Dating Advice: How To Turn a Spark into a Flame

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  • Опубликовано: 15 сен 2024
  • First dates run the gamut-they can be exciting, exhausting, mysterious, boring, easy, or laborious. What determines the success or disappointment of a first date has less to do with an immediate spark and more to do with creating the right conditions for turning that spark into a lingering flame that leaves us burning to experience more. When we’re just beginning to connect with a new person, it’s all about context, education, seduction, and connection. When dating is tough, it can feel like a game that we don’t know how to play. But by focusing on these four areas, we can revel in un-gamified playfulness-that quality of romance, humor, and ease that, when combined with an authentic connection, inspires both parties to go deeper.
    To go deeper on this topic, visit the blog on this topic at bit.ly/3pYkR9j and sign up for my newsletter to explore a new theme with me each month.

Комментарии • 302

  • @gracecoxR
    @gracecoxR Месяц назад +217

    I recently went through a tough breakup. My 5-year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been really hard for me. I still love my ex-girlfriend so much and can't stop thinking about her. I've tried everything to win her back, but nothing has worked. It's frustrating, and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I've been trying to move on, but I can't seem to get her out of my mind. I know it might sound strange to share this here, but I miss her a lot and just can't stop thinking about her.

    • @BenjaminJones-re8re
      @BenjaminJones-re8re Месяц назад

      I understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar situation when my 12-year relationship ended. I couldn't just let her go, so I did everything I could to win her back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, and their guidance ultimately helped me to bring her back into my life.

    • @gracecoxR
      @gracecoxR Месяц назад

      Amazing! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I contact them?"

    • @BenjaminJones-re8re
      @BenjaminJones-re8re Месяц назад

      His name is Fatherabulu, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can help restore your relationship with your ex.

    • @gracecoxR
      @gracecoxR Месяц назад

      Thanks for sharing this valuable information. I just looked him up online and I'm impressed.

  • @nighttrain1236
    @nighttrain1236 2 года назад +424

    The instrumental and calculating 'job interview' type dating seems to have been imported from the US. especially in light of internet and app-enabled dating which has made it so much easier to churn though potential 'candidates'. It's probably never been so easy to get dates but so easy to (wrongly) reject the right partner because you aren't superficially Impressed quickly enough. If I look back, the relationships that have meant the most to me in my life did not result from an instant attraction but instead needed time to develop perhaps in spite of myself. It's like these women unlocked a part of me I didn't know existed.

    • @florencetafireyi3985
      @florencetafireyi3985 2 года назад

      I don’t

    • @susanscott8653
      @susanscott8653 2 года назад +4

      It seems to me like "hot-housing a relationship, which puts a lot of pressure on people. It might work for some but not everyone.

    • @nonlivingworld
      @nonlivingworld 2 года назад +5

      I agree with you completely. Why has it become a game of winning and losing now!

    • @DarkAngelEU
      @DarkAngelEU Год назад +1

      It's more common in Japan and Korea, where strangers can hand out a 'resume' to potential partners and it reads like a Wikipedia page. Age, height, annual income, job references (not social).

    • @bigwombat7286
      @bigwombat7286 Год назад

      You can't meet girls here. There's no need to say these things here.

  • @ewuniak70
    @ewuniak70 2 года назад +81

    Meeting someone for the first time is stressful enough. If someone had told me he is coming with a bunch of friends I would definitely cancel 😑

    • @MartasChamber
      @MartasChamber 2 года назад +8

      oh god yes, the level of anxiety would be unbearable

    • @AB-tb5yh
      @AB-tb5yh 2 года назад +10

      Only if their friends are mean, judgemental and not welcoming you as a potentially new member of the group (or so). And if so, maybe the person you're dating isn't the right one for you. As Esther said: you can get a lot of information by seeing someone in their group :)
      Maybe with this point of view on the matter, you can overcome your anxiety in favor of getting information.

    • @nina4941
      @nina4941 2 года назад +5

      Ya it’s maybe good 3rd or 4th date to meet the friends. After at least 2 dates and you know you want to date him more and learn more about him. Friends will definitely tell a lot about the guy

    • @bahrano2268
      @bahrano2268 Год назад

      😂

    • @foreverseethe
      @foreverseethe Год назад

      Not only that. Friends can be jealous, prejudiced, unintelligent, intolerant, all that X10 if you don't look like, speak like, dress like, or think like All of them. I routinely jumped through hoops to prove myself when I was younger without thinking about it, with or without a love interest, but it Sounds f#cking awful at 40.

