Hi! I'm a human who thought that I was totally straight until i fell madly in love with my trans girlfriend~now it's pretty obvious to me that I'm bi or pan. but self-identifying as straight for so so so so long makes me feel more like an ally than a member of the lgbt community~like hannah! I've talked with my girlfriend about these and she encourages me to embrace my identity in all in complexity and not to erase myself (did i mention she's the best, ever?!) There's so many ways to be queer and it doesn't stop you from being an ally especially, in my case, when I know I have more privilege than other lgbtq+ people! love to all of you
Horacio Mangalore I mean, no, not really. Bi means attracted to two or more genders, and pan means attracted to all genders. So someone who is pan can also use the label bi, if they want to. Pan is an orientation in its own right.
+Megan Cunnington well 96% of humanity are NOT complex you can not call humans complex if only 3% are gay -1% are trans so NO humans as a whole , majority speaking are not complex , they are very simple!! It is just projection to say otherwise
+Ireallyreally Hategoogle You might be simple minded, but decent humans are complex even if they are straight and cis like me.??? NO 96% of humanity are straight an are NOT complex but simple 3% are gay -1% are trans so NO humans "as a whole" , majority speaking are not complex , they are very simple when it comes down to sexuality & gender!! 96% =normal 4 % = have a birth defect /disorder /mentally ill /fetish It is just projection to say otherwise
I feel like I'm bi, but I'm always worried that I'm not gay enough, I'm worried that it's "just a phase" or that I'm "confused" or maybe even that My brain is trying to trick me for some reason and that I will be hurting the bisexual community by saying that I'm bi.
Horsehappy710 omg this is so weird that you say because i relate and i thought i was the only one! i used to think all the time about how maybe it's just my brain tricking me into thinking i like girls, but i think that was just me acknowledging who i was and trying to come to terms with it because for most of my childhood i had craaazy crushes on guys. i don't even know what i'm saying anymore but i don't think you're tricking yourself! just figuring out who you are :))))
There's so much stigma around bisexuaity and I hate it. I identify as bisexual and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years now and people who are aware of my sexuality sometimes "forget" that I'm not straight because of how long I've been with my partner. There is no "too gay, too straight" I see it as like sitting in the middle and it doesn't matter if you're more attractive to one gender than the other, your sexuality is still valid.
There are gay people who come out as bi first, pan people who identify as bi first, even bi-curious people who identify as bi before reverting back. All of that is okay. The Q in LBGTQI+ is there for a reason. Questioning is part of the LBGT+ community. Even still I understand your worries. I think you just have to take the time to figure yourself out the best you can and identify how you feel comfortable and happy.
First, I would like to say thank you for making his video. I identify as heteroflexible. When I was a teenager I considered by self bi curious, but after a few experiences with women I was confused as to why I wasn't feeling the same romantic, emotional or even sexual feelings with my female partners as my male partners. So I started to think maybe I'm just straight and that's what I stuck to for years but it never truly felt right. One day my friend and I were talking about sexuality and how weird I thought I was he mostly jokingly said "maybe you're just heteroflexible." That kinda when it clicked. I realized, yes I have an attraction to both men and women. Maybe my attraction to men is just more dominant, than my attraction to women. But that doesn't make my attraction to women as less valid.
I think it's really interesting because before I came out as bi I identified as "mostly straight" or "heteroflexible." I don't mean to invalidate Hannah's identity or suggest that heteroflexibility is always a stepping stone to bisexuality, but I completely relate to once feeling the way Hannah does. There's a weird sense of gate keeping when it comes to identifying as LGBTQ+ (whether it's what we tell ourselves or what other people tell us) which can be an unfortunate roadblock to people identifying how they want.
Yeah I can see that even in the comments. I think people are upset that this is bi-erasure. And I can see how the label COULD be used in that way, but i don't think in this application or in many, it is. I think it's an acknowledgement that while you can have hetero privledge, the term "heterosexual" and the perceptions and expectations that go along with it are kinda tainted/antiquated and extremely rigid. (Worth noting this is coming from a cis-gendered person married to someone of the opposite sex who is still way up in the air as to "what am I"...maybe heteroflexible...maybe something else??? maybe just straight?? what idk?)
So I'm super pansexual but THIS is how I feel about my gender. I hadn't quite heard it articulated in this way before, but I've held off on identifying myself as anything but a cis woman because I didn't want to take away from people who are having considerably more dysphoria than I am. Is that a thing?! I'm so excited all of a sudden. Thank you for letting us listen in on your conversation! So many thoughts I'm looking forward to sorting through.
Lauren Fairweather there’s no certain amount of dysphoria you need, don’t get caught up in the discourse. It purely depends which gender identity you feel most comfortable and happy with.
Ash, you are an absolute delight - I love how well you articulate conflicting feelings and complex messy stuff, it's such a nice thing to see, especially in an online space where things are often presented as really black-and-white.
My instinctual thought was that heteroflexible was a bullshit term. I have a bad habit of taking stereotypes and rolling with them. I think I get it now, and I love how open Hannah is. I could identify as homoflexible, 100%. It actually feels more accurate than just gay. Great video, thanks for keeping me on my toes.
There's a lot of people who feel like heteroflexibility/homoflexibility erases the meaning of bisexuality not being 50/50. I disagree with this, bc everyone should define however they want to. But would any of you like to eleborate on this discussion without fuelling any hate.
Hetero/Homoflexbly normally percents is 90 straight/gay and 10% (gay/straight). I know for my self being heteroflexible am around 93% straight and 7% gay(mostly Femininity men). Also, I would look at the menu but never order.
@@subninja8069 hetero flexible and h*** flexible or semantically useless terms you are still bi even your 99% attracted to one gender and just one person wondering around
I love post-editing Ash. Such a good way of dealing with things. Also, I always have to watch your videos at least twice so I can appreciate your stunning editing, and intelligent and insightful content. Thanks for making this platform a better place!
I loved how Hannah explained it in the end. That, while she's straight, she's open to new experiences. That's how I see it. Because you never know who you will meet in life, who you will connect with. Why limit yourself if it might make you miss something amazing? I usually add a " for now", after telling people I'm straight. Because even though I've only been attracted to men so far, that might not always be true, or I might just not recocgnize when I'm attracted to women.
geeeeze people in the comments are so judgey. Like they want their labels to be accepted and validated but won't accept or validate what someone else feels is an appropriate label for themselves. A lot of high horses.
I swear every time I watch a video like this I identify with the label in question. I've called myself every label under the sun and have yet to find one that fits perfectly. For now I'm just going with 'flexible' to disguise the fact that I don't have a clue. Love the video Ash, and Hannah is one of my faves x
As a bi person I could never see before why anyone would identify as heteroflexible rather than bi. To be honest I thought heteroflexible was kinda silly and I didn't think people who used the label had put so much thought into it. This video helped me understand a lot more, so thank you!!
I recently matched with a girl on Tinder that sparked a great deal of reflexion on heteroflexibility: she told me she identifies mostly as straight but has very frequently felt sexually attracted to girls but never had the occasion to act on it. My first reaction was that she was queerbaiting me and asking for attention where I would get nothing but false expectation. But then I stopped myself and thought about her situation: what do you do when you're twentysomething, asking yourself questions about your sexuality or you just want to experiment, when you don't have many LGBT+ peeps around you and girls that are sure of their identities reject you when they feel that you fooled them ? Are we allowed to primarily react negatively when a "bi-curious" person comes to us or is it some kind of internalized biphobia ?
Wow... I finally found my label. ( ；∀；) For the 24 years I've been on this earth, I've always condsidered myself heterosexual. But last year I fell really hard for my best female friend, she is such a wonderful human being that not many men could ever compare to her. From then on I started to wonder what my sexuality was. Because it definitely wasn't hetero anymore, but bi and pan just didn't feel right. Because it's not really 50/50. I'm not really that sexuality attracted to females in the same way I am with men, but I'm open to a relationship with a female if I reeeeeeeaaally like her. So... hearing this title really resonates with me. (๑´ㅂ`๑)♡*.+゜I'm glad this feeling has been put into a single word.
Tanaie this was exactly what I though when I watched this video. I was like how here is a word/phrase/label that means what I've been struggling with for a while.
On your question about whether you can be LGBT and an ally, I think you must be able to because you can be gay and a trans ally and vice Versa etc so sure I think you can be a lil bit gay and an ally
Exactly what I was thinking. You can be a part of the LGBT+ community and be an ally to other people within the community who's identities you don't share.
You can fit somewhere in the community while supporting the portions of it that aren’t really relating to you. Like being cisgender bisexual but supporting aromatic peeps and trans peeps etc etc
Not imposing on anyone's sexuality or speaking for them to me Hannah sounds like what the Kinsey scale would describe as "more than incidentally homosexual" and that description in itself makes me laugh.
Honestly there's been so many times where I've just started to think 'oh maybe I'm homoflexible instead of 100% gay' but then been scared away because I'll go on Twitter and see someone will smith posing at a bi flag and saying stop making up new words or something like that, so this video was really nice to see
i think a lot of people seem to misunderstand the point of "heteroflexible" as a label mainly because it has the word hetero in it. That's why it's really great to see it explained so eloquently here. i definitely learned something. 😄
This sounds a lot like my experience with bisexuality, only I lean on the gay side. I am almost always attracted to women in sexual and romantic ways, but I am still sometimes attracted to men. This causes me to constantly defend bisexual people, because people like me should never have to feel "too gay to call myself bi" or people like Hannah to feel "not gay enough to be LGBTQ"!
