I think what made me get to the, "I have no friends, and it's okay" point is that i realized i spent so much time chasing after people and still felt lonley. I spent most of my 20s trying to make friends because you're told how friends, family, community, and connection is so important. Especially as someone with mental health issues, you're told how inportant it is to have a support system. So I'd spend so much time and effort reaching out to people and trying to make friendships work and yeah it was cool, we would hang out sometimes, but i still never truly felt happy because i realized i was putting in all the work. And when i got tired of that, i stopped, and it was kind of freeing. Letting go of those expectations and what you think friendship is supposed to look like can actually finally get you to a place where you feel okay. So i dont think its that people dont want to do anything about it. Sometimes you get to a point where youre so tired of trying to make something work that the best option really is acceptance. And once you accept things for what they actually are, i think youre able to let that sadness leave you and start building a life that works for you even if its not what people tell you should work for you.
Wow this is exactly where I'm also at. I was actually talking to my husband about it the other day. I'm tired of being the one who always put in the effort with friendships. I have also learnt acceptance and am pretty OK with it 😊
That is fine, but we as human beings we do need to have some kind of connection with others. In the past it was essential in order to survive in the wild, and does it now. I love being alone, I also love being with my family and friends. I am African and we truly have built our society on the principle of being a village. Living in Europe it’s harder to have a real village, but not impossible. I wish you well for everything and I truly wish you’ll find likeminded individuals to be your village❤
That‘s what I actually did with my asymmetrical face, I accepted it. I accepted that I never dated and probably have almost zero chance to find a man of my standard (caring, not lazy, not selfish and thinks it’s all about his dreams, loving, loyal, same or some overlapping love language, other same values morals and religion, characteristics that are a must, for myself attractive and he being attracted to me, and so forth. Edit: it’s freeing, I can now concentrate on my life, goals, dreams and procrastinate less
I suffered from severe depression and bipolar, spent my teenage years laying down on my bed alone. Now I'm 27, joined a board game community and started ballroom dancing. Joining a community really helps making friends. It's about going out and seeking for opportunities.
And accepting that it can take a while. I joined a group and liked everyone but didn't click with a particular person for 2 years. Then my now awesome friend joined. 😁😁
@@CaitlinPawlowski We literally spend the whole day playing whatever we want. I was laughing with my therapist the other day because few years ago, I was really worried that I might end up with no friends and feel lonely forever!
Only marriage and children solves this. Unfortunately we have lied to men and women for decades that marriage and family is unnecessary and undesirable. It seems like it was all a ploy to atomize society to cash out on the loneliness.
having been both the hardworking loner back home struggling to find a good time, and the outgoing partier trying to fill my empty void, I would never go back in time to change the time I spent with myself and all the things I learn about the world and about myself in relation with them; and I never envied the real emptiness that insatiable pits of satisfaction many of those individuals carried nor all the things they could justify to themselves because of it. I am quite happy today because of what I have achieved and the friendships I cultivated through the people that stayed around even when I hadn't very much except to ask for some company or advice.
I don't think it's just the younger generations experiencing loneliness. Things like moving a lot and having people with personality disorders in your life are effecting people. I also think getting older and not putting up with BS makes the friendship pool smaller. Some people seem to accept anyone who pays attention to them as a friend. Some need more. What ever the reason, I feel for people who feel lonely.
Omg yes! I left narcissistic partner to heal for two years I grew up in 80s and my life 20s 30s was decent but after my divorce and my kids left nest and narcissistic abuse? Being alone for two years to heal? Made me worse and more scared ugh MA here ! 😅
Me, too. My son has NO friends and it breaks my heart completely. I cry for him. I don't know what to do. How do you deal with it? I feel his pain so DEEPLY. If I could trade places with him and be the one with no friends, so he would have friends I would do it in a heartbeat. I want to help him so bad but I don't know how.
He has no friends because he is not working on his purpose so has no tribe. Skilled trades will give him skills, money, a sculpted body and a tribe to belong to. Provided he avoids relationships until then he will be rich in his 30s. Women will flock and he is a happy man provided he avoids the sneaky bad. Problem solved.
This breaks my heart. My son is only 2 but it honestly is a fear of mine for when he grows up. I feel like the world just keeps getting worse and worse
I have 3 grown adult children. Ever since they were little l always encouraged get togethers at our house. They always invited their friends. Now that they are adults they have very healthy friendships. That’s how they met their spouses through mutual friends. Right now my daughter and her boyfriend are at the lake with some of their closest friends. My son is in Las Vegas with his closest friends. Friendships require the investment of time and family involvement. My children are also not big on social media nor are their friends. Maybe that has something to do with them being able to communicate and connect better ? I don’t know…
The problem is is that people used to connect more naturally. You met people at work, in your community at church etc. nothing was forced. People also didn’t move away from home as much.
I think being a sudden public figure is harder, but I am satisfied we could bring back book club and film festivals the police know and the NBA doesn't to their desire to make a porn to startup week.
Esther Perel said in a video that we expect our partners to be everything and that we need other relationships in our life's for them to be fulfilling. We need community to survive 😊
I am in my 40s and have lost the majority of my friends from my younger days due to different reasons (moving, different paths in life, etc). It is really hard to meet new people when you are older, and I agree with you, friendships are important, it is not ok to not have friends. People are inherently social beings, and as an introvert myself, I have to acknowledge it, because I miss social interactions, even though I can be by myself and do my own things. To me, parasocial relationships also are adding to the problem, because people really do feel like they are basically “friends” with the person on the screen, and that is not true and probably takes away from their real relationships. This was, as always, a great video, looking forward to another one :)
It is so true that making friends as an adult is much harder. People are so busy with work, and taking care of their kids that they simply don't have the time or energy any more to go and forge new friendships. Also they might already have their friends circle and are not 'hiring' potential new friends. Having said that, I still believe that you can make very fulfilling and sincere friendships in your 40's and beyond. My cousin , who just turned 60 recently relocated to a whole new country ( Portugal) and in the past 5 years, she managed to make some lovely new friends. Never keep trying and believe in yourself xx
If all adults could just learn to not judge those who do things differently and just let everybody just be as they are as adults will have their defined boundaries. Then maybe it could be different.
It’s difficult as an adult. I’m busy either with family or kids or working all the time. I think it’s this hustle culture. That we can’t really get away from
I am in my 60s and don't have any friends ,hardly had and even they backstabbed me .Am happy being alone and discovered my self and can't take crap from anyone .I neither smoke or drink and keep myself busy with other stuff and hobbies .
I am 34 and don’t have any close friends. I hoped to meet some at my teaching job but all the other teachers were all cliquey and no one really was interested in being friendly. It’s hard to see everyone else going out for brunch, having special trips together, and having others who do care. I’ve come to be okay with not having friends at this point and I am lucky enough to have a good husband and am close with my parents. I feel for those who have no one and are alone with no one for days and weeks. I think social media makes us all feel like we are missing out on the perfect life.
Omg! I’m glad I’m not the only one who has noticed this but yes, teachers are super cliquey! I was a researcher before becoming a teacher and had a large community, it’s taken me years to build good friendships as a teacher. Even now, some cliques don’t even bother to say hello during meetings etc….
That was such a wonderful video. I'm now in my forties. I spent my teens twenties and thirties chasing desperately after friendships and got so badly damaged by toxic people. I wasn't one of the lucky ones. Real friends are like gold dust unfortunately I have not been so lucky so I keep myself to myself these days. Sad I know but honest. Someone one said to me "love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe" 🙂
I spend lots of time with my boyfriends family we go places, have parties all the things. However, I fell lonely ALL THE TIME. I am saying this to explain that just because you may see people hanging out with people by no means does it mean that person is not experiencing loneliness.
Oh where do I start…amazing video! I’m in Ohio USA and I’m 62 years old. I have very few friends, everyone seems to have kids or married, and I don’t have either. But at this age, I have learned to live with it. I’m alone most of the time, so that’s where you come in. I have found so many amazing channels and truly enjoy them. Keep up the great work! I have learned to find joy in the smallest things, I pray everyone else does too.😊
I honestly do have a lot of really close friends and do the girl trips etc. In my experience, it takes a lot of work. It's definitely harder to meet up when you're older and so much easier to become introverted/ take time for yourself, especially when you're tired of the 9-5 and taking care of yourself, kids etc. There is not necessarily a fault in that. However, I think, having these relationships, it takes that extra step every time. If you want to keep them close, you need to text them or call them regularly. You need to take that time, even when you're exhausted, to still go and see them. And when you see them, talk about life and do go deep, that gives that satisfaction. And also know that it needs to go both ways, and that it's not always equal. Communicate when you're feeling hurt about them not giving you that time and space you need and what you're expectations are, but also know that these expectations need to be realistic and work with both of your lifestyles. Then you'll have friends that are close and friends that you know you can expect a little less from, because we're all busy people. Doesn't mean, they're no longer friends though, just not as close and/or as regularly in your life. This is just my two cents, I'm not a native English speaker, so sorry if something is not clear. But wanted to share my experience. All relationships take time and work. It doesn't have to be hard work, but it does take work. Especially also when you try to form new relationships. (Also, I do know how blessed and lucky I am with my friends and definitely tell them and myself that a lot. I'm also 30 and introverted and do spend a lot of time at work and home by myself. )
I think the main problem is (and of course it’s just a theory) is that the more social media has taken over our everyday lives, the more we’ve lost “sense of community”. Growing up in the 90s if you got bored, you’d go outside, ride your bike around, go explore the woods ect… sometimes I’d ride by bike to the local community pool by myself and I’d always end up meeting someone around my age and we’d hang out for the day then exchange phone numbers. Back then you HAD to call, there was no texting, so you were forced to interact. I’m phone shy but my mom would just dial the number and shove it in my face and say “ITS RINGING!! YOU BETTER GRAB IT! IM NOT TALKING FOR YOU!” And once I started talking I was fine lol. Another time I was riding my bike around our neighborhood and saw another girl with a bike and just shouted “I like your bike!” Lol… She ended up becoming one of my best friends in school until I moved. It also doesn’t help that our economy around the world is terrible and everything is so expensive to do… most people can’t afford to go out or do stuff anymore. But, there is still tons of free stuff to do, it just may not be “popular”. Hobbies are expensive… it used to be you could pick up hobbies for relatively cheap, find people with similar hobbies and connect. But now everything is expensive, even simple things. Finally, social media is programmed to give us FOMO. The algorithm pushes influencers, perfect lives, extravagant lifestyles because it knows it will get the most views. It’s SO EASY to forget that most of these “perfect moments” are NOT real life. Social media is a literal library of perfectly curated 30sec to a minute moments. For example, a very large influencer (over a million followers) came to my work to shoot content. Looking at her social media you’d think this girls life is PERFECT… what people don’t see, is she drug along a boyfriend (she no longer has) and was very demanding of him. She had multiple outfits to change into, yelled at him and got short tempered because he wasn’t getting the right angles. So much so I felt bad and offered to work the camera for her as he wasn’t familiar with shooting photos on a high end camera. She’d smile, pose, say a pre planned script multiple times, watch it over, say “Na it’s shit, let’s do it again” ect… constantly change outfits, say let’s move and get better lighting, take hundreds of photos of the same pose just to pick one to edit and post. It’s not what people think it is. It’s a fantasy land. We need to attempt to go back to how it was before social media ruled the world…. How we do it? Not sure… but if we keep this up, we will soon be too far gone I fear. Point is, just remember social media is FAKE… it’s not real life. In the 90s you’d spend plenty of time sitting around bored, but we didn’t think anything of it, because we didn’t know any better. Now we think if we aren’t constantly doing amazing things to post and share we see losers. It’s not true! So if you read this far, all I can say is, don’t compare your life to others… most of us are living the exact same life and relate more than we let on. ❤
I’m an autistic 32 year old with no friends. I have lots of hobbies and interests and go everywhere like concerts , traveling , beach , getting food , movies alone . I love it! I would like to meet someone i get along with but i hate forcing friendships with people and that’s how it feels most of the time . I have a weird mix of special interests which makes it hard and i don’t have a partner , kids , i don’t drink or like drinking environments. This combination makes it pretty much impossible to find people i have things in common with. I’ve been making online friends since 2008. I used to even meet up with them when i was younger. Easier to find people with specific interests that way. I’m very close with my cousin but she lives on a different continent , i have four cats and I’m close with my mom. I have a good therapist. And I’m slowly connecting deeper with my coworkers at my latest job. Not having close friends to do everything with doesn’t mean you don’t interact with anyone on a daily basis.
