I think Nicole realized that after Azan found out she cheated, he’s not going to stay in the relationship for Nicole anymore. So she strung May along, hoping that he’d stay in it for May instead.
When you’ve already binged 10 of Dr. Honda’s videos today, but you refresh his page and see he’s just uploaded a 36-minute Nicole and Azan video... you watch the 36-minute Nicole and Azan video
Sirmel11 Yeah, Azan probably felt bad :/ she could of been like “May needs a dad and youre being selfish” or something. I feel like he probably feels more responsibility since he has such a traditional mindset
Seriously!! I can’t believe this was just glossed over completely. Not one word was said about that, but Azan is the problem because he asks Nicole to make healthier choices in a respectful way I guess? She’s absolutely toxic.
Sooo frustrating listening to this girl demanding, "you trust me" over and over until he gives up. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. You aren't entitled to someone's trust after betraying it; you have to EARN it back.
Also remember that movie with Adam Sandler, “Spanglish”? They also romanticised him almost cheating. As a viewer, you were made to feel like you wanted him to do it. Smh.
@@Summer09824 I’m curious what people mean when they say a movie made them feel like they wanted something. I might watch a movie and find the situation interesting or whatever, but it doesn’t mean I want to do anything differently just because a situation was interesting.
I believe Nicole probably has very low self-esteem so the minute someone gives her attention, she takes it even though she is in love with someone else. It probably makes her feel like she is capable of receiving attention even though the person she really wants it from is Azan. She most likely will do it again.
I agree. I think she craves attention from men so much that she puts herself in these situations (cheating & going out without ring) so that she can get male attention. The bigger problem is that because her self-esteem is so low and her need for physical affection is so strong, that she doesn't control herself and gets into an even worse situation (I'm guessing there's more to the ring story than she's saying). Honestly, she has no business being in a long-distance relationship with her issues.
Yes that is why the idea of getting an unattractive partner also to have less risk of them cheating is totally false. A lot of very attractive people with high self-esteem don't need the attention and therefore has less of a risk to act out cheating behavior for attention
@@tturing5698 So true! Just like Big Ed and his ex-wife. They were only married 2 years before divorcing because he cheated. At first, I was FLOORED that HE would be the one who cheated but then we got to know him and I totally get it. He hangs on any little thread of attention from females (no matter the age🙄🤮) and all rationale goes out the window because he’s so obsessed with someone potentially wanting him
I feel like it was inappropriate for her to throw in the fact that her dad is going to financially be responsible for him while begging him to trust her because that's like trying to guilt him Into trusting her BECAUSE of throwing that in his face almost to make it hard for him to say no because then he would feel like saying no would mean that he doesnt appreciate that. She definitely is not acting her age.
RIGHT?? She’s all triangulating her parents into their relationship... lol. Like I understand she’s trying to show some physical proof of fidelity, but it’s also avoiding his real concern about her just cheating again. Her parents aren’t going to protect him from her cheating again.
Ugh she's so manipulative, calling him 100 times and using May calling him daddy before they even met in person. That's just gross, she's not as helpless as she pretends to be. The fact that this is a healthy conversation for them is really sad and shows how low the bar is. She's trying to bully him into being with her. He's no prize either, but they are just no good together.
@@lauren4078 She's totally desperate and completely immature. She is the type of person who loves the glory and attn being a mom but wants none of the work, as well.
@@lauren4078 I think so too! I also read she purposefully got pregnant, and that the guy was 2 years younger (17 at the time.) He tried being a part of their lives at first but she iced him out. What a crazy situation.
I thought about that movie Spanglish with Adam Sandler. I didn’t even realise till now that it was romanticising cheating & making the wife seem crazy etc. It doesn’t matter if your partner is unlikeable etc you made a commitment to that person, so like he said, divorce, move on THEN date someone else...🙄
I’ve been cheated on and told to get over it after a few apologies and it really hurts. I’ve also been in a situation where I was with someone and met someone else; when I thought “if I’m not careful something could happen with this person” I broke off my previous relationship. The breakup sucked but I’d never forgiven myself if I was unfaithful first because of how it’d make them feel..
You’re a good and wise person for that. I’ve experienced the former and it really hurts because cheating breaks all sense of trust. The way Dr. Honda explains the sorries vs forgiveness ratio is so validating. Not like there is some infinite sorry meter, but it just doesn’t go back to how it was before cheating. It’s like putting together a broken glass. You start glueing prices together and expect the cup to hold the water again the same.
On the subject, strangely I had quite an opposite experience to Nicole and Azan. My partner cheated on me, and I forgave her, but she could never forgive herself - and that ultimately broke up the relationship. Interesting that it can work both ways.
The cheating partner doesn't have any idea how much emotional strife a one night stand could cause their romantic partner? Lack of foresight? Nicole doesn't come across to me as someone who thinks about consequences, so it doesn't really surprise me to hear this.
She makes a lot of choices without a single thought. I wondered how she could have such severe food aversion and still visit a country with a menu that largely features all the things she hates. Did it ever occur to her that that would be a problem? Did she even bother to find out what she’d be eating? Maybe she thought she could do it, I don’t know…
How can you force someone to trust you if you've blatantly betrayed someone? Trust is not demanded, but earned! The only way to gain his trust back is to work twice as hard to prove with your ACTIONS! Even though he said "OK, fine, I'll trust you", he doesn't deep down. So what's the point of demanding him say he does? She's so childish, with and without her mom's presence.
I still can't believe she said that and expected it to end the conversation. Seems like she doesn't even know the weight of her actions and believes that she can move forward without dealing with consequences. I wonder how much of May's presence is just another way of avoiding her problems
I like Dr. Honda’s videos and he seems like a nice man, but I don’t really buy into infidelity recovery. If you’re dealing with a serial cheater, do you really think that person cares enough to spend years fixing what they broke? Why should the injured person take that gamble? I know it’s not Dr. Honda’s place to make that determination, but I’d tell anyone I care about to exit that abuse.
The progressive pained expressions of Dr Honda's face in the thumbnails of the videos as these couples crash and burn is part of the greatness of his videos
Why is she getting upset that he doesn’t fully trust her? Getting him a visa doesn’t mean he has to trust a cheater. I’ve seen people be cheated on and then after a few apologies their partner gets annoyed that they don’t fully trust them. Like well what did you expect?
I appreciated your discussion about saying, "sorry." I am a former special education teacher. I used to demonstrate how apologizing sometimes isn't good enough by having the student crumple up a piece of paper. They would say, "sorry" as they tried to flatten out the paper again. We talked about how saying "sorry" only helps so much. The paper will always show signs of being crumpled. I wish more adults thought this way. Apologizing is necessary, but the scars are still there.
honestly a beautiful analogy but it leaves me feeling a little hollow. how do you rebuild trust when you make a big mistake, but you are committed to apologizing in a meaningful way?
It's true! No couple's therapy will help. It's waste of time and money. U cant force anyone to be in a monogamy relationship, if he really doesnt want that or is just simply not capable...
Thank you for bringing to light the glamorization of cheating/infidelity in our society and media. I feel like it's not talked about enough, and some people are even oblivious to the effects this glamorization has on the way most of us perceive cheating.
My family was arguing, and thanks to things I’ve learned from you, I feel like I was so much more calm and approached things in a much more intelligent and mature way. My family has never really “believed” in therapy (very traditional parents) so I’ve never had the privilege of going. Watching your videos makes me realize how much I might’ve missed out on, but I’m very grateful to be learning and growing now, largely thanks to your inputs. Thanks for what you do (:
Dr. Honda, I love seeing your channel grow: it deserves to be huge! The way you explain your hypotheses so simply and clearly is a sign of just how deep your knowledge on the subject is, and I especially love that you always stay kind to the people you observe 💛 Great vibes overall 💛
I am going to be that person. Who wants to cheat with Nicole? Looks aside, she is so ignorant and whiney. She is like a giant toddler. I'm guessing beer goggles are pretty strong.
