INTJ Male, Dating a INFP Female who is an angel by the way, but also a bit of a baby. I've been watching loads of videos and reading texts on this relationship and I'm glad they exist because I gain insight on her that she isn't comfortable or able to provide herself. Thank you, for this.
Lucas Janes As an INFP female myself, the best advice I can give is to be *very very clear* what you mean. We build very thick walls and the fact that you got through means you’re seriously important to her. SO important, everything you say and do matters quite a bit. You make her feel vulnerable because she cares what you think, and, as irrational as it is, when you’re vulnerable, you’re subconsciously waiting for someone to hurt you. Specifically tell her what you mean and let her know you’re considering her feelings, so her brain doesn’t pick it apart and make its own conclusions. We attack and blame ourselves more than anyone, it isn’t hard for us to think someone else is too, no matter how unlikely it is.
Wow, as an INTJ who's trying to get to understand INFPs I'm quite envious. I believe I've had not the best interactions with INFPs in the past and I want to be able to change that for the better. We both try to work on making things better for humanity just in different ways, so I just want to be able to be brave enough to accept my own feelings and learn how to empathize a bit more. If you have any tips or words of wisdom please do tell.
@@emperorlelouch5696 well, I just got into a fight with an INTJ that is trying to pursue me- I read him what it is like being in a relationship with an INFP and he said that is like a child. Which then lead to more hurtful comments. I took them personally. He says he has to bite his tongue when he is around me only because of how I react which I hate because I want people to be themselves and be honest but I do also think there is a time, place, and way to say things. Long story short I started crying- he needed time to reflect and that is where we left it. I am leaving out a lot as I don't have time to recant everything- that was the main gist. My words of wisdom is- unless you are able to truly appreciate them- even the parts that don't make sense or that are hard- let them go. An INFP should not feel invalidated for their emotions and an INTJ should not have to always be afraid of hurting them. Unless both people are willing to grow for themselves and for the better then it is doomed. INFPs don't need someone who is trying to fix the problems or say why they logically should not feel that way. They 9/10 already know this. They want someone to listen and be a light in the fog. The calm horizon. The rock amongst the storm. Bring clarity, honesty, and insight but do so in a gentle and loving way. INFPs love honesty as it is very refreshing but don't be surprised when we react honestly to that honesty. We both needed time alone- him to reflect and think and mine to sift through my feelings and emotions. We have similarities and differences that I believe if channeled properly can be a force to be reckoned with but in order to do so- each has to see how the other is using their role in that- not seeing them as weak or wrong. I don't know if that helped but this is a very big difference that I think we are both realizing could be something we don't want. So make sure that you want to grow in grace and empathy. I am writing this in the midst of everything. Be well.
We INFPs are very aware of how people use us because we do it ourselves. People only take advantage of our generosity because we let them. We just love giving to others and making people happy. We always root for the underdog and want to see them happy.
There's a video on here about INFPS (or maybe it was Enneagram 9, same thing) with a drawing of a woman hugging a cactus. There's a guy on here that does Enneagram videos (that system is similar to Myers/Briggs) & in one video on 5s (INTJs basically) he mentions 5s are like a cactus. They can be prickly. If you try to interact with them, they will stick you with their words/actions. Seeing that drawing of the INFP hugging that cactus made me think they're one of the only types that would be willing to do something like that if it meant helping the cactus. But what does it mean to an INTJ that values pride & confidence above all things, to have to even ASK someone for a hug, especially knowing it means they have to hurt that person in the process. At that point the only options become non options. Either stop being like a cactus (people can't change who they are at their core), or don't accept the hug... The only other possible solution is to just believe in the INFP, that they have a right to choose that discomfort if it means letting them achieve their core values. In other words, if the INTJ has the right to be a cactus, the INFP has the right to decide to stick themselves on that cactus' thorns.
I'm an infp married to an intj we get along great as long as we communicate from feelings to logic we tell eaother what we want and expect their for it works perfectly because we are sharing equal communication 😉
This could not have come at a better time. My INTJ boyfriend and I got into an argument last night. I felt he laughed at me and made fun of my views. I felt his words very personally and when he just left and went home without telling me, I felt like he was telling me goodbye. Now I don't know what he was trying to tell me. I'm sending him the link to this video because it captures the issues hanging around our communication patterns. I hope he listens to it and I hope we can continue to talk without losing tact. He's proud of being brutally honest and I value tact in conversations.
Nobody needs to be brutally honest though. Brutal honesty isn't even true in the real world it is just cutting corners to be MEAN. That's literally it. Some toxic ppl just seek enjoyment from it though. Imo, every mature person uses tact... this "Brutal honestly" without some sort of tact like sarcasm is just immature as hell. Reminds me of fighting with my brother when I was 12. Lol. And Especially if you love someone, then compassion should be used at all times in general but especially when addressing someone personally. - Im and INFP , clearly 😂
@@basedneeble7350 Thank you very much for your kind words of support. I agree about the importance of tact and diplomacy. I wish they were more widespread.
@@basedneeble7350 I was literally telling him this after our conversation- tact was the word I used describing it to my parents- there is a way to go about telling someone the truth that can be done in grace- I also hate brutal honesty- I think it is mean and immature. I don't appreciate it at all. I also got in a fight tonight with an INTJ over these issues.
