Improve Your Social Skills in Under 30 Minutes, with Ramit Sethi
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- Опубликовано: 6 июн 2024
- ►What if you could talk to anyone, anytime, using the power of body language to create
an instant connection? Here's how: go.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/...
Do you wish you could meet new people, hold meaningful conversations, and develop closer friendships...without all the anxiety and trial-and-error? Find out how in this exclusive how-to video.
1:38 How to get your point across without getting interrupted.
5:45 Talk to strangers and keep the conversation going.
13:48 Politely wrap up a conversation
17:00 Become a compelling storyteller
20:45 Make small talk with anyone
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When you're in a group and that one talkative person leaves then everyone slowly splits up.
HAHAHAHA> Then you're in the wrong group dude
Lovely video content! Sorry for the intrusion, I am interested in your thoughts. Have you tried - Mahorrla Increasing Confidence Method (probably on Google)? It is an awesome one of a kind product for dealing with} Self Confidence without the headache. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my best friend Jordan finally got amazing success with it.
I’m that person lol
Also applies to group chats
For real tho
biggest weakness is trying to engange with people asking them questions, commenting on their answers BUT they dont even try to carry on conversation
:) true
I guess that's me, either because I feel like I don't have any interest in talking at the moment or just can't think of anything to say.
+Jenny Fierro Amway hi everyone ,if anyone else needs to find out about how to use hypnosis effectively try Vaxicorn Hypno Expert Guide (just google it ) ? Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my friend got amazing results with it.
Use open ended questions , not close ended questions
+Jenny Fierro Amway I have spent months studying how to become wealthy and successful and discovered an awesome resource at Magic Progress Shortcut (google it if you are interested)
I'm afraid of saying something incorrect and be made fun of. I also tend to completely freeze in a conversation not knowing what to say next.
yess same
I sometimes do that just make a joke out of it
+Rute Leitao Yes.
i always freeze out 15-20 mins in a conversation unless someone else brings something up
That happens to me too...
ive been learning that the reason that happens is because we are affraid of what people may think of you.
so the thing is to try not to have fear.
i completely fail at smalltalk. i have no issues having deep conversations etc because i know a lots of stuff. but at small talk i completely fail it just seems so stupid
SuicideFixated Might seem stupid. But people do not want to alway have deep conversations. Or if they are looking for a good time, they do not want to spend time being educated. That what work is for and your alone time.
SuicideFixated A good rule of thumb is, what was funny in second grade is still funny. Small talk doesn't have to be hilarious but should induce a little smile. Find something in your environment and poke fun at it. 9 times out of 10 the other person will join in with you. Next thing you know 10 minutes of small talk just happened, and you now know what topics this person is receptive to when it comes to deeper conversation. This helped me a lot. It's also really funny when the other person takes to a crazy level you were'net expecting at all.
Well, you need to established small talk, and order to get the conversation to a deeper level. Especially with strangers.
SuicideFixated you seem like an intp in the mbti personality test
You just wrote my whole life in your comment.
i was gonna stop watching this video but i couldn't. this guy really knows how to talk to people and keep them interested. very interesting stuff
***** yes I agree. I study ICT but I'm also very interested in psychology. I would use these skills to escape awkward situations, even if these skills are unnatural.
Its 30 fucking minutes wtf
Same i was gonna watch the intro then finish it later but I was glued!
Only watched it cause I wanted to learn and I watched it at 1.5x speed
my biggest weakness is trying to engage people in a conversation and trying to relate to them but fumbling my words, and then getting nervous to the point where I don't know what to say!! i am pretty confident with people i know, but then with people i don't i become this nervous, shy ball of awkward!!
umm same here
same here. it's wierd going on the Internet and finding tons of people with the same problem because it seems when I go out to the real world, NO ONE else has these problems and I'm always the only awkward one... it sucks
+Josh White that's just how i feel
Josh White i feel ya josh :( we should all be friends! hahah in a perfect world :)
+Sofia Mastro ;)
I often feel I don't fit in. An outsider. And the problem is not in the fact that English is my second language. I experience similar awkwardness speaking in my mother tongue. I am usually brave enough to start a conversation but fail miserably at keeping a person interested in either what I'm saying or continuing to have a conversation with me. I feel uncomfortable meeting new people due to the fear of rejection. Would love the opportunity to get down to it and break free.
Tonya Brady gg
My biggest weakness would be asking all the questions and expecting the other person to reciprocate at some point, and that person rarely does so; and when they finally do, it just catches me by surprise and makes me speechless. I don't feel the need to talk about myself unless the other person feels genuinely interested in me. If I were to talk about myself, it would usually make me feel selfish to do so. I like being curious about other people, so I ask about the person I am talking to.
That weirdly sounds like me thats cool someone feels like mem. hi I'm Josh.
My biggest weakness is eye contact. For example, I don't know what to look at when I break eye contact and it's hard to maintain eye contact sometimes as well. Either I make bad eye contact or I stare the person down.
Thanks for the tip haha!
+Peter Zhao Not hating or trolling or anything. But I can tell you for sure, that the fact you use a woman profile picture suggests that you may pedestalize women. That could very well contribute to your confidence. You know what to do...
+mommozz123 you got that right, especially attractive girls. If they aren't attractive I don't put them on pedestal and treat them like guy friends. What should I do? Be mean to them? Lol
+Peter Zhao What? Why would you be mean to them? In life you have to learn to balance things, pedestalize is too much, be mean is too much too being just the opposite.
