As an adoptive mother, it's always been about the void you could never fill in the adopted child...the wanting to know the why's, what happened, who do I look like, what illness I inherited...even though you understand the child's void it is always for me a reminder that I could never fill the void in me by not having the unconditional love of a biological child...I loved my adoptive children more than life itself 💔💔
Thanks for sharing, Gwen! Everything adoptee is different, but for me it was do I look like them and what is my medical history. I never thought much about the why. I had assumed it was a short relationship (maybe even just that one night), and then the birth father left. I was wrong in that assumption, but I figured that was what had happened and I just left it that. I wish I could explain the yearning to know what they looked like. It seems like a shallow thing to want to know, but that is what I mostly thought of when the topic came around. I hope you and your child have a wonderful relationship. My mom will always be my Mom. I love my birth mother so very much and I think the world of her, but Mom is mom. Thanks again.
I feel like our biological children love us conditionally. They need us to care for them and provide for them. I have a biological mother whom I’m estranged from. My husband on the other hand has a great relationship with his adopted mom. He has no wish to contact his biological mother. I wish that he would however since he was adopted before Rowe v. Wade and it’s likely that she was under duress to adopt him out. I imagine she might have been some young girl who has wondered all of these years if he ended up okay. He may be able to ease an old woman’s heart, but he’s pretty adamant about not reaching out.
@@jeanettedorfman5872 Interesting what you say... My father had no wish to meet his birth mother either when records were opened up in the 1960's, but he did meet his birth maternal grandmother sometime in the 1960's (my guess) who let him know about two half-brothers and his birth mother. I wish he had met her and we talked about this when I was a teenager. I have just now (at age 61) found his birth mother's side of the family and am in contact with descendants and close relatives. Technology has made so much possible! I wish you luck in getting your husband to think about it a little more, if not for himself maybe then for your children and grandchildren who might want to know. Blessings to you, Barb :)
I too once believed that a biological child would love you unconditionally. Truth is they don't. Few people are capable of unconditional love and those that give their love unconditionally don't care if you are related by blood or not. Be grateful for all those you love in your life and don't be so hard on yourself. I found to fill the void you first have to love your self, give your love freely and expect nothing back
I think your mom asks about each bio family member because it helps her feel close to you and included. I love that you share with her. That was sad hearing about your sister being homeless.
Thank you so much, Deb. I just heard from Mom today. She's coming to visit in a couple of weeks. My sister has certainly had a rough time of it since leaving home 35 years ago. Several family members have had her move in with them over the years (mom, grandparents, aunts), but she always ended up stealing from them after a couple of weeks. Thanks again!
@@OurNewLandcurious because of the family dynamics, are your adoptive mom and bio sister close? Not as a replacement by any means, but it might be a relationship she seeks to emulate.
@@saraschneider6781 No, there are not any crossover friendships between the two families. What I mean by that is they don't call each other to chat. Thanks for asking!
@@OurNewLandyour adopted sister is in PAIN. She was rejected by her birth mother and that is a deep pain only another adopted rejected person would understand. Her stealing is a sign of acting out. She WANTS to be kicked out just to prove to herself she isn't wanted. She needs therapy... a lot of therapy before she can mentally accept it's not her fault she was put up for adoption, it's the woman who birthed her. There are agencies to help her get a job, a place to live and therapy. Have her do a DNA test and find other bio family members. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins may give her a sense of worth and belonging that the birth mother isn't capable of. It is not her fault she was adopted, she's the child no matter her age even today. Help your sister but lay down ground rules. Help her find family members. I was not adopted but my mother stole my identity making me feel like "I" did something wrong when it was her. It took me to the age of 44 to get my last name and I immediately found my father who died 4 months later. I am closest to cousins than half sister; she was raised as an only child. Her situation is sad because her mother had another daughter she abandoned with her ex husband to get with my father. So your sister's life is similar to other children - adopted or not. We cannot control the decisions of others. We have to look out for ourself. Good luck to you both.
I gave my son up when I was 19. When he turned 18, I searched and found him through ALMA. I was ecstatic. His adoptive parents were livid, so I was not able to establish a relationship with him at that time. He is my only child. We had a few snail mailings and then some emails between us over the years and I followed his life via the internet. But when he had his first child (who is now 13), he became open to getting to know me. I thank my lucky stars that we have become close and that I am a grandmother to two beautiful children. I receive birthday cards, Christmas gifts and Mother’s Day flowers from them all. We talk on the phone and FaceTime often. They live across the country from me, so I don’t see them as often as I would like. My life is full. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
Wow, Linda! Thank you so much for sharing your story! I'm so glad you have a relationship now with him and his family. I understand his adoptive parents feelings, though. It's not how my adoptive family handled it, but I understand their fear. What do the grandchildren call you? (I'm always interested in pet names for the grandparents!) Thanks again!
Hello Devon…. I identify with you quite remarkably. I was given up for adoption at birth, discovered my bio mother at age 40, and in doing so discovered I had 5 full biological brothers and sisters. ( bio mother and father married following my birth and relinquishment to adoption) It was an enormously complex complicated journey and although the details differ, our stories are parallel. I wrote a book about my journey. I love that you are sharing your journey via this platform.
Wow, so similar to my situation! Amazing! I hope your reunion has been a positive experience. Quite a journey, right? Thanks for watching and for sharing your experience!
Thanks for sharing your story. My biological father kept me a secret from his parents, siblings, and children for too many years. Thank goodness he told his wife about me before they married. I’m happy that you have good relationships on both sides.🌸 Prayers for your sister.
There is a wealth of truly Christian characteristics in all of your grandparents- what a wonderful testimony. Blessings to you all. Special Blessings to your dear sister who seems to have been greatly affected by feelings of rejection. G Ire
Thank you so much! My grandparents were amazing, accepting, giving people. I miss them very much, and I am so happy I was able to share this experience with them. Both of my adoptive grandmothers sent letters to my birth mother after our reunion, and I hope to share those letters in a future video. Thanks again!
You are so blessed.. when I did my birth search, my adoptive mom told me she'd never forgive me, and she didn't. I was in my 40s when I did it and could only trace my birth father's family. He was dead. I got a lot of great info from them including medical information and genealogical records back five generations. I am so glad I did it
I'm so glad you found some of the answers you were looking for! I'm sorry your mom handled like she did. I hope she eventually finds peace with your decision. Thank you very much for sharing!
@OurNewLand unfortunately she died before she could forgive me, but I remain so grateful for the safety and security she and my adoptive father provided. I also remain grateful that I was able to fill in some of the blanks of my birth family.
@@maryloumcdonough3133 I’m an adoptive mom of 2. I’m so sorry your mom reacted that way. I understand why she did though and I think it was fear that she would loose you somehow. I know it sounds crazy but it’s a fear all adoptive parents do think at some point. I encouraged my kids to look for their biological parents and we would support them. So far they have not chosen to do so. They are married adults. Both have some health issues which is partly why I thought they should. That being said, I’m sure your Mom loved you more than life. That’s how we feel about our kids. I would give up anything for them. I wish you well and peace❤❤❤
@@maryloumcdonough3133..ah Mary. I find your story very sad. I can understand your need to find the birth parents but I guess your mother hoped she'd be enough & couldn't accept your deep need. Maybe the fact she held on so tightly could have been a part of it too. I feel it was very mean & rather selfish she didn't forgive..although maybe with more time she probably would have. You might have had to beg her though coz in that generation some could be very stubborn. Then she could have said 'oh precious daughter.. I'm sorry for my insecurity about it..I feared I would loose your love as I know Ive novdoubt made lots if mistakes. It was wrong of me to not accept & support your wishes & I wish I'd encouraged you sooner. I do forgive you & understand your need. Will you please forgive me my selfishness'. I believe that would have been inside her but she wanted you to feel her fear of feeling rejected. You sound like a beautiful person & have accepted the situation for what it was. Is that so or has it affected you somewhat? I hope you been able to see that you didnt do anything wrong..& what you had was because it was your due as her child not anything you had to be grateful for. They were the ones who would have felt grateful for being able to have the opportunity of bringing up a child from another mother. You never know what goes through their minds if they can't be open.
And Mary..you waited a long time to search..in your 40s. I'd say you were most considerate in thinking of them. Safety & security are something that is our right as children but love & respect must be given too! You don't mention those ingredients I notice. I think I recognize your mother..and this why your story seems to have touched me. But maybe I've got it all wrong..hope so.
It is now said that every adopted child experiences trauma, even if they were infants and placed into the arms of loving parents when adopted. We all have our personal psyches that deal with this trauma in different ways. Even forgetting and denying that it occurred. I'm sure that both you and your sister were loved by your adoptive parents and grandparents. But it wasn't enough for your sister's trauma, her psychological needs. Especially after the further rejection from her birth mother. My children are adopted. One of them has found a biological parent via social media. But they haven't connected yet. The special thing about love is that there is always more to go around. I too would like to meet the people that gave me the wonderful children I raised with love.
What a moving story. I had a friend once who had 6 kids .. he said 3 of them were adopted, but he'd forgotten which ones. Your journey is a lot to handle .. but then .. life itself is sometimes a lot to handle. Love the background in your video (well, with the exception of that poor deer hanging on the wall). P.S. Write your memoirs so that your own kids (who don't ask NOW) will be able to ask you when you're gone.🕊
The reason my brother and I started this channel was to have a place to keep our thoughts and experiences that would be accessible to our kids. I wish I was able to watch videos of my family members that have passed. Thank you for the kind words, Linda!
As an adopted woman I recently found my birth family thru me and 23. I always wanted to know my back ground I found out there was 5 of us that my birth Mother was deaf due to scarlet fever when she was little. And years ago they put her in mental imstutions. I have an older brother and sister who were never adopted,me and 1 brother were raised together, and a younger brother I didn’t know about but he found me., and he came to meet me., Its been wonderful to find my family. My soul and heart are full of happiness. I’ll never forget this sentence that I heard on Jerry Springer a long time ago You will not have peace in your life until all the pieces fit!!!! I also got a copy of my original birth certificate from N.Y. With my real name thanks to the governor passing a new law a couple of years ago.I also was afraid of my adopted mother but I told her anyway, but I know God opened this door for me♥️♥️
I think you could write a text book / seminar series on how to handle the process of uncovering your birth family, meeting them and integrating the process with your adoptive family where appropriate. Everything you've done seems to have been so measured and considerate. Major kudos to you for that.
Thank you so much, Scott! I have been very lucky to have two families, both of which have made this experience relatively easy and natural-feeling. Thanks again!
You were blessed by loving people. So happy for you. I was adopted at 7 years, and blocked out all of my earlier years. I always wanted to know. I kept trying to get info from state of NH and didn't get anything. Years later I tried again and they sent some info and forgot to white out some info. Maybe because both parents were deceased. I was quite the investigator. I found my mother's obit and found out I had 5 half siblings. I was able to meet all siblings before they passed. My sisters gave unconditional love. Was glad to meet them even though my adoptive mother said I had no need to find them. I am so glad I did. Tears of happiness for you and your families.
Gosh, Linda, what a journey you had! I'm sorry you didn't get to meet your biological parents, but I'm so glad you found your siblings!! Thank you for sharing your story with me!
Your story is awesome! So happy it turned out so good for you. My heart breaks for your sister. I think she suffered the worst pain a person could ever have, being rejected by your own mother. Some people never get over that kind of trauma.
Thank you so much, Nanci. That was definitely hard for my sister. There is even more to her story, and maybe I'll get into that in the future. She's had a super hard go of it since running away. She's tried living with several parts of our family, but it always ended up with her stealing from them. Unfortunately, I think her experience with her birth mother is the more common one that occurs when a child looks for their birth parents. Thanks again for watching and commenting!
