Biblically weak males command legal marriage. But scripture does not teach that. Just like "sex is a sin." Every verse they changed. No sex is breaking God's very first commandment.
Regarding the sponsor, chances are my wallet is either in my purse, my pocket, or indoors. What good will a solar panel do in any of those locations? And leaving it in the sun to charge just makes it more likely I’ll forget it.
I made a disastrous decision picking a wife because of this logic. I felt I had to pick a never married, Christian woman. I got a narcissistic, mentally abusive woman. I made a faith based decision and thought it was my calling from God to help her grow as a Christian and convert her family. The church told me to stick it out with her and continue to love her, to please God. I lost my faith in God after two years with her, decided to love myself and I divorced her after four years. Leaving Christianity and her was the best decisions I’ve ever made for my mental health.
@@AegixDrakanThank you! I’m doing well now. It was terrible, but I learned a lot. I learned about narcissists, toxic people, setting boundaries and that Christian counselors are a joke who give horrible advice.
@@RainbowFlowerCrow Lol, I love yours too. There’s infinite good for possibility with that phrase, but only so many that are good (I just lucked out with mine) 😄
Christians: *get married by age 20 to someone they barely know, pumps out 2 kids in 3 years, then spend all their free time hating their spouse & avoiding their kids* Also Christians: "Why aren't you married yet, heathen? Can't you see how happy I am?"
What gets me is the older wives who are like "at first I was bitter and angry and blamed my husband but then I realized I just wasn't surrending enough" like GIRL YOUR SPIRIT GOT BROKEN BY RELENTLESS EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL ABUSE, THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING
I can confirm as my parents were this. They got married at 25 and 27, and I cannot imagine them ever liking each other because they so obviously do not. My dad and mom have had short tempers all my life. Thankfully I’m about to move out. Only thing that has kept them from a divorce is their faith. My mom has said "I would've gotten a divorce if we weren't Christian" many times.
The idea that “the more you get in relationships and break up, the more numb you get and the less it hurts” is BS The only reason it’s easier is because after the first you KNOW you can survive it. It still hurts so badly
“They are someone’s daughter? They are someone’s mother? Maybe, sure! But you know who else they are? *Someone.* They are *someone.*” PREACH!! (haha no pun intended!) Omg I have never heard it phrased better! 🙌🏻
No that doesn't work when you think like my narcissist father. Having intrinsic value and getting to know someone is just so.. eh. They would rather ascribe value through their relationship role and retain all judgement and control.
It sucks that people have to say they’re a sister, mother, or partner but not a person themselves but that’s how misogyny works. It’s not enough that they’re living, breathing women. They have to be connected to a man somewhere
@CesRaisons I hate it too because what if someone doesn't have children and their parents are dead? Even if they have these family members the are their own person.
@@Gloomdrake their book does encourage owning slaves and forcing women onto men who assault them, so having racist and sexist implications like that aren't too surprising lol
Low key calling Lilith a monkey for being made with Adam, being a partner, and wanting to have her way/not be a passive doormat being blamed for the Fall of Mankind
The more I see of them, the more I'm convinced Nate and Sutton actively hate each other. Also, he leaves their small child crying?? Dude, you're a bad dad. Yes, I know that prolonged crying can be annoying for adults, but here's the thing; this is the only way for your little ones to communicate that something is wrong and they don't like it. You are their sole provider. If you don't "attend to his crying" you are telling him "you don't matter". Which is about right for these types.
@@jesusrox4uI think there is some advice that was probably exagerated here, there are situations where a parent might let a child cry but it isn't all situations.
I think you mean Paul and Morgan? Not there's much difference between the two couples. I think nearly all these Christian marriage advice people utterly loathe each other. Their body language gives it away. None of them look happy. Nate and Sutton seem to have a sexual attraction, but that's all they have.
Abusers typically put up a front and act like great people and only drop the facade once the victim is trapped. Making people think they can know someone's character well enough to marry them after 4-6 freaking months is so dangerous. I believe you can't truly know someone until you live with them for a while.
Oh it's all by design, they want young people to make these life altering, rash decisions before they even know who they are, and then brow beat them to stay miserable. They love it. It's sad 😥
you cant know of someone's character until you see them in action, being actually challenged. And for people who look for a functioning spouse, that is to say somebody to fulfill a role that would compliment yours, it is even stupider to rely on basics and look at stuff through lens as simple as good and bad. A person can be kind while also lacking patience, a person can be mostly kind but have dangerous and extreme slip ups, a person can appear kind but actually be an absolute covert narcissist etc.
Christianity is a goldmine for abusers because Christians tend to automatically trust one another and miss red flags. It sucks because we're taught to be that way and to accept any badness as God's plan. Abusers can come in with a good reputation already without having to work for it. It's why clergy and church leadership get away with CSA so often..
I sympathize with this on such a deep level. I left the evangelical world ten years ago and this one facet of the evangelical mindset still impacts me as a grown adult in a healthy relationship.
I don’t think dating to marry is necessarily a bad thing. It’s only bad when it’s used as an order to prevent people who want more causal relationships and want to figure things out.
ive told this story before on another video- but i REALLY feel i need to say it here too because this discussion and what these ministers are saying brings up the memories. On new years eve 2022, my aunt was murdered by her abusive boyfriend. She was, and our family all are deeply religious(her faith was particularly strong, even among us). At her funeral, the pastor, who hardly knew her, felt it was his prerogative to try and explain what happened to her, why god would let something like this happen. He emphasised how they were „unequally yoked“, and how that was the cause, and used it as way to preach at us about how we should never date a non-christian… one problem though, her boyfriend *was* christian. Very much so. It’s part of why she stuck with him for so long. He had experienced religious delusions in the past, and used religion to control my aunt. Pastor was just rewriting history to justify what happened, because there’s no way a „true christian“ relationship could end that way. It upset me a lot, what he was essentially doing was blaming her for what happened, and stripping him of responsibility. The rhetoric that all christians are trustworthy and a christian partnership never results in abuse or even murder is dangerous. It’s a lie thats hurt and ruined countless lives. edit: year
You have no idea how often this happens at funerals. I work at a funeral home and sooooo many religious officiants either try to rewrite a tragic passing, or use that passing to preach at people about getting saved. It's infuriating. I am so sorry for your loss, friend.
I dated a guy a for several years, and I remember the religious people in my life urging that our relationship "would not be taken as seriously" unless we were married. They said we'd have more respect socially when introducing each other as "this is my husband/wife" instead of "this is my boyfriend/girlfriend". I'm really sick of people disrespecting any successful, long term loving relationship, just because they didn't have the big (and cripplingly expensive) ceremony. Marriages fail all the time, just like any kind of relationship can. the Ceremony isn't magic, it doesn't guarantee anything. I wish these people could just respect committed, but unmarried couples. Lets just celebrate anyone who can successfully keep it together for years, married or not.
Very true. I've been married for 20 years, but for sure, the ceremony is just a ritual. It's a fun celebration, but a party is a party, nothing more. I'm an atheist and my husband left the church already back when we were just living together, so our marriage was purely a civil union, nothing to do with religion. We're also both childfree by choice. Since that seems to confuse many, I'll just remind that marriage is recognized by law whereas cohabitation isn't, and this has real life concequences in case of taxation, sickness and death. Otherwise 100% agree there's nothing that makes marriage different from a long term committed relationship. It's just the piece of paper and "spouse" on the tax form. BTW I kept my last name.
Re: the "cripplingly expensive" part, that's optional. You don't need a special dress, flowers or anything else to parade your (possibly borrowed) with around. Here in Sydney a marriage certificate costs $88 if you put a rush on it. You need a marriage celebrant, which it costs $600 to become (you also need to know the appropriate laws). You need two witnesses. Anything else you spend is vanity, not the basis of a good marriage and not Christian.
The art of not giving fuck is a beautiful thing. My estranged 56 year old, never married aunt who I was forced to interact with a few years ago did something similar. We went out to eat with my mom and then my aunt briefly came to my house. She and I sat at my dining table for about 30 minutes as she peppered me with questions about why I haven't married that girl yet, etc. She forcefully told me I needed to marry her right away and she won't accept this! Mind you my girl and I were together for about 5 years at this time and had things figured out by working on our own timeline and keeping nosy family and friends thoughts out of our shit. I'm happy that I haven't spoken with that aunt in 4 years and my girlfriend from that story and I are now married. My aunt's input had no bearing, surely she's heard through the grapevine and surely she'll be pissed that I didn't tell her but idc. Gently or aggressively let the religious people in your life know that you don't care what they think. It's liberating.
honestly i find the idea of living with your boyfriend way way cuter than saying "hi this is my husband". marriage seems so formal and awkward to me, like my love for someone is only valiated if i have a legal document and i use a specific word for them. "husband and wife" has such middle-upper class posh dinners at your bosses house where you bring over a bottle of $5000 wine and you park your expensive sleek car in their 5th garage vibes. "boyfriend and girlfriend" to me is like cuddling on the couch with your cat to watch anime and going on cute autumn dates and living in a cottage in the woods
A good 60% of the Christian marriage ‘traditions’ are just stuff they got from the Romans, who got stuff from the Greeks; The flower-girl, the white if you’re a virgin, the bride’s side going on the left, the groom’s side going on the right… that’s actually all left overs from the Temple of Hera - who um, permitted two women or two men to get married, yet were still super against SA. Just saying, the goddess who turned a nymph into an echo for distracting her from catching her husband cheating, is apparently more open minded than Jesus, but her ceremony’s are still good enough to swipe.
Ugh, the soul tie thing. I had a bout of depression when I was 16 or so and my mom took me to a Christian counselor. My brother left for college and I was feeling really lonely. The counselor told me I had a "soul tie" relationship with my brother that will interfere with my future relationship with my husband. The more I reflect on this, the more angry I get. My parents' marriage was misserable and my brother and I helped each other deal with our situation. Having him leave, left me without recourse. But this counselor felt it necessary to tinge our relationship with shades of incest. Also, I am ace and always had zero interest in men or in getting married.
Do you know what demonization this was? I've never heard of a "soul-tie" in the churches I grew up in, both morbidly fascinated and glad to have dodged that bullet
This video hit on every abusive topic preached to me as a child. Purity culture and the pressures of sex shamed me to the point, when I did marry, I couldn't release the "This is sin" feelings. I didn't "just figure it out." Rather, went through a painful divorce. I found an amazing therapist who helped me break down the barriers, and am now a happy, healthy, fully functioning partner. This teaches abusive tactics disguised as love. Thank you for shining a light.
My skin tried to crawl off my body every time I hear women trying to bring up valid arguments or points in this video with their partners and their partner just... blatantly disrespect them. Just... eeeeew.
there was a US preacher who was briefly a meme in my English church back in 2008 or so. "I'm preaching better than you're saying Amen!" Guess the meme reached wider than Bath…
My mum is a big Christian and my dad is a staunch atheist. They've been happily married for thirty years, and neither one has changed their views at all.
Paul and Morgan talking about hugs reminds me of a teacher I had during middle school who forbade children from hugging each other because she thought kids hugging was them being sinful and lusty. She got hugs banned, especially for a bunch of 12/13 year olds, but none of the kids could hug because of this one fanatically Christian and very sex-obsessed woman...
kids in my secondary school (13-16) were banned from 'public displays of affection' like holding hands, though literally no one except the headmaster gave two shits about that
Are you for real?? We dont show eachother affection very often in my school, but its always nice to hug a friend. Its clearly just projection on her part, but its so disgusting for an adult to sexualise children.
Seeing how toxic my parents' marriage was, I wrote off marriage my whole life. There is only one person I've ever considered marriage material, but they are sadly long gone. It has taken so much deconstruction to move past the toxicity and male chauvinism. Being gay certainly didn't help my internal struggles with letting go of the crap.
I neglected to add to this post: my (younger) brother is following the exact same pattern as my parents with his own marriage and children. I’ve cut off communication with him for my own mental health.
Similar experience here, to the point where I dread being around my parents together (I do fine with just 1 or the other). And I never could muster the hetero or monogamous energy to even try the marriage thing, secular or religious.
@@yaelleonawinston9552 my father is extremely difficult to deal with as his whole life revolves around his perception of god as filtered through his guilt and shame over how he treated my mother before her accidental death years back. He says God has told him he is “called to suffer”. I keep my distance but given I have certain legal responsibilities whenever he passes, I have decided just to keep him at arms length instead of cutting him out of my life entirely. I doubt he has all that much longer left, and after his estate is settled, I’ll finally have freedom from religion in my life in totality.
As a lesbian who believed she was straight for 18 years, church/college dating advice and dating in general always terrified me. I always felt like I wasn’t gonna be able to keep up appearances if I dated a man let alone marry him. The pressure to marry asap is still something that looms above me. Luckily for me I’m on the asexual spectrum so Im not drowning in “homosexual sex guilt”
Yeah. I finally fully accepted myself this year. I definitely hate Christmas time because i was all alone. I wanted someone to be there with me. But deep down i knew I could never have that and date and bring a boy home for Christmas.
M’fellow ace-lesbo ex-believer *tips fedora* Nah but fr, it’s nice to see someone else who gets it! All the rules and advice I was given about dating whilst growing up in the church made me feel exhausted even thinking about it. I didn’t want a relationship with a man but I just figured I’d eventually have to have one. There’s so much pressure and so many expectations. Life is much more pleasant now without all that bullshit And the added benefit of not having to feel guilty just for exisiting as a girl who likes girls!
