Funny Things To Say Right Before Anesthesia Kicks In (Reddit Stories r/AskReddit)

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  • Опубликовано: 20 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 6 тыс.

  • @charitard3518
    @charitard3518 5 лет назад +10673

    My friend (male) told his surgeon (male)
    “You’re the first guy to ever go inside me. Be gentle”

    • @williamb-b7440
      @williamb-b7440 5 лет назад +596

      Im WHESING
      Holy frock you blow my comment up from me spelling something wrong thanks guys

    • @unagi7143
      @unagi7143 5 лет назад +101

      😂

    • @red0421
      @red0421 5 лет назад +89

      🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂🤣😆😆

    • @tactician6129
      @tactician6129 5 лет назад +53

      Lmao

    • @jbest31
      @jbest31 5 лет назад +73

      jon doe I’m also whesing

  • @charlesvanmeter8105
    @charlesvanmeter8105 5 лет назад +3023

    Had a doctor named Dr Slaughter. When i met him said "that better not be a nickname earned while working here."

    • @amandac8836
      @amandac8836 5 лет назад +389

      That's. That is SUCH an unfortunate name for a doctor hahahaha

    • @speedtubertm6319
      @speedtubertm6319 5 лет назад +171

      Doc: It is a nickname i got here while working, not important, from my previous job in a slaughterhouse

    • @charlesvanmeter8105
      @charlesvanmeter8105 5 лет назад +121

      The guy was weird too. I was about 19 y/o at the time. He kept bringing up big hero six and how he had a cameo in it. I hadn't seen it before and even told him that. But still he kept bringing it up and laughing to himself about apearing in a movie.
      I later watched it to find out the moment he was referring to was when the stoner college kid was showing off his comics.

    • @dan-5678
      @dan-5678 5 лет назад +30

      ... ironic cause where I grew up there's a scarehouse called Dr Slaughter's house of terror

    • @secondarymetabolite5050
      @secondarymetabolite5050 5 лет назад +34

      I had a dentist whose name translates to "butcher"...

  • @peach8438
    @peach8438 5 лет назад +3082

    “Okay I’m going to need you to count backwards from 10”
    “You want fries with that?”
    *blacks out*

    • @rainbowunipenguins5956
      @rainbowunipenguins5956 5 лет назад +86

      I just snorted with laughter, and I’m doing that next time I get surgery

    • @cassie9682
      @cassie9682 5 лет назад +101

      The fact that it doesn't make any sense just makes me laugh so much 😂

    • @Noname-xj3yn
      @Noname-xj3yn 5 лет назад +26

      This doesn't make any sense so why tf am I laughing!? 😂😂

    • @soup-flavored-soup6613
      @soup-flavored-soup6613 5 лет назад +5

      Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    • @cricketuhm
      @cricketuhm 5 лет назад +4

      Sure i'd like some Arbys curly fries.

  • @hadiffnazhan862
    @hadiffnazhan862 4 года назад +1057

    My dad went out saying “mcdonalds” and then woke up saying “hmm tasty”

    • @Starfish_Manatee
      @Starfish_Manatee 4 года назад +62

      not gonna lie dis is the most funniest comment ive ever read i just dont know why.
      tell ur dad i like the commitment to that joke

    • @spacekid9680
      @spacekid9680 4 года назад +7

      XD

    • @georgek4416
      @georgek4416 4 года назад +6

      LOL

    • @salsabilak3520
      @salsabilak3520 4 года назад

      Lmao

    • @bijouxkas
      @bijouxkas 4 года назад

      @the Emperor of man I agree

  • @everything_nerdy3562
    @everything_nerdy3562 5 лет назад +1125

    My doctor told me that the anesthetic tasted like bubble gum. The last thing I remember doing was licking the inside of the mask like a moron.

    • @wafflekiller6996
      @wafflekiller6996 5 лет назад +39

      Everything_Nerdy well, what did it taste like?

    • @everything_nerdy3562
      @everything_nerdy3562 5 лет назад +162

      He lied. It didn’t taste like anything

    • @wafflekiller6996
      @wafflekiller6996 5 лет назад +49

      Everything_Nerdy well that’s disappointing. *lies.*

    • @pokerface4
      @pokerface4 5 лет назад +48

      @@everything_nerdy3562
      Reality is often dissapointment

    • @StarStormz_
      @StarStormz_ 5 лет назад

      LOL I HAD ONE OF THOSE- THEY SMELL REALLY GOOD
      Taste? Also nothing

  • @AverageAlien
    @AverageAlien 5 лет назад +4719

    As the surgeon say: "It's time to start harvesting while they're fresh."

    • @alexwang982
      @alexwang982 5 лет назад +53

      Nice to meet you, I am Pi

    • @AverageAlien
      @AverageAlien 5 лет назад +67

      @@alexwang982 Hi Pi im dad

    • @weese03
      @weese03 5 лет назад +33

      @@AverageAlien hi dad I'm mom

    • @epsi9923
      @epsi9923 5 лет назад +46

      Username checks out.

    • @cakelady8534
      @cakelady8534 5 лет назад +13

      Average Alien hi dad, I’m your girlfriend

  • @illegalalien4444
    @illegalalien4444 5 лет назад +2367

    When you pass out and start closing your eyelids only to see the Avengers in your room with balloons

    • @merkava7126
      @merkava7126 5 лет назад +77

      The first thing they say: "You get to name it!"

    • @LSK2K
      @LSK2K 5 лет назад +24

      I've been searching this video for almost a week now just to read this comment.

    • @doctorstrange2768
      @doctorstrange2768 4 года назад +2

      Spetsgruppa V Kapkan Want a balloon? 😂

    • @lowbudgetname2745
      @lowbudgetname2745 4 года назад +4

      Shat up
      Your meme is stolen

  • @jeffreykassir
    @jeffreykassir 4 года назад +709

    “Y’all also see that man in the dark suit in the corne-“ *black out*

    • @bigdickgod2442
      @bigdickgod2442 4 года назад +62

      IM DEFINITELY USING THIS ONE NEXT TIME.

