It's so frustrating!! My own mum said "No you can't be! There's nothing wrong with you!!' Despite my coming home from school in tears EVERY day of my childhood, having meltdowns over my cousins messing up my room, hitting my sister for playing "wrong" with my toys... But this is life and this is what we unfortunately have to deal with, keep raising the awareness, you're doing an amazing job!!!
I tried to tell my sisters I thought I might be on the spectrum and the response was the same to begin with. There is nothing 'wrong' with you. Like being on the spectrum is a bad thing, but I don't see it that way. I love the traits that make me unique, but I am seeking diagnosis because I struggle with my executive functioning and social interaction, which negatively impacts on my family and my ability to work. I also feel I need to know, it has become an obsession making other tasks difficult. I also believe knowing will help me to accept a lot of past situations too.
Just diagnosed at 34 before I was diagnosed it was like no one believed me - they didn’t want to have to accept my traits were because of my wiring instead of assuming I’m weak and lazy because I’m depressed from years of social rejection and misunderstanding. I also have musical and artistic talent and “charisma” so went undetected for so long
The psych community sees it as a disorder, so only if you are struggling to the point you cannot speak or are about to kill yourself will you often get a diagnosis. The smarter and more talented you are, the better everything hides under “being quirky/eccentric/precocious”. I would rather have that then not figuring out how to cope at an early age. Still, it is a double-edged sword. I thought I was self aware years ago, but I’m still figuring some things out even now…
I've had an almost identical experience, I admire what you and what Dan and the others do because our experiences as we share them and your experiences as you share them will help benefit those who come after us
I once told a girl she didn't have Autism because I thought she was too cute, but then I learned about Autism and now I think I have Autism. I also really would like to apologise for not just listening to her explaining her experience. P.S. that hand tattoo is cool!
I love this. My mum was diagnosed at 72. I have just been speaking to Daniel Jones (Aspie World) about this. My parents' friends did not believe Mum was autistic because "She didn't look autistic". Thank you SO MUCH for spreading the word on this.
I'm 58 and ran across your video in a collab with TAW during the first weeks of Covid-19 lockdown. I will never know why I clicked on the video, but I did and it blew. my. mind. My older brother identified himself as being on the spectrum almost a decade ago. I read a great deal about ASD to support him, but nothing I read described ASD in women. When I heard your interview with TAW, I was astonished to find that you were discussing things that I've experienced, but have never spoken about to another person. Many hours of youtube videos later, and a couple of random "quizzes" from the internet, and I can pretty confidently say I am on the spectrum. If you ever doubt the value of making these videos, please know that you are likely helping people everyday to find answers they didn't even know they were looking for. Thank you!
I'm going in for my diagnosis tomorrow and if I get mutism I'm going to show them clips from your videos... You made me cry because it's exactly what I go though every day, coming across your channel has been a miracle xx
I too am autistic, as are my 3 children and wife and we are all so different in the way we present. Also, we work so hard at masking when we are out and about in the community that when we get home, that's when we become "autistic". People don't try to understand it, they just make comments based on what we let them see.
I'm afraid that someone will say this to me, which is probably why I don't tell people I have been diagnosed with autism unless I'm really close to them.
AHH this is so annoying and also kinda sad. When I told one of my good friends that I'm autistic (I also didn't find out until I was 25!) she said that to me and now I feel like I can't talk about my autism with her anymore.
I struggle being not able to verbalise in conversations and at other times being able. I have secret melt downs, things people don't see as I mask. My own family don't believe I'm autistic despite harrowing experiences in school. I never spoke to even answer the register for years or spoke to anyone because I'd just loose the ability. Family like to cherry pick moments while I'm masking or point that I've been out drinking so can't possibly be autistic, not knowing the hours of procrastination it takes to even get ready, and the 3 day burn out after doing pretty much anything where there is noise. There's always a mum who thinks she's expert who'll compare your autism to her child's, or people who say you are attention seeking. It's saddening because it's debilitating yet so hidden and no one believes you, people's lists are endless. Can't be autistic because you smoke or have had boyfriends ect... its awful to try and get people to understand
I’ve gotten this question and others similar to it at school and at few places I’ve worked in the past and it got annoying after the first time especially when you have to spend 15-20 minutes explaining your individual digionis
I've done one screening and am waiting on another and haven't shared this journey with many people even in my family, but I'm waiting on this comment to come. Love your channel xoxo
You’re so pretty and well spoken! I’ve got the same hair color right now and do my makeup very similarly (: I found you through a collab you did and I’m so glad you’ve come online to discuss this stuff because it makes me feel less alone with my condition.
Hi, I’ve been really struggling at my new college with depression which mostly comes from me being autistic (I’m undiagnosed) and I’m struggling with change. I went to the doctor to see if I could be diagnosed with depression and get medication to make life better but they want to get me diagnosed with autism first but that’s going to take a while. I’m happy that I’m finally going to be diagnosed however life is really hard with being depressed and having anxiety every day. A teacher at my school has Aspergers and I’ve started meeting with her and it’s made me feel less alone. :) it does get better, I still feel pretty crap but it’s getting better but by bit.
Thank you so much for putting this out there! I'm so glad to finally be finding so many people sharing such relatable stories. I always knew there were many things seriously different about me but didn't have the knowledge until after I was 40 to realize that I was most definitely autistic. It is comforting to finally have the words to understand and express my own lived experience. I'm a bit hesitant to tell my folks though because of the perceptions I knew they had about autism and such when i was growing up.
