the Spanish language doesn't make any sense.
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- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2024
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You forgot to mention the biggest mindfuck we've got: in Spain you can say "me voy a ir yendo" which means something like "I'm getting out of this place" but literally translates to "I'm going to go going" because all of the Voy Ir and Yendo come from the verb Ir (to go)
Eh, not really different from saying "I'm going to get going."
Haha we say 'voy a empezar a irme ya' or sth like that but it makes total sense to me, I will start getting ready to go/leave, start saying goodbye, whatever needed before actually leaving the place
I just say “Ya me voy “ leaving any situation and say bye if I need to, to any relatives or friends around.
from argentina i can confirm. another one i like is how we say, for ex, no hay nada (there isn't anything) except unlike in english we only have one word (nada instead of nothing and anything), so if you think about it, it's like saying "there isn't nothing". by denying that there is nothing we are saying that there is nothing.
@@pedro.arce.m No tenemos una sola palabra: lo opuesto de nada es algo! "No hay nada" es lo contrario de "Hay algo". La gramática no es lógica, lo que vos estás diciendo tiene sentido en el campo de la lógica formal, pero no en la gramática. El español usa (normalmente) la doble negación. Pero no es obligatoria, podés decir "Aquí no hay nada interesante." o "Nada interesante hay aquí." sin el "no". Saludos.
The best part of spanish is that each and every country has its own accent, its own slang and phrases that only exist in that particular country
Well, every language has that.
This is every language
@@julianasilva6946 He was probably thinking about English as the counter example, and English indeed is very consistent across the world. There are some regional differences but I'm not sure if as large as those in Spanish.
@@Gigusx I don't know about that.
Even particular regions!!
I'm so happy I grew up learning both English and Spanish because it sounds hard having to learn all of this in a class.
At 9:36 when you say “but like estoy cagando de frío” you can fully hear the Spanish accent/Spanish pronunciation of “like”. This happens to me too when I transition from English to Spanish and I think it’s fascinating because it’s like our brains are preparing for the switch before we even get there. Idk what the reason is but I’ve only ever heard that subtlety in my own speaking so it’s cool to hear it happen to someone else too:)
I just love Spanish. Here in latinamerica we tend to incorporate slang from other Spanish-speaking countries, or at least the youth does. But the fact there isn’t a specific slang for Spanish is one of the things I love about the language. For example, Americans might say “dude” and the UK might say “mate.” Whereas Spanish has “wey” “boludo” “chaval” “tío” “maje” “mano” “bro” “mae” “pana” “weon,” etc. It’s so funny.
I just came to Brazil and met this Argentinian guy who lived here for a long time. And he kept referring to me "Che, che... che!" I was like what does that even mean haha then he started speaking Spanish like a complete italian even with hand gestures :D I was like "this doesn't make sense" haha
Che is a different way to say 'Hey' for us argentinians
Yes Argentinians are italians who speak Spanish. Lol
Spanish and almost all the romance languages were made for Artists. We use huge amount of words and even we create new ones in moderns times. Spanish never dies but evolve according to region and proximity to the rest of languages.
NGL, This was THE MOST entertainingly informative piece on language learning I have ever seen!😂💛✨
I've BEEN waiting for this one!! Thank you🤣🤣
more argentinian words for money:
un mango = $1
una gamba = $100
una luca = $1000
un palo = $1000000
verdes, lechugas = dollars
Gambas = piernas
@@pablomiret2911 gambas en España= Camarones 😂😂😂😂
Woooow we say lettuce and green also in the states. Also, Fetty, cake, bread, dough, guap, guac, duckets, cheese, cheddar, chicken, and cash(of course). It goes on and on.
I need more of this!! This video was so much fun
"Me cago en diez" (or its kid friendly equivalent "me cacho en diez") actually is a deformation of "me cago en dios", which makes much more sense and I believe is also used in Spain.
