As a professional care giver - I´ve told my toxic family very early - that I would not ever play the caregiver of our malig. narc mother. She went into a hospital on her own - she knew exactly what she did! It was covid time and not allowed to visit her - she had no covid - she just wanted the nurses and doctors to care about her - 92 yo narc. producer mom, right. She finally died a couple of weeks later - after removing her heart paecemaker! Never play the care giver to a narcopath relative - they will destroy your health completely.
Just went through this. Sold my car and left my fiancee in Los Angeles so that I could care for my Narcissist mother in New York after they threatened to put her in a nursing home. I cared for her for 7 months, including saving her life several times. I turned down several jobs, put my career on hold, and said no to thousands of dollars in opportunities in order to be available for her on a regular basis. When it was all said and done, I was made homeless (twice), investigated for elder abuse, recommended by her therapist (whom never met me) to get therapy because there was something wrong with me for wanting to help her, ridiculed by my family for not having a job, and then when I finally left - my mother would leave terroristic voicemails telling me I was crazy for thinking that my fiancee actually loved me. That was 7 months ago, I'm still healing. Your videos are helping. Your ability to "read my mail" is amazing :D Thank you for the resources!
Holy smokes. Meh, you went through a lot. I am so sorry. Please know that you're amazing. I hope that you heal and get your life back to you. I am starting to go through a similar thing with my narcissistic dad. Who scapegoat me my while life. Called me a nigger bitch tons of times. I am married a wonderful man. Moved out of his filthy house. 2 weeks ago he called me crying that he couldn't move. He didn't want to call 911 in fear they would kick down his door. (But he was able to get up and grab the phone. So he could have gotten up.) Now he's in the hospital. I put my whole life on pause. Basically neglecting everything due to taking care if all his sheeeeet and his needs while he's in the hospital . Now he will need someone to be live with him while he goes back home. Wow, he expects me to do it all. I am now getting sick. I am breaking out with zits. It's all bull. His golden child is no longer in this country. And this whole thing is emotional triggering.
Oh my goodness. This is terrible. You are like a saint. God bless you. So happy you made it out of that. I pray you spend the rest of your life with only people who deserve the angel that you are.
My mom constantly talks about me retiring and becoming her paid caregiver. Just because we live together. She’s 90. Never happened I’m pushing retirement off as long as I can. Then I’ll see where this rabbit hole leads.
Also, whatever it is they have (illness) NO ONE else in the world has it as bad as their version. No matter what their doctor does, it was special made for THEM.
Yes indeed, I do agree with you completely - and thats why you should not play the care giver of narcopath people or relatives - if possible somehow. Its dangerous for your very own mental health to deal with those narcopath. sick people.
Thanks for the video. Everything you said is so on point. Take it from someone who spent the last 6 years as the sole care giver of my now ex girlfriend psychopath who developed Lupus a year into our relationship. This was a nuclear catastrophe and living hell the likes of which would scare Satan himself straight. If you think a narcissist gets bad when they become ill, imagine what happens when a psychopath becomes ill and psychotic. I'm lucky to be alive, and it took some time before I stopped feeling like a holocaust survivor. There isn't a horror movie in existence that comes close to what I experienced. It's been very hard to wrap my mind around. I still have lots of nightmares, but the most difficult thing is that it's an experience people just can't relate to or understand. The closest thing would be videos like yours, so thank you again for sharing! PS - To those out there considering taking on the responsibility of caring for a narcissist or any other cluster b, you reeeeally need to take Dr. Ramani's advice dead seriously. Your life may depend on it!
Yodis homali, translated in Greek, is scum of the earth.Recently he had a heart attack, and who was there in the ambulance and all night in hospital me It's not an issue as that's what normal empathetic partners do.But the heart attack was caused by all the stress of me, and to be point specific, let's now control the narrative for one's own control, don't stress me just do as your told or you could induce a heart attack.It was the migraines previously.Im now being berated to give money back for a cab he sent me home in as was tired and stressed being with him in the hospital all night and next day.Dispectable human beings.
This is def not an easy journey, taking care of my 85 year old father in my home and he has always been a narcissist. Now it’s just worse. I do all the care, cooking, cleaning, dr appts, laundry, shopping, etc, etc and I work full time, I don’t even need a thank you, he has never thanked anyone for anything his entire life and instead always turns things around on everyone who has helped him by saying how HE was the one who helped them and that HE is deserving of what he wants because HE is the important one! but I’m at my wits end with his manipulative, insulting and self centered behavior. There are no other family members, I’m it. I am ready to search for nursing homes because I can’t take it anymore. He can go yell and insult at the nursing home soon because I am done!
"It can feel devastating when that thank you doesn't come. IT'S NOT GOING TO." This would be so much funnier if it wasn't so much trueier. n_ n Thank you Dr. Ramani.
For me I tend to get angry - I dont feel need to be hthanked (or do I, Im not 100% sure). BUt what gets my triggers, when I sometimes really tired, how she (my mother :D ) just demands things, not caring at all can I do it, do I have some obligation, not thinking about that at all, not caring. That gets me angry such utterly selfish behaviour. And now its more difficult for me to diss her because shes in a phase she really needs some help. But I dont want to do it with hers verbal abuse in the meanwhile, while Im helping her
They make it all about them. When I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes my mother called me to rant for 1.5 hours about her non-existent health conditions. Then she sent me messages to “get well soon” even though she knew my condition has no cure. Now she is terminally ill and I refuse to get sucked into the family drama and take care of her. She has a couple of other children who weren’t her scapegoats. They’ve got working arms and money to hire a caregiver. Not about to re-traumatize myself.
I’m learning to accept the old saying “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”. My Ill narcissistic dad needs around the clock care but he is still living in his fantasy world and avoids making any real plans or decisions for his long term care plan. I feel like a pin ball in his world and all his ideas. He is grasping on so tightly to his framework he’s developed about how he views himself that he is stuck. His illness came on steadily over the last few years and he hasn’t caught up mentally to the new reality. He calls “family meetings” to discuss his plans but we all have learned nothing will come of it even if we all are willing to help him make it happen. He is the ultimate one that pulls all the strings - just the way he likes it. It’s a very painful cycle to be a part of.
I am in the same situation as there is no plan of what needs to be in place going forward. If there is going to be a plan, it means giving up control to others...
One of my favorite adages is "you can lead a horse to water....but it takes a LOT of strength and determination to drown it" LOL -- my mentor, a horse vet :D lol veterinary humor
Just got through with helping take care of my covert narc dad through his short hospice period of only 4 months but in that time, he rarely said thank you and treated my sister and I as the hired help. He would never ask for help, even though we asked him to ring a bell if he needed anything. Instead, he would yell profanities when he couldn't do something so that one of us would go running to assist him. He never said he loved us before he died and his last words to me were "I have to pee." He was indifferent to me and hostile and said mean things to my poor sister, who was his primary caretaker. He died 3 weeks ago and I'm still reeling and trying to find a therapist who can help me sort out my feelings for him.
Caring for a Narc parent who suddenly becomes nice threw illness or need or both can add more head messing - coupled with surrounded by fake narc family members who run off over the hills leaving the scapegoat to see to everything for the matriarch narc. A talk on this subject Dr Ramani could be very enlighting...yes a big fan too lovely lady with great natural vibe about her and understands what people truly suffer at the hands of narcissits - keep up the good work please...
Yes, my narc family members contacted me asap once they found out my Narcissistic Mother is terminally ill, expecting me to take the reigns, as in make everyone else feel better and take care of Mother. I just said I’ve done enough and have nothing left to give.
I am glad you covered this topic. My father who is very likely a covert narcissist is getting older. I do not particularly feel like I want to help him in any way. He is playing the victim role well and it makes it hard to not be involved because of the guilt that I feel.
Hi Dr.Ramani! I actually experienced all of these things with my ex who during our relationship became homeless. They hated that they had to rely on me and ask for money often, although they definitely took advantage of my kindness anyways. I read your book when my ex and I were on another break and it helped give me the confidence to listen to my inner voice and end it for good. Thank you for all that you do!
Good for you but this is about PARENTS. You chose your ex. We didn't choose our parents. Go to the narcissistic exes videos but stop hijacking every single comment section with your "my narc" stories.
Now i understand why my narcissistic partners made me suffer like when they were ill God bless you doctor ramani for putting out these videos and teaching us about narcissism more and more 🙏🏻🤍✨more power to you
Social worker here , thanks for the upload. I work with terminal pts and have run into this many times with patients and their partners or family dynamics.
my mom is dying right now and i feel same way. I feel so guilty for secretly wanting to be set free because she really does love me. i am so confused and depressed. i dont know how i can ever heal from this.
I am going through this with my dad who was an abusive narcissistic. It's such bs. He cake me instead of calling 911. He had neck surgery. And now he needs someone at his house to watch him. F that, that's not me. But all his friends and family expect me to be his care giver. I was the scapegoat for 33 years. I've been out of his house for 5 years and now he wants me to take care of him.
Dr. Ramani I am a big fan! I have watched every video you have done on the MedCirlce channel! You are a truly passionate person and are a roll model for me. I am currently in college getting my B.S. psych degree and doing some research assistance on the side. I want to be a clinical psychologist in the future as well!!! I really enjoy the study of narcissism, sociopathy, and psychopathy which I see you have quite a passion for as well. Thank you for the videos you put out and I look forward to many more!
I absolutely love her too! I'm so glad I found her. And meeting her one day would be like a dream come true. She has helped me so much. Not only is she a professional and expert in narcissism, but the WAY she speaks, so matter of factly, with humor and not with a bunch of jargon so that everyone can understand. She's just So relatable! I love her!
Dear dr ! I am caring for my narc x-husband. I am doing it for my own satisfaction, since I anm an empath, and am used to go with the flow, not expecting thanks from any ofnhis family who turned their backs on him. It makes me feel good, and this is a drop in the buvket of thanking my Creator and Saviour for all the blessings I received. I have lupus, and after 14 fsys of prayer, it went into remission. That's one of the many blesdings. He has nobody but me. Thank you for your amazing lectures, to which I am subscribed.
Wow! I said that in my video, and I don’t remember what year, but I think it was 2016, or something like that. I said that about the vulnerability and that one was about “my narcissistic mother is dying.” And then there was one I made that I think had something in the title about “the aging narcissist.” I can’t remember I’m really sorry. This is really validating to see a great psychologist say the thing about vulnerability, and how they get worse, because they lose narcissistic supply, because they are. I love these videos. I contacted my mother when I found out she had Alzheimer’s, and I did not do it to get a reward ,or to try to get in the will, because I always knew I was going to be disinherited. I did not call her out of guilt certainly. I did it only for one reason, and that was solely because I have empathy for anybody that finds out something that frightening, that they have a diagnosis like that. I have empathy, and if you actually have empathy, there’s a difference between empathy and enmeshment. Oh, and yes, she was nasty as always.
For many years i never understood the notion of narcissism and parents. For decades i tried to reconcile with the narc. Parent and had later realised that this what they feed off. One day i made a decision that I was done with this nonsense, so I completely paid that parent no attention. Then out of no where, they wanted to resolve things but would not speak with me about it directly and would only speak through people - i found that quite odd. My concern was, if i allowed it to happen, the narc parent will have an active scapegoat again, a villian to blame for all their problems and play the munch hausen syndrome game again. I think they needed me around again because it is difficult to tell everyone how i am causing them so many problems when i havent been around for a while. No would believe them. The fact I never got a call or text message to speak about it, says all i need to know or when my birthday passed, not even a text. So it really wasnt about resolution, but simply a reel in. I am here to have a chat and am open to resolution, but i doubt they will change.