My daughter is waiting for a diagnosis and looking into Autism to help support her has made me question my struggles all my life, myself and others have always said how much like me she is and when she says things I can remember saying and feeling the same. I'm 52 now like you said ive masked and struggled all my life don't think I'll go for a diagnosis at my age as these things put me off too. But huge thank you for what you post 🙏❤
This is so clear and so correctly explains and exemplifies what I feel needs to be shared. I have had a lifetime of people INSISTING that I am “just like everyone else” and what I live with is “NO Different” than others, and that I am “NOT Disabled,” because, “look at you! You look fine!” Ugh!!! Stop telling me I’m making this up, people! I’m not crazy, you are just simply ignorant. Thank you for making this exceptional video. 💕
Your tattoos are amazing and beautiful. In my honest opinion Autism shouldn't determine if a person is successful or not, there are many people who have problems either mental or physical that live successful lives. Also, a lot of people are foolish and think those with mental disabilities should be walking outside wearing fuzzy bunny slippers and shirts that say "I'm Special!" Just keep true to yourself, and don't let anyone judge you on your Autism. All that matters is what you think, thank you for posting this video I have just recently found your channel and I look forward to watching all your videos and more as you post them. Keep being amazing.
I am on the spectrum and I face these issues daily. It is so hard, but thanks to people like you, I don’t feel so alone, even if for a moment. Thank you for this.
Thank you SO much for this video! Very well explained, thank you xxx I'm waiting for my 11 year old daughter to be assessed for autism. School cannot recognise she's masking at all!!! 😡😡 I'm so grateful to you for this vid. Best wishes, Rachel xx
Hi, came across your channel a few months ago and it has helped me go to go to the GP to ask for a referral! I am now awaiting autism diagnosis, it's an emotional time and telling friends and colleagues has been difficult. I think my favourite reaction so far has been "but you're so clever! How can you be autistic?" lol anyway thank you for these videos they have helped so much!
Hey charl I'm Danny very nice to meet you im autistic to and I love your autistic videos on RUclips you're videos are really good and are absolutely amazing to watch and I've subscribed to you're RUclips channel to keep up the great videos they are great and you are doing absolutely amazing to
I usually adapt to the people around me. Which is why I usually don't come over as any different than any other person. When in reality I just wanna hide away in a corner. But because I copy the people around me they are surprised when I say I might be autistic. And they say they don't notice it. Only when I am around people for a long time or when I feel safe to be myself I will act the way I really am. Which is kinda a cool person. But I am so used to changing it! It's confusing and scary sometimes.
Im a 6"3", intimidating looking man who's a competive powerlifter. On the exterior you would never guess I have ASD. I look tough, and I've been treated differently by people throughout my life just because of this. I am the complete opposite on the inside, so sensitive and empathetic. It can be hard for me in that regard. I'm expected to act one way but I act in another.
I ask them where they got their medical degree in psychiatry. 🤦♀️ But it is super frustrating, to be suffering so much and hoping a diagnosis will help with fitting in and feeling less isolated, but instead not being believed. If it is any consolation, I believe you and I accept you! 🖤
I have had a actual counsellor tell me they don't think I'm autistic, I have masked so heavily throughout my life that's it's hard for me to break out of even in front of a "professional" and I haven received my assessment/diagnosis yet
Rebecca Spence me too! we discussed it, she told me I was a HSP . I believe I’m an empath too, but shutdowns, burnouts and sensory issues are autistic , sending you light 🦋
@@camilaleon810 my counsellor compared me to her daughter who thought she was autistic but picked up traits from her autistic dad and went for an assessment to find she wasn't autistic and compared me to picking up traits from my mum who could potentially be autistic. Back then I was doubting everything I came to learn and know about myself, it took me about a year looking into it again to regain my identity and I still haven't fully came to terms with it because I'm constantly being invalidated. I have another year to wait on my assessment unfortunately but I seriously cannot wait for it.
What’s ur myer briggs type? I think it can be very helpful to figure that out ,it was life changing for me . Many intuitive types have same symptoms especially introverts. would you say that a quarter of ppl are autistic? I’m a intp type and have severe social issues and attack’s and it seems to be a normal thing for intps but through learning about my cognitive functions and learning how to attract similar minded ppl I’ve become much more functioning and outgoing . One great website is personality hacker
Please, would you allow the addition of subtitles? So more people will be able to see this video. (I'm pretty sure you just need to tick a box somewhere in the settings)
I recently discovered myself to be autistic. It's a self-diagnose because in my country, the waiting time for adults to get officially assessed is 15 to 16 years (we have only one center tailored to adults here). I keep getting invalidated by people around me because they're uneducated for the most part. But a few days ago, my therapist told me she doesn't think I have ASD. I know she didn't know much about autism to start with because she gave me close to no feed back at all when I would mention it or even talk about it lengthily until very recently, whn she'd had some time to do some research. I recognise myself so much in autism, I've spent months now learning about autism every single day and it resonates with me like no other diagnoses I received ever has, it explains so, so much about me as far as I can remember. I understand it, I feel it, but I have a crazy hard time articulating it. When people ask me why I think I am autistic, I'll usually focus on one aspect and I have a hard time focusing on the bigger picture, thus not getting my point across at all. They'll think it's just some fancy of mine right now, but that I don't know much about it. I've tried to write things down, but I feel so overwhelmed. My executive functioning is a wreck, I know I need help, I've had a couple of melt-downs which I could recognise as such right away since finding out. And sometimes, when I try to sit down and collect all of my traits in a notebook, I feel that way, not like in a full-blown melt-down, but the anxiety of not knowing where to start and feeling like there is so much to mention I will never be able to get it done, so much so I feel like my energy resources have already been depleted to begin with. It makes me crazy, because the smallest of tasks can be such huge challenges and with diagnosis being so unattainable around here, getting any kind of help is just not faisable. But that I know it's not just depression or CPTSD, I know there's no way this will ever go away no matter how much therapy do or can afford. And I can finally start putting the voices of all the people saying I'm just lazy and the belief that it's my fault and that I should just be better, try harder aside and really recognise I need help because this is my autism right there. I know my therapist didn't mean harm in saying that she doesn't think I'm autist, she was just trying to help because I've been pondering wether I should actually go on with my studies. I've heard of so many autistic people quitting university recently and school just burns me out so much that I am left with little to no energy left for doing what I like, taking care of myself and and my keeping up with the bare minimum of house-keeping And I'm so tired of getting invalidated by so many people, I've been told that I don't look autistic by some worker from Handicap International, that if I stop thinking about my autism, it'll go away, that I'm lying about my autism and my symptoms by a close friend and now my therapist saying that... I want to cry, it all keeps chipping away at my confidence about all of what I have been uncovering... For months now, I've spent so much time educating myself about ASD, finding it resonates so much with my experience along the way, comparing to other diagnosis it's often mistaken for to make sure I wasn't on the wrong path... It means so much to finally know and it hurts so much that people will go ahead and mindlessly downplay it or straight away deny it. I feel alone and pushed back against a wall.