ASH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I honestly don't know what I identify with, but it helps so much that people like you are helping just ease the stigma about sexual identity. Thank you! You really helped me :)
it's funny, I've never heard of this identity, but the more you guys talk the more I identify with it? I'm still trying to figure out my own identity, and while I don't feel comfortable with being called straight, I don't know if I feel comfortable using identities like bi or pan. will definitely be thinking on this more
this is great! as soon as I saw the title, I was like "this is gotta be click bait!" but I love that you'reboth chatting about less-acknowledged identities
I understand this mostly in the way that heteroflexible people have been so used to using their "straight label" that they don't feel comfortable changing it and thats okay. We should all be flexible in every aspect of our lives. Be open-minded
Just came over from Hannah's video and have to say these two videos are on the short list of my absolute favorite videos. I'm really diggin' the work you two as creators have been making. Keep up the great work!
"see gay" lol love how open and relaxed this conversation is. "we control the label" is so important to hear since i've been thinking about what i identify as for years. i havent really chosen one but i know im not straight; i need to think further about whether i'm bisexual or asexual, pansexual or something else. labels are hard.
Hi! There are no words that can describe just how much this fits my sexuality. I'm straight but I've had a solid handful of real feelings for women too. I didn't know this was a thing that was okay. Thanks!
THIS IS THE LABEL I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR! Thank you!! I've never felt comfortable with the rigidity of heterosexual but not with the fluidity of bisexual. Like Hannah, the crushes on women are more the exception than the norm for me. oh my god thank you for this
Same! I’m SUPER attracted to guys. I made out with some women in college, never anything sexual though. However there are like 5 women celebs where I know for sure if I ever had the chance, I’d definitely be physical with any of them (not that it would ever happen of course lol). However I can’t imagine myself dating or actually like falling in love with a woman. I’m happy to know about this label now! It feels so right to me!
I feel bad because I don't want to deny her identity because it is just as valid as mine. But bisexuality is not strict. You don't have to be just a two way crossroad. Bisexuality is a spectrum just like all sexualities should be. Bisexuality allows for exceptions and boundaries. It makes me feel sad that someone who has these characteristics feels that it would be dishonest to say that they are bisexual. But this is just my opinion. Again I'm not trying to deny her identity.
I totally get you ! I understand why she feels this way though because i do too .. like some people are commenting saying heteroflexible doesnt class as LGBTQ+ when actually its on the spectrum of bisexual !
Shannon Hensley Why don't individuals who aren't completely heterosexual or completely homosexual label themselves as bisexual? Because they're most closely identify as exclusively homosexual or heterosexual.
The term I use with my family and friends is Mostly Straight, I consider this to be a more specific type of bi.. this phrase makes it easier for people to understand where I'm coming from :]
Ash, if you're reading this I just want to let you know that you gave me the confidence to come out as gay almost 2 years ago. I thought no one would support me. However I told all my friends and they were fully supportive. Two weeks ago I came out as non-binary to the same group of friends and even the most religious person in my year group! They, again, were fully supportive and also learnt a lot about different genders. Love you Ash! p.s. my new name is Ash (total coincidence, only realised after I got a notification for one of your videos) and I use they/them pronouns
also your book helped me a lot when explaining it to said friends! I used your definition of non-binary in my coming out speech and also mentioned LaFontaine (+realisticallysaying) in it!
Ash, you have accomplished what Rose and Rosie failed to do for so long I and the gay agenda are proud of you But seriously that was so interesting and informative! ❤️️
Just found you through miss hannah and I am so glad I did, you are so natural talking to the camera. Its like vlogging was made for you, I find you to be a lot like Philip defranco easy to listen to and I don't want to stop listening. :)
Wow. I'm genuinely flabbergasted to see so many people in the comments arguing that heteroflexibility isn't a thing and just a word to avoid calling oneself bisexual. Just, wow. I am heteroflexible by the way. I give zero fucks about running away from any labels or I'd use alternatives to calling myself a liberal and a feminist. It's been a while back now, but I do remember how nice it felt to come across a word that I felt more accurately described my attraction to women because I never once felt that bisexual was fitting. How horrid it is to see others want to take that away, and for what? Why don't you let ME define MYSELF? Assholes.
I believe heteroflexibility describes someone who is straight and would have no problem exploring the potential of a relationship with someone of the same gender if they ever felt attracted to them. However, openness does not necessarily equate attraction. Yes I agree that folk still questioning their identity might feel more comfortable with the term heteroflexible yet I do not think liberal attitudes to the spectrum that is sexuality should be associated with being queer since to me that would be an invalidation to the struggles queer people face.
I identify as a bisexual woman, but I have never slept with a woman. I started going out with my (male) SO when I was 17 and never explored my girl crushes further than drunk make out sessions at parties before this relationship started. My parents def. think of me as straight, and both my SO and I have a tiny wish that I had dated a girl first to prove to my parents I'm not straight. Like I know I don't need their validation, but when, 6 months into this relationship, my Dad sat me down and asked "are you feeling more heterosexual now?" (literally those words), I have never wanted more to have brought home a girl before I brought home a guy. Bi erasure is such a thing. :( I just wish I wasn't too shy to talk to all the girls I had crushes on, or the girl I was basically in love with for years, cos occasionally I feel like I don't deserve ownership of my identity because I present as a straight woman. Still tho, happy in my relationship and my identity despite those things.
"occasionally I feel like I don't deserve ownership of my identity because I present as a straight woman" THAT BEAUTIFULLY DESCRIBES MY FEELINGS, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I'm pan and I have never slept with or kissed a girl. I've kissed boys and been in two pretty short relationships YEARS ago but I crush on girls ALL THE TIME. I've been in love with girls. I've had my heart broken by girls. I've flirted with girls. Yet apparently that doesn't make me "queer enough" for a lot of people. Like it's not MY FAULT I tend to fall for straight girls or girls that aren't interested in me either way. That doesn't make me ANY LESS QUEER and I really need to internalize it.
Molly Heath I relate to this!! I am married to a man and intend to stay faithful to him but in the last year or two have realized the heteronormativity of my own mind. I never considered being bisexual as an option for myself. And once I did, like really thought about it, for months, I came to the labels of bisexual and bicurious, and I like heteroflexible. But I exist in a state of straight privilege, and what would actually change to 'come out' as bisexual? Anything, really? To repeat your sentiment: I don't feel like I deserve the ownership of the label.
I haven't heard of the term "heteroflexible" before, and I think it fits me perfectly! I love Hannah and Lindsey's thoughts on feeling attracted towards men, and not identifying as bi at the present moment, but being totally open to that "straight" identity changing! This video was really enlightening and affirming to me.
ash kept saying gay when they meant bi! but anyway i feel hannah on this. i'm primarily attracted to men but on very very rare occasion attracted to a woman, so using the label bi or queer would feel like i'm taking up other people's space. being attracted to a female feels like the exception to my usual sexuality. so while i usually just say i'm straight cuz it's simpler and it describes me 99% of the time, i do feel like heteroflexible is more accurate
I am so glad this video was made, it answered a lot of questions I had about myself and there were a lot of things I identified within it. I look forward to learning more about such flexibilities! Hannah's switch on her identity is exactly how I feel. Feeling apart of the LGBT+ community in one group but around others, feeling like you should step back because of how much you benefit from straight privilege --- THAT really resonated with me being asexual with questing romantic preferences, while having grown up preferring relationship type things with men. I just, ugh, Ash, you're videos are awesome.
Lottie I don't think so necessarily, some days I feel more heteroflexible, some days I feel more bisexual, some days I just... don't feel sexual at all! Sexuality is fluid and I think we can have multiple identifiers co-existing as long as we are accepting of the people who use them. ❤ great question though
I totally see where you're coming from. As someone who feels "heteroflexible" resonates with them more, I would explain my reasoning this way: I would be totally open to identifying as bi, if I did really feel attracted to both genders. But, at the moment, I feel attracted to men and have not yet been attracted to a woman- the reason I choose the label "heteroflexible" is because I'm open to that changing. Perhaps in the future I'll have feelings for a girl and decide to identify as bi. But for now, I don't necessarily want to encroach on LGBT+ spaces when I am "straight" in most senses of the word. Who knows if I'll feel the same in several years? I think heteroflexible, to me, represents my being open to and uncertain about future changes in my identity. I totally respect where you're coming from, though- I only discovered the term "heteroflexible" through this video, so it definitely requires some thought.
omfg. I have been looking for something to explain the way I feel and HERE IT IS!!!!!! thank you so much ash/hannah! I've really been struggling with how I feel for a while, and have felt a lot of pressure both from my lgbtq+ and straight friends. I don't feel comfortable with using the label 'straight' But I also don't feel like I identify as bi/pan. this video perfectly explains how I feel, and I'm so glad you made this! So well articulated and informative! love you
I'm bi and I don't have a preference, but I don't really see the difference between Hannah's experience and a bi girl with a preference toward man tbh, it's just personal preference with one label or another I think. But heteroflexible can also mean "never had crushes on girls but open to the possibly" and in that case it would be different from bi I think.
Joy Rowan Casey as a general definition I think heteroflexible is a lot more straight than gay, so to speak. like if you're a girl, you're almost exclusively attracted to guys, but occasionally (very seldom) there are exceptions. but it depends on the person, different labels mean different things to different people.