Tita, the only honest solution for your own sanity and to prevent any further abuse is to go no contact. You owe them nothing. You did not choose to be born, they have chosen consciously or unconsciously to abuse and manipulate others! You owe them nothing! Please do not destroy yourself attempting to please the unpleasable. You get one life, please don't give it away. I totally respect the doctors point of view but it isn't correct for everyone and can lead to further abuse! Sending you love, truth and kindness 💕
I feel it's important to note that narcissistic individual exploit the genuine emotional empathy of others, if you are an adult child of an end game narcissistic individual I'm not sure it is wise to give into feelings of moral obligation to nurse them through the rocky horror show of there actual or potential demise, nor is it healthy to wish to observe there demise with a twisted glee, it is best to have made peace and separated from them, to have healed and worked on your authentic self away from them, unfortunately many feel intertwined with the aging narcissistic individual or feel to not be at there demand and be dutiful makes them feel bad and creates guilt, especially if many less primary supply family members are in judgement that may only be aware of the narcissistic individuals charasmatic facade. It really could be a damned if you do damned if you don't depending on greater family dynamics and enmeshment. The true key to spotting a narcissistic individual is not lack of empathy, it is lack of reflection, because to reflect will pull the thread that leads towards the covered over damage and empty void. They will continually use inane logic to justify there actions and as they get older and lose touch this is amplified and exacerbated. As their supply chains diminish, as age takes away there coveted contemporary’s and as isolation from the world of work increases, they will go into a erratic irrational melt down, as their world dissolves, they dissolve, charisma replaced by depression, last attempts at omnipotence, I say run for the hills......... I don't feel doctor ramani is sharing the utter toxicity of these individuals....... They feed and objectify, they have no insight or empathy, let these Dorian's Grey's fight age in our agest society, and let yourself be free from the influence of toxicity.
Very well said. It is NOT wise to give into feelings of moral obligation. RUN!!! Don't listen to anybody else or the narc...RUN. No you aren't heartless or mean. Save yourself and do not look back. They will devour you, burp and hunt for their next feeding frenzy.
Wow, U MAY HAVE NAILED IT, I K OW MY NARCISSIST MOM WAS GOING DOWNHILL, BUT HER BEHAVIOUR/ DENIAL, LIES GOT WORSE, I WANT TO HELP, BUT I CANT EVEN PUT DISHES AWAY RIGHT, BLOW MY NOSE RIGHT, ANS NOW, SHE WAS IN HOSPITAL FOR 3 WEEKS, DIED, SHE NEVER REACHED OUT, ABSOLUTELY NO CLOSURE, WTH😢
I agree with this entire paragraph. Except it’s from years ago and now Dr.Ramani has spoken about how truly insidious these individuals are. I gave up a whole year of my life for a narcissistic mother figure when she needed me for medical reasons… and now she has kicked me out of our house because I slammed a door on the golden-child (who btw was only staying with us because his wife called the cops on him for raging at her and theirs kids). 🙃
My mothers registered carer since 2019, and just discovered this talk. I’ve followed you doctor , on RUclips for some years. I won’t say nothing bad, but what this talk says, is exactly how it is
Ive been doing this for almost 2 years since my 86yo mother had a debilitating stroke. I found her an assisted living facility and Im her medical POA. Narcissistic family members expect me to do all the work and no thanks are given. Iam doing this out of respect for my mom...no other reason. I truly believe that my siblings are projecting their playing out my parents narcissistic behavior onto me. I say this bcuz since this happened I have been smeared, minimized, harrassed, name called, etc No they do not appreciate my sacrifice...only resentment.
Wow. I ran across this comment and it describes my current life. My mom is 79 and narcissistic as well as my siblings. No appreciation from them, just judgment. And, a few expect me to jump through hoops for them. It’s crazy v
I douged that bullet when I cut contact. And on the other hand...they were chronically sick since they were a child, so I had that caretaker role as a kid myself already. Someone who fights over whether or not I have the right to get therapy...is out of my life. And I never regretted it. I felt better immediately. Cos when a bad day came around, I didn't had to put up with them additionally.
This is when I left the situation. I did not want to. But I was frustrated and exhausted. She had kidney stones. And I was doing 40-50 hour work weeks coming home cleaning cooking and taking care of 3 kids for months. I explained I am tired and crabby and I am trying to catch on bills and do everything that needs to get done. Be responsible for the family. Nothing was enough. Hypervigilent about any tone. Projecting emotions on me. She kept making all these plans I would have to do for her or the kids. I would not be able to wind down for a time period sufficiently enough for my body. Out 16 hours out of the day. Cooking cleaning doing stuff she couldn't and then mad at me for wanting to sleep instead of spend hours in bed with her watching movies when I have to be up in 6 hours or less. I told her I am trying and don't know if I can handle this much longer. And the abuse magnified. So instead of trying to defend myself, I left. She had her ex taking care of everything in less than 5 mins after that. Which hurt me, and I know it was intentional now. And I was ghosted in less than 5 hours. What a horrible way to end a relationship. Zero closure.
@@babababa143 I am over it now. 🤣 I see more of what was really going on now. "She was supposedly reflecting 'my energy' at me" but really it was something totally different." And a bit of resentment that carried over from previous trauma... that actually helped me set some boundaries, and see the bs going on all around me.
I don't believe Dr Ramani is saying you should take care of your narcissistic parent. She is saying that if you happen to be in that situation, here's what to expect and what you should do to get through it.
Thank you for the video, I still was thinking about staying at the side of my unfaithfull narcissistic husband who has always treated me so irrespectful and abused me, this is my time to say good bye, I dont want to wait until he gets older and sick and I have to take care of him.
I first found you on medcircle Dr Ramani and found you wernt shying away from the brutality that comes with narcissists. I thankfully escaped my experience (although due to personal financial gain to the narc he still lingers on the outskirts of my life today) I wish i discover you a decade ago. Keep doing the incredible work highlighting these areas most can't recognise without the behaviours explained and your amazing at portraying what goes on - or doesn't - in the narcs inner world.
My older sister is a narcissist and was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago. A little over one week after letting her move in, I'm regretting it. She gets mad I don't want to cook 5 times a day and that I want to have me time (she interrupted me every 5 minutes when I tried to play a video game). I can't even do anything for myself without her whining.
Hi. Two years ago my mother got breast cancer and this year, it came back. it’s been hell!!! I was supposed to go to uni this school year and it did happen bc she got sick when I was on my exam season to apply to uni… it was my chance to run away. I hate her! So much! For everything that had to go trough bc of her…
Doubly hard when its your adult kid who has Stage 4 Cancer. I feel torn between intense aversion to her abusive behavior and extreme sorrow that my child will most likely not make it past this year. The little time we have left, she expresses hatred for both her parents instead of coming together in love. Despite our faults, we love our children dearly and neither of us are Narcs. Its like walking barefoot through a dark tunnel with no end in sight with glass shards on the ground. We did so much for our little girl but it seems we failed in the end.
I cannot imagine the pain that must have caused. That’s a pain that words can’t describe. I’m dealing with similar things, but in reverse. My narcissistic mother has pancreatic cancer. My enabler of a stepdad has an acoustic neuroma, a brain tumor that’s taken his hearing and left him with facial pain and vertigo. I feel the sorrow, the guilt, the rage, all of it, and If I’m being brutally honest with myself, I don’t think my mom is going to make it through next year. She’s never cared for her own health and the ONLY reason she got a diagnosis was because I pushed her to get a physical (pancreatic cancer typically doesn’t present with symptoms until late-stage). She keeps saying she’s cooperating but cancelled palliative care four times and then got pissed off when one of her oncology nurses rightly pointed out that her primary care doctor wasn’t a cancer specialist. I thought she would have more grace with all of this. A bit more tenderness. Instead, I feel like a work horse more days than not. Hell, I had to get a room in a hotel last week because my stepdad hit me and broke one of my teeth. And she just stood by and did nothing to stop it, encouraged it by asking him to “stand up for his wife” against a disabled pipsqueak who was wearing braces on her wrists for arthritis and was just trying to help her mom with meds without having to hear about how much of a perpetual disappointment her brother is. I don’t know how you did it. How you’re doing it. I don’t know if I can do it. I broke down in tears with my own doc after getting the laceration on my face checked out. I feel like a horrible human being for wanting to walk away from someone with a cancer diagnosis. I feel like trash, but I can’t just keep taking and swallowing and stuffing the abuse inside. It’s going to kill me. It’s BEEN killing me, for years, but they don’t want to see that. How did you do it? This feels impossible.
@@renthehagin healthcare even the most vulnerable are refused care if they are abusive. No one should tolerate that behaviour... be careful as they could lie about things you've supposedly done to them as a parting shot as they snigger up their shroud sleeve. They are wired differently if "loving them is killing you" what earthly good can that do? There are new sunrises, new friends to meet, new people who WILL heal because you shared your empathetic experience. Narcs would have NO qualms about throwing you under the bus and stepping over your body. Believe me I know. You've done all you can, more than most to the point of shed blood. Ask God to help you, even Jesus shook off the dust as a testimony against the hypocritical religious leaders who crucified Him! I wish you Peace, choose Life 🙏 ❤️
Could you do a video on narcissists in movies? I would like to see the behavior in cases that an expert says they are narcissists. Also to see how different these narcissists can be. Thank you for all your videos!
I'm sure no one will see this because this video is 2 years old but I wish there were more information about this subject. My wife of 20 years has chronic illness and is disabled and I'm in horrible situation with this relationship and there's just no videos on narcissists who have severe health problems
I'm in the same boat searching for specific videos on chronic pain Illness and narcissist. My wife is on disability and sometimes I feel she uses her health issues to get me to cater to her more without her worrying about how it depletes me and leaves me feeling unfulfilled in our relationship. You feeling the same way? Maybe I need to start these conversations up on videos to try to find some sort of solution of alleviation.
Thanks again for pointing this out. This case is not a relative. It’s a person who drains me. They are dying. That is unfortunate. I distanced myself from them long ago, but they insist on messaging me about their coming death which is now on a specific date. They post on social media, but I don’t interact with their posts. It’s really hard not to feel guilty about ignoring them, but I can’t explain to them how I feel. I can’t explain that they make my own aging process and health conditions worse. They are an acquaintance and they have many other people responding to their social media posts. Yet, she still contacts me about this. She wants me to do a video call before she medically puts an end to her life. I don’t think she has the understanding that I don’t want to be involved.
My FIL is a covert malignant narcissist. I already made it clear to my codependent husband that I’m treating him at arms length and not to expect me to be a caregiver to him, because after being traumatized by the blatant abuse and gross neglect he has shown towards his invalid wife (Alzheimer’s) I’m not going to feel sorry for a predator. My son is six years old so I’m shielding him, but one day I’ll show him the truth, with pictures and evidence of the horrors.