I got diagnosed with autism when I was 11 or 12 I can’t remember, and my father doesn’t understand it he says he does but he doesn’t for an example I can’t talk to people I can only talk to them when they talk to me first and I can’t work in groups and my father says I just have to learn it and when I tell him that I can’t learn it he gets mad at me and tries to find reasons why I can learn it . He also usually buys bread at a bakery every weekend and makes jokes about how I should go and buy bread I always tell him I can’t do that but he always says that I can just learn it I sometimes even stand up and walk away when I got enough of those „jokes“ or comments
When people say I don’t look autistic I ask them to elaborate. “What does autism look like?” “Why couldn’t I be autistic?” I genuinely want to know their answers because therein lies the biggest barriers to overcoming the stigma we face.
I found your channel from the video on Aspie World about social anxiety. I was very surprised when you mentioned selective mutism because I have never me anyone who had that before. I have struggled with social anxiety my entire life and I can see why people don't believe you because you sound incredibly confident and normal. I don't know what kind of coping skills you learned but here you are putting yourself out there on RUclips for everyone to see and maybe judge you. I could NEVER be able to handle all these hateful comments I see on RUclips. I don't understand what the spectrum is exactly, but are you saying social anxiety is part of autism? You work in television too? How do you go from not being able to talk to anyone, to talking to EVERYONE? How do you learn these coping skills? I want to have the confidence you do. I want people to see me as normal.
Thank you so so much for your video. I also am a woman in my late twenties that was diagnosed with autism later in life and everything you said is exactly what I deal with. It can be very challenging dealing with people who don’t know or understand that I have autism when I don’t look like I am autistic to others. And putting on a mask to fit in is so exhausting and is something I obsess over so that people can accept me and not make fun of me.
Yeah masking is definitely exhausting! And youre right it is a challenge. But the more were all open and honest about it and the more we share oir experience ams awareness we raise, the more we educate. ❤️
Charl Davies sometimes the person without autism see it as compliment. You manage to communicate and socialise so well that has taken a lot of hard work and understanding. I hear this NT say we just always been able to socialise. And it doesn't come naturally to you so well done. So saying you don't look autistic you can turn it into a compliment, Thank you well I was born with autism. I always wanted to socialise and fit in. I'm pleased your amazed how normal and sociable I can be even though I have autism. That is the compliment of masking. I think the look of autism is all because of one film Rain Man it's a 31 years sterotype with small majority of people with autism looks like rain man and need the care and full time support. It's a spectrum after all.
Hi, I really love your videos and wondered, if you could maybe do a sort of story time about how you came to find out that you are on the autism spectrum and if you already had an inkling that you were different earlier to that. It would be really interesting, because I always felt different from very early on. I still can't say what it is and I'm in my early twenties but it has impacted my life in positive and negative ways. Right now I'm trying to figure out what makes me different from "normal" people. Thank you for your videos and keep up the good work :)
Very much on point, I've had autism for pretty much most of life, but wasn't too sure where i was on the spectrum, i only got diagnosed around October of 2018, I always got the "u don't look autistic" or "if u didn't tell me i would've thought u were normal" pretty much all the time, it made it very difficult for me to make friends be in a relationship (still does unfortunately) but i've got various other mental health issues which make daily life , social situations a little more difficult :)
I recently stumbled upon your videos on autism in women and was completely uprooted. Or actually: grounded. Up to now I always thought everybody felt and thought like me. The struggles were mutual... because we are all different.... individuals. After putting a lot of research into it, I finally asked my therapist: could I possibly be on the spectrum? I so hope to get some sufficient answers in the following weeks. Thank you so much for your videos! I feel like I now have a chance to put so many puzzle pieces together to finally understand myself better. And this world around me.
To me, honestly the best come back to "You don't look autistic/ depressed/ neurodivergent/ disabled/ etc" in my opinion is to simply shrug and go: "Well, you don't look like an ignorant person, and yet here we are" because, as rude as that may come across, I simply do no longer have the spoons to justify or try to educate everyone else around me anymore. I have heard this type of comments so often that it has legit become a PTSD trigger at this point.
In Sweden we have different levels of autism. The different levels is a was to see how much help a person needs. My son have autism 2 which means that he needs a lot of help from is parents and other adults in he’s life. I have autism 1 and don’t need as much help in my day to day life. I was diagnosed when I was 33 so I have had to learn to live with my autism. So for me the diagnos was more an explanation for why my life was the way it was.
I’m autistic, I doubt I would get a diagnosis because of my ability to mask symptoms but autism is very disabling to me, I have another disability that leaves me wheelchair bound/ bed-bound .(I have severe M.E and since realising I am autistic, I suspect that I pushed and pushed my body too far, until eventually my body completely disabled itself preventing me from being able to function and leave the house and continue to be exposed to too much stimuli).I am unable to walk, constantly exhausted, my brain signals to my nerves have all stopped getting through meaning I use a catheter, I am in constant pain and suffer frequent muscle spasms. I can’t handle noise or brightness, or being around multiple people, I end up utterly exhausted when I spend as little as an hour just around say visiting friends and family. My two children are on the spectrum and I am terrified that they end up as disabled by their autism as I am. My 12 yo son already suffers shutdowns when he is overwhelmed. I have a group of online friends who also suffer from M.E (and are parents) and every one of us has at least one if not all of our children on the autistic spectrum. I also suspect that we are all on the spectrum ourselves, many of us this started in our early teens as our bodies couldn’t cope with the sensory and social demands of attending school. I believe that M.E like Autism is neurological and I believe it is triggered in autistic people who have endured too much for too long and their bodies can just no longer cope.
