"" who you marry will be the biggest financial decision of your life " Obviously stated by a blue piller, in reality the biggest financial decision you will ever make is IF you marry.
Salute to you my grandpa died with no help from the VA my kids and grandkids will not be joining any military army my family (grandpa )served and he died with nothing to his name.
I've been this guy. Probably one of the lowest points of my life was going around the grocery store with a calculator and having to put some stuff back because it just didn't fit in the budget. I feel for you, dude.
@@darkbee2359 I love Dave and he always gives great simple advise but I can’t spend any less on a rental. My rental is 1300 and I’m a low income earner. My husband is too. We live in a area that’s high and we are stuck co parenting my kids here. The one and only downside to the baby steps is - he owned his house before starting the steps so if you are a renter he’s a little out of touch.
Downgrade to a 1 bedroom apartment. When I was young and my parents divorced that’s all my dad could afford. My brothers and I didn’t care if we had our own room, we just wanted to be with dad. Start with lowering your cost of living as much as possible then get to work. You got this!
Same thing, when my father move out. He moved into a one bedroom. I slept in his room and he slept in the livingroom. I didn't care about bedroom. I just want my daddy.
@@TheCandyShopGirli agree, but in nyc the rent for a adequate place to live is 1800-2500 a month, minimum wage is still $15, increasing your income is essentially slaving, Working 40+ hours a week. I dont blame the people i blame this corrupt government. For forcing its people to live paycheck to paycheck
This is exactly what happened to me 10 years ago, I told the judge I couldn’t afford to live in the city and pay real high child support, he and my ex both said not our problem….now 10 years later my situation changed and now my ex wife can’t afford to stay where we live, I didn’t say it back to her but I believe God has now put her where she’s at to show her how she treated me
Do you mind if I ask how did something that was once so good where you have children together then go so bad? How old were you when you got married. Her?
When my younger brother went thru his divorce, he forced himself to downsize to a 1 bedroom apartment and he had a son to raise as a single parent. It's just a temporary situation but you have to force yourself to change for the better.
I saw the title and expected the caller to be a 20something who got a really nice apartment because they wanted to live in a cool area. I’m glad this call showed that some people end up in bad situations not because they were reckless but simply because of life events.
This is Dave's sweet spot. When it comes to math, wishful thinking or ignoring it will not work. Hard to hear but true. I don't always agree with some of Dave's advice, but here he is spot on.
In Croatia rent and mortgage has always been about 50% of income. Most people earn €800-1200 and rents now are over €500 if you don't want to live in a complete dumpster.
@@rhondahopkins4366 Rhonda, did you read my post? Do you even realize WHY prices go up? It's called inflation. As mortgage rates hike up, so do rent. It's common knowledge.
No, these are the same interest rates before COVID. Greedy corporations and greedy landlords after covid. All these so-called luxury apartments is just like the houses that they are buildings they are a piece of junk. American people have lost they're mine. All this money for slab of cement in and a cement basement in vinyl siding in wood. Crazy, Greed
None of this advice works, I am in the same exact place... A new career would require time and money... Nothing cheaper than 50% of my income .. If I move, what am I supposed to do in the meantime... Central Florida, it's all i know... -(single mom)
@charityalcott7455 he would probably tell you to downgrade where you live to pay less work 2 jobs be stingy with your money... I agree it's hard right now to get off the ground but it's make the sacrifice or suffer
I have a friend and her mom relocating just for this reason!! They brought their home in 2014.... payments have pretty much doubled due to taxes and insurance.
@@kaitiscarlett9022 maybe in some areas but around me (SA-NB-ATX) housing and rental market has no signs of going down. My rent is about 50% of my income as well, I live comfortably for the most part but they tried to raise my rent by 8% in my most recent renewal. The prices are very out of touch with reality
Sad reality of young people and those on fixed incomes. Rent has increased so much it's no longer feasible to remain within the budget percentages Dave has set out.
Exactly! People who make a lot of money are so out of touch with the reality of middle class. The economy is horrible and there isn’t much we can do to get around it.
Umm... They never asked him how much his rent is and how much his income is. It's one thing for 50% of your income going to rent when you make 50,000/yr vs 100,000/yr or more.
What I’d like to know is what job that isn’t a doctor or lawyer pays enough money to only spend 30% of your monthly income on rent? Where are these jobs? Nobody is paying wages to match the insane cost of living.
Nurse, plumber, electrician, hair dresser, physical therapist, HVAC...the list isn't super long, but the key is training. People with skills get paid, so if you can go back to school for a degree or for training, you'll find something that will help support you.
@@michelepuenteIf you can barely pay rent there’s no way that you can pay for training. You need money to make money, that’s why so many people get stuck.
right... and even if you include all of these jobs that make that much... not EVERYONE can be those??? yeah like every single American citizen will be a nurse or HVAC specialist... lol... can't run a society like that...
The problem with the "just move" solution is that even if you move to a lower rent area, the wages in those areas lower at the same rate, leaving workers constantly paying 50% of their income just for having a roof over their heads. It's not like you can magically move out of the city and things get better unless you're not dependent on labor for your income.
Not usually true. The wage/living expenses ratios can be vastly different depending on the area. Compared to a place like New York it's not hard to find places where rent is 80% lower and the income drop would only be about 30-40%.
This is the point they keep missing. The further you move outside of a metropolis, the lower the wages for the same work. This is especially true for healthcare (my field). The city hospitals pay more than the rural ones. Significantly more. So the ratios remain about the same.
When you're living in a high cost state and divorce happens it can be absolutely crushing emotionally, financially, spiritually, physically, unless you've been through it you can never understand
Witnessed too much of it from family,friends,and coworkers since high school. Been to jury duty three times over this. I understand it enough to avoid.
Yes, I do agree with your insight. But, I disagree with the counselor's wording of, "You created this mess". I don't see that this father created this mess. When people are handed a crisis, they don't need to hear, you created this!. Right now, I also have very rent, I did not create this mess, it was handed to me overnight, the new owners treats us like Sh....t. They need encouragement not embarrassment. Just skip the discouragement, guys and start helping this father.
I can attest to what John is saying from being a single mom in survival mode for many many years and feeling the need to add more work on just to pay bills and give them a little more. It takes years to get out of “survival mode” even when your financial situation is different.
That’s very true! If you spent years in a financial hole it will take years not months! To get out of it even if you double your pay. Unless you are able to live somewhere rent free
@@shaylaahava6413 it’s just a time thing. I’ve tried explaining this to ppl who have never been down b4 & they don’t get it. They’re like o but you have a good paying job now & I’m like yes but still have to catch up from the YEARS! I didn’t have one. It’s simple math & they don’t get it.
@CRB1 ahh, I definitely get it. That does make sense! You have to spend years catching up but also to make sure that you don't end up back in that place ever again too.
@@shaylaahava6413 yes. & part of that making sure you are never In that spot again is sitting on your hands for months & sometimes years. And ppl who dint have to do that don’t get it. For them they never experienced financial hardship a day in their life. Due to their parents & or good luck having never lost a job. They can’t fathom how does this person who makes more than me can’t go Vegas for a weekend??? Simple !! Because if I lose my job there is no mommy or daddy or grandma It’s literally the street! So I have to move accordingly. Sorry for the rant but it blew my mind how she could never understand that (my xgf that is)
Unfortunately in this case, that is the only answer since moving doesn’t look like one. I guess they could have suggested going to Atlantic City and putting everything you have on Red at the table and crossing your fingers.