Treat them normally, if they are nice, and you have an insteresting conversation you can act on your intention. No one will be interested if you compliment too much or if you don't compliment at all, or insult them. I like to think social life is a game, and you have to practice a lot to learn to play it well.
***** Okay I'm also reading a book called How to Influence People
I always thought certain awkward people were endearing because I can be awkward sometimes and I don't feel pressured around other awkward people. They usually aren't full of themselves or condescending. Once you let them know you aren't judging them they open up like a flower. At the same time, you are going to be judged in life so it's good to have tools to deal with that.
That right there is logical social skills. It's boring when everyone talks the same way.
This is the most insightful thing I've read today. Thank you, Nancy from 6 years ago.
@@kugmath520 Already practicing those techniques on complimenting that this video describes, I see. Props for your diligence, Kug from 2 years ago.
my biggest weakness is trying to make conversation with 2 or more people who know each other and i'm alone
“You’re going to GRATEFUL, not weirded out.” Best advice my dad should’ve given me
My problem is carrying on a conversation. I can start it, but once I'm in a middle of a conversation I just stop talking and start nodding my head and don't put any input in the conversation were having. It's like I freeze and don't know what to say to add my thoughts and opinions to whatever subject were talking about. It's like I lose interest too quickly or get bored. Normally this happens to people I don't know or people who's conversation I'm just not interested in. I hate it and seem very awkward .😓😳
Has it gotten any better?
I have Aspergers (it's a type of high functioning autism) and I've always had trouble with maintaining conversations and being charismatic.
Now, after years of practice, my social skills have improved TREMENDOUSLY, and I can talk to any woman, man, child, for hours and have interesting conversations with them.
But the catch is that they have to be a stranger. After awhile I can't have conversations with close friends or family, that were as engaging as they were in the beginning.
It's probably because of a lack of shared interests or hobbies with my family, but I want to know how to overcome that, and still have fun conversations with them on a daily basis.
I'm facing the same issue as u now.
***** I took a test in the 5th grade that said I had Aspergers (I don't remember what was on it). Although Aspergers is different for everyone, no two people are the same.
If you're asking me how to improve your social skills than this is what I did.
1) *Complimenting as many people as you can daily*
By complimenting everyone you see (not just women) you start to get used to talking to people better, and by doing this to people of all age or race you get comfortable talking to any kind of person. Plus you could make someones entire day with just one compliment, and every now and then you'll get a genuine "Thank you" that shakes you to your core and makes you feel incredible.
2) *Make talking to strangers your automatic response*
You've probably heard of the Fight or Flight response animals and humans have, but there's actually a third one. Standing still. When most people see someone that they want to talk to, but are having self doubt or don't know what to say they'll usually just stand still and let that person walk away. So your brain makes a note of this stressful event and takes note. Since nothing good or bad happened, your brain will think that you did the right thing, and the more you do it the more it's enforced and becomes your natural reaction.
So try and fight your gut feeling and go out and talk to that person, do it enough times and it will be second nature to you, plus the adrenaline you feel afterwards will be amazing.
3) *It doesn't matter what you say to someone, just say whatever pops in your head*
I'll admit that THIS is what I do not do with my family (I'm working on it), but to anyone else it doesn't matter, just say whatever hobbies interest you or whatever's in your head.
i.e. "So what's your favorite kind of vegetable? Turnips? I hate turnips, turnips killed my parents, and now I'm Turnip Man! Have you played X-com Enemy Unknown?"
*Quick point* If you don't like something than don't pretend to! Stick to your beliefs or preferences and don't lie about liking something you don't just to fit in. It'll be funnier if you don't, and this is what all those school teachers were talking about when they said "Be yourself".
So yeah just talk about your interest and if you can't think of something to say than just say what ever comes to mind. This video that we're commenting from goes more in depth on good small talk sentence structure, I recommend watching it again.
4) *Practice practice practice*
Everything I just said won't do anything unless you take the time to go out of your way and talk to people. Even small things add up over time.
That's all I can give you without breaking RUclips's comments. If you're also trying to improve your romantic life alongside your social skills (like I did) I recommend looking some Pick Up Artists or PUA channels on RUclips, but be careful, some of these instill a mindset into its audience that women are the enemy, and they are to be conquered by men. Which isn't true, they're just like everyone else.
I wish you luck on your journey friend, and remember:
If you never ask, the answer will always be no.
***** I watched your video and it didn't even talk about Aspergers.
I don't think you fully understand the affects of Aspergers. It doesn't make me passive when talking to women and make me "The Nice Guy", in the early years of my life it made social interactions literally IMPOSSIBLE and extremely uncomfortable.
It's different for everyone, but for me it made me mute until I was 7, scream whenever anyone touched or bumped into me, and making me more sensitive to sounds I had extreme difficulties interacting with the other louder children.
Now I have a semblance of a "Normal" life thanks to my Special ED classes and my own personal training.
I have Aspergers as well. It is the opposite for me. I can talk about subjects that are so dull to my friends or partner (but not dull to me), but I will tell it in a way that makes them interested. I find it so hard to talk to strangers, however. Beyond a squeamish "hello" I can't make any conversation.
P.S. I would disagree with calling yourself turnip man in a business scenario.