I feel this, I’m in my 30’s and moved away from my hometown 13 years ago and it took me nearly 10 years to make 3 local friends and it’s been so wonderful but 2 of them (they’re a couple) have announced that they want to move about 2 hours away and it’s honestly devastated me as I feel like I’m back to square 1. I’ve just had a baby so I’m hoping that baby groups and stuff will help me meet new people but who knows
I have friends here in Wisconsin but I am missing the kind of closer friendships where you get together often and touch base frequently. When we first moved here a neighbor across the street welcomed us to the neighborhood and we became fast friends. Went for walks, chatted daily at one house or the other, got together for dinners. It was casual and not highly planned. They moved, we moved and getting together is rare. Everyone is so busy with family, work, etc. that getting together has to be scheduled and just feels less organic.
I think relationships are about quality, not quantity. You can be surrounded by many people and feel lonely, but it's funny how just one person can bring infinite contentment. My husband is my best friend, and he gives me the all the satisfaction and happiness that I need. I'm lucky I found my soul mate.
I think you’re brave and incredibly selfless for making this video. You are definitely not alone. I often feel as though the world doesn’t even notice me. I love meeting new people and the prospect of new friendships only to feel that they are of the mind that they have enough friends and that I’m not special enough to be included in their inner circle. I decided to take this emotion and to transform it into serving others as much as I can through volunteering, working on myself l, examining my own interests and pursuing them with vigor. There’s no room for self pity when you take control of your life and spread your light and talents where they are appreciated.
Rather than comparing yourself to strangers, try comparing where you are in life today to where you have been and where you want to be. Ive found that is a better way to gauge my standing in the world than looking at a video or pic online.
I’m 33 and I live in Boston. I’m a flight attendant so most of my work friends don’t even live here or I see them maybe a few times a year because I work with so many different people. I want some friends here in the city. People who are stationary. I miss having a group of people or just a few friends to hang out with since I live so far from my hometown where a lot of my best friends are.
Thank you for the video ❤️ tbh there are many of us who feel lonely even with a partner. I think loneliness is about feeling lonely with yourself, rather than necessarily having someone. Also after corona times I feel like I just don’t wanna get out. And it really takes a toll, mentally…
I think a lot of conversations stay surface level when you speak to people in person. I think it’s absolutely so hard to have a stable friendship when you both work 9-5 and then have school or things you have to do after. I have 2 best friends but I haven’t seen them in months! Well speak here and there but meeting up is hard lol.
I think this is actually a major part of the problem. People’s modern current lives are basically an impossible series of juggling tasks and time where you dangle on the edge of overwhelm and overwork almost always. Our current lifestyles are not long term viable to my mind. And as a contrast consider slow living as a lifestyle? Remote work with slow living actually leaves space for family, friends and hobbies. But, how many people see that connection?
I use to have a handful of friends in HS and College, but once College was over everyone got busy with their own stuff, moved away, didn’t want to make time to keep a friendship going and just like that I have no friends. Sometimes it’s nice to have them for support and understanding, but it really depends because some people can be toxic and screw you over. I like being alone most of the time but there’s other times where I’d like to have people to hang with.🤷🏻♀️
And here I am, an introvert who has only ever had 2-3 friends, still loving the solitude this paradigm affords. Now if only we as a society could shift to being night owls instead of early risers because we now have the technology of lightbulbs that would be awesome.
This so so relatable. And for that matter so are you. I listened to Eleanor Rigby this morning and cried just thinking about how lonely people are right now, we need more love and connection in the world ❤
I know the feeling of not fitting in very well. That has been my entire life. It has contributed to why I don’t have many friends. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. And it’s reinforcing. At times I can’t help but feel actively excluded by people, but then I tell myself that it makes sense. I don’t fit in, so of course I wouldn’t be included. It can be hell on your mental health. (And having poor mental health doesn’t endear you to people). At the same time, I’ve developed an attitude of “if I wait to do this with someone else, I’ll never do it.” So I’ve learned to do things simply because I enjoy it. I have no problem going to the movies by myself. I’ll read math books or philosophy books because I’m genuinely interested. I love to photograph flowers and clouds because I find them beautiful. It’s easy to feel lonely if you’re bored, and I’m never bored.
Totally get it. I don't have friends. I have my husband, and meeting with his friends gives me little relief and good energy. I always had trouble finding true friends. I've lost each time friend when I outgrown them. Like my last one, she was even my maid of honour on our wedding, but after I got a better job, she ghosted me. Just like that. It hurts so much.
Loneliness is normal I think. It comes and goes. But people just want constant stimulation and I think that makes it worse. People don't know how to be in a room quietly with themselves. That being said, there are so many people who don't put in the effort to actually build and maintain relationships. They make plans then bail or turn down the invites. If I ask someone to hang out and am turned down 5 times in a row, I'm going to stop inviting you. Has happened with many people, it's not uncommon. However, like any relationship it takes two people and isolating yourself will guarantee loneliness.
hi! i'm from detroit, mi and i've been watching some of your content for a bit but this video really connected with me. i feel like it's getting harder to make friends in this social media driven society and it doesn't help that some influencers are capitalizing on it. disconnecting from social media feels lonely but i'm trying to reach out and make friends as best i can without it
I feel like if you are so lonely but you record yourself on a daily basis, that can be a turn-off from making genuine friendships because I know I would never want to be friends with someone who records themselves all of the time. If you leave your phone in your pocket or purse when going to places, then you can actually look at and talk with other people who are doing things. If you can go for a small walk around your town without recording yourself, then you will meet people in real life. Building connections through real life situations is the only way to make genuine connections. Go somewhere you want to go to without recording yourself and you might realize that is the best way for you to do things on your own. Once you are comfortable being alone doing activities and interacting with people in the real world, that is how you will make real friends. Also, reach out to your own past friends from childhood or from clubs or your sorority alumni groups. Trying a new hobby that you want to try and you will meet new people.
This video truly made me tear up because it’s all true and it’s so sad. I only have a few friends and they don’t even live close to me. It’s hard some days and I absolutely do feel lonely even with having a partner. When I was younger I had so many friends and was constantly doing things and now in my low 30’s it has really hit me the last few years I don’t have that and it’s hard some days. Your video definitely made me feel not so alone but if anyone is in the IN or OH area let me know I would love to grab coffee or lunch lol 🩷
Glad that you brought up the adverse health effects of loneliness! I hate that people are trying to reframe having no friends as "a good thing." It's not! (And I'm not shaming people who don't currently have friends, by the way.) I think it's easier for people to frame loneliness as an individual problem (one that you can decide isn't a problem, actually)--rather than grapple with the fact that our societies are currently set up to discourage in-person community. Much easier to see loneliness as an individual failing, or even as not a big deal, than try to go up against the entire system.
100% agree with this I have felt so lonley over the years. And felt like strange because my best friend is my sister. And my other close friends live so far away I dont get to see them always. Social media really does skew our perspective of reality.
ghost mode thing is really popular in self improvement sphere. i mean it does sound good but as a person trying to eat healthy and trying to go to gym consistently to lose weight (i am clinically obese) i would never be able to do 6 months of no contact or do "ghost mode". i adjust everything according to my lifestyle, yes i don't socialize as much as i used to but i didn't cut off everything that brings me joy lol. i have a ritual of meeting with my bestie for coffee every friday and i can't imagine that i would give up on that just to get a little bit ahead of my goal. going ghost mode is simply not sustainable for me and it is boring. it only looks good on motivational posts on pinterest
Super introvert from NYC here! Like you, I’ve always struggled with a sense of belonging. My social circle decreased drastically since I left organized religion. & the few friends that I have are focused primarily on their guys & some have children. I’ve signed up to several meetup activities but cower out from going last minute out of fear that it’ll feel awkward.😬 I know nothing will change unless I put in the effort though.
Loved this one! A few years back i cut of all the toxic people of my life. Except my now husband. I was so alone. Now 10 years later i have 2 very good friends, my husband, my baby and my family.
