. Even I got swept up in it, considering I do have decent gut feelings and a radar for motives. A person I trust said to not be too harsh toward myself in that though, as some people (like apparently these ENxJs it appears) make it so everything is masterfully concealed. It's something they are gifted in and obviously not utilizing their talents for the good of the whole as much as they could. I feel a sort of burden for preventative maintenance and being a whistleblower though. I think that's my justice seeking side, but I'm trying to gradually refine it so it empowers and protects and isn't chaotic. So your response about not prioritizing discovery over emotional well-being is something that really stuck out to me and I will try to archive that for future use. It reminds me of some things my INFP friend said. As well as reflection about knowing the ENTJ. Definitely a case of curiosity or empathy killed the cat. At least I have some more lives lol. I think I didn't apply my substance well. It wasn't in a wise and safe way for me. I suppose I will struggle to find the balance with that though as I too often err on the side of caution and miss too many opportunities. So I try to be okay with courage and being willing to be wrong (instead of living in a state of anxiety that I might be wrong and living in what-if land forever). So don't seek out traumas but there is some future revenue and redemption to be found there (not hopeless and meaningless). Well all that sounds honest (especially that last sentence). I too value integrity and not tarnishing someone's reputation while throwing smiles their way. It's so divisive. I do privately speak about issues I have with others with a few confidantes, but mostly their behavior not them as a person (shame is a weapon of oppression). I will seek an analyzation session and for guidance/advice. Often talking it out and bouncing things off of someone helps me organize my mind, see where I maybe am going wrong in my thinking, even identify my mysterious feelings so I can be aware/responsible for them, and come to better conclusions about how to proceed with the matter. I am still trying to be careful with that though as I would like to treat others as I would like to be treated. And I would hate to be misrepresented by someone's bias, especially with ill-intent! I really struggle with understanding how to share information accurately without having to share all of it or unnecessary parts. Because When I seek advice, I want people to give it from an accurate account. Of course, is still going to be somewhat colored as it's all from my own perceptions. As insightful as I can be, I understand with MBTI and other experiences with people, just how much I can miss -- what my weaknesses are. I struggle with sharing what is truly relevant. I would love to come to a better framework of mind to understand that. What an insightful dialogue--thank you.
That's funny because I very recently had a fight with the enfj of my group of friends. He is such a likeable guy, very funny, very willing to help and generally I like him, but he has this bad habit of finding way for us to compliment him and boost his ego, sometimes in a very unpleasant way. When this happened once again a couple days ago, I addressed the situation in the most Entp way possible, an extremely sarcastic passive aggressive audio. He got real mad, obviously not in an explosive way but in a socially acceptable way, and me and my friends (all intuitives) tried to make him realize why he was wrong. Well he definitely wasn't willing to see our prospective, and he tried to trick us in the guilt feeling for how they (and me especially) had him feeling. We agreed to stop talking that night and meet face to face the day after to solve the issue, but the day after he completely swept it off. When I reached to him in order to clarify once for all, putting myself in discussion and analysing in details what had brought me and him to that point, he just didn't listen, and kept pointing out how our feelings for him were our problem, because his other friends never said that to him, and how he thought that the reality was that we disliked him, not taking any inch of responsibility, when I already apologised more and more for my excessive behaviour. The thing that actually really shocked me, was that the night before when we met, he was doing as nothing happened and talked about spending the holidays together.... When in the meantime he thought we disliked him
It's the person's responsibility not to get too dark, it's easy to manipulate people, catching vibes and pursuing them, lead a conversation the way you want to without them noticing, it can be used for good or bad just as anything else
I'm very happy with this Nathan, its accurate and so well put together, Thank you :). Am I the only one who saw a little sanders sides reference? You know what they say, in the beginning its style over substance. Now if only there were an enfj mug I could buy...
I've always felt that people are easy - in a sense that they are easy to control and manipulate. Early in my life I understood that I kinda had this thing where I can understand people easily, and I clutched it like a lifeline. It is a double-edged sword, in my opinion. I rarely engage in 'manipulating' people, but sometimes I do this experiment if they'd fall for it or not. Most people does, albeit some I have a hard time convincing because they seem to kinda get what I was doing. The people I'm actually scared of can only be counted on one hand - that's how rare they are. If I get angry I usually attack verbally - right in their fucking jugulars with words I know would hurt them the most and crumble their very being. Sounds bad, if you think about it. I hate it too, to be honest, because I recognize what I was doing was bad. Not going to deny I've been on the dark side of ENFJ for years - I just instinctually knew I am. Some people say ENFJ can be bossy - yes, because we want things to go our way. That said, in normal circumstances we encourage people to speak up, usually, and if they have better way of doing things it's always considered to try. Well.. not sure whete this comment is going, actually. But do remember that everyone has their own two sides of the coin and not everything is black and white. Have a good day everyone. ^^
We’re pretty sure I’m an ExFJ, and we’re pretty sure my best friend is an INTP...needless to say we’ve had our fair share of conflict and I wouldn’t trade our friendship for anything, we help each other so much!
serene - Honestly I’m not sure? I’ve heard some similar things. Based on how our friendship started, initially she was more drawn to me than I, her. We talked from time to time towards the end of the year in our class, and the next year had a class together that we ended up sitting next to each other in. It was kind of by choice, and there was something about walking in and seeing her & next to an empty chair that just sucked me in. She was, and still is, such a different person than I and it really fascinated me and I enjoyed hearing such opinionated, opposite views than what I was used to. She would say that in the beginning I didn’t seem inclined to be her friend, though I was somewhat loud and myself and she observed and appreciated that honesty and authenticity? To get even more specific, I suspect I’m somewhat more FF w feminine savior functions/animals while she’s quite the opposite. I also have ADHD, so I think that and her creativity really help keep intrigue aplenty.
Iconic to come back to this two years later. I was so wrong but not totally wrong about my type. Turns out I’m an ENTP with a double-activated Ti, and no activation on my Fe, so I’m basically the opposite of an ExxJ and much more similar to IxxP’s
I always say to my girlfriend "I can manipulate people if i want, I know the way, but you know? I don't want do it i want to use my superpower for good." Thanks for the content. Grettings from Mexico.
As an ENFJ 5w4, I find that a few of these apply to me but given that my 5 enneagram side (which is basically the Myers-Briggs' INTJ) has caused me to use my Ti function quite a bit; in fact, it is to the point that sometimes it gets in the way of my Fe. It's sometimes very frustrating to basically be two opposites at the same time, but it also comes with its perks: I don't think I can be frequently accused of lacking depth, nor utterly cold and uncaring.
You have great eyebrows! See? ENFJ charm! Being an ENFJ -- it is exhausting to try to fulfill everyone else's needs -- and yes, sometimes we do give too much and ignore ourselves (guilty) and are targets for being used. Is it any wonder that we can sometimes explode! :)
As an ENFJ-A I tend to sometimes push myself onto others i have gotten better with it but still sometimes catch myself slipping but usually i ask people to call me out on that shit or i will just keep pushing
Interesting insights, as an Enfj I would love to see a video on where enfs can find fullfillment in their careers and hobbies apart from helping people. It often makes me feel my type is only about helping others, but what enfs can be good at apart from that? :)
°Do hobbies that help other°💪 for me as enfj I do woodworking, blacksmithing, and I hope in future increases hand made stuff in my country. Any thing enfj love he will be Good at.
I consider myself to be a pretty healthy ENFJ, however, I can totally understand the points made in this video. I grew up in a very controlling and manipulative environment growing up so the idea of not being genuine with people or being nice just to gain things is completely repulsive to me. Like, I'd consider myself the scum of the earth. I am nice to people because I care about their well-being. Making connections is just a way to establish beautiful relationships. On the other hand, I've told my friends straight up, I can be as vicious as I am kind. I try to give myself to people wholeheartedly and generously. If it's 10:00pm and I'm exhausted but you need a hug and some chocolate, I'm your girl. So when someone takes advantage or hurts me after I've given them nothing less but my entirety-- it's on. ESPECIALLY if another person has hurt or criticized my friends, or if I see someone being unkind, I will rip you apart. My ferocity is equal to the amount of love I give to others. It's terrifying. 😂 It rarely happens though.
Glad to hear that you found it accurate! If you haven’t already, feel free to join our Discord server, you can find the link in the descriptions of most of the videos. Would be cool to have some more ENFJs on there! ~ Nathan
Thank you! I was actually debating whether to use it or not. For some reason i couldn’t decide whether I liked it but I’m glad I went with it and even more glad that you liked it! ~ Nathan
As I've just come to the conclusion that my bf is an ENFJ, I've been reading through the comments on your 2 ENFJ videos. It seems that INFPs (like me) are often romantically interested in ENFJs. I wonder why that is. Scarily, I have also noticed that most INFPs in the comments have had *bad* experiences with said ENFJ partners.... makes me a bit worried, but hopefully I just got me a goodie ;) Thanks for the informative video, Nathan!