    • @Dragon-hu5ev
      @Dragon-hu5ev 4 года назад +2

      Mason R YES

    • @yorampaar2011
      @yorampaar2011 4 года назад +22

      Imagine saying that and then dying

    • @a.3081-b9g
      @a.3081-b9g 4 года назад +2

      Peppa Jeff • 13 years ago hsisiwjhidpepprirnporneidud

    • @dbt5110
      @dbt5110 4 года назад +1

      Better : who’s that instead of y’all also see

  • @mattleach5294
    @mattleach5294 5 лет назад +3752

    “Who’s the guy in the black robe?”
    *passes out

  • @afrojahames5748
    @afrojahames5748 5 лет назад +3698

    As a surgeon, say: so, *_how_* do I extract the heart?

    • @alvinhagerman8164
      @alvinhagerman8164 5 лет назад +112

      Uhhhhhh, i was supposed to (insert wrong thing here) amputate his/her legs, right?

    • @fernandarubilar4596
      @fernandarubilar4596 5 лет назад +118

      "Siri, the patient has a leak, what should I do?"

    • @theowleyes07
      @theowleyes07 5 лет назад +64

      I am a doc too during my residency my my senior doc had a patient (M 23 who broke femur into 3 and was a son of one of another doc) to whom he said lets play the DVD to know how to repair the Femur just before the Anaesthetic kicked in.

    • @summerant38
      @summerant38 5 лет назад +32

      And that’s how the medic lost his license

    • @darcihasselbach4125
      @darcihasselbach4125 5 лет назад +8

      a good way to get sued for malpractice

  • @thescientist7753
    @thescientist7753 5 лет назад +1490

    Once i woke up during anesthesia and asked “you done yet?” And the dentist said “no that was just the novocaine injection, go back to sleep” I said aight and went back under

    • @buildswithdavid9135
      @buildswithdavid9135 4 года назад +22

      If you woke up, sue them.

    • @nilsapriem3641
      @nilsapriem3641 4 года назад +30

      Wtf, yall go under anesthesia at the dentist?

    • @fridapajon2931
      @fridapajon2931 4 года назад +8

      @@nilsapriem3641 lmao i wish

    • @tacocat5594
      @tacocat5594 4 года назад +1

      nilsa priem only for wisdom teeth removal

    • @prestigegrim
      @prestigegrim 4 года назад +8

      @@fridapajon2931 I was awake when they removed my wisdom teeth

  • @sadsquatch4797
    @sadsquatch4797 4 года назад +197

    I remember looking at the nurse and saying, “man these drugs ain’t shit” and immediately blacking out after while she laughed at me.

  • @McDuckee69
    @McDuckee69 5 лет назад +846

    I had to get out my appendix out, so the doctor told me to count down to ten. I then quickly counted it down really fast, the last thing I heard was the nurse saying “that’s cheating”.

    • @TheZephyrsWind
      @TheZephyrsWind 5 лет назад +32

      That's crazy. The countdown thing never works for me, I've gotten to 70 & said "this isn't working, I just feel like I'm starting to float" & they then used & IV rather than gas & it worked.
      I'm extremely resistant to many drugs, as well as alcohol (used to drink 4 gallons of liquor a week for severe chronic pain)

    • @alek8835
      @alek8835 5 лет назад +17

      Christopher Michael I don’t think using alcohol for chronic pain is a good way to deal with it..

    • @theautisticartist9370
      @theautisticartist9370 5 лет назад +3

      Alek are you a certified doctor?

    • @lifeisfreakinginteresting9558
      @lifeisfreakinginteresting9558 5 лет назад +8

      The autistic Artist There is way better way to deal with chronic pain, daily alcohol usage can damage the liver and there is no need to be a doctor to know this...

    • @theautisticartist9370
      @theautisticartist9370 5 лет назад +1

      LifeIsFreaking Interesting ehhhhh sorry I wouldn’t know. I’m not even old enough to drive so I wouldn’t understand these things. You, my friend, have taught me something new today 😊

  • @VKingMD
    @VKingMD 5 лет назад +823

    "Well I suppose you are all wondering why I have gathered you here today." is a good one

  • @mayalouwho2597
    @mayalouwho2597 5 лет назад +6497

    Doctor- “count backward from ten”
    Me- “I hate math”
    And then I was out

    • @JL-zw7hi
      @JL-zw7hi 5 лет назад +16

      @Oddysea Cat Not anymore

    • @Mischievous__Slime
      @Mischievous__Slime 5 лет назад +52

      *anestesia kicks in*
      "Mr. Stark, i don't feel so gud"
      *_FALLS ASLEP_*

    • @titanicstars5221
      @titanicstars5221 5 лет назад +1

      Maya J 😂😂

    • @andressanchez232
      @andressanchez232 5 лет назад +4

      My dad had this simple challenge as well, the thing is he only counted 1 physically but counted close to 10 mentally

    • @yourlocalcemetery
      @yourlocalcemetery 4 года назад +1

      H

  • @kate7yn334
    @kate7yn334 4 года назад +546

    I said, “This burns” and he said “It’s not supposed to do that” and the world went dark

    • @petalpotionsart
      @petalpotionsart 4 года назад +13

      Were you put out with IV or the mask?? If IV, i'm like 99% sure I know what they gave you

    • @kate7yn334
      @kate7yn334 4 года назад +1

      Parker Phillips yeah it was IV

    • @petalpotionsart
      @petalpotionsart 4 года назад +21

      @@kate7yn334 I'm pretty sure what they gave you was Propofol. I've had it many times when I needed to be put out, and if the vein is close to the surface, it really really burns. If it burned, it's really likely that you had the IV in your hand or in your wrist. If a vein in the inside of your elbow is relatively close to the surface, it can also burn if that's where you had it.

    • @mr.terwilliger5728
      @mr.terwilliger5728 4 года назад +2

      Parker Phillips thank you

    • @petalpotionsart
      @petalpotionsart 4 года назад +4

      @@mr.terwilliger5728 Hahahah, why am I being thanked??