Also she has that fat girl mentality of being weak willed and sleeping with basically anyone who will sleep with them because they are insecure.. especially when her partner has mentioned her weight so many times as a problem. Not all overweight women are like that obviously, but some are the stereotype unfortunately
Bruh I realized dr Honda says azan’s name more correctly than Nicole aka azan’s future wife 😂😂 Edit pt 2: actually I’m wrong apparently the North African pronunciation is Hazen not huh suhn so Nicole is correct. Go Nicole! So yes apparently his name is Hassan and not Azan as displayed on the tv show. What I’m referring to here is the “uh” sound that Dr. Honda says instead of a hard “A” sound that most Americans say. So while Nicole pronounces his name “hah-sehn” (yes with an H so concretely she is saying the correct name) Dr. Honda says Azan like “ah-zuhn” and once adjusting his name to Hassan I believe his pronunciation would shift to “huh-suhn” since Dr. Honda can distinguish and recognize the “uh” sound vs a hard A American sound. So in that sense though Dr. Honda didn’t say the right name since well he isn’t aware, I found his pronunciation of the technical details like the “uh” part more accurate and online you can see that his name is pronounced huh-suhn as well
@Tanaya, I've just arrived to the moment she says his name, and she actually says Hassan pretty correctly in a very native-like way, including the initial "h".
@@tanyabarbie895 hey Tanaya, as AT said in a previous comment his name is Hassan. And she pronounced it really well. I don't know why they changed it to Azan which is not a Moroccan name as far as I know.
"Azan found out" - how did he find out she took off her ring unless she told him? Between the cheating and that, I feel like Nicole's just creating this drama maybe intentionally. I think she just craves male attention period.
oh no Exactly what I was thinking!!! She craves attention in a very unhealthy way. Maybe she didn’t even cheat but, she said she did just to get some attention from Azan and incite jealousy 🙄
Tanisha Miller Just saw your response after I wrote mine. Totally agree with you! I don’t believe she cheated at all. She just didn’t think it through and bank on Azan wanting to dump her as a result. She’s really juvenile.
@@mrsa6925, exactly. ANY attention (including negative attention) is better than NO attention. For her and a lot of other people. They misconstrue jealousy for love. When sometimes jealousy can be purely out of selfishness and ego not love. Like a kid that hadn't played with a toy in months and as soon as another kid comes over and plays with the toy, the kid (owner) wants to get mad and play with the toy. The kid doesn't really WANT the toy, but also doesn't want anyone else to want the either. Sorry for the long winded explanation 🤦🏾♀️
I thought that that was all for attention too. In fact, I even felt like cheating on Azan and still being able to sustain the relationship came like a victory to her, to validate her importance to him. As if he being with her despite what she did could prove to her how much invested he was. But, of course, these are total speculation.
You can’t be annoyed or mad at someone for having a hard time trusting you, if YOU are the one who keeps betraying them or cheating 🙄 I feel like Nicole has gotten more mature since the first season, but she still has a mentality of like a 15 year old
@@slavbarbie I heard only the American gets paid in this show. The foreign party is not paid. He has never mentioned the need of a visa like some others, so that's just your guess.
@@slavbarbie Apparently there was some cat-fishing, either the posted picture was of her with a filter or before she got baby weight. Combine that with just getting to know someone and thinking you love them for who they are; that is a deadly cocktail.
Nicole was using May to manipulate Azan when he broke up with her, sending him hundreds of videos of May asking where her Daddy is. At that point May had not even met Azan in person and she's calling him Daddy and Nicole was out cheating on him. What a strange logic Nicole has.
I'm so glad that, as therapists we continue to learn, to acknowledge "epiphanies " for ourselves. to ourselves. It makes me proud of my profession but reminds me, too, that I probably made so many errors early on. I believe I learned from them and that I must still examine transference and counter transference in evaluating my past, current, and future clients and my own feelings. And thank god that is so: we enter our field genuinely, and with good intentions. I used to teach students that "burn out" happens when we stop learning. And our clients and our own self examination can continue to teach us what we need to know
10:48 Nicole: are we not past this? Azan: I just- Nicole: _Then you_ know that I love you now Lol what?? Her response sounds like she wasn't even really listening to him & just assumed he was going to say "yes"
"How dare you not trust me after I cheated! I manipulated my dad into supporting you for 10 years and now you're being a poopy head!" That's all I hear 😂
she is not trustworthy. her insecurities are blaring in her choices. she would fall for anyone who would swoop in and sweet talk her. on the other side of the coin, azan is questioning her? he has cheated, fathered other children, and taken any money she will give him with no care about her at all.
i feel sad for her kid we only see her being ignored for the most part just watching a tablet with headphones, does Nicole never interact with her kid and if she used her daughter to manipulate him in back to her. I really don't see this working and I hope the grandma takes better care of May then her mom seems to be doing. Also I noticed May has no food in front of her and she isn't eating like a toddler would
Watching these videos has made me realize a lot of my own negative traits and my own downfalls when it comes to communication. I feel like I can really take a step back now and view things from a different perspective. Thank you for doing these videos!
Before this episode, I thought azan was just a player and using Nicole but I see that's not the case now. I can't blame him. If I was him, I probably would've ghosted Nicole too.
I was all for Azan leaving her because she’s so toxic. After she drops the bomb of “just a guy friend” on camera (cowardly mind you because she knows now he can’t react fully) I’m of the opinion that he use her for his visa. Eff her and her toxic family that created her. Idk why but that ish triggered me bad. 😂
I'm on the same episode that is being reviewed here, so idk all of the up-to-date info, but what about that makes you think he's using her for a visa? He seems to really really love Morocco, and that he would probably even prefer for her and May to move out there instead of him going to America.
crystallyn320 I don’t think he is using her for a visa. I think he should just use her for a visa and then run. He seems like a decent guy, naive about the world outside of Morocco, but still mature enough to learn as he goes.
the fact that she used may to guilt trip him into talking to her again, makes me so annoyed. he has every right to not want to speak to you, using your child as a way to make him feel bad for not speaking to you is childish and manipulative.
You said something that really piqued my interest as someone who wants to become a clinician one day. You said that it isn't your responsibility to objectively judge whether or not a relationship is "good" or "bad", and that your primary job (in couple's therapy) is to help couples increase their intimacy and decrease conflict, I understand that. However, what do you do if you think a couple is in an unhealthy and possibly abusive relationship? And how can you determine that without risking the rapport you've built with the couple?
I love the way that things are explained. I have been to multiple therapists for help dealing with issues surrounding abuse from a family friend when i was younger. I would LOVE to sit down and speak with Dr Honda. I feel like he would actually explain why it has molded my relationships since. These videos are really helpful. The only good thing to come out of covid :)
My friend is a therapist in Seattle (who knows you personally!) and they're helping me to find either a therapist in my area (Portland) who has been directly trained by you or who at least practices some of the types of therapy that you do. Your videos have been very helpful for me in many ways but one big one is helping me to figure out what I want in a therapist so that the process of finding one is a little less overwhelming. (It's still a little overwhelming, lol)
I’m going into my second year of an MSW program and I am so glad to know there are channels like this. I love the perspective you offer about ethical boundaries and projective identification in this video. It’s very insightful and human.
Sarah Cashen Most people would find it very difficult to move forward if their partner cheated once. Nicole cheated twice, and they’re not even married yet. 😳🤯 And you know how the saying goes, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” Most people would just call it quits if their partner has cheated twice.
@@kristinbagani2811 she said she cheated the first time in first season? I think I missed first couple of episodes... Couse I cant recall her first cheating and how it happened...
The only reason he is staying with her (apart from I think he does have feelings for her) is that she's guilting him with having trained May into thinking he's her dad. Azan doesn't want to cause the little girl pain, I think. That being said, after what I've been through in past relationships and seeing how the trust just couldn't be rebuilt, it just better if he leaves. I've told my long-term bf since the beginning that cheating is a deal-breaker with me. I'm sure my stance would be different if we were married with kids (again, don't want to hurt the children) and that's when therapy would be a must.
Calling 100 times is a no-no! It's a control thing, obnoxious, disrespectful thing to do! To use own minor Child to manipulate him is a low thing to do! It's very selfish and damaging to own Child, as well! Red flags! Run!
