I'm an INTP in my late 40s, so I've had a fair amount of time to overanalyze this phenomenon. Of course, our lived experiences vary, so our conclusions may vary. I just wanted to put this out there in case someone needed to hear their similar perspective validated. Because I'm constantly analyzing not just real-world actions and emotional reactions, but trying to pin down the philosophy and psychology that run beneath them, I have come to view those surface details as incidental. The more important reality is *why* we do or feel as we do, and is there a principle I can draw from accumulated observation that can be applied more broadly. The result is that it can be frustrating to communicate with others who do not have the analytical tendency. Most people tend to focus on those surface details. They get irritated when we want to dismiss the details, which mean more to them than they do to us, and we get frustrated that the other person doesn't see what we view as the big picture. Another theme I find myself coming back to time and again is awareness of my own flaws, and the acceptance that humans by nature are prone to flawed thinking. To me, the idea that we have flaws is absolutely natural and no cause to be ashamed. It's far more productive to face our flaws, and it's more honest to address flaws than to pretend they don't exist. Now, most people will swear that they are honest, but by that, they mean that they won't intentionally lie to you. What it often does not mean is that they are honest *with themselves.* Humans lie to themselves all the time. We have to struggle to see uncomfortable truths, let alone accept those truths and address them. As an INTP, this is where I live. I am constantly checking my biases and motivations. That doesn't mean I've achieved a state of perfect self-awareness, of course. It just means that relative to most, I am more willing (and thus, more able) to spot my errors upon reflection. This disparity can lead to a dangerous emotional dynamic in relationships. When one person is willing to take responsibility for their part in a difficult situation and the other person isn't, the responsible one can soon become the whipping boy. When the INTP, with the purest intentions, offers their perspective on another person's possible gap in their self-awareness, it rarely goes well. Without the foundational understanding that flawed character is universal and facing flaws is a positive act, the other person inevitably feels attacked and defensive. To them, the moment matters more, and your criticism is perceived as a threat or an insult. Thus, the INTP has a hard time keeping friends long term. You wait, you wait, you wait, and finally, you decide that this person knows you well enough to know where you're coming from. You decide to honor them with your trust, that you can truly be honest and open with them, and your connection will become more meaningful. Well, shit...wrong again! I say all this to commiserate with you, like-minded strangers. I don't say it thinking it will help you navigate the world in greater harmony. At best, you might reflect on these truths in those lonely INTP moments, in a dimly lit room with a cup of tea, wondering if you're the problem. You're not the problem, you're just an INTP. Unfortunately, knowing these things about human nature does nothing to change human nature. The best advice I can offer is this: the most crucial distinction you can make about another person is how well they cope with the gritty, imperfect nature of life. Can they accept realities they don't like? Can they handle criticism without melodrama? Do they show a capacity for reflection? If not, do not invest yourself. Be kind, yes, but don't become emotionally entangled. It will not end well for you. And remember this vital maxim - there is nothing more dangerous than an idea you want to believe.
Sara Livermore Thank you so much for this comment i couldn’t have asked for a more well worded and honest answer. It is unfortunate to find out that this dilemma does not end for us INTPs. However I have found people who have the capacity for self-reflection and thus am quite loyal to them. I only wish i could be less critical towards myself.
@@rileydunn2832 Well, to a point, being self-critical is a wonderful trait. It gives one a balanced, empathetic view of the world. Its just frustrating that most other people aren't. 😉
That second to last paragraph especially. My youngest of 5 is either another INTP or an ISTP, we inherently understand each other. Criticism doesn't hurt us like other people, it is the tone or attitude, along with the emotional intent behind it. Most other people cannot distinguish the calm and loving tone of constructive criticism, we can accept it with a smile - but illogical CONTROL, or emotional punishment or manipulation drives us absolutely crazy. Anything can be said, but when the emotions override in other people and they get heated, but are wrongly convicting us of something in their mind - we can get highly disgusted. I'll actually request constructive criticism from a few people I'd like to keep talking to, which often leads to them seeming baffled.
Very insightful. As for accepting reality you don’t like, I always find it helpful to accept the way people work as a reality myself and then study it and navigate it without bitterness and frustration.
