Thank you. I think I've earned my right to stand in my power. It's definitely not always been a comfortable position to stand in but it's getting easier as I get older.
I think my liking your videos is a narcissistic thing on my part. I identify with what I see and hear here positively. Haven't been disappointed yet. Always glad to see something from you has been posted. Learning ways I inadvertently prevent my own sense of well being through attempts to people please going back to childhood is so so so appreciated. Little by little with acknowledgment and thanks affirms the goodness of simply being. 🎉🎉🎉
Interesting feedback. What made you choose the term 'narcissistic' to describe your perspective? I am curious if you are happy to share. Being contented to 'just' be is such a beautiful feeling. I'm hoping I experience much more of that too as the years roll on.
@@suddenlyautistic because it's like watching my younger self favorably. Not in a derogatory way. Undiagnosed still, at age 73, living now, owning what is and what has been, respecting the many masks worn in desperation, I'm enjoying increased appreciation for the many gifts of life. Difficulty hasn't exited the stage, so to speak. But practicing behavior changes when "masky" moments show up helps me live more authentically and less apologetically than before I accepted the person I am within this body holding me. Thank you for asking. The question has me thinking deeper into the experience of not seeing one's own reflection adequately. I think it's very brave doing a RUclips channel. I'm celebrating courage on a smaller scale. I've recently begun sending two minute text messages to a family group comprised of my children, a daughter-in-law and a granddaughter. Interesting time, 2024. Reflections and communication have certainly changed since my younger days. Thank you for showing up with your very interesting video log.
You arr such a brave individual. I took to my mask so hard once I was rejected so much as a child. I studied body language and created internal models of different social archetypes to better understand most people's behaviors and change myself to fit in. Flexible moral values, I lost complete track of my authentic self. I am heartened to see someone as strong and brave as you. I wish I had that courage!
I could relate to that. It is actually good hearing someone voice sentiments that to me are normal, like not wearing a shoe that doesn't fit, which is by the way quite a strong symbol.
Your experiences really resonate with me. Great video. Thanks. ❤ Shoes OMG the shoe thing! I have never understood heels or indeed wearing any shoes that hurt. Why? I own two pairs of joggers, one pair of sandals, a pair of thongs, and a pair of ugg boots. That's it. I'm NOT EVER going to put a friggin' awful pair of shoes on to make another person, or society for that matter, happy. I tried when I was in my teens (to try and fit in) and detested it. Ew.
Great video on a topic that I've been spending a lot of time pondering myself. One thing that has been particularly sticky in my brain is the differences in the masks we autistics build (or NOT build) compared to each other. I wonder what our masks might have been like if we grew up aware of our autistic nature. The point you made around 23:55 really resonates with me as well, the sheer feeling of "otherness" and isolation I feel in those scenarios is the part that bothers me the most. I don't care about being friends with people who have such radically different priorities in life, but the feeling of being an alien in a strange world is rarely stronger than when such confrontations occur.
Yes it's all very interesting as one doesn't become their adult self without rubbing up against a number of systems and norms. Then there's our natural inclinations, personality and capacity. I am hopeful that in the future, with more understanding, more of us autistic folks will be able to grow up and experiment with ourselves with less shame - so motivated by fun, ambition or curiosity rather than fear and anxiety - but whether that's true or even a good thing is impossible to tell at this point.
If I’m relating accurately enough (which I may well not be), it seems to me you’re describing lots of favored internalized masking-as opposed to more externalized-thanks to PDA. Maybe I’m just projecting that lol but your described experience does feel familiar in that way to me.
Hi @shapeofsoup and thanks for your observations. I agree, it does look like I could be describing a PDA profile but I really don't feel that's what is going on for me. In the next video I describe a few more behavioural modification strategies that people can pick up and explain that I feel most of my problems come from conditioning as an unconscious self-moderating operating system. In that regard, a lot of my behavioural patterns are habitual based on how my operating system was programmed and that in turn was made more likely by how my hardware (brain, body etc) is wired (the autism). There's always more to learn though so it's all worthy of much consideration.
thanks for sharing your journey with us. congrats on protecting your health by not heavily masking. not caring has some benefits.
Thank you. I think I've earned my right to stand in my power. It's definitely not always been a comfortable position to stand in but it's getting easier as I get older.
