I was in in a unhealthy relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder or high levels of narcissism for years and it took years to get over It. It was the most painful, transformative and healing relationship I have had. It woke me to my own delusions on love. My co dependency issue, lack of boundaries and self love. I had no idea what narcissism was before this relationship and now I am well studied in the subject. I was always attracted to the wounded bird. I wanted to nurture them and give them the love they have never received. I have come realize this is a trap for narcissistic relationships. The truth being was that I was the wounded bird in need of my own love and healing. I believe narcissistic relationships can wake you up to what needs awakening in oneself. What I learned from the whole experience has been very empowering. Sometimes we have to become very lost..before we can be found.I respect that Everyone has there own experience with there recovery from narcissistic abuse. This has just been my journey. I have watched many of your videos over the years to help me understand this pathology. Thanks for sharing sharing all your incredible knowledge!
I started watching this channel in 2019 after finding myself completely broken and confused after a discard. I could not understand why the man who had tried for over a year to date me, showered me with gifts, and introduced me to his daughter would seem to change over night. Two years of what I thought to be a real relationship had in reality been a parasitic invasion, slowly taking over my life, orchestrating my every decision until I had no more thoughts of my own. The more control this man had, the less he wanted me. The psychological control is no longer shameful to me, but will never become less shocking. I had never experienced another person who truly had no genuine empathy before him. I had no defenses, only questions, self doubt, and painful memories of who I used to be. By luck, or by algorithm this channel showed up for me when I needed it most. I listened everyday, headphones on for 10 hours in the beginning. I was desperate to understand, desperate to heal, wanted to take accountability for my own participation, wanted to forgive, and perhaps more than anything I was desperate for the strength that only this knowledge could bestow. After years no contact this man found my business phone number listed online and reached out to me. I can’t tell you how desperately I wanted this at one point, I would have done anything -anything- to hear him say he changed his mind, or even just act like nothing happened and ask me over. Eventually I came more and more into the land of the living, and realized I hoped he wouldn’t come back. I hoped he wouldn’t because I didn’t trust myself to say no to him. But I did it. When he called and apologized for the past I let him speak barely making a sound on my end, I let him explain himself, let him invite me to the cabin for a week… and then I said, “It must be exhausting to be so empty that your hours are spent scouring the internet in search of someone to play pretend with. I can’t believe you’re still doing it. I mean, we had a good time but it was a game and I am definitely not interested in playing anymore. It’s been years, don’t contact me like this ever again, it is embarrassingly unattractive.” Then hung up and blocked him from my work line. Not sure how I feel about my on the spot response, but I did it. With out Vaknin I never would have gotten to this place. Thanks Sam, I will continue to support your work and am forever grateful to you.
Wow your reply is stunningly spot-on and I need to remember that in case my narcissistic ex that discarded me like trash after the same type of Love bombing and future faking comes back around when all of our other supplies are temporarily out of order. Thank you for that response I will customize it write it down and put it in my pocket so I won't forget what I need to say when she eventually comes back in the future when all of her world goes to hell for a while.
@@phildabney5487 I wish you the best, just never forget that these people will pull you back just to break you with out a single reason. They will never care, and the more you do, the more they will disrespect you and treat you like garbage. It’s never worth it. They’ll always come back. Days, weeks, or years, they’ll always come back. It’s validating when it happens, but that’s all it needs to be and nothing more. Stay strong, I’m glad you’re free from that relationship.
Thanks sam v. I'd never have understood that domestic terrorist i focused on because he insisted, during when affection,sex, and devotion reigned, then the moment of incomprehensibly cold discard. You are a marvelous teacher and because of you I get what happened!
The narc's mother said to me, " as long as I have a son like him," "I don't need a daughter". Well...... I guess not. That's the closest thing you can get is a narcissist, alcoholic son. You're a blessed lady...😂🤓
I have been re idealised , lovebombed, ojectified discarded for setting boundaries, all in three weeks. As a recovering borderline i am empty again. Its agonising.
@@dagnytaggart5216 she would have to be brought out into full conciousness via dbt. I am well into my second year , its a complete reframing of everything you thought you knew, delusions illusions, its bottomless
@@carolinemorrissey4602 Amazing. My daughter keeps thinking that I’m supposed to swoop in and rescue her. I don’t care what the experts say, I think that Cluster B type stuff is genetic (and of course I’m going against current academia) and if that’s true you must have to fight against everything in your being to just function ever day. My hat’s off to you. Not many people want to work that hard at getting better. I wish you well. And I’m not your mom or anything, but I’m proud of you 👍
Please keep up with the great informative content with the added bonus of the jokes thrown in. I love it! Every professor should be like that. Thank you 😊👍
All the "love" objects of the male narcissists I have ever known, have been cars, motorbikes or other mechanical "toys" boys posing as grown men play with. I have heard more emotion expressed about "love" and "beauty" to these "things" than to the woman (me) sitting in front of them. To express more emotion towards/about a thing, than a person, is beyond me....
