I didn't get therapy until 22, and I was told I had mad abandonment issues, but the solution was "Find ways to be excited to be by yourself". That way you're not anxious when you're alone, and if you do get abandoned you have ways to internally bring joy that makes the healing process so much faster. Before I would circle the drain asking why I wasn't good enough, now I know I'm awesome and it just wasn't the right relationship
That seems odd that that was their first suggestion right away instead of doing the whole challenging the schema of feeling worthless with increasingly self love and the whole thinking pattern.
“Until 22”?? That’s still very early in life so good for you!!! I never stuck with it and am only really doing the work with a therapist at 39. Idk too many ppl who would’ve have the resources for therapy any earlier than 22. And yes, being rejected doesn’t make you a reject. That just wasn’t the person for you! Blessing to you.
@@MmyythandleI started at 24 and still here at 29! Never too early. Never too late. I was very broke but was willing to go without a few meals in order to speak with someone.
It's great that you were able to identify and seek therapy for your abandonment issues at 22. Building a healthy relationship with oneself is indeed essential for overall well-being. The advice you received about finding ways to be excited to be by yourself can be very valuable. When you learn to appreciate your own company and find joy internally, it reduces dependence on others for validation and happiness. Understanding that a failed relationship doesn't necessarily reflect on your worth as a person is a significant step forward. Recognizing that it wasn't the right relationship for you is a healthy perspective and allows for personal growth and learning from the experience. Remember, therapy is an ongoing process, and it can help you continue to explore and work on your abandonment issues further. Don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor for continued support and guidance on your journey towards self-improvement and emotional well-being.
Having inconsistent parents leads us to pick inconsistent partners, it feels familiar. When someone doesn't make you feel safe, seen & celebrated you will not have a secure attachment with them. My anxious attachment and abandonment issues pretty much resolved themselves when I actively picked emotional mature partners, who made me feel secure in what we have. When you don't question what you have with someone at all, you feel very safe and secure.
I’m finally healing from this yay! ☺️ the last person I dated was very inconsistent with me, I voiced my concerns which were met with indifference so I left! Inconsistency no longer felt right. I’d rather be alone and happy ♥️
Good for you. 💜🫂 That's really emotionally mature of you. You vocalized your concerns, they didn't make adjustments & you left. You're 100% correct, a relationship should make you feel safe and be very consistent. I'll be happily alone until I find a mature, loving, generous man.😊 @@retrogang6326
It's pretty easy for me to know when a romantic partner isn't making me feel seen and celebrated and that it's not just my abandonment issues- the issue for me comes with friendships, I have this fear that if they hang out without me at any time it's because they don't like me, or that my best friend is going to decide she doesn't like me anymore and replace me, I've been replaced by a guy I liked recently and that has put me in a terrible headspace where my abandonment issues are absolutely cracked out.
I was talking to my inner child about this 2 days ago. I didn’t know it had a name. My inner child has successfully learned the concept of emotional permanence (the fact that people are busy and can’t pay attention to you right now doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore). Now we are practicing ❤
If you don't mind me asking...what does talking to your inner child look like? How do you know you are speaking to them? Is there a physical ritual that you do? Thanks for the insight
@@CrocusSeal What I do is just to let my unfiltered feelings through and analyse them. The unfiltered feelings is what you really feel deep down inside, aka your inner child. So for example Diana probably had to respond to the feeling that the person doesnt want to talk to her anymore by calmly explaining to her inner child that they were probably just busy. I hope it helps you.
@@CrocusSealIt's more of you imagining the hurt part of you which is your inner child. You can say certain things out loud or write a letter as a journal prompt.
I really respect that she showed all the months and symptoms that she had to face to even get to this point. People often overlook that this is straight up advice to do it but it's never as simple as that, it's a bunch of hurdles over time that you need to keep trying to reach a significant change in your life.
I completely agree. It takes a lot of perseverance, dedication, and small steps over time to make significant changes in life. It's important to acknowledge and appreciate the struggles and challenges that someone goes through to reach their goals. Sometimes, people tend to underestimate the effort and commitment required, and that can lead to unrealistic expectations. By recognizing the journey, we can better understand the importance of persistence and resilience in achieving meaningful transformations.
Never leave your body, never abandon your self validation, never get out of your self concept, stay in your self! Outside is just a reflection. You are the constant. They are not. Heal this energy and you’ll never rely on the outside world let alone people to control your inner fulfillment. Sometimes it takes a life time to understand autonomy within a relationship, but aren’t we all imperfect.