The fact that sex and marriage is sold as kind of an unpleasant duty for women anyway, has trapped so many lesbians in straight relationships it’s sad, I’m glad you got out and I wish you luck on your road to recovery.
in general falling victim of society's twisted idea of traditionalism is unfortunately common due to how easily exploitable our cognitive tendencies and emotions are as humans. It is a miserable experience i've witnessed up close around some friends. No matter why it is done, no matter the holy or noble reason behind it, forcing responsibilities and chores on people while lying them in the face is just a low blow. I've been there, i know more than enough people who do. Shit like "the sins of the father are heaped upon the son" "women should be wives" "relationship should be like this and that" etc can be very stressful to believe in, it clashes with your natural psychological needs and creates unnecessery conflict.
The most surprising thing about these Christian influencers to me, more than any of their terrible advice, is just how little charisma they have. I would never in a million years trust these people for dating advice. Absolutely rizzless.
When marriage is mandatory and you marry the first person who has ever shown any interest whatsoever, rizz is unnecessary, specially because to most people is a skill ehich needs development.
@@harrylane4 "you'd think you'd need SOME charisma to be successful" meanwhile some of the biggest """creators""" just sit around and watch other people's videos... ):
As a fellow Bible College graduate in the UK I can attest to how bad and misleading dating advice can be for Christians. It boils down to, marry another Christian. That’s the only non-negotiable instruction in the whole thing I followed that, marrying a friend who was keener on me romantically than I was on him, but believing that our shared faith would compensate for other areas where we’re not so well matched. We’ve divorced for 33 years. So, that worked well. A shared religious faith is no substitute for many other aspects to a relationship and living with the shame of failure on this is hard. No teachers/preachers are ever held to account for giving bad advice or grappling with the messy reality of real life.
it's like marrying someone for the sole reason that you both really love pokemon. a shared interest, even one as deeply engrained as a faith, is never a good foundation for a healthy relationship. it's great for shared experiences and bonding but not as the only reason to be with someone
Decided I'd never date/get married in my tweens, waffled in my teens and early 20s by saying I'd wait until I was 23... hit 23 and realized I really DID never want to get married. The church I went to had no young adult singles class at all. It was Youth Group->Young Marrieds. They had no idea what to do with me. Some of them had the audacity to pray I'd meet "the one." The number of sermons on marriage/relationships I was forced to sit through during those years only cemented my desire to stay single.
You did good for yourself. I've been married for 15 years and the relationship is really starting to sour. He blames me, I point out he's responsible for his own actions and I'm halfway to divorce.
@@obscurum6 "hmm yes so this new animal shall have 15 legs, a weird creepy shell and it shall live in the amazon rainforest. wait what's that??? Janet is working her own job? i wanted her to stay at home, goddamit! this is really the straw that broke the camel's back for me, first they do genocides and kill each other over petty squabbles and now the WOMEN are WORKING???? time for another flood!"
Funny how the "it's okay if both consent" gets pushed aside when its a christian. It's almost as if they're not pro freedom but actually pro Satan. Almost like some prophecy is being inadvertedlt fulfilled 🤔
I’m 24. My mom is aware I deconverted a few months ago. (Btw she’s a narcissist). And she keeps putting pressure on me to get married. She even suggested I’m gay when I’m not. Which is annoying because I’m straight. And I don’t mean that in a homophobic way. But she tells me I’ll never get married or find anybody. But in reality, I’m just not ready yet. In a Christian church, being 24, they expect you to be married. I want to finish college and become financially stable before I get married. If you’re in your 20’s ignore the pressure to get married. I’ve seen church goers I grew up with marrying the first person they date and it’s sad… Thanks Trevor, we love you.
Just need to mention my pastor gave a sermon about staying single is holy. Years later I realized he was low key saying "if you're gay, stay single and in the closet". Realized that like five years after the fact.
I had a HS friend that put having a career before getting married or having kids. My mother would say, don't you think it's straaange that *school friends name* never got married? Do you think she's gaaay? I'd get very angry over this and tell her it was no one's business one way or the other, who cares? I'd end up having to shut her down and change the subject. My friend did end up getting married 20 years after we finished HS. Met him at our reunion...great guy, he was worth waiting for. Neither of them had kids and that was A-okay. I didn't even bother to tell my mother that my friend finally got married because her husband was of another race...that would have been a whole other situation with her. 🙄
Sometimes that kind of thing messes me up a little, especially combined with the “you don’t need a relationship to be happy” belief that getting more popular, especially with women who are attracted to men
@@jomaq9233I can certainly see how it can be interpreted that way, but to me it was always about the obsession with getting into a relationship, because it will magically make you happy. Sometimes a relationship can help you in your troubles, but sometimes it just makes them worse. And the best way to have a relationship is when it isn't build on codepency, but when you are at a point in your life where you can be happy without a relationship. Doesn't matter what sexuality
@@melaniemills4505is your mom one of those people that freaks out at inter racial couples and believes that people should marry the same ethnicity as themselves?
9:34 My mother is a catholic and my father is an atheist, they're still married, my father is still atheist, and now my mother slowly is leaving Catholicism because she saw the messed up practices in the religion as well as the contradictions in the bible.
Forgot to add: my dad pulled me and my brother out of the religion after the stuff the priests were doing with kids got out as well as me doubting and questioning the faith
dont tell christaisn that they will use as evdence for SEE WE TOLD YOU SO! dont date someone not your religion he/she will destroy tyopu HE made her an athest becuase she married him, will be the response.
Can we all just agree to trash and *ban the word virgin* regarding human sexuality. It's dated, it's ridiculous and it causes real-life damage, severely so. We use this word nowhere else, though we all do loads of things for the first time and we can't even agree on what it actually means. It's time for virgin to be retired.
It's also a stupid concept, when it's about physiology you can literally lose your virginity with vigorous exercise, and then it gets nebulous if it's about experience or just penetration, it's just stupid all around.
For sure! I think ideas around not being experienced or confident are still useful, but virginity doesn't really communicate anything all that helpful.
I have a deep scorn for the misogynistic 'value' of virginity. My religious Mom seemed to hold that state as more important than my actual self, and I got rid of it at the first opportunity. I should ask my brother if she expected the same purity of him!
You know, it's funny that none of these people acknowledge that these attitudes are really only a current trend in the church. My grandmother comes from an intensely evangelical religious tradition and has told me many stories, and growing up in that Era, 1940s and 50s, the church encouraged casual dating of as many people as possible in order to figure out compatibility. Not sexual compatibility, but still. It's so odd when the church doesn't acknowledge its own past.
I was sold the lie that waiting for sex until marriage will give you a great marriage and great sex life. Five years of marriage later and I have yet to see those promises fulfilled. Fortunately, we’ve been using things that actually work, like couples therapy, and things are slowly but surely seeming to get a little better. I still look back on waiting until marriage for sex as one of my all time worst decisions I’ve made in life.
I hope you and your wife continue to make progress, and have success. I had a real problem with the idea of no sex before marriage, I thought you really needed to know someone to commit to them. I had a church guy call me out on my honey moon on Facebook because I slept with the man who was my now husband before we were married, it wasn’t a secret but of course I wasn’t interested in blasting it all over the internet. He put it on his page so it caused all his church followers to jump on me and attack me. So I obviously blocked him, I was deconstructing at the time which only made my faith more shaky, which hindsight was fine, but probably wasn’t his intention. Lol
“That’s not true, many Christian couples really struggle in their relationships due to sexual problems.” Yes, thank you for pointing that out. It is such a huge problem that the church loves to pretend doesn’t exist.
My dad's a pastor and gave a sermon about marriage the other day... I think he someday up his opinions when he said "marriage isn't supposed to make you happy" I swear man, the only thing keeping me from leaving that church is the fact I don't want to deal with the crap from my family. 😂
That's what I don't understand, if it's not aupossed to make someone happy why do it then? Even id it's about children, how can 2 unhappy people take good care of a child?
@@bluester7177 Exactly, that's not a good environment for a child to be raised in; you'll end up with a very unhappy adult-child. Childhood scars stay for an entire lifetime
I love how these people tell on themselves so bad. They also say God doesn't care if you're happy, Christians aren't called to be happy, etc Just say your religion makes you miserable, it's ok
It's the whole "marriage isn't fun, it's work" bullshit. Like yes it is work, but why do it if it's ONLY work? My marriage is fun and makes me happy, these pastors have a skill issue.
When that Vlad-dude started listing fun activities (in opposition to dating) I started laughing. I’m pretty much doing most of those things (i.e. taking flight lessons, learned new instruments, volunteering, taking fun college classes, etc) but my family loves to ask if I’m dating, if I’m ever lonely, or scared living on my own. For some reason they’re convinced I’m secretly unhappy and that I’m overcompensating. Seriously, you can’t win… 🙃
I'm so happy my family just stopped asking that with me I'm nearly 40 been single for over a decade and live my best life, being able to do what you want when you want without having to worry about someone else is so nice, and I don't get lonely since I got my cats and they are the best fur babies I could ever ask for
also, those are great activities to do with someone ON DATES... like doing a cool craft lesson or going places are great date ideas! thanks for the inspiration, guy who doesn't think people should date outside of looking to get married
@melissak7798 maybe tis why Wednesday doesn't like their relationship, she told that one boy who liked her. I think he asked her if she wanted him to be obsessed with her like her dad is with her mom, I think she said something like that's cowardly or something I don't remember
@@CyborgLady-j7n Yeah... They would have been great if they didn't have kids. But as it is, the children for sure play second fiddle when it comes to their priorities and that's not great...
"if she didn't want to marry me in a year, I would've been out". How can you claim to love someone if you were willing to dump her over something so painfully trivial?
That bit about don't you deserve to fall head over heels for someone rather than just marrying someone who meets the requirements" was eye opening. I will be thinking about it for a while
It's nothing to think about. What does "fall in love" even mean? Its just code for: muh feefees. Newflash, after the feelings go away the only thing remaining will be your will. And if you havent developed a deeper connection with your wife because you're too busy listening to someone with no marriage experience, then it's probably going to end
@@IconoclastX Love is a series of chemical reactions that are scientifically proven to exist. And millions of people are still in love their entire lives. The bitter boomer view of marriage is not a universal truth. You just sound like a narcissist with no compassion. And the fact that you seek out these videos to complain in the comments shows us that you're emotionally immature and desperate for attention.
@@IconoclastXOh, do you hunt down pinned comments to leave your bad takes? That's hilarious. "Once the feelings are gone" They don't normally go away bro, if marriage requires a force of will, you married the wrong person 😂
IIRC, Morgan, of "Paul and Morgan," once said to "temper your expectations" regarding sexual pleasure and *CONSENT,* and that she has compromised on that front before. I think Paul may have a lot to answer for. Honestly, the fundamentalists' blasé attitude towards consent has to be one of their most damaging.
Because women will always be infantilized and dehumanized in Christianity. Aside from their "Christian love" being hateful, their second biggest on-brand thing is ✨mysogony✨
Their insecurities might as well be on neon signs above their heads. If they hadn't managed to coerce women into these one-sided relationships, it's almost guaranteed they'd be part of the incel cult.
@@vintagearisenDid we know the same girl because I knew one who posted about her brand spankin' new marriage pretty much every day on Facebook and Instagram. On and on and on and on about how it was hard but so worth it. She's divorced now, doing the exact same thing with her new boyfriend.
@@1daddyDA sorry to hear that, it’s such a difficult thing to live through. Mine really got bad in my early 20’s and has been up and down since then though I think I’m improving. Sad that a lot of the growth that could have happened was stunted by my faith. I didn’t get professional help for over a decade because I thought I could get better through prayer.
At a Pentecostal singles mixer, if you talked with a woman for more than 30 seconds, people will start asking you when the wedding was scheduled. Glad I got out of that. And I actually had a friend who literally within 2 weeks of meeting a girl, they were discussing wedding dates, within 3 months they were married and within a year they had a newborn. And yes within 5 years and two more kids, his alcoholism became a big issue (ignored for a long time because this was a no drinking kind of church) and they were separated.
Dogs are actually go at helping people find mates. Chances are if they like your dog 🐕 and life style, they will like you. Though this is not fool proof.
@@hackman669My relationship with my dogs would have significantly hindered my ability to find a partner if I didn't just end up hitching with a friend of 20+ years who genuinely knew me for me. Everyone who I've known for less than a decade defines me exclusively as "the dog woman," because I'm an animal behaviorist specializing in shelter consultations and rehabilitating dangerous and aggressive dogs (and other domesticated animals). I even train and handle cadaver dogs voluntarily when I'm not working, and sell finished dogs to law enforcement and for military applications. A ton of people like dogs, but not a ton of people like being surrounded by a multitude of very intense dogs, all the time!
Ya know, it's funny that nate brought up that passage in the Bible, because that part in 1 Corinthians 7 was Paul (i think) saying that you should stay celebate forever, and have no relationships, because you should devote your entire life to God and Jesus. "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." He didn't mean for marriage to be a final result, but a last resort. He saw you as weak if you were married. "No sex before marriage" wasn't technically ever a thing. It was "no sex, ever, but if you're weak, then ya, get married." It's not the romantic sentiment he thinks it is.
Serious asexual, but doesn’t know it vibes from Paul. Kinda funny to base all relationship advise in a religion on someone who doesn’t even realize his experience of desire lies outside the norm. I’m aro/ace myself, but when you’re aware of your preferences and that there are options you don’t try and push your experience onto everyone else. Therein lies the danger of not teaching that there are other options, you take your own experience as gospel😅
@@ookamiblade6318 It's also weird to take Paul's advice on marriage when he himself is proclaiming he's proudly celibate and unmarried. So uh, why should I care about his opinions on dating and marriage? Oh, because he's speaking for Christ? Well Jesus wasn't married either, apparently. Was God? ...Depends which Biblical scholar you ask, I suppose.
