When the narcissist in your life dies...
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My mother passed away almost three years ago. I felt nothing. Couldn't even shed a tear. I just felt lighter somehow...something dark was gone...my daughter said "good, the curse is broken." I was shocked. But I understood.
Aww, bless your daughter's heart. Such powerful words! It seems she witnessed your pain & KNEW the truth. May God bless you both.
I understand that. No matter how much healing work I've done for myself nor the forgiveness. I will be happy for my mother when she passes away because she was truly nasty, manipulative and dark. I'll feel relieved that I don't ever have to be that little kid being abused while she sat and watched. God can deal with my mom. She denied everything. I did my utmost best with her. DONE. 💜💌
I know EXACTLY how you felt about your Mother……I didn’t cry for mine either.
I can identify with your feelings about feeling relieved when someone close to you dies. We should be able to be honest and feel free to express ourselves
Thank you. My mother just died this past Wednesday and I have started feeling that way exactly. I couldn't put my finger on it at first. But your comment about the curse being broken is exactly how I am feeling. Thanks again.
Madeline Kahn had a great line in the movie "Clue"
"now I believe in life after death..
After he died, I had a life"
That’s a great line!!!!!
Haha 🤣 excellent ,I am 68 and can see how long i served a selfish father who only loved only one child out of seven 😡The Golden child is a sister and he speaks about her like she is his lover and always made it clear from young how she was born with good looks and I nothing 😡
😂😂😂
😂😂😂 that's great!
😂
When my dad died, my only thought was, “ thank God that’s over.” People kept telling me what a great guy he was and how much he loved me. Not because it was true, but because that’s what people do. I know what love is. That was not it.
well said
Thank you. Very helpful
Yea that was not love💯i agree and can relate. That’s all I know but im on a journey of finding the true meaning of love. I am still trying to heal from the abuse😔
I thought about this and would ask the question, "How did the person made you feel? What did they do for you that you appreciated?" Then I wouldn't add any comments because they are not here to cause anymore misery to me😁 Since the person were very good at being the perfect person in public, I would let each person share there experience and leave it alone.
That was not love,Or even hate.
That was a slave owner who finally died.
You're not alone,we are outnumbered,and no matter what people say,people can SEE,THINK and judge..don't underestimate them,there are a lot of good people out there,Lots of friends,there are lots of animals which they LOVE us..keep being Strong
The most important thing with losing a Narc. There is NO loss. It's only good.
You can't lose what you never had....
This is profound. I’m sure I startled some people with some similar comments. Of course, they wouldn’t understand. Their death was no loss at all….and my life has improved everyday. It’s true, and my truth.
It's hard to grieve something that was lost years before! The only impact could be adult children (grandgirls), honestly, I have to distance myself and hope for grace! It's self protection, hopefully.
Unless they left a narc sibling behind.
@@mightymouse1005Those are the exact words I've been telling myself for years and will be the words spoken to family who ask me why I'm not crying when the narc finally goes.
What my therapist has informed me of in regards to losing my narcissistic mother is that: I am not grieving the loss of my mother, i am grieving the loss of a POSSIBILITY for a mother.
I think that was the most important thing for me to keep in mind.
Those are great words!! Spot on! I once told my narc mom, i wish i was an orphan, so i could imagine a loving kind Mom who i lost for certain reasons beyond control!!!
I had this realization myself, not long after my covert narcissistic mother died. I did not grieve HER death. It was a huge relief, though also a shock, since I never really knew (consciously) that she was a narc until after she died.
Doing that befire they die is handy. Since motherly love can come from other places and people in life and sometimes its no good looking for it in the place its meant to be but isnt. It is sad though when anyone dies. Without being able to find peace in their lifetime.
@@kj3d812same when you break up with one. Youre greiving the loss of thee guy you thought he was. But realising it was in your own inagiantion and not real. Very like when johnny depp says to amber youre not real. The person you love is in your own heart not nessisarily the person you loves heart.
100% the same here
I truly love doctor Ramani, but I also believe that part of the healing is reading the comments and knowing you're not alone.
Excellent comment ❤️❤️❤️
Know that you are never alone. ❤
Absolutely!
@wendyrightnour1409 100%! The comments are so... empowering. I love that it can sort of undo the gaslighting.
Amen
An elderly friend of mine said, "People don't turn into sweet little old ladies just like that. They have to have been sweet little young ladies first."
Truth!
Right. If you see an old woman being talked kind of badly to it is probably because she was a nasty woman all their life. The caretaker finally lost it.
Preach
😂😂😂😂😂
Yup! You live what you've learned!
I grieved my mother while she was alive. What I was actually grieving was the mother I wanted and needed, not the mother she was. When she did pass, I was at peace with our relationship. I wish that peace to everyone listening to this.
That's exactly how it was for me too! 🙏 I did caught up in the trap when she died, 3 weeks ago. Arranging the funeral etc. I now realise I do not owe her anything and I can leave it to my narcissist brother.
I am grieving two narcissistic parents that are still alive. But God’s given me a peace about it. Some times are harder than others for sure!!
Pretty much the same here.
Exactly, I grieved the mother when she was alive, the mother I wished I had who would have been loving, caring, empathetic, who was really interested in my life and there for me when I was sick and losing my job or left my relationship. She never cared and that did hurt me the most. I am at peace even though she is 84 and often sick. I wish you all the best and love in life 🧡
@@dorus4737 Exactly what l did. Peace and freedom from now on.
It seems like even the Grim Reaper avoids these people until he is forced to pick these people up.
Now that was hilarious!!!!!😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
So true. They seem to live for a very long time.
LOL !!!
Well said...ugh
Now that's funny..... and I surly needed a laugh about this today. My narcissist grandmother is turning 95 next week. Because of Covid I didn't want to go out, but I put on a mask and bought a birthday card. Hallmark really should write honestly worded cards specifically for dysfunctional families ... there's a fortune to be made from us.
My parents were both narcissists as well as my oldest sibling. Dad dies first and had his whole funeral planned - down to buying his own flowers (knowing no one else would!). My siblings were AWOL all the years I had to try to care for both parents as they aged into infirmity. Having to organize and attend dads funeral was horrible. Smiling and accepting condolences and memories from all these “friends” who had never visited, called or otherwise checked in all those years before was awful. When mom died 5 years later and again, no sibling help, I opted not to have a service. She had no friends but plenty of people had opinions to express about my choice to not offer a memorial and free lunch! I have never regretted that choice. Mom was an especially adept covert narcissist and no one would ever listen or believe the life we endured in her “care”. I owed my terrible mom and these fake friends nothing.
Amen!
Surveyormarkable ...I've got that same kind of "Mom." Schmoozes & manipulates loads of people with money her late spouse left her, & all the babytalk compliments, etc. She has many on her payroll & so well fooled. However, I know the dark, covert narc she is very well. I wonder at times - what God will say to her about her actions & the kind of life she lived down here - once she goes into eternity.
Hope you found your path to healing now.
CC
People who don’t pay for the arrangements always have an opinion about how they think you should have done it.
"You may not be able to grieve because you have been grieving your whole life." - Breakthrough moment. I can now let go of the guilt for the fact that I don't miss my parents. Thank you for this.
God Bless You 🙏
It's a sense of relief that there are others who feel this way and not being judged
Agree totally ! ❤️
Me too I'm starting to move on and fix my life I'll don't miss my mother even I'll take care of my mother when she was sick she passed away last December I'll choose the people who trust
I'll be happy to stop grieving
my mother died last week, she made my life hell and turned my sibling against me, she left everything to them and they hate me. I couldn't even go to her wake. her poison seeped through everything, I mourned having a mother all my life ,she was emotionally abusive and I grieved for 20 years and she was alive, now that shes dead I feel nothing.. When I was told she died, I felt a chip leave my heart.
I'm sorry you had to go through that ❤️
Gina M I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this fallout. Its strange and I ran the gamut of emotions after mum died. It took years to get over the turmoil.
Gina darling you are always going to mourn for the Mother you never had but you will very quickly stop mourning the one you did have. I know I did. My Mother did all the same things to me and more but you very quickly heal and life becomes brighter... let go of the hurt when you are ready, only you will know when and you'll feel much better until then stay strong. There is light at the end of the tunnel that is not an oncoming train xxx
Sounds like my mother. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I'm waiting on the day.
I also dont know what will.I feel.when my parents died especially my parents.
When my father died, one of the first thaughts that came to my mind was: "He can never hurt me again. I am safe."
That’s exactly one of the first thoughts I had when my father died as well. Thank you.
You are safe...free and can live ur life now xxxxxlove to u xxx
That's the one. She can't get me anymore.
Oh my God.... I wake up in the middle of the night, and say quietly to myself ,“ It’s okay. They can’t hurt you anymore”. And if I have to, I remind myself during the day as well....
It's sad that you didn't have the father you deserve...I am still living with my narc mother and she's still alive.....Why does society allow narcs to become parents?