INTJs can lack emotional depth which makes me sad. The question would always be there like, what do they actually feel or think? I feel like they are too calculated.
This is without doubt the most affirming soliloquy to behold in my life. To hear the reality of this situation summed up and presented so eloquently. Every word and sentence hits me with realisation like a ton of bricks. Thank you so much for my personal revelation.
Damn. I only started looking into the whole 16 personalities thing a short time ago but when I took the test and started reading about the INFP personality type it just hit me. My boyfriend and I have been dating short of a year and things get very stressful for me. I feel like I need constant reassurance that he still likes me because he needs a lot of space and hardly acknowledges me in public. He’s super direct and I get really upset by his comments sometimes, but I absolutely adore him and on the occasion that we spend time together I really enjoy it. I talked about the INTJ personality type with him and he thinks it fits him to the T. Currently searching for every video I can on how to improve the way I perceive our relationship. This summed up everything so perfectly.
As an INFP male, I definitely take offense to little off hand comments that people make about who I am as a person. Like someone will casually, jokingly refer to me as a dick, or stupid, or useless and I'll not be able to stop dwelling on that for days. I'll have massive one-sided conversations with the offender in my head whilst driving or when I'm alone trying to confront them about what they said until I eventually exhaust myself out and hit a wall where I just don't care what they meant and I just kinda keep that person at arms length going forward because I don't want to repeat the process. But inevitably it always happens. Different person, different off hand comment, same 5 day private melt down.
That means you're a mature INTJ, immature one will find this and probably the whole MBTI very offensive or maybe they will feel understood as what I felt back when I just discovered MBTI...
10:25 as a female INTJ, this is exactly what I'm going through with my INFP partner (male) at the moment. We've been dating for one month and all of a sudden he said he needed some time alone and that he only wants to be friends right now. At first, I couldn't understand why he did what he did and why we broke up, and I though it was my fault so I asked him the reason, but he didn't give me a clear answer. I guess he just needs time to process a lot of things that are happening in his life, including the relationship and the problems we had. Even though I tried to come up with solutions and ways that we can improve our relationship, he didn't change his mind, so I don't want to keep nagging him and decided to give him time alone. We keep in touch but as friends and not as regularly as before.
I'm an INFP and my sister is an INTJ - she is my one best friend. She's a Sagittarius and will call me on my 'bleep' and coach me on how to handle things better...I have to tell her to give me the short version, because I'm a Leo and can take only so much criticism [constructive or not] and have to go be by myself to process that I actually do have something to work on to improve myself. She gets this. She does not take criticism at all unless she initiates the search for it. I get this. We have loads of other faults, but we are so involved in examining deep concepts [which is very pleasurable for us to do], we solve a lot of 'bleep' in the process, because we apply these things to ourselves. Oh, I'm the older sibling, but come across as younger - my sister is the younger sibling, but comes across as older.
Im an INFP girl and my bf was INTJ.. well ngl i loved every part of time we spent together. But our relationship was so difficult to handle cuz we use to argue alot. Where he tends to think with mind and logic always i was the one who was on emotional side of perspective... we both hurted each other cuz of those conflicts n then we ended it... but we r still friends n help out each other but... i can feel that whenever we says tc or gn or gm to each other... its just another way of saying ily...
Fizzy Rose the same is happening with my boyfriend and I, but I don't mind because I love arguments. In the end, he and I just agree to disagree most times. But we always come out stronger after every debate. No one will always conform to your ideals, and it's great to have differences.
IF you desire want others to completely understand your FEE.................LINGS, then you need to learn to communicate effectively. For example, you falsely assume that everyone reading you post should automatically know, appreciate, and understand the specific meaning of abbreviations as "ngl", "tc", "gn", "gm", 'and "ily". Having lived with an 'INFP' for decade. Their silent, sulking, sullen behavior, and solipsistic selfishness behaviors, maelstroms of FEE....LINGS are typically employed as excuses to detach from reality and avoid responsibilities. IF INFPs CHOOSE to be unclear in their language, CHOOSE to not speak clearly and exactly, employ alien symbols, words, and lexicons, then their FEE..........LINGS of confusion and being misunderstood will naturally feel alien to others. For example, the Frenchwoman goes to England, only speak in French, and become angry, hostile, sullen, and withdrawn when no Englishman can understand her.
To ALL the INTJs out there, I am an older (52-year old) female INTJ lesbian. I've been with 2 INFP women for a total of 17 years and I am telling you now, you NEED to study The Work of Byron Katie on NVC (Non Violent Communication). Every human being should study it but especially INTJs. And another thing, I don't want to hear that B.S. that you are "brutally honest". That is NOT OKAY. It IS very disrespectful and hostile. There is NO NEED to be brutal in your "honesty". And frankly, if you were being truly honest with YOURSELF, then you would also be honest about your tone of voice and the hostility and other negative emotions behind your barking at someone. Your words may be honest but they leave out a mountain of information about what is really going on under the surface, the intent and feelings. Being direct and honest is of course very good but it can be done with sensitivity and kindness. Get in touch with how you are feeling at the moment when you bark or snap at another person and tell the other person how you are feeling instead of snapping at them. THAT is true, mature honesty. I have learned this and it has made my relationships SO MUCH RICHER and more healthy.