@@OurNewLand..oh poor girl aye. There's been a deficit in her love tanks. It makes me think she can't have had a good relationship with your adoptive parents. I mean..you said you didn't get on so well with your mom. You and her weren't close. Adoptive parents need education on how to put in extra special love to tge children as the adoption process can cause trauma to a baby..which they can't express.
I am glad it went so well for you. No one should keep an adopted person for their family. I'm so sorry for your sister, and I wish she'd get a chance to heal.
I so appreciate your video. ( I am on my husband’s RUclips account and my name is Linda). I gave up my son back in 1970. Your willingness to be so transparent touches my heart. I had a reunion with my son when he was 28 years old. It was bittersweet. I never wanted to give him up, but my mom made no bones that she and my dad would not help me to keep him. I felt completely helpless. In my heart of hearts, I wanted that son more than life itself. But having a strong willed mother, who usually got her way, made it very difficult, to give me any hope that it would be possible to raise him on my own. Hearing your testimony warms my heart. May your continued journey bring you peace, and the knowledge that you are deeply loved by God. ❤️
Gosh, Linda -- your story is exactly like my mother's. Exactly! Even the years of birth and reunion line up! I'm so glad you found your son. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
@@OurNewLand during those years, shame played a huge part in whether a young woman kept her child or not. Back then, my parents decided I needed to be placed in a home for unwed mothers. I had two choices in our area, so I at least had the ability to make a choice. One was Catholic Charities and the other was a Protestant based facility. I chose the Protestant one only because I was familiar with their beliefs. When I look back on my life, I can see how God was with me every step of the way. Keep in mind, I was still a teenager, scared out of my wits, desperately wanting to keep my baby, but having parents that were pretty much calling the shots at that time. Now, in 2023, society doesn’t really make a big deal about young girls keeping and raising their babies. It wasn’t like that back when I was in my a teens and pregnant. Internally, I have had to come to terms that the decision I made was the decision that God was leading me to make under the circumstances of those times. It was unbearable for me to live with so much shame at that time that my mother was putting on me, and at that time, I wanted to spare my child of having to live with that kind of shame that he too would have had to endure. Giving my son up, was the absolutely hardest thing I could do. But it wasn’t about me. It was making a decision for his life. Ironically, because he has a similar temperament as me, he surmised that there must have been something wrong about him that made me decide to give him up. He was born with a heart murmur and so he thought that because of that, that was the reason I gave him up. I had no idea that he had that. If I would have known, I am sure that would have put me into a different mind set as to whether I would give him up. My whole mind set, was to give this child the best life possible, and in the 70s, having both a mother and a father was paramount. The home did give me the autonomy to choose which family my son would be placed with. There were two different couples who had applied for adoption. They wouldn’t give a girl too much information about the couples, like their names or whereabouts, but they did give what their interests were, what their beliefs were..that sort of thing. So I chose the couple that had similar beliefs in God that I had, along with the fact that the mother taught piano. To me, that meant that she was artistic. I am not musical in any way, but I am artistic, so that was one of the important things that stood out to me. I can’t remember anything at all about the other couple. I just remember these two things about the couple I chose. They believed in God, and the mom was into culture. Not much to go on, but that was why I chose this couple to be his parents. My prayer, is that through the reunion that we did have, that my son has been able to appreciate and deeply love these people as his parents. I don’t look for him to want to reconnect, and that’s okay. He is still in my prayers, along with his three children. I have come to terms with his decision to sever the ties with me, and I have released him spiritually in order that he can completely bond with his adoptive parents. That was something I had to learn through the Lord. For all of my life, on a spiritual level, I had not released my son. Through that reunion, I learned that I had to let go. Completely let go. Spiritual ties are strong. In order for my son to become complete, he needed to be completely set free from me. That was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. And it took six years of grieving to finally release my son. There aren’t too many accounts about what a biological mother goes through in giving up her child. In my case, it’s been a life long journey. Also, in my case, I loved that baby more than my own life. That decision to give him up has been the compass that has guided my entire life and I am in my 70s now. Seeing the video you posted, really had an impact on me. You may not realize it, but by posting your video, it can open the door for adoptees along with birth parents. A door of healing and reconciliation, for both parties. God bless you for venturing out and addressing the whole issues that have had an impact on the whole community of adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents. ❤️❤️❤️
I have an adopted son and he is 32. I met his birth mom twice and she wasn’t young she was 30 and i was 37 when we adopted him. All adoptive parents both sides have fears. His mom told me she never wants him to look her up as she told everyone that he had died. So he has some abandonment issues that can’t be filled but i would help him to locate them if he wanted to and i guess because i’m a nurse i understand it and my feelings aren’t bent out of shape
I can understand the cause of her fears and I totally get his feelings. I hope they both find peace. Thank you for watching and sharing your experience.
Oh no..that seems kind of not fair that you know her & he doesn't. How hard is it to just come clean now: 'I made up a story because I felt ashamed to be adopting him out'.
When I watch on TV the program that reunites birth families, it makes me so happy for them and yet there is sadness. I had 2 incredible cousins who were adopted. Norma Jean and I only spent early years of our childhood together and her mother Emma and her father Julius were loving great people and parents and she got to have 2 birthdays, adoption day and her real birthday. My other cousin Barry was my father's sisters child and Barry had a life of music and happiness because my Aunt Sara and my Uncle Harold adored him. Barry was a genius and I think he was one of the first to put together comptuer games. He was very musical...danced, sang, probably played almost every instrument so he was placed in a great environment because my Aunt played the accordian and my Uncle had a cowboy type band and played the guitar. Then when Barry was in college my precious Aunt passed away and it was a really bad time for Barry and my Uncle including Barry had a dreadful accident in his chem class which burned his face and neck. Time went by. Norma Jean got married to a college prof at Davis and I heard she had a little girl. Barry married, got divorced and got remarried. He called me one day and was drunk and that's when I discovered he was very lost...and after 4 hours on the phone I got him to start looking for his birth family. Norma Jean and I never spoke again and when her parent had a dreadful accident and Julius wound up passing away and her mother Emma was diagnosed with Altzheimers, Norma Jean committed suicide. I never found her husband or her familly. Barry I heard found his Mother and a brother but his mother had passed and he discovered she had been a concert pianist which explained his incredible musical ability. From what I heard, he had a relationship with his brother for a while but last I heard of him was when his wife called to tell me he had passed away at 52. He was a genius...a well respected professor at the U of Delaware but was drunk enough they needed him to get into rehab and when he was given I think Magnesium, he had a heart attack and passed away. OH, how I wish the gift of what you have spoken about Devon was given to them and to every single other person who is adopted. I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU and for your family which apparently is now double. I would bet though that your sister who hides, because of the cruel bio mother's response, has tossed her life into the garbage can UNLESS she really is ok but can't face reality. WISH you could reach the 2 people on that program on tv and see if they can do something to help her...she had a DNA test so certainly, there are relatives and there ARE some who will embrace her as you have had. GOD BLESS and WOW, what a family you have!!!
Wow, that's a lot to unpack! Thank you for sharing! I'm sorry to hear of the experiences you witnessed. I wish every reunion had a positive outcome, but obviously that is not reality. I hope everyone you mentioned finds peace. Thanks again for your kind words and for sharing your experiences.
Thank you so much, Prairie Girl! It's been an amazing journey! And thanks for the compliment on the cabin! It actually belongs to a member of my wife's family. We were there on vacation and I took advantage of a rain delay to make the video. Thanks again!
Thank you Devon for this video. For ME. I was adopted but within my birth mother's family, [ My grandmother and her 3rd husband had legally adopted me along with two half siblings, after my mother gave us all up ] but growing up I was lied to as far as to whom my mother was. When I was still very young, I was told, that my birth mother, was actually my OLDER Sister. My grandmother was never loving towards me, and after my finally found and met my birth mother, for a while, she was not either. at some point, with my mother and my relationship, she actually did start to try and help me located my birth father. I always appreicated that from mom. But as our relationship grew, her memories started fading, due to ongoing Alzheimer’s. Sadly she passed before I could tell her that I found him, but again sadly, I finally found him, with the help of Ancestry DNA and a match, too late, for he passed in 2012. Mom passed in 2014, but I got her DNA, along with others in my family, so I have that now. My mom and dad were never married. When mom had her affair wih my dad, SHE was still legally married to her first husband, but was seperated form him, and waiting for her diovorce to become final, so my dad could not marry her. But Dad was a womanizer, and Mom just told him to leave, which he did, saldy, so never knew if I made it, or what gender I was after I was born, but he knew of me. My half brother [ son of my mother's 3rd marriage to my half brother's father, my stepdad ]always told me that Mom, never spoke ill of my dad, and always had kind words to say about him. I am glad of that.
My goodness, Donna. You have such an amazing story! I really appreciate you sharing it with us. It's really incredible! Thanks so much for your support to our story and channel!
Loved this video and hearing your experience Devon. I totally get not searching until your adoptive parents, or one of your adoptive parents, have passed on. I was the same. I know mine would have thought they weren't 'good enough' and wouldn't have fully understood that it's not about replacing your adoptive parents, it's more about your identity and finding more about yourself, your ancestors and where you came from in order to fill in all those gaps that are always there in the back of your mind to make you feel like a more complete person. It should be seen as "expanding your family" rather than "replacing your family" IMO. I think unless you are adopted yourself, you cannot imagine what it is like to always wonder what your birth mother/father/grandparents looked like. I actually think all adoptees should be given one photo of each birth parent when they are adopted just so they have something physical to hold so they can see what they look like ratherthan have a lifetime of wondering and imagining. Like you, my adoptive parents are mum and dad, the people who were there for me all through my life and who made me the person I am today and I can never thank them enough as I had the most fabulous childhood and I miss them terribly now they have both passed on. My birth parents are just that, the people who created me and gave birth to me and I have recently found them via DNA and access to my birth file thanks to the new law recently passed. My birth father passed away in 1996 and he had 6 children. My birth mother is still alive and she too had 6 children so i have 12 half siblings which blew my mind, never thought I'd have so many, so I have gone from being one of the youngest kids in my adoptive family to being the eldest of 13 kids in my birth family. Quite a change!!!
Thank you for the very kind words. I really, really appreciate it. Wow, you've had quite a journey with your birth family! That is huge! Like you, I had a great childhood with an amazing family. I wouldn't change that for the world! Finding my birth family has been amazing, and I love both of the families equally. That being said, my mom will forever be Mom, and my dad will be Dad. Those are earned titles of affection, and they certainly earned them! Thanks again!
Thank you for uploading this video and I could see how emotional it was for you. When you told Mer, you were choked and asked who does that when she was so enthusiastic and wanting to meet them Only people who are very secure in your love can be like that. Yes we are all different and take news in different ways but you made Mer feel very secure about your feelings for her so she was able to share your good news. I gave up a child for adoption in 1975 and back then you got to hear nothing about them. I was told that if it was a good adoption then you will never hear from him. I always felt adoption was worse than death for a mother because at least you know where your child was but the not knowing is killing. Waves of guilt, had I made the right decision, was he happy, was he in jail, thoughts like that tormented me over the years. I used to rail against the social worker and begged to be told if he ever died because I would be living in painful hope the rest of my life. We were re-united but that is another story, this is your story. How things have changed and it seems all adopted children want to find their birth families and it is right they should do so. I wish you the best of luck Devon and you are so lucky - you now have two families who love you.
Thank you so very much for the kind words, especially those about Mer. I have been very, very lucky -- on so many fronts. I now have two families that I love very much and that also love me enormously. I have many, many friends and family that were adopted at birth. Most of them are my age (early 50s), though my nieces and nephews that were adopted are obviously much younger. None of the "birth adopted" that I personally know have any ill feelings toward their birth mother. We were all raised being told that our mothers did what they did to give us the best chance at a good life, and we are thankful for that. Once again, these are just the ones I know that I've talked to about it over the years. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and experience. I really appreciate it.