Who said it was suppose to be easy? You either do it or don't. You don't really have options or a choice that's just your circumstance. Life's unfair, work with it if you can if you can't then sad to say but you're just stuck there until you pass.
@@Chiraisu i definitely don't. Doesn't matter what the situation is you really only have 2 options. Yeah system should change yada yada, not everyone's interested in hearing the same complaint story some want to actually move on and just do what gots to be done. Unless you have some plan that actually changes something yourself outside of these options yeah? ChAnGe ThE SyStEm, alright what's the plan? That's a goal not a plan. Moving and getting a better paying job is and actually yields results.
This is the sad reality of NYC. I have lived in Brooklyn my whole life and I do not know of many people that are not paying at least 50% of their take home pay to rent. Another little talked about fact about NYC is the ridiculous amount of taxes that we have to pay. We have basically nothing left after taxes before even getting to the skyrocketing rent.
@@mirabella2154 Its more. Let’s say you make 100k and you work and live in NYC. You will be taking home around 68k after taxes. That’s 68k considering you are not contributing anything to your employer’s retirement plan and paying nothing for your benefits.
@@jeretso Its too much taxes: federal, state, city/local. Then retirement at least 15%, plus health insurance. You really need to make 100k plus without children to be happy.
I can relate to him sooo much being a single mom with zero help from my ex husband. My rent is 45% of my income but that’s the cheapest in a non violent area.
@robertcurry9413 you could be a crime victim anywhere. In areas of higher crime, people who don’t involve themselves are usually left alone. So yes, I would suggest moving to the hood to save money on rent
@@nicholasselke5214 Lol. I grew up in the hood. And given my brother being hit by a stray bullet I’d say this is false. I would not put my child in danger to save a couple bucks. I work side hustles to make it work.
Never sign a contract with someone who benefits greatly and leaves you in financial dismay when she breaks the contract, if you don't do it in business why would you do it in marriage
Justifiably so if you don’t have kids someone else’s will have to take care of you when you get older oh and ur bloodline ends just gotta make sure you pick the right girl
@AiyukIsHim this is the craziest thing i ever heard so if I pick wrong are u gonna pay in the divorce are u gonna help me out with child support lol that's what I thought don't swim were others have drowned and no one will remember we were even here in 100 years do u know who your great great grandfather is or even his name
@@AiyukIsHimhaving children just cuz you want someone to take care of you when you’re older is a crazy mentality to have. You don’t even know if your kids WANT that responsibility lol. Dumbest idea I’ve ever heard
I was in California in 2022 in SF and three others cities. When I saw the tents I weeped for ten minutes. My son had to drive me back to my hotel bevause I felt guilty that I could have a vacation. I try to help the unhoused in NYC with food stuff, résumé help, clothing.
I have never seen photography as a career builder. Maybe for the exceptional few. but really I see it as a hobby with a hugely overpriced college degree.
Most people seem to not understand that rent has become approximately 50 percent of most of the American public’s income. It’s the norm for most people today.
The other thing Dave and his partner have to realize is the mental health of this guy. Not only is he trying to figure life out after a divorce but on top of that, "hey dude, change your entire career". That's a tough one.
This is realistic for people on the Coasts. Many people working in large cities have other obligations making them stay there and things are completely too expensive. “Just move” isn’t easy when you have custody agreements or prices don’t drop dramatically even 1-2 hours out.
The math isn’t the same everywhere though, if you are bringing home $20k a month and your rents $10k that’s 50% of your income but you are having a completely different lifestyle than someone who takes home $3k a month and their rents $1500
50% is 50%. It’s math; if your rent is 50%, then the remaining 50% is all you have to cover every other bill or expense(cost of living). If your rent is 10k, then you only have 10k left for car payment, car insurance, rent insurance, electricity, groceries, kid/family expenses, etc.
@@TheJynx2011I think what they were trying to demonstrate is that the 20k person most likely has room to downsize their lifestyle and it still be reasonable. The 3k a month person most likely does not.
This entire system is going to blow up very soon. All systems have to change. We have to go back to community dynamics, real meaning, cooperation etc. This hyper individual, meaningless work, commute, stress, entertainment etc is killing people
I am in this exact situation living in Southern California. So I can relate to this man. Hang in there sir I know exactly what you’re going through. I am trying to figure it out myself. If anyone had any advice/suggestions please share. Thank you.
Hard choice. I dont have a court order but I can't see myself moving away from kids, though I see them only now and then. As I work remotely, I could easily move to a city or country with houses prices about a quarter of what they are here.
Some parents send their kids to the US and maintain long long distance relationships across many time zones via FaceTime, letters, care packages and lots of love. The choice is up to you- Sorry you’re in this situation dude…
How is this possible? Do people just stay home? If you spend over 50% of income on housing, all you will have left over in money is for food and bills.
@@essel23flyExactly how you said… people spend all their money on housing, food, & bills. House prices have skyrocketed since Covid along with increased interest rates forcing middle to low income people out of the housing market, and rent prices have followed suit. This video is a year old, and things have only gotten worse in that year. To top it off, there’s no sign it will ever get better. We’re headed toward a future where most single family homes are owned by investment firms renting them out. A future where 90% of people don’t own a home and have to rent.
@EcClair Mayo find what skill? If you are already working, long hours and have no spare money how on earth would you learn a new skill that will pay more than your current job?
@@posteveryside-beatsnews - The first action was change the housing arrangement. All New Yorkers are used to various "arrangements". Very few of them live on their own, so what he is doing isn't the norm as it is. That already saves the most. He also needs to move into product photography or even videography. That is where the real money is. First though, he needs to move on his living situation. That will remove a bunch of stress off of his budget and shoulders so he can think about a new skill or a lateral one with photography.
I feel this man's pain. I went through two custody cases in a year. One baby mama gave me joint custody with no child support the other gave me standard with child support. Plus every other bill I had, it was tough trying to make it, but I've figured it out I'm married now and i have both of my kids I have a job that makes ends meet, it's not perfect but it works. If I was too follow my dreams I would've been a lawyer but I know that's not doable right now because paying off debt and sustaining financial peace is more important right now. There are several places I could move for different jobs but I choose to stay where i am because of my kids. I live in Arkansas though so my rent down here isn't even close to what you would pay in NY. Math doesn't care but people still have to live.
This is my current situation. Hubby decided he doesn't want to be a husband and a dad anymore he wants to go and figure out his life. Hubby has no idea that DIVORCE & MATH is about to be a reality check.
In this situation, I think the income can be worked on. However, even outside of NYC rents have skyrocketed. I live in a state without income tax and still you can't find a one bedroom apartment under $1700 a month (no utilities included), without living in an area that risks your safety. Even then, apartments with black mold and shootings in the parking lot are above $12/1300. Times have changed and these percentages might not be as viable as they once were. I own a home and don't fall into this category so I'm not making excuses, I'm just looking at the numbers.
You can’t move when you have a custody agreement unless you are ok with losing custody of your child/children or if your ex agrees to move to your new location (unlikely scenario).
I Heber shared custody. My kids are with their dad for the whole summer vacation unless he otherwise makes another arrangement with me. I've moved many times& I'll be moving again out of state again. We don't have a bad relationship after the divorce of course. If you both have a mutual agreement there shouldn't be a problem.
John & Dave have no idea how bad divorce can get. I feel terrible for this father. He's only staying in Brooklyn, so he can be around his kid. I bet the ex wife never let's up.
They probably don’t and the same for me. We can’t relate to those who find themselves with a person they end up hating where they even once had kids together.