Dana Hattie Turnip Man is the hero this comment section needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't know what to say
I'm awkward
I'm confusing sometimes
I don't really smile
Girls are pretty
I don't know how to keep a conversation going
Fear of rejection
And no confidence
potatoes and board games
serpents and overtake
poptarts and monopoly
apple turnover and cards against humanity
I'm a girl and for some reason I find it very cute when guys are shy. just learn to accept yourself ( i quess ) and don't give up...
I am a painfully shy entrepreneur who tends to look sad around people. I am not sad, just nervous. When I get nervous, I make outrageous comments and become memorable for the wrong reasons. I come off as being a shy person with crazy/dirty/weird thoughts. But, only the shy part is true. LOL
That's me too!...see, that's all I have to say.
Try doing some facial warmups before meeting people when you are alone in the car. Try singing loudly and do extreme facial expressions. This is how singers and coaches like myself warm up and make sure you dont look sad but instead look energized. Say to yourself in the mirror "I am so happy", "I love smiling" (I know you feel like an idiot but it actually works). You have to practice these things every day - not just once before being social. But every day when you wake up is the best. Just laugh at yourself and try to be wierd and funny. Try also to have a conversation with yourself in front of the mirror and then ask yourself questions and also answer them back.
Promise yourself to just go out and talk to people and be social and if you still look sad - then explain to people "People have actually told me I tend to look sad when I am social but I am actually a very happy guy, I just tend to be shy sometimes but I guess many people are - so bear with me hahaha I am not sad" - Smile and laugh about it :-) And continue the conversation by asking them something.
Mark Barner
Thanks for your comment!
*****
How did you know that? Your not such a lame guy after all!
nerves are the enemy! we don't like being awkward so we get nervous which makes us awkward. embrace awkwardness ironically you in turn become less awkward and you will actually come off as confident.
my favorite part was when he told a story about how to tell a story by telling a story about that time when he told a story at 18:00
I am a single mother with two kids, I work a full time job and sometimes pick up part time work as well as attend college. My biggest weakness when it comes to social skills is that I am so consumed with kids and work and school that I have nothing to talk about other than those things, which really limits my conversation and will bore people pretty quickly. I struggle with the "what do you like to do in your free time?" Or, "what are your hobbies?" I have no free time and I haven't had a hobby in over a decade.
We Are All Human Beings And We All Will Die Someday. 100 Years From Now It Wont Matter What You Said Or Didn't Say, If You Had An Awkward Conversation Or What A Girl Thought Of You. Live In The Moment, It Might Sound Cliche, But Its True, Be Yourself, Truly Relax In Social Situations And Remember Those People Or That Girl Breathes , Eats And Does Everything Else YOU Do. They Are No Different Than You. The Sooner You Start Giving 0 Fucks, The Happier You Will Be. The World Is Yours, Don't Limit Yourself, No One Is Better Or Too Good For You, We're All Equal. That Other Person May Die Tomorrow Just Like You May Die Tomorrow. So Grow A Sack And Talk To That Girl At The Grocery Store, Bar, Etc. Once You Become Fearless, Life Becomes Limitless.
Outkast Original thanks dude, this inspired me
Yassss, Jesus this is gold!
Incredible and profound words brother. Two days ago I told a girl working at the supermarket that I found her pretty and asked her If she wanted to grab something to drink sometime, in front of a bunch of other customers. I wasn't nervous because my goal was to get rejected. I encourage everyone to make it your goal: Get rejected 5 times today. It will build your confidence and make you more comfortable with being vulnerable.
@@DreamBeatsBakery interesting perspective. I see your point. This will require bravery! Yet the potential reward is great!
Sage advice to advance in life!
I am afraid that i'm not funny so I don't like to talk to people who are having fun in a conversation because I think i'm gonna make it dull
*****
Lol took this out of your bag of lies, i assume.
Dude, walk up to some strangers and tell them a joke. If you get no laughs, you know your joke is either shite or you told it badly. If they laugh, potential new friend/date
I would like to be "not funny". I have speech disorder (my "r" sound's like 'y' in 'yo' sometimes) and when I was young everybody was making fun of me. Now i'm terryfied when I must talk with someone.
Michał Skup Being laughed at is a far different feeling than being laughed with. My friend had a similar speech condition. He practiced for hours with a pencil between his teeth. It worked for him. I think it's a muscle thing
Samuel - I tried it. To be honest - I tried everything (even doctors) - sadly it doesn't work.Only difference is that now I sometimes have problem and not always.
To be interesting is to be intrested
Jacob Piece Interesting
Me- hey!
Person- hey :)
*long awkward silence *
Me- "it was a pleasure meeting you, thanks for chatting."
:)):):))soml
Lol just what I was thinking
loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
Im not that shy, but my problem is I dont know how to carry on a conversation. Like every time someone tells me a story I dont know how to answer back or what I should say. Or maybe when me and someone is having a little chat it always goes awkward. It's really annoying that everyone can just talk and communicate well, and seems like I'm the only one having troubles.
I feel your pain. I feel the same way.
Yeah, I'm still in the whole process on developing that.
I realised that I wouldn’t know how to respond if I don’t actually care that much about what they say. But if you really care and truly interested in what they say, you will automatically know what to say back.
Well great... just arrived three years late. Need to improve my timing :)
me too lol
thats what his next video is on lol
lol
😅🤗
arrived just now..is he still sponsoring the new york trip..i really need it :P
I really feel rejection. I always find myself wanting to talk to people about something about them I notice, but never get up the courage to do it before they walk away.