Hi! I'm 36 years old and it's been difficult for me to have friends all my life. When I was younger, I was super introverted. And my adolescence was very lonely. Thank God, my parents were always the ones who kept me afloat and made me realize that by hating everyone I was never going to get "that" friend. I reinvented myself, I fought a lot and I was able to have friends: some only accompany us in a part of our lives, others are toxic, others sporadic, others were "bff"... but the important thing is to fight against what it tells us "It's good to be alone." Yes, at times yes. But you don't have to be a hermit, we live in a society. Although I was never able to have a group of friends, I have friends from different activities, jobs, life... and that's okay. You don't have to have parameters for the number of friends you should have, things you should do... things happen as they happen. Yes, I feel alone at times. But that's fine too. Thanks for this video, it's good to know that it's not just me who feels this way. 😃 Greetings from Argentina! ps. It was very long, sorry!!
I felt so much lonelier and isolated when I was married and had some “couple friends” and more of a social life. Now I am alone. Alone with my thoughts, off of social media, and living alone. Yet I’m not lonely AT ALL. I have a great relationship with my sister now, I FaceTime her daily. I have 2 really great friends. One is a work friend and generally grab dinner together once a month and the other I walk at the dog park with on Sunday mornings. The difference is me. I am being myself and enjoying my own company and I have ATTRACTED my tribe.
What a great video. I’m going through a rough time because my best (and only in-person friend) is no longer speaking to me. I’ve been feeling so hurt and down in the dumps the past few days since this happened. But this video encourages me to go out, even with family or just my boyfriend, and make efforts to keep those connections going strong. Maybe I can make new friends along the way. I needed this today, thank you.
@@CaitlinPawlowski thank you for your reply! 💜 That makes me feel better. I’m sure everything will be just fine, and maybe new friends were written in the stars for me anyways.
My grandson is turning 14. We have him every weekend. He plays on line games. He has a friend in the USA that he has been gaming with since he was 8. I think that’s the only friend he has. We live in Canada. Thanks for your videos
Boys never feel lonely playing games. For example, Halo campaign match making gives you a team and a purpose. It’s always better when a father figure is watching you play.
I feel similarly. It's frustrating, because I decided, especially during the pandemic, that if I felt lonely, others probably did too, so the friends that were rather distant that I had, I texted and called asking to visit in person for months. I felt like it was the best time for me to be able to go see them, since my work has sent me home, and even though they worked different schedules, since mine was truly wide open, I could just come around in their free time. Turned out those friends didn't really have time to see me, even if I came around in their schedules. That kind of melted my confidence, and even after the pandemic eased up, when I was reaching out to visit in person, when they still didn't have time, I stopped trying so hard, and have not really seen them since. It was extremely hard because at one point they were one of two friends I had, and with no confidence, I didn't really want to reach out to the other one. I've since added one more friend, and am trying to become more open again. We are definitely gonna have to be the ones to teach our kids to socialize in person. This is hard enough as an adult who did live before cell phones. I can't imagine how the kids of today are doing it.
6:16 Even people that go out on Friday nights have weekends where they sit at home. If you're feeling lonely, just ask a coworker or a classmate if they want to hang on a weekend or after work. I'm an introvert at heart, but thats what i did when i needed connection at times in my 20s.
Many people complain they have no friends... but actually I often have the impression they have to many expectations of friends. I'm 55, I moved often, I do go out alone, meet people maybe in a hiking club or language course and I'm the one - always - asking others to go out afterwards .. I'm the one who is often engaged or away, so it's always me contacting first... After a while it's vice versa. So actually I have a lot of friends - but pls, I know people who hardly call, but expect you to call always, to be there always when they think - sorry, I have a life and sometimes I'm engaged for weeks or months... If those people than act offened - I'm out, I don't have the time for childish games
Hey Caitlin, thanks for making this video, really resonated with it. I even got slightly emotional watching it. I'm someone who grew up with very low self esteem and high anxiety, my family wasn't the very emotionally supportive and I people pleased my way through life. In high school, I did have many friends, but I got the sense that I was liked because of how 'nice' I was. I felt extremely lonely. Now in my 20's I've learnt to become more sociable over the years and have made many wonderful genuine friends, some still in my life, some no longer, and my career requires me to be outgoing as well. But still, I've definitely experience the feeling of 'alone in a room full of people' feeling far too often. On the outside I'm smiling and socializing, but deep down I feel out of place and empty. I hate to admit the times I've cried myself to sleep on Friday and Saturday nights from seeing friends going out on social media, wondering if something was wrong with me. Now that I'm a little older, the feeling has subsided greatly, but there are seasons where I do feel immensely lonely again. This video really helped me feel less alone, and I hope it does the same for the others here too.
It’s crazy how much our childhood trauma stays with us and how our social life in school can affect us later in life Thankyou for sharing your story ❤️
Yaaaaaay someone real! I do think we're turning a corner as a society where "stuff" is less important, where people and being real has more value. We don't need to look perfect, have the perfectly decorated home, and curate this perfect fake life. Being real leads to true happiness and you're channel is helping that along more than you realize. Thank you.
There is a huge difference between loneliness and enjoy your solitude. I feel people who don't like who they are as a person are lonely because they are confronted with those thoughts and feeling when they are by themselves and it is those thoughts and feeling that are causing the pain. Which is why so many people 'medicate' with various vices, not so much for the pleasure they bring, but the pain they avoid. Getting off social media also helps as is the first step to true happiness as comparison is the thief of joy.
You’re PREACHING with this! I genuinely believe that a lot of people, because they can’t sit with themselves, are not self-aware enough to understand what it means to be an ACTUAL friend. The same people that claim that they’re lonely and don’t have any friends, don’t take enough time to reflect on the type of person that they are, don’t take the time to put in any effort and lack the social skills in order to BE a friend. It seems as that everybody wants to convenience a friendship so it can make THEIR lives better but, are not asking themselves what THEY can do to enrich the lives of other people thus building genuine friendship. Friendship has always been a two-way street and it’s supposed to be reciprocal so if any point you feel like the relationships that you have are not reciprocal, keep trying and keep putting in the effort. Friendship is just like any other other relationship so you HAVE to continue to nurture and care for your friends ❤️
@@niablee 100%. Unfortunately, there are definitely plenty of 'energy vampires' out there who will quite happily feed off someone without any reciprocation.
Love Caitlin's comments on Examples of Influencers: "Well, technically, you're going there and I'm sitting on my couch with no pants on eating chips." 17:35 Reality. No, they do know what they're doing. On unboxings 18:45 , that's a big NO. You do you. People shouldn't be living vicariously through other people when they don't even have a personal relationship. People should get out there and live. Stop hiding behind your monitor and keyboard. Do things. Meet people. Make friends. I know of a Melbourne based YT influencer who does what she does because it's deliberate. She told a Sydney influencer that she can't do collabs because of her high fees that she gets paid by brands. So basically she would charge another influencer a fee to collab. That's greedy, shady, and lacks integrity on her part. So much for the influencer "community." It's ME, ME, ME.
I've been dealing with long term health issues and my friends have diminished to hardly any. I accept this and when things get better it will change. Being online really helps, I'm not delusional about it. But there are connections that are made online they are fleeting but real.
@@deborahcurtis1385 , You're not the only one that's been dealing with long term health issues. If your friends are diminishing, they are moving on fast forward whereas you're on stagnant mode. People are moving forward. You have to make a conscious decision not to set yourself back. Spending too much time online and not being out there living (Getting Vitamin D from the sun, enjoying the beauty of nature, seeing your town or city's lights at night, reaching out to others just by starting small talk and then introducing yourself to find things in common, will help you move forward). Scientists have pointed out that by keeping yourself indoors without the sunlight necessary to burn off melatonin, is like being in a hibernation state that bears and other nature go through. It's lack of energy. Sunlight triggers energy that can contribute to your happiness. Caitlyn just pointed out so many things on social media that aren't real. You're missing the message.
It really is crazy how lonely you can feel while being surrounded by people who you love. Like I work a very people-oriented job, I live at home with family, I'm very social but feel like at the end of the day all my relationships are pretty surface level. There's a depth that's lacking and I have no idea how to cultivate it. That's where the internet comes into play, like I'd love to have a conversation like this with somebody in real life but I just am not on that level with anybody
Whoever needs to hear this: hang tight, the right people will come into your life. Remember you are worthy, you are deserving, you are loveable and you are wanted.
@@Himmiefan it’s ok to have acquaintances. Not everyone needs to become a lifelong friend. My best friends are all people I met in adulthood and my circle is quite small. That’s fine with me because between family and a few special friends, I don’t have time to entertain loads of mediocre friendships.
Having moved to a different country and my best friend who was here has moved away, it forced me to find my own groups and connections outside of work. Facebook groups have been invaluable and instagram pages too. I’ve tried out hiking, joined a book club, and got my eye on a climbing group (bit more financially than the other two) and also tried out dance classes. It’s about utilising those opportunities and yeah I’ve not made a best friend, but they’ve all made me feel less alone.
I have friends, but I also feel lonely. I'm 30 and single. Most of my friends are in relationships and I see them every few weeks or so. I created my life around being single (having hobbies, studying next to working). But it kind of makes it worse? Me not having time and them not always having time makes me see them less. I don't have deep connections with my friends anymore. Usually we only catch up on each others lives. It feels.. pointless sometimes. I want to create memories. Even when I told some of them I feel this way, I never got the same response from them. I think it's because they have it with their partners, which makes me want to have a partner as well, although I would be happy with a really close friend, too. Someone to share things and make memories with.
Girl! I used to have a lot of friends in my 20s, but since the pandemic, i cut ties with most of them because i realized that i'm not aligned with them anymore. Now i have 3 or 4 friends. But, i would love to be friend with you!! I love your vibe!!
I can relate to that 💯. I went to school in Tallahassee and for a college town-there is absolutely nothing to do there. The first couple months of my first semester was probably the loneliest time in my life. Hang in there.
If you don't learn to enjoy your own company, you will never really love another. I met my husband when I withdrew from everything and everyone and started healing my trauma and improved my physical and mental health. I have one friend that is not even in the same continent. We don't need friends. We need family.
What you say about the happy online lives - i wouldn't believe or trust any of it is so good unless i saw it for myself. I have a relative who's an influencer & even written a book which includes her idyllic family of origin- it simply wasn't so at all. I saw so much dysfunction. They're like a lot of people where I've been shocked by how badly they behave close up: yet they think all that vicious emotional undercurrents, crazy drama and aggressive shouting is "normal". However, they know enough to hide it from the public in all the "happy families" snaps and footage.