@@ookamiblade6318 No seriously, I grew up in the church, discovered I was aroace (aka discovered that was even an option) at 16, and then found it so funny reading those passages again. I strongly believe that Paul was an aroace who didn't know it and thought everyone else was just freaky. He literally said he wished everyone could be single+celibate like him, and was like "but I guess people are gonna be all obsessed with each other and with sex and stuff, and that'll cause more distraction and ungodliness if they have to try and stay away from it when they apparently crave it so much, so I guess if you have to" I told my mom (who's actually a pastor now) and she agrees with me. She also thinks it's a shame, since some of Paul's stuff (like about how baby-making is the primary and best and maybe only justification for sex and even marriage, and also about celibacy and purity) apparently contributed to a TON of toxic stuff in the church, when it's literally just a confused aroace who doesn't have a clue about that difference and thinks sex is kinda stupid putting that on everyone else for millennia.
@@Uryvichk from a historian perspective it’s weirder to assume that Jesus wasn’t married as that is usually commented on where as being married was the norm so more frequently doesn’t get a mention. As far as I know there is nothing directly saying he was single or celibate, there’s just no mention of a spouse in the canon bible and though he is called a bridegroom most interpret this as him being married to the church. That being said there is also one gospel that does mention Jesus being married, but it was rule to not be canon. Basically it’s up to interpretation if he was married or not.
My parents got married because my dad thought god was telling him to marry my mom. They had been dating on and off for years in a messy, unhappy relationship, and he was on a trip in another country planning on breaking up with her for good when he got back. But according to him, while on this trip, god spoke to him and told him she was the one. Now they have four mentally unstable children and their marriage is incredibly toxic and emotionally abusive. My dad bullies and insults my mom constantly and emotionally manipulates all of us. My mom is incredibly emotionally immature and cries every time one of her children tries to come to her with a problem. So I guess that was all gods will? Or maybe, my dad who has a history of mental health issues was wrong about being personally instructed by god himself..?
Same! I'm so glad I don't have to worry about not pissing off Sky Daddy and burning in Hell for all eternity. That was a really fucked up thing to teach an impressionable child now that I think about it.
@@hannahbrennan2131 Same. Which is why I still have a problem with the non-bigoted Christians. I just think indoctrinating children into believing concepts like: - an omnibenevolent, perfect being who loves us created hell - they are at risk of eternally suffering when they die, a concept of time not even adults can comprehend - god is watching & judging their every action and thought 24/7 - any doubts or questions one has that question the integrity of the church or our holy book means you're being inspired by the devil and should instantly reject them, never addressing or critically thinking about them ...and so on is just abusive. Which I guess I say mostly from experience and reading and listening to others experience with this.
our extended family is super christian and I had to go to all of my cousins' weddings. They all got married before even finishing undergrad. Like, 18-21. Most of them had never dated before their spouse. And when they/others give the speeches at the ceremony and reception, they are 90% about how this marriage is going to please god, and how they're going to serve god, and how they're going to have kids for god, and stay loyal to each other for god, and how god wants everyone to be married, and blah blah blah and I just have to sit there like... what about you? What about each other? don't you like each other? shouldn't you be getting married because you like each other? it feels more like two strangers who agreed to both get married to god at the same time. When they /would/ take a break to talk about each other, they couldn't even get half a sentence without bringing it back to god. "oh yes, my new wife is really smart and always does well in her school work......which means she'll be great at serving god!" like come on, man! it's so bad.
@@IconoclastX some people on the internet haven't yet gotten to the point in their life where they've had a spouse, so it is currently impossible for my marriage to be going or have been going also these may be anecdotal but i sure believe these happen and never did the OP claim all christians are that. there are definitely situations in which people are less than free to make this giant decision themselves
I married someone from my church. We had the same beliefs. I dated him and was engaged to him for a total of a year and a half. I "heard from God", went through premarital counseling, and we waited until marriage to have sex. Did everything by the book, as perfectly as possible. Still took me actually marrying him to find out his true nature and hidden mental illness. It's been 10 years since I left him but I'm still scarred from the experience. Don't know if I will ever marry again.
@@KawanoMino21I am assuming your comment is in good faith and from a place of genuine curiosity. There were no signs that could have warned me of what I endured when I was married. That said, I grew up in a highly religious environment where I was taught to honor signs from "God" and to divine "God's" path for my life above my own personal feelings. I was taught routinely that our own thoughts and feelings were flawed and we were not allowed to follow our own intuition because "the heart is deceitfully wicked" and only "God" knew the best path for our lives. This path would need to be revealed to us by interpreting an ancient text written in another language by another culture in another part of the world thousands of years ago. We were told to believe revelations and prophesies from "God" given to us by our pastor and other prophets, and to divine meaning from our dreams. Even if there had been red flags screaming at me, who would I have been to defy "God's" path and purpose for my life? Additionally, I was raised to wait until marriage to discover certain intimate facts that may have otherwise revealed a huge red flag. After I got married and the abuse started, I immediately went to the pastoral staff for help. I was told to return to the abuse over and over because divorce is condemned by God, and (remember?) marriage to this man was God's path for me. I also signed away my right to a no contest divorce because I believed so strongly that divorce was always wrong, and I didn't know that circumstances could exist where I would ever need to divorce. Anyway, to summarize: you can do everything perfectly to the best of your ability in order to please God, but it still will not guarantee you happiness or safety. Either God wanted me to go through that, God makes mistakes, or we are wildly misinformed for who God is and what he wants for/from us. I believe with all my heart that the third option is the truth.
So you did everything right and then another human who posseses free will didnt do everything right. Im trying to find where this speaks badly about Christianity. Your problem arose from the sin of your partner and your own sin to abandon him(assuming their was no infidelity their is no grounds for divorce)
@@IconoclastX so I should stay with someone who raped me and sexually abused me with no signs of stopping for three years just because I married him? Okay good to know. I think I'd rather be a sinner. Thanks.
Nate and Sutton's marriage sounds awesome for one and miserable for the other. Edit: Whoa, Nate was double timing Sutton when they were dating? That fact alone strongly suggests Nate is lying when he says he married as a virgin.
One of the pettiest things about me is that I keep a list of all the couples I personally knew at my small Christian college who have divorced in the 6 years since I graduated. It's 12. 12 couples. Most in the first 4 years out of school. That doesn't include the two professors who got divorces. The odds are not good for young people who think they're following the spiritual checklist in getting married at age 20.
Trevor, I always appreciate your perspective. These videos are so validating for someone like me who grew up saddled with a million tons of toxic religious beliefs. I’m free of all that now. Almost 50 years old and finally like myself.
the NOISE I made when I heard that guy say "If you want to have fun join a church" I could not contain myself that might have been the funniest thing I've heard recently
Had a checklist once, found someone who matched everything on the checklist, turned out to be the most annoying person I have ever met. Now my "checklist" is literally just a list of dealbreakers, boundaries I am not comfortable with crossing or would not be safe to cross. I welcome advice from as many sources as possible because I've learned just how much of the advice I grew up with was complete trash
@@lonewolfgamingplus379 Masturbation, anything gay, premarital sex, and probably anything that isn't missionary... i guess you could say they're all *fucking* sins? 😁
@@bijoukaiba the premarital sex one does kinda make sense because in theory the man wont leave the woman stranded after impregnating her if they're married first. of course, the goddess of consent is the sister of safety and fullfillment, but is not someone christians like to talk about.
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT WHEN I HEARD THIS "wait... private time with god? thats the biggest excuse ive ever heard to do some shit your wife wouldnt want you to do"💀 like the dude really found the perfect get out of jail free card for anything, "sorry babe, cant go see the inlaws, god is calling me for our private time rn, also he said to throw away all your STUPID FUCKING THROW PILLOWS GOD AND I HATE THROW PILLOWS I WISH I WAS STILL SINGLE"
Paul and Morgan are probably the least emotionally mature married couple I've ever seen. They're like Andy and Audrey from Parks and Recreation, except Audrey was actually smart. They seem like two teenagers in their first ever relationship involving kisses. Not in the position to give advice in my opinion.
I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years and I cannot imagine giving relationship advice unless I was asked for it, and then I’d only give it to people if I’m comfortable speaking with them.
Same! And I'm like in a 19 year relationship (it's not a competition longer doesn't mean better by any stretch) but I don't know any other people's inner workings or what their situation is. I can only tell them what works for me but even then that might be completely wrong for another person.
@@teesh871 Oh gosh absolutely! Every person and every relationship is different, and what each relationship looks like and might need/want can vary so much, there isn’t some easy platitudes that work fro everyone. (And very true, longer relationships don’t automatically mean better, and not a competition at all lol, I didn’t take it that way! I hope you have had and will continue to have many years of happiness! :] )
After leaving the faith over a year ago, I’ve seen how damaging this “advice” is. For so much of my wife’s and my dating experience and engagement we were preoccupied with feeling guilty for crossing so many “boundaries”. Christianity really has robbed me of so many experiences in life that should’ve been enjoyed.
Me and my wife married very young because of this. We are happily married after 20 years. But we were so young that we took the worst financial decisions, we never finished our careers because of having to work and we accumulated so much debt that we were in debt for 15 years. I blame religion for that.
The wallet ad spot is hilarious from their marketing perspective. “If you’ve lost faith in god, you’re probably looking for a place in the world. You’re probably also looking for a place to keep your cards and cash!”
These Christian relationship influencers really do a good job showcasing how toxic and emotionally abusive their relationships are. It's hard not to find humour in how moronic the thought of getting advice from people like this is. I feel bad for the poor souls trapped in that mindset.
Remember kids! Its always better to suffer with someone who believes your very specific version of chrisitianity than it is to ever risk having a healthy, secular relationship! Also make sure until you're married to see if you both are actually compatible. Its definitely more fun and more successful that way! *But if it doesnt work out, its your fault and we are definitely gonna shame you about your personal failures. Your failures definitely arent our fault. What do you mean you were guilted and scared with eternal torture to rush into the relationship???? Hush, before the other members hear you, sinner!*
I broke up with every girlfriend when I was younger due to us crossing some arbitrary boundary-holding hands, kissing, etc. I also rarely dated because I had super strict views on courtship and thought I needed to be certain that I wanted to marry her before asking her out. When I was 24, my girlfriend basically threw herself at me and we ended up almost having sex, but I was so angry at myself and her that I dumped her. That was 9.5 years ago. I've been an atheist for almost 4 years, and I still haven't been able to grow past the trauma yet to start dating again. To be honest, I don't even know how to date anymore.
Hey man, it's alright. You take as much time as you need. Those arbitrary boundaries weren't arbitrary to you at the time. It may sound kinda weird, but it seems like you were pressured into uncomfortable situations that you weren't ready for. Take your time, and push your own boundaries as you feel comfortable doing so. Don't let anyone, not even yourself, pressure you into something you don't want.
Even if you're not sexual while living together before marriage, there are still plenty of compatibility issues to work out. Things as mundane as how to do the dishes can lead to arguments, especially if one or more partners has had *_the proper way_* to do it beaten into them as a child. Don't let appeal to traditions ruin your relationships. Communication, compassion, cooperation, and (equitable) compromise are key.
"Just make a decision, don't drag it out" - *cause if we don't get married soon, I'm going to have to spend at least another 5 months - or more - looking for someone to marry me so we can sleep together, and I've already been waiting like, 19 years, so yeah, let's get a move on*
Re 44:50 - I was once in a Hindu cult and that hugging stuff brought back a lot of memories. Apparently the women were lectured on how to hug so as not to sexually arouse men by turning sideways and avoiding their boobs touching the man's chest. This was a thing they did. Relationships within the cult were arranged by an astrologer too, and strictly monitored. Just tells me that religion fries your brain tbh.
Nate and Sutton make me cringe, sure... but Vlad and Lana give me actual chills. She looks so, like, *scared* of this dude. Looking at the clips of them, I have a legitimately hard time imagining the homelife of someone who wears a 'submit your biology to your theology' shirt...
Also laughed a bit when the black guy implied we've progressed too much. Dude, you have a very narrow window between i can own you and i can't marry a guy. Even smaller if you want basic rights.
@@vintagearisen "we've progressed too much" says man who wouldn't have been able to swim with white people - today in some places Just helping with a correction.
@@vintagearisen yes, there are even cities and towns, where black people in general cannot be caught after sunset, period. They are called Sundown Towns. Yes, today in 2023
@@kingartemiz2xxx786 I'm sorry! Hang in there, go easy on yourself, don't take everything seriously because life is mostly absurd. That's the advice I'd give myself if I could go back.
@@Pfpfpfpfpf2020 The advice I would give myself is never trust Christians ever, because they're too relied on Jesus to help anyone at all. It's insane to me. 😕
I have a cousin who’s Christian (most of my family is) who ended up marrying a Muslim, and they’ve made it work. Whenever religion comes up, it’s finding out what they have in common. And, thankfully, no one on my side of the family or hers have tried to convince the other why they should be Christian or Muslim. Just goes to show that while a shared belief can definitely help, it’s not a given.
They are both atheists or both are muslim or Christian. Either that or they will soon be divorced. You can't believe your spouse will burn in eternal hellfire and still be okay with agreeing to disagree. That phrase is about the dumbest modern invention of the past 20 years
I was a believer up until I was in my early 30s. My husband and I split up because he couldn't handle me not being christian anymore. I swore I would never date anyone from an abrahamic religion, especially christian, especially since I live in the deep south and christians here are a whole different breed. I've been with an atheist, ex muslim, for almost two years and it's been the best experience of my life.