I think my biggest weakness is finding something else to say or ask about the person o
Yes I never know what to say :(
some would argue their biggest weakness is that they say too much, or focus too much on the person - there is no "right" way to be, Brett. you're biggest weakness may be that you think you have a big weakness... unfortunately.
Always ask ppl Open Questions . where they are needed to give a little bit or detailed explanation then you can go from there . how , why Questions. then you can engage with them .
1. Compliment 2. Question 3. Mention and interest 4. What books are you reading? 5. Question: Do you like gaming 6. Tell them a new youtube video you saw on how to talk to people without being boring although you're actually really boring. Honestly, it's a skill that requires practice. Get out of your comfort zone, go to a young professionals meeting, go to speed networking, go to a dating get together.. set some goals, make a plan and do it homie. Good luck
SeiRyGuy Gaming mad dog 🤘🏽✌🏽️
This is a useful. I completely understand where you come from as I was very awkward myself. It takes a lot of observation, training and feedback to grow out of it. Still learning, an content like yours helps a lot. Thanks so much!
Dude, there are so many videos of this out there but none come anywhere near as close as to how good this is! The examples elevate this so much and are the best part because you can see the stuff in action. You're doing an amazing job Ramit- keep going brother!
Lol I'm 15 I was just screwing around with RUclipss filtering options and found this. Petty cool guy pretty cool content
Lmao
My biggest weakness is that I simply don't like talking to most people. I like talking to really attractive women, and guys who I see as strong candidates for quality friendship (both of which are rare). Generally, as soon as I start a conversation with a stranger, I want to immediately get out of it. But I suppose I don't enjoy the conversation with strangers because it gives me anxiety. VERRRRRY rarely do I feel good feelings after a conversation with strangers. Almost never. So I avoid the conversation in the first place, unless I have something to gain.
the same here :S
Hi5
dude this is literally me in one paragraph lol
***** Change your rules about meeting people and conversations. If you are always looking to seek approval from strangers, you are basically giving yourself a test every time. Pass or fail you are going to have anxiety just like you would a test. Approach people with the intent of making friends or just trying to make someone feel about themselves rather than your own feeling.
***** Perhaps you should branch out and try talking to women who you don't find that attractive. The most likely scenario is that we won't go for sport-based small talk, which is what many men bond over when they have just met
Hi Ramit, I've recently found your podcast and started listening to several episodes. I love your coaching ability and mastery in asking timely and relevant questions to your guests.👌 Your attention to details in what is being communicated verbally and non-verbally is impeccable. Thanks for sharing this video with simple yet practical tips for improving one's social skills. I have watched it and shared it with some friends too. Thank you 🙂
I tend to over analyze people. I tend to watch their reactions and body language to hard. And I scare them away during the conversation by trying to target what emotion they are feeling.
Todd DeBato You are aware of it. Just this fact means you're ahead of the game. Keep it light and turn on that switch when you need to.
+KronaTithers It's all a game
+KronaTithers Well just know that a play is a plan with a y..a why. Peace brotha
your a libra? act like a guy. not a freaking psychologist. youll scare your date
I love asking people what they think about something. Showing interest, even if you have very little of your own, may help not only to re-engage you in the conversation. But, also, it is good way to show that you are genuine. Remember, people like working with experts, but don't like working with perfectionists.
Thank you so very much Ramit, I am grateful for your time and your tips. I have extreme social phobia, it has ruined my life, but I want to do something about it and change my life. It all starts from here. I am learning so much from you. It is not going to be easy for me as I need to build my confidence, as I feel no one wants to speak to me I don't know why I think like this it's severely ridiculous....thanks again
I know what you mean...I'm going through the same thing too.
I made a decision today to just walk up to people and forget about anything else.
Besides, when you think about it, what's the worst thing that can happen? Maybe they show no interest in speaking to you...Then what? Move on to the next person..It's their loss. :)
Change is a journey...you'll get there someday.
Thank you Ramit for taking the time to speak with us. I face challenges on keeping the conversation going on after introduction, l usually cut someone off when they are talking when a thought comes up and also the use of my body language including the loudness of my voice projection to keep them interested.
Thank you Ramit. Watching this video is a good way of spending my Friday night. I have been struggling with keeping a conversation going because, apart from rambling, I get all hyperactive and my voice gets louder when something I talk about excites me. I can see that the person on the receiving end is blown away, and not exactly in a good way. I also come across as ditzy because I giggle as a filler. I have repetitive expressions too. So, I'm working on my vocabulary and trying to talk slower so I will be more conscious of certain mannerisms that do not really help with how I want to be perceived.
I'm definitely the awkward person who sits on his phone at parties and doesn't talk to anyone. So now I sit at home and don't do anything that involves social interactions! Problem solved. 😂
Josh J you’re making the problem worse bubba
No man, you gotta go out there. I know that’s what I gotta do too. We gotta go out there.
Idk if you'll see this, but have you changed since you posted this?
I can't wait to install these hacks 😂
dead
Fucking research, "What is Hacks?"
Ramit. I have been through many people who gives advice how to in social world but the way you share things with proper example using those videos was terrific, mind blowing. Thank you.
Thanks Ramit for this video.Its my first time watching your talks and it was really interesting for me .I have been searching for my purpose in life and finding myself from a deeper level.For the past 9 years I watched so much videos and this year i took a course on emotional intelligence in relationships.I m finding difficult to live in this society ,i have something missing , I need to get out of my comfort zone to get to know why i m really here in this journey ,and i feel the need to share with people
My biggest social challenged is retaining the information someone gives to me. I'm so focused on thinking of references and making sure the conversation doesn't die out that I only keep what they say for a little bit. I'm working on retaining information , and leading the conversation a lot more fluently.