The statement emphasizes the importance of staying grounded in oneself and not seeking validation or fulfillment from external sources. It suggests that one's sense of self should not be dependent on others or the outside world, as they are constantly changing. Instead, the focus should be on healing and developing inner strength and autonomy. It acknowledges that achieving this level of self-reliance in relationships may take time, but recognizes that imperfection is inherent in all of us.
You remind me of something I saw yesterday. Matthew Hussey was telling Drew Barrymore to imagine that she was born with a human. And that her job is to look after that human. And then he said - that she is that human. That our job is to look after ourselves. You seem to be doing a decent job of that. And I'm doing my best. You got yourself. I got myself. And the better we are to ourselves. The better we take care of ourselves.. the better our lives and the better our outcomes will be. Or at least that's the theory I'm running with. 🙏
As a fearful avoidant who just got dumped by an anxiously attached woman, I didn’t understand her point of view but I understand now that when I pulled away she felt abandoned and when she can’t see or feel my emotions she doesn’t think they exist. And well, such is life it probably wouldn’t have worked out bc both of us have unfinished work and inner healing to do. Life moves on
My biggest fear of abandonment is with potential friends. I dont want to self sabotage by sending constant texts and asking to hang out. At the same time, a friend should stay in constant communication
The power of sharing mems or social media posts. I send friends instagram posts or mention if a song comes on that was the background of their tick tock i say hi this song reminded me of u.
not really. I have great friends who I don't talk to for weeks or even months, but we love each other and are there for each other if we need each other. We mutually check in but its not necessary. I guess its just a feeling of security that comes from spending time together, building trust and really being vulnerable. There is no expectation, just love.
i literally just said "wow..." out loud because within the first MINUTE AND 15 SECONDS .... my entire 22 years anger / emptiness and subsequent alcoholism at 17 clicked.
"...or even ending relationships abruptly to avoid the potential abandonment." Just like my ex did. I was devastated, confused and very sad. It took me a while to work out what had been going on with her after the breakup, but made sense in the end.
This year has been a huge learning experience for me because I’ve been abandoned twice. First time sent me into a depression for a whole month and I only went on a few dates with the person. A couple weeks ago the same thing happened with someone I felt even stronger about and I just wished them the best. Tbh I’ve put a lot of work into myself this year and I’m starting to feel good about myself.
I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced being abandoned twice this year. It can be incredibly tough to go through such experiences, especially when you invested emotionally in those relationships. However, it's great to hear that you've been working on yourself and starting to feel good about yourself. Taking the time to focus on self-improvement is an excellent way to rebuild and recover from difficult situations. Remember to practice self-care, surround yourself with supportive people, and give yourself time to heal. Keep up the positive mindset, and new opportunities will come your way.
This does not necessarily have anything to do with the parents, it can also be caused by your surroundings and your experiences that you have made in your life. You cannot trust anyone or anything people say and take it at face value, that is simply the world we live in. It's not the world my parents showed me, but it's the world I have grown to experience.
If you are reading this, just believe in yourself. You got here, after so much struggle, and you will go very far. Just breathe and go steady. Dont think much about your end destiny, just make it through the day. Forget all those bothering conditioning you took from your environment.
May I ask how? does the fear of commitment have much to do with fear of abandonment? I guess so but each one has their own coping mechanism so asking to clarify the idea. Thanks
its like i have a breakdown and come to major revelations and then as soon as i stop crying i happen across one of your videos that literally addresses what i was so upset about...
I've watched a lot of your advice clips for almost a year by now, and this is probably the first one with advice that hit so deep and showed so much light at the end of the tunnel, I actually got misty-eyed listening and thinking about it.
I love that you can laugh at yourself while you make others laugh all while conveying a complex and perhaps difficult-to-hear message! You're beautiful (and funny) girl! Keep up the good work!
This was really clear and well expressed. Great piece of content. To validate people who fear abandonment- "that which we fear most has already happened to us". People with abandonment issues were abandoned in some way, and deserving of compassion.
Wow, you really just changed my life in like 2 mins (watched at x2 speed cuz ADHD is in full swinnggg) THANK YOU. Big takeaways include: I'll never be abandoned because I will always have my back. Self-sabotage has been huge in my life. I saw it play out a ton this year for the umpteenth time and that really made me change frfr
It took my father apologizing for his absence in my childhood for me to realize that my real issues were abandonment. Up until his genuine apology I feared the problems I’d been dealing with dealt with my stepdad’s violent behavior. Abandonment issues are difficult to deal with but these are great strategies. Thank you.