Hi Devon. Thank you for sharing your story. I always really appreciate the willingness of folks who share their journey of growing up as an adopted child. I too am an adopted child (now in my 73 rd year! LOL) who knew from a tiny tot. I have a younger sibling, also an adoptee, and we were told right from the get go. There were no family secrets about being adopted. Our adopted Dad died suddenly when we were in our early 20's. I waited until after our mum died because I'd always wanted to know who my biological family were,(A very natural desire for adopted children) because I didn't want to upset our mum! When I was 40 I traced my Bio family and discovered I had 3 Bio siblings- all younger than me. A 'Long complicated story', I eventually met some of the Bio family and have a good relationship with some of them. Both Bio parents are now deceased (as are both adopted parents, who brought us up with loads of love) Its been such a relief to find siblings, some of whom are pleased to have an older bio sibling. I am so pleased for you Devon, to have been able to discover the information you so dearly wanted. Knowing these things certainly 'fills the black hole' in one's being', which I can attest to. Many Blessings to you Devon, and may you be blessed all the days of your life with the joy, love and friendship of your wonderful brother! x
Wow, what a story, Esther! I’m glad you have had such a positive experience with your reunion. I’m still amazed with how it feels like I’ve always been apart of my bio family. It sounds like you can relate. Thank you so much for sharing!
Hi Devon, I listened to your story and found it so moving. Thank-you for sharing. I think with any family, feelings run deep, both the pain and joys. Processing everything really does take time even for those who are together. I will praying for your sister to be healed of abandonment issues-it must have been so difficult for her. You may not know where she is, but the Lord does. He can take care of her and fill all those empty places. Shalom!
Thanks, Chuck! It has felt very, very good talking about it. These videos have sparked so much conversation within our birth family. Heck, just in the last few hours since releasing this video, I have learned more information from Ryan, and he from me. It's been amazing! I really appreciate your support!
Interesting. Im also adopted. Im 60, adopted at 3 months. I found out i have biological 5 brothers, 4 sisters. I was only child adopted out . She had first 6, then me, and 3 more after me. We grew up within 10 miles of each of siblings. My mom and dad adopted 2 boys, and then me .
Wow, Pam! That is quite a story! I'm trying to wrap my head around that. Had you ever run across any of the siblings before? Were there strong resemblances? Really amazing! Thank you for sharing!
Devon, thanks for sharing your life journey. I ❤ you guy's channel. Who would have ever thought we could have all youtuber favorites all in one platform. Living off grid, building, farming, and adoption all in one. I'm glad you found your family because you seem the saddest when you're alone. Your ❤ was just to big to fill with one family...❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much! I'm really glad you like our channel! My birth family certainly has increased the love I feel -- both incoming and outgoing! Thanks again!
Devon, I am so proud of you for being brave and searching! I am an adoptee and at age 35 decided I, like you, needed to know my medical history for my health reasons, for my son to know his genetic health history also and lastly…who did I look like? My birthmom was 14 when sexually accosted by my birth dad who was 15. My birthmom had me at 15 and I was a premie. To make a long story short, my birthmom wanted to keep me but her mother refused so I was adopted. It was a very unique and at times horrifying childhood with a borderline personality disorder adopted mother and absentee adopted father…he did love me and made my life happy where my adopted mom didn't want me and I was told constantly she wished I had never been born. I am a survivor and realized by high school that as much as I hurt horribly in my soul for being given up by my birthmom that she did the right thing. I did get to meet both birthmom and birthdad after searching in the days without computers and found them in 3 months! I'm a researcher and lived and breathed this until I found them. I look like both of them and found interesting medical issues I wish I had known of sooner in life. They never stayed in contact after the sexual encounter that created me and I got to know them separately and all my half-brothers and sisters. My birth parents are both deceased from cancer and diabetes and I had the honor and privilege to have known them separately for four years before they died. My favorite half-brother died 6 years after my birth mother died and he was the only half sibling I was close with. It still hurts as we had so much in common…not in looks but in music and intelligence! We could talk forever! Devon, so glad you did this video and thank you for letting me share. Was the search worth it? You bet it was!!!! I am now complete and not needing answers like I did before anymore. I miss my birthmom and brother so very much and feel empty they are gone but I will see them in a better place someday! Congratulations to you and your feelings are neither right or wrong…they are just your feelings and you are entitled to them!!!!!!😊
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, Melissa! I'm so glad you found both of your birth parents, and had the chance to get to know them. So great! As you know, not every reunion turns out well, so it's wonderful to hear of those that do. Thanks again, Melissa! Keep being awesome!
I have two adopted children and I never thought about myself if they said they wanted to know more about their birth parents. I told them I thought it was natural for an adopted child to want to know where they came from and what their birth parents are like. I think that a parent who is not adopted can't imagine what it must feel like for them, so I always thought it was a self-centered response to the adopted child to make them feel ungrateful for wanting to know. Why do people always think of themselves...instead of what the other person must be going through? You had about the most accepting responses you could have hoped for. What a wonderful family. If your sister had learned to be her own person and didn't care what others thought, she may have made different choices and ended up loving her life instead. Too bad some people "respond" to difficulties, rather than learning to overcome them to be stronger in the end.
I agree with everything you said, L.G.! I was very fortunate to have such a loving and understanding adoptive family. They really made the reunion easy for me. Our wedding pictures are full of both families together. It's been amazing. I could have easily ended up like my sister. I think it came down to the friends we associated with in middle school. She chose friends that wanted to use her and use other people. I chose friends that understood the golden rule: treat others as you wish to be treated. Thank you so much for watching and sharing!
Thanks so much for your reply. Adopted children often take on a spirit of rejection and this results in low self-esteem. Your sister found "users" because she didn't place a high value on herself. We could clear out skid row if people understood what is behind this spirit and why so many passively accept this label for themselves. So glad you accepted a different outcome for your life. It really is up to us if we want to accept being a victim or live victoriously.
@@l.g.4451 I printed your last line onto paper so I can often look at it! "It really is up to us if we want to accept being a victim or live victoriously." I love it! Thank you!
@@OurNewLandThank you. Maybe it will come in handy to pass on to someone else who has never considered that our future is in our own hands (and head) :)
Your stories are very helpful as an adoptive mother. I feel like you hit the jackpot on bio/birth families ❤. Keep these coming. Like I said very helpful as we know the where a outs of my sons bio mom we have found his older half sister. And hopefully one day he can reunite with her and his half little brother
I went through the same thing and my adoptive family were supportive as well. Although my bio family was trash and it made me thank God above for what my real family had done for me.
I'm sorry to hear your reunion wasn't a positive experience. It sounds like you have an awesome adoptive family! Thanks for watching and commenting. I really appreciate it.
You are blessed with your birth family. You are grown now be thankful you know who you are and where your looks come from. Your adopted dad is at peace ❤❤❤
Momma and Daddy are my adopted parents and Mom and Dad are my birth parents and I feel so blessed to have found out who I am ❤️ Its okay to know who you are.
Found my birth family at age 39. Adopted at age 2 as an open adoption basically. Knew several family members for years. Didn't know we were related. Only lived 20 minutes from most. Happy to have medical info. My 5 siblings & I had much in common.
Congratulations to you on how you have handled this situation. I love listening to you and your story. Very positive and emotional in a lovely way. Kudos
I'm adopted also there was 9 of us it's a long story but I found Birth mom at 15.. very unusual I'm almost 59 & just found my bio dad & 2 more siblings.. sort of & totally unexpected. Ty for sharing your story ❤
I love listening to your story! I do a podcast with my daughter I placed for adoption 35 years ago… (35years adoptee and birth mom chat). That void for both of us is now healing. We very much connect with everything you say.
I love how you explain your dads fears. Mine had the same (he got over it) but it’s not about them or that they didn’t do a great job of raising us nor that we don’t love them because I know I do with all my heart & that as far as I’m concerned the ARE & always will be Mom & Dad. It is something more fundamental & deep within all adopted children, this absolute need to know our identity & where we came from & the circumstances for better or for worse. Biological children just don’t understand that need.
Thanks, OP! My sister has had a tough go of it, for sure. She's had many opportunities to receive help from our family, but she is still not willing to give up her destructive addictions.
Wow. How sweet that you knew or sensed how this would have hurt or been hard on your dad❤. Your Mur sounds amazing and not an adoptéd person myself I have several friends that are. Such a nice honest talk on your life with your adoptive and bio families.
Great and emotional video. I want to say one thing and I hope it helps you. I am glad your family is so supportive of finding your birth family. It is ok to love both and have both in your life. I think that is what your adoptive family is telling you. My heart feels for your sister. Just a thought...maybe her mother never told anyone of her and she does not want to tell her family about her. I know it hurts her but sometimes that happens. But most of all as I see the emotions in your face....it is ok to love both sides. Enjoy them and don't be afraid to talk about them. Your family..your mother etc are showing you that that they care. Love to you and both families.
I pray you adopted sister finds peace and healing. I pray she is able to settle down and rebuild that bond with you all. I’m sure you bio family would love to get to know her and show her how a bio mom is when they are peaceful and happy. Hope that makes sense 🙏🙏🙏✝️👵🏻
Thank you from Brisbane Australia, for your honesty, and heartfelt description of your personal journey. I was born in Spain, but grew up in Australia, so I can understand that isolation from blood relatives & not knowing personal medical histories. I hope that you have or may contact your birth family as well, It cannot help but answer personal questions
just now stumbled upon this channel while looking for something to watch on fruit tree farms or orchards or vegetable gardens. Currently doing a marathon on this channel starting from the earlier videos and been liking them so far. New fan from Philippines here.
Thank you so much!! I'm glad you found us! We planted 5 chestnut trees last November. I was VERY nervous about how they would do over the winter, but they all survived and are now thriving! We plan to plant 20 fruit trees this October/November. This first round of fruit trees will primarily be various apple species, but we have further plans to plant pear, peach, plum and pomegranate threes. Thanks again!
@@OurNewLand while I can only grow a small lemon tree in container from our balcony. Though we have a mango tree and starapple tree in the yard. I love watching fruit bearing trees that have actual fruits already. Will look forward to your trees bearing fruits. More power to your channel
@@yourlifeyourrules2732 Growing fruit on your balcony -- that is awesome!! It'll be years until we see fruit on our trees. The trees we plant are only a year and a half old, so it will be at least 3 years until the fruit arrives. We do have many wild persimmon trees and the deer love them! Thanks again!
Thank you so much for the kind words! I'm glad you liked it! To be honest, I really didn't know how this video was going to be received. I think most people expected drama, but there just wasn't any. There was a high level of emotions for sure, but everyone was so accepting and welcoming. Thanks again!
As an adoptive father I appreciate the opportunities and challenges for adoptive children. We had an open adoption, but lost track of our daughters birth mom after the first year. When our daughter was in high school we tried, without success, to find her birth mom. In her twenties our daughter worked for a company that had a private investigator track her birth mom down. They met and at first it went well, but later soured. Our daughter also met her birth father and half brothers. They remain in contact. The search for birth parents can be a challenging episode for all, one that requires sensitivity. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me! I have been extremely fortunate with how well my reunion has gone. My journey is definitely far outside the norm. I'm glad your daughter has had some positives come out of her search. It sounds like you have been very supportive of her, which is wonderful to hear! Thanks again!
My adoptive parents were my parents. I am grateful to my "birth mother" for having me and putting me up for adoption, but the people who raised me and gave me a home are my parents. They would have supported my efforts had I decided to seek out my biological relatives, but finding them would not have affected who I am. At age 79, I do not regret my decision.