I am 16y old and since I was a kid I am the "weak guy".
So I started improving and trying to become more social so that I could overcome my difficulties in being noticed.
My biggest weakness is "loose the conversation" because I can start it well and I am able to guide it for about 5-10 min but after that i loose the control and we either become bored and leave or I end listening to him talking about things that dont matter to me.
The contest was over over three years ago... ._.
so...?
Hi, you are 23 now. Time flies.
Hey, im really amazed at how well organized your tutorial is and am surprised at how you answer a question that's been on my mind for years. I've been sheltered as a child and as a result developed terrible social skills but I've always tried to improve myself by asking adults and talking to peers. They were helpful in their own ways but just didn't have the answer I was looking for. Overall, this was definitely a good first step, keep up the great work, and I will continue to look into your videos in the future.
I have social anxiety so I’m binge watching all of your videos to learn how to get out of my own head and start making connections to people
My biggest social skill weakness is that I am invariably intimidated by the embarrassment I might face if I stammer or fumble for words in a new conversation. As a result, I end up not conversing in the first place. It shatters my confidence, bringing it down, with each effort I don't make.
So, one day, a few months back, I decided to talk to a girl who was sitting right next to me in the Subway (Metro in India). She was reading a book. So, I thought that this could a great ice-breaker, and I asked her about the book she was reading. For the first time, I tried to fake being confident, and it worked to some extent. She gave me the coldest response someone can ever give. She just announced the name of the book and author, took out her headphones, and started playing her iPod. Its like giving out a candid message that she is not interested.
That was a really awkward situation and later that I night I wrote a joke about her. I don't know what went wrong there, but that did make me feel worse about myself.
Reminds me when I asked a girl on the bus (in 7th grade) about the book she was reading. Lol, she moved to the front of the bus because I asked her about her book.. (Sure I knew it was a pretty lame thing to ask about but whatever)
It does sound like she was not interested. But she did give you the name of the book and author. Talk to her again, maybe when she's not reading.
People use a book or earphones to keep someone from talking to them so that could all be it. She didn't want to be disturbed.
All that embarrassment is in everyone head, such a nuisance eh. When I fumble my words, I find it cute that I did it. It gives me an opportunity for both of us to laugh it off. Everyone has their own insecurities ;{
Aditya Bose t
Great tips, especially the first part. Thank you for sharing it! The small talk, I don´t know..., what is so wrong with being ankward from time to time, nothing wrong with that. I think it is more important to be relaxed, even if some flops occur, not being so uptight.
My biggest weakness in social interactions is body language, and knowing what to talk about and what to leave out. How to get past small talk and ending conversations are also big ones. I find it very difficult to connect with people or even make friends because of this. Not only are my social skills restricting me in the social world it is also restricting me in the business world too, and it is putting a blockage between where I want to go in life and what I realistically feel I am even capable of. I love the professional world and feel that this kind of professional training would seriously transform my life. I have subscribed to your channel and will be signing up for emails as I really, really want and need this training. I hope I am not too late
This guy is so honest, that makes his advice so much more compelling.
My biggest social skill challenge is overcoming the anxiety of what to say. Many times I have failed and have created awkward moments that portrayed me as a creep. I used to studder a lot until I began to practice my vocabulary and speech. I have improved in that area, but I still lack the confidence to start, or carry on a conversation. I often feel like I am not interesting enough to talk to or to upkeep a conversation with. I would really benefit from your workshop. I truly believe I need the expertise advise you provide and guidance to overcome this anxiety to speak publicly.
my biggest weakness when it comes to social skills is to actually get up and talk to the person. I want to do it, I really do! and I know how but I just don't take the decision to get up and talk to them and I always end up saying "ehhh, I'll do this tomorrow"
Happens with asking out girls all the time, I just get the sudden jitters.
I know right it's just the feeling of being judged by them
Wow! Thank you! I always skip small talk, talk indepth about the most inappropriate things and absolutely hate socialising. I also talk on overkill for hours!! Definitely learning it makes people uncomfortable and that one needs to have small talk to build a relationship.
Hey Ramit,
This is the first video of yours that I've watched. I have to say, it seem like you put a lot of effort into your work and that's really cool, I am actually really happy to see someone post videos like these to help people who may not be particularly gifted when it comes to social interaction It re fills that old faith in humanity bar a little. I cant say that I'm an expert in your work but from what I've seen, you seem like a Legit nice guy. I'm liking this video just for you and that doesn't happen all too often.
Keep up the good work :)
Regards
I know the contest is over, but for me I struggle being articulate when talking. I'm much better when I am writing, because it allows me the delay I need to access the words and thoughts. I'm an introvert, and fairly shy in some situations.
That's why I really want to be a writer.
I believe my mission in life is to "write hope on paper wings." Still figuring out the how, though.
what's your situation?
I can relate to this to the T. In fact, I can't possibly count the number of times that a conversation has ended awkwardly, and THEN I came up with the right thing to say within my own thoughts after some time has passed when I'm alone again. The anxiety, however slight it may feel, is enough for me to sort of "blank out", as if there's literal blocks in my head, leaving me helpless in the heat of the moment.