I can actually use this video as a marker for how much I have moved out of this subculture. Growing up, even if I didn't always agree with it, all of the advice the couples in this video are giving seemed normal to me. Now I am having to take breaks due to the sheer amount of second-hand embarrassment I am feeling for all involved. Kudos to Trevor for sitting through all these videos for scripting and editing.
You remind me of my experience in elementary school where that one doofus head kid would take everything out of context that i said and tell the teacher. Like if I said "man i really wanted to punch that bully in the face" some dumb kid would tell the teacher that I was threataning another student leaving out the fact that the student was bullying someone
I’m not ace afaik but the one upside of being a devout Catholic was that I was never pressured to marry since I had the possibility of becoming a priest or monk and was convinced God wanted me to be that (I was already childfree without realizing it back then and I knew families that had +5 kids that convinced me that being a biological father wasn’t for me, however the childfree lifestyle is unthinkable for most devout/fundie Catholics so I didn’t have that many options).
Aro/ace queer guy who was raised in this sort of thing, realized so young that I didn’t want to have kids and it took me until highschool to realize that it was culture pushing me to marry -> not myself.
Holy non-existent hell, how did I not see how toxic this advice was for years, decades, even. I see Nate and Paul and I think how did I ever aspire to be a guy like that? They're complete nuclear assholes! Horrible husbands, worse fathers. The thing is, I think on some level I always realized this advice was ridiculous. I recall still being a dedicated Christian when I Kissed Dating Goodbye came out and I thought it was ridiculous. I couldn't understand why Harris was acting as if every relationship was basically a promise to marry, and every breakup as bad as a divorce. Why is it a bad thing to date in order to figure out what you want, what you don't want, what kind of partner you are, what kind of partner you want to be, etc? And Paul's whole "I want to get married very soon so I don't sin" is just...beyond creepy.
I always thought it must be hard for men too. They're masculinity is judged by if they can dominate and impregnate a woman. So if they can't they flip out and if they *can* but simply aren't interested in family life and raising kids, then they just put it all on her, and that's also no good. It's ALL no good
I was a Sunday school teacher and my then boyfriend and I couldn't keep our hands off each other. We've now been married 9 years. 😁 I feel zero regret about that pre marriage romance!
As a youth leader a 17 year old came to me.for advice about castration to quell his urges. He recited the familiar verses. I was like, "l gotta get the fuck out of here!"
@@aubreyleonae4108Wow thats horrifying... its crazy how much religion can mess with your head. My best friend dated a guy who had a lot of religious trauma. The first time they had sex, they had to stop after a few minutes because he started crying, and talking about how God was watching him, and judging him.
@@Ash_Carnelian that was me crying for hurting jesus. We got married had trouble getting pregnant. I believed it was punishment for having premarital sex.
@@aubreyleonae4108 That's the type of harmful thinking that the church brings to its people. You did nothing wrong, and you are not being punished. Lots of women go through that. My aunt went through that, and she told me she didn't even kiss my uncle until they were married. Life is tough sometimes, but you have to remember to be kind to yourself and the ones you love 💕
Infinitely grateful to be the non-believer I am today. I do “blame” a bit of that on my husband and was hesitant about this relationship when I was in the throes of Catholicism. I allowed that community and that religion to influence what I thought I wanted/needed in my life. And looking back, I am SO glad that I got through that moment with him. My life is so much fuller and happier now that I’m well into my deconstruction. I do believe that if I hadn’t stuck with it, I’d be in a completely different boat. So grateful for him and our relationship.
I hadn't been to a church service in years until my Grandma died, but the music and timbre of preachers' voices of these clips still grab me, and it's so hard to resist. I hate that it still affects me.
When i was a preteen i was under the thumb of my homophobic, christian-esque father. One of the things he manipulated me into believing was this concept, that i (afab) needed to marry a man who was kind and was willing to protect me, like that one scene in goodfellas where the mc threatens a guy with a gun after said guy assulted mc's wife. This idea made me really depressed. I was questioning my sexuality, and i was convinced that my future would just be me marrying a man i didnt love for the sake of my family/god. This, combined with many other things, eventually led to my suicide attempt when i was 13.
I believe you mentioned you quit drinking a few weeks/months ago. I wanted to comment to let you know you look great! Your skin is looking much brighter. Keep up the great work, I hope sobriety is treating you well!
As a teenager I felt confused by the dating advice I got in church. The idea that we shouldn't be getting involved with a relationship until we are trying to marry was taught, yet at the same time they would teach us how to date and have a boyfriend/girlfriend while we were still teenagers. Of course, maybe the fact that I was a latent gay man (not even out to myself at the time) colored my experience. Still, it left me feeling rather confused and conflicted about what I was supposed to be thinking and doing when it came to dating. ETA: I wonder what Paul and Morgan would say about my experience of "God speaking very clearly" that I should pursue dating other men.
My boyfriend decided that he wants to be celibate until marriage and now he wears a brown scapular. We've been dating for 2 years. He made that decision without talking to me. I don't want to wait til marriage to be sexually intimate with him again when I don't know if I want to marry him. I'm definitely not ready to get married right now.
That's tough, I'm ace and I dont know what I would do in your situation, even though is his body and he is able to do whatvwr decision about it, it feels kind of weird he didn't discuss with you when you are also affected.
DEFINITELY something he should have discussed with you first. If you already have a sexual relationship, you owe it to your partner to discuss any changes to that aspect of your relationship with them before enacting those changes. Of course they shouldn't be pressured to sleep with you, but if celibacy and/or marriage isn't something you're interested in.... you're probably not compatible I know I'd definitely be pissed. Probably pissed enough to break up with them. I'd probably break up with them anyway even if they came to me saying that's something they wanted to persue. Sex is a very important part of relationships to me
@@bluester7177 yeah definitely something that needs discussed, but if this commenter and their partner were friends beforehand, it's possible the best configuration for both is to return to being friends. idk, some ppl can't square that circle, esp straight couples for some reason (cough cough misogyny cough). Which is not to say it it isn't sad to lose a relationship that was good for chunk of time. Its totally normal to mourn what could have been, its just...idk. It depends on the person's temperment and how they process loss. Ultimately tho, no one 'owes' it to a long term partner to stay with them if they start wanting drastically different things and make hard boundaries that contradict your own needs. Staying together may be the 'safe' option, but you're also depriving yourself of a future where you're with someone who loves you the way you need to be loved--and same for the partner with the hard boundaries.
It's crazy because that's basically what he was saying, but using religion as an excuse. He knows his wife really values their religion, so he uses that as an excuse to escape responsibility. Manipulation at its dumbest.
Get up to 55% off now with my CODE: BELIEFITORNOT on Ekster! Going to partner.ekster.com/BeliefItOrNot
Biblically weak males command legal marriage. But scripture does not teach that. Just like "sex is a sin." Every verse they changed. No sex is breaking God's very first commandment.
Love you man but if you pay over $20 for a wallet you're a moron. All these online razor wallets & ripoffs are scams.
Religion and the belief in a God is dangerous. Poor and desperate people are being fooled into it because they don't know any better.
Regarding the sponsor, chances are my wallet is either in my purse, my pocket, or indoors. What good will a solar panel do in any of those locations?
And leaving it in the sun to charge just makes it more likely I’ll forget it.
@@juniorjedi2563 I'm more questioning the fact it's "environmentally friendly" and "sustainable", yet is made with "vegan leather", which is plastic
I made a disastrous decision picking a wife because of this logic. I felt I had to pick a never married, Christian woman. I got a narcissistic, mentally abusive woman. I made a faith based decision and thought it was my calling from God to help her grow as a Christian and convert her family. The church told me to stick it out with her and continue to love her, to please God. I lost my faith in God after two years with her, decided to love myself and I divorced her after four years. Leaving Christianity and her was the best decisions I’ve ever made for my mental health.
That decision sounds incredibly difficult, but I'm so happy you chose to make it. Best wishes to you, friend
Oh my gosh, you have my sympathies, that sounds like an awful situation. :(
Im really sorry that happened, it sounds terrible. I'm glad you managed to get out of that situation. Wishing you best of luck onwards!!
@@noahmetzger1621 Thank you! It was a difficult process, but after some real counseling and critical thinking, I’m doing very well now.
@@AegixDrakanThank you! I’m doing well now. It was terrible, but I learned a lot. I learned about narcissists, toxic people, setting boundaries and that Christian counselors are a joke who give horrible advice.
I look back and laugh sometimes. I met my husband when we were both christians, and then we proceeded to deconstruct together. It's been a wild ride.
You need a phrase like this cross-stitched on a pillow in your home: ❤The Couple that Deconstruct Together, Stay Together ❤
@@rachel_sjThe couple that sin together win together, (maybe?)😅
Ignore me; yours was good💯
@@RainbowFlowerCrow Lol, I love yours too. There’s infinite good for possibility with that phrase, but only so many that are good (I just lucked out with mine) 😄
beautiful
Good for both of you!
Christians: *get married by age 20 to someone they barely know, pumps out 2 kids in 3 years, then spend all their free time hating their spouse & avoiding their kids*
Also Christians: "Why aren't you married yet, heathen? Can't you see how happy I am?"
XD
What gets me is the older wives who are like "at first I was bitter and angry and blamed my husband but then I realized I just wasn't surrending enough" like GIRL YOUR SPIRIT GOT BROKEN BY RELENTLESS EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL ABUSE, THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING
I can confirm as my parents were this. They got married at 25 and 27, and I cannot imagine them ever liking each other because they so obviously do not. My dad and mom have had short tempers all my life. Thankfully I’m about to move out. Only thing that has kept them from a divorce is their faith. My mom has said "I would've gotten a divorce if we weren't Christian" many times.
And don't even try to say you don't want kids.
@@Freshanatha mine too
The idea that “the more you get in relationships and break up, the more numb you get and the less it hurts” is BS
The only reason it’s easier is because after the first you KNOW you can survive it. It still hurts so badly
“They are someone’s daughter? They are someone’s mother? Maybe, sure! But you know who else they are? *Someone.* They are *someone.*” PREACH!! (haha no pun intended!) Omg I have never heard it phrased better! 🙌🏻
No that doesn't work when you think like my narcissist father. Having intrinsic value and getting to know someone is just so.. eh. They would rather ascribe value through their relationship role and retain all judgement and control.
It sucks that people have to say they’re a sister, mother, or partner but not a person themselves but that’s how misogyny works. It’s not enough that they’re living, breathing women. They have to be connected to a man somewhere
@CesRaisons I hate it too because what if someone doesn't have children and their parents are dead? Even if they have these family members the are their own person.
"Before God gives you an Eve, the devil brings you a monkey!"
Bro... God offered Adam a monkey, not the devil
There’s also the implications of what he’s saying. Women you don’t click with are monkeys?
@@Gloomdrake their book does encourage owning slaves and forcing women onto men who assault them, so having racist and sexist implications like that aren't too surprising lol
Along with every other animal in the garden.
@@mushycorn4200 comparing women to monkeys would be on the more progressive side from the bible.
Low key calling Lilith a monkey for being made with Adam, being a partner, and wanting to have her way/not be a passive doormat being blamed for the Fall of Mankind
The more I see of them, the more I'm convinced Nate and Sutton actively hate each other.
Also, he leaves their small child crying?? Dude, you're a bad dad.
Yes, I know that prolonged crying can be annoying for adults, but here's the thing; this is the only way for your little ones to communicate that something is wrong and they don't like it. You are their sole provider. If you don't "attend to his crying" you are telling him "you don't matter". Which is about right for these types.
Also if you attend to the crying child he'll stop crying, that's the point
Sutton always looks like she’s on the verge of Midsommar level rage crying
I never got the idea of teaching parents to ignore crying babies to get them to stop crying
@@jesusrox4uI think there is some advice that was probably exagerated here, there are situations where a parent might let a child cry but it isn't all situations.
I think you mean Paul and Morgan? Not there's much difference between the two couples. I think nearly all these Christian marriage advice people utterly loathe each other. Their body language gives it away. None of them look happy. Nate and Sutton seem to have a sexual attraction, but that's all they have.
Abusers typically put up a front and act like great people and only drop the facade once the victim is trapped. Making people think they can know someone's character well enough to marry them after 4-6 freaking months is so dangerous. I believe you can't truly know someone until you live with them for a while.
Oh it's all by design, they want young people to make these life altering, rash decisions before they even know who they are, and then brow beat them to stay miserable. They love it. It's sad 😥
Paul isn't very good at maintaining his facade, though
@@ennuiblue4295
Not just to make the miserable, but to make them easier to control.
you cant know of someone's character until you see them in action, being actually challenged. And for people who look for a functioning spouse, that is to say somebody to fulfill a role that would compliment yours, it is even stupider to rely on basics and look at stuff through lens as simple as good and bad. A person can be kind while also lacking patience, a person can be mostly kind but have dangerous and extreme slip ups, a person can appear kind but actually be an absolute covert narcissist etc.
Christianity is a goldmine for abusers because Christians tend to automatically trust one another and miss red flags. It sucks because we're taught to be that way and to accept any badness as God's plan. Abusers can come in with a good reputation already without having to work for it.
It's why clergy and church leadership get away with CSA so often..
Loophole: It is not premarital sex if you and your partner never marry
WAIT LMAOOO
listen if gay sex is a sin and premarital sex is a sin, then if I have gay premarital sex it cancels out and isn't a sin
@@communistravenn6201problem, homophobes?
@@communistravenn6201tried it out, now I’m sending this from hell squared. 😔
😂
Purity culture and "dating to marry" absolutely ruined me psychologically. Still haven't fully recovered.
