The Coital Darwin Awards

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  • Опубликовано: 8 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 1,3 тыс.

  • @brainblaze6526
    @brainblaze6526  Год назад +40

    Go to sheathunderwear.com and use the code “BLAZE” to get 20% off your order! Thank you for sponsoring this video.

    • @Phatxual
      @Phatxual Год назад +2

      Omg, that Thad clip killed me hahaha🤣🥵

    • @michaelmoore7975
      @michaelmoore7975 Год назад +2

      Worst true/lie fake/fact involving coitus was the guy who got red pepper flakes up into his deekhoe as a result of probing a rear ass-ault on someone who previously ingested them.
      Gives a whole new meaning to _"firehose."_

    • @TzarBomb
      @TzarBomb Год назад +2

      6:52 "...glued his c*ck shut!"
      Ouch... really... OUCH!

    • @vulgaris1251
      @vulgaris1251 Год назад +1

      Sheath is great you add is facts. My only problem is I had to order a size bigger than I normally wear.

    • @susanmolnar9606
      @susanmolnar9606 Год назад +2

      You know Simon women watch you also. Why not something for us?

  • @rossjones1530
    @rossjones1530 Год назад +480

    Sheath sponsoring a video about horrible sex accidents to highlight how SAFE and COMFORTABLE their underwear is for your FRAGILE, EASILY DESTROYED GENITALIA is just… *chef’s kiss*

    • @Miss-Anne-Thrope
      @Miss-Anne-Thrope Год назад +27

      Sheath is also another term for condom which makes it worth at least two chef's kisses! Mwah! 😂

    • @AnnoyingNewsletters
      @AnnoyingNewsletters Год назад +14

      Fun fact, a broken penis is actually referred to as an eggplant 🍆 fracture because of the purple bruising and swelling from rupturing one or both of the corpus cavernosum.
      I don't think Sheath underwear would be very accommodating for the post surgery recovery time, though.

    • @trevorhaddox6884
      @trevorhaddox6884 Год назад +5

      *glue not included

  • @eh3010
    @eh3010 Год назад +440

    In the nipple clamp story (because I had to look that one up) he apprently had a history of telling people if he was going to kill his wife he'd make it look like a kinky sex act gone wrong. So broke one of Simon's rules of talking about your crime.

    • @MorganHorse
      @MorganHorse Год назад +28

      I knew that was sus

    • @mlee6050
      @mlee6050 Год назад +15

      Was it? I always thought the rule was don't write down your crimes

    • @frocat5163
      @frocat5163 Год назад +40

      @@mlee6050 I'm pretty sure Simon's Rule(s) are to never write them down _OR_ discuss them with anyone.

    • @starrywizdom
      @starrywizdom Год назад +16

      Yeah, I figured there had to be more to in than in Kevin's synopsis.

    • @xessenceofinsanityx
      @xessenceofinsanityx Год назад +5

      Yeah, that'd do it 🤦‍♀

  • @cleverusername9369
    @cleverusername9369 Год назад +286

    "I, as always, am your host Simon" is becoming less of a standard greeting line and more of an absolute fact with each new channel Simon creates. He is, literally, always the host.
    Side note: Simon is in rare form today

    • @martynlamb2169
      @martynlamb2169 Год назад +8

      Simon needs a tv show

    • @chriswillis2181
      @chriswillis2181 Год назад +12

      I wanna see Jen or one of the writers do a surprise hosting. Would be hilarious.

    • @benjaminepstein5856
      @benjaminepstein5856 Год назад +7

      ​@@chriswillis2181 while pretending to be Simon, telling all the usual Simon stories.

    • @hoktauri
      @hoktauri Год назад +3

      Less a statement and more a threat.

    • @hankblaster
      @hankblaster Год назад +2

      Apparently, it's a secret that the fact boy is not always the host of his videos.

  • @victoriaeads6126
    @victoriaeads6126 Год назад +197

    The award for best/most appropriate/most uncomfortable sponsor goes to....
    It's a tie between this and that CasCrim about a cannibal that was sponsored by Hello Fresh.

    • @atheistmom3591
      @atheistmom3591 Год назад +10

      😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @LeoDomitrix
      @LeoDomitrix Год назад +7

      Yes.

    • @aromaladyellie
      @aromaladyellie Год назад +1

      And now, life insurance sponsoring a different episode about the Darwin Awards.

  • @Serenity_yt
    @Serenity_yt Год назад +63

    11:32 EMT here and yep got that one right Simon always make sure you are safe before helping someone. There's no use in 2 electrocuted people lying in the bathroom so definitly disconnect first. Although in some cases the fuse might have already blown so there wouldnt be any danger.

    • @gnarthdarkanen7464
      @gnarthdarkanen7464 Год назад +5

      That's the thing that gets a lot of people into trouble for trying to help, though. "...the fuse MIGHT have already blown..."
      NEVER assume the fuse to blow, the breaker to open, or the circuit interruptor in the outlet to "kick". It takes far less time to simply disconnect the appliance from the socket or otherwise remove power BEFORE you touch the victim. ;o)

    • @Mark_Agamotto1313_Smith
      @Mark_Agamotto1313_Smith Год назад +6

      @@gnarthdarkanen7464 In fact, never assume anything, when you do, you make an Ass of U and Me. Ass-U-Me. Old adage my electronics engineering teacher taught me.

    • @gnarthdarkanen7464
      @gnarthdarkanen7464 Год назад +1

      @@Mark_Agamotto1313_Smith Yeah, I heard that one, too...
      I was always partial to Samuel L Jackson's variant from "Long Kiss Goodnight"...
      "AND as we all know, whenever you make an assumption, you make an ass out of YOURSELF and Umption." ;o)

    • @demonsrun3281
      @demonsrun3281 Год назад

      This is the first part of DRABC

    • @OldSchoolLPsGames
      @OldSchoolLPsGames Год назад +4

      Same idea with the oxygen masks on a plane - and also trying to help someone who's drowning. Never just grab onto them, they can very easily pull you under and drown you both. It's much safer to hold an object out to them - stick, floaty, towel, whatever. Something you can let go of if you need to.