@@agnesh6909 You're welcome. And if you end up with a good INTJ, don't give up on them when you try to explain this to them if they are not getting it at first. If you can get through to them though, they will eventually get it. It took me awhile but eventually my INFP wife got it through my thick skull. I'm VERY grateful she did.
@@hfortenberry LoL we broke up, she cheated on me. And when I asked her what was she thinking, she said she wasn't thinking at all. I'm tired of accepting her self-centered perspective either. Maybe because she's still young and had terrible experiences before. I can't when she's expecting me to change her. And I know I'm not responsible for that. Sorry to vent it to you, I just...haven't fully recovered from that.
@@agnesh6909 Oh no! I'm so sorry she did that! Hmmm, I'm thinking she's probably not an INTJ. We are the LAST ones to cheat on someone. And we definitely do not get into relationships "not thinking at all". No, that does not sound like an INTJ. We have the opposite problem in that we avoid all relationships that don't seem perfect to us. We are super picky and analyze every potential intimate partner to death. For example, I am 52 and have never had a one-night stand. And I am attractive and have been approached by attractive prospects. But all I could think was "This is NOT worth it. What good could possibly come of this?" LOL We don't do casual relationships. The only time I can see this is if she's super young and immature and just trying to force herself to fit in with other types and not being herself. I doubt she'll be in that phase for long if that's the case. You just take good care of yourself.
@@hfortenberry Thanks again. I doubt that too. She does have some traits of an INTJ but I can't tell whether she was lying or not anymore. I did watch a lot of INTJ and INFP videos. And I think this kind of relationship does pack with potentials. But I guess I didn't know her well. Thanks for telling me this. I could be less afraid of getting hurt from INTJs because she might be mistyped! Have a nice day/night! God, I envy you INTJ and INFP marriage now 😆
I am an older INTJ who has been with 2 different INFPs across a period of 17 years and let me tell you from experience that you NEED to study The Work of Byron Katie on NVC (Non Violenet Communication). It will change your life for the better by far and it will make you a much more loving partner, especially if you are going to be with a feeler like an INFP. Please get Byron Katie's book and read it.
@@captainfrosty31 she's a type of person that doesn't want any planning in life. Like allows whatever the world throws into her. Very kind person. Too kind in my opinion. The relationship is over unfortunately.
I'm an INFP and my brother is INTJ. We've been close but now we're so disconnected. I think he can't stand that I keep my feelings and thoughts private, because I know he won't agree and I don't want to deal with his unacceptance. He's been really harsh to me lately and I just built a wall up without even noticing... How do I undo that?
We like honesty, so if it was with me i would say just come talk to me about it, this is how i feel and this is why and what happened, even if just that doesn't really solve the real problem, it can help you remove that wall fast and start over again (hopefully differently)
My INTJ isn't talking to me right now. He said he needs a few days to mull it over. 😩 I got hurt because he told me my weight is a turnoff and he wants me to lose weight. I just think he's so insensitive. I do value his honesty but yes maybe there could be tactfulness too. I hope he doesn't give up on me because I do admire him. It's our first conflict. 😞 His love language is quality time and I am the one who wanted more time alone. 😂 I really wish he'll talk to me again like we used to. 😞
INTJ female here. Don't mistake abusive behaviour for INTJ behaviour. Yes we can be blunt and at time tactless but if we love someone deeply, hurting them isn't something we enjoy and can be self aware enough that telling someone they need to lose weight could hurt their feelings. Telling someone their weight is a turn off isn't INTJness it's called cuntiness! Two years ago my ENFP daughter (18) had piled on the pounds. She has always been curvy but was now looking unhealthy so I asked her if she was happy. She started to cry and said no. I offered to help her lose the weight, gave her ideas and tips on how we could achieve her goals. She now nearly 21 has shed 2 stone and looks and feels happier which makes me happy. That's how a mature INTJ would handle that situation. Not tell you, you are a turn off and that in someway makes you have a problem. I suggest if you are happy with how you look the only weight to shed is that if an emotionally abusive man. INTJ or not!
Omgosh.... I have watched quite a few vids (I'm INFP and he's TJ) anyway these are exactly our issues.... I feel hurt by words and particularly if feeling disrespected and unappreciated) You have hit the nail on the head and given me something constructive to work with. I also need to work on the emotional "reaction" from scars in the past I.e it's like I am emotionally reacting as if he made that scar and my reaction is way worse than the crime like straight to strike 3 you're out. I know this but don't know how to stop this within myself.... think I've just worked out my next research topic will be. Also stuggle with the am I a mature INFP or immature? I am fully into self improvement and try to be honest with myself and my faults but at the point in time think I act immaturely and want this to stop. .. Anyway thank you so much.... my brain is buzzing and I feel rather positive now.
Thanks a lot for this video. I’m having serious problems with an INFP mentee of mine and would like to resolve them. I’d appreciate the opportunity to email you to ask for your advice if this is possible. Thank you
Also... this may be related but does anybidybelse find that their INTJ likes to be complimented and appreciated like almost NEED it but don't know how to give it.... as in my INTJ loves showing off his achievements and thrives off the recognition in what and how it was achieved to feel emotionally happy but shoe on other foot they don't give or do the same thing and recognise it as an emotional need they want and like to get themselves but think it's stupid that you want and need the same thing from them?