Girl same.. husband is sick with cancer. He won't ask for sht. Won't let me know stuff. Won't update ANYONE. Won't reply back to people so they blow up my phone and his parents have been putting my thru the ringer. Calling me a bad mom bad wife, stole fucking donation money over 2k. Put it in their account and will not give it to us and we have no income right now. We have a son who is on the spectrum and ADHD and so I'm balancing it all myself. His parents are a *Nightmare*
My narcissist father, as he was dying from sepsis after having a lot of teeth pulled, which the dentist warned him about, wrote a letter to the dentist accusing him of killing him. It would be hilarious if it weren’t so pathetic. My brother, who was the executor of my father’s estate, found it in his papers after he died. My father never took responsibility for anything in his life. Everything that happened was always someone else’s fault and responsibility.
My mother argued with (really really good) workers in the ER. An she was not drunk. She was telling them that she is from the big city that she doesnt have anything with rural area (village), and tht here in this town nobody , "you obody want to work" - while they work hrd there in ER all day and tend to here vvery rofessionally, doing difficult job, in that moment, haha Crazy. And she like accused them with everybody in town for being lazy :D
When my n wife had to have a operation on her ankle she had two stay in the hospital for a couple of days . One time I took some flowers for her . She did not even look at them . Just give them away . When she came out of the hospital she was in a wheelchair for two months . I took her out all the time not one thank you . Her face said it all .
I was married to a narcissist woman for 19 years. They’re not capable of loving you.This why I stayed 19 years. It was the first woman I not only fell in love with, but was in love with it’s a deeper love and it’s hard to break away and kept thinking out of my goodness she was going to change. back in the day I didn’t know nothing about videos and narcissist behavior so I stuck it out. I called the aid car three times because of heart problems passing out even one time took her to the hospital being concerned and telling the doctors about her welfare, she looked at me in the hospital and gave me a dirty look mind your own business. This is totally completely abnormal and heartless. You can’t do nothing for a narcissist I end up having to divorce her or she would’ve destroyed me. It kept getting worse. emotionally physically psychologically sexually spiritually.
I went into depression after my husband humiliated me in front of his own family & my family on a festive occasion despite I had taken care of him just 10 days back when he was serious with dengue....I was hurt that whatever i do for him, he is still thankless....& never leave a chance to malign me in front of others..
I wish I’d understood this before moving in with Mum to look after her, due to Alzheimer’s. It was toxic. Her or me!? (It had to be me. I was 30 years younger...) Had to place Mum in a care home. She screamed for me, railed, until memory and energy loss made this decline...The worst part is that I am only just remembering better times. They had been there.
I was born with disabilities, and I need to know how to deal with a sibling with narcissistic behaviors who I will need to deal with more as my physical abilities decline. She has explosive anger and doesn’t take responsibility for her emotions and behavior. My parents were also like this, and very abusive (they’ve passed). I’ve watched this and other vids but I’ve never found one for someone in my situation who can’t leave. I’ve done a lot of work to deal with the pain and try to protect myself emotionally, but it feels hopeless having dealt all my life with all 3 family members like this. This video is 4 years old, but if you see my comment, I would really appreciate if you’re able to do a video on this topic (disabled people with narcissistic “caretakers”).
Wow, yours is a tough situation. I'm not the doc, but my advice would be to have an ally/witness who believes you. Be sure that what goes on between you and the narcissist is observable/known to others. Do not allow it to go unseen! The validation of another person knowing and believing " yup, he/she just said/did that." - is priceless. Will save your sanity! If possible, do not live alone with your narcissist. Live in a group setting. Appoint someone else as your health proxy and/or POA. I HOPE THIS HELPS.
Thanks Dr currently caring for my 88 yr old mother. Im in my 50's and i think i only see now how narcissistic and entitled my mother is. The funny thing is, i understand there is never a thanku for shopping, cleaning, laundry, driving to appointments etc. the funny thing is then she gets mad that i just do my own thing...good god, how was i born from this person ?
I spent 25 years taking care of my mom and got NO THANK YOU AT ALL_ NOTHING. She excused herself from all of that on her own!! She always had a bag of excuses. That covered herself! LOL!!
Hi, I have been raised basically by my mother with an almost absent father. My mom tried to commit suicide in 2013, at that time things shifted and I started to take more care of her. I didn't know about the narcissistic thing but I was suspecting she had some borderline symptoms. Now it seems clear she has quite a lot of this (also, or both). I am 37 and I left my life aside to take care of her. She destroyed all my attempts to have a relationship with any girl and the same pattern it is repeating with the one I just recently started a relationship. I always thought "it is going to get better, I can solve this", but the sad reality is: I can't. I would kindly ask you if you could please give me some advice Dr. Ramani? Where I should start? I feel totally lost. Thank you very much.
I am a student and senior caregiver and the amount of times I noticed narcissistic traits is so high off the ground. I know when I never receive a thank you and when they do say it, it does not sound genuine and I don’t get tips. I now learned to not take on clients who want me as their cleaning lady rather than help them more physically. A caregiver is a not a cleaning lady yet so many elderly abuse senior caregivers who get low pays and no benefits in this healthcare with that. I suggest that they do tip the caregivers because caregivers don’t get benefits let alone enough. Caregiving takes an extreme amount of patience to deal with clients who can’t be respectful sometimes. It’s sad that they aren’t willing to pay an actual cleaning lady and would rather sit there and watch a young person do it.
My spouse resents the fact that I'm healthy and he has stage prostate 4 with dementia Alzheimers raising his three grandchildren we adopted ❤️...no thank yous as you so correctly stated...
I had to look up this term but can't triangulation can be another part? For example, bringing in a third party to possibly discredit the inadequate care the narcissistic person is receiving for validation purposes.
My dad is really narasstic and my father apologie to me when he became very ill. He doesn't want anyone doing him favors. He tried getting upset at my mom with his abusive.
it's also the professional caregivers at risk. like drama .. from emotional affairs with disordered careaid.. and they become under the spell and become his flying monkeys. Im competng with a 40 year old careaid that is caring for him.. age 72.
My partner and I have looked after my dad for seven years and now I go away to see another family member and I am not wanted anymore , Our lives have been on hold and he thinks another family member will just step in . Well we are stepping away and leaving it to the experts ,
Dr. Ramani, You have said many times that the Narcissist does not get better, does not recover. Even more so the Psychopath, who is born hard wired to psychopathy. Do these people have free will (to choose the moral high ground)? If not, would a psychopath serial killer be responsible for their actions? I know this is more of a philosophical question but would like to hear your thoughts on the subject. Thanks, Mike Cole
I am currently taking care of my narcissistic mother She jabs and jabs until I explode I pray and pray for her but I still get heated I am not able to move and feel guilty for thinking of leaving What can I do to get rid of this knot inside when I’m around her as nd she says awful things
You do a very interesting job. Could you put subtitles in Spanish? Your videos would reach an important sector that is "limited" since most of the information about narcissism is in English. Thank you. a greeting
Doctor Ramani, is is possible for a narcissist not to jump into another relationship for a couple years? Could they use other people in their lives to feed off of? Such a friends or family? Could you pleas make a video on this! A little back story on my question.. I was with my ex fiancé for a little over a year we got engaged a couple years ago in January I got pregnant in February and he left me in April (we were suppose to get married in September) our relationship seemed so perfect.. until he got another job and started coming home so late. Most of our fights were about cleaning the dishes, house and other adult duties. The day after Easter we went to my grandmas to use her washer and he did. Something to upset my grandma and she told him not to act like that at her house. He got raged and was shaking kicked in my grandmas gate and yelled “f*ck you” and got in his car and drive off. I stayed at my grandmas to get my laundry done and got a call from my mom asking if I was okay? I told her that I was and fine and I was wondering why should would call to ask. My mom had gotten a call from his mom telling her he moved out of my apartment. I got into my car and I drive to find his ring in the table and all of his things gone except for the clothes I bought him that weren’t “name brands”. My heart fell apart. I tried to call but I got his phone was disconnected because he had changed his number. A week later he called me and told me he wanted to work it out again and I of course let him back in only to find out from his grandma he was moving back home with his family 4 hours away.. when he moved there he barely talked to me telling me he didn’t have time for me. He blocked my number and I didn’t hear from him until someone had told him about a guy who went crazy in my apartment building. He reached out to me and told me he was coming down to see me because realized that he loved me and didn’t want to have any regrets down the road for leaving me. He came to my house had sex with me and left to go back home. For the next two weeks he didn’t the same thing barely talked me. He came into town again to visit some friends and called me to ask stay with me. When he got to my apartment he went to the store to go get some things when he came back he looked at me and said “why do you love me?” I told him because I just do. He looked me dead in the eye and said “ I don’t love you” as cold as could be. I told me he was leaving. My heart was so crushed I got in his bag and begged him to stay he drug me on top of his bag across the floor. I finally got off the bag and just said why are you doing this and he wouldn’t answer. He just open up the door and told me he would sign adoption papers and left. I did try to reach out with no success. He blocked my number again. I was so broken I wanted to die. I was under such high stress that at 25 weeks my cervix start dilating. I was still in contact with his mother so she new and he texted me when he found out asking me what was going on. I didn’t text him back but I was almond to his mom. He sent me a nasty text telling me I needed to tell him what was going on. I told him to leave me alone he continues to text me everyday asking about the baby. He acted like nothing ever happened then again no contact until the baby was born full term I’m happy to say! He then got a lawyer and sent me papers at my work instead of at my house asking to go to court for full custody. He then decided that he didn’t want that and wanted to just do a plan ourselves. Which goes fine until I have plans the day he wants to take her.. then he tells me that I’m hostile. Just because I ask him to take her another day instead.. also through the relationship he would tell me I needed to buy name brand stuff and tell me that I was just a cosmetologist and he is going to be an engineer and he way way smarter than me. When he met our daughter sailor he told me “she smells like you p*ssy still it took me 6 months to stop smelling like your p*ssy” he also pushes me into a book case during our relationship and threw a lotion bottle at my friends face for her telling him to to treat me like shit. Then he would go tell his family that I was mean because I was trying to hold him accountable for doing things around the apartment. He also told his mom that he turned a whore into a house wife. Our sexual relationship was horrifying looking back he would strangle me and do things to me even if I told him I was uncomfortable he told me he was going to make a woman out of me.. he did all of these things and he tell me I ruined the relationship. I tried to sit down to have a conversation with him about what went wrong and I apologized for all my faults I’ll admit it I wasn’t perfect I have extreme depression and anxiety and that isn’t easy to be ina relationship with. I apologized to him for everything and he didn’t say anything so I asked him if he had anything he would like to say and he told me 1. He was sorry he didn’t leave me sooner because he didn’t love me since October 2. He got a second job to get away from me 3. That everything he smiles weed I ruined his high because I wanted to talk about our relationship and future. (This was a couple months after our baby was born.) my point of the story is he hasn’t “dated” anyone after me. So can narcissist have other victims to feed off of other than someone they’re in an inmate relationship with? Please make a video.. I’m still not over what happened and i just can’t seem to get over it.. why? His life seems so perfect and he acts like nothing happened..