My rents 50% of monthly income. I’m an aviation mechanic with student loans. 50% is the cheapest apartment I can find. I can’t stand this guy his answer to everyone is make more money and sometimes that’s not an option
I would have to agree, but at the same time I think they’re trying to make people work more than one job to have some sustainability, but we shouldn’t have to do that.
@@ShelleySorensonNo one forced them to take out loans that they can’t afford in order to economically exploit the lower classes and raise the cost of housing for everyone else. You get what you deserve.
Im a single dad and i give my son the br and I take the living room. My next door neighbor has a 16 year old daughter who does the same. I want my own room but its not worth 700 more dollars per month at this stage of my life
One of the things that I hate about my profession (pharmacy) is that licensing for the profession is state based rather than a national license. For me to be able to leave New York, I’d have to first find out where I can easily get a comparable position in pay structure/hours and then get licensed in that state or get a job with the VA Hospital system because they recognize all state licenses.
My, now EX, girlfriend literally had me in this situation. Luckily, she left me and I turned the other direction. Dave's right, it would lead to homelessness!
He is working a hobby as a job in Brooklyn, NY, how is he getting the short end of the deal?! He chooses not to get an actual job, his choice, no one else made that poor decision!
Something not mentioned is downsize to a 1 bedroom home.. the kid gets the bedroom, Dad finds a comfortable fold out bed to sleep in the front room. Share the bedroom closet with Dad's and sons clothes and 2 dressers in the bedroom 1 for Dad 1 for son. Rent would be cheaper for a 1 bedroom. Anna In Ohio
I feel so bad for this dad. Start by seeing if there is income based housing in the area. Second work every second you are not with your son. Third in your spare time, job hunting. You can do this, you have to do this. Your son deserves a dad who conquers life challenges and doesn't just resign himself to his situation.
Well, when the courts tell you what to do, you have resigned to the situation. Its either go to jail for lack of CS payments, or starve yourself to make those payments.
Listen give your son the room and live in a one bedroom. Single moms have been doing it for many years. Drive him to Brooklyn, you don’t have to live there. Be creative sir. Let’s work it out.
I feel for this guy. My wife and I live in a small one bedroom in Brooklyn and as much as we want to move to a nicer/bigger place we know we can’t afford it and it would be super foolish financially. I am lucky to have a good paying job but my wife wants to go back to school so we need to protect our savings and grow it more. For this reason we are looking to move out of NY this year. I would suggest this guy to move to Jersey but I am sure he has thought of this already. At least it is close enough to drive to the city or take a train so he can see his son.
Disabled vet here. I was making enough to get by on rent but last year I became homeless, I've been sleeping in my car. I often feel like I'm someone I used to try to help
The no-fault divorce clause is one of the worst things that has happened to Dads. It doesn't matter what the woman did, she will most often be the beneficiary and the man punished.
This is what my husband wants to say even though he cheated. He wants me to get as little as possible in alimony (I stayed at home) and child support (we have four kids). It’s cheaper to keep her. lol
@@deltapromasterlauj4848 The most dangerous time for a female victim of DV is within a month of leaving her husband. A guy in Utah just murdered his wife, MIL, and all of his kids because the wife was moving out.
@@seadragon1456 Hardly when most women today have the same mindset. The quantity is there but not the quality of women for men to choose from isn't. As the saying goes it doesn't pay for the wife to stay married but it does pay for her to leave her husband.
@@IrishFrank22 and because I’m up high on the horse 🤣 I got married at 19 (29 now with a full house.) I’m sitting pretty -getting paid as you say. Paid with the benefits of being asked to be a traditional wife. That means staying home, managing the house, and raising children. My husband wanted traditional so he works and hands over the mOnEy. A lot of guys want GREAT women without doing their part of being GREAT men.
@@seadragon1456 If you say you're traditional then great. What you describe is what most guys want. The women just aren't there. They'd rather give themselves to bad boys and losers for free or as they call it "finding themselves" and wait till their over the hill to find a man, which is just settling and not any form of love. If what you say is true, then I wish you and your husband all the luck in the world. Its only right a man takes care of his woman, when she takes care of him.
I always always advice people to do pre-merital counseling and date for a while make sure people with more life experience can advice you because once you get married that's it. You either remain married or divorce and divorce can be a huge pain
7:37 This should be said in every single classroom. Tired of this "follow your dream and some how things will workout" mentally, put some math and reality check in the mix.
I live in New York and housing payment is also very close to 50% of take home pay, the thing is, it’s so ridiculously high you can comfortably live on the other half
I have two full time jobs making $120k. After taxes one job pays for my mortgage and utilities. My 2nd job pays for food, gas, and other extras. Hard to live when you’re working 80 hours a week.
Dave inherited his fortune. He started off with a 4 million dollar portfolio and has been extracting wealth from the working class like the parasite he is for decades. He doesn't care. He sees some spots where you could cut food out pretending it's for your interest. But if they see a slight bit of money they think "now that's my money" because they are vampires and little else.
@@i_KillCampersDayZKillCamZ he’s saying, spending 2K on rent with an income of 4K is very different from making 8k and spending 4K on rent. The actual number matters in this case.
@@LTJuni0r ok so how bout making $2k a month and rent is $1k a month not including electricity or water now how can you save after paying for food and everything needed to survive the month now after all that nothing is left sometimes you actually have to go without eatting just to pay for other needs ? Now answer the real question?
Well people , marriage is all fun and games until you realize it takes work and divorce shouldn’t be an option if it can be worked out. Stay together people if you can work it out
Share an apartment with another person or a house with more friends. Only way to bring that rent down to 25% of income. A side hustle could bring in more cash as well. Good luck
He doesn’t have to change careers, just the types of gigs he does. He could make some serious coin in NYC as a photographer…he just has to find the people with deep pockets
@@nicholasselke5214 What field are you in where a 66% raise is on the table? Most professions have kind of a set salary range at every company and your boss would rather let you leave to be replaced by a cheaper employee than nearly double your pay.
@@Xiosoranox Yeah, that's both the blessing and curse of a union job, you know you'll be making something reasonable-ish, but there's a cap. I've negotiated a few raises at my job after periods where others on the team left and my responsibilities increased, but I was ecstatic for a 10% raise, and certainly can't expect that every year, usually it's just a 3-4% cost of living raise. I'm genuinely curious what job this person has where you can just walk up to the boss and say "please double my pay" and they don't laugh at you. I wish the commenter had responded. Some fields your pay is scheduled to take a big jump up after you complete some training or certification, like medical residents know their salaries will step up a ton when they become attending physicians, but that's not the result of negotiation, that happens to everyone who fulfills the job requirements.
Our grandparents lived in one room spaces. Our ancestors live under even worse conditions. Modern day conveniences have us feeling entitled to things that we dont really NEED . Why does his son need his own room if he is not even living full time with him?
Im abit suprised they didnt ask what his income was, because paying 50% of your income in rent is not automatically unsubstainable. For high incomes, it shouldnt be a problem...
What kind of photographer? John assumes it’s fashion. Dave assumes it’s weddings. It could be product photography or technical photography. I think different types have vastly different incomes and schedules.
Dave helps people with his advice but it would help us as a community if we offer help to one another. If someone can give this gentleman a remote job, or someone who lives close by than can use his services, let's give him a hand.
What a lot of people who aren’t from NYC don’t realize is that most people who live there aren’t willing to live anywhere else because there is no close substitute. Once you’ve become accustomed to NYC, everywhere else is bumblefart. That is a big part of the reason that housing there is so expensive.
