Facts cause me forgiving you is me leaving and healing... Me not forgiving is me staying and putting you through HELL... So it's better for me leave especially if we been together for 10+years that hurt runs a little deeper
Never means stay. You cant forgive someone in the same place they cut you... Thats why so many individuals who have been through infidelity that stayed never truly healed they just ignore it or bring the past up 24/7
Forgiveness is putting the wrong as far from them as the east is to the west. They never meet. All the commenters on this OP completely missed the mark. It went over your heads because you think you are right and perfect even though it's obvious you are not. What you are describing isn't forgiveness, but self-preservation the two are not the same.
@@younglove3362that saying has been around. And honestly you can forgive someone up to the point of letting go of what they did but to move on as if it never happened knowing it’s embedded in the your mind is the hard part! And that’s why it’s ok to leave. You’ve made peace with the situation and you’re not willing to allow yourself to be exposed to it again so you move on!
Just gonna keep wasting your time. Everybody is gonna be good for the first few years then they will slip up. Your gonna break up with them the go find someone else waste a few years til they slip up. Then get to the point where you just want to be single. Get fucked by random married people and have a house full of cats 😂
mine was after only 5 years, i forgave him but couldn’t forget. i stayed about a year after but i was paranoid and timing him from work, acting like a PI every chance i got. i didn’t want to be that person so we had to split.
I love that she also put are they contrite at the top because there may be issues but if you won't or can't accept that cheating was not the way to go, we won't be able to het to the other stuff. And if you go beyond not being contrite and trying to blame me for you cheating, I honestly don't see a way of coming back from that.
But that’s literally what’s she’s doing with her baby daddy I’ve heard about this guy stop listening to these celebrities their lives are just as screwed up as anyone else’s
@cupcake2009ist can't go off what you hear either unless you were actually there to witness it that's one of people's biggest problems repeating something they heard but didn't actually see how you know what you heard wasn't a lie ...then when yall find out it's not true yall just oh well it like nah you just help spread a whole lie and that's all you got people are crazy
that part. the fact that she has taken the time to think about where she's been at fault in other situations and applied it to the question shows a maturity I'm struggling to reach my damn self.
This, I put cheating as one of the most disrespectful acts a partner could do to me. That's my hard unwavering boundary. Especially since I base my relationships on open honesty and communication. If you're unhappy and I was blind to it, why didn't you let me know/let me go instead of cheating.
Because communication errors, partners not being able to take harsh truths without overreacting. I think people get so self-righteous in relationships they imagine they can do no wrong. I'd assume its easier to either cheat or be convinced to cheat and deal with an argument and leaving; than explaining years of trauma, pain and insecurities you wouldn't understand.
I say this not as an excuse but rather to give you the possible a man would take in cheating. Its not about hurting or causing pain. But havin an open discussion with women is harder than women think. Lot of answers y'all not ready for/want to hear
I love the way she put it, and I especially love that she didn't say "this is the right thing", she said "this makes sense for me" and I really respect that. We need more of that.
My mom and dad were together for 20 something years, the first time he cheated she forgave him but he kept doing it, she stayed cause she thought me and my siblings needed a dad but when were old enough she was done with him she spoke to us about our feelings and we told her not to stay if she isn't happy. Now she's happy in a relationship with someone else and far away from our dad. 😊
I’m in this situation but my kids are young, 2 and 5 and it’s been happening the whole 5 years of marriage. I’m contemplating divorce really. I can’t trust him. Do you think you would be hurt much more if your mum left when you guys were younger? I know they need their dad in the home and it’s a really really hard decision to make
@@Ssssssmmmmmmmmm your kids aren't going to be upset, long term, about a dad they don't remember. As someone with a deadbeat father who eventually left us when I was 9, I cared much more for the parent who was actually PRESENT for us and cared for us - my mother. They're not old enough to comprehend the entire situation, but a simple "daddy hurt me really badly, so he's not going to be around anymore" will be all they need to hear to get it. They might be upset at first, cuz they're little, but in the long run y'all will be okay as long as you have each other. Kids will surprise you with how emotionally intelligent they can be.
@@Ssssssmmmmmmmmm I agree with the comment Above mine. If my mom told me at a young age, "Dad and I aren't happy together." Or "Sometimes relationships don't work out but that doesn't mean you have lose one parent over the other." I think I would be fine with it. If you think you guys could coparent without any animosity there, I think there's a way to still have their dad in their lives without you guys having to live together. Even when My mom was separating from my dad (even though refuses to believe it) she never said one negative word about him, she told us "our dad loved us, even if they didn't love each other anymore, they would both still love us no matter what." I Hope that helps
Aa a child who came up in a family with infidelity I would say the moment you leave don’t get hang up on the guy. Heal, truly heal then live life as if you have another chance to know yourself and love yourself. One thing I learnt that dwelling on the past or hoping the cheater will change really messed my siblings and I up. Cause we had to keep praying that the cheater parent would be “redeemed.” Currently in therapy as an adult cause my folks mess ended up being my mess and I had to grow up real fast. I know its hard but as keke said, if there’s no sincere contrition its not worth it. Goodluck
@@Ssssssmmmmmmmmm I can’t comment from experience. However, if I found out my mother or father was staying in a situation that made them miserable for me. I’d feel so guilty. I want my parent to be happy. It’s not up to the parent to stay together for the children, it’s up to both parents to be involved in their children’s lives. To make an effort to be a parent, together or not. It’s not your duty to make sure they have a father involved, it’s their father’s. I hope things get better for you queen ❤️
I forgave my ex and still dumped him. Infidelity means I can't trust you. Edit: wow this blew up 😳😳😳 True story though. That is the biggest deal breaker, if I can't trust someone I can't be with them even if I forgive them.
Ok keke forgiveness is important like understanding and closure but don’t play the fool if people show you who they are believe them yeah everyone has problems but we can’t excuse them or enable them to continue that with us!!! Love em from a distance
Y'all My father said "DON'T DO IT" When a person knows they can disrespect you.....they will find sneakier ways to do it. You can forgive...but that doesn't mean stay.
Unfortunately in life you will always have enemies even those you think are not enemies, they will hurt u sometimes just like she said even family members mom and dad , u can only realise this when u get to a certain age in life though, maturity is the point here!! And that’s not even advocating for ppl to just be cheating anyhow but shit as men sometimes it’s hard we want it Ona daily basis if it’s good and if it’s denied we feel some type of way! And that my 2cents on this!
Exactly. When it comes to cheating forgiveness is not the defining element of whether the marriage continues, it’s trust. For many people once the trust is broken it can’t be repaired. And that’s not a character flaw of the person that got cheated on, it’s a result of what the cheater them self did
Trust can be rebuilt BUT it takes work....From both parties but mostly from the person who broke said trust. Problem is the one who broke the trust is usually the lazier partner and does not want to do the work to build the trust they broke. Either the person heartbroken does most of the work (leading to future betrayals by the lazy one) or the person doing the betrayal does not realize the hard future they just started. Seriously in all that i have learned - if you cannot trust your partner with your body- you should not trust your partner with y'all's kids. I'm in the double digits of knowledge- knowing cheaters who got away with assaulting their own kids at different ages. And that makes healing trust more work than raising kids. So is cheating really worth it?
I forgave my husband and he swore he'd never do it again. I stayed. Found out 3 years later he had lied when I was suddenly pulled away from work and placed in police protection because someone slipped he and his mistress had been planning my murder. Forgive. Don't stay. You NEVER KNOW the type of influence happening outside of your home. Once they cheat you can't trust them, ever.
Holy shit, I'm so glad that you're fine physically speaking, I hope your mental is ok and hope you can find someone that respects you if you choose to find another relationship
I'm so sorry this happened to you and just to think with al the bs and trauma you went through you were STILL one of the lucky ones. Most people never get that tip off, damn! Thank for sharing your story because I keep telling people cheating puts everyone involved in danger.
Whoa! That's nuts and I'm glad they were caught before you ended up taking a dirt nap just so they could live "happily ever after"... the frikkin nerve
True. They want men to leave cheater right away and not accept disrespect. While they expect women to suck-it up no matter what....for the sake of the family. I will not sacrify my dignity for someone who won’t sacrify his dignity as well.
@@briannaaPM1927no man has ever been asked this question for us to even know that and you’re not a man. Her point is this question is always geared towards women how about we actually hear from men on this topic now or dead it all together at this point
@@KekeAlbert the thing is regardless if you want to believe it or not ALOT OF MEN stay after being cheated on this is a fact! A lot of men endure mistreatment by women in marriages and relationships too and they be quite and ride it out because when men give their all it’s all in wonder why women divorce first and MORE. This is something I’ve HEARD out multiple MEN MOUTH and WITNESS WITH MY OWN TWO EYES men stay after being cheated on. Alot of them are also quiet about being cheated on. And tbh psychologically if you understand how a man’s brain works you’d understand why alot of them stay and go after being cheated on. But a married man of happy 10 years gets cheated on he’s probably gonna stay and work it out. When a GOOD MAN put.. his eggs in a basket he’s not letting up frfr any man that at some point was emotionally attached and vulnerable is gonna stay
I felt that. No one is perfect. People will hurt you AND you will also do things to hurt people. It’s a matter of recognizing your personal boundaries and acting accordingly.
My dad cheated on my mum and she stayed. They were both miserable and my mum became a monster. 8 years later I ran away from home and never spoke to them again. Cheating can hurt a lot more than the person you're cheating on....
I’ll be married 10 years this August and we have two beautiful little boys, if hubby lost his mind and cheated I’m out. That’s not an accident, it’s a decision. If you want to be with her so bad then by all means don’t let me stop you.
I'm with you! (Coming up 10y, 3 kids) Every minute you're spending with someone else is a minute you've taken from our family, so as far as I'm concerned the kids are being cheated as well 🤷🏼♀️
Right I hate when folks like to down play it like it's a mistake it's a decision like moving to a new house or getting a new job what to eat or wear but this decision could cost you your whole life good luck couldn't be me!
Thiiiiiis😂❤ am 21 years old and between my mother and the nonsense that is happening in the world they want to convince me to be like that, and I am not going to accept anyone who betray me.
If you really know God then you wouldn’t feel that way. Anytime we sin 9/10 we know we are therefore we are deliberately cheating on God. If he can forgive us we should be able to forgive others.
There's a huge difference between hurt and betrayal. We can move past hurt but once you've been disloyal and betrayed someone, you will always be in my book.
Well duh. Betrayal can only come from people who we initially trusted. We wouldn’t consider a stranger who hurt us as “betrayal”, because we’re not emotionally invested in a stranger.
This young lady shows a lot of wisdom for her age. She is not saying to stay if someone cheats, however, she makes very good points about the concept of forgiveness.
Yea this went over the majority of heads here. This is growth on a higher level. All people heard was, you need to be forgivin a dude everyday and stay...