However, some quick fixes that have worked immensely for me with this problem is keeping my chin up at all times, and trying to maintain eye contact while listening carefully to everything the other person is saying. I know it sounds like common sense, but it works for me because it somehow turns the nervous tension into a sort of game, where I'm playing off of the other person's words and trying to be as quick with a meaningful response as possible, kinda like chess! Active listening is a skill that takes a lot of practice, and it's certainly one of the more gratifying skills I'm happy I took the effort to improve.
Rebecca Turk I feel the same
I'm almost the exact same. I articulate myself better when writing or texting but it's kind of the opposite when talking to someone in person.
whenever my wife talks too much I just say, 'it's been a pleasure, nice chatting with you'.
Wow. This video was great. Very informative and beneficial.
My biggest issue with socializing is that I very often ask too many questions. I make people feel good by listening to them. But I walk away not being known because I feel that people are not interested in listening to me.
If I won this opportunity to learn more about socializing, I would be thrilled!
It's so good to listen advices from you. I'm watching you and think...wow, how easy seems to him to speak about anything. I see myself having a bunch of problems that keep me back from making new friends, meeting new people, socialize myself with the others. I used to spend a lot of time making stufs like growing vegetables in my free time, watching tv, no matter what but, I realized that life is about interactuate with the others not getting hidden behind a wall that you build.
I realized this thing when all my life was represented by my work and my girlfriend. One day my girlfriend failed to me and then I found myself like...alone in a world full of interesting people but unable to start meeting them because of my fear of creating a weird image of me or don't like to them...so I decided to brake that wall and improve my skills because life is about living and...being alone, it seems quite boring and sad.
I CAN'T STOP STARING AT HIS EYEBROWS.
fr!
Same
Bruh 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm never specific enough. Example: I was too vague this one time. I've tried some things. They might have worked.
haha +1
Hey Ramit, thanks for the video. I have been following you on twitter, read your book and have watched many of your videos. They have certainly helped me in my social skills. The biggest problem that I face now is during and after the small talk, I am unable to get the other person to take me seriously. Sometimes me cracking a joke, leads the other guy to start undervaluing me. Have had experience were after some social interaction, the other guy literally saw through me as if I am invisible.
I thought about this problem and feel that maybe its due to my posture. To improve my posture and overall physique, I have hit the gym too, but the problem still exists.
This video is amazing. I tend to be awkward in conversations and social situations and normally i blame it on caring what people will think of me too much, but I know when I tell a story I ramble on (give unnecessary details e.g explaining why I washed my hands with just water and not soap in the middle of a story about watching a great movie).
I also tend to speak in a mono tone like you mentioned and similar to the example you gave get bored while speaking about my own life. It is the worst feeling when trying to talk to someone and they straight out ignore you and speak over you to someone else... Hopefully with the help of your videos I will learn how to be more charismatic, memorable and get my point across in less words. I really enjoyed this video, thank you.
This guy is a genius!!!!
While watching the video I was reading the comments and I was surprised on how everyone was so open in sharing the areas they were struggling with, until the end of the video I understood why 😁✌🏼️haha
Thank you for this video! I learned a lot from watching this. Now I think I know why I'm so scared to talk to people. I always wait for the others to come to me first and making them lead the talk. But now I know that I should be more outgoing and not be scared to talk to people. Thanks again!
This video was amazing and super helpful I'm going to a networking event tonight. I hate this shit, but I'm beginning to learn techniques and practices to become more confident about these things. Ramit you are amazing (as usual). I love the way you think and deliver your content. It's engaging, easy to understand, and actionable. Thanks a bunch!
The worst part of any conversation I had is how to make it keeps going. I easily can find questions, in matter fact I'm good in asking, but I ferl difficult to press the button of "Play" after the other person responds to my questions. It always goes like "Pause" then I get confused in how to keep the conversation going and sometimes I feel ending the conversation and leave is the better solution.
I seem to be able to talk to strangers easier than friends or colleagues. With strangers, you know nothing about them and so there are lots of things that you can find out about them by asking questions and responding. With people that you know it is hard, because you talk to them regularly and you know or are supposed to know all about them already. This prevents me getting close to people because often I just don't know what to say or what to ask.
o my God! Thank you soo much for this!!! Most of these are the exact issues I face while trying to "network" and I love love love this video!!!!
This is so BOSS, thank you man I took a lot of notes. Just today I was in a coffee shop and I kept procrastinating on whether or not to approach a couple across from me. Idk what it is about couples it's soo much harder sparking a conversation.
My biggest problem is that I can't defend myself especially with friends, we talk joke and when they make a mean jokes at me, sometimes it hurts, but I never admit... I'd like to be able to stand up to them, but in a good way where I would not offend anyone, but they would actually feel that it's not always ok to humiliate....
I get what you mean :(
You shouldn’t have to defend yourself around friends. If they were really your friends, they would not make you feel that way ever. I would never say a mean joke to my friends. Your friends humiliate you and you are afraid to offend them??? It sounds like they deserve to be offended and you deserve better friends! Good luck, I hope you can find better friends!
Research and then memorize comebacks.
Awesome video. You look like Russell Peters by the way. That's a compliment man, okay? Great job.
Ramit you seem a lot more thoughtful than I thought!
hey Ramit , you notice things in a damn awesome way.The way you leaned to arouse interest while making a conversation with your student was perfect indeed. We need to learn various such actions to be noticable in positive way. Small talks is what i need to learn.How to be short and crisp at times.i am good at making conversation and smile while talking. All i realised after seeing this video is that i need to learn about small talks.