I grew up in Queens and attended a lot of parties in my 20s in in the city. I have met so many people that lived in the city with average jobs and paid around 50% of the income to rent and looked down on me because I lived in Queens. Even though I owned my apt and had substantial savings.
I once heard a statement from someone that is so true .. " who you marry will be the biggest financial decision of your life "
No lies told here.
Never herd this but id say that you’re not making enough financial decisions then
"" who you marry will be the biggest financial decision of your life "
Obviously stated by a blue piller, in reality the biggest financial decision you will ever make is IF you marry.
Facts. I live in London, Uk
Yup…
Disabled vet here. My rent was 30% of my income.... now it's like 90%
I feel for you, that's absolutely insane!
This comment is a year late, but I hope things worked out for you
How are u doing now? I pray you arecin a better state now.
Salute to you my grandpa died with no help from the VA my kids and grandkids will not be joining any military army my family (grandpa )served and he died with nothing to his name.
😢😢😢
I've been this guy. Probably one of the lowest points of my life was going around the grocery store with a calculator and having to put some stuff back because it just didn't fit in the budget. I feel for you, dude.
I’m there
@@LifeUnfiltered89 Hang in there! If you can stay disciplined, it gets better.
@@darkbee2359 I love Dave and he always gives great simple advise but I can’t spend any less on a rental. My rental is 1300 and I’m a low income earner. My husband is too. We live in a area that’s high and we are stuck co parenting my kids here.
The one and only downside to the baby steps is - he owned his house before starting the steps so if you are a renter he’s a little out of touch.
@@LifeUnfiltered89It gets better hang in there you got this
I don't see why that seems bad.
Downgrade to a 1 bedroom apartment. When I was young and my parents divorced that’s all my dad could afford. My brothers and I didn’t care if we had our own room, we just wanted to be with dad. Start with lowering your cost of living as much as possible then get to work. You got this!
While you pay your exs mortgage and bills. Pathetic bro
@@susancross5192 🧢
Adamcas7560. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and thank you for your wise and encouraging words. Blessings.
Same thing, when my father move out. He moved into a one bedroom. I slept in his room and he slept in the livingroom. I didn't care about bedroom. I just want my daddy.
@@girlygirl1890 My pleasure.
I lived in NYC for many years. People paying 50% of their income for rent is completely normal.
Same goes for here in Vancouver, Canada. My mortgage and strata (HOA) is 60% of my net income.
Same in NJ
It being "normal" doesn't equate to it being Right.
@@TheCandyShopGirli agree, but in nyc the rent for a adequate place to live is 1800-2500 a month, minimum wage is still $15, increasing your income is essentially slaving, Working 40+ hours a week. I dont blame the people i blame this corrupt government. For forcing its people to live paycheck to paycheck
Because trust funds and mom and day help pay the rent
This is exactly what happened to me 10 years ago, I told the judge I couldn’t afford to live in the city and pay real high child support, he and my ex both said not our problem….now 10 years later my situation changed and now my ex wife can’t afford to stay where we live, I didn’t say it back to her but I believe God has now put her where she’s at to show her how she treated me
You should. Even though half of women can’t think logically so she probably won’t feel it the way you did
Do you mind if I ask how did something that was once so good where you have children together then go so bad?
How old were you when you got married. Her?
@@Jay-om8gr Yes exactly
@@Jay-om8gr ‘Even though half of women can’t think logically.’ Yikes. Someone has been burned. 😂
@@f430ferrari5 Settle down Dr. Laura.
When my younger brother went thru his divorce, he forced himself to downsize to a 1 bedroom apartment and he had a son to raise as a single parent. It's just a temporary situation but you have to force yourself to change for the better.
Females these days.
Don't marry😮
I saw the title and expected the caller to be a 20something who got a really nice apartment because they wanted to live in a cool area. I’m glad this call showed that some people end up in bad situations not because they were reckless but simply because of life events.
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm, where have you been? Getting married is the definition of reckless.
Society and children depend on marriage. Sorry you had a bad experience but most people need to get married. Just carefully
@@georgewagner7787 People are free to choose, especially men, I would agree most women as you say "need" marriage for happiness.
This is Dave's sweet spot. When it comes to math, wishful thinking or ignoring it will not work. Hard to hear but true. I don't always agree with some of Dave's advice, but here he is spot on.
But also ignoring the judge, will not make it work either.
Dave blames the man and demands he take responsibility while ignoring his ex-wife and the courts for their culpability.
@@karlstrauss2330 neither Dave nor this man have any control over the ex-wife or the courts. They can only speak into what the dad can actually do.
@@jimmymcgill6778 very true. Good point. I was just talking about making the math work
What was the advice?
Move
Make more money
All things that were thought about before calling Dave
This the reality for most people in 2022. Rent is more than a mortgage payment used to be.
Definitely my mortgage was $305 a month.
@@calvinreichelderfer7989how long ago was that?
@@roseother8306 late 80’s until early 2000’s
In Croatia rent and mortgage has always been about 50% of income. Most people earn €800-1200 and rents now are over €500 if you don't want to live in a complete dumpster.
..and now in 2024, it's now worse. Income based apartments are at $1300/mo.😢
The rent everywhere is out of control this is crazy. The greed is real and corporation landlords don't care
Don't blame landlords. They have to pay back their loans to the bank as well. As rates increase, so do their payments, hence, rent goes up!
@@bailey-k6b Yes,it is greed. When your rent go up$100 to 300 with in a year.
@@rhondahopkins4366 Rhonda, did you read my post? Do you even realize WHY prices go up? It's called inflation. As mortgage rates hike up, so do rent. It's common knowledge.
No, these are the same interest rates before COVID. Greedy corporations and greedy landlords after covid. All these so-called luxury apartments is just like the houses that they are buildings they are a piece of junk. American people have lost they're mine. All this money for slab of cement in and a cement basement in vinyl siding in wood. Crazy, Greed
It's the government primarily at fault with their crazy state income taxes and property taxes!
40-50% is the norm across all America in every state anymore!!
I thought 50% was pretty average. It sucks but where do we got that’s cheaper?
The norm of America is being broke
That's what I thought, none of his advice works, the disconnect...
None of this advice works, I am in the same exact place...
A new career would require time and money...
Nothing cheaper than 50% of my income ..
If I move, what am I supposed to do in the meantime...
Central Florida, it's all i know...
-(single mom)
@charityalcott7455 he would probably tell you to downgrade where you live to pay less work 2 jobs be stingy with your money... I agree it's hard right now to get off the ground but it's make the sacrifice or suffer
Same problem in TX. So many priced out of their homes even with dual incomes. Homelessness is a big issue. Its awful.
I'm surprised to read this comment, Keepmovingforward, because all I hear about is how Texas is cheaper, Texas is better, etc.
I have a friend and her mom relocating just for this reason!! They brought their home in 2014.... payments have pretty much doubled due to taxes and insurance.
@@roshonda8562 Exactly. They can only raise rates 10 % yearly, however, after 10 years that's what has happened.
The property taxing districts in Texas are committing massive fraud.
@@kaitiscarlett9022 maybe in some areas but around me (SA-NB-ATX) housing and rental market has no signs of going down. My rent is about 50% of my income as well, I live comfortably for the most part but they tried to raise my rent by 8% in my most recent renewal. The prices are very out of touch with reality
Sad reality of young people and those on fixed incomes.
Rent has increased so much it's no longer feasible to remain within the budget percentages Dave has set out.
1000% agree!!!