I used to not have time to socialise but having a RUclips channel i had friends who followed me and were there to hang out with. The fact that when you have a channel you're feeling less lonely.
Yes, I have no close friends and it's not okay. I literally went to well over 50 different social gatherings, volunteering, classes etc some for well over a year - and met no one at all who was actually nice and wanted to get to know me and who I felt the same way about. I'm sociable, funny, intelligent attractive ... it was ... astonishing. Most of the people simply weren't very nice and had established people or ways of doing life that excluded me. It's known to be a difficult place to make friends. I'm working on making my own private life as great as possible and reviewing my social skills. Also, looking to move and hope to find nicer people who are a more suitable fit for me. 😊
I am starting to feel more isolated as I am getting older. This never used to bother me before. I began to understand the value of social interactions now. But I live in Madrid. Far away from my best friends and family. The relationships I have here are more superficial. I talk to my family everyday, so I think technology definitely helps. If I had to write letters and expect a reply in weeks, I would have already moved back home! :) But I do not think social media is the sole reason for isolation. Before in school or uni, I could see my friends everyday. Now we have different lives. Some of them are married. So I see my best friends once in 3 months or so. It is not just about me not getting out, but simply scheduling problems.
I think sometimes people get shamed too much for not wanting to be alone. The internet generally makes it seem like a bad thing. Like you're desperate or weak. Craving human connection is a basic human need. It's okay to not want to be alone and to feel lonely. It's just that we don't learn to handle the feeling of loneliness. Also, when your with someone, you might end up craving independence after some time. Society idealizes relationships and people don't know how to properly nature friendships.
I just moved away from family for university. Im living in a student housing trailer park (it sounds weird, but its pretty normal here) and i was, still am, worried about making friends and not being comfortable leaving the house. I've realized that there's a lot of students that dont leave their places either for days on end. I have enjoyed leaving the house every once in a while, but it would be nice to just have a friend. Im hoping that i can meet people with clubs when school starts, maybe i can take a dog out from the shelter for a day for a hike. I think its scary for people to go out alone because they're scared of judgement or they want to share the memory with someone. I personally dont want to come across as a weird person going up talking to people and often, theres a lot of other students that are not very friendly or open which can be discouraging. I have recognized that what im going through is common, which makes it feel easier to go about life feeling this way with some plans to eventually change it, i just need to go for it
i hate how this is one of the many problems of the world and there doesn't seem to be much of a resolution for it or any of the other issues, so much kicking the can down the road and putting it on the individual to sort themselves out, where is the community?
I miss life from before computers. Slowly but surely I've watched real life socializing be suffocated by people going out and staring at their phones. Why bother going to the bar when all I'll see is everyone else staring down at the glow from their phone? Or the selfie/recording themselves the whole time....When they're home they stare at screens- when they go out they stare at their screens. I still use a flip phone for a reason...I stay engaged with the world around me- not a screen.
Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. There is no right or wrong way to make friends, but I do know that most friendships take a lot of work and it has to be give and take from both sides. I am an introvert which makes it even harder to make new friends.
There are also some people that are simply better at organizing things, more outgoing, and oftentimes they adopt someone introverted… it’s the start of many good friendships I think 😊
I feel the same way, it’s hard for me to fit in and I think that’s why I watch videos because it’s easier to find videos or some content creator more relatable
Of course you're good enough for having friends, these are bad times for everyone when it comes to making friends. If Switzerland is anything like Sweden, where no one even looks you in the eye, let alone smiles at you, or says "hello" as you cross paths, then leave Switzerland and move to a country where people are friendly.
My fiance had me join his DND campaign, and at first I thought I wasn't going to like it. But thanks to him, I have met way more people, and made friends with our campaign buddies. So don't be afraid to try new groups like that. I have more nerdy girlfriends now because of DND.
“Friendship for a reason, friendship for a season and friendship for a lifetime” this is a mantra I keep telling myself that until I am healed and know myself better, people will be coming in and out of my life like a revolving door and oh God it’s hard to understand and be okay with it, but after some point you just have to let it go and just go through the world and be the best version of yourself.
I've been watching your videos for a while already and have to say this is my favorite so far. Keep creating videos with such honest view. Greetings from Colombia 😊
I don't like to be around people who constantly complain. I am alone. A lot. And it's very peaceful. (Not saying she is complaining, just trying to parse this phenomena).
I’m over parasocial relationships. why do I need to be someone’s number one fan, always liking and commenting on their videos when they don’t follow me or reply to my comments. I peeked onto Reddit and these people know way too much about the influencer they follow. Who is the woman at 10:45? Her handle wasn’t there.
I am lucky to have my partner, family and a few close friends. The rest are acquaintances that come and go. I got sick of the one sided "friendships". I don't bother with them anymore. Friendship requires both parties to make an effort.
It may seem like there are not opportunities to meet people in real life in the age of social media, but if you live near a decent size city, there definitely are! Being lonely is an opportunity to try new things, volunteer for a cause you care about, or do something that’s not so scary but with people you don’t know like attending a young professionals happy hour.
Social media also capitalizes our wanting to fit in or have belongingness through over-consumerism (makeup, fashion, home organization tools, or even plastic surgery trends) We see the ‘romanticization’ of basic things, sheds both a both positive and negative light on US culture. Most of the things we see on social media is a facade such as relationships, luxury hauls, etc. If you are at peace in your solitude, please do not dumpster dive on dating apps ! 🤦♀️ Attend industry events or go out alone and enjoy the things you love doing.
Anyone else in Cincinnati, OH? I have a handful of friends here and there (even some in the area), but few are ever free to hang out or have a chat:/ As a super sociable person I always feel like I’m not getting nearly enough reaction as I need to counteract my strong feeling of loneliness, and it seems I’m often stuck doing things on my own when I’d rather have company
Thanks for your content, which I feel to be pretty much authentic - that is what I value a lot. I loved your take on our generation, that teaches the older ones about tech and might teach the younger ones about social skills. As a teacher I can say- I think you are right. Thanks tho for your videos, I'll stick around ❤ greetings from Germany 😊
this is probably the BEST video you've ever produced. You spoke so eloquently about the 'diseaaaaaase !' ( God I miss hearing you say that word regarding your past shopping addiction) of the new century. I too went through extreme bouts of loneliness when I moved from Europe to Australia in the mid 90's. I was in my late teens / early 20's and felt like I was an old lonely widow.
I have less and less friends… I’ve learned to enjoy spending time with myself. Just broke up with my boyfriend 2 days ago. So I’m doing more solo plans again. I honestly wish I had more friends 🤷🏻♀️
I was thinking well it would be nice to meet you for coffee and then minutes later you said you’d like to meet me and I thought what great friends we are thinking alike lol😂
I definitely think that this is partly a response to people getting tired of everyone posting highlight reels ONLY. Younger generations I think are trying to normalize more the struggles of real life and that's why I see so many people posting now about their mental health struggles, etc.
Thank you for this honest video, Caitlin. I really do think that it is a super important topic these days. Social media is great but it takes away important time from us that maybe we would have spent with people in real life otherwise and it results in us becoming more isolated and possibly lonely. It’s really sad. I have lots of friends but they all have small children and no time to meet up anymore or even send a text. They will watch my stories on Instagram though. I miss them.
I honestly think that part of the problem (not in every case) is that people have been told repeatedly by social media to put themselves first. Like: always put yourself first, it's self care, etc., and this leads to people, not only, not going out again and again, because they 'just don't feel like it' when actually going out will help them feel better, but also leads to people becoming incredibly selfish and who others don't want to be around. Sometimes you have to put others first and people will usually repay that in kind. I myself have learnt that sometimes you have to force yourself to accept a social invitation when you can't really be bothered, go and you'll feel better after some social contact and you can start a friendship. I don't have many close friends, but I had even fewer a few years ago, but a simple invitation to a pub quiz from a colleague has led to a good friendship with her and also with her friends. On the other side of the coin there are people I don't want to spend time with because they are always demanding more and more and never giving back. If you want better and more friendships it can help to start by behaving like a friend.
This is interesting to see discourse about how people with disabilities live as a regular way of being becausewe have no choice. Those self serve checkouts were created for us. Online parasocial relationships were created by us to fill a need. How awesome that there are people who don't have to live that way. 😮
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I think what made me get to the, "I have no friends, and it's okay" point is that i realized i spent so much time chasing after people and still felt lonley. I spent most of my 20s trying to make friends because you're told how friends, family, community, and connection is so important. Especially as someone with mental health issues, you're told how inportant it is to have a support system. So I'd spend so much time and effort reaching out to people and trying to make friendships work and yeah it was cool, we would hang out sometimes, but i still never truly felt happy because i realized i was putting in all the work. And when i got tired of that, i stopped, and it was kind of freeing. Letting go of those expectations and what you think friendship is supposed to look like can actually finally get you to a place where you feel okay.
So i dont think its that people dont want to do anything about it. Sometimes you get to a point where youre so tired of trying to make something work that the best option really is acceptance. And once you accept things for what they actually are, i think youre able to let that sadness leave you and start building a life that works for you even if its not what people tell you should work for you.
Wow this is exactly where I'm also at. I was actually talking to my husband about it the other day. I'm tired of being the one who always put in the effort with friendships. I have also learnt acceptance and am pretty OK with it 😊
That is fine, but we as human beings we do need to have some kind of connection with others. In the past it was essential in order to survive in the wild, and does it now. I love being alone, I also love being with my family and friends. I am African and we truly have built our society on the principle of being a village. Living in Europe it’s harder to have a real village, but not impossible. I wish you well for everything and I truly wish you’ll find likeminded individuals to be your village❤
That‘s what I actually did with my asymmetrical face, I accepted it. I accepted that I never dated and probably have almost zero chance to find a man of my standard (caring, not lazy, not selfish and thinks it’s all about his dreams, loving, loyal, same or some overlapping love language, other same values morals and religion, characteristics that are a must, for myself attractive and he being attracted to me, and so forth.
Edit: it’s freeing, I can now concentrate on my life, goals, dreams and procrastinate less
I suffered from severe depression and bipolar, spent my teenage years laying down on my bed alone. Now I'm 27, joined a board game community and started ballroom dancing. Joining a community really helps making friends. It's about going out and seeking for opportunities.