For anyone new to the phrase “eke out”... 34:59 “don’t eke out more information as you go” Meaning adding small amount of something as time passes, rather than all at one time. (In this case, withhold details, and little by little tell your partner those things you left out of your original confession...Each time the details are fount out by them, It erodes more trust. Better to not surprise ur partner by adding details later.)
when we get together with someone new we give them the benefit of the doubt about their fidelity. once that is destroyed through cheating, you don't just get that trust back with a 'sorry', most likely not even with 100 'sorries'. Destroyed trust has to be slowly rebuilt and earned back over a long time and even then you can't expect the betrayed person to have 100% faith in you at all moments. That's the bargain you make whenever you cheat and expect to be forgiven. And mind, you may already be forgiven, but that doesn't mean you're already trustworthy again. The very fact that the other person is giving you another shot at all is sign of their forgiveness for you. But trust, nope, that you don't get back that easy. And it's why often cases of infidelity are the immediate or time delayed precursor of a breakup. If the cheated on person doesn't dump the cheater, eventually the cheater will brake under the emotional strain for the next few months or even years and throw the towel. Which is why unless there are children involved or bigger financial issues to consider (meaning the relationship is at a stage where you can't just detangle each other via a simple breakup) I would never suggest a friend to give their partner another chance after cheating. Better shorten the misery and make a clean cut.
@@hairbeauty8083 i get where you're coming from, but I don't know if human interactions would really work based on that premise, not only for romantic relationships but even for the relationship with your children, friends, employees etc. there are plenty of moments in life where you just have to make a leap of faith and trust someone. if you only operate from a place of mistrust you end up doing all work yourself (in case of employees), raising overly dependent children and alienating any possible partners. You probably wouldn't want to enter a relationship where your partner demands to see your chat history on your phone until you 'earned' their trust that you are faithful. Most people would find that both obsessive and intrusive, and rightfully so. Don't get me wrong, I understand your mindset. If you've been burned once or twice too much it is just a matter of protecting one's own heart to not trust all that easily. Problem is that going into any given relationship (love related or not) from a stance of mistrust, kind of spoils it from the getgo. I see it more in a way that we have to try and improve our skills as judges of character, but even if we get burnt to not take it too personally. You just found out a person is not trustworthy. That doesn't mean there's any fault in yourself and it also doesn't mean everybody else is not trustworthy either, it just means that specific person in particular isn't. Draw your conclusions and consequences, make your decision and move on. Else you let such people spoil your life permanently by letting their unfaithfulness taint your ability to trust others and build meaningful relationships. I found taking it case by case is the only way to go. Obviously don't be completely naive. Be sensitive to red flags. And else the old rule applies; fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I would feel so devastated if my boyfriend cheated on me.. But I'd be the better person so I'd break up with him immediately and deal with the pain myself. Azan should have done that, he'd be way better without her.
@@blackarchon8778 I don't follow the show, only Kirk videos. I don't know about future knowledge on their "relationship". All I know, for now, is that he's better without her in his life.
I agree, he needs to just end it with her. The only reason he is staying with her (apart from I think he does have feelings for her) is that she's guilting him with having trained May into thinking he's her dad. Azan doesn't want to cause the little girl pain, I think. That being said, after what I've been through in past relationships and seeing how the trust just couldn't be rebuilt, it just better if he leaves. I've told my long-term bf since the beginning that cheating is a deal-breaker with me.
Why would Nicole tell Azan that she cheated. They live on opposite sides of the world. He didn't need to know. I think she was trying to make him jealous. Just like high school.
I don’t believe she cheated on him. She was probably make him feel jealous and show that other guys want her. I have had gf that did that to me. She’s young and immature a child. She needs to grow up.
jesus crisps I think she cheated before her first trip, “before he proposed”. Then used her daughter to get him back and finally met him in person. After that trip, after he proposed, she went out without her ring on.
When she admitted it was a guy friend at the end you could see his heart drop ☹️ I haven’t been cheated on but I’ve been deceived and had little bits of truth come out one at a time and it makes you feel like you can’t believe anything the other person says, they promise you they’ve told you the whole truth now but that’s what they said last time so you’re just waiting for the next revelation that will show they were lying again.
I thought the same... Couse if she really cheated before arriving with her daughter in Morocco, I doubt she would have the guts to tell him. The cheater usually lies and hides it, until he is discovered...
Nicole is not entitled to Azan's trust and forgiveness. She shouldn't pressure Azan to trust her. It will happen on his own terms and she needs to do everything she can to earn his trust back.
I just really wanted to extend a massive thanks to you for taking time out of your life and putting so much effort and care into these videos. These have been so helpful in my personal growth process. I just really hope you know how appreciated you are! 😸
Kalli Kube I’ve been saying that. My reasoning is because he didn’t find out through other means. SHE told him to trigger an emotional response. Nicole isn’t above lying to get what she wants. She just doesn’t think through her actions/choices enough and hadnt banked on Azan wanting to dump her because she cheated. Deep down, she felt good about his reaction. It totally back fired because he later cheats. Also, look at her reaction when she’s talking about it with the producer; she looks away before responding indicating a lie. Nicole really does need therapy.
Anyone think there is a chance she didn’t really cheat and only says she did because she wants to see if it would actually hurt him- so seeing him act hurt and upset can make her feel better as it shows he’s like jealous (is tyst the right word?), like she’s showing him she’s desirable to others (“prove” to him that other men do find her attractive)... so she knows the relationship isn’t just a one way thing...? I’ve been getting this feeling ever since the cheating incident was brought up earlier on... I had an ex that did something like this. Also Nicole camd off as a bad liar at in’s point when talking about it on camera, she’s a bad liar in general abd seems to lie about dumb stuff that the average person would know isn’t going to help the situation so pretending she cheated is kind of her MO
Britt Alex Totally agree with you. You can tell she’s lying when the producer asks her. She just didn’t expect Azan to take it this far. She really doesn’t think things through, to be honest. Also, the fact that she told him suggests to me she was looking for a reaction on his part.
My husband cheated repeatedly and the pain from it destroyed our marriage now. He tells me still it was my fault and that he is so happy now that we are divorcing. Why are people so mean?
That is just awful 🙁 You did not deserve that to happen to you. I know it’ll be hard, but I hope you can find happiness within yourself. It’ll take time, and perhaps some therapy, but that’s ok. YOU ARE WORTH IT!
I really enjoy watching your videos to see a different perspective on these situations. I feel like it helps me to be more compassionate as it is so easy to have knee jerk reactions to situations we aren't apart of.
@14:51 yes, a therapist is supposed to help you not make decisions for u. They’re like your biggest cheerleaders. I remember hearing a story about my friend going to couples therapy and her husband was late. The therapist asked her where do u see yourself in five years with this person? She answered she would just be with her kids only meaning she didn’t see her husband in her future. So the therapist goes “Then why are we here?” Later she got a divorce and was the happiest she ever been. Therapists have your best interests at heart to the fullest.
There are different theories and styling of counseling. It sounds like Dr. Honda is more of a fan of the Humanistic approach, which puts the work back on you to help/encourage you to make your own decisions and help you process through your thoughts and emotions to get to your decision.
Thank you for explaining countertransference, the cart analogy, and the roadmap to recovering from infidelity. I feel like I am learning all these things and these are tools in my back pocket that I can use in the future. High schools really don't teach us anything at all about navigating a healthy relationship, even though it's one of the biggest life skills you'll need as a person on this earth. Thank you for providing this information for free - we are all learning a lot!
Thank you Dr. Honda! Talking about infidelity is very important. I used to say to people who cheated on me or friends who wanted to cheat on their significant other... at what expense? In the end it will be at the expense of the one who loved you.
Listen, as a person who was a manipulative girlfriend in the past, I can tell that Nicole lied about cheating or did it to inspire some emotion from azan. I feel like he goes by the rules of marriage based on where he’s from so he was upset from that standpoint, BUT he’s not emotionally involved whatsoever and Nicole just wanted some type of excitement until it dies down and it’s time for the next argument.