Can you please help me? My INTJ boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me 2 months ago and I am also INFP female. I didn't take the time to understand him and was very self-absorbed because I was dealing with a lot of anxiety from a toxic job I had that had changed me. I was stuck in my head and nothing he said or did reached me not even when he started to check out of the relationship... Our communication got worse and we became emotionally disconnected from one another. We got stuck in a cycle of fighting and he made his decision, left and has not spoken to me since about it or talked to me at all. I've sent plenty of messages that have just gone ignored. This whole time despite the hardships I have been facing because I lost everything, I have done nothing, but my very best to eliminate all those fears and anxieties and grow as a person. I truly feel now that if we were to start over it would be so much better than it was before. I have matured emotionally and have so much clarity that I did not have before. How can I reach him and hopefully get him back? I considered him my partner for life and best friend.
You will be OK. He made that decision and if you continue to focus on yourself and break contact completely it's possible he will initiate contact again but you have to let go of that want (most important). Trying to get them back will probably not work and will lead to a resentful relationship. Sorry if this is too late, but I know heartbreak lasts a long time so maybe this is still relevant.
I am looking for an expose ‘ on mother being InFP with a daughter INTJ In the adult years. Seems there are a lot of cross over traits of both. Independence Deep Prone to genius And so on. As a mum there is so much to like in INTJ adult children. Communication however is really challenging. The INTJ rejects The INFP’s values of Honest communication. When parent want to resolve a not so good dialogue moment, The INTJ does not. And will become irritated at the emotion of the parent, and honesty of the parent. In sometimes being clueless about how to mend the awkward exchange. The INTJ will be defensive, blame the parent, and walk off. Not an easy relationship.
The description is accurate. but it look like INFP are very unbalanced people. Too emotional at the point that logic doesn't really matter. We as INTJ are also deeply sensitive but we try our best to use the best tools at the right moment. Emotion where and when it is needed logic when it is crucial. when arguing with my INFP wife i always feel like she is not very honest even if MBTI tells us they are honest people. Let suppose she have a bad behaviour or inefficient way to do something (this happen to everyone). If you try to point out the fact and the logic to show her what is going on she become very angry and sad and see you as an offender. i always have to be ways to sweet when arguing with her but it always turn the same too sensitive to handle critic. As an intj i'm happy when someone show me that i'm wrong and can improve. Todays i really think only INTJs can date correctly INTJs. She is happy when i fake paradise : (no blame. no one is wrong. no work only art when emotion tell it is the right moment). We like Truth not Fake life. This is definetly not Love.
INFPs do value honesty, and would rather have that than being lied to based on my experience. It might not seem so at first, but when the argument dies down their analytic minds replays the entire fight again and again to find the problem, and only then does the honesty makes sense. It's kinda frustrating but when you get the hang on how they process things, it becomes easier.
yes, I need to feel in order to be logical while I think INTJs are the opposite. I can be very logical but it is after the time I need to sift through everything- I do replay things in my mind a lot. And please be honest- just do it in love. but I also see why you have come to the conclusion that INTJs can only be with INTJs- possibly unhealthy ones. As if you are with your type you are in your comfort zone and won't grow. But if you don't want to face challenges in dating someone different then by all means date the same as you- know that you will have the same weaknesses and will be basically dating yourself. I personally would not want that for me.
![BabyChiefDoit - Too Slow (feat. STAR BANDZ) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zayaxws7RPg/mqdefault.jpg)
Jesus..I'am an INFP and i keep rewinding this video because my mind wanders....
La Musica same 🙋🏽♀️😂
me too haha
LOL
We are scatterbrained for sure but we are also loyal, loving and independent minded.
Do you have ADHD?
INTJ Male, Dating a INFP Female who is an angel by the way, but also a bit of a baby. I've been watching loads of videos and reading texts on this relationship and I'm glad they exist because I gain insight on her that she isn't comfortable or able to provide herself. Thank you, for this.
Lucas Janes As an INFP female myself, the best advice I can give is to be *very very clear* what you mean. We build very thick walls and the fact that you got through means you’re seriously important to her. SO important, everything you say and do matters quite a bit. You make her feel vulnerable because she cares what you think, and, as irrational as it is, when you’re vulnerable, you’re subconsciously waiting for someone to hurt you. Specifically tell her what you mean and let her know you’re considering her feelings, so her brain doesn’t pick it apart and make its own conclusions. We attack and blame ourselves more than anyone, it isn’t hard for us to think someone else is too, no matter how unlikely it is.
Sorry for writing a novel, I just want to be helpful haha
Rain's Vids {jalebigirl} It takes one to know one 😪😂
Wow, as an INTJ who's trying to get to understand INFPs I'm quite envious. I believe I've had not the best interactions with INFPs in the past and I want to be able to change that for the better. We both try to work on making things better for humanity just in different ways, so I just want to be able to be brave enough to accept my own feelings and learn how to empathize a bit more. If you have any tips or words of wisdom please do tell.