Yes! That’s what I have been healing for 1 year and 8 months and never was taught how to deal with emotions because of parents! Now since I have been learning how to deal with emotions and it wasn’t easy but it’s worth it! I am grateful that you are helping others! Thank you ❤
dear everyone, the book "attached" helped me sm in understanding and addressing my unhealthy attachment type. highly recommend it to everyone. fear of abandonment is one of the major symptoms of having an unhealthy attachment style.
I read that earlier this year but the intellectual understanding doesn’t help me with the deeply ingrained emotional fear. Idk if it’s just me. Also we can’t stop people from abandoning us.
This really speaks to me. I always feel like its easy for people to stop loving me. Whenever something happens I get really bad anxiety that the other person wouldn't want to talk to me anymore and wouldn't forgive me. Every little thing just sends me into a "IM SOREY PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME" spiral
It doesn’t ALWAYS go back to mom and dad. When I moved to a new elementary school, there was a girl who hated me for whatever reason. Anytime I had a boyfriend or friend… she found a way to take them from me. I was already an only child so this left me really lonely and socially awkward for a very looong time. Even now when friends or people leave me; it’s difficult for me not to question if I’m a good person.
I have this issue. On one hand it makes me a really loyal person but on the other it makes me clingy, emotionally needy and insecure. Its hard for me to be ok w the idea that I could be abandoned and that I have to rely on myself to always be there for me. Idk how to do it yet or what it feels like/what it even means to love and trust myself. I feel so lost but I'm going to figure it out
Thank you Anna 💚 Your content has been an incredible source of support for me over the past few years when I couldn't afford therapy. Today, as I grappled with my abandonment issues and searched for answers, you posted a response that was exactly what I needed. Love you loads! 💚
That never happens to me, but it bothers me because everyone else has this problem. Which means I have to see people stay in terrible relationships, living in fear. But they also don’t want to go to therapy.
I think this is great advice for those with anxious attachment. I have avoidant attachment where I am TOO independent and always have my own back to the point I don't need or want anybody, yet also yearn for a healthy, loving relationship. I have a therapist and am struggling to find someone with the patience I need to grow trust and a safe space for me to be vulnerable. Btw, I LOVE your clothes! You look amazing!
Such a straight forward delivery. Thank you girlie! Literally, gifted me the knowledge and reassurance my nervous system was unknowingly seeking to break the no contact that I constantly ensue. Oops!
Thank you for this. This is probably why we feel like we’ve lost ourselves after a relationship. It’s beyond separation anxiety, like on an extreme level.
I really needed this. Thank you! I often would over react when I felt abandoned, but now I can understand when I'm triggered. Next step is learning to truly self regulate and be honest about my emotions.
This described me perfectly about 15 years ago, and the and the 10...12 year process I had to go through to get past it... or at least most of it. I think it took me longer, because I was figuring it all out without a constant guide.
I didn't know I had abandonment issues until my recent relationship didn't work out. For the first time in my life I really liked this person. One night something happened which caused her to back away and question the relationship and thought its not going to work. My response was not healthy and went into meltdown and cried the hole night thinking she going to leave me. But now I know my problem I can work on it because past relationships haven't work out because of this to.
I've ghosted someone with the fear of abandonment a few years ago. I was having trouble with myself and I closed them off. Might have been the worst thing I've done to another human being. I didn't understand it well, and I didn't take it seriously enough. After watching this I'm deeply regretting it now. I can't imagine how much pain they were in. I'm sorry.
Thank you so much for the humor along with the information. At first I thought it might be parody but it just kept getting better and your jokes are sharp af. Thank you. I needed a laugh while I work on all this dark stuff.
This seems like a detour, the underlying reason this would work is because it sets up the conditions to emulate something much deeper: humility. When you internalise the understanding that your perception is limited, you give space to question your fears. There was a point in my first relationship where I was assaulted by my own thoughts that the woman I was seeing was actually a Polish spy or something using me for some reason I couldn't fathom, because there was no way she just actually... liked me. Despite being Fearful Avoidant, I didn't go through any of the patterns, because I stopped to consider the possibility, and even probability, that *she* was genuine and *I* was just afraid. I respected her as an individual with her own thoughts and feelings, rather than assuming for her based on my own. We were happily together for 2 and half years, broke up amicably based on unavoidable things, and it served as a benchmark that since kept me away from lesser relationships. I could've easily ruined that and missed out on something wonderful if I had listened to my own silly little brain.