I hear you, JoAnn. The decision to look for birth family is a very personal one, and there is no right or wrong path to take. For me, it has been beyond fulfilling. More so than I ever imagined. I have many adopted friends. Some of them wanted to search, some didn't. Some found their birth mother and had a positive experienced, some had negative experiences. I have been very, very fortunate. I now have two families that love me, and I love them both. I really appreciate you sharing your experience with me. Take care.
@@OurNewLand Thank you, too. The social norm is quite different now than when I was young (born in 1944). For better or worse, there was a degree of stigma attached to bearing a child out of wedlock, and that figured into my decision when I was in my teens. Other factors weighed in, too, as I didn't want to possibly affect my birth mother's life in a negative way. Anyway, you are so right about the decision being a very personal one. I am glad yours worked out so well.
awww ... i feel fer yer sister . i know that feeling ... my daughter from an earlier almost marriage . i tried to contact her after 26 yrs. she said no , but did send me pictures of her kids...we both lose i think ...so glad you found your family... if you look up 50's scoop kids, well i'm one. stolen from my mother basically ....took me 30 yrs. before i tracked down my family ....mom , uncles , aunties, cousins from all up and down the west coast ... from Alaska to cali.
I'm sorry it took me so long to respond, Raven! Your comment was Held For Review for some reason. You have an amazing story! My goodness. I'm sorry to hear of your daughter's decision to keep separated. I just looked up scoop kids. I had no idea! Thank you for sharing your story with me!
How wonderful that you were able to meet your birth father and that your family was excited to meet your new family!!! I just recently found my father's birth mother's side of the family and it's just beginning to unfold. We are still trying to figure out how everyone is related (and mostly this is the DNA links I've found through our shared ancestry lines). I'm also finding other linked family who don't fit into my father's birth mother's side, so... They must be from his birth father's side and I don't know who that is. Anyway, I'm sooo happy for you! And you are blessed to have your grandparents still living; what a rare gift! I'm sorry to hear that your sister didn't have the same good fortune. I hope she comes home. 💗Looking forward to watching your past and future videos!
CONGRATULATIONS on finding your birth family! Our daughter in law was adopted. She knew the names of her birth parents and had a picture of what they looked like. My husband and I bought her an Ancestry DNA and 23andMe DNA tests so she could learn more about herself and connect with her birth family. She had a 1st cousin who tested on Ancestry so when I saw they connected, I contacted her. It was on an Easter week and her family was so excited to finally reconnect with our daughter in law. She has met her first cousin but not the rest of the family, yet. Her birth father is still alive, but his health situation prevented him from caring for his daughter. Covid knocked that trip out. The DNA testing helped us learn more about the birth mother's side of the family. The birth mother grew up with a foster care family. She had several siblings who were also adopted out. Their birth mother gave them all away because of an affair she had with their birth father. Our daughter in laws mother's mother was already married. A DNA Cousin match told me, her uncle from the married husband was not too happy to know the family secret was out. The birth mother had a tight relationship with a foster care sister who had taken ill in Chico, California. When the foster care sister passed away, her daughter in law contacted me and sent me my daughter in law's newborn baby pictures and pictures taken with her birth mother that had been left behind. The birth mother died when my daughter in law was around the age of 10. I made a book for my daughter in law containing these beautiful pictures of herself when she was born. She had never seen them of course. Our son told us his wife, who never shows much emotion publicly, screamed and cried when she opened the book. We are so happy for her and our granddaughter whose circle is now complete.
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing! That is a lot to unpack. My goodness, you have quite the story. I hope your daughter in law is at peace with what she has learned. I can't even imagine.... I am super happy that you all finally have some answers. That book of baby pictures you made sounds powerful! Thanks again!
Thank you for sharing this part of your story with us! I enjoy watching all of your videos! Looking forward to more! Hope you have a very blessed day! 🤗🥰👊
Love expands......I am the bio mom(what we call it) to a now grown man. He found me 5ish years ago. We talk everytime we want. Have not even met in person yet due to costs and distance. I was young and adventurous when he was conceived. We have spoken about everything. Other than him being a guy and me being a female,nothing was off topic. His adoptive folks are passed. I like them thru his stories,tho. I will show him your channel fwiw. I think it is beyond time this subject gets the attention it deserves. Tee in N.M. My Scott lives in W.N.Y.❤
Thank you for thinking of her, Melinda. My mom will be seeing her next month. Mom tried helping her again last year, but my sister ended up choosing to live as she has. My sister has a loving heart, but she can’t stop doing the things that are detrimental to her health. Thanks again for your concern.
U R blessed to have a loving adopted family. Don't ever turn your back on them. Your birth family is lucky that your adopted family raised U to be a fine man. U R very blessed.
I have never seen any of your videos. This was part way down my home page. I am always interested in peoples’ adoption stories. My Mum was the first child over the age of 2 years, (the province in which we live), the CAS allowed to be adopted into a family. Years, and different life paths later, brought my mother back into contact with her birth family. My older siblings remember life without our mother’s bio family. I do not, as I was a toddler. Staying with my aunt over March Break one year, we went over to her adoptive mother’s condo. … Just so happened her condo unit was directly across the street, from my mother’s adoptive mother’s own condo. (Both street side views.) That is pretty awesome that all four of your bio grandparents were still alive when you finally made contact with your family. 👍🏼
Wow, right across the street from each other! Amazing. My kids never thought it was weird that I have two mothers. They just figured every family had oddities. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you very much, Denise! Lots of emotions on this one. It took me forever to edit it because I kept getting choked up. I was exhausted from the tears (of love) I shed just editing it. Especially towards the grandparents. Thanks again!
We've been watching your journey - can't believe we weren't officially subscribed! WHAT??? Okay... I literally teared up - your 'Mer'.... awwww love your story - I identify very strongly with my own story - you have a special place in my thoughts.
I'm sorry it took me so long to see this! The comment was Held For Review for some reason, dang it. Thank you so much for watching and leaving a comment! I love your channel, by the way!
I was adopted too. I just came across your channel. I didn't find out I was adopted till I was 60 years old. Anyway for me mom and dad are the parents who raised me as if I was their biological child I never had the slightest clue I was adopted. Mother or Tina and father (I don't know who my biological father is) are my biological parents. You are lucky that you got to meet your bio grandparents and mother and father mine at least on my mother's side have passed before I even knew about them. From what my oldest half-sister has told me about our mother that might be for the best. Meeting your biological family is a hit or miss for us just like not all of us get great adoptive parents. Most of us understand that the need to know who our biological parents are is not about our adoptive family it's about us and who we look like and where we come from.. It's hard to explain if you haven't experience it yourself.
Thanks for sharing your situation, Diana! You are so right that reunions are hit or miss. I have quite a few friends that are adopted, and for the ones that searched for and found their birth mother, more had a negative outcome than a positive one. I was VERY lucky with how mine turned out. And, yeah, my searching had nothing to do with my adoptive family. I was raised in a loving home and had everything I needed. But as you well know, I had questions. Did I look them? What is my medical history? Do they think of me? I didn't have a burning need to find the answers, but I had interest. Fortunately, things worked for me. Thanks again!
I did not.....could not..... tell my parents. They gave me the letter from my birth mum to them but like you I sat on that for 10 years. Both my mum & dad died this year so now I only have my birth mum. I still feel terrible going behind their backs. It is so hard.
I totally understand keeping it from them in order to save them pain or fear of losing part of you (I hope that makes sense). I don't think there is a right or wrong path to take when balancing relationships as you seek answers to Who you are and Where you come from. It's just do the best you can, try not to cause harm, and hope for the best. Thanks again for sharing your story with me and for supporting our channel!
I have three adopted cousins who were my cousins, who passed away about ⅔ years ago. I have always spoken to the oldest. Mesmerizing how my cousin truly loved them all. I’m sure they knew it. She was very strick in their upbringing but all the time she spoke about them her eyes lighted a lot. They were loved.
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Your grandmother (Mer) loves you and is so grateful for you that she automatically loves your bio parents for creating you. I fully understand her.
Thank you so much! She was such an amazing person. I really appreciate your kind words.
Yes, they are grateful to your birth family for giving them you…
As an adoptive mother, it's always been about the void you could never fill in the adopted child...the wanting to know the why's, what happened, who do I look like, what illness I inherited...even though you understand the child's void it is always for me a reminder that I could never fill the void in me by not having the unconditional love of a biological child...I loved my adoptive children more than life itself 💔💔
Thanks for sharing, Gwen! Everything adoptee is different, but for me it was do I look like them and what is my medical history. I never thought much about the why. I had assumed it was a short relationship (maybe even just that one night), and then the birth father left. I was wrong in that assumption, but I figured that was what had happened and I just left it that. I wish I could explain the yearning to know what they looked like. It seems like a shallow thing to want to know, but that is what I mostly thought of when the topic came around. I hope you and your child have a wonderful relationship. My mom will always be my Mom. I love my birth mother so very much and I think the world of her, but Mom is mom. Thanks again.
Gwen. I totally feel you, sharing a child sucks
I feel like our biological children love us conditionally. They need us to care for them and provide for them. I have a biological mother whom I’m estranged from. My husband on the other hand has a great relationship with his adopted mom. He has no wish to contact his biological mother. I wish that he would however since he was adopted before Rowe v. Wade and it’s likely that she was under duress to adopt him out. I imagine she might have been some young girl who has wondered all of these years if he ended up okay. He may be able to ease an old woman’s heart, but he’s pretty adamant about not reaching out.
@@jeanettedorfman5872 Interesting what you say... My father had no wish to meet his birth mother either when records were opened up in the 1960's, but he did meet his birth maternal grandmother sometime in the 1960's (my guess) who let him know about two half-brothers and his birth mother. I wish he had met her and we talked about this when I was a teenager. I have just now (at age 61) found his birth mother's side of the family and am in contact with descendants and close relatives. Technology has made so much possible! I wish you luck in getting your husband to think about it a little more, if not for himself maybe then for your children and grandchildren who might want to know. Blessings to you, Barb :)
I too once believed that a biological child would love you unconditionally. Truth is they don't. Few people are capable of unconditional love and those that give their love unconditionally don't care if you are related by blood or not. Be grateful for all those you love in your life and don't be so hard on yourself. I found to fill the void you first have to love your self, give your love freely and expect nothing back
I think your mom asks about each bio family member because it helps her feel close to you and included. I love that you share with her. That was sad hearing about your sister being homeless.
Thank you so much, Deb.
I just heard from Mom today. She's coming to visit in a couple of weeks.
My sister has certainly had a rough time of it since leaving home 35 years ago. Several family members have had her move in with them over the years (mom, grandparents, aunts), but she always ended up stealing from them after a couple of weeks.
Thanks again!
@@OurNewLandcurious because of the family dynamics, are your adoptive mom and bio sister close? Not as a replacement by any means, but it might be a relationship she seeks to emulate.
@@saraschneider6781 No, there are not any crossover friendships between the two families. What I mean by that is they don't call each other to chat. Thanks for asking!
Help her brother
@@OurNewLandyour adopted sister is in PAIN. She was rejected by her birth mother and that is a deep pain only another adopted rejected person would understand. Her stealing is a sign of acting out. She WANTS to be kicked out just to prove to herself she isn't wanted. She needs therapy... a lot of therapy before she can mentally accept it's not her fault she was put up for adoption, it's the woman who birthed her. There are agencies to help her get a job, a place to live and therapy. Have her do a DNA test and find other bio family members. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins may give her a sense of worth and belonging that the birth mother isn't capable of. It is not her fault she was adopted, she's the child no matter her age even today. Help your sister but lay down ground rules. Help her find family members. I was not adopted but my mother stole my identity making me feel like "I" did something wrong when it was her. It took me to the age of 44 to get my last name and I immediately found my father who died 4 months later. I am closest to cousins than half sister; she was raised as an only child. Her situation is sad because her mother had another daughter she abandoned with her ex husband to get with my father. So your sister's life is similar to other children - adopted or not. We cannot control the decisions of others. We have to look out for ourself. Good luck to you both.