Yes It's an euphemism
Gracias capo! Me encantan tus videos sobre idiomas (y los otros también, claro) pero esperaba con ansias uno sobre el español. Sin dudas un desafío para todo estudiante de lengua extranjera. Hacé mas! Un abrazo de un argentino que te sigue hace años :)
I think this video should be called "Argentinean Spanish" doesn't make any sense! But cursing in Spanish is so cool! No matter the country... Cool perspective. Lovely video. And yes, Hablamos can be super confusing :) Btw is no Quando, but Cuando (just to add to the confusion!)
True most of it is Argentinian spanish. We Mexicans don't use that slang. We use different slang lol
Yeah when I saw quando I got confused, but I'm glad you brought that up
As a Native Colombia Spanish speaker I really loved hearing all of these Argentinian expressions, Spanish really varies in expression across all out beautiful countries and regions within them. Great video man, would love to see more :^)
I hope Im gonna have the same awesome relationship with my kids as Nathaniel does with his father :)
Ayy te amo. Es muy tierno y gracioso ver gente hablando de estas cosas. Tu risa es muy bonita jajajaja. Besos desde Argentina.
Great Video again 👍
I love the series 🙏
I love these vids, as I am a language enthusiast I really enjoy them
Estaba esperando este video 😂😂
Estaba esperando este video. :)
Haha I'm from Argentina but living in Austria (currently frustrated with german and it's infinite rules and dialects) and had a lot of fun with this!
Also It's feels so heartwarming to see you having fun with your dad :)
I love to hear you giggle Nathaniel 💖
New video from nathan!❤️
Another video about this, Spanish- english. Pleasee!!!! It's so fun hear them!
I absolutely love this videos!
And I'm also waiting for the day that you make the brazilian portuguese version, I feel like this one will have one hour haha
Giovanna, pude conocer Brasil en tres oportunidades, por poco tiempo y solo como turista, pero si me hablan despacio puedo entender bastante el idioma, aunque no lo estudié. Amo Brasil y su gente, me trataron siempre muy bien. No se que te pasa a vos con el español.
"cuando vas a llegar"
"Ahorita"
"Ok pero cuando"
"Ahoritita!"
I was recently thinking about that "hablamos" topic, but with andamos, of the verb andar (to walk). It's real past tense would be anduvimos for we, but you will very rarely hear that, most people use the present:
- Cuando llegamos al hotel *andamos* un poco por la playa.
- When we arrived to the hotel *we walked* around the beach for a bit.
But now that you mention it I realize that it could also be used on a close future:
- Mañana *andamos* un rato por los cerros después de comer.
- Tomorrow *we'll walk* around the hills for a while after lunch.
Although it's more clear with the verb hablar
- Ya lo *hablamos* mañana
- We'll talk about it tomorrow
Que buen video, me reí mucho cuando traducían las expresiones al inglés!
Todo un mundo el castellano, y las expresiones de cada país! Concuerdo que es muy subjetivo porque muchas palabras no son en el sentido literal.
El inglés es mucho más concreto lo que quieres decir es lo que dices, en cambio en castellano no es necesariamente así.
Aquí decimos que hablamos chileno porque la cantidad de modismos, y dichos es demasiada!
Lo interesante es que cada palabra tiene una historia curiosa y una “etimología popular” diferente!
En Chile decimos: “seco” lo que para los argentinos sería: “capo” y en inglés: master?
Saludos!!
Que loco que suena todo, acá en Argentina, seco es como estar en la ruina, no tener nada material o dinero, pero también se puede utilizar en gente que es muy antipática o que contesta con pocas palabras. Nos entendemos todos los hispanohablantes pero algunas palabras las tenemos que preguntar para no quedar descolocados
I think it makes total sense, your dad explained it beautifully ! Also, nice lesson on Argentinian slang, saludos desde Chile 🙌
As a Mexican American it is amazing how much I still learn about the language and it’s kinda more informal and there is so much slang in all Spanish speaking vid. Great Video!