We were adults when our narc father died. The grief process of my mom was 1- do the funeral 2- rest quietly for 2 days 3- started moving outside all his stuff 4- called everybody and said to feel free to take whatever they want 5- what was left, she threw it in a garbage truck 6- called the contractors to start fixing and remodeling the house the way SHE always wanted but he never allowed 7-started traveling
I love this!!! Hurrah for Mom, and God, bless her. I'm happy she our lived her husband.
Way to go mom!❤
That's epic
Way to go. I did exactly the same thing and now I can enjoy my house, I have rearranged it the way I like, things I was not able to do earlier
I hope this for my mother. Thank you for sharing.
When my 98 year old mother died, it felt like a huge weight lifted, which I had carried my whole life.
If my mother lives to be 98, I will surely feel like I got gypped at the chance to have a life. The life expectancy in my family is 76, tops. It would be my luck that she’d live into her gosh dang 90s
Mine lived to 94. :(@@mrnicefungi
Is this genetic? My narcissist mom is almost 90 and healthier than I am.
I’ve heard some people give us cancer, and some people get it.
92. FREEDOM!!!!!
These people live longer than they should, because they go to bed every night not worried about anyone or anything.
True you are very right
No please no
So true!
Absolutely
You are right. The ones living with them can't sleep
When my mom died, I felt free for the first time in my life, 5 years now and the healing process is AWESOME!
I'm looking forward to my narcissistic mother's death
@@kq1586 same, can't wait xd
@@kq1586 I think they last a lot longer than normal people. My evil mother is 88, horrid and going strong.
@@c.lee.g.1723 I'm so sorry you're still having to endure. Take care of yourself.
When they go... Bad dream in the rear vision mirror! Sunny days ahead, woohoo!
It’s RELIEF for me! My narcissistic husband of 34 years died 3 years ago. My healing has been complicated, even with a good therapist. My greatest tool in healing is Dr Ramani’s videos. Every day I’m feeling stronger!
Watch these videos every day
Me too. Such a relief the creature died last year. Looking back over 30 years of such an odious creature is a very bitter pill to swallow in that it is has been such a waste of not being living a happy life. "Doesn't matter where you go, I'll find you, I'll get you, and I'll kill you", "Ill smash your f'ing head in and cut your f'ing throat", 'stupid dumb bitch" were favourites of his. Two refuges, six house moves, still 'it' found us!! Good riddance, I say.
Same girl same
Totally agree, it was a RELIEF for me.
So much easier than a divorce.
I began to initially heal within a few months of my husband's passing. So many changes, him, my home, almost having to live on the streets or my vehicle. I believe it was my faith in God and His infinite mercy kept me off the streets. Slowly, my life has become better and better over the years.
Eventually, I was adopted by a small church family who enabled me to move to a modest farm house across the road from them. I am happily living on my own, safe, under no threats of verbal, emotional, psychological, or physical abuse. I am loved, content, and joyous.
As a geriatric nurse for 22 years we have a saying ..... Evil never dies .....nursing homes are full of narcissists and believe me I understand dumping them there ..... Their horrible people 🤬
Ya they live long lives because they ENJOY themselves, while hurting others. It is thier reason for staying alive. Well, that and thier fear ( of what's waiting for them)
I’ve said the same about my narc mom, demons don’t die!
@@jamesrutter4100Thats what I said about my narc MIL. She refused to even make her own funeral arrangements or talk about death. She would just say thats why I have a son, to make the arrangements. I found her deceased two months ago and my husband finally has some relief but feels guilty about it. This video helps a lot. And yes, the estate is in a bit of turmoil like Dr. Ramani mentioned in this video. We are taking it one step at a time..
They are demons, not people.
My staff would say how sad that some patients would not get any visitors as they were so sweet. I would remind them that the patients may not have been very nice people when they were
younger.
When they die, you will finally feel free...
Yes , it’s really hard when they are your parents but I know the feeling of freedom is priceless
Sad but so true
Black Weirdo see that’s the thing with dealing with narc, even when they pass away they still haunts you
Black Weirdo yeah but like you said before it’s hard when they are your parents because I never wanted have to feel that way but it hurt the stuff that they have done
A person so toxic that humanity upgraded the moment they die.
You don’t grieve the narcissist. I grieved my mother long before she died. I grieved that she had wasted her life to narcissism. When she actually died, I only felt relief and free. Sad but true.
Very sad but very true
My mother was a very loving, compassionate and very giving person; an empath indeed. My father however is a vivious narcissist. My mother got alzheimers, and their house started getting to be dirt-house. My younger brother, the list-child is living with them and I am so sad about him too. I have another brother, terribly egotistic and in complete vicious jealousy and anger on me. He dumped a ver big debt on me and everyone under my fathers guidence declared me the guilty person by complaining that I am put under debt. So I no longer go to their house even to take care of my mother. Now, let alone all the anger, fury, sadness etc attached to narcissistic abuse and financial debt left on me, i have deep grief for my mother. It is both equal to grief after death and grief that she suffered. Now for example I learned that she did not have a bath since one month, my heart aches. 😭😞😞😩
She didn't waste her life. Narcs tend to have fun in life (from sucking the rest of us dry)
Yes
My mom is alive but I understand this 109%
I think I grieved my whole life for the relationship I wanted but never had with my narcissist mom. When she passed, my grief ended. I haven’t missed her or the ideal that I held. It’s mostly relief.
I can relate with the relationship with my mom, I finally surrender to that idea I am 58, my mom is still alive but the relationship is no longer something I seek
I am totally the same
I think over two yrs later.. Im just now having some visions of her and flashbacks of all of the abuse and neglect. I am calling my therapist Monday. This stuff kills your spirit
@Anne Miller mine hasn't died yet, but it's as if she has (no contact). I have tried to remember even 1 loving or pleasant moment from her to me. There was none.
Yes, I am in this club also. I’m so much happier not being around her!
My face hurt from smiling while people told me how "sweet" my mother was. Maybe so outside the house, but not with her family.
Mine is a witch and all her "Church friends" adore her
There's two in my estranged family, not blood related, Thank heaven! And thank heaven I don't see them anymore. They act sweet outdoors, but indoors, wow!! Plain 😈!!
Exactly, others not living with a narcissist don't understand, and have criticized me for not "acting" appropriately when she died.
I just told them that I don't do expectations, I am who I am, period.
Same. And she is in poor health and she and my dad live with me. I am just doing my best for them, but biding my time.
Yes exactly my experience with my mother as well.
My mother died last year.
She lied, smeared, sabotaged, controlled, withdrew support and understanding, wouldn't apologise, and manipulated.
I don't hate her, but I don't miss her either.
I can only hope that when she passed she was healed of whatever made her like that.
Good to know someone out there understands.
I hope when my narcissistic mother passes, that she gets her turn to stand before God and account for the horrible way she treated her daughter...as a child and as an adult.
Were there things she did that made you believe, even after knowing that she was an abusive narcissist, that she truly loved you?
I'm asking this because I cannot reconcile. She has done things for me that I really appreciate, like when I was in highschool, she would take a two hours bus ride to visit me at the boarding school every weekend, and brought something she cooked for me for a few months. She has always been supportive to me financially. Even though she has absolutely been emotional abusive plus physical abusive when I was a kid. Even though she clipped my wings from early age.
@@SerenaHe-z3k I recently heard about another type of narcissist called benevolent. That type of narcissist can do kind things and isn't intentionally malicious. My mother wasn't that type. Yes, she would feed me, clothe me and take care of me when I was sick but when I was healthy, she would beat me, be cruel to me and was very unsympathetic if I cried. For my birthday and Christmas, she would buy me toys. But, when the holiday was over, she would expect me to show her those toys and they had to still be in the boxes and looking brand new. If they weren't, she would take them and threaten to never give me anything ever again because if I played with the toys, it meant I was ungrateful. One day (when I was around 10), I noticed my toys were gone. I found out my mother took them and sold them because she woke up that morning and had decided I was too old to play with toys. I never cried so hard in my life but I couldn't let her see me because it would make her angry. I just lived in fear of my mother's anger and meanness every day.
@@SerenaHe-z3k Forgot to mention, I never believed my mother EVER loved me (although she would say it occasionally). What I felt was that I was property and my mother owned me.
Mom died in 2018. I was ill at the time+ using a walker. 2 months after she died, I was out walking a trail in the AZ desert. Her bad vibes+ words are gone. I am healing! Thank God in Jesus' name... Amen!
👏👏👏 ❤
God bless you🕊🙏💗
Patty, I am so glad you are doing well -thanks to Jesus for your recovery and stay positive even when those negative thoughts come around. Think only good thoughts and may you have peace now and forever.
I have been sick since I moved back to my hometown. Now My Dr is sending me to a shrink. As an empath how can I get thru this wout dieing before she does.