I like that you call the people who raised you Mom and Dad. All your grandparents sound like wonderful people.
Thank you, Valerie! My grandparents were amazing!
How absolutely devastating about your sister. That part made me cry. That birth mother caused her a lot of pain. I just can't imagine how that felt
It was definitely very hard for her. Thank you for thinking of her.
I gave my son up when I was 19. When he turned 18, I searched and found him through ALMA. I was ecstatic. His adoptive parents were livid, so I was not able to establish a relationship with him at that time. He is my only child. We had a few snail mailings and then some emails between us over the years and I followed his life via the internet. But when he had his first child (who is now 13), he became open to getting to know me. I thank my lucky stars that we have become close and that I am a grandmother to two beautiful children. I receive birthday cards, Christmas gifts and Mother’s Day flowers from them all. We talk on the phone and FaceTime often. They live across the country from me, so I don’t see them as often as I would like. My life is full. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
Wow, Linda! Thank you so much for sharing your story! I'm so glad you have a relationship now with him and his family. I understand his adoptive parents feelings, though. It's not how my adoptive family handled it, but I understand their fear. What do the grandchildren call you? (I'm always interested in pet names for the grandparents!) Thanks again!
Hello Devon…. I identify with you quite remarkably. I was given up for adoption at birth, discovered my bio mother at age 40, and in doing so discovered I had 5 full biological brothers and sisters. ( bio mother and father married following my birth and relinquishment to adoption) It was an enormously complex complicated journey and although the details differ, our stories are parallel. I wrote a book about my journey. I love that you are sharing your journey via this platform.
Wow, so similar to my situation! Amazing! I hope your reunion has been a positive experience. Quite a journey, right? Thanks for watching and for sharing your experience!
What's your book called please?
Thanks for sharing your story.
My biological father kept me a secret from his parents, siblings, and children for too many years. Thank goodness he told his wife about me before they married.
I’m happy that you have good relationships on both sides.🌸
Prayers for your sister.
Thank you, Sandy, for watching our video, sharing your story, and praying for my sister.
There is a wealth of truly Christian characteristics in all of your grandparents- what a wonderful testimony. Blessings to you all. Special Blessings to your dear sister who seems to have been greatly affected by feelings of rejection. G Ire
Thank you so much! My grandparents were amazing, accepting, giving people. I miss them very much, and I am so happy I was able to share this experience with them. Both of my adoptive grandmothers sent letters to my birth mother after our reunion, and I hope to share those letters in a future video. Thanks again!
You are so blessed.. when I did my birth search, my adoptive mom told me she'd never forgive me, and she didn't. I was in my 40s when I did it and could only trace my birth father's family. He was dead. I got a lot of great info from them including medical information and genealogical records back five generations. I am so glad I did it
I'm so glad you found some of the answers you were looking for! I'm sorry your mom handled like she did. I hope she eventually finds peace with your decision. Thank you very much for sharing!
@OurNewLand unfortunately she died before she could forgive me, but I remain so grateful for the safety and security she and my adoptive father provided. I also remain grateful that I was able to fill in some of the blanks of my birth family.
@@maryloumcdonough3133
I’m an adoptive mom of 2. I’m so sorry your mom reacted that way. I understand why she did though and I think it was fear that she would loose you somehow. I know it sounds crazy but it’s a fear all adoptive parents do think at some point. I encouraged my kids to look for their biological parents and we would support them. So far they have not chosen to do so. They are married adults. Both have some health issues which is partly why I thought they should. That being said, I’m sure your Mom loved you more than life. That’s how we feel about our kids. I would give up anything for them. I wish you well and peace❤❤❤
@@maryloumcdonough3133..ah Mary. I find your story very sad. I can understand your need to find the birth parents but I guess your mother hoped she'd be enough & couldn't accept your deep need.
Maybe the fact she held on so tightly could have been a part of it too.
I feel it was very mean & rather selfish she didn't forgive..although maybe with more time she probably would have. You might have had to beg her though coz in that generation some could be very stubborn.
Then she could have said 'oh precious daughter.. I'm sorry for my insecurity about it..I feared I would loose your love as I know Ive novdoubt made lots if mistakes. It was wrong of me to not accept & support your wishes & I wish I'd encouraged you sooner. I do forgive you & understand your need. Will you please forgive me my selfishness'.
I believe that would have been inside her but she wanted you to feel her fear of feeling rejected.
You sound like a beautiful person & have accepted the situation for what it was. Is that so or has it affected you somewhat?
I hope you been able to see that you didnt do anything wrong..& what you had was because it was your due as her child not anything you had to be grateful for.
They were the ones who would have felt grateful for being able to have the opportunity of bringing up a child from another mother.
You never know what goes through their minds if they can't be open.
And Mary..you waited a long time to search..in your 40s. I'd say you were most considerate in thinking of them. Safety & security are something that is our right as children but love & respect must be given too! You don't mention those ingredients I notice. I think I recognize your mother..and this why your story seems to have touched me. But maybe I've got it all wrong..hope so.
It is now said that every adopted child experiences trauma, even if they were infants and placed into the arms of loving parents when adopted. We all have our personal psyches that deal with this trauma in different ways. Even forgetting and denying that it occurred. I'm sure that both you and your sister were loved by your adoptive parents and grandparents. But it wasn't enough for your sister's trauma, her psychological needs. Especially after the further rejection from her birth mother. My children are adopted. One of them has found a biological parent via social media. But they haven't connected yet. The special thing about love is that there is always more to go around. I too would like to meet the people that gave me the wonderful children I raised with love.
Thanks for watching and sharing, Dawn. I appreciate it.
Mer wanted to meet the people who’d given them the grandson she loved so much.
Thank you, Yvonne! She was an amazing person!
What a moving story. I had a friend once who had 6 kids .. he said 3 of them were adopted, but he'd forgotten which ones. Your journey is a lot to handle .. but then .. life itself is sometimes a lot to handle. Love the background in your video (well, with the exception of that poor deer hanging on the wall). P.S. Write your memoirs so that your own kids (who don't ask NOW) will be able to ask you when you're gone.🕊
The reason my brother and I started this channel was to have a place to keep our thoughts and experiences that would be accessible to our kids. I wish I was able to watch videos of my family members that have passed. Thank you for the kind words, Linda!
I am an adoptive mother and your story touched me so much! Happy to find your channel!
Thank you so much, Bekah! We're glad you found us!
As an adopted woman I recently found my birth family thru me and 23. I always wanted to know my back ground I found out there was 5 of us that my birth Mother was deaf due to scarlet fever when she was little. And years ago they put her in mental imstutions. I have an older brother and sister who were never adopted,me and 1 brother were raised together, and a younger brother I didn’t know about but he found me., and he came to meet me., Its been wonderful to find my family. My soul and heart are full of happiness. I’ll never forget this sentence that I heard on Jerry Springer a long time ago You will not have peace in your life until all the pieces fit!!!! I also got a copy of my original birth certificate from N.Y. With my real name thanks to the governor passing a new law a couple of years ago.I also was afraid of my adopted mother but I told her anyway, but I know God opened this door for me♥️♥️
Wow, that's quite a story! I'm glad you've had a positive experience with finding your birth family.
I think you could write a text book / seminar series on how to handle the process of uncovering your birth family, meeting them and integrating the process with your adoptive family where appropriate. Everything you've done seems to have been so measured and considerate. Major kudos to you for that.
Thank you so much, Scott! I have been very lucky to have two families, both of which have made this experience relatively easy and natural-feeling. Thanks again!
Devon thanks for being raw and vulnerable and sharing this story with us. Congrats on your channel success!
Thank you so very much, Lisa! We really appreciate your support of us and our channel! You rock, buddy!
You were blessed by loving people. So happy for you. I was adopted at 7 years, and blocked out all of my earlier years. I always wanted to know. I kept trying to get info from state of NH and didn't get anything. Years later I tried again and they sent some info and forgot to white out some info. Maybe because both parents were deceased. I was quite the investigator. I found my mother's obit and found out I had 5 half siblings. I was able to meet all siblings before they passed. My sisters gave unconditional love. Was glad to meet them even though my adoptive mother said I had no need to find them. I am so glad I did. Tears of happiness for you and your families.
Gosh, Linda, what a journey you had! I'm sorry you didn't get to meet your biological parents, but I'm so glad you found your siblings!! Thank you for sharing your story with me!
You are super lucky with your family of origin, that they were so welcoming. This is a quite healing story.
Thank you so much, Marjorie! It has been an amazing experience!
Your story is awesome! So happy it turned out so good for you. My heart breaks for your sister. I think she suffered the worst pain a person could ever have, being rejected by your own mother. Some people never get over that kind of trauma.
Thank you so much, Nanci. That was definitely hard for my sister. There is even more to her story, and maybe I'll get into that in the future. She's had a super hard go of it since running away. She's tried living with several parts of our family, but it always ended up with her stealing from them. Unfortunately, I think her experience with her birth mother is the more common one that occurs when a child looks for their birth parents. Thanks again for watching and commenting!
@@OurNewLand..oh poor girl aye.
There's been a deficit in her love tanks.
It makes me think she can't have had a good relationship with your adoptive parents. I mean..you said you didn't get on so well with your mom.
You and her weren't close.
Adoptive parents need education on how to put in extra special love to tge children as the adoption process can cause trauma to a baby..which they can't express.
I am glad it went so well for you. No one should keep an adopted person for their family. I'm so sorry for your sister, and I wish she'd get a chance to heal.
Thank you so much. My sister has had a tough go of it, for sure. I barely scratched the surface of her story. Thanks again.
I so appreciate your video. ( I am on my husband’s RUclips account and my name is Linda). I gave up my son back in 1970. Your willingness to be so transparent touches my heart. I had a reunion with my son when he was 28 years old. It was bittersweet. I never wanted to give him up, but my mom made no bones that she and my dad would not help me to keep him. I felt completely helpless. In my heart of hearts, I wanted that son more than life itself. But having a strong willed mother, who usually got her way, made it very difficult, to give me any hope that it would be possible to raise him on my own. Hearing your testimony warms my heart. May your continued journey bring you peace, and the knowledge that you are deeply loved by God. ❤️
Gosh, Linda -- your story is exactly like my mother's. Exactly! Even the years of birth and reunion line up! I'm so glad you found your son. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
@@OurNewLand during those years, shame played a huge part in whether a young woman kept her child or not. Back then, my parents decided I needed to be placed in a home for unwed mothers. I had two choices in our area, so I at least had the ability to make a choice. One was Catholic Charities and the other was a Protestant based facility. I chose the Protestant one only because I was familiar with their beliefs. When I look back on my life, I can see how God was with me every step of the way. Keep in mind, I was still a teenager, scared out of my wits, desperately wanting to keep my baby, but having parents that were pretty much calling the shots at that time. Now, in 2023, society doesn’t really make a big deal about young girls keeping and raising their babies. It wasn’t like that back when I was in my a teens and pregnant. Internally, I have had to come to terms that the decision I made was the decision that God was leading me to make under the circumstances of those times. It was unbearable for me to live with so much shame at that time that my mother was putting on me, and at that time, I wanted to spare my child of having to live with that kind of shame that he too would have had to endure. Giving my son up, was the absolutely hardest thing I could do. But it wasn’t about me. It was making a decision for his life. Ironically, because he has a similar temperament as me, he surmised that there must have been something wrong about him that made me decide to give him up. He was born with a heart murmur and so he thought that because of that, that was the reason I gave him up. I had no idea that he had that. If I would have known, I am sure that would have put me into a different mind set as to whether I would give him up. My whole mind set, was to give this child the best life possible, and in the 70s, having both a mother and a father was paramount. The home did give me the autonomy to choose which family my son would be placed with. There were two different couples who had applied for adoption. They wouldn’t give a girl too much information about the couples, like their names or whereabouts, but they did give what their interests were, what their beliefs were..that sort of thing. So I chose the couple that had similar beliefs in God that I had, along with the fact that the mother taught piano. To me, that meant that she was artistic. I am not musical in any way, but I am artistic, so that was one of the important things that stood out to me. I can’t remember anything at all about the other couple. I just remember these two things about the couple I chose. They believed in God, and the mom was into culture. Not much to go on, but that was why I chose this couple to be his parents. My prayer, is that through the reunion that we did have, that my son has been able to appreciate and deeply love these people as his parents. I don’t look for him to want to reconnect, and that’s okay. He is still in my prayers, along with his three children. I have come to terms with his decision to sever the ties with me, and I have released him spiritually in order that he can completely bond with his adoptive parents. That was something I had to learn through the Lord. For all of my life, on a spiritual level, I had not released my son. Through that reunion, I learned that I had to let go. Completely let go. Spiritual ties are strong. In order for my son to become complete, he needed to be completely set free from me. That was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. And it took six years of grieving to finally release my son. There aren’t too many accounts about what a biological mother goes through in giving up her child. In my case, it’s been a life long journey. Also, in my case, I loved that baby more than my own life. That decision to give him up has been the compass that has guided my entire life and I am in my 70s now. Seeing the video you posted, really had an impact on me. You may not realize it, but by posting your video, it can open the door for adoptees along with birth parents. A door of healing and reconciliation, for both parties. God bless you for venturing out and addressing the whole issues that have had an impact on the whole community of adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents. ❤️❤️❤️
@@georgewolff4491 Powerful words! Thank you so much for sharing. Your comments have helped me better understand what my mother went through.