Anna, I love you and your content is always on point. Thank you, queen ❤ I'm working on abandonment and trust issues, working on myself daily. It is hard but one day I'll be like "wasn't even that bad huh".
There is no such thing as a genuine relationship without risk- my therapist If you can be abandoned and the other person *chooses* not to, the relationship is *real*. If you know you can't be abandoned ,*even if they want to*, that's not a genuine relationship. That person is being held hostage.
Anna, i think the point being made is, as long as we don't abandon each other, we will be in great shape. Forgive my playful mode, it is rare. Signed, Mr. Otter
Thank you Anna, as always, for the accessible therapy and quick summaries of complex problems. You create such a safe place for people to learn terms and get some starting points for understanding and empathy. I'm in awe... and not just of your awesome top :3
I was about to end a relationship the day I was watching this out of my just discovered fear of abandonment. Of course I have a lot of work to do, but, yeah! Thank you ;)
Oooo, thanks so much! I've been wondering recently why I crave reassurance so much. I think you hit the nail on the head. The language you shared around it is really helpful.
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
“i cannot be abandoned because i always have myself “ is definitely my new favourite affirmation💝
My new favorite affirmation too 🤩
nina simone - I got life
I wish that saying “I have myself” made me feel better. But it doesn’t.
@@melaninandaura9713it’s not going to at first but practice makes perfect.
this made me cry. i’m going to make this my new mantra
I didn't get therapy until 22, and I was told I had mad abandonment issues, but the solution was "Find ways to be excited to be by yourself". That way you're not anxious when you're alone, and if you do get abandoned you have ways to internally bring joy that makes the healing process so much faster. Before I would circle the drain asking why I wasn't good enough, now I know I'm awesome and it just wasn't the right relationship
That seems odd that that was their first suggestion right away instead of doing the whole challenging the schema of feeling worthless with increasingly self love and the whole thinking pattern.
“Until 22”?? That’s still very early in life so good for you!!! I never stuck with it and am only really doing the work with a therapist at 39. Idk too many ppl who would’ve have the resources for therapy any earlier than 22. And yes, being rejected doesn’t make you a reject. That just wasn’t the person for you! Blessing to you.
@@MmyythandleI started at 24 and still here at 29! Never too early. Never too late. I was very broke but was willing to go without a few meals in order to speak with someone.
It's great that you were able to identify and seek therapy for your abandonment issues at 22. Building a healthy relationship with oneself is indeed essential for overall well-being. The advice you received about finding ways to be excited to be by yourself can be very valuable. When you learn to appreciate your own company and find joy internally, it reduces dependence on others for validation and happiness.
Understanding that a failed relationship doesn't necessarily reflect on your worth as a person is a significant step forward. Recognizing that it wasn't the right relationship for you is a healthy perspective and allows for personal growth and learning from the experience.
Remember, therapy is an ongoing process, and it can help you continue to explore and work on your abandonment issues further. Don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor for continued support and guidance on your journey towards self-improvement and emotional well-being.
Love that!
Having inconsistent parents leads us to pick inconsistent partners, it feels familiar.
When someone doesn't make you feel safe, seen & celebrated you will not have a secure attachment with them.
My anxious attachment and abandonment issues pretty much resolved themselves when I actively picked emotional mature partners, who made me feel secure in what we have.
When you don't question what you have with someone at all, you feel very safe and secure.
❤❤❤ Good comment! Thank you for sharing!
Thank You 💜@@SatumainenOlento
I’m finally healing from this yay! ☺️ the last person I dated was very inconsistent with me, I voiced my concerns which were met with indifference so I left! Inconsistency no longer felt right. I’d rather be alone and happy ♥️
Good for you. 💜🫂
That's really emotionally mature of you.
You vocalized your concerns, they didn't make adjustments & you left.
You're 100% correct, a relationship should make you feel safe and be very consistent. I'll be happily alone until I find a mature, loving, generous man.😊 @@retrogang6326
It's pretty easy for me to know when a romantic partner isn't making me feel seen and celebrated and that it's not just my abandonment issues- the issue for me comes with friendships, I have this fear that if they hang out without me at any time it's because they don't like me, or that my best friend is going to decide she doesn't like me anymore and replace me, I've been replaced by a guy I liked recently and that has put me in a terrible headspace where my abandonment issues are absolutely cracked out.