  • @ValiantVicuna
    @ValiantVicuna 2 года назад +165

    My now husband's first "date" with me was a 5-day road trip across the country a week after we first met while barhopping with a few friends. His exact wording was "would you like to go treasure hunting with me? I have a treasure map in a poem." (It was Forrest Fenn's treasure) We ended up visiting hot springs, cooking together, going camping under the stars at White Sands Desert (HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!!), and each one of those memories are absolute treasures to us. We always try to keep doing moving activities on our "dates" and I'm just as much (probably more actually) as during that first road trip together. Such great advice, as always!

    • @robertmahler8894
      @robertmahler8894 2 года назад +10

      This could be a potential disaster waiting to happen!

    • @zeroounce8874
      @zeroounce8874 2 года назад +6

      @@robertmahler8894 if you will be too cautious you won’t have a good time. You have to let your hair down and just be yourself.
      I have never ever tried to impress a guy. Always being yourself confident helps to get to know each other at ease.

    • @diana.diamond
      @diana.diamond 2 года назад +3

      what a great story!! thank u for sharing

    • @mmmjh1
      @mmmjh1 Год назад +3

      Now that's love bombing 💣

    • @BrooklynBaby100
      @BrooklynBaby100 Год назад +6

      This is a cute story but the truth is that most men would end that road trip with a “I’m not ready for a serious relationship right now”…

  • @Lichfeldian--Suttonian
    @Lichfeldian--Suttonian 2 года назад +203

    Thank you, Esther. I often find that on dates - especially first dates - that as a man (I am sure women feel this too), I must have something to sell: the _growing_ salary and career, the car, the house, the status, the cultural adherent demeanour, the confidence... I see that you have a book called _Expressionism_ sat there behind you on the bookshelf. That is what is lacking in meeting/dating, and in relationships: *expressionism* . I have felt that I cannot truly express my authenticity when meeting women because of the idea of dating ‘rules’ and that sell, sell, sell. You are spot on! I just want a good time with whom I am meeting, forget that it’s a “date” and have a laugh for the afternoon, the evening, or whatever. Just to let our authenticities _naturally emanate_ for the time that we have.

    • @Mindseas
      @Mindseas 2 года назад +12

      Thanks for sharing, and I agree with what you're saying about expressing yourself is very important - and I also believe that's one reason Mrs. Perel recommends having dates with some kind of activity. You get to see who the other person is in more context than just drinks or what not. Even a walk is better than sitting in a busy café.
      However, I'm curious have you ever wondered where this selling mentality comes from? Because, and I may be wrong here, it may say something about you, and not just the dating culture you live in.
      In my experience, good people aren't interested in anything you feel like you need to sell. If they don't appreciate you for who you are, they're not worth your time.
      Or, possibly, they're not seeing who you are because instead of being who you truly are, you are selling what you unconsciously think your dates are interested in. Or I may be completely wrong here. Just thought I'd share.
      Take care, and all the best!