Your ex definatley fits the discription... I'm so sorry for your traumatic time with this man, if you want to even call him that. I'm fortunate in the sense I never had a child with mine and yet he still lingers (just with no effect now) so I can only imagine my situation if he where contacted to me in his head in that way. For your peace of mind if you hadn't already I'd go through courts to ensure WHEN he goes against his word/Your parental agreements the courts will make him hold responsibility, and he won't really learn but it could improve things for you. Will he like that, no. Will he blame you, always. I feel like your not looking at him through the sense you should be and your can't quite see who your looking at. I think he's most definatley continue each day, week, month seeking and getting the supply, and possibly at the same time as you.... I had to make a fake profile to find his 2nd profile which had blocked my real account so I couldn't see... the internet provides a quick and easy supply to there ego and this can be easily hidden than say living a double life, but if anyone in society would, it say a narc would fit that role well. Just bare in mind he's a human with a mental inability that you clearly are able to do (without trying) it appears to narcs like it's an act because there appearance is based on personal gain down the road they genuinely can't believe life is different for others. In order to be able to do this they would have to empathise and from now from he day he dies he naturally can't do this... and the pain that gives me is so ironic knowing the feeling can't be mutual. When you think this way, you learn to know what to expect from such troubled souls and you can start looking less at if he has moved on, and more on knowing what you have to change about yourself in order to manage and plan ways to protect yourself from such encounters with the human toddler and know that's what emotional level he has peaked at in life and it's not his fault but important to take conscious responsibility if you buy into arguments or continue now to take in negative feedback in as factual and not as the narc supply that it is for them. Goodluck you have survived this and you are still here, keep educated on the condition and your life will only get better I promise, Amy xxx
This is very extreme narcissism. The physical violence indicates he's sociopath. Someone like that can not be trusted with your emotions, much less raising a child. Its very good that you have separate and you must absolutely resist any future appeal to get back together with him if you have any independence. Fight for full custody for your baby, you dont want this man raising your child and influencing it later on. That sociopath can rub off from what ever he does while you aren't looking. You really can't trust anything he says. If he doesn't want a future with you, this is good. He acts like nothing happened because he is incapable of love in the first place and is using you as a toy to inflict emotional violence. I think its safe to assume he's been cheating on you with women who are narcissistic and detached and still views you as the primary source of adrenaline and delusional indulgence. Its very important for you to remove any empathy you have for him and shift your perception of him to that of the reality, that he is a man who never loved you and even set out to inflict damage. So it is most important for you now to forgive youself, and avoid blaming yourself for letting in the venomous creature into your life. Your child may be the only good to come from this, and this child is counting on you to fight to provide a healthy and happy environment for the both of you. There is no place for this man in a happy environment. Forgiving yourself is going to be an ongoing challenge, but you MUST meet it.
Lady, you and your child need to stay away from this creep. I'm talking an undisclosed location or womans shelter. You also should seek out a therapist who deals with abused woman (ask at a womans shelter). And to answer your question: yes, Dr. Ramani has said on several videos that these "people" will do whatever they have to to get their needs met. Cheating, lying etc. Etc. Get the hell out of this relationship forever. You are better than this. You deserve better.
I'm SOOOOO sorry that your self esteem and standards are so low (whether from childhood neglect or whenever this started) that you actually aren't sure about this man. Narcs are super confusing and mind blowingly cruel...then Mr. Nice Guy shows up. The sweet/mean cycle of hell... round and round and round. I'm not blaming you at all...I just feel so bad for you that your head has been spun around so backward that you aren't sure if this could be normal or even patched up. Regardless of whether this man's intentions are pure or evil (I vote evil)...the damage to you and your child is the same either way. So you HAVE TO take care of you and your baby. You can be kind in voice tone and manner toward him too...you don't have to entangle yourself in anger or abuse yourself... But you must let go. Mediation or court custody agreements DO help you alot IF you make them EXTREMELY DETAILED. Decide a public dropoff and pickup location so he doesn't have to know where you are if you move. Decide on every holiday, every dropoff and pickup time in advance for the agreement and how much notice must be given by either person to change plans or be late. Decide on % of time, or summers, or daycare/school vacations... Who gets Sailor...do you alternate every holiday and vacation and weekend or EXACTLY how will it play out. Agree in the document to only communicate by email... No phone calls. Because once you both sign that document... A narcissist is screwed with the courts if he screws up. The emails will prove if he says anything abusive or tries anything manipulative toward you. The public meetings provide wittnesses and protection for you. (Oh also make sure you don't actually speak to each other at drop off...like he drops kids off at the curb of a coffee shop and you meet them inside). The agreement needs to be that specific to protect you. If he starts to walk up to you at drop off...you say "you are disobeying our court agreement and start filming him on your phone." This will keep you safe and no contact. (Plus, since Narcs are rebellious and hate control...when they realize they can't do all the nasty stuff they want without going to court, they will often disappear again and that will be good for you and your daughter). Kids usually need both their parents but a narc as a parent is probably much worse than no parent at all. And for your poor broken heart and confused mind you may want to try tapping/EFT along with BILL YATES on his RUclips channel. After 30-60 hours of his 5 minute free videos, I bet you'll start seeing a significant shift. Tapping has been used successfully to heal people from even severe PTSD and girl...it sounds like you have that, so you'll need all the free healing help you can get. Most importantly....God Bless your sweet soul with the knowing of your true value and worth so you treat yourself to as much love and devotion as you have given to him. You deserve peace.
Actually, my take on this is a bit different, from what I’ve seen, although I am no psychological professional. From what I’ve seen, I am not getting a vibe that there is resentment over being dependent actually. From what I’ve gotten from a few somewhat disabled to aging narcissists, is that they almost couldn’t wait to be so. Why? Because it, then, comes time for the world to give them what they’re “owed”. They may have not been able to wait to become needy or to get grey hair, because what undoubtedly better way is there, to reel in and enmesh an empath? And, if they had a world of enablers, when they were fully capable, they have more obvious reasons for someone else to take the reigns, although that isn’t what it looks like either. Because, instead, it is still them taking the reigns. If they’re able to snatch up the right empath, who may also be a codependent, with no sense of individuation or adherence to their own goals in life, who easily sways according to public opinion, then they have a free slave, for the remainder of their life, sometimes, who they intend to leave nothing to, even if they have abundance. They may also either cripple themselves for this opportunity or hide behind wrinkles and/or disability for it. Even worse is that they may be poor decision makers, continuing to feel in charge, leaving a caregiver at the whim of their poor decisions. Although many people are pressed into the service of caregiving, I believe that you need to be cut out for it, even if it is that you are comfortable with being a codependent that has a tiger by the tail. That you have to feel comfortably entrenched in this or it can be absolute HELL, not just for the caregiver, but maybe even for the narcissist they’re caring for. Personally, I know I am not caregiving material. While I am an older, black woman, and I’ve had a couple of neighbors feel that caring for them, even though I didn’t know them, was my natural default, even as a career woman, I think I saved us both a lot of grief, because I am not the type of person to be on call, when I already have a career going. Selfish sounding to many, but that’s what it is. They’d be far better off, with someone who’s pleased to hurl their life and health under a bus for them.
@@lmn1516 and, unfortunately, this belief can be a very strong, entitled and deep belief. That, the thought that you will not serve them, in a one-sided relationship, can be due punishment. It can be, “WHO told you, after I moved in as your neighbor, that you get to continue your life, your livelihood and career, personal pursuits and care for pets that aren’t my own!? Who told you that you could buy a newer car and it not be ours?” A person who would accept care, from no other neighbor. A person who might’ve not even contacted the senior center directly across the street, because they’d “decided” that, one way or another, I was going to care for them.
Please talk about how infantilized persons can become narcissistic and what happens if they end up having dementia! Lol I know itight seem unusual. However, I've had to caretake my aunt in this situation and it requires a lot of wisdom. I'm at the end of it thank GOD!
Wouldnt you want your child to be safe and secure financially speaking especially as they get older with no kids or spouse of their own? Wouldnt you be emotionally supportive of them supporting themselves and preparing themselves for their own future,? especially if they dont have kids? Some narc parents see their older children struggling in life bc they got a late start for obvious reasons and then all they do is apply guilt that the child is not doing enough for them or paying them enough attention and making up drama, and fake illnesses all in effort to distract you from your life and duties and things you need to do in the world, if only they could take care of themselves emptionally? As if life isnt hard enough, right? As if getting a later start in life in your chosen field of work isnt difficult enough ? Work takes alot of focus but then throw in an unsupportive guilt trippping parent wjo relies on you for their emotional well being, its hell.
I don’t care about a thank you. I have been doing the right thing. I just want her at 91 and her sister at 84 in another state, to stop the false accusations toauthorities. The 91 year old is my mother, living in a condo we own, exploiting everything we’ve done to assist her because I was the only child. She is still trying to control and persecute me and my husband because I have gone no contact and he is the face of both of us. she resents me and has made me responsible while being so irresponsible herself, since my dad died 30 years ago that she hates me. She and her family, a closed system of narc abuse and generational trauma and toxicity. I left the cult and I am the enemy.
Dr I am in this position right now with my husband, his doctor was shocked when I told him I am done. We don't have any family near us so I have to do everything and I feel of I leave him now after his big surgery due to cancer I am the bad one in this situation. I feel emotionally drained. How do I get out of this situation? I do have a therapist but I feel trapped and I can't take it any more. Everyone expects me to comfort him and support him but at this stage I am fighting myself not to feel anything.
As a professional care giver - I´ve told my toxic family very early - that I would not ever play the caregiver of our malig. narc mother. She went into a hospital on her own - she knew exactly what she did! It was covid time and not allowed to visit her - she had no covid - she just wanted the nurses and doctors to care about her - 92 yo narc. producer mom, right. She finally died a couple of weeks later - after removing her heart paecemaker! Never play the care giver to a narcopath relative - they will destroy your health completely.
FACTS!!! Im going through this now. I can see how one can bring someone to an early end.
Just went through this. Sold my car and left my fiancee in Los Angeles so that I could care for my Narcissist mother in New York after they threatened to put her in a nursing home. I cared for her for 7 months, including saving her life several times. I turned down several jobs, put my career on hold, and said no to thousands of dollars in opportunities in order to be available for her on a regular basis.
When it was all said and done, I was made homeless (twice), investigated for elder abuse, recommended by her therapist (whom never met me) to get therapy because there was something wrong with me for wanting to help her, ridiculed by my family for not having a job, and then when I finally left - my mother would leave terroristic voicemails telling me I was crazy for thinking that my fiancee actually loved me.
That was 7 months ago, I'm still healing. Your videos are helping. Your ability to "read my mail" is amazing :D Thank you for the resources!
Holy smokes. Meh, you went through a lot.
I am so sorry.
Please know that you're amazing.
I hope that you heal and get your life back to you.
I am starting to go through a similar thing with my narcissistic dad. Who scapegoat me my while life. Called me a nigger bitch tons of times.
I am married a wonderful man. Moved out of his filthy house.
2 weeks ago he called me crying that he couldn't move. He didn't want to call 911 in fear they would kick down his door. (But he was able to get up and grab the phone. So he could have gotten up.)
Now he's in the hospital. I put my whole life on pause. Basically neglecting everything due to taking care if all his sheeeeet and his needs while he's in the hospital .
Now he will need someone to be live with him while he goes back home.
Wow, he expects me to do it all.
I am now getting sick. I am breaking out with zits.
It's all bull.
His golden child is no longer in this country.
And this whole thing is emotional triggering.
You arent alone in the terror Adam - I am here too. Nice to meet you, what an awful existence they have brought us. Lets heal together, as a community
Wow, what a sad story
Good man ❤
Oh my goodness. This is terrible. You are like a saint. God bless you. So happy you made it out of that. I pray you spend the rest of your life with only people who deserve the angel that you are.