Exactly! People who make a lot of money are so out of touch with the reality of middle class. The economy is horrible and there isn’t much we can do to get around it.
Umm... They never asked him how much his rent is and how much his income is. It's one thing for 50% of your income going to rent when you make 50,000/yr vs 100,000/yr or more.
What I’d like to know is what job that isn’t a doctor or lawyer pays enough money to only spend 30% of your monthly income on rent? Where are these jobs? Nobody is paying wages to match the insane cost of living.
Nurse, plumber, electrician, hair dresser, physical therapist, HVAC...the list isn't super long, but the key is training. People with skills get paid, so if you can go back to school for a degree or for training, you'll find something that will help support you.
Delivering pizzas! With is wrong w you? Dave Ramseys has the answers!
@@michelepuenteIf you can barely pay rent there’s no way that you can pay for training. You need money to make money, that’s why so many people get stuck.
@@michelepuentethis is going to take long time and money no one will pay for your school.
right... and even if you include all of these jobs that make that much... not EVERYONE can be those??? yeah like every single American citizen will be a nurse or HVAC specialist... lol... can't run a society like that...
The problem with the "just move" solution is that even if you move to a lower rent area, the wages in those areas lower at the same rate, leaving workers constantly paying 50% of their income just for having a roof over their heads. It's not like you can magically move out of the city and things get better unless you're not dependent on labor for your income.
Amen! 🎯 💯 accurate
Not usually true. The wage/living expenses ratios can be vastly different depending on the area. Compared to a place like New York it's not hard to find places where rent is 80% lower and the income drop would only be about 30-40%.
No, wages typically do not lower at the same rate as the cost of living. Minimum wage might, but average wages do not
This is the point they keep missing. The further you move outside of a metropolis, the lower the wages for the same work. This is especially true for healthcare (my field). The city hospitals pay more than the rural ones. Significantly more. So the ratios remain about the same.
With massive immigration there are less and less low cost areas as immigrants flock to cheaper areas that eventually won’t be cheap anymore
When you're living in a high cost state and divorce happens it can be absolutely crushing emotionally, financially, spiritually, physically, unless you've been through it you can never understand
Witnessed too much of it from family,friends,and coworkers since high school.
Been to jury duty three times over this.
I understand it enough to avoid.
Yes, I do agree with your insight. But, I disagree with the counselor's wording of, "You created this mess". I don't see that this father created this mess. When people are handed a crisis, they don't need to hear, you created this!. Right now, I also have very rent, I did not create this mess, it was handed to me overnight, the new owners treats us like Sh....t. They need encouragement not embarrassment. Just skip the discouragement, guys and start helping this father.
Family courts seem to be designed to cause the absolute maximum damage possible...
Agree. And designed to keep you coming back. More money for lawyers and judges who were lawyers first
@@luvyatubers Lawyers are USELESS. I've been homeless TWICE since my wife divorced me.
Absolutely and they do not care at all about the children.
Marriage + having children in general seem to do that way before the courts get involved.
Imagine all the money spent on these divorce and child custody cases. Doesn’t help the child one bit
I can attest to what John is saying from being a single mom in survival mode for many many years and feeling the need to add more work on just to pay bills and give them a little more. It takes years to get out of “survival mode” even when your financial situation is different.
That’s very true! If you spent years in a financial hole it will take years not months! To get out of it even if you double your pay. Unless you are able to live somewhere rent free
Yes, you can become trained to having to work hard and become stuck in that mentality, even if your financial situation has improved.
@@shaylaahava6413 it’s just a time thing. I’ve tried explaining this to ppl who have never been down b4 & they don’t get it. They’re like o but you have a good paying job now & I’m like yes but still have to catch up from the YEARS! I didn’t have one. It’s simple math & they don’t get it.
@CRB1 ahh, I definitely get it. That does make sense! You have to spend years catching up but also to make sure that you don't end up back in that place ever again too.
@@shaylaahava6413 yes. & part of that making sure you are never In that spot again is sitting on your hands for months & sometimes years. And ppl who dint have to do that don’t get it. For them they never experienced financial hardship a day in their life. Due to their parents & or good luck having never lost a job. They can’t fathom how does this person who makes more than me can’t go Vegas for a weekend???
Simple !! Because if I lose my job there is no mommy or daddy or grandma
It’s literally the street! So I have to move accordingly. Sorry for the rant but it blew my mind how she could never understand that (my xgf that is)
Love his advice.
Hard but very true.
Wish I had a father like Dave
Exactly .. i hated what dave said, but like he says, he said what he said because he wants to help...
@@NaNa-lt1po was thinking about that..
You can choose your pain, or it can choose you..
Words of wisdom
You wouldn't wish that😂
@@celpaz4584 Choosing your pain isn't going help you deal with a greedy landlord.
Me too
I never understood why people live in New York. It’s too crowded and too expensive. 49 other great states
It's because it's different that people choose to live there.
The only great places are OUT OF the states...
Hawaii, Florida, Texas...
48 only, not 49. Why are you including CA in your count?
Don’t tell them to leave NY.
They live in an NY bubble.
Then go pop everyone else’s bubble in other people’s states.
I like how his solution is just "get a different job" as if it's that easy.
That's what I was thinking
Unfortunately in this case, that is the only answer since moving doesn’t look like one. I guess they could have suggested going to Atlantic City and putting everything you have on Red at the table and crossing your fingers.
Who said it was suppose to be easy? You either do it or don't. You don't really have options or a choice that's just your circumstance. Life's unfair, work with it if you can if you can't then sad to say but you're just stuck there until you pass.
@@Mico-Xiyeas Definitely think you've missed the point.
@@Chiraisu i definitely don't. Doesn't matter what the situation is you really only have 2 options. Yeah system should change yada yada, not everyone's interested in hearing the same complaint story some want to actually move on and just do what gots to be done. Unless you have some plan that actually changes something yourself outside of these options yeah? ChAnGe ThE SyStEm, alright what's the plan? That's a goal not a plan.
Moving and getting a better paying job is and actually yields results.
This is the sad reality of NYC. I have lived in Brooklyn my whole life and I do not know of many people that are not paying at least 50% of their take home pay to rent. Another little talked about fact about NYC is the ridiculous amount of taxes that we have to pay. We have basically nothing left after taxes before even getting to the skyrocketing rent.
How much is the tax in NY by the way?
Isn't it 30 % or am I wrong?
@@mirabella2154 Its more. Let’s say you make 100k and you work and live in NYC. You will be taking home around 68k after taxes. That’s 68k considering you are not contributing anything to your employer’s retirement plan and paying nothing for your benefits.
@@knightfox4121 Do you have both state income and City Income tax?
@@jeretso Yes, we pay both state and city tax. We also have NYS disability tax and Paid Family Leave tax.
@@jeretso Its too much taxes: federal, state, city/local. Then retirement at least 15%, plus health insurance. You really need to make 100k plus without children to be happy.
With rents how they are right now this is something that isn’t easily avoided right this second
Rent needs to be AT MOST 40% of the pay
I can relate to him sooo much being a single mom with zero help from my ex husband. My rent is 45% of my income but that’s the cheapest in a non violent area.
There are plenty of affordable non violent areas in the 🇺🇸 C'mon
Me too I’m 1600 a month killing me
Dave literally advocates families with kids move into the hood and roll the dice on being victims of crime to save a few hundred on rent.
@robertcurry9413 you could be a crime victim anywhere. In areas of higher crime, people who don’t involve themselves are usually left alone. So yes, I would suggest moving to the hood to save money on rent
@@nicholasselke5214 Lol. I grew up in the hood. And given my brother being hit by a stray bullet I’d say this is false. I would not put my child in danger to save a couple bucks. I work side hustles to make it work.
