What I struggle the most with when making friends is figuring out when people are actually my friends and when people are just being nice to me or if there just using me because they realize that I'm a huge people pleaser
Something I have a hard time with is I'll get into a phase of being very outgoing, burn myself out on socializing, take a break, and then suddenly that break becomes a fathomless abyss of time. Any advice?
identifying with this so hard 🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤 I'm dreading doing it but I want to write them a lil thing telling them I'm not rlly a texting person, and I like in person just us way more. The last time was a group and I was asked by one of her friends to leave, and it had been two months I haven't replied, I feel terrible Yikes I'm dying of embarrassment, Its okay tho. 🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤 F R E E P a l e s t i n e! Liberation EVERYWHERE! Drink water my friend! I believe in you, And I'm glad you're here having n g this conversation with us Thanks Hayley for hosting! will let you know how the messages go if I do it 🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤 Much Love!!
Finding your limitations will help. And doing some CBT work on black and white thinking. Also communicating your needs and where you're at, let them know you're burned out or opt for low-contact for a while.
for me, it helps to let my friends know that that's whats happening. I let people know hey I'm exhausted I need some time, maybe next time? and maybe send them the occasional video or comic or something in my hibernate stage, so that they don't take it as a sign that I just don't want to hang out anymore
Whenever I ask people to hang out, they flake on me. This is a big factor to why I've just stopped trying to make friends bc I will set up for us to hangout and then like an hour later they'll flake. I've gotten to the stage of actually hanging out, but then I never hear from them again even if I did follow up saying I had fun, we should hang out again. I also have had a lot of friendships in the past where I put more effort in than they did.
im so sorry that people have done that to you!! Maybe, if you ever feel up for it, this should be a reason for you to make more and new friends that might value your time more than other,
you have to find people that are also looking for new friends and even then it might not click. just keep trying. people who are already "full" have little time for new people and we often enter eras of life where people are busy with their relationships, family, children, career and friendships take a dive in importance.
Bumble BFF saved my (social) life. I was so lonely until I finally broke down and joined it. I now have a small, but special, friend group. I even met my new best friend on there.
I needed to see this! I’m brand new on there and feel a tad weird. I met my husband on a dating site so I have good luck on “looking for” sites. So why not!!! ❤ Thanks for sharing honestly I needed this comment
I kinda have the opposite problem with the reciprocating support. I've had friends who will happily listen to me and support me through something, but the way I know we're not that close is that they will never come to me for the same, even though I communicate that they can always count on me in the same way. The issue is that most people I meet who are friends, already have their own besties, so they're gonna go to them and not me no matter how great a listener I am and how willing and able I am to support them. So this is a really great way to look at it, in terms of indicators about people's capacity for different levels of friendship. Thanks for that, Hayley. I refer to friendships that blossom solely out of doing the same thing in the same place as "situational friendships" because for me, they've never been able to last beyond that situation. Again, not for lack of trying on my part, but it always turned out I thought I had a really close friend but actually they only had capacity for me inside that particular space and time. As soon as I was unable to continue doing that activity, job, etc. those people no longer had any interest. Sucks to find out, but now I just understand the dynamics better so I know what I'm getting and how to communicate about whether it's beyond that or not.
For the situational friendship, I find asking early on to hangout outside of the place helps me filter. This is a good way to know before I've put all the energy into them.
same. its so difficult especially if it moves BACK from bestie to friend phase.. how do you reconnect, if life is just "busy"? meanwhile they're meeting like everyone they know and speak to them about their problems. which is fine but to accept that the deep friendship you once had, is changing is especially hard as a neurodivergent. you can't just ignore the rift like neurotypicals would and see you as an accquaintance. the injustice feeling just picks up on it and throws it in your face because you can't really do anything about it.
I like coffee shop hangs. But it's not just for coffee and talking. We have a late night coffee shop and i don't drink so it's a win. We also do art at the coffee shop or a craft. I have like a whole paint set-up at coffeeshop.
Why is this not taught in primary school? The first time ever that someone explained to me in a sensible way how to make friends. One thing to add: I don't like activities for fun, maybe cause I'm old (35). But I would love to help someone paint / garden / do groceries / get the kids from school / marie kondo. So I'm gonna invite my good friends to share with me what activity they'd like to include me in and ask them what their favorite activities are to do with friends.