  • @NextEevolution
    @NextEevolution Год назад +134

    Gotta say Kevin, I absolutely appreciate the tonal whiplash your writings bring to Brain Blaze. Seeing Simon writhe from the sudden transitions is absolutely hilarious.
    Also, total missed opportunity to use at 19:00- "I would win that bet or die *fucking* trying."

    • @piperjaycie
      @piperjaycie Год назад +4

      🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😡😡😡😡🤔🤔🤔🤔🤪🤪🤪🤪😳😳😳😳🤣🤣🤣🤣😳😳😳😳😭😭😭😭😭

    • @atheistmom3591
      @atheistmom3591 Год назад +2

      ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😂

    • @andruloni
      @andruloni Год назад +2

      "I would win that bet or die fucking"

  • @VeracityLH
    @VeracityLH Год назад +209

    Simon, I used to do drug tests for industry pre-employment physicals and once had a prospective employee come to the desk to sign in and ask me how long coke stays in your system. I answered "Longer than it's been since you last snorted it." I had seen him do a line off his car hood in my parking lot.

    • @Thros1
      @Thros1 Год назад +26

      That's never enough of a wakeup call, especially someone that'll snort shit off a car hood.

    • @bradstafford1401
      @bradstafford1401 Год назад +15

      3 days urine, 6-8 days blood and about a year for hair follicle. So I've heard...

    • @Error_404-F.cks_Not_Found
      @Error_404-F.cks_Not_Found Год назад +16

      @@bradstafford1401 actually closer to 2 days for urine, 6-8 hours for blood and 1-3 months for hair

    • @VeracityLH
      @VeracityLH Год назад +6

      I think the year is for the nail cuticle. But my experience was before they were testing that.

    • @slayingroosters4355
      @slayingroosters4355 Год назад +11

      You guys are so full of wisdom. How long does weed take to get out of your system? Just asking for a friend 😂

  • @Justincredibalz
    @Justincredibalz Год назад +45

    The police not being able to open a child-locked cabinet was probably a legal premise, not a skill-based one. A lot of jurisdictions they can't open anything locked without a warrant, though child-locks seem a bit of a grey area. Though, I do love the idea of a bunch of cops standing around a child-locked cabinet all scratching their heads.

    • @MissBee13
      @MissBee13 19 дней назад

      That’s when they deputize a kid from a local preschool

  • @FairbrookWingates
    @FairbrookWingates Год назад +102

    *a happy female subscriber*: Shout out to my fellow women watchers of Simon's many channels!

    • @peggywoods4327
      @peggywoods4327 Год назад +6

      Happy old broad here! Love me some Fact Boi 😂

    • @catherinegaskain6419
      @catherinegaskain6419 Год назад +4

      Grumpy old bag here! 😂

    • @missdragonfire
      @missdragonfire Год назад +4

      I am indeed female and a subscriber to several fact boy channels infact he seems to be taking over my RUclips!

    • @ciarafallon2033
      @ciarafallon2033 10 месяцев назад +2

      Me too 🎉

  • @asdisskagen6487
    @asdisskagen6487 Год назад +223

    Simon's expression of righteous anger about a man who hooked his wife up to an electric main through nipple clamps being convicted of murder is the absolute funniest thing I've seen in a while.

    • @RHCole
      @RHCole Год назад +31

      Yeah that shit is manslaughter at best.

    • @ToyJesusLovesTequilla
      @ToyJesusLovesTequilla Год назад +25

      @@RHColeI would even argue involuntary manslaughter… that or you have to create a new category of manslaughter through idiocy/due to horniness

    • @dark2023-1lovesoni
      @dark2023-1lovesoni Год назад +33

      In the US you can absolutely be convicted for accidental murder, that's exactly what 3rd degree murder is for (generally death caused by negligence, extreme apathy, or accident). The entire purpose is that it encompasses killings without malice.

    • @matthewpopow6647
      @matthewpopow6647 Год назад +17

      I have a picture in my head of the nipple clamps are jumper cables attached directly to the circuit breaker.

    • @GatorScientist
      @GatorScientist Год назад +37

      Yes; however, it is likely the investigation revealed his story was b.s. and the act was intentional.
      Especially since those devices NEVER use actual household current. Death can occur with only 50 mA due to muscle contraction and interruption of the heart's rythmn. It only takes 1 ~ 4.3 amps to totally stop the heart (especially since the path of current is through the chest in this case). Standard household current is 15 Amp (or more than 3X what it takes to kill you).

  • @marybroome7865
    @marybroome7865 Год назад +605

    Ah I feel so special as a female in the 20%. Thanks Simon.

  • @lovenothate
    @lovenothate Год назад +81

    I'm one of the 20% of your subscribers who are women :P I watch several of your channels regularly. THanks for the entertainment Simon!

    • @andiward7068
      @andiward7068 Год назад +2

      Now I'm curious to see the Venn diagram of subs a/s/l by channel. Like TopTenz or TIFU are prob most popular across the board while Megaprojects or Warographics are more niche and popular w/men than women.

    • @marlieshilgersom
      @marlieshilgersom Год назад

      ​@@andiward7068omg i didnt even know warographic existed. How does he have so many channels?

    • @dempseydoodle2010
      @dempseydoodle2010 Год назад +6

      Also part of the 20%, I'm kind of surprised that it is that heavily skewed to men, I'm subscribed to about 1/2 of Simon's channels

    • @katcaparula7898
      @katcaparula7898 Год назад +4

      I'm never even sure what channel I'm watching I'm subscribed to all of them. Unless it's the criminalist channel because then the videos are always reeeallllyyy long.

    • @andiward7068
      @andiward7068 Год назад +1

      @Marlies Hilgersom over a dozen. Highlight History is now hosted by one of his OG collabs but he's got tons left.
      Bio, Geo & Warographics, Into the Shadows, Decoding the Unknown, Casual Criminalist (most Simon of them all since Business went Brain Blaze), TopTenz, TIFU, MegaProjects, Sideprojects, and idr the rest without looking it up.

