Criticism and pointing out mistakes was his way of showing "love" because he wanted to push me to be my best (as he tells it). Which I don't doubt. But I remember feeling unappreciated as a child And now I have become my own father in terms of how I treat my husband! I am trying to figure out how to permanently break this cycle so that I can keep the man I love.
Good Lord. One of the reasons my husband and I are currently separated is because I engage in a lot of criticism and contempt. And I also do not build a culture of fondness and admiration--I do exactly the thing Gottman said in this video: I look for and point out negatives rather than focus on positives. What he said about parent/child relationships really hit home for me, too, because that is exactly how my father has treated me my whole life from the time I could walk or talk.
That is brave of you. As humans, we don't like seeing and acknowledging our mistakes or pointing it out unless it's the other´s mistakes. Though it costs you, glad you could admit how you contributed to the problem. First step to healing.
this stuff is very helpful to relationships but also what I found super helpful for those of you who are looking for relationship help has been the 5 love languages book by dr. Chapman. I really enjoyed it and it has helped my relationship so soooo much.
Thank you for posting this video. You seem to be highly sensitive, as well as thoughtful and educated. And there were many topics covered in the presentation that I learned new things about. But I have a question about your transition from same-sex relationships to infectious illnesses here - ruclips.net/video/-gFldZtVIqQ/видео.html Contemptuous language seems to be the topic, and I have replayed it several times, but I’m still not sure about your point. If you have an opportunity in another video, could you please explain the connection a bit more? Thank you
redball81, try cognitive behavior therapy. You sound like you were raised by my father, too, and it affected my relationships, too. I hope this past year has been one of healing for you.
I don't understand why he says Oprah nor Dr phil wouldn't know what a good relationship was like from their own experience.i would know based on my own experience wheather I'm in a good relationship or not!
Meanwhile, the tabloid fodder example of Dr. Phil as a guy who is heading for divorce didn't age well. Robin and Dr. Phil. 12 years later from the time of the Rotary meeting, are still married.
4 stages of marriage destruction:
1 - Criticism
2 - Defensiveness
3 - Contempt
4 - Stonewalling
I am familiar with these.
shorter is better, thank you.
never correct other's speech: Miss Manners.
Life is a learning experience, I’ve been there also. You know now, for next time.
another one added in recent years is apparently belligerence
Criticism and pointing out mistakes was his way of showing "love" because he wanted to push me to be my best (as he tells it). Which I don't doubt. But I remember feeling unappreciated as a child And now I have become my own father in terms of how I treat my husband! I am trying to figure out how to permanently break this cycle so that I can keep the man I love.
This guy knows what he's talking about. My relationship needs some work bc we have spats too much, but this is gonna vastly help us out:)
How is it going?
Wonderfully stated. I've made quite a mistakes, and blew it, from now on I will be working towards my masters
Good Lord. One of the reasons my husband and I are currently separated is because I engage in a lot of criticism and contempt. And I also do not build a culture of fondness and admiration--I do exactly the thing Gottman said in this video: I look for and point out negatives rather than focus on positives. What he said about parent/child relationships really hit home for me, too, because that is exactly how my father has treated me my whole life from the time I could walk or talk.
Wow, hard to change I guess.
That is brave of you. As humans, we don't like seeing and acknowledging our mistakes or pointing it out unless it's the other´s mistakes. Though it costs you, glad you could admit how you contributed to the problem. First step to healing.
so good!!! still learning every day
That’s a way. Every day it’s a good idea to take your 🧠 for a walk.
Damn I’m a stonewaller and my boyfriend really doesn’t like it. I’ve made my mistakes now it’s time to fix it!
This guy is a genius
"Before marrying, decide whether or not you can converse well with this person into old age. Everything else is transitory." Friedrich Nietzsche
Nietzsche was great, but people change. How do we know we can still.be talking 3 decades away?
@@Kathy_39 You have point.
Emmanuel J did Nietzsche get married? He seemed pretty depressed.
this stuff is very helpful to relationships but also what I found super helpful for those of you who are looking for relationship help has been the 5 love languages book by dr. Chapman. I really enjoyed it and it has helped my relationship so soooo much.
he talks as if people are either: 1. looking at the mistakes of their partners, OR 2. seeing their strengths. I assume we all do both -- all the time.
Yes we do but need to do more of the later.
I would like some thoughts on how a spiritual life works into a marriage if you don’t practice the same religion?
This is a great question. This is a real difference in a marriage. Try these principles and see how they work.
Thank you for posting this video. You seem to be highly sensitive, as well as thoughtful and educated. And there were many topics covered in the presentation that I learned new things about. But I have a question about your transition from same-sex relationships to infectious illnesses here - ruclips.net/video/-gFldZtVIqQ/видео.html
Contemptuous language seems to be the topic, and I have replayed it several times, but I’m still not sure about your point. If you have an opportunity in another video, could you please explain the connection a bit more? Thank you
How to implement all the teaching with someone in a long distance relationship?
Make a list and take notes on how you are doing.
redball81, try cognitive behavior therapy. You sound like you were raised by my father, too, and it affected my relationships, too. I hope this past year has been one of healing for you.
It is all about REPAIR..""I am really sorry, I really blew it."
I don't understand why he says Oprah nor Dr phil wouldn't know what a good relationship was like from their own experience.i would know based on my own experience wheather I'm in a good relationship or not!
Dr. Gottman, you seem to be describing all traits of narcisstic personality disorder without naming it :)
Things Ashley Pearson I'm a covert narcissist and I sorry to my husband
Your right wrong and I still wonder why I have no love but my home and I'm ok with it.
Listen to these old fuddy duddies, they know what they are talking about
Meanwhile, the tabloid fodder example of Dr. Phil as a guy who is heading for divorce didn't age well. Robin and Dr. Phil. 12 years later from the time of the Rotary meeting, are still married.