Being bisexual with a preference means in you can always see yourself being attracted to all genders, but being heteroflexible means you will always see yourself being attracted to the opposite gender, but then can occasionally become attracted to the same gender but it's very rare
i think my main issue (as a bi/pan person) is about the term 'heteroflexible' because it obviously shows preference to one gender while being sometimes open to others, which is inherently different than the idea of a multisexual identity where you are always open to multiple genders but only pursue certain relationships with certain people depending on other factors. you can have a preference within multisexuality, but you always hold that attraction regardless. in that way- heteroflexibility is less of an identity than a way that one acts sometimes, and therefore would not be an LGBT identity. please let me know if that makes sense- i think the main issue for me is having the word hetero brought into the LGBT space when it inherently is not
Hetero identities don't just exist OUTSIDE of the LGBTQ+ community though! Transgender people can be heterosexual. Asexual people can be heteroromantic, and aromantic people can be heterosexual. These are still queer identities and these people are still negatively affected by heteronormativity, and I think the same can be said for people who ID as heteroflexible. Not that I'm an expert or anything (I'm pan as well) but that's my two cents. =)
of course trans people can be hetero, as can ace/aro people. of course, a trans person's experience as trans would be what makes them part of the community, not their hetero identity. the 'queer' idea is a whole other thing; all i was trying to convey is the idea that people who are cishet are not inherently LGBT- and people who would ID as heteroflexible (again im not so i cant speak for them but IMO lol) would just be under a spectrum of heterosexuality, not of a bi or pan label, or would therefore ID a such
@@412music412 I actually agree that heteroflexible is more a subset of straight than a specifier for bi. In fact that's why I use it! I don't feel like I am part of the LGBTQ+ community because I have straight-passing-privilege and so I feel more like an ally. I haven't talked with enough other heteroflexible people to know if they share my sentiment of being more of an ally, but it seems that at least Hannah does. Anyways, that's just my experience :)
I actually came across this video as I was exploring if Heteroflexibility was actually considered part of the LGBTQ+ community. I have self identified as this for some time but today I actually acknowledged this to some friends. This is the first time I have actually identified as anything other than straight to someone else. What's reassuring for me is seeing that Hannah and Dr Doe both share the same general concepts of Heteroflexibility as I do.
Two of my favourite RUclips peeps in one video??? ERMAGERD!!! Also, I love this video. Heteroflexability is not talked about a huge amount, and it's a super interesting conversation topic!
I never normally comment on videos especially not these types because I'm scared of the responses, however, I thought I would on this video as something kept popping into my mind while watching this a few times. I think, especially with my age group and the people that surround me, that if someone was to label themselves as 'heteroflexible' they would immediately be seen as one of two things. One of which would be bisexual but that they're scared to either say outright and admit it, or that people will judge them based on their sexuality (which is obviously going to happen, but being 15/16, the judgement and how they are seen by their peers is extremely important). The other label they would be seen as is straight, and people would assume that they're taking their "Woman Crush Wednesdays" "too seriously", or that they may think they fancy someone, but really they just like their face. Another thing is - it doesn't really have much relevance to this video, but sort of does and I feel comfortable enough to share it - is that, due to my mannerisms, how I dress, and the people I spend the majority of my time with, tends to have me perseived as a lesbian. I don't identify as a lesbian, but everyone seems to think that I am, or that I will just "accept" it later on. I used to deny it (purely because it's not what I am), but that seemed to flare up everyone's "suspicion" so now I kind of just say that I am? I'm sorry for anyone that actually read that, if anyone even did, but I just needed somewhere to voice what I thought and what my feelings are? So thank you for allowing me to :)
Many people have trouble understanding sexuality outside of the gay/straight binary, and in high school it's especially difficult because your sexuality is put under a spotlight. So yes, I can see how it'd be very difficult trying to identify as something like heteroflexible in your environment. As for your own public identification, I don't think that you should lie (unless you feel the need to hide your orientation). If someone calls you a lesbian, instead of agreeing or arguing against it, try to say the truth without putting too much stress on it. For example, say "Nah, I'm actually ___________, but if you want to think of me as a lesbian, then go right ahead."
I had the same thought, especially about being judge by others and mostly by LGBT+ people. I fear that with this label, heteroflexible people would be seen as just curious and wanting to experiment but never go further than kissing or the rare one night stand and then seen as deceiving.
"due to my mannerisms, how I dress, and the people I spend the majority of my time with, tends to have me perseived as a lesbian. I don't identify as a lesbian, but everyone seems to think that I am, or that I will just "accept" it later on" ^ I completely understand you. Participating in some LGBT events as an ally, so many people jump to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian. And yes, some of my friends are waiting for me to come out, ha. It's kind of insulting really, that my fashion choices that are often based in my taste in music have become the lesbian uniform -_- Also, I'm not skinny enough to just pull off the "hot rock chick" so the next thing some people think is "lesbian". Oh, the struggle :D I *would* identify as heteroflexible, but like you said, people would just think " bisexual but that they're scared to either say outright and admit it" because of the thing mentioned above. So I just go with "straight".
i constantly go back and forth between pansexual and ginosexual because they both fit my description, but none feel like the ultimate perfect label. So, I'll describe myself differently depending on the situation. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm demisexual as well.
Doblestorm i just dont define myself as anything...i think you should just like who you like as and when you like them...why do we need labels if we're comfortable?
Because for some people, labels help them feel validated and legitimized. The fact that other people in the world share the same label as you can make queer people feel less lonely/isolated. It can also be very convenient for quick explaining in some situations. However if you feel comfortable with no label at all, that's great! You do you! Other people do like labels and that's also great! We all get to pick whatever label we feel describes us best, and if for you that means no label at all, then that is also fine. =)
hanzib31 Because, sometimes, people ask me what I'm into and I have the need to give them a solid answer. But I can't say "women" because the concept of gender is just a role play for me. If someone I care ask me I need to have an answer that it doesn't require half an hour of explanation and that is a real, truthfully answer. Then again, I could say women and explain my position if I ever get into something with a man, or a non-man. What nokiddingbrainless said is also true.
Thanks for this - you helped me figure myself out a little bit :) Heteroflexible is a great label, and "I could accept the history of my orientation while holding space for it to adjust to new experiences and go anywhere I let it... I acknowledge my attractions but stay open to their movement... it's not said and done," is 100% on the money. Cheers to you both!
You know what's completely freeing, if it's for you? Not giving a hoot about labels. I know that for other people it's really important to have an identity, but personally at the age of 32 I have only just really registered that you don't HAVE to identify to any label. It totally depends on who the person is that you're into, not what they are. And I wonder how many people have held back from getting closer a particular person because it doesn't fit with the category they otherwise put themselves in. You don't have to officially place yourself anywhere on the scale of straight to gay, it's not really anyones business. Some humans are just glorious and magical and you should make out with them (consensually) if you want to regardless of gender or sexuality labels. I'm a who-gives-a-shit-sexual. Love is awesome and we shouldn't restrict ourselves.
Helen TheMelon that might be freeing for you! :) but you don't know what's free for me, and I'm telling you that having vocabulary to describe myself is very liberating:)
Ugh, I wish you could talk to my mom about this sort of thing She's one of those people that thinks you can only be gay, straight, or bisexual. And that sex and gender are the same goddamn thing And you may bump into my comments, I think that heteroflexible and homoflexible are just bisexual, which to me and many others they are. I'd just like to clarify that I'm not saying people shouldn't label themselves as these things, it's just that they are pretty much the same thing, like pansexual and demisexual
Oh god yes absolutely that's why I said "if it works for you" - it wasn't directed at anyone and not meant to disagree or discredit any of your brilliant work. But just an idea if people are struggling or feeling limited by not knowing which category they belong in before they even explore it to say hey, don't worry about it too much. You are rad. I have shared your book at the college I work at for other tutors to use in LGBTQ tutorials :)
I think, personally, that it depends on personality. I like labeling shit, so just saying who gives a shit will just make me keep coming back to scratch at the wound and drive me crazy. But if you aren't bothered by that, then it'll probably be more freeing than trying to potentially shove the incredibly complex thing that is human sexuality into the boxes that definitions can be.
Thank you for this video! It's the first time I heard anyone talking about heteroflexibility and hearing about Hannahs experience really helped me on my ongoing quest to figure myself out :D
I am so on board with Hannah with this! I definitely feel mostly straight in that I am sexually and romantically attracted to men and always have been, but like Lindsay Doe, it can feel very rigid to not acknowledge that sometimes I am a little bit attracted to girls. I think it's just sexual attraction for me as I've never met another woman I would want to be in a relationship with, but I've also questioned whether or not I'm just "bicurious" in that sense? Which is a label I know many LGBT+ dislike and for good reason. Reading the comments here there is a lot of talk about internalised biphobia and bi-erasure, but I've never been made to feel that any feelings of attraction to any gender other than men is shameful, so for myself I don't consider that to be true, though I totally get why it's been raised as an issue. It makes sense why Hannah would identify more as straight around LGBT+ friends as I can definitely relate to feeling like I have straight privilege and cannot relate to the experiences of LGBT+ people. Perhaps it comes from growing up straight in an open minded environment - even my mother who has been straight for 60 years with no gay experiences has said that she is open to the possibility that one day she may fall for a woman. I'm just not closed off to the idea I think, and for that reason I feel Mostly Straight and flexible in that identity.
Yesssss I so relate. I’m super sexually and mentally attracted to men and am sexually attracted to very few women, but I can’t imagine ever dating or falling in love with a woman. I also relate about never feeling like anything is shameful. My Dad is gay and my mom is bi so I would have absolutely no reason to be afraid to label myself as bi if I was, but that’s not what my sexual identify is. I definitely think I’m heteroflexible. I’m so happy to have learned about this term!
i personally feel like heteroflexible is a word to avoid bi. i think we definitely need to have accurate labels but i feel like the biphobia that's perpetuated makes me avoid the term "bi". it's kind of weird for me to see women struggling with their identity not to consider the possibility that they could be bi or more attracted to girls than they thought. a lot of a girls start out thinking they are only "biromantic heterosexual" or "heteroflexible" and through time realize they are bi (marina wantanabe and dodie clark). we definitely need to give people time to realise these things (and space, of course) but we also should be making it clear that's it's good and right to explore these feelings and not relinquish yourself to "mostly straight". even lesbians don't feel "gay enough"--it's something that happens to women in a culture where we are heavily told and coerced into liking men. i feel we really need to provide more open discussions for women to consider their sexualities without adding a 100 more pinpoint labels that makes things more confusing. i found the addition of more and more options overwhelmed me. of course, identify as you want, but we have to remember the complex feelings of compulsory heterosexuality that work to invalidate attraction to women.
itsleviosaa Exactly. I felt as though that heteroflexible would be another word for a Kinsey 2 (predominately heterosexual but more than incidentally homosexual) in my opinion.