Thank you Dr. Honda!! This is a much needed perspective and analysis.. The person who has broken the trust says that the other is "living in the past" if they don't get over it on their timeline which is right away. Saying that they have changed when they have continued whatever behavior again and again isn't enough. It takes time to trust again.
These videos almost made me go to a therapist but then I remembered that because of covid-19 everything is online and therapy sessions are done over videocalls. I really don't want that with my mom in the house hearing everything I say lol
This is my favorite episode, its very insightful. I was cheated on years ago multiple time by an ex. When I found out he essentially bowed out, he said it was too hard to work on building the trust back. Its good to know that couples can overcome these things with the correct tools.
Mine too (so far) I wasn't cheated, "fortunately" my husband encountered "free spirit" girl, and came ~honest, wanting divorce (torn, but infatuated) we didn't get to do it, and his new relationship failed quickly (like, month or so, he wasn't into _that much_ freedom of spirits, for what I gathered) but he was shaken for months, confused, and didn't want to come back to me, so he doesn't hurt me again. I just wanted him back, and I think I had that hurt "on hold", as it hit me hard, by surprise, after 8 months when we finally got together. been more than a decade since, and I'm still hurt, without any reason of that sort in the meantime. It's not so betrayal, more of an abandonment issue? I'm realizing now... I didn't get sufficient number of "I'm sorry"s. He was uncomfortable whenever I mentioned, and I was hard on myself for expecting more. I'm learning a lot here, I'm going to communicate this better, I think he'll get it, (can't play this, unfortunately, as we're nnes, and he's not proficient enough to follow) and that is truly helpful to know it can get better... wishing you luck, and hopefully you never get a need to overcome things like this.
I don’t believe she cheated on him. I think she tells him it to try and create some sort of bond via the hopeful drama. I love you dr Honda but this man does not want her at all.
I know you've mentioned it in other videos, but it's worth repeating that cheating can also happen in non-monogamous relationships and it suuuccckkkss. Thanks for another excellent vid, Dr. Honda!
It makes me sad to think when Dr. Honda was saying that we ALL have traumas, of him having traumas too, because he seems so sweet & good-hearted, that I wish we could all take his traumas away from him. 😌💞
Do you really believe that? I also don't think he loves her but I doubt he's dealing with all of this just to get a visa tbh. He's good in his country.
@@angelica534 truthful not ignorant, he doesn't love her, that much is obvious and if she stopped sending him money, he would not give her the time of day.
A great show to watch about how affairs and cheating destroys families is “The Affair.” It’s brilliant and shows how cheating is literally never worth it for all of the pain and torment it puts everyone through
![Yeat & Summrs - GO2WORK [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NEFEwfPcXRA/mqdefault.jpg)
Sending videos of her daughter calling him daddy to make him forgive her seems very manipulative.
Everything she does is either manipulative or childish
I think Nicole realized that after Azan found out she cheated, he’s not going to stay in the relationship for Nicole anymore. So she strung May along, hoping that he’d stay in it for May instead.
Yeah, that was a gross new insight. She hadn’t even met him in person and she had her daughter calling him “daddy”? I think you’re right.
Kinda? Oh most definitely!
She knows how to play people.
Dr. Honda you are the best thing that has happened to RUclips.
He keeps me sane
COULDNT AGREE MORE
So true!!!!!
Amen
I wish we had 10 of him so we can get 10 videos a day 😍😍😍 haha
When you’ve already binged 10 of Dr. Honda’s videos today, but you refresh his page and see he’s just uploaded a 36-minute Nicole and Azan video... you watch the 36-minute Nicole and Azan video
So relatable ! 😂
I wish I had 10 videos of Dr. Honda’s reaction vids that I haven’t seen lol. I’ve seen all of them, most of them more than once
Cause there’s is no “too much Dr Honda for today”
CHloE748 I save them up for days when I can binge them 🤣 but I understand not being able to do that lolol it’s ROUGH
SAME 😂
Sad she said she used the child to get him to communicate with her again.
... like a bulldozer
I find it weird that it worked. She's not even his kid.
Sirmel11 Yeah, Azan probably felt bad :/ she could of been like “May needs a dad and youre being selfish” or something. I feel like he probably feels more responsibility since he has such a traditional mindset
She called him 100 times and sent videos of May calling him daddy before they even met? Are we going to pretend like she's a sane person?
J K she is that desperate!!
Where is that DiCaprio applause gif when I need it? Lol👏👏👏👏
Seriously!! I can’t believe this was just glossed over completely. Not one word was said about that, but Azan is the problem because he asks Nicole to make healthier choices in a respectful way I guess? She’s absolutely toxic.
Sooo frustrating listening to this girl demanding, "you trust me" over and over until he gives up. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. You aren't entitled to someone's trust after betraying it; you have to EARN it back.
They both cheated on eachother and azan cheated multiple times AFTER they met in person.
@@blackarchon8778 so? You still don't demand and bark at someone to trust you and expect that to work lol
@@TheGamingFilly i didnt say that was okay. Show me where i did. Yeah try not putting words inside my mouth.
@Lilman Yellow kinda agree lol theyre both just awful
@@blackarchon8778 I didn't, just asking how your reply is relevant to what I wrote
Dr Honda tearing apart romanticized cheating in media/Woody Allen films: YES! Get ‘em!
I wonder if Dr. Kirk has any other wise musings about Woody Allan or any of his films.
Also remember that movie with Adam Sandler, “Spanglish”? They also romanticised him almost cheating. As a viewer, you were made to feel like you wanted him to do it. Smh.
A film can be good and also contain bad behaviour or messages. It’s why movies have ratings. Because an adult should know the difference.
@@Summer09824 I’m curious what people mean when they say a movie made them feel like they wanted something. I might watch a movie and find the situation interesting or whatever, but it doesn’t mean I want to do anything differently just because a situation was interesting.
Dr Honda you are too good and positive for this cruel cruel world.
? He does his work, helps couples.
That's exactly why Dr Honda is needed
@JR seems like a very kind man indeed.
@@angelagabaldon4251 Yes, the world needs more Dr Kirks :)
There are plenty, they're called psychologists! 💕
I believe Nicole probably has very low self-esteem so the minute someone gives her attention, she takes it even though she is in love with someone else. It probably makes her feel like she is capable of receiving attention even though the person she really wants it from is Azan. She most likely will do it again.
I agree. I think she craves attention from men so much that she puts herself in these situations (cheating & going out without ring) so that she can get male attention. The bigger problem is that because her self-esteem is so low and her need for physical affection is so strong, that she doesn't control herself and gets into an even worse situation (I'm guessing there's more to the ring story than she's saying). Honestly, she has no business being in a long-distance relationship with her issues.
crystallyn320 you are absolutely right. for sure there was more to that story!!
Interesting..
Yes that is why the idea of getting an unattractive partner also to have less risk of them cheating is totally false. A lot of very attractive people with high self-esteem don't need the attention and therefore has less of a risk to act out cheating behavior for attention
@@tturing5698 So true! Just like Big Ed and his ex-wife. They were only married 2 years before divorcing because he cheated. At first, I was FLOORED that HE would be the one who cheated but then we got to know him and I totally get it. He hangs on any little thread of attention from females (no matter the age🙄🤮) and all rationale goes out the window because he’s so obsessed with someone potentially wanting him
I feel like it was inappropriate for her to throw in the fact that her dad is going to financially be responsible for him while begging him to trust her because that's like trying to guilt him Into trusting her BECAUSE of throwing that in his face almost to make it hard for him to say no because then he would feel like saying no would mean that he doesnt appreciate that. She definitely is not acting her age.
Has she ever acted her age? I mean it. The show is trying to portray Azan as this bad person but.. Well, we all have eyes.
H7
RIGHT?? She’s all triangulating her parents into their relationship... lol. Like I understand she’s trying to show some physical proof of fidelity, but it’s also avoiding his real concern about her just cheating again. Her parents aren’t going to protect him from her cheating again.
And he was going to break up with her until she sent him videos of May calling him daddy. It seems like guilting people is her style.