Wait until you hear about the Future Subjunctive in Portuguese! 😅
Tambem existe em espanhol mas é arcaico ou muito formal por exemplo:
"Cuando tú quisieres, vamos al cine"
(Quando você quiser, vamos ao cine)
@@eliasfer4009 But in Spanish, normally the present subjunctive is used to refer to the future, por exemplo: "Cuando quieras, vamos al cine'"
Nathaniel, amo tus vídeos acerca de idiomas. Que risa pero qué gusto ver todo este cool análisis de cómo percibes el español- con un toquesito Argentino lo cual lo hace hasta mejor 🤣
Can't wait to hear the list of italian strange cases, especially on the curse words side of it :D
*WOAH!!!* After putting the other video on the main channel I thought this video would never come 😂
Hello from Spain. Most of the examples are strange for us too. What I would to add is that in Spanish we can omit so many words that it’s what makes it rich and difficult. Also: every time that I would use subjunctive in English it could be replace with “should”, “could” or “would”…
Good luck :))
as a native english espeaker, i've always appreciated using the subjunctive to explain possibilities or probabilities or regret...basically to express appreciation of uncertainty. i think it's less commonly used these days by most americans and brits.
Wow man that's so cool! I'm only a beginner in Spanish, but this seems like a pretty cool note!
Could I then e.g. say instead of "creo que debería comprar ..." this: "creo que compre ..."?
dudeeee las faltas de ortografía me están matando hahhahahaah i still love you tho. great video
Cómo se nota que te gusta el acento argentino, jajaja. Un abrazo Nathan. Sos un grande :)
As an argentinian I haven't realized how complex spanish is until this video. I mean I was aware of the multiple verb conjugations when compared to english, that obvious, but i was not aware that, in some cases, it is all so mess up :P
Dale, hablamos!
Spanish was my first language, and this video made me question my Spanish 🤣🤣 love it! Never realized how complicated Spanish is to non-Spanish speaking people.
Great video Nathaniel!
I'm a Spanish teacher living in Sweden and I also teach swedish for immigrants so I find languages very interesting! The swedes (and many others) get so frustrated when they reach the part that they need to learn the subjunctive, so I know what you mean. I usually tell them not to dig in a lot because it's quite complicated, but it still doesn't help.
It's great that you had the opportunity to learn Spanish from your parents/family because that's much more less complicated than learning it as a foreign language (not impossible though).
Keep making great videos!
Hälsningar från Sverige! Greetings from Sweden! Saludos desde Suecia!
I love this and I think it would be interesting if you did this with different Spanish speaking countries
This is so interesting because me being a spanish speaking person myself (colombian), I didn't know some of the expressions mentioned here or don't use some of them so it feels like a new language/world for me to learn from hahaha super entertaining
7:41 is not past, it would be present 'Si quisiera irme, me iría' If I wanted to leave, I would
Past would be 'Si hubiera querido irme'
I think this is proof conjugations are HARD for non-native speakers
Love the video. It was super fun to watch. I totally get your frustration 😅 Even after years learning English I still get confused with some expressions! As a (Brazilian) Portuguese speaker, Spanish is somehow easy to understand but I haven’t gotten to the point where I can hold a conversation for too long in Spanish yet :) If you ever decide to do a video like that about Portuguese, it would be really cool and I would love to participate… just putting out there in the universe 😅😊
I really liked this vídeo!
As a Brazilian Spanish teacher I spent this whole video smiling...Its all true, but that is why I love it so much
today i talked to a friend about this, making plans in the future for us (argentineans at least) is a vibe killer hahaha our plans r made more on the spot cause, as u said, we dont know what'll happen (if your in the mood or u might have other things to do) and i think it goes also with the way we live. its idiosyncratic (reflecting our financial political instability 4 example) just as maybe other countries r more rigid w/their plans cause its the way they r used to live its predictable, its stable, fixed etc. Each language tells a stories
JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Me reí mucho con este vídeo! It was so funny to see your Dad explaining Argentinan sayings!!! DIVERTIDÍSIMO!!!
