Session 140: Healing After An Abortion
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- Опубликовано: 28 янв 2020
- The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a Licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible version of ourselves.
Today’s session covers another topic requested by several community members and that is how to heal after an abortion. For this conversation I was joined by Keisha Wells, LPC. Keisha and I chatted about some of the common experiences women may struggle with after an abortion, how to support a friend who’s had an abortion, how support systems may change after an abortion, and she shares her favorite resources for anyone wanting additional support or information.
Resources Mentioned
Visit our Amazon Store for all the books mentioned on the podcast!
Where to Find Keisha
www.keishawells.com/
Grab a copy of Keisha's Book!
Instagram: @kwellslpc
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To all the women who are reading the comments, you are not alone. It’s not an easy thing to go through but here you are. Forgive yourself and send nothing but love to the little one. That’s all you can do to feel better; send love to yourself and the past, forgive yourself and remember that you chose that for a reason.
Struggling so much following my abortion. I’ve reached the point where my baby would’ve been born now. I keep imagining what it would’ve been like to be holding my baby and it’s hurting so much. I plaster on a false smile and get through the day, but I don’t feel like the same person I did before the abortion. 💔💔 I’m so heartbroken and it’s so difficult because it’s not something I can speak openly about
THIS!! I understand how you feel!💔
💛
I HAVE GREAT NEWS MY DARLING. ALTHOUGH AN ABORTION IS NO JOKE...IN THE EYES OF ALMIGHTY FATHER GOD IT'S A GREAT SIN FOR MANY REASON, BUT THE WORSE IS THE CHILD WAS A BLESSINGS FROM GOD ALMIGHTY, A GIFT 🎁 YOU KILLED.
BUT THERE IS FORGIVENESS THROUGH JESUS CHRIST. YES THERE IS . THERE IS ALSO HEALING. THE FACT THAT YOU ARE REMORSEFUL SHOWS YOU HAVE A CONSCIENCE.
DEREK PRINCE FOR EXAMPLE, HAS SERMONS ABOUT REPENTANCE, SALVATION, FORGIVENESS, BREAKING CURSES .. ALL THESE WILL HELP YOU FIND FORGIVENESS AND SALVATION.
GOD FORGIVE YOUR SIN IN JESUS CHRIST HOLY NAME..WHEN YOU REPENT.
FIND PEACE , JOY AND WHOLENESS IN JESUS CHRIST.
CONTACT ME IF YOU WANT A FRIEND TO HELP YOU THROUGH THIS.
REPENTANCE THROUGH JESUS CHRIST.
I'M LEAVING YOU SOME NAMES THEIR SERMONS WILL GUIDE YOU TO REPENTANCE.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I’m pray so hard right for anyone facing this. Please pray for me too🙏🏽
You don’t need to carryvthis burden alone. Cry out to Jesus and trust he will provide you healing! I pray God heals your heart❤️❤️
I am healing from my abortion. I have abortion grief and am in process of forgiving myself. Thank you for this platform :)
@Amintire de peste Prut No, I disagree.
You’re right baby. I am filled with u forgiveness and sadness and I haven’t even did it yet. Much love though. You are forgiven.
I’m in the process of forgiving myself and loving myself again after the decisions I’ve made and it’s hard. Every moment I get I think of what should have been. I really need to heal and forgive myself and my partner . I just want our baby back and I’m really grieving
@@_zeenextdoor5141 I have one booked in 2 days time. My gut telling me not too but I don’t know what else to do…
@Epoch God forgives but his forgiveness comes much easier than our own does. I’m 19 years post abortion and just starting the healing process. I hope the women here get help sooner than I did.
I had my first abortion at the age 26 yesterday.I currently have no kids. I was so happy once I found out I was pregnant but unfortunately my partner showed me another side of him once I got pregnant. I will say Once he found out he was very happy because his mom recently passed so he looked at it as a blessing a new life coming in.
Long story short we broke up due to the things he was doing outside of our relationship and it got so bad it was hard to even communicate with him at times on how I was feeling I was feeling so alone and going through deep depression while pregnant very dark and lonely and I was weak and got a abortion. When I tell you I actually feel worse. I can’t sleep I can’t stop crying I am not ok when I told him the news he called me a murder and so much more things to make sure I suffer for what I’ve done! I only want god to forgive me and I hope I get blessed with another opportunity! I will try my best to be strong but I think about my baby and what it would be like. Please pray for me. I’m trying
I am praying for you. God is with you and you are worthy of forgiveness. Keep on sweet girl!