Pete Zahut OMGGG you are right!! Omg 😳
Ugh she's so manipulative, calling him 100 times and using May calling him daddy before they even met in person. That's just gross, she's not as helpless as she pretends to be. The fact that this is a healthy conversation for them is really sad and shows how low the bar is. She's trying to bully him into being with her. He's no prize either, but they are just no good together.
I don't think she does it from a place of malice, but more from desperation. I find her to be pathetic, quite frankly.
She got destroyed so hard
@@lauren4078 She's totally desperate and completely immature. She is the type of person who loves the glory and attn being a mom but wants none of the work, as well.
@@bellissima78 I totally agree. She comes across as being developmentally... slow or behind, to me.
@@lauren4078 I think so too! I also read she purposefully got pregnant, and that the guy was 2 years younger (17 at the time.) He tried being a part of their lives at first but she iced him out. What a crazy situation.
I hate thats there's a child involved in this mess. AND being used as leverage.
Yes! Thank you so much for talking about the romanticizing of cheating in movies. It drives me crazy.
Yes! I really appreciated that. Cheating is not an act to romanticize, it’s abusive and pathetic.
I thought about that movie Spanglish with Adam Sandler. I didn’t even realise till now that it was romanticising cheating & making the wife seem crazy etc. It doesn’t matter if your partner is unlikeable etc you made a commitment to that person, so like he said, divorce, move on THEN date someone else...🙄
Yes!
I wish someone would make _After cheating_ movie(s)
like cautionary tales...
@@Summer09824 yes completely agree but I actually liked it because they didn’t go through with it. But something borrowed… train wreck all cheaters
I’ve been cheated on and told to get over it after a few apologies and it really hurts. I’ve also been in a situation where I was with someone and met someone else; when I thought “if I’m not careful something could happen with this person” I broke off my previous relationship. The breakup sucked but I’d never forgiven myself if I was unfaithful first because of how it’d make them feel..
I can feel you are a good person. Kuddos to you for not inflicting evitable pain around.
Leaving them for someone else is better than having an affair but only slightly better. Why not just be strong and not cheat
You’re a good and wise person for that. I’ve experienced the former and it really hurts because cheating breaks all sense of trust. The way Dr. Honda explains the sorries vs forgiveness ratio is so validating. Not like there is some infinite sorry meter, but it just doesn’t go back to how it was before cheating. It’s like putting together a broken glass. You start glueing prices together and expect the cup to hold the water again the same.
Your profile picture 👱♀️
On the subject, strangely I had quite an opposite experience to Nicole and Azan. My partner cheated on me, and I forgave her, but she could never forgive herself - and that ultimately broke up the relationship. Interesting that it can work both ways.
Exactly. If you’re unhappy, just be honest and break up. Don’t cheat. Cheating is one of the cruelest things you could do to someone!
Wish there were more men like Dr Honda in the world. Him and Stacy are lucky to have each other 💕
They’re so cute together 🥰
The cheating partner doesn't have any idea how much emotional strife a one night stand could cause their romantic partner? Lack of foresight? Nicole doesn't come across to me as someone who thinks about consequences, so it doesn't really surprise me to hear this.
Sara Clark exactly! She is a terrible single mom and probably didn’t plan getting pregnant
If she's been cheated on before she may understand... although I'd say that could only make it more messed up
Julio Ortiz If she did plan it, that’s just as bad. Teen motherhood is never a good idea.
She knows all she has to do is talk like a baby then get mad and the other person will back down even when she is blatantly wrong
She makes a lot of choices without a single thought. I wondered how she could have such severe food aversion and still visit a country with a menu that largely features all the things she hates. Did it ever occur to her that that would be a problem? Did she even bother to find out what she’d be eating? Maybe she thought she could do it, I don’t know…
Posted 10 minutes ago: 500 views already.
I love this community of deserving listeners!
Greetings fellow people of culture.
Greetings to you! We love you too!
I love being a deserving listener! What did we ever do to deserve all these UPLOADS
The only way to build the trust back is time. You can’t just expect them to trust you 100% again after a couple of months.
For someone with Michael Scott with a mouth full of cheese balls dust as a pic, you make a very reasonable point. 👍
Time AND the proper amount of apologies...
^ and vacations! ...Or is that just me?
Cheaters are selfish, impatient and emotionally unintelligent, which explains why they don’t understand this.
1% trust, 55% attracted, 3 years of no cheating, 10 years of alimony. Total win, Azan.
How can you force someone to trust you if you've blatantly betrayed someone? Trust is not demanded, but earned! The only way to gain his trust back is to work twice as hard to prove with your ACTIONS! Even though he said "OK, fine, I'll trust you", he doesn't deep down. So what's the point of demanding him say he does? She's so childish, with and without her mom's presence.
I still can't believe she said that and expected it to end the conversation. Seems like she doesn't even know the weight of her actions and believes that she can move forward without dealing with consequences. I wonder how much of May's presence is just another way of avoiding her problems
He trusts her... but only 55% 😁
Lol. He's not to blame for this one.
Nice call back 👍
I forgot about that when he said that 😂
😭
Well, now we know why. I wouldn’t even trust her 10%.
When people show you who they are just BELIEVE THEM .
Period. Even if you don't cut that person off forever, just know and accept this person cheats. If you can't deal with that... End it.
Amen!! The FIRST time...
Omg yes
I like Dr. Honda’s videos and he seems like a nice man, but I don’t really buy into infidelity recovery. If you’re dealing with a serial cheater, do you really think that person cares enough to spend years fixing what they broke? Why should the injured person take that gamble? I know it’s not Dr. Honda’s place to make that determination, but I’d tell anyone I care about to exit that abuse.
Thank you! Very wise words.
The progressive pained expressions of Dr Honda's face in the thumbnails of the videos as these couples crash and burn is part of the greatness of his videos
If Nicole can get 2 boyfriends, then so can I.
D S Did she really cheat though?
@@mrsa6925 why do you think she didn't? Because it's not a real relationship?
Of course you can! It's polyamory, and as long as every partner is enthusiastically consenting, then there's no issue ;)
Why is she getting upset that he doesn’t fully trust her? Getting him a visa doesn’t mean he has to trust a cheater. I’ve seen people be cheated on and then after a few apologies their partner gets annoyed that they don’t fully trust them. Like well what did you expect?
I appreciated your discussion about saying, "sorry." I am a former special education teacher. I used to demonstrate how apologizing sometimes isn't good enough by having the student crumple up a piece of paper. They would say, "sorry" as they tried to flatten out the paper again. We talked about how saying "sorry" only helps so much. The paper will always show signs of being crumpled. I wish more adults thought this way. Apologizing is necessary, but the scars are still there.
Carrie's Kiss Colors your analogy is brilliant!
honestly a beautiful analogy but it leaves me feeling a little hollow. how do you rebuild trust when you make a big mistake, but you are committed to apologizing in a meaningful way?
Nicole is pushing him to forgive her which is extremely problematic.
As Wayne from Letterkenny says "Once they cheat, it's over" I agree on this as a rule for myself and I hope any romantic partner will think the same.
It's true! No couple's therapy will help. It's waste of time and money. U cant force anyone to be in a monogamy relationship, if he really doesnt want that or is just simply not capable...
I stayed with a cheater ONCE and that was it because he repeatedly cheated.
I strongly disagree with using a child to manipulate Azan into taking her back. So incredibly manipulative.
💯 and it was never mentioned in this video, which is kind of unbelievable
Thank you for bringing to light the glamorization of cheating/infidelity in our society and media. I feel like it's not talked about enough, and some people are even oblivious to the effects this glamorization has on the way most of us perceive cheating.
My family was arguing, and thanks to things I’ve learned from you, I feel like I was so much more calm and approached things in a much more intelligent and mature way. My family has never really “believed” in therapy (very traditional parents) so I’ve never had the privilege of going. Watching your videos makes me realize how much I might’ve missed out on, but I’m very grateful to be learning and growing now, largely thanks to your inputs. Thanks for what you do (:
Dr. Honda, I love seeing your channel grow: it deserves to be huge! The way you explain your hypotheses so simply and clearly is a sign of just how deep your knowledge on the subject is, and I especially love that you always stay kind to the people you observe 💛 Great vibes overall 💛
This is the second time Nicole cheated on Azan. Twice that Azan found out about who knows how many he didn't find out about.