I've noticed that when I'm working I have money power and some kind of financial income I typically feel more confident and more of a man like more dependable more flirtatious. And I feel more confident more outgoing more of a conversationalist.
But it's the complete opposite when I don't have any money or I'm not working I feel like i lack social skills and I suffer from social anxiety. I'm only 19 and I hope of me going to the military next month will help me be more of a man and more confident .
exactly the same here
The only reason i dont really talk to ppl is that i never know what to talk about
Kristoffer Olsen yea im the same way
You can literally talk about anything. My go to is to ask someone if they are a cat person or a dog person. It almost always gets a stalled conversation going again.
+Chris Barrett but isnt it kinda wierd the first thing you say to a person is about cat/dog person? Idk maybe it is🤔 the thing is that i am really bad at having a long and good conversation :/
+Kristoffer Olsen I didn't mean that would be the first thing you say. Just when there's a lull and you don't know what to say next, just make some stuff up. Are you a cat or dog person? What's your opinion on tacos? Seriously, just ask them any random question that comes to mind.
+Chris Barrett hm alright thx this might get interesting😉
I actually tried this are some of the things that he's talking about and it's actually helping me so thank you man
Thanks Ramit Sethi for such helpful training video.... I personally found that Socializing Skills are the most important skills that we should possess since it plays a Great roll in our daily lives... thanks again!
"oh yea yea yea but one more thing.. when i was a young lad.." lol
how do i install these? Does it run on windows xp?
No sorry, they only runs on Windows Vista. You can make a virtual machine and install Vista on that, though.
I would ask Adam Jensen
Sure, but you need the 360NS-MLG420 update first.
I really want to tell you that your just amazing.God bless you
Everyday conversation can be a struggle for me, working as a cashier in a smallish local grocery store puts me in awkward situations all the time. I have noticed with time I'm improving just a little bit but still way behind where ide like to be. I've always had trouble socializing since childhood. Im now 25 and have a 1.5 year old I would like to be able to teach him proper social skills also. I have definitely realized how important social skills really are. Thank u
my biggest social skill challenge is that I have difficulty in making eye contact with people especially girls. This usually makes them feel that I am not yet comfortable with them even though we've been knowing each other for a very long time. Thus I have a difficulty in reaching the next level that is begin a best friend of someone or being a boyfriend . I ll tell you a story , one day I had been to a party with my friends I met a girl we talked but I was very shy to make eye contact . But eventually one thing let to another because we were drunk , next day when we were sober she started talking to me . I talked properly but it was still difficult for me to make eye contact with her , this made her feel uncomfortable and she left . I really wanted to go to the next level with her but I couldn't. FML
look at their nose while you talk to them ... they won't know the difference
+804archie You're right..
I have fat lip
I can never hold a conversation or start one.
I'm not prolly someone you should really listen to cause I'm really shy, but whenever I get into a conversation with someone I don't know I just try to bounce off different subject topics, usually you might not even have to say that much, just find out what the person likes and bring it up later and make them do the talking...usually if I want to talk to someone I like I make sure I have at least 2 or 3 topics to talk about with her
Ryan Hardison I felt the same way. I use to be very quiet and then I realized that if you approach someone, you seem more confident only because you approached them. I learned this walking up to people and speaking to them first, when I would usually wait for them to start conversations with me.
Daniel Gonzalez Silva I actually maintained very good conversations with my close friends and a lot of my friends and casual acquaintances think I'm funny and smart, especially through text...I guess my problem is talking in big groups and talking in random or spontaneous situations where I'm afraid I'll say something I'll regret
Ryan Hardison
I have the same problem as well. I really suck at maintaining group conversations hence the reason why I hang out with about 1 person at a time. If I get luck, the people I hang out with get along with each other, and I become just another person in the group speaking to one person at a time.
Ryan Hardison I have this problem too! For example, every time I interview myself in a new class, I feel like it's the end of the world. My heart start beating and I get confused and I feel that I can't remain keeping the conversation going. Especially if someone laughed or disagreed while I'm talking to many people, I feel that "I'd better shut up." As Ryan said too, my friends tell me that I'm very friendly, in the same way I find it very hard to me to make friends especially when I switch school get in a new class.
hey man! not sure if you'll ever see this, but I stumbled across this video today through my body language research, when I had an epiphany... I bought your book but never read it. I mean, I started to but it just didn't happen.
after watching this video and ultimately making the realization, I'm suddenly really excited to watch more of your videos and read your book lol..
thank you for sharing your knowledge!
cheers!
Thank you. This was the kind of help I have been seeking for a while now. Although it hasn't changed me completely as a person, it has helped me progress in my journey.
I have no problem with talking to people or making eye contact etc, but my problem is that I feel so fake when doing small talk (I can do that but I hate that) in my mind it's like "who the hell cares from where you bought this pants or how the weather is" and at the end I finish up saying "Hi" with a smile and I walk away. I'm doing right, or should I force myself and fake it to stay social ?
Thank you !
Short, closed ended questions is not small talk.
The key point is:
1. Have Genuine Conversation
a. If you interact with intent to have a genuine conversation, you will in-fact have a conversation that is meaningful, that you are passionate about, knowledgeable about, have advice or curiosity about.