@@kathylagreca9893 I went through a similar thing. Arthritis, fibromyalgia -- the works. It worsened every time I would go see my mother, who was always joined at the hip with her husband -- who was a scapegoater. The two together were too much. After a particularly abusive episode, I had called a friend and told him I desperately needed a hug. We met up and he gave me a hug and listened as I cried my heart out about all the awful things they said and did, and how frustrating to not be able to walk away for fear my mother would die & our last words would be in such rage and I would feel guilty, so I had to see her.
When I was done, he gently pushed me away & said, "Ok, you called and as your friend, I came and gave you this hug - this time. But hugs make people feel good. That is very powerful. As such, it can become a reward for allowing the same bad circumstances to exist such that the same bad things keep happening, If you had a folding table with a leg that folded in and dumped all the food you carefully prepared for your guests onto the floor, that would be a tradgedy. Everyone would feel sorry for you for all the work you did. But... If you did not fix the table and it kept dumping food... This is not the first time that your mother's husband started all this ugliness between you. I cannot reward it again. When you find a way to solve it, THEN I will hug you."
Oh, I was shocked -- and really mad because he didn't have an answer on how to fix it.
But he was right.
For me, it involved not seeing my mother with her husband or alone. She was a senior. I called the Area Agency on Aging and explained how his abuse was affectingbmy relationship with my mom and that I needed to see her alone but with a non-familial agency caregiver so that if she fell, he could not claim I pushed her. Having an agency caregiver also meant that she stayed on her best behaviour with me, as I am disabled and that coukd be reported as abuse of a disabled person.
Oh! It was THE BEST 5 years I had with my mother! We went to lunch once a week, sometimes the park or the duck pond, and even miniature golfing! With this agency lady present, we were actually able to get along - at first, clearly awkward. But over time? Our companion did not have to chime in as much or at all with, "Well, that's not very nice -- could you try that in a nicer, kinder, more productive way?"
She died in 2020 & I have good memories I'm grateful for.
And I got my hugs - both from my friend -- and from my Mom, hugs that didn't feel fakey or forced. If she could come back to life, would I see her without agency support? Nooooooo...
It's not saying all tge good wasn't real. It's just where my inner idealist shakes hands with my outer realist. We all have issues and hot buttons. Some people's buttons are just set to where they will constantly bump and set each other off.
You cannot fix what's ugly in the people you love. You can protect yourself (see that you are safe), and, once safe, wear rose colored glasses. Not to blind ourselves. But, the way we choose to perceive things? CAN influence our real reality.
Hope this helps! Good luck, peace, and good health to you!
I felt tue weight of the world off my shoulders when my mother died. I said, “I can finally be the woman I want to be without judgement.” I wish I had this information at that time. I’ve carried shame for having these thoughts. Thank you.
You don’t have anything to be ashamed about.
I feel guilt and shame too and mine is dying right now
No need of having shame. Your thoughts were correct.
Exactly how I felt as well.....like whee...I can finally breathe
I understand, you live ur entire life with shame that your own mother doesn't love you, and what's wrong with you in HER opinion then the shame of not caring when they're gone....overwhelming
When our mother died my brother and I had a moment of relief, standing on her grave. He whispered 'our lives will be easier from now on' and I answered 'no more moving and calling security at work'.
A sigh of relief, short eyecontact, and then we put our official funeral faces back on as guests came to give their condolences
Wow!!
You made me smile, thanks.
So glad that you & your brother truly understood the reality of your Mom together, & that you two had those moments of genuine - tho' private validation & speaking the truth.
@michelleduncan9965 me too. We had a moment of truth and relief.
Later, we parted ways.
I am the family scapegoat, and he is the golden child, so our perceptions of our childhoods were so far apart that it made our relationship difficult.
I was starved, bullied in front of friends and neighbours, and regularly beaten. She would cut my long hair in my sleep and break things I liked. He was smothered into permanent childhood, suffocated as a person.
None of it was good for us.
I am still in therapy, but at this point in life I am starting to feel proud I survived, and also proud that I raise my own son differently. The family curse stops with me
Me too.
My dad died an hour ago I’ve mixed emotions for the dad I never had. But also relief that he can never hurt me again x
@Lívia thank you he lived with me for last 3 and half years and made our lives unbearable. Always telling me he wished he’d never had me even though we did everything for him. He was 90. We still have my mum here she is lovely.
Just seeing this post. How are you now?
Take the lessons of wisdom, and move on.
Best to you.
I get it 😢and I'm so sorry for your loss honey ❤😢
*Don't feel guilty for feeling relief.*
Death does *not* erase the suffering they caused, best to exit way before they depart so you can heal, otherwise they'll control you beyond the grave.
Agreed. What does fear is a liar mean? Thanks
Waiting...waiting...waiting...to feel that😅
Maybe you can feel fear in wrong context? Grief, guilt, and fear can be present. It was not our fault..we may still feel responsible. Self compassion needed.
Agreed. The narcissist's behavior (!!!!) when alive is the cause of the relief when he/she dies. The non-narcissist is NOT the cause of the relief and therefore should not feel guilt.
when they are alive they made our life a Living Hell
I shed no tears upon hearing of his death. I shed all of them for him when he was alive. If anything, I felt relief that he is finally gone from my life.
Thank you.
If they were still alive, they would still be inflicting pain on others so humanity upgraded slightly the moment it died.
It's so sad to admit, but I totally can relate, it sounds so horrific but if my mum died I would feel more relief than anything, but at the same time sad for something I never really had. What am I losing? She's never loved me never had compassion never been there, she's only caused me mental and emotional pain.
I totally understand. Our divorce was finalized less than a year prior to his death n April 2020. He was continuously contacting me. When I received the call that he had passed I was numb. I didn’t cry. The dread of him contacting me in his drunken state still pops up in my head. I know I’m strong and I’m positive I will work through this. The process does look different than grieving for m wonderful father when he passed. I felt free when my ex-husband passed. That feeling is still strange to me. Moving on to a happier life!
feel u on that one.. if my ex gf dies she kinds got what dhe deserved trying to ruin my life what she kinds did for 2years.. enough s enough
My ex died sixteen years after I went no contact with him. I found out via text from a mutual friend. Even after all that time, moving on into a real marriage and having two beautiful children, I felt a profound relief. There are days I can still hear his voice in my head, at least now I know I never have to worry about running into him by accident.
When my dad died I didn’t feel sadness that he wasn’t here anymore, rather I grieved for the relationship that I didn’t have and would never have with him. That hit me hard.
I was thankful he didn't live to an old age because I figured I would be the one to take care of him. I don't know why I thought that, well, yeah because my brothers were selfish. I cried but it was for a variety of reasons.
I know, you could never get it right, I feel the same.
Wow, my feelings exactly.
I'll drink to that
I went no contact with my overt narc dad 15 years ago and my covert mum 2 years ago and on both occasions I mourned them like they died. Like you, it was mostly for the life and future I'd never have.
I often wonder if i will mourn again when they actually pass, or if ill feel like meh...
You don't need someone to die to grieve them.. One doesn't have to be dead to haunt you.
Perfectly stated.
The ones alive are who haunt us the most!
I love your advice.
@@jannieracette5716 But when they die, they can't HURT you or anyone else any more. Inflicting pain on others stops the second their heart stops beating. Rejoice, my friend.
So do i
All of these videos are like free therapy sessions with a highly sought after specialist.. we are SO lucky to have found this woman, what she’s doing is invaluable
You might be interested in Toxic Parents by Susan Forward and It's Not Your Fault by Beverly Engel.
I 100% agree
100% right. She makes me feel valuable n respected n responsible of my own happiness n peace n being peaceful in my life.
I feel grateful to have found her n encouraged me in progressing on positively n mindfully in my life. Thank you for teaching me the invaluable value of my time n my health & to release the toxic person in my life for good. A person who doesn't value you, doesn't deserve your time, energy n space. Best to leave them in their toxic bubble.
Yes in total agreement real meaningful and in depth information about dealing with narcissistic abuse so happy I found this community the help in understanding this whole thing is excellent.
Thank you Dr Ramani bless you for all this help and information you have saved many lives.🙏❤🙏
I left my father’s wake a couple of minutes after I arrived. So many people who I have never met and have no idea who they are coming to tell me how much my dad loved me and how highly he spoke of me. It was
Like the twilight zone….. a
Living nightmare
I think what infuriates a narcissist the most is that they think that they have control over your happiness. When you let them know that that is not the case, they become enraged, because you have taken that power away from them.
Re narc controlling from the grave.
The last words of my narcissistic dying husband were:
"I'll look you up after I'm dead if possible". At the time many years ago I truly believed him.
Now I know better due to Dr Ramanis video.
Furthermore he he told our then 7 year old son:
You will be the Head of the household.
Sadly that little boy now at the age of 56 still believes this.
Hasn't been easy for me.
I have had to distance myself from these family members.
Only way to go.
Working on a book about all this - it helps and what's more it might help other women in this situation.
All the best from Stockholm
When I was leaving my fearful non supportive husband tried to physically block me. All he would have had to do is tell me he loved me but he couldn't. He was the king and the slave was breaking free! I never missed him even one day!