Well regarding the sentence "si quisiera irme etc." It's actually not in the past that's why you have to use the subjunctive. You're expressing a possibility and not an action that's finished. In order for it to be in the past we should let the subjunctive slide towards a past tense too "si hubiera quierido irme". Anyway great video!
The subjuntive is mainly used for speaking of theorical scenarios
A kind of analogue of the English phrases that starts with the "If" Particle
Loved this one Nathaniel, you inspired me to learn Spanish last year during the pandemic winter months in the US. My gf is from Argentina and said to me yesterday, “tampoco de boludez”. I still don’t understand it, apparently you say it when someone is exaggerating 🤷♂️. Can anyone shed some light on this one?
Aunque el vídeo está basado prácticamente en el español rioplatense (Argentina/Uruguay), I couldn't help but smile throughout this whole video (your dad is so cool). In Colombia we say ahorita (later) as well, e.g. hablamos ahorita (talk to you later), I'm from the Caribbean coast and we use -ico instead or -ito e.g. un gatico/a = a kitty. Thanks for sharing your experience learning Latin American Spanish.
Si quisiera translated incorrectly but in a more understandable way for english speakers would be: Si quisiera irme/If I were to want to leave (...)? - instead of the correct: If I wanted to leave (...)?
As an Spaniard from Spain, there's a lot of expressions used here that doesn't belong to Spain, but to South American countries. Even though we understand each other, I think it's important to remark that difference, because here we wouldn't also understand those. Also, I would like to point out that inside Spain there is a vast different local expressions more than anywhere else. But overall, I really enjoyed the video and agree that wherever you go languages are nonsense 😂
Yona H Creo que se refería a que título dice 'Spanish' como idioma en general pero los ejemplos son de la variedad de Argentina i.e. muchos hablantes de español que no somos de Argentina no entenderíamos algunas de estas frases.
@@vsml333 tal cual, podemos entendernos pero algunas palabras las preguntaríamos.
Well, he never said he would speak only about Spanish from spain but spanish in general! 😉
Make a video explaining what triggers the subjunctive in Italian vs French vs Spanish please
Pero lo hablas muy bien! Saludos desde México 🇲🇽🤟🏼
Dios!! Cuánto esperé este vídeo 😂
you have a great accent! greetings from Santa Fe
I love that you talked about "ahorita", is such a weird but fun concept
Haha love this one, being Argentinian I resonate with everything here haha 🚀
I speak English and Irish, and I learned German in school. I'm now learning Spanish in college and something that has struck me is the emphasis on time. There are so many ways to say you are about to start doing something, there are way more tenses, and even the verbs ser/estar show this kind of focus that we don't have in English. Or think about the different ways you can say time itself - tiempo or vece or vez (if vez and vece are the same I'm sorry, I'm new). It's something that doesn't exist in Irish, English, or German. The words for wait and hope are also the same. It shows up in other places in the language too and I think that might be why the subjunctive in llegar suggests that you don't know when they're coming. You're asking because you don't know, and so I think it might just be another case of the grammar matching the time in a peculiar way.
I think that subjunctive sentence of leaving in the past… the ‘correct’ one is still in the present tense.
Youd probably say something like “si hubiera querido irme, me hubiera ido”
Wish i knew the explanation but that right there was a ring in my ear lolol
At first I had difficulty understanding how "Me gusta" works and "Se me cayó el vaso", the passive way of speaking is another interesting charictaristic
jajaja lloré de risa con tu video! In Argentina we use a lot : Ahora después lo hago.-Like: Now then I do it...So, when right? jajaja I love languages. I love this video man! Thanks!
Fun video! 14 mangos would be like 14 "bucks". And a thing I'd like to point out about tenses, it's even more confusing from Spanish speakers to translate to English or from English because you use the same words for different tenses.
A phrase we have in Spanish and I love is "Me voy a ir yendo" that even when the correct translation would be "I'm going to go", in Spanish it contains the verb "go" (ir) conjugated in 3 different tenses.