  • @michelletalnagi4281
    @michelletalnagi4281 Год назад +113

    Simon: "It's unlikely you're a women watching this."
    Me who owns multiple simon merch and remembers when this channel was suppose to be about businesses and the scrips would get a daily slapping: "Shit, that's news to me. Should I see a doctor? Is there something wrong with me?"

    • @MorganHorse
      @MorganHorse Год назад +7

      Tbh I am questioning if I’m non-binary I guess we know now 😂

    • @juliettemoss5048
      @juliettemoss5048 Год назад +3

      I'm right there with ya! Am I a statistical anomaly??

    • @cherrydragon3120
      @cherrydragon3120 Год назад +4

      😅 don't worry ladies, you're all beautifull in your own way.
      Don't let Simon tell you otherwise!
      Strange Anomalies can be cool too lol

    • @demial4
      @demial4 Год назад +2

      There is Sheath for women and Simon gets so excited about the men's version that I nearly bought myself a women's pair. I suppose he couldn't vouch for those himself

    • @MadScientist267
      @MadScientist267 11 месяцев назад

      Just a mountain full of snow

  • @darkamora5123
    @darkamora5123 Год назад +25

    Toby admitted he shocked her multiple times after she was unconscious Simon. She might have died from the initial shock after receiving medical treatment.that would be death by misadventure (or as you said horseplay)
    But she had already been hurt and he could reasonably infer that continuing the action that hurt her might prove fatal. He then shocked her repeatedly until she died. It may have been spur of the moment, but that absolutely sounds like he intended to kill her.
    He fulfilled both requirements for a death to be considered murder, at least in the jury's estimation (and mine).
    Just like a fist fight and a lucky (or unlucky) blow causing an instant death and pummeling someone's head once they are unconscious until their brains leak out, what could have happened and what did happen are two different things. Screw Toby.

  • @diyeana
    @diyeana Год назад +96

    I would like Sheath to start creating comfortable bras, please. They can call them Cups or Straps.

    • @itsdan722
      @itsdan722 Год назад +8

      Bras are better on the bedroom floor

    • @FragginWagon76
      @FragginWagon76 Год назад +37

      In keeping with the weapon imagery, probably Sling

    • @diyeana
      @diyeana Год назад +10

      @@FragginWagon76 there we go! Thanks!

    • @knitpiks587
      @knitpiks587 Год назад +3

      Jugs

    • @rchltrrs
      @rchltrrs Год назад +1

      ​@@FragginWagon76yesss!!

  • @JohnCooper-gm6mn
    @JohnCooper-gm6mn Год назад +42

    The phrase you're looking for Simon is "Death by Misadventure".
    Also, while this does mean that the death is ruled an accident due to actions undertaken by the deceased voluntarily, it does not preclude any other involved parties from being prosecuted.
    This means they would be charged with something other than murder, such as gross negligence manslaughter or willful misconduct.

    • @darkamora5123
      @darkamora5123 Год назад +6

      And had she been rendered unconscious by their sex act and died in hospital a minor charge (pardon the pun it is actually unintentional)
      against the husband would be appropriate.
      He admitted to shocking her repeatedly once she was unconscious, until she died. That is no longer misadventure. Toby absolutely intended her death.

    • @Raiethstar
      @Raiethstar Год назад

      I’m pretty sure he told his diary he planned on killing her by making it look like a sex act gone wrong

    • @OldSchoolLPsGames
      @OldSchoolLPsGames Год назад +5

      @@darkamora5123 from doing a little more reading on this, apparently he also had told people that if he ever killed his wife, he'd make it look like kinky sex. Obviously that's not enough for a conviction by itself, but it does make you go "hmmm".

  • @StrongDreamsWaitHere
    @StrongDreamsWaitHere Год назад +555

    Simon, you can’t drop the “coital Darwin awards” and a new Casual Criminalist at the same time. That’s cruelty to your audience.

    • @RHCole
      @RHCole Год назад +46

      And it's a CasCrim about a sex cult. Like COME ON factboi!

    • @The_Republic_of_Ireland
      @The_Republic_of_Ireland Год назад +40

      Fact boi is horni boi today

    • @marcbeebee6969
      @marcbeebee6969 Год назад +6

      😂

    • @michaelmoore7975
      @michaelmoore7975 Год назад +13

      Worst true/lie fake/fact involving coitus was the guy who got red pepper flakes up into his deekhoe as a result of probing a rear ass-ault on someone who previously ingested them.
      Gives a whole new meaning to _"firehose."_

    • @slaphappysmokey1
      @slaphappysmokey1 Год назад +4

      😆😆😆😆

  • @The_Republic_of_Ireland
    @The_Republic_of_Ireland Год назад +53

    This. Needs. Part 2!

  • @illinglaw13
    @illinglaw13 Год назад +36

    Shocked to find out I am 1 of the mere 20% of women that watch this channel. Come on ladies, this is quality blaze.

    • @_nobodyxi
      @_nobodyxi Год назад

      Congratulations

    • @MorganHorse
      @MorganHorse Год назад +2

      There are definitely some moments where I’m like bruh these bros don’t realize but there are also definitely moments where I’m like yep, these guys get it.

  • @Billhatestheinternet
    @Billhatestheinternet Год назад +19

    The first Darwin Award I ever read went as follows: Man is attempting to clean his chimney. The chain he was using didn't have enough power and mass to break up the creosote, so he took the chain to his workshop to find something to weld to the end. He found a heavy metal object, and proceeded to strike an arc. BOOM! The object he was trying to weld to the chain was a hand grenade.

    • @MsJubjubbird
      @MsJubjubbird Год назад +5

      The first one I read was about the guy who tried DIY bungee jumping, not accounting for the fact during preparations that the cord stretches

    • @ViewingChaos
      @ViewingChaos Год назад +3

      I read one about a guy who, half way up a tree standing on a branch...
      sawed off the branch directly above his head

    • @Billhatestheinternet
      @Billhatestheinternet Год назад

      @@ViewingChaos My dad hired some tree surgeons when I was in high school; these guys lived up to the trailer park redneck trope. One of these idiots was stopped by the lead guy on the ground; this dipshit had just observed sawing the branch he was on, saw between him and trunk of tree, Looney Toons style.