And accepting that it can take a while. I joined a group and liked everyone but didn't click with a particular person for 2 years. Then my now awesome friend joined. 😁😁
A board game community sounds so fun I love games
@@CaitlinPawlowski We literally spend the whole day playing whatever we want. I was laughing with my therapist the other day because few years ago, I was really worried that I might end up with no friends and feel lonely forever!
You can be in a roomful of people and still feel lonely. Strangers online aren't your friends, their strangers.
👽 *they are* 🐴
Online friends aren't a substitute for in person relationships
Only marriage and children solves this. Unfortunately we have lied to men and women for decades that marriage and family is unnecessary and undesirable. It seems like it was all a ploy to atomize society to cash out on the loneliness.
having been both the hardworking loner back home struggling to find a good time, and the outgoing partier trying to fill my empty void, I would never go back in time to change the time I spent with myself and all the things I learn about the world and about myself in relation with them; and I never envied the real emptiness that insatiable pits of satisfaction many of those individuals carried nor all the things they could justify to themselves because of it. I am quite happy today because of what I have achieved and the friendships I cultivated through the people that stayed around even when I hadn't very much except to ask for some company or advice.
Society has lost its values. Nowadays everybody wants to be rich or at least look rich instead of having kids and a family.
There's a saying; We work jobs we hate to buy stuff we don't need to impress people we don't like.
I don't think it's just the younger generations experiencing loneliness. Things like moving a lot and having people with personality disorders in your life are effecting people. I also think getting older and not putting up with BS makes the friendship pool smaller. Some people seem to accept anyone who pays attention to them as a friend. Some need more. What ever the reason, I feel for people who feel lonely.
Omg yes! I left narcissistic partner to heal for two years I grew up in 80s and my life 20s 30s was decent but after my divorce and my kids left nest and narcissistic abuse? Being alone for two years to heal? Made me worse and more scared ugh MA here ! 😅
"not putting up with BS makes the friendship pool smaller."
This is a good point you have raised
My son is 19 with no friends I feel his sadness deeply as a mom
Yeah and especially now most of the youngsters communicate threw online or txting....
Me, too. My son has NO friends and it breaks my heart completely. I cry for him. I don't know what to do. How do you deal with it? I feel his pain so DEEPLY. If I could trade places with him and be the one with no friends, so he would have friends I would do it in a heartbeat. I want to help him so bad but I don't know how.
He has no friends because he is not working on his purpose so has no tribe. Skilled trades will give him skills, money, a sculpted body and a tribe to belong to. Provided he avoids relationships until then he will be rich in his 30s. Women will flock and he is a happy man provided he avoids the sneaky bad. Problem solved.
This breaks my heart. My son is only 2 but it honestly is a fear of mine for when he grows up. I feel like the world just keeps getting worse and worse
You’re NOT THE ONLY ONE WHOSE FELT THAT ❤❤❤
I have 3 grown adult children. Ever since they were little l always encouraged get togethers at our house. They always invited their friends. Now that they are adults they have very healthy friendships. That’s how they met their spouses through mutual friends. Right now my daughter and her boyfriend are at the lake with some of their closest friends. My son is in Las Vegas with his closest friends. Friendships require the investment of time and family involvement. My children are also not big on social media nor are their friends. Maybe that has something to do with them being able to communicate and connect better ? I don’t know…
The problem is is that people used to connect more naturally. You met people at work, in your community at church etc. nothing was forced. People also didn’t move away from home as much.
I think being a sudden public figure is harder, but I am satisfied we could bring back book club and film festivals the police know and the NBA doesn't to their desire to make a porn to startup week.
Esther Perel said in a video that we expect our partners to be everything and that we need other relationships in our life's for them to be fulfilling. We need community to survive 😊
Absolutely agree
I am in my 40s and have lost the majority of my friends from my younger days due to different reasons (moving, different paths in life, etc). It is really hard to meet new people when you are older, and I agree with you, friendships are important, it is not ok to not have friends. People are inherently social beings, and as an introvert myself, I have to acknowledge it, because I miss social interactions, even though I can be by myself and do my own things. To me, parasocial relationships also are adding to the problem, because people really do feel like they are basically “friends” with the person on the screen, and that is not true and probably takes away from their real relationships. This was, as always, a great video, looking forward to another one :)
It is so true that making friends as an adult is much harder. People are so busy with work, and taking care of their kids that they simply don't have the time or energy any more to go and forge new friendships. Also they might already have their friends circle and are not 'hiring' potential new friends. Having said that, I still believe that you can make very fulfilling and sincere friendships in your 40's and beyond. My cousin , who just turned 60 recently relocated to a whole new country ( Portugal) and in the past 5 years, she managed to make some lovely new friends. Never keep trying and believe in yourself xx
If all adults could just learn to not judge those who do things differently and just let everybody just be as they are as adults will have their defined boundaries. Then maybe it could be different.
1000% agreed. But you’ve got to make the effort to find people.
You took the words right out of my mouth and Thankyou for watching ❤️
It’s difficult as an adult. I’m busy either with family or kids or working all the time. I think it’s this hustle culture. That we can’t really get away from
I am in my 60s and don't have any friends ,hardly had and even they backstabbed me .Am happy being alone and discovered my self and can't take crap from anyone .I neither smoke or drink and keep myself busy with other stuff and hobbies .
I am 34 and don’t have any close friends. I hoped to meet some at my teaching job but all the other teachers were all cliquey and no one really was interested in being friendly. It’s hard to see everyone else going out for brunch, having special trips together, and having others who do care. I’ve come to be okay with not having friends at this point and I am lucky enough to have a good husband and am close with my parents. I feel for those who have no one and are alone with no one for days and weeks. I think social media makes us all feel like we are missing out on the perfect life.
It’s so hard to break through the cliquey nature I’ve had this trouble too ugh
Omg! I’m glad I’m not the only one who has noticed this but yes, teachers are super cliquey! I was a researcher before becoming a teacher and had a large community, it’s taken me years to build good friendships as a teacher. Even now, some cliques don’t even bother to say hello during meetings etc….
That was such a wonderful video. I'm now in my forties. I spent my teens twenties and thirties chasing desperately after friendships and got so badly damaged by toxic people. I wasn't one of the lucky ones. Real friends are like gold dust unfortunately I have not been so lucky so I keep myself to myself these days. Sad I know but honest. Someone one said to me "love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe" 🙂
Thankyou for your honesty ❤️
I spend lots of time with my boyfriends family we go places, have parties all the things. However, I fell lonely ALL THE TIME. I am saying this to explain that just because you may see people hanging out with people by no means does it mean that person is not experiencing loneliness.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Oh where do I start…amazing video! I’m in Ohio USA and I’m 62 years old. I have very few friends, everyone seems to have kids or married, and I don’t have either. But at this age, I have learned to live with it. I’m alone most of the time, so that’s where you come in. I have found so many amazing channels and truly enjoy them. Keep up the great work! I have learned to find joy in the smallest things, I pray everyone else does too.😊
Thankyou so much for watching xx
This video atleast made me feel normal
I honestly do have a lot of really close friends and do the girl trips etc. In my experience, it takes a lot of work. It's definitely harder to meet up when you're older and so much easier to become introverted/ take time for yourself, especially when you're tired of the 9-5 and taking care of yourself, kids etc. There is not necessarily a fault in that.
However, I think, having these relationships, it takes that extra step every time. If you want to keep them close, you need to text them or call them regularly. You need to take that time, even when you're exhausted, to still go and see them. And when you see them, talk about life and do go deep, that gives that satisfaction. And also know that it needs to go both ways, and that it's not always equal.
Communicate when you're feeling hurt about them not giving you that time and space you need and what you're expectations are, but also know that these expectations need to be realistic and work with both of your lifestyles. Then you'll have friends that are close and friends that you know you can expect a little less from, because we're all busy people. Doesn't mean, they're no longer friends though, just not as close and/or as regularly in your life.
This is just my two cents, I'm not a native English speaker, so sorry if something is not clear. But wanted to share my experience.
All relationships take time and work. It doesn't have to be hard work, but it does take work. Especially also when you try to form new relationships.
(Also, I do know how blessed and lucky I am with my friends and definitely tell them and myself that a lot. I'm also 30 and introverted and do spend a lot of time at work and home by myself. )
This is an amazing comment Thankyou x
I think the main problem is (and of course it’s just a theory) is that the more social media has taken over our everyday lives, the more we’ve lost “sense of community”. Growing up in the 90s if you got bored, you’d go outside, ride your bike around, go explore the woods ect… sometimes I’d ride by bike to the local community pool by myself and I’d always end up meeting someone around my age and we’d hang out for the day then exchange phone numbers. Back then you HAD to call, there was no texting, so you were forced to interact. I’m phone shy but my mom would just dial the number and shove it in my face and say “ITS RINGING!! YOU BETTER GRAB IT! IM NOT TALKING FOR YOU!” And once I started talking I was fine lol. Another time I was riding my bike around our neighborhood and saw another girl with a bike and just shouted “I like your bike!” Lol… She ended up becoming one of my best friends in school until I moved. It also doesn’t help that our economy around the world is terrible and everything is so expensive to do… most people can’t afford to go out or do stuff anymore. But, there is still tons of free stuff to do, it just may not be “popular”. Hobbies are expensive… it used to be you could pick up hobbies for relatively cheap, find people with similar hobbies and connect. But now everything is expensive, even simple things. Finally, social media is programmed to give us FOMO. The algorithm pushes influencers, perfect lives, extravagant lifestyles because it knows it will get the most views. It’s SO EASY to forget that most of these “perfect moments” are NOT real life. Social media is a literal library of perfectly curated 30sec to a minute moments. For example, a very large influencer (over a million followers) came to my work to shoot content. Looking at her social media you’d think this girls life is PERFECT… what people don’t see, is she drug along a boyfriend (she no longer has) and was very demanding of him. She had multiple outfits to change into, yelled at him and got short tempered because he wasn’t getting the right angles. So much so I felt bad and offered to work the camera for her as he wasn’t familiar with shooting photos on a high end camera. She’d smile, pose, say a pre planned script multiple times, watch it over, say “Na it’s shit, let’s do it again” ect… constantly change outfits, say let’s move and get better lighting, take hundreds of photos of the same pose just to pick one to edit and post. It’s not what people think it is. It’s a fantasy land. We need to attempt to go back to how it was before social media ruled the world…. How we do it? Not sure… but if we keep this up, we will soon be too far gone I fear. Point is, just remember social media is FAKE… it’s not real life. In the 90s you’d spend plenty of time sitting around bored, but we didn’t think anything of it, because we didn’t know any better. Now we think if we aren’t constantly doing amazing things to post and share we see losers. It’s not true! So if you read this far, all I can say is, don’t compare your life to others… most of us are living the exact same life and relate more than we let on. ❤
Hearing you talk about the 90s like that makes me miss the days without social media and iPhones to much x
I’m an autistic 32 year old with no friends. I have lots of hobbies and interests and go everywhere like concerts , traveling , beach , getting food , movies alone . I love it! I would like to meet someone i get along with but i hate forcing friendships with people and that’s how it feels most of the time . I have a weird mix of special interests which makes it hard and i don’t have a partner , kids , i don’t drink or like drinking environments.