  • @jeanpaulmarrero2728
    @jeanpaulmarrero2728 4 года назад +1294

    So I’ve had the privilege of having 7 surgeries from injuries sustained as a wrestler. It took me 7 surgeries to finally get this joke I’d wanted to do as I was going out... Here I am about to have my ACL reconstructed and as I’m feeling the propofol take affect, I say “Hey everyone, want to know how to keep a doctor in suspense?” and the whole OR fell quiet awaiting my response. To which, they never got as I had finally succumbed to the anesthesia. According to my surgeon, they sat and waited for about 20 seconds before realizing that the joke was me being knocked out and having them waiting for an answer in suspense. After which, she said they laughed for a good minute or two before starting the procedure.
    Next week, I get to experience it all over again in another surgery... I’ll make sure to do it again lol.

    • @DeathByLego
      @DeathByLego 4 года назад +72

      That gave me a good chuckle.

    • @chickencurry420
      @chickencurry420 4 года назад +43

      It's been 2 weeks now. Any news, my guy?

    • @jeanpaulmarrero2728
      @jeanpaulmarrero2728 4 года назад +76

      Zak Jet I unfortunately was too drugged to remember to do it😕 Surgery went well though, roughly 65% of my acetabular labrum was torn and it was repaired. No clue how I managed to do that one but hey, it’s fixed and I have less pain than before surgery so I’m stoked🙌🏽

    • @Morlun91
      @Morlun91 4 года назад +12

      But are you planning retirement or 8 surgeries is to be expected in your line of work?

    • @jeanpaulmarrero2728
      @jeanpaulmarrero2728 4 года назад +40

      Morlun91 Oh yeah haha, I retired from wrestling a few years ago! After my 3rd shoulder surgery (which was a biceps tenodesis - where they cut the long head of the biceps and attach it into the distal portion of the bicipital groove), my surgeon was very real with me and told me there could be some serious consequences if I damaged what he had done. So, I hung up the wrestling shoes and focused in on my studies and guitar playing. It’s unfortunate though as I never got to wrestle a collegiate match. But, it’s been a blessing through the grand scheme of it all.
      Ultimately, my body feels wonderful now and after the hip I’m feeling normal again for the first time in years. I’m graduating from my undergrad this May and am pursuing a Ph.D. in exercise physiology because I want to teach. Luckily, I don’t need to be too mobile for that profession haha :)

  • @davidkanengieter
    @davidkanengieter 5 лет назад +582

    I asked the Anesthesiologist in a slurry Connery voice: "Do you expect me to talk, Goldfinger?"
    Quickly he said "No Mr Bond, I expect you to sleep."

  • @CrystalKarma
    @CrystalKarma 5 лет назад +846

    "this must be what dying feels like"
    "oh, my, God"
    lmfaooooo

    • @muffinman5741
      @muffinman5741 4 года назад +8

      I bet she said that in a valley girl accent

    • @stormrunner4081
      @stormrunner4081 4 года назад +4

      He probably gave the nurse a heart attack

  • @helenarosno
    @helenarosno 4 года назад +300

    Bot: “His blood pressure is a little high.”
    Me: “That’s not the only thing that’s high.”

    • @Rainy_R
      @Rainy_R 3 года назад +3

      *o o o o h*

    • @kanedaku
      @kanedaku 3 года назад +2

      Cool, sentient robot surgery!

  • @HalVerArt
    @HalVerArt 5 лет назад +2192

    "I can't feel my face when I'm with you"
    "cause I numbed it"
    cracked me up so hard lmao

  • @jinkstacks4830
    @jinkstacks4830 5 лет назад +574

    If I was having head surgery, right before I went under I would say “you know which leg it is, right?”

    • @guy_incognito7538
      @guy_incognito7538 5 лет назад +8

      That's great

    • @Reflox1
      @Reflox1 5 лет назад +87

      I did this when they operated my leg. After surgery they came in and asked "How do you feel?" - "Great I can already move my arm again!"

    • @beeowo7030
      @beeowo7030 5 лет назад +2

      80th like

    • @wyatterminator3761
      @wyatterminator3761 5 лет назад +5

      @@beeowo7030 WHAT A GREAT CONTRIBUTION TO THIS COMMENT

    • @beeowo7030
      @beeowo7030 5 лет назад +1

      Terminator 0783 Who pissed in your Cheerios? 😂

  • @jazzyspork8745
    @jazzyspork8745 5 лет назад +1508

    imagine right before you go under they say "are they an organ donor?"

    • @whywasimadetofeelnothingbu1991
      @whywasimadetofeelnothingbu1991 5 лет назад +163

      s a d "Which leg are we amputating again?"

    • @AngelTX
      @AngelTX 5 лет назад +21

      Why was I made to feel nothing but pain lmao

    • @yerro504
      @yerro504 5 лет назад +10

      Gokussgame what? Are you okay?

    • @jazzyspork8745
      @jazzyspork8745 5 лет назад +24

      @@yerro504 "why was i made to feel nothing but pain" is the person he's replying to lmao

    • @Literally_LeviathanLol
      @Literally_LeviathanLol 5 лет назад +5

      Doctor: Wait...oh, this isn’t the guy getting both legs amputated? Oops...

  • @polish_filipino
    @polish_filipino 4 года назад +640

    1:20 "Righty tighty, Lefty loosey"
    **Dies**

    • @draessw
      @draessw 4 года назад +1

      Polish Filipino that’s how they put the coffin on with the drill.

    • @plastic6568
      @plastic6568 4 года назад

      Drewbee LOL

  • @rece9151
    @rece9151 5 лет назад +520

    “This must be what dying feels like”
    -a mad lad

    • @CryptidVulpes
      @CryptidVulpes 5 лет назад +12

      Ah sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet here we go again

    • @MrA-lo5ho
      @MrA-lo5ho 4 года назад

      r/madlads

  • @geimskip17
    @geimskip17 5 лет назад +5042

    Imagine making such a funny joke that the doctor cant stop laughing and stabs you in the lung by accident.