It's so shallow that people say these things to you just because you are attractive. People are so clueless about autism, It has nothing to do with what a person looks like.
I have sort of tried to ‘come out’ slowly, but the ignorance makes me think maybe it’s a better idea not to. Still newly diagnosed but I get it, people generally just don’t have a clue and it’s not really their fault. Only chance is to keep educating people.
How did you go about getting your tattoo apprenticeship? I'd love to be a tattoo artist but I have no idea how/where to look! (I'm also autistic and agree with every point you've made!)
So tired of today already. SM has affected my adult life more than any other period in my life ever. To want to talk to people but to go stupid when I do (or be too uninteresting and unable to handle according to the others because of the way I am)... has me isolating myself no matter what I do. My team feels that ignoring me is much better than being rude or inclusive. But what do they know if, in their eyes, I’m ignoring them too? So sick and tired of caring. And the same vicious circle continues: this is why I don’t talk to people. Can’t blame everyone around me though. It’s me too. Fuck today. And fuck call centers.
I don't think "you don't look" was meant as anything more than a diplomatic observation. Besides, autism isn't the only condition without a specific look.
Did you have to have a parent or guardian go with you to get your diagnosis? I want to get diagnosed but dreading the fact that they'll want to speak to my mum
Levels are now just by professional after diagnoses. So since 2013 when DSM5 took out the diagnoses of aspergers Syndrome, high functioning autism, PDD NOS and autism. It all out under the spectrum of, autism spectrum disorder, So the level are support levels. So you he level 1 I would be Level 1. So Level 1 would be the old aspergers and the other 2 former diagnoses. So would need less support in communication. And intelligent with the old aspergers now ASD would be average to above average intelligent. NAS not seen it yet that someone with the old aspergers could have below average I.Q. Then level 2 support below 1 but as bad the old classic autism. Then level 3 is the old classic autism. Very little speech or non verbal and lower I.Q. So the levels are just for a care element after diagnoses from a professional and social support. High and low and mild are old terms which I used in this comment but I was trying to show the comparison of the change in DSM 5. The terms before the change in 2013 to now. On a personal note. Did you think it was wrong that Aspergers was drop as a official diagnoses back then?
Hi Charlotte. I was also diagnosed with autism at 25 (2009). There is a book which I wrote on Amazon 'How to start, carry on and end conversations'. Stay strong, darling.
I guess I would translate their phrase for them: 'When you say "you don't look autistic" what you mean is: I don't conform to your expectations of how someone on the spectrum appears. The contradiction is not in how _I_ appear, it's about your mistaken expectations. Let's correct those.' :^)
What’s ur myer briggs type? Many intuitive have ur symptoms especially introverts. would you say that a quarter of ppl are autistic? I’m a intp and have severe social issues and attack’s and it seems to be a normal thing for intps but through learning about my cognitive functions and learning how to attract similar minded ppl I’ve become much more functioning and outgoing . One great website is personality hacker
@@robokill387 checkout videos from personality hacker on utube, and write into utube aspergers and autism and infj or myer briggs . if u want u can call it pseudoscience but it helped a ton isnt that proof theres truth to it.. also checkout dario nardi that does brain scans eventually itwill probably be scientific proven so far only introvert and extrovert terms are getting picked up.. btw he can also come across as aspie. basically theres many many ppl misdiagnosed.
@@rivkyw.9753 "but it helped a ton isnt that proof theres truth to it." No. That's not how science is done. Basing efficacy off of anecdotes is opening the door to confirmation bias.
I’ve hidden my meltdowns so well everyone doesn’t believe me except my fiancé because he’s the only person first hand who’s seen my meltdowns . My parents literally can’t believe I am struggling with being on the spectrum. But not surprising as I nearly died from anorexia and they ignored it entirely and refer to the time when I dropped to 85 pounds as just a time I got a little too “skinny”
Haven't been officially diagnosed yet but the "you don't look autistic" has kind of delayed me trying to get help!
Ana A same here! It’s really frustrating and discouraging.
It's so frustrating!! My own mum said "No you can't be! There's nothing wrong with you!!' Despite my coming home from school in tears EVERY day of my childhood, having meltdowns over my cousins messing up my room, hitting my sister for playing "wrong" with my toys... But this is life and this is what we unfortunately have to deal with, keep raising the awareness, you're doing an amazing job!!!
I tried to tell my sisters I thought I might be on the spectrum and the response was the same to begin with. There is nothing 'wrong' with you. Like being on the spectrum is a bad thing, but I don't see it that way. I love the traits that make me unique, but I am seeking diagnosis because I struggle with my executive functioning and social interaction, which negatively impacts on my family and my ability to work. I also feel I need to know, it has become an obsession making other tasks difficult. I also believe knowing will help me to accept a lot of past situations too.
@@MeGreenTea that was exactly why I sought a diagnosis and it has helped me put a lot of past trauma into a better perspective
Just diagnosed at 34 before I was diagnosed it was like no one believed me - they didn’t want to have to accept my traits were because of my wiring instead of assuming I’m weak and lazy because I’m depressed from years of social rejection and misunderstanding. I also have musical and artistic talent and “charisma” so went undetected for so long
thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate that you are brave
Oh. My God. I'm 34 and have always felt like I might be autistic. You sound EXACTLY LIKE ME!! How can I get help? What do I do?