Well hopefully everything is going well and continues to in your relationship. Of course, don't ever put theoretical ramblings from me or anyone else you see above what you see/experience in your relationship. Any two people of any type can have a terrible or brilliant relationship! Also... you look a lot like Daisy Ridley ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Hello, Nathan. Thank you so much for your encouragement! Everything is going fine with us. I'll try not to let it bother me, but hey, Fi is rough.... Also, thanks! Daisy Ridley is a good look-alike haha
@@ppaola well, we're a year into marriage so...no running! 😂 But it's been great so far. We've been together for 6 years, and it hasn't been easy the whole time but it's been worth it 😊
I am an INTP and my sister is an ENFJ. Every time she has had a falling out with a friend it was really ugly (for them not for her). It's crazy how she can completely isolate them from her entire social network if the decides she doesn't like them anymore. My dad and I sometimes call her Regina George because of the similarities. Though her ability to manipulate is scary, I honestly don't think she does it as if it's some big mastermind's scheme. I honestly believe it just comes naturally to her that it's just another way of her expressing herself. My advice to anyone struggling against an ENFJ is to make sure you have something to blackmail them with in case shit hits the fan.
@@ashuranero5721 No she doesn’t spread false rumors or anything. She is just really good at pointing out the worst in people which doesn’t necessarily define them as a person. They could be really nice but have this one bad habit and she would make sure everyone in the friend group only saw that bad side of them.
@@ashuranero5721 True. But I see it as something more complex because it never comes back and hurts her image because her actions weren't necessarily unwarranted (if you know what I mean). She has a way of never being the bad guy yet always having control over the situation.
This exact same thing happened with the one I broke up with friendshipwise. Literally began losing the plot. Glad its finished. Still deeply wounded and ruminating over the whole thing though
This came at a particularly opportune time. Thanks for sharing. Also I love the intro music (this may be the first time I've noticed music or sensory details in general in a video haha)
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I guess im asking the wrong place but does anyone know of a method to log back into an instagram account??
I was dumb forgot the password. I appreciate any help you can offer me.
@Brayden Cason instablaster =)
@Juan Sage thanks so much for your reply. I found the site on google and Im trying it out now.
Takes quite some time so I will get back to you later when my account password hopefully is recovered.
@Juan Sage It worked and I now got access to my account again. I'm so happy!
Thanks so much, you saved my ass!
@Brayden Cason happy to help xD
Good ENFJ: let my people free!
Bad ENFJ: is secretly setting a trap to force people to learn lessons
🙌🏽
It's called natural outcomes for crossing me.
@@lynnpayne9519 THANK YOOOOOU.
😭🤣
lmaooo.. Im always being a bad person
ENFJs can get really extreme during arguments! Being one myself, I have shown extreme excitement during a funny debate and extreme anger during a heated argument!
SAME LMAO
i also feel a satisfaction being in arguments
Very accurate! I typically end up feeling defeated if I don’t win the argument though.
RABIA, SUFISM DEBATE OF COURSE>>>>
Are you from taurus?
Yes, thinkers are typically known for being insensitive, but when dominant feelers reach the point where their thinking comes out, it's really scary. I've found this is especially true for ExFJs. The normally nice, always kind to everyone person suddenly turns and all their bitterness (their own suppressed feelings from being stepped on in the past) comes out. Their eyes become intense, focused and cold. A thinker (or an Fi-type maybe) may accidentally offend you, because they're not aware of the feeling atmosphere (which is actually very innocent, considering they just don't know better), but ExFJs know EXACTLY how to hurt you, because they know how they've been hurt themselves. This is the bad side of empathy. Our culture tends to think only of the good side of empathy. But it's also the reason we've been able to torture each other so effectively, for example. Because we're capable of great good, we're also capable of great evil. Animals are innocent, and rarely capable of either. Two sides of the same coin.
Very well said indeed ~ Nathan
Idar Perfectly said... and so unfortunately true 😫🥺
i feel a little bit of me when i transform from INFP to INTP
Joseph Goebbels was apparently a ENFJ, case and point
I consider that I have above average longevity for tolerance of 'bad behavior' and fairly incredible amounts of patience and giving people the 'benefit of the doubt'. So when I get to a point of being completely depleted because of the constant giving and not being respected in kind for my simple boundaries...I can feel an inverse happen within and suddenly I'm a roaring abyss that will consume everything in it's path until balance and restoration of the self is achieved.
If * someone * has caused this break and is unjustified in their conduct, and I am in this imbalanced state, suddenly a well of access to all of their hidden fears, desires and private motives will, like a library of pain, deftly come to my mind and being highly articulate...an ensuing decimation will occur that will leave a scorched earth mark where upon a person once stood.
Objectively, it seems terrifying.
Over the years I have learned to manage and care for myself so that I do not ever get to this point(I'm more direct earlier on when I begin to feel taken advantage of). While other types seem to be able to 'blow off steam' and never really obliterate those around them...it seems that the shocking turnaround of seeing normally generous sweet me, become irate, disgusted, and completely uncaring of the feelings of the humans around them, seems to add to the astonished reactions of those around.
In other words, people seem to take it harder when I get pissed, so I try not to.
Even ENFJ's who are normally the kindest, most empathetic persons can have dark days. If they use their superior social skills to let you know that they feel you've done something bad to them, they are REALLY scary. I saw a friend do that once, and I'm still glad I wasn't the target.
Fascinating, it can be weird when the typically nice person turns or reaches a threshold where they snap back at someone! ~ Nathan
Yes. I have an ENFJ friends who is so incredibly kind, but when she's mad you don't want to be on the receiving end!
Enfj brother and i (Istp) got into a small heated discussion. Believe me when i say he has high intellect and charming as beekeeper. When i told him logically about something, even warned him it may sound insulting....he went for the jugular....fully apologizing afterward for his unacceptable behavior to me: yet telling me as i had tears in my eyes to not leave and if i left i should just "roll out"...lol. Empty apology. Yikes! never again. Ill keep my nice forewarned logical stuff to myself. lol I still love him...
Raena yep 👍👍👍🌺
Recently found out I'm an ENFJ. I've done exactly what ur friend did. Now I know why.
I feel bad for saying this but I feel like, as an enfj, people like me more than I like them.
same🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
lol - I wear earbuds/headphones out in public all of the time, so that people won't randomly approach me....doesn't work. When meeting new people I always feel like, "oh no, I hope this person doesn't want to be my friend...I have enough friends" and then I feel bad that I don't have endless stores of emotional energy for everyone. So then somehow I end up being that person's friend after all....cuz I talked myself into it being the 'right thing'. Then if they ever unfollow me on social media later, or equivalency offline, I'm so ticked at myself for seeing it coming and still giving into the social connection and pressuring myself into a relationship that I didn't want in the first place. -
I thought that i was alone in this. Ive never ACTUALLY loved a person and i thought its kinda scary how much ppl like me
@@peachtreaty4754 I can relate to this, utterly. I feel that our struggles as a type are unseen for the most part. That because of our ability to charm and relate, that it persuades people to believe that we are just only that. While yes, I am an eclectic mix of interests and talents, I have my own hidden world that goes largely unseen by the populace.
abc stv THIS! This is EXACTLY how I feel! Omg, the amount of times I’ve had to turn down relationships because people like me. But I know yes, I may like them it isn’t enough for me to feel sentimental value to in turn love them back.
Are NF types obsessed with trying to know the other types? I an an ENFJ and asked at least 50 people to take their Myers-Briggs test 😂 Including people I JUST MET! ENFJs can make friends easily, right?
Yes!!😂
lol I did that too !! I always curious abt ppls types
I did that too!!!!!
I annoyed people with this
I did that too🤣
Wait. We have a dark side? That's, uh, news to us. 😂
More seriously, that second half is so very spot-on. I'm no longer a work-aholic... though part of that is because I'm way better at helping others when I first set boundaries for myself LOL
It's true! Although in my experience dark ENFJs are pretty rare, you guys tend to be on the light side ~ Nathan
The torches that will light the way!
Nah that's news to you
Everyone has a dark and light side. Anyone that doesn’t know their dark side I would be scared of because they are not self aware
As a healthy ENFJ I can’t relate to this video. However I know we have the skills to manipulate and it’s scary. I just don’t see how we truly have the guts to do it. There has to be more to the story. Perhaps an fence walker nice narcissist.
the video is irrelevant its the comments i relate to @healthy enfjs
You're right when you said you can become really scary. But I know that you can only be a dark ENFJ if, and only if, you're hurt and triggered sooo freaking hard. You guys are just so selfless. ☺
this is true. yall are so loved by everyone, but that comes with a lot of power. and ive seen some of yall use that power to manipulate😯 but i feel like yall are generally pretty empathic & know better than to fw ppl emotions
@Black Lilith what does the a on the end mean¿
I am a enfj i was bullied for years. After years i started using my skills against my bullys. Held back on the atomic bombs daddy issues and crippling fear of inaccuracies but I picked apart every thing eles. Not proud of it but after manipulating the school system and soical attacks. They broke and stopped. I had no choice.
You didn’t mention the most annoying side of an ENFJ. They can be VERY bossy. And they are so driven to accomplish things and be the best at everything that they can have unrealistic expectations of those around them. They seem to always be pushing people to grow and love themselves and others etc etc but they get impatient with this and can be very pushy about it. They don’t understand when someone just wants to be comfortable where they are at. And it comes out in the form of scolding. They will scold individuals to get them to either better themselves or conform to social niceties. Most of the video and other videos out there just seem to focus on ENFJs using their social skills for evil. Almost no one wants to talk about the bossy, scolding and self righteous holier than thou side. Probably because overall they are a hard type to criticize. They are winning at everything they set out to and they are hard not to love.