    • @Lichfeldian--Suttonian
      @Lichfeldian--Suttonian 2 года назад +11

      @@Mindseas You are right. From the first moment, I was always told that I must pay on the first date (or really to stop _her_ from paying), and this is “showing respect for her”. I have never understood that. I feel my hand ‘forced’ to my wallet when we meet. Don’t get me wrong, I often see a near-empty glass(es) of a friend(s) and say, “What are you drinking, mate?”, and I can easily do the same on a date. That’s normal to me as I am good natured like that. On dates though, I have _no_ choice, since I _must_ pay, etc. It’s not about the money actually, but about my self-empowerment and how I carry myself and my self well when we meet up. As a spiritual thinker, I find that, in my heart, there are many different ‘good man types’ out there (and also different ‘good women types’ too), but I am told that there is only _one_ ‘good man type’ that is culturally/societally acceptable: ‘Gentleman’. So the question is: “Am I a gentleman? Yes or no.” That is all I am given. I cannot answer with: “I cannot answer that because...” It must be “Yes” or “No”. That’s it. ‘Gentleman’ is _a_ good man type for sure and I will naturally have some ‘gentlemanly’ traits in my character, I respect that and for those who feel that way, but I was told that it must be the _only_ ‘good man type’ to have in my character and it had to be exclusive. It _must_ be about the doors, it _must_ be about the money, it _must_ be about the chairs at the dinner table, etc. I felt that I was in a straightjacket, and that I felt that I had to dispose - all or some of - my authenticity in that _who I am_ didn’t matter, that it was only _what I did_ that mattered, all the militancy of it. The self that I woke up to in the morning didn’t matter. That couldn’t be loved by any woman in my life. What mattered was _what_ I brought to the romantic table: the security, the containment, the safety, the protection, the higher annual salary, the greater height, the greater strength, the confidence (what’s left of it!), the greater assertiveness, the _only_ one coping in crises, the ‘sizable and workable prize below the belt’... As a man, I have felt that I _must_ have ‘the complete package’ to ‘sell’ to my date, I _must_ play the Western cultural ‘dating game’, instill the cultural values within my character and heart instead of my own values, else I should then just go home, live singly, and be out done with it. I am not desperate however, my experience has learned this! I am an authentic, a self-expressionist, because I find that _that_ is where my confidence is. In one of those strengths, I am told that I am best to be assertive, yet I feel _submissive_ to the culture. I am told that women like men who are assertive, so by being assertive because that is what my woman would want, am I being submissive in trying to be conformingly ‘assertive’? Who I am is in one location, and what I am told to ‘do’ culturally, is somewhere else entirely!
      In my life, I have done absolutely everything to the best of my ability besides one thing that I simply cannot do as a man: give birth to a baby. Yet, I am still not right? Am I still not enough?
      Superman says to Lois Lane: “Easy miss. I’ve got you. Lois Lane looks around and replies: “You’ve got me!? Who’s got you!”
      Danny Zuko says to Sandy Olssen: “Maybe there’s two of us, right?”

    • @nubiandarkie
      @nubiandarkie 2 года назад +4

      Wow I’m sorry you feel that way. I think you should follow your true self when dating else you’re misrepresenting yourself. If you are someone who don’t like to pay for women on dates and see the paying as a shared responsibility then that is what you should do. Etiquette dictates that whomever ask the other out should pay.
      I do believe that there are women who are willing to pay their share of the meal and may even pick up the tab. Those are the women you should look into.
      Sometimes it’s not just society or that dictates what should sometimes it’s just a manifestation of your true nature. Most men consider themselves providers and protectors and so paying, opening doors and those type of things come naturally to them. They are also considerate so it’s easier.
      And I in no way am saying you aren’t any of the above. However your mindset sometimes dictates your actions and feelings.
      And maybe one day you will meet someone that makes you want to do everything freely without it feeling forced.

    • @Mindseas
      @Mindseas 2 года назад

      @@Lichfeldian--Suttonian So, what I read from that very eloquent comment is that you're not happy with how western society programs us to think men are expected to behave.
      Good thing is that you can change that programming.
      The very act of questioning these norms and unspoken truths is the path. Keep following it.
      Be yourself, stubbornly so. There are plenty of good people in the world who don't give a damn what car you drive or how thick your wallet is. Find those people.
      Screw the rest.
      It will take time and a lot of work to reprogram these twisted ideals out of us, but it's worth it.
      And, in the mean time, take good care of yourself!

    • @Lichfeldian--Suttonian
      @Lichfeldian--Suttonian 2 года назад +1

      @@Mindseas You are absolutely spot on! Very well put. And thank you so kindly. You look after yourself too.

  • @PerfectInterview
    @PerfectInterview 2 года назад +33

    Absolutely agree most first dates feel like job interviews in fact I get more feeling out of business meetings than most first dates. Most people go into first dates hoping for spark but if they don’t feel it in the first 10 minutes they check out emotionally.

  • @aurorachastinay7240
    @aurorachastinay7240 2 года назад +82

    On line dating has the serious and additional challenges of personal safety. The advice is excellent for relationship evaluation and development. No matter how wonderful someone appears to be, I would not go on a hike or anywhere that is isolating if your sole information is from the profile and your conversations with the partner candidate.
    You must always put your emotions 2nd, and your safety first, especially when meeting someone is in reality a stranger to you.

    • @christyb2912
      @christyb2912 2 года назад +1

      Absolutely right

    • @forestfox66
      @forestfox66 Год назад +6

      My god, where do you live?! It is completely safe to hike with someone on a date here in Europe.

    • @aurorachastinay7240
      @aurorachastinay7240 Год назад +13

      It’s as safe to hike here as it is anywhere in the world.
      My point is if you do not know the person well, and you just met or are meeting for the first time, you could be in the presence of someone it’s not safe to be with alone. You don’t know them; they could be the most charming, appearing successful, great looking and still a psychopath. My point is do not put yourself in a situation of isolation no matter how charming and successful someone is if you do not know them as in a first date you met on line.
      I’m in the US and my statement has strictly to do with isolating yourself with someone in reality don’t know. It has nothing to do with hiking trails being unsafe. I hope this clarify my point.