why is this soo real 😭😭. I am too much of a people pleaser so i put other peoples needs wayyyy infront of my needs, and Ive been trying to put off communicating with a friend who i drop everything for every time they are struggling but they dont do that in return or i dont feel comfortable enough with them to let them know im struggling, and this was just the push that i needed. Thank youu 🤗 and wish me luck 😅
It helped me feel more comfortable speaking up to realize that healthy, caring people WANT to be supportive and reciprocal just like I do! < : - ) ❤ Also that love is a verb, and if someone's ACTIONS don't reflect interest, caring, affection, reciprocity, etc., it's healthy to move on no matter how much I like them. Because of the way I was raised, it took me years to learn that boundaries are what WE do when someone doesn't agree that our needs are important. Things felt pretty bleak for a while, but I eventually realized there are a LOT of good people out there looking for other caring people to be friends with. 😃 The less time we spend with people who aren't a good fit, the more time we have to invest in people who are! 🌈🌱🌿🤩😄🤓💐🍀💖
I completely relate 😩 It’s so frustrating. And lately I’ve been struggling and haven’t had the capacity to give as much as I have in the past and I feel like they’re disappointed in me, but they pull away instead of checking in…
Your whole "coffee shops are the death of friendships" bit really spoke to me. I've gotten stuck in that pattern with one of my friends, and you're totally right. Thank you for mentioning that!
I heartily second this advice. During COVID lockdown, my 3 other besties and I made a game night over Discord once a week since all of us live in different parts of the country and we've been doing it for years, it's SO important, especially if you're someone who has internet friends too! It gives me something to look forward to and it just keeps us caught up.
im wondering how i can modify this for my autistic self :( i prefer alone times over than mingling with people, and i wish i can hang out with my cousin/best friend more but either 1) our schedules do not align or 2) i do not have the energy
this is another great video of yours that i was specifically looking forward to bc lately i've realised i do NEED some good friendships, but i still have issues😭 first of all, basically everything requires money - like signing up for a gym or for a class does require money, and even if you already have some people you wanna be friends with and you don't wanna end up in a cafe and wanna meet often you need to have money to do something and create memories together😭😭 also i live in a really small town where there isn't ANYTHING to do and almost NO ONE to meet, so the few times i met someone interesting i had to go to the city cause they didn't live near me, but the city is away from me, therefore requires a lot of money, therefore it isn't something i’'m able to do often, therefore i can't really connect to that person😭😭😭
One thing I find helpful is to make plans for next hangout at current hangout, to avoid procrastination/forgetfulness/anxiety/activation-energy problems.
I run an open mic event for electronic experimental audio. The shared interest experience is great for making friends. Start a group, based around your special interests, you'll meet a lot of divergent folks. Venues will give you space, as long as you put bums on seats.
Surprisingly ive been unfortunately diagnosed with PTSD due to losing friendships. My two best friends in high school abandoned me and it's left insanely deep scars on my heart that any time I even think about making friends, I can never take the first step. That said, thank you for making actionable steps like this. As painful as it is for me to talk to people and be around people, I hope I can make these small steps and maybe make a friend for the first time in a long time.
Hugs. I've. Been hurt so much by supposed friends, that I just don't trust anyone anymore. Wall is up, oh I can fake being happy but deep down I know you will hurt me eventually, you're lying and you're fake. It has totally warped my relationships, and even 20 years with my husband I am waiting for the other shoe to drop and he'll leave me!
You couldn’t have made this video at a better time! I’m ready to make my friends and totally connected to your last video about the cups! I have a big cup and my friends are shot glasses! It honestly made me feel sooooo much better and like there isn’t something wrong with me 💖 really appreciate your making friend videos!!! Very very very helpful!! Thank you!
hey I just want to say your videos are a lifesaver. I don't know if I have ADHD, but I love how comprehensible your advice always is, andas someone struggling to make friends abroad while all my older friendships are now long distance (and some dying), this is the first time I actually see an almost "step-by-step" explanation on how to make friends. A part of me is still embarrassed to need instructions on how to meet new humans, but I'm definitely not alone on it so, yeah. Thank you so much for your content!
Wow, I just found your channel and started binging your shorts and you’re amazing! And I asked this exact question and came to look at your videos and saw this! So excited for it!
@@hayley.honeyman Here for it! I'm more of a fan of unscripted casual videos as I love how raw and real they are. So happy you're going to be doing more of that style cause I also prefer it
Thank you for sharing, it was interesting. I am 30 and I am struggling right now from burning out with my ADHD (which I was diagnosed with only half a year ago, and since then we have been trying to find a medication with my psychiatrist, I almost lost hope at the moment that I would ever be happy again. After this video, I think I do really few social interactions, and taking action is not my thing because I am afraid of rejection and also to reject people myself... My problem is that even though I invest time and effort in building new connections I keep quitting things, always. Just like I was attending improv classes for 4 months and then I just stopped and feel guilty to return now after 6 months have passed, even though I know there are some people who would like me to do so, I am afraid. And a year before I broke a 12-year relationship and got into a beautiful new one with a really supportive girl who still loves me so much. I fell in love so crazy, but now I do not feel much. I just try to convince myself that it is probably because of the overall state.
