But How Do I Handle Comments People Make About Food and Weight? Life After Diets Episode 156
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- Опубликовано: 31 июл 2024
- #dietculture #antidiet #bodyimageissues
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You know what's hard in a life after diets? When people comment on your body or your food choices. How are we supposed to respond? It is a tough balance between setting boundaries, managing conflict, and not feeling triggered.
The conversation starts out with a reflection of Stef's conversation the previous day with her Mom, but moves through different scenarios that we might run up against in our non-diet culture driven life. Some scenarios include: what if someone asks me if I'm pregnant? What if someone is just ignorant or making a non-critical observation? What if their comment triggers my own self doubt?
Tune in now!
I’m definitely going to keep in mind “That’s an interesting thing to say”.
Such a good way of calling out an inappropriate comment.
15 years ago I met a couple from China that I had not met in a few years and they mentioned that I gained weight, not trying to be mean, but that triggered something in me then. I´ve since then started practicing reminding myself that people sometimes are not aware of how they speak and are rarely not trying to hurt people by the things they say, but the way people act and talk about things is rather a result of a culture they live and are brought up in. In the back of my head I also keep in mind that people can´t make me feel anything that my triggers are not allowing me to think and thereby feel. But sometimes I just take a deep breath and ask myself if the comments are someting that is worth adressing right now, and also if the person is a person that seems receptive to a discussion or not. If the person is someone who is trying to be hurtful and is someone that I don´t know, I just remind myself that their problem with others and the way their emotional regulation works (or lack there of) is not my problem, even though they try to make it mine. At least for me this is helpful.
Whenever someone makes a comment to me that I'm unsure if they mean as an insult I like to say "aww thanks you too" and watch them get confused if they don't like hearing what they said directed back at them 😅 not really for weight stuff but other things like when people say I look "comfortable" or tired
😅 I like that one
I find your episodes so comforting 😊I think it's especially uncomfortable when it comes from close family members. On the one hand, I understand their worries concerning being overweight and its associated health consequences (joint pain, diabetes, cardiovascular health). On the other hand, those comments (when articulated inappropriately) can really harm sometimes and trigger deeper emotions. It's hard to find a balance to express your concern and at the same times empower someone to look after their health 😊 if eating and being thin is connected to more underlying issues like self worth, identity, validation, praise and worth, it is more complicated and eating disorder do definitely not help with these issues either 😢but to be honest, being overweight is not funny 😢
Have you ever thought of doing a regular episode where you address social media comments you receive?
Especially one's with questions about the content, and perhaps even some of the critical or hard to read comments?
I feel lucky that we haven’t received too much of that but it’s interesting to think about talking about it when it does happen!
girl in a bigger body here 🙋♀I literally think every other human being is beautiful. Their bodies, in my head, are perfect and they look amazing the way they are. Whenever I'm talking badly about myself I solely just mean myself. I'm so into my own head I don't think about how it effects other people. That is a huge flaw of mine. I rarely ever talk about these thoughts to anyone besides my fiance thankfully. I am way to self conscious and self loathing to ever share these thoughts with other people. I guess that's a good thing.
I think it’s so easy to be critical of ourselves because we project so much “shadow” stuff onto “fatness” … so in our own body we don’t just see our size but also our demons, in a way
both are amazing thanks!
dbt thenique helps a lot to handle this situation. = dear man. D: Describe - Describe the situation factually and without judgment. Focus on the specifics of what happened.
E: Express - Express your feelings and thoughts about the situation clearly and directly. Use "I" statements to convey your emotions.
A: Assert - Assert your needs or requests directly and respectfully. Clearly state what you want or need from the other person.
R: Reinforce - Reinforce the benefits of meeting your request. Explain the positive outcomes for both parties if your needs are met.
M: Mindful - Stay focused on the present interaction. Avoid getting distracted by unrelated issues and maintain your focus on achieving your goal.
A: Appear Confident - Appear confident and self-assured in your body language and tone of voice. Confidence can help persuade others to take you seriously.
N: Negotiate - Be willing to negotiate and compromise if necessary. Find a middle ground that works for both parties.
❤
The pregnancy question often applies to women once they gained weight... This happened to me at the swimming pool, under the showers, by an old lady : "how many months ?" "what ?" "your pregnancy, how many months ?" "I'm just bloated, and this is none of your business" . And once, by a colleague that I don't meet very often. This time, I wasn't in a bathing suit but in regular clothes. And my answer was smg like "back off, bc either i'm gonna be crying and you'll be wet, or I'll punch you in the face. Have you never heard of ano.recovery ?" . She was so confused, she hasn't talked to me since that day (6 yrs ago) !
BUT : some day, I was driving, really too fast. A policeman stopped me for that reason. I was really bloated. I started to cry, showed my belly and said "I'm pregnant, I need to pee, that's why I'm driving a bit fast" . He let me go without a fine....😉
That’s one way to turn it around!! 😅
Not that anyone should ever comment on people's bodies, don't get me wrong, but I think I remember you talking about needing a fork to eat pizza in an episode? Maybe that's why they thought it was okay to comment about an orthodontist? Just speculating. Anyway, thanks for doing these. Really enjoy listening to you guys.
😅