The psych community sees it as a disorder, so only if you are struggling to the point you cannot speak or are about to kill yourself will you often get a diagnosis. The smarter and more talented you are, the better everything hides under “being quirky/eccentric/precocious”. I would rather have that then not figuring out how to cope at an early age. Still, it is a double-edged sword. I thought I was self aware years ago, but I’m still figuring some things out even now…
I've had an almost identical experience, I admire what you and what Dan and the others do because our experiences as we share them and your experiences as you share them will help benefit those who come after us
Similar except wasn't diagnosed until late 40s...
I once told a girl she didn't have Autism because I thought she was too cute, but then I learned about Autism and now I think I have Autism. I also really would like to apologise for not just listening to her explaining her experience.
P.S. that hand tattoo is cool!
Karma.
@@cosmicredeemer3109 You could be less rude, unless you want to tempt karma yourself
I love this. My mum was diagnosed at 72. I have just been speaking to Daniel Jones (Aspie World) about this. My parents' friends did not believe Mum was autistic because "She didn't look autistic". Thank you SO MUCH for spreading the word on this.
I'm 58 and ran across your video in a collab with TAW during the first weeks of Covid-19 lockdown. I will never know why I clicked on the video, but I did and it blew. my. mind. My older brother identified himself as being on the spectrum almost a decade ago. I read a great deal about ASD to support him, but nothing I read described ASD in women. When I heard your interview with TAW, I was astonished to find that you were discussing things that I've experienced, but have never spoken about to another person. Many hours of youtube videos later, and a couple of random "quizzes" from the internet, and I can pretty confidently say I am on the spectrum. If you ever doubt the value of making these videos, please know that you are likely helping people everyday to find answers they didn't even know they were looking for. Thank you!
It makes me want to respond "thanks. You don't look normal" 😉
I'm going in for my diagnosis tomorrow and if I get mutism I'm going to show them clips from your videos... You made me cry because it's exactly what I go though every day, coming across your channel has been a miracle xx
I felt the same way
So glad im having a positive impact and helping people!! ❤️❤️
I too am autistic, as are my 3 children and wife and we are all so different in the way we present. Also, we work so hard at masking when we are out and about in the community that when we get home, that's when we become "autistic". People don't try to understand it, they just make comments based on what we let them see.
jessie md that gave me hope honestly thank you
I'm afraid that someone will say this to me, which is probably why I don't tell people I have been diagnosed with autism unless I'm really close to them.
Dont be scared to tell people because the more we share our ojr experience of being on the specteum, the more we educate.
AHH this is so annoying and also kinda sad. When I told one of my good friends that I'm autistic (I also didn't find out until I was 25!) she said that to me and now I feel like I can't talk about my autism with her anymore.
Hi
Thank you
I'm 42 and just found out that I'm autistic and now I understand all of struggles but how do I beggin to help myself is overwhelming...
I'm glad I found you, you're a huge help
Your not the only one. Watching this was so empowering!! Thank you!
Love this. Would love to see more videos (especially Q and A ones) :)
I struggle being not able to verbalise in conversations and at other times being able. I have secret melt downs, things people don't see as I mask. My own family don't believe I'm autistic despite harrowing experiences in school. I never spoke to even answer the register for years or spoke to anyone because I'd just loose the ability. Family like to cherry pick moments while I'm masking or point that I've been out drinking so can't possibly be autistic, not knowing the hours of procrastination it takes to even get ready, and the 3 day burn out after doing pretty much anything where there is noise. There's always a mum who thinks she's expert who'll compare your autism to her child's, or people who say you are attention seeking. It's saddening because it's debilitating yet so hidden and no one believes you, people's lists are endless. Can't be autistic because you smoke or have had boyfriends ect... its awful to try and get people to understand
I’ve gotten this question and others similar to it at school and at few places I’ve worked in the past and it got annoying after the first time especially when you have to spend 15-20 minutes explaining your individual digionis
Just give them the link to this video from now on 😂
I've done one screening and am waiting on another and haven't shared this journey with many people even in my family, but I'm waiting on this comment to come. Love your channel xoxo
You’re so pretty and well spoken! I’ve got the same hair color right now and do my makeup very similarly (: I found you through a collab you did and I’m so glad you’ve come online to discuss this stuff because it makes me feel less alone with my condition.
Hi, I’ve been really struggling at my new college with depression which mostly comes from me being autistic (I’m undiagnosed) and I’m struggling with change. I went to the doctor to see if I could be diagnosed with depression and get medication to make life better but they want to get me diagnosed with autism first but that’s going to take a while. I’m happy that I’m finally going to be diagnosed however life is really hard with being depressed and having anxiety every day. A teacher at my school has Aspergers and I’ve started meeting with her and it’s made me feel less alone. :) it does get better, I still feel pretty crap but it’s getting better but by bit.
Thank you so much for making this video!
I wish people in my life and at work could watch this! Very well said!x
Thank you so much for putting this out there! I'm so glad to finally be finding so many people sharing such relatable stories. I always knew there were many things seriously different about me but didn't have the knowledge until after I was 40 to realize that I was most definitely autistic. It is comforting to finally have the words to understand and express my own lived experience. I'm a bit hesitant to tell my folks though because of the perceptions I knew they had about autism and such when i was growing up.
My daughter is waiting for a diagnosis and looking into Autism to help support her has made me question my struggles all my life, myself and others have always said how much like me she is and when she says things I can remember saying and feeling the same. I'm 52 now like you said ive masked and struggled all my life don't think I'll go for a diagnosis at my age as these things put me off too. But huge thank you for what you post 🙏❤
Yesssss!!!Thank you!!!! I really needed to hear that.
Awesome stuff, great you are helping to take the stigma out of ASD! Love it.
Thanks Tristam!
This is so clear and so correctly explains and exemplifies what I feel needs to be shared. I have had a lifetime of people INSISTING that I am “just like everyone else” and what I live with is “NO Different” than others, and that I am “NOT Disabled,” because, “look at you! You look fine!” Ugh!!! Stop telling me I’m making this up, people! I’m not crazy, you are just simply ignorant. Thank you for making this exceptional video. 💕
*But you don’t look like an ableist; imagine how offensive it would be to tell someone “but you don’t look like you have cancer!*
As a woman with invisible Autism and Aspergers, thank you.