Here we go! Now this is a dark side of myself i relate to! Getting annoyed at people for not growing and avoiding people like the plague that would keep me from growing or regress me
As an ENFJ. This is true. I’m fully aware of it NOW at 34. My brother and friend who are INFP, are not talking to me because of this.
“Bossy scolding and self righteous holier than tho”
Yeah, That’s me !
Meditation is the only thing that helps. We must self reflect.
I’ve done this plenty during team sports, I would get so frustrated and bossy when people wouldn’t show the devotion I thought was necessary to win when they were comfortable where they were at. So long story short I joined an individual sport😂😂
So relatable :-) sometimes I could intimidate or hurt people from doing so.
Nah, I disagree.
As an ENFJ-A myself, I don't agree with the notion that we can't take other people's criticism well.
(this is one of the reasons I feel we are one of the least understood personalities) The real reason why our "extroverted" function does well is due to the fact that we FIRST understand ourselves better than anyone else and THEN become confident and curious enough to also understand other human beings. We value constructive feedback and easily overturn negative people and happily go an extra mile to make them see where they're wrong. We often sacrifice our ego in order to convince people that they can also be better. I see no insecurity there. The risk of a "darkside" lies in knowing that one day we might lose hope in humanity and become meticulous psychopaths.
You have to go through the heros journey to get to that point though. Early in life you will not be as confident in your understanding of people and it may take a while to notice other people don't actually know what they are talking about and have given them too much credit in some areas
My mum is an ENFJ and usually takes constructive criticism well. She always gives people the benefit of the doubt. But sometimes she’s super sensitive, takes everything personally, & just shuts down in difficult conversations. Not usually though.
I completely agree w this
for me myself an ENFJ, I am not mad receiving critisms, but I am overwhelmed thinking of how I can fix things.
you just made my life easier, imma just print this comment out and hand it to ppl around me as a visit card so that they’ll be able to understand that enfjs are as humble as a person can be and that we take criticism s o well!!
y’all DRAGGED us ENFJ’s in the comments i-
INFP here..my best friend is an ENFJ. she is incredibly empathetic, open-minded, popular, highly intelligent, and HILARIOUS. everybody loves being around her. ive learned not to get into debates with her tho. she dont be letting anyone win😂 she is firm in her beliefs and it takes A LOT to convince her
Most ENFJs are really kind and empathetic, and would never do negative stuff or manipulate on purpose to hurt others, please keep this in mind!
My boyfriend is the stereotypical self-sacrificing ENFJ. Sometimes he doesn't even notice he's being stepped on, or that his kindness is being exploited. And when he notices, he can come up with some reason to avoid standing up for himself (the best one is, he says he'll get his revenge in the future, but in seven years I've never seen any of that lol).
I'm INFP and I can't tolerate injustice, especially if it's being done to my loved ones. So between us it usually goes like this: he tells me some injustice or wrongdoing he experienced; I get mad at the person who did that to him and tell him he should stand up for himself, and think of how he could do that; he listens but then comes up with a reason not to do anything; I get mad at him because usually his reasons are bullshit to me; then he changes topic and I forget about it lol.
But after many years I can see this pattern.
Fascinating. I'm much more like you in those kinds of scenarios but just to counter our mindsets I would say that forgiveness is an increasingly rare thing it seems these days. Also, there is a power to being above retaliation although I must say... I am currently not above such things ~ Nathan
Regarding injustice, after taking at least 30+ tests I know I'm iNTp but I've got extremely strong sense of injustice. I've never read about any intps having strong SoI while many INFPs do. Is it possible to be intp with strong Fi (more explaining to such a sense than Fe)?
I've also took some cognitive function usage tests and I had respectively - very high TI, slightly less but also very high BOTH Ne/Ni then "good use" of Fi while Fe "not in use".
@@lovewho Hi Nathan, thanks for your reply! That's very true. I believe forgiveness is one of the highest virtues both individuals and societies can achieve. But I also believe there's a difference between forgiving and passively enduring injustice. The latter being what my boyfriend tends to go with (usually).
I'm sure he forgives, too; but I don't think forgiveness is the main reason why he doesn't react to injustice. I believe it's mostly because he wants to avoid conflict. Which is totally understandable for a Fe dom!
By the way, that difference I was talking about between forgiveness and passivity/submission may be what drove me away from christianity as a teen... But that's a whole different discussion!
You frame your boyfriend as a limpwristed weakling, when he probably just has better foresight than you do. Retribution often has unforeseen social consequences, such as retaliation in turn or escalation. Life isn't a no consequences episode of House of Cards. When he days he's waiting, he probably means he's waiting for less risk of potential, life altering blowback or when his Ti is sure in its assessment. Also, ENFJs have a broad view of revenge, like living their lives well, not showing weakness, and still killing their enemies with kindness to shame them or paint them as abusers. They like the idea of torturing others with their success. But hey, maybe your boyfriend is actually a limpwristed weakling. You know him and his circumstances better than any of us do. Maybe his desires for any form of retribution are delusional.
I witnessed a similar pattern with my best friend who is an ENFJ. She is strong, capable and confident but only has recently started standing up for herself at work and with those that were taking advantage of her generosity.
For years my charisma attracted people towards me, but unfortunately most of those people were self seeking and used me as a source of light. Over time, I began to get bitter from their 'use' of me and my ability to lift them up, while not reciprocating when I was in need. Add in generally toxic people taking advantage of my kindness and you have who I am currently am today- a dark ENFJ with a RBF, little words and biting tongue.
Before I got to this point another thing I noticed was people who were unable to live the most authentic form of themselves didn't like me bc I was comfortable in my own skin and spoke truth on matters they wished to ignore.
Except for those whos betrayed the "trust"
I’ve never resonated with a comment so deeply.
This is a great explanation of dark ENFJs. I am an ENFJ and i can truely say there was a time where i switched to the dark side a lot. Today i am more selfreflected, even tho if somebody hurts me or is mean to me or any friend i can switch right back to the dark side. Having people (Thinkers) around me who keep me humble and focused on logic more then my intense feelings helped a lot. Moreover my Relationship with an INTP who told me a lot. I love how i am more calm and not that of an impulsive feeler anymore. Being a healthy ENFJ and using my "power" for good, feels so much better. But even though i am working on me and trying to stay on the bright sight, my impulsive feeling snaps in certain situations and i regret it instantly. Nobody is perfect i would say but as long as we try our most to be the best version of our selfes, we can be proud of us and also happier :)
What specifically would you do in your dark side?
Ashura Nero they are prone to become cruel and embarrass you and hit you at your lowest points because they are good at reading people. Just remember that ENFJs and INFJs are people too. Stop putting them on pedestals and allow them space to make mistakes and not be perfect. I did this once to a ENFJ and shortly found out his dark side and realized he was just a person too. I think so many people like ENFJs because they are people pleasers. I wish they would be more true to themselves I think there’s a balance. I’m still learning that right balance too myself as a INTP as when to say something to people tactfully Ti and when to just use my Fe when a person is not in a place to hear it. Allowing people to change at their own pace.
@@Goldforever-vp8zq exactly what they do. You forgot to mention that they isolate people in this process of cruelty, as a way of teaching a lesson
As an ENFJ myself, questioning my logic really hits hard sometimes -- feeling like they're attacking me in some way. This video is excellent, thank you for making me realize the root of this problem and even giving advice on overcoming it.
Why I like to watch ENFJ analysis is because I can finally relate. As a type who can see through the essence of people, it’s kinda hard to accept that we are rarely understood by most people who said that they liked us. Most of the people who like me like me just because I am the rare person they meet, who can empathize and give warmth to them. They want to stick with me because they want to suck my energy restlessly like a leech. I don’t feel cared by those kind of people at all and will never truly like them back. So I’m now in a humble circumstance that whenever someone cares for my feelings seriously, I hold them as my friends fondly, which is ridiculously sad.
As an ENFJ who was always widely social and never at a loss for dates, I noticed in my teen years that had I a bad habit of ending relationships on my own terms. Even if I knew the relationship was dead, I would continue it until an opportune moment to break up. (I.E. one of us moving) Most of the time, its not even malicious, its us not wanting to hurt the other person by saying "We're not right for each other" I imagine its hard for the person dating you to feel like the relationship is going well, then slightly awkward but hopeful, and then just over. Its so painful to hurt people you build relationships with and care about even if you know its not meant to be.
Because of my intuition usually being highly accurate on a person's 'level of genuine-ness', I find it somewhat ironic how terrified I am of the "cold, reptilian" that I might encounter. I'm an INFP and one of my closest friends is ENFJ; if he turned scaly I'd probably have my faith in humanity permanently shaken. Please don't give me any more nightmare material! 😳😂 Except I'm dying to hear your take on the Darkside of the INFP... 🤣👍
Also, thumbs up for the cool graphics in the thumbnail! 👍
Glad you enjoyed it, I do already have a "darkside of the INFP" video on here, feel free to check it out! ~ Nathan
You know what
I, as an infp recently had a head butt with a manipulative ENFJ
And when I say I had an intuition that something was wrong about this guy from the start...believe me.