I sympathize with this on such a deep level. I left the evangelical world ten years ago and this one facet of the evangelical mindset still impacts me as a grown adult in a healthy relationship.
ahh yes , the classic of I couldn't hoe around so I became insane
And to think this also affects cishetero people is even MORE horrid.
It does!
I don’t think dating to marry is necessarily a bad thing. It’s only bad when it’s used as an order to prevent people who want more causal relationships and want to figure things out.
ive told this story before on another video- but i REALLY feel i need to say it here too because this discussion and what these ministers are saying brings up the memories. On new years eve 2022, my aunt was murdered by her abusive boyfriend. She was, and our family all are deeply religious(her faith was particularly strong, even among us). At her funeral, the pastor, who hardly knew her, felt it was his prerogative to try and explain what happened to her, why god would let something like this happen. He emphasised how they were „unequally yoked“, and how that was the cause, and used it as way to preach at us about how we should never date a non-christian… one problem though, her boyfriend *was* christian. Very much so. It’s part of why she stuck with him for so long. He had experienced religious delusions in the past, and used religion to control my aunt. Pastor was just rewriting history to justify what happened, because there’s no way a „true christian“ relationship could end that way. It upset me a lot, what he was essentially doing was blaming her for what happened, and stripping him of responsibility.
The rhetoric that all christians are trustworthy and a christian partnership never results in abuse or even murder is dangerous. It’s a lie thats hurt and ruined countless lives.
edit: year
I’m so sorry
Yikes, I’m sorry you had to go through… all of that.
You have no idea how often this happens at funerals. I work at a funeral home and sooooo many religious officiants either try to rewrite a tragic passing, or use that passing to preach at people about getting saved. It's infuriating.
I am so sorry for your loss, friend.
That's so fucked up!!!!
Don't you love people who see your pain and find a way to make it about themselves or their agendas?
I dated a guy a for several years, and I remember the religious people in my life urging that our relationship "would not be taken as seriously" unless we were married. They said we'd have more respect socially when introducing each other as "this is my husband/wife" instead of "this is my boyfriend/girlfriend".
I'm really sick of people disrespecting any successful, long term loving relationship, just because they didn't have the big (and cripplingly expensive) ceremony. Marriages fail all the time, just like any kind of relationship can. the Ceremony isn't magic, it doesn't guarantee anything. I wish these people could just respect committed, but unmarried couples. Lets just celebrate anyone who can successfully keep it together for years, married or not.
Very true. I've been married for 20 years, but for sure, the ceremony is just a ritual. It's a fun celebration, but a party is a party, nothing more.
I'm an atheist and my husband left the church already back when we were just living together, so our marriage was purely a civil union, nothing to do with religion. We're also both childfree by choice. Since that seems to confuse many, I'll just remind that marriage is recognized by law whereas cohabitation isn't, and this has real life concequences in case of taxation, sickness and death.
Otherwise 100% agree there's nothing that makes marriage different from a long term committed relationship. It's just the piece of paper and "spouse" on the tax form. BTW I kept my last name.
Re: the "cripplingly expensive" part, that's optional. You don't need a special dress, flowers or anything else to parade your (possibly borrowed) with around. Here in Sydney a marriage certificate costs $88 if you put a rush on it. You need a marriage celebrant, which it costs $600 to become (you also need to know the appropriate laws). You need two witnesses. Anything else you spend is vanity, not the basis of a good marriage and not Christian.
Agreed!!
The art of not giving fuck is a beautiful thing. My estranged 56 year old, never married aunt who I was forced to interact with a few years ago did something similar.
We went out to eat with my mom and then my aunt briefly came to my house. She and I sat at my dining table for about 30 minutes as she peppered me with questions about why I haven't married that girl yet, etc. She forcefully told me I needed to marry her right away and she won't accept this! Mind you my girl and I were together for about 5 years at this time and had things figured out by working on our own timeline and keeping nosy family and friends thoughts out of our shit.
I'm happy that I haven't spoken with that aunt in 4 years and my girlfriend from that story and I are now married. My aunt's input had no bearing, surely she's heard through the grapevine and surely she'll be pissed that I didn't tell her but idc. Gently or aggressively let the religious people in your life know that you don't care what they think. It's liberating.
honestly i find the idea of living with your boyfriend way way cuter than saying "hi this is my husband". marriage seems so formal and awkward to me, like my love for someone is only valiated if i have a legal document and i use a specific word for them. "husband and wife" has such middle-upper class posh dinners at your bosses house where you bring over a bottle of $5000 wine and you park your expensive sleek car in their 5th garage vibes. "boyfriend and girlfriend" to me is like cuddling on the couch with your cat to watch anime and going on cute autumn dates and living in a cottage in the woods
A good 60% of the Christian marriage ‘traditions’ are just stuff they got from the Romans, who got stuff from the Greeks; The flower-girl, the white if you’re a virgin, the bride’s side going on the left, the groom’s side going on the right… that’s actually all left overs from the Temple of Hera - who um, permitted two women or two men to get married, yet were still super against SA.
Just saying, the goddess who turned a nymph into an echo for distracting her from catching her husband cheating, is apparently more open minded than Jesus, but her ceremony’s are still good enough to swipe.
Thank you!
Copy paste 🙄
@@hackman669erm.. what?
@hackman669 do you have any rebutals?
I never knew that thats fascinating!
Ugh, the soul tie thing. I had a bout of depression when I was 16 or so and my mom took me to a Christian counselor. My brother left for college and I was feeling really lonely. The counselor told me I had a "soul tie" relationship with my brother that will interfere with my future relationship with my husband. The more I reflect on this, the more angry I get. My parents' marriage was misserable and my brother and I helped each other deal with our situation. Having him leave, left me without recourse. But this counselor felt it necessary to tinge our relationship with shades of incest. Also, I am ace and always had zero interest in men or in getting married.
Do you know what demonization this was? I've never heard of a "soul-tie" in the churches I grew up in, both morbidly fascinated and glad to have dodged that bullet
That's so insanely weird of him to say!! I'm sorry you experienced that
Nowhere in the bible mentions soul ties or jezebel "spirits" and so much more. 🙄
@@necrodeus6811 I've only heard soul-ties used to describe what happens when you have sex with anyone by pastors/preacher.
@@necrodeus6811Independent babtist.
This video hit on every abusive topic preached to me as a child. Purity culture and the pressures of sex shamed me to the point, when I did marry, I couldn't release the "This is sin" feelings. I didn't "just figure it out." Rather, went through a painful divorce. I found an amazing therapist who helped me break down the barriers, and am now a happy, healthy, fully functioning partner. This teaches abusive tactics disguised as love. Thank you for shining a light.
My skin tried to crawl off my body every time I hear women trying to bring up valid arguments or points in this video with their partners and their partner just... blatantly disrespect them. Just... eeeeew.
Behind the toothpaste-smile facade it's probably a lot worse than merely disrespect
Its very uncomfortable
I know 😢
Just.. wow. I'm speechless. Their mindset is sad, dystopia way of thinking.
i recently started noticing how often dudes interrupt & talk over ladies & its absolutely crazy
Asking people to say Amen at your service is like asking people to laugh at a comedy show 😂
“Please Clap” - Jeb! Bush
there was a US preacher who was briefly a meme in my English church back in 2008 or so. "I'm preaching better than you're saying Amen!" Guess the meme reached wider than Bath…
@@rachel_sj🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@rachel_sj I just said that out loud before looking at the replies. Same wavelength fr
It was SO awkward
My mum is a big Christian and my dad is a staunch atheist. They've been happily married for thirty years, and neither one has changed their views at all.
Opposite attract. 😆😁😄
rare but possible
That’s my husband and I.
How does that work?
@@CodyEthanJordan they just kind of agree to disagree.
"I audibly heard god's voice telling me this is my husband"
Red flag. Abort mission. Disengage. Retreat.
[the guy standing behind her door, speaking in a comedically low voice through a cup] "youuuuu shouuuld maaaarryyyy herrrrrr"
Voice of god? More like her congregation peers
Schizophrenia is talking there....
Paul and Morgan talking about hugs reminds me of a teacher I had during middle school who forbade children from hugging each other because she thought kids hugging was them being sinful and lusty. She got hugs banned, especially for a bunch of 12/13 year olds, but none of the kids could hug because of this one fanatically Christian and very sex-obsessed woman...
But queer people are the ones sexualizing children, Right?
kids in my secondary school (13-16) were banned from 'public displays of affection' like holding hands, though literally no one except the headmaster gave two shits about that
Are you for real?? We dont show eachother affection very often in my school, but its always nice to hug a friend. Its clearly just projection on her part, but its so disgusting for an adult to sexualise children.
My school had that rule, only for girls though (big surprise there)
Personally, I don't really care for physical contact, but that's taking things about a million degrees too far.
Seeing how toxic my parents' marriage was, I wrote off marriage my whole life. There is only one person I've ever considered marriage material, but they are sadly long gone. It has taken so much deconstruction to move past the toxicity and male chauvinism. Being gay certainly didn't help my internal struggles with letting go of the crap.
I neglected to add to this post: my (younger) brother is following the exact same pattern as my parents with his own marriage and children. I’ve cut off communication with him for my own mental health.
Similar experience here, to the point where I dread being around my parents together (I do fine with just 1 or the other). And I never could muster the hetero or monogamous energy to even try the marriage thing, secular or religious.
@@yaelleonawinston9552 my father is extremely difficult to deal with as his whole life revolves around his perception of god as filtered through his guilt and shame over how he treated my mother before her accidental death years back. He says God has told him he is “called to suffer”. I keep my distance but given I have certain legal responsibilities whenever he passes, I have decided just to keep him at arms length instead of cutting him out of my life entirely. I doubt he has all that much longer left, and after his estate is settled, I’ll finally have freedom from religion in my life in totality.
As a lesbian who believed she was straight for 18 years, church/college dating advice and dating in general always terrified me. I always felt like I wasn’t gonna be able to keep up appearances if I dated a man let alone marry him. The pressure to marry asap is still something that looms above me. Luckily for me I’m on the asexual spectrum so Im not drowning in “homosexual sex guilt”
Yeah. I finally fully accepted myself this year. I definitely hate Christmas time because i was all alone. I wanted someone to be there with me. But deep down i knew I could never have that and date and bring a boy home for Christmas.
**Puts out of plate of cupcakes and garlic bread for fellow Ace(s)**
M’fellow ace-lesbo ex-believer *tips fedora*
Nah but fr, it’s nice to see someone else who gets it!
All the rules and advice I was given about dating whilst growing up in the church made me feel exhausted even thinking about it.
I didn’t want a relationship with a man but I just figured I’d eventually have to have one.
There’s so much pressure and so many expectations.
Life is much more pleasant now without all that bullshit
And the added benefit of not having to feel guilty just for exisiting as a girl who likes girls!
The fact that sex and marriage is sold as kind of an unpleasant duty for women anyway, has trapped so many lesbians in straight relationships it’s sad, I’m glad you got out and I wish you luck on your road to recovery.
in general falling victim of society's twisted idea of traditionalism is unfortunately common due to how easily exploitable our cognitive tendencies and emotions are as humans. It is a miserable experience i've witnessed up close around some friends. No matter why it is done, no matter the holy or noble reason behind it, forcing responsibilities and chores on people while lying them in the face is just a low blow.
I've been there, i know more than enough people who do. Shit like "the sins of the father are heaped upon the son" "women should be wives" "relationship should be like this and that" etc can be very stressful to believe in, it clashes with your natural psychological needs and creates unnecessery conflict.
The most surprising thing about these Christian influencers to me, more than any of their terrible advice, is just how little charisma they have. I would never in a million years trust these people for dating advice. Absolutely rizzless.
When marriage is mandatory and you marry the first person who has ever shown any interest whatsoever, rizz is unnecessary, specially because to most people is a skill ehich needs development.
Omg yea they have like, the opposite of charisma lol.
@@bluester7177 True, but you'd think that, as a content creator, you'd need SOME level of charisma to be successful.
@@harrylane4 "you'd think you'd need SOME charisma to be successful" meanwhile some of the biggest """creators""" just sit around and watch other people's videos... ):
@@duimaurisfootball8134 bro were talking about vloggers here not react streamers
“Submit your biology to your theology” is a horrifying slogan lmao
Facebook Christians found that funny
That's some dystopian horror quote, like from Warhammer40K or something.
@@reptoidrenaissanceThe Omnissiah seems like a more benevolent god than whatever these aggressive christians on youtube are following.
I'm having trouble understanding what it even means
Me looking at Nate & Sutton: "They super look like they hate the other person."
Trevor: "They hate each other so much."
Me looking at Paul & Morgan: "Boy.. Morgan sounds like she's baked out of her mind.."
@@lonewolfgamingplus379oh Morgan’s totally strung out, 24/7. How else is she gonna deal with the abuse that Paul inflicts on her every day?
As a fellow Bible College graduate in the UK I can attest to how bad and misleading dating advice can be for Christians. It boils down to, marry another Christian. That’s the only non-negotiable instruction in the whole thing
I followed that, marrying a friend who was keener on me romantically than I was on him, but believing that our shared faith would compensate for other areas where we’re not so well matched. We’ve divorced for 33 years. So, that worked well. A shared religious faith is no substitute for many other aspects to a relationship and living with the shame of failure on this is hard. No teachers/preachers are ever held to account for giving bad advice or grappling with the messy reality of real life.
There is no shame in failure. The only shame would be pretending everything is great.
@@thomasridley8675and that, pretending everything is fine instead of actually improving the situation, is the real failure.