@@emperorlelouch5696 well, I just got into a fight with an INTJ that is trying to pursue me- I read him what it is like being in a relationship with an INFP and he said that is like a child. Which then lead to more hurtful comments. I took them personally. He says he has to bite his tongue when he is around me only because of how I react which I hate because I want people to be themselves and be honest but I do also think there is a time, place, and way to say things. Long story short I started crying- he needed time to reflect and that is where we left it. I am leaving out a lot as I don't have time to recant everything- that was the main gist. My words of wisdom is- unless you are able to truly appreciate them- even the parts that don't make sense or that are hard- let them go. An INFP should not feel invalidated for their emotions and an INTJ should not have to always be afraid of hurting them. Unless both people are willing to grow for themselves and for the better then it is doomed. INFPs don't need someone who is trying to fix the problems or say why they logically should not feel that way. They 9/10 already know this. They want someone to listen and be a light in the fog. The calm horizon. The rock amongst the storm. Bring clarity, honesty, and insight but do so in a gentle and loving way. INFPs love honesty as it is very refreshing but don't be surprised when we react honestly to that honesty. We both needed time alone- him to reflect and think and mine to sift through my feelings and emotions. We have similarities and differences that I believe if channeled properly can be a force to be reckoned with but in order to do so- each has to see how the other is using their role in that- not seeing them as weak or wrong. I don't know if that helped but this is a very big difference that I think we are both realizing could be something we don't want. So make sure that you want to grow in grace and empathy. I am writing this in the midst of everything. Be well.
We INFPs are very aware of how people use us because we do it ourselves. People only take advantage of our generosity because we let them. We just love giving to others and making people happy. We always root for the underdog and want to see them happy.
There's a video on here about INFPS (or maybe it was Enneagram 9, same thing) with a drawing of a woman hugging a cactus. There's a guy on here that does Enneagram videos (that system is similar to Myers/Briggs) & in one video on 5s (INTJs basically) he mentions 5s are like a cactus. They can be prickly. If you try to interact with them, they will stick you with their words/actions. Seeing that drawing of the INFP hugging that cactus made me think they're one of the only types that would be willing to do something like that if it meant helping the cactus. But what does it mean to an INTJ that values pride & confidence above all things, to have to even ASK someone for a hug, especially knowing it means they have to hurt that person in the process. At that point the only options become non options. Either stop being like a cactus (people can't change who they are at their core), or don't accept the hug... The only other possible solution is to just believe in the INFP, that they have a right to choose that discomfort if it means letting them achieve their core values. In other words, if the INTJ has the right to be a cactus, the INFP has the right to decide to stick themselves on that cactus' thorns.
When u say infp gone for days ( alone time ).....intjs: bruh we can be gone for months.
😂
dude, it’s not a competition. just like an intj to make it one. 😂
I'm an infp married to an intj we get along great as long as we communicate from feelings to logic we tell eaother what we want and expect their for it works perfectly because we are sharing equal communication 😉
This could not have come at a better time. My INTJ boyfriend and I got into an argument last night. I felt he laughed at me and made fun of my views. I felt his words very personally and when he just left and went home without telling me, I felt like he was telling me goodbye. Now I don't know what he was trying to tell me. I'm sending him the link to this video because it captures the issues hanging around our communication patterns. I hope he listens to it and I hope we can continue to talk without losing tact. He's proud of being brutally honest and I value tact in conversations.
Nobody needs to be brutally honest though. Brutal honesty isn't even true in the real world it is just cutting corners to be MEAN. That's literally it. Some toxic ppl just seek enjoyment from it though. Imo, every mature person uses tact... this "Brutal honestly" without some sort of tact like sarcasm is just immature as hell. Reminds me of fighting with my brother when I was 12. Lol. And Especially if you love someone, then compassion should be used at all times in general but especially when addressing someone personally.
- Im and INFP , clearly 😂
@@basedneeble7350 Thank you very much for your kind words of support. I agree about the importance of tact and diplomacy. I wish they were more widespread.
@@basedneeble7350 I was literally telling him this after our conversation- tact was the word I used describing it to my parents- there is a way to go about telling someone the truth that can be done in grace- I also hate brutal honesty- I think it is mean and immature. I don't appreciate it at all. I also got in a fight tonight with an INTJ over these issues.
INTJs can lack emotional depth which makes me sad. The question would always be there like, what do they actually feel or think? I feel like they are too calculated.
Just ask them!
Only an immature INTJ lacks emotional depth. ✌
Leave them alone. They ll be fine.
This is without doubt the most affirming soliloquy to behold in my life.
To hear the reality of this situation summed up and presented so eloquently.
Every word and sentence hits me with realisation like a ton of bricks.
Thank you so much for my personal revelation.
You are most welcome. Also, are you an INTJ or INFP or neither? Thanks for the sub too!
@@brainvsheart3171 INTJ male here.
@@5MinuteEarth Well then that means a lot coming from you :)
Damn.
I only started looking into the whole 16 personalities thing a short time ago but when I took the test and started reading about the INFP personality type it just hit me. My boyfriend and I have been dating short of a year and things get very stressful for me. I feel like I need constant reassurance that he still likes me because he needs a lot of space and hardly acknowledges me in public. He’s super direct and I get really upset by his comments sometimes, but I absolutely adore him and on the occasion that we spend time together I really enjoy it. I talked about the INTJ personality type with him and he thinks it fits him to the T. Currently searching for every video I can on how to improve the way I perceive our relationship.
This summed up everything so perfectly.
how did he deal when you got upset by the comments he made?