Twice??? Oh that’s so heartbreaking! And yet she’s demanding he trust her. 😭😭
I am going to be that person. Who wants to cheat with Nicole? Looks aside, she is so ignorant and whiney. She is like a giant toddler. I'm guessing beer goggles are pretty strong.
Id worry she was going to do it again too, especially since she is so very needy of physical affection.
Also she has that fat girl mentality of being weak willed and sleeping with basically anyone who will sleep with them because they are insecure.. especially when her partner has mentioned her weight so many times as a problem. Not all overweight women are like that obviously, but some are the stereotype unfortunately
Sarah Apple Damn, the way you worded that was just shitty and mean.
@@01SaltyWitch so? Where’s the lie?
@@01SaltyWitch a lot of women who lose weight keep that mentality
Bruh I realized dr Honda says azan’s name more correctly than Nicole aka azan’s future wife 😂😂
Edit pt 2: actually I’m wrong apparently the North African pronunciation is Hazen not huh suhn so Nicole is correct. Go Nicole!
So yes apparently his name is Hassan and not Azan as displayed on the tv show. What I’m referring to here is the “uh” sound that Dr. Honda says instead of a hard “A” sound that most Americans say. So while Nicole pronounces his name “hah-sehn” (yes with an H so concretely she is saying the correct name) Dr. Honda says Azan like “ah-zuhn” and once adjusting his name to Hassan I believe his pronunciation would shift to “huh-suhn” since Dr. Honda can distinguish and recognize the “uh” sound vs a hard A American sound. So in that sense though Dr. Honda didn’t say the right name since well he isn’t aware, I found his pronunciation of the technical details like the “uh” part more accurate and online you can see that his name is pronounced huh-suhn as well
His name is Hassan but they changed it to Azan for the show for some reason. You can catch Nicole calling him Hassan a couple of times.
How would you know? It's not even a real Moroccan name as far as I know (Moroccan born and raised).
@Tanaya, I've just arrived to the moment she says his name, and she actually says Hassan pretty correctly in a very native-like way, including the initial "h".
Soumaya Mrabet oh really? Because I thought she said az-an where as dr Honda said uh-zun
@@tanyabarbie895 hey Tanaya, as AT said in a previous comment his name is Hassan. And she pronounced it really well. I don't know why they changed it to Azan which is not a Moroccan name as far as I know.
"Azan found out" - how did he find out she took off her ring unless she told him? Between the cheating and that, I feel like Nicole's just creating this drama maybe intentionally. I think she just craves male attention period.
She told him both times because she wants him to be jealous because she knows he's not totally in love with her.
oh no Exactly what I was thinking!!! She craves attention in a very unhealthy way. Maybe she didn’t even cheat but, she said she did just to get some attention from Azan and incite jealousy 🙄
Tanisha Miller Just saw your response after I wrote mine. Totally agree with you! I don’t believe she cheated at all. She just didn’t think it through and bank on Azan wanting to dump her as a result. She’s really juvenile.
@@mrsa6925, exactly. ANY attention (including negative attention) is better than NO attention. For her and a lot of other people.
They misconstrue jealousy for love. When sometimes jealousy can be purely out of selfishness and ego not love.
Like a kid that hadn't played with a toy in months and as soon as another kid comes over and plays with the toy, the kid (owner) wants to get mad and play with the toy.
The kid doesn't really WANT the toy, but also doesn't want anyone else to want the either.
Sorry for the long winded explanation 🤦🏾♀️
I thought that that was all for attention too. In fact, I even felt like cheating on Azan and still being able to sustain the relationship came like a victory to her, to validate her importance to him. As if he being with her despite what she did could prove to her how much invested he was. But, of course, these are total speculation.
Dr. Honda says, "There's nothing wrong with her saying..." *Ad cuts in* "Let's play RAID Shadow Legends!"
I hate that!
Nothing wrong with her saying - discover audible, with an audio book on us
"There's nothing wrong with her being like".. .*insert Lexus commercial here*
You can’t be annoyed or mad at someone for having a hard time trusting you, if YOU are the one who keeps betraying them or cheating 🙄 I feel like Nicole has gotten more mature since the first season, but she still has a mentality of like a 15 year old
So last season she was 14 (mentality wise), so if he waits 6 more years she might be at the 20 year old level.
I can't stand Nicole and her personality at all...I feel so sorry for Azan, why is he doing this to himself...
Money and visa, duh.
@@slavbarbie that's really working out for him, isn't it? duh!
@@slavbarbie I heard only the American gets paid in this show. The foreign party is not paid. He has never mentioned the need of a visa like some others, so that's just your guess.
@@Kharizmah he's obviously not attracted to her
@@slavbarbie Apparently there was some cat-fishing, either the posted picture was of her with a filter or before she got baby weight. Combine that with just getting to know someone and thinking you love them for who they are; that is a deadly cocktail.
Nicole was using May to manipulate Azan when he broke up with her, sending him hundreds of videos of May asking where her Daddy is. At that point May had not even met Azan in person and she's calling him Daddy and Nicole was out cheating on him. What a strange logic Nicole has.
I'm so glad that, as therapists we continue to learn, to acknowledge "epiphanies " for ourselves.
to ourselves. It makes me proud of my profession but reminds me, too, that I probably made so many errors early on. I believe I learned from them and that I must still examine transference and counter transference in evaluating my past, current, and future clients and my own feelings. And thank god that is so: we enter our field genuinely, and with good intentions. I used to teach students that "burn out" happens when we stop learning. And our clients and our own self examination can continue to teach us what we need to know
The cart/cheating analogy makes perfect sense. Well said. 👌🏼
Cart? I must have missed that, when was it?
aliciaclaire81 @ 7:30
10:48 Nicole: are we not past this?
Azan: I just-
Nicole: _Then you_ know that I love you now
Lol what?? Her response sounds like she wasn't even really listening to him & just assumed he was going to say "yes"
"How dare you not trust me after I cheated! I manipulated my dad into supporting you for 10 years and now you're being a poopy head!" That's all I hear 😂
she is not trustworthy. her insecurities are blaring in her choices. she would fall for anyone who would swoop in and sweet talk her. on the other side of the coin, azan is questioning her? he has cheated, fathered other children, and taken any money she will give him with no care about her at all.
i feel sad for her kid we only see her being ignored for the most part just watching a tablet with headphones, does Nicole never interact with her kid and if she used her daughter to manipulate him in back to her. I really don't see this working and I hope the grandma takes better care of May then her mom seems to be doing. Also I noticed May has no food in front of her and she isn't eating like a toddler would
I saw that too. Why wouldn’t you feed your child. She also doesn’t interact but he does. It’s crazy what a selfish human see seems to be.
HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO BE TRUSTED WHEN YOU JUST BROKE HIS TRUST FOR YOU??? No wonder her mom treats her like an idiot... my god she needs help...
I don’t think half of any group will take Nicole’s side hahaha 😂 😂
Watching these videos has made me realize a lot of my own negative traits and my own downfalls when it comes to communication. I feel like I can really take a step back now and view things from a different perspective. Thank you for doing these videos!
Before this episode, I thought azan was just a player and using Nicole but I see that's not the case now. I can't blame him. If I was him, I probably would've ghosted Nicole too.
I was all for Azan leaving her because she’s so toxic. After she drops the bomb of “just a guy friend” on camera (cowardly mind you because she knows now he can’t react fully) I’m of the opinion that he use her for his visa. Eff her and her toxic family that created her.
Idk why but that ish triggered me bad. 😂
I'm on the same episode that is being reviewed here, so idk all of the up-to-date info, but what about that makes you think he's using her for a visa? He seems to really really love Morocco, and that he would probably even prefer for her and May to move out there instead of him going to America.
crystallyn320 I don’t think he is using her for a visa. I think he should just use her for a visa and then run.