Un besito grande desde Buenos Aires! jajaja 😘
You're probably right about the concept of time having an impact on the language ! In Indonesia (where time is extremely volatile haha), the words for "yesterday" and "tomorrow" are mostly used to indicate "some time in the past" or "some time in the future" !
Copado el vídeo papá, que andés bien !
Some people use "mango" in Brazil as well haha
Great video as always man!
Cheers
Hi! i'm from Argentina and i love when people from different countries visit and notice this things in our language that don't make any sense... Especially about poop and shit and farts, these words are the most used by far!
Saludos Nathaniel! Si volves a Buenos Aires, me encantaria conocerte!
Hi, Nathaniel, you are right as far as the use of 'boludo' and 'pelotudo'. However, the words come from soldiers in the Colony armies, who were at the very front and used 'boleadoras' ( three stones tied together with leather which would tangle around the enemies legs when whirled at them). All the best and I love your videos. Kathy, from Argentina
The "same word for past, present and future" thing can also be seen happening in Portuguese. Although, for the past, we put an accent ( ´ ) on the stressed syllable (so you can actually know if it is about the past or not... at least when reading): conversamos (we talk [present]); conversámos (we talked [past]); conversamos amanhã (we'll talk tomorrow [future])
Isn't this only in Portugal? I was taught the Brazilians don't put it in this case. Furthermore I was thaught that it was less and less common to write this accent even in Portugal.
And even though, the accent only helps with the verbs of the 1st group. You would still say (and write) : nos comemos uma maça, nos comemos uma maça ontem. Right?
@@chasav35 To be honest, I have no idea if they also write this way in Brazil. And in Portugal, if it really is less and less common, I would say it is because some people either have no idea it is the right way or simply are lazy about it or fearing they will make a bigger mistake instead. I’m not sure if you are Portuguese or if you are comfortable with the language but you’d be surprise on the amount of spelling and grammar errors that most Portugueses do. Nevertheless, when it happens, the meaning of the phrases is simply… still understandable and usually doesn’t do much harm (unless it triggers people… like me 😂). I surely make mistakes myself anyways 😂 Portuguese is a very tricky language. But my point is, I try to correct myself on the next times and unfortunately not everyone is willing to do the same. It can really be the difference between getting a job or not 🤷♂️
Regarding what you said in the end about the accent only applying for the 1st group verbs, yes I believe you are actually right! 👍 I forgot to mention that.
@@chasav35 By the way, in case this helps you in any way, it is actually written “nós” and “maçã”
Alternative title. *Nathaniel addresses his trauma trying to learn the subjunctive* 😂
No, boludo and pelotudo are not realated with human balls. Is related with war... The words "boludo" and "pelotudo" have their origin in the gaucho war, when the rank and file soldiers were sent to fight against the malon, the boludo was sent first, who handled boleadoras formed by three or four balls the size of a tennis ball, and in second place was the pelotudo, with a bowler... If you serch you can find why
In Uruguay (next to argentina and brasil) money has different slangs. We say "gambas" which means "Legs" refering to a hundred pesos and "Palos" which means "Sticks" to one thousand pesos.
Searching in google i found a lot more, take a look.
morlacos, guita, plata, cash, pasta, mango, sope, viva, cobre, viyuya, teca, mosca, papota, metálico, lana, queso.
We also use guita, with the same meaning as money.
The others i don't know
Saludos desde Argentina 🇦🇷
man you ask me but i've been wondering foe half a decade when to use hubiera o habría. i literally have no idea
I have a question. does spanish in argentina say ch for ll? cause that's almost portuguese haha (and very different from other spanishes)
I know exactly how you feel, even though my first language is Portuguese, and there are a lot of conjugation too, I find Spanish really confusing and too much words to memorize. When I started learning I was hoping to be similar to Portuguese, but naive me! 😩
I already think Nathaniel's dad is amazing because he has a Muse poster in the background lol
Mangos (plural) is also commonly used in Brazil when referring to money (at least where I live), along with other "slang" words for money such as "pau", "perna" haha and more.
Could you do a video on Portuguese with Portuguesewithleo, please?