My mom constantly talks about me retiring and becoming her paid caregiver. Just because we live together. She’s 90. Never happened I’m pushing retirement off as long as I can. Then I’ll see where this rabbit hole leads.
I had to end a friendship this year - their terminal diagnosis magnified narcissistic tendencies. Heart breaking.
Also, whatever it is they have (illness) NO ONE else in the world has it as bad as their version. No matter what their doctor does, it was special made for THEM.
Yes indeed, I do agree with you completely - and thats why you should not play the care giver of narcopath people or relatives - if possible somehow. Its dangerous for your very own mental health to deal with those narcopath. sick people.
Thanks for the video. Everything you said is so on point. Take it from someone who spent the last 6 years as the sole care giver of my now ex girlfriend psychopath who developed Lupus a year into our relationship. This was a nuclear catastrophe and living hell the likes of which would scare Satan himself straight. If you think a narcissist gets bad when they become ill, imagine what happens when a psychopath becomes ill and psychotic. I'm lucky to be alive, and it took some time before I stopped feeling like a holocaust survivor. There isn't a horror movie in existence that comes close to what I experienced. It's been very hard to wrap my mind around. I still have lots of nightmares, but the most difficult thing is that it's an experience people just can't relate to or understand. The closest thing would be videos like yours, so thank you again for sharing!
PS - To those out there considering taking on the responsibility of caring for a narcissist or any other cluster b, you reeeeally need to take Dr. Ramani's advice dead seriously. Your life may depend on it!
Yodis homali, translated in Greek, is scum of the earth.Recently he had a heart attack, and who was there in the ambulance and all night in hospital me It's not an issue as that's what normal empathetic partners do.But the heart attack was caused by all the stress of me, and to be point specific, let's now control the narrative for one's own control, don't stress me just do as your told or you could induce a heart attack.It was the migraines previously.Im now being berated to give money back for a cab he sent me home in as was tired and stressed being with him in the hospital all night and next day.Dispectable human beings.
This is def not an easy journey, taking care of my 85 year old father in my home and he has always been a narcissist. Now it’s just worse. I do all the care, cooking, cleaning, dr appts, laundry, shopping, etc, etc and I work full time, I don’t even need a thank you, he has never thanked anyone for anything his entire life and instead always turns things around on everyone who has helped him by saying how HE was the one who helped them and that HE is deserving of what he wants because HE is the important one! but I’m at my wits end with his manipulative, insulting and self centered behavior. There are no other family members, I’m it. I am ready to search for nursing homes because I can’t take it anymore. He can go yell and insult at the nursing home soon because I am done!
"It can feel devastating when that thank you doesn't come. IT'S NOT GOING TO." This would be so much funnier if it wasn't so much trueier. n_ n Thank you Dr. Ramani.
For me I tend to get angry - I dont feel need to be hthanked (or do I, Im not 100% sure). BUt what gets my triggers, when I sometimes really tired, how she (my mother :D ) just demands things, not caring at all can I do it, do I have some obligation, not thinking about that at all, not caring. That gets me angry such utterly selfish behaviour. And now its more difficult for me to diss her because shes in a phase she really needs some help. But I dont want to do it with hers verbal abuse in the meanwhile, while Im helping her
I would love to see a video how narcissists invalidate you if you are sick or having a hard time getting a diagnosis
They make it all about them. When I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes my mother called me to rant for 1.5 hours about her non-existent health conditions. Then she sent me messages to “get well soon” even though she knew my condition has no cure. Now she is terminally ill and I refuse to get sucked into the family drama and take care of her. She has a couple of other children who weren’t her scapegoats. They’ve got working arms and money to hire a caregiver. Not about to re-traumatize myself.
I’m learning to accept the old saying “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”. My Ill narcissistic dad needs around the clock care but he is still living in his fantasy world and avoids making any real plans or decisions for his long term care plan. I feel like a pin ball in his world and all his ideas.
He is grasping on so tightly to his framework he’s developed about how he views himself that he is stuck. His illness came on steadily over the last few years and he hasn’t caught up mentally to the new reality. He calls “family meetings” to discuss his plans but we all have learned nothing will come of it even if we all are willing to help him make it happen. He is the ultimate one that pulls all the strings - just the way he likes it.
It’s a very painful cycle to be a part of.
I am in the same situation as there is no plan of what needs to be in place going forward. If there is going to be a plan, it means giving up control to others...
One of my favorite adages is "you can lead a horse to water....but it takes a LOT of strength and determination to drown it" LOL -- my mentor, a horse vet :D lol veterinary humor
Just got through with helping take care of my covert narc dad through his short hospice period of only 4 months but in that time, he rarely said thank you and treated my sister and I as the hired help. He would never ask for help, even though we asked him to ring a bell if he needed anything. Instead, he would yell profanities when he couldn't do something so that one of us would go running to assist him. He never said he loved us before he died and his last words to me were "I have to pee." He was indifferent to me and hostile and said mean things to my poor sister, who was his primary caretaker. He died 3 weeks ago and I'm still reeling and trying to find a therapist who can help me sort out my feelings for him.
Caring for a Narc parent who suddenly becomes nice threw illness or need or both can add more head messing - coupled with surrounded by fake narc family members who run off over the hills leaving the scapegoat to see to everything for the matriarch narc. A talk on this subject Dr Ramani could be very enlighting...yes a big fan too lovely lady with great natural vibe about her and understands what people truly suffer at the hands of narcissits - keep up the good work please...
Yes, my narc family members contacted me asap once they found out my Narcissistic Mother is terminally ill, expecting me to take the reigns, as in make everyone else feel better and take care of Mother. I just said I’ve done enough and have nothing left to give.
I am glad you covered this topic. My father who is very likely a covert narcissist is getting older. I do not particularly feel like I want to help him in any way. He is playing the victim role well and it makes it hard to not be involved because of the guilt that I feel.
Don't feel NO GUILT.
Take care of you.
Do your best to care 4 you.
Do not do anything out of guilt
Move to another state if possible
Would you feel sorry/compassion for a human eating predator? Keep your boundaries/fences electrified at all times.
@@karagraham9764 haha, but not bad advice
Hi Dr.Ramani! I actually experienced all of these things with my ex who during our relationship became homeless. They hated that they had to rely on me and ask for money often, although they definitely took advantage of my kindness anyways. I read your book when my ex and I were on another break and it helped give me the confidence to listen to my inner voice and end it for good. Thank you for all that you do!
Good for you but this is about PARENTS. You chose your ex. We didn't choose our parents. Go to the narcissistic exes videos but stop hijacking every single comment section with your "my narc" stories.
Now i understand why my narcissistic partners made me suffer like when they were ill God bless you doctor ramani for putting out these videos and teaching us about narcissism more and more 🙏🏻🤍✨more power to you
Thank You! I live in a large retirement community and I run a caregiver/cleaning business. Your advice is PRICELESS!
Yes because CareAids can have personality disorders too.. and then the perfect fit. ( from personal experience.
your video saved me from a toxic relationship.
lots of thanks!
Social worker here , thanks for the upload. I work with terminal pts and have run into this many times with patients and their partners or family dynamics.
Yeah, this is a tough one.
Went through this with my dad, now my mom.
Both of them were/are difficult with issues.
I feel selfish for being resentful.
krynn you were trained to feel that way
my mom is dying right now and i feel same way. I feel so guilty for secretly wanting to be set free because she really does love me. i am so confused and depressed. i dont know how i can ever heal from this.
I am going through this with my dad who was an abusive narcissistic.
It's such bs.
He cake me instead of calling 911.
He had neck surgery. And now he needs someone at his house to watch him.
F that, that's not me.
But all his friends and family expect me to be his care giver.
I was the scapegoat for 33 years. I've been out of his house for 5 years and now he wants me to take care of him.
Dr. Ramani I am a big fan! I have watched every video you have done on the MedCirlce channel! You are a truly passionate person and are a roll model for me. I am currently in college getting my B.S. psych degree and doing some research assistance on the side. I want to be a clinical psychologist in the future as well!!! I really enjoy the study of narcissism, sociopathy, and psychopathy which I see you have quite a passion for as well. Thank you for the videos you put out and I look forward to many more!
I absolutely love her too! I'm so glad I found her. And meeting her one day would be like a dream come true. She has helped me so much. Not only is she a professional and expert in narcissism, but the WAY she speaks, so matter of factly, with humor and not with a bunch of jargon so that everyone can understand. She's just So relatable! I love her!
Dear dr ! I am caring for my narc x-husband. I am doing it for my own satisfaction, since I anm an empath, and am used to go with the flow, not expecting thanks from any ofnhis family who turned their backs on him. It makes me feel good, and this is a drop in the buvket of thanking my Creator and Saviour for all the blessings I received. I have lupus, and after 14 fsys of prayer, it went into remission. That's one of the many blesdings. He has nobody but me.
Thank you for your amazing lectures, to which I am subscribed.
Thank You for this video
I've known for years my parents are narcissist.
And I've avoided them for years
It's sickening to deal with
Wow! I said that in my video, and I don’t remember what year, but I think it was 2016, or something like that.
I said that about the vulnerability and that one was about “my narcissistic mother is dying.”
And then there was one I made that I think had something in the title about “the aging narcissist.”
I can’t remember I’m really sorry.
This is really validating to see a great psychologist say the thing about vulnerability, and how they get worse, because they lose narcissistic supply, because they are.
I love these videos.
I contacted my mother when I found out she had Alzheimer’s, and I did not do it to get a reward ,or to try to get in the will, because I always knew I was going to be disinherited.
I did not call her out of guilt certainly.
I did it only for one reason, and that was solely because I have empathy for anybody that finds out something that frightening, that they have a diagnosis like that.
I have empathy, and if you actually have empathy, there’s a difference between empathy and enmeshment.
Oh, and yes, she was nasty as always.
That is one thing I am never going to do! No contact means no contact. Forever!
For many years i never understood the notion of narcissism and parents. For decades i tried to reconcile with the narc. Parent and had later realised that this what they feed off.
One day i made a decision that I was done with this nonsense, so I completely paid that parent no attention. Then out of no where, they wanted to resolve things but would not speak with me about it directly and would only speak through people - i found that quite odd.
My concern was, if i allowed it to happen, the narc parent will have an active scapegoat again, a villian to blame for all their problems and play the munch hausen syndrome game again.
I think they needed me around again because it is difficult to tell everyone how i am causing them so many problems when i havent been around for a while. No would believe them. The fact I never got a call or text message to speak about it, says all i need to know or when my birthday passed, not even a text. So it really wasnt about resolution, but simply a reel in.
I am here to have a chat and am open to resolution, but i doubt they will change.