  • @Exceltiaawesome
    @Exceltiaawesome 4 года назад +434

    I told the anaesthesiologist the gas smelled funny.
    He said “yeah your surgeon hasn’t washed his socks for a week”
    I laughed then I was out.

  • @mr.terwilliger5728
    @mr.terwilliger5728 4 года назад +359

    Straight up I asked a nurse out before my wisdom tooth operation and her number was in my pants pocket that night when I took my wallet and keys out. Together almost a year now :D

  • @saj2392
    @saj2392 5 лет назад +593

    I apparently woke up in the middle of my surgery and said: "Hey, Doc. Is it too late to go to the toilet?"

  • @ogun4921
    @ogun4921 5 лет назад +351

    "I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip-..."
    *black out*

    • @abragim6360
      @abragim6360 5 лет назад +51

      *wakes up*
      And a large soda

    • @AlphaWolf-xi1dg
      @AlphaWolf-xi1dg 5 лет назад +2

      Why is this Soo funny to me just the fact you continue after

  • @zStellar
    @zStellar 5 лет назад +252

    I had to get my shoulder fixed and before the anesthesia kicked in the surgeon said "This is the first time I've ever worked on a non-dummy" (he was joking). I politely replied. "So you're calling me smart?"

  • @kenzieberumen3578
    @kenzieberumen3578 4 года назад +196

    Anesthesiologist: count down from 5
    Me: okay *counts in head*
    Anesthesiologist: no outloud
    Me: five... *passes out*

  • @northstar6920
    @northstar6920 5 лет назад +1407

    My uncle shattered his hand with a hammer while putting up a shelf and had to get it to reconstructed and before they put him under he asked the doctor in an overly dramatic tone if he'd be able to play the piano.
    The doc confused by the this said sure it should be possible, my uncle then burst out with "GOOD BECAUSE I COULDENT BEFORE!."

  • @Tankling28
    @Tankling28 5 лет назад +375

    Mine was the knock out gas using the mask, right before I went under I said "wait a second... this smells like chloroform." The doctor nearly fell back in his chair, I felt accomplished.

  • @digitalsilver1013
    @digitalsilver1013 5 лет назад +593

    I was getting my wisdom teeth out and when I woke up my mom asked "are you bleeding " and I said In my still drugged voice "I dONt GoT tImE tO bLeEd"

    • @crazytomato4845
      @crazytomato4845 5 лет назад +23

      Fuck yes, Predator

    • @turinturambar1688
      @turinturambar1688 5 лет назад +2

      I’m going to need that

    • @stainjamin
      @stainjamin 5 лет назад +2

      Oml I need to get my 4 wisdom teeth out and a cavity tooth (a bit sad cause I felt safe at this one place but insurance doesnt cover it so I gotta go to some torture looking factory) so I'm looking for things to lighten the mood and make them laugh (and most likely frick up my teeth cause they're either subtly messed with or laughing their heads off

    • @lefterisphasarias8934
      @lefterisphasarias8934 5 лет назад +3

      What are these wisdom teeth? You remove them and become dumb af?

    • @nuggetlovesall222
      @nuggetlovesall222 5 лет назад

      @@lefterisphasarias8934 you lose wisdom

  • @Taylor-kd9ld
    @Taylor-kd9ld 4 года назад +98

    I had a surgery and when I was passing out I yelled at the top of my voice
    "Don't let my friends in until I can speak full numbers they wil...."*passed out*
    Then when I woke up I yelled
    "Will draw all over my face with sharpie!!!!!!"
    They were actually planning to do they tho

    • @josepherhardt164
      @josepherhardt164 4 года назад +6

      One thing about propofol, at least for me, is that when you wake up, you wake up _fully_ , without any drowsiness or wooziness. OMG, the spell-checker knows "wooziness."

    • @lucario.pokedex.0448
      @lucario.pokedex.0448 3 года назад +1

      Lmao

  • @sikena
    @sikena 5 лет назад +589

    If i was the surgeon I’d be like:
    “Ok pull up the wikihow article”

  • @crazzy2228
    @crazzy2228 5 лет назад +295

    My last thought before going under was "That's not oxygen." I regret not saying that out loud.

    • @Getsusayuki
      @Getsusayuki 5 лет назад +10

      I thought the exact same thing with my wisdom teeth surgery! I just thought my orthodontist said that because he's a paediatric specialist

    • @lordpsi99
      @lordpsi99 5 лет назад +7

      I took my mask off after they said it was oxygen but felt myself going out. They tried to pull a fast one but I wanted to let them know I wasn't going to let them get away with it completely. For the record, I was okay with the gas and was ready for them to put me out but the lying got me heated.

  • @TheLegendaryNomad
    @TheLegendaryNomad 5 лет назад +640

    “Wait, what’s the safe word?”😂 I’m dying

    • @srijamitra4806
      @srijamitra4806 5 лет назад +11

      I didn't get this 😅.... Can someone explain?

    • @mallyO
      @mallyO 5 лет назад +31

      @Srija Mitra the joke refers to bdsm (a kind of sexual foreplay involving pain and torture) the instrument the doctor was using to keep the patient from biting down resembles a bondage toy that is a ball and strap that one person wraps around the other persons mouth to keep them from moaning or screaming loudly. The “safe word” is a word that the person receiving pain says if the pain is too much and it will make the pain giver stop. Usually the person experiencing pain is called a masochist (a person who experiences sexual pleasure through pain) and the person giving the pain is called a sadist (a person who receives sexual pleasure seeing others in pain). If you want to know more, watch the movie “Fifty shades of Grey”. That movie is all about bdsm.

    • @revannoct8724
      @revannoct8724 5 лет назад +23

      Mallory Orear
      My innocence is fading away...

    • @srijamitra4806
      @srijamitra4806 5 лет назад +5

      @@mallyO holy heck.... Was totally not expecting this 😂 thanks so much for the reply though

    • @hollymaccharles1315
      @hollymaccharles1315 5 лет назад +2

      Is that the safe word?