This combination makes it pretty much impossible to find people i have things in common with. I’ve been making online friends since 2008. I used to even meet up with them when i was younger. Easier to find people with specific interests that way.
I’m very close with my cousin but she lives on a different continent , i have four cats and I’m close with my mom. I have a good therapist. And I’m slowly connecting deeper with my coworkers at my latest job. Not having close friends to do everything with doesn’t mean you don’t interact with anyone on a daily basis.
I feel this, I’m in my 30’s and moved away from my hometown 13 years ago and it took me nearly 10 years to make 3 local friends and it’s been so wonderful but 2 of them (they’re a couple) have announced that they want to move about 2 hours away and it’s honestly devastated me as I feel like I’m back to square 1. I’ve just had a baby so I’m hoping that baby groups and stuff will help me meet new people but who knows
I hope the baby groups are a place you can find new friends ☺️
I have friends here in Wisconsin but I am missing the kind of closer friendships where you get together often and touch base frequently. When we first moved here a neighbor across the street welcomed us to the neighborhood and we became fast friends. Went for walks, chatted daily at one house or the other, got together for dinners. It was casual and not highly planned. They moved, we moved and getting together is rare. Everyone is so busy with family, work, etc. that getting together has to be scheduled and just feels less organic.
I think relationships are about quality, not quantity. You can be surrounded by many people and feel lonely, but it's funny how just one person can bring infinite contentment. My husband is my best friend, and he gives me the all the satisfaction and happiness that I need. I'm lucky I found my soul mate.
I think you’re brave and incredibly selfless for making this video. You are definitely not alone. I often feel as though the world doesn’t even notice me. I love meeting new people and the prospect of new friendships only to feel that they are of the mind that they have enough friends and that I’m not special enough to be included in their inner circle. I decided to take this emotion and to transform it into serving others as much as I can through volunteering, working on myself l, examining my own interests and pursuing them with vigor. There’s no room for self pity when you take control of your life and spread your light and talents where they are appreciated.
Rather than comparing yourself to strangers, try comparing where you are in life today to where you have been and where you want to be. Ive found that is a better way to gauge my standing in the world than looking at a video or pic online.
I’m 33 and I live in Boston. I’m a flight attendant so most of my work friends don’t even live here or I see them maybe a few times a year because I work with so many different people. I want some friends here in the city. People who are stationary. I miss having a group of people or just a few friends to hang out with since I live so far from my hometown where a lot of my best friends are.
Thank you for the video ❤️ tbh there are many of us who feel lonely even with a partner. I think loneliness is about feeling lonely with yourself, rather than necessarily having someone.
Also after corona times I feel like I just don’t wanna get out. And it really takes a toll, mentally…
That’s understandable I definitely think after the pandemic I became more of a hermit
I think a lot of conversations stay surface level when you speak to people in person.
I think it’s absolutely so hard to have a stable friendship when you both work 9-5 and then have school or things you have to do after. I have 2 best friends but I haven’t seen them in months! Well speak here and there but meeting up is hard lol.
I think this is actually a major part of the problem. People’s modern current lives are basically an impossible series of juggling tasks and time where you dangle on the edge of overwhelm and overwork almost always. Our current lifestyles are not long term viable to my mind. And as a contrast consider slow living as a lifestyle? Remote work with slow living actually leaves space for family, friends and hobbies. But, how many people see that connection?
This is so true 💯
I use to have a handful of friends in HS and College, but once College was over everyone got busy with their own stuff, moved away, didn’t want to make time to keep a friendship going and just like that I have no friends. Sometimes it’s nice to have them for support and understanding, but it really depends because some people can be toxic and screw you over. I like being alone most of the time but there’s other times where I’d like to have people to hang with.🤷🏻♀️
And here I am, an introvert who has only ever had 2-3 friends, still loving the solitude this paradigm affords. Now if only we as a society could shift to being night owls instead of early risers because we now have the technology of lightbulbs that would be awesome.
This hits hard, totally relatable ❤
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This so so relatable. And for that matter so are you. I listened to Eleanor Rigby this morning and cried just thinking about how lonely people are right now, we need more love and connection in the world ❤
Absolutely ❤️
I know the feeling of not fitting in very well. That has been my entire life. It has contributed to why I don’t have many friends. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. And it’s reinforcing. At times I can’t help but feel actively excluded by people, but then I tell myself that it makes sense. I don’t fit in, so of course I wouldn’t be included. It can be hell on your mental health. (And having poor mental health doesn’t endear you to people).
At the same time, I’ve developed an attitude of “if I wait to do this with someone else, I’ll never do it.” So I’ve learned to do things simply because I enjoy it. I have no problem going to the movies by myself. I’ll read math books or philosophy books because I’m genuinely interested. I love to photograph flowers and clouds because I find them beautiful. It’s easy to feel lonely if you’re bored, and I’m never bored.
Pretend there is no Social Media. And go live your life.
Totally get it. I don't have friends. I have my husband, and meeting with his friends gives me little relief and good energy. I always had trouble finding true friends. I've lost each time friend when I outgrown them. Like my last one, she was even my maid of honour on our wedding, but after I got a better job, she ghosted me. Just like that. It hurts so much.
It’s so sad this is all too common I can relate in what you’re saying xx
Loneliness is normal I think. It comes and goes. But people just want constant stimulation and I think that makes it worse. People don't know how to be in a room quietly with themselves. That being said, there are so many people who don't put in the effort to actually build and maintain relationships. They make plans then bail or turn down the invites. If I ask someone to hang out and am turned down 5 times in a row, I'm going to stop inviting you. Has happened with many people, it's not uncommon. However, like any relationship it takes two people and isolating yourself will guarantee loneliness.
hi! i'm from detroit, mi and i've been watching some of your content for a bit but this video really connected with me. i feel like it's getting harder to make friends in this social media driven society and it doesn't help that some influencers are capitalizing on it. disconnecting from social media feels lonely but i'm trying to reach out and make friends as best i can without it
I hope you manage to make some real life friends too good luck 🤞
I feel like if you are so lonely but you record yourself on a daily basis, that can be a turn-off from making genuine friendships because I know I would never want to be friends with someone who records themselves all of the time.
If you leave your phone in your pocket or purse when going to places, then you can actually look at and talk with other people who are doing things.
If you can go for a small walk around your town without recording yourself, then you will meet people in real life. Building connections through real life situations is the only way to make genuine connections.
Go somewhere you want to go to without recording yourself and you might realize that is the best way for you to do things on your own. Once you are comfortable being alone doing activities and interacting with people in the real world, that is how you will make real friends.
Also, reach out to your own past friends from childhood or from clubs or your sorority alumni groups.
Trying a new hobby that you want to try and you will meet new people.
This video truly made me tear up because it’s all true and it’s so sad. I only have a few friends and they don’t even live close to me. It’s hard some days and I absolutely do feel lonely even with having a partner. When I was younger I had so many friends and was constantly doing things and now in my low 30’s it has really hit me the last few years I don’t have that and it’s hard some days. Your video definitely made me feel not so alone but if anyone is in the IN or OH area let me know I would love to grab coffee or lunch lol 🩷
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Glad that you brought up the adverse health effects of loneliness! I hate that people are trying to reframe having no friends as "a good thing." It's not! (And I'm not shaming people who don't currently have friends, by the way.) I think it's easier for people to frame loneliness as an individual problem (one that you can decide isn't a problem, actually)--rather than grapple with the fact that our societies are currently set up to discourage in-person community. Much easier to see loneliness as an individual failing, or even as not a big deal, than try to go up against the entire system.
100% agree with this I have felt so lonley over the years. And felt like strange because my best friend is my sister. And my other close friends live so far away I dont get to see them always. Social media really does skew our perspective of reality.
1000% can agree xx
ghost mode thing is really popular in self improvement sphere. i mean it does sound good but as a person trying to eat healthy and trying to go to gym consistently to lose weight (i am clinically obese) i would never be able to do 6 months of no contact or do "ghost mode". i adjust everything according to my lifestyle, yes i don't socialize as much as i used to but i didn't cut off everything that brings me joy lol. i have a ritual of meeting with my bestie for coffee every friday and i can't imagine that i would give up on that just to get a little bit ahead of my goal. going ghost mode is simply not sustainable for me and it is boring. it only looks good on motivational posts on pinterest
I completely agree!
Super introvert from NYC here! Like you, I’ve always struggled with a sense of belonging. My social circle decreased drastically since I left organized religion. & the few friends that I have are focused primarily on their guys & some have children. I’ve signed up to several meetup activities but cower out from going last minute out of fear that it’ll feel awkward.😬 I know nothing will change unless I put in the effort though.
Loved this one! A few years back i cut of all the toxic people of my life. Except my now husband. I was so alone. Now 10 years later i have 2 very good friends, my husband, my baby and my family.
I’m so happy for you!
Hi! I'm 36 years old and it's been difficult for me to have friends all my life.
When I was younger, I was super introverted. And my adolescence was very lonely. Thank God, my parents were always the ones who kept me afloat and made me realize that by hating everyone I was never going to get "that" friend.
I reinvented myself, I fought a lot and I was able to have friends: some only accompany us in a part of our lives, others are toxic, others sporadic, others were "bff"... but the important thing is to fight against what it tells us "It's good to be alone." Yes, at times yes. But you don't have to be a hermit, we live in a society.