Burp! 😆 I love this video so much. You have some really great advice, and this is a problem that a lot of us relate to, I think. I especially love the end of the video, and how you say that we are all your besties. for people with trauma around struggling to make friends, it can be really healing to hear a message like that, even if we all never meet. 🫂💜 Much love!
Sometimes I don't want to talk about something because it will just bring me back there and I do explain that to my friends. We all deal with emotions differently. I do communicate that to my friends though so I hope that helps someone reading this. They may still want to be friends.
Hi! Thank you so much for this video! I originally watched your first video talking about Bumble bff for making friends a while back and subscribed when I checked out your video and learned about your neurodivergency. I eventually found a good friend on their and they also happen to be very neurodivergent like me. We weren't hanging out a lot because I was kind of nervous about how to bring up that I wanted to hang out more and they always seemed busy. I watched this video last night and then I hung out with them, encouraged to try something new rather than having another catch up lunch. We played 8 ball and then we ended up hanging out a bit after. Keeping in mind that I wanted to connect more, I took more effort in asking deeper questions and also being more vulnerable. Eventually we talked about in the beginning of us meeting we were really excited organically with each other and ended up hanging out every week but it faded out due to scheduling and life. They mentioned that they really enjoyed when we hung out every week and how it was nice to look forward to something every week. I then asked them if they wanted to schedule something every week so we could keep up with it and I was so surprised at how excited and on board they were with the idea. Thank you Haley for this video, it was exactly what I needed to push this friendship that I wanted to be more consistent into a reality. Your advice works!
Do I have adhd? no Have I been tested as a child? yes through playing games? so kind of Do I think that at some point everyone will need these adhd hacks? yes! so thank you! You teach so many so much
Great video! I've been making some new friendships for the first time in a while and I'm currently navigating the phase 2/phase 3 transition. My biggest struggle with new relationships & maintaining old relationships is figuring out how to plan and make time for them! I would love some advice & to hear your thoughts on planning when you're neurodivergent & have neurodivergent friends, planning far in advance vs spontaneously, and how to balance that with everyday life & work
I know it sounds strange, but I have a list of my friends. Especially being at uni, I struggle to see people frequently, so I have a list where I can check if I think "I feel like I should check in on someone".
My go to for making friends is go to the space we frequent, ask questions to see if they are good friend fit, and if yes, ask if they want to be friends and immediately ask to exchange contact info. But if they don't seem like they want friends, I wouldn't ask.
its so so hard to put myself in new situations. 😖 not only being autistic (like i can watch people not know how to interact w me and get confused by my manner of speaking) but also being trans in a conservative town in SE Texas, i so often just feel genuinely unsafe. i had heard about a fiber arts circle at my local library last week, actually worked up the courage to go hoping there would be people in my age range, and once i got there and saw that this was not the case i just got back in my car and left feeling defeated and ashamed. nothing at all against little old ladies but i just cant shake the steadfast conviction that they would not want me there. i know the only answer to these situations is to just do the damn thing anyway but aaaaaaaa its so hard and so scary. i dont wanna get called slurs in the public library. 😭
I'm sorry, I'm the friend that doesn't reach out for support and doesn't have much capacity for frequent hangouts 😭 It's not because I don't like you or want a close relationship, it's because I'm autistic and struggle with emotional intimacy and socialising burnout.
i also clicked on one of your older videos about this before watching this one and I must say your presentation has improved. it was good before, too, but I notice I'm actually more captivated here
All of the people I considered friends ghosted/left me. I left only couple of these relationships. From the other side it was x-teen times or more. It's so discouraging and I isolated myself almost completely to avoid getting hurt again.
I've joined an lgbt meetup group where we just meet at a coffee shop and talk, some people bring crafts but its just two hours of talking to someone. Theres also groups for silent reading where you read for an hour surrounded by others reading and then talk after; there's similar writing groups like that too. Leaving this here because i think a lot of introverted people have trouble finding things but trust me there are other introverted people out there looking for friends to do indoor hobbies with. The issue i have is everyone is busy so plans fall through a lot or people just travel often, but I make sure I follow through with plans to the people who do show up
Bruh I just bought Sennheiser 599s and I literally can hear your hair moving. 1) what a good microphone, what model is that? 😂 2) these headphones are uncomfortably good. I regret this.
HAHA, the burp, the end😂 so funny. The idea of seeing certain people every week tho... i am tired just thinking about it. That sounds like a lot. You gave some good insights but i think your plan is not a solution to why i am having a hard time keeping in touch with my friends. I am wondering now if i am maybe spiraling in to a depression 😅😂.