  • @akumasvengeance
    @akumasvengeance 4 года назад +96

    next time i go under, i’m gonna shut my eyes and say “ that’s a bright light. why does that man have wings?”

  • @earffquakee_
    @earffquakee_ 5 лет назад +7613

    Surgeon: "this is the stuff that killed Michael Jackson"
    My brain: He He

  • @demonetization6596
    @demonetization6596 5 лет назад +291

    I had to go for a surgery,I remember them placing a green mask on me,the doctor jokingly said“Any last words?"
    I said“If I die,sleep with your eyes open"and passed out

    • @MechaMeow01
      @MechaMeow01 5 лет назад +37

      Oh. My. Fucking.God.
      That is class.

  • @joefrayling9263
    @joefrayling9263 5 лет назад +525

    "goddamnit you killed me" "quick were losing me" laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my cheek

  • @NightRainn
    @NightRainn 4 года назад +143

    if I for some reason get a surgery, I'm going to say "Anyone want to ask god a question?"

    • @Starfish_Manatee
      @Starfish_Manatee 4 года назад +8

      im gonna use dis

    • @potato7688
      @potato7688 4 года назад +7

      Im gonna ask this when i get my wisdom teeth removed lol

  • @TheNerdyCoty
    @TheNerdyCoty 5 лет назад +622

    Right before the drugs kick in and I enter the void: anesthesiologists says “OOOOH hey guys he’s not the one getting a vasectomy.”.

    • @Soliloquy259
      @Soliloquy259 5 лет назад +1

      they don't knock you out for a vasectomy

    • @TheNerdyCoty
      @TheNerdyCoty 5 лет назад +1

      Katherine Sparrow probably just a joke.

  • @akuma.wolf13
    @akuma.wolf13 5 лет назад +470

    Nurse: "Count from 10 to 0 and you'll be out"
    Me: *counts backwards from 10* "Done, can I get a sticker now?"
    Doc: "Why is he still awake?"
    Me: "I'm a good-" *passes out*

    • @MaxisaBandKid
      @MaxisaBandKid 4 года назад +15

      BOooooooyyyyyyyy... (Voice gets progressively deeper)

  • @majormadcat
    @majormadcat 4 года назад +357

    after waking up i had a very strong urge for lemonade and asked them for "Watered lemons"

  • @yuen28
    @yuen28 4 года назад +99

    “The body is under the floorboards”

  • @MistaOppritunity
    @MistaOppritunity 5 лет назад +749

    Right before I went under for getting my wisdom teeth removed, the dentists assistant put the IV in my arm and I distinctly remember my arm feeling the way mint tastes. I looked her straight in the eye and said, "woah. Is this what it's like to chew five gum?" And then I woke up.

    • @amber_Forever16
      @amber_Forever16 5 лет назад +18

      MistaOppritunity lol, that’s hilarious

    • @longcat2992
      @longcat2992 5 лет назад +5

      Hahahahahahah

    • @kablanq4673
      @kablanq4673 5 лет назад +1

      MistaOppritunity lmao 😂

    • @nateduff385
      @nateduff385 5 лет назад +11

      When I was under for my wisdom teeth i remember the room looked like some shit from saw and i said if your going to harvest my organs I'll be fine with that.

    • @tuesdaytue
      @tuesdaytue 5 лет назад +1

      omg hahahaha genius

  • @mineyourbeeswaxx
    @mineyourbeeswaxx 5 лет назад +990

    “Bravo six, going dark” or “aw shit, here we go again” .

  • @thesoullessanomaly3958
    @thesoullessanomaly3958 5 лет назад +638

    Went for open heart surgery and before the meds knocked me out I asked for them to notify the surgeon (hadn't walked into the room yet as far as I'm aware) that I'd like to request that they install an ARC Reactor in place of my heart. The nurses at my side didn't get it until I heard laughter coming from behind them and another nurse simply explained with one word, "Ironman" then the rest of the room broke into laughter. Then right as I was fading out the surgeon walks up and says, "Ok Mr. Stark, let's install Mk. 5." (This was my fifth heart surgery)

    • @douge1186
      @douge1186 4 года назад +7

      Yes

    • @Place_Holder-cl5hk
      @Place_Holder-cl5hk 4 года назад +14

      HAHAHAHA-wait. What if they did?

    • @James-May
      @James-May 4 года назад +26

      Wait -- 5 heart surgeries??

    • @thesoullessanomaly3958
      @thesoullessanomaly3958 4 года назад +39

      @@James-May yup being born with a defect requires a lot of updates since the "replacement parts" don't grow along with you since they're not naturally part of the body.

    • @James-May
      @James-May 4 года назад +24

      @@thesoullessanomaly3958 oh, I'm sorry to hear that! You're quite a strong person :D
      I wish you the best of luck then!!

  • @ecologicnickel1208
    @ecologicnickel1208 4 года назад +68

    “Wait who’s that guy at the doorway in the black ro-“
    Goes under

  • @gruknarorcishwar-yerhereto8489
    @gruknarorcishwar-yerhereto8489 5 лет назад +430

    Patient: there’s a spooky skeleton in there
    Surgeon: when I’m done their might be a ghost too

  • @alexbutlevics8671
    @alexbutlevics8671 5 лет назад +570

    “Aight imma head out”

    • @owenlewis4693
      @owenlewis4693 4 года назад +4

      Do you support the Galactic Empire?

    • @teraspeXt
      @teraspeXt 4 года назад

      Did you just -steal my comment- _get here before I did and fairly make the joke_ ?

  • @nobanmepls3291
    @nobanmepls3291 5 лет назад +284

    I didn't do anything memorable when I got serious arm surgery. However when my wisdom teeth were pulled they gave me a child's dose of anesthesia because I was 16 but 6'3 315 pounds so it kept wearing off and I kept waking up and saying "Hi how's it going" dude jumped 20 feet the first time.