He would only disrespect her a certain number of times according to her internal boundaries before she kindly shuts that door.
As an INFP male, I definitely take offense to little off hand comments that people make about who I am as a person. Like someone will casually, jokingly refer to me as a dick, or stupid, or useless and I'll not be able to stop dwelling on that for days. I'll have massive one-sided conversations with the offender in my head whilst driving or when I'm alone trying to confront them about what they said until I eventually exhaust myself out and hit a wall where I just don't care what they meant and I just kinda keep that person at arms length going forward because I don't want to repeat the process. But inevitably it always happens. Different person, different off hand comment, same 5 day private melt down.
Jeez as an intj its like my card has been forcely fliped and revealed at the same time ... And what worse is .. i feel happy about it ... 😅
That means you're a mature INTJ, immature one will find this and probably the whole MBTI very offensive or maybe they will feel understood as what I felt back when I just discovered MBTI...
Exactly!!
10:25 as a female INTJ, this is exactly what I'm going through with my INFP partner (male) at the moment. We've been dating for one month and all of a sudden he said he needed some time alone and that he only wants to be friends right now. At first, I couldn't understand why he did what he did and why we broke up, and I though it was my fault so I asked him the reason, but he didn't give me a clear answer. I guess he just needs time to process a lot of things that are happening in his life, including the relationship and the problems we had. Even though I tried to come up with solutions and ways that we can improve our relationship, he didn't change his mind, so I don't want to keep nagging him and decided to give him time alone. We keep in touch but as friends and not as regularly as before.
I'm an INFP and my sister is an INTJ - she is my one best friend. She's a Sagittarius and will call me on my 'bleep' and coach me on how to handle things better...I have to tell her to give me the short version, because I'm a Leo and can take only so much criticism [constructive or not] and have to go be by myself to process that I actually do have something to work on to improve myself. She gets this. She does not take criticism at all unless she initiates the search for it. I get this. We have loads of other faults, but we are so involved in examining deep concepts [which is very pleasurable for us to do], we solve a lot of 'bleep' in the process, because we apply these things to ourselves. Oh, I'm the older sibling, but come across as younger - my sister is the younger sibling, but comes across as older.
Im an INFP girl and my bf was INTJ.. well ngl i loved every part of time we spent together. But our relationship was so difficult to handle cuz we use to argue alot. Where he tends to think with mind and logic always i was the one who was on emotional side of perspective... we both hurted each other cuz of those conflicts n then we ended it... but we r still friends n help out each other but... i can feel that whenever we says tc or gn or gm to each other... its just another way of saying ily...
Fizzy Rose the same is happening with my boyfriend and I, but I don't mind because I love arguments. In the end, he and I just agree to disagree most times. But we always come out stronger after every debate. No one will always conform to your ideals, and it's great to have differences.
IF you desire want others to completely understand your FEE.................LINGS, then you need to learn to communicate effectively. For example, you falsely assume that everyone reading you post should automatically know, appreciate, and understand the specific meaning of abbreviations as "ngl", "tc", "gn", "gm", 'and "ily". Having lived with an 'INFP' for decade. Their silent, sulking, sullen behavior, and solipsistic selfishness behaviors, maelstroms of FEE....LINGS are typically employed as excuses to detach from reality and avoid responsibilities. IF INFPs CHOOSE to be unclear in their language, CHOOSE to not speak clearly and exactly, employ alien symbols, words, and lexicons, then their FEE..........LINGS of confusion and being misunderstood will naturally feel alien to others. For example, the Frenchwoman goes to England, only speak in French, and become angry, hostile, sullen, and withdrawn when no Englishman can understand her.
Watthourmeter Lol I don't know why that made me laugh so much the way you said FEE....... LINGS. -from an INFP
@@Watthourmeter looks like someone had a terrible experience
@@ayeshak6822 me too 😭🤣
To ALL the INTJs out there, I am an older (52-year old) female INTJ lesbian. I've been with 2 INFP women for a total of 17 years and I am telling you now, you NEED to study The Work of Byron Katie on NVC (Non Violent Communication). Every human being should study it but especially INTJs. And another thing, I don't want to hear that B.S. that you are "brutally honest". That is NOT OKAY. It IS very disrespectful and hostile. There is NO NEED to be brutal in your "honesty". And frankly, if you were being truly honest with YOURSELF, then you would also be honest about your tone of voice and the hostility and other negative emotions behind your barking at someone. Your words may be honest but they leave out a mountain of information about what is really going on under the surface, the intent and feelings. Being direct and honest is of course very good but it can be done with sensitivity and kindness. Get in touch with how you are feeling at the moment when you bark or snap at another person and tell the other person how you are feeling instead of snapping at them. THAT is true, mature honesty. I have learned this and it has made my relationships SO MUCH RICHER and more healthy.
As a young INFP lesbian who started to date an INTJ, I really appreciate this comment. Just needed a different perspective on this. Thank you.
@@agnesh6909 You're welcome. And if you end up with a good INTJ, don't give up on them when you try to explain this to them if they are not getting it at first. If you can get through to them though, they will eventually get it. It took me awhile but eventually my INFP wife got it through my thick skull. I'm VERY grateful she did.