So, I've been learning A LOT about different sexualities and genders for the past few days (thanks to RUclips for putting one of Ash's videos in my recommendations). And it honestly is so cool to get to know and understand other people's identities. From my childhood I always knew I wasn't completely straight, but I still had no idea what I was. At some point of my life I've found out what bisexual and lesbian were. And I started asking myself whether or not I can be identified as one of those. The very honest answer for that question was no, but I told myself I was bisexual because I didn't know at the time that there were sexualities other than straight, gay and bi out there, and I felt uncomfortable being different. Bi did not feel right for me, it didn't describe how I sensed my sexuality. Today was the day when I finally decided that it was the time to figure out what I am. So I imagined someone else calling me straight. And it felt wrong. Then the someone called me bisexual. And that didn't feel right either. So I started looking for a term which would describe a sexuality on a spectrum between straight and bi. That's how I ended up watching this video. and now I know that I actually am HETEROFLEXIBLE. The way I understand and feel about it: I like boys (romantically and sexually) and I can picture myself in a relationship with a male very clearly, I can feel attraction to girls sometimes, but it doesn't feel strong enough to be worth a serious relationship. Does that make any sense? I can feel like kissing a female or cuddling with a female. But I almost never feel like dating a female. But it is not like I just don't feel romantic attraction towards girls. I do. Sometimes. And I think sometimes I can imagine having a girlfriend. But that still wouldn't be a serious long relationship. And I still only feel like that sometimes. I feel the most comfortable being in a relationship with a male, but I can feel attraction towards other genders to some degree. It's hard to explain, sorry. I know it sounds weird and confusing to some people. It still kinda does to me. I have just come out to myself that I am heteroflexible, so I just started my journey on figuring out my identity. That's probably why I can't describe all of this well enough just yet. Also, I think I DO belong to LGBT+ community. Because it feels right.
ruclips.net/channel/UCQnaUjRY_egj2rNl4yMJQNg Here you go Marina 😊 This super helpful informative LGBT+ channel can help you out with figuring out your true sexual orientation and your *heteroflexibilty* and *bisexuality* as well…‼ 🙌🏻🙏🏻🏳️🌈🏳️🌈 💗💜💙 Look over at the *_"popular videos_* that _discusses more in depth about bisexuality, the Kinsey scale,_ explaining the _true _*_meaning_*_ and _*_actual definition_*_ of what bisexuality really is to those who aren't aware or fully aware of it._
I had never heard this term before and it resonated SO MUCH with all these secret thoughts I've had inside me for years, but never had the words for, or worried that it was rude or wrong somehow. Everything Hannah said was exactly how I've felt, especially the parts about wanting to step back in order to be an ally, and sort of....not take up space, because I feel like other people have it much harder, and need to fight more to have their voices be heard. I really appreciate this video, simply as an educational tool for me. Thank you so much.
Isn't this sort of biphobic tho? Pls don't attack me in the comments, as this is an opinion of many bi and pan people in my life. It can feel like erasure.
I think it can be used in a way to erase bi identities by saying to bi people who are attracted to more to one gender than another that they're "really" homoflexible/heteroflexible. but people who don't feel connected to being bi labeling themselves as this doesn't harm anything, in my opinion.
I don't think it's biphobic as long as no one else is trying to tell a bisexual person that their identity is invalid/should be called hetero/homoflexible instead. I can see where that idea could come up, but when it's just one person discussing their own experience and trying to figure out words that fit themselves, I don't think that auto-invalidates bisexuality.
TheHumanCalledEmily to add on, I think that it’s just another term that helps people find what fits them. I feel like this would be like a connecting piece between Bi and straight and the flexibility allows for changes over time whether that be back to straight or to Bi or elsewhere
thank you, ash, for making videos simply talking about this stuff. It makes me feel better about myself, knowing that there are so many different types of sexuality's and that there are people out there willing to talk about it freely and educate others on it. I don't know where I'm at atm, idk if it sounds unusual but I've never done anything sexual with another person, not even kiss, I'm a very clean teen haha, but i feel like I won't really know if I want to do that sort of stuff with a girl/boy until it actually happens. Idk heteroflexible seems super right for me, at least at the moment. But yeah, just thank you for talking about this stuff. It helps.
Oooh another super cool discussion!! I really enjoy and appreciate hearing your thoughts and feelings. I feel I can really trust you and feel comfortable getting hella cool information from you. Your guests are also super cool :) I hella liked this cause I recently made a Heteroflexible friend, and I actually helped her find her identity. I also identify with homoflexible so it's really cool to hear discussions about these less-heard-of orientations. Thanks Ash! :)
but like it sounds like she's just bi or smth like i don't want to police her identity but it sounds an awful lot like internalised biphobia and homophobia imo
I thought that might be the case as well BUT. Suppose that is true, then she will probably figure that out eventually and this might actually be a great stepping stone for her that makes the eventual realisation a bit easier to handle? And maybe it's not and she's just actually heteroflexible. In any case, sexuality is fluid and so is our understanding of it, and everyone is free to experiment with different labels to see which one describes them best. Maybe right now this is the most comfortable label for Hannah but she later realises she was actually bi (or straight) all along. Or maybe this IS the label that describes her best and she will stick with it. Either way, as Ash said, we control the labels, not the other way around. =)
Honestly, I want to show this to my mom so that she can understand some of the complexities of human sexuality. When I came out to her, she said that she wasn't sure I was actually gay, and was pretty convinced that it was just based on my surroundings because I've had relationships with men. It was really difficult for her to understand that just because there have been times in my life that I was with a guy, that that doesn't mean that for the time being, I'm not attracted to them.
I respectfully agree with ShushiRoll. AND Mr. Writes As Though He's Running Outta Time ;) I'm seeing a lot of comments that are like: I identify as hetroflexable b/c I like men more than women! But I'm here like.... that IS bisexuality. You don't have to like both genders equally to be bisexual. It's not (always) a 50/50 thing. But then hetroflexibility and homoflexibility are more specific elements WITHIN bisexuality. I just don't feel comfortable with the fact that people seem like they're erasing how the flexibilities are a category of bisexuality. But then, I also understand that some hetro/homoflexables don't wanna take away from bisexuals. Well... idk who you're offending by doing that. Not me. In fact, it seems like you're offending some bisexuals more by not identifying the bisexual element of the flexabilities. but yeah I dunno, there are my two cents on the matter. I'm sorry in advance for being offensive. This is my opinion, and I welcome change.
I think just how some gay people ID as bi for a while as a stepping stone from questioning to gay, someone might use the flexibilities as a stepping stone from questioning to bi. Perhaps they haven't quite processed the internal bi/homophobia, and it can still be problematic, but it's a step in the right direction. Baby steps. Don't rush them too much and let them work out their issues on their own pace, as long as they aren't regressing or something.
Hi! I'm a human who thought that I was totally straight until i fell madly in love with my trans girlfriend~now it's pretty obvious to me that I'm bi or pan. but self-identifying as straight for so so so so long makes me feel more like an ally than a member of the lgbt community~like hannah! I've talked with my girlfriend about these and she encourages me to embrace my identity in all in complexity and not to erase myself (did i mention she's the best, ever?!) There's so many ways to be queer and it doesn't stop you from being an ally especially, in my case, when I know I have more privilege than other lgbtq+ people! love to all of you
Keys this is so cool!!!
Horacio Mangalore I mean, no, not really. Bi means attracted to two or more genders, and pan means attracted to all genders. So someone who is pan can also use the label bi, if they want to. Pan is an orientation in its own right.
Sunny Roddick thank you!! I like both terms for exactly those reasons
Horacio Mangalore alright, I didn't know that you were specifically trying to be transphobic, but now I know. I'll just duck out, then.
good idea, horacio seems like a turd.
"Would you consider yourself heteroflexible?"
"Sometimes."
I guess you could say you're...flexibly heteroflexible.
hehe
lololololol
"Humans are com-fucking-plex." - Ash Hardell, 2017
Megan Cunnington truer words have never been said.
#truth
i read this exactly as Ash said it wow
+Megan Cunnington
well 96% of humanity are NOT complex
you can not call humans complex if only
3% are gay
-1% are trans
so NO humans as a whole , majority speaking are not complex ,
they are very simple!!
It is just projection to say otherwise
+Ireallyreally Hategoogle
You might be simple minded, but decent humans are complex even if they are straight and cis like me.???
NO
96% of humanity are straight an are NOT complex but simple
3% are gay
-1% are trans
so NO humans "as a whole" , majority speaking are not complex ,
they are very simple when it comes down to sexuality & gender!!
96% =normal
4 % = have a birth defect /disorder /mentally ill /fetish
It is just projection to say otherwise
I feel like I'm bi, but I'm always worried that I'm not gay enough, I'm worried that it's "just a phase" or that I'm "confused" or maybe even that My brain is trying to trick me for some reason and that I will be hurting the bisexual community by saying that I'm bi.
Horsehappy710 omg this is so weird that you say because i relate and i thought i was the only one! i used to think all the time about how maybe it's just my brain tricking me into thinking i like girls, but i think that was just me acknowledging who i was and trying to come to terms with it because for most of my childhood i had craaazy crushes on guys. i don't even know what i'm saying anymore but i don't think you're tricking yourself! just figuring out who you are :))))
There's so much stigma around bisexuaity and I hate it. I identify as bisexual and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years now and people who are aware of my sexuality sometimes "forget" that I'm not straight because of how long I've been with my partner. There is no "too gay, too straight" I see it as like sitting in the middle and it doesn't matter if you're more attractive to one gender than the other, your sexuality is still valid.
Check out TheNotAdam Channel on YT, look for too gay and the ask a bi guy playlist, you're not alone, we feel you.
Don't worry about labelling yourself, honestly. Just be you, and like who you want.