    • @Tommy-bp5qr
      @Tommy-bp5qr 4 года назад +8

      Thanks for the laugh 😆

    • @mundan3smith385
      @mundan3smith385 4 года назад +2

      NoBanMePLS that’s not how anesthesiologists work

    • @eroith5133
      @eroith5133 4 года назад +5

      @@mundan3smith385 cmon man dont ruin the joke for him

  • @Gkitchens1
    @Gkitchens1 4 года назад +53

    "So you're just going to amputate the one toe, right?" When going under for a different survery.

  • @Entele21
    @Entele21 5 лет назад +477

    As the Surgeon: "Don't worry, I've logged 20 hours in Surgeon Simulator"
    Me: "Oh shiiiiiiii-" *Black out*

  • @ltnagle2492
    @ltnagle2492 5 лет назад +448

    “Shouldn’t I be getting a bedtime story?”

    • @IAmThyOverlord
      @IAmThyOverlord 4 года назад +13

      "If I die SCP - 001 Is actually......." And they will never know

  • @renaeodonnell4558
    @renaeodonnell4558 5 лет назад +184

    I sang “I can’t feel my face” when I was woken up after having my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently a little girl that was crying non stop 2 rooms away heard this and stopped to listen and giggled. I’m tone deaf and apparently my mum could hear I was awake walking in to collect me 🤦🏻‍♀️

  • @1ceblock
    @1ceblock 4 года назад +71

    When you wake up from anesthesia:
    "Hey, you, you are finally awake"

  • @tylerhilpisch7850
    @tylerhilpisch7850 5 лет назад +419

    I had my large intestine removed and I asked if I could keep it to make sausage, they had to take 20 min to calm down

    • @VegitoBlueYT
      @VegitoBlueYT 5 лет назад +65

      wait wtf how do you shit

    • @agbc9832
      @agbc9832 5 лет назад +40

      you what now-

    • @cioelle
      @cioelle 5 лет назад +57

      please op, please tell us how you shit now i'm shaking

    • @1ztype343
      @1ztype343 5 лет назад +29

      Holy shit are you ok

    • @prodbykaji
      @prodbykaji 5 лет назад +28

      Morgan Morgan that’s sad
      i like to poo

  • @carsonthomas6186
    @carsonthomas6186 4 года назад +786

    I told my dad, a cop
    “This must be why people love drugs”
    Then I passed out

  • @coffinact745
    @coffinact745 4 года назад +230

    I remember the doctor telling me to count back to ten and I replied with “no. I failed English.” And I was out

    • @Bumblebee-2768
      @Bumblebee-2768 4 года назад +13

      The more I read that the more I laugh

    • @alexado7277
      @alexado7277 4 года назад +1

      @@Bumblebee-2768 actually

  • @bndr208
    @bndr208 4 года назад +42

    When I was about to have surgery. The guy put the mask on me. After a little while, I acted as if I were out, when he took the mask off, I quickly “jumped” at him and scared the shit out of him.
    For some reason, I don’t pass out quickly. I had a doctor once ask me behind my family’s back if I was on some kind of drugs, after like 15 minutes of not passing out.

    • @KC-xh5bs
      @KC-xh5bs 4 года назад +2

      WTH! 😂😂

    • @user-vv5ju3fj1p
      @user-vv5ju3fj1p 4 года назад +3

      Scaring a surgeon is a rookie mistake. You got lucky kid.

    • @Suilimea
      @Suilimea 3 года назад +1

      Lmfao noo 🤣

  • @caseydykes117
    @caseydykes117 5 лет назад +125

    I asked the anesthetist ‘are you even qualified’ as he struggled with the IV pump. The room was dead silent for a second then they all started laughing as he glared at me. I was like oh frick this guy could literally kill me. Anyways obviously not dead and had a good laugh about it. My friend who was an orderly for that theatre said it was the funniest clap back he has ever heard 😂

  • @verynormalhumans4420
    @verynormalhumans4420 5 лет назад +572

    “If I die, I hid 2 million dollars in the-“ *black out*

  • @dfor
    @dfor 5 лет назад +627

    As an adult I've only been knocked out for surgery once, to get my wisdom teeth removed. The orthopedic surgeon told me that as the anesthesia sets in, I will start to get an erection. The last thing I remember is turning to the cute nurse and saying "Don't get too excited now. We have to stay professional here." Lmao

  • @elizabethcarlos3883
    @elizabethcarlos3883 4 года назад +38

    When I woke up from getting my wisdom teeth removed my parents kept telling me that I wanted to fight justin bieber. To this day I still want to fight him lol

  • @plaguepenguin
    @plaguepenguin 5 лет назад +694

    I've been put under a few times and made jokes the whole time but nothing this funny. The funnest thing I said while waking up was "I think I drooled on your pillow" sat up and patted it and finished with, "oh I did. I'll take it home and wash it and bring it back." I was still under the medication so they were fighting me to lay back down before I rolled off the bed.

    • @miciso666
      @miciso666 5 лет назад +5

      rofl.

    • @Zooiest
      @Zooiest 5 лет назад +18

      robl
      rolling on the bed laughing
      also robl
      rolling off the bed laughing

    • @Namityname
      @Namityname 5 лет назад +2

      Omfg I found a Hufflepuff

    • @plaguepenguin
      @plaguepenguin 5 лет назад +1

      @@Namityname does that make you a raven claw?

    • @Namityname
      @Namityname 5 лет назад

      @@plaguepenguin I was a Hufflepuff, but that was about 1 year ago and I have changed allot over the year, so I tested again and got griffndor!

  • @cecie9502
    @cecie9502 5 лет назад +358

    I remember crying because i was terrified i wouldnt wake up again.
    The doctor was Holding my hand, and promised me he would be the one Holding my hand when i woke up again. And he was, i was so happy i started crying again. Then asked “wheres the food” 🙄

    •  5 лет назад +7

      Young me would probably do that

    • @part-timeteenager.6337
      @part-timeteenager.6337 5 лет назад +12

      I recently had surgery and I was "excited" for the surgery because the pain in my appendix was unbearable and surgery would remove that pain.So,i was not scared at all as I waited for my surgery to begin but I remember being scared about not waking up.I woke up after the surgery and the first thing that came to my mind was "yay I woke up.I made it" .Then I passed out again.