  • @jamdoodles
    @jamdoodles Год назад +31

    I worked at a grocery store for 2.5 months before going away to college & genuinely lost enough sense of time that I thought it'd been a year. It was so terrifically dull & soul crushing. I don't know how folks do it but we couldn't live like we do without them so I have big respect for them. My boss wanted to send me off to mngmnt school & I was as far from interested as possible. It takes a kind of mind that I don't have to do that, but I'm glad people exist who do.

    • @FairbrookWingates
      @FairbrookWingates Год назад +5

      There; perfect response. Clearly not a job for you but recognizing the need of those who will do it and respecting them. All folks should spend time in a service job before going on to other things if they wish. Might make everyone more considerate of each other. (Put in my time at fast food and grocery before going into medicine.)

    • @LoPhatKao
      @LoPhatKao Год назад +8

      i had to get out of a sedentary high-stress job and _chose_ grocery
      it is an essential service that people take for granted

    • @raeganj6744
      @raeganj6744 Год назад +1

      I’ve been working at a grocery store part time while in college for 2 years and it has been really boring at times but I get through it cause I like my coworkers and some of the regular customers. The store I work at is locally owned though so maybe it’s better than working at like Walmart

  • @ignitionfrn2223
    @ignitionfrn2223 Год назад +40

    2:45 - Mid roll ads
    4:30 - Back to the video
    4:45 - Chapter 1 - Condom save lives
    9:40 - Chapter 2 - Homemade nipple clamps
    14:35 - Chapter 3 - Piano man
    17:55 - Chapter 4 - Anything to win a bet
    20:55 - Chapter 5 - Sex on a hot tin roof
    22:20 - Chapter 6 - Check your carbon monoxide detectors

  • @d2maveric
    @d2maveric Год назад +18

    18:20 actually that WAS a fascinating tangent Simon. Good on you.

  • @electriccityentertainment
    @electriccityentertainment Год назад +68

    For those wondering - the term he is looking for is coitus interruptus. Not great for preventing pregnancy, but great when you are into Harry Potter roleplay.

    • @atheistmom3591
      @atheistmom3591 Год назад +7

      Most underrated comment award. 🏆
      Me and Electric - same page. 😂

    • @RHCole
      @RHCole Год назад +3

      It is actually only a few percentage points shy of being as effective as a prophylactic. Simon did a TIFO video about it 👍🏻

    • @OldSchoolLPsGames
      @OldSchoolLPsGames Год назад +3

      @@RHCole the problem is that you actually have to do it in the moment. Not everyone is good at that. The "practical" effectiveness is much, much lower than the theoretical effectiveness. To be fair, the same goes for every other sort of birth control - but taking a pill every day or wearing a condom is more likely to be done correctly.

    • @beckiehubley5798
      @beckiehubley5798 Год назад

      ​@@OldSchoolLPsGames there can be sperm in pre-cum as well. But it is better than nothing, for sure.

    • @oxylepy2
      @oxylepy2 Год назад

      ​@@OldSchoolLPsGamesThe practical application is about 22/100 pregnancies after 1 year, or 78%.
      If you want to engage in it and have a decent level of longevity you can just do something else after they have "enjoyed" it, that's what I've always done.

  • @lornayounger1414
    @lornayounger1414 Год назад +8

    First thing that popped into my mind after reading the title was a limerick I heard when I was a kid. There once was a couple named Kelly who had to walk belly to belly because in their haste they used library paste instead of petroleum jelly.

    • @anna9072
      @anna9072 4 месяца назад +2

      I learned it as:
      A honeymoon couple named Kelly
      Spent their honeymoon belly to belly
      Because in their haste
      They used library paste
      Instead of petroleum jelly.

  • @EpicgamerwinXD6669
    @EpicgamerwinXD6669 Год назад +28

    Another Brain Blaze video I never knew I wanted, but I’m so happy to see!

  • @dameneko
    @dameneko Год назад +31

    Ahhh, Carol Doda. She had a lingerie shop on Union Street in SF after she retired from performing at the Condor. The Condor is more of a basic sports bar now. When I was a kid, I was fascinated by stories that she'd injected her chest with silicone. She passed away a few years ago, IIRC. Some old-school places in North Beach had memorials for her.

    • @firstmkb
      @firstmkb Год назад +5

      Silicone injections used to be the standard for breast augmentation, until they linked them to cancer. Then they started using silicone implants, but I think those were problematic too, if they leaked. As far as I know, saline implants are harmless, at least to the body.

    • @cool_water-H20
      @cool_water-H20 Год назад

      Now it's topless again! It converted back to a strip club in 2011

    • @gorkskoal9315
      @gorkskoal9315 Год назад

      Is it bad I know of the places you might be talking about? Wait she has a memorial on north beach? is it still there? because it's been renovated several times.

  • @maurer3d
    @maurer3d Год назад +8

    14:00 In the US we have murder 1 (which is intentionally ending a life), murder 2 (which is ending a life in a way that a person should know has a high likelihood of death), and involuntary manslaughter (which is accidental death).

    • @captainfunktastic2255
      @captainfunktastic2255 Год назад +4

      Correction: Involuntary manslaughter is when someone - while not directly intending to take a life - does something dangerous or with great disregard for safety that results in someone elses death.
      Negligent homicide is when you - with action or inaction - knowingly create the circumstances in which a death occurs, and do nothing to prevent it.
      Accidental death is when someone is killed by something which no one could've have reasonably expected, prepared for, or protected against.

  • @imzadi83fanvids7
    @imzadi83fanvids7 Год назад +8

    Story 2: I remember being taught that you use something non-metal like a broom handle or chair leg to pull the plug out of the socket if you suspect electrocution to prevent electrocuting yourself.

  • @jazzerzzz22
    @jazzerzzz22 Год назад +10

    I didn't realize till now how bad we needed Simon to start a brain blaze with "s--- is going to get spiceyyyy."