Although I was never able to have a group of friends, I have friends from different activities, jobs, life... and that's okay. You don't have to have parameters for the number of friends you should have, things you should do... things happen as they happen.
Yes, I feel alone at times. But that's fine too.
Thanks for this video, it's good to know that it's not just me who feels this way. 😃
Greetings from Argentina!
ps. It was very long, sorry!!
I felt so much lonelier and isolated when I was married and had some “couple friends” and more of a social life. Now I am alone. Alone with my thoughts, off of social media, and living alone. Yet I’m not lonely AT ALL. I have a great relationship with my sister now, I FaceTime her daily. I have 2 really great friends. One is a work friend and generally grab dinner together once a month and the other I walk at the dog park with on Sunday mornings. The difference is me. I am being myself and enjoying my own company and I have ATTRACTED my tribe.
I been obsessed with your vids lately, so glad I discovered u
Aw Thankyou for being here ❤️☺️
I would be your friend in a heartbeat - you seem lovely and like-minded!
Thankyou 🥹❤️
What a great video. I’m going through a rough time because my best (and only in-person friend) is no longer speaking to me. I’ve been feeling so hurt and down in the dumps the past few days since this happened. But this video encourages me to go out, even with family or just my boyfriend, and make efforts to keep those connections going strong. Maybe I can make new friends along the way.
I needed this today, thank you.
Friendship breakups can be so hard although I hope this isn’t what’s happening Thankyou for sharing this though
You’ll be ok regardless ❤️
@@CaitlinPawlowski thank you for your reply! 💜 That makes me feel better. I’m sure everything will be just fine, and maybe new friends were written in the stars for me anyways.
My grandson is turning 14. We have him every weekend. He plays on line games. He has a friend in the USA that he has been gaming with since he was 8. I think that’s the only friend he has. We live in Canada. Thanks for your videos
Boys never feel lonely playing games. For example, Halo campaign match making gives you a team and a purpose. It’s always better when a father figure is watching you play.
I feel similarly. It's frustrating, because I decided, especially during the pandemic, that if I felt lonely, others probably did too, so the friends that were rather distant that I had, I texted and called asking to visit in person for months. I felt like it was the best time for me to be able to go see them, since my work has sent me home, and even though they worked different schedules, since mine was truly wide open, I could just come around in their free time. Turned out those friends didn't really have time to see me, even if I came around in their schedules. That kind of melted my confidence, and even after the pandemic eased up, when I was reaching out to visit in person, when they still didn't have time, I stopped trying so hard, and have not really seen them since. It was extremely hard because at one point they were one of two friends I had, and with no confidence, I didn't really want to reach out to the other one. I've since added one more friend, and am trying to become more open again. We are definitely gonna have to be the ones to teach our kids to socialize in person. This is hard enough as an adult who did live before cell phones. I can't imagine how the kids of today are doing it.
6:16 Even people that go out on Friday nights have weekends where they sit at home. If you're feeling lonely, just ask a coworker or a classmate if they want to hang on a weekend or after work. I'm an introvert at heart, but thats what i did when i needed connection at times in my 20s.
Many people complain they have no friends... but actually I often have the impression they have to many expectations of friends.
I'm 55, I moved often, I do go out alone, meet people maybe in a hiking club or language course and I'm the one - always - asking others to go out afterwards .. I'm the one who is often engaged or away, so it's always me contacting first...
After a while it's vice versa.
So actually I have a lot of friends - but pls, I know people who hardly call, but expect you to call always, to be there always when they think - sorry, I have a life and sometimes I'm engaged for weeks or months... If those people than act offened - I'm out, I don't have the time for childish games
Hey Caitlin, thanks for making this video, really resonated with it. I even got slightly emotional watching it. I'm someone who grew up with very low self esteem and high anxiety, my family wasn't the very emotionally supportive and I people pleased my way through life. In high school, I did have many friends, but I got the sense that I was liked because of how 'nice' I was. I felt extremely lonely.
Now in my 20's I've learnt to become more sociable over the years and have made many wonderful genuine friends, some still in my life, some no longer, and my career requires me to be outgoing as well. But still, I've definitely experience the feeling of 'alone in a room full of people' feeling far too often.
On the outside I'm smiling and socializing, but deep down I feel out of place and empty. I hate to admit the times I've cried myself to sleep on Friday and Saturday nights from seeing friends going out on social media, wondering if something was wrong with me. Now that I'm a little older, the feeling has subsided greatly, but there are seasons where I do feel immensely lonely again. This video really helped me feel less alone, and I hope it does the same for the others here too.
It’s crazy how much our childhood trauma stays with us and how our social life in school can affect us later in life
Thankyou for sharing your story ❤️
Yaaaaaay someone real! I do think we're turning a corner as a society where "stuff" is less important, where people and being real has more value. We don't need to look perfect, have the perfectly decorated home, and curate this perfect fake life. Being real leads to true happiness and you're channel is helping that along more than you realize. Thank you.
There is a huge difference between loneliness and enjoy your solitude. I feel people who don't like who they are as a person are lonely because they are confronted with those thoughts and feeling when they are by themselves and it is those thoughts and feeling that are causing the pain. Which is why so many people 'medicate' with various vices, not so much for the pleasure they bring, but the pain they avoid. Getting off social media also helps as is the first step to true happiness as comparison is the thief of joy.
You’re PREACHING with this! I genuinely believe that a lot of people, because they can’t sit with themselves, are not self-aware enough to understand what it means to be an ACTUAL friend. The same people that claim that they’re lonely and don’t have any friends, don’t take enough time to reflect on the type of person that they are, don’t take the time to put in any effort and lack the social skills in order to BE a friend. It seems as that everybody wants to convenience a friendship so it can make THEIR lives better but, are not asking themselves what THEY can do to enrich the lives of other people thus building genuine friendship. Friendship has always been a two-way street and it’s supposed to be reciprocal so if any point you feel like the relationships that you have are not reciprocal, keep trying and keep putting in the effort. Friendship is just like any other other relationship so you HAVE to continue to nurture and care for your friends ❤️
@@niablee 100%. Unfortunately, there are definitely plenty of 'energy vampires' out there who will quite happily feed off someone without any reciprocation.
Love Caitlin's comments on Examples of Influencers: "Well, technically, you're going there and I'm sitting on my couch with no pants on eating chips." 17:35 Reality. No, they do know what they're doing. On unboxings 18:45 , that's a big NO. You do you. People shouldn't be living vicariously through other people when they don't even have a personal relationship. People should get out there and live. Stop hiding behind your monitor and keyboard. Do things. Meet people. Make friends.
I know of a Melbourne based YT influencer who does what she does because it's deliberate. She told a Sydney influencer that she can't do collabs because of her high fees that she gets paid by brands. So basically she would charge another influencer a fee to collab. That's greedy, shady, and lacks integrity on her part. So much for the influencer "community." It's ME, ME, ME.
I've been dealing with long term health issues and my friends have diminished to hardly any. I accept this and when things get better it will change. Being online really helps, I'm not delusional about it. But there are connections that are made online they are fleeting but real.
@@deborahcurtis1385 , You're not the only one that's been dealing with long term health issues. If your friends are diminishing, they are moving on fast forward whereas you're on stagnant mode. People are moving forward. You have to make a conscious decision not to set yourself back. Spending too much time online and not being out there living (Getting Vitamin D from the sun, enjoying the beauty of nature, seeing your town or city's lights at night, reaching out to others just by starting small talk and then introducing yourself to find things in common, will help you move forward). Scientists have pointed out that by keeping yourself indoors without the sunlight necessary to burn off melatonin, is like being in a hibernation state that bears and other nature go through. It's lack of energy. Sunlight triggers energy that can contribute to your happiness. Caitlyn just pointed out so many things on social media that aren't real. You're missing the message.
It really is crazy how lonely you can feel while being surrounded by people who you love. Like I work a very people-oriented job, I live at home with family, I'm very social but feel like at the end of the day all my relationships are pretty surface level. There's a depth that's lacking and I have no idea how to cultivate it. That's where the internet comes into play, like I'd love to have a conversation like this with somebody in real life but I just am not on that level with anybody
Whoever needs to hear this: hang tight, the right people will come into your life. Remember you are worthy, you are deserving, you are loveable and you are wanted.
Sorry, thank you for your kind words, but the people will be just aquaintences.
@@Himmiefan it’s ok to have acquaintances. Not everyone needs to become a lifelong friend. My best friends are all people I met in adulthood and my circle is quite small. That’s fine with me because between family and a few special friends, I don’t have time to entertain loads of mediocre friendships.
Having moved to a different country and my best friend who was here has moved away, it forced me to find my own groups and connections outside of work. Facebook groups have been invaluable and instagram pages too. I’ve tried out hiking, joined a book club, and got my eye on a climbing group (bit more financially than the other two) and also tried out dance classes. It’s about utilising those opportunities and yeah I’ve not made a best friend, but they’ve all made me feel less alone.
I have friends, but I also feel lonely. I'm 30 and single. Most of my friends are in relationships and I see them every few weeks or so. I created my life around being single (having hobbies, studying next to working). But it kind of makes it worse? Me not having time and them not always having time makes me see them less. I don't have deep connections with my friends anymore. Usually we only catch up on each others lives. It feels.. pointless sometimes. I want to create memories. Even when I told some of them I feel this way, I never got the same response from them. I think it's because they have it with their partners, which makes me want to have a partner as well, although I would be happy with a really close friend, too. Someone to share things and make memories with.
Literally this is exactly how I feel ❤️
Girl! I used to have a lot of friends in my 20s, but since the pandemic, i cut ties with most of them because i realized that i'm not aligned with them anymore. Now i have 3 or 4 friends. But, i would love to be friend with you!! I love your vibe!!
Hello from tallahassee! This hits hard because its true in my life. I have friends online but zero irl
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I can relate to that 💯. I went to school in Tallahassee and for a college town-there is absolutely nothing to do there. The first couple months of my first semester was probably the loneliest time in my life. Hang in there.
If you don't learn to enjoy your own company, you will never really love another. I met my husband when I withdrew from everything and everyone and started healing my trauma and improved my physical and mental health. I have one friend that is not even in the same continent. We don't need friends. We need family.
and self love
@@DianneLandry-qk8kr self love is the prerequisite to love another
@DianneLandry-qk8kr The self-love was the truama healing and mental and physical healing.