I was also 26. I was also so happy to be pregnant. I was also in an abusive relationship with someone. Someone who wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. Everyday is a different feeling. It’s the worst, but I’m going through this with you mama. You got this 💘
I’m praying for you love you aren’t alone
going through this now. i’m 25 but will be 26 next month. 😩
@@imaniimani5676 I have one booked for 2 days time. My gut telling me it’s not the best decision for me, but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve had one before but I KNEW it wasn’t time. I’m really writing on here hoping someone can magically tell me what to do. I know either way I will heal but something in me telling me that it will only be superficial
I needed to hear this today. It’s 2am and I’m up bawling and this really calmed me down. Bless you for this.
Yes it's 5:30am for me , why do these waves hit at such quiet vulnerable times...
I'm also crying. We will heal
❤️
@@LaniiHottamale ❤️ not sure
It’s 5AM for me and I’ve been crying since last night. The little one would be 4 this coming November 😭
I broke down and cried today because I can finally admit that it hurt me after feeling so relieved then numb. It’s hard to be around my newborn nephew because he reminds me of dreams I have of my baby. I could really relate to everything you talked about. My boyfriend emotionally and physically shut down with me and we separated after. I felt so angry and abandoned. He was cheating on me right before I made the decision so I put a lot of the blame on him but I just wasn’t ready in anyway and it would have been even more traumatic having the baby. I didn’t want my child to grow up confused and in poverty like me. It’s taught me how much love I actually do have inside for my future child and hopefully I can be better prepared in the future. I am now on BIRTH CONTROL.
I’m feeling numb too. I guess I tried suppressing the pain so much that now Im just hallow.
I dot even know how I feel towards my boyfriend. I just want my pain to go away, but every time I see a baby my heart feels like it cracking
🥺🙏🏾☺️✨
This is exactly what I’m going through❤️ I feel you
I just want to tell you that birth control can fail you and you can get pregnant regardless. Stay celibate, heal and wait for the right one. The consequences of having sex outside marriage is brutal. Just the emotional emptiness is heavy let alone falling pregnant. Trust me! I went there this path.
I’ve always been an over all sad person but my abortion and the feelings that followed have nearly pushed me over the edge. I’m losing my relationship and he doesn’t even understand why and what’s going on inside of me. I feel so lost and alone. I know it was the right thing for me but it still hurts. So many things trigger me and push me into these crying episodes. I can’t get the “what if” out of my head. And there haven’t been good resources on how to deal with this grief. Everything I have come across has ulterior religious motives. I don’t want to feel guilty. I want to heal. In time…
Checking in… it does get better. I still look back and think. I can’t say my relationship has improved much. He’s there for me now and works to understand me. But from all the hormone changes and such from being pregnant to not being pregnant to starting up Depo again I’ve basically lost my libido. And I just have an overall fear of sex now. And the fear of having to go through this all over again. That’s something he can’t seem to understand. It’s sucks. But it does get better. Know that.
You are not alone
I was going to say the same
You’re not alone 🤍
I’m going through that right now, I just had my 2nd abortion. And now my relationship with my boyfriend feels like it’s falling apart. I have mental health problems but since the abortion it became worse. I don’t regret it because I can’t take care of a baby. I’m healing from ptsd and a number of things so I wouldn’t want to bring my pain and burdens to my baby.
My boyfriend wanted to keep it and I know he’s hurting badly too. I’m hoping we get through this. I would like a family with him one day.
My girlfriend endit up leaving she just lash out for anything and the abortion comes out we been together for 2 years and its so sad to see her go
🙏🏽Thanks for the update
I am crying constantly, everyday, it took a almost a year for me to realise, I felt relief at the time but now I regret, I feel hate for myself, I miss the child I never met, I don’t know if I made a good decision, I went through my first year placement going through it. And now I’m struggling with doing any work for my resits I have next month.
Much love. You’re not alone. 💞
💔😒
@@artvandelay9131 not trying to tell you what to do but it’s been almost three months since my abortion and it hurts. I’m constantly having dreams about babies and it’s just too much. I kinda regret it. 😢
@@enigmaticladypisces3169 Same here
I even get ghost kicks in my tummy
@@gaelleyidah696 wow! Someone told me to make a doll or something that represents the unborn soul that didn’t come into this life as a healing mechanism. I told the soul, I apologize for getting rid of it but I did what I thought was best for its life. I made a conscious irresponsible decision to have unprotected sex with someone who already had four kids with different baby momma’s. The abortion unfortunately taught me self love. Forgive thyself and move on.