I was talking to my inner child about this 2 days ago. I didn’t know it had a name. My inner child has successfully learned the concept of emotional permanence (the fact that people are busy and can’t pay attention to you right now doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore). Now we are practicing ❤
If you don't mind me asking...what does talking to your inner child look like? How do you know you are speaking to them? Is there a physical ritual that you do?
Thanks for the insight
I needed to hear this. Thank you. I love this
@@CrocusSeal What I do is just to let my unfiltered feelings through and analyse them. The unfiltered feelings is what you really feel deep down inside, aka your inner child. So for example Diana probably had to respond to the feeling that the person doesnt want to talk to her anymore by calmly explaining to her inner child that they were probably just busy.
I hope it helps you.
@@CrocusSealIt's more of you imagining the hurt part of you which is your inner child. You can say certain things out loud or write a letter as a journal prompt.
This is an incredibly beautiful, and generous act of self love. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I really respect that she showed all the months and symptoms that she had to face to even get to this point. People often overlook that this is straight up advice to do it but it's never as simple as that, it's a bunch of hurdles over time that you need to keep trying to reach a significant change in your life.
That is the cutest snail. Where do you get that?
I completely agree. It takes a lot of perseverance, dedication, and small steps over time to make significant changes in life. It's important to acknowledge and appreciate the struggles and challenges that someone goes through to reach their goals. Sometimes, people tend to underestimate the effort and commitment required, and that can lead to unrealistic expectations. By recognizing the journey, we can better understand the importance of persistence and resilience in achieving meaningful transformations.
I never thought I wanted to see Anna play peekaboo with herself, but dang, that was both adorable and hilarious, so cute!
I had to replay that a few times... didn't stop being funny
So we’re just pretending Gentleman Anna was not by far the cutest part? I wanted to give it a hug
And when she develops a southerner accent when hi..he... hisher (g0rl with a moustache) 😂
The peekaboo we didn’t know we needed.
It's like watching Clark and Superman switching by taking off and putting on Glass 😂
Never leave your body, never abandon your self validation, never get out of your self concept, stay in your self! Outside is just a reflection.
You are the constant. They are not. Heal this energy and you’ll never rely on the outside world let alone people to control your inner fulfillment. Sometimes it takes a life time to understand autonomy within a relationship, but aren’t we all imperfect.
The statement emphasizes the importance of staying grounded in oneself and not seeking validation or fulfillment from external sources. It suggests that one's sense of self should not be dependent on others or the outside world, as they are constantly changing. Instead, the focus should be on healing and developing inner strength and autonomy. It acknowledges that achieving this level of self-reliance in relationships may take time, but recognizes that imperfection is inherent in all of us.
You remind me of something I saw yesterday. Matthew Hussey was telling Drew Barrymore to imagine that she was born with a human. And that her job is to look after that human. And then he said - that she is that human. That our job is to look after ourselves. You seem to be doing a decent job of that. And I'm doing my best. You got yourself. I got myself. And the better we are to ourselves. The better we take care of ourselves.. the better our lives and the better our outcomes will be. Or at least that's the theory I'm running with. 🙏
that's totally me, i only feel emotionally connected to people when we're in the same room or at least like meeting every single day
As a fearful avoidant who just got dumped by an anxiously attached woman, I didn’t understand her point of view but I understand now that when I pulled away she felt abandoned and when she can’t see or feel my emotions she doesn’t think they exist. And well, such is life it probably wouldn’t have worked out bc both of us have unfinished work and inner healing to do. Life moves on
I can't believe bots are coming in form of helpline messages lol
Taking time to work on yourself - as you would a beloved project car - is definitely better than being hit by some 2×4" timber
Another trend self-diagnoser
@@billionairesmeditation they understand themselves and how they relate to others better than you do, it’s a description not “self diagnosis”.
@@appleitreehow’d u know
My biggest fear of abandonment is with potential friends. I dont want to self sabotage by sending constant texts and asking to hang out. At the same time, a friend should stay in constant communication
The power of sharing mems or social media posts. I send friends instagram posts or mention if a song comes on that was the background of their tick tock i say hi this song reminded me of u.
You have to find the right balance and take into consideration their boundaries and limitations.
Depends how old you are if you’re a teen or in your 20s friends are more of a priority it starts to drop once you get older
Im over 30 and I whatsapp friends like once every two weeks lol, maybe see em between 1 and 3 months apart
not really. I have great friends who I don't talk to for weeks or even months, but we love each other and are there for each other if we need each other. We mutually check in but its not necessary. I guess its just a feeling of security that comes from spending time together, building trust and really being vulnerable. There is no expectation, just love.
i literally just said "wow..." out loud because within the first MINUTE AND 15 SECONDS .... my entire 22 years anger / emptiness and subsequent alcoholism at 17 clicked.