I know right, they really don't know what they are doing when they give advice. 😪
it's like marrying someone for the sole reason that you both really love pokemon. a shared interest, even one as deeply engrained as a faith, is never a good foundation for a healthy relationship. it's great for shared experiences and bonding but not as the only reason to be with someone
It's not just "marry another Christian" it's "marry another Christian who shares the exact same beliefs as you, ASAP"
Decided I'd never date/get married in my tweens, waffled in my teens and early 20s by saying I'd wait until I was 23... hit 23 and realized I really DID never want to get married. The church I went to had no young adult singles class at all. It was Youth Group->Young Marrieds. They had no idea what to do with me. Some of them had the audacity to pray I'd meet "the one." The number of sermons on marriage/relationships I was forced to sit through during those years only cemented my desire to stay single.
You did good for yourself. I've been married for 15 years and the relationship is really starting to sour. He blames me, I point out he's responsible for his own actions and I'm halfway to divorce.
Yep, many churches assume you will go to college and then come back married and join their married Bible study or something.
Grown adult male living in the 21st century talking about how his wife needs to do his laundry 🤯
God is really into how laundry is done by wives. 😆😆😆😆😆😆
@@obscurum6 "hmm yes so this new animal shall have 15 legs, a weird creepy shell and it shall live in the amazon rainforest. wait what's that??? Janet is working her own job? i wanted her to stay at home, goddamit! this is really the straw that broke the camel's back for me, first they do genocides and kill each other over petty squabbles and now the WOMEN are WORKING???? time for another flood!"
Or how he didn’t want to fix his kids lunch because he wanted to spend alone time with god 😂
Funny how the "it's okay if both consent" gets pushed aside when its a christian. It's almost as if they're not pro freedom but actually pro Satan. Almost like some prophecy is being inadvertedlt fulfilled 🤔
I’m 24. My mom is aware I deconverted a few months ago. (Btw she’s a narcissist). And she keeps putting pressure on me to get married. She even suggested I’m gay when I’m not. Which is annoying because I’m straight. And I don’t mean that in a homophobic way. But she tells me I’ll never get married or find anybody. But in reality, I’m just not ready yet. In a Christian church, being 24, they expect you to be married. I want to finish college and become financially stable before I get married. If you’re in your 20’s ignore the pressure to get married. I’ve seen church goers I grew up with marrying the first person they date and it’s sad… Thanks Trevor, we love you.
Just need to mention my pastor gave a sermon about staying single is holy. Years later I realized he was low key saying "if you're gay, stay single and in the closet". Realized that like five years after the fact.
I had a HS friend that put having a career before getting married or having kids. My mother would say, don't you think it's straaange that *school friends name* never got married? Do you think she's gaaay? I'd get very angry over this and tell her it was no one's business one way or the other, who cares? I'd end up having to shut her down and change the subject. My friend did end up getting married 20 years after we finished HS. Met him at our reunion...great guy, he was worth waiting for. Neither of them had kids and that was A-okay. I didn't even bother to tell my mother that my friend finally got married because her husband was of another race...that would have been a whole other situation with her. 🙄
Sometimes that kind of thing messes me up a little, especially combined with the “you don’t need a relationship to be happy” belief that getting more popular, especially with women who are attracted to men
@@jomaq9233I can certainly see how it can be interpreted that way, but to me it was always about the obsession with getting into a relationship, because it will magically make you happy.
Sometimes a relationship can help you in your troubles, but sometimes it just makes them worse.
And the best way to have a relationship is when it isn't build on codepency, but when you are at a point in your life where you can be happy without a relationship.
Doesn't matter what sexuality
and ?
If you're a pedo , you should probably stay in the closet
@@melaniemills4505is your mom one of those people that freaks out at inter racial couples and believes that people should marry the same ethnicity as themselves?
9:34 My mother is a catholic and my father is an atheist, they're still married, my father is still atheist, and now my mother slowly is leaving Catholicism because she saw the messed up practices in the religion as well as the contradictions in the bible.
Forgot to add: my dad pulled me and my brother out of the religion after the stuff the priests were doing with kids got out as well as me doubting and questioning the faith
Wholesome story, 10/10
dont tell christaisn that they will use as evdence for SEE WE TOLD YOU SO! dont date someone not your religion he/she will destroy tyopu HE made her an athest becuase she married him, will be the response.
Few months later and I gotta say I know it's poorly written but yes this is true
Can we all just agree to trash and *ban the word virgin* regarding human sexuality. It's dated, it's ridiculous and it causes real-life damage, severely so. We use this word nowhere else, though we all do loads of things for the first time and we can't even agree on what it actually means. It's time for virgin to be retired.
It's also a stupid concept, when it's about physiology you can literally lose your virginity with vigorous exercise, and then it gets nebulous if it's about experience or just penetration, it's just stupid all around.
For sure! I think ideas around not being experienced or confident are still useful, but virginity doesn't really communicate anything all that helpful.
I have a deep scorn for the misogynistic 'value' of virginity. My religious Mom seemed to hold that state as more important than my actual self, and I got rid of it at the first opportunity. I should ask my brother if she expected the same purity of him!
Christianity and Islam are equally obsessed with female virginity. It's almost as if it's a tool to control women,
@@jerushamaxwell281I asked my brother this recently & my dad has NOT held him to the same standard as he has held me. Christian misogyny, yay!
You know, it's funny that none of these people acknowledge that these attitudes are really only a current trend in the church. My grandmother comes from an intensely evangelical religious tradition and has told me many stories, and growing up in that Era, 1940s and 50s, the church encouraged casual dating of as many people as possible in order to figure out compatibility. Not sexual compatibility, but still. It's so odd when the church doesn't acknowledge its own past.
😁😅🤗
Nice example of the Ministry of Truth in action
Exactly. My parents are both Christian and have been married for 30+ years and they never had to deal with any of this garbage.
The current leaders never does!
I was sold the lie that waiting for sex until marriage will give you a great marriage and great sex life. Five years of marriage later and I have yet to see those promises fulfilled. Fortunately, we’ve been using things that actually work, like couples therapy, and things are slowly but surely seeming to get a little better. I still look back on waiting until marriage for sex as one of my all time worst decisions I’ve made in life.
I hope you and your wife continue to make progress, and have success.
I had a real problem with the idea of no sex before marriage, I thought you really needed to know someone to commit to them. I had a church guy call me out on my honey moon on Facebook because I slept with the man who was my now husband before we were married, it wasn’t a secret but of course I wasn’t interested in blasting it all over the internet. He put it on his page so it caused all his church followers to jump on me and attack me. So I obviously blocked him, I was deconstructing at the time which only made my faith more shaky, which hindsight was fine, but probably wasn’t his intention. Lol
Bro imagine your wife see this
“That’s not true, many Christian couples really struggle in their relationships due to sexual problems.”
Yes, thank you for pointing that out. It is such a huge problem that the church loves to pretend doesn’t exist.
My dad's a pastor and gave a sermon about marriage the other day... I think he someday up his opinions when he said "marriage isn't supposed to make you happy"
I swear man, the only thing keeping me from leaving that church is the fact I don't want to deal with the crap from my family. 😂
That's what I don't understand, if it's not aupossed to make someone happy why do it then? Even id it's about children, how can 2 unhappy people take good care of a child?
@@bluester7177 Exactly, that's not a good environment for a child to be raised in; you'll end up with a very unhappy adult-child. Childhood scars stay for an entire lifetime
I love how these people tell on themselves so bad. They also say God doesn't care if you're happy, Christians aren't called to be happy, etc
Just say your religion makes you miserable, it's ok
When a married pastor says that.. I would say "Then why did you get married as you know it's not going to provide you happiness?"
It's the whole "marriage isn't fun, it's work" bullshit. Like yes it is work, but why do it if it's ONLY work? My marriage is fun and makes me happy, these pastors have a skill issue.
When that Vlad-dude started listing fun activities (in opposition to dating) I started laughing.
I’m pretty much doing most of those things (i.e. taking flight lessons, learned new instruments, volunteering, taking fun college classes, etc) but my family loves to ask if I’m dating, if I’m ever lonely, or scared living on my own. For some reason they’re convinced I’m secretly unhappy and that I’m overcompensating.
Seriously, you can’t win… 🙃
I'm so happy my family just stopped asking that with me I'm nearly 40 been single for over a decade and live my best life, being able to do what you want when you want without having to worry about someone else is so nice, and I don't get lonely since I got my cats and they are the best fur babies I could ever ask for
also, those are great activities to do with someone ON DATES... like doing a cool craft lesson or going places are great date ideas! thanks for the inspiration, guy who doesn't think people should date outside of looking to get married
What really stood out is the sheer privilege on display, not everyone has the time or money to do half of those things.
Also, this might be a little mean, but is it just me or does he look like his parents were cousins?
I gotta say tho, not marrying someone who is obsessed with you is unironically good advice. But not for the reason they think.
I would think there are reasons why its ok. If you're both equally obsessed in a comfortable way where boundaries are respected, then its ok.
@melissak7798 maybe tis why Wednesday doesn't like their relationship, she told that one boy who liked her. I think he asked her if she wanted him to be obsessed with her like her dad is with her mom, I think she said something like that's cowardly or something I don't remember
@@CyborgLady-j7n Yeah... They would have been great if they didn't have kids. But as it is, the children for sure play second fiddle when it comes to their priorities and that's not great...
"if she didn't want to marry me in a year, I would've been out".
How can you claim to love someone if you were willing to dump her over something so painfully trivial?
That bit about don't you deserve to fall head over heels for someone rather than just marrying someone who meets the requirements" was eye opening. I will be thinking about it for a while
It's nothing to think about. What does "fall in love" even mean? Its just code for: muh feefees. Newflash, after the feelings go away the only thing remaining will be your will. And if you havent developed a deeper connection with your wife because you're too busy listening to someone with no marriage experience, then it's probably going to end
@@IconoclastX *laughs in demisexual*
@@IconoclastX Love is a series of chemical reactions that are scientifically proven to exist. And millions of people are still in love their entire lives. The bitter boomer view of marriage is not a universal truth.
You just sound like a narcissist with no compassion.
And the fact that you seek out these videos to complain in the comments shows us that you're emotionally immature and desperate for attention.
@@IconoclastXOh, do you hunt down pinned comments to leave your bad takes? That's hilarious.
"Once the feelings are gone"
They don't normally go away bro, if marriage requires a force of will, you married the wrong person 😂
IIRC, Morgan, of "Paul and Morgan," once said to "temper your expectations" regarding sexual pleasure and *CONSENT,* and that she has compromised on that front before. I think Paul may have a lot to answer for. Honestly, the fundamentalists' blasé attitude towards consent has to be one of their most damaging.
That guy gives me the creeps😖😖😖😖
@@vashtilantigua908same here
Honestly, that could be its whole on video
Old reply but have you ever seen the jaclynglenn video where she found Morgan used to be fun and an aspiring singer before marriage?
I love how Nate and Sutton are both fine with “girl”, but have to correct “boy” to “guy”. 🙄
Because women will always be infantilized and dehumanized in Christianity. Aside from their "Christian love" being hateful, their second biggest on-brand thing is ✨mysogony✨
#menandfemales
Yeah, I thought that was very weird.
Their insecurities might as well be on neon signs above their heads. If they hadn't managed to coerce women into these one-sided relationships, it's almost guaranteed they'd be part of the incel cult.
Well tbh, for some reason, the term "lady" is kinda too formal, and "woman" infers a female in her 30s.
My jaw dropped when they said they were only married for 3 years. You went out and got professional video equipment to give advice off the back of a
Pleased to meet you, you must be Satan 😂
I knew a girl in Bible college who started a marriage advice blog literally like the week after she got married
@@vintagearisen 🤣🤣🤣
@@vintagearisenDid we know the same girl because I knew one who posted about her brand spankin' new marriage pretty much every day on Facebook and Instagram. On and on and on and on about how it was hard but so worth it.
She's divorced now, doing the exact same thing with her new boyfriend.
I don't think that's wild.
As a fellow social anxiety sufferer, you’re killing it Trevor. Thanks for having the courage to put yourself in the public eye for the sake of truth!!
I still suffer from social anxiety. I am getting better but it varies day by day. My wife is BiPolar.
@@1daddyDA sorry to hear that, it’s such a difficult thing to live through. Mine really got bad in my early 20’s and has been up and down since then though I think I’m improving. Sad that a lot of the growth that could have happened was stunted by my faith. I didn’t get professional help for over a decade because I thought I could get better through prayer.
That part with the barber hit hard. I found a loophole and cut my own hair now 😂
I love the pastor speaking technique of "IF I SAY THIS NONSENSE LOUDER THAT MAKES IT TRUE"
At a Pentecostal singles mixer, if you talked with a woman for more than 30 seconds, people will start asking you when the wedding was scheduled. Glad I got out of that.
And I actually had a friend who literally within 2 weeks of meeting a girl, they were discussing wedding dates, within 3 months they were married and within a year they had a newborn. And yes within 5 years and two more kids, his alcoholism became a big issue (ignored for a long time because this was a no drinking kind of church) and they were separated.
Drunk 🥴🥴🥴🥴 🍺🍻🍺🍻 🍷🥂🍷 💊💊💊💊💊. Haha 😁🤗😄
@@hackman669Bro, I don't know what you're on, but maybe you should lay off.
@@Ash_CarnelianThink it's a bot
Not gonna lie, i snickered a lot when he basically said: don't get a girlfriend for fun, get a dog.
Dogs are actually go at helping people find mates. Chances are if they like your dog 🐕 and life style, they will like you. Though this is not fool proof.