There are gay people who come out as bi first, pan people who identify as bi first, even bi-curious people who identify as bi before reverting back. All of that is okay. The Q in LBGTQI+ is there for a reason. Questioning is part of the LBGT+ community. Even still I understand your worries. I think you just have to take the time to figure yourself out the best you can and identify how you feel comfortable and happy.
First, I would like to say thank you for making his video. I identify as heteroflexible. When I was a teenager I considered by self bi curious, but after a few experiences with women I was confused as to why I wasn't feeling the same romantic, emotional or even sexual feelings with my female partners as my male partners. So I started to think maybe I'm just straight and that's what I stuck to for years but it never truly felt right. One day my friend and I were talking about sexuality and how weird I thought I was he mostly jokingly said "maybe you're just heteroflexible." That kinda when it clicked. I realized, yes I have an attraction to both men and women. Maybe my attraction to men is just more dominant, than my attraction to women. But that doesn't make my attraction to women as less valid.
You're welcome world. I converted Hannah.
lmao
Ash Hardell amazing video your amazing
Ash Hardell love Hannah, love you, love LGBT topics, and therefore LOVE this video. thank you for your amazing content
finally! The truth :)
why the obsession with labels?
I think it's really interesting because before I came out as bi I identified as "mostly straight" or "heteroflexible." I don't mean to invalidate Hannah's identity or suggest that heteroflexibility is always a stepping stone to bisexuality, but I completely relate to once feeling the way Hannah does. There's a weird sense of gate keeping when it comes to identifying as LGBTQ+ (whether it's what we tell ourselves or what other people tell us) which can be an unfortunate roadblock to people identifying how they want.
Yeah I can see that even in the comments. I think people are upset that this is bi-erasure. And I can see how the label COULD be used in that way, but i don't think in this application or in many, it is. I think it's an acknowledgement that while you can have hetero privledge, the term "heterosexual" and the perceptions and expectations that go along with it are kinda tainted/antiquated and extremely rigid. (Worth noting this is coming from a cis-gendered person married to someone of the opposite sex who is still way up in the air as to "what am I"...maybe heteroflexible...maybe something else??? maybe just straight?? what idk?)
my favourite way I've heard heteroflexiblity being described is "I'm straight but shit happens"
It is same as bisexual this confusing terms heteroflexable by curious these are all semantically useless terms
So I'm super pansexual but THIS is how I feel about my gender. I hadn't quite heard it articulated in this way before, but I've held off on identifying myself as anything but a cis woman because I didn't want to take away from people who are having considerably more dysphoria than I am. Is that a thing?! I'm so excited all of a sudden. Thank you for letting us listen in on your conversation! So many thoughts I'm looking forward to sorting through.
Lauren Fairweather there’s no certain amount of dysphoria you need, don’t get caught up in the discourse. It purely depends which gender identity you feel most comfortable and happy with.
I looove this :)
Hi Mel! ^_^
Ash, you are an absolute delight - I love how well you articulate conflicting feelings and complex messy stuff, it's such a nice thing to see, especially in an online space where things are often presented as really black-and-white.
My instinctual thought was that heteroflexible was a bullshit term. I have a bad habit of taking stereotypes and rolling with them. I think I get it now, and I love how open Hannah is. I could identify as homoflexible, 100%. It actually feels more accurate than just gay. Great video, thanks for keeping me on my toes.
There's a lot of people who feel like heteroflexibility/homoflexibility erases the meaning of bisexuality not being 50/50. I disagree with this, bc everyone should define however they want to. But would any of you like to eleborate on this discussion without fuelling any hate.
Oh I see you have explained it pretty well already in the video, Ash. This was really informative
Hetero/Homoflexbly normally percents is 90 straight/gay and 10% (gay/straight). I know for my self being heteroflexible am around 93% straight and 7% gay(mostly Femininity men). Also, I would look at the menu but never order.
I am vegan flexible because sometimes I eat meet even though I predominantly stick to plant based diet are you okay with my label
@@subninja8069 hetero flexible and h*** flexible or semantically useless terms you are still bi even your 99% attracted to one gender and just one person wondering around
I love post-editing Ash. Such a good way of dealing with things. Also, I always have to watch your videos at least twice so I can appreciate your stunning editing, and intelligent and insightful content. Thanks for making this platform a better place!
I loved how Hannah explained it in the end. That, while she's straight, she's open to new experiences. That's how I see it. Because you never know who you will meet in life, who you will connect with. Why limit yourself if it might make you miss something amazing? I usually add a " for now", after telling people I'm straight. Because even though I've only been attracted to men so far, that might not always be true, or I might just not recocgnize when I'm attracted to women.
geeeeze people in the comments are so judgey. Like they want their labels to be accepted and validated but won't accept or validate what someone else feels is an appropriate label for themselves. A lot of high horses.
I swear every time I watch a video like this I identify with the label in question. I've called myself every label under the sun and have yet to find one that fits perfectly. For now I'm just going with 'flexible' to disguise the fact that I don't have a clue. Love the video Ash, and Hannah is one of my faves x
As a bi person I could never see before why anyone would identify as heteroflexible rather than bi. To be honest I thought heteroflexible was kinda silly and I didn't think people who used the label had put so much thought into it. This video helped me understand a lot more, so thank you!!
I am bisexual but heteroromantic. Still don't feel comfy with the bi label tho, I'm just kinda floating in the limbo of sexuality.
This is exactly how I'm feeling right now
I recently matched with a girl on Tinder that sparked a great deal of reflexion on heteroflexibility: she told me she identifies mostly as straight but has very frequently felt sexually attracted to girls but never had the occasion to act on it. My first reaction was that she was queerbaiting me and asking for attention where I would get nothing but false expectation. But then I stopped myself and thought about her situation: what do you do when you're twentysomething, asking yourself questions about your sexuality or you just want to experiment, when you don't have many LGBT+ peeps around you and girls that are sure of their identities reject you when they feel that you fooled them ? Are we allowed to primarily react negatively when a "bi-curious" person comes to us or is it some kind of internalized biphobia ?
Oh, the "friendly vibes" or "more than friendly vibes" is such a real thing...
Is sooooo hard to know...
SUPER interesting. You always tackle these topics with such refreshing nuance.
Wow... I finally found my label. ( ；∀；)
For the 24 years I've been on this earth, I've always condsidered myself heterosexual. But last year I fell really hard for my best female friend, she is such a wonderful human being that not many men could ever compare to her. From then on I started to wonder what my sexuality was. Because it definitely wasn't hetero anymore, but bi and pan just didn't feel right. Because it's not really 50/50. I'm not really that sexuality attracted to females in the same way I am with men, but I'm open to a relationship with a female if I reeeeeeeaaally like her. So... hearing this title really resonates with me. (๑´ㅂ`๑)♡*.+゜I'm glad this feeling has been put into a single word.
Tanaie same! nothing felt right until this label. I'm not gay enough to be bi but too gay to Be straight.
same
Tanaie congratulations! I am very happy and glad that you can come to terms with how u are feeling :)
Tanaie this was exactly what I though when I watched this video. I was like how here is a word/phrase/label that means what I've been struggling with for a while.
I felt the same way when I first watched Ash's videos about the ABC's of LGBT :-)
Oh hi these are all of my feelings. Thanks for chatting about heteroflexibility and not feeling "gay enough" 💓
On your question about whether you can be LGBT and an ally, I think you must be able to because you can be gay and a trans ally and vice Versa etc so sure I think you can be a lil bit gay and an ally
Exactly what I was thinking. You can be a part of the LGBT+ community and be an ally to other people within the community who's identities you don't share.
You can fit somewhere in the community while supporting the portions of it that aren’t really relating to you. Like being cisgender bisexual but supporting aromatic peeps and trans peeps etc etc
Not imposing on anyone's sexuality or speaking for them to me Hannah sounds like what the Kinsey scale would describe as "more than incidentally homosexual" and that description in itself makes me laugh.
Honestly there's been so many times where I've just started to think 'oh maybe I'm homoflexible instead of 100% gay' but then been scared away because I'll go on Twitter and see someone will smith posing at a bi flag and saying stop making up new words or something like that, so this video was really nice to see
i think a lot of people seem to misunderstand the point of "heteroflexible" as a label mainly because it has the word hetero in it. That's why it's really great to see it explained so eloquently here. i definitely learned something. 😄
HANNAH WITTON HAS BEEN OUTED. CALL ROSE AND ROSIE
Bart McAllister what? What do you mean she has been outed?
This sounds a lot like my experience with bisexuality, only I lean on the gay side. I am almost always attracted to women in sexual and romantic ways, but I am still sometimes attracted to men. This causes me to constantly defend bisexual people, because people like me should never have to feel "too gay to call myself bi" or people like Hannah to feel "not gay enough to be LGBTQ"!
I just need Alayna to comment something along the lines of 'CONFIRMED' now lol
ASH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
I honestly don't know what I identify with, but it helps so much that people like you are helping just ease the stigma about sexual identity. Thank you! You really helped me :)
it's funny, I've never heard of this identity, but the more you guys talk the more I identify with it? I'm still trying to figure out my own identity, and while I don't feel comfortable with being called straight, I don't know if I feel comfortable using identities like bi or pan. will definitely be thinking on this more
Omg, same I feel you.
this is great! as soon as I saw the title, I was like "this is gotta be click bait!" but I love that you'reboth chatting about less-acknowledged identities
I understand this mostly in the way that heteroflexible people have been so used to using their "straight label" that they don't feel comfortable changing it and thats okay. We should all be flexible in every aspect of our lives. Be open-minded
Just came over from Hannah's video and have to say these two videos are on the short list of my absolute favorite videos. I'm really diggin' the work you two as creators have been making. Keep up the great work!