"...or even ending relationships abruptly to avoid the potential abandonment."
Just like my ex did. I was devastated, confused and very sad. It took me a while to work out what had been going on with her after the breakup, but made sense in the end.
I have paid for a year’s worth of therapy for this summary. Thank you for this.
This year has been a huge learning experience for me because I’ve been abandoned twice. First time sent me into a depression for a whole month and I only went on a few dates with the person. A couple weeks ago the same thing happened with someone I felt even stronger about and I just wished them the best. Tbh I’ve put a lot of work into myself this year and I’m starting to feel good about myself.
That’s great to hear, gives me hope and encouragement.
Love this for youu❤,you’ll do well
I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced being abandoned twice this year. It can be incredibly tough to go through such experiences, especially when you invested emotionally in those relationships. However, it's great to hear that you've been working on yourself and starting to feel good about yourself. Taking the time to focus on self-improvement is an excellent way to rebuild and recover from difficult situations. Remember to practice self-care, surround yourself with supportive people, and give yourself time to heal. Keep up the positive mindset, and new opportunities will come your way.
Hye did u manage tu get back?
hell yea that happened to me also
This does not necessarily have anything to do with the parents, it can also be caused by your surroundings and your experiences that you have made in your life. You cannot trust anyone or anything people say and take it at face value, that is simply the world we live in. It's not the world my parents showed me, but it's the world I have grown to experience.
I’m
Exactly
As someone diagnosed BPD I’m so glad you’re touching on some of the many struggles that comes with BPD.
it’s like you know what i’m going through 😭
😭
if we have to suffer, at least we're in this together🫠
Fr 😔
Ah! That's why I'm "dramatic" in relationships 🤦🏻♀️
If you are reading this, just believe in yourself. You got here, after so much struggle, and you will go very far. Just breathe and go steady. Dont think much about your end destiny, just make it through the day. Forget all those bothering conditioning you took from your environment.
I finally healed from my last fear of commitment. Cheers everyone!
Edit:
I first had to overcome my mommy issues
May I ask how? does the fear of commitment have much to do with fear of abandonment? I guess so but each one has their own coping mechanism so asking to clarify the idea. Thanks
Any tips please and thank you!
Can you share how?
Salud
@@quyendo292you fear commitment because you fear them abandoning you once you commit
its like i have a breakdown and come to major revelations and then as soon as i stop crying i happen across one of your videos that literally addresses what i was so upset about...
I've watched a lot of your advice clips for almost a year by now, and this is probably the first one with advice that hit so deep and showed so much light at the end of the tunnel, I actually got misty-eyed listening and thinking about it.
I love that you can laugh at yourself while you make others laugh all while conveying a complex and perhaps difficult-to-hear message!
You're beautiful (and funny) girl! Keep up the good work!
She looks so good
This was really clear and well expressed. Great piece of content.
To validate people who fear abandonment- "that which we fear most has already happened to us". People with abandonment issues were abandoned in some way, and deserving of compassion.
Anna is the older sister I’ve always wanted and needed. Thanks for getting me through my tough times❤
Wow, you really just changed my life in like 2 mins (watched at x2 speed cuz ADHD is in full swinnggg)
THANK YOU.
Big takeaways include:
I'll never be abandoned because I will always have my back.
Self-sabotage has been huge in my life. I saw it play out a ton this year for the umpteenth time and that really made me change frfr
I need to tell you after learning about this and object permanence, it really helps me ease the pain of my girlfriend and her avoidant behaviors
It took my father apologizing for his absence in my childhood for me to realize that my real issues were abandonment. Up until his genuine apology I feared the problems I’d been dealing with dealt with my stepdad’s violent behavior. Abandonment issues are difficult to deal with but these are great strategies. Thank you.
Yes! That’s what I have been healing for 1 year and 8 months and never was taught how to deal with emotions because of parents!
Now since I have been learning how to deal with emotions and it wasn’t easy but it’s worth it!
I am grateful that you are helping others!
Thank you ❤
"Going for a walk" starting from 2:53 was so cute. :D
dear everyone, the book "attached" helped me sm in understanding and addressing my unhealthy attachment type. highly recommend it to everyone. fear of abandonment is one of the major symptoms of having an unhealthy attachment style.