You just wrote Quando instead of Cuando. It gave me Renaissance vibes lol
About the complexity of the subjunctive mood, wait until he tries to learn Latin
In northern Mexico sometimes we refer to USD as “bolas”. Cool to know about mangos now lol
me right after seeing the title: me voy a ir yendo, vamos a jugar play
That was a great video, thanks for sharing but I feel like just one video about how Spanish makes no sense is not enough hahah hope you could make many more about Spanish in Colombia, Venezuela, Spain, and many more countries. I offer my help. I’m a Colombian living in Spain with a lot of friends from everywhere hahaha Be safe
Watching this as someone raised with mixed chilean/Argentinean spanish is incredibly amusing. i never noticed how silly these phrases are. i also add -ito to quite literally everything its great everyone should try it
You should come to Bogota, Colombia, it´s been proved that we got the best Spanish in the world. And if you ever come here will be a pleasure to meet you... seeing your videos since the very first one you did. Saludos y continua haciendo esos asombrosos videos!!
I feel like what you said is something very on point, spacially on latin american life "You just never know, anything could happen" Lifestyle is like that here, you will never know what will happen next. Economy here is very unstable, and the every-day life got affected by that just as well the language! I think even if it changes in the future that mindset would be really hard to change at least for the beggining. I reallt loved the video as always! had a lot of fun!
Also for money there is a lot of other words! (In argentina) Like Mosca, biyuya, all refer to money. But mangos are the most common i think. Sometimes you can say "gamba" (100 pesos) "palos" (one million) or "lucas" (1000 pesos), if its "palos verdes" its one million dolars😂
Venite para argentina Nathan!
Y aquí te estás quedando solo con el español de Latinoamérica, que en España muchas de estas expresiones son diferentes, una de las grandezas de este idioma que nos une. Y no me olvido que en Latinoamérica es distinto de un país a otro y esa es la mejor parte, me encanta!
7:04
In Venezuela, ahorita means right now, later, and a short time ago.
It means later but it also means right now and it is also used to talk about something that just happened (it would be the equivalent of "just"). It depends on the context.
So I literally could say: Ahorita voy a la casa de mi mamá y ahorita vino mi papá a traer vino. Quiero que mi hermano venga ahorita.
That translates to: I'll go to my mom's house later and my dad just brought some wine. I want my brother to arrive now.
something I get really confused with in Spanish is the difference between “hubiera” and “habría”. Is there a difference or are they interchangeable??
"Habría" it's expressed in English like "should have"
And "hubiera" it's something like "would have"
"Habría" its often expressed for actions that you might have done different if you could.
And " hubiera" has the exact same use of "would have" in the english lenguage
llegas (argentino) -vs llegues es el subjuntivo correcto. no se debería confundir el español local con el español (base) instituto Cervantes tiene una website muy util.
Hi Nathaniel! loved this one too. Hopefully you'll learn more languages in the future just so you can complain about more languages. PS: this is Ginevra's friend :) hi there
I'm sorry but you're wrong about the subjunctive in French. As a French native speaker and an Argentinian castellano speaker as well, we use the subjunctive tense for the same reasons both in French and in Spanish. The difference is that the most common verbs in French have the same conjugation at the present and the subjunctive.
In your example : "Espero que sea un éxito", the correct French translation would be "J'espère que ce soit un succès." "Soit" is in the subjective mod. In your example, "J'espère qu'ils viennent." (Espero que vengan.) "Viennent" is conjugated at the subjonctive. The verb "venir" as the same conjugation at both the present and the subjunctive tense. If we use a verb that doesn't have the same conjugation at the present and the subjunctive like "Faire" (J'espère qu'ils fassent...), we see that the proper tense to use is the subjunctive.
French and Spanish have all the same conjugation tenses and they are typically use in the same way for the same meaning. The only difference is that some tenses have felt out of use in the French speaking language and are only used in literature, like the passé simple, le passé antérieur ou l'imparfait du subjonctif. The Spanish language kept their usage in the day to day.