My adopted daughter found her birth family a few years ago and it has been wonderful. I feel like I also go another family.
That makes me so happy! It sounds like you have a strong, loving family. Thanks for sharing!
I have an adopted son and he is 32. I met his birth mom twice and she wasn’t young she was 30 and i was 37 when we adopted him. All adoptive parents both sides have fears. His mom told me she never wants him to look her up as she told everyone that he had died. So he has some abandonment issues that can’t be filled but i would help him to locate them if he wanted to and i guess because i’m a nurse i understand it and my feelings aren’t bent out of shape
I can understand the cause of her fears and I totally get his feelings. I hope they both find peace. Thank you for watching and sharing your experience.
Oh no..that seems kind of not fair that you know her & he doesn't.
How hard is it to just come clean now: 'I made up a story because I felt ashamed to be adopting him out'.
When I watch on TV the program that reunites birth families, it makes me so happy for them and yet there is sadness. I had 2 incredible cousins who were adopted. Norma Jean and I only spent early years of our childhood together and her mother Emma and her father Julius were loving great people and parents and she got to have 2 birthdays, adoption day and her real birthday. My other cousin Barry was my father's sisters child and Barry had a life of music and happiness because my Aunt Sara and my Uncle Harold adored him. Barry was a genius and I think he was one of the first to put together comptuer games. He was very musical...danced, sang, probably played almost every instrument so he was placed in a great environment because my Aunt played the accordian and my Uncle had a cowboy type band and played the guitar. Then when Barry was in college my precious Aunt passed away and it was a really bad time for Barry and my Uncle including Barry had a dreadful accident in his chem class which burned his face and neck. Time went by. Norma Jean got married to a college prof at Davis and I heard she had a little girl. Barry married, got divorced and got remarried. He called me one day and was drunk and that's when I discovered he was very lost...and after 4 hours on the phone I got him to start looking for his birth family. Norma Jean and I never spoke again and when her parent had a dreadful accident and Julius wound up passing away and her mother Emma was diagnosed with Altzheimers, Norma Jean committed suicide. I never found her husband or her familly. Barry I heard found his Mother and a brother but his mother had passed and he discovered she had been a concert pianist which explained his incredible musical ability. From what I heard, he had a relationship with his brother for a while but last I heard of him was when his wife called to tell me he had passed away at 52. He was a genius...a well respected professor at the U of Delaware but was drunk enough they needed him to get into rehab and when he was given I think Magnesium, he had a heart attack and passed away. OH, how I wish the gift of what you have spoken about Devon was given to them and to every single other person who is adopted. I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU and for your family which apparently is now double. I would bet though that your sister who hides, because of the cruel bio mother's response, has tossed her life into the garbage can UNLESS she really is ok but can't face reality. WISH you could reach the 2 people on that program on tv and see if they can do something to help her...she had a DNA test so certainly, there are relatives and there ARE some who will embrace her as you have had. GOD BLESS and WOW, what a family you have!!!
Wow, that's a lot to unpack! Thank you for sharing! I'm sorry to hear of the experiences you witnessed. I wish every reunion had a positive outcome, but obviously that is not reality. I hope everyone you mentioned finds peace. Thanks again for your kind words and for sharing your experiences.
So nice to hear your story. Glad it turned out so positively. Your home is gorgeous!
Thank you so much, Prairie Girl! It's been an amazing journey! And thanks for the compliment on the cabin! It actually belongs to a member of my wife's family. We were there on vacation and I took advantage of a rain delay to make the video. Thanks again!
You are a blessed man with many people who love you and each other.
Thank you so much, Joyce! I am very, very fortunate to have two families that love me and are receptive to my love. Thank you!
Thank you Devon for this video. For ME. I was adopted but within my birth mother's family, [ My grandmother and her 3rd husband had legally adopted me along with two half siblings, after my mother gave us all up ] but growing up I was lied to as far as to whom my mother was. When I was still very young, I was told, that my birth mother, was actually my OLDER Sister. My grandmother was never loving towards me, and after my finally found and met my birth mother, for a while, she was not either. at some point, with my mother and my relationship, she actually did start to try and help me located my birth father. I always appreicated that from mom. But as our relationship grew, her memories started fading, due to ongoing Alzheimer’s. Sadly she passed before I could tell her that I found him, but again sadly, I finally found him, with the help of Ancestry DNA and a match, too late, for he passed in 2012. Mom passed in 2014, but I got her DNA, along with others in my family, so I have that now. My mom and dad were never married. When mom had her affair wih my dad, SHE was still legally married to her first husband, but was seperated form him, and waiting for her diovorce to become final, so my dad could not marry her. But Dad was a womanizer, and Mom just told him to leave, which he did, saldy, so never knew if I made it, or what gender I was after I was born, but he knew of me. My half brother [ son of my mother's 3rd marriage to my half brother's father, my stepdad ]always told me that Mom, never spoke ill of my dad, and always had kind words to say about him. I am glad of that.
My goodness, Donna. You have such an amazing story! I really appreciate you sharing it with us. It's really incredible! Thanks so much for your support to our story and channel!
Huh?…..I’m lost! Lol😂
Loved this video and hearing your experience Devon.
I totally get not searching until your adoptive parents, or one of your adoptive parents, have passed on. I was the same. I know mine would have thought they weren't 'good enough' and wouldn't have fully understood that it's not about replacing your adoptive parents, it's more about your identity and finding more about yourself, your ancestors and where you came from in order to fill in all those gaps that are always there in the back of your mind to make you feel like a more complete person.
It should be seen as "expanding your family" rather than "replacing your family" IMO.
I think unless you are adopted yourself, you cannot imagine what it is like to always wonder what your birth mother/father/grandparents looked like. I actually think all adoptees should be given one photo of each birth parent when they are adopted just so they have something physical to hold so they can see what they look like ratherthan have a lifetime of wondering and imagining.
Like you, my adoptive parents are mum and dad, the people who were there for me all through my life and who made me the person I am today and I can never thank them enough as I had the most fabulous childhood and I miss them terribly now they have both passed on.
My birth parents are just that, the people who created me and gave birth to me and I have recently found them via DNA and access to my birth file thanks to the new law recently passed.
My birth father passed away in 1996 and he had 6 children. My birth mother is still alive and she too had 6 children so i have 12 half siblings which blew my mind, never thought I'd have so many, so I have gone from being one of the youngest kids in my adoptive family to being the eldest of 13 kids in my birth family. Quite a change!!!
Thank you for the very kind words. I really, really appreciate it.
Wow, you've had quite a journey with your birth family! That is huge! Like you, I had a great childhood with an amazing family. I wouldn't change that for the world! Finding my birth family has been amazing, and I love both of the families equally. That being said, my mom will forever be Mom, and my dad will be Dad. Those are earned titles of affection, and they certainly earned them!
Thanks again!
Thank you for uploading this video and I could see how emotional it was for you. When you told Mer, you were choked and asked who does that when she was so enthusiastic and wanting to meet them Only people who are very secure in your love can be like that. Yes we are all different and take news in different ways but you made Mer feel very secure about your feelings for her so she was able to share your good news. I gave up a child for adoption in 1975 and back then you got to hear nothing about them. I was told that if it was a good adoption then you will never hear from him. I always felt adoption was worse than death for a mother because at least you know where your child was but the not knowing is killing. Waves of guilt, had I made the right decision, was he happy, was he in jail, thoughts like that tormented me over the years. I used to rail against the social worker and begged to be told if he ever died because I would be living in painful hope the rest of my life. We were re-united but that is another story, this is your story. How things have changed and it seems all adopted children want to find their birth families and it is right they should do so. I wish you the best of luck Devon and you are so lucky - you now have two families who love you.
Thank you so very much for the kind words, especially those about Mer. I have been very, very lucky -- on so many fronts. I now have two families that I love very much and that also love me enormously.
I have many, many friends and family that were adopted at birth. Most of them are my age (early 50s), though my nieces and nephews that were adopted are obviously much younger. None of the "birth adopted" that I personally know have any ill feelings toward their birth mother. We were all raised being told that our mothers did what they did to give us the best chance at a good life, and we are thankful for that. Once again, these are just the ones I know that I've talked to about it over the years.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and experience. I really appreciate it.
Hugs to you
Hi Devon. Thank you for sharing your story. I always really appreciate the willingness of folks who share their journey of growing up as an adopted child. I too am an adopted child (now in my 73 rd year! LOL) who knew from a tiny tot. I have a younger sibling, also an adoptee, and we were told right from the get go. There were no family secrets about being adopted. Our adopted Dad died suddenly when we were in our early 20's. I waited until after our mum died because I'd always wanted to know who my biological family were,(A very natural desire for adopted children) because I didn't want to upset our mum! When I was 40 I traced my Bio family and discovered I had 3 Bio siblings- all younger than me. A 'Long complicated story', I eventually met some of the Bio family and have a good relationship with some of them. Both Bio parents are now deceased (as are both adopted parents, who brought us up with loads of love) Its been such a relief to find siblings, some of whom are pleased to have an older bio sibling. I am so pleased for you Devon, to have been able to discover the information you so dearly wanted. Knowing these things certainly 'fills the black hole' in one's being', which I can attest to. Many Blessings to you Devon, and may you be blessed all the days of your life with the joy, love and friendship of your wonderful brother! x
Wow, what a story, Esther! I’m glad you have had such a positive experience with your reunion. I’m still amazed with how it feels like I’ve always been apart of my bio family. It sounds like you can relate. Thank you so much for sharing!
You are fortunate to have so many people who love you.
Thank you, Arnold! I have been very, very fortunate.
Hi Devon, I listened to your story and found it so moving. Thank-you for sharing. I think with any family, feelings run deep, both the pain and joys. Processing everything really does take time even for those who are together. I will praying for your sister to be healed of abandonment issues-it must have been so difficult for her. You may not know where she is, but the Lord does. He can take care of her and fill all those empty places. Shalom!
Thank you very much for your kind words, Cheryl! I very much appreciate it!