Right on James it’s the biggest payback letting them know you don’t need them and their nastiness my mother finally died and I thought GOOD RIDDANCE 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Then they go die so you can feel like crap one more time!
💯
My father discarded me 15 years ago. I don’t think I will feel anything when he dies but other people seem to think I will regret not reconciling. Yet none of them have ever been discarded by their parent. They’re speaking from the pain of having lost parents who loved them. Very different circumstances.
Thank you, same for me this and I'am sorry to say that from luck pampered have absolutely no clue. They talk bullshit, without knowing it - for their social world they may are true. But for many who didn't had the luck such comments are just scorn and can evoke serious anger.
Even if you say them what happened they don't get it they can't imagined being hated, beaten may even tortured by their parents or close ones. That's the reason why some continue to utter that nonsense. Reconciliation can only happen if the perpetraitor over a long process has changed and gave a real excuse on real emotions of remorse and the deep insight what he/she has done and that he/she really changed to the core.
But this happens rarely you realize quickly that it's just fluff and illusion at least when the swine begins again any form of downplaying, excuse etc.
Additionally: A reconciliation and real forgiveness can only function if you are in a position of strenght and power everything else is just falling back into weakness.
My narcissistic died yesterday. We have been no contact for the better part of a decade. My sister and mother wanted us to reconcile, but he didn't. They thought that I'd regret it too.
I don't. I feel nothing but relief that I will never be tricked into play the unwinnable game for his fleeting affection again.
You are so right. I never was supported or validated by my father (and mother). I grieved for 2 days when my father died then haven't had much of a thought of him since.
Very true , i’ve had so many people try and tell me i’ll feel terrible for ‘abandoning’ them .
However, I’m 100% certain that I will not miss being abused to the point of attempting suicide and worrying if someone put poison in my food that day.
When the narcs in my family die i’ll cry tears of joy.
First, I felt "Shock" Second, I felt relieved and Third, He used to always say "I'm worth more dead than alive" And so I am now waiting on the financial determination at this point from his Wife LOL! And yes I meant to laugh because I'm serious. He took so much away from me
Although, I didn't know my mother was a covert narcissist when I was being raised by her I knew that there was was definitely something very wrong with her. When she died I felt relief because I no longer had to be her parent. She died 20 yrs ago. My
covert narcissist husband died February 6, 2019 he was 93. I felt nothing at all. I cried enough during the marriage.
💞
I agree with you 💯 percent! Enjoy the rest of your life.🌺💝
♡
May you encounter nothing but kindness and mercy the rest of your time here.
If a poll was taken and honest answers were given, I wonder how many would say of their parent, that, in childhood, they knew that there was definitely something very wrong with them? I'm sure the number would be high.
I noticed after my mother passed I lost the inner rage and anger that I had felt my whole life. It just seemed to go away. I was surprised by it myself but it was like a heavy cloud had been lifted. I grieved her for months but in looking back on it I think I was grieving what I had so badly needed from her but never got.
Yes...
THIS
Very deep!
Me, too. My rage and anger are completely gone. ❤❤❤
Felt the same way with my dad and my mom's the same way when she dies. A Hugh burden came off of me. Just waiting for her to pass.
Departing from a narcissist is easier than waiting for them to depart. It is far better to avoid them. They are a non-person who are empty inside.
But people wont believe
Not true
@@idgafwabgs3031 Says the one who is not a psychiatrist.
You are so right!
There is life after death they are dead you have life🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
I could dance on her grave with the joy of never ever having to deal with or hear my mother's voice ever again. Later my sister thought she can take over where my mother left off. I just said thank you but no thank you. I am not doing mother over a second time! Good luck and goodbye. Zero contact and undiluded bliss without all narcissistic sociopaths. All thanks to dr Rameni. 🎉 what a celebration insight and educstion provide!
OMG, my sister picked up where my mom left off, too. I've finally gone No Contact with her, and it feels great.
I'm glad to be free of mine too!
@@rachel112263My daughter has been treating me just as her Dad did. The two had what became their last cruel behavior towards me. I dug up the strength to stop her this time!
Yep. Have gone no contact with my sister as well, seeing how she learned the tricks of the narcissist trade from mother very well.
Same here but it will be and is my only brother my mother taught him well!😂
OMG…this touched so many emotions in me. I WAS one of those who received some apologetic-like words from my N Mom on her deathbed (2006). She said, “You really ARE sweet. I never could understand why I was so mean to you.” Honestly, my other two sisters couldn’t even be with her in her 28 hospital and 8 hospice days. At the funeral, her best friend, told my sister and I that she always thought that my mom was too hard on us. It was still hard, as I had already grieved her loss years before when she disowned me for 11 years (right after I had just given birth to my son) but it was at that point that I began to break free. I felt deeply relieved.
My dad was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s, so although it was so sad that our last years together were in dad’s dementia, it was also a blessing that I had 8 beautiful years with my dad, who was a kind man. When the estate was divided among myself and my 2 sisters, one of my sisters received 50%, while my other sister and I received 25%. I’m so glad that we spent most of my dad’s money on HIS Alzheimer’s care.
At that time, I didn’t know anything about narcissism. I am now 63 and have been watching these videos for the past year. Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani…I feel like I am moving into a whole new way of living and of looking at myself. These videos are invaluable to myself and to so many others in this community. Please know how grateful we all are for your grace, humor, openness, acceptance, wisdom and so much more! You are a gift!
It really is moving into a whole new way of living and looking after ourselves isn't it. So grateful for Dr Ramani.
I'm glad that your mom, at least to a certain degree, admitted she was mean to you. I hope that has brought you some closure. I don't think I'll ever hear such words from my narc mom. I've never heard her apologize ever in her life, and I have never personally know anyone else who has such a violent temper. My dad died a few years ago and he complained to me before he passed away that mom was treating him badly. I can imagine because being with her can be like getting caught in a F4 tornado.
@@ASpringSymphony Rite of Spring.
I can't deal with ppl like your mom's best friend. They were there all the time, but now they pipe up... Oh bwoy. Hope you are doing well now.
@@ASpringSymphony I'm thinking about you...Yes, it did bring some closure and I, too, truly thought I would never hear those words. I really struggled until I came upon these videos this past year. I am in the process of healing...what a journey...doing very well, but still have many triggers. My mom also had a raging temper. To this day, I can't stand conflict or raised voices. The F4 tornado truly describes it! My heart goes out to you...PS: I am a retired elementary music teacher, and I love your "Spring Symphony."
When my father died I felt a great weight lift off my chest that I hadn’t even been aware was there and that I was physically carrying my entire life.
My parents divorced when I was very young. When my dad died at age 59, one of my first thoughts was “ why couldn’t it have been her instead”. My mom was 56 at the time. Now here we are, 37 years later, my mom is now 93. Nothing has changed, she is still a bitter, hateful woman who is never satisfied. Both her sisters are gone, I have no siblings, so I am her primary sounding board. Everything that has ever gone wrong in her entire life is always someone else’s fault. My life will begin only after she is gone.
That or you put her in a nursing home.
Resonates with my FBP( female biological parent)
They get more bitter.
They think they are in their 20s or 30s.
They want more, spend more.
They are more selfish, envious and play evil more.
I have no siblings either. Only child’s dynamics are more different and more difficult. Unfortunately my spouse, all in laws were all narcs.
Hell is what the right word
Me and my two sons could not hide our relieve when my husband died. Family were shocked.
I feel the same way about my mother. My father died first, and she verbally abused him, as well as all of us. My sister and I no longer had our dad to buffer for us. Almost 30 years after his death, my mother is just a screwed up. Her cognitive function is in decline, along with her permanent narcassism. She is a disgrace.
@@priyanesan3299you said everything here.
When I realized that the person I loved wasn't real, that it was all a lie, I felt like someone had died. I grieved so much. I think I had something like adrenal fatigue from the whiplash, confusion, and pain. I was so sick for months.
N Same happened with me. Part of me died the day I found out about all the lies and betrayals. Took me a LONG time to begin to heal.
I can relate
Same here. After his double life was exposed, it's like something inside me died. It's been a year following his brutal discard after 24 years of abuse and I'm still in so much pain. Not that I want him back but from the loss of knowing that everything was just a lie.
Yes I felt the same about my ex husband, even while we were married I felt surely this is how it is to mourn.
Well, when you realize a lot of relationships are like that, sometimes we will create a different person in our heads than what is presented in front of us.. it’s not hard to do, to be aware of our biases.. once I realized he wasn’t who I thought he was,it was easier to leg go.. now grief,takes time to heal from..every new day gets a little better..
That feeling of relief had me feeling guilty since my mother's passing. I felt like a horrible person for that. Thanks for making me feel normal again.