Naw fuk that. So if you stab me in my back with a knife should I forgive you cause you got a mental condition. Hell fucking no. I'm not taking that chance again bullshit you ppl think
Totally agree! And forgiveness is not just for others. We can forgive ourselves. I think it's a concept many people reject, but when we make bad choices and hurt ourselves in the process, it's important to practice forgiving ourselves. I know they're talking about relationships, but I thought it was important to bring this up.
@@zmatthew91 So you just mistakenly sleep with someone??? Make it make sense. You can make a decision to walk away and not cheat on your significant other. Should I sleep with this person or should I just leave 🤔YOU HAVE A CHOICE!
@MMB dial it down princess, I said it's both, I never said it was just a mistake. You made a choice that ended up being a mistake. Did you ever make a choice to do something that turned out to be a huge mistake in hindsight or you've lived a perfect MISTAKE FREE life? Go ahead and lie, I'll wait.
Choice is a choice not a mistake. You can make the wrong choice but not by mistake. The choice was real. The mistake is just regret after the choice. Not really a mistake Example I made the wrong choice. Not I made a mistake and made wrong choice. 🤷🏽♀️ By the way Forgiveness doesn’t mean stay
@@zmatthew91 If we’re talking about cheating, nope I’ve never cheated on anyone I was in a relationship with but, I at some point I deleted a file mistakenly on my job. Chile nobody’s perfect but you can make better choices; so just choose to walk away. That’s all.
Ke Ke girl you hit the nail on the head....Ziggy said it best...everyone will hurt you sometimes but you have to decide who's worth the pain and who's not ❤
Ask a man this and the majority will say “she’s for the streets” ladies do not forgive what a man won’t. Edit: Since many people think it means to harbor resentment forever, I do not mean that. By all means, forgive but leave that man. That man will not hesitate leaving you although he may “forgive” you. With such high stakes in mind, maybe some men will be more thoughtful before cheating if women exercised the same standards as men when it comes to infidelity.
Nah once a woman cheats and she is married she is DEFILED, the Bible even says that..:for men it is not the same, ikno it sucks ladies but it is what it is
@@melriquajackson8480They never do and they are the first to brag about it! Sometimes even for what they are not sure their woman actually did. A bunch of them are so patty and immature and yet call women the emotional ones
@@melriquajackson8480 right but alot of men will fake forgive take you back to get revenge.. a lot of my male friend say they will get revenge before leaving but will not truly forgive...and it fucked up
It takes allot to cheat , to find a person , to then meet up with them , learn about them , then take your clothes off and sleep with them . That’s definitely NEVER a mistake .
You can practice mindfulness and empathy to understand and forgive, its easier to repeat your zoomer bullshit and cut people off but once you learn to put yourself in someone elses shoes and see their perspective and how potentially your toxic as well, you will understand when to forgive and when to move on baby doll.
Especially if theyre a narcissist. Some people have way too much healing to do and to stay around them because you love them means they wont even attempt to heal. Leaving is good for yourself and them.
@@melovil9199like how they did with her right? It's always on the child to practice empathy and forgiveness instead why don't parents practice not hurting their children. Crazy concept I know.
Typical because most men can't take what they dish out, especially cheating. Some men actually believe that a woman must be in love/have deep feelings to sleep with a man, unlike them, who can sleep with a woman and have no emotional attachment. So if they are cheated on, they assume the woman must be "in love" with the man she cheated with. Poor lil tink, tink doesn't realize that some of us can have sex just like men and they can't handle that.
@@MT-hk9cp I go the opposite direction. What makes them think guys don’t emotionally attach in their own way? It’s the height of arrogance in men that we assume we’re immune to the negative impact of giving our bodies to the whole block at the same time. Besides, all that effort and resources a man can use to cheat would be better served maintaining his actual relationship.
That "You did me wrong? You've hurt me!? We're done." is me. I used to be very forgiving till I forgave out. But that's becuz I allowed to many unforgivable ppl in my life.
Everyone is forgivable. The man that killed my brother a few years ago I forgave him and no it’s not always easy but it’s good too bc at the end of the day your peace and happiness belongs to you no one should be able to take that away not even murderers, abusers, or that friend that hurt you to the core of your heart. Colossians 3:13 and Matthew 6:14
@@quinettabarley sorry for your loss but when i said "unforgivable" I was talking about me giving ppl countless chances thinkin they would change. Now I pay attention to red flags and act accordingly
Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. After I was cheated on that was something very important that I learned. Forgiveness is letting go of anger towards some thing. If you were able to reconcile that’s a different thing. ❤
I only recently learned that and I'm so glad I did. Forgiveness is actually for yourself, not the other person. It's not telling them they're absolved, it's about letting go. About not letting it hurt you anymore. Sometimes, the people don't even need to know you've forgiven the thing they did.
yeah forgiveness comes naturally and usually as a byproduct of understanding but that doesn’t mean u want someone back. forgiveness isn’t selfless. its also selfish, bc if we carry resentment its us drinking poison u feel me
But there's always a reason self knows why self get cheated from lacking or not even communicating true intentions most women don't even love who they choose & men knows enough about that part to cheat regardless
If a man tells me he cheated after 10 years, I'll tell him I cheated too and wait for his reaction. If he cusses me out and asks for a break up, that's the exact treatment he'll get from me. Treat people how you want to be treated!
Bullshit! There is really no excuse for anyone who cheats on their spouse. Leaving doesn't I'm gonna cut him off or I'm never gonna forgive him, it just means we are never gonna be the same again.
While it would absolutely hurt to be cheated on, after 10 years the circumstances DOES matter when deciding whether I would stay or leave. If you have children and you actually love your spouse, it’s not so cut/dry.
GOD HAS FORGIVEN US YES ITS IMPORTANT 2 FORGIVE, BUT IF A GROW MAN KEEP BRAKING YOUR SPIRIT, MIND, YOUR INPEACE OVER AND OVER AGAIN, HE IS WELL AWARE OF WHAT HE I DOING, KICK HIM 2 THE CURB.
Let me tell you, I do not choose when I look at a girl and my brain just WANTS that person. I can't control it until I rub one out it legitimately obfuscates my judgment. Never caved in, but the feeling was powerful and almost a force pulling md towards that other person.
I may be in the minority but if my husband cheated, that means he's not "in love" with me anymore. That's not just being hurt. That is a STAB in the heart.
@@Cherish2DayI am sorry yet, I need to know we're you down for whatever he was doing to go to the Fed? That is the only way I can see you staying for two long-term Federal vacations! , no disrespect but if not it would have been over because he was in there cheating. I was an officer for 4 years and the ones you least expect be the ones in there talk about they are not gay because they're the one who's on top then they walk out of prison and go be with a woman😢 the fact that he kept going back would have been enough for me
@@thebeatnumber I divorced my 1st husband and I left with what a brought in and we shared custody of our child. We had an amicable divorce. I didn't forgive him, and he did more than just cheat on me. Not to mention he cheated on me while dating but i didn't find out until after we were married. Then he cheated again when i was pregnant with our child. So i actually tried to forgive him the 1st time and i stayed ( i was young and dumb). But didn't immediately leave after the 2nd time. I stayed another 2 yrs but he started acting up. So i left. We were separated for 1 yr. But we still maintained a civil relationship throughout the raising of our son. After a yr, I filed for a divorce. I have since married again and have been happily married over 20yrs to a man who was also cheated on by his ex wife. So we both know the pain of betrayal and adore respect each other and are truly appreciative for our reciprocal trust and loyalty to each other.
Cheating isn’t a mistake…and that man put your health at risk and not only that the side woman could be crazy so you put Your wife and kids at risk. No thank you
She is not talkin about mistakes she is talking about forgiveness for those who have done her wrong.but at the same time she wants to understand their wrongdoings towards her, because she said before she wasn't that way and she would just cut a person off.But she is not speaking about mistakes she is speaking about forgiveness.
But cheating is a possibility the longer the relationship. I know a couple who was married for over 30 years. The old man said every 10 years they would renew the vows cause every 10 years something bad or a crisis would Happen. From the Great Depression to cheating. Everybody wants forever after but don’t know what comes with that.
@@shiannallen5939 w kids and a family? single mother? good luck. (and ik she’s “Keke Palmer” so she’ll most likely be good financially, but not everyone got that luxury)
@@shiannallen5939nah they ain’t right. Listen up kid, when you become an adult maybe your small mind will open up a bit and you’ll be able to see things a little deeper than surface level
I divorced my ex husband after 20 years of marriage . He worked long distance as the family planned to relocate. He cheated there and as it got worse he stopped coming home and stop contributing. No communication no closer was given. Now he moved back to the state I live in and married a woman a few years older than our oldest child. He text and call wishing things were different. That just let me know he's that same person and I pray for that young lady he married.
Wow, sad that you went through that. Just uped and left. It seems like most of these men have no character. I have witnessed this behaviour before, it is shocking.
@@rosewatersweettea ...thank you. They sure make you feel like it's your fault. After that have sucked you dry then they want to play the field but once he got that factory job he was with everything moving and shaking. Just terrible.
The funny thing is the younger person thinks that they're getting a prize but really all. They're getting is beat up old car that needs a totally new engine and you can't change somebody's heart Or their mindset
@@cvzdez The young ones don’t think they’re getting a prize, they know they’re getting a sucker and a loser and 9 times out of 10 the younger girl takes the loser for everything he has, like the ex was supposed to but was to afraid to…
Reading the first few comments, some of y’all need to rewatch the video a few times. Never did she say “just stay”. The point she was nailing is “COMMUNICATE BEFORE TAKING ACTION.” Not all hurt is intentional. And there are genuinely good people that make mistakes. Having a conversation will help you determine if this is a good person who made a mistake, or a bad person who needs to get axed. Her response was perfect. Love you Keke! ❤
Nah that's a weak ass mentality, that's why you women are always the sad miserable ones. Strong mature women don't have time don't give chances to be cheated on again. I'm a dude, I support mentally strong women out there.
@@swiftkarma4436exactly 😂 lmao doormats go to the extreme playing ring around the rosey to say "he dogged me but he wasnt mean so i can stay he could've dogged me worse."
🙄Good people know that cheating is bad and why. It's not rocket science. Stop making excuses. It's literally stupid to pretend whole ADULTS do not know what disrespect and infidelity are. Side-eye anyone so frivolous with their damn body that sex can ever be a "mistake" and a "oops" Lol. 👀 If anything about what I type below sounds reasonable to you, you're playing in your own face: .... *"I unintentionally hurt you by literally cheating on you. As an adult I somehow did not know that I should not have sex with someone I'm not married to while I'm MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE. I didn't know it would affect you. I didn't know what a marriage was when I asked for it and signed the legally binding documents. Oops. I love you. I regret the action, don't leave me. It was just an accident my feelings were confused."* 🙃
If you cheat, I will never trust you again. It's a boundary, if crossed, is the end of the relationship. People do hurt you...but where do we cross the line?
My husband cheated on me after 15 years of marriage. That hurt so bad and sent me into the darkest depression ever. Some times you have to evaluate the relationship from top to bottom and pick what’s going to be your line in the sand.