Thank you for sharing. I find your videos so educational.
I,was diagnose at age 24 you are so kind and inspiring
You gave one of the best videos on the subject. Thank you.
Your tattoos are amazing and beautiful. In my honest opinion Autism shouldn't determine if a person is successful or not, there are many people who have problems either mental or physical that live successful lives. Also, a lot of people are foolish and think those with mental disabilities should be walking outside wearing fuzzy bunny slippers and shirts that say "I'm Special!" Just keep true to yourself, and don't let anyone judge you on your Autism. All that matters is what you think, thank you for posting this video I have just recently found your channel and I look forward to watching all your videos and more as you post them. Keep being amazing.
I am on the spectrum and I face these issues daily. It is so hard, but thanks to people like you, I don’t feel so alone, even if for a moment. Thank you for this.
So glad my video has helped. I often feel like the loneliest person in the world. 💖💖💖
Loved it
Thank you SO much for this video! Very well explained, thank you xxx
I'm waiting for my 11 year old daughter to be assessed for autism. School cannot recognise she's masking at all!!! 😡😡
I'm so grateful to you for this vid. Best wishes, Rachel xx
Hi, came across your channel a few months ago and it has helped me go to go to the GP to ask for a referral! I am now awaiting autism diagnosis, it's an emotional time and telling friends and colleagues has been difficult. I think my favourite reaction so far has been "but you're so clever! How can you be autistic?" lol anyway thank you for these videos they have helped so much!
Thank you for raising more awareness of women with autism.
I have autism myself your videos inspire me.
So happy to hear this thankyou ❤️
Hey charl I'm Danny very nice to meet you im autistic to and I love your autistic videos on RUclips you're videos are really good and are absolutely amazing to watch and I've subscribed to you're RUclips channel to keep up the great videos they are great and you are doing absolutely amazing to
Wow! Amazing points and a very diplomatic lay out!
I usually adapt to the people around me. Which is why I usually don't come over as any different than any other person. When in reality I just wanna hide away in a corner. But because I copy the people around me they are surprised when I say I might be autistic. And they say they don't notice it. Only when I am around people for a long time or when I feel safe to be myself I will act the way I really am. Which is kinda a cool person. But I am so used to changing it! It's confusing and scary sometimes.
Im a 6"3", intimidating looking man who's a competive powerlifter. On the exterior you would never guess I have ASD. I look tough, and I've been treated differently by people throughout my life just because of this. I am the complete opposite on the inside, so sensitive and empathetic. It can be hard for me in that regard. I'm expected to act one way but I act in another.
I was diagnosed at age 34 in 2016 and I, because of how I look as well, know all too well what you're talking about 😐
This is awesome. I agree with everything you’ve said. Thank you!!
I ask them where they got their medical degree in psychiatry. 🤦♀️ But it is super frustrating, to be suffering so much and hoping a diagnosis will help with fitting in and feeling less isolated, but instead not being believed. If it is any consolation, I believe you and I accept you! 🖤
I have had a actual counsellor tell me they don't think I'm autistic, I have masked so heavily throughout my life that's it's hard for me to break out of even in front of a "professional" and I haven received my assessment/diagnosis yet
Rebecca Spence me too! we discussed it, she told me I was a HSP . I believe I’m an empath too, but shutdowns, burnouts and sensory issues are autistic , sending you light 🦋
@@camilaleon810 my counsellor compared me to her daughter who thought she was autistic but picked up traits from her autistic dad and went for an assessment to find she wasn't autistic and compared me to picking up traits from my mum who could potentially be autistic. Back then I was doubting everything I came to learn and know about myself, it took me about a year looking into it again to regain my identity and I still haven't fully came to terms with it because I'm constantly being invalidated. I have another year to wait on my assessment unfortunately but I seriously cannot wait for it.
What’s ur myer briggs type? I think it can be very helpful to figure that out ,it was life changing for me . Many intuitive types have same symptoms especially introverts. would you say that a quarter of ppl are autistic? I’m a intp type and have severe social issues and attack’s and it seems to be a normal thing for intps but through learning about my cognitive functions and learning how to attract similar minded ppl I’ve become much more functioning and outgoing . One great website is personality hacker
Please, would you allow the addition of subtitles? So more people will be able to see this video. (I'm pretty sure you just need to tick a box somewhere in the settings)
This sounds like me having a rant at ATOS.
I sure don't look like it but when tested was a lock in autism +dd.