I imagine it’s good to talk about what you have and are experiencing with your family. Thankful that everyone seems very accepting. God bless.
Thanks, Chuck! It has felt very, very good talking about it. These videos have sparked so much conversation within our birth family. Heck, just in the last few hours since releasing this video, I have learned more information from Ryan, and he from me. It's been amazing! I really appreciate your support!
Interesting. Im also adopted. Im 60, adopted at 3 months. I found out i have biological 5 brothers, 4 sisters. I was only child adopted out . She had first 6, then me, and 3 more after me.
We grew up within 10 miles of each of siblings. My mom and dad adopted 2 boys, and then me .
Wow, Pam! That is quite a story! I'm trying to wrap my head around that. Had you ever run across any of the siblings before? Were there strong resemblances? Really amazing! Thank you for sharing!
Devon, thanks for sharing your life journey. I ❤ you guy's channel. Who would have ever thought we could have all youtuber favorites all in one platform. Living off grid, building, farming, and adoption all in one. I'm glad you found your family because you seem the saddest when you're alone. Your ❤ was just to big to fill with one family...❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much! I'm really glad you like our channel! My birth family certainly has increased the love I feel -- both incoming and outgoing! Thanks again!
Devon, I am so proud of you for being brave and searching! I am an adoptee and at age 35 decided I, like you, needed to know my medical history for my health reasons, for my son to know his genetic health history also and lastly…who did I look like? My birthmom was 14 when sexually accosted by my birth dad who was 15. My birthmom had me at 15 and I was a premie. To make a long story short, my birthmom wanted to keep me but her mother refused so I was adopted. It was a very unique and at times horrifying childhood with a borderline personality disorder adopted mother and absentee adopted father…he did love me and made my life happy where my adopted mom didn't want me and I was told constantly she wished I had never been born.
I am a survivor and realized by high school that as much as I hurt horribly in my soul for being given up by my birthmom that she did the right thing. I did get to meet both birthmom and birthdad after searching in the days without computers and found them in 3 months! I'm a researcher and lived and breathed this until I found them. I look like both of them and found interesting medical issues I wish I had known of sooner in life. They never stayed in contact after the sexual encounter that created me and I got to know them separately and all my half-brothers and sisters. My birth parents are both deceased from cancer and diabetes and I had the honor and privilege to have known them separately for four years before they died. My favorite half-brother died 6 years after my birth mother died and he was the only half sibling I was close with. It still hurts as we had so much in common…not in looks but in music and intelligence! We could talk forever!
Devon, so glad you did this video and thank you for letting me share. Was the search worth it? You bet it was!!!! I am now complete and not needing answers like I did before anymore. I miss my birthmom and brother so very much and feel empty they are gone but I will see them in a better place someday! Congratulations to you and your feelings are neither right or wrong…they are just your feelings and you are entitled to them!!!!!!😊
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, Melissa! I'm so glad you found both of your birth parents, and had the chance to get to know them. So great! As you know, not every reunion turns out well, so it's wonderful to hear of those that do. Thanks again, Melissa! Keep being awesome!
I have two adopted children and I never thought about myself if they said they wanted to know more about their birth parents. I told them I thought it was natural for an adopted child to want to know where they came from and what their birth parents are like. I think that a parent who is not adopted can't imagine what it must feel like for them, so I always thought it was a self-centered response to the adopted child to make them feel ungrateful for wanting to know. Why do people always think of themselves...instead of what the other person must be going through? You had about the most accepting responses you could have hoped for. What a wonderful family. If your sister had learned to be her own person and didn't care what others thought, she may have made different choices and ended up loving her life instead. Too bad some people "respond" to difficulties, rather than learning to overcome them to be stronger in the end.
I agree with everything you said, L.G.! I was very fortunate to have such a loving and understanding adoptive family. They really made the reunion easy for me. Our wedding pictures are full of both families together. It's been amazing.
I could have easily ended up like my sister. I think it came down to the friends we associated with in middle school. She chose friends that wanted to use her and use other people. I chose friends that understood the golden rule: treat others as you wish to be treated.
Thank you so much for watching and sharing!
Thanks so much for your reply. Adopted children often take on a spirit of rejection and this results in low self-esteem. Your sister found "users" because she didn't place a high value on herself. We could clear out skid row if people understood what is behind this spirit and why so many passively accept this label for themselves. So glad you accepted a different outcome for your life. It really is up to us if we want to accept being a victim or live victoriously.
@@l.g.4451 I printed your last line onto paper so I can often look at it! "It really is up to us if we want to accept being a victim or live victoriously." I love it! Thank you!
@@OurNewLandThank you. Maybe it will come in handy to pass on to someone else who has never considered that our future is in our own hands (and head) :)
Your stories are very helpful as an adoptive mother. I feel like you hit the jackpot on bio/birth families ❤. Keep these coming. Like I said very helpful as we know the where a outs of my sons bio mom we have found his older half sister. And hopefully one day he can reunite with her and his half little brother
Thank you very much! I wish you the very best with your future reunion!
I went through the same thing and my adoptive family were supportive as well. Although my bio family was trash and it made me thank God above for what my real family had done for me.
I'm sorry to hear your reunion wasn't a positive experience. It sounds like you have an awesome adoptive family! Thanks for watching and commenting. I really appreciate it.
Thank you for sharing this part of your story with us!! Bless both of your families 💚 Can’t wait to hear more
Thank you so much, Lynzie! I very much appreciate it!
You are blessed with your birth family. You are grown now be thankful you know who you are and where your looks come from. Your adopted dad is at peace ❤❤❤
Thank you very much, Laurie. I really appreciate your kind words.
Momma and Daddy are my adopted parents and Mom and Dad are my birth parents and I feel so blessed to have found out who I am ❤️ Its okay to know who you are.
That is awesome! It sure is! Thanks for watching!
Found my birth family at age 39. Adopted at age 2 as an open adoption basically.
Knew several family members for years. Didn't know we were related. Only lived 20 minutes from most. Happy to have medical info. My 5 siblings & I had much in common.
Wow, Kat! That is amazing! Knowing the medical history is wonderful, right? Thanks for watching!
Your place is beautiful, Devon! Fantastic story Devon, so happy you found ea other!!
Thank you so much, Brenda! I'm happy we found each other, too!
I wish that was my place! It's a cabin that belongs to my wife's family.
Thanks again!
Congratulations to you on how you have handled this situation. I love listening to you and your story. Very positive and emotional in a lovely way. Kudos
Thanks a ton, Sharon! I really appreciate your kind words! It felt very good talking about it, even it was just to a camera!
I will always be grateful for what you share here on the channel. Love to you and Ryan and your families ♥
Thank you so much, Kathy! We're wishing you the best. You rock!
I'm adopted also there was 9 of us it's a long story but I found Birth mom at 15.. very unusual I'm almost 59 & just found my bio dad & 2 more siblings.. sort of & totally unexpected. Ty for sharing your story ❤
Wow, what an adventure you've had! I hope everything turned out well for you! Thanks for watching!
I love listening to your story! I do a podcast with my daughter I placed for adoption 35 years ago… (35years adoptee and birth mom chat). That void for both of us is now healing. We very much connect with everything you say.
Thank you so much! I'm glad you and your daughter found each other, and it's great to hear of your positive experience! Thanks again!
I love how you explain your dads fears. Mine had the same (he got over it) but it’s not about them or that they didn’t do a great job of raising us nor that we don’t love them because I know I do with all my heart & that as far as I’m concerned the ARE & always will be Mom & Dad. It is something more fundamental & deep within all adopted children, this absolute need to know our identity & where we came from & the circumstances for better or for worse. Biological children just don’t understand that need.
I totally agree, Francis! Totally, totally! Thanks for sharing!
Wow. What a powerful story. Just heard about your adoptive sister. My heart breaks for her 💔🙏🏻.
Thanks, OP! My sister has had a tough go of it, for sure. She's had many opportunities to receive help from our family, but she is still not willing to give up her destructive addictions.
Wow. How sweet that you knew or sensed how this would have hurt or been hard on your dad❤.
Your Mur sounds amazing and not an adoptéd person myself I have several friends that are.
Such a nice honest talk on your life with your adoptive and bio families.
Thank you very much, Robin! I really appreciate it! You are correct - Mur was amazing!
Sounds like you have a lot of great people in your life. I am happy for you.
Thank you so much, Joey! I have been very, very, very fortunate to have two wonderful families that love me and that allow me to love them. Thank you!
Everyone wants to know their birth family. You have a right to know.
Very true. Thanks for watching.
No not every one.
Great and emotional video. I want to say one thing and I hope it helps you. I am glad your family is so supportive of finding your birth family. It is ok to love both and have both in your life. I think that is what your adoptive family is telling you. My heart feels for your sister. Just a thought...maybe her mother never told anyone of her and she does not want to tell her family about her. I know it hurts her but sometimes that happens. But most of all as I see the emotions in your face....it is ok to love both sides. Enjoy them and don't be afraid to talk about them. Your family..your mother etc are showing you that that they care. Love to you and both families.
Thank you very, very much for your kind words. I really appreciate it.
So lucky to have all those grandparents amazing
So, so lucky! Thank you for watching!
Bless you and I truly pray blessings on your sister. You're a brave man and it's wonderful that you were embraced and loved.
Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers for my sister. I really appreciate it, Sharon.
I love the statement, your adoptive father was "the Son in Mer's sky".
Thank you so much, Sally!
Your such a sweet man im very happy for all that happened with you and your family. When you cry i cry but its all good. Take care
Thanks a ton, Philip!
Wanting to know what they looked like really hit home. That’s exactly what I have always wanted.
Right?! It seems like such a small, insignificant thing, but it's what I always wished for. Thank you so much for watching and commenting!
Thank you for sharing your story about your adoptive family. I hope that your sister finds peace in her life.
Thank you so much, Rebekah! I really, really appreciate that!
I pray you adopted sister finds peace and healing. I pray she is able to settle down and rebuild that bond with you all. I’m sure you bio family would love to get to know her and show her how a bio mom is when they are peaceful and happy. Hope that makes sense 🙏🙏🙏✝️👵🏻
Thank you so much for the prayers and kind words, Rhonda!
I just found your channel. Blessings with your courage to find your birth family.
Thank you so much! It's been an incredible journey!
Thank you from Brisbane Australia, for your honesty, and heartfelt description of your personal journey. I was born in Spain, but grew up in Australia, so I can understand that
isolation from blood relatives & not knowing personal medical histories. I hope that you have or may contact your birth family as well, It cannot help but answer personal questions
Thank you for watching and sharing your story with me, Nieves!
You have the opportunity to help a lot of people. Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much, Carol! We have another adoption video coming out soon!
just now stumbled upon this channel while looking for something to watch on fruit tree farms or orchards or vegetable gardens. Currently doing a marathon on this channel starting from the earlier videos and been liking them so far. New fan from Philippines here.
Thank you so much!! I'm glad you found us! We planted 5 chestnut trees last November. I was VERY nervous about how they would do over the winter, but they all survived and are now thriving! We plan to plant 20 fruit trees this October/November. This first round of fruit trees will primarily be various apple species, but we have further plans to plant pear, peach, plum and pomegranate threes. Thanks again!
@@OurNewLand while I can only grow a small lemon tree in container from our balcony. Though we have a mango tree and starapple tree in the yard. I love watching fruit bearing trees that have actual fruits already. Will look forward to your trees bearing fruits. More power to your channel
@@yourlifeyourrules2732 Growing fruit on your balcony -- that is awesome!! It'll be years until we see fruit on our trees. The trees we plant are only a year and a half old, so it will be at least 3 years until the fruit arrives. We do have many wild persimmon trees and the deer love them! Thanks again!