Marriage is a nightmare when it fails. Financial prison sentence.
Haha. Yet there is an endless line of guys willing to take their futures and let it ride.
Never sign a contract with someone who benefits greatly and leaves you in financial dismay when she breaks the contract, if you don't do it in business why would you do it in marriage
*with the wrong woman. I’ve seen a few divorces, it’s always the woman who becomes bitter.
But the warning signs were always there.
Same thing when you have a kid with the wrong person. Child support takes a toll as well as other expenses throughout the year. 10 years left 😃
Not so much because of married or not. It's because they had a kid and the relationship ended.
Any divorce is a mess when kids are involved.
So true😢.
people will often judge you for not getting married or having kids
Justifiably so if you don’t have kids someone else’s will have to take care of you when you get older oh and ur bloodline ends just gotta make sure you pick the right girl
@@AiyukIsHim lol hate to break it to ya but, your kids might not even show up... so that alone is a funny example people use
@@AiyukIsHim Dude ALL of our bloodlines will end someday. So what's the point?
@AiyukIsHim this is the craziest thing i ever heard so if I pick wrong are u gonna pay in the divorce are u gonna help me out with child support lol that's what I thought don't swim were others have drowned and no one will remember we were even here in 100 years do u know who your great great grandfather is or even his name
@@AiyukIsHimhaving children just cuz you want someone to take care of you when you’re older is a crazy mentality to have. You don’t even know if your kids WANT that responsibility lol. Dumbest idea I’ve ever heard
Me in California! It’s crazy. I pay 3870 for a 1 bedroom apt. My rent is also 50% of take home pay. NYC and California is terrible
You are what we call in Chicago...CRAZY.
Dave said get another job...or move😬
I was in California in 2022 in SF and three others cities. When I saw the tents I weeped for ten minutes. My son had to drive me back to my hotel bevause I felt guilty that I could have a vacation. I try to help the unhoused in NYC with food stuff, résumé help, clothing.
I’m currently looking at 1&2br in SoCal. There are some decent ones for $2500-3000. Maybe being your expectations down
Full time career change and photography on the weekends could workout ❤ praying for this guy don’t give up!
I have never seen photography as a career builder. Maybe for the exceptional few. but really I see it as a hobby with a hugely overpriced college degree.
Most people seem to not understand that rent has become approximately 50 percent of most of the American public’s income. It’s the norm for most people today.
The other thing Dave and his partner have to realize is the mental health of this guy. Not only is he trying to figure life out after a divorce but on top of that, "hey dude, change your entire career". That's a tough one.
Agree!
Yeah, but Boomers don’t believe in mental health
I'll take honest advice any day over eviction and constant harassment from bill collectors.
This is realistic for people on the Coasts. Many people working in large cities have other obligations making them stay there and things are completely too expensive.
“Just move” isn’t easy when you have custody agreements or prices don’t drop dramatically even 1-2 hours out.
Unless a person is making above 30$ an hour it’s going to be 50%
The math isn’t the same everywhere though, if you are bringing home $20k a month and your rents $10k that’s 50% of your income but you are having a completely different lifestyle than someone who takes home $3k a month and their rents $1500
That is totally true. We can only comment if we got the whole numbers.
I think his advice I meant for the 99 percent, not the 1 percent
50% is 50%. It’s math; if your rent is 50%, then the remaining 50% is all you have to cover every other bill or expense(cost of living). If your rent is 10k, then you only have 10k left for car payment, car insurance, rent insurance, electricity, groceries, kid/family expenses, etc.
@@RelentlessDjango difference being 10k is a shitload more than 1500.
@@TheJynx2011I think what they were trying to demonstrate is that the 20k person most likely has room to downsize their lifestyle and it still be reasonable. The 3k a month person most likely does not.
This entire system is going to blow up very soon. All systems have to change. We have to go back to community dynamics, real meaning, cooperation etc. This hyper individual, meaningless work, commute, stress, entertainment etc is killing people
I hope you’re right
You are right but I think this is it. It will implode but society will just collapse
Many people dull their minds with alcohol, drugs, and porn. Substance abuse is a form of self harm.
Aside from the situation 50% of your income going to rent isn’t anything unusual anymore.
In NYC, SF, LA this is the norm for most working class ppl. I wouldn’t doubt many are paying more than 50%
this is going on all over the country not just nyc
brandon????
why does that matter? he lives in nyc
I am in this exact situation living in Southern California. So I can relate to this man. Hang in there sir I know exactly what you’re going through. I am trying to figure it out myself. If anyone had any advice/suggestions please share. Thank you.
Hard choice. I dont have a court order but I can't see myself moving away from kids, though I see them only now and then. As I work remotely, I could easily move to a city or country with houses prices about a quarter of what they are here.
A long time ago I moved from SoCal to Texas. Rent is 1/2
Hire a gunner, relocate to Asia twelve hours before it’s supposed to take place, problem solved. 🙏🏾
Some parents send their kids to the US and maintain long long distance relationships across many time zones via FaceTime, letters, care packages and lots of love. The choice is up to you- Sorry you’re in this situation dude…
Never marry or have kids again
Most average people pay over 50% of their income and housing nowadays. Housing is way up up up up there compared to the average income.
So true😮!
Yep - things are not like they were when “Money Makeover” was written
How is this possible? Do people just stay home? If you spend over 50% of income on housing, all you will have left over in money is for food and bills.
@@essel23flyExactly how you said… people spend all their money on housing, food, & bills. House prices have skyrocketed since Covid along with increased interest rates forcing middle to low income people out of the housing market, and rent prices have followed suit. This video is a year old, and things have only gotten worse in that year. To top it off, there’s no sign it will ever get better. We’re headed toward a future where most single family homes are owned by investment firms renting them out. A future where 90% of people don’t own a home and have to rent.
@@essel23fly yeah, this is exactly how it is for the vast majority of people in my experience.
Dave is 100% right, something has to change and he has to take action
But what does the guy do? All Dave said was choose your pain, but what should he specifically do??
@@jasongray3325 - The action was either move/find a housing arrangement or find a new skill set to increase income. Personally, I would do both.
@EcClair Mayo find what skill? If you are already working, long hours and have no spare money how on earth would you learn a new skill that will pay more than your current job?
@@posteveryside-beatsnews - The first action was change the housing arrangement. All New Yorkers are used to various "arrangements". Very few of them live on their own, so what he is doing isn't the norm as it is. That already saves the most. He also needs to move into product photography or even videography. That is where the real money is. First though, he needs to move on his living situation. That will remove a bunch of stress off of his budget and shoulders so he can think about a new skill or a lateral one with photography.
Time to man up.
I feel this man's pain. I went through two custody cases in a year. One baby mama gave me joint custody with no child support the other gave me standard with child support. Plus every other bill I had, it was tough trying to make it, but I've figured it out I'm married now and i have both of my kids I have a job that makes ends meet, it's not perfect but it works. If I was too follow my dreams I would've been a lawyer but I know that's not doable right now because paying off debt and sustaining financial peace is more important right now. There are several places I could move for different jobs but I choose to stay where i am because of my kids. I live in Arkansas though so my rent down here isn't even close to what you would pay in NY. Math doesn't care but people still have to live.