Would love to see you talk on narc parents, and how to survive from them
Tita, the only honest solution for your own sanity and to prevent any further abuse is to go no contact. You owe them nothing. You did not choose to be born, they have chosen consciously or unconsciously to abuse and manipulate others! You owe them nothing! Please do not destroy yourself attempting to please the unpleasable. You get one life, please don't give it away. I totally respect the doctors point of view but it isn't correct for everyone and can lead to further abuse! Sending you love, truth and kindness 💕
I feel it's important to note that narcissistic individual exploit the genuine emotional empathy of others, if you are an adult child of an end game narcissistic individual I'm not sure it is wise to give into feelings of moral obligation to nurse them through the rocky horror show of there actual or potential demise, nor is it healthy to wish to observe there demise with a twisted glee, it is best to have made peace and separated from them, to have healed and worked on your authentic self away from them, unfortunately many feel intertwined with the aging narcissistic individual or feel to not be at there demand and be dutiful makes them feel bad and creates guilt, especially if many less primary supply family members are in judgement that may only be aware of the narcissistic individuals charasmatic facade. It really could be a damned if you do damned if you don't depending on greater family dynamics and enmeshment. The true key to spotting a narcissistic individual is not lack of empathy, it is lack of reflection, because to reflect will pull the thread that leads towards the covered over damage and empty void. They will continually use inane logic to justify there actions and as they get older and lose touch this is amplified and exacerbated. As their supply chains diminish, as age takes away there coveted contemporary’s and as isolation from the world of work increases, they will go into a erratic irrational melt down, as their world dissolves, they dissolve, charisma replaced by depression, last attempts at omnipotence, I say run for the hills......... I don't feel doctor ramani is sharing the utter toxicity of these individuals....... They feed and objectify, they have no insight or empathy, let these Dorian's Grey's fight age in our agest society, and let yourself be free from the influence of toxicity.
Very well said. It is NOT wise to give into feelings of moral obligation. RUN!!! Don't listen to anybody else or the narc...RUN. No you aren't heartless or mean. Save yourself and do not look back. They will devour you, burp and hunt for their next feeding frenzy.
Wow, U MAY HAVE NAILED IT, I K OW MY NARCISSIST MOM WAS GOING DOWNHILL, BUT HER BEHAVIOUR/ DENIAL, LIES GOT WORSE, I WANT TO HELP, BUT I CANT EVEN PUT DISHES AWAY RIGHT, BLOW MY NOSE RIGHT, ANS NOW, SHE WAS IN HOSPITAL FOR 3 WEEKS, DIED, SHE NEVER REACHED OUT, ABSOLUTELY NO CLOSURE, WTH😢
I agree with this entire paragraph. Except it’s from years ago and now Dr.Ramani has spoken about how truly insidious these individuals are. I gave up a whole year of my life for a narcissistic mother figure when she needed me for medical reasons… and now she has kicked me out of our house because I slammed a door on the golden-child (who btw was only staying with us because his wife called the cops on him for raging at her and theirs kids). 🙃
Wow, well said! 💯
@@MsEKN Appreciated.
My mothers registered carer since 2019, and just discovered this talk.
I’ve followed you doctor , on RUclips for some years.
I won’t say nothing bad, but what this talk says, is exactly how it is
Really happy to see your videos and wish to have more. Thanks a million for your enlightenment.
Please keep the videos coming your making a big difference and your explanations are so well put
Ive been doing this for almost 2 years since my 86yo mother had a debilitating stroke. I found her an assisted living facility and Im her medical POA. Narcissistic family members expect me to do all the work and no thanks are given. Iam doing this out of respect for my mom...no other reason. I truly believe that my siblings are projecting their playing out my parents narcissistic behavior onto me. I say this bcuz since this happened I have been smeared, minimized, harrassed, name called, etc
No they do not appreciate my sacrifice...only resentment.
Wow. I ran across this comment and it describes my current life. My mom is 79 and narcissistic as well as my siblings. No appreciation from them, just judgment. And, a few expect me to jump through hoops for them. It’s crazy v
@@stephaniemodkins4624 I understand what you are going through. Are you the scapegoat of the family?
My curremt life dear help me ,what to do not to go sick and crazy too
It’s weird how the narcs behavior jumps onto someone close to them when they can’t assume that position.
MASSIVE THANKS FOR COVERING THIS TOPIC. I am arming myself for the future and this is super applicable.
I douged that bullet when I cut contact. And on the other hand...they were chronically sick since they were a child, so I had that caretaker role as a kid myself already.
Someone who fights over whether or not I have the right to get therapy...is out of my life. And I never regretted it. I felt better immediately. Cos when a bad day came around, I didn't had to put up with them additionally.
This is when I left the situation. I did not want to. But I was frustrated and exhausted. She had kidney stones. And I was doing 40-50 hour work weeks coming home cleaning cooking and taking care of 3 kids for months. I explained I am tired and crabby and I am trying to catch on bills and do everything that needs to get done. Be responsible for the family. Nothing was enough. Hypervigilent about any tone. Projecting emotions on me. She kept making all these plans I would have to do for her or the kids. I would not be able to wind down for a time period sufficiently enough for my body. Out 16 hours out of the day. Cooking cleaning doing stuff she couldn't and then mad at me for wanting to sleep instead of spend hours in bed with her watching movies when I have to be up in 6 hours or less. I told her I am trying and don't know if I can handle this much longer. And the abuse magnified. So instead of trying to defend myself, I left. She had her ex taking care of everything in less than 5 mins after that. Which hurt me, and I know it was intentional now. And I was ghosted in less than 5 hours. What a horrible way to end a relationship. Zero closure.
oh man you suffered a lot.
@@babababa143 I am over it now. 🤣 I see more of what was really going on now. "She was supposedly reflecting 'my energy' at me" but really it was something totally different." And a bit of resentment that carried over from previous trauma... that actually helped me set some boundaries, and see the bs going on all around me.
Been my mothers registered carer for 5 years now.
I completely understand with this talk, it’s completely true this
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me
Thankyou Doc, you've just confirmed to me the obvious divide between the younger caregiver and the younger narcissistic patient .
This actually just saved my life.
I love this so much. Thank you for helping me get through a hard time!!
I don't believe Dr Ramani is saying you should take care of your narcissistic parent. She is saying that if you happen to be in that situation, here's what to expect and what you should do to get through it.
Thank you for the video, I still was thinking about staying at the side of my unfaithfull narcissistic husband who has always treated me so irrespectful and abused me, this is my time to say good bye, I dont want to wait until he gets older and sick and I have to take care of him.
If I ever heard a big thank u from a narc as a note of appreciation - I may feel sick, very very sick.
Dr Ramani, thank you for explanation. It makes live easier.
I first found you on medcircle Dr Ramani and found you wernt shying away from the brutality that comes with narcissists. I thankfully escaped my experience (although due to personal financial gain to the narc he still lingers on the outskirts of my life today) I wish i discover you a decade ago. Keep doing the incredible work highlighting these areas most can't recognise without the behaviours explained and your amazing at portraying what goes on - or doesn't - in the narcs inner world.
Wonderful insight, I bought the book you wrote and it really applies to my situation! Now I have a good idea of what I am up against.
dearest dr. ramani, thank you very much for your hard work. i wish you nothing but the best. greetings from austria 🥰.
I will do nothing more, less than taking care of them, it really doesn’t matter if it’s a narcissist or not. U still looking good ❤, take care dear
My older sister is a narcissist and was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago. A little over one week after letting her move in, I'm regretting it. She gets mad I don't want to cook 5 times a day and that I want to have me time (she interrupted me every 5 minutes when I tried to play a video game). I can't even do anything for myself without her whining.
I'm sorry that is happening with you... some towns have volunteers through Office for the aging. maybe you can get a break that way? Hang in.
I know that you are a very busy woman but I would love if you uploaded videos on a regular basis 🙏. Love your work!
Dr. Ramani, I loved and appreciiate your videos. I think also, that your message deserve better quality videos. Thanks!!
Hi. Two years ago my mother got breast cancer and this year, it came back. it’s been hell!!! I was supposed to go to uni this school year and it did happen bc she got sick when I was on my exam season to apply to uni… it was my chance to run away. I hate her! So much! For everything that had to go trough bc of her…
Thank you so much, and may God bless you.
Doubly hard when its your adult kid who has Stage 4 Cancer. I feel torn between intense aversion to her abusive behavior and extreme sorrow that my child will most likely not make it past this year. The little time we have left, she expresses hatred for both her parents instead of coming together in love. Despite our faults, we love our children dearly and neither of us are Narcs. Its like walking barefoot through a dark tunnel with no end in sight with glass shards on the ground. We did so much for our little girl but it seems we failed in the end.
I cannot imagine the pain that must have caused. That’s a pain that words can’t describe. I’m dealing with similar things, but in reverse. My narcissistic mother has pancreatic cancer. My enabler of a stepdad has an acoustic neuroma, a brain tumor that’s taken his hearing and left him with facial pain and vertigo. I feel the sorrow, the guilt, the rage, all of it, and If I’m being brutally honest with myself, I don’t think my mom is going to make it through next year. She’s never cared for her own health and the ONLY reason she got a diagnosis was because I pushed her to get a physical (pancreatic cancer typically doesn’t present with symptoms until late-stage). She keeps saying she’s cooperating but cancelled palliative care four times and then got pissed off when one of her oncology nurses rightly pointed out that her primary care doctor wasn’t a cancer specialist.
I thought she would have more grace with all of this. A bit more tenderness. Instead, I feel like a work horse more days than not. Hell, I had to get a room in a hotel last week because my stepdad hit me and broke one of my teeth. And she just stood by and did nothing to stop it, encouraged it by asking him to “stand up for his wife” against a disabled pipsqueak who was wearing braces on her wrists for arthritis and was just trying to help her mom with meds without having to hear about how much of a perpetual disappointment her brother is.
I don’t know how you did it. How you’re doing it. I don’t know if I can do it. I broke down in tears with my own doc after getting the laceration on my face checked out. I feel like a horrible human being for wanting to walk away from someone with a cancer diagnosis. I feel like trash, but I can’t just keep taking and swallowing and stuffing the abuse inside. It’s going to kill me. It’s BEEN killing me, for years, but they don’t want to see that.
How did you do it? This feels impossible.
@@renthehagin healthcare even the most vulnerable are refused care if they are abusive. No one should tolerate that behaviour... be careful as they could lie about things you've supposedly done to them as a parting shot as they snigger up their shroud sleeve. They are wired differently if "loving them is killing you" what earthly good can that do? There are new sunrises, new friends to meet, new people who WILL heal because you shared your empathetic experience. Narcs would have NO qualms about throwing you under the bus and stepping over your body. Believe me I know. You've done all you can, more than most to the point of shed blood. Ask God to help you, even Jesus shook off the dust as a testimony against the hypocritical religious leaders who crucified Him!
I wish you Peace, choose Life 🙏 ❤️
@@renthehag Stop doing it like me and let the medical people take over. Look after you first ,x
Could you do a video on narcissists in movies? I would like to see the behavior in cases that an expert says they are narcissists. Also to see how different these narcissists can be.
Thank you for all your videos!
I'm looking for that kind of movies too. For now i only know "Gaslight" but i'm not sure if it's about narcissism itself.
Look up “the take” RUclips videos, they go over that kinda stuff
I'm sure no one will see this because this video is 2 years old but I wish there were more information about this subject. My wife of 20 years has chronic illness and is disabled and I'm in horrible situation with this relationship and there's just no videos on narcissists who have severe health problems
I'm in the same boat searching for specific videos on chronic pain Illness and narcissist. My wife is on disability and sometimes I feel she uses her health issues to get me to cater to her more without her worrying about how it depletes me and leaves me feeling unfulfilled in our relationship. You feeling the same way?
Maybe I need to start these conversations up on videos to try to find some sort of solution of alleviation.