Great video/story... I was able to picture every family member as you talked about them. So interesting x
Thank you so much for the kind words! I'm glad you liked it! To be honest, I really didn't know how this video was going to be received. I think most people expected drama, but there just wasn't any. There was a high level of emotions for sure, but everyone was so accepting and welcoming. Thanks again!
As an adoptive father I appreciate the opportunities and challenges for adoptive children. We had an open adoption, but lost track of our daughters birth mom after the first year. When our daughter was in high school we tried, without success, to find her birth mom. In her twenties our daughter worked for a company that had a private investigator track her birth mom down. They met and at first it went well, but later soured. Our daughter also met her birth father and half brothers. They remain in contact. The search for birth parents can be a challenging episode for all, one that requires sensitivity. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me! I have been extremely fortunate with how well my reunion has gone. My journey is definitely far outside the norm. I'm glad your daughter has had some positives come out of her search. It sounds like you have been very supportive of her, which is wonderful to hear! Thanks again!
My adoptive parents were my parents. I am grateful to my "birth mother" for having me and putting me up for adoption, but the people who raised me and gave me a home are my parents. They would have supported my efforts had I decided to seek out my biological relatives, but finding them would not have affected who I am. At age 79, I do not regret my decision.
I hear you, JoAnn. The decision to look for birth family is a very personal one, and there is no right or wrong path to take. For me, it has been beyond fulfilling. More so than I ever imagined.
I have many adopted friends. Some of them wanted to search, some didn't. Some found their birth mother and had a positive experienced, some had negative experiences. I have been very, very fortunate. I now have two families that love me, and I love them both.
I really appreciate you sharing your experience with me. Take care.
@@OurNewLand Thank you, too. The social norm is quite different now than when I was young (born in 1944). For better or worse, there was a degree of stigma attached to bearing a child out of wedlock, and that figured into my decision when I was in my teens. Other factors weighed in, too, as I didn't want to possibly affect my birth mother's life in a negative way. Anyway, you are so right about the decision being a very personal one. I am glad yours worked out so well.
awww ... i feel fer yer sister . i know that feeling ... my daughter from an earlier almost marriage . i tried to contact her after 26 yrs. she said no , but did send me pictures of her kids...we both lose i think ...so glad you found your family... if you look up 50's scoop kids, well i'm one. stolen from my mother basically ....took me 30 yrs. before i tracked down my family ....mom , uncles , aunties, cousins from all up and down the west coast ... from Alaska to cali.
I'm sorry it took me so long to respond, Raven! Your comment was Held For Review for some reason.
You have an amazing story! My goodness. I'm sorry to hear of your daughter's decision to keep separated.
I just looked up scoop kids. I had no idea! Thank you for sharing your story with me!
@@OurNewLand , Howw'aa < thank you > fer taking the time to respond
How wonderful that you were able to meet your birth father and that your family was excited to meet your new family!!! I just recently found my father's birth mother's side of the family and it's just beginning to unfold. We are still trying to figure out how everyone is related (and mostly this is the DNA links I've found through our shared ancestry lines). I'm also finding other linked family who don't fit into my father's birth mother's side, so... They must be from his birth father's side and I don't know who that is. Anyway, I'm sooo happy for you! And you are blessed to have your grandparents still living; what a rare gift! I'm sorry to hear that your sister didn't have the same good fortune. I hope she comes home. 💗Looking forward to watching your past and future videos!
Wow, that is awesome, Barbara! So exciting! I wish you the best on your adventure. Thanks again!
CONGRATULATIONS on finding your birth family! Our daughter in law was adopted. She knew the names of her birth parents and had a picture of what they looked like. My husband and I bought her an Ancestry DNA and 23andMe DNA tests so she could learn more about herself and connect with her birth family. She had a 1st cousin who tested on Ancestry so when I saw they connected, I contacted her. It was on an Easter week and her family was so excited to finally reconnect with our daughter in law. She has met her first cousin but not the rest of the family, yet. Her birth father is still alive, but his health situation prevented him from caring for his daughter. Covid knocked that trip out. The DNA testing helped us learn more about the birth mother's side of the family. The birth mother grew up with a foster care family. She had several siblings who were also adopted out. Their birth mother gave them all away because of an affair she had with their birth father. Our daughter in laws mother's mother was already married. A DNA Cousin match told me, her uncle from the married husband was not too happy to know the family secret was out. The birth mother had a tight relationship with a foster care sister who had taken ill in Chico, California. When the foster care sister passed away, her daughter in law contacted me and sent me my daughter in law's newborn baby pictures and pictures taken with her birth mother that had been left behind. The birth mother died when my daughter in law was around the age of 10. I made a book for my daughter in law containing these beautiful pictures of herself when she was born. She had never seen them of course. Our son told us his wife, who never shows much emotion publicly, screamed and cried when she opened the book. We are so happy for her and our granddaughter whose circle is now complete.
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing! That is a lot to unpack. My goodness, you have quite the story. I hope your daughter in law is at peace with what she has learned. I can't even imagine.... I am super happy that you all finally have some answers. That book of baby pictures you made sounds powerful! Thanks again!
Such a beautiful story, you are so loved.
Thank you so much! I have been very fortunate.
Thank you for sharing this part of your story with us! I enjoy watching all of your videos! Looking forward to more! Hope you have a very blessed day! 🤗🥰👊
Hey, Dot! Thank you so much for the kind words! I really appreciate it. I hope to hear from you again soon! Take care!
Love expands......I am the bio mom(what we call it) to a now grown man. He found me 5ish years ago. We talk everytime we want. Have not even met in person yet due to costs and distance. I was young and adventurous when he was conceived. We have spoken about everything. Other than him being a guy and me being a female,nothing was off topic. His adoptive folks are passed. I like them thru his stories,tho. I will show him your channel fwiw. I think it is beyond time this subject gets the attention it deserves. Tee in N.M. My Scott lives in W.N.Y.❤
That is so awesome, Tee! I'm so happy you found each other! Thanks for watching and for sharing your story with me!
I wish you could reach out and help your poor sister!
Thank you for thinking of her, Melinda. My mom will be seeing her next month. Mom tried helping her again last year, but my sister ended up choosing to live as she has. My sister has a loving heart, but she can’t stop doing the things that are detrimental to her health. Thanks again for your concern.
U R blessed to have a loving adopted family. Don't ever turn your back on them. Your birth family is lucky that your adopted family raised U to be a fine man. U R very blessed.
I have been very blessed to have two families to love and to be loved by. Thank you very much for watching.
I admire your strength and determination...God bless you!
Thanks a ton, Howard! It's been an incredible experience!
I have never seen any of your videos. This was part way down my home page. I am always interested in peoples’ adoption stories. My Mum was the first child over the age of 2 years, (the province in which we live), the CAS allowed to be adopted into a family. Years, and different life paths later, brought my mother back into contact with her birth family.
My older siblings remember life without our mother’s bio family. I do not, as I was a toddler. Staying with my aunt over March Break one year, we went over to her adoptive mother’s condo. … Just so happened her condo unit was directly across the street, from my mother’s adoptive mother’s own condo. (Both street side views.)
That is pretty awesome that all four of your bio grandparents were still alive when you finally made contact with your family. 👍🏼
Wow, right across the street from each other! Amazing. My kids never thought it was weird that I have two mothers. They just figured every family had oddities. Thanks for sharing!
You all have the most amazing story!! 😊💗Thank you for sharing with us!
Thank you so much, Tammy! I really appreciate your kind words and support!
Thanks for sharing this with us. I certainly can feel the emotion. I’m glad you have a good relationship with everyone.👍❤️🇨🇦
Thank you very much, Denise! Lots of emotions on this one. It took me forever to edit it because I kept getting choked up. I was exhausted from the tears (of love) I shed just editing it. Especially towards the grandparents. Thanks again!
Wishing you peace always!! Abundance of riches!🙏🙏
Thank you so much, Almarita!
We've been watching your journey - can't believe we weren't officially subscribed! WHAT??? Okay... I literally teared up - your 'Mer'.... awwww love your story - I identify very strongly with my own story - you have a special place in my thoughts.
I'm sorry it took me so long to see this! The comment was Held For Review for some reason, dang it.
Thank you so much for watching and leaving a comment! I love your channel, by the way!
Thank for sharing. Prayers go out to your sister - May she stay safe.
Thank you for the kind words and prayers!
When your family both of them ask questions, it's so they can know one another through you. It is a form of bonding allow it Be more ready to give
Roger that, Carrol! Thanks for watching!
Y'all are really piecing and measuring out these stories together for us. I wanna see a fifteen hour tell-all!🤣🤣
Thank you so much, Ernie! We really appreciate it! A marathon tell-all -- I like the idea!
I was adopted too. I just came across your channel. I didn't find out I was adopted till I was 60 years old. Anyway for me mom and dad are the parents who raised me as if I was their biological child I never had the slightest clue I was adopted. Mother or Tina and father (I don't know who my biological father is) are my biological parents. You are lucky that you got to meet your bio grandparents and mother and father mine at least on my mother's side have passed before I even knew about them. From what my oldest half-sister has told me about our mother that might be for the best. Meeting your biological family is a hit or miss for us just like not all of us get great adoptive parents. Most of us understand that the need to know who our biological parents are is not about our adoptive family it's about us and who we look like and where we come from.. It's hard to explain if you haven't experience it yourself.
Thanks for sharing your situation, Diana! You are so right that reunions are hit or miss. I have quite a few friends that are adopted, and for the ones that searched for and found their birth mother, more had a negative outcome than a positive one. I was VERY lucky with how mine turned out. And, yeah, my searching had nothing to do with my adoptive family. I was raised in a loving home and had everything I needed. But as you well know, I had questions. Did I look them? What is my medical history? Do they think of me? I didn't have a burning need to find the answers, but I had interest. Fortunately, things worked for me. Thanks again!
thank you so much for this video. sending you a big hug!
Thank you so much!
I did not.....could not..... tell my parents. They gave me the letter from my birth mum to them but like you I sat on that for 10 years. Both my mum & dad died this year so now I only have my birth mum. I still feel terrible going behind their backs. It is so hard.
I totally understand keeping it from them in order to save them pain or fear of losing part of you (I hope that makes sense). I don't think there is a right or wrong path to take when balancing relationships as you seek answers to Who you are and Where you come from. It's just do the best you can, try not to cause harm, and hope for the best. Thanks again for sharing your story with me and for supporting our channel!
I have three adopted cousins who were my cousins, who passed away about ⅔ years ago. I have always spoken to the oldest. Mesmerizing how my cousin truly loved them all. I’m sure they knew it. She was very strick in their upbringing but all the time she spoke about them her eyes lighted a lot. They were loved.
Thank you for sharing, Eva! It’s all about the love!
So happy and proud of you all
You should write a book
Thank you so much, Maureen!
Every time I hear these adoption stories, I am glad I never thought of adopting any one else's child.
Thank you for watching.
Thank you...we love you!
Thank you so much, Sally!!
Love the room you are in. Wonderful.
Thanks, David! The cabin belongs to my wife's family.
Love your fireplace!
Thank you so much! The cabin belongs to my wife's family, so I'll pass along your compliment.
What a wonderful home to have family gatherings. Yes, tell your wife she decorated the cabin beautifully.
Very emotional & overwhelming for you 🥺 nice you have your birth family in your life 😉
It's been wonderful all around. I'm so lucky to have two loving families. Thanks again!
My daughter was adopted from China and I would be thrilled if, by some miracle, she would find her bio family
That's a very healthy attitude! Your daughter is lucky to have you for a mom!
That's amazing Devon!
Thank you so much, Niese!
You hv every right to know your roots. Of course you want to know. It doesn't mean you don't love them.
Agreed, Dee! Thanks for watching!
Hugs. Say things always before its too late. A very good moto.
Thank you so much, Deirdre! I really appreciate it!