It's only that I don't trust myself, and I don't know why. That I didn't take actions and stop involving with that narcissist immediately.
Narcs are coward in ways u wouldn't expect and they are *liars* ...
But I don't get why I felt so gratified after exposing that lil shit🤣
@@potatowarrior747 ENFJ's are falsely described as narcissists while it is the other way around. Narcissists acts like ENFJ's altruistic and charismatic. But ENFJ's are this in their core because they lead with FE. While narcissists lacks empathy they are all about their own gain. They are egocentrical and manipulate you in thinking they care about you while using you. It's surprices me how people don't understand the basic definitions. Understand the difference between extremely empathic and sympathic and no empathy and sympathy at all.
What I am saying is. Your faith in humanity will be shaken because an true ENFJ is a good person and this is why you look up to them as an example of humanity. Your enfj will not change into a snake. It's the snakes that behave as enfj's that you might recognise with your intuition 😊 or not till it's to late. But remember that's what narcissists do.. They are manipulative so they shouldn't make you doubt about the good ones. No need for being affraid of your friend charish what you have 🤗
Smile
Sweet
Sister
Sadistic
Suprise
Service
Is that a reference?
@@arceusjudgesthejoke8053 I don't even remember why I wrote this lol, but yes it is
@@arceusjudgesthejoke8053 reference to what?
@@platonicsage1298 an anime joke
@@lightinthedark9201 yes, it's an anime. Cute intro, but I dont remember what anime. would you mind telling me?
I'm an INFP ... this is really scary, even deadly for us... I've met one was playing with my attention on and off it was extremely toxic, fortunately, I kicked him off my life. So much for that match :(
They can be very dangerous indeed ~ Nathan
I commit to use my powers for good! One thing I’ve heard is that ENFJ’s make very good second-in-commands. We’re excellent supporters, and being second helps to keep us from getting carried away, especially if that first is someone who isn’t afraid to speak their mind and be honest with the ENFJ. I get too overwhelmed when I’m in charge anyway, and worried that I’ll get carried away.
That’s funny you say that, I’m an ENFJ and I actually want jobs where I’m second in command, working behind the scenes to do good. I don’t want the spotlight or the pressure, but I want to do good and have the right influence so that I’m able to do good.
@@eye4aneye760 YES!! Same!!! Second in command is the besssst
Same for me too. I always support my leader and gave him advices how to organize things he couldn’t managed. So true 😂
This video is excellent, sending to my ENFJ sister immediately. Now where’s the dark ENFP? 🧛🏻♀️
Let me know what she thinks of it! I'll definitely do that video at some point! ~ Nathan
I guess the truth was so accurate that our friend Annie just disappeared 💁🏻♂️😄
I'm a ENFP and have a ENFJ sister as well
Oh trust me. Sometimes deep down enfj want to be dark and hurt other people with our abilities. We genuinely love people, especially our friends and family. BUT sometimes when other people don't match our high expectation, or don't give us the same amount of care that we gave them. We want to hurt them, by manipulating them and other people around them, just to teach them a lesson, that they should be grateful. OH GOD WHAT AM I TYPING
I feel like I get to see this darker side of ENFJ since she’s my sister, ... like a lot. It’s very interesting how accurate this is, and it’s funny because we have this on going joke where I’d say, “I feel sorry for your friends who don’t know how much you kind of don’t care.” And she’s say “Shshhhsh” and we both laugh maniacally 😂
I have an ENFJ sister too! I feel like this comment section is making their darker side seem like they are some type of psycho. They are good at understanding people so it only makes sense that "hitting others where it hurts" comes easy to them.
OH MY GAWD BRUH THIS COMMENT CALLED MY WHOLE LIFE OUT. YOUR SISTER IS TOTALLY ME💀💀💀💀
Sounds like me and my sister! 🤣😭
Let me be an honest ENFJ, yes I manipulate people for their own good, for turn them into their better self and I'm an ambivert person, I always listen, give advice like I'm my friends free psychologist(thats their definition) but never ask for it and I really dont want to be asked about it. Most of the time I'm super selfless about these, but rarely, when someone makes me angry I just make them suffer socially, first make them helpless and alone by manipulating other people to do it then help them and be the savior. Yes
This is the way
You are not being honest when you say that ENFJs are manipulative for the good of others, ENFJs are manipulative to be seen as a good person, or when they want things to go their way. But at least you spoke the truth about what you do when you don't like someone. I met ENFJ people just like you, never again.
@@ppaola I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way. I think it goes without saying that you were probably wronged by an ENFJ however correlation does not equal causation so just because an ENFJ has wronged you does not mean that every ENFJ is going to be on a Machiavellian streak of manipulation. I could also write off certain MB types but already in my experience I have seen star contrast between the two because I do not feel as though your MB type is a dictation of your character but more so your nature. Anyone can become manipulative or use manipulation to their advantage as an ENFJ it just happens to be natural for me to be able to discuss and persuade and look for common ground more easily than others (I'm like I'm trying to do now) but I feel like people have a skewed vision of what manipulation is. If I try to point a conversation to a direction or end result in unity, then I had to take part in manipulating something but manipulation does not necessarily pertain to negativity is just meaning that rather than letting things unfold I want to have a hand in the direction and steer wheel myself. I prefer to only have one hand on the wheel while the other person has their hand on the other. As someone who always wants to go out of their way to help and assist people not always for personal gain I feel called upon to try to give you some logical reasons to change your mind because I'm assuming that you have a T in your type. But I hope the next time you have an encounter with one of us you feel more so cared for and not necessarily let on or used
@@ppaola It’s not right nor accurate categorize a whole group like that. It’s better to say that you’ll stay away from an unhealthy type of a certain category. GL.
@@ethanmiles20 the problem with you ENFJs is thinking that only you can manipulate. You didn't have to say you were trying to manipulate me, because I realized that as soon as I opened the message (the same way an ENFJ in another message tried). You know what makes you guys stop being so manipulative? Having something to use against you, an ace in the sleeve, and that's exactly what I did. So when the ENFJ I met was swearing that an ISFJ like me was falling for her lies, I was already showing all the prints with the truths and speaking openly about everything she had already done and tried to hide from all the people involved in what happened. Isn't that what you guys do, try to turn the group against the person?? I hope every ENFJ finds someone who teaches the mirror-reflecting lesson. And what saying about " I feel called upon to try to give you some logical reasons to change your mind ".... Why you guys don't take your own advice? A hyper-fixation on advising and correcting the behavior of others, the best you can do is take that advice, and let people make their own choices without becoming so controlling, you ENFJs don't change your mind and want people to do that, hypocrisy.
One of the hardest things was putting myself first. I struggle with it everyday. Such a good point. Asking for help is a huge issue.
This is the first thing I noticed about an ENFJ I *used* to be friendly with at work. I don't mind manipulation, actually. We all do it at some point in life. Hell, there are times when I admire it (advertising), especially if it's done well, but her reason for manipulating is what pissed me off. When you manipulate because you lack talent and are using your charm to sabotage others, then I can't get with it. At all.
Not only that, but she was sloppy and for some reason, assumed I couldn't see when she was doing it.
Manipulation as compensation for lack of skill and talent is the most annoying indeed ~ Nathan
lavinder11 What did she do specifically?
The last part
I highly relate
And they just play dumb and lie
Yep I found my people who took off the ENFJ mask. Don't let them cover their faces again. Unfortunately, I couldn't make others see what I saw and I preferred to leave the group to keep my emotions in peace. And they play the victim when they are discovered.
As an ENFJ myself, I can say this is very true, but I'm luckily a healthy one.
Te in demon position can be also very scary.
Some of my close friends (INFJ) who never made me mad imagine me as a soft lil puppy, and even said " I can't even imagine You being evil. "
Though, I could be, I just find more happiness in helping others, I think being merciless and/or corrupt probably would backfire anyway in the end.
I'm an ENFJ-T . When things in my life strart to seem out of control. I step back and need to self reflect and logic my way around any barriers to my goals. I'm sure others are like this. Many other points you make I can relate. I do use an I function when I really need it. Cheers 🥰
Loving the ENFJ videos! As it's rare anyone mentions about this type in detail.
Definitely a possibility to be dark! It's a choice though, I feel sometimes it's not a choice for other types and rather nature. I have the ability, but I'd destroy who I am as a person being it.
Feel like I'm improving outside of my extroverted intuition, as I'm obsessed with personal growth and all my spare time is invested in it. Helping others with it too, always trying to open up perspectives to myself and others.
Spent 20 something years being selfless, now my time is an investment for those not inside my inner circle.
Working a lot on my logical side, as taking on a new challenge on in Data analytics. My role is personal development focus, but now specialising in this area.
It be amazing to hear of other ENFJ's experiences, who have mastered this inferior area.
a s, that's really interesting you say that we have a choice. I have said that a few times myself. As you said, I also can't go there, it would destroy who I am as a person and that's the furthest thing ENFJs want to do.
Love how you described this, i can totally relate!
I realised when quarantine started in 2020; I started doing more things for personal growth and found myself loving it being in quarantine and having to socialise less than i normally do. Also i loved that you're not obliged to show up daily during quarantine.
During this 2 year period I also realised the limits I want to put on other relationships apart from my inner circle.