@@hackman669 I have gotten more strangers to talk to me while walking my dog then I ever did at social events, cute dogs are mans real best friend
@@hackman669My relationship with my dogs would have significantly hindered my ability to find a partner if I didn't just end up hitching with a friend of 20+ years who genuinely knew me for me.
Everyone who I've known for less than a decade defines me exclusively as "the dog woman," because I'm an animal behaviorist specializing in shelter consultations and rehabilitating dangerous and aggressive dogs (and other domesticated animals). I even train and handle cadaver dogs voluntarily when I'm not working, and sell finished dogs to law enforcement and for military applications.
A ton of people like dogs, but not a ton of people like being surrounded by a multitude of very intense dogs, all the time!
@@hackman669 so get a dog? i thught a cat would also work but have had meany and still no human cat ;(.
How's the old saying go? "You're probably going to outlive your dog, but the dog is guaranteed to love you back.:
Ya know, it's funny that nate brought up that passage in the Bible, because that part in 1 Corinthians 7 was Paul (i think) saying that you should stay celebate forever, and have no relationships, because you should devote your entire life to God and Jesus. "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." He didn't mean for marriage to be a final result, but a last resort. He saw you as weak if you were married. "No sex before marriage" wasn't technically ever a thing. It was "no sex, ever, but if you're weak, then ya, get married." It's not the romantic sentiment he thinks it is.
Serious asexual, but doesn’t know it vibes from Paul. Kinda funny to base all relationship advise in a religion on someone who doesn’t even realize his experience of desire lies outside the norm. I’m aro/ace myself, but when you’re aware of your preferences and that there are options you don’t try and push your experience onto everyone else. Therein lies the danger of not teaching that there are other options, you take your own experience as gospel😅
@@ookamiblade6318the other theory on Paul is he wqs a repressed homosexula
@@ookamiblade6318 It's also weird to take Paul's advice on marriage when he himself is proclaiming he's proudly celibate and unmarried. So uh, why should I care about his opinions on dating and marriage? Oh, because he's speaking for Christ? Well Jesus wasn't married either, apparently. Was God? ...Depends which Biblical scholar you ask, I suppose.
@@ookamiblade6318 No seriously, I grew up in the church, discovered I was aroace (aka discovered that was even an option) at 16, and then found it so funny reading those passages again. I strongly believe that Paul was an aroace who didn't know it and thought everyone else was just freaky. He literally said he wished everyone could be single+celibate like him, and was like "but I guess people are gonna be all obsessed with each other and with sex and stuff, and that'll cause more distraction and ungodliness if they have to try and stay away from it when they apparently crave it so much, so I guess if you have to"
I told my mom (who's actually a pastor now) and she agrees with me. She also thinks it's a shame, since some of Paul's stuff (like about how baby-making is the primary and best and maybe only justification for sex and even marriage, and also about celibacy and purity) apparently contributed to a TON of toxic stuff in the church, when it's literally just a confused aroace who doesn't have a clue about that difference and thinks sex is kinda stupid putting that on everyone else for millennia.
@@Uryvichk from a historian perspective it’s weirder to assume that Jesus wasn’t married as that is usually commented on where as being married was the norm so more frequently doesn’t get a mention. As far as I know there is nothing directly saying he was single or celibate, there’s just no mention of a spouse in the canon bible and though he is called a bridegroom most interpret this as him being married to the church. That being said there is also one gospel that does mention Jesus being married, but it was rule to not be canon. Basically it’s up to interpretation if he was married or not.
“ I thought I saw an angel a few times, but it was actually the result of carbon monoxide poisoning.” 😄
My parents got married because my dad thought god was telling him to marry my mom. They had been dating on and off for years in a messy, unhappy relationship, and he was on a trip in another country planning on breaking up with her for good when he got back. But according to him, while on this trip, god spoke to him and told him she was the one. Now they have four mentally unstable children and their marriage is incredibly toxic and emotionally abusive. My dad bullies and insults my mom constantly and emotionally manipulates all of us. My mom is incredibly emotionally immature and cries every time one of her children tries to come to her with a problem. So I guess that was all gods will? Or maybe, my dad who has a history of mental health issues was wrong about being personally instructed by god himself..?
Im so glad i got out of Christianity so I dont have to live in so many tiny boxes.
Same! I'm so glad I don't have to worry about not pissing off Sky Daddy and burning in Hell for all eternity. That was a really fucked up thing to teach an impressionable child now that I think about it.
👏👏👏
@@hannahbrennan2131 Same. Which is why I still have a problem with the non-bigoted Christians. I just think indoctrinating children into believing concepts like:
- an omnibenevolent, perfect being who loves us created hell
- they are at risk of eternally suffering when they die, a concept of time not even adults can comprehend
- god is watching & judging their every action and thought 24/7
- any doubts or questions one has that question the integrity of the church or our holy book means you're being inspired by the devil and should instantly reject them, never addressing or critically thinking about them
...and so on is just abusive. Which I guess I say mostly from experience and reading and listening to others experience with this.
I only live in one small box. Because rent is expensive
I feel so bad for the women in those couple videos. I seriously hope they can get out of those marriages.
Like man.. you can see the sadness and emptiness in their eyes. With a little 'help me' sign is being held up.
"Adam wanted a partner so god created animals"
Uhhhh I'm not sure they want to imply what they're implying.
I think they know very well what they're implying! lol
Yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like. In the story, God had Adam search for a mate among the animals first, then he made Eve.
@@Parasaurolophus476 Never kiss a dude, but have at it with this platypus
Great now I cannot get Adam and platypus out of my mind! Wild. 😄
💀
I could easily pretend to be a completely different person for 4 months. That does not sound all that hard.
My athiest fiancé loved me the same when i was a devout Christian and when i left the faith. Can’t say that’s true for others
It's good you were able to love them regardless of their beliefs and not dump them and beg for them back like my ex (still an ex) 😂😂😂
You were never a Christian
our extended family is super christian and I had to go to all of my cousins' weddings. They all got married before even finishing undergrad. Like, 18-21. Most of them had never dated before their spouse.
And when they/others give the speeches at the ceremony and reception, they are 90% about how this marriage is going to please god, and how they're going to serve god, and how they're going to have kids for god, and stay loyal to each other for god, and how god wants everyone to be married, and blah blah blah and I just have to sit there like... what about you? What about each other? don't you like each other? shouldn't you be getting married because you like each other? it feels more like two strangers who agreed to both get married to god at the same time.
When they /would/ take a break to talk about each other, they couldn't even get half a sentence without bringing it back to god. "oh yes, my new wife is really smart and always does well in her school work......which means she'll be great at serving god!" like come on, man! it's so bad.
How are those marriages even going?
@@soapsatellitegoing so well that they're already gone i'd assume
@@lightsupportweaponhow's your marriage going?
You can date or marry anyone for any reason in Christianity so I have no idea what you're talking about. These are all anecdotes
@@IconoclastX some people on the internet haven't yet gotten to the point in their life where they've had a spouse, so it is currently impossible for my marriage to be going or have been going
also these may be anecdotal but i sure believe these happen and never did the OP claim all christians are that. there are definitely situations in which people are less than free to make this giant decision themselves
I married someone from my church. We had the same beliefs. I dated him and was engaged to him for a total of a year and a half. I "heard from God", went through premarital counseling, and we waited until marriage to have sex. Did everything by the book, as perfectly as possible. Still took me actually marrying him to find out his true nature and hidden mental illness. It's been 10 years since I left him but I'm still scarred from the experience. Don't know if I will ever marry again.
I’m really sorry for your experience… were there any warning signs while you dated?
@@KawanoMino21I am assuming your comment is in good faith and from a place of genuine curiosity. There were no signs that could have warned me of what I endured when I was married. That said, I grew up in a highly religious environment where I was taught to honor signs from "God" and to divine "God's" path for my life above my own personal feelings. I was taught routinely that our own thoughts and feelings were flawed and we were not allowed to follow our own intuition because "the heart is deceitfully wicked" and only "God" knew the best path for our lives. This path would need to be revealed to us by interpreting an ancient text written in another language by another culture in another part of the world thousands of years ago. We were told to believe revelations and prophesies from "God" given to us by our pastor and other prophets, and to divine meaning from our dreams. Even if there had been red flags screaming at me, who would I have been to defy "God's" path and purpose for my life? Additionally, I was raised to wait until marriage to discover certain intimate facts that may have otherwise revealed a huge red flag. After I got married and the abuse started, I immediately went to the pastoral staff for help. I was told to return to the abuse over and over because divorce is condemned by God, and (remember?) marriage to this man was God's path for me. I also signed away my right to a no contest divorce because I believed so strongly that divorce was always wrong, and I didn't know that circumstances could exist where I would ever need to divorce. Anyway, to summarize: you can do everything perfectly to the best of your ability in order to please God, but it still will not guarantee you happiness or safety. Either God wanted me to go through that, God makes mistakes, or we are wildly misinformed for who God is and what he wants for/from us. I believe with all my heart that the third option is the truth.
So you did everything right and then another human who posseses free will didnt do everything right. Im trying to find where this speaks badly about Christianity. Your problem arose from the sin of your partner and your own sin to abandon him(assuming their was no infidelity their is no grounds for divorce)
@@IconoclastX so I should stay with someone who raped me and sexually abused me with no signs of stopping for three years just because I married him? Okay good to know. I think I'd rather be a sinner. Thanks.
@@trevisallen1676 notice how you didnt clarify that in the original comment
Christian dating advice is prime example of how a majority of christians do not understand relationships, sex or how to give advice
Spot on!!!
Nate and Sutton's marriage sounds awesome for one and miserable for the other.
Edit: Whoa, Nate was double timing Sutton when they were dating? That fact alone strongly suggests Nate is lying when he says he married as a virgin.
Awesome for someone who prefers a personal servant over a companion
@@repelsteeltje90 Which is obviously what Nate wanted.
Awesome for one and miserable for the other is the definition of parasitism.
@@cindys9491 calling nate a parasite sounds about right. i think that fits him pretty well.
One of the pettiest things about me is that I keep a list of all the couples I personally knew at my small Christian college who have divorced in the 6 years since I graduated.
It's 12. 12 couples. Most in the first 4 years out of school. That doesn't include the two professors who got divorces. The odds are not good for young people who think they're following the spiritual checklist in getting married at age 20.
Diabolical 💀💀💀
Is it petty to keep track of predictable outcomes? I'd say you're just observing a trend.
Trevor, I always appreciate your perspective. These videos are so validating for someone like me who grew up saddled with a million tons of toxic religious beliefs. I’m free of all that now. Almost 50 years old and finally like myself.
She's got that uncomfortable "Hide the Pain Harold" smile.
the NOISE I made when I heard that guy say "If you want to have fun join a church"
I could not contain myself that might have been the funniest thing I've heard recently
Had a checklist once, found someone who matched everything on the checklist, turned out to be the most annoying person I have ever met. Now my "checklist" is literally just a list of dealbreakers, boundaries I am not comfortable with crossing or would not be safe to cross. I welcome advice from as many sources as possible because I've learned just how much of the advice I grew up with was complete trash
Bros “quiet time with god” sounds suspiciously like masturbation
But hey.. according to these people that's a fucking sin.
@@lonewolfgamingplus379 Masturbation, anything gay, premarital sex, and probably anything that isn't missionary... i guess you could say they're all *fucking* sins? 😁
@@bijoukaiba the premarital sex one does kinda make sense because in theory the man wont leave the woman stranded after impregnating her if they're married first. of course, the goddess of consent is the sister of safety and fullfillment, but is not someone christians like to talk about.
Cuz it's Mental masturbation.
Hitchens explained it best.
Christian: "I'll pray for you."
Hitchens: "Thanks. I'll masturbate for you."
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT WHEN I HEARD THIS
"wait... private time with god? thats the biggest excuse ive ever heard to do some shit your wife wouldnt want you to do"💀 like the dude really found the perfect get out of jail free card for anything, "sorry babe, cant go see the inlaws, god is calling me for our private time rn, also he said to throw away all your STUPID FUCKING THROW PILLOWS GOD AND I HATE THROW PILLOWS I WISH I WAS STILL SINGLE"
Paul and Morgan are probably the least emotionally mature married couple I've ever seen. They're like Andy and Audrey from Parks and Recreation, except Audrey was actually smart. They seem like two teenagers in their first ever relationship involving kisses. Not in the position to give advice in my opinion.
I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years and I cannot imagine giving relationship advice unless I was asked for it, and then I’d only give it to people if I’m comfortable speaking with them.
Same! And I'm like in a 19 year relationship (it's not a competition longer doesn't mean better by any stretch) but I don't know any other people's inner workings or what their situation is. I can only tell them what works for me but even then that might be completely wrong for another person.
@@teesh871 Oh gosh absolutely! Every person and every relationship is different, and what each relationship looks like and might need/want can vary so much, there isn’t some easy platitudes that work fro everyone. (And very true, longer relationships don’t automatically mean better, and not a competition at all lol, I didn’t take it that way! I hope you have had and will continue to have many years of happiness! :] )
I have been single for 12 years and I give the best advice just don't date enjoy your freedom lol
@@cyanmage1 For some people that freedom is fantastic! I hope you are very happy :]
Twelve years and yeah, I don't give advice unless asked for
when marriage becomes an obligation it takes what makes it "special" and "meaningful".
After leaving the faith over a year ago, I’ve seen how damaging this “advice” is. For so much of my wife’s and my dating experience and engagement we were preoccupied with feeling guilty for crossing so many “boundaries”. Christianity really has robbed me of so many experiences in life that should’ve been enjoyed.