Thank you! You’re amazing
Yeah my brother can do it. I took care of my Mom who has passed. My Dad is the Narc. Im sure my brother can handle it
Strong Now I have a friend who said that... but was guilted into moving in with her dad last month
Thanks again for pointing this out. This case is not a relative. It’s a person who drains me. They are dying. That is unfortunate. I distanced myself from them long ago, but they insist on messaging me about their coming death which is now on a specific date. They post on social media, but I don’t interact with their posts. It’s really hard not to feel guilty about ignoring them, but I can’t explain to them how I feel. I can’t explain that they make my own aging process and health conditions worse. They are an acquaintance and they have many other people responding to their social media posts. Yet, she still contacts me about this. She wants me to do a video call before she medically puts an end to her life. I don’t think she has the understanding that I don’t want to be involved.
My FIL is a covert malignant narcissist. I already made it clear to my codependent husband that I’m treating him at arms length and not to expect me to be a caregiver to him, because after being traumatized by the blatant abuse and gross neglect he has shown towards his invalid wife (Alzheimer’s) I’m not going to feel sorry for a predator. My son is six years old so I’m shielding him, but one day I’ll show him the truth, with pictures and evidence of the horrors.
Girl same.. husband is sick with cancer. He won't ask for sht. Won't let me know stuff. Won't update ANYONE. Won't reply back to people so they blow up my phone and his parents have been putting my thru the ringer. Calling me a bad mom bad wife, stole fucking donation money over 2k. Put it in their account and will not give it to us and we have no income right now.
We have a son who is on the spectrum and ADHD and so I'm balancing it all myself. His parents are a *Nightmare*
10 YEARS NOW,.Handy with a sling and a hoist these days.
My narcissist father, as he was dying from sepsis after having a lot of teeth pulled, which the dentist warned him about, wrote a letter to the dentist accusing him of killing him. It would be hilarious if it weren’t so pathetic. My brother, who was the executor of my father’s estate, found it in his papers after he died. My father never took responsibility for anything in his life. Everything that happened was always someone else’s fault and responsibility.
Oh man
My mother argued with (really really good) workers in the ER. An she was not drunk. She was telling them that she is from the big city that she doesnt have anything with rural area (village), and tht here in this town nobody , "you obody want to work" - while they work hrd there in ER all day and tend to here vvery rofessionally, doing difficult job, in that moment, haha
Crazy. And she like accused them with everybody in town for being lazy :D
Love everything that you're doing! Thank you!
When my n wife had to have a operation on her ankle she had two stay in the hospital for a couple of days . One time I took some flowers for her . She did not even look at them . Just give them away . When she came out of the hospital she was in a wheelchair for two months . I took her out all the time not one thank you . Her face said it all .
I was married to a narcissist woman for 19 years. They’re not capable of loving you.This why I stayed 19 years. It was the first woman I not only fell in love with, but was in love with it’s a deeper love and it’s hard to break away and kept thinking out of my goodness she was going to change. back in the day I didn’t know nothing about videos and narcissist behavior so I stuck it out. I called the aid car three times because of heart problems passing out even one time took her to the hospital being concerned and telling the doctors about her welfare, she looked at me in the hospital and gave me a dirty look mind your own business. This is totally completely abnormal and heartless. You can’t do nothing for a narcissist I end up having to divorce her or she would’ve destroyed me. It kept getting worse. emotionally physically psychologically sexually spiritually.
I went into depression after my husband humiliated me in front of his own family & my family on a festive occasion despite I had taken care of him just 10 days back when he was serious with dengue....I was hurt that whatever i do for him, he is still thankless....& never leave a chance to malign me in front of others..
I wish I’d understood this before moving in with Mum to look after her, due to Alzheimer’s. It was toxic. Her or me!? (It had to be me. I was 30 years younger...) Had to place Mum in a care home. She screamed for me, railed, until memory and energy loss made this decline...The worst part is that I am only just remembering better times. They had been there.
I would NEVER care for my narcissist parent if/when they fall ill. Never ever ever.
I was born with disabilities, and I need to know how to deal with a sibling with narcissistic behaviors who I will need to deal with more as my physical abilities decline. She has explosive anger and doesn’t take responsibility for her emotions and behavior. My parents were also like this, and very abusive (they’ve passed). I’ve watched this and other vids but I’ve never found one for someone in my situation who can’t leave. I’ve done a lot of work to deal with the pain and try to protect myself emotionally, but it feels hopeless having dealt all my life with all 3 family members like this.
This video is 4 years old, but if you see my comment, I would really appreciate if you’re able to do a video on this topic (disabled people with narcissistic “caretakers”).
Wow, yours is a tough situation. I'm not the doc, but my advice would be to have an ally/witness who believes you. Be sure that what goes on between you and the narcissist is observable/known to others. Do not allow it to go unseen! The validation of another person knowing and believing " yup, he/she just said/did that." - is priceless. Will save your sanity!
If possible, do not live alone with your narcissist. Live in a group setting. Appoint someone else as your health proxy and/or POA. I HOPE THIS HELPS.
@@ddigiorgio8438 Your guidance is very valuable, and I really appreciate your support ;)
Thanks Dr currently caring for my 88 yr old mother. Im in my 50's and i think i only see now how narcissistic and entitled my mother is. The funny thing is, i understand there is never a thanku for shopping, cleaning, laundry, driving to appointments etc. the funny thing is then she gets mad that i just do my own thing...good god, how was i born from this person ?
Thank you♥️
Thank you
might one day have to do this. I wonder if it's possible considering i have BPD and my father has NPD.
Thanx for essential knowledge, life saver really. Big fan.
I spent 25 years taking care of my mom and got NO THANK YOU AT ALL_ NOTHING. She excused herself from all of that on her own!! She always had a bag of excuses. That covered herself! LOL!!
People always act better for others I thought. Better off to place them In to a nurse home to save the caregiver sanity
Very interesting.
Thanks Ramani very useful
yes!! great video
Hi, I have been raised basically by my mother with an almost absent father. My mom tried to commit suicide in 2013, at that time things shifted and I started to take more care of her. I didn't know about the narcissistic thing but I was suspecting she had some borderline symptoms. Now it seems clear she has quite a lot of this (also, or both). I am 37 and I left my life aside to take care of her. She destroyed all my attempts to have a relationship with any girl and the same pattern it is repeating with the one I just recently started a relationship. I always thought "it is going to get better, I can solve this", but the sad reality is: I can't. I would kindly ask you if you could please give me some advice Dr. Ramani? Where I should start? I feel totally lost. Thank you very much.
🙏
I hope your situation has improved 🥺
Get a therapist. Will help you set boundaries and sort out reality from the drama.
I am a student and senior caregiver and the amount of times I noticed narcissistic traits is so high off the ground. I know when I never receive a thank you and when they do say it, it does not sound genuine and I don’t get tips. I now learned to not take on clients who want me as their cleaning lady rather than help them more physically. A caregiver is a not a cleaning lady yet so many elderly abuse senior caregivers who get low pays and no benefits in this healthcare with that. I suggest that they do tip the caregivers because caregivers don’t get benefits let alone enough. Caregiving takes an extreme amount of patience to deal with clients who can’t be respectful sometimes. It’s sad that they aren’t willing to pay an actual cleaning lady and would rather sit there and watch a young person do it.
My spouse resents the fact that I'm healthy and he has stage prostate 4 with dementia Alzheimers raising his three grandchildren we adopted ❤️...no thank yous as you so correctly stated...
Pity, the sound recording is so poor !
I had to look up this term but can't triangulation can be another part? For example, bringing in a third party to possibly discredit the inadequate care the narcissistic person is receiving for validation purposes.
My dad is really narasstic and my father apologie to me when he became very ill. He doesn't want anyone doing him favors. He tried getting upset at my mom with his abusive.
Also, if they do say thank you its too make you feel like you're helping them only for them to make you feel useless in the next sense.
I just can't do it anymore Presently he is yelling at our cats for,." Meowing ""
it's also the professional caregivers at risk. like drama .. from emotional affairs with disordered careaid.. and they become under the spell and become his flying monkeys. Im competng with a 40 year old careaid that is caring for him.. age 72.
My partner and I have looked after my dad for seven years and now I go away to see another family member and I am not wanted anymore , Our lives have been on hold and he thinks another family member will just step in . Well we are stepping away and leaving it to the experts ,
Dr. Ramani,
You have said many times that the Narcissist does not get better, does not recover. Even more so the Psychopath, who is born hard wired to psychopathy.
Do these people have free will (to choose the moral high ground)? If not, would a psychopath serial killer be responsible for their actions?
I know this is more of a philosophical question but would like to hear your thoughts on the subject.
Thanks, Mike Cole
I am currently taking care of my narcissistic mother
She jabs and jabs until I explode
I pray and pray for her but I still get heated
I am not able to move and feel guilty for thinking of leaving
What can I do to get rid of this knot inside when I’m around her as nd she says awful things
You do a very interesting job. Could you put subtitles in Spanish? Your videos would reach an important sector that is "limited" since most of the information about narcissism is in English. Thank you. a greeting
Doctor Ramani, is is possible for a narcissist not to jump into another relationship for a couple years? Could they use other people in their lives to feed off of? Such a friends or family? Could you pleas make a video on this! A little back story on my question.. I was with my ex fiancé for a little over a year we got engaged a couple years ago in January I got pregnant in February and he left me in April (we were suppose to get married in September) our relationship seemed so perfect.. until he got another job and started coming home so late. Most of our fights were about cleaning the dishes, house and other adult duties. The day after Easter we went to my grandmas to use her washer and he did. Something to upset my grandma and she told him not to act like that at her house. He got raged and was shaking kicked in my grandmas gate and yelled “f*ck you” and got in his car and drive off. I stayed at my grandmas to get my laundry done and got a call from my mom asking if I was okay? I told her that I was and fine and I was wondering why should would call to ask. My mom had gotten a call from his mom telling her he moved out of my apartment. I got into my car and I drive to find his ring in the table and all of his things gone except for the clothes I bought him that weren’t “name brands”. My heart fell apart. I tried to call but I got his phone was disconnected because he had changed his number. A week later he called me and told me he wanted to work it out again and I of course let him back in only to find out from his grandma he was moving back home with his family 4 hours away.. when he moved there he barely talked to me telling me he didn’t have time for me. He blocked my number and I didn’t hear from him until someone had told him about a guy who went crazy in my apartment building. He reached out to me and told me he was coming down to see me because realized that he loved me and didn’t want to have any regrets down the road for leaving me. He came to my house had sex with me and left to go back home. For the next two weeks he didn’t the same thing barely talked me. He came into town again to visit some friends and called me to ask stay with me. When he got to my apartment he went to the store to go get some things when he came back he looked at me and said “why do you love me?” I told him because I just do. He looked me dead in the eye and said “ I don’t love you” as cold as could be. I told me he was leaving. My heart was so crushed I got in his bag and begged him to stay he drug me on top of his bag across the floor. I finally got off the bag and just said why are you doing this and he wouldn’t answer. He just open up the door and told me he would sign adoption papers and left. I did try to reach out with no success. He blocked my number again. I was so broken I wanted to die. I was under such high stress that at 25 weeks my cervix start dilating. I was still in contact with his mother so she new and he texted me when he found out asking me what was going on. I didn’t text him back but I was almond to his mom. He sent me a nasty text telling me I needed to tell him what was going on. I told him to leave me alone he continues to text me everyday asking about the baby. He acted like nothing ever happened then again no contact until the baby was born full term I’m happy to say! He then got a lawyer and sent me papers at my work instead of at my house asking to go to court for full custody. He then decided that he didn’t want that and wanted to just do a plan ourselves. Which goes fine until I have plans the day he wants to take her.. then he tells me that I’m hostile. Just because I ask him to take her another day instead.. also through the relationship he would tell me I needed to buy name brand stuff and tell me that I was just a cosmetologist and he is going to be an engineer and he way way smarter than me. When he met our daughter sailor he told me “she smells like you p*ssy still it took me 6 months to stop smelling like your p*ssy” he also pushes me into a book case during our relationship and threw a lotion bottle at my friends face for her telling him to to treat me like shit. Then he would go tell his family that I was mean because I was trying to hold him accountable for doing things around the apartment. He also told his mom that he turned a whore into a house wife. Our sexual relationship was horrifying looking back he would strangle me and do things to me even if I told him I was uncomfortable he told me he was going to make a woman out of me.. he did all of these things and he tell me I ruined the relationship. I tried to sit down to have a conversation with him about what went wrong and I apologized for all my faults I’ll admit it I wasn’t perfect I have extreme depression and anxiety and that isn’t easy to be ina relationship with. I apologized to him for everything and he didn’t say anything so I asked him if he had anything he would like to say and he told me 1. He was sorry he didn’t leave me sooner because he didn’t love me since October 2. He got a second job to get away from me 3. That everything he smiles weed I ruined his high because I wanted to talk about our relationship and future. (This was a couple months after our baby was born.) my point of the story is he hasn’t “dated” anyone after me. So can narcissist have other victims to feed off of other than someone they’re in an inmate relationship with? Please make a video.. I’m still not over what happened and i just can’t seem to get over it.. why? His life seems so perfect and he acts like nothing happened..