Yes! Definitely taking risks is a must to develop as an INTP as we are so averse to it! I read an INTP comment once that said INTPs dont really flourish til their 30s. I don’t think this has to be the case and that this is only because INTPs are too conservative and wait til they are comfortable to make any life changes. I am 22 years old and recently moved halfway across the country on my own and am in the process of switching careers, i hope to move again within the next 2 years for the expressed purpose of gaining more life experience. I think INTPs can achieve much more if they push themselves!
Noam Balasiano Thanks so much! I’m glad you could relate. It seems INTPs have major problems breaking off relationships even after they are wronged which is sad to see and something I definitely deal with personally
@@rileydunn2832 I find myself really careful with whom I start a more serious relationship since I know if I'm in, it could be very stressful to pull out without too much stress. So I find myself with more "school/work friends" than "full-time" ones.
Noam Balasiano Yes i definitely share this same approach! but oddly i find myself with more close friends though ive held onto them dearly for many years haha
Illogical thought patterns / no demonstrated track record of expertise both create distrust, but tend to trust particular expertise areas. We might trust someone with high Fe on relationships but not on technical decisions. On a separate note: landscape phone orientation and hold it steady. Find another way to show focus on particular areas so viewers don't get motion-sick. Pointer-stick or laser pointer would do, so we can see the whole model at once.
119 views. Video uploaded 111119. Prophetic numbers... Good video. I will tell the few people I'd ever actually WANT to trust, the absolute truth of everything I think they might NOT like about me, what I believe, and what I think - if they're still there with a good attitude, they may be trustable. But the usual outcome is sooner or later people think you're literally crazy before they actually trust you...
Anton Boldsword Not sure I understand the symbolism of that number but good to know haha. Yes I definitely notice a pattern with all my friends where they think they know who I am and then I tell more which confuses them further until they eventually just decide im just a weird guy but an honest weird guy atleast who cares about them. But alot of my friends are also quite weird themselves (INxJs, ISFPs, xNxPs or ENxJs who want to talk about everything under the sun) so that definitely helps.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
I'm an INTP in my late 40s, so I've had a fair amount of time to overanalyze this phenomenon. Of course, our lived experiences vary, so our conclusions may vary. I just wanted to put this out there in case someone needed to hear their similar perspective validated.
Because I'm constantly analyzing not just real-world actions and emotional reactions, but trying to pin down the philosophy and psychology that run beneath them, I have come to view those surface details as incidental. The more important reality is *why* we do or feel as we do, and is there a principle I can draw from accumulated observation that can be applied more broadly. The result is that it can be frustrating to communicate with others who do not have the analytical tendency. Most people tend to focus on those surface details. They get irritated when we want to dismiss the details, which mean more to them than they do to us, and we get frustrated that the other person doesn't see what we view as the big picture.
Another theme I find myself coming back to time and again is awareness of my own flaws, and the acceptance that humans by nature are prone to flawed thinking. To me, the idea that we have flaws is absolutely natural and no cause to be ashamed. It's far more productive to face our flaws, and it's more honest to address flaws than to pretend they don't exist. Now, most people will swear that they are honest, but by that, they mean that they won't intentionally lie to you. What it often does not mean is that they are honest *with themselves.* Humans lie to themselves all the time. We have to struggle to see uncomfortable truths, let alone accept those truths and address them. As an INTP, this is where I live. I am constantly checking my biases and motivations. That doesn't mean I've achieved a state of perfect self-awareness, of course. It just means that relative to most, I am more willing (and thus, more able) to spot my errors upon reflection. This disparity can lead to a dangerous emotional dynamic in relationships. When one person is willing to take responsibility for their part in a difficult situation and the other person isn't, the responsible one can soon become the whipping boy.
When the INTP, with the purest intentions, offers their perspective on another person's possible gap in their self-awareness, it rarely goes well. Without the foundational understanding that flawed character is universal and facing flaws is a positive act, the other person inevitably feels attacked and defensive. To them, the moment matters more, and your criticism is perceived as a threat or an insult. Thus, the INTP has a hard time keeping friends long term. You wait, you wait, you wait, and finally, you decide that this person knows you well enough to know where you're coming from. You decide to honor them with your trust, that you can truly be honest and open with them, and your connection will become more meaningful. Well, shit...wrong again!