He seems like a decent guy, naive about the world outside of Morocco, but still mature enough to learn as he goes.
the fact that she used may to guilt trip him into talking to her again, makes me so annoyed. he has every right to not want to speak to you, using your child as a way to make him feel bad for not speaking to you is childish and manipulative.
Everyone who cheats in a suppose to be serious relationship is simply immature!
You said something that really piqued my interest as someone who wants to become a clinician one day. You said that it isn't your responsibility to objectively judge whether or not a relationship is "good" or "bad", and that your primary job (in couple's therapy) is to help couples increase their intimacy and decrease conflict, I understand that. However, what do you do if you think a couple is in an unhealthy and possibly abusive relationship? And how can you determine that without risking the rapport you've built with the couple?
I feel like I am respected and trusted, and I’m not even in a relationship. Well done Dr. Honda. I learned so much ❤️
I love the way that things are explained. I have been to multiple therapists for help dealing with issues surrounding abuse from a family friend when i was younger. I would LOVE to sit down and speak with Dr Honda. I feel like he would actually explain why it has molded my relationships since. These videos are really helpful. The only good thing to come out of covid :)
My friend is a therapist in Seattle (who knows you personally!) and they're helping me to find either a therapist in my area (Portland) who has been directly trained by you or who at least practices some of the types of therapy that you do. Your videos have been very helpful for me in many ways but one big one is helping me to figure out what I want in a therapist so that the process of finding one is a little less overwhelming. (It's still a little overwhelming, lol)
I’m going into my second year of an MSW program and I am so glad to know there are channels like this. I love the perspective you offer about ethical boundaries and projective identification in this video. It’s very insightful and human.
Hey Kirk! Can you please do a story time about how you met your wife?
That would be amazing!!!!
I second this, as well as other story times! I
I just like hearing him talk really haha
Dr.*
It's none of our business.
Katerine Ella okay simmer down lol
"Are we not over this?"
Clearly not bish since you tried to do it again!!
Sarah Cashen Most people would find it very difficult to move forward if their partner cheated once. Nicole cheated twice, and they’re not even married yet. 😳🤯 And you know how the saying goes, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” Most people would just call it quits if their partner has cheated twice.
@@kristinbagani2811 she said she cheated the first time in first season? I think I missed first couple of episodes... Couse I cant recall her first cheating and how it happened...
@@barbyzupancic she cheated on him before they even saw each other for the first time
You’re helping me sooo much!!!! Not in regards to cheating but all your information and hypothetical scenarios have helped me immensely. Thank you
I needed this upload, this morning
So thank u
These always calm me
The only reason he is staying with her (apart from I think he does have feelings for her) is that she's guilting him with having trained May into thinking he's her dad. Azan doesn't want to cause the little girl pain, I think. That being said, after what I've been through in past relationships and seeing how the trust just couldn't be rebuilt, it just better if he leaves. I've told my long-term bf since the beginning that cheating is a deal-breaker with me. I'm sure my stance would be different if we were married with kids (again, don't want to hurt the children) and that's when therapy would be a must.
Calling 100 times is a no-no! It's a control thing, obnoxious, disrespectful thing to do! To use own minor Child to manipulate him is a low thing to do! It's very selfish and damaging to own Child, as well! Red flags! Run!
For anyone new to the phrase “eke out”...
34:59 “don’t eke out more information as you go”
Meaning adding small amount of something as time passes, rather than all at one time. (In this case, withhold details, and little by little tell your partner those things you left out of your original confession...Each time the details are fount out by them, It erodes more trust. Better to not surprise ur partner by adding details later.)
I find it incredible that people are that clueless about the fallout of infidelity.....
Oh oh oh, so we have PiS murch now?? Where have I been 😆🙌🏾🙌🏾
That "Total Speculation" tee has my name all over it 👀
when we get together with someone new we give them the benefit of the doubt about their fidelity. once that is destroyed through cheating, you don't just get that trust back with a 'sorry', most likely not even with 100 'sorries'. Destroyed trust has to be slowly rebuilt and earned back over a long time and even then you can't expect the betrayed person to have 100% faith in you at all moments.
That's the bargain you make whenever you cheat and expect to be forgiven. And mind, you may already be forgiven, but that doesn't mean you're already trustworthy again. The very fact that the other person is giving you another shot at all is sign of their forgiveness for you. But trust, nope, that you don't get back that easy.
And it's why often cases of infidelity are the immediate or time delayed precursor of a breakup. If the cheated on person doesn't dump the cheater, eventually the cheater will brake under the emotional strain for the next few months or even years and throw the towel.
Which is why unless there are children involved or bigger financial issues to consider (meaning the relationship is at a stage where you can't just detangle each other via a simple breakup) I would never suggest a friend to give their partner another chance after cheating. Better shorten the misery and make a clean cut.
Thats the problem. People should always earn trust. Dont give it out.
@@hairbeauty8083 i get where you're coming from, but I don't know if human interactions would really work based on that premise, not only for romantic relationships but even for the relationship with your children, friends, employees etc. there are plenty of moments in life where you just have to make a leap of faith and trust someone. if you only operate from a place of mistrust you end up doing all work yourself (in case of employees), raising overly dependent children and alienating any possible partners.
You probably wouldn't want to enter a relationship where your partner demands to see your chat history on your phone until you 'earned' their trust that you are faithful. Most people would find that both obsessive and intrusive, and rightfully so.
Don't get me wrong, I understand your mindset. If you've been burned once or twice too much it is just a matter of protecting one's own heart to not trust all that easily. Problem is that going into any given relationship (love related or not) from a stance of mistrust, kind of spoils it from the getgo.
I see it more in a way that we have to try and improve our skills as judges of character, but even if we get burnt to not take it too personally. You just found out a person is not trustworthy. That doesn't mean there's any fault in yourself and it also doesn't mean everybody else is not trustworthy either, it just means that specific person in particular isn't. Draw your conclusions and consequences, make your decision and move on. Else you let such people spoil your life permanently by letting their unfaithfulness taint your ability to trust others and build meaningful relationships.
I found taking it case by case is the only way to go. Obviously don't be completely naive. Be sensitive to red flags. And else the old rule applies; fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I would feel so devastated if my boyfriend cheated on me.. But I'd be the better person so I'd break up with him immediately and deal with the pain myself. Azan should have done that, he'd be way better without her.
They are both terrible people. Azan is horrible toi just milking nicole for money knowingly.
@@blackarchon8778 I don't follow the show, only Kirk videos. I don't know about future knowledge on their "relationship". All I know, for now, is that he's better without her in his life.
I agree, he needs to just end it with her. The only reason he is staying with her (apart from I think he does have feelings for her) is that she's guilting him with having trained May into thinking he's her dad. Azan doesn't want to cause the little girl pain, I think. That being said, after what I've been through in past relationships and seeing how the trust just couldn't be rebuilt, it just better if he leaves. I've told my long-term bf since the beginning that cheating is a deal-breaker with me.
Dr Honda I live for these "yikes!" moments
Dr Honda, you're just the best. I'm learning soooooo much through these videos, damn. You're really appreciated 🙏🏻.
Why would Nicole tell Azan that she cheated. They live on opposite sides of the world. He didn't need to know. I think she was trying to make him jealous. Just like high school.
But they were engaged at that point right? She probably felt guilty. Personally I think that’s a hard thing to keep secret
I don’t believe she cheated on him. She was probably make him feel jealous and show that other guys want her. I have had gf that did that to me. She’s young and immature a child. She needs to grow up.
jesus crisps I think she cheated before her first trip, “before he proposed”. Then used her daughter to get him back and finally met him in person. After that trip, after he proposed, she went out without her ring on.
Colleen Bogovich Right
Haha, just when you think you are all caught up. Perfect timing!
When she admitted it was a guy friend at the end you could see his heart drop ☹️ I haven’t been cheated on but I’ve been deceived and had little bits of truth come out one at a time and it makes you feel like you can’t believe anything the other person says, they promise you they’ve told you the whole truth now but that’s what they said last time so you’re just waiting for the next revelation that will show they were lying again.