  • @sophieblooming8555
    @sophieblooming8555 2 года назад +14

    One of my favorite first-date activities is going to roller skate. My first time, and he proved to be a great teacher. Even if it didn’t work out, it uplifted from the “chores” like dating a stranger to going on an adventure.

  • @billcag
    @billcag 2 года назад +61

    That was so pertinent and powerful. I recently ended a relationship (in the way you suggested, by being honest and respectful). This opened me up to meeting a lovely person with much more similar values and ideals. I will certainly be using the advice of context, education, seduction and connection to enrich and grow this journey. Thank you.

  • @kseniiayurtaeva8369
    @kseniiayurtaeva8369 Год назад +7

    I loved the part about being honest with a date and tell them that you prefer to have more casual relationship than romantic. It makes everything so much easier, and shows the respect! Thank you so much for highlighting it!

  • @audreyh6628
    @audreyh6628 2 года назад +6

    I often view my friends on apps seeming like they're shopping. People certainly have become commodities, with a view that there is always something better, more perfect around the corner available endlessly through apps. It is very depressing. With human life become capital, it makes sad sense. Bringing mystery and fun into the date is the best advice to get around this (Esther's advice is always perfect). Surprise them by being your self, do a fun activity that's a bit strange or unique. Also it helps if you're your real self on apps, rather than trying to sell a fake ideal. If you put out fakeness, you will attract fakeness. Be your real self and people who are interested in being the same will see it. Hopefully. I know its hard out there. Good luck everyone - hope you find love!

  • @AdrianMark
    @AdrianMark 2 года назад +44

    Please make more of this. Your advice is always so on point. This video in particular, I've never heard such a positive take on dating. Would truly appreciate a series on the topic. Thank you very much for sharing, your work is truly appreciated.

  • @debraernst6751
    @debraernst6751 Год назад +4

    You amaze me. Lost my husband of 41 years 5 years ago. I have such a longing for love, intimacy, fun, and experiences in my life but dating seems so foreign to me. Your thoughts on dating were extremely insightful. Thank you!

    • @catharinamariatheresia1626
      @catharinamariatheresia1626 7 месяцев назад

      How is it going now? Are you spiritual? Maybe you can connect with your husband in the other realm and help him to guide you towards a person that he feels would be really good for you and your soul?

  • @lynnstpierre
    @lynnstpierre 2 года назад +81

    I so appreciate this valuable advice - I am going on a date this weekend and haven't been on one in a while. This has come at the perfect time. Thank you Esther, you are a gem!

    • @jcsnote
      @jcsnote 2 года назад +1

      Check out the movie "Good Will Hunting" The girl matt Damon's character likes has playful down to a T. Her lines were written by two young men, after all.

    • @ibrahimsky
      @ibrahimsky 2 года назад +1

      Good luck and tons of fun for your date!

    • @freshliving4199
      @freshliving4199 2 года назад

      How miserable must a person be,
      That they have to take advice from a lady like Esther,
      On what to say, how to think, how to behave.
      You got to really be dead inside to live this way.

    • @royerick1173
      @royerick1173 2 года назад +1

      Hello Lynn, how are you doing and the weather there?

    • @isinweke28vivo
      @isinweke28vivo Год назад

      Please i need a sponsor to Canada 🙏

  • @cynthiad2787
    @cynthiad2787 2 года назад +39

    Agreed about the questions. In my fifties I don't care about someone's family background or the questions for arranged or younger marriages. I do care about children, how many, how old. Otherwise, there isn't much content out there for dating over 50. By the way, you're an excellent writer. Knowing seven languages comes across in your writing! You're full of knowledge.

    • @royerick1173
      @royerick1173 2 года назад

      Hello Cynthia, how are you doing and the weather there?

    • @Sbannmarie298
      @Sbannmarie298 2 года назад +2

      But what if you don’t have kids?

  • @Mindseas
    @Mindseas 2 года назад +14

    Though I'm not entirely convinced you're actually addressing the topic of the video, I still find the concept very interesting, and have been doing this for a while now on my dates - activities that is. Museums, galleries, walks are all great in my experience.
    However, I felt that the sound levels on this video are tad low, but it may be a device issue - I'll double check on another device and get back to you on that.
    As always, thank you for sharing your thoughts, ever the pleasure to listen to 🙏

    • @anuthepro
      @anuthepro 2 года назад +3

      No, you're right. The sound is really low.