  • @wildgr33n
    @wildgr33n Год назад +13

    omfg dying at that electrified 'no don't do it' meme edit 🤣🤣🤣

    • @samuel_avila
      @samuel_avila Год назад +4

      I made it while putting clamps on my nip--

  • @KarrierBag
    @KarrierBag Год назад +5

    13:00 when I was about 3 (1970) I found an old pair of headphones, they had a two pin connector, same as a 2 pin shaver, I stuck the lead into an adapter and had them on my head, adapter was already pluged into a 230v 3 pin socket, my dad walked in and ripped them off my head as I was about to switch them on, I was convinced little people lived in the electric sockets and made the power and I would hear them.
    Bloody lucky my dad came in.

    • @KarrierBag
      @KarrierBag Год назад

      24:00 I got 2 carbon monoxide alarms in my boat, we have to have at least one by law.

  • @kyleeconrad
    @kyleeconrad Год назад +7

    We have what's called "death by misadventure" here in the States, but I think in the nipple clamp couple case they went with the gross negligence/indifference angle.

  • @chrispycryptic
    @chrispycryptic Год назад +2

    LOL Simon's editors putting the F*cking clip in there is a nod to the true underdog of comedy gold. Cheers!

  • @AllDayBikes
    @AllDayBikes Год назад +17

    It was hard to watch this episode eating, I was laughing too much at the amount of times Simon said "glued his cock/penis shut", or the anger about everything else, lmfao.
    This is my favorite channel on this wretched platform lol

    • @gorkskoal9315
      @gorkskoal9315 Год назад

      lol how the hell would homeboy use the bafroom?

  • @Ottobon
    @Ottobon Год назад +1

    Simon 80/20 m to f is actually massive for a channel like this. You would have no idea how many similar are lucky to see 2%

  • @Zyo117
    @Zyo117 Год назад +9

    When I worked retail, you got paid until close. There was no time after closing to front out product. You had to do that while cleaning up and while customers were still shopping.

    • @ChakkyCharizard
      @ChakkyCharizard Год назад +2

      Can confirm, work retail. The only time we do that is on Christmas

  • @LittleCuteNekogirl
    @LittleCuteNekogirl Год назад +19

    A classy strip club is called a burlesque show and people are actually a lot more open about both working there and attending the shows because it's considered art™.

  • @orderneo
    @orderneo Год назад +8

    Sergei is a legend that is the way that I always wanted to go out.

  • @SchismTP
    @SchismTP Год назад +1

    When dealing with electricity, keep something nonconductive nearby. My brother interned at a tool manufacturer repairing batteries. They kept a broomstick near the bench for WHEN someone did a bad home wiring work. Tool batteries have just enough power to lock you onto something when the charge goes into you. A smack with the stick was all it took to break the connection. There was one or two incidents every week.

  • @naturallyflorida9052
    @naturallyflorida9052 Год назад +119

    I miss when Simon used to beat the shit out of the script

    • @SegwayBossk
      @SegwayBossk Год назад +6

      Hello Florida I am also a Florida

    • @cyrille768
      @cyrille768 Год назад +7

      This way he doesn't have to wear pants

    • @Sniperboy5551
      @Sniperboy5551 Год назад +10

      And when he paced around the entire time… me too.

    • @MrEnjoivolcom1
      @MrEnjoivolcom1 Год назад +9

      I've said it for a while now but I think he should sign and sell his scripts after each episode! Auction, whatever how.

    • @MikeyCyan
      @MikeyCyan Год назад +4

      I get why he stopped, as that was probably alot of paper... but itd be funny if he had a stack of blank paper to smack around for callback purposes

  • @AnamLiath
    @AnamLiath Год назад +6

    In HS we used to play a version of truth or dare that involved sitting on a carpeted wooden stool and being challenged to answer within a certain time limit or talking continuously on topic for same. The stool had nails through the seat and the sharp ends on the bottom were soldered to wires attached to a crank phone battery found in the basement. It wasn't dangerous, but damn it was painful.
    Now, I'm one of the minority of women watching this channel, which maybe explains why I was involved at all. It was a matter of honor and pretty funny until someone's parents came home early to investigate the shrieks.

  • @Phatxual
    @Phatxual Год назад +10

    You guys always manage to make me audibly 'lol' and I hate how much I love it😂🖤💯

  • @misteryman526
    @misteryman526 Год назад +1

    The thing about working retail stocking shelves and doing that facing thing is that you still find yourself 'fixing' the merch on grocery store shelves years later when doing your own shopping.

  • @suemccarthy3195
    @suemccarthy3195 Год назад +3

    I'm obviously part of the 20%, Simon it's facing off, not facing out 😂😂😂 love all your channels

  • @ryurc3033
    @ryurc3033 Год назад +3

    Battery powered=3-9 bolts
    Car battery= 12v
    Main outlet = in America 110v, but fairly certain other places are 220v
    One thing I've heard (may not be correct)
    It's possible to get stuck to 110 if you touch it, but 220 will knock you back. I've been shocked by both.
    110 was way more painful than 220.

    • @jameslake7775
      @jameslake7775 Год назад

      Getting stuck to or knocked back isn’t determined by the voltage, it’s determined by the type of current. AC messes with your muscles and nerves in a way where your more likely to seize up, and thus be unable to free yourself.
      Not sure about pain, but lethality is driven by amperage rather than voltage. Stun guns operate way, way, way above mains voltage, but they’re extremely low-current.

  • @fruitygemini
    @fruitygemini 11 месяцев назад

    I had to pause the video in the intro, just to tell you how much I appreciate your humor, Simon! And you, too! Thank you for being yourself! Watching your videos brings a smile, and laughs, to me.

  • @Mister_MS.PAC-MAN
    @Mister_MS.PAC-MAN Год назад +12

    This guy is the spitting image of the dude who does Casual Criminalist lol

  • @BitwiseMobile
    @BitwiseMobile Год назад

    You're absolutely right about removing the electric. I'm not a first responder, but I did work in an electronics shop on a ship in the Navy. They had some very deadly sources of power in that shop, and we had a wooden cane that we were supposed to use to remove anyone from the "electrics". It' was a big ass cane - like 6 fee long with a large hook at the end. You were supposed to grab there person with the hook, and since it's wooden it won't conduct. You can't perform first aid until you remove them from any source of current.