@@hfortenberry LoL we broke up, she cheated on me. And when I asked her what was she thinking, she said she wasn't thinking at all. I'm tired of accepting her self-centered perspective either. Maybe because she's still young and had terrible experiences before. I can't when she's expecting me to change her. And I know I'm not responsible for that. Sorry to vent it to you, I just...haven't fully recovered from that.
@@agnesh6909 Oh no! I'm so sorry she did that! Hmmm, I'm thinking she's probably not an INTJ. We are the LAST ones to cheat on someone. And we definitely do not get into relationships "not thinking at all". No, that does not sound like an INTJ. We have the opposite problem in that we avoid all relationships that don't seem perfect to us. We are super picky and analyze every potential intimate partner to death. For example, I am 52 and have never had a one-night stand. And I am attractive and have been approached by attractive prospects. But all I could think was "This is NOT worth it. What good could possibly come of this?" LOL We don't do casual relationships. The only time I can see this is if she's super young and immature and just trying to force herself to fit in with other types and not being herself. I doubt she'll be in that phase for long if that's the case. You just take good care of yourself.
@@hfortenberry Thanks again. I doubt that too. She does have some traits of an INTJ but I can't tell whether she was lying or not anymore. I did watch a lot of INTJ and INFP videos. And I think this kind of relationship does pack with potentials. But I guess I didn't know her well. Thanks for telling me this. I could be less afraid of getting hurt from INTJs because she might be mistyped! Have a nice day/night! God, I envy you INTJ and INFP marriage now 😆
I'm about to start a relationship with an INFP 😂 😂 😂
I am an older INTJ who has been with 2 different INFPs across a period of 17 years and let me tell you from experience that you NEED to study The Work of Byron Katie on NVC (Non Violenet Communication). It will change your life for the better by far and it will make you a much more loving partner, especially if you are going to be with a feeler like an INFP. Please get Byron Katie's book and read it.
@@hfortenberry thanks. Definitely going to do that.
This was a year ago.. how did it work out?
@@captainfrosty31 she's a type of person that doesn't want any planning in life. Like allows whatever the world throws into her. Very kind person. Too kind in my opinion. The relationship is over unfortunately.
@@markelijohnjavierpascual4112 ahh.. thankyou for the response. I am about to start something with an INFP male me the INTJ so I was curious.
I'm an INFP and my brother is INTJ. We've been close but now we're so disconnected. I think he can't stand that I keep my feelings and thoughts private, because I know he won't agree and I don't want to deal with his unacceptance. He's been really harsh to me lately and I just built a wall up without even noticing... How do I undo that?
U confront him and tell him exactly what u feel cus intj are dense as fuck when it comes to social cues, take it from me, an dumbass intj
We like honesty, so if it was with me i would say just come talk to me about it, this is how i feel and this is why and what happened, even if just that doesn't really solve the real problem, it can help you remove that wall fast and start over again (hopefully differently)
My INTJ isn't talking to me right now. He said he needs a few days to mull it over. 😩 I got hurt because he told me my weight is a turnoff and he wants me to lose weight. I just think he's so insensitive. I do value his honesty but yes maybe there could be tactfulness too. I hope he doesn't give up on me because I do admire him. It's our first conflict. 😞 His love language is quality time and I am the one who wanted more time alone. 😂 I really wish he'll talk to me again like we used to. 😞
INTJ female here.
Don't mistake abusive behaviour for INTJ behaviour. Yes we can be blunt and at time tactless but if we love someone deeply, hurting them isn't something we enjoy and can be self aware enough that telling someone they need to lose weight could hurt their feelings.
Telling someone their weight is a turn off isn't INTJness it's called cuntiness!
Two years ago my ENFP daughter (18) had piled on the pounds. She has always been curvy but was now looking unhealthy so I asked her if she was happy. She started to cry and said no. I offered to help her lose the weight, gave her ideas and tips on how we could achieve her goals. She now nearly 21 has shed 2 stone and looks and feels happier which makes me happy.
That's how a mature INTJ would handle that situation. Not tell you, you are a turn off and that in someway makes you have a problem. I suggest if you are happy with how you look the only weight to shed is that if an emotionally abusive man. INTJ or not!
That’s how I lost my INFT. She’s moved on to someone else. I miss her so much. I didn’t know I was insensitive for being curious.
Why did I watch this when I am a INTJ with a INFP and know the struggles... 😓
INTJ:Last time i think i was in relationship with an INFP. Now I don't want to be in a relationship again.
Why’s that?
@@samtula5946 experience mate
Thanks for making these possible, these are cool advices
You have a video about challenges and talk about making one about solutions, but how about one about benefits? :)
Will do
@@brainvsheart3171 did you make the video about solutions? I can’t seem to find it. This video was great!
You wouldn't happen to have a hammer would you? You see, I have this nail in my head and I'd like to get it out. 😂
Lmfao thats funny 😂😂😂
What does intj think when blocking and not responding chat from someone (infp) suddenly without telling anything? It really breaks infp heart
Tell me what happend and I can help you. I am an INTJ, so if you can explain in a kinda short story what you did I can explain it to you.
Infp here. Good vid.
Omgosh.... I have watched quite a few vids (I'm INFP and he's TJ) anyway these are exactly our issues.... I feel hurt by words and particularly if feeling disrespected and unappreciated)
You have hit the nail on the head and given me something constructive to work with. I also need to work on the emotional "reaction" from scars in the past I.e it's like I am emotionally reacting as if he made that scar and my reaction is way worse than the crime like straight to strike 3 you're out. I know this but don't know how to stop this within myself.... think I've just worked out my next research topic will be.