  • @sihlesoldati5593
    @sihlesoldati5593 2 года назад +20

    Thank you for taking the time to think about us Esther. We truly appreciate your advise and wisdom. To cultivating Love Always
    🎁🌺🥂

  • @treeocean
    @treeocean 2 года назад +14

    Kindness is key!!! Thanks for mentioning that Esther.

  • @Peter-vy5bw
    @Peter-vy5bw 2 года назад +8

    You are so right and this is what I miss. Tired of the interviews!

  • @ms.currysneighborhood2462
    @ms.currysneighborhood2462 2 года назад +22

    FINALLY! Some common sense advice. For us seniors who are dating, the tendency to be information rather than story oriented is extreme.
    Also: Will you please consider saying more about developing romances and First Dates AFTER a platonic friendship of some weeks or months has been established? (After you've figured out if you would even want this person as a friend, then the relationship could blossom into a romance.)

  • @Passion84GodAlways
    @Passion84GodAlways 2 года назад +23

    Context, Education, Seduction, and Connection! 💎✍🏾📝
    THANK YOU MRS. PEREL!

  • @lorettanericcio-bohlman567
    @lorettanericcio-bohlman567 2 года назад +4

    This is why I love the old movies. Class, integrity, beauty with the challenge of bringing in updated equality. Are we up for the challenge? 💕 Perfect time astrologically

  • @chinwe_nkwocha
    @chinwe_nkwocha 2 года назад +4

    Truly, kindness is missing in modern dating...
    People would prefer to string others along and not be bold enough to tell the truth, sadly.🤦🏽‍♀️

  • @mrmanq9517
    @mrmanq9517 2 года назад +3

    This is real GAME...honest connection as the PRIMARY goal
    Thank you for these gems🙌

  • @ourjamie
    @ourjamie 2 года назад +13

    oddly, I've always compared job interviews to a first date, was I engaging, did I pay attention, did I meet the expectations, did I listen and pay attention to what was being said, Did I empathise, did I properly understand what was being said, was there spark, did I gel, did it turn into a relationship

  • @komeefue8253
    @komeefue8253 2 года назад +6

    Esther, you're sooo right! There's very little respect for each other nowadays, as normal human beings meeting for the first time.
    Hey, you can't "shop" for a suitable partner by swiping so much! Finding love is a simple natural process of learning each other; and learning takes TIME. Seduction takes time... You made time to get your career to where you are right now. And, a suitable relationship requires the same approach. It's not instant coffee, folks!

  • @ZenPiano1000
    @ZenPiano1000 Год назад

    This is instantly the best dating insight from a woman on RUclips I've found. I wish more people would talk about this. The transactional nature of dating is all men and women are talking about.

  • @FFZ21
    @FFZ21 2 года назад +6

    Lately was searching “Esther dating”. Actually, I would love to date her (her voice explores my mind :)). I wanted to get a piece of advice for dating. So here it is. I agree about what she said, particularly, to be kind and respectful. We do not bring a person to our friends circle immediately, only after while, though she is right we are much happier around friends and we interact differently and a person can see us in a different occasion. I ask everyone to inform a person if there is no interest and not make things looong. Life is short. Yeah, I am interested and not being available to meet is hurtful.

  • @KATKattalestv
    @KATKattalestv 2 года назад +3

    I adore the poetry in which Esther speaks about Love. Very wise words.

  • @yago4568
    @yago4568 2 года назад +1

    Esther - You are a breath of fresh air. You provide all this priceless advice free of charge (not even RUclips ads), and I can’t thank you enough!

  • @viktor8584
    @viktor8584 2 года назад +5

    Dear, dear Esther! You're so romantic with the objective truth! You are right in every detail of your analysis! Thank you! I hope young people would be able to listen to your wonderful advices... 🙏🌻

  • @abihortin2160
    @abihortin2160 2 года назад +8

    I just love the way you understand relationships! This is wonderful advice!

  • @sinasydney5220
    @sinasydney5220 2 года назад +3

    Grateful for You @Esther Perel Looking forward to see you in Sydney 💝

  • @jdcharlie
    @jdcharlie 2 года назад +4

    The volume of this is really low. But profound talk. The part where you mentioned "seriously, does that make somebody interesting in that kind of a way" that's exactly what modern dating has become.

  • @jcarle1001
    @jcarle1001 2 года назад +1

    Learning to live again, while mourning the loss of everything I've ever wanted.