I'd like to think that's how I - as you have nicely worded - improved outside of ENFJ's extroverted intuition. :D
I am an enfj who has been bullied all her school life and never had friends although when sitting in a social situation I always charm everyone and I can understand 100% how people are feeling, I just got sick of alot of times trying to be friend people so just prefer to be alone
So true. ENFJ here! We can be very manipulative because we can read people so well. We can be very charismatic and charming if we want something. However, I don't neglect my own needs. I feed/nourish myself first. If I'm not nourished, I can't nourish anyone else. I'm very self-aware.
Exactly, I can't fill other people's cup with mine being empty
The nicest people have the ability to be the most cruel people and the cruelest people have the ability to be the most kind. That’s why you always hear stories of people saying that person was the nicest person in the world they would never hurt a fly and boom they turned out to be a secret killer. Sometimes killers overcompensate in their niceness to a unhealthy extreme to try and balance out their bad acts. I think infjs and ENFJs can be Especially prone to this. Because of the pressure of being seen as perfect. Please take this label off them XNFJs are people with flaws too. If you become self aware you can control your dark side from over taking you.
I am a enfj. After years of being bullied in schools and I mean form 3rd grade to 11th grade. I started using my natural talents offensively in in 6th graded. I put up with a lot with compassion for years form the bullys and pulled punches. But it was bad and the teachers did nothing. So i took it into my own hands i manipulated the school system and soical system and thier own minds to hurt them so they stop. They did after two years i gave them so many chances, I held back my nukes on thier character such as daddy issues and crippling insecurities. But i got into there heads without trying and had other people on them without them knowing some times. I think i left mental scaring they did the same to me. Still i am not proud but i was in a situation without other options. I also got one guy on the bully for life list and never to be placed in a class with me again. U want to know what he did ? He bullied other classmates, I stopped him so he bullied me relentless. I really can't stand people who hurt people for fun. If the teachers hadn't put him on the list I had a scandal constructed basied on facts but would needed to be set up to permanently remove him form the school. Thankfully, the teachers finally did something so i didn't have to. I don't regret taking down my bullys they were cruel to me and others. I only regret a child had to do a teachers job. I always had to step in and stop bullies in my school constantly making me a target. The systems in place for handling bullies did not work. So i had to see cruelty everyday to others then me. It did mess me up, i started being muniptive regularly in conflict because i was 12 and didn't have a better way to cope with conflict. My sister is still mildly scared of me because of that time. I have been to thearpy for the bulling and thankfully don't have to go dark enfj anymore. If u have questions ask me. I am not a psychopath i like people to be aware of dark enfj if u find a enfj turned dark in the wild. But honestly, it probably wont help, if they sense u understand thier movments they will move on. That doesn't mean however u r outside of thier spear of influence. Best advice don't BE A JERK enfj hate insensitivity.
As I am naturally a giver, becoming someone who takes advantage of people is probably my worst fear.
Im an enfj but I'm a really warm person. But if I'm hurt I also am equally dramatic and crazy. I literally go into fits of rage
You're very right about the ENFJ shaking your hand and looking you in the eye thing lol. Along with the dead cold eyes. I've seen this behavior before myself.
There are many things to learn from the ENFJ; I'm uncertain of my own type, but I'm guessing it to be ENTP as love to pick things apart (Ti) and am constantly making new connections and searching for new concepts(Ne). I've recognized how much opportunity there is for growth/improvement in the Fe realm.
For example, I've been at my current job for one year - as part of a 30 month professional training program I am put through various departments for that period. When I was in my first department I was annoyed by the small talk around me; listening to dance moms talk about their kids recital was my idea of hell. I didn't care, so why should I pretend to.
For my second department I didn't show up to the Christmas party - I had taken the day off to prepare for an exam, so it wouldn't make sense to come in for a meal right? Well my manager didn't think so, he had expected me to come in and was disappointed.
For my current rotation I genuinely tried to make an effort with my team; ask them about their weekend, talk to them about their interests, etc. Do I care about most of what they're talking about? No. But is it sometimes interesting and do I feel more connected with my co-workers as a result. Yes. And did my manager point out how well I integrated in the team and how well everyone liked working with me? Also yes.
To be honest I feel a bit manipulative; as if I'm forcing social niceties for the sake of "getting ahead". I feel as though I'm being dishonest at times as well - pretending to be something/someone that I'm not. It can also make you question your identity - I think on some level people can be proud to be the as**ole who doesn't care or the person who has "no-filter". If you try to improve yourself you may have to go through a rather peculiar metamorphosis, and you may questions the ethics of your own behavior at times. I feel a bit unlike myself if I engage in this behavior for too long - a good antidote is to have friends who you can Ti with and who also don't care about all that Fe/Si that drains you.
The reality is doors open much easier when you know the doorkeeper; blasting isn't always the most effective option.
Thank you for reading. (hey look that's an Fe flex...)
Belinda Goodine that’s my same story as a female ENTP. I hate the small talk and niceties, to the point where I’m well out of practice. It’s one of the reasons I hope to work from home as a freelancer. I know how to ask the initial questions like “how was your weekend?”, but find it difficult to know where to go from there because I just don’t care. If I show my true self in front of them they’d all think I was a harsh bitch, so I end up just quietly getting on with my work.
I’m ENFJ and currently the work at a retail. To be honest it feels very manipulative for me to sell to people. I’m good at it but sometimes I don’t feel very genuine doing it. I do it more for getting better sales than for customers. Sometimes I even feel guilty for making them buy more stuff even though I know it’s better for them
@@seventhsheavenYes! My absolute favourite people are work are those who I can argue with at lunch about politics, philosophy, whatever - it's so energizing for me to be able to speak freely and all the more fun if they disagree with me!
I definitely present different versions of myself depending upon who I'm speaking with, and it can be exhausting when there is no release.
@@HaHaHaLMFAOtv LOL I once got into an debate with my marketing professor where I laid out for him the reasons I thought marketing was inherently unethical in many cases. I was actually good at it, but had a few qualms.
@J my best friend in college was an INTP. I loved working with her - there was no BS whatsoever and we had such a synergy. I don't see her often as we live in different cities, bit when we do it's as if things never changed. Last time I saw here we sat for five hours in a sushi shop philosophizing and it was pure bliss 🖤.
I have a thing where I analyze people (eg. Why they do things a certain way. What's their motive), and I do it often. Ever since, I've always been a huge justice warrior. I loath injustice. I don't know about other ENFJs but most of my childhood I felt special, special in a way that I was destined for something more. However, times have changed and I see now that such childish things are mere speculations, I had to be at least a tinier realistic (still I never stop dreaming). Generally, I'm seen as nice and outgoing.
Though a few months ago, for the first time in several years, I lashed out on some good friends of mine. Cold-hearted, cruel, hardcore lashed out. And it was completely out of character for me, but even more so is that I did not give a flipping fuck about them and how they felt about it. I just snapped. I called them names, picked on their insecurities, wrote a long ass letter about how I'm so fed up with them.
But bro here's the best/wort part....... It was displaced anger. I wasn't even directly angry at them at the time. I was stressed because of... Well... I don't know? A bunch of stuff. All those bad shit I let slide in the pass caught up and boom! I exploded.
Lesson learned : passive-aggression is deadly, when near an ENFJ who is about to blow, fucking RUN at your own risk.
Edit : I can confirm about caring so much about other people and how other people feel, why other people feel that way, that I end up having no idea how I feel. No sense of self/ identity.
@ironicOptimist is this the same for INFJs?
In simple words...
We ENFJ's attittude are 100% based on Y'ALL's.
But our personality is the result of the tug of war between Fe and Ti
ENFJs don't blame people for your bad or good behavior whatever, you guys tend to manipulate to control. Need for control comes from insecurity. Y ' all want to seem empathetic and fall into this damn trap of pleasing everyone. When some don't act like you expect, then you show the demon that you hide deep down, and becoming passive agressive and emotionally volatile.
I like this video because it highlights that we aren't just these soft socially butterflies. There's a highly complex & intense logical process going on underneath. Similar to an almost, dispassionate cold soldier, always plotting goals and prepared to pounce on opportunities to understand anything. Our innerworld is very intense and penetrating once we train ourselves to make sense of it (A painful process).
THIS!!
No. You don’t need a haircut.
Im enfj, and i can charm and pull anyone i want in, its easy. I have like a few people and can always know how they feel and what to do to make them like me back. Everyone i have liked has liked me back. I once had a very toxic friend who tried to make me lose my friends, now he has no friends and im the one with his friends. Tried to be friends with him but feel for the trap 6 times.
ENFJ Approved- ENFJ
Erins approval. Day = made ~ Nathan
@@lovewho its like you know me
Lacking logic.... I agree with completely when i see a question in the exam which needs logic then i feel scared..... 😂
Hi 😊. I agree with everything in the video. Lack of expertise is not easy to cover up with social skills because of the insecurities and lack of logic. I think we are covering it with high responsibility, hard work and self sacrifice. And we need a lot of support and validation from outside when we are insecure. I think that is not always possible and can be cause of depression and kind of nervous breakdowns ...
