I wish Shinzen's A.I. meditation app would come out already. I feel like there's no clear path to enlightenment. I feel that I lack a dimension of IQ (maybe memory or speed) necessary to advance to realizations that radically change my experience for the better. I've been in DPDR-esk territory a few times, so that's kind've radical, but very unpleasant. All of my emotions (negative and positive) are less "real" feeling that they felt years ago (once upon a time I definitely believe there was something that it was to be happy, but now just seems like sensory particles that are not at all like the narrative happiness I once remembered). I'm no longer excited by virtually anything. Managing negative emotions is great benefit of meditation. I do feel I get psychologically destabilized if I practice Samadhi for too long, but I can also feel deep psychedelic-like peace from it. I don't, the end game of meditation seems like a distant fog to me, covered by layers of slightly-less-distant fogs I also don't know how to navigate. I have Daniel's book, as well as many other meditation books. Their practices do affect my experience, but idk lol rambling
Have you attended Shinzen's home practice program and discussed this via phone with him? Seems like you honestly need some course correction. Having no expertise on the matter at all, I recommend doing a bunch of metta. TWIM has at least one good 30 min guided meditation on RUclips. Do some of Michael Taft's heart related ones from his channel (under his name).
Heya, sounds like you could use some help. I second the recommendation of Shinzen's HPP. Also happy to chat with you about these issues 1:1, by donation. Website with booking info: www.wystantbs.com/
@@tryI0 Metta no longer makes me happy like it used to. I did an Ajahn Brahm guided meditation on Metta 3 years ago, and felt intense joy from it. And then I did a Michael Taft guided meditation on "Mother Buddha" about 2 years ago and felt profound happiness and joy beyond my wildest dreams (I've had highly wild LSD dreams). And one night a year ago I had a dream where a lady wished for me to be happy, and then I wished for all beings to be happy, and I felt an explosion of compassionate euphoria unlike anything I thought was possible, even stronger than first-time MDMA love. In the dream dogs were licking my face too and I just felt perfect happy love of the kind I'd expect someone on their death-bed to feel when reflecting on the happy moments of their entire life slipping off into their particular religion's heaven light. Now I feel nothing of the sort. Not even regular happiness. Or, like I'll notice myself smiling or being very happily interactive with friends, but it doesn't feel like it's my happiness, it's like I'm observing a process, but I am not that process, I am just an observer of happiness. Witnessing my own happiness is equivalent to witnessing someone else's: it's disassociated, not mine. Not because I try to convince myself that that is the case, that just how it feels with sensory clarity. Moreover, sensory clarity has made happiness stop seeming "self-evidently good" and instead it's just "a kind of texture of experience, neither good nor bad". I prefer the former interpretation's experiential consequences far more, but I haven't been able to go back. I'd be open to Shinzen's at-home practice. I've never particularly resonated with Shinzen's methods when I've tried them in the past. I absolutely resonate with TWIM - I've done maybe 1000 hours of TWIM. Very relaxing and concentrated. It's only effective if I combine it with strong Sensory Clarity which itself I cannot seem to do without strong Concentration (luckily TWIM solves the concentration problem). Maybe I just need to find out how to identify with happiness again, idk. I feel like me rambling like this to an A.I. meditation master app would help me. I don't think we're far off from that.
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What methods are you talking about at 7:43?
hi wystan! what do you think about the 10 zen ox-herding pictures? do they resonate with your path?
Hi, yes, they're great. See Shinzen for an in-depth exposition: ruclips.net/video/Vt68YJCe_YA/видео.htmlsi=-jOQLkWcVlBBZ2ry
I wish Shinzen's A.I. meditation app would come out already. I feel like there's no clear path to enlightenment. I feel that I lack a dimension of IQ (maybe memory or speed) necessary to advance to realizations that radically change my experience for the better. I've been in DPDR-esk territory a few times, so that's kind've radical, but very unpleasant. All of my emotions (negative and positive) are less "real" feeling that they felt years ago (once upon a time I definitely believe there was something that it was to be happy, but now just seems like sensory particles that are not at all like the narrative happiness I once remembered). I'm no longer excited by virtually anything. Managing negative emotions is great benefit of meditation. I do feel I get psychologically destabilized if I practice Samadhi for too long, but I can also feel deep psychedelic-like peace from it. I don't, the end game of meditation seems like a distant fog to me, covered by layers of slightly-less-distant fogs I also don't know how to navigate.
I have Daniel's book, as well as many other meditation books. Their practices do affect my experience, but idk lol rambling
Have you attended Shinzen's home practice program and discussed this via phone with him? Seems like you honestly need some course correction.
Having no expertise on the matter at all, I recommend doing a bunch of metta. TWIM has at least one good 30 min guided meditation on RUclips. Do some of Michael Taft's heart related ones from his channel (under his name).
Heya, sounds like you could use some help. I second the recommendation of Shinzen's HPP.
Also happy to chat with you about these issues 1:1, by donation. Website with booking info: www.wystantbs.com/
@@tryI0 Metta no longer makes me happy like it used to. I did an Ajahn Brahm guided meditation on Metta 3 years ago, and felt intense joy from it. And then I did a Michael Taft guided meditation on "Mother Buddha" about 2 years ago and felt profound happiness and joy beyond my wildest dreams (I've had highly wild LSD dreams). And one night a year ago I had a dream where a lady wished for me to be happy, and then I wished for all beings to be happy, and I felt an explosion of compassionate euphoria unlike anything I thought was possible, even stronger than first-time MDMA love. In the dream dogs were licking my face too and I just felt perfect happy love of the kind I'd expect someone on their death-bed to feel when reflecting on the happy moments of their entire life slipping off into their particular religion's heaven light.
Now I feel nothing of the sort. Not even regular happiness. Or, like I'll notice myself smiling or being very happily interactive with friends, but it doesn't feel like it's my happiness, it's like I'm observing a process, but I am not that process, I am just an observer of happiness. Witnessing my own happiness is equivalent to witnessing someone else's: it's disassociated, not mine. Not because I try to convince myself that that is the case, that just how it feels with sensory clarity. Moreover, sensory clarity has made happiness stop seeming "self-evidently good" and instead it's just "a kind of texture of experience, neither good nor bad". I prefer the former interpretation's experiential consequences far more, but I haven't been able to go back.
I'd be open to Shinzen's at-home practice. I've never particularly resonated with Shinzen's methods when I've tried them in the past. I absolutely resonate with TWIM - I've done maybe 1000 hours of TWIM. Very relaxing and concentrated. It's only effective if I combine it with strong Sensory Clarity which itself I cannot seem to do without strong Concentration (luckily TWIM solves the concentration problem).
Maybe I just need to find out how to identify with happiness again, idk. I feel like me rambling like this to an A.I. meditation master app would help me. I don't think we're far off from that.
@@wystantbs108 I'll schedule a chat, thanks!
This here. Very nice ;)