  • @samuelf5172
    @samuelf5172 4 года назад +1584

    ”Bravo six going dark”

  • @BackdraftAirsoft
    @BackdraftAirsoft 4 года назад +18

    Was having a colonoscopy and the doctor started to do the operation before I was under.
    He put his hands on my rear and I jumped a little then said “At least buy me dinner first.”
    The nurse was wide eyed and said to him “he’s not out yet” then she gave me more anesthetic

  • @kazumakanjifreak3010
    @kazumakanjifreak3010 5 лет назад +145

    I've had to have four dental surgeries done. On my fourth one they used a gas mask, and while it was working I was asking "how long will this take?" To which they replied "about three hours". I said "okay, i have to be at the hospital by then, wake me up when it's over.".
    When they woke me up, without any warning i asked "Where's my wife? Donna?!" I was fourteen.

  • @Dosteyboi
    @Dosteyboi 5 лет назад +144

    i once had a surgery, and i remember being so scared i told my doc if i was gonna die today, he was coming with me.

  • @cellopillsbury9404
    @cellopillsbury9404 5 лет назад +512

    Me waking up from knee surgery: "hey my knee hurts"
    Nurse: "gee I wonder why"

  • @sincerelymason
    @sincerelymason 4 года назад +53

    This isn’t funny, but when I had a tooth pulled out, I’m told I tried to grab the doctor’s hand and bite it. Not sure why. Think I was ANGRY. Still remains a mystery.

    • @gruntlos
      @gruntlos 4 года назад +4

      Last thing the tooth ever did

    • @rembob6447
      @rembob6447 4 года назад

      When I had my teeth taken out the gas they gave me made me flaming hot mad. I had to keep my hands clenched in my lap so I didn't try to grab the dentist.

    • @sincerelymason
      @sincerelymason 4 года назад

      Dudasthegamer: Well played. I applaud you.

  • @skylargacha9093
    @skylargacha9093 5 лет назад +865

    Surgeon: "count from 10 backwards"
    Me: "A b c d e f p j k"
    In a serious voice.

  • @Cr9ical
    @Cr9ical 5 лет назад +236

    if you ever have a heart surgery, start singing “last christmas i gave you my heart...” ESPECIALLY if its a follow up surgery

  • @MindOfGenius
    @MindOfGenius 5 лет назад +373

    Two similar, but different things:
    My Mom gets really funny whenever she's tired or sleepy. She woke up after her gallbladder surgery.
    One nurse asked her "So? What's the punchline?"
    My Mom: "...to what?"
    Nurse: "...the gorilla joke? You said you'd tell us the punchline later 'to make sure we had a reason' for you to pull through."
    My Mom: "...I don't know any gorilla jokes."
    The nurse walked out the door and yells to the nurse's station (10 feet away) "Guys, she forgot the gorilla joke!" and groans of disappointment are heard.
    I was going under and the doc said "Okay, count from backwards from 10 to 1, but do it slowly."
    I think to myself 'Okay, I'm gonna make SURE to stay awake!' so I count with great confidence and focus: "Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One."
    The doc waits a moment, looks off to the side. "Ummm...wanna do it again?"
    I sigh, disappointed, and count again but bored. "Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven-"
    Then I notice I'm staring at the ceiling. "Wait...I'm sitting up...I'm in my room...Oh! I guess the surgery is done."

  • @chihirosen6996
    @chihirosen6996 4 года назад +15

    "Does anybody need anything while I'm out" put me in a witch cackling fit. 😂😂😂

  • @arattor6107
    @arattor6107 5 лет назад +1563

    *Mr.Stark,i don’t feel so good.....*

    • @marzbarz7934
      @marzbarz7934 5 лет назад +62

      I am using this for my wisdom teeth removal.

    • @peepeegal941
      @peepeegal941 5 лет назад +17

      Next time i get anesthesia i will say this

    • @SoulRacer65
      @SoulRacer65 5 лет назад +3

      I might be using this when i go to the dentists soon, if i am put under

    • @bookbutterfly6613
      @bookbutterfly6613 5 лет назад +2

      Arattor 610 when I get my first surgery I’m so freaking using this

    • @user-ql7zl4nu7i
      @user-ql7zl4nu7i 5 лет назад +1

      Slow and happy

  • @fionadoyle3772
    @fionadoyle3772 5 лет назад +153

    My mom screamed: OH GOD I DIDN’T BUY MY TURKEY SANDWICH
    the surgeon bought her one when the surgery was over

  • @amc8409
    @amc8409 5 лет назад +189

    I'm a scrub tech & assisted in several types of surgeries (patient fully asleep & open cavities) & procedures (patient sedated for a minor cut, or no cut at all- GI).
    Explanation of setting: When the scope is in certain areas (turning corners), it can get uncomfortable for the patient (the doc puts air in, so expand the intestine to move the scope), & they stir awake a bit. We usually tell the patient they're ok, where they are, that the doc is there, and we'll be done soon. Then they go back to sleep.
    I think my favorite instance was a colonoscopy on a guy. He stirs & starts to try to shoo the doc away & grab the scope out of himself.
    Guy- "Hey! HEY! What're you doin?! Get outta there!"
    We give him our standard reassurances, and he starts to relax & says,
    "Oh...I thought you were my girlfriend...", then goes back to sleep.
    The doc looks around at all of us with a surprised "Did you all hear that?" expression, we're all trying not to laugh til the nurse confirms he's back out, then bust up laughing. Good times!

    • @fedor5664
      @fedor5664 5 лет назад +1

      TL:DR pls

    • @grzegorzha.
      @grzegorzha. 5 лет назад +10

      @@fedor5664 patient said something funny and everyone was laughing.

    • @fedor5664
      @fedor5664 5 лет назад

      Grzegorz Ha ok thx

    • @minnabaru341
      @minnabaru341 5 лет назад

      Fedor van Meeuwen
      Patient also pretty much said that his girlfriend has a strap-on.