I can relate to Hannah as a heteroflexible
"see gay" lol love how open and relaxed this conversation is. "we control the label" is so important to hear since i've been thinking about what i identify as for years. i havent really chosen one but i know im not straight; i need to think further about whether i'm bisexual or asexual, pansexual or something else. labels are hard.
Hi! There are no words that can describe just how much this fits my sexuality. I'm straight but I've had a solid handful of real feelings for women too. I didn't know this was a thing that was okay. Thanks!
You are not straight if you have any feelings to watch your women
THIS IS THE LABEL I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR! Thank you!! I've never felt comfortable with the rigidity of heterosexual but not with the fluidity of bisexual. Like Hannah, the crushes on women are more the exception than the norm for me. oh my god thank you for this
Same! I’m SUPER attracted to guys. I made out with some women in college, never anything sexual though. However there are like 5 women celebs where I know for sure if I ever had the chance, I’d definitely be physical with any of them (not that it would ever happen of course lol). However I can’t imagine myself dating or actually like falling in love with a woman. I’m happy to know about this label now! It feels so right to me!
I feel bad because I don't want to deny her identity because it is just as valid as mine. But bisexuality is not strict. You don't have to be just a two way crossroad. Bisexuality is a spectrum just like all sexualities should be. Bisexuality allows for exceptions and boundaries. It makes me feel sad that someone who has these characteristics feels that it would be dishonest to say that they are bisexual. But this is just my opinion. Again I'm not trying to deny her identity.
amen
Shannon Hensley
I have a friend who is 90% straight and 10% gay and they don't identify as bisexual or heteroflexible.
I totally get you ! I understand why she feels this way though because i do too .. like some people are commenting saying heteroflexible doesnt class as LGBTQ+ when actually its on the spectrum of bisexual !
Shannon Hensley
Why don't individuals who aren't completely heterosexual or completely homosexual label themselves as bisexual? Because they're most closely identify as exclusively homosexual or heterosexual.
post-editing Ash's hair is SO SMOOTH AND LOVELY
How Hannah talked about herself reminded me of Dodie's first sexuality video before she came out as bi
I really enjoyed how you spliced together 'editing Ash' with 'Ash and Hannah'. I think it made the video all that much better. Keep it up!
I SAW THIS & GOT SO HAPPY I THINK IM HETEROFLEXIBLE AND IVE NEVER SEEN A HETEROFLEXIBLE RUclipsR B4
Same here!
I've been really enjoying these conversation collabs you've been posting lately, they've been really interesting!
"Humans are com-fucking-plex"
Love it Ash!
The term I use with my family and friends is Mostly Straight, I consider this to be a more specific type of bi.. this phrase makes it easier for people to understand where I'm coming from :]
Ash, if you're reading this I just want to let you know that you gave me the confidence to come out as gay almost 2 years ago. I thought no one would support me. However I told all my friends and they were fully supportive. Two weeks ago I came out as non-binary to the same group of friends and even the most religious person in my year group! They, again, were fully supportive and also learnt a lot about different genders. Love you Ash!
p.s. my new name is Ash (total coincidence, only realised after I got a notification for one of your videos) and I use they/them pronouns
also your book helped me a lot when explaining it to said friends! I used your definition of non-binary in my coming out speech and also mentioned LaFontaine (+realisticallysaying) in it!
Hannah you seem so comfortable and confident in yourself and you don't seem to over analyse your experiences too much, it's really refreshing! :)
Hannah is the best. I love how open she is talking about herself.
This is just what I needed right now. Thank you both, and I like Ash's SnapBack
Ash, you have accomplished what Rose and Rosie failed to do for so long
I and the gay agenda are proud of you
But seriously that was so interesting and informative! ❤️️
As a straight-passing bi, I also really cringed when she said she didn't feel gay enough to include herself in the community.
"We Control The Label" I WANT THAT ON A FUCKING SHIRT IN EVERY COLOUR!
Just found you through miss hannah and I am so glad I did, you are so natural talking to the camera. Its like vlogging was made for you, I find you to be a lot like Philip defranco easy to listen to and I don't want to stop listening. :)
Wow. I'm genuinely flabbergasted to see so many people in the comments arguing that heteroflexibility isn't a thing and just a word to avoid calling oneself bisexual. Just, wow. I am heteroflexible by the way. I give zero fucks about running away from any labels or I'd use alternatives to calling myself a liberal and a feminist. It's been a while back now, but I do remember how nice it felt to come across a word that I felt more accurately described my attraction to women because I never once felt that bisexual was fitting. How horrid it is to see others want to take that away, and for what? Why don't you let ME define MYSELF? Assholes.
I believe heteroflexibility describes someone who is straight and would have no problem exploring the potential of a relationship with someone of the same gender if they ever felt attracted to them. However, openness does not necessarily equate attraction. Yes I agree that folk still questioning their identity might feel more comfortable with the term heteroflexible yet I do not think liberal attitudes to the spectrum that is sexuality should be associated with being queer since to me that would be an invalidation to the struggles queer people face.
I identify as a bisexual woman, but I have never slept with a woman. I started going out with my (male) SO when I was 17 and never explored my girl crushes further than drunk make out sessions at parties before this relationship started.
My parents def. think of me as straight, and both my SO and I have a tiny wish that I had dated a girl first to prove to my parents I'm not straight. Like I know I don't need their validation, but when, 6 months into this relationship, my Dad sat me down and asked "are you feeling more heterosexual now?" (literally those words), I have never wanted more to have brought home a girl before I brought home a guy. Bi erasure is such a thing. :(
I just wish I wasn't too shy to talk to all the girls I had crushes on, or the girl I was basically in love with for years, cos occasionally I feel like I don't deserve ownership of my identity because I present as a straight woman.
Still tho, happy in my relationship and my identity despite those things.
I relate to this so much
"occasionally I feel like I don't deserve ownership of my identity because I present as a straight woman" THAT BEAUTIFULLY DESCRIBES MY FEELINGS, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I'm pan and I have never slept with or kissed a girl. I've kissed boys and been in two pretty short relationships YEARS ago but I crush on girls ALL THE TIME. I've been in love with girls. I've had my heart broken by girls. I've flirted with girls. Yet apparently that doesn't make me "queer enough" for a lot of people. Like it's not MY FAULT I tend to fall for straight girls or girls that aren't interested in me either way. That doesn't make me ANY LESS QUEER and I really need to internalize it.
Molly Heath the sense of camaraderie in these comments is so real. I feel this so much.
Relate so much :(
Molly Heath I relate to this!! I am married to a man and intend to stay faithful to him but in the last year or two have realized the heteronormativity of my own mind. I never considered being bisexual as an option for myself. And once I did, like really thought about it, for months, I came to the labels of bisexual and bicurious, and I like heteroflexible. But I exist in a state of straight privilege, and what would actually change to 'come out' as bisexual? Anything, really? To repeat your sentiment: I don't feel like I deserve the ownership of the label.
I haven't heard of the term "heteroflexible" before, and I think it fits me perfectly! I love Hannah and Lindsey's thoughts on feeling attracted towards men, and not identifying as bi at the present moment, but being totally open to that "straight" identity changing! This video was really enlightening and affirming to me.
ash kept saying gay when they meant bi! but anyway i feel hannah on this. i'm primarily attracted to men but on very very rare occasion attracted to a woman, so using the label bi or queer would feel like i'm taking up other people's space. being attracted to a female feels like the exception to my usual sexuality. so while i usually just say i'm straight cuz it's simpler and it describes me 99% of the time, i do feel like heteroflexible is more accurate
I am so glad this video was made, it answered a lot of questions I had about myself and there were a lot of things I identified within it. I look forward to learning more about such flexibilities!
Hannah's switch on her identity is exactly how I feel. Feeling apart of the LGBT+ community in one group but around others, feeling like you should step back because of how much you benefit from straight privilege --- THAT really resonated with me being asexual with questing romantic preferences, while having grown up preferring relationship type things with men.
I just, ugh, Ash, you're videos are awesome.
I found this video really informative and helpful in understanding my own sexuality a bit better, but wow do most of the comments suck.
God I love this channel so much
Are the labels heteroflexible and homoflexible not just bi erasure?
Brianna Gilson thank you for the in depth reply!
Lottie I don't think so: there's a difference between bi and flexible, and I think all those labels are useful.
Lottie I don't think so necessarily, some days I feel more heteroflexible, some days I feel more bisexual, some days I just... don't feel sexual at all! Sexuality is fluid and I think we can have multiple identifiers co-existing as long as we are accepting of the people who use them. ❤ great question though
I totally see where you're coming from. As someone who feels "heteroflexible" resonates with them more, I would explain my reasoning this way: I would be totally open to identifying as bi, if I did really feel attracted to both genders. But, at the moment, I feel attracted to men and have not yet been attracted to a woman- the reason I choose the label "heteroflexible" is because I'm open to that changing. Perhaps in the future I'll have feelings for a girl and decide to identify as bi. But for now, I don't necessarily want to encroach on LGBT+ spaces when I am "straight" in most senses of the word. Who knows if I'll feel the same in several years? I think heteroflexible, to me, represents my being open to and uncertain about future changes in my identity. I totally respect where you're coming from, though- I only discovered the term "heteroflexible" through this video, so it definitely requires some thought.
Thanks guys!
omfg. I have been looking for something to explain the way I feel and HERE IT IS!!!!!! thank you so much ash/hannah! I've really been struggling with how I feel for a while, and have felt a lot of pressure both from my lgbtq+ and straight friends. I don't feel comfortable with using the label 'straight' But I also don't feel like I identify as bi/pan. this video perfectly explains how I feel, and I'm so glad you made this! So well articulated and informative! love you
OK I know I sound super ignorant but just wondering what's the difference between being heteroflexible and being bisexual but having a preference?
I'm bi and I don't have a preference, but I don't really see the difference between Hannah's experience and a bi girl with a preference toward man tbh, it's just personal preference with one label or another I think. But heteroflexible can also mean "never had crushes on girls but open to the possibly" and in that case it would be different from bi I think.