Around the holidays my ex Narcissist would take photos with one of his “toys” pretending it was his wife/girlfriend with the caption “Merry Christmas from us to you and yours.” 😂
Sam, is there such a thing as a vulnerable narcissist punishing you for 'accepting' his shared fantasy? I remember being belittled for trying to make that fantasy happen in reality, and narcissist eventually communicating that the reality will never live up to his fantasy - his exact words. Didn't understand it at the time but I was willing to follow the 'program' yet being punished for it. Could this be a form of somewhat self-aware narcissist, not wanting to drag me along because he somehow knew the shared fantasy was wrong? It seemed sometimes that he had his own struggles with the shared fantasy and the false self. I really don't know how else to phrase this question, it just seems there were sometimes genuine moments when he tried to 'protect' me from his crazy NPD world.
17 years wasted the damage done to my children family me is unmeasurable so pointless i wish i could erase it all he made sure i would not be able to i wake up and go to sleep with it it's like a bad dream sadness that won't go away
Most insurance cover therapy at no cost. I'm not sure if you're employed and have insurance through your job, but I've been going to therapy for free since January. If not listening to Prof. Vaknin daily is just as good! Praying for you! ❤
Prof. Vaknin. I saw in one of your videos, that you commented that our society has become more narcissistic because of our move from an agrarian culture, to the move to cities. You also said that the next our societies next step will be........(I can't find the video) because of these smart phones. Can you please repeat this full quote? Always appreciate all of the information you continue to provide.
I do mispronounce words. English is my fourth language. But this is not a question of pronunciation: dissasociation and dissociation are two words, not the same word.
If the intimate partner falls in love with the way she sees herself through the narcissists eyes, doesn’t that make the intimate partner a narcissist? Falling in love with herself, right?
I'm grateful the narc man provided my healthy narc child phase that I'd missed as a little girl. The booby prize but a valuable repair in my sense of myself as female before DDay... discard!
I must be not getting with the program for too many years. Im not sure why I still am here other than i somehow hang on to hope for change that I guess wont happen. He always sucks me back in. Promising and crying. I feel pretty stupid and low.
Hello Dr Sam, I have been talking to someone for the past months, I am suspecting he is narcissistic. I wanted to know if the death of a loved one can trigger narcissistic traits later on in someone or does it always stem from childhood ? Can it be the initial source of someones narcissism ? His used to be girlfriend passed away 2 years ago, they were together for three years, he is 26 years old. I did some research on death and narcissim but can't find anything concrete.
I was her whole entire life. It's kinda pathetic. She can't just chill and be alone. Everything is to get attention and be somebody's Lennie from of Mice and Men lol
Should we have the government create an AI to secretly monitor everyone's communications so that we can decide who is a narcissist, and then apply it to their invisible social credit score?
That would be a total waste of time, people who aren't narcissistic can often act narcissistic and alter the score, same as antisocial personality disorder. Someone who doesn't have aspd would also get violent easily if frustrated. And you mentioned the scores are invisible so what can the government even use the score for
@@sam2op961 It was a joke bro. Though you would prob. be surprised what AI can do if given enough info and context. Humans continually have been so far.
I was in in a unhealthy relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder or high levels of narcissism for years and it took years to get over It. It was the most painful, transformative and healing relationship I have had. It woke me to my own delusions on love. My co dependency issue, lack of boundaries and self love. I had no idea what narcissism was before this relationship and now I am well studied in the subject.
I was always attracted to the wounded bird. I wanted to nurture them and give them the love they have never received. I have come realize this is a trap for narcissistic relationships. The truth being was that I was the wounded bird in need of my own love and healing. I believe narcissistic relationships can wake you up to what needs awakening in oneself. What I learned from the whole experience has been very empowering. Sometimes we have to become very lost..before we can be found.I respect that Everyone has there own experience with there recovery from narcissistic abuse. This has just been my journey.
I have watched many of your videos over the years to help me understand this pathology. Thanks for sharing sharing all your incredible knowledge!
thank you for these videos on shared fantasy, they are golden knowledge.
After so many years of experiencing doormat-itis my skin has grown as thick as a rhinoceros.