But Hayley, I have good friendships but everyone's moved away so they are distance friendships with limited opportunities to see each other face to face, what do I do now? 😢 I'll try and take your tips on board and make some new friends, it's tough but needed! At the moment I'm building up an aquaintance with someone who goes to the same yoga class, hopefully I can make it work xD
hi i have a cuestion, and i cant fide the anser in ur videos, ¿is ther ADHD masking? and if soo ¿how do i stop it? sorry bad english it is not my first language,
I'm autistic not adhd, but I got the video recommended and while it has good pointers and advice, it doesn't really address one thing: How do you actually get to the people that you _want_ to be friends with? You can go out a bunch, say yes to things and talk with everyone but it doesn't change the fact that, and I might be putting it harshly, 99% of people are shitheads. So you're putting all this work in and you're not getting past phase 1, because most people are mean or bigoted... what do you do about that???
My adhd daughter told her therapist she was concerned about not having any close friends. I'm also adhd and was like, "what's wrong with having no friends? I don't have any friends. Wait, aren't WE friends?!" 😂
That really sucks. Sounds really predatory and creepy :( interesting that there’s not a mixed gender bff option? I’m a girl and have always enjoyed having guy friends
@@tgtgtgtgtgtgtg It's because Bumble knows that there would be a lot of guy creeps who would use it to try to get dates. Making friends as an adult has not been easy, especially because most guys don't get involved in classes. I've been to a lot of concerts and recently, a music festival, and it's not really possible to meet people there since everyone is in their own group. I did make a few acquaintances during this summer, because I've been very outgoing and I started conversations with people, which helped a lot.
@@tgtgtgtgtgtgtg But anyways, I care more about dating than making new friends. I only realized recently that most people use dating apps nowadays, and meeting outside of those is difficult. For most of my 20s, I wasn't very outgoing so it took me some time to get out of my shell, and start taking pictures of myself because I had none. Back in 2020, I tried making a Tinder profile but I didn't have pictures that would show my hobbies so I looked boring and basic. This year, I made an effort to take pictures whenever I go out, and ask people to take pictures of me, and now I have an active Instagram profile which I use to add new friends, and I almost have enough pictures to make a tinder profile. Many people have told me that because I'm tall and good looking I shouldn't be struggling to get dates, and I realized over the years that it was simply the fact that I was kind of a shut-in which made me come across as awkward and boring in pictures. I have managed to fix that, so I think that will help.
The biggest problem with friends is that they take effort and they get in the way of what I really want to do. That, and I don't like sharing my Cocaine or Shrooms. Just sayin. 😁
19:00 Don't write people off because they love coffee shop dates! ❤😃🤓☕🫖I have physical limitations now that have made a lot of activities difficult, but I realized great conversations ARE an experience (especially the way me and my ADHD friends do them! ; - ). Far and wide, funny and deep---good conversation is not only bonding, sometimes it's an ADVENTURE! 😄
Get 25% off on Paired premium! Start your 7-day free trial by clicking the link here: www.paired.com/haleyh25
What I struggle the most with when making friends is figuring out when people are actually my friends and when people are just being nice to me or if there just using me because they realize that I'm a huge people pleaser
Something I have a hard time with is I'll get into a phase of being very outgoing, burn myself out on socializing, take a break, and then suddenly that break becomes a fathomless abyss of time. Any advice?
Don’t try to be someone you’re not! Finding what balance is best for you is ideal. If that means socializing once every 2 weeks then stick to that
identifying with this so hard
🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤
I'm dreading doing it but I want to write them a lil thing telling them I'm not rlly a texting person, and I like in person just us way more.
The last time was a group and I was asked by one of her friends to leave, and it had been two months I haven't replied, I feel terrible
Yikes I'm dying of embarrassment,
Its okay tho.
🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤
F R E E P a l e s t i n e!
Liberation EVERYWHERE!
Drink water my friend!
I believe in you,
And I'm glad you're here having n g this conversation with us
Thanks Hayley for hosting!
will let you know how the messages go if I do it
🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤
Much Love!!
Finding your limitations will help. And doing some CBT work on black and white thinking. Also communicating your needs and where you're at, let them know you're burned out or opt for low-contact for a while.
@@endTHEhegemony_Today beautiful message! 🍉
for me, it helps to let my friends know that that's whats happening. I let people know hey I'm exhausted I need some time, maybe next time? and maybe send them the occasional video or comic or something in my hibernate stage, so that they don't take it as a sign that I just don't want to hang out anymore
Whenever I ask people to hang out, they flake on me. This is a big factor to why I've just stopped trying to make friends bc I will set up for us to hangout and then like an hour later they'll flake. I've gotten to the stage of actually hanging out, but then I never hear from them again even if I did follow up saying I had fun, we should hang out again. I also have had a lot of friendships in the past where I put more effort in than they did.
im so sorry that people have done that to you!! Maybe, if you ever feel up for it, this should be a reason for you to make more and new friends that might value your time more than other,
I hear you. Start going to shared interest groups. You'll have something in common with everyone from the get go.