This is why I chose to have my children, due to the psychological damage that is possible after a abortion. Both of my pregnancies were unplanned, and I was a foster child with the first. I was referred to have a abortion by my social worker, foster parent, and child's father; and after entering Planned Parenthood, God gave me the will to run. It has been extremely challenging, however, God has provided.
This was me but I don't know if I made the right choice for me and whether I should have got an abortion. I have trauma from having an unplanned pregnancy. It's a a year since I have a 5 month old but I'm struggling
This is an excellent podcast. This is topic that is usually not discussed in the Black community. There are many including myself who have been effected by this. It is especially hard because often it is assumed that since this is often a "choice" there should be no emotions surrounding or about. I would like to see more podcasts discussing this topic if possible.
I definitely needed to hear this today, woke up this morning with a wave of guilt about getting an abortion. This is the first video that popped up and this helped, we’re not alone ladies❤️
I am so depressed for letting go of my baby:,( I feel better to know I’m not the only one
I have been feeling this way every morning for a while now. Didn’t know it was normal.
@@serenehanson-bartholomew1081 it’s now 2 months since my abortion and I feel like I made the best decision for myself and my future.. it takes time to get over grief.. I felt regret immediately and I thought I wanted to change what I had done.. but after seeing that my potential child could’ve been endangered I know I made the most responsible decision at the time. I learned from this.. I learned to take sexual intercourse seriously, I learned to be responsible towards my body with birth control, and I learned that I wouldn’t have another abortion..! If you need to talk my Insta is e4tmyhe4rt0ut! I hope you get through it day by day ♥️
@@aidaperez8615 yes I am thinking about what I’m learning from this process. Thank you soo much this has helped bring some clarity. 🤍
There is only one place for baby killers and that's hell
I have been trying to figure out what was wrong with me for so long over felt disconnected and have had so much turmoil in my life since my abortion. I never really talked about it or thought about it much but tonight out of nowhere something led me to research abortion and your soul then I got here. Thank you for this information
Had an abortion yesterday and was searching for a video like this… i thank the universe for putting it as the first recommended video. Thank you for this video❤️
Sister i also do it
Did you help me about some information
I’m so sorry for you. I’m sorry that this happened. I’m praying for your heart and healing in Jesus name. Surrendering the secret is a Bible study counseling session, that you can find at some women’s clinics. We women deserve better than being told to just abort our baby in our problems will be over. We need to see the value of ourselves and our pre-born child. Hugs 💙💙🙏🏽
I’m coming up on the second year since I’ve had an abortion with my first child. I often feel guilt and depression. this video has really helped me.. thank you ❤️
This was a blessing in disguise fr. This video dropped January 29th of last year and last night which was the 29th was when I was searching on RUclips for some support or things I can do to heal and this was the first video. Thank you Joy.
I was listening but I don’t know what I was expecting to hear exactly. I like the idea of memorizing the babies date , not sure how effective it will be and maybe some people might find it weird so I don’t know if it’s something I’ll do privately or with support. I feel like I’ll never get over this. But I don’t even feel like I deserve to grieve because the longer I dwell on it, it’s becoming about myself and not my baby. In a way I don’t want closure because it’s bonding me with that connection and memory of my unborn child, but at the same time I would like to not hurt. I guess in due time. But this was helpful because I at least know now I am not alone. And it’s funny seeing some people post reactions to this months ago stating how long it took them to grieve or how long they’ve been grieving I just had my abortion 7 days ago and it had to be bad enough and quick enough for me to already be seeking similar searches. I’m glad I am not alone, I pray we all get through this ❤️🙏🏽
How are you love ? Let’s chat mines on Friday
Right on Time!!! Thank You God!!
I needed to hear this. Im grieving and didn’t know it. Bless you for this!
Thank you! Listening to this episode of your podcast was very helpful. It is very hard to find compassionate conversations about this topic that do not judge.
thank you for this podcast Dr.Joy! i had my abortion a few weeks ago and even tho I know i made the best decision for my family & i, i have started being extremely depressed, unhappy with my partner, loss of identity, disappointment in friends--so many things you and Dr.Keisha mentioned. knowing these feelings are "normal" even tho they are so conflicting is really helpful to hear. thank you, thank you, thank you a million!!!!!!!!!!!!