Merci, j'allais dire la même chose!!!!
Espero que sea el exito - you kinda hoping for success, but still in doubt. Whereas, ... que será el exito, you are more sure. Makes total sense
Subjunctive is still used in English, but it doesn't have visual distinction from other moods, this is mainly due to syncretism. It can be seen in sentences like 'if I were', or by the loss of -s in the third singular, such in 'that he come'. It's also expressed in other ways, like in 'hallowed be thy name', and frases with 'may...'. It doesn't have many more forms in English, and even though other romance languages (as well as other language in general, even germanics, which still has subjunctive, and also is marked with an 'r', like in the English were of the first example') Castilian (or "spanish") has a huge amount of verbal endings for the mood, they are present, simple future, imperfect preterite (which has to forms, not always fully equivalent. Forms in -se are direct descendants from the Latin imperfect subjunctive paradigm, while -ra was originally Latin pluperfect preterite indicative. It was replaced by a periphrasis, and the Latin descendant was united to the subjunctive. A lot of natives are not able to use them in the correct way, thinking they're fully interchangeable, but they're not, sometimes, other times, they are) perfect preterite, compound future and pluperfect preterite (also with -ra/-se variant), each of them with its passive variant (although passive voice is quite easy in Castilian).
It's a weird mood, and as you said it works differently from one language to another. It really doesn't matter if you know for sure something or if not, if one says 'when they come', it doesn't matter if you are sure about it or totally ignore it, it's always in subjunctive 'cuando ellos lleguen'.
One of the hardest things, is to distinguish between the present and preterite from the future subjunctive, because they can be more or less expressed with one of the first two, and the sense that the future subjunctive gives is too light to distinguish sometimes, but, it's quite an interesting form, as it has a different meaning, even though is hard to distinguish.
Many foreigners, and also people (natives) from a region in Northern Spain don't distinguish between subjunctive and conditional (they say 'si alguien se apuntaría yo también', when it's 'si alguien se apuntase/apuntara yo también').
About the first person plural of the perfect, it only affects the first and third conjugations, the second one has two different forms for present and perfect. Example: 1, amábamos; 2, vemos, vimos; 3, huimos.
This is due to Latin. Perfect was """usually""" (with a bunch of exceptions) made by adding to the present root a 'v', and then the perfect endings, so we had present 'amo', perfect 'amavi'. As I said, this was more or less usual, and in romance languages a lot of irregular perfect preterite were regulated to follow this rule. There are some exceptions as in 'conduje'. Latin v was pronounced like a w, a consonant u.
In the fourth conjugation, that sound started to be skipped, so instead of 'audivi' they started to say 'audii'. Later on, this was assimilated by the rest of conjugations, so instead of 'amavi' they said 'amai' (audii is attested in classical era, amai is a late Latin reconstruction).
So, Latin present had amamus, videmus and fugimus, and perfect amavimus, vidimus (as you can see, this one doesn't follow the 'v' "rule"; most second conjugation verbs have irregular perfect forms, even though every conjugation has verbs with irregular perfect. The second declension's perfect comes from the aorist mood, a mood from Proto-Indo-European, lost in Latin, and assimilated as a perfect for some verbs) and fugivimus.
This ended up being ama(vi)mus, vidimus and fugi(vi)mus.
This is syncretism, the same that happened with English subjunctive endings.
As an end note, fugimus in classical Latin is from the first conjugation, but in Castilian was changed to the third one, so I've used the conjugation of that group.
Finally "me cago en Diez", as far as I know, comes from Jean François D’Huez, a French general of Napoleon's times, he was so hated in Spain that we started to poop on his name. D'Huez is close to Diez, except for the z, that was assimilated into the Castilian sound of z (the same of English th in thunder) and it just merger with the word diez. As he was a person, in must be written with capital letters.
The subjunctive absolutely exists in English but is almost always (in modern times) the same as the non-subjunctive form. The only example i know of where it is different is when you say "i wish i were rich" en vez de "i wish i was rich". Even that form is losing its usage, though.