Your ex definatley fits the discription... I'm so sorry for your traumatic time with this man, if you want to even call him that.
I'm fortunate in the sense I never had a child with mine and yet he still lingers (just with no effect now) so I can only imagine my situation if he where contacted to me in his head in that way.
For your peace of mind if you hadn't already I'd go through courts to ensure WHEN he goes against his word/Your parental agreements the courts will make him hold responsibility, and he won't really learn but it could improve things for you.
Will he like that, no. Will he blame you, always. I feel like your not looking at him through the sense you should be and your can't quite see who your looking at.
I think he's most definatley continue each day, week, month seeking and getting the supply, and possibly at the same time as you.... I had to make a fake profile to find his 2nd profile which had blocked my real account so I couldn't see... the internet provides a quick and easy supply to there ego and this can be easily hidden than say living a double life, but if anyone in society would, it say a narc would fit that role well.
Just bare in mind he's a human with a mental inability that you clearly are able to do (without trying) it appears to narcs like it's an act because there appearance is based on personal gain down the road they genuinely can't believe life is different for others. In order to be able to do this they would have to empathise and from now from he day he dies he naturally can't do this... and the pain that gives me is so ironic knowing the feeling can't be mutual.
When you think this way, you learn to know what to expect from such troubled souls and you can start looking less at if he has moved on, and more on knowing what you have to change about yourself in order to manage and plan ways to protect yourself from such encounters with the human toddler and know that's what emotional level he has peaked at in life and it's not his fault but important to take conscious responsibility if you buy into arguments or continue now to take in negative feedback in as factual and not as the narc supply that it is for them.
Goodluck you have survived this and you are still here, keep educated on the condition and your life will only get better I promise, Amy xxx
This is very extreme narcissism. The physical violence indicates he's sociopath. Someone like that can not be trusted with your emotions, much less raising a child. Its very good that you have separate and you must absolutely resist any future appeal to get back together with him if you have any independence. Fight for full custody for your baby, you dont want this man raising your child and influencing it later on. That sociopath can rub off from what ever he does while you aren't looking.
You really can't trust anything he says. If he doesn't want a future with you, this is good. He acts like nothing happened because he is incapable of love in the first place and is using you as a toy to inflict emotional violence. I think its safe to assume he's been cheating on you with women who are narcissistic and detached and still views you as the primary source of adrenaline and delusional indulgence.
Its very important for you to remove any empathy you have for him and shift your perception of him to that of the reality, that he is a man who never loved you and even set out to inflict damage.
So it is most important for you now to forgive youself, and avoid blaming yourself for letting in the venomous creature into your life. Your child may be the only good to come from this, and this child is counting on you to fight to provide a healthy and happy environment for the both of you. There is no place for this man in a happy environment. Forgiving yourself is going to be an ongoing challenge, but you MUST meet it.
Lady, you and your child need to stay away from this creep. I'm talking an undisclosed location or womans shelter. You also should seek out a therapist who deals with abused woman (ask at a womans shelter). And to answer your question: yes, Dr. Ramani has said on several videos that these "people" will do whatever they have to to get their needs met. Cheating, lying etc. Etc.
Get the hell out of this relationship forever. You are better than this. You deserve better.
I'm SOOOOO sorry that your self esteem and standards are so low (whether from childhood neglect or whenever this started) that you actually aren't sure about this man. Narcs are super confusing and mind blowingly cruel...then Mr. Nice Guy shows up. The sweet/mean cycle of hell... round and round and round. I'm not blaming you at all...I just feel so bad for you that your head has been spun around so backward that you aren't sure if this could be normal or even patched up. Regardless of whether this man's intentions are pure or evil (I vote evil)...the damage to you and your child is the same either way. So you HAVE TO take care of you and your baby. You can be kind in voice tone and manner toward him too...you don't have to entangle yourself in anger or abuse yourself... But you must let go. Mediation or court custody agreements DO help you alot IF you make them EXTREMELY DETAILED. Decide a public dropoff and pickup location so he doesn't have to know where you are if you move. Decide on every holiday, every dropoff and pickup time in advance for the agreement and how much notice must be given by either person to change plans or be late. Decide on % of time, or summers, or daycare/school vacations... Who gets Sailor...do you alternate every holiday and vacation and weekend or EXACTLY how will it play out. Agree in the document to only communicate by email... No phone calls. Because once you both sign that document... A narcissist is screwed with the courts if he screws up. The emails will prove if he says anything abusive or tries anything manipulative toward you. The public meetings provide wittnesses and protection for you. (Oh also make sure you don't actually speak to each other at drop off...like he drops kids off at the curb of a coffee shop and you meet them inside). The agreement needs to be that specific to protect you. If he starts to walk up to you at drop off...you say "you are disobeying our court agreement and start filming him on your phone." This will keep you safe and no contact. (Plus, since Narcs are rebellious and hate control...when they realize they can't do all the nasty stuff they want without going to court, they will often disappear again and that will be good for you and your daughter). Kids usually need both their parents but a narc as a parent is probably much worse than no parent at all.
And for your poor broken heart and confused mind you may want to try tapping/EFT along with BILL YATES on his RUclips channel. After 30-60 hours of his 5 minute free videos, I bet you'll start seeing a significant shift. Tapping has been used successfully to heal people from even severe PTSD and girl...it sounds like you have that, so you'll need all the free healing help you can get. Most importantly....God Bless your sweet soul with the knowing of your true value and worth so you treat yourself to as much love and devotion as you have given to him. You deserve peace.
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Let the other young narcissists interested in what the old ones have take care of them... they deserve each others...
Actually, my take on this is a bit different, from what I’ve seen, although I am no psychological professional.
From what I’ve seen, I am not getting a vibe that there is resentment over being dependent actually. From what I’ve gotten from a few somewhat disabled to aging narcissists, is that they almost couldn’t wait to be so.
Why? Because it, then, comes time for the world to give them what they’re “owed”. They may have not been able to wait to become needy or to get grey hair, because what undoubtedly better way is there, to reel in and enmesh an empath? And, if they had a world of enablers, when they were fully capable, they have more obvious reasons for someone else to take the reigns, although that isn’t what it looks like either. Because, instead, it is still them taking the reigns. If they’re able to snatch up the right empath, who may also be a codependent, with no sense of individuation or adherence to their own goals in life, who easily sways according to public opinion, then they have a free slave, for the remainder of their life, sometimes, who they intend to leave nothing to, even if they have abundance. They may also either cripple themselves for this opportunity or hide behind wrinkles and/or disability for it. Even worse is that they may be poor decision makers, continuing to feel in charge, leaving a caregiver at the whim of their poor decisions.
Although many people are pressed into the service of caregiving, I believe that you need to be cut out for it, even if it is that you are comfortable with being a codependent that has a tiger by the tail. That you have to feel comfortably entrenched in this or it can be absolute HELL, not just for the caregiver, but maybe even for the narcissist they’re caring for.
Personally, I know I am not caregiving material.
While I am an older, black woman, and I’ve had a couple of neighbors feel that caring for them, even though I didn’t know them, was my natural default, even as a career woman, I think I saved us both a lot of grief, because I am not the type of person to be on call, when I already have a career going. Selfish sounding to many, but that’s what it is. They’d be far better off, with someone who’s pleased to hurl their life and health under a bus for them.
I needed to see this today. Thank you.
@@lmn1516 and, unfortunately, this belief can be a very strong, entitled and deep belief. That, the thought that you will not serve them, in a one-sided relationship, can be due punishment. It can be, “WHO told you, after I moved in as your neighbor, that you get to continue your life, your livelihood and career, personal pursuits and care for pets that aren’t my own!? Who told you that you could buy a newer car and it not be ours?” A person who would accept care, from no other neighbor. A person who might’ve not even contacted the senior center directly across the street, because they’d “decided” that, one way or another, I was going to care for them.
Please talk about how infantilized persons can become narcissistic and what happens if they end up having dementia! Lol I know itight seem unusual. However, I've had to caretake my aunt in this situation and it requires a lot of wisdom. I'm at the end of it thank GOD!
Wouldnt you want your child to be safe and secure financially speaking especially as they get older with no kids or spouse of their own? Wouldnt you be emotionally supportive of them supporting themselves and preparing themselves for their own future,? especially if they dont have kids? Some narc parents see their older children struggling in life bc they got a late start for obvious reasons and then all they do is apply guilt that the child is not doing enough for them or paying them enough attention and making up drama, and fake illnesses all in effort to distract you from your life and duties and things you need to do in the world, if only they could take care of themselves emptionally? As if life isnt hard enough, right? As if getting a later start in life in your chosen field of work isnt difficult enough ? Work takes alot of focus but then throw in an unsupportive guilt trippping parent wjo relies on you for their emotional well being, its hell.
I don’t care about a thank you. I have been doing the right thing. I just want her at 91 and her sister at 84 in another state, to stop the false accusations toauthorities. The 91 year old is my mother, living in a condo we own, exploiting everything we’ve done to assist her because I was the only child. She is still trying to control and persecute me and my husband because I have gone no contact and he is the face of both of us. she resents me and has made me responsible while being so irresponsible herself, since my dad died 30 years ago that she hates me. She and her family, a closed system of narc abuse and generational trauma and toxicity. I left the cult and I am the enemy.
NOPE NOT DOING IT, SHE WILL JUST HAVE TO GO IN A HOME.
Dr I am in this position right now with my husband, his doctor was shocked when I told him I am done. We don't have any family near us so I have to do everything and I feel of I leave him now after his big surgery due to cancer I am the bad one in this situation. I feel emotionally drained. How do I get out of this situation? I do have a therapist but I feel trapped and I can't take it any more. Everyone expects me to comfort him and support him but at this stage I am fighting myself not to feel anything.