Joy Rowan Casey as a general definition I think heteroflexible is a lot more straight than gay, so to speak. like if you're a girl, you're almost exclusively attracted to guys, but occasionally (very seldom) there are exceptions. but it depends on the person, different labels mean different things to different people.
Being bisexual with a preference means in you can always see yourself being attracted to all genders, but being heteroflexible means you will always see yourself being attracted to the opposite gender, but then can occasionally become attracted to the same gender but it's very rare
@@felicityaeh +
one of the best videos i've seen seen on youtube, good job Ash and Hannah!
i think my main issue (as a bi/pan person) is about the term 'heteroflexible' because it obviously shows preference to one gender while being sometimes open to others, which is inherently different than the idea of a multisexual identity where you are always open to multiple genders but only pursue certain relationships with certain people depending on other factors. you can have a preference within multisexuality, but you always hold that attraction regardless. in that way- heteroflexibility is less of an identity than a way that one acts sometimes, and therefore would not be an LGBT identity. please let me know if that makes sense- i think the main issue for me is having the word hetero brought into the LGBT space when it inherently is not
and to clarify- i am not invalidating it as a label, just not seeing it as a queer/LGB+ label
Hetero identities don't just exist OUTSIDE of the LGBTQ+ community though! Transgender people can be heterosexual. Asexual people can be heteroromantic, and aromantic people can be heterosexual. These are still queer identities and these people are still negatively affected by heteronormativity, and I think the same can be said for people who ID as heteroflexible. Not that I'm an expert or anything (I'm pan as well) but that's my two cents. =)
of course trans people can be hetero, as can ace/aro people. of course, a trans person's experience as trans would be what makes them part of the community, not their hetero identity. the 'queer' idea is a whole other thing; all i was trying to convey is the idea that people who are cishet are not inherently LGBT- and people who would ID as heteroflexible (again im not so i cant speak for them but IMO lol) would just be under a spectrum of heterosexuality, not of a bi or pan label, or would therefore ID a such
@@412music412 I actually agree that heteroflexible is more a subset of straight than a specifier for bi. In fact that's why I use it! I don't feel like I am part of the LGBTQ+ community because I have straight-passing-privilege and so I feel more like an ally. I haven't talked with enough other heteroflexible people to know if they share my sentiment of being more of an ally, but it seems that at least Hannah does. Anyways, that's just my experience :)
I actually came across this video as I was exploring if Heteroflexibility was actually considered part of the LGBTQ+ community. I have self identified as this for some time but today I actually acknowledged this to some friends. This is the first time I have actually identified as anything other than straight to someone else. What's reassuring for me is seeing that Hannah and Dr Doe both share the same general concepts of Heteroflexibility as I do.
i feel like my life makes so much sense now!
Two of my favourite RUclips peeps in one video??? ERMAGERD!!!
Also, I love this video. Heteroflexability is not talked about a huge amount, and it's a super interesting conversation topic!
Okay I haven't watched all of it yet, but HOLY SHIT
I KNOW I KNOW!
Just read your chapter in Hannah's book and I love your personality, voice and channel! Can't wait to keep watching your content 😊
I am Hannah. But possibly a little more gay.
I've never heard this term before, but now hearing it, and hearing Hannah, this is ABSOLUTELY how I identify. I'm so glad there is a word for it.
I never normally comment on videos especially not these types because I'm scared of the responses, however, I thought I would on this video as something kept popping into my mind while watching this a few times. I think, especially with my age group and the people that surround me, that if someone was to label themselves as 'heteroflexible' they would immediately be seen as one of two things. One of which would be bisexual but that they're scared to either say outright and admit it, or that people will judge them based on their sexuality (which is obviously going to happen, but being 15/16, the judgement and how they are seen by their peers is extremely important). The other label they would be seen as is straight, and people would assume that they're taking their "Woman Crush Wednesdays" "too seriously", or that they may think they fancy someone, but really they just like their face.
Another thing is - it doesn't really have much relevance to this video, but sort of does and I feel comfortable enough to share it - is that, due to my mannerisms, how I dress, and the people I spend the majority of my time with, tends to have me perseived as a lesbian. I don't identify as a lesbian, but everyone seems to think that I am, or that I will just "accept" it later on. I used to deny it (purely because it's not what I am), but that seemed to flare up everyone's "suspicion" so now I kind of just say that I am?
I'm sorry for anyone that actually read that, if anyone even did, but I just needed somewhere to voice what I thought and what my feelings are? So thank you for allowing me to :)
Many people have trouble understanding sexuality outside of the gay/straight binary, and in high school it's especially difficult because your sexuality is put under a spotlight. So yes, I can see how it'd be very difficult trying to identify as something like heteroflexible in your environment.
As for your own public identification, I don't think that you should lie (unless you feel the need to hide your orientation). If someone calls you a lesbian, instead of agreeing or arguing against it, try to say the truth without putting too much stress on it. For example, say "Nah, I'm actually ___________, but if you want to think of me as a lesbian, then go right ahead."
Miss Anne Thrope Thank you so much
I had the same thought, especially about being judge by others and mostly by LGBT+ people. I fear that with this label, heteroflexible people would be seen as just curious and wanting to experiment but never go further than kissing or the rare one night stand and then seen as deceiving.
"due to my mannerisms, how I dress, and the people I spend the majority of my time with, tends to have me perseived as a lesbian. I don't identify as a lesbian, but everyone seems to think that I am, or that I will just "accept" it later on"
^ I completely understand you. Participating in some LGBT events as an ally, so many people jump to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian. And yes, some of my friends are waiting for me to come out, ha.
It's kind of insulting really, that my fashion choices that are often based in my taste in music have become the lesbian uniform -_- Also, I'm not skinny enough to just pull off the "hot rock chick" so the next thing some people think is "lesbian". Oh, the struggle :D
I *would* identify as heteroflexible, but like you said, people would just think " bisexual but that they're scared to either say outright and admit it" because of the thing mentioned above. So I just go with "straight".
Thank you so much for making this video!!
i constantly go back and forth between pansexual and ginosexual because they both fit my description, but none feel like the ultimate perfect label. So, I'll describe myself differently depending on the situation. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm demisexual as well.
well that seems effort full
Doblestorm i just dont define myself as anything...i think you should just like who you like as and when you like them...why do we need labels if we're comfortable?
Because for some people, labels help them feel validated and legitimized. The fact that other people in the world share the same label as you can make queer people feel less lonely/isolated. It can also be very convenient for quick explaining in some situations. However if you feel comfortable with no label at all, that's great! You do you! Other people do like labels and that's also great! We all get to pick whatever label we feel describes us best, and if for you that means no label at all, then that is also fine. =)
hanzib31
Because, sometimes, people ask me what I'm into and I have the need to give them a solid answer. But I can't say "women" because the concept of gender is just a role play for me.
If someone I care ask me I need to have an answer that it doesn't require half an hour of explanation and that is a real, truthfully answer.
Then again, I could say women and explain my position if I ever get into something with a man, or a non-man.
What nokiddingbrainless said is also true.
Thanks for this - you helped me figure myself out a little bit :) Heteroflexible is a great label, and "I could accept the history of my orientation while holding space for it to adjust to new experiences and go anywhere I let it... I acknowledge my attractions but stay open to their movement... it's not said and done," is 100% on the money. Cheers to you both!
Hannah Witton: The Hope for Heterosexuality
I reeeaaally relate to this, thanks so much for making this video! x
You know what's completely freeing, if it's for you? Not giving a hoot about labels. I know that for other people it's really important to have an identity, but personally at the age of 32 I have only just really registered that you don't HAVE to identify to any label. It totally depends on who the person is that you're into, not what they are. And I wonder how many people have held back from getting closer a particular person because it doesn't fit with the category they otherwise put themselves in. You don't have to officially place yourself anywhere on the scale of straight to gay, it's not really anyones business. Some humans are just glorious and magical and you should make out with them (consensually) if you want to regardless of gender or sexuality labels. I'm a who-gives-a-shit-sexual. Love is awesome and we shouldn't restrict ourselves.
Helen TheMelon that might be freeing for you! :) but you don't know what's free for me, and I'm telling you that having vocabulary to describe myself is very liberating:)
Ugh, I wish you could talk to my mom about this sort of thing
She's one of those people that thinks you can only be gay, straight, or bisexual. And that sex and gender are the same goddamn thing
And you may bump into my comments, I think that heteroflexible and homoflexible are just bisexual, which to me and many others they are. I'd just like to clarify that I'm not saying people shouldn't label themselves as these things, it's just that they are pretty much the same thing, like pansexual and demisexual
Oh god yes absolutely that's why I said "if it works for you" - it wasn't directed at anyone and not meant to disagree or discredit any of your brilliant work. But just an idea if people are struggling or feeling limited by not knowing which category they belong in before they even explore it to say hey, don't worry about it too much. You are rad. I have shared your book at the college I work at for other tutors to use in LGBTQ tutorials :)
I think, personally, that it depends on personality. I like labeling shit, so just saying who gives a shit will just make me keep coming back to scratch at the wound and drive me crazy. But if you aren't bothered by that, then it'll probably be more freeing than trying to potentially shove the incredibly complex thing that is human sexuality into the boxes that definitions can be.
Yes! Exactly.