I fought, internally warred, with self worth, depression and weight. In my childhood, my dad was very critical. Everything was about appearance to him. He constantly oogled women and made comments about their physical attributes to me, even when I was a little girl. So, I grew up thinking women were just objects for men's pleasure. I had very little sense of worth. My heart was 💔. I started battling depression in my teens and wanted to die many times. I developed a warped idea of food and eating, which of course led to an eating disorder. I let men use and abuse me. I had two abortions, one at 19, one at 20. I was a dark, broken, angry, bitter, mess, wrapped in a young woman's body and I plastered a smile on my face for public use so no-one knew the destruction inside. At 30, after going through a divorce from a narcissistic addict who cheated all the time, I was then a single mother of an 18 m/o. At that moment I reached my breaking point and realized I needed help. A friend, who truly cared, asked me why I didn't believe in God and Jesus Christ. I didn't have a good answer...it was simply that I felt I could only trust myself and I doubted there was a God when I looked at all the pain in the 🌎. Not long after our conversation, I heard the Gospel, which is the Good News that Jesus Christ came to earth 2000 years ago, fully God and fully man, to be the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, so that we could then be counted as God's children here on earth and then for eternity in Heaven. WHOA!! That blew me away....Jesus loves me (and you) so much that he allowed himself to be mocked, ridiculed, BEATEN, and HUNG BY SPIKES AND ROPE ON A ✝, then he was brought back to life by God the Father after three days, spoke to his many disciples and then ascended to Heaven in his glorified body!! AND, He did that as the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. All we need to do is believe he is alive, repent of our sins, and pursue him in prayer and in his WORD, the HOLY Bible. Abortion is a sin because its spilling the blood of the innocent lives God created. God wants to forgive us tho and that's why He sent Jesus. Since the moment I said yes to Jesus, he has given me SO much. He healed my ❤ from all the pain and regrets of my life. No more depression or questions about my value. I'm a new creation through Him, and because I chose Him, I'm worthy of God's goodness. He gave me a new life... a new job, a new husband who loves me for me, not what I look like or what I can do for him, a new home, the $ ability to send my child to private school. He blessed me with a 4th child (2 in Heaven, 2 on earth), the college diploma I had worked for but had not received, work promotions/bonuses, and now I'm blessed to be at home and care for my elderly mother and young child. The Lord gives me peace, love, kindness, joy, patience, comfort, strength, and goodness! The Lord is our great councilor if we'll let him. I've never regretted choosing Jesus. He's waiting for you TODAY! He wants to heal you, love you, and be with you for eternity! If you don't know him, I challenge you to just ask Him... Jesus, are you real, are you alive, did you create me, is the Bible your word, etc.??? If you're sincere in your questions, he'll answer you. I pray you don't doubt when He answers you! May God bless you!!!
💝🙏💖
Jesus is the best thing i have❤️
I had an abortion on 11th nov, it was my first pregnancy I am devastated and in extreme grief since then 😭
Same it was my first pregnancy and it honestly tears me apart everyday when I wake up and I feel so alone and it’s only been a month since my abortion. You’re not alone.
@@gracemwamba9238 sorry to hear, I know what you have been through but remember there is always a light in the end of tunnel. Hope for the best. Trust your God.
@@gracemwamba9238 my first too, can we talk I don’t think anyone really understands my pain
Oh I know the feeling that no body understands. I have not told anyone expect my boyfriend who already knew. It’s been difficult.
We can talk.
Ms. Wells tips for healing was so informative, educational, and needed. Her first book 'From Three Heartbeats to One' is just as helpful and full of hope. Thank you for sharing.
Starts @ 3:00
Thank you so much for this
Thanks so much beautiful for this free knowledge
Such a good session! Thank you for helping others learn more about the impact of abortion. Abortion has impacted so many lives and thank you for bringing the compassion into abortion. I am with Support After Abortion and this topic is so important to talk about. Thank you again for all you do!
Powerful thank you for sharing this love
I needed to hear this, I’m dealing with severe abortion grief and I don’t know how to forgive myself
How are you feeling. I have one in 2 days & honestly I have panic attacks just thinking about it
@@dreafolios6109 How are you ?
You have to. Hopefully eventually you will, just know that you are not alone. Love.
Thank you for this video, God loves you and God is love.
Thank you
Thank you so much!!!