Absolutely! I have no friends and never been happier. If I need company I spend time with my family or my pets
I disagree. Both are important and you can live friends as if they were your family
What you say about the happy online lives - i wouldn't believe or trust any of it is so good unless i saw it for myself.
I have a relative who's an influencer & even written a book which includes her idyllic family of origin- it simply wasn't so at all. I saw so much dysfunction.
They're like a lot of people where I've been shocked by how badly they behave close up: yet they think all that vicious emotional undercurrents, crazy drama and aggressive shouting is "normal". However, they know enough to hide it from the public in all the "happy families" snaps and footage.
I used to not have time to socialise but having a RUclips channel i had friends who followed me and were there to hang out with. The fact that when you have a channel you're feeling less lonely.
It’s important to put yourself out there. Unplug from social media every now and then because self comparison is the thief of joy.
Yes, I have no close friends and it's not okay. I literally went to well over 50 different social gatherings, volunteering, classes etc some for well over a year - and met no one at all who was actually nice and wanted to get to know me and who I felt the same way about.
I'm sociable, funny, intelligent attractive ... it was ... astonishing.
Most of the people simply weren't very nice and had established people or ways of doing life that excluded me.
It's known to be a difficult place to make friends.
I'm working on making my own private life as great as possible and reviewing my social skills.
Also, looking to move and hope to find nicer people who are a more suitable fit for me. 😊
I am starting to feel more isolated as I am getting older. This never used to bother me before. I began to understand the value of social interactions now.
But I live in Madrid. Far away from my best friends and family. The relationships I have here are more superficial. I talk to my family everyday, so I think technology definitely helps. If I had to write letters and expect a reply in weeks, I would have already moved back home! :)
But I do not think social media is the sole reason for isolation. Before in school or uni, I could see my friends everyday. Now we have different lives. Some of them are married. So I see my best friends once in 3 months or so. It is not just about me not getting out, but simply scheduling problems.
Very good point re technology it’s so important to try to see the up side of these things too xx
I think sometimes people get shamed too much for not wanting to be alone. The internet generally makes it seem like a bad thing. Like you're desperate or weak. Craving human connection is a basic human need. It's okay to not want to be alone and to feel lonely. It's just that we don't learn to handle the feeling of loneliness. Also, when your with someone, you might end up craving independence after some time. Society idealizes relationships and people don't know how to properly nature friendships.
I just moved away from family for university. Im living in a student housing trailer park (it sounds weird, but its pretty normal here) and i was, still am, worried about making friends and not being comfortable leaving the house. I've realized that there's a lot of students that dont leave their places either for days on end. I have enjoyed leaving the house every once in a while, but it would be nice to just have a friend. Im hoping that i can meet people with clubs when school starts, maybe i can take a dog out from the shelter for a day for a hike.
I think its scary for people to go out alone because they're scared of judgement or they want to share the memory with someone. I personally dont want to come across as a weird person going up talking to people and often, theres a lot of other students that are not very friendly or open which can be discouraging. I have recognized that what im going through is common, which makes it feel easier to go about life feeling this way with some plans to eventually change it, i just need to go for it
You got this 💪
i hate how this is one of the many problems of the world and there doesn't seem to be much of a resolution for it or any of the other issues, so much kicking the can down the road and putting it on the individual to sort themselves out, where is the community?
"sitting at home, eating chips"
as I sit at home...eating chips...watching you! ha! comedic!
I miss life from before computers. Slowly but surely I've watched real life socializing be suffocated by people going out and staring at their phones. Why bother going to the bar when all I'll see is everyone else staring down at the glow from their phone? Or the selfie/recording themselves the whole time....When they're home they stare at screens- when they go out they stare at their screens. I still use a flip phone for a reason...I stay engaged with the world around me- not a screen.
This is amazing 👏
Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. There is no right or wrong way to make friends, but I do know that most friendships take a lot of work and it has to be give and take from both sides. I am an introvert which makes it even harder to make new friends.
There are also some people that are simply better at organizing things, more outgoing, and oftentimes they adopt someone introverted… it’s the start of many good friendships I think 😊
I feel the same way, it’s hard for me to fit in and I think that’s why I watch videos because it’s easier to find videos or some content creator more relatable
i feel quite lonely in Switzerland(Zürich) too. And i'm quite ashamed for that. It seems that i'm not good enough for having friends
Of course you're good enough for having friends, these are bad times for everyone when it comes to making friends. If Switzerland is anything like Sweden, where no one even looks you in the eye, let alone smiles at you, or says "hello" as you cross paths, then leave Switzerland and move to a country where people are friendly.
Thank you
That’s not true at all you definitely are good enough and deserving of friends ❤️
My fiance had me join his DND campaign, and at first I thought I wasn't going to like it. But thanks to him, I have met way more people, and made friends with our campaign buddies. So don't be afraid to try new groups like that. I have more nerdy girlfriends now because of DND.
“Friendship for a reason, friendship for a season and friendship for a lifetime” this is a mantra I keep telling myself that until I am healed and know myself better, people will be coming in and out of my life like a revolving door and oh God it’s hard to understand and be okay with it, but after some point you just have to let it go and just go through the world and be the best version of yourself.
Thirty minutes of insightful takes through and through! 🎖
Thankyou ☺️❤️
I've been watching your videos for a while already and have to say this is my favorite so far. Keep creating videos with such honest view.
Greetings from Colombia 😊
Thank you! Will do! X
I don't like to be around people who constantly complain. I am alone. A lot. And it's very peaceful. (Not saying she is complaining, just trying to parse this phenomena).
I' m from Oporto, Portugal . I have zero friends! And yes, it is devastanting to One's health...
I’m so sorry to hear I hope you find some friends soon, have you tried a workout class or hobby of some kind?
I’m over parasocial relationships. why do I need to be someone’s number one fan, always liking and commenting on their videos when they don’t follow me or reply to my comments. I peeked onto Reddit and these people know way too much about the influencer they follow.
Who is the woman at 10:45? Her handle wasn’t there.
I just checked it’s there ☺️
I would love to do a meet and greet when I’m next in the US
@@CaitlinPawlowski no the wrong handle is still under her video.
I am lucky to have my partner, family and a few close friends. The rest are acquaintances that come and go. I got sick of the one sided "friendships". I don't bother with them anymore. Friendship requires both parties to make an effort.
It may seem like there are not opportunities to meet people in real life in the age of social media, but if you live near a decent size city, there definitely are! Being lonely is an opportunity to try new things, volunteer for a cause you care about, or do something that’s not so scary but with people you don’t know like attending a young professionals happy hour.
Social media also capitalizes our wanting to fit in or have belongingness through over-consumerism (makeup, fashion, home organization tools, or even plastic surgery trends)
We see the ‘romanticization’ of basic things, sheds both a both positive and negative light on US culture.
Most of the things we see on social media is a facade such as relationships, luxury hauls, etc.
If you are at peace in your solitude, please do not dumpster dive on dating apps ! 🤦♀️
Attend industry events or go out alone and enjoy the things you love doing.
Anyone else in Cincinnati, OH? I have a handful of friends here and there (even some in the area), but few are ever free to hang out or have a chat:/ As a super sociable person I always feel like I’m not getting nearly enough reaction as I need to counteract my strong feeling of loneliness, and it seems I’m often stuck doing things on my own when I’d rather have company
Thanks for your content, which I feel to be pretty much authentic - that is what I value a lot. I loved your take on our generation, that teaches the older ones about tech and might teach the younger ones about social skills. As a teacher I can say- I think you are right. Thanks tho for your videos, I'll stick around ❤ greetings from Germany 😊
this is probably the BEST video you've ever produced. You spoke so eloquently about the 'diseaaaaaase !' ( God I miss hearing you say that word regarding your past shopping addiction) of the new century. I too went through extreme bouts of loneliness when I moved from Europe to Australia in the mid 90's. I was in my late teens / early 20's and felt like I was an old lonely widow.
Thankyou so much ❤️
I have less and less friends… I’ve learned to enjoy spending time with myself. Just broke up with my boyfriend 2 days ago. So I’m doing more solo plans again. I honestly wish I had more friends 🤷🏻♀️
Best of luck with this new chapter and I hope you find a good group of women ❤️
I’m so happy I found you Caitlin
I am so glad you’re here too
When I’m next in La I would love to see you!
I was thinking well it would be nice to meet you for coffee and then minutes later you said you’d like to meet me and I thought what great friends we are thinking alike lol😂
I definitely think that this is partly a response to people getting tired of everyone posting highlight reels ONLY. Younger generations I think are trying to normalize more the struggles of real life and that's why I see so many people posting now about their mental health struggles, etc.
Thank you for this honest video, Caitlin. I really do think that it is a super important topic these days. Social media is great but it takes away important time from us that maybe we would have spent with people in real life otherwise and it results in us becoming more isolated and possibly lonely. It’s really sad. I have lots of friends but they all have small children and no time to meet up anymore or even send a text. They will watch my stories on Instagram though. I miss them.
Im from central IL!! I would LOVE to make friends! Im 29, and would love to get out and talk!
I’d rather be alone than be with a lot of fake friends. 💯 contentment with what we have is what’s gonna give us genuine happiness. ❤️
I honestly think that part of the problem (not in every case) is that people have been told repeatedly by social media to put themselves first. Like: always put yourself first, it's self care, etc., and this leads to people, not only, not going out again and again, because they 'just don't feel like it' when actually going out will help them feel better, but also leads to people becoming incredibly selfish and who others don't want to be around. Sometimes you have to put others first and people will usually repay that in kind.
I myself have learnt that sometimes you have to force yourself to accept a social invitation when you can't really be bothered, go and you'll feel better after some social contact and you can start a friendship. I don't have many close friends, but I had even fewer a few years ago, but a simple invitation to a pub quiz from a colleague has led to a good friendship with her and also with her friends. On the other side of the coin there are people I don't want to spend time with because they are always demanding more and more and never giving back. If you want better and more friendships it can help to start by behaving like a friend.
This is interesting to see discourse about how people with disabilities live as a regular way of being becausewe have no choice.
Those self serve checkouts were created for us.
Online parasocial relationships were created by us to fill a need.
How awesome that there are people who don't have to live that way. 😮