Me and my wife married very young because of this. We are happily married after 20 years. But we were so young that we took the worst financial decisions, we never finished our careers because of having to work and we accumulated so much debt that we were in debt for 15 years. I blame religion for that.
are you doing better now?
The wallet ad spot is hilarious from their marketing perspective. “If you’ve lost faith in god, you’re probably looking for a place in the world. You’re probably also looking for a place to keep your cards and cash!”
These Christian relationship influencers really do a good job showcasing how toxic and emotionally abusive their relationships are. It's hard not to find humour in how moronic the thought of getting advice from people like this is. I feel bad for the poor souls trapped in that mindset.
Remember kids! Its always better to suffer with someone who believes your very specific version of chrisitianity than it is to ever risk having a healthy, secular relationship! Also make sure until you're married to see if you both are actually compatible. Its definitely more fun and more successful that way! *But if it doesnt work out, its your fault and we are definitely gonna shame you about your personal failures. Your failures definitely arent our fault. What do you mean you were guilted and scared with eternal torture to rush into the relationship???? Hush, before the other members hear you, sinner!*
I broke up with every girlfriend when I was younger due to us crossing some arbitrary boundary-holding hands, kissing, etc. I also rarely dated because I had super strict views on courtship and thought I needed to be certain that I wanted to marry her before asking her out.
When I was 24, my girlfriend basically threw herself at me and we ended up almost having sex, but I was so angry at myself and her that I dumped her.
That was 9.5 years ago. I've been an atheist for almost 4 years, and I still haven't been able to grow past the trauma yet to start dating again. To be honest, I don't even know how to date anymore.
Hey man, it's alright. You take as much time as you need. Those arbitrary boundaries weren't arbitrary to you at the time. It may sound kinda weird, but it seems like you were pressured into uncomfortable situations that you weren't ready for. Take your time, and push your own boundaries as you feel comfortable doing so.
Don't let anyone, not even yourself, pressure you into something you don't want.
@@Veltrosstho I appreciate that, thank you
Even if you're not sexual while living together before marriage, there are still plenty of compatibility issues to work out.
Things as mundane as how to do the dishes can lead to arguments, especially if one or more partners has had *_the proper way_* to do it beaten into them as a child.
Don't let appeal to traditions ruin your relationships. Communication, compassion, cooperation, and (equitable) compromise are key.
Real talk, your uploads are something I look forward to as a post-evangelical born again atheist
you know its a good day when you see belief it or not video on your recommended
"Just make a decision, don't drag it out" - *cause if we don't get married soon, I'm going to have to spend at least another 5 months - or more - looking for someone to marry me so we can sleep together, and I've already been waiting like, 19 years, so yeah, let's get a move on*
Re 44:50 - I was once in a Hindu cult and that hugging stuff brought back a lot of memories. Apparently the women were lectured on how to hug so as not to sexually arouse men by turning sideways and avoiding their boobs touching the man's chest. This was a thing they did. Relationships within the cult were arranged by an astrologer too, and strictly monitored. Just tells me that religion fries your brain tbh.
Nate and Sutton make me cringe, sure... but Vlad and Lana give me actual chills.
She looks so, like, *scared* of this dude. Looking at the clips of them, I have a legitimately hard time imagining the homelife of someone who wears a 'submit your biology to your theology' shirt...
Also laughed a bit when the black guy implied we've progressed too much. Dude, you have a very narrow window between i can own you and i can't marry a guy. Even smaller if you want basic rights.
"we've progressed too much" says man who wouldn't have been able to swim with white people sixty years ago
@@vintagearisen "we've progressed too much" says man who wouldn't have been able to swim with white people - today in some places
Just helping with a correction.
@@raichutoyou oh gross is that really still a thing? Where?
@@vintagearisen yes, there are even cities and towns, where black people in general cannot be caught after sunset, period. They are called Sundown Towns. Yes, today in 2023
@@AnitaSmile4 well I know about sundown towns but for some reason I didn't extend that to pools still being segregated
As someone who was a Christian in his 20s, dating was over-complicated. I just couldn't relax and over thought everything I did.
Ugh same!
I can relate. Instead of dating I buried myself in school 🏫 work. 😁 Decided early on relationships not worth losing self over. 🙃
Dude, for me, it is very bad (although I'm Catholic here). 🤦
@@kingartemiz2xxx786 I'm sorry! Hang in there, go easy on yourself, don't take everything seriously because life is mostly absurd. That's the advice I'd give myself if I could go back.
@@Pfpfpfpfpf2020 The advice I would give myself is never trust Christians ever, because they're too relied on Jesus to help anyone at all. It's insane to me. 😕
I have a cousin who’s Christian (most of my family is) who ended up marrying a Muslim, and they’ve made it work. Whenever religion comes up, it’s finding out what they have in common. And, thankfully, no one on my side of the family or hers have tried to convince the other why they should be Christian or Muslim. Just goes to show that while a shared belief can definitely help, it’s not a given.
Yeah, but Muslim men insist the children are raised as Muslims.
They are both atheists or both are muslim or Christian. Either that or they will soon be divorced. You can't believe your spouse will burn in eternal hellfire and still be okay with agreeing to disagree. That phrase is about the dumbest modern invention of the past 20 years
I was a believer up until I was in my early 30s. My husband and I split up because he couldn't handle me not being christian anymore. I swore I would never date anyone from an abrahamic religion, especially christian, especially since I live in the deep south and christians here are a whole different breed. I've been with an atheist, ex muslim, for almost two years and it's been the best experience of my life.
I have experienced auditory hallucinations my entire life. And I'm so happy that I wasn't told that it was God talking to me.
I can actually use this video as a marker for how much I have moved out of this subculture. Growing up, even if I didn't always agree with it, all of the advice the couples in this video are giving seemed normal to me. Now I am having to take breaks due to the sheer amount of second-hand embarrassment I am feeling for all involved. Kudos to Trevor for sitting through all these videos for scripting and editing.
So every girl they dated before they married one was just a “monkey” in their eyes?? Nice, real nice, really really nice!!🙄🙄🙄🙄
Does that work in reverse as well? We all are monkeys 🐒🙈🙊😀
@@hackman669actually no, we're apes
You remind me of my experience in elementary school where that one doofus head kid would take everything out of context that i said and tell the teacher. Like if I said "man i really wanted to punch that bully in the face" some dumb kid would tell the teacher that I was threataning another student leaving out the fact that the student was bullying someone
As someone who is ace/aro boy am I glad I didn’t get raised with this BS; much less decluttering required!
Ace/aro gal raised in this morass. I was fortunate enough to have avoided family pressure, even if the church tried.
I’m not ace afaik but the one upside of being a devout Catholic was that I was never pressured to marry since I had the possibility of becoming a priest or monk and was convinced God wanted me to be that (I was already childfree without realizing it back then and I knew families that had +5 kids that convinced me that being a biological father wasn’t for me, however the childfree lifestyle is unthinkable for most devout/fundie Catholics so I didn’t have that many options).
Aro/ace queer guy who was raised in this sort of thing, realized so young that I didn’t want to have kids and it took me until highschool to realize that it was culture pushing me to marry -> not myself.
I don't even know what ace aro means, is that related the evil, horrible, completely bullshit ACE baptist home school curriculum?
@@KingofCrusher Asexual/Aromatic???
Holy non-existent hell, how did I not see how toxic this advice was for years, decades, even. I see Nate and Paul and I think how did I ever aspire to be a guy like that? They're complete nuclear assholes! Horrible husbands, worse fathers. The thing is, I think on some level I always realized this advice was ridiculous. I recall still being a dedicated Christian when I Kissed Dating Goodbye came out and I thought it was ridiculous. I couldn't understand why Harris was acting as if every relationship was basically a promise to marry, and every breakup as bad as a divorce. Why is it a bad thing to date in order to figure out what you want, what you don't want, what kind of partner you are, what kind of partner you want to be, etc? And Paul's whole "I want to get married very soon so I don't sin" is just...beyond creepy.
I always thought it must be hard for men too. They're masculinity is judged by if they can dominate and impregnate a woman. So if they can't they flip out and if they *can* but simply aren't interested in family life and raising kids, then they just put it all on her, and that's also no good. It's ALL no good
I heard the author of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" apologized for all the harm it did
I was a Sunday school teacher and my then boyfriend and I couldn't keep our hands off each other. We've now been married 9 years. 😁 I feel zero regret about that pre marriage romance!
As a youth leader a 17 year old came to me.for advice about castration to quell his urges. He recited the familiar verses. I was like, "l gotta get the fuck out of here!"
@@aubreyleonae4108 👀😖
@@aubreyleonae4108Wow thats horrifying... its crazy how much religion can mess with your head. My best friend dated a guy who had a lot of religious trauma. The first time they had sex, they had to stop after a few minutes because he started crying, and talking about how God was watching him, and judging him.
@@Ash_Carnelian that was me crying for hurting jesus. We got married had trouble getting pregnant. I believed it was punishment for having premarital sex.
@@aubreyleonae4108 That's the type of harmful thinking that the church brings to its people. You did nothing wrong, and you are not being punished. Lots of women go through that. My aunt went through that, and she told me she didn't even kiss my uncle until they were married. Life is tough sometimes, but you have to remember to be kind to yourself and the ones you love 💕
Infinitely grateful to be the non-believer I am today. I do “blame” a bit of that on my husband and was hesitant about this relationship when I was in the throes of Catholicism. I allowed that community and that religion to influence what I thought I wanted/needed in my life. And looking back, I am SO glad that I got through that moment with him. My life is so much fuller and happier now that I’m well into my deconstruction. I do believe that if I hadn’t stuck with it, I’d be in a completely different boat. So grateful for him and our relationship.
I hadn't been to a church service in years until my Grandma died, but the music and timbre of preachers' voices of these clips still grab me, and it's so hard to resist. I hate that it still affects me.
Don't be too hard on yourself! You've been kinda groomed into liking it the music.
That's how I felt when the guy was preaching during my uncle's funeral service a few years ago
When i was a preteen i was under the thumb of my homophobic, christian-esque father. One of the things he manipulated me into believing was this concept, that i (afab) needed to marry a man who was kind and was willing to protect me, like that one scene in goodfellas where the mc threatens a guy with a gun after said guy assulted mc's wife.
This idea made me really depressed. I was questioning my sexuality, and i was convinced that my future would just be me marrying a man i didnt love for the sake of my family/god.
This, combined with many other things, eventually led to my suicide attempt when i was 13.
I'm glad you're still here.
@@Earthpsalm thank you, that means a lot
I believe you mentioned you quit drinking a few weeks/months ago. I wanted to comment to let you know you look great! Your skin is looking much brighter. Keep up the great work, I hope sobriety is treating you well!
As a teenager I felt confused by the dating advice I got in church. The idea that we shouldn't be getting involved with a relationship until we are trying to marry was taught, yet at the same time they would teach us how to date and have a boyfriend/girlfriend while we were still teenagers. Of course, maybe the fact that I was a latent gay man (not even out to myself at the time) colored my experience. Still, it left me feeling rather confused and conflicted about what I was supposed to be thinking and doing when it came to dating.
ETA: I wonder what Paul and Morgan would say about my experience of "God speaking very clearly" that I should pursue dating other men.
the way my jaw dropped on the "i dont believe in dating two girls at the same time"-comment lmaooo
I loved Nate's sheepish grin while saying 'yah, yah'
I was like "Whoa.. whoa.. keep talking.."
My boyfriend decided that he wants to be celibate until marriage and now he wears a brown scapular. We've been dating for 2 years. He made that decision without talking to me. I don't want to wait til marriage to be sexually intimate with him again when I don't know if I want to marry him. I'm definitely not ready to get married right now.
Sounds like you two want different stuff and should see other people
That's tough, I'm ace and I dont know what I would do in your situation, even though is his body and he is able to do whatvwr decision about it, it feels kind of weird he didn't discuss with you when you are also affected.
@@nicki0kayeprobabky have a conversation before it, to know if they can compromise, if not, yeah, maybe parting ways would work better.
DEFINITELY something he should have discussed with you first. If you already have a sexual relationship, you owe it to your partner to discuss any changes to that aspect of your relationship with them before enacting those changes. Of course they shouldn't be pressured to sleep with you, but if celibacy and/or marriage isn't something you're interested in.... you're probably not compatible
I know I'd definitely be pissed. Probably pissed enough to break up with them. I'd probably break up with them anyway even if they came to me saying that's something they wanted to persue. Sex is a very important part of relationships to me
@@bluester7177 yeah definitely something that needs discussed, but if this commenter and their partner were friends beforehand, it's possible the best configuration for both is to return to being friends. idk, some ppl can't square that circle, esp straight couples for some reason (cough cough misogyny cough). Which is not to say it it isn't sad to lose a relationship that was good for chunk of time. Its totally normal to mourn what could have been, its just...idk. It depends on the person's temperment and how they process loss. Ultimately tho, no one 'owes' it to a long term partner to stay with them if they start wanting drastically different things and make hard boundaries that contradict your own needs. Staying together may be the 'safe' option, but you're also depriving yourself of a future where you're with someone who loves you the way you need to be loved--and same for the partner with the hard boundaries.
"Oh honey i really wish i could feed our kids but i had plans to hang out with the guys, you get it" (the guys are just his imaginary friends)
It's crazy because that's basically what he was saying, but using religion as an excuse. He knows his wife really values their religion, so he uses that as an excuse to escape responsibility. Manipulation at its dumbest.
"it's God's will honey you get it"
Are you sure you aren't christian? Because that "gateway hug"-joke was divine.
Nice