Me too. Mine passed 7 months ago. I had been no contact for 5 years. I don’t miss her
Do not feel guilty for another minute. It is waisted time. Feel lighter, feel happy, feel content, feel relief, feel that the abuse has ended and you will never have to be afraid of the next attack - which would have come. WOULD HAVE COME !!! Feel 70 lbs lighter. Do not feel shame or guilt in telling people you'r glad its over and the person is gone. Gonegonegone.
When people told me how they felt so sorry for me my mommi dearest passed- i told everyone not to feel sad, sorry or anything else for me, i told anyone- no need to feel this for me she was an intentionally mean nasty machine and i AM glad she's gone. The only thought i had: Too bad it didn't happen decades ago.
People looked at me weird- i could not care less what they thought of my reaction. I felt FREE
Its time to get out of this toxic cess pool that our family members so lovingly created for us.
Go out and spend your time with people who mean you well, do sports, learn a language, read a fun book, watch a movie that you get sucked into, go swimming join a fun group, volunteer your time.
Do not give anymore time and energy to these leaches who suck you emotionally dry even after they are gone.
LEAVE this in the Back VIew Mirror
Don't keep this dragging with you its like dragging the same 70 lbs back pack on your next adventure
Give yourself a gift: make a happy and productive live for yourself- you DESERVE it
Some people even when they are unwell will give you good vibes and energize you ..while others even in the best of health will cast a dark shadow and draw all the positive energy out of you especially if you want to be kind and loving towards them....sometimes you just have to let go.
When my narc mother died, I felt relieved. And then I had a functional nervous breakdown. I went to work but everything else fell apart. Because I'm the "truth teller and scapegoat" I lost my entire family. Not one single family member asked if I was ok, I was just alone. No death bed confession, only lies that sealed my fate. I'm still struggling with the grief and it's been 9years. It's been really hard to accept she didn't love me. However, I have realized that her delusions don't define me and I was born worthy. I am loved and I am capable of loving. I didn't make her like that and I am free. I can love her now without fear of rejection.
Yup, it's not just the mom you never had, it's the siblings too. You would have received sympathy for losing a whole family in a car crash or something, but with this there is nothing.
Love yourself first. You are worthy of it. This wasn't your fault and you are not alone in what you went through.
💞
Your words have helped me so much. So many similarities to my own situation. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Catherine Elizabeth Brockbank Amen!!!!
I felt nothing when my mother died. It was a relief. She had Alzheimers and was in assisted living for 4 years. The saddest part is I couldn't talk about the situation with my three younger brothers because they made it clear, it was out of the question for them. I had nobody to talk to at all. It has been therapeutic to listen to Dr. Ramani and read comments.
Mine was my father. I was the baby of the family, with two older brothers (I'm a girl). When dad passed away, I was so relieved. My brothers don't want to hear anything about the way I was treated. I, too, had no one to talk with.
I pray that you and your brothers heal and that your relationship with them is restored. 💜
Sometimes brothers and sisters find understanding years later and surprise you.
i'm lucky, my brothers know who my mother is. they didn't have the right word for it until i figured it out, but they agree.
I read your post and please know your not alone..
Glad to see this addressed. I lost my husband of 39 years to a variety of illnesses and complications from multiple surgeries over the course of the last 21 years. I did everything for him and in the process lost myself. When the hospice nurse came and offered respite care for 5 days, he only wanted to know why I did this to HIM. I thought he would come back home, but he passed early in the morning of the 5th day. Thanks to myself I had a will and other matters in place. He died 3 months ago and I am happier than I was before I got married. Layers of relief keep washing over me, and I just say thank you when someone gives me condolences. But I am secretly very happy he died and a little guilty about admitting it. A conversation with my therapist is in order.
This is your time to live honey. You only get one life, it's time to focus on yourself!
Be completely satisfied with the effort YOU put into the relationship!
20 days ago. And his flyn monkey got him moved by fh fm hospital. Wrong he had no will or directive. I wasnt offically told.till 4days later.i found out where the monkey sent him 4 days later..so um lotta fails for all involved bc they intentionally messing with my mind So yep huge mess. Lol but hey i laff. Im happy and he may have said fvck my feelings and monkeys followed orders. But his pals just might have to $$pay. Good luck op. We are free and it was all a false relationship
I'm so happy for you. I was left with absolutely nothing. My husband had no pension, no savings, nothing. I'm 67 years old, have a mortgage in his name only because he refinanced with only his signature but I am on the title...I still work to make ends meet. I'm afraid to meet anyone because he left me with such distrust in relationships...I'm glad I found this on you tube.
@@nancypetkovic6999 So did mine. I lost my husband 10 days ago, after fighting for him at the hospital, begging nurses to treat him nice (he was being grumpy and demanding to the staff, as he used to do to me at home). He left me nothing, he ruined my finances because he would use the cards in my name to the brim and beyond. And we have a child on the autism spectrum to care for with no job, no money, no family or friends (he isolated myself from every one). I begged him to make a life insurance, for both of us, in case something happens, so our son and the surviving parent would be able to care for our child. He did not. And the reasons for that? He told me that, according to the law of attraction, that was not good, because I could be trying to manifest money to leave him, and the universe would say “hey, you have all that money from the life insurance if your husband dies. Here, now you got your wish granted.” Another reason he gave me was: “haven’t you seen those Snapped episodes of wives killing husbands for the life insurance policy?” 🙄 I mean, the insults and jabs, and distrust he had toward me were as subtle as a slap in the face. But worse than that, to me, was him not thinking about his son’s well being if something bad would happen to him. He was much older, and with a lot of health issues, which also contributed to our overall financial distress. I was the only one there when he took his last breath. I prayed for his recovery because I don’t believe death is a punishment for anyone, it will come to us all. Also, I prayed because I knew I wasn’t ready to deal with the mess he was about to leave for me to deal with. I cried afterwards. I felt guilty (I know, I know), I felt angry and depressed. Now I am just trying to suppress my feelings about it because I have so much on my plate right now, it’s ridiculous.
These narcissists will not give up their ways. They will continue to scheme and connive even on their death bed.😟
Narcs don't believe they will actually die. They think they are God. But they do die and then notice a burning sensation.
@@paulclinton6414 a burning sensation 😂 And there is little we can do to help them except Pray.
Please help me. I have more to come when I father dies soon.! My sister is a narcissist and my father believes everything she says.
@@bbeanz1138 Once you know and understand the truth, I believe half the battle is over.
Absolutely agree
I think I’ll grieve more over what I should’ve had with my dad. The way he choose to be already made him dead to me.
Ditto.
Same
Same. Hadn't talked to my narc father, (who also molested all of us) for 32 years. Didn't shed a tear, didn't feel any sadness. I can recognize and be grateful for the privledges we had due to his hard work, (he was also a workaholic;) but when I realized what he had done to us as children, he was no longer someone who I would know. He was also a huge bully and a religious fanatic. Who needs to bully little girls? He was mentally ill, and would not face his demons.
I get alot of backlash for acting this way towards my narc Dad from my Mum. My younger bro and sis already bought into the idea that I'm crazy when I tried to tell them what was really happening in our family. Its really difficult to consistently stand alone and be the outsider.
Agreed
I was married to a narcissist for 23 years and his passing is what finally set me free from that Hell. He was so controlling and manipulative & my life was miserable.
I've been married to my narcissistic husband for almost 30 years. He married me when I was 19 years old and he was 44. We had 3 children together.
He controls our finances, and basically everything. He has never laid hands on me but the emotional abuse can be pretty terrible. However, he can also be kind (when he feels like love bombing me) and those are the moments I cherish.
I am autistic, (I was diagnosed two years ago at age 45) so my emotions are difficult to articulate and I also have difficulty understanding what I'm feeling.
When your husband passed away did you grieve at all, or did you mostly feel relief?
I'm asking because my husband has colon cancer and diabetes and kidney failure, and he won't be around too much longer. So I'm wondering what to expect to some degree.
I'm happy to hear that you're doing well now, that's truly wonderful, and I hope your future is filled with love, light and positivity, and validation. ❤️
@@Diannab75 To be honest when the narcissist husband passed away I felt relief. I cried maybe for 10 minutes b/c in spite of everything he had put me through I did not wish for his soul to suffer. I have not missed him at all. It's been over 10 years since he passed. After his death I was able to reconnect with family, go back to school, get a job, do things I wanted to do without constant criticism and being accused of doing things that I wasn't. Part 2 of the story is that when I was not fully healed from the first marriage and certainly not educated on narcissism I got involved with & married yet another narcissist. While the second husband was not controlling like the first one, he did other things such as the silent treatment and financial abuse. After a 6 1/2 year marriage I divorced that one last year, went block/no contact and never turning back. This time I am educating myself and working on truly healing. Stay strong, keep coming to this channel and community for guidance, know there is life after the narcissist. It's never too late to start over. Sending you good vibes and hugs. 🤗
A sense of relief that this person is not hurting others anymore.
They seem to live forever as far as I'm concerned. Unfortunately, mine are still here.
For fkn realll
Mine too
Satan is good to his own!
It's true. Only the good die young.