@@stuartchapman5171 thanks, I have been doing that but I find it hard to make a friendship afterward. I just haven’t found the right people I guess
It sucks when this happens. I used tonhave this issue, I worked on developing healthy boundaries and self-esteem. This doesn't happen anymore.
you have to find people that are also looking for new friends and even then it might not click. just keep trying. people who are already "full" have little time for new people and we often enter eras of life where people are busy with their relationships, family, children, career and friendships take a dive in importance.
Bumble BFF saved my (social) life. I was so lonely until I finally broke down and joined it. I now have a small, but special, friend group. I even met my new best friend on there.
I needed to see this! I’m brand new on there and feel a tad weird. I met my husband on a dating site so I have good luck on “looking for” sites. So why not!!! ❤
Thanks for sharing honestly I needed this comment
@@Manzanitamystic good luck!! I hope you make some great new friends 😊
I kinda have the opposite problem with the reciprocating support. I've had friends who will happily listen to me and support me through something, but the way I know we're not that close is that they will never come to me for the same, even though I communicate that they can always count on me in the same way. The issue is that most people I meet who are friends, already have their own besties, so they're gonna go to them and not me no matter how great a listener I am and how willing and able I am to support them. So this is a really great way to look at it, in terms of indicators about people's capacity for different levels of friendship. Thanks for that, Hayley.
I refer to friendships that blossom solely out of doing the same thing in the same place as "situational friendships" because for me, they've never been able to last beyond that situation. Again, not for lack of trying on my part, but it always turned out I thought I had a really close friend but actually they only had capacity for me inside that particular space and time. As soon as I was unable to continue doing that activity, job, etc. those people no longer had any interest. Sucks to find out, but now I just understand the dynamics better so I know what I'm getting and how to communicate about whether it's beyond that or not.
For the situational friendship, I find asking early on to hangout outside of the place helps me filter. This is a good way to know before I've put all the energy into them.
same. its so difficult especially if it moves BACK from bestie to friend phase.. how do you reconnect, if life is just "busy"? meanwhile they're meeting like everyone they know and speak to them about their problems. which is fine but to accept that the deep friendship you once had, is changing is especially hard as a neurodivergent. you can't just ignore the rift like neurotypicals would and see you as an accquaintance. the injustice feeling just picks up on it and throws it in your face because you can't really do anything about it.
I like coffee shop hangs. But it's not just for coffee and talking. We have a late night coffee shop and i don't drink so it's a win. We also do art at the coffee shop or a craft. I have like a whole paint set-up at coffeeshop.
^_^ sweet!
I love doing crafts with friends. ❤
I'm GREAT at the bestie stage, absolutely awful at the light friends stage😂
Why is this not taught in primary school? The first time ever that someone explained to me in a sensible way how to make friends.
One thing to add: I don't like activities for fun, maybe cause I'm old (35). But I would love to help someone paint / garden / do groceries / get the kids from school / marie kondo. So I'm gonna invite my good friends to share with me what activity they'd like to include me in and ask them what their favorite activities are to do with friends.
why is this soo real 😭😭. I am too much of a people pleaser so i put other peoples needs wayyyy infront of my needs, and Ive been trying to put off communicating with a friend who i drop everything for every time they are struggling but they dont do that in return or i dont feel comfortable enough with them to let them know im struggling, and this was just the push that i needed. Thank youu 🤗 and wish me luck 😅
It helped me feel more comfortable speaking up to realize that healthy, caring people WANT to be supportive and reciprocal just like I do! < : - ) ❤ Also that love is a verb, and if someone's ACTIONS don't reflect interest, caring, affection, reciprocity, etc., it's healthy to move on no matter how much I like them. Because of the way I was raised, it took me years to learn that boundaries are what WE do when someone doesn't agree that our needs are important. Things felt pretty bleak for a while, but I eventually realized there are a LOT of good people out there looking for other caring people to be friends with. 😃 The less time we spend with people who aren't a good fit, the more time we have to invest in people who are! 🌈🌱🌿🤩😄🤓💐🍀💖
I completely relate 😩 It’s so frustrating. And lately I’ve been struggling and haven’t had the capacity to give as much as I have in the past and I feel like they’re disappointed in me, but they pull away instead of checking in…
@@Doobydoobydoowahim soo sorry that thats happening to you but keep looking after yourself! 🤗🤗
Your whole "coffee shops are the death of friendships" bit really spoke to me. I've gotten stuck in that pattern with one of my friends, and you're totally right. Thank you for mentioning that!
The sleepovers create besties for sure
For sure!
All of these tips feel very user friendly and frankly, inspired. I'm glad that I found your channel on RUclips. Much Love. ♥️✨
Awwwww!! I hope these tips help!
You got me at phase 1 🤣🤣🤣 I have to MEET PEOPLE?! NAH.