I think my liking your videos is a narcissistic thing on my part. I identify with what I see and hear here positively. Haven't been disappointed yet. Always glad to see something from you has been posted. Learning ways I inadvertently prevent my own sense of well being through attempts to people please going back to childhood is so so so appreciated. Little by little with acknowledgment and thanks affirms the goodness of simply being. 🎉🎉🎉
Interesting feedback. What made you choose the term 'narcissistic' to describe your perspective? I am curious if you are happy to share. Being contented to 'just' be is such a beautiful feeling. I'm hoping I experience much more of that too as the years roll on.
@@suddenlyautistic because it's like watching my younger self favorably. Not in a derogatory way. Undiagnosed still, at age 73, living now, owning what is and what has been, respecting the many masks worn in desperation, I'm enjoying increased appreciation for the many gifts of life. Difficulty hasn't exited the stage, so to speak. But practicing behavior changes when "masky" moments show up helps me live more authentically and less apologetically than before I accepted the person I am within this body holding me. Thank you for asking. The question has me thinking deeper into the experience of not seeing one's own reflection adequately. I think it's very brave doing a RUclips channel. I'm celebrating courage on a smaller scale. I've recently begun sending two minute text messages to a family group comprised of my children, a daughter-in-law and a granddaughter. Interesting time, 2024. Reflections and communication have certainly changed since my younger days. Thank you for showing up with your very interesting video log.
@@lindadunn8787 and thank you for explaining yourself so wholeheartedly. I really appreciate that.
You arr such a brave individual. I took to my mask so hard once I was rejected so much as a child. I studied body language and created internal models of different social archetypes to better understand most people's behaviors and change myself to fit in. Flexible moral values, I lost complete track of my authentic self.
I am heartened to see someone as strong and brave as you. I wish I had that courage!
Thank you. It definitely cost me dearly though and I'm still trying to recover from that. I'm sure you did the best you could also.
@@suddenlyautistic I am also trying to cope with my past. Years wasted trying to be someone I wasn't.
I hope you have great success in your recovery.
I could relate to that. It is actually good hearing someone voice sentiments that to me are normal, like not wearing a shoe that doesn't fit, which is by the way quite a strong symbol.
Your experiences really resonate with me. Great video. Thanks. ❤
Shoes OMG the shoe thing! I have never understood heels or indeed wearing any shoes that hurt. Why? I own two pairs of joggers, one pair of sandals, a pair of thongs, and a pair of ugg boots. That's it. I'm NOT EVER going to put a friggin' awful pair of shoes on to make another person, or society for that matter, happy. I tried when I was in my teens (to try and fit in) and detested it. Ew.
Great video on a topic that I've been spending a lot of time pondering myself. One thing that has been particularly sticky in my brain is the differences in the masks we autistics build (or NOT build) compared to each other.
I wonder what our masks might have been like if we grew up aware of our autistic nature.
The point you made around 23:55 really resonates with me as well, the sheer feeling of "otherness" and isolation I feel in those scenarios is the part that bothers me the most. I don't care about being friends with people who have such radically different priorities in life, but the feeling of being an alien in a strange world is rarely stronger than when such confrontations occur.
Yes it's all very interesting as one doesn't become their adult self without rubbing up against a number of systems and norms. Then there's our natural inclinations, personality and capacity. I am hopeful that in the future, with more understanding, more of us autistic folks will be able to grow up and experiment with ourselves with less shame - so motivated by fun, ambition or curiosity rather than fear and anxiety - but whether that's true or even a good thing is impossible to tell at this point.
If I’m relating accurately enough (which I may well not be), it seems to me you’re describing lots of favored internalized masking-as opposed to more externalized-thanks to PDA. Maybe I’m just projecting that lol but your described experience does feel familiar in that way to me.
Hi @shapeofsoup and thanks for your observations. I agree, it does look like I could be describing a PDA profile but I really don't feel that's what is going on for me. In the next video I describe a few more behavioural modification strategies that people can pick up and explain that I feel most of my problems come from conditioning as an unconscious self-moderating operating system. In that regard, a lot of my behavioural patterns are habitual based on how my operating system was programmed and that in turn was made more likely by how my hardware (brain, body etc) is wired (the autism). There's always more to learn though so it's all worthy of much consideration.
Masking, the only reason i get through school . :(
That sounds like it would be draining. I hope you can find some small and safe ways to rebalance and celebrate your true self.
Woman shaped? Huh?
Yep. Ish.