I read that earlier this year but the intellectual understanding doesn’t help me with the deeply ingrained emotional fear. Idk if it’s just me. Also we can’t stop people from abandoning us.
@@qazedc3We can't stop people from abandoning us, but we can change how we react to that loss.
Wow being able to name that moment of peak anxiety as the Point of Departure already makes me feel better :’)
This really speaks to me. I always feel like its easy for people to stop loving me. Whenever something happens I get really bad anxiety that the other person wouldn't want to talk to me anymore and wouldn't forgive me. Every little thing just sends me into a "IM SOREY PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME" spiral
If Anna abandons us I will be sad But with this knowledge I’m willing to accept this.
This resonates so well with Bell Hooks take(all about love and the will to change) on learning partners to love.
I used to spiral, but i've had so many people vanish from my life that I just stopped connecting and don't care anymore.
healthy!
It doesn’t ALWAYS go back to mom and dad. When I moved to a new elementary school, there was a girl who hated me for whatever reason. Anytime I had a boyfriend or friend… she found a way to take them from me. I was already an only child so this left me really lonely and socially awkward for a very looong time. Even now when friends or people leave me; it’s difficult for me not to question if I’m a good person.
I have this issue. On one hand it makes me a really loyal person but on the other it makes me clingy, emotionally needy and insecure. Its hard for me to be ok w the idea that I could be abandoned and that I have to rely on myself to always be there for me. Idk how to do it yet or what it feels like/what it even means to love and trust myself. I feel so lost but I'm going to figure it out
Thank you Anna 💚
Your content has been an incredible source of support for me over the past few years when I couldn't afford therapy. Today, as I grappled with my abandonment issues and searched for answers, you posted a response that was exactly what I needed.
Love you loads! 💚
I'm now watching this as many times as it takes for my silly little depression-goblin-brain to take it in. Thank you!
That never happens to me, but it bothers me because everyone else has this problem. Which means I have to see people stay in terrible relationships, living in fear. But they also don’t want to go to therapy.
Thanks Anna, well articulated and massively relatable... well scripted & edited too!! Thanks!!
queen of relatable content
My abandonment issues take the form of worrying excessively on a daily basis whether any of my acquaintances have unfriended me on Facebook.
She's the additional therapist that I always needed. Thank you queen
Anna's vids always make me feel more self-aware and healed. thank you anna!
I think this is great advice for those with anxious attachment. I have avoidant attachment where I am TOO independent and always have my own back to the point I don't need or want anybody, yet also yearn for a healthy, loving relationship. I have a therapist and am struggling to find someone with the patience I need to grow trust and a safe space for me to be vulnerable. Btw, I LOVE your clothes! You look amazing!
You summarized everything I learned in 14 months in 6 minutes
Thanks to daddy Squarespace for keeping Anna going all these years.
Such a straight forward delivery. Thank you girlie! Literally, gifted me the knowledge and reassurance my nervous system was unknowingly seeking to break the no contact that I constantly ensue. Oops!
Thank you for this. This is probably why we feel like we’ve lost ourselves after a relationship. It’s beyond separation anxiety, like on an extreme level.
I really needed this. Thank you! I often would over react when I felt abandoned, but now I can understand when I'm triggered. Next step is learning to truly self regulate and be honest about my emotions.
“My value doesn’t depend upon the opinions of others.” Its great being a guy.
Oh...... OH!!!!! Anna you always post videos about what I need at the exact time my god, emotional permanence was a CONCEPT I did not even realise...
This described me perfectly about 15 years ago, and the and the 10...12 year process I had to go through to get past it... or at least most of it. I think it took me longer, because I was figuring it all out without a constant guide.
I love your sense of humor, thank you for videos like this.
IF only I had a therapist like you… very opened and genuine !
I need to unlearn my abandonment issues. Thanks Anna for giving me something to shoot for.
🤔 Idk about unlearn your issues more like how you view it and how you don't let it affect you the way it does now.
I didn't know there was a term for this besides "abandonment anxiety," thank you!
I’m definitely the spiral but I’ve learned to bounce back.
Wow, I'm gonna watch this over and over again
Thanks for the words! I am someone working on not self sabotaging my relationships
This just showed up in my recommended videos and it's timed perfectly
Really wasn't expecting to be called out like this today
I didn't know I had abandonment issues until my recent relationship didn't work out. For the first time in my life I really liked this person. One night something happened which caused her to back away and question the relationship and thought its not going to work. My response was not healthy and went into meltdown and cried the hole night thinking she going to leave me. But now I know my problem I can work on it because past relationships haven't work out because of this to.