Thank you for this video! It's the first time I heard anyone talking about heteroflexibility and hearing about Hannahs experience really helped me on my ongoing quest to figure myself out :D
I blame Rose and Rosie for this😂
I am so on board with Hannah with this! I definitely feel mostly straight in that I am sexually and romantically attracted to men and always have been, but like Lindsay Doe, it can feel very rigid to not acknowledge that sometimes I am a little bit attracted to girls. I think it's just sexual attraction for me as I've never met another woman I would want to be in a relationship with, but I've also questioned whether or not I'm just "bicurious" in that sense? Which is a label I know many LGBT+ dislike and for good reason. Reading the comments here there is a lot of talk about internalised biphobia and bi-erasure, but I've never been made to feel that any feelings of attraction to any gender other than men is shameful, so for myself I don't consider that to be true, though I totally get why it's been raised as an issue. It makes sense why Hannah would identify more as straight around LGBT+ friends as I can definitely relate to feeling like I have straight privilege and cannot relate to the experiences of LGBT+ people. Perhaps it comes from growing up straight in an open minded environment - even my mother who has been straight for 60 years with no gay experiences has said that she is open to the possibility that one day she may fall for a woman. I'm just not closed off to the idea I think, and for that reason I feel Mostly Straight and flexible in that identity.
Yesssss I so relate. I’m super sexually and mentally attracted to men and am sexually attracted to very few women, but I can’t imagine ever dating or falling in love with a woman. I also relate about never feeling like anything is shameful. My Dad is gay and my mom is bi so I would have absolutely no reason to be afraid to label myself as bi if I was, but that’s not what my sexual identify is. I definitely think I’m heteroflexible. I’m so happy to have learned about this term!
i personally feel like heteroflexible is a word to avoid bi. i think we definitely need to have accurate labels but i feel like the biphobia that's perpetuated makes me avoid the term "bi". it's kind of weird for me to see women struggling with their identity not to consider the possibility that they could be bi or more attracted to girls than they thought. a lot of a girls start out thinking they are only "biromantic heterosexual" or "heteroflexible" and through time realize they are bi (marina wantanabe and dodie clark). we definitely need to give people time to realise these things (and space, of course) but we also should be making it clear that's it's good and right to explore these feelings and not relinquish yourself to "mostly straight". even lesbians don't feel "gay enough"--it's something that happens to women in a culture where we are heavily told and coerced into liking men. i feel we really need to provide more open discussions for women to consider their sexualities without adding a 100 more pinpoint labels that makes things more confusing. i found the addition of more and more options overwhelmed me. of course, identify as you want, but we have to remember the complex feelings of compulsory heterosexuality that work to invalidate attraction to women.
itsleviosaa
Exactly. I felt as though that heteroflexible would be another word for a Kinsey 2 (predominately heterosexual but more than incidentally homosexual) in my opinion.
SO. MANY. GREAT. COLLABS. RECENTLY! THANKS. ASH!
Too many labels, too much labelling.
So, I've been learning A LOT about different sexualities and genders for the past few days (thanks to RUclips for putting one of Ash's videos in my recommendations). And it honestly is so cool to get to know and understand other people's identities.
From my childhood I always knew I wasn't completely straight, but I still had no idea what I was. At some point of my life I've found out what bisexual and lesbian were. And I started asking myself whether or not I can be identified as one of those. The very honest answer for that question was no, but I told myself I was bisexual because I didn't know at the time that there were sexualities other than straight, gay and bi out there, and I felt uncomfortable being different. Bi did not feel right for me, it didn't describe how I sensed my sexuality.
Today was the day when I finally decided that it was the time to figure out what I am. So I imagined someone else calling me straight. And it felt wrong. Then the someone called me bisexual. And that didn't feel right either. So I started looking for a term which would describe a sexuality on a spectrum between straight and bi. That's how I ended up watching this video. and now I know that I actually am HETEROFLEXIBLE.
The way I understand and feel about it: I like boys (romantically and sexually) and I can picture myself in a relationship with a male very clearly, I can feel attraction to girls sometimes, but it doesn't feel strong enough to be worth a serious relationship. Does that make any sense? I can feel like kissing a female or cuddling with a female. But I almost never feel like dating a female. But it is not like I just don't feel romantic attraction towards girls. I do. Sometimes. And I think sometimes I can imagine having a girlfriend. But that still wouldn't be a serious long relationship. And I still only feel like that sometimes. I feel the most comfortable being in a relationship with a male, but I can feel attraction towards other genders to some degree. It's hard to explain, sorry.
I know it sounds weird and confusing to some people. It still kinda does to me. I have just come out to myself that I am heteroflexible, so I just started my journey on figuring out my identity. That's probably why I can't describe all of this well enough just yet.
Also, I think I DO belong to LGBT+ community. Because it feels right.
ruclips.net/channel/UCQnaUjRY_egj2rNl4yMJQNg
Here you go Marina 😊
This super helpful informative LGBT+ channel can help you out with figuring out your true sexual orientation and your *heteroflexibilty* and *bisexuality* as well…‼ 🙌🏻🙏🏻🏳️🌈🏳️🌈 💗💜💙
Look over at the *_"popular videos_* that _discusses more in depth about bisexuality, the Kinsey scale,_ explaining the _true _*_meaning_*_ and _*_actual definition_*_ of what bisexuality really is to those who aren't aware or fully aware of it._
I mean you two have kissed each other lol (anyone else remember that?) so that happened lol
Cory oh yea, I forgot lol
Cory when?
Ash Hardell you forget?
I had never heard this term before and it resonated SO MUCH with all these secret thoughts I've had inside me for years, but never had the words for, or worried that it was rude or wrong somehow. Everything Hannah said was exactly how I've felt, especially the parts about wanting to step back in order to be an ally, and sort of....not take up space, because I feel like other people have it much harder, and need to fight more to have their voices be heard. I really appreciate this video, simply as an educational tool for me. Thank you so much.
Isn't this sort of biphobic tho? Pls don't attack me in the comments, as this is an opinion of many bi and pan people in my life. It can feel like erasure.
I think it can be used in a way to erase bi identities by saying to bi people who are attracted to more to one gender than another that they're "really" homoflexible/heteroflexible. but people who don't feel connected to being bi labeling themselves as this doesn't harm anything, in my opinion.
I don't think it's biphobic as long as no one else is trying to tell a bisexual person that their identity is invalid/should be called hetero/homoflexible instead. I can see where that idea could come up, but when it's just one person discussing their own experience and trying to figure out words that fit themselves, I don't think that auto-invalidates bisexuality.
TheHumanCalledEmily to add on, I think that it’s just another term that helps people find what fits them. I feel like this would be like a connecting piece between Bi and straight and the flexibility allows for changes over time whether that be back to straight or to Bi or elsewhere
thank you, ash, for making videos simply talking about this stuff. It makes me feel better about myself, knowing that there are so many different types of sexuality's and that there are people out there willing to talk about it freely and educate others on it. I don't know where I'm at atm, idk if it sounds unusual but I've never done anything sexual with another person, not even kiss, I'm a very clean teen haha, but i feel like I won't really know if I want to do that sort of stuff with a girl/boy until it actually happens. Idk heteroflexible seems super right for me, at least at the moment. But yeah, just thank you for talking about this stuff. It helps.
yeaaaaa i don't think heteroflexible counts as lgbtqi+
Sam Dooley
Why not? But isn't homosexuality and heterosexuality not the subset of bisexuality?
Ya it does
Adrienne Reimer
Just making sure but were you addressing to me?
Peppermint Twixt no
Adrienne Reimer
Kay
Oooh another super cool discussion!! I really enjoy and appreciate hearing your thoughts and feelings. I feel I can really trust you and feel comfortable getting hella cool information from you. Your guests are also super cool :) I hella liked this cause I recently made a Heteroflexible friend, and I actually helped her find her identity. I also identify with homoflexible so it's really cool to hear discussions about these less-heard-of orientations. Thanks Ash! :)
but like it sounds like she's just bi or smth like i don't want to police her identity but it sounds an awful lot like internalised biphobia and homophobia imo
I thought that might be the case as well BUT. Suppose that is true, then she will probably figure that out eventually and this might actually be a great stepping stone for her that makes the eventual realisation a bit easier to handle? And maybe it's not and she's just actually heteroflexible. In any case, sexuality is fluid and so is our understanding of it, and everyone is free to experiment with different labels to see which one describes them best. Maybe right now this is the most comfortable label for Hannah but she later realises she was actually bi (or straight) all along. Or maybe this IS the label that describes her best and she will stick with it. Either way, as Ash said, we control the labels, not the other way around. =)
Rosie McGay i think so too, but this isn't really our place.
effiestrinkets exactly.
4:54 👍🏼
thanks for saying
Honestly, I want to show this to my mom so that she can understand some of the complexities of human sexuality. When I came out to her, she said that she wasn't sure I was actually gay, and was pretty convinced that it was just based on my surroundings because I've had relationships with men. It was really difficult for her to understand that just because there have been times in my life that I was with a guy, that that doesn't mean that for the time being, I'm not attracted to them.
Funny way to spell bisexuality!
Alexander Kilogramilton yeah that's bisexuality.
I respectfully agree with ShushiRoll. AND Mr. Writes As Though He's Running Outta Time ;) I'm seeing a lot of comments that are like: I identify as hetroflexable b/c I like men more than women! But I'm here like.... that IS bisexuality. You don't have to like both genders equally to be bisexual. It's not (always) a 50/50 thing.
But then hetroflexibility and homoflexibility are more specific elements WITHIN bisexuality. I just don't feel comfortable with the fact that people seem like they're erasing how the flexibilities are a category of bisexuality.
But then, I also understand that some hetro/homoflexables don't wanna take away from bisexuals. Well... idk who you're offending by doing that. Not me. In fact, it seems like you're offending some bisexuals more by not identifying the bisexual element of the flexabilities. but yeah
I dunno, there are my two cents on the matter. I'm sorry in advance for being offensive. This is my opinion, and I welcome change.
I think just how some gay people ID as bi for a while as a stepping stone from questioning to gay, someone might use the flexibilities as a stepping stone from questioning to bi. Perhaps they haven't quite processed the internal bi/homophobia, and it can still be problematic, but it's a step in the right direction. Baby steps. Don't rush them too much and let them work out their issues on their own pace, as long as they aren't regressing or something.
But if everyone if just a little gay wouldn’t that mean that all straight people are actually heteroflexible ?