I don’t feel sorry for you with two mothers and two sets of kids. I mean, come on
@@jenniferspisak get out of here that doesn’t mean he need to struggle, you don’t know what lead to him having two baby mothers…
This is my current situation. Hubby decided he doesn't want to be a husband and a dad anymore he wants to go and figure out his life. Hubby has no idea that DIVORCE & MATH is about to be a reality check.
Many Many Americans are living just lile this. I wish him good luck.
I really feel bad for this guy. What an awful situation to be in.
Guy has to pivot and think about selling his photos, publishing a cocktail table book with his photos, selling stock photos. Or get a Uber job.
Yea, it's very awful. It's time to get a real job.
It’s terrible it’s honestly a horrible move to have children in America
I want to, but my give a darn was broken at least a decade ago. They know EXACTLY what the odds are against them, and they CHOOSE do do it anyway.
@@jasonbeil7093 This. Do not have kids here, no matter what.
In this situation, I think the income can be worked on. However, even outside of NYC rents have skyrocketed. I live in a state without income tax and still you can't find a one bedroom apartment under $1700 a month (no utilities included), without living in an area that risks your safety. Even then, apartments with black mold and shootings in the parking lot are above $12/1300. Times have changed and these percentages might not be as viable as they once were. I own a home and don't fall into this category so I'm not making excuses, I'm just looking at the numbers.
You can’t move when you have a custody agreement unless you are ok with losing custody of your child/children or if your ex agrees to move to your new location (unlikely scenario).
It depends on the agreement. Moving to a nearby city might be just fine.
@@Fishouta not if it's joint custody.
Bingo.
I Heber shared custody. My kids are with their dad for the whole summer vacation unless he otherwise makes another arrangement with me. I've moved many times& I'll be moving again out of state again. We don't have a bad relationship after the divorce of course. If you both have a mutual agreement there shouldn't be a problem.
Truth. I was not allowed to move more than 100 miles away until graduation.
John & Dave have no idea how bad divorce can get. I feel terrible for this father. He's only staying in Brooklyn, so he can be around his kid. I bet the ex wife never let's up.
They probably don’t and the same for me. We can’t relate to those who find themselves with a person they end up hating where they even once had kids together.
As a guy who's been through the divorce meat grinder I couldn't agree more
They're literally laughing at him being smug. Divorce can happen to anyone. Dave's wife only staying with him for the money
I hate everything dave said here, but he is not wrong in the financial part..
@@anthonyfaucy2761 then why did she stay with him when they were broke/bankrupt?
I appreciate how matter-of-fact and practical Dave is.
Love how it's the individuals fault and responsibility for living in a broken system
Its so wasteful and futile for each divorced parent to maintain a home with a room for the kid and separate stuff.
"I've never met your son nor have I ever even talked to him but I can tell that he's EXHAUSTED brother"
-Dr. John Delony
quoting dr. balony now. lolololol
“Rent doesn’t care what your dreams are” - ain’t that the truth
My rents 50% of monthly income.
I’m an aviation mechanic with student loans. 50% is the cheapest apartment I can find. I can’t stand this guy his answer to everyone is make more money and sometimes that’s not an option
Very true - even jobs that are just decent paying are difficult to come by.
Yep his method does not work my rent went up 355 dollars and the manager said it will be the same next year so.
I would have to agree, but at the same time I think they’re trying to make people work more than one job to have some sustainability, but we shouldn’t have to do that.
Im a retired widow on SDISand my 1 bedroom apt is 1500 a month and thats cheap!
@@paulahileman2291that is NOT cheap. You’re talking USD?? That’s not cheap at all get out of there😂
How about stop the greed and corruption in this country so people can live comfortably. I will never bring a child in this system.
“50% of your take home pay is not mathematically sustainable.”
Tell that to the landlords
Landlords have bills to pay also. Huge taxes, insurance, plus the money they still owe on the property.
I did...he showed me the door...what does that mean?
@@amgooder
It means capitalism isn’t working anymore
@@johanneslebrecht3097Actually capitalism is working exactly as intended. Its just a feudal fascist system in disguise
@@ShelleySorensonNo one forced them to take out loans that they can’t afford in order to economically exploit the lower classes and raise the cost of housing for everyone else. You get what you deserve.
Any where you move that is cheaper to live usually results in a job that pays less as well so the percentages still stay the same.
Rent is over 50% of income??? Who is this not a reality for right now.
People who don't have a high enough income and refuse to do anything about it.
A homeless man like myself.
Me. My mortgage is 19% of my take home every month.
Exactly!! Only in America
50% of income rent is the norm these days sadly 😕
I live in Portland and my rent is over 60% of my take home pay. I work 50 hours a week and I don't have enough time to work another job.
Did your landlord require a co-signer?
Im a single dad and i give my son the br and I take the living room. My next door neighbor has a 16 year old daughter who does the same. I want my own room but its not worth 700 more dollars per month at this stage of my life
One of the things that I hate about my profession (pharmacy) is that licensing for the profession is state based rather than a national license.
For me to be able to leave New York, I’d have to first find out where I can easily get a comparable position in pay structure/hours and then get licensed in that state or get a job with the VA Hospital system because they recognize all state licenses.
My, now EX, girlfriend literally had me in this situation. Luckily, she left me and I turned the other direction. Dave's right, it would lead to homelessness!
As a mother and wife I really feel for this guy. Men sometimes get the short end of the deal.
He is working a hobby as a job in Brooklyn, NY, how is he getting the short end of the deal?! He chooses not to get an actual job, his choice, no one else made that poor decision!
Sometimes? Most of the time!!
Sometimes?
According to national statistics, 98% of the time we get the short end of the deal
Sometimes? Try almost all the time…
Sofa beds or sharing a room are definitely good options still too! Bunk beds are fun too! Half of 80k is a big difference from half of 40k...fyi
Would it kill them to let the caller speak instead of spending 6 minutes of guesswork?
When are we going to do something about affordable housing? Working professionals should be able to afford a basic apartment.
Americans don't need help. Help the immigrants coming. Don't be selfish.
This is exactly how I feel. I live on a household where money is always a struggle and having grow up we all have permanent anxiety
My wife and I agreed before marriage to never divorce. Instead if one of us wants out we will just kill the other in their sleep.
Omg! Lol
Get a part life insurance policy so the other can cry in a new Mercedes when you die lol
Let me see this contract
Dino lol
Sounds like a plan!😆
Something not mentioned is downsize to a 1 bedroom home.. the kid gets the bedroom, Dad finds a comfortable fold out bed to sleep in the front room. Share the bedroom closet with Dad's and sons clothes and 2 dressers in the bedroom 1 for Dad 1 for son. Rent would be cheaper for a 1 bedroom. Anna In Ohio
I feel so bad for this dad. Start by seeing if there is income based housing in the area. Second work every second you are not with your son. Third in your spare time, job hunting. You can do this, you have to do this. Your son deserves a dad who conquers life challenges and doesn't just resign himself to his situation.
I bet he wont qualify because he makes too much money plus housing has years long waitlists in NYC area.
@@jeretso it will be harder to get help because he's a guy.........mind you, I said harder, not impossible.
@@rickdesertfox Sounds like he does not have custody either
Well, when the courts tell you what to do, you have resigned to the situation.
Its either go to jail for lack of CS payments, or starve yourself to make those payments.
Listen give your son the room and live in a one bedroom. Single moms have been doing it for many years. Drive him to Brooklyn, you don’t have to live there. Be creative sir. Let’s work it out.