Christine Williams I’m sorry that he hurt you so badly. I’ve been in countless abusive relationships starting at 13 with an 18-year-old as well as growing up with an abusive father. I hope you’re in a much better place now. I love the last sentence you wrote. It really brought a smile to my face…like Hell Yeah!!!!!! 😁😉❤️🔥
Would you have been allowed to do the same in the marriage? (Not saying that you would, but would he have tolerated the same behavior from you that he engaged in himself?)
@@TomikaKelly it was so complicated. I wanted to rebound so bad but I didn’t just because we have 3 kids together and I’m so protective over my children. There was no way I was going to bring that much strife into their lives.
I have to 100% agree with this.. I believe in forgiveness, but once a man cheats and you forgive them you now have told them what you are willing to accept. It’s only downhill from there.
Yeeeessss. They always come crying about why are you doing this or that .... well you did it first and I just thought it's okay 😅😅😅so I do it too. My ex had this disappearing act he'd do when he wasn't having his way. The first time he did it I was soooo stressed out then he cane back and made me the villain. Then he did it again and I realised oh okay ..... I left him to his own devices till he came back complaining and crying why I wasn't looking for him etc. I just told him I wanted to give him all the time he needs and when he finished he could just find me. Needless to say he never tried that again. Give them the exact same energy 😅
Exactly, very real... And all these comments saying she made a mistake to say that out loud. Please, does Keke look like a doormat? Does she look stupid? 🙄😏
She has great points. Life is not Black and White, but gray and colorful. People make mistakes, people are not perfect. You can be right or you can be happy. I have hurt others 💔 so why would I cut ✂️ off people who hurt me. Been married for 30 years and I have not cheated but would be lying if I said I never thought about it or wasn't tempted!!! I have talked with my wife about rigidity and unforgiveness... Being perfect is too high of a standard for me to meet..
Right like you chose to f*ck someone behind my back and then come home to me and my children acting like you didnt just do that on the low hell no cause that clearly means you dont like me anymore which is fine but break up first dont cheat
She’s so wise, she didn’t say to blindly stay with the man. Just finding an understanding of the situation so you can make a proper, well thought out, decision
What understanding? 8/10 cheaters cheat again. There is no proper reason to cheat on anyone. Lets say the problem was the lack of paying attention- why would that equal sleep someone else? Cheating is giving into lustful things and such it has nothing to do with your partner and has EVERYTHING to do with yourself. You just find a reason to justify your wrong doings when in reality cheating is never a response to minor relationship problems. If you can cheat you can talk to your PARTNER about whats wrong.
Why do we as people pretend that everything in life is black and white? We make the same mistakes over and over again in pursuit of absolute clarity. Maybe just start by adding "I will" to the begining of your sentance would give you more clarity on the inner work you may need to do. I think then people would appreciate the valuable lessons from YOUR personal story while also having the space to form THEIR own valid opinion.
i wouldn't throw away a 10 year relationship like that. I agree with Keke, that it very much depends on the true feelings of the person or if the relationship truly is over for you or the other person. I think walking out the door and throwing 10 years away without even a real talk is a mistake.
@@Ray03595 10 years versus that person bringing you back an incurable disease, another child, or a crazy person in yalls life that doesn't understand it was a one night stand, thats a lot of risk to just throw caution to the wind for a quickie
@@MeltingOnYourMind You're right, people do selfish, terrible things sometimes and it would be a hard thing to come back from. I think it would depend on so many circumstances that I couldn't definitively say what I would do, but I would need an explanation first and the persons true feelings about our relationship.
It's not just that I lost trust in the man after he cheated, It's that I lost respect. I could never respect a man who sneaks around, lies, puts his family at risk. You just can't come back from that.
@@antoniohawkins9048well the man was shit to begin with There are way better guys out there than cheaters Why are you trying to scare your daughter and telling her the ocean is small
@Anonzojua i don't think if a man is successful means automatically he is a good one , a good man has his life put together and knows whats important and how to live not some dude who needs a side piece who he don't care about or provide to feel like hes the man
@Anonzojua that’s why people with your thinking die alone. You put sex over everything. A temporary feeling over lasting genuine love. It’s selfish and in the end you’ll live to regret it when you are used up and no one wants to be bothered with you, not even your kids.
@Anonzojua a man with money isn’t rare, it’s a man with money. A rare man is a loyal man, a man that values himself and his body. A man that if he knew how deeply rooted soul ties and energy transfers were he wouldn’t sleep with just anybody.
@@nca4794 I feel like people forget that’s a thing. They treat relationships like a cell phone, if it’s bugged just go get a newer model rather than take it to a shop and getting it fixed. Repairing relationships don’t cross people’s minds.
@@fadumomohamed2342 I agree. Some relationships do need to end, but sometimes we need to show more humility. I think there's a difference between hurting people on purpose and making a bad decision that causes a loved one to hurt. For me, that's the starting place of determining if it's destructive or reparative.
@@jaywholoveseveryone1721 absolutely! I have walked away too. I just think we increasingly have a burn the bridge mentality, and we don't have to in every situation. But vulnerability is hard, and that's what it takes to forge a better relationship. But, every case is different.
Women say that all the time but I've seen sooo many women, across many ages take SO much foolishness and disrespect. I really hope all the women in the comments are living up to this in real life...because in real life I see women getting PLAYED by men that aren't even worth it. And that goes beyond cheating...but usually includes cheating too. Smh
When she said she found herself alone, i felt that. Thats what having standards does... it forces you to go through seasons of solitude. If ppl are not on our wavelength, we dont have to relax our standards to accept something subpar from them, just because it eliminates the possibility of being lonely. I'll choose solitude over betrayal.
@@brotherLee340If you truly love a person and want to be with them, why do something you know will hurt them? Cheating is that bad, and also cheating doesn’t just happen. People have every right to leave a mf that cheated/cheating.
You don't have to be perfect to love someone so much that you would go out of your way not to hurt them. I know hurt comes in different forms but I personally believe that if someone loves you, like really really loves you there are certain things they would never do and breaking your trust so completely is one of them.
@@canone.colombe you could have a quickie in a bar or something, can definitley happen in the spur of the moment, but i agree that most times there are some planning to it where the person had time to think it through
I feel people rarely ever ask men this, and they certainly dont expect men to stay or judge them for leaving. When a man cheats, its always "Oh but it was one time" or "he was going through something" or "dont throw away a relationship because of a mistake" But when a woman cheats, it's an immediate "she's for the streets" Double standards are ridiculous
This is literally not true. Go and Google literally any cheat stats. It's usually women who have the justification and excuses. Not men. It's also usually women whom are met with support groups.
Men don't stay if their woman cheats. Why should they expect women to? Selfish behaviour. Ive known women who are on medication because when they caught their spouse cheating they go into a panic attack everytime they remember it. One lady says she feels like she is stuck in that moment. She is in her 50s and has been a housewife her entire life.l so she is afraid to leave and branch out on her own. Her husband just continues to cheat and she is dying.
Forgiveness is necessary whether you stay or leave. Remember, forgiving is more about you than the offender. It's about letting go and moving on from that hurt energy.
Keke is hands down the best communicator I’ve EVER witnessed. She’s sharp, her opinions are always thoughtful, clear and concise with and she takes no time putting them across. Beauty and Brains! I’m a Big Fan!
Sometimes cutting people off (including family members) is a must for the sake of our wellbeing, sometimes even survival. If she’s willing to stay that’s her decision but it’s not for everybody, do whatever you feel will benefit you the most, think about yourself before others from time to time because chances are, not many are thinking about you.
I was married 10 years two kids. The first mistress got pregnant, but I stayed. The 11th year came and he got another woman pregnant. I ended it all didn’t look back… in my book ,once a cheater always a cheater..
If alone means peace, then so be it! You can forgive, but you can't be a doormat. Being intimate with someone and letting them back in your bed is a negative. Actions have consequences. You can forgive, but you don't have to accept mistreatment. Don't dim your light for the comfort of someone else or to not be alone.
@Deeds To The Deeder thats extreme. Cheaters aren't scum forever. Its a terrible decision but honestly something that's pretty normal. It makes you stupid but doesn't make you a bad person. You can still be a good father, friend, and person. I don't know any perfect person.
@@brotherLee340 I think the issue is that many women may not realize how pervasive cheating really is. We have been raised in a western mindset of monogamy, coupled with Hollywood's fictitious portrayals of "perfect" relationships. The outcome is our misunderstanding of the nature of men. I admit that cheating is really tough to deal with, really hard. But if the majority of men will be unfaithful at some point, then as women we will have no choice but to redefine relationships. Otherwise, there will be no more communities and everyone suffers, especially the children.
@@tracienatural2405 So, you’re suggesting women cheat back? If not, this message has been preached to women since the existence of the west. It’s not some new concept. The same way women are raised to be loyal and respectful should also be apart of men’s upbringing. Most women don’t even cum from sex with their long term partners. I guarantee you most of those women wouldn’t pass up a sure thing if it weren’t for societal and family repercussions.
The only real reply I've read here. The rest was just shallow pandering. %99 of these comments, were people chastizing their exes and calling them cheaters That doesn't even make sense statistically. Theres some cheaters in these comments who dont view themselves as such, because they didn't get caught therefore they have the delusion of moral superiority.
Forgiving has nothing to do with people asking for forgiveness. Those are two separate people with their respective actions. We forgive babies and toddlers, and they mostly don’t ask for forgiveness or say “sorry”.
@@IamParalegal you stand correct. There’s always a gray area. My opinion on the matter is in relation to what Ms. Keke said which had nothing to do with babies.
Forgiveness means you understand they're an imperfect human that will make mistakes but doesn't entitle them to remain in your life. Guard your hearts people. Many time people allow themselves to be mistreated bc they forgave you and remain in dumb situations, that's how people get abused.
I whole heartedly feel that cheating is not a mistake. You knew exactly what you were doing when you did it. And honestly thats not something i can get over or come back from. 10 years? What wasnt happening with us that you just HAD to be with someone else intimately? You should never have room/time to open yourself up IN THAT WAY to another person. Period
This!! You knew exactly what you were doing. You wanted to do it. If not, you could have done like Daniel did Potiphers wife...... run like the dickens!!!!!Dickenson!!!!!!
Umm no excuses for cheating. That's selfish and they can go with the cat down the street. Hard pass. I can forgive from a distance. Self respect is higher than the love I have for someone else
We don't want to admit it especially with this touchy subject she's speaking on, but she is very mature and wise beyond her years. Not to mention her vernacular is so pleasing to listen to, that old soul shines through so eloquently. But more to her point, grace has truly gone out of fashion. She's not saying to stay with Pookie or Ray Ray...no one should even be entertaining a Pookie or Ray Ray; but she is saying that if you have someone who clearly made a commitment to you in good faith and after 10 years and life circumstances y'all seemed to have lost your way, she's saying she would put in the effort to try to find where all was lost.. Especially if your partner has shown genuine remorse for their mistake. We all need grace at some point or another in our lives. Remember that.