I started watching this channel in 2019 after finding myself completely broken and confused after a discard. I could not understand why the man who had tried for over a year to date me, showered me with gifts, and introduced me to his daughter would seem to change over night. Two years of what I thought to be a real relationship had in reality been a parasitic invasion, slowly taking over my life, orchestrating my every decision until I had no more thoughts of my own. The more control this man had, the less he wanted me. The psychological control is no longer shameful to me, but will never become less shocking. I had never experienced another person who truly had no genuine empathy before him. I had no defenses, only questions, self doubt, and painful memories of who I used to be. By luck, or by algorithm this channel showed up for me when I needed it most. I listened everyday, headphones on for 10 hours in the beginning. I was desperate to understand, desperate to heal, wanted to take accountability for my own participation, wanted to forgive, and perhaps more than anything I was desperate for the strength that only this knowledge could bestow.
After years no contact this man found my business phone number listed online and reached out to me. I can’t tell you how desperately I wanted this at one point, I would have done anything -anything- to hear him say he changed his mind, or even just act like nothing happened and ask me over. Eventually I came more and more into the land of the living, and realized I hoped he wouldn’t come back. I hoped he wouldn’t because I didn’t trust myself to say no to him.
But I did it. When he called and apologized for the past I let him speak barely making a sound on my end, I let him explain himself, let him invite me to the cabin for a week… and then I said, “It must be exhausting to be so empty that your hours are spent scouring the internet in search of someone to play pretend with. I can’t believe you’re still doing it. I mean, we had a good time but it was a game and I am definitely not interested in playing anymore. It’s been years, don’t contact me like this ever again, it is embarrassingly unattractive.” Then hung up and blocked him from my work line.
Not sure how I feel about my on the spot response, but I did it. With out Vaknin I never would have gotten to this place. Thanks Sam, I will continue to support your work and am forever grateful to you.
Wow your reply is stunningly spot-on and I need to remember that in case my narcissistic ex that discarded me like trash after the same type of Love bombing and future faking comes back around when all of our other supplies are temporarily out of order. Thank you for that response I will customize it write it down and put it in my pocket so I won't forget what I need to say when she eventually comes back in the future when all of her world goes to hell for a while.
@@phildabney5487 I wish you the best, just never forget that these people will pull you back just to break you with out a single reason. They will never care, and the more you do, the more they will disrespect you and treat you like garbage. It’s never worth it. They’ll always come back. Days, weeks, or years, they’ll always come back. It’s validating when it happens, but that’s all it needs to be and nothing more. Stay strong, I’m glad you’re free from that relationship.
Thanks sam v. I'd never have understood that domestic terrorist i focused on because he insisted, during when affection,sex, and devotion reigned, then the moment of incomprehensibly cold discard. You are a marvelous teacher and because of you I get what happened!
Much love and respect from Greece Professor!
The narc's mother said to me, " as long as I have a son like him," "I don't need a daughter". Well...... I guess not. That's the closest thing you can get is a narcissist, alcoholic son. You're a blessed lady...😂🤓
I have been re idealised , lovebombed, ojectified discarded for setting boundaries, all in three weeks. As a recovering borderline i am empty again. Its agonising.
Recovering borderline? How does one recover from BPD? Any advice/guidance I could pass on to my adult daughter?
@@dagnytaggart5216 she would have to be brought out into full conciousness via dbt. I am well into my second year , its a complete reframing of everything you thought you knew, delusions illusions, its bottomless
I've been experiencing the same cycle thingy for almost 6 years.. I need to stay,I cant leave.
@@carolinemorrissey4602 Amazing. My daughter keeps thinking that I’m supposed to swoop in and rescue her. I don’t care what the experts say, I think that Cluster B type stuff is genetic (and of course I’m going against current academia) and if that’s true you must have to fight against everything in your being to just function ever day. My hat’s off to you. Not many people want to work that hard at getting better. I wish you well. And I’m not your mom or anything, but I’m proud of you 👍
We are proud of you for doing the work 🙏💓
Please keep up with the great informative content with the added bonus of the jokes thrown in. I love it! Every professor should be like that.
Thank you 😊👍
All the "love" objects of the male narcissists I have ever known, have been cars, motorbikes or other mechanical "toys" boys posing as grown men play with. I have heard more emotion expressed about "love" and "beauty" to these "things" than to the woman (me) sitting in front of them.
To express more emotion towards/about a thing, than a person, is beyond me....
Around the holidays my ex Narcissist would take photos with one of his “toys” pretending it was his wife/girlfriend with the caption “Merry Christmas from us to you and yours.” 😂
@@cloverleaf4663 🤭
Dogs?
@@cloverleaf4663😂they idolize objects and humans/women the same. Run away so far away
@@RAMRRR545 oh yes he and the memory of his perfect companion
Wow Dr. Vaknin, Thank you so much for your incredible insight and expertise.