I recently discovered myself to be autistic. It's a self-diagnose because in my country, the waiting time for adults to get officially assessed is 15 to 16 years (we have only one center tailored to adults here). I keep getting invalidated by people around me because they're uneducated for the most part. But a few days ago, my therapist told me she doesn't think I have ASD. I know she didn't know much about autism to start with because she gave me close to no feed back at all when I would mention it or even talk about it lengthily until very recently, whn she'd had some time to do some research. I recognise myself so much in autism, I've spent months now learning about autism every single day and it resonates with me like no other diagnoses I received ever has, it explains so, so much about me as far as I can remember. I understand it, I feel it, but I have a crazy hard time articulating it. When people ask me why I think I am autistic, I'll usually focus on one aspect and I have a hard time focusing on the bigger picture, thus not getting my point across at all. They'll think it's just some fancy of mine right now, but that I don't know much about it. I've tried to write things down, but I feel so overwhelmed. My executive functioning is a wreck, I know I need help, I've had a couple of melt-downs which I could recognise as such right away since finding out. And sometimes, when I try to sit down and collect all of my traits in a notebook, I feel that way, not like in a full-blown melt-down, but the anxiety of not knowing where to start and feeling like there is so much to mention I will never be able to get it done, so much so I feel like my energy resources have already been depleted to begin with. It makes me crazy, because the smallest of tasks can be such huge challenges and with diagnosis being so unattainable around here, getting any kind of help is just not faisable. But that I know it's not just depression or CPTSD, I know there's no way this will ever go away no matter how much therapy do or can afford. And I can finally start putting the voices of all the people saying I'm just lazy and the belief that it's my fault and that I should just be better, try harder aside and really recognise I need help because this is my autism right there. I know my therapist didn't mean harm in saying that she doesn't think I'm autist, she was just trying to help because I've been pondering wether I should actually go on with my studies. I've heard of so many autistic people quitting university recently and school just burns me out so much that I am left with little to no energy left for doing what I like, taking care of myself and and my keeping up with the bare minimum of house-keeping And I'm so tired of getting invalidated by so many people, I've been told that I don't look autistic by some worker from Handicap International, that if I stop thinking about my autism, it'll go away, that I'm lying about my autism and my symptoms by a close friend and now my therapist saying that... I want to cry, it all keeps chipping away at my confidence about all of what I have been uncovering... For months now, I've spent so much time educating myself about ASD, finding it resonates so much with my experience along the way, comparing to other diagnosis it's often mistaken for to make sure I wasn't on the wrong path... It means so much to finally know and it hurts so much that people will go ahead and mindlessly downplay it or straight away deny it. I feel alone and pushed back against a wall.
I got diagnosed with autism when I was 11 or 12 I can’t remember, and my father doesn’t understand it he says he does but he doesn’t for an example I can’t talk to people I can only talk to them when they talk to me first and I can’t work in groups and my father says I just have to learn it and when I tell him that I can’t learn it he gets mad at me and tries to find reasons why I can learn it . He also usually buys bread at a bakery every weekend and makes jokes about how I should go and buy bread I always tell him I can’t do that but he always says that I can just learn it I sometimes even stand up and walk away when I got enough of those „jokes“ or comments
my psychiatrist told me i dont look autistic. so idk what to do now because in my country, they all say that. it sucks
When people say I don’t look autistic I ask them to elaborate. “What does autism look like?” “Why couldn’t I be autistic?”
I genuinely want to know their answers because therein lies the biggest barriers to overcoming the stigma we face.
I found your channel from the video on Aspie World about social anxiety. I was very surprised when you mentioned selective mutism because I have never me anyone who had that before. I have struggled with social anxiety my entire life and I can see why people don't believe you because you sound incredibly confident and normal. I don't know what kind of coping skills you learned but here you are putting yourself out there on RUclips for everyone to see and maybe judge you. I could NEVER be able to handle all these hateful comments I see on RUclips. I don't understand what the spectrum is exactly, but are you saying social anxiety is part of autism? You work in television too? How do you go from not being able to talk to anyone, to talking to EVERYONE? How do you learn these coping skills? I want to have the confidence you do. I want people to see me as normal.
Thank you so so much for your video. I also am a woman in my late twenties that was diagnosed with autism later in life and everything you said is exactly what I deal with. It can be very challenging dealing with people who don’t know or understand that I have autism when I don’t look like I am autistic to others. And putting on a mask to fit in is so exhausting and is something I obsess over so that people can accept me and not make fun of me.
Yeah masking is definitely exhausting! And youre right it is a challenge. But the more were all open and honest about it and the more we share oir experience ams awareness we raise, the more we educate. ❤️
Charl Davies sometimes the person without autism see it as compliment.
You manage to communicate and socialise so well that has taken a lot of hard work and understanding.
I hear this NT say we just always been able to socialise.
And it doesn't come naturally to you so well done.
So saying you don't look autistic you can turn it into a compliment,
Thank you well I was born with autism.
I always wanted to socialise and fit in.
I'm pleased your amazed how normal and sociable I can be even though I have autism.
That is the compliment of masking.
I think the look of autism is all because of one film
Rain Man it's a 31 years sterotype with small majority of people with autism looks like rain man and need the care and full time support.
It's a spectrum after all.
Hi,
I really love your videos and wondered, if you could maybe do a sort of story time about how you came to find out that you are on the autism spectrum and if you already had an inkling that you were different earlier to that. It would be really interesting, because I always felt different from very early on. I still can't say what it is and I'm in my early twenties but it has impacted my life in positive and negative ways. Right now I'm trying to figure out what makes me different from "normal" people.
Thank you for your videos and keep up the good work :)
Very much on point, I've had autism for pretty much most of life, but wasn't too sure where i was on the spectrum, i only got diagnosed around October of 2018, I always got the "u don't look autistic" or "if u didn't tell me i would've thought u were normal" pretty much all the time, it made it very difficult for me to make friends be in a relationship (still does unfortunately) but i've got various other mental health issues which make daily life , social situations a little more difficult :)
Beautiful lady, your such an inspiration ❤️
So nice to meet you Charl and I think your artwork is absolutely stunning
I recently stumbled upon your videos on autism in women and was completely uprooted. Or actually: grounded. Up to now I always thought everybody felt and thought like me. The struggles were mutual... because we are all different.... individuals. After putting a lot of research into it, I finally asked my therapist: could I possibly be on the spectrum? I so hope to get some sufficient answers in the following weeks. Thank you so much for your videos! I feel like I now have a chance to put so many puzzle pieces together to finally understand myself better. And this world around me.
your tattoos look nice. You can be proud of yourself. Hope I can tell you that :D
THANK YOU
Spot on Charl, very well said, definitely not the only one! I get similar responses in the Young Farmers if I tell people I have Aspergers!
To me, honestly the best come back to "You don't look autistic/ depressed/ neurodivergent/ disabled/ etc" in my opinion is to simply shrug and go: "Well, you don't look like an ignorant person, and yet here we are" because, as rude as that may come across, I simply do no longer have the spoons to justify or try to educate everyone else around me anymore. I have heard this type of comments so often that it has legit become a PTSD trigger at this point.