I've ghosted someone with the fear of abandonment a few years ago. I was having trouble with myself and I closed them off. Might have been the worst thing I've done to another human being. I didn't understand it well, and I didn't take it seriously enough. After watching this I'm deeply regretting it now. I can't imagine how much pain they were in. I'm sorry.
Thank you so much for the humor along with the information. At first I thought it might be parody but it just kept getting better and your jokes are sharp af. Thank you. I needed a laugh while I work on all this dark stuff.
Hidden carbs are how self sabotage. I try to avoid experimenting the minute I make it back on track.
Bless you, great stuff! As always.
This seems like a detour, the underlying reason this would work is because it sets up the conditions to emulate something much deeper: humility. When you internalise the understanding that your perception is limited, you give space to question your fears. There was a point in my first relationship where I was assaulted by my own thoughts that the woman I was seeing was actually a Polish spy or something using me for some reason I couldn't fathom, because there was no way she just actually... liked me. Despite being Fearful Avoidant, I didn't go through any of the patterns, because I stopped to consider the possibility, and even probability, that *she* was genuine and *I* was just afraid. I respected her as an individual with her own thoughts and feelings, rather than assuming for her based on my own. We were happily together for 2 and half years, broke up amicably based on unavoidable things, and it served as a benchmark that since kept me away from lesser relationships. I could've easily ruined that and missed out on something wonderful if I had listened to my own silly little brain.
Deeply validating. Opposed to other videos relating to abandonment wounds. Thank you!
I’ve never felt more seen. Will be bringing this up in therapy
You may have just saved my relationship. How have I never heard of this before??
THIS means so much to hear that others experienced the same. Learnt this last year as well. Props to you for sharing your growth journey! ❤
Anna, I love you and your content is always on point. Thank you, queen ❤ I'm working on abandonment and trust issues, working on myself daily. It is hard but one day I'll be like "wasn't even that bad huh".
There is no such thing as a genuine relationship without risk- my therapist
If you can be abandoned and the other person *chooses* not to, the relationship is *real*. If you know you can't be abandoned ,*even if they want to*, that's not a genuine relationship. That person is being held hostage.
This is one of the most helpful videos I've ever seen. Thank you so much for the information, it was gold.
Oh my god this is brilliance
Anna, i think the point being made is, as long as we don't abandon each other, we will be in great shape. Forgive my playful mode, it is rare. Signed, Mr. Otter
You are extremely smart and very very articulate. Thanks for being ❤
Girl
You dropped this at the perfect time.
I knew about object permanence but had never heard of emotional permanence! This has been very insightful!
So helpful I keep re-watching this. And every time I wish we could *also* talk about her "fabulous top"!
I desperately needed this, thank you!
Thank you Anna, as always, for the accessible therapy and quick summaries of complex problems. You create such a safe place for people to learn terms and get some starting points for understanding and empathy. I'm in awe... and not just of your awesome top :3
Thank you Anna for introducing me to this concept!
My therapist literally brought up this term for the first time yesterday. This is so helpful!
I loveeee thissss 👏🏽 validates all the work I’ve been putting in to heal and create a healthy attachment
- Rumination ✓
- Constant reassurance-seeking ✓
- Ending relationships abruptly to avoid potential of abandonment ✓
Dealing with these feelings is so time consuming, tiring and exhausting. I can't even concentrate on myself and my studies. My head feels so heavy.
Love you Anna, thanks for bringing fun and silliness to a really painful topic
this came at an incredibly good time + kinda blew my mind. thank you!!!
Wow thank you for finally giving me a word for the way I've felt my whole life
Omg this resonates so much with my current romantic relationship, especially in the past! Helpful concept, thank you
The resistance I got to even looked at this thumbnail on my feed was insane 😅. Thank you Anna for what you’re doing ❤
I've watched a lot of your videos and this one hits me hard. Thank you.
I was about to end a relationship the day I was watching this out of my just discovered fear of abandonment. Of course I have a lot of work to do, but, yeah! Thank you ;)
Oooo, thanks so much! I've been wondering recently why I crave reassurance so much. I think you hit the nail on the head. The language you shared around it is really helpful.
So thankful you make such good content, seriously its like free therapy sessions
She makes money.
Anna, now i can be seriously. One of you best episodes. La Verdad.
Im not left youre just not around ❤.... Keep routine. We might have ran them off but they weren't meant