I say all this to commiserate with you, like-minded strangers. I don't say it thinking it will help you navigate the world in greater harmony. At best, you might reflect on these truths in those lonely INTP moments, in a dimly lit room with a cup of tea, wondering if you're the problem. You're not the problem, you're just an INTP. Unfortunately, knowing these things about human nature does nothing to change human nature. The best advice I can offer is this: the most crucial distinction you can make about another person is how well they cope with the gritty, imperfect nature of life. Can they accept realities they don't like? Can they handle criticism without melodrama? Do they show a capacity for reflection? If not, do not invest yourself. Be kind, yes, but don't become emotionally entangled. It will not end well for you. And remember this vital maxim - there is nothing more dangerous than an idea you want to believe.
Sara Livermore Thank you so much for this comment i couldn’t have asked for a more well worded and honest answer. It is unfortunate to find out that this dilemma does not end for us INTPs. However I have found people who have the capacity for self-reflection and thus am quite loyal to them. I only wish i could be less critical towards myself.
@@rileydunn2832 Well, to a point, being self-critical is a wonderful trait. It gives one a balanced, empathetic view of the world. Its just frustrating that most other people aren't. 😉
That second to last paragraph especially. My youngest of 5 is either another INTP or an ISTP, we inherently understand each other. Criticism doesn't hurt us like other people, it is the tone or attitude, along with the emotional intent behind it. Most other people cannot distinguish the calm and loving tone of constructive criticism, we can accept it with a smile - but illogical CONTROL, or emotional punishment or manipulation drives us absolutely crazy. Anything can be said, but when the emotions override in other people and they get heated, but are wrongly convicting us of something in their mind - we can get highly disgusted. I'll actually request constructive criticism from a few people I'd like to keep talking to, which often leads to them seeming baffled.
Very insightful. As for accepting reality you don’t like, I always find it helpful to accept the way people work as a reality myself and then study it and navigate it without bitterness and frustration.
Great comment. The person who thinks they’re perfect has no room for improvement so definitely a good type of person to avoid.
Basically, vulnerability vs protection. Knowing when to open oneself and knowing when to close oneself. TAKE RISK.
Yes! Definitely taking risks is a must to develop as an INTP as we are so averse to it! I read an INTP comment once that said INTPs dont really flourish til their 30s. I don’t think this has to be the case and that this is only because INTPs are too conservative and wait til they are comfortable to make any life changes. I am 22 years old and recently moved halfway across the country on my own and am in the process of switching careers, i hope to move again within the next 2 years for the expressed purpose of gaining more life experience. I think INTPs can achieve much more if they push themselves!
Great in-depth video! I can really relate to what you have pointed out about "fake trusting". Really glad I got to watch this :)
Noam Balasiano Thanks so much! I’m glad you could relate. It seems INTPs have major problems breaking off relationships even after they are wronged which is sad to see and something I definitely deal with personally
@@rileydunn2832 I find myself really careful with whom I start a more serious relationship since I know if I'm in, it could be very stressful to pull out without too much stress. So I find myself with more "school/work friends" than "full-time" ones.
Noam Balasiano Yes i definitely share this same approach! but oddly i find myself with more close friends though ive held onto them dearly for many years haha
Riley Dunn you're pretty lucky then!
ENTJ and INTJs are especially bad at trusting too
True that although i never picked up on it til they told me about it.
Does anybody know what happened to INTP Mentor?
Illogical thought patterns / no demonstrated track record of expertise both create distrust, but tend to trust particular expertise areas. We might trust someone with high Fe on relationships but not on technical decisions.
On a separate note: landscape phone orientation and hold it steady. Find another way to show focus on particular areas so viewers don't get motion-sick. Pointer-stick or laser pointer would do, so we can see the whole model at once.
119 views. Video uploaded 111119. Prophetic numbers... Good video. I will tell the few people I'd ever actually WANT to trust, the absolute truth of everything I think they might NOT like about me, what I believe, and what I think - if they're still there with a good attitude, they may be trustable. But the usual outcome is sooner or later people think you're literally crazy before they actually trust you...
Anton Boldsword Not sure I understand the symbolism of that number but good to know haha. Yes I definitely notice a pattern with all my friends where they think they know who I am and then I tell more which confuses them further until they eventually just decide im just a weird guy but an honest weird guy atleast who cares about them. But alot of my friends are also quite weird themselves (INxJs, ISFPs, xNxPs or ENxJs who want to talk about everything under the sun) so that definitely helps.
Thank u
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