Thank you for sharing this video & spreading awareness. You inspire me so much. Thank you xoxo
In Sweden we have different levels of autism. The different levels is a was to see how much help a person needs. My son have autism 2 which means that he needs a lot of help from is parents and other adults in he’s life. I have autism 1 and don’t need as much help in my day to day life. I was diagnosed when I was 33 so I have had to learn to live with my autism. So for me the diagnos was more an explanation for why my life was the way it was.
I’m autistic, I doubt I would get a diagnosis because of my ability to mask symptoms but autism is very disabling to me, I have another disability that leaves me wheelchair bound/ bed-bound .(I have severe M.E and since realising I am autistic, I suspect that I pushed and pushed my body too far, until eventually my body completely disabled itself preventing me from being able to function and leave the house and continue to be exposed to too much stimuli).I am unable to walk, constantly exhausted, my brain signals to my nerves have all stopped getting through meaning I use a catheter, I am in constant pain and suffer frequent muscle spasms. I can’t handle noise or brightness, or being around multiple people, I end up utterly exhausted when I spend as little as an hour just around say visiting friends and family.
My two children are on the spectrum and I am terrified that they end up as disabled by their autism as I am. My 12 yo son already suffers shutdowns when he is overwhelmed. I have a group of online friends who also suffer from M.E (and are parents) and every one of us has at least one if not all of our children on the autistic spectrum. I also suspect that we are all on the spectrum ourselves, many of us this started in our early teens as our bodies couldn’t cope with the sensory and social demands of attending school.
I believe that M.E like Autism is neurological and I believe it is triggered in autistic people who have endured too much for too long and their bodies can just no longer cope.
It's so shallow that people say these things to you just because you are attractive. People are so clueless about autism, It has nothing to do with what a person looks like.
I have sort of tried to ‘come out’ slowly, but the ignorance makes me think maybe it’s a better idea not to. Still newly diagnosed but I get it, people generally just don’t have a clue and it’s not really their fault. Only chance is to keep educating people.
Yeah its hard I know. But dlnt be scared, the more we share our experiences and open up, the more we educate. ❤️
P.s. thank you Charl for your videos! They've been helpful and comforting over the last few months :)
How did you go about getting your tattoo apprenticeship? I'd love to be a tattoo artist but I have no idea how/where to look! (I'm also autistic and agree with every point you've made!)
So tired of today already. SM has affected my adult life more than any other period in my life ever. To want to talk to people but to go stupid when I do (or be too uninteresting and unable to handle according to the others because of the way I am)... has me isolating myself no matter what I do. My team feels that ignoring me is much better than being rude or inclusive. But what do they know if, in their eyes, I’m ignoring them too?
So sick and tired of caring. And the same vicious circle continues: this is why I don’t talk to people.
Can’t blame everyone around me though. It’s me too. Fuck today. And fuck call centers.
First comment I like your video :) 👍👋
I love your cartoons 💖
I don't think "you don't look" was meant as anything more than a diplomatic observation.
Besides, autism isn't the only condition without a specific look.
Did you have to have a parent or guardian go with you to get your diagnosis? I want to get diagnosed but dreading the fact that they'll want to speak to my mum
Best video on the internet!
💕💕💕
❤️
Hi Charl
Where have you been?
Are you on that new show?
Levels are now just by professional after diagnoses.
So since 2013 when DSM5 took out the diagnoses of aspergers Syndrome, high functioning autism, PDD NOS and autism.
It all out under the spectrum of, autism spectrum disorder,
So the level are support levels.
So you he level 1 I would be Level 1.
So Level 1 would be the old aspergers and the other 2 former diagnoses.
So would need less support in communication.
And intelligent with the old aspergers now ASD would be average to above average intelligent.
NAS not seen it yet that someone with the old aspergers could have below average I.Q.
Then level 2 support below 1 but as bad the old classic autism.
Then level 3 is the old classic autism.
Very little speech or non verbal and lower I.Q.
So the levels are just for a care element after diagnoses from a professional and social support.
High and low and mild are old terms which I used in this comment
but I was trying to show the comparison of the change in DSM 5.
The terms before the change in 2013 to now.
On a personal note.
Did you think it was wrong that Aspergers was drop as a official diagnoses back then?
Hi Charlotte. I was also diagnosed with autism at 25 (2009). There is a book which I wrote on Amazon 'How to start, carry on and end conversations'.
Stay strong, darling.
🤗
I guess I would translate their phrase for them: 'When you say "you don't look autistic" what you mean is: I don't conform to your expectations of how someone on the spectrum appears. The contradiction is not in how _I_ appear, it's about your mistaken expectations. Let's correct those.' :^)
What’s ur myer briggs type? Many intuitive have ur symptoms especially introverts. would you say that a quarter of ppl are autistic? I’m a intp and have severe social issues and attack’s and it seems to be a normal thing for intps but through learning about my cognitive functions and learning how to attract similar minded ppl I’ve become much more functioning and outgoing . One great website is personality hacker
myer briggs is pseudoscience.
@@robokill387 checkout videos from personality hacker on utube, and write into utube aspergers and autism and infj or myer briggs . if u want u can call it pseudoscience but it helped a ton isnt that proof theres truth to it.. also checkout dario nardi that does brain scans eventually itwill probably be scientific proven so far only introvert and extrovert terms are getting picked up.. btw he can also come across as aspie. basically theres many many ppl misdiagnosed.
@@rivkyw.9753 "but it helped a ton isnt that proof theres truth to it."
No. That's not how science is done. Basing efficacy off of anecdotes is opening the door to confirmation bias.
I’ve hidden my meltdowns so well everyone doesn’t believe me except my fiancé because he’s the only person first hand who’s seen my meltdowns .
My parents literally can’t believe I am struggling with being on the spectrum. But not surprising as I nearly died from anorexia and they ignored it entirely and refer to the time when I dropped to 85 pounds as just a time I got a little too “skinny”