As a daughter of enfj mother I can see those traits in her. She uses manipulation all the time to get her way, even when a command like: do the dishes would work just fine. She always compliments me first and all of that before asking me to do things, honestly as an intj it annoys me a lot. But she is as well very giving to the point that she does not take care of herself at all and jumps at every request my siblings or I have. With logic, yeah she ain't very good at it (sorry not sorry) she also feels attacked, when I correct her. Otherwise she is sweet, I am glad to have her.
Awww
probably she doesn´t want to be seen as the bossy mom lol but fails epically
This is so on point its scary how easily I can pull this off without realizing it. I spend so much time thinking of others around me I know exactly what I need to say or do to get a response from someone. It would be very difficult for me to truly hurt someone because it would crush my soul but for those I truly hate.....
What specifically would you do to those you hate?
@@ashuranero5721 For me I rarely get scary and remove them from my life without caring about anything. That's not good tho
Why do we need gut instincts? If everyone was up front and honest this would not be necessary, right?
Good point! ~ Nathan
It also helps us to make decisions that feel right 😉
simply_A you on that Fi?
Midnight Bearhug could be 😊 I’m also talking more about spiritual side of things ☺️
simply_A 😊
This is very accurate especially the manipulation and cult leader parts lol. I have done these things in the past and I am not proud. But sometimes I can get carried away and use my influencing skills for my own interest i also get very mad when I motivate someone to do something and they fail I get very bossy and rude it was a struggle. But now I try my best to remind myself that other people's lives are not my responsibility.
0:20 (dark) Charm Personified
1:13 Cult leaders
3:07 Self Sacrificing
4:34 Lacking Logic
from my
side
• bossy
I felt called out 🤭. In my teenage years I was a damn dark enfj, manipulative as fuck and I knew how to make people do what I wanted. Bullshitting my way through life. Thankfully I learned the wrong in my ways, went to therapy and understood why the fuck I was doing all those things
I m an ENFJ
I am at the near end of my teenage phase and i have experienced many many things throughout this time.....i m at my worst days right now....and at this moment i m one the darkest i have ever noticed ..
...here are some traits i noticed in myself while being a dark ENFJ
-> self blaming, negative energy as main consious
-> wanting to become despicable and villainous cuz people don't seem to understand me anymore
-> not giving importance to those who are not at my level of sophistication
->losing intrest and hope to find friends in locality cuz everyone seems dumber than me
I m still trying to help people that's why posting this comment and if you relate to these then i hope you and i become 'healthy' ENFJ again
Im an ENFJ.. I hate myself, I want to kill myself while often helping people out of their troubles (by accident)
As a enfj in sophomore year, I can relate to you even though I went through hell in my freshman year it was fun, I can really feel you when no one can understand you, it’s weird because they’re your friend but they don’t reciprocate the energy you unleashed onto them and it feels like you’re giving more than what you’re receiving. I’ve made lots of friends and yet I haven’t found a person to match my energy, and it’s so easy to manipulate people around into you that it feels like game, fortunately I don’t do that because it makes me so guilty.
It’s all in matter of finding someone in a right place, and bettering yourself and having a right mindset to find someone who can at least understand you. Even though I’m younger than you, I hope this helps, my fellow enfj :)
I can relate so much to this comment. I´m 21 and still in this phase even tho the road becomes clearer it´s Ni wanting a vision to work with in your life and you have to know who you are to know what you want. It´s difficult emotionally but have patience with yourself and be kind because we know we don´t listen nobody but ourselves lol. Try to engage in some sports (get the anger out of your system) develop that Se and Ni.
I'm lucky to have 1 friend that always care for me, I got out of this phase very early because of that. I do hope you're doing better now.
@@eletrizzar how you made it? if you can share ofc.
I’m really good at telling moods as walking in a room. I’m also REALLY good at coming up with smooth things to say on the spot. But don’t worry, I choose GOOD!!!
Daenerys Targaryen is a good character example of a dark ENFJ I think. This whole time we thought we saw her endgame, but her capacity to get what she wanted at all costs was something harder to see in her.
I’m an ENFJ and her trajectory was so obvious from basically the beginning. I have always been baffled at how so many people were sooo surprised when she lost her shit because it wasn’t out of character at all. Just watch it back and pay attention to the pattern of her tendency for impatience and lack of self control masked by “good intentions” and a holier than thou outlook and attitude the entire time. She was super annoying.
I saw the reptile eyes when my ex had been dumped by someone else and was telling me why I should go back with him.
And he cared more about himself, all the manipulation in the relationship, was to get his needs met. It was dreadful for this ISFP, I nearly had a mental breakdown and it's taken me years to recover.
Thank god I'm alive, and lesson learned. Oh boy, lesson learned!!
It could be just because they are the opposite of me (Istp), but I'm really into the Enfj type. They are so mesmerizing. They sound cool. I've never met one in real life, only read about them and seen fictionalized versions in media.
We exist. 😆
Can relate. I can't find any friend with the same type, which makes me so lonely
You probably did, you just didn't know
@Quirini Copie actually, studies show (from 2018 I believe) that overall INFJs are now the 3rd least rare type, so not as rare as before, whereas ENFJs have become rarer in the #15 spot out of 16. I think it's the ENTJs who have the rarest personality type, however, in men alone ENFJ is the rarest. ☺
The dark side of a ENTJ part 2 🙌. By the way... love your videos 🤯
Love this! I had planned yesterday to sleep well and my sister woke me up just before I was falling asleep. I’m still furious. To be honest, I feel like I’m the worst person at the moment. So your dark side video came at the perfect moment 😤👌
Also we hate being wrong
Well I'm glad you catch you in a "dark mood" ~ Nathan
I love that that’s your dark side. It’s actually quite sweet. I hope that doesn’t just anger you more. But yeah, sleep is important, I get mad when I’m woken up just as I’m getting some much needed Zs.
@@seventhsheaven Thanks! :D
Monika from Doki Doki Literature Club is an...interesting example of ENFJ gone very, very wrong. If you haven’t played it, I know it sounds like total weeb shit, but take it from someone who doesn’t like weeb shit, it’s a good game and it’s FREE. I should replay to type the other girls, particularly Yuri (INFP?).
Ok I googled it and that was not what I was expecting, I'll keep my mind open ~ Nathan
Love Who hope you didn’t see too many spoilers, it’s best going in fresh!
Now I know why I got president and Vice President in 5 grade at different parts of the year
I’m often the person who people come to first when they want to talk about something personal. I pick up on subtle behaviors and vibes that others typically don’t. I know peoples’ insecurities and weak spots and I absolutely have the ability to use all of that against them.
Definitely be careful with EXFJs. Especially ENFJs. We can be the kindest and most caring people you’ve ever met, but we can absolutely be the cruelest.
What specifically would you do when you are cruel?
When unharnessed Fe crashes into the darkness, it produces rather spectacular break ups. For one Fe lead, it involved an entire set of belongings and documents being set on fire, and some police and hospital visits. Another ENFJ had been engaged 3 times before getting married. Also, when they are set on revenge, they shred their enemy's social image and reputation to pieces. If an Fe lead starts hating you, they will make sure EVERYONE hates you too. This is truly scary to behold. Also, the final point: I was house sitting for one ENFJ for a month and I swear to God every single detail in that house was designed to cause the maximum pain when attempting to interact with it.
You’ve made Dark ENFJs even more scary than I did!! ~ Nathan
@@lovewho you are welcome! 😉
@@margos666 What do you mean the house designed to cause pain? And how do they destroy your reputation?
Interesting, how did they do those?
and I'm somewhat sure that 'every single detail was designed to cause maximum pain when attempting to interact with' involves something like intricacy or traps, particularly involving electricity or something fragile in pieces or fixes
...definitely not thinking of an advanced algebra security passwords though.
A lot of what you said resonates. I am an ENFJ who has worked customer service in food/bev and retail my whole life. I’m definitely in burnout mode with having my steadfast understanding and true intentioned kindness be taken advantage of at this point. I can feel the change in my frustration tolerance level and I just don’t have as much to give right now. I realize that how I react to this is my own responsibility so I’ve been doing my best to practice boundaries and self care because the insensitivity and cluelessness of others is so damn draining and disheartening at this point. I’ve also been a teacher and I do feel that because my efforts are received and appreciated much kore in that industry, I feel much more fulfilled doing that. Point being, if I don’t feel like the lengths I will go to to help others is a. making a positive difference or b. respected, I am not a happy camper. But in the end, I’m never going to change how other people interact in the world. So I have to adjust myself. I never want to hurt other people and I prefer to be tolerant and understanding despite what they do. I can’t do that when I allow myself to become drained and resentful.
Kids dad was like this. Fucked me in court big time. He had a knack of conning ppl and it was like they knew but they kept dealing with him. It was interesting to watch. I learned about ppl from him
As an ENFJ I'll admit that I'm aware of these tendencies to go rogue and how easy it would be, but everyone has their own set of morals regardless of type. I choose to live and do good! You are spot on though about ENFJ's getting away on social skills alone. I feel like the biggest fraud in my career.....it may be true haha
"Just like a normal politician"!!!!😂
😜😜
Man.. this really sounds more like an ENFP to me on at least the first two points. The charm and the cult personality and reputation awareness..
I’ve been wondering about the “dark side of the ENFP” video for a while. Feel free to email us (the email address is in be description) if you have any insights on your... darkside ~ Nathan
Enfps would want to do that
INTP here. Everybody be commenting how hard it is to find a dark side in ENFJ, well I've got something to tell you.