This "cheating" episode could have been scripted by the producers to add more conflict/drama to their dynamic.
I thought the same... Couse if she really cheated before arriving with her daughter in Morocco, I doubt she would have the guts to tell him. The cheater usually lies and hides it, until he is discovered...
I appreciate that dr Honda is emotionally level. It’s fairly easy to watch these videos without emotionally draining myself.
Nicole is not entitled to Azan's trust and forgiveness. She shouldn't pressure Azan to trust her. It will happen on his own terms and she needs to do everything she can to earn his trust back.
I just really wanted to extend a massive thanks to you for taking time out of your life and putting so much effort and care into these videos. These have been so helpful in my personal growth process. I just really hope you know how appreciated you are! 😸
I kind of think she lied and said she cheated on him to get some sort of emotional attention and reaction. That’s just my theory.
I kinda felt that way too.
Kalli Kube I’ve been saying that. My reasoning is because he didn’t find out through other means. SHE told him to trigger an emotional response. Nicole isn’t above lying to get what she wants. She just doesn’t think through her actions/choices enough and hadnt banked on Azan wanting to dump her because she cheated. Deep down, she felt good about his reaction. It totally back fired because he later cheats. Also, look at her reaction when she’s talking about it with the producer; she looks away before responding indicating a lie. Nicole really does need therapy.
Anyone think there is a chance she didn’t really cheat and only says she did because she wants to see if it would actually hurt him- so seeing him act hurt and upset can make her feel better as it shows he’s like jealous (is tyst the right word?), like she’s showing him she’s desirable to others (“prove” to him that other men do find her attractive)... so she knows the relationship isn’t just a one way thing...? I’ve been getting this feeling ever since the cheating incident was brought up earlier on... I had an ex that did something like this. Also Nicole camd off as a bad liar at in’s point when talking about it on camera, she’s a bad liar in general abd seems to lie about dumb stuff that the average person would know isn’t going to help the situation so pretending she cheated is kind of her MO
Britt Alex Totally agree with you. You can tell she’s lying when the producer asks her. She just didn’t expect Azan to take it this far. She really doesn’t think things through, to be honest. Also, the fact that she told him suggests to me she was looking for a reaction on his part.
36min video??!!! YAY
Love your message on cheating!!! Leave the person you're not into anymore! SIMPLE!!
My husband cheated repeatedly and the pain from it destroyed our marriage now. He tells me still it was my fault and that he is so happy now that we are divorcing. Why are people so mean?
That is just awful 🙁 You did not deserve that to happen to you. I know it’ll be hard, but I hope you can find happiness within yourself. It’ll take time, and perhaps some therapy, but that’s ok. YOU ARE WORTH IT!
My ex husband blamed me for everything too, but he can't give me any details. It's just him projecting his feelings of guilt on to you. Stay strong.
i would never trust a men if he cheats its over if he does that.
I really enjoy watching your videos to see a different perspective on these situations. I feel like it helps me to be more compassionate as it is so easy to have knee jerk reactions to situations we aren't apart of.
@14:51 yes, a therapist is supposed to help you not make decisions for u. They’re like your biggest cheerleaders. I remember hearing a story about my friend going to couples therapy and her husband was late. The therapist asked her where do u see yourself in five years with this person? She answered she would just be with her kids only meaning she didn’t see her husband in her future. So the therapist goes “Then why are we here?” Later she got a divorce and was the happiest she ever been. Therapists have your best interests at heart to the fullest.
There are different theories and styling of counseling. It sounds like Dr. Honda is more of a fan of the Humanistic approach, which puts the work back on you to help/encourage you to make your own decisions and help you process through your thoughts and emotions to get to your decision.
Bottom line, Azan does not want Nicole her money “maybe” but he doesn’t want her.
Thank you for explaining countertransference, the cart analogy, and the roadmap to recovering from infidelity. I feel like I am learning all these things and these are tools in my back pocket that I can use in the future. High schools really don't teach us anything at all about navigating a healthy relationship, even though it's one of the biggest life skills you'll need as a person on this earth. Thank you for providing this information for free - we are all learning a lot!
This one was very interesting! Especially when you started talking about yourself and not being biased. Thanks!
Thank you Dr. Honda! Talking about infidelity is very important. I used to say to people who cheated on me or friends who wanted to cheat on their significant other... at what expense? In the end it will be at the expense of the one who loved you.
Listen, as a person who was a manipulative girlfriend in the past, I can tell that Nicole lied about cheating or did it to inspire some emotion from azan. I feel like he goes by the rules of marriage based on where he’s from so he was upset from that standpoint, BUT he’s not emotionally involved whatsoever and Nicole just wanted some type of excitement until it dies down and it’s time for the next argument.
Baby Orisha Agreed. It’s obvious.
Thank you Dr. Honda!! This is a much needed perspective and analysis.. The person who has broken the trust says that the other is "living in the past" if they don't get over it on their timeline which is right away. Saying that they have changed when they have continued whatever behavior again and again isn't enough. It takes time to trust again.
These videos almost made me go to a therapist but then I remembered that because of covid-19 everything is online and therapy sessions are done over videocalls. I really don't want that with my mom in the house hearing everything I say lol
Pretend you’re watching a horror movie and that’s why your mom should leave you alone to not ruin jump scares
This is my favorite episode, its very insightful. I was cheated on years ago multiple time by an ex. When I found out he essentially bowed out, he said it was too hard to work on building the trust back. Its good to know that couples can overcome these things with the correct tools.
Mine too (so far)
I wasn't cheated, "fortunately" my husband encountered "free spirit" girl, and came ~honest, wanting divorce (torn, but infatuated)
we didn't get to do it, and his new relationship failed quickly (like, month or so, he wasn't into _that much_ freedom of spirits, for what I gathered)
but he was shaken for months, confused, and didn't want to come back to me, so he doesn't hurt me again.
I just wanted him back, and I think I had that hurt "on hold", as it hit me hard, by surprise, after 8 months when we finally got together.
been more than a decade since, and I'm still hurt, without any reason of that sort in the meantime.
It's not so betrayal, more of an abandonment issue?
I'm realizing now... I didn't get sufficient number of "I'm sorry"s.
He was uncomfortable whenever I mentioned, and I was hard on myself for expecting more.
I'm learning a lot here,
I'm going to communicate this better, I think he'll get it,
(can't play this, unfortunately, as we're nnes, and he's not proficient enough to follow)
and that is truly helpful to know it can get better...
wishing you luck, and hopefully you never get a need to overcome things like this.
I don’t believe she cheated on him. I think she tells him it to try and create some sort of bond via the hopeful drama. I love you dr Honda but this man does not want her at all.
I know you've mentioned it in other videos, but it's worth repeating that cheating can also happen in non-monogamous relationships and it suuuccckkkss. Thanks for another excellent vid, Dr. Honda!
Funny because Azan ends up cheating on Nicole later after this. I totally forgot that Nicole is the one that cheated first.
She cheated twice before he did. If that changes anything 😂😂
isn’t he already married with a whole ass family already? (Allegedly..lol)
Fabiola Macabre Yes I heard that too!
I think the “apology threshold” is a WONDERFUL way to say it!
It makes me sad to think when Dr. Honda was saying that we ALL have traumas, of him having traumas too, because he seems so sweet & good-hearted, that I wish we could all take his traumas away from him. 😌💞
Azan isn't really worried that Nicole cheated because he loves her, he is only worried that another guy may take away his ATM
Do you really believe that? I also don't think he loves her but I doubt he's dealing with all of this just to get a visa tbh. He's good in his country.
Thats pretty ignorant of you.
Died laughing!!!
@@Koshrocreations he is good in his country as long as he is getting money from somewhere, he is not working and there is no social security.
@@angelica534 truthful not ignorant, he doesn't love her, that much is obvious and if she stopped sending him money, he would not give her the time of day.
A great show to watch about how affairs and cheating destroys families is “The Affair.” It’s brilliant and shows how cheating is literally never worth it for all of the pain and torment it puts everyone through