It's been years, I still sick about it, at times I felt like I could kill anyone, cause I killed my baby, now I'm seeking God and don't know how to feel welcome. I get drunk it doesn't help, can't talk about it to anyone, I have five children and four grandchildren and I need help It's not ok! I knew better and didn't do better it's hard to put my mask on every day. I'm so sorry, can't do anything to make it better. I hope their angels or serve God in some way, so horrible, just having a bad moment. Do believe what bad could be made good by the grace of God. Just crying now, good days, bad moments.
Honey you did what you felt you needed to do for you to stay sane in that moment. Be grateful for your children that you have had and the legacy you have already portaled through. I have no children yet but I pray God will allow me to have a big family like you one day. You are worthy of heaven and love do not be too hard on yourself.
Cry out to Jesus with all your heart and he will heal you trust me. You don’t need to carry this burden alone❤️
Thank you so much
Thank you x
I have to do this tomorrow and I’m already experiencing this tormenting grief
Thank you Dr Joy
Love you Podcast Dr. Joy
Thanks
I had a friend who had a casual relationship with a guy. She ended up getting pregnant by him. Afterward she found out that he had family members with downs syndrome -- a daughter and uncle. She was only about three weeks pregnant. She decided to just get an abortion rather than go through procedure to check later on in the pregnancy if her child had downs syndrome. She felt destroyed after the abortion and it took her a year to feel more balanced again. She had a difficult time forgiving herself, but she was scared when she got pregnant.
I had an abortion on 7/11/2023. I wanted my baby and my husband and I tried so hard to get pregnant with our third child. I never thought I'd have one and said it'll only happen if I had medical reasons and this time I did. My blood pressure became so hard to control at 9 weeks ( I already have stage 2 hypertension). I changed medicine and nothing worked, I was extremely weak all the time and so lightheaded. My fear of suffering from preeclampsia again kicked in. I'm a mother and a wife, and I couldn't take a chance with them losing us both. I made the terrible decision at 10 weeks. 3 days after being told I'd be hospitalized at some point guaranteed and how high risk the pregnancy was to end my baby's life. I feel so guilty, so very guilty and I cry for my child daily. Im not sure what to do, it hasnt been a week yet and I wish i could turn back time.
I’m totally checked out
Are you okay ?
Yes 🙌🏾 be just been patient with myself and have chose to do things that make me feel good. It hurts at times but I forgive myself n God I feel understand. I was homeless and left alone preform. It triggered me but I’m taking it day by day
@@ariahsavagesavage yess. Be gentle with yourself. Self compassion is important right now. Im glad you're taking it day by day. I'm learning to take the same steps myself. Thanks for sharing with me. Helps not to feel so alone during this time.
You’re not alone, i pray you have strength and encouragement to keep moving forward
Hi ladies, going through a similar situation. Was wondering if you all or any other girl wanted to have a small group or just talk to each other?
Moses was great, he did all that was asked but in the end he did something horrible and he couldnt enter the promise land. Going through with something as problematic as an abortion, and feeling guilt shame etc is what it is
how can you be a therapist and tell people that they are separate from their actions?? that doesnt make sense; you did the thing whatever it is; its now part of you; you can change but itt is still you. thats so odd and seems really unhealthy to suggest separating yourself from reality. this is diluted. not helpful. my friend has ptsd from doing this and we need to be clear about the reality; which isnt helped by detaching from the reality of your role in it. i do feel so bad for the girls who were lied to about this via society. abortion isnt something you can do without severe consequences; lets be real. this is abuse of women and destruction of children.
i mean they feel bad because it is bad; you can still be forgiven as Jesus still loves you but i seen that happen to someone. if youre a human with real feelings youre going to feel hurt once it sets in because youre causing a death. that is someone dying.
Oh sorry, I was going to listen to this but I'm not black. What a shame. I hate being white at times like this🤨.
???
I honestly, to my core, do not think that this woman is only wanting only women of color to listen to this. However, women of color have a higher rates of abortions, so a lot more women of color relate to this. Not to mention other problems that WOC have that Caucasian women don't have. I personally relate to it and I don't think that she would not want me and other women to not listen to this and try to heal simply because her podcast is called "Therapy For Black Girls".
I agree with Ms G. Kerry you are more than welcome.
Healing isn’t about color
It doesn’t matter your color, all that matters is finding healing. But I admire that women of color can speak up about these issues, because I live somewhere that some women can’t speak up, bc it’s to taboo. Bless you all!!
Abortion is such evil.
A fellow sufferer here ❤️🩹