There was this girl in my university group who I believe to be an ENFJ (although don't take my word for it, I'm rather new to the typology). I think what is said in the video is pretty accurate about her. Extremely manipulative and able to "scan" people and tailor her responses according to who she's talking to - that's why she often brought up "logic" and "being lonely" during our conversations. "I'm so likeable, I like things that you like!" The quality of pretence is unparalleled, she could put on such an act, bursting into tears telling about horrible traumas of her childhood (some of which later appeared to be false) and just begging for attention... It was difficult for me to stay numb, so I opened up a little. I thought we were friends and tried to help her out in a difficult situation, but eventually she declined any help. Later I found myself being passive-aggressively bullied by her little "mob" while still being treated nicely tete-a-tete. Apparently, she didn't take me very seriously the whole time, it's like she was playing. Being a person who values TRUTH the most, I find people who are "no substance" and all bullshit the most dangerous and unpleasant to be around. She honestly scarred me (or rather, opened old wounds) and I regret having anything to do with her.
I feel you. I don't get along with them. I'm shocked by their manipulations and avoid them. So many seem like they're all about encounter groups, hokey, pop psych stuff, spiritualism, collectivism; I just find them and that stuff repulsively toxic. - INFP
I witnessed this a bit with an ENFJ. Particularly how they treated an ENTJ, and a few others in the process for their political quest for influence and control. I was a huge support to the ENTJ and even stopped talking to the ENFJ cold turkey, no explanation, because of the manipulation that the ENTJ would point out about the ENFJ. In very specific regards, the ENTJ was more authentic, it seems... And the ENFJ definitely did make some huge mistakes. As if they didn't understand the full implications of how their choices would affect someone emotionally; they only knew how to react to the emotions once they were brought forth. As an INFJ I can relate to that a little bit: not being very good at predicting how people will feel.
It sounds like maybe this ENFJ has a cluster B personality disorder? Just a thought, I don't truly know
It turns out that my loyal support toward the ENTJ was a mistake. The reason he understood manipulation so much, in this case, is because he himself is so manipulative. He is so under the radar and kinda brilliant about it that it's freaking creepy. The most dangerous counterfeit is the one that most resembles the true. Sometimes I wish I had never met him either. Though we did have a lot of very great times, we had very similar sense of humor and similar interests. I do think that there's a lot to learn. Relationships teach us about ourselves. No one can make us feel or think anything... we only have the capacity to control ourselves. It's still wrong the choices people make towards us that are hurtful, and there will likely be consequences, but I just don't think we have to be a slave to the pain of experiences forever. Albeit, I think this understanding takes outside help and empowerment to realize our potential.
Sorry you had to go through that. I hate lies and hypocrisy with a burning passion as well. My Ti in child function position is too honest to the point of lacking tact but is very innocent and vulnerably open like a child. Not too many can or want to handle it.
In the spirit of truth, perhaps we all have a little bit of hypocrisy and deception inside. Saying pridefully, "I would never do that!" may reveal that there is an area that we are blind to. That's a hard lesson I learned anyway.
@@jessenceq3250 thank you very much for the detailed answer!
Your mention of the ENTJ friend vividly reminded me of the other person who once exposed the lies of the ENFJ. I still talk to her occasionally, but I'm not sure she was 100% honest with me either...
> The reason he understood manipulation so much, in this case, is because he himself is so manipulative.
Yeah, that may well be the case here.
> The most dangerous counterfeit is the one that most resembles the true.
I couldn't agree more with this. I think they were both masterful at intrigues and since I don't have a gut feeling regarding people's intentions, I'm susceptible to that. That awful situation when you don't know what to believe anymore, as if you don't have ground under your feet. In that period I felt like some pawn trapped in that nasty "social" game of gossip.
Your assumption about a cluster B personality disorder may be right, but I don't know either and would only take it from her doctor.
> Though we did have a lot of very great times, we had very similar sense of humor and similar interests.
It applied to our friendship also. Sometimes I miss the times we would laugh at things only she and I of all people would understand and it sometimes feels lonely-ish now that I don't, but I wouldn't settle for her personality to do that again.
I see where you're coming from, but I don't necessarily agree with the concept of experience and self-discovery at the cost of your own emotional well-being. Your negative experience will (hopefully) tell you to stay away from certain types of people/activities etc. to prevent another trauma from happening, and in that regard, it's really helpful.
Yess. I know it's incorrect to forswear. I sometimes realize I am doing things I judge other people for, and it makes me feel like a terrible person. I am my worst critic at times. But we're people, not robots, and our behaviour does not follow an ideal pattern, we're controversial beings. For the sake of acknowledging my own imperfection, I try not to be too judgmental.
But I know for a fact that I'd never secretly talk shit about someone I call "a friend" behind their back, cause that attitude is what caused me a lot of pain in the past and I wouldn't do that to anyone. At least, if I sometime realized that I did, I wouldn't bear the self-hatred.
As an Intp who was close to an enfj this resonates very well, I used to think that he was an actual close friend and was very logical but then all of a sudden I spot this inconsistency in what he said to me that had no logical reasoning and it really disappointed me to what he said to other people about me you know like I thought we had this deep connection and that he truly understood what I was saying but no I've come to realize they are just the type of people to fill the need of what the majority of people want as if it were some kind of instinctual survival tactic similar to what the other comments have said and yea it hurts once you understand who they are
@@a-pathetic You're welcome! I can thought/insight ramble for days.
The pawn/ungrounded feeling is absolutely the worst. For me, it makes me question my perceptions to an unhealthy degree and just generally makes me more weary of people than I'd ever prefer to be. Even I got swept up in it, considering I do have decent gut feelings and a radar for motives. A person I trust said to not be too harsh toward myself in that though, as some people (like apparently these ENxJs it appears) make it so everything is masterfully concealed. It's something they are gifted in and obviously not utilizing their talents for the good of the whole as much as they could. I feel a sort of burden for preventative maintenance and being a whistleblower though. I think that's my justice seeking side, but I'm trying to gradually refine it so it empowers and protects and isn't chaotic.
So your response about not prioritizing discovery over emotional well-being is something that really stuck out to me and I will try to archive that for future use. It reminds me of some things my INFP friend said. As well as reflection about knowing the ENTJ. Definitely a case of curiosity or empathy killed the cat. At least I have some more lives lol. I think I didn't apply my substance well. It wasn't in a wise and safe way for me. I suppose I will struggle to find the balance with that though as I too often err on the side of caution and miss too many opportunities. So I try to be okay with courage and being willing to be wrong (instead of living in a state of anxiety that I might be wrong and living in what-if land forever). So don't seek out traumas but there is some future revenue and redemption to be found there (not hopeless and meaningless).
Well all that sounds honest (especially that last sentence). I too value integrity and not tarnishing someone's reputation while throwing smiles their way. It's so divisive. I do privately speak about issues I have with others with a few confidantes, but mostly their behavior not them as a person (shame is a weapon of oppression). I will seek an analyzation session and for guidance/advice. Often talking it out and bouncing things off of someone helps me organize my mind, see where I maybe am going wrong in my thinking, even identify my mysterious feelings so I can be aware/responsible for them, and come to better conclusions about how to proceed with the matter. I am still trying to be careful with that though as I would like to treat others as I would like to be treated. And I would hate to be misrepresented by someone's bias, especially with ill-intent! I really struggle with understanding how to share information accurately without having to share all of it or unnecessary parts. Because When I seek advice, I want people to give it from an accurate account. Of course, is still going to be somewhat colored as it's all from my own perceptions. As insightful as I can be, I understand with MBTI and other experiences with people, just how much I can miss -- what my weaknesses are. I struggle with sharing what is truly relevant. I would love to come to a better framework of mind to understand that.
What an insightful dialogue--thank you.
That's funny because I very recently had a fight with the enfj of my group of friends. He is such a likeable guy, very funny, very willing to help and generally I like him, but he has this bad habit of finding way for us to compliment him and boost his ego, sometimes in a very unpleasant way. When this happened once again a couple days ago, I addressed the situation in the most Entp way possible, an extremely sarcastic passive aggressive audio. He got real mad, obviously not in an explosive way but in a socially acceptable way, and me and my friends (all intuitives) tried to make him realize why he was wrong. Well he definitely wasn't willing to see our prospective, and he tried to trick us in the guilt feeling for how they (and me especially) had him feeling. We agreed to stop talking that night and meet face to face the day after to solve the issue, but the day after he completely swept it off. When I reached to him in order to clarify once for all, putting myself in discussion and analysing in details what had brought me and him to that point, he just didn't listen, and kept pointing out how our feelings for him were our problem, because his other friends never said that to him, and how he thought that the reality was that we disliked him, not taking any inch of responsibility, when I already apologised more and more for my excessive behaviour. The thing that actually really shocked me, was that the night before when we met, he was doing as nothing happened and talked about spending the holidays together.... When in the meantime he thought we disliked him
It's the person's responsibility not to get too dark, it's easy to manipulate people, catching vibes and pursuing them, lead a conversation the way you want to without them noticing, it can be used for good or bad just as anything else
I am an ENFJ and I was diagnosed with BPD recently. This video really helped me align the two, thanks!