  • @Iam_ramankaur
    @Iam_ramankaur 2 года назад +3

    I loved how you explained in the terms of context, education, seduction, and connection. Thanks a lot. Your talks and thoughts are really helpful.

  • @eagle003
    @eagle003 Год назад

    The reason I hate the modern dating game is being described beautifully here. So glad I was right about it and not dellusional.

  • @cindymurray12
    @cindymurray12 2 года назад +3

    I would love for you to discuss what happens when you marry for survival and there was never spark. Can you talk a bit about that?

  • @n_bld
    @n_bld 2 года назад +11

    I try follow these basic interactions, at least in my adult dating experience, and be as respectful as possible. I can't believe a video like this is necessary .. the amount of people I've met, of ALL ages who don't follow decent human interaction and aren't bothered to be respectful is infuriating .. loosing hope here! :D it can be difficult to communicate sometimes, but the point is to give it your best shot I think :))

    • @cbcbmail1125
      @cbcbmail1125 2 года назад

      You have just preached a very important sermon here!!!🗣👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

    • @royerick1173
      @royerick1173 2 года назад

      Hello Nevi, how are you doing and the weather there?

  • @roots4140
    @roots4140 Год назад

    The challenge with showing that kindness is that sometimes they demand feedback. That makes it very difficult to not be offensive. :(

  • @YuyiLeal
    @YuyiLeal 2 года назад +3

    This was beautiful! ...yes, kindness has to be present ... thank you so much, Esther!

  • @dixieboy5689
    @dixieboy5689 2 года назад +4

    NO NO No first date with a group or others. NO
    Just you and the other person in a low stress environment.

  • @mannyatyourcorner4043
    @mannyatyourcorner4043 Год назад +1

    I just wanna show you my gratitude 🙏 namaste and hello from India ,
    I really love your work the way you handle each client the example you gave us seriously life changing ive started to see relationship differently not with other but with me as well my words won't do justice to wht i actually feel thanks alot

  • @lovefool1616
    @lovefool1616 2 года назад +3

    So simple yet so effective. Thank you!

  • @magdalenar9552
    @magdalenar9552 2 года назад +2

    Do agree. Adventure is not on dating at all

  • @jenniferl1908
    @jenniferl1908 2 года назад

    This is brilliant advice. I have been on many dates that men just interview me and ask where I went to college and I am in mid life - even if we aren't a match I always wish people well. I wish more men did this as many come across entitled and narcissistic - and almost never act with decency.

  • @incassable
    @incassable 2 года назад +1

    I fully agree that it is more about context and seduction than job interview. But integrating the person in a group of friends, sorry, this is for shy people who dont know how to show themselves without help of others

  • @grubalcava
    @grubalcava 2 года назад +6

    Great advice. Thank you Esther for sharing / posting these videos. We LOVE them!

  • @katarzynalindner594
    @katarzynalindner594 2 года назад +1

    True true. A little bit of magic is necessary and appreciated🙂

  • @UnlimitedAspirations24
    @UnlimitedAspirations24 Год назад

    This description of how a 1st date should go and afterwards it sounds more like old school ways of doing and communicating in order to create a deeper connection.
    I really felt like I’m taken back in the old days when ppl not only wondered about what kind of personality the person in front of you have but they would even wonder about as far as what kind of family that person comes from…
    No wonder why older generations lasted longer in marriages because they just were much more mature and had so values that younger generation lack.
    I truly feel the social media has done its big part on giving out wrong ideas…Also, I feel like with everyone so busy working or doing their thing youth have no role models …everything is being done sort of in a rush and the quality of ppl is just not like it used to be, family oriented.
    It is sad !

  • @bloomingrose9247
    @bloomingrose9247 2 года назад +1

    Thank you, Esther , for those little & genuine tips🙏🏻😘 so appreciative of your work!

  • @angelest9065
    @angelest9065 2 года назад +1

    Thank you Esther, is always a pleasure to listen what you have to say about modern dating! 💖

  • @wl4006
    @wl4006 7 месяцев назад

    Thank you for this very helpful information, Esther.

  • @HelenA-fd8vl
    @HelenA-fd8vl Год назад +3

    I think it is such a shame that people don’t dance these days. We had the “disco” but previous generations did swing dancing. It looks such fun. An innocent way to connect.