But seriously, great video 💛💛💛
I heartily second this advice. During COVID lockdown, my 3 other besties and I made a game night over Discord once a week since all of us live in different parts of the country and we've been doing it for years, it's SO important, especially if you're someone who has internet friends too! It gives me something to look forward to and it just keeps us caught up.
im wondering how i can modify this for my autistic self :( i prefer alone times over than mingling with people, and i wish i can hang out with my cousin/best friend more but either 1) our schedules do not align or 2) i do not have the energy
Relate so much! I commented with similar dilemmas.
this is another great video of yours that i was specifically looking forward to bc lately i've realised i do NEED some good friendships, but i still have issues😭
first of all, basically everything requires money - like signing up for a gym or for a class does require money, and even if you already have some people you wanna be friends with and you don't wanna end up in a cafe and wanna meet often you need to have money to do something and create memories together😭😭
also i live in a really small town where there isn't ANYTHING to do and almost NO ONE to meet, so the few times i met someone interesting i had to go to the city cause they didn't live near me, but the city is away from me, therefore requires a lot of money, therefore it isn't something i’'m able to do often, therefore i can't really connect to that person😭😭😭
Meet up have online meets. That's what I do while this is an issue for me. Bumble BFF was good too.
One thing I find helpful is to make plans for next hangout at current hangout, to avoid procrastination/forgetfulness/anxiety/activation-energy problems.
^ hell yeah this is my friggin go to 🫡
I run an open mic event for electronic experimental audio. The shared interest experience is great for making friends.
Start a group, based around your special interests, you'll meet a lot of divergent folks.
Venues will give you space, as long as you put bums on seats.
Surprisingly ive been unfortunately diagnosed with PTSD due to losing friendships. My two best friends in high school abandoned me and it's left insanely deep scars on my heart that any time I even think about making friends, I can never take the first step.
That said, thank you for making actionable steps like this. As painful as it is for me to talk to people and be around people, I hope I can make these small steps and maybe make a friend for the first time in a long time.
Hugs. I've. Been hurt so much by supposed friends, that I just don't trust anyone anymore. Wall is up, oh I can fake being happy but deep down I know you will hurt me eventually, you're lying and you're fake. It has totally warped my relationships, and even 20 years with my husband I am waiting for the other shoe to drop and he'll leave me!
You couldn’t have made this video at a better time!
I’m ready to make my friends and totally connected to your last video about the cups! I have a big cup and my friends are shot glasses! It honestly made me feel sooooo much better and like there isn’t something wrong with me 💖 really appreciate your making friend videos!!! Very very very helpful!! Thank you!
This was the most chaotic ending to a video I have ever seen 😂😂
The coffee shop being the death of friendship is so true!!!
hey I just want to say your videos are a lifesaver. I don't know if I have ADHD, but I love how comprehensible your advice always is, andas someone struggling to make friends abroad while all my older friendships are now long distance (and some dying), this is the first time I actually see an almost "step-by-step" explanation on how to make friends. A part of me is still embarrassed to need instructions on how to meet new humans, but I'm definitely not alone on it so, yeah. Thank you so much for your content!
Looking for @Zoë who was in the live chat for this. Respond to this comment bc I lost the live chat window before I could get your name! 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️😂
Rooting for you! @Zoë can you hear us?!?!
Hope you find them
Wow, I just found your channel and started binging your shorts and you’re amazing! And I asked this exact question and came to look at your videos and saw this! So excited for it!
YAY!! Great timing!!
That type of friendship sounds too full on to me! I like the coffee shop friendship, every couple of months 😂
I need more of these casual type videos like this. Thanks so much for this Hayley!!
So glad to hear it! This is the style I’m going to try to do more of as I really enjoy it :)
@@hayley.honeyman Here for it! I'm more of a fan of unscripted casual videos as I love how raw and real they are. So happy you're going to be doing more of that style cause I also prefer it
Thank you for sharing, it was interesting. I am 30 and I am struggling right now from burning out with my ADHD (which I was diagnosed with only half a year ago, and since then we have been trying to find a medication with my psychiatrist, I almost lost hope at the moment that I would ever be happy again. After this video, I think I do really few social interactions, and taking action is not my thing because I am afraid of rejection and also to reject people myself... My problem is that even though I invest time and effort in building new connections I keep quitting things, always. Just like I was attending improv classes for 4 months and then I just stopped and feel guilty to return now after 6 months have passed, even though I know there are some people who would like me to do so, I am afraid. And a year before I broke a 12-year relationship and got into a beautiful new one with a really supportive girl who still loves me so much. I fell in love so crazy, but now I do not feel much. I just try to convince myself that it is probably because of the overall state.
Burp! 😆
I love this video so much. You have some really great advice, and this is a problem that a lot of us relate to, I think. I especially love the end of the video, and how you say that we are all your besties. for people with trauma around struggling to make friends, it can be really healing to hear a message like that, even if we all never meet. 🫂💜 Much love!