I have been that way as well. I cut people off so quickly. I'm learning to have more grace for people. Within reason, of course. EDIT: Let me be clear. Constant cheating or violence is something I don't condone you sticking around for more of. If you know your partner is prone to those kinds of behavior, then exiting would be your best option.
Having grace for someone is not allowing yourself to be disrespectful.’cheating is not a mistake or an accident. It’s takes effort. Especially these days …
@@brotherLee340I did he cheated once more after the first time" fucking no we shouldn't say ya"ll men don't change when we forgive the first time. U take us as foosl. He cheated after 10yr s of being together I forgive him he cheated again at this point we've been together 13yrs. He know I hate him no one wants a cheater.
Oh my goodness I always say this! The average man is not going to put up with anything remotely close to this type of disrespect. Men always think they deserve better and can get it. We should do what they do when it comes to this.
Very true. Women get sick, men don’t stay, women cheat, men don’t stay. Women stop having sex or serving them, men don’t stay. Men have high standards but expect women to lower them bc “no ones perfect.”
@Patricia Davis no maam, i respect you but in yall generation yall stay because some didnt had no choice or income. You have to be realistic. Nobody should habe to stay because a man or woman cheat
@@princessgolden that lack of income, was a good thing because it forced them to stay and work it out (but women have worked for a long time) and gave them a chance to get past it and they were the better for it. In a generation, not because of income, but because people can support themselves and subsidize their lifestyles, they don't have a buffer between things that happen and their reaction. Lots of people react irrationally to many things, and people leave for all types of reasons whereas had you had had a lack of income or children or something other than you that snaps you out of your feelings, then you make a lot if quick decisions and you will never know what you missed. Lots of people will stay regardless of income or not because it's not about that, if you love someone you love them more than yourself, and perhaps even unconditionally. I haven't been cheated on but I don't think people are stupid to stay, I understand.
Forgiveness doesn't automatically mean stay.
Facts cause me forgiving you is me leaving and healing... Me not forgiving is me staying and putting you through HELL... So it's better for me leave especially if we been together for 10+years that hurt runs a little deeper
Never means stay. You cant forgive someone in the same place they cut you... Thats why so many individuals who have been through infidelity that stayed never truly healed they just ignore it or bring the past up 24/7
@@chanelnicole5979 Right ✅
Forgiveness is putting the wrong as far from them as the east is to the west. They never meet. All the commenters on this OP completely missed the mark. It went over your heads because you think you are right and perfect even though it's obvious you are not. What you are describing isn't forgiveness, but self-preservation the two are not the same.
I mean, 1 cheat in 10 years ain't that bad. If he was overall a good man. You don't have to stay but it could be worth it to stay.
You can forgive someone and still choose to leave.
This
What you said✌🏾
Facts!
I absolutely did after 20yrs💃🏾
Yes
Forgiveness is a big part of love, I agree. But when trust is gone, the relationship is broken.
Exactly
👏👏👏👏👏
Thank you! Regardless of the reason!
You’re a child. You have never been in anything over 5 years let alone 10. You know nothing and you operate with no empathy and or wisdom. Sit down.
Trust is earned, and how it is reinstated, or NOT, depends on THE COUPLE, not the ideals and expectations of outside viewers.
It’s okay to forgive, but when you can’t forget…it’s okay to leave.
Lmao if you ain't forget then you didn't forgive. That's the dumbest saying I ever heard. Forgive means being over it.
@@younglove3362forgiveness doesn’t mean amnesia
❤That Part💯💯
@@younglove3362that saying has been around. And honestly you can forgive someone up to the point of letting go of what they did but to move on as if it never happened knowing it’s embedded in the your mind is the hard part! And that’s why it’s ok to leave. You’ve made peace with the situation and you’re not willing to allow yourself to be exposed to it again so you move on!
If u leave then you never loved that person . U wanted a reason to leave .
Whoever needs to hear this, it's okay to leave a cheater at one offense.
A thousand times yes. I wish I could like this comment more. Its not wrong to decide what to do with what another person broke.
Just gonna keep wasting your time. Everybody is gonna be good for the first few years then they will slip up. Your gonna break up with them the go find someone else waste a few years til they slip up. Then get to the point where you just want to be single. Get fucked by random married people and have a house full of cats 😂
Says the same ppl who cheat and behave self righteous because they havent been caught
Absolutely agree!!
How do you know?
This happened to me after 10 yrs of marriage. I left because we both know even though I forgave him, I couldn’t forget. The trust was gone.
Constant anxiety of your partner might be banging someone else does not worth for sure.
mine was after only 5 years, i forgave him but couldn’t forget. i stayed about a year after but i was paranoid and timing him from work, acting like a PI every chance i got. i didn’t want to be that person so we had to split.
forgiving someone after experiencing pain like this makes you a very strong person. i’m proud of you
Anyone of y'all got remarried
YET ???
AMEN SISTAH! glad u left
🙌🏾 I feel that she explained that well. She did not say stay and be a punching bag.
I love that she also put are they contrite at the top because there may be issues but if you won't or can't accept that cheating was not the way to go, we won't be able to het to the other stuff. And if you go beyond not being contrite and trying to blame me for you cheating, I honestly don't see a way of coming back from that.
She did and it made good sense. I never thought about it like that I've never been cheated On but I can understand what she's saying
But that’s literally what’s she’s doing with her baby daddy I’ve heard about this guy stop listening to these celebrities their lives are just as screwed up as anyone else’s
@cupcake2009ist can't go off what you hear either unless you were actually there to witness it that's one of people's biggest problems repeating something they heard but didn't actually see how you know what you heard wasn't a lie ...then when yall find out it's not true yall just oh well it like nah you just help spread a whole lie and that's all you got people are crazy
that part. the fact that she has taken the time to think about where she's been at fault in other situations and applied it to the question shows a maturity I'm struggling to reach my damn self.
She not lying when she said including your family members 👏🏼👏🏼
If someone cheated it’s on them for breaking the family apart not on the person who got cheated on to stay.
Your relationship with family is a different relationship. The expectation is not the same!
Forgiveness is a huge part of a relationship but respect is even bigger. If I’m not respected by my partner, then they aren’t my partner.
Agreed
This, I put cheating as one of the most disrespectful acts a partner could do to me. That's my hard unwavering boundary. Especially since I base my relationships on open honesty and communication. If you're unhappy and I was blind to it, why didn't you let me know/let me go instead of cheating.
Well said
Because communication errors, partners not being able to take harsh truths without overreacting. I think people get so self-righteous in relationships they imagine they can do no wrong. I'd assume its easier to either cheat or be convinced to cheat and deal with an argument and leaving; than explaining years of trauma, pain and insecurities you wouldn't understand.
I say this not as an excuse but rather to give you the possible a man would take in cheating. Its not about hurting or causing pain. But havin an open discussion with women is harder than women think. Lot of answers y'all not ready for/want to hear
I love the way she put it, and I especially love that she didn't say "this is the right thing", she said "this makes sense for me" and I really respect that. We need more of that.
Truth
💯
that's just a way to keep herself clean and absolve herself from total responsibility while she preaches she knows what's best. don't be fooled lol
Exactly.
@@bluehue6653 ? What do you mean? I am confused. What exactly was wrong with what she said ?
My mom and dad were together for 20 something years, the first time he cheated she forgave him but he kept doing it, she stayed cause she thought me and my siblings needed a dad but when were old enough she was done with him she spoke to us about our feelings and we told her not to stay if she isn't happy. Now she's happy in a relationship with someone else and far away from our dad. 😊
I’m in this situation but my kids are young, 2 and 5 and it’s been happening the whole 5 years of marriage. I’m contemplating divorce really. I can’t trust him.
Do you think you would be hurt much more if your mum left when you guys were younger? I know they need their dad in the home and it’s a really really hard decision to make
@@Ssssssmmmmmmmmm your kids aren't going to be upset, long term, about a dad they don't remember. As someone with a deadbeat father who eventually left us when I was 9, I cared much more for the parent who was actually PRESENT for us and cared for us - my mother. They're not old enough to comprehend the entire situation, but a simple "daddy hurt me really badly, so he's not going to be around anymore" will be all they need to hear to get it. They might be upset at first, cuz they're little, but in the long run y'all will be okay as long as you have each other. Kids will surprise you with how emotionally intelligent they can be.
@@Ssssssmmmmmmmmm I agree with the comment Above mine. If my mom told me at a young age, "Dad and I aren't happy together." Or "Sometimes relationships don't work out but that doesn't mean you have lose one parent over the other." I think I would be fine with it. If you think you guys could coparent without any animosity there, I think there's a way to still have their dad in their lives without you guys having to live together. Even when My mom was separating from my dad (even though refuses to believe it) she never said one negative word about him, she told us "our dad loved us, even if they didn't love each other anymore, they would both still love us no matter what." I Hope that helps
Aa a child who came up in a family with infidelity I would say the moment you leave don’t get hang up on the guy. Heal, truly heal then live life as if you have another chance to know yourself and love yourself. One thing I learnt that dwelling on the past or hoping the cheater will change really messed my siblings and I up. Cause we had to keep praying that the cheater parent would be “redeemed.”
Currently in therapy as an adult cause my folks mess ended up being my mess and I had to grow up real fast.
I know its hard but as keke said, if there’s no sincere contrition its not worth it.
Goodluck
@@Ssssssmmmmmmmmm I can’t comment from experience. However, if I found out my mother or father was staying in a situation that made them miserable for me. I’d feel so guilty. I want my parent to be happy. It’s not up to the parent to stay together for the children, it’s up to both parents to be involved in their children’s lives. To make an effort to be a parent, together or not. It’s not your duty to make sure they have a father involved, it’s their father’s. I hope things get better for you queen ❤️
Being cheated on is deeper than what most people think. Trust gets broken and building that from scratch is a lot of work, it don't take a day.
Very true, and the pain is more excruciating than one initially imagines.
I'm pretty sure she's been cheated on... so what do you mean deeper than what people think...
why build it from scratch with someone who didn't value it the first time, just start over with someone who is worthwild
dont forget disease cheating can put someones health at risk
I forgave my ex and still dumped him.
Infidelity means I can't trust you.
Edit: wow this blew up 😳😳😳
True story though. That is the biggest deal breaker, if I can't trust someone I can't be with them even if I forgive them.
Come on yeah
👏 👏 👏 👏
I see your point but they are obviously referring to taking someone back after cheating, not forgiveness in isolation.
@Lowkey 1445 It doesn't always work like that, sometimes they need to learn the lesson and be better for the next.
Mines cheated in the first year of marriage. I forgave him. The ten year he cheated again I was out.
Trust is also a very important and major part of love. Forgive but don't be stupid
Perspective
Forgiving doesnt necessarily help you forget 😮
Ok keke forgiveness is important like understanding and closure but don’t play the fool if people show you who they are believe them yeah everyone has problems but we can’t excuse them or enable them to continue that with us!!! Love em from a distance
That, remorse and honesty can help a lot but you still need to have trust otherwise forgivness is a bit senseless
Jesus said it better.