When my narcissist sister died of COVID-19 on Thanksgiving 2021 I was relieved and yes thankful
My narcissist mother just died. I am all over the place, but mostly numb. My brother and sister (narcs via triangulation) are selling the house. She left me a tiny box which I picked up from the house (of horrors) yesterday. I haven't gone through the box. She took so much from me in life. My wish for myself is to let go of the anger, but I am not sure how to start. This woman set me up for utter failure in life. She did NOT want me to achieve anything in life. And when I did, she tried harder to tear me apart. She took things from me, hid things from me, gave my things to my sister when she was alive and I was a kid. I wished her dead for years because she caused me so much emotional harm. Now I do feel a little relief but mostly I feel numb. Like I grieved for her for 45 years already and now I am done.
Same! Except I didn't wish her dead....when she gave my things away it hurt so bad as a child, she tried to make me drop out of school by allowing the teachers to put me back a grade twice then she wouldn't give me money to get to high school at all then she turned and bought my my first car that only ran a couple of times. I was still grateful. I removed her mask for her, told her she was a covert narc, that i bet she calls my sister and torment her, she denied it but my sister told me she did, she gave my other sister a nervous breakdown and I told her i know what she did to make that happen and she was wrong, I got tired of her negative talk and she gas lit me for not wanting to talk all the time saying i need a doctor. I told her no i just need to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. She said "Well let me know when you find out!" Went into the hospital and died a week later. Funny how the emotions go wild...she just be miserable, frail and unable to chew up her kids and spit us out anymore.... why does hurting ppl and watching them suffer make them feel so good??
You feel numb and a bit of a relief. The wicked witch did the same to me as well. I was so, so angry to the point I started lashing out at others. I sat down and cried because I did not want to turn out like them and I couldn't possibly have any type of healthy relationship if I'm angry all the time.
You @tj have a right to be angry and whatever other feelings you may have lingering on your spirit. The thing is after a while we have to release it, cry it out and all that good stuff. She already robbed you so don't allow her to rob you anymore than she's taken.
I hope you will one day come to accept that what you may be numb over is that all hope for the love and approval from her will never happen. Story over! All these years there may have been that small hope that one day she would validate her mother love for you, her child. Now it’s not going to happen and you cannot have that hope anymore. The BOX may contain her final gut punch to you. I hope that is not the case. I’m sure you are hesitant to open the box, ever. There’s a lot riding on how you will react to whatever it is. Maybe you should consider waiting a very long time before you do open it. There probably is no real need to rush. Give yourself permission to take whatever path would be most helpful to you. My personal feeling when a significant narcissist in my own life died. I wept for what could never be. My mother was in her 90’s and so it was not the kind of shock and upset it would have been if she had been much younger. I definitely was feeling the relief of not having to try to get along with her ever again. It couldn’t be done, by me. All the best as you work your way through healing.
Beware of your narc siblings, who may use her death to manipulate you.
My mom is still alive...the few things I cared about that were family heirlooms she gave away so I couldn't have them. Now I don't ask for anything and I don't expect anything when she passes, that way I wont be disappointed. She has a favorite child and grandchild and I'm sure they will get everything.
Pop the champagne?
Yeah, it's horrible, but they're horrible and I don't care anymore.
EDIT: All these narcs and narc apologists with bids of forgiveness, shoddy "outrage" worthy of bad middle school plays, poorly applied fortune cookie "empathy", and of course, knife-twisting/underhanded venom and capitalized threats can go pound sand. Like I said, me, and most of the narc-aware don't care anymore. There is no bitterness in, and nothing to feel guilty about feeling relief that the source of misery for so many to finally go away permanently. Why should it? Everywhere the narc leaves, everyone breathes a sign of relief and peace. Their death is just the final and most refreshing one. I find it funny how narcs are more upset that people will be glad that they are gone vs. the reason for this response in the first place, and will of course pull the guilt trip. But of course. How typical. How could someone so perfect and great garner so many people who can't wait to see them head off forever? That don't add up. That's not right. That's "impossibruh." Are they not so lovable and perfect? That's not the way the script is supposed to be. They're the infallible perfect Mary Sue gods, and these plebs had better "recogniiize", "respakkt", "check themselvz", and get their act and feelings together...starting with putting on that smile, suffering through the bull, and genuinely wanting that narc to stay as close to their targets for as long as possible. They don't know what you "went through" with some other person, but that's no excuse not to forgive, forget and see them and their glory and perfection and know your place in their world. Why would you want them to die? What? Huh? Why, if you happen to find an immortal potion so that the world can bask in their (insufferableness) perfection for eternity, THEY'LL be taking that, every single, sharable drop of that, thanks. Who cares about you? You found it just for them, and after all, they're the best, they deserve it. Everyone loves them. Shouldn't you feel so honored to bask in their glory? They are the winners, the best, the almighty....and it's all just so amazing because they do absolutely NOTHING to live up to their claims. But you're not supposed to acknowledge that. If you do, if you even think it and not feel like they tell you, then you're just a hater who needs to be dealt with by the narc who says you will know that their name is the lord. (Narc Bullcrap Holy Verse; pg. 89763000)
Oh, did I mention that they are the most important, relevant, awesome, and lovable thing in the universe? And to feel any relief of their death is the ultimate sin imaginable? No? I'll say it again.
I utterly refuse to put any ounce of my time, energy, care, trust, feelings, or empathy into a destructive human black hole, because it can, and will be used against you. No way, no how. I have no love for narcs, I even try and tone down the natural response of hatred, or at least not let it show around them, because even that is still supply for them. All I have for the narc and will offer a narc is just plain old cold indifference for the most part. The only good narc is one faaaaaaaar away from me. I don't wish death on them as a whole, but their death is just the final part, and true dead end in their Road Rage Destruction Life Tour.
~Cheers.
Yes the damage is very hard to heal especially when they are family
Its not horrible I would celebrate too
😆 I'll be with you celebrating 🍾
Unfortunately I don't like champagne 🍾 but I think I'll make an exception!
Exactlyyyy
Strange...... I grieved my father's loss long before his physical death. Any possibility of a good relationship was gone long before that.
I had to revise this comment. After decades of trying in every way possible, I was forced to face there was no way I, Nancy could be someone he loved and supported.
yep.Well said.
I can relate
@Nancydebosek How did your other family members relate to you when you went no contact?
Oh my, wouldn't that be nice to of had a good relationship, too much to ask coming from narcs, my dead beat dad, a scapegoat for covert, hit his head at the airport returning (70 & drunk) from vacationing alone in Cuba 🇨🇺. His airline wouldn't let him board the plane, the family he supported instead of me would stall my boarding to visit him at the hospital 🏥 there through their lies (her son was on his way awaiting visa, not true) Dad came home to die a few months later, the docs had revived him here as he'd has a heart attack, asked me what should we do, I said to his girlfriend and docs, "I've not seen you in 5 yrs!" (she was mad I wouldn't let her smoke 🚬 in my home), when they pulled out his tube, well, yes I was there, hadn't he told me yrs prior he'd always felt taken advantage of, well let me warn you people, in his case his tongue came out with it, sticking out as a child's would, I thought "How appropriate", a final screw you all from my kids' grandpa 👴 who was too cheap with his affection and money to let his grandkids know he existed at Xmas or on their birthdays! I never attended his wake, also declined her offerings of his stuff, my covert mom has me as executor/next of kin, she's in long term care, I'm not bothering swinging by there either, for all their far flung disappointments onto me, I'm so guilt free of it all I'm almost blushing 😳! Their passing was not heart wrenching and I'm glad for that! They burdened me with their insanity, tortured and made me sad enough when they were alive, I'm not letting them touch me from the crypt!
Agreed. Isn't sad that so many of us share this experience?
None of us deserved the venom we received from our Narc family members. We deserve better. I hope everyone here has found a little peace and some happiness for the future.
When my narcissist died it was more like the end of a war rather then the end of a life. Much like after a war there was an aftermath period
This is the best description of what I am feeling right now. The aftermath of a long hard war. I survived!
God Forgive me but I was happy. Don't have to deal with his crap any more.
Hahahaha sounds like a strong american woman who call us out in dating to get back on track with no b. s.
How do they think they're the cause of our happiness hence can cause it's destruction, probably because it's what they truly want and aspire to, weird!
I'm happy for you! You earned some peace and happiness after all that trouble. I hope I'll feel the same.
Im still praying my narsistic husband die already....GOD
Even God was happy to get rid of Lucifer.
When a parent dies, sometimes you grieve for the loss, and sometimes you grieve for what will never be. That is what came to my mind after my Father died. Forty years later, it still rings true. I also realized that after he passed, when I drove home and passed our towns welcome sign, that my body didn't tense up anymore. Until then, I never realized that it always did...I guess that's relief.