2. Have an agenda
a. Have a purposeful reason for engaging that person, whether it be for sales, introduction, or social acceptance.
b. If you welcome or introduce with intent, you will in fact ask questions that gain answers that align with your intent.
3. Close the sale/conversation
a. Once the objective is met, have an assumptive or direct line to end the procedure.
i. "It was a pleasure, thanks for chatting"
ii. "I really enjoyed chatting with you but I have to go spend some time with my out of town friends"
iii. "hey it was great seeing you, I have to go pretend to do some work now"
Erick Moffatt Thank you very much for your helpful and well structured comment, you gave it some of your time and I'm thankful for that !
I'm very shy especially when surrounded by groups of people.
This is really amazing and helpful for me who is totally not a social person. I always do not know how to start a conversation and get awkward, it seems like my mind does not flow smoothly at all. But this video is, I must admit, awesome.
Very helpful! I'm hoping to overcome my antisocial behavior and feel this has helped immensely just by watching this video. Thank you for making it! I've delbt with many issues in this arena. The stress of social situations and not knowing conversation mechanics has always been a huge problem. I probably talk to much about myself, Need more empathy and actually be more receptive of the other persons needs. It seems the more research I do in life, anyone who is genuinely caring more about others and how to help them seemingly become more successful than those who focus mearly on themselves.Time to get humble!
Says he likes to do things in one take 1:22 cut in video to new take seconds later... lulz
This stuff is valuable, not saying it isn't. Advice is solid, just a funny point to be made :)
I have Aspergers and I had to learn a lot of this stuff on my own. fortunately I was blessed
to be without an anxiety response to social situations. So I was very comfortable going
through this process of trial and error. I had so many identifiable lol moments listening
to you. Just sorry for all the people I could have spared from boring/awful social
encounters had you and youtube been around ha... C'est la vie
Watched a number of videos regarding social skills, and the OP'S make some great points and are highly helpful people. However, during my research, i have encountered many great ideas and studied manipulation v intimacy, story telling, conversation flow, body language, small talk, listening, the three second rule, the stonewall, and even how to make money. Yet, while receiving some great tips, have yet to hear one OP mention the importance of everyday niceties such as Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good evening, Goodnight, Thank You, Please, Sorry. Surely those niceties come even before small talk and could be the most important of all words, and could be classed as your basic fallback words, even before and after small talk. Not many people in everyday life use niceties, but they are so important, i am surprised to not hear the social skill gurus mention the importance of niceties. They seemed to have skipped right passed this, perhaps they do not see the importance?
hi whoever, would u tell plz, where did u learn these stuff. if u ve any recommendations for tube vids is gonna be great.thnx
I think good morning etc are a given?
Thank you Ramit for sharing your skills with the world.
21:52 minutes in and I'm still watching and paying attention; keeping my attention is rare. Awesome video.
Have you ever thought about having a tv show using someone as a Guinea pig with strangers on the street? Something like impractical jokers. My biggest problem with communicating is I can't seem to engage with people because I can't get myself to focus on what people are talking about. I have social anxiety and sometimes just sit quietly and can't for the life of me think of something to say.
same
Jordyn Grubenhoff Me too, I'm so bad at keeping on a conversation but just think of things to talk about with people before you see them, say at home, and then it'll be easier. For example, ask them random things such as "what's your favorite movie?" And then put in your own opinion and talk about your favorite movie
My biggest weakness is shyness and I get tired of talking very quickly. I've been working on these for years and I have been trying most tactics and they would improve me for a few months then I'd quickly find myself back to square one again. I have a terrible fear for public speaking and I am almost losing hope on it...
The contest was over over three years ago... ._.
What do you mean contest
Thank you. You do really know how to tailor your videos so the average layperson can understand and benefit. Its a trait that a lot of video producers lack.
Thank you Ramit, it is by far the most valuable video on this topic!
Ramit, this video is stellar - although I'm REALLY late watching it! :o/ It's particularly engaging since you included video clips of specific segments from different talks you've done to achieve a clear purpose and distinguish yourself as an experienced "social expert." At the end, when you were offering the opportunity to fly someone into New York to learn better social skills if they left a comment below and signed up for your email list was a genius way to engage your audience boosting visibility on social media and simultaneously grow your contact list. This was great content, but I learned so much more. Thanks a gazillion!!! :)
My biggest weakness would have to be the fact that I can become overenthusiastic about something, to the point of making people uncomfortable. I also think I may share too much about myself initially.
It would be amazing to learn the skills to properly guage a conversation - like body language, and understanding what certain things meant - and how to react accordingly.
This is a great video! Thanks for making it and I really wish I could have seen it 5.5. years ago when it was first posted! I would love to know who got to go on that incredible opportunity trip! My biggest weakness is not asking great questions. I am interested in people and love listening to others. But learning to steer the questions (such as the student in the example had issues with) and show the other person I am engaged and interested.
I'm a student, from high school I'm studying for marketing so this is very helpful , it's actually the first video I've seen of you..... I'm guessing that it's maybe late to win the trip put any ways.
Well I stugel in so much, i don't now if I'm being confident, I have tone problems and super bad story teller also i think that im badly dressed , that i don't look handsome or tall enough. I know this because my friends are really social people and when I'm out with them at a bar or party they talk very well with everyone around. Some times they put me in the spotlight and for the most i always act a bit weird or i don't contribute with anything . And i feel like it's time to change that i don't have much friends and that why I'm not so social but i really want to change it. Like now!