Y'all
My father said "DON'T DO IT"
When a person knows they can disrespect you.....they will find sneakier ways to do it.
You can forgive...but that doesn't mean stay.
Exactly. Men do not stay. They leave
THISS💯
💯💯💯
Not true more men stay then people realize. They just don’t talk about the fact they stayed
I'm wit daddy
Being alone is better than being surrounded by enemies pretending to be friends or true family 💯
@dj...well said 🤍(south africa)
Too many people are quick to call someone an enemy after one mistake
@@TrueAnakinSkywalkersad people have been so emotionally and spiritually broken to come to such a quick and sad conclusion internally
Unfortunately in life you will always have enemies even those you think are not enemies, they will hurt u sometimes just like she said even family members mom and dad , u can only realise this when u get to a certain age in life though, maturity is the point here!! And that’s not even advocating for ppl to just be cheating anyhow but shit as men sometimes it’s hard we want it Ona daily basis if it’s good and if it’s denied we feel some type of way! And that my 2cents on this!
@@brendaspence1824you sound like a cheater 😂
When you cheat you break the most important thing in the marriage. Its called TRUST.
Exactly. When it comes to cheating forgiveness is not the defining element of whether the marriage continues, it’s trust. For many people once the trust is broken it can’t be repaired. And that’s not a character flaw of the person that got cheated on, it’s a result of what the cheater them self did
It becomes like sandpaper
@@nieshasamuel1718 I don't like sand. It's coarse, and rough, and irritating to write on.
Yeah, it's not all about love.. without trust love doesn't just make sense
Trust can be rebuilt BUT it takes work....From both parties but mostly from the person who broke said trust. Problem is the one who broke the trust is usually the lazier partner and does not want to do the work to build the trust they broke. Either the person heartbroken does most of the work (leading to future betrayals by the lazy one) or the person doing the betrayal does not realize the hard future they just started.
Seriously in all that i have learned - if you cannot trust your partner with your body- you should not trust your partner with y'all's kids.
I'm in the double digits of knowledge- knowing cheaters who got away with assaulting their own kids at different ages.
And that makes healing trust more work than raising kids.
So is cheating really worth it?
I forgave my husband and he swore he'd never do it again. I stayed. Found out 3 years later he had lied when I was suddenly pulled away from work and placed in police protection because someone slipped he and his mistress had been planning my murder.
Forgive. Don't stay. You NEVER KNOW the type of influence happening outside of your home. Once they cheat you can't trust them, ever.
Holy shit, I'm so glad that you're fine physically speaking, I hope your mental is ok and hope you can find someone that respects you if you choose to find another relationship
Wow, so glad you were saved from that disaster.
That’s crazy. Glad your ok now
I'm so sorry this happened to you and just to think with al the bs and trauma you went through you were STILL one of the lucky ones. Most people never get that tip off, damn! Thank for sharing your story because I keep telling people cheating puts everyone involved in danger.
Whoa! That's nuts and I'm glad they were caught before you ended up taking a dirt nap just so they could live "happily ever after"... the frikkin nerve
Ask a man this question. It seems as if society wants women to stick around in marriages if the husband cheats.
True. They want men to leave cheater right away and not accept disrespect. While they expect women to suck-it up no matter what....for the sake of the family.
I will not sacrify my dignity for someone who won’t sacrify his dignity as well.
Tbh a man gets cheated on 10 years down the lines HES STAYING
@@briannaaPM1927no man has ever been asked this question for us to even know that and you’re not a man. Her point is this question is always geared towards women how about we actually hear from men on this topic now or dead it all together at this point
@@KekeAlbert the thing is regardless if you want to believe it or not ALOT OF MEN stay after being cheated on this is a fact! A lot of men endure mistreatment by women in marriages and relationships too and they be quite and ride it out because when men give their all it’s all in wonder why women divorce first and MORE. This is something I’ve HEARD out multiple MEN MOUTH and WITNESS WITH MY OWN TWO EYES men stay after being cheated on. Alot of them are also quiet about being cheated on. And tbh psychologically if you understand how a man’s brain works you’d understand why alot of them stay and go after being cheated on. But a married man of happy 10 years gets cheated on he’s probably gonna stay and work it out. When a GOOD MAN put.. his eggs in a basket he’s not letting up frfr any man that at some point was emotionally attached and vulnerable is gonna stay
U do wit u want ur free
I felt that. No one is perfect. People will hurt you AND you will also do things to hurt people. It’s a matter of recognizing your personal boundaries and acting accordingly.
The relationship will never be the same once you've been cheated on.
That trust level is be out the door after that
@@Lelebaby yes ma'am !!
I wouldn’t even want to be taken back if I cheated. You know that relationship it gonna be hell after that. Just end it
Exactly. Speaking from experience.
@Lele naw it works out.
My dad cheated on my mum and she stayed. They were both miserable and my mum became a monster. 8 years later I ran away from home and never spoke to them again. Cheating can hurt a lot more than the person you're cheating on....
🙏🏿prayers to you. I hope you're doing well
You speaking of em now fam what you mean
@@booprice5473 you must be the roundest tool in the shed 🤦🏽♀️
@@Likelyfairy 😂
@@Likelyfairy what you mean like shovel? I’m more like the tool box is self.
I left .. 5 children and 17 years of marriage and I didn’t care about all of that … I forgave him from afar and never looked back
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉THIS IS POWER!!!
I know thats right
How could you leave kids
@@lorismith2354 they might not been theirs biological kids
I real sorry for her, i feel sorry for the children. Maybe she was the mom to those kids. I guess was a devastating situation.
"You can only do what's in your heart, and you can only take so much, you'll know when you've had enough"
Love doesn't choose to cheat.
Love is forgiveness and love doesn't keep count of wrong doings
@@Andrea-vl4zl oh really?
@@Andrea-vl4zl tell that to God on judgement day when your name is not written in that book...
@@princessamour1372 it's my opinion you can have your own opinion
It's my opinion you can have your own opinion
I’ll be married 10 years this August and we have two beautiful little boys, if hubby lost his mind and cheated I’m out. That’s not an accident, it’s a decision. If you want to be with her so bad then by all means don’t let me stop you.
I'm with you! (Coming up 10y, 3 kids)
Every minute you're spending with someone else is a minute you've taken from our family, so as far as I'm concerned the kids are being cheated as well 🤷🏼♀️
Right I hate when folks like to down play it like it's a mistake it's a decision like moving to a new house or getting a new job what to eat or wear but this decision could cost you your whole life good luck couldn't be me!
Thiiiiiis😂❤ am 21 years old and between my mother and the nonsense that is happening in the world they want to convince me to be like that, and I am not going to accept anyone who betray me.
If you really know God then you wouldn’t feel that way. Anytime we sin 9/10 we know we are therefore we are deliberately cheating on God. If he can forgive us we should be able to forgive others.
@@shera1224shut up shera we aren’t god we’re humans
There's a huge difference between hurt and betrayal. We can move past hurt but once you've been disloyal and betrayed someone, you will always be in my book.
Same here 💅🏾
Well duh. Betrayal can only come from people who we initially trusted. We wouldn’t consider a stranger who hurt us as “betrayal”, because we’re not emotionally invested in a stranger.
Same
Sell the book, start fresh.
Sheesh..power to you then
Speaking like a true Virgo . Intelligent, thorough, wise and honest !
Can’t stand Virgo ♍️ sometimes but love them
@@charlessmith1258 we’re a pain in the ass at times 😂
One doesn't have to be perfect to be faithful. It's called having integrity and knowing how to be faithful.
😁Well, said!
Thank you
Exactly.
well said
💯 I'm shook any time people try to make fidelity sound like this impossible super-human feat.
This young lady shows a lot of wisdom for her age. She is not saying to stay if someone cheats, however, she makes very good points about the concept of forgiveness.
Yea this went over the majority of heads here. This is growth on a higher level. All people heard was, you need to be forgivin a dude everyday and stay...
Naw fuk that. So if you stab me in my back with a knife should I forgive you cause you got a mental condition. Hell fucking no. I'm not taking that chance again bullshit you ppl think
💡! Why was this so hard for people to understand ? She literally spoke so clearly. Your post was her response in a nutshell 👍🏼
I also like that she stated "your boundaries" so for some they may be able to forgive and move on and heal while others it is done.
Totally agree! And forgiveness is not just for others. We can forgive ourselves. I think it's a concept many people reject, but when we make bad choices and hurt ourselves in the process, it's important to practice forgiving ourselves. I know they're talking about relationships, but I thought it was important to bring this up.
Cheating is a CHOICE not a MISTAKE!!
Its both
@@zmatthew91 So you just mistakenly sleep with someone??? Make it make sense.
You can make a decision to walk away and not cheat on your significant other. Should I sleep with this person or should I just leave 🤔YOU HAVE A CHOICE!
@MMB dial it down princess, I said it's both, I never said it was just a mistake. You made a choice that ended up being a mistake. Did you ever make a choice to do something that turned out to be a huge mistake in hindsight or you've lived a perfect MISTAKE FREE life? Go ahead and lie, I'll wait.
Choice is a choice not a mistake. You can make the wrong choice but not by mistake. The choice was real. The mistake is just regret after the choice. Not really a mistake Example I made the wrong choice. Not I made a mistake and made wrong choice. 🤷🏽♀️
By the way Forgiveness doesn’t mean stay
@@zmatthew91 If we’re talking about cheating, nope I’ve never cheated on anyone I was in a relationship with but, I at some point I deleted a file mistakenly on my job.
Chile nobody’s perfect but you can make better choices; so just choose to walk away. That’s all.
Ke Ke girl you hit the nail on the head....Ziggy said it best...everyone will hurt you sometimes but you have to decide who's worth the pain and who's not ❤
Ask a man this and the majority will say “she’s for the streets” ladies do not forgive what a man won’t.
Edit:
Since many people think it means to harbor resentment forever, I do not mean that. By all means, forgive but leave that man. That man will not hesitate leaving you although he may “forgive” you. With such high stakes in mind, maybe some men will be more thoughtful before cheating if women exercised the same standards as men when it comes to infidelity.
I agree. Double standards don't deserve forgiveness.
Men forgive cheaters more than you think but yes your right
Nah once a woman cheats and she is married she is DEFILED, the Bible even says that..:for men it is not the same, ikno it sucks ladies but it is what it is
@@melriquajackson8480They never do and they are the first to brag about it! Sometimes even for what they are not sure their woman actually did. A bunch of them are so patty and immature and yet call women the emotional ones
@@melriquajackson8480 right but alot of men will fake forgive take you back to get revenge.. a lot of my male friend say they will get revenge before leaving but will not truly forgive...and it fucked up
It takes allot to cheat , to find a person , to then meet up with them , learn about them , then take your clothes off and sleep with them . That’s definitely NEVER a mistake .
That's one way of viewing it but one night stands in the heat of the moment people do as well. Either way it hurts!