Also stuggle with the am I a mature INFP or immature? I am fully into self improvement and try to be honest with myself and my faults but at the point in time think I act immaturely and want this to stop. ..
Anyway thank you so much.... my brain is buzzing and I feel rather positive now.
Thanks a lot for this video. I’m having serious problems with an INFP mentee of mine and would like to resolve them. I’d appreciate the opportunity to email you to ask for your advice if this is possible. Thank you
So true and so helpful
I realate to this a ton
In my relationship INFP is my parent
This is SO ACCURATE WTF
Also... this may be related but does anybidybelse find that their INTJ likes to be complimented and appreciated like almost NEED it but don't know how to give it.... as in my INTJ loves showing off his achievements and thrives off the recognition in what and how it was achieved to feel emotionally happy but shoe on other foot they don't give or do the same thing and recognise it as an emotional need they want and like to get themselves but think it's stupid that you want and need the same thing from them?
Yup def happening to me
Really good video!
The way you described them seem more like INFJs I know than INFP.
Wait why would anyone answer the phone like “WHAT!?” lmao
Can you please help me?
My INTJ boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me 2 months ago and I am also INFP female. I didn't take the time to understand him and was very self-absorbed because I was dealing with a lot of anxiety from a toxic job I had that had changed me. I was stuck in my head and nothing he said or did reached me not even when he started to check out of the relationship... Our communication got worse and we became emotionally disconnected from one another. We got stuck in a cycle of fighting and he made his decision, left and has not spoken to me since about it or talked to me at all. I've sent plenty of messages that have just gone ignored. This whole time despite the hardships I have been facing because I lost everything, I have done nothing, but my very best to eliminate all those fears and anxieties and grow as a person. I truly feel now that if we were to start over it would be so much better than it was before. I have matured emotionally and have so much clarity that I did not have before. How can I reach him and hopefully get him back? I considered him my partner for life and best friend.
How did it turn out?
You will be OK. He made that decision and if you continue to focus on yourself and break contact completely it's possible he will initiate contact again but you have to let go of that want (most important). Trying to get them back will probably not work and will lead to a resentful relationship.
Sorry if this is too late, but I know heartbreak lasts a long time so maybe this is still relevant.
So I guess that's why we never really work together
I am looking for an expose ‘ on mother being InFP with a daughter INTJ
In the adult years.
Seems there are a lot of cross over traits of both.
Independence
Deep
Prone to genius
And so on.
As a mum there is so much to like in INTJ adult children.
Communication however is really challenging.
The INTJ rejects
The INFP’s values of
Honest communication.
When parent want to resolve a not so good dialogue moment,
The INTJ does not.
And will become irritated at the emotion of the parent, and honesty of the parent.
In sometimes being clueless about how to mend the awkward exchange. The INTJ will be defensive, blame the parent, and walk off.
Not an easy relationship.
I dont have one relationship but i want one...kinda
I saw the title. Yeah... The starting.
The description is accurate. but it look like INFP are very unbalanced people. Too emotional at the point that logic doesn't really matter. We as INTJ are also deeply sensitive but we try our best to use the best tools at the right moment.
Emotion where and when it is needed
logic when it is crucial.
when arguing with my INFP wife i always feel like she is not very honest even if MBTI tells us they are honest people. Let suppose she have a bad behaviour or inefficient way to do something (this happen to everyone). If you try to point out the fact and the logic to show her what is going on she become very angry and sad and see you as an offender. i always have to be ways to sweet when arguing with her but it always turn the same too sensitive to handle critic.
As an intj i'm happy when someone show me that i'm wrong and can improve.
Todays i really think only INTJs can date correctly INTJs. She is happy when i fake paradise : (no blame. no one is wrong. no work only art when emotion tell it is the right moment). We like Truth not Fake life. This is definetly not Love.
INFPs do value honesty, and would rather have that than being lied to based on my experience. It might not seem so at first, but when the argument dies down their analytic minds replays the entire fight again and again to find the problem, and only then does the honesty makes sense. It's kinda frustrating but when you get the hang on how they process things, it becomes easier.
yes, I need to feel in order to be logical while I think INTJs are the opposite. I can be very logical but it is after the time I need to sift through everything- I do replay things in my mind a lot. And please be honest- just do it in love. but I also see why you have come to the conclusion that INTJs can only be with INTJs- possibly unhealthy ones. As if you are with your type you are in your comfort zone and won't grow. But if you don't want to face challenges in dating someone different then by all means date the same as you- know that you will have the same weaknesses and will be basically dating yourself. I personally would not want that for me.
So INTJ are controlling, argumentative, blunt and rude , emotionless, ..sounds like a psychopath.
Ofc if you are rude to a person any person it's not going to go down well. Who would put up with that s%&*
Can I contact you via email?
Yes. justaskchannel@yahoo.com
Being emotional is like taking a dump in the kichen, and then expecting others to clean it up.
Bish I’m romantic af, get yo ass outa here. I made dinner once for my boo, what more do yall need bruh
You sound stupid
Damn girl, are you a psychiatrist?