  • @pebblesandwoowoo
    @pebblesandwoowoo Год назад +8

    I don't know why, but I feel I want us all to remember Sergi, it's a story so ridiculous but it's true. He deserves to be remembered lol

    • @davidrobinson4400
      @davidrobinson4400 Год назад

      I want to know how they managed to get his coffin lid closed...

  • @Dr.AngelBean
    @Dr.AngelBean Год назад

    Omg the FMA outtake being used! That’s obscure! Well done.

  • @kimhohlmayer7018
    @kimhohlmayer7018 Год назад +5

    More men than women watch Blaze? I love your program and never thought it was geared towards one sex or another. I am a woman though my name can be for a man or a woman. I’m not a Kimberly. Just a Kim. Anyway, you can see by my tangent that I find many points of Brain Blaze enjoyable and informative.

  • @Thegardener87
    @Thegardener87 Год назад +2

    I have 2 pairs of sheath boxers from the last time one of Simon's channels was sponsored by them and they have improved my life immeasurably. If you like wearing skinny jeans or slim fit trousers, but your balls stick to your leg, these are the answer. They are amazing and thank you for the discount code. They aren't cheap but they are well well worth it.

  • @rachelwitherspoon4394
    @rachelwitherspoon4394 Год назад +10

    Kevin, Yay!!!!!! Can't wait for this one😂😂😂 Also, you don't have to intend deathto be guilty of homicide, you just gotta kill someone.

    • @maledictionwolf
      @maledictionwolf Год назад +1

      In the US unintentional death is usually manslaughter, murder generally requires intent--though there are some exceptions and as always it varies state by state.
      I feel like homicide is the wrong term to use, as that's a cause of death (death by human being), murder and manslaughter are the crimes which result in homicides IIRC.

    • @glich6035
      @glich6035 Год назад +2

      Pretty explicitly not the case, plenty of places have a bunch of laws that tier causing someone's death. From the various degrees of intent, to manslaughter in multiple flavours. He even talks about the law where death by "roughhousing" is a thing, that's not the name as it escapes me but it does exist
      Though yes all of those fall under the blanket term "homicide" that's not what your charged with. You charged with a specific brand of it.
      Edit: death by misadventure

    • @glich6035
      @glich6035 Год назад +3

      You can be found guilty regardless yes, but it isn't right.
      Tho in this case it might be unreliable info trickle down, don't quote me but apparently this might have just been a murder. That or his coworkers reeeeally didn't like him.

    • @rachelwitherspoon4394
      @rachelwitherspoon4394 Год назад

      @@glich6035 in North America, you can be charged and convicted of homicide homicide requires only a volitional act or omission that causes the death of another, and thus a homicide may result from accidental, reckless, or negligent acts even if there is no intent to cause harm.

  • @BlackHearthguard
    @BlackHearthguard Год назад

    CPR protocol at least several years ago, is DRABC which means check for Danger, check for Response (shake the patient, yell, etc), check Airway, check if they're breathing and check Circulation.

  • @ziggymarlowe5654
    @ziggymarlowe5654 Год назад +21

    Engaged in coitus? But coitaling is hilarious.

    • @gnarthdarkanen7464
      @gnarthdarkanen7464 Год назад +2

      Well, if we're going to be strict about the mechanics of Latin (without taking poetic license of course) from when "coitus" comes, you can tell by it ending in "-us" that it's a noun, and probably masculine... English allows for using nouns to "coin" verbs on the spot, but it would have been a dubious artistic manipulation in the days of Roman emperors and Senate orations.
      While this still makes your original suggestion "correct", as coitus is the ACT, itself, being referred to as a "thing" (nature of a noun), I thought you'd find confidence in knowing "why" it works like that. ;o)

    • @ziggymarlowe5654
      @ziggymarlowe5654 Год назад +1

      @@gnarthdarkanen7464 always good to get the ‘why’ and now I’m laughing again , not at you, but the coitaling thing😂

    • @gnarthdarkanen7464
      @gnarthdarkanen7464 Год назад +1

      @@ziggymarlowe5654 Thanks... I'm laughing at Simon's mental gymnastics trying to avoid saying "f*cking" and still keep it funny... ;o)

  • @naumche1
    @naumche1 Год назад

    “Facing up the store”. We used to say “Hollywood it” ie, bring stuff to the front to make the shelves look full and tidy, when I worked in a department store and the higher up managers would come to visit.

  • @Rekuzan
    @Rekuzan Год назад +4

    Hearing Simon say 'Titty Bar'; my life is now complete!

  • @digitaldealer
    @digitaldealer Год назад

    SIMON !! - wish all ur videos were this entertaining !!!. This is the gold standard

  • @Jakey4000
    @Jakey4000 Год назад +12

    I can answer some of your viagra questions as a pharmacist, like all things it ultimately depends haha. Here in NZ we sell boxes of 4 and 12, the max dosage in a given 24 hour period is 100mg, or usually one tablet although they do come in 25, 50, and 100mg.
    I couldn't find anything on viagra bottles in Russia, and also quantities he took.

    • @Souls4Roca
      @Souls4Roca Год назад +1

      hey, at least he went off with blast

    • @firstmkb
      @firstmkb Год назад

      Pfizer cites LD50 for Viagra (dosage causing a 50% chance of death [in rabbits]) at 2,000 mg per kilogram of body weight. Assuming he weighed 70kg (154 pounds for us backwards Americans), he would have needed to consume 1400 of the 100mg horse pills to have a 50% chance of death from toxicity.
      It is a vasodilator, so his blood pressure could have dropped far enough to starve his brain - at a guess.
      The National Institute of Health DID actually report a death in 2002, but the guy was already a mess. And exceeds my medical understanding.
      A fatal case of sildenafil citrate (Viagra) overdosage is presented. The deceased was a 56-year old male found dead at home, with a past history of diabetes mellitus, hypertension, chronic alcoholism, anxio-depressive disorders, and erectile dysfunction. The main autopsy findings were cardiomegaly (650 g) with dilated cardiomyopathy, diffuse coronary atherosclerosis with no sign of acute ischaemic disease, and extensive fibrosis of the myocardium, especially affecting the cardiac conducting tissue. As measured by HPLC/MS, sildenafil concentration in postrmortem blood (6.27 microg/mL) exceeded at least four times the highest therapeutic levels previously reported. The results are discussed in the light of the literature about the cardiovascular side effects of sildenafil, with special emphasis on the recently evidenced arrhythmogenic potential of the drug. This is the first report of a fatality caused by sildenafil overdosage.