Very true. There’s a whole lot of time effort and finances put into the success of cheating so people should stop saying it’s just sex
Cheating was much harder before social media. Now, all you have to do is dm and it's on.
It’s doesn’t take a lot to cheat. Ppl are just selfish and have No respect for themselves or others.
@@marquitalee1052even 1 night stands takes concious effort to execute 😅😅😅cmon now. Still not a mistake
It’s ok to cut off toxic people from your life. Even your family members. You don’t have to let your parents abuse you.
You can practice mindfulness and empathy to understand and forgive, its easier to repeat your zoomer bullshit and cut people off but once you learn to put yourself in someone elses shoes and see their perspective and how potentially your toxic as well, you will understand when to forgive and when to move on baby doll.
It's called loving from a distance.
Especially if theyre a narcissist. Some people have way too much healing to do and to stay around them because you love them means they wont even attempt to heal. Leaving is good for yourself and them.
Period.
@@melovil9199like how they did with her right? It's always on the child to practice empathy and forgiveness instead why don't parents practice not hurting their children. Crazy concept I know.
She such an amazing person, I can relate to her energy like she’s me in another time zone it’s crazy ❤️🔥
…. I grew up with two brothers and literally heard them say they would never stay with a woman that cheated on them BUT THEY CHEAT ALL THE TIME.
This📌
Typical because most men can't take what they dish out, especially cheating. Some men actually believe that a woman must be in love/have deep feelings to sleep with a man, unlike them, who can sleep with a woman and have no emotional attachment. So if they are cheated on, they assume the woman must be "in love" with the man she cheated with.
Poor lil tink, tink doesn't realize that some of us can have sex just like men and they can't handle that.
@@MT-hk9cp I go the opposite direction. What makes them think guys don’t emotionally attach in their own way? It’s the height of arrogance in men that we assume we’re immune to the negative impact of giving our bodies to the whole block at the same time. Besides, all that effort and resources a man can use to cheat would be better served maintaining his actual relationship.
Please research islam it will bring you peace and guidance its a great religion.
See😮
That "You did me wrong? You've hurt me!? We're done." is me. I used to be very forgiving till I forgave out. But that's becuz I allowed to many unforgivable ppl in my life.
Everyone is forgivable. The man that killed my brother a few years ago I forgave him and no it’s not always easy but it’s good too bc at the end of the day your peace and happiness belongs to you no one should be able to take that away not even murderers, abusers, or that friend that hurt you to the core of your heart. Colossians 3:13 and Matthew 6:14
@@quinettabarley sorry for your loss but when i said "unforgivable" I was talking about me giving ppl countless chances thinkin they would change. Now I pay attention to red flags and act accordingly
Yh I’m at that point
God says that we gotta forgive 77X7. 🤷♀️
@@alexandraolivares38 I don't believe in God
Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. After I was cheated on that was something very important that I learned. Forgiveness is letting go of anger towards some thing. If you were able to reconcile that’s a different thing. ❤
I only recently learned that and I'm so glad I did. Forgiveness is actually for yourself, not the other person. It's not telling them they're absolved, it's about letting go. About not letting it hurt you anymore.
Sometimes, the people don't even need to know you've forgiven the thing they did.
yeah forgiveness comes naturally and usually as a byproduct of understanding but that doesn’t mean u want someone back. forgiveness isn’t selfless. its also selfish, bc if we carry resentment its us drinking poison u feel me
If you have actually let if go then there is nothing to reconcile from because the issue is passed now and you have 'let it go'.
But there's always a reason self knows why self get cheated from lacking or not even communicating true intentions most women don't even love who they choose & men knows enough about that part to cheat regardless
So smart, insightful and well spoken in truth!! Good job young lady!!!
If a man tells me he cheated after 10 years, I'll tell him I cheated too and wait for his reaction. If he cusses me out and asks for a break up, that's the exact treatment he'll get from me. Treat people how you want to be treated!
You're a genius 😊👌
I'd just catch up with him then keep it going of he wants lol 😅 let's see who will cry more now.
😂😂😂 great idea, I'd do this as well
@@busayoad10 Oh WOW!! You have an awesome and inspirational RUclips page 🤩 I've just become your new sub☺️
That such a brilliant strategy 👏
I love her whole answer ...human is all we are....thank you girl
Bullshit! There is really no excuse for anyone who cheats on their spouse. Leaving doesn't I'm gonna cut him off or I'm never gonna forgive him, it just means we are never gonna be the same again.
@@kuldoxy5637 exactly. She sounds stupid AF.
Lol girl no..
We are human. However, only demons cheat
While it would absolutely hurt to be cheated on, after 10 years the circumstances DOES matter when deciding whether I would stay or leave. If you have children and you actually love your spouse, it’s not so cut/dry.
That’s why boundaries should be set at the beginning of a relationship that way there’s no excuses if a person crosses them.
Agreed
I like that..
This*
GOD HAS FORGIVEN US YES ITS IMPORTANT 2 FORGIVE, BUT IF A GROW MAN KEEP BRAKING YOUR SPIRIT, MIND, YOUR INPEACE OVER AND OVER AGAIN, HE IS WELL AWARE OF WHAT HE I DOING, KICK HIM 2 THE CURB.
I literally just wrote the same thing!
this girl is so wise 🥰
Cheating is not a mistake. It's 100 percent intentional.
Actually it can be both. Cuz mistakes arent based on intention, its about something simply not being right
@@madmagboy nope.
@@colinnixon7739 yes. Pick up a dictionary, dolt
@@colinnixon7739 he's a 100% correct
Let me tell you, I do not choose when I look at a girl and my brain just WANTS that person. I can't control it until I rub one out it legitimately obfuscates my judgment. Never caved in, but the feeling was powerful and almost a force pulling md towards that other person.
I may be in the minority but if my husband cheated, that means he's not "in love" with me anymore. That's not just being hurt. That is a STAB in the heart.
@@Cherish2Day I'm sorry that happened to you. You will find better, if that's what you want.
I'm with you in that minority.
@@Cherish2DayI am sorry yet, I need to know we're you down for whatever he was doing to go to the Fed? That is the only way I can see you staying for two long-term Federal vacations! , no disrespect but if not it would have been over because he was in there cheating. I was an officer for 4 years and the ones you least expect be the ones in there talk about they are not gay because they're the one who's on top then they walk out of prison and go be with a woman😢 the fact that he kept going back would have been enough for me
So you're leaving and taking half with you?
@@thebeatnumber I divorced my 1st husband and I left with what a brought in and we shared custody of our child. We had an amicable divorce. I didn't forgive him, and he did more than just cheat on me. Not to mention he cheated on me while dating but i didn't find out until after we were married. Then he cheated again when i was pregnant with our child. So i actually tried to forgive him the 1st time and i stayed ( i was young and dumb). But didn't immediately leave after the 2nd time. I stayed another 2 yrs but he started acting up. So i left. We were separated for 1 yr. But we still maintained a civil relationship throughout the raising of our son. After a yr, I filed for a divorce. I have since married again and have been happily married over 20yrs to a man who was also cheated on by his ex wife. So we both know the pain of betrayal and adore respect each other and are truly appreciative for our reciprocal trust and loyalty to each other.
Cheating isn’t a mistake…and that man put your health at risk and not only that the side woman could be crazy so you put Your wife and kids at risk. No thank you
@Brittney Davis I completely agree!!! Men don't realize the WHOLE PICTURE when cheating.
This is thee comment right here.
TRUTH!!!!
Omg exactly what i said! It’s so much that comes with letting another man/woman into your marriage.
So true!!!
Ok love me some Keke Palmer! She seems hella real and down to earth
It isn’t about being perfect. Cheating is never a mistake.
She is not talkin about mistakes she is talking about forgiveness for those who have done her wrong.but at the same time she wants to understand their wrongdoings towards her, because she said before she wasn't that way and she would just cut a person off.But she is not speaking about mistakes she is speaking about forgiveness.
Wrong cheating is always a mistake
But cheating is a possibility the longer the relationship. I know a couple who was married for over 30 years. The old man said every 10 years they would renew the vows cause every 10 years something bad or a crisis would
Happen. From the Great Depression to cheating. Everybody wants forever after but don’t know what comes with that.
@@yodasoreal8963 NOPE cheating is a WILLFUL act...a mistake is leaving your key or wallet at home 🤷🏾♀️
Wrong!!! People do a lot of things they normally wouldn’t do depending on what happening at that time in their life.
It's better to be alone than in the wrong company
The point went right over you're head.
@@vladimirmomperousse They're right.
@@shiannallen5939 w kids and a family? single mother? good luck. (and ik she’s “Keke Palmer” so she’ll most likely be good financially, but not everyone got that luxury)
@@shiannallen5939nah they ain’t right. Listen up kid, when you become an adult maybe your small mind will open up a bit and you’ll be able to see things a little deeper than surface level
💯
I divorced my ex husband after 20 years of marriage . He worked long distance as the family planned to relocate. He cheated there and as it got worse he stopped coming home and stop contributing. No communication no closer was given. Now he moved back to the state I live in and married a woman a few years older than our oldest child. He text and call wishing things were different. That just let me know he's that same person and I pray for that young lady he married.
Wow, sad that you went through that. Just uped and left. It seems like most of these men have no character. I have witnessed this behaviour before, it is shocking.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s not your fault that some men choose to be horrible.
@@rosewatersweettea ...thank you. They sure make you feel like it's your fault. After that have sucked you dry then they want to play the field but once he got that factory job he was with everything moving and shaking. Just terrible.
The funny thing is the younger person thinks that they're getting a prize but really all. They're getting is beat up old car that needs a totally new engine and you can't change somebody's heart Or their mindset
@@cvzdez The young ones don’t think they’re getting a prize, they know they’re getting a sucker and a loser and 9 times out of 10 the younger girl takes the loser for everything he has, like the ex was supposed to but was to afraid to…
Facts! Everyone is going to hurt you even if they love you, family, mom and dad
NOT ZERO SUM CHEATER. You can forgive and still leave them. That's the more sensible and mature option!
Reading the first few comments, some of y’all need to rewatch the video a few times. Never did she say “just stay”. The point she was nailing is “COMMUNICATE BEFORE TAKING ACTION.” Not all hurt is intentional. And there are genuinely good people that make mistakes. Having a conversation will help you determine if this is a good person who made a mistake, or a bad person who needs to get axed. Her response was perfect. Love you Keke! ❤
Nah that's a weak ass mentality, that's why you women are always the sad miserable ones. Strong mature women don't have time don't give chances to be cheated on again. I'm a dude, I support mentally strong women out there.
Him communicating that he cheated would be all that communication I need.
Absolutely perfectly said!❤. People communicate poorly because they listen poorly. What said was very clear however the definitely missed it😞
@@swiftkarma4436exactly 😂 lmao doormats go to the extreme playing ring around the rosey to say "he dogged me but he wasnt mean so i can stay he could've dogged me worse."