Yes, I grieve for what will never be. A loving mother who didn’t treat me and my father like crap, and didn’t worship her carbon copy son, who is much more ruthless than she. A life that I was able to spend some time with my dad without her inserting herself into everything, grief that my father had not out lived my mother, grief that the only way he could get away from her was to die. She followed 5 months later, couldn’t even let him RIP without having his attention and focus only on her! Been 11 months since my father passed and 6 since she’s been gone…I miss him everyday, I only feel anger, resent and bitterness regarding her!
What a great reminder. Thank you. This helps the grieving process.
Wow. I can see that I'm not the only one. I too was just relieved. Glad it was over. I actually felt much better knowing my father was no longer on this planet.
Take out champagne lol
Yes. Celebrate freedom.
hahaha...true! I would do that for sure.
It's a good time to reflect on how you managed to find release while they were alive.
Yes time to celebrate 🍾🍾🍾🍾
cheers, hon!
I just hope that I outlive the narcissists in my life..
You have! Narcissists don't truly live. Their bodies carry an illusion of life. That is why they try to suck the life out of you.
I'm more of watching these videos than reading but i didnt realize (til i scrolled down) how many people are experiencing similar sentiments and situations like mine. I experience grief while the person is still alive, there is a sense of loss that is hard to fill in. I thought it was just me. The comment section is a blessing in disguise so thank you💟
Right?!
I do the same. I can't watch these around my children but I spend time in the comments for this exact reason.
I was estranged from my toxic mother for almost 30 yrs and when my brother called to tell me she was dying I visited her t the hospital
I actually pitied her then, she became very distressed when she saw me, prob bc she was unable to control the situation for once in her life.
I lied and told her I loved her, gave her a kiss and hug and went on with my life finally free of her. She died a few days later and I felt nothing. I don’t even care what anyone thought of me for not attending her funeral, she treated me like trash for decades and I wasn’t going to go pretend she was a decent human being.
I could not even do the lying, never went to my father on his death bed.
You are a good person ❤.
Excellent video. My narcissistic mother died a couple of months before my dog. I remember telling my father that I missed the dog more acutely than I missed my mother. He replied that I shouldn’t tell people that, because anyone who hadn’t lived with my mother just wouldn’t understand.
I feel that.
One of the most difficult things for me to deal with is the fact that people generally don't understand how it is to deal with narcissistic parents. Its not something I can share with many people, because most people just don't understand. People who have parents who love them have no idea how lucky they are.
I get it. Emma, I have loved most of my pets more than my narcissistic parents. I'm glad that you and your dad had each other.
So true! I cried so hard when my childhood dog died but didn’t shed a tear at my mother’s funeral. Relatives wondered what was wrong with me. I couldn’t wait to celebrate the witch is dead, was happy with relief that is showed at the funeral. I was gloating without saying a word, it just showed in my behavior.
I understand.
The choice they made was so foolish, robbing us really robbed themselves in the end.
Then they are punished in the afterlife.
But she didn’t even notice it
Yes... The lost decade... Soul torture....
When the narc passes I told them straight up I’m putting you in a ditch in the backyard. A funeral is not necessary because I won’t lie in front of God and say how good you were when you weren’t.
Cremate as if it never existed.
My father has been planning his funeral for at least 20 years. He either carries the written plan with him, or leaves it with his sister if he travels. I now understand that he is SO worried about it for the very reason that he knows I will have no part of it. A ditch sounds fine to me. Ha ha. The only reason I would go is to support my younger brother who never broke free (at least as far as I know.)
@@paulclinton6414 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ain't that the truth
I am so waiting patiently. That will be the BEST no contact ever.
I'm reading these messages and see myself in these....I'm not alone. Thank you for letting me find this❤
You have no idea how much I needed to watch this video. My husband was a narcissist and destroyed me. He had gotten terminally ill and passed away, and I was devastated, but also part of me knew that if he had lived, I would never have peace, so I had this sense of relief, and I felt so bad for feeling this way.
Don’t feel bad you are rid of him enjoy life 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
He nvr felt bad mistreating you. Likewise you need not feel bad for him.
Wow! Thank you. I really felt this.
After you said the word relief, I exhaled something heavy from my chest. When my brother’s suicide was illegally assisted by my mother, I was alone in my relief that he would to longer have to endure her abuse. When my sister finally overdosed on opioids following her years long addictions left over from her raver days, I was alone in my relief that there was one less addict begging for help with “rent and groceries”. The onslaught of “sorry for your loss” was the hardest part to deal with. It was about navigating on a sea of empty default phrases. I had to be careful not to disrupt anyone else’s real sense of loss, while I had gained a bounce in my gait and tipped my face toward the sunshine more. I felt kinda sorry for anyone who didn’t understand my relief.
I understand it completely...one narc down, one to go. The relief was overwhelming
Thankyou for this
So glad you did this because my mum passed away 2 months ago, and it is a strange feeling to FINALLY be free, after 50 years of narcissistic emotional abuse by her.
I find myself experiencing emotions and thoughts I had never experienced before in my life, and it couldn't have been a better timing to find this from you.
I went no contact with my narcissistic toxic mother years ago but I still dread the day she dies. My siblings still talk to her and ignore her manipulative ways. They blame me for not talking to our elderly poor mother. She’s more evil than ever in her 80’s. What this woman did to me, I’ll never get over. She has ruined my life. I don’t want to go to the funeral.
Im the scapegoat and I know she will punish me more after she is dead. Such loss of what could have been. I will miss the mother I could have had. She has created so much havoc in our family. That’s her legacy.
It’s ok if you don’t go to her funeral. ❤
I know exactly how you feel My mother said like a threat that she’d come back to haunt me after she died and I think she does from time to time.
Don't let her continue to ruin your life. You can have the life you want without her.
I've been wrestling mentally with the question about attending my mother's funeral. From my mother to my siblings who are & have been golden children and scapegoats at times simultaneously.. I won't go to her funeral. I accepted my mother could never love me or mother me & some of my siblings would possibly do me physical harm. They are all emotionally unstable and loyal to a fault to her. After all these years I've got to care for/look after myself.. I'm the baby but I won't make myself a target for the emotionally sick ANYMORE
You do not have to go!!
I went and only got hatred from my sister...😢
"When a narcissist dies"....GOOD RIDANCE!!🎉💯👍🏾
I've been called heartless by flying monkeys for saying this 😅
Lmfao
makes you want to congratulate the ones they left behind.
Funny they can call you heartless but not the Narc
I’ve cut off my lying, cheating, betraying, undermining, triangulating, slanderous, sadistic mother. I feel amazing, so free and happy. I’ve achieved a lot and been really productive since. It was her who accused me, when my little dog died… “Huh! You won’t cry like THAT when I die!!”… She waited as though I should oppose what she said. I didn’t. I know I won’t cry. I’ve never been happier. Don’t be compelled to let them back in due to impending death. Every religion of the world claims life is eternal. There is no death. Put your own well-being first. ♥️✨✨✨
If there was reincarnation, narcissist would come back as parasites. That's exactly what they are, only, they live longer and attack the mind and soul as well as body
I would cry more for my dog dying than I did my mother. My dog LOVES ME. He shows it daily. Mon had the opportunity over my entire life but refused. If that makes me a bad person, oh well
No grief, just RELIEF for me. The only discomfort I experienced was waking up from the toxic prison I had been locked into & then having to adjust to my newly found freedom...like a caged animal being released after a lifetime of confinement. It's been heaven on earth for me ever since they left it
💗💗💗
I've already said goodbye and good riddance. They tried to destroy me but I stayed alive and learned to thrive.
I said good bye to my father long before he died, but always lived in fear of "he might come back into my life". A few times a year I would have to hear an update on him from my sister. When he finally died, i felt this huge.... HUGE relief. I still feel it. You wait!
I wish I could inherit my narc mom's estate, cash it and burn it all in front of all her enablers she used to gaslit me through life.... What a bunch of losers, vultures surely hoovering around waiting for their piece... yikes!
@Marco R Feel pretty much the same. Narcissists are so toxic, everything that is made by them are shadowed by their toxicity and wickedness
😭😭😭😭
When my dad died, I was sad and sorry, but then after a year of normal loss, then the real pain began. The things that happened over and again that made no sense. The logical mind started churning. How did I just keep trying to please a person that could not be pleased? The flashbacks started. After 17 years, I’m healing now. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
Yes nice to be able to make sense of it all!
@@jmh1080 If you get back here to read this remark, Just like to say What horrible experiences you've had; I genuinely feel sympathy for you. Please try to find a qualified Therapist to help you regain your mental stability & give you tools to find balance.
Have this issue with my adult son
Don't ever give a narcissist free rent in your head. It makes the, happy and it torments you. Normal people look for closure, to clear the air, to set things straight, etc. Normal people need to know own and accept that getting away from a narcissist is its own reward. Glad you came to terms with it - go on to enjoy your life, and don't look back.
Rebecca Hill- Please don't be hard on yourself. Evil can suck you in and leave you bewildered. We've all put up with behavior that is abusive. That is why we are here on this website trying to heal from the harm they have caused. Being kind hearted is not a sin.