    • @Jakey4000
      @Jakey4000 Год назад

      @@Souls4Roca that's true, what a way to go out! It seems he died with the misconception that viagra magically gives boners, it just allows the patient to get an erection as if they had normal penile function. If he'd already arrived multiple times it's likely his member couldn't keep it up anymore.
      Protip, if you want to last all day don't go with viagra as it has a more limited window of action, cialis (tadalafil) has an all day effect, it's more pricy but it allows someone to take it in the morning and be more spontaneous with when they decide to get it on with their partner. Worth it if you can afford it as I can only imagine taking viagra to be a pain

  • @joemc432
    @joemc432 Год назад

    I don't know what was more amusing Simon's telling of the story of the story it self

  • @evilwelshman
    @evilwelshman Год назад +6

    Regarding the "mens rea" part, maybe I'm mistaken but I think the way it works is whether the person intended to do the action, rather than the outcome; i.e. what matters is that he knew he was zapping her with electricity that was connected to the mains (and that a reasonable person could foresee that death was a logical outcome), not necessarily whether he was trying to kill her when he did so. For example, someone stabbing a person would be guilty. Perhaps though, rather than homicide, manslaughter might've been more appropriate?
    Part of the issue here - I suspect - is that we only have the person's word that she consented. It's akin to the situation where people have murdered their partner by strangling them and then later claim it was just "rough sex".

    • @darkamora5123
      @darkamora5123 Год назад +2

      Also that she had already been rendered unconscious and he then claimed to take over shocking her, multiple times. Until she died. He absolutely murdered her. He knew she was hurt and kept at it until her death.
      Moreover, they had multiple witnesses , coworkers, who he had conversed with and said "If I ever decide to kill my wife, I'll make it look like a kinky sex accident. "
      While that has no evidentiary value (as hearsay) the prosecution used it as proof of his state of mind. Luckily they didn't need to prove he killed his wife, he admitted that, just convince a jury that he murdered her rather than being negligently responsible for an accident.

    • @MsJubjubbird
      @MsJubjubbird Год назад

      in the US they have different degrees of murder, of which the lower levels probably incorporate what would be considered more voluntary forms of manslaughter in some other countries

  • @KlaximumSkroeft
    @KlaximumSkroeft Год назад +1

    Sam, masterful edit, my good man!

  • @leightonolsson4846
    @leightonolsson4846 Год назад +4

    Now I'm imagining WhistleBoy in just the those sheath underpants while he does a tonne of coke. Which, oddly, I have never done before. I'm usually too distracted by the most excellent beard

  • @GatorScientist
    @GatorScientist Год назад +1

    Simon you are correct that the first action for electrical shock is to remove the power source
    OR
    If unable to turn off the power, use a nonconductive item to remove the victim from the threat.

  • @Blackmage169
    @Blackmage169 Год назад +5

    yes! more darwin awards please :D

  • @colbypennington4641
    @colbypennington4641 10 месяцев назад

    Matches my training when I was an EMT -- First thing drilled into us was 'Scene Safety' which translated to making sure there wasn't anything trying to hurt/kill us lol

  • @SeanNyte
    @SeanNyte Год назад +7

    And one of the highlights of my day!
    Your newest upload... And it sounds like this is gonna be an interesting video! 🤣🤣🤣
    I can't imagine what crazy ways people have earned a Darwin Award while having intercourse...

  • @BarbaricAvatar
    @BarbaricAvatar Год назад

    7:40 A legendary response to various probing questions right there. "None that can be detected my good man!"
    Although don't use it in an airport.

  • @joniroxanne96
    @joniroxanne96 Год назад +11

    Speaking of electrocution...
    That happened to me once while drying my hair. 😳
    I can *still* remember *my heart literally stopping* for a while! 😰
    And that wasn't, like, when I was a kid; that was a few years ago! 💀

    • @firstmkb
      @firstmkb Год назад +2

      Before GFCI was built in to hairdryers for the US market?
      I had a bad experience with a broken extension cord in our garage as a kid, before GFCI was available. I mostly remember not being able to let go, and trying to scream. I think I finally grounded myself (by accident), or I wouldn’t have lived.

    • @martynlamb2169
      @martynlamb2169 Год назад +1

      I remember as a kid, plugging the aerial in to the vcr. I got a shock. It was short, but painful (thanks to ac current). My arm was twitching after that.

    • @joniroxanne96
      @joniroxanne96 Год назад

      @@firstmkb I'm from Croatia, I'm unfamiliar with those intricacies. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    • @Mark_Agamotto1313_Smith
      @Mark_Agamotto1313_Smith Год назад

      @@joniroxanne96 GFCI is Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter, it is basically a circuit breaker that trips when grounded/shorted out.

    • @michaeltempsch5282
      @michaeltempsch5282 Год назад

      @@Mark_Agamotto1313_Smith works by checking how much current that is flowing in the phase wire compared to the neutral conductor. (Technically by running both conductors through a small transformer - if the current is the same, as the wires are going in the opposite directions, there will be nothing resulting on the output.)
      If not the same, then there's current going somewhere it shouldn't, either directly to ground or through somebody to ground...
      Sensitive enough that the shock might still hurt, but it should trip before the current kills you.

  • @TnT_F0X
    @TnT_F0X Год назад +1

    18:27 I feel personally attacked... that looks exactly like an adult version of me in High School... the hair, wispy mustache... everything....
    And you're grilling him hard XD
    I got long hair and one chin now... but that looks like an AI generated adult version if you put in me from middle or high school.