🙄Good people know that cheating is bad and why. It's not rocket science. Stop making excuses. It's literally stupid to pretend whole ADULTS do not know what disrespect and infidelity are. Side-eye anyone so frivolous with their damn body that sex can ever be a "mistake" and a "oops" Lol. 👀
If anything about what I type below sounds reasonable to you, you're playing in your own face: ....
*"I unintentionally hurt you by literally cheating on you. As an adult I somehow did not know that I should not have sex with someone I'm not married to while I'm MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE. I didn't know it would affect you. I didn't know what a marriage was when I asked for it and signed the legally binding documents. Oops. I love you. I regret the action, don't leave me. It was just an accident my feelings were confused."*
🙃
If you cheat, I will never trust you again. It's a boundary, if crossed, is the end of the relationship. People do hurt you...but where do we cross the line?
Ppl actions are a test of how far they can go until you put an end to it
He doesn’t belong to you…the hell lol
@@Velvet.323 If you felt how horny men are for 1 hour….you wouldn’t even as for that loyalty. Y’all don’t have empathy for men at all
Wherever you wanna cross the line
@@ONEPILL_I see you’re a cheater
My husband cheated on me after 15 years of marriage. That hurt so bad and sent me into the darkest depression ever. Some times you have to evaluate the relationship from top to bottom and pick what’s going to be your line in the sand.
Christine Williams I’m sorry that he hurt you so badly. I’ve been in countless abusive relationships starting at 13 with an 18-year-old as well as growing up with an abusive father. I hope you’re in a much better place now. I love the last sentence you wrote. It really brought a smile to my face…like Hell Yeah!!!!!! 😁😉❤️🔥
Would you have been allowed to do the same in the marriage? (Not saying that you would, but would he have tolerated the same behavior from you that he engaged in himself?)
@@TomikaKelly it was so complicated. I wanted to rebound so bad but I didn’t just because we have 3 kids together and I’m so protective over my children. There was no way I was going to bring that much strife into their lives.
😢
@@laurels2004 oh my goodness are you okay? ☹
Keke is so
Well spoken I love her so much…
Let it hurt ladies... Leave him alone immediately!!
Immediately
I have to 100% agree with this.. I believe in forgiveness, but once a man cheats and you forgive them you now have told them what you are willing to accept. It’s only downhill from there.
Women also cheat
@@Yezel93 so ! Then leave
@@Yezel93
Who said they didn’t?
Meanwhile that man wouldn't forgive her. Give men the same energy they give you. That's how you get respect
Yeeeessss.
They always come crying about why are you doing this or that .... well you did it first and I just thought it's okay 😅😅😅so I do it too. My ex had this disappearing act he'd do when he wasn't having his way. The first time he did it I was soooo stressed out then he cane back and made me the villain. Then he did it again and I realised oh okay ..... I left him to his own devices till he came back complaining and crying why I wasn't looking for him etc. I just told him I wanted to give him all the time he needs and when he finished he could just find me. Needless to say he never tried that again. Give them the exact same energy 😅
Exactlyyyy she’s a clown
Keke comes across as a real person. Not Hellywood, not watered-down. Just real and down to Earth.
Exactly, very real... And all these comments saying she made a mistake to say that out loud. Please, does Keke look like a doormat? Does she look stupid? 🙄😏
“HELLYWOOD” 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Really how majority of them are. Keke stands strong in her faith u can tell, devil probably scared to try & get over on her.
That's that southside Chicago in her, she can't help but keep it real
Yes she is never heard things bad about hear she kept her self very well proud of this young lady
@@JaiK64 OK that's the only way to because will have something to say no matter what I forgot she was from Chicago
She has great points. Life is not Black and White, but gray and colorful. People make mistakes, people are not perfect. You can be right or you can be happy. I have hurt others 💔 so why would I cut ✂️ off people who hurt me. Been married for 30 years and I have not cheated but would be lying if I said I never thought about it or wasn't tempted!!! I have talked with my wife about rigidity and unforgiveness... Being perfect is too high of a standard for me to meet..
having respect for your partner is also a huge part of "LOVE" , cheating isn't one of it
Say it louder for the people in the back who don't know nothing.
Did you even listen to her.
People make mistakes, but if he’s a serial cheater then girl you deserve better.
@@obiebuka1152 cheating isn’t a “mistake” tho 🤨 how do you accidentally form a secret intimate relationship with someone you’re not married to?
@@celestelindsey8522 A mistake is not an accident. Those are two different things.
They cheat on you once that trust is gone forever. There’s a difference between forgiveness and trust.
Difference between forgiveness, trust, and reconciliation.
Right like you chose to f*ck someone behind my back and then come home to me and my children acting like you didnt just do that on the low hell no cause that clearly means you dont like me anymore which is fine but break up first dont cheat
Big Difference 💪🏾
Yeah no trust and bad communication means its dead.
Trust can be rebuilt, though it will take a lot of time and effort from both individuals.
She's so wise. I could listen to her talk forever.
Keke Palmer is such an intelligent, practical young woman.
She’s so wise, she didn’t say to blindly stay with the man. Just finding an understanding of the situation so you can make a proper, well thought out, decision
And yes that decision can be to leave
Agreed
Exactly‼️
What understanding? 8/10 cheaters cheat again. There is no proper reason to cheat on anyone.
Lets say the problem was the lack of paying attention- why would that equal sleep someone else? Cheating is giving into lustful things and such it has nothing to do with your partner and has EVERYTHING to do with yourself. You just find a reason to justify your wrong doings when in reality cheating is never a response to minor relationship problems. If you can cheat you can talk to your PARTNER about whats wrong.
Never forgive someone for something they planned to do, cheating is a plan not a mistake
Yup, and your feelings have been ignored while making this pan
Why do we as people pretend that everything in life is black and white? We make the same mistakes over and over again in pursuit of absolute clarity. Maybe just start by adding "I will" to the begining of your sentance would give you more clarity on the inner work you may need to do. I think then people would appreciate the valuable lessons from YOUR personal story while also having the space to form THEIR own valid opinion.
i wouldn't throw away a 10 year relationship like that. I agree with Keke, that it very much depends on the true feelings of the person or if the relationship truly is over for you or the other person. I think walking out the door and throwing 10 years away without even a real talk is a mistake.
@@Ray03595 10 years versus that person bringing you back an incurable disease, another child, or a crazy person in yalls life that doesn't understand it was a one night stand, thats a lot of risk to just throw caution to the wind for a quickie
@@MeltingOnYourMind You're right, people do selfish, terrible things sometimes and it would be a hard thing to come back from. I think it would depend on so many circumstances that I couldn't definitively say what I would do, but I would need an explanation first and the persons true feelings about our relationship.
Ugh I love Keke!! Needed this message.
It's not just that I lost trust in the man after he cheated, It's that I lost respect. I could never respect a man who sneaks around, lies, puts his family at risk. You just can't come back from that.
@@antoniohawkins9048well the man was shit to begin with
There are way better guys out there than cheaters
Why are you trying to scare your daughter and telling her the ocean is small
@Anonzojua i don't think if a man is successful means automatically he is a good one , a good man has his life put together and knows whats important and how to live not some dude who needs a side piece who he don't care about or provide to feel like hes the man
@Anonzojua that’s why people with your thinking die alone. You put sex over everything. A temporary feeling over lasting genuine love. It’s selfish and in the end you’ll live to regret it when you are used up and no one wants to be bothered with you, not even your kids.
@@antoniohawkins9048ego has nothing to do with dealing with a cheater
@Anonzojua a man with money isn’t rare, it’s a man with money. A rare man is a loyal man, a man that values himself and his body. A man that if he knew how deeply rooted soul ties and energy transfers were he wouldn’t sleep with just anybody.
There is a difference between forgiving and cutting off & forgiving and staying in a damaging relationship.
Or forgiving and repairing the relationship.
@@nca4794 I feel like people forget that’s a thing. They treat relationships like a cell phone, if it’s bugged just go get a newer model rather than take it to a shop and getting it fixed.
Repairing relationships don’t cross people’s minds.
@@nca4794 Some relationships are not worth repairing, tho'. It depends on what type of relationship and what kind of damage was done. Don't ya' think?
@@fadumomohamed2342 I agree. Some relationships do need to end, but sometimes we need to show more humility. I think there's a difference between hurting people on purpose and making a bad decision that causes a loved one to hurt. For me, that's the starting place of determining if it's destructive or reparative.
@@jaywholoveseveryone1721 absolutely! I have walked away too. I just think we increasingly have a burn the bridge mentality, and we don't have to in every situation. But vulnerability is hard, and that's what it takes to forge a better relationship. But, every case is different.
Fuck that! Aint no amount of love in this world that’s gonna make me stay with a cheater, abuser, or stay in a toxic ass relationship.
And to be honest ... cheating is emotionally and mentally abusive.
Exactly
That is your line.
Women say that all the time but I've seen sooo many women, across many ages take SO much foolishness and disrespect.
I really hope all the women in the comments are living up to this in real life...because in real life I see women getting PLAYED by men that aren't even worth it. And that goes beyond cheating...but usually includes cheating too. Smh
I feel you boo😂😂😂😂 But I don't think she was saying stay in something that's toxic, or a situation that's obviously not going to work...
When she said she found herself alone, i felt that. Thats what having standards does... it forces you to go through seasons of solitude. If ppl are not on our wavelength, we dont have to relax our standards to accept something subpar from them, just because it eliminates the possibility of being lonely. I'll choose solitude over betrayal.
She is not marry material she will be alone
Fr Fr call me lonely because it hurt to keep allowing people to hurt you I love people but they always find away to hurt me
Nope, cheating is unacceptable..
Damn .why is cheating that bad?? It happens. Still can love that person
@@brotherLee340If you truly love a person and want to be with them, why do something you know will hurt them? Cheating is that bad, and also cheating doesn’t just happen. People have every right to leave a mf that cheated/cheating.
@@brotherLee340 will you forgive your wife if she cheats on you?
@@queenprincess4life I might. Especially if we been down 10+ years. It wouldnt be easy. But it also depends on the situation.
@@brotherLee340 you're up and down these comments defending cheating. give it a rest, brother james.
"You are going to be hurt by people, because people are not perfect." This hit hard af
You don't have to be perfect to love someone so much that you would go out of your way not to hurt them. I know hurt comes in different forms but I personally believe that if someone loves you, like really really loves you there are certain things they would never do and breaking your trust so completely is one of them.
@@canone.colombe you could have a quickie in a bar or something, can definitley happen in the spur of the moment, but i agree that most times there are some planning to it where the person had time to think it through
@@alexterieur8813still don't want someone that's the type that has quickies in bars 😂
@@jenster29 fair enough but still better than to know someone who has premeditated affairs
@@alexterieur8813 A quickie doesn't seem to make it even a smidge better in my mind
I feel people rarely ever ask men this, and they certainly dont expect men to stay or judge them for leaving.
When a man cheats, its always "Oh but it was one time" or "he was going through something" or "dont throw away a relationship because of a mistake"
But when a woman cheats, it's an immediate "she's for the streets"
Double standards are ridiculous
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿🎯✨
This is literally not true. Go and Google literally any cheat stats. It's usually women who have the justification and excuses. Not men. It's also usually women whom are met with support groups.
You are 💯 correct!!
Men and women are not the same it’s not a double standard I swear y’all don’t understand the nature of males
Well said. You’re 100% correct
She's so wise beyond her years, and a beautiful spirit to match ❤😍
She's speaking truth. She's not saying be a fool for someone, but she's saying give the same grace you expect to receive.
Exactly
Absolutely ❤
Umm no people actions show you how they feel about you. These same people wouldn't tolerate it from you
Men don't stay if their woman cheats. Why should they expect women to? Selfish behaviour. Ive known women who are on medication because when they caught their spouse cheating they go into a panic attack everytime they remember it. One lady says she feels like she is stuck in that moment. She is in her 50s and has been a housewife her entire life.l so she is afraid to leave and branch out on her own. Her husband just continues to cheat and she is dying.
A woman would never receive grace for cheating though
Forgiveness is necessary whether you stay or leave. Remember, forgiving is more about you than the offender. It's about letting go and moving on from that hurt energy.
Precisely!
Preach 🙌🏽
Keke is hands down the best communicator I’ve EVER witnessed. She’s sharp, her opinions are always thoughtful, clear and concise with and she takes no time putting them across. Beauty and Brains! I’m a Big Fan!
Same....i agree
Period. Totally agree!!
Except this is dumb advice
It's important to know why the person cheated
If it can be solved
Solve it and stay
If it can't be solved
Just go in peace
If it can't
I left after 30 yrs of marriage 😎and never looked back after court was over ✌🏾I was Totally Disrespected
Girl been there!! And Good job !! Time doesn’t equate to loyalty and commitment ..perrrriiod!!❤
Screaming you said that with full pride and confidence 😂
💪💪💪👏👏👏
My hero 👸🏽
yes ma’am I know that’s right
Naaah man there is a difference between someone hurting you and someone betraying you. I can forgive someone who hurt me but betrayal never.
Precisely! That's a snake move!
Whats considered hurting?
@@777YOUniverse well if someone can say something mean or hurtful to you for example or can do something that you find hurtful (but not violence)
That’s what she’s saying.
NEVER
she’s so real for this. especially the thing about cutting people off
Yeah I felt that part
Sometimes cutting people off (including family members) is a must for the sake of our wellbeing, sometimes even survival. If she’s willing to stay that’s her decision but it’s not for everybody, do whatever you feel will benefit you the most, think about yourself before others from time to time because chances are, not many are thinking about you.
I did, too.
OMG I love the way she described that!!! She spoke facts but it is very hard when it comes to forgiving and leaving someone in your heart
I was married 10 years two kids. The first mistress got pregnant, but I stayed. The 11th year came and he got another woman pregnant. I ended it all didn’t look back… in my book ,once a cheater always a cheater..
Oh my! Sorry you had to experience but glad you made the right decision eventually.
Oh my word! 💔
I'm so sorry you went through that 🥺💐
Always
Oh no! That husband needs to be fixed!
You are lucky he didn’t give you an STD since he didn’t care enough to use protection.
If alone means peace, then so be it! You can forgive, but you can't be a doormat. Being intimate with someone and letting them back in your bed is a negative. Actions have consequences. You can forgive, but you don't have to accept mistreatment. Don't dim your light for the comfort of someone else or to not be alone.
Everybody can run their relationship however it fits them. People can cheat and still be good people.
@Deeds To The Deeder thats extreme. Cheaters aren't scum forever. Its a terrible decision but honestly something that's pretty normal. It makes you stupid but doesn't make you a bad person. You can still be a good father, friend, and person. I don't know any perfect person.
@Deeds To The Deeder AMEN
@@brotherLee340 I think the issue is that many women may not realize how pervasive cheating really is. We have been raised in a western mindset of monogamy, coupled with Hollywood's fictitious portrayals of "perfect" relationships. The outcome is our misunderstanding of the nature of men.
I admit that cheating is really tough to deal with, really hard. But if the majority of men will be unfaithful at some point, then as women we will have no choice but to redefine relationships. Otherwise, there will be no more communities and everyone suffers, especially the children.
@@tracienatural2405 So, you’re suggesting women cheat back? If not, this message has been preached to women since the existence of the west. It’s not some new concept. The same way women are raised to be loyal and respectful should also be apart of men’s upbringing. Most women don’t even cum from sex with their long term partners. I guarantee you most of those women wouldn’t pass up a sure thing if it weren’t for societal and family repercussions.
Loyalty is the boundary PERIOD. If you can't be loyal you are worthless.
This!!!
💯🙌🏾
Pretty much
Are u loyal tho?
Absolutely!!
Excellent points. Everybody gets hurt at some point about something and we all hurt someone before.
The only real reply I've read here.
The rest was just shallow pandering.
%99 of these comments, were people chastizing their exes and calling them cheaters
That doesn't even make sense statistically.
Theres some cheaters in these comments who dont view themselves as such, because they didn't get caught therefore they have the delusion of moral superiority.
I think trust and loyalty are a much bigger part of love than forgiveness.
I agree
Can’t go one without the other they are all important
exactly. I can forgive and forget forever, but that trust is gone.
I disagree
@@alexanderromero293 yes, all important
In order to forgive, one has to first recognize the mistake and ask for forgiveness. Some people have too much pride and little to no humility.
Forgiving has nothing to do with people asking for forgiveness. Those are two separate people with their respective actions. We forgive babies and toddlers, and they mostly don’t ask for forgiveness or say “sorry”.
@@IamParalegal you stand correct. There’s always a gray area. My opinion on the matter is in relation to what Ms. Keke said which had nothing to do with babies.
@Mel R. THIS HERE ☝🏿☝🏿☝🏿AGREED!
Thanks so much for mentioning that. Peoples concept of forgiveness is so twisted out there and they primarily forget this important part.
sometimes you can forgive & love people from a distance
I agree.
Ase!❤
Wow‼️ she is so wise and I feel this and I agree with her 💯
Forgiveness means you understand they're an imperfect human that will make mistakes but doesn't entitle them to remain in your life. Guard your hearts people. Many time people allow themselves to be mistreated bc they forgave you and remain in dumb situations, that's how people get abused.
Sometimes forgiveness means move on with your life
This is well said and very true. This is forgiveness
All depends on the nature of the offense, and as she said the level of contrition.
When kids are involved you owe it to the children to try to make it work.
@@christianjames92toxic af mentality
I whole heartedly feel that cheating is not a mistake. You knew exactly what you were doing when you did it. And honestly thats not something i can get over or come back from. 10 years? What wasnt happening with us that you just HAD to be with someone else intimately? You should never have room/time to open yourself up IN THAT WAY to another person. Period
This!! You knew exactly what you were doing. You wanted to do it. If not, you could have done like Daniel did Potiphers wife...... run like the dickens!!!!!Dickenson!!!!!!
Keke is a breath of fresh air. So much sense and maturity
But what she said didn’t really make sense. Ppl should take care of what and who they care for.
Umm no excuses for cheating. That's selfish and they can go with the cat down the street. Hard pass. I can forgive from a distance. Self respect is higher than the love I have for someone else
We don't want to admit it especially with this touchy subject she's speaking on, but she is very mature and wise beyond her years. Not to mention her vernacular is so pleasing to listen to, that old soul shines through so eloquently.
But more to her point, grace has truly gone out of fashion.
She's not saying to stay with Pookie or Ray Ray...no one should even be entertaining a Pookie or Ray Ray; but she is saying that if you have someone who clearly made a commitment to you in good faith and after 10 years and life circumstances y'all seemed to have lost your way, she's saying she would put in the effort to try to find where all was lost.. Especially if your partner has shown genuine remorse for their mistake.
We all need grace at some point or another in our lives. Remember that.
No. This isn't maturity. This is being a doormat.
Facts
True message throughout the hold video💯
I have been that way as well. I cut people off so quickly. I'm learning to have more grace for people. Within reason, of course.
EDIT: Let me be clear. Constant cheating or violence is something I don't condone you sticking around for more of. If you know your partner is prone to those kinds of behavior, then exiting would be your best option.
And that's exactly what she is saying
Having grace for someone is not allowing yourself to be disrespectful.’cheating is not a mistake or an accident. It’s takes effort. Especially these days …
Yea, I have too, but bout time, I've cut ppl off its more.than twice...its like 5 times at that point you have to save yourself!!
Nope. I refuse to normalise cheating or accept it.
Same for me
After 10 yrs? I’ll forgive you but im also forgetting you✌🏽
So after 10 great years?. You wouldn't even think about staying or forgiving him?
@@brotherLee340I did he cheated once more after the first time" fucking no we shouldn't say ya"ll men don't change when we forgive the first time. U take us as foosl. He cheated after 10yr s of being together I forgive him he cheated again at this point we've been together 13yrs. He know I hate him no one wants a cheater.
Facts
My husband cheated on me . And since I've learned to love me . He's an ex .. I don't forgive . What he would never . From me .
@@brotherLee340wasn’t great if he cheated!
Women should learn self respect from men. MEN DO NOT STAY AFTER BEING CHEATED ON
Even if you mention to a man you’re going to date other man as a threat they don’t stay long after
Oh my goodness I always say this! The average man is not going to put up with anything remotely close to this type of disrespect. Men always think they deserve better and can get it. We should do what they do when it comes to this.
Very true. Women get sick, men don’t stay, women cheat, men don’t stay. Women stop having sex or serving them, men don’t stay. Men have high standards but expect women to lower them bc “no ones perfect.”
That’s nonsense. I know several men who stayed after being cheated on.
@@artingwithmy4879 There are always exceptions to the rule.
Great answer. She's so intelligent.
NEVER forgive what a man won’t. When you stay they lose respect for you
If they are in love with you they wouldn’t feel that way. I think it’s so sad that we are so hard on one another. It’s a generation of unhappy people.
@Patricia Davis no maam, i respect you but in yall generation yall stay because some didnt had no choice or income. You have to be realistic. Nobody should habe to stay because a man or woman cheat
Whew! This is DEEP 💪🙏🏼♥️ love this comment ❣️
@@princessgolden that lack of income, was a good thing because it forced them to stay and work it out (but women have worked for a long time) and gave them a chance to get past it and they were the better for it. In a generation, not because of income, but because people can support themselves and subsidize their lifestyles, they don't have a buffer between things that happen and their reaction. Lots of people react irrationally to many things, and people leave for all types of reasons whereas had you had had a lack of income or children or something other than you that snaps you out of your feelings, then you make a lot if quick decisions and you will never know what you missed. Lots of people will stay regardless of income or not because it's not about that, if you love someone you love them more than yourself, and perhaps even unconditionally. I haven't been cheated on but I don't think people are stupid to stay, I understand.
тrυe...υ нave тo aт leaѕт ѕeparaтe ғor a вιт...тнe conѕeqυenceѕ мυѕт вe ғelт!