I'm very happy with this Nathan, its accurate and so well put together, Thank you :).
Am I the only one who saw a little sanders sides reference?
You know what they say, in the beginning its style over substance.
Now if only there were an enfj mug I could buy...
Lol I can relate, it's scary how detached I feel on the inside and how that kindness can turn into control
Superficially warm lizard people give me the creeps.
I am called out😳😳😳🤭👏Bravooooo🌺🌹ps. In my worst😭
they know how to comfort you then they also know how to destroy you
I've always felt that people are easy - in a sense that they are easy to control and manipulate. Early in my life I understood that I kinda had this thing where I can understand people easily, and I clutched it like a lifeline. It is a double-edged sword, in my opinion. I rarely engage in 'manipulating' people, but sometimes I do this experiment if they'd fall for it or not. Most people does, albeit some I have a hard time convincing because they seem to kinda get what I was doing. The people I'm actually scared of can only be counted on one hand - that's how rare they are. If I get angry I usually attack verbally - right in their fucking jugulars with words I know would hurt them the most and crumble their very being.
Sounds bad, if you think about it. I hate it too, to be honest, because I recognize what I was doing was bad. Not going to deny I've been on the dark side of ENFJ for years - I just instinctually knew I am. Some people say ENFJ can be bossy - yes, because we want things to go our way. That said, in normal circumstances we encourage people to speak up, usually, and if they have better way of doing things it's always considered to try.
Well.. not sure whete this comment is going, actually. But do remember that everyone has their own two sides of the coin and not everything is black and white. Have a good day everyone. ^^
We’re pretty sure I’m an ExFJ, and we’re pretty sure my best friend is an INTP...needless to say we’ve had our fair share of conflict and I wouldn’t trade our friendship for anything, we help each other so much!
I've seen a lot of comments (and videos) abt enfj being good friends w intps? are enfj easily drawn into intps??
serene - Honestly I’m not sure? I’ve heard some similar things. Based on how our friendship started, initially she was more drawn to me than I, her.
We talked from time to time towards the end of the year in our class, and the next year had a class together that we ended up sitting next to each other in. It was kind of by choice, and there was something about walking in and seeing her & next to an empty chair that just sucked me in.
She was, and still is, such a different person than I and it really fascinated me and I enjoyed hearing such opinionated, opposite views than what I was used to. She would say that in the beginning I didn’t seem inclined to be her friend, though I was somewhat loud and myself and she observed and appreciated that honesty and authenticity?
To get even more specific, I suspect I’m somewhat more FF w feminine savior functions/animals while she’s quite the opposite. I also have ADHD, so I think that and her creativity really help keep intrigue aplenty.
Iconic to come back to this two years later. I was so wrong but not totally wrong about my type. Turns out I’m an ENTP with a double-activated Ti, and no activation on my Fe, so I’m basically the opposite of an ExxJ and much more similar to IxxP’s
I use the airplane oxygen mask help analogy for a lot of things in day-to-day life, as well! I love it!
I always say to my girlfriend "I can manipulate people if i want, I know the way, but you know? I don't want do it i want to use my superpower for good." Thanks for the content. Grettings from Mexico.
As an ENFJ 5w4, I find that a few of these apply to me but given that my 5 enneagram side (which is basically the Myers-Briggs' INTJ) has caused me to use my Ti function quite a bit; in fact, it is to the point that sometimes it gets in the way of my Fe. It's sometimes very frustrating to basically be two opposites at the same time, but it also comes with its perks: I don't think I can be frequently accused of lacking depth, nor utterly cold and uncaring.
Hi, how did you discorvered your mbti and your enneagram? Cause basically, enfj can't be enneagram 5
@@AnyaAnnika67 cpt? Well, of you properly read about enneagram, you'll understand easily that an ENFJ and e5 is not real.
You have great eyebrows! See? ENFJ charm! Being an ENFJ -- it is exhausting to try to fulfill everyone else's needs -- and yes, sometimes we do give too much and ignore ourselves (guilty) and are targets for being used. Is it any wonder that we can sometimes explode! :)
Nailed it. Im ENFJ and wow just sitting here speechless lol Thank you!
I am acknowledging the dark side of my personality type. I want to heal from my wounds and break my negative traits. Much love
the last 20 seconds lololol yes, I guess :) just because you say so. I would do anything for those natural brows
I'll send you a cutting of my brows ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Please don't do anything to them
Matilda too late, they’re hostages now.
Wow i feel attacked on how accurate is this
As an ENFJ-A I tend to sometimes push myself onto others i have gotten better with it but still sometimes catch myself slipping but usually i ask people to call me out on that shit or i will just keep pushing
Interesting insights, as an Enfj I would love to see a video on where enfs can find fullfillment in their careers and hobbies apart from helping people. It often makes me feel my type is only about helping others, but what enfs can be good at apart from that? :)
°Do hobbies that help other°💪 for me as enfj I do woodworking, blacksmithing, and I hope in future increases hand made stuff in my country.
Any thing enfj love he will be Good at.
I consider myself to be a pretty healthy ENFJ, however, I can totally understand the points made in this video. I grew up in a very controlling and manipulative environment growing up so the idea of not being genuine with people or being nice just to gain things is completely repulsive to me. Like, I'd consider myself the scum of the earth. I am nice to people because I care about their well-being. Making connections is just a way to establish beautiful relationships.
On the other hand, I've told my friends straight up, I can be as vicious as I am kind. I try to give myself to people wholeheartedly and generously. If it's 10:00pm and I'm exhausted but you need a hug and some chocolate, I'm your girl. So when someone takes advantage or hurts me after I've given them nothing less but my entirety-- it's on. ESPECIALLY if another person has hurt or criticized my friends, or if I see someone being unkind, I will rip you apart. My ferocity is equal to the amount of love I give to others. It's terrifying. 😂 It rarely happens though.
Good job Mate on the video...More INTP videos please -Intp
Noted! ~ Nathan
Wow, you hit this on the money!!! I’m an ENFJ, and pretty much every single freaking detail you hit was like... wow, that’s me lol
Glad to hear that you found it accurate! If you haven’t already, feel free to join our Discord server, you can find the link in the descriptions of most of the videos. Would be cool to have some more ENFJs on there! ~ Nathan
When you said cold reptilian feature Mark Zuckerberg's face suddenly appeared inside my mind
The video picture is amazing!!! Great job!
Thank you! I was actually debating whether to use it or not. For some reason i couldn’t decide whether I liked it but I’m glad I went with it and even more glad that you liked it! ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Well, you made the right decision. I hope we get to see more like this more often :)
As I've just come to the conclusion that my bf is an ENFJ, I've been reading through the comments on your 2 ENFJ videos. It seems that INFPs (like me) are often romantically interested in ENFJs. I wonder why that is.
Scarily, I have also noticed that most INFPs in the comments have had *bad* experiences with said ENFJ partners.... makes me a bit worried, but hopefully I just got me a goodie ;)
Thanks for the informative video, Nathan!
Well hopefully everything is going well and continues to in your relationship. Of course, don't ever put theoretical ramblings from me or anyone else you see above what you see/experience in your relationship. Any two people of any type can have a terrible or brilliant relationship! Also... you look a lot like Daisy Ridley ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Hello, Nathan. Thank you so much for your encouragement! Everything is going fine with us. I'll try not to let it bother me, but hey, Fi is rough....
Also, thanks! Daisy Ridley is a good look-alike haha
@@pizzadohpaz girl, run fast as u can 😂
@@ppaola well, we're a year into marriage so...no running! 😂 But it's been great so far. We've been together for 6 years, and it hasn't been easy the whole time but it's been worth it 😊
@@AnyaAnnika67 thank you so much! Still going strong 💪🏻 lol
I am an INTP and my sister is an ENFJ. Every time she has had a falling out with a friend it was really ugly (for them not for her). It's crazy how she can completely isolate them from her entire social network if the decides she doesn't like them anymore. My dad and I sometimes call her Regina George because of the similarities. Though her ability to manipulate is scary, I honestly don't think she does it as if it's some big mastermind's scheme. I honestly believe it just comes naturally to her that it's just another way of her expressing herself. My advice to anyone struggling against an ENFJ is to make sure you have something to blackmail them with in case shit hits the fan.
How does your sister go about it? Does she spread rumors about that person or something?
@@ashuranero5721 No she doesn’t spread false rumors or anything. She is just really good at pointing out the worst in people which doesn’t necessarily define them as a person. They could be really nice but have this one bad habit and she would make sure everyone in the friend group only saw that bad side of them.
@@maewright1442 Isn't that in a way just badmouthing people? Something very similar to spreading rumaros.
@@ashuranero5721 True. But I see it as something more complex because it never comes back and hurts her image because her actions weren't necessarily unwarranted (if you know what I mean). She has a way of never being the bad guy yet always having control over the situation.
This exact same thing happened with the one I broke up with friendshipwise. Literally began losing the plot. Glad its finished. Still deeply wounded and ruminating over the whole thing though
This came at a particularly opportune time. Thanks for sharing. Also I love the intro music (this may be the first time I've noticed music or sensory details in general in a video haha)
Glad you enjoyed the video! Well I’m glad to me your ugh.. first time ~ Nathan
@@lovewho LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL