+Alimentatievraag Hello there! You are most welcome. Looking at your channel's name, I thought I really should send you this link. Hidden Brain is a podcast I am addicted to and I thought the following episode could interest you: www.npr.org/2018/02/12/584531641/when-did-marriage-become-so-hard Best wishes :- )
Often, people who have been through horrific trauma find it EXTREMELY difficult to ask for help, having learned early on that help will not come and it's pointless asking. :(
It's pointless to ask some people - they don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. I can totally relate to that. But if humanity was made up of only those special kind of assholes we wouldn't be where we are today... There are lots of people out there who'd give you the shirt off their back once they know you're a decent person and would help them in turn if the tables where turned. But someone has to make the first step...
They are just playing victim card. Sure they have problems, I will not deny that. But they have to realize that they have more power and control over their lifes than they think they do and act on it.
They will never get what they think they want and if you try to give them that you will make them more miserable because they will even more think there is not help. Help is in their hands not someone else's.
I agree with you wholeheartedly but don't give them compassion what they think they want. Those people need help but they need help that is not what they think that it.
But what if those people around are the cause of one's depression, anger & anxiety? Not everyone is fortunate enough to land around kind people. One thing I leanred in life is: never hesitate to get out and away from toxic group of people. Sometimes the bullying and discrimination are so subtle and psychological and unanimous in the group that you start to doubt if there's really something wrong with you, when in fact it's never your fault all along. You thought if you stick around, you would change their mind / prove them wrong. No, you need to let go and move on, ASAP. And no one is there to save you. You need to save yourself.
Ai Fan Look for people who have the same problem as you. Look for a support group. Especially if you’re in the West. There are many many of them. We sometimes think it’s the people next to us who can help but it ends up being superficial. We sometimes think a therapist will do the trick but it takes forever to get to know them and forms and so on (not knocking it, it’s just a process) but finding people who are dealing with the same shit you are dealing with, then you find home, find a way. It’s out there. Keep looking.
The sad truth is scream as you might, people only notice what they want to notice.(saying this from experience) I too have attempted to "scream" but my concerns have always been sidelined to deal with others' concerns. Whenever I bring up my thoughts or feelings, I always end having to listen to the person I opened up to talk about their worries and concerns. So I stopped screaming.
Look for people who have the same problem as you. Look for a support group. Especially if you’re in the West. There are many many of them. We sometimes think it’s the people next to us who can help but it ends up being superficial. We sometimes think a therapist will do the trick but it takes forever to get to know them and forms and so on (not knocking it, it’s just a process) but finding people who are dealing with the same shit you are dealing with, then you find home, find a way. It’s out there. Keep looking..
I often feel like my problem gets stereotyped and people think they know things about my issue before even asking me. Also, sometimes people assume I would be reluctant to make changes and treat me as part of the problem. It's like they are trying to fight against me, instead of fighting against the problem with me on their side.
Agreed. You do have to play the “dating” game until you find the right therapist for you. Ive encountered racist therapists. Sexist ones. And greedy ones so in a rush to get to their next overbooked client that they blow right through our session and even right me a rushed prescription with another clients name.
Thank you for watching. For more from us please consider subscribing and turning on notifications. For our app click here: goo.gl/JXgknD For our conference in the USA this March click here: goo.gl/hWdeGC
This is such a powerful and eye-opening message. Those closest to you may not realize what you're going through because you are too afraid to tell them. It's important that we have someone to confide in and to look for signs from others when they are in trouble so that we can help everyone live full out.
I know that feeling. This hurts. What helps me at such a place of hurt is if I'm the first person to help myself, be charming towards my situation. Feel Empathy about how stuck I am. Be the one who cares about me. That lifts the burden of life a litte, just enough
This may sound a bit harsh, but: Maybe it's because you're surrounded by narcissistic assholes and your best bet would be to seek different company. Sometimes we don't know how different life can be once you get away from toxic relationships which only drag you down because that's all we know since the day we've been born... There are nice and decent people out there, many of them, often in places you least suspect them to be. Be kind to strangers in need for help and they may in turn thank you by helping you just as much if not more.
When I was 14-15 years old , no one , not even my parents could understand what I was feeling no matter how much I explained to them It can really be hard to explain when you’re a teen. An outward manifestation of the rage / frustration
Totally agree, we are surrounded by people who are good and willing to help others but just can’t catch other’s hints. We should speak louder and listen more carefully with enough patience.
The problem with screaming is that if you do it often enough, people start to take you a lot less seriously because they'll just think you're an attention seeker.
Thanks for the video. When I feel down I don't know what help to ask for and I think my requests are too vague for people around me to understand. People are, broadly speaking, rubbish at listening. Even if you feel you're ok looking after yourself, find people you can go to who listen in a way that works for you (see the other school of life video on being a good listener). If you, as a friend, are approached by someone needing a listener but are worried you can't do enough : encourage your friends to seek professional help (and keep listening as best you can). No matter how good we might become from our own practice, professional help is potentially powerful. I don't think I can save someone, the best I can do is help them tread water.
Shiby Very true.. I am one one of those I was never allowed to cry or laugh I was simply a robot I never had a normal childhood, now and then I get the worst depressions you imagine.
My friend has committed suicide few weeks after our last conversation. We spent a day together, I was on my way home after military service and waited for a train at his place, so we had a bunch of time to talk. I was so excited and couldn't wait to see my family and friends at last, so I didn't pay much attention to his words. There is a belief that depression has no face, but that was not the case, this guy had signs, no, huge red flags that I've successfully ignored. I asked him what he's gonna do after coming back home (he still had 6 months of service ahead), he said he's not going back. I didn't take this seriously and asked if he's going to continue military career, and he was like "no, man, never mind" and we started talking about movies and other stupid things, gosh. I don't know if I was able to help him, but I didn't even try. Now when someone asks if I have regrets in my life, this is one of those memories that come to mind first.
In my experience, people are utterly terrified of approaching anything approaching genuine emotion. Everyone hurts but refuses to search for a bond over it, choosing instead to self medicate in one way or another. Empty platitudes are expected. Talking about anything deeper than last week's Marvel movie is strange and unwarranted.
Luisa Vasquez You may have a point there. Perhaps we have the appreciation required for this kind of conversation, but are too afraid to have them with those whose opinions of us actually matter to us. There's got to be a good way to tap into that common need.
BennickGAdeus I have hope that humanity will find a way to do so, but I don't think it's just others opinion of us, otherwise people wouldn't hesitate to seek therapy from complete strangers. It's as if being faceless helps "keep face" like no one can trace the truth back to any spacific person if its anonymous thus keeping the illusion of having everything "right/perfect"
These people whom need help actually are the ones who have tried screaming but in reality did not get the help and the response that they actually needed, from society or even family or friends. For an example in the case of depression, because ones little understanding of depression they might think depression is just a common state of being sad and you'll get over it one day. By belittling this, the people who need help eventually stops seeking help because they know it is useless and hopeless, they won't understand and will mock us anyway. As a person who is still fighting depression, I say that the people who understand and have lived trough it or even still struggling should share more regardless how hard it is to share such "emotionally heavy" matter, so that these people know where to look help, to the people who can empathize and can help you understand.
Having known someone who does not hesitate at the drop of hat to asking for help for even the slightest inconvenience, like many things in life, i think it's also about finding the right balance.
The way my mind works is that I’ve heard all my life that when I need help, there’s no shame is asking for it, or “screaming” like in the video. I never believed it though. I thought that asking for help means I’m too weak to figure things out on my own. And my own embarrassment of asking for help, even when I desperately need it, even though I know I should, validates to me that something is wrong with me and that if I can’t fix it myself, then my thinking goes back to the beginning. However, I usually think the opposite of others
Ive suffered with derealization and depersonalisation for like 2 months or maby more in the past... but now i m fine once u stop worrying about it, it fades away on its own
This feels incredibly relevant to me as of late... It feels like everybody just has bigger, more important problems than me and I'm just ungrateful for the life I have; this video is a real wake-up call.
I've always detested asking for help because that doesn't only make me feel weak and needy, but makes me appear as such as well. Thus basically reaffirming my fears about myself
That's a very good point but it's so hard to have the energy to scream when one feels like one doesn't even have the energy to live. Maybe, at the same time that we encouraging hurting people to scream, we should encourage everyone else to inquire more deeply when there might be some hint that someone is hurting. The question, "How are you?" should be heartfelt and not simply a matter of a socially automated process. When someone asks this question, they fully expect everyone they ask to say, "Fine." When someone responds with the truth about how they're feeling like total shit, people tend to get upset because the socially-acceptable response is to say one is fine. I say that people who don't want to know how someone else is shouldn't ask. Then, when people do ask, they are expecting an honest answer and that would make it easier for other people to actually give an honest answer to that question. We need to stop pretending like our fellow human beings either have no emotions or are always "fine."
This makes me so much grateful to the fact that I'm so in the environment where i can reach up to people and they actually want to help thats so liberating. #Love from #Pakistan
Youcef Koceïlla Sellam That is untrue and trust me I’ve been there and it won’t change anything; it will make you more depressed. You need someone in your life from time to time.. Not just anyone, but the right person.
It's just that my perspective is different than yours, you've been there and it didn't help you, that's a thing, that's your own experience, mine has been different, and many people view things the way i do.
Very interesting topic! Trying to get past the perceptions of other about ourselves is very difficult. It can, in turn, develop loneliness in our lives. True empathy is one of the most unrated and underutilised characteristics and qualities in the world I feel. Thanks for highlighting this
Thank you for speeding up the speech, and thank you for making it clear that help is out there, and we just need to learn that it is ok for us to ask or access it.
I'd say do both. Scream for help when you need AND pay more attention to others and the small details in their behaviour. Having that extra attention will not only help you help others in times of need but also will help you to strengthen your personal relationships in regular times. Win-win situation, have fun bonding.
I completely agree with everything in this video and have had these same thoughts before, but given what's happened and what is continuing to happen as a result of having had screamed for help I'm not sure whether or not to feel as though I'm being comforted or mocked. The past two years have really changed my perception of people, in some ways for the better and in other ways for the worse. I just don't know what to make of people anymore, my throat is hoarse and I'm tired. I want to stop.
I no longer talk about my issues because people tell me that It's my own responsability to be in that mood. People say things like, oh you are young, fresh, full of life, how can you be depressed. Well, they don't know shit about my life. They don't know I have grown up with a depressed mother due to the absence of my father, and I've been feeling lonely since I was a child, when I cried nobody paid me attention at home because there were more important things to care about like money or food, and when I decided to to talk bout my issues they always disparage my problems saying I will grow up and I will overcome my problems. But I'm 24 and after realizing that most of my life I've been the doormat of the group, I can avoid feeling empty, like if nothing makes sense, like I don't have nothing to give, I'm only full of deffects and problems. I usually hide those things by trying to be funny but lately I've been feeling quit down, so I have tried to avoid to contact. I'm used to rejection and it doesn't really matters now but Ive come to point of my life that I don't know what to do.
It's fine. I have started going to psychoanalysis therapy this month although It is going to be hard to continue it as my job insurance does not cover it and am not sure how this will exactly help but I like it tho
My mom just doesn't give a fuck about what's going on with me, she just wants me to show results without doing anything herself, more so actually turning against me because she's just so fed up with herself and doesn't want to understand me since it "doesn't matter" and I'm struggling cuz I don't want to leave her since she's still my mother.
we all die and then we will not have the worries of life, for all will be lost and forgotten and everything that once had meaning to us will cease to be to the one who held them highest in esteem, so worry not for all is despair and all is forgotten.
I am suicidal and I want to ask for help. But I don't know who to ask and how to ask for help. Also I am afraid if I ask for help, I might ve humiliated, ashamed and worst of all denied the help. I am afraid I will be worse and fall deeper in my darker thoughts.
Seems like a lot of learned helplessness in the comment section :( I'd say it's based on inductive reasoning based on our all too limited samples of crappy parents and so-called friends who themselves have been engendered with dehumanizing 'values' through media, basically. You are not alone! You are not weak! You don't have to follow society's expectations (to be quiet about your suffering) and you always have more options than anyone else tells you you have. For goodness sake, keep trying to find help until you find a True friend or a kind professional. Good luck!
Unfortunately I feel like what this video is saying is mostly only applicable to screams of help involving a need that can be fixed physically, say, when someone is drowning or dropped something and can't reach it easily. Screams of help that require time and patience, like when you're in psychological pain -- I think these are a lot harder for people and sometimes we just pretend we don't hear anything. Saving a drowning person is easy. But talking to someone who is depressed? Or suicidal? That's a really internal battle, and I know a lot of people in my own life that I've reached out to who don't seem to make much of my so-called screams. And these aren't strangers I'm talking about, many of them were friends. I know it's not ideal, but sometimes it's easier to turn a blind eye.
A nice message, brings tears to the eyes. All very fine and good unless you live in a culture which demonizes your symptoms or doesn't take them seriously. We need a cultural reform for more healthy minds to be maintained.
But there are some problems that are so big that not everyone can help. There are also some emotional problems where is really hard to empathize and you can't find the right thing to say. And just saying "It will be fine" doesn't really help.
Hello. Finding a therapist can really help. If you want to watch two very funny movies about this, try these two: 1.Analyse this 2.Analyse that These are my most beloved two comedies. You must at least watch the trailers. And there is a truth into what you will see there happening. Have a nice evening.
As Montessori said: Help me doing it myself. Help me helping myself My boyfriend always says I have to talk more about things I feel. He is reeeeeeaaaally bad at taking hints XD or he understands hints but forces me to talk so I will learn. Sadly he isn't very good in doing anything against my pains, but he also isn't supposed to. I am the one who is supposed to help me. Gladly though he always helps me helping me and bringing me back to reality
When I feel really low, I don't think about other people and how I'd like to include them in my problems. The overwhelming tiredness of existence might punch my ticket one day, but not other people failing to notice my "hints."
This is news to me. All through my life I was taught only women are allowed to ask for help and are entitled to it. Men are forced to suffer in silence, to find a way. A man who asks for help is worthless, and to ask for help is to consciously have it withheld from him through phrases of: "man up, you can figure it out, don't be a wimp". It's gonna take awhile to break that social conditioning.
Good video and message, but whenever I asked for help they will judge me and still do, of course there is a couple of people that have always been there for me, but for the rest who I though were there for me, I had to learn the hard way that they care very little for me.
Could you make a video about body issues and the pressure to be thin and perfect? I'm a 16 year old guy, and although I'm seeing a dietician due to my low weight I still feel uncomfortable with myself and afraid to gain weight. Everywhere you look (TV, the internet, magazines, newspapers) you are bombarded with messages about how everyone should diet and how food is evil. How can we feel good about ourselves when society doesn't want us to?
I'm getting the sense a lot of you in the comments need to systematically look for better friends. If your friends always sideline your concerns or don't ever want to talk about feelings then they're probably not real friends and you're not actually "close" to them in any meaningful sense of the word. I had to go and seek out friends with the qualities I was looking for. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy and it takes time. But damn has it been worth it
We need to urgently reconfigure what is truly important in life instead of buggering about with ‘busyness’ and capitalism. Sadly, without political change we will remain divided, but while we are decided political change is impossible🙁
I comment of youtube is great in this channel. You will bored there searching for ppl and nobody have really time to listen anyone and discuss their prob. And it has a lot of bugs. So dont feel saf
Then tell people how they can help (if they want to help that is). I have told my Mum that if I am down, making me a cup of tea and giving me a hug can make a huge difference. But for other people they may just want someone who will listen to them.
We would think that thousands of years of human society becoming more advanced in modern facilities, advocacy for rights and freedom of speech- yet despite time and time again referring to ourselves as 'social' beings, sometimes communication (or signals/hints) is somewhat poor. As of today, we still heavily relies on verbal cues instead of the primal instincts. Asking for help and offering one is integral in part of showing compassion and the capacity to be altruistic, which is in itself a type of sacrifice. For now, all we can and should do is to always try to be keen our peers(especially) and maybe that could benefit to other people as well.
Hello there Void! The female voice is very beautiful too. But we got so used to Alain, we miss him when we don't hear from him:- ) By the way in case you are new here, Alain de Botton is one of the greatest thinkers of our time. His entire work has a life changing quality. You can read his books, listen to his TED talks and other talks, and watch his documentaries too. He has another youtube channel where you can find all his documentaries. Just search for the one called " Status Anxiety", to find the channel. If you want to start with one book, I would highly recommend " The Consolations of Philosophy". It is a truly wonderful book, which showed me that everyone can understand philosophy and benefit from it. If you search for his name on Itunes you can find interviews with him on several podcasts too. My favourite one is the " On Being with Krista Tippett" podcast, where he talks about his latest book "The Course of Love". That's the most meaningful and profound conversation I have ever heard about love. Many greetings and best wishes:-)
I've asked plenty of times, even in situations that were more serious and I was sure I'd get help, no I didn't. Now when not working, I lay in bed all day watching RUclips and sleeping, until RUclips runs dry and I sleep some more feeling lonely
If I died, there are no friends or family to find out. My carcass wouldn't be found until neighbors complained about the smell coming out of my apartment. Good thing I'm not depressed because that realization is is pretty sad.
I came to the conclusion that I was alone when I 6 monts ago got into a terrible anxiety with loads of panic attacks and had a pulse of 150 (lasted for weeks), I couldn't leave bed and my computer if I wanted to remain sane, I ate ice cream for energi and quick carbs since it was so exhausting. The only real place that I could turn to was to the hosiptal, so I went there just to hang if something bad happened to me. To handle the situation and the crisis in the long run I moved back to my parrents and that helped. What would I had done without my parrents? No fucking clue. If I would get one of thoose episodes in the future I wouldn't know how to live with it.
I really need help mentally I have a eating disorder along with bad social anxiety I can’t find the words to describe it my mom has offered help plenty of times but when I really want to say yes I end up saying no and I feel like I keep hurting the people around me because I can’t pin point what’s going on with me so my mom just ends up telling me I crazy
It’s like Hamlet said - the rub is we don’t know what’s on the other side. Who the heck says it’s better over there. 💀☠️⚰️No one has come back 🪦to tell us. 😂
Wow...I remember requesting a video on asking for help... It's comforting to know someone out there thinks about your emotional health
Hello there! They also have a video called " The Terror of a No". One of my favourites. Have a nice evening.
+Alimentatievraag
Hello there! You are most welcome. Looking at your channel's name, I thought I really should send you this link. Hidden Brain is a podcast I am addicted to and I thought the following episode could interest you:
www.npr.org/2018/02/12/584531641/when-did-marriage-become-so-hard
Best wishes :- )
Often, people who have been through horrific trauma find it EXTREMELY difficult to ask for help, having learned early on that help will not come and it's pointless asking. :(
It's pointless to ask some people - they don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. I can totally relate to that. But if humanity was made up of only those special kind of assholes we wouldn't be where we are today... There are lots of people out there who'd give you the shirt off their back once they know you're a decent person and would help them in turn if the tables where turned. But someone has to make the first step...
sanguinesoulful so terribly true!!
maosw I always help strangers in need. Not everyone is heartless. But it does feel that way a lot!
Exactly... Pointless to ask . Sometimes people ask you something in return that would be much bigger.
Worse when theres a good chance asking for help will only make it worse
*This video tells the truth.*
Go to the comment section often, you'll see people sharing their depression and call for help through comments.
They are just playing victim card. Sure they have problems, I will not deny that. But they have to realize that they have more power and control over their lifes than they think they do and act on it.
They will never get what they think they want and if you try to give them that you will make them more miserable because they will even more think there is not help. Help is in their hands not someone else's.
I agree with you wholeheartedly but don't give them compassion what they think they want. Those people need help but they need help that is not what they think that it.
Help people to grow crops, don't just give them food.
Exactly
But what if those people around are the cause of one's depression, anger & anxiety? Not everyone is fortunate enough to land around kind people. One thing I leanred in life is: never hesitate to get out and away from toxic group of people. Sometimes the bullying and discrimination are so subtle and psychological and unanimous in the group that you start to doubt if there's really something wrong with you, when in fact it's never your fault all along. You thought if you stick around, you would change their mind / prove them wrong. No, you need to let go and move on, ASAP. And no one is there to save you. You need to save yourself.
Ai Fan Look for people who have the same problem as you. Look for a support group. Especially if you’re in the West. There are many many of them. We sometimes think it’s the people next to us who can help but it ends up being superficial. We sometimes think a therapist will do the trick but it takes forever to get to know them and forms and so on (not knocking it, it’s just a process) but finding people who are dealing with the same shit you are dealing with, then you find home, find a way. It’s out there. Keep looking.
The sad truth is scream as you might, people only notice what they want to notice.(saying this from experience)
I too have attempted to "scream" but my concerns have always been sidelined to deal with others' concerns. Whenever I bring up my thoughts or feelings, I always end having to listen to the person I opened up to talk about their worries and concerns. So I stopped screaming.
That is called conversational narcissism. www.philosophicalsociety.com/archives/Conversational%20Narcissism.htm
Look for people who have the same problem as you. Look for a support group. Especially if you’re in the West. There are many many of them. We sometimes think it’s the people next to us who can help but it ends up being superficial. We sometimes think a therapist will do the trick but it takes forever to get to know them and forms and so on (not knocking it, it’s just a process) but finding people who are dealing with the same shit you are dealing with, then you find home, find a way. It’s out there. Keep looking..
Gotta scream to the right people. Some truly dont care or are too damaged themselves to hear. They tell you who they are; believe them and move on.
biggest problem is most people are not good at giving help. especially professionals.
as someone who would like to be better at giving help, would you like to share, what are the biggest mistakes that other people make in your opinion?
I often feel like my problem gets stereotyped and people think they know things about my issue before even asking me.
Also, sometimes people assume I would be reluctant to make changes and treat me as part of the problem. It's like they are trying to fight against me, instead of fighting against the problem with me on their side.
You are so right!
Agreed. You do have to play the “dating” game until you find the right therapist for you. Ive encountered racist therapists. Sexist ones. And greedy ones so in a rush to get to their next overbooked client that they blow right through our session and even right me a rushed prescription with another clients name.
A comforting thought that lets people who think they’re kind and sensitive off the hook.
Thank you for watching. For more from us please consider subscribing and turning on notifications. For our app click here: goo.gl/JXgknD For our conference in the USA this March click here: goo.gl/hWdeGC
This is such a powerful and eye-opening message. Those closest to you may not realize what you're going through because you are too afraid to tell them. It's important that we have someone to confide in and to look for signs from others when they are in trouble so that we can help everyone live full out.
People have consistently been most hostile to me, most indifferent to my feelings, when I've called out for help.
I know that feeling. This hurts. What helps me at such a place of hurt is if I'm the first person to help myself, be charming towards my situation. Feel Empathy about how stuck I am. Be the one who cares about me. That lifts the burden of life a litte, just enough
This may sound a bit harsh, but: Maybe it's because you're surrounded by narcissistic assholes and your best bet would be to seek different company. Sometimes we don't know how different life can be once you get away from toxic relationships which only drag you down because that's all we know since the day we've been born... There are nice and decent people out there, many of them, often in places you least suspect them to be. Be kind to strangers in need for help and they may in turn thank you by helping you just as much if not more.
maosw I know what you mean I would chill with u, u seem cool
notoriouswhitemoth People do care u just gotta find them
I know some people think that showing you are struggling is a sign of weakness. :(
When I was 14-15 years old , no one , not even my parents could understand what I was feeling no matter how much I explained to them
It can really be hard to explain when you’re a teen. An outward manifestation of the rage / frustration
Totally agree, we are surrounded by people who are good and willing to help others but just can’t catch other’s hints. We should speak louder and listen more carefully with enough patience.
The problem with screaming is that if you do it often enough, people start to take you a lot less seriously because they'll just think you're an attention seeker.
Sounds like an excuse not to try - from one non-screamer to another 😉🤫
Thanks for the video.
When I feel down I don't know what help to ask for and I think my requests are too vague for people around me to understand. People are, broadly speaking, rubbish at listening.
Even if you feel you're ok looking after yourself, find people you can go to who listen in a way that works for you (see the other school of life video on being a good listener).
If you, as a friend, are approached by someone needing a listener but are worried you can't do enough : encourage your friends to seek professional help (and keep listening as best you can). No matter how good we might become from our own practice, professional help is potentially powerful.
I don't think I can save someone, the best I can do is help them tread water.
I think the problem of "being ashamed" for needing help is partially rooted in our childhood because most parents don't want to raise a "crybaby"
Shiby Very true.. I am one one of those I was never allowed to cry or laugh I was simply a robot I never had a normal childhood, now and then I get the worst depressions you imagine.
When you express your feelings, just never acknowledged
My friend has committed suicide few weeks after our last conversation.
We spent a day together, I was on my way home after military service and waited for a train at his place, so we had a bunch of time to talk. I was so excited and couldn't wait to see my family and friends at last, so I didn't pay much attention to his words. There is a belief that depression has no face, but that was not the case, this guy had signs, no, huge red flags that I've successfully ignored. I asked him what he's gonna do after coming back home (he still had 6 months of service ahead), he said he's not going back. I didn't take this seriously and asked if he's going to continue military career, and he was like "no, man, never mind" and we started talking about movies and other stupid things, gosh.
I don't know if I was able to help him, but I didn't even try. Now when someone asks if I have regrets in my life, this is one of those memories that come to mind first.
In my experience, people are utterly terrified of approaching anything approaching genuine emotion. Everyone hurts but refuses to search for a bond over it, choosing instead to self medicate in one way or another. Empty platitudes are expected. Talking about anything deeper than last week's Marvel movie is strange and unwarranted.
How very true. That's why I found the following article very valuable.
www.thebookoflife.org/are-intelligent-people-more-lonely/
I agree but it's interesting how when anonymously (pretty sure that's misspelled) such as on the internet everything & anything is shared.
Luisa Vasquez You may have a point there. Perhaps we have the appreciation required for this kind of conversation, but are too afraid to have them with those whose opinions of us actually matter to us. There's got to be a good way to tap into that common need.
BennickGAdeus I have hope that humanity will find a way to do so, but I don't think it's just others opinion of us, otherwise people wouldn't hesitate to seek therapy from complete strangers. It's as if being faceless helps "keep face" like no one can trace the truth back to any spacific person if its anonymous thus keeping the illusion of having everything "right/perfect"
Wow, this came at a pretty relatable time. I lost my job today and after watching this I got the courage to tell people about it.
These people whom need help actually are the ones who have tried screaming but in reality did not get the help and the response that they actually needed, from society or even family or friends. For an example in the case of depression, because ones little understanding of depression they might think depression is just a common state of being sad and you'll get over it one day. By belittling this, the people who need help eventually stops seeking help because they know it is useless and hopeless, they won't understand and will mock us anyway. As a person who is still fighting depression, I say that the people who understand and have lived trough it or even still struggling should share more regardless how hard it is to share such "emotionally heavy" matter, so that these people know where to look help, to the people who can empathize and can help you understand.
Having known someone who does not hesitate at the drop of hat to asking for help for even the slightest inconvenience, like many things in life, i think it's also about finding the right balance.
Alex Bi I completely agree
We ALL need to be reminded of this, even though we all feel this way at times! 💕💕💕 Thank you!!!
The way my mind works is that I’ve heard all my life that when I need help, there’s no shame is asking for it, or “screaming” like in the video. I never believed it though. I thought that asking for help means I’m too weak to figure things out on my own. And my own embarrassment of asking for help, even when I desperately need it, even though I know I should, validates to me that something is wrong with me and that if I can’t fix it myself, then my thinking goes back to the beginning. However, I usually think the opposite of others
that’s like me..but i need someone to help me
You should make a video about derealization
OtakuFlame do u suffer from it?
What is that?
google
Most likely, I haven't visited the doc so I'm not sure but I often feel as if I wasn't really participating in what I do
Ive suffered with derealization and depersonalisation for like 2 months or maby more in the past... but now i m fine once u stop worrying about it, it fades away on its own
This feels incredibly relevant to me as of late... It feels like everybody just has bigger, more important problems than me and I'm just ungrateful for the life I have; this video is a real wake-up call.
I've always detested asking for help because that doesn't only make me feel weak and needy, but makes me appear as such as well. Thus basically reaffirming my fears about myself
Eye opening once again, thank you!
I can literally listen to her voice all day.
This videos keep me sane.
That's a very good point but it's so hard to have the energy to scream when one feels like one doesn't even have the energy to live. Maybe, at the same time that we encouraging hurting people to scream, we should encourage everyone else to inquire more deeply when there might be some hint that someone is hurting. The question, "How are you?" should be heartfelt and not simply a matter of a socially automated process. When someone asks this question, they fully expect everyone they ask to say, "Fine." When someone responds with the truth about how they're feeling like total shit, people tend to get upset because the socially-acceptable response is to say one is fine. I say that people who don't want to know how someone else is shouldn't ask. Then, when people do ask, they are expecting an honest answer and that would make it easier for other people to actually give an honest answer to that question. We need to stop pretending like our fellow human beings either have no emotions or are always "fine."
This makes me so much grateful to the fact that I'm so in the environment where i can reach up to people and they actually want to help thats so liberating. #Love from #Pakistan
Meditation is truly helpful...
Be your own messiah, people don't care.
No one saves you, you save yourself.
Youcef Koceïlla Sellam ‘being your own messiah’ (?) that won’t help 😂 You must learn from others as well.
Well, learning from others might be helpful, but the truth is, no one saves you for real, it's all in you.
Youcef Koceïlla Sellam That is untrue and trust me I’ve been there and it won’t change anything; it will make you more depressed. You need someone in your life from time to time.. Not just anyone, but the right person.
It's just that my perspective is different than yours, you've been there and it didn't help you, that's a thing, that's your own experience, mine has been different, and many people view things the way i do.
Agreed
I'd rather hold my scream than scream louder and still be ignored.
Very interesting topic! Trying to get past the perceptions of other about ourselves is very difficult. It can, in turn, develop loneliness in our lives. True empathy is one of the most unrated and underutilised characteristics and qualities in the world I feel. Thanks for highlighting this
Thank you for speeding up the speech, and thank you for making it clear that help is out there, and we just need to learn that it is ok for us to ask or access it.
I'd say do both. Scream for help when you need AND pay more attention to others and the small details in their behaviour. Having that extra attention will not only help you help others in times of need but also will help you to strengthen your personal relationships in regular times. Win-win situation, have fun bonding.
The way you #theschooloflife explain things is just so extraordinary its then is so easy to catch your perception of things . Love
I completely agree with everything in this video and have had these same thoughts before, but given what's happened and what is continuing to happen as a result of having had screamed for help I'm not sure whether or not to feel as though I'm being comforted or mocked. The past two years have really changed my perception of people, in some ways for the better and in other ways for the worse. I just don't know what to make of people anymore, my throat is hoarse and I'm tired. I want to stop.
I no longer talk about my issues because people tell me that It's my own responsability to be in that mood. People say things like, oh you are young, fresh, full of life, how can you be depressed. Well, they don't know shit about my life. They don't know I have grown up with a depressed mother due to the absence of my father, and I've been feeling lonely since I was a child, when I cried nobody paid me attention at home because there were more important things to care about like money or food, and when I decided to to talk bout my issues they always disparage my problems saying I will grow up and I will overcome my problems. But I'm 24 and after realizing that most of my life I've been the doormat of the group, I can avoid feeling empty, like if nothing makes sense, like I don't have nothing to give, I'm only full of deffects and problems. I usually hide those things by trying to be funny but lately I've been feeling quit down, so I have tried to avoid to contact. I'm used to rejection and it doesn't really matters now but Ive come to point of my life that I don't know what to do.
Marcuse :(
It's fine. I have started going to psychoanalysis therapy this month although It is going to be hard to continue it as my job insurance does not cover it and am not sure how this will exactly help but I like it tho
Marcuse I guess we do what we can, when we can
I hope it will be smooth sailing
@@marcolopez8506 I hope you're doing better now
My mom just doesn't give a fuck about what's going on with me, she just wants me to show results without doing anything herself, more so actually turning against me because she's just so fed up with herself and doesn't want to understand me since it "doesn't matter" and I'm struggling cuz I don't want to leave her since she's still my mother.
we all die and then we will not have the worries of life, for all will be lost and forgotten and everything that once had meaning to us will cease to be to the one who held them highest in esteem, so worry not for all is despair and all is forgotten.
Help I need somebody
Not just anybody
CampbellRocksAgain ..i am here to help you
i'm here if you want to talk to someone!
CampbellRocksAgain help!
You know i need someone
Heeeeeeeeeelp
CampbellRocksAgain
When i was younger so much younger than todayyyyyyyy i never neededanybodys help in any wayyyyy..
And I do appreciate you being around
I am suicidal and I want to ask for help. But I don't know who to ask and how to ask for help. Also I am afraid if I ask for help, I might ve humiliated, ashamed and worst of all denied the help. I am afraid I will be worse and fall deeper in my darker thoughts.
"its coming down to nothing,
more than apathy.
Id rather run the other way, than stay and see.
The smoke, and who's still
standing when it clears."
Beautiful, just what I needed, yet again. Thank you.
Seems like a lot of learned helplessness in the comment section :( I'd say it's based on inductive reasoning based on our all too limited samples of crappy parents and so-called friends who themselves have been engendered with dehumanizing 'values' through media, basically. You are not alone! You are not weak! You don't have to follow society's expectations (to be quiet about your suffering) and you always have more options than anyone else tells you you have. For goodness sake, keep trying to find help until you find a True friend or a kind professional. Good luck!
I feel certain this video saved a few lives
Unfortunately I feel like what this video is saying is mostly only applicable to screams of help involving a need that can be fixed physically, say, when someone is drowning or dropped something and can't reach it easily. Screams of help that require time and patience, like when you're in psychological pain -- I think these are a lot harder for people and sometimes we just pretend we don't hear anything. Saving a drowning person is easy. But talking to someone who is depressed? Or suicidal? That's a really internal battle, and I know a lot of people in my own life that I've reached out to who don't seem to make much of my so-called screams. And these aren't strangers I'm talking about, many of them were friends. I know it's not ideal, but sometimes it's easier to turn a blind eye.
We do know unambiguosly that some total starngers need us a lot right now, but we all still live our lives. We drop nothing.
A nice message, brings tears to the eyes. All very fine and good unless you live in a culture which demonizes your symptoms or doesn't take them seriously. We need a cultural reform for more healthy minds to be maintained.
Thank you, I truly needed to see this.
Thank you.
But there are some problems that are so big that not everyone can help. There are also some emotional problems where is really hard to empathize and you can't find the right thing to say. And just saying "It will be fine" doesn't really help.
Hello. Finding a therapist can really help. If you want to watch two very funny movies about this, try these two:
1.Analyse this
2.Analyse that
These are my most beloved two comedies. You must at least watch the trailers. And there is a truth into what you will see there happening.
Have a nice evening.
The key word is "hope". A word I have little faith in when placed into the hands of another.
Hello there. But may be you could listen to this:
www.radiolab.org/story/104009-i-need-a-hero/
Thank you so much for making this video
Thanks guys
I needed this 😌💕💕
Such a good message...
This was needed. Thanks
As Montessori said: Help me doing it myself. Help me helping myself
My boyfriend always says I have to talk more about things I feel. He is reeeeeeaaaally bad at taking hints XD or he understands hints but forces me to talk so I will learn. Sadly he isn't very good in doing anything against my pains, but he also isn't supposed to. I am the one who is supposed to help me. Gladly though he always helps me helping me and bringing me back to reality
this really means a lot.
thank you.
When I feel really low, I don't think about other people and how I'd like to include them in my problems. The overwhelming tiredness of existence might punch my ticket one day, but not other people failing to notice my "hints."
This is news to me. All through my life I was taught only women are allowed to ask for help and are entitled to it.
Men are forced to suffer in silence, to find a way. A man who asks for help is worthless, and to ask for help is to consciously have it withheld from him through phrases of: "man up, you can figure it out, don't be a wimp". It's gonna take awhile to break that social conditioning.
Please make an Android version of app
We will!
The School of Life thank God
The School of Life please hurry.
Thank you so much for making this video
Quite extraordinary.
Good video and message, but whenever I asked for help they will judge me and still do, of course there is a couple of people that have always been there for me, but for the rest who I though were there for me, I had to learn the hard way that they care very little for me.
Could you make a video about body issues and the pressure to be thin and perfect? I'm a 16 year old guy, and although I'm seeing a dietician due to my low weight I still feel uncomfortable with myself and afraid to gain weight. Everywhere you look (TV, the internet, magazines, newspapers) you are bombarded with messages about how everyone should diet and how food is evil. How can we feel good about ourselves when society doesn't want us to?
Humans are amazing... even if i don't always think so.
Can we do a meet up with the 4,400 people who liked this video !! They seem like good, honest, well grounded people !!
This video helps many people/makes them relate, including me; (A tad.) Thanks for the video!!!
Good timing, SoL.
Love you school of life 😘
I'm getting the sense a lot of you in the comments need to systematically look for better friends. If your friends always sideline your concerns or don't ever want to talk about feelings then they're probably not real friends and you're not actually "close" to them in any meaningful sense of the word. I had to go and seek out friends with the qualities I was looking for. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy and it takes time. But damn has it been worth it
Yeah, replace your family and friends with thin air, I guess
This is a good channel.
but sometimes nothing works. it's easy to say try this or that. sometimes it's beyond suffering.
We need to urgently reconfigure what is truly important in life instead of buggering about with ‘busyness’ and capitalism. Sadly, without political change we will remain divided, but while we are decided political change is impossible🙁
true
This is beautiful
Sadly this app's only available for iOS :/
AceBasher1st The app is not great though
I comment of youtube is great in this channel. You will bored there searching for ppl and nobody have really time to listen anyone and discuss their prob. And it has a lot of bugs. So dont feel saf
Ah... right before i want to check that :/
I'm not quite sure about that...
Also most people don't know how to help.
Then tell people how they can help (if they want to help that is). I have told my Mum that if I am down, making me a cup of tea and giving me a hug can make a huge difference. But for other people they may just want someone who will listen to them.
This is insightful. But where lies its limitations?
i do ask for help. many times. but no one cares or listens to me. when they do they say my problems arent that big...
We would think that thousands of years of human society becoming more advanced in modern facilities, advocacy for rights and freedom of speech- yet despite time and time again referring to ourselves as 'social' beings, sometimes communication (or signals/hints) is somewhat poor. As of today, we still heavily relies on verbal cues instead of the primal instincts. Asking for help and offering one is integral in part of showing compassion and the capacity to be altruistic, which is in itself a type of sacrifice. For now, all we can and should do is to always try to be keen our peers(especially) and maybe that could benefit to other people as well.
Make a Video about being Gifted in a society of Bright People
Awww true and beatiful 🤗😙
Is the guy not doing the voice part anymore? His voice was so soothing.
Hello there Void! The female voice is very beautiful too. But we got so used to Alain, we miss him when we don't hear from him:- ) By the way in case you are new here, Alain de Botton is one of the greatest thinkers of our time. His entire work has a life changing quality. You can read his books, listen to his TED talks and other talks, and watch his documentaries too. He has another youtube channel where you can find all his documentaries. Just search for the one called " Status Anxiety", to find the channel.
If you want to start with one book, I would highly recommend " The Consolations of Philosophy". It is a truly wonderful book, which showed me that everyone can understand philosophy and benefit from it.
If you search for his name on Itunes you can find interviews with him on several podcasts too. My favourite one is the
" On Being with Krista Tippett" podcast, where he talks about his latest book
"The Course of Love". That's the most meaningful and profound
conversation I have ever heard about love.
Many greetings and best wishes:-)
I've asked plenty of times, even in situations that were more serious and I was sure I'd get help, no I didn't. Now when not working, I lay in bed all day watching RUclips and sleeping, until RUclips runs dry and I sleep some more feeling lonely
If I died, there are no friends or family to find out. My carcass wouldn't be found until neighbors complained about the smell coming out of my apartment. Good thing I'm not depressed because that realization is is pretty sad.
AMAZING!
I came to the conclusion that I was alone when I 6 monts ago got into a terrible anxiety with loads of panic attacks and had a pulse of 150 (lasted for weeks), I couldn't leave bed and my computer if I wanted to remain sane, I ate ice cream for energi and quick carbs since it was so exhausting. The only real place that I could turn to was to the hosiptal, so I went there just to hang if something bad happened to me. To handle the situation and the crisis in the long run I moved back to my parrents and that helped. What would I had done without my parrents? No fucking clue. If I would get one of thoose episodes in the future I wouldn't know how to live with it.
Even when you scream, some can't take the hint
Most people aren't good at helping, and can make it worse. Plus, most people aren't open to receive help.
very cool
I really need help mentally I have a eating disorder along with bad social anxiety I can’t find the words to describe it my mom has offered help plenty of times but when I really want to say yes I end up saying no and I feel like I keep hurting the people around me because I can’t pin point what’s going on with me so my mom just ends up telling me I crazy
Wow this is interesting i thought the video was going in a different direction
Do you have the app for android too soon?
There are different kinds of help, need help carrying a table vs need help for mental and emotional trauma
The more time passes, the more I become okay with ending it all.
It’s like Hamlet said - the rub is we don’t know what’s on the other side. Who the heck says it’s better over there. 💀☠️⚰️No one has come back 🪦to tell us. 😂
What about the Android version of the app?