Yes, you are hypnotic Dr. Vaknin 😁
Sam, is there such a thing as a vulnerable narcissist punishing you for 'accepting' his shared fantasy? I remember being belittled for trying to make that fantasy happen in reality, and narcissist eventually communicating that the reality will never live up to his fantasy - his exact words. Didn't understand it at the time but I was willing to follow the 'program' yet being punished for it. Could this be a form of somewhat self-aware narcissist, not wanting to drag me along because he somehow knew the shared fantasy was wrong? It seemed sometimes that he had his own struggles with the shared fantasy and the false self. I really don't know how else to phrase this question, it just seems there were sometimes genuine moments when he tried to 'protect' me from his crazy NPD world.
Yes.
One of your best. So accurate. Every word.
Do I recognize Richard Grannon’s doppelgänger at the end of the vid? lol
Dr.,I have a question.
When does the devaluation stage start after the wedding?
17 years wasted the damage done to my children family me is unmeasurable so pointless i wish i could erase it all he made sure i would not be able to i wake up and go to sleep with it it's like a bad dream sadness that won't go away
I will listen to your dad jokes any day, Professor!😊
Wish I had money to pay for counselling, I keep attracting the same person and this breaks me apart! So painful to fall, only to let go again
Most insurance cover therapy at no cost. I'm not sure if you're employed and have insurance through your job, but I've been going to therapy for free since January. If not listening to Prof. Vaknin daily is just as good! Praying for you! ❤
Remain happily single❤
Prof. Vaknin. I saw in one of your videos, that you commented that our society has become more narcissistic because of our move from an agrarian culture, to the move to cities. You also said that the next our societies next step will be........(I can't find the video) because of these smart phones. Can you please repeat this full quote? Always appreciate all of the information you continue to provide.
He objectives me as his sex addiction
You always make me smile 😊
My respects to you .....thank you for unlocking ...
Never doubt the professor's know how as far as pronunciations are concerned. He's the top man.
I do mispronounce words. English is my fourth language. But this is not a question of pronunciation: dissasociation and dissociation are two words, not the same word.
Hypnotic, well yes!!
So glad to hear and see you again, fascinating topic 👌
They surpass daddy jokes, they really are uncle jokes😂😂😂
I’m smiling 😅
Oh I cannot wait for the day I am discarded
That’s a pretty hard pill to swallow for an insignificant other…
yeh
If the intimate partner falls in love with the way she sees herself through the narcissists eyes, doesn’t that make the intimate partner a narcissist? Falling in love with herself, right?
It is an infantile, narcissistic form of self-love - but it does not amount to pathological narcissism.
I'm grateful the narc man provided my healthy narc child phase that I'd missed as a little girl. The booby prize but a valuable repair in my sense of myself as female before DDay... discard!
You are hilarious!
I love Your jokes Professor!
I must be not getting with the program for too many years. Im not sure why I still am here other than i somehow hang on to hope for change that I guess wont happen. He always sucks me back in. Promising and crying. I feel pretty stupid and low.
Are you financially dependent on him? Maybe betrayal blindness and trauma bonding plays a role. I would certainly listen to your heart miss.
Hello Dr Sam, I have been talking to someone for the past months, I am suspecting he is narcissistic. I wanted to know if the death of a loved one can trigger narcissistic traits later on in someone or does it always stem from childhood ? Can it be the initial source of someones narcissism ? His used to be girlfriend passed away 2 years ago, they were together for three years, he is 26 years old. I did some research on death and narcissim but can't find anything concrete.
Every person alive has narcissistic defenses.
Good evening Dr Vaknin,
Can the final phase of twinship transference be completed non-verbally and completely without words?
Yes.
@@samvakninThank you very much for replying 🙏
Wow!😅
Soooo working 😂
I was her whole entire life. It's kinda pathetic. She can't just chill and be alone. Everything is to get attention and be somebody's Lennie from of Mice and Men lol
Ahahahhahahah
Your jokes 😂
Should we have the government create an AI to secretly monitor everyone's communications so that we can decide who is a narcissist, and then apply it to their invisible social credit score?
i disagree with the premise of your question, the government power structure of today is fundamentally *pro-narcissist*.
That would be a total waste of time, people who aren't narcissistic can often act narcissistic and alter the score, same as antisocial personality disorder. Someone who doesn't have aspd would also get violent easily if frustrated. And you mentioned the scores are invisible so what can the government even use the score for
@@sam2op961 It was a joke bro. Though you would prob. be surprised what AI can do if given enough info and context. Humans continually have been so far.
@@winning3329 there is no point in showing the score when the person is dead
@@mhill88ify Oh my bad then hahah
if a man is my limerent object, am I high on the narc spectrum?
Search the channel about what is and what is not love .