  • @yuneisygarciaguzman7959
    @yuneisygarciaguzman7959 2 года назад +1

    This women is so incredible, 🙂 a real expert in human relationships, yes we should be kind i think that it is the key :)

  • @gshilps
    @gshilps 2 года назад

    JUST PERFECT. PERFECT TIMING. THANK YOU UNIVERSE AND DEAR ESTER. can’t wait to see you in Melbourne, already got tix.

  • @charliefox9573
    @charliefox9573 2 года назад +3

    Great advice. I'm just struggling (at 51) at meeting women, despite being good looking with plenty of beautiful qualities. Am over internet dating, and am a bit stumped as to what kinds of activities to get involved in, having very few friends in my city. Have tried things like yoga, dancing classes, language classes over the years, but rarely do moments seem to arise where a) I'm attracted to someone, and b) it feels quite natural to ask someone out. I know I'm not Robinson Crusoe in this regard, I just don't like the feeling of being desperate to be involved in some kind of activities, as mostly I'm doing them on the off chance I might meet someone. Am actually very lonely a lot of the time, but I know nothing comes from nothing. Forcing yourself out on your own is not something most people are comfortable with if you don't have much of a friend base to start with.

    • @bophachea7662
      @bophachea7662 2 года назад

      U didn't mention where you're located

    • @emiliabolsas
      @emiliabolsas 2 года назад +2

      Toastmasters! You meet people looking to better themselves and you learn new things and talk to new people at every meeting.

    • @guitarsoundsaround
      @guitarsoundsaround 2 года назад +1

      I agree, although I’m of the opposite sex, in the same boat. I cringe at the idea of online dating, I just don’t trust it. So how does one find activities that’ll place me near men, or suitable ones for that matter. It’s a tough place to be. I don’t have the same ambition to go out, like I did in my youth. So I feel trapped, which leads to more loneliness. I’m stuck thinking for ideas how to get out of my comfort zone, so for anyone reading this please reply with ideas that got you out of this common rut so many of us face.

    • @artistineurope
      @artistineurope Год назад

      Try pickle ball and give dancing another chance…good dancers always have access to lots of women, especially as you get older. Good exercise! Good luck!!

  • @tonip.1146
    @tonip.1146 Год назад

    @Esther. You are amazing. Thanks for taking time and creating this. ❤

  • @stephaniefortney22
    @stephaniefortney22 2 года назад +1

    Wonderful insight thank you for sharing Esther, always grateful to learn from you…

  • @nobhiker
    @nobhiker 2 года назад +2

    Kindness and respect

  • @noriborre8356
    @noriborre8356 2 года назад

    Oh if many man and woman could have listen your advice and implement in their lives that light , world would be in better place

  • @Bfair123
    @Bfair123 2 года назад

    OMG! I can't imagine our first 4 years of our relationship, it's a nightmare, and even now there is still argument spark. It's a big mistake I ignored the red flag. I hope and pray God will guide us in every step of our way.

  • @fatemehbagherian1931
    @fatemehbagherian1931 2 года назад

    That is the cutting edge of dating guide. Thank you! Wonderful 💕🙏🏻

  • @RR-ut9wv
    @RR-ut9wv 2 года назад +1

    I screwed up many dating/relationship building at the offset by making mistakes and not understanding how to learn about the other. Obviously, ended with relationships because the start was so off course. I listened to your video and now I'm prepared. Thanks, Esther.

  • @fliplaw
    @fliplaw 2 года назад

    Gems and yes the Where Should We Begin Game is absolutely fantastic.

  • @suzannemacdermid5320
    @suzannemacdermid5320 2 года назад +2

    Spot on.Merci!

  • @jmdeking
    @jmdeking 2 года назад

    Totally true, different story to put it into practice. However i was in the flow for a while and all her points were there for sure.

  • @amanda.doskocil-music
    @amanda.doskocil-music Год назад

    Such wisdom, joy and clarity. Thank you Esther!

  • @stephaniec.4905
    @stephaniec.4905 2 года назад

    Kindness always seems to be the answer

  • @ninamady5861
    @ninamady5861 Год назад

    So true...kindness is alot!! Just love youxx

  • @therapywithlara
    @therapywithlara Год назад

    Esther coming through with the powerful insights as always ❤🙌🏼

  • @pauldill8368
    @pauldill8368 Год назад

    I can’t recommend Esther’s card game enough. A friend of mine has it, and we’ll randomly pull a card from the box for the purpose of self inquiry or curiosity. I’m looking forward to trying it with women i date.

  • @mellow5123
    @mellow5123 2 года назад

    Very helpful. Thanks. This sort of advise should be taught in schools.