I feel for this guy. My wife and I live in a small one bedroom in Brooklyn and as much as we want to move to a nicer/bigger place we know we can’t afford it and it would be super foolish financially. I am lucky to have a good paying job but my wife wants to go back to school so we need to protect our savings and grow it more. For this reason we are looking to move out of NY this year. I would suggest this guy to move to Jersey but I am sure he has thought of this already. At least it is close enough to drive to the city or take a train so he can see his son.
Disabled vet here. I was making enough to get by on rent but last year I became homeless, I've been sleeping in my car. I often feel like I'm someone I used to try to help
There is no such thing as a final order in family law. Even "final orders" are appealable and subject to motion to change hearings.
The no-fault divorce clause is one of the worst things that has happened to Dads. It doesn't matter what the woman did, she will most often be the beneficiary and the man punished.
Just don’t get married dude. 😂
This is what my husband wants to say even though he cheated. He wants me to get as little as possible in alimony (I stayed at home) and child support (we have four kids). It’s cheaper to keep her. lol
that’s y some ex husbands resort to killing their ex wives over child support 🤷♂️just sayin
@@deltapromasterlauj4848 The most dangerous time for a female victim of DV is within a month of leaving her husband. A guy in Utah just murdered his wife, MIL, and all of his kids because the wife was moving out.
Divorce is killing good men.
Good men need better “pickers” after all, there are more women than men. It’s in their favor.
@@seadragon1456 Hardly when most women today have the same mindset. The quantity is there but not the quality of women for men to choose from isn't. As the saying goes it doesn't pay for the wife to stay married but it does pay for her to leave her husband.
@@IrishFrank22 and because I’m up high on the horse 🤣
I got married at 19 (29 now with a full house.)
I’m sitting pretty -getting paid as you say. Paid with the benefits of being asked to be a traditional wife. That means staying home, managing the house, and raising children. My husband wanted traditional so he works and hands over the mOnEy.
A lot of guys want GREAT women without doing their part of being GREAT men.
And good woman
@@seadragon1456 If you say you're traditional then great. What you describe is what most guys want. The women just aren't there. They'd rather give themselves to bad boys and losers for free or as they call it "finding themselves" and wait till their over the hill to find a man, which is just settling and not any form of love. If what you say is true, then I wish you and your husband all the luck in the world. Its only right a man takes care of his woman, when she takes care of him.
I always always advice people to do pre-merital counseling and date for a while make sure people with more life experience can advice you because once you get married that's it. You either remain married or divorce and divorce can be a huge pain
Nothing really helps but working things out between you both.
7:37 This should be said in every single classroom. Tired of this "follow your dream and some how things will workout" mentally, put some math and reality check in the mix.
I live in New York and housing payment is also very close to 50% of take home pay, the thing is, it’s so ridiculously high you can comfortably live on the other half
I have two full time jobs making $120k. After taxes one job pays for my mortgage and utilities. My 2nd job pays for food, gas, and other extras. Hard to live when you’re working 80 hours a week.
What's the alternative?
Dave inherited his fortune. He started off with a 4 million dollar portfolio and has been extracting wealth from the working class like the parasite he is for decades. He doesn't care. He sees some spots where you could cut food out pretending it's for your interest. But if they see a slight bit of money they think "now that's my money" because they are vampires and little else.
Great video. Loads of empathy from the hosts, but very useful and constructive advice.
They should’ve asked Paul if he’s able to save money. Although his rent is 50% of his take home, they assumed he’s struggling.
The rest of his money is going to food to survive there is no extra there is no saving I'm in the same boat but worse
@@i_KillCampersDayZKillCamZ he’s saying, spending 2K on rent with an income of 4K is very different from making 8k and spending 4K on rent. The actual number matters in this case.
@@LTJuni0r ok so how bout making $2k a month and rent is $1k a month not including electricity or water now how can you save after paying for food and everything needed to survive the month now after all that nothing is left sometimes you actually have to go without eatting just to pay for other needs ? Now answer the real question?
@@LTJuni0r now reply to the actual real question please I need the help of another mind
@@i_KillCampersDayZKillCamZ you can’t save. Sorry if that’s your situation. Good luck
Move where, rent's high everywhere
Right. I live in butt fuck PA and it's insane
I moved from London because of the same reason and now I'm free.
Freedom is everything! The Florida Beachcomber
Well people , marriage is all fun and games until you realize it takes work and divorce shouldn’t be an option if it can be worked out. Stay together people if you can work it out
Share an apartment with another person or a house with more friends. Only way to bring that rent down to 25% of income. A side hustle could bring in more cash as well. Good luck
He doesn’t have to change careers, just the types of gigs he does. He could make some serious coin in NYC as a photographer…he just has to find the people with deep pockets
What world does this guys live in? Rent is shot though the moon and pay is stagnant.
Over the past four years, my rent has gone up 27%. My wages have gone up 66%. I’m still doing the exact same job. Try negotiating better?
@@nicholasselke5214 What field are you in where a 66% raise is on the table? Most professions have kind of a set salary range at every company and your boss would rather let you leave to be replaced by a cheaper employee than nearly double your pay.
@@rachelmaddowswife8713Was gonna say, this guy definitely isn't a teacher. The salary scale is the scale, take 43k or leave it.
@@Xiosoranox Yeah, that's both the blessing and curse of a union job, you know you'll be making something reasonable-ish, but there's a cap. I've negotiated a few raises at my job after periods where others on the team left and my responsibilities increased, but I was ecstatic for a 10% raise, and certainly can't expect that every year, usually it's just a 3-4% cost of living raise. I'm genuinely curious what job this person has where you can just walk up to the boss and say "please double my pay" and they don't laugh at you. I wish the commenter had responded. Some fields your pay is scheduled to take a big jump up after you complete some training or certification, like medical residents know their salaries will step up a ton when they become attending physicians, but that's not the result of negotiation, that happens to everyone who fulfills the job requirements.
Our grandparents lived in one room spaces. Our ancestors live under even worse conditions. Modern day conveniences have us feeling entitled to things that we dont really NEED . Why does his son need his own room if he is not even living full time with him?
Best comment
Im abit suprised they didnt ask what his income was, because paying 50% of your income in rent is not automatically unsubstainable. For high incomes, it shouldnt be a problem...
Move next door to New Jersey, rent is way cheaper and still commutable to Manhattan for work.
What kind of photographer? John assumes it’s fashion. Dave assumes it’s weddings. It could be product photography or technical photography. I think different types have vastly different incomes and schedules.
Dave helps people with his advice but it would help us as a community if we offer help to one another. If someone can give this gentleman a remote job, or someone who lives close by than can use his services, let's give him a hand.
I love your heart. What a great way to think
I'm in the same situation, stuck in cali because of my kid. It's not fair. And it's hard.
What a lot of people who aren’t from NYC don’t realize is that most people who live there aren’t willing to live anywhere else because there is no close substitute. Once you’ve become accustomed to NYC, everywhere else is bumblefart. That is a big part of the reason that housing there is so expensive.
The problem isnt the rent being over 50% The problem is all his other expenses.
The problem is the rent and insane inflation from greed of corporations!
@@ninaedwards345 It is also taxes on the rental property.
I grew up in Queens and attended a lot of parties in my 20s in in the city. I have met so many people that lived in the city with average jobs and paid around 50% of the income to rent and looked down on me because I lived in Queens. Even though I owned my apt and had substantial savings.
all those snobs
I love Queens. Amazing environment and lots of areas that are not dense. Let them stay in the other boroughs
I miss queens
sa .... savings? whats that? -them, probably
Good for you, they just mad they can't save money, they spend alot in rent where they live at. I do like nice places, but affordable, nice and safe.