When the narcissist in my life passed away initially my heart dropped… Then I honestly started to feel free! Like I have a new start in life now that I don’t have to worry about the issues he brought into my life. I’ve learned the lessons I needed to learn from that situation and now I’m living my best life ❤️
Me too. My partner died of a brain tumour in November. I have lots of candles and cried, until my counsellor
Has labelled my relationship abuse. Now I am healing x
When my mother died my siblings didn't tell me. I learned nine weeks after the fact, from my brothers ex wife. Mother turned all of her children against each other, making sure we would never be supportive of each other. I was disinherited because I walked away 17 years before she died. I was the scapegoat. When I told my adult son that his grandmother had died, he gave me a hug and said "thank God she's finally gone." By the time she died I had already mourned her.
They call it divide and rule but it always backfires on them.My mother did the same to our family .
I feel part of your pain although mine is still alive. I think I'll feel as you have. Sorry you were told late though, that's nine weeks of peace of mind that you could have had sooner.
I live in a place where you are by law required to treat your children equally after your death. Yup, mom has given everything away unevenly before death, except to me of course. I actually check the obits all the time even though mom lives 3 min from me. You are so very lucky to have left when you did, good for you.
@@Chahlie My mother gave everything to my two brothers, leaving my sister in the will and disinheriting me completely. Where I live you cannot disinherit a disabled child and you need to state a reason for disinheriting a child. I made the decision to contest the will, but there was very little left, due to her making sure to gift it to my brothers. I ended up receiving a small amount. Other than walking away, this was the first time I had stood up to my family and achieved my goal. I felt very good about that.
@@genevieve1300 Yes. Mom is almost incompetent (hard to tell), and there is just my house left, and me. My sister is taking it, and yes there is nothing after that. I can't even get back the money I put in. It's very hard to stand up for yourself, it's literally terrifying. I am so thankful I have a bit of money put away to start again in another country, even though I'm old. It must have been so shocking for your siblings to see you do that :)
I was happy when my abuser died. I knew that my children would never suffer from him. It was nearly the same with another family member who was narcissistic. It’s just so much more peaceful now. I know it sounds horrible that I don’t miss family, but when a family member has been the main source of my problems, I do not miss them.
Identical sentiments... good riddance to him and to my stupid family who sided with him... Idiots to the left please... best thing to ever happen to me was to be FREE of all of them.,. Cheers!
It doesn't sound horrible they destroy life in us. Don't feel guilty!
We
@@luciamartino4688 ?
Thanks for this. I lost my mom last year right before covid and I had to go into the hospital and hospice to make decisions for her even though I had cut off contact earlier that year. It was very uncomfortable and overwhelming and the doctors were not sensitive to me not wanting to be in the same room with her and how was I supposed to tell them. And then all the people saying how great she was and sorry for my loss. Then having to go through all her stuff and the estate. And then the hospice calling every few months to see if I wanted help with grief and it just retraumatizing me each time. And I had a hard time even believing she was gone, even after seeing the body. And I still have cptsd nightmares because of her. Oh and before she died I confided to a few people that I was just waiting for her to die. And of course hardly anyone understood and I was looked as a cold heartless person.
aww hugs.. wishing you healing and rest💟
I fully understand, your reactions are perfectly normal,,,,me too, same room, and feeling physically sick, be kind to yourself ❤️. You are a good person 😊
Same here.
My mother was a SAINT in our community because she adopted me. That's what people thought.
I learned early to never say one critical or complaining or defiant thing, to anyone. EVER.
Thank you for your comment
When my covertly narcissistic mother died suddenly of a heart attack my brother summed up our grief succinctly by saying very truthfully "There's so much unfinished business."
Your brother is a wise and straightforward man.
Wow! I felt that
Ordinarily people would say to you "I'm sorry for your loss." But in this case I think we'd both agree "I'm sorry for all the pain and confusion you had to endure" would be more appropriate. @@jasonwilkerson9497
Then you’re free...
Hahahahhaha 👌
😇😇😇😇😇
Plays george michael freedom
Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
I am the youngest daughter of a narcissistic mom.
Due to financial difficulties, I moved into my mom's house 9 years ago.
I am a retired RN, and for decades, if mom had any minor health challenges, I was the "point man" -- taking her to the ER, explaining medications, and observing as she invariably rejected, argued, and childishly acted out martyrdom.
Your talk helped me remember that mom has been a perfect rôle model for how NOT to parent, how NOT to partner, how NOT to be a sister, daughter, or friend.
Now that I've lived with her for 10 years I am learning how to control my emotions, and protect myself from the daily barrage of toxicity flowing from her words and actions.
Mom is 97 now, and is slowly but steadily losing kidney function. I have taken on more responsibilities and household tasks now; it is exhausting.
I am preparing myself to remain calm when mom's estate is settled by my two narcissistic elder siblings.
I am currently in therapy and will remain so while mom dies.
Fortunately I have 3 wonderful adult children who fully understand. In fact, they have been a source of support.
I consider myself extremely fortunate as I internalize the lessons I take with me.
Subscribed and Like your channel!
As my youngest daughter said, "mom, you will be finally FREE! I'm here for you."
They make slaves.
I too have a narc mother who we visit every weekend. I am an ex RN and she is dying every weekend. Then I find out she is a social butterfly all week. Had enough and completely stopped going. Just found out she is in hospital and they don’t know what is wrong with her. I suspect nothing is wrong. Covert narc definitely. Same day got a letter from solicitor that I have been removed as power of attorney.
She has her reward.
May your patience shower you with only goodness....
When my grandmother died, I just thought: good, now I never have to visit her again.
When my mom died I took a pic of her to keep and remind me that she was dead. I grieved what I never had with her. When my mother inlaw died, the song "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" kept running through my head. Living with her son has been another one of life's nightmares. I'm determined to live and live well.
Do we have the same mother and (ex) mother in law
My hideous MIL recently croaked too and I was so happy. She was alone and didn’t have a funeral or burial. That was great news for me! She was extremely narcissistic and so was her son but he got into AA after 25/years of sociopathic behavior and now he’s better. She, of course, never got better. Real Narcissists never do.
@@christar9527 I'm happy for you. Just wish I could send you a bottle of wine to celebrate!
Honey....blessings to you. Detach demon! In the name of the Most High God, creator of all! You will be better than you have ever been and it will be mind blowing and great.
"Ding dong witch is dead" lol
My own Narc Mother died last December. I found out a week later from a High School friend who saw it on Facebook. I'm the scapegoat, and completely severed from my 'Only Begotten Son' Brother and Covert Narcissist Sister. My feeling was, at least my Mother cannot hurt anyone anymore.
I have 3 siblings, all estranged, due to the effort of my now dead narc Mother. It is amazing how good my life is without them in it.
@@genevieve1300 Me, too! I can be myself in peace.
😭😭😭😭
@@joshuarachelramirezsmith300 It's all good now, my mother can't hurt anyone anymore, and my real Family is God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
Amen
When my mom died I thought “ now she can stop hating my sister & me”- NEVER A KIND WORD TO us, or about us!
When my father died, same thing, never once a kind word in 60 years. I grieved, not because he died, but because i never had a father. Never.
You are rid of her 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉enjoy life
As someone who has to put up with a very elderly narcisstic parent (luckily at a distance) I always maintain that a person's greatest achievement in life is not how successful they believe they have been in their profession etc, not how many hundred people attend their funeral. If the family members accepting condolences look at each other and say with their eyes "Thank God it is over"....thats the greatest failure of a narcisst on this earth.
The longer a narcisst lives, the fewer people are left around them. These few also start realising what that person is all about.
Congratulations to all narcisstic people. You will be very quickly forgotten.
The way a person makes us feel after they are dead and gone shows who they truly are. And then we finally realize what's left of us!
Yes, "what's left of us!"
I am relieved, but confused, I can't see who I am, I have no life of ny own.
There death is our freedom. Sad but true.
Sooo well said. 👍🏽
Their
Well said 🙏
One of her flying monkeys asked me "isn't it too bad there was no celebration of life for her?" (bait) to which i replied, after pause, "it's best i say nothing".
That in itself is a testament to how they lived their lives. Imagine having been such a horrible person in life that people feel like a dark cloud disappeared when you die.
I want an open casket at my husband’s mother’s funeral, just to make sure she’s really dead. She’s the meanest mother I’ve ever known.
She sounds like an old bat 😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
When my ex-boyfriend passed away I was having such a hard time grieving his lost. Then I saw a therapist who really helped me get a better understanding of what dynamic between he and I. as terrible as it is to vocalize and say it out loud I've never felt such a profound sense of freedom. Thank you for making this video
I couldn't care less when my father passed. Total indifference, that what I felt.
It’s not possible to grieve the death of these demons. If I heard my narcissistic ex died I’d probably do a little dance. The world would certainly be a better place.
Sure
For me too
Crescent Moon I keep it really really simple. To be in my life you have to conduct yourself properly. No exceptions. Particularly for family.