  • @Hillbilly001
    @Hillbilly001 Год назад +3

    Blaze me Tangent Boy! I need it today. Cheers

  • @luckyspurs
    @luckyspurs Год назад +1

    Literally having to get a boiler replaced right now because of a tiny (but still there) amount of Carbon Monoxide leaking from the old one.
    Basically had if switched off for about 2 weeks and had to live the way your grandparents always tell you they did in the 50s; cold water bathing at the sink; a kettle or two to warm it up, if lucky.
    Fortunately it's a council house or I would be extremely broke right now.

  • @nerdlingeeksly5192
    @nerdlingeeksly5192 Год назад +3

    Simon your magnificent beard keeps growing larger and larger.

    • @noth606
      @noth606 Год назад

      He needs hair on his head, just aesthetically. I was in the army and had to stay out in the woods for weeks on end, shaved everything with end result of looking like a total psycho.

    • @nerdlingeeksly5192
      @nerdlingeeksly5192 Год назад

      @@noth606 I think he shaves his head because he has a receding hair line that doesn't look too good, one of those that has the hair on the front disappear in an awkward way

  • @TM-yn4iu
    @TM-yn4iu Год назад

    Wonderfully informative/factual piece of the world. Just found your channell - not looking, but information whether reading or watching is always a great piece of my day.

  • @luckyspurs
    @luckyspurs Год назад +6

    Kevin had way too much fun writing this one.

  • @Chris.Pontius
    @Chris.Pontius Год назад +1

    O my god, an actual BMS edit by Sam. My hero.

  • @kendraspenard8792
    @kendraspenard8792 Год назад +3

    You just blew my mind, Simon! 🤯
    Us ladies Really only represent 20% of your listeners?! 😮
    I need to get more women clocked on to your great content!

  • @roberpic
    @roberpic Год назад +1

    I haven't belly laughed this hard in a long time! Thank you! Thank you!

  • @razornaut
    @razornaut Год назад +3

    I remember reading that Darwin award mentioned at the beginning... It was so much worse. It also included a bear.

  • @bigstve61345
    @bigstve61345 Год назад

    This video is a roller coaster of emotions!!

  • @MichaelEilers
    @MichaelEilers Год назад +6

    Ok, need to move to a room where no one can hear me laughing hysterically

    • @samuel_avila
      @samuel_avila Год назад

      You can come to the blazement with us, nobody ever hears us screaming

  • @keshacunningham-dockery9442
    @keshacunningham-dockery9442 Год назад +1

    I guess I'm in the 20%....and I've been watching you since 2017 on all of your youtube channels 😊

  • @CarlyMonster
    @CarlyMonster Год назад +20

    20 percent here!
    Please tell Shealth to make a sportsbra for big boobie girls that lifts, separates and is EASY to put on!

    • @andiward7068
      @andiward7068 Год назад +3

      It's only a matter of time, esp if the creator gets/has busty woman in his circle. Fingers crossed!

    • @Cynical.spooks
      @Cynical.spooks Год назад +2

      Yes!

  • @andymcneil7085
    @andymcneil7085 Год назад +1

    Excellent post as per. Still love those tangents too Simon.

  • @austin5407
    @austin5407 Год назад +5

    Simon's mannerisms are directly proportional to his beard. His side commentary seems to be greater as his beard grows.

    • @Mark_Agamotto1313_Smith
      @Mark_Agamotto1313_Smith Год назад +1

      I wonder how much side commentary we will get when it is the equal of ZZ Top?!

  • @frocat5163
    @frocat5163 Год назад

    It's worth noting that outlets in the US, wall outlets only carry 120V at 15 - 20 amps, rather than the 230V at 3 - 13 amps in UK outlets. You can shock yourself with a wall outlet in the US without killing or even seriously injuring yourself. The main danger from being shocked by 120V is that it can make your muscles contract, making it impossible to release or move away from the thing shocking you. It can also make your heart stop if the shock hits your system at the exact right (wrong?) time. Pretty much any other death from 120V is an outlier.

  • @itsapittie
    @itsapittie Год назад +4

    Simon has me so scared of carbon monoxide that I bought a CO detector for my all-electric house.

  • @Alexa-Raine
    @Alexa-Raine Год назад

    I'm so glad i know what electric kits you played with "as a kid". 😅 12:55

  • @michaelmoore7975
    @michaelmoore7975 Год назад +7

    Worst true/lie fake/fact involving coitus was the guy who got red pepper flakes up into his deekhoe as a result of probing a rear ass-ault on someone who previously ingested them.
    Gives a whole new meaning to _"firehose."_

  • @Magnosummit
    @Magnosummit Год назад +1

    Cool! I was in high school in York county, Pennsylvania at the time of the homemade nipple clamp debacle. I looked it up and it happened in York county. 😅

    • @bearstarpresents2264
      @bearstarpresents2264 Год назад

      Could make an intercourse joke but that’s in Lancaster county.

  • @jaredrobinson7071
    @jaredrobinson7071 Год назад +2

    my mouth hit the floor. Why, why why why why why. What on Earth would make anyone think that would be a healthy idea.

  • @PeachM0de
    @PeachM0de Год назад +1

    Oh Simon, you cheeky bastard.

  • @JonnyMack33
    @JonnyMack33 Год назад +6

    Always good when Simon uses his Law Degree to sling those facts! #FreeToby

  • @czarinacourtneyal-marmont4699
    @czarinacourtneyal-marmont4699 Год назад

    “You have to pull it out!” Finally! (This would have behooved us all in the 1st story Elmer!)

  • @ilajoie3
    @ilajoie3 Год назад +3

    Scene safety is a top priority for first responders. You don't want to potentially increase the number of victims

  • @carsonm7292
    @carsonm7292 Год назад +2

    Christ this episode was a rollercoaster and a half

  • @harrisonbergeron9764
    @harrisonbergeron9764 Год назад +3

    Insert Richard Gere Rumor Here. Allegedly

  • @TnT_F0X
    @TnT_F0X Год назад +1

    19:19 if two women asked me that in a bar -and some hub themed camera wasn't there filming-
    I'd immediately think I was about to get jumped and NOPE to the nearest crowded place.