Sometimes I don't want to talk about something because it will just bring me back there and I do explain that to my friends. We all deal with emotions differently. I do communicate that to my friends though so I hope that helps someone reading this. They may still want to be friends.
Hi! Thank you so much for this video! I originally watched your first video talking about Bumble bff for making friends a while back and subscribed when I checked out your video and learned about your neurodivergency. I eventually found a good friend on their and they also happen to be very neurodivergent like me. We weren't hanging out a lot because I was kind of nervous about how to bring up that I wanted to hang out more and they always seemed busy. I watched this video last night and then I hung out with them, encouraged to try something new rather than having another catch up lunch. We played 8 ball and then we ended up hanging out a bit after. Keeping in mind that I wanted to connect more, I took more effort in asking deeper questions and also being more vulnerable. Eventually we talked about in the beginning of us meeting we were really excited organically with each other and ended up hanging out every week but it faded out due to scheduling and life. They mentioned that they really enjoyed when we hung out every week and how it was nice to look forward to something every week. I then asked them if they wanted to schedule something every week so we could keep up with it and I was so surprised at how excited and on board they were with the idea. Thank you Haley for this video, it was exactly what I needed to push this friendship that I wanted to be more consistent into a reality. Your advice works!
Thanks Hailey. This video was very eye opening.
I’ve given up on ppl. No one understand me, I don’t understand them. I dont even like most ppl. I’ll die alone 😩
Aww, hold on tight. One day we will find our tribe 😉
Do I have adhd? no
Have I been tested as a child? yes through playing games? so kind of
Do I think that at some point everyone will need these adhd hacks? yes! so thank you! You teach so many so much
Great video! I've been making some new friendships for the first time in a while and I'm currently navigating the phase 2/phase 3 transition.
My biggest struggle with new relationships & maintaining old relationships is figuring out how to plan and make time for them! I would love some advice & to hear your thoughts on planning when you're neurodivergent & have neurodivergent friends, planning far in advance vs spontaneously, and how to balance that with everyday life & work
It's my area. Anything I've tried, they all know each other. New ppl, they're nice once or just "hi".
I have never felt more called out by a video before (in a good way)
I know it sounds strange, but I have a list of my friends. Especially being at uni, I struggle to see people frequently, so I have a list where I can check if I think "I feel like I should check in on someone".
My go to for making friends is go to the space we frequent, ask questions to see if they are good friend fit, and if yes, ask if they want to be friends and immediately ask to exchange contact info. But if they don't seem like they want friends, I wouldn't ask.
its so so hard to put myself in new situations. 😖 not only being autistic (like i can watch people not know how to interact w me and get confused by my manner of speaking) but also being trans in a conservative town in SE Texas, i so often just feel genuinely unsafe. i had heard about a fiber arts circle at my local library last week, actually worked up the courage to go hoping there would be people in my age range, and once i got there and saw that this was not the case i just got back in my car and left feeling defeated and ashamed. nothing at all against little old ladies but i just cant shake the steadfast conviction that they would not want me there. i know the only answer to these situations is to just do the damn thing anyway but aaaaaaaa its so hard and so scary. i dont wanna get called slurs in the public library. 😭
I'm sorry, I'm the friend that doesn't reach out for support and doesn't have much capacity for frequent hangouts 😭 It's not because I don't like you or want a close relationship, it's because I'm autistic and struggle with emotional intimacy and socialising burnout.
Waah love her!! Too bad bubble bff is not available in the Netherlands 😢.
2:06 the emphasis on "oooh cosmic" got a laugh out of me
i also clicked on one of your older videos about this before watching this one and I must say your presentation has improved. it was good before, too, but I notice I'm actually more captivated here
+ the gnome in the background reminded me of talia from house in the cerulean sea
I will absolutely make a diagram out of this. Awesome video!
make a video on how you learned about neurodiversity!! what books, studies, that kind of stuff (:
Same day same time every week would never work for me. I would be so stressed
That’s fair!
My Rollerskating friends are some of the best people I've ever met, we are all gay and neurodivergent too
All of the people I considered friends ghosted/left me. I left only couple of these relationships. From the other side it was x-teen times or more. It's so discouraging and I isolated myself almost completely to avoid getting hurt again.
I've joined an lgbt meetup group where we just meet at a coffee shop and talk, some people bring crafts but its just two hours of talking to someone. Theres also groups for silent reading where you read for an hour surrounded by others reading and then talk after; there's similar writing groups like that too. Leaving this here because i think a lot of introverted people have trouble finding things but trust me there are other introverted people out there looking for friends to do indoor hobbies with.
The issue i have is everyone is busy so plans fall through a lot or people just travel often, but I make sure I follow through with plans to the people who do show up
Your hair looks really cool
I love you Hailey I love the streams you duo every week
Bruh I just bought Sennheiser 599s and I literally can hear your hair moving.