  • @the-sassy-blacksmith7594
    @the-sassy-blacksmith7594 4 года назад +78

    "I demand a bedtime story"

    • @alisa-jojanson4869
      @alisa-jojanson4869 4 года назад

      Love it

    • @xdgamerkid
      @xdgamerkid 4 года назад

      Definitely what I'm gonna say

    • @kanedaku
      @kanedaku 3 года назад

      "I demand a bedtime story"
      *crosses arms and pouts*

  • @PentaromaLMA0
    @PentaromaLMA0 5 лет назад +267

    Before everything going blackout i said "I am a laptop keybord"

    • @kiko12000
      @kiko12000 5 лет назад +1

      Penta Anims this made me chuckle

    • @amandac8836
      @amandac8836 5 лет назад

      This made me laugh way too much hahaha

    • @josepherhardt164
      @josepherhardt164 5 лет назад

      You owe me a coffee and a keyboard!

  • @rabbit3734
    @rabbit3734 5 лет назад +244

    Me being put under: I think I would like Chinese food after this.
    Anesthesiologist: Prepare the cat.
    Me: Gasps then blacks out

  • @あけみ-w4k
    @あけみ-w4k 5 лет назад +958

    Okay, no joke, the nurse for my school was named Mrs. Cheryl Stark. One day, I was feeling sick, so I legit said, "Mrs. Stark, I don't feel so good."
    Long story short, I was sent back to class because she thought I was joking around about feeling sick.
    EDIT: I threw up in class.

  • @hunterlady7656
    @hunterlady7656 4 года назад +45

    When I got surgery on my arm, I remember exclaiming I'd go to a themepark the day after I woke up.
    Apparently drugged out me was really stubborn and we went to the themepark, terrible mistake but good story.

  • @beeperry2863
    @beeperry2863 5 лет назад +288

    I kept a straight face until "goddammit, you killed me!"
    XD I had to pause the video!😂😂😂😂

    • @amber_Forever16
      @amber_Forever16 5 лет назад

      Watermelon _Mermaid11 lol I thought You were saying that you said that too

    • @naelyneurkopfen9741
      @naelyneurkopfen9741 5 лет назад

      That one & "poop"... Dead! 😂

  • @shushumga7482
    @shushumga7482 5 лет назад +280

    My dad said this,
    “If I’m not awake tomorrow, tell your sister Clementine Merry Christmas.”
    I don’t have a sister named Clementine and it was April

    • @TheReaper13g
      @TheReaper13g 5 лет назад +35

      How do you know? Maybe your dad knew what he said.

    • @bennycostello2472
      @bennycostello2472 5 лет назад +22

      Daddy had a secret

    • @semsudindinopoplava8171
      @semsudindinopoplava8171 5 лет назад +12

      Sister clementine lived on another continent😂😂

    • @ethanh9098
      @ethanh9098 5 лет назад +19

      Colinwitha K I like how not a single person understood the joke, nice one though 😂
      For those who don’t get it he means his dad was cheating on his wife or whatever and she was pregnant. When she was to be born it would be around Christmas.

  • @1castellp
    @1castellp 5 лет назад +108

    I told my dentist, after I woke up, "they took my wisdom. See. I can't talk fluently." I got all four wisdom teeth removed and I was slurring my speech.

    • @SprityON
      @SprityON 4 года назад +6

      This one is gold

  • @Ethan-yg8me
    @Ethan-yg8me 4 года назад +43

    "I'll be back in a bit, I'm just going out for a pack of cigarettes "
    *dies*

    • @NOTtheAditiYK
      @NOTtheAditiYK 4 года назад +3

      RIP man....
      It's been 3 months but we're still waiting for those cigarattes......

  • @coteleacarlo7574
    @coteleacarlo7574 5 лет назад +128

    I started explaining to them how hard it is for me to fall asleep and that it might take a while
    Exactly then I passed out

  • @bmx_toronto8316
    @bmx_toronto8316 5 лет назад +345

    me: knock knock
    surgeon: whos there
    me: cliff hanger
    surgeon: cliff hanger who
    me: *goes under*

  • @Izzy-ky7ci
    @Izzy-ky7ci 5 лет назад +226

    “Relax and don’t fight it”
    “Screw you, I’ll fight it to the death”

  • @TrutiTru
    @TrutiTru 4 года назад +32

    A sad one to say is "my battery is low and it's getting dark"
    Or you can say "ight imma head out"
    Edit: "ooh this shit be hitting different" is also kinda funny

  • @GhastlessGibus
    @GhastlessGibus 5 лет назад +2600

    "Obama's last name is..."
    *Goes under*

    • @deaththekid922
      @deaththekid922 5 лет назад +5

      Obama is his last name

    • @DarkLink1996.
      @DarkLink1996. 5 лет назад +130

      @@deaththekid922 That's the joke

    • @_0w701
      @_0w701 5 лет назад +39

      @@deaththekid922 ok boomer

    • @deaththekid922
      @deaththekid922 5 лет назад +42

      @@DarkLink1996.
      sorry but im at a point where i just asume people online are serious when they ask stupid questions because i have seen so much stupidity already

    • @aestheticvirgocoochie20yea45
      @aestheticvirgocoochie20yea45 5 лет назад +14

      Minene Uryuu922 I PC Masterrace I understandable

  • @paigefrydendahl
    @paigefrydendahl 5 лет назад +1385

    I plan on saying "I need to get this off my chest" when i get top surgery

  • @mitchallen174
    @mitchallen174 5 лет назад +73

    I remember telling them I was gonna try to fight it and 10 seconds in my anesthesiologist asked how it was going and I said "not well, good night everyone" and passed out

    • @therat4890
      @therat4890 5 лет назад +5

      Me waking up in the morning lmao

  • @ahyesexistence1586
    @ahyesexistence1586 4 года назад +26

    "Doc, I forgot to mention....I'm allergic to ether."
    Doctor: *oh shit.....*