  • @crystalchampagne
    @crystalchampagne 2 года назад +3

    bonjour mme perel, j'ai une question: you're clearly a confident and curious person who enjoys everyday interaction with people from different walks of life - i wonder how you have dealt with the experience of becoming more of a recognisable face over the years? if i ever met you in person, this is the question i would want to ask you. love 💟

  • @sylvianne374
    @sylvianne374 Год назад +1

    I wish everybody will hear your advice

  • @RojitaCali
    @RojitaCali Год назад

    Being from both the States and Europe, I feel the “job interview” is most prevalent in the States…. Especially when you have not even met in person… The conversations over the phone are very heavily influenced on “What do you do” As opposed to “what makes you happy? “ What do you like “to do”?The curiosity of whether or not you own your home. Really? For me personally, it makes one wonder… Are they interested in me, or looking for a sugar mama? But, that could just be the difference between $$$ and the States, or European family lifestyle priorities.

  • @MermaidTayles
    @MermaidTayles 2 года назад

    Thank you. I've always been uncomfortable with the interrogation style of dating and haven't done it for a long time because of that. If your life hasn't been generic or you've had a lot of difficulties it's hard to explain.

  • @annetcell-ly4571
    @annetcell-ly4571 Год назад

    Gorgeous cushion colours

  • @praague
    @praague 2 года назад +1

    I wish all therapists would be half as eloquent as you.

  • @juliebauer
    @juliebauer Год назад

    This video should be called “dating 101” :)

  • @daniellesagang1037
    @daniellesagang1037 2 года назад +1

    I like the pillows color.

  • @angelapanarisi3317
    @angelapanarisi3317 Год назад

    Quelle vidéo courte et riche en infos. Merci. ☺️🌺

  • @lke4907
    @lke4907 2 года назад +3

    Bravo!! Encore!!

  • @karenhawthorn7709
    @karenhawthorn7709 2 года назад

    Beautifully said and shared information. Thank you. 😊

  • @lazitazen6882
    @lazitazen6882 Год назад

    Wonderful advice! Thank you 🌷

  • @christyb2912
    @christyb2912 2 года назад +2

    I think going on a first date with your friends or his friends around is not something I will do. It mixes all kind of input from all over the place and makes it difficult to pick up the right clues.

    • @ninacast12
      @ninacast12 9 дней назад

      I agree for a first date, but it would be a good idea for a 3rd or a 4th.

  • @guitarsoundsaround
    @guitarsoundsaround 2 года назад

    Wow! … Wow! … Wow! What wisdom to share. Thank you, I needed to hear this.

  • @Cage_Man
    @Cage_Man 2 года назад +1

    Great talk, very relatable.

  • @TheSistahSoldier
    @TheSistahSoldier 2 года назад +1

    Your volume is very low. I turned my computer all the way up and could barely hear you.

  • @Nancy-vt3xm
    @Nancy-vt3xm 2 года назад

    Thanks Estel. Useful information.

  • @ligiasommers
    @ligiasommers 2 года назад +1

    Wonderful advice 🙏🏻🌹✨

  • @rosie_._youtube
    @rosie_._youtube 2 года назад +1

    Thank you very much.
    Esther maybe its me but the volume is low.

  • @samdaza
    @samdaza Год назад

    Hi! I would suggest getting a better mic or boosting the volume on a software. Can barely hear you ma'am!

  • @bellaflor9883
    @bellaflor9883 Год назад

    Podría hablar cuando uno es devastador por personas psicópatas integrados o narcicistas?

  • @Joker-yw4km
    @Joker-yw4km 2 года назад +1

    A clip on microphone would help tremendously.

  • @ThatBearHasMoxie
    @ThatBearHasMoxie 2 года назад

    I'm getting to know someone right now and I dropped the list and it's fascinating once you do.

  • @MyOrangeString
    @MyOrangeString 2 года назад +1

    The volume is too low, hard to hear on a smartphone.

  • @amparotortajada3673
    @amparotortajada3673 Год назад

    Una sugerencia podría subtítular en castellano por favor. Intento no perderme las intervenciones, producciones y demás libros... donde aparece traducido y/o doblado. Gracias por sus maravillosas aportaciones. El Ser, el Hacer y el Saber. ¡¡¡Felicidades!!!.
    Un saludo.

  • @luismartins6239
    @luismartins6239 Год назад

    I cat hear you at the gym¡ the volumen¡ thanks Sther¡

  • @selyemperzsa1
    @selyemperzsa1 2 года назад

    Thank you for these tips. 🙂