1) what a good microphone, what model is that? 😂
2) these headphones are uncomfortably good. I regret this.
Thanks for this video! I love your openness.
Really looking forward to this
HAHA, the burp, the end😂 so funny.
The idea of seeing certain people every week tho... i am tired just thinking about it. That sounds like a lot. You gave some good insights but i think your plan is not a solution to why i am having a hard time keeping in touch with my friends. I am wondering now if i am maybe spiraling in to a depression 😅😂.
Omg thank you girl I needed this
2:16 yesssss thisss!!!
“Are they going to kill you? Maybe”
Also, this advices should be quite nice working for people without ADHD. As they are about doing.
I think for me it’s I can make acquaintances so easily but I get bored or experience nonverbal cues that trigger overthinking from RSD
I am soo serious watching this video. Cause I am 18 and till now I never had any friend literally 0 friend.
Great video! Thank you ❤
Im watching this because i feel like i want to be actual friends with a specific person idk why and i kinda want more friends
But Hayley, I have good friendships but everyone's moved away so they are distance friendships with limited opportunities to see each other face to face, what do I do now? 😢
I'll try and take your tips on board and make some new friends, it's tough but needed! At the moment I'm building up an aquaintance with someone who goes to the same yoga class, hopefully I can make it work xD
hi i have a cuestion, and i cant fide the anser in ur videos, ¿is ther ADHD masking? and if soo ¿how do i stop it? sorry bad english it is not my first language,
Always makes me laugh 😂😂❤
I'm autistic not adhd, but I got the video recommended and while it has good pointers and advice, it doesn't really address one thing: How do you actually get to the people that you _want_ to be friends with? You can go out a bunch, say yes to things and talk with everyone but it doesn't change the fact that, and I might be putting it harshly, 99% of people are shitheads. So you're putting all this work in and you're not getting past phase 1, because most people are mean or bigoted... what do you do about that???
its been hard for me to make friends im at phase one
Im just realizing that I don’t know what a friend is ,hahaha maybe that is why I suffer so much.
My adhd daughter told her therapist she was concerned about not having any close friends. I'm also adhd and was like, "what's wrong with having no friends? I don't have any friends. Wait, aren't WE friends?!" 😂
Lol that "I'm sopping wet" outro. Are you like me and can sing & talk in a helium/chipmunk voice?
I get to hopeful and scared at once then back off
It is so me! Lol
Used to be way easy to make friends, not anymore
I found out ADHD as a girl is sooo more easy than a man. ( Only for social ). Ppl gave u chance so easly. From a girl.
Bumble BFF only works for women. On the men's side, it's mainly just gay guys trying to sleep with straight men, it's really weird.
That really sucks. Sounds really predatory and creepy :( interesting that there’s not a mixed gender bff option? I’m a girl and have always enjoyed having guy friends
@@tgtgtgtgtgtgtg It's because Bumble knows that there would be a lot of guy creeps who would use it to try to get dates.
Making friends as an adult has not been easy, especially because most guys don't get involved in classes. I've been to a lot of concerts and recently, a music festival, and it's not really possible to meet people there since everyone is in their own group.
I did make a few acquaintances during this summer, because I've been very outgoing and I started conversations with people, which helped a lot.
@@tgtgtgtgtgtgtg But anyways, I care more about dating than making new friends. I only realized recently that most people use dating apps nowadays, and meeting outside of those is difficult. For most of my 20s, I wasn't very outgoing so it took me some time to get out of my shell, and start taking pictures of myself because I had none. Back in 2020, I tried making a Tinder profile but I didn't have pictures that would show my hobbies so I looked boring and basic.
This year, I made an effort to take pictures whenever I go out, and ask people to take pictures of me, and now I have an active Instagram profile which I use to add new friends, and I almost have enough pictures to make a tinder profile. Many people have told me that because I'm tall and good looking I shouldn't be struggling to get dates, and I realized over the years that it was simply the fact that I was kind of a shut-in which made me come across as awkward and boring in pictures. I have managed to fix that, so I think that will help.
I have actually heard this from other men!!
My autism says no. 😂 Just kidding, these tips are great
The biggest problem with friends is that they take effort and they get in the way of what I really want to do. That, and I don't like sharing my Cocaine or Shrooms. Just sayin.
😁
Anyone in new jersey wanna be my bestie? 👀
😂😂
19:00 Don't write people off because they love coffee shop dates! ❤😃🤓☕🫖I have physical limitations now that have made a lot of activities difficult, but I realized great conversations ARE an experience (especially the way me and my ADHD friends do them! ; - ). Far and wide, funny and deep---good conversation is not only bonding, sometimes it's an ADVENTURE! 😄
I will absolutely make a diagram out of this. Awesome video!
Please share the diagram after!! :)