After years of trying to be understanding, patient, and accepting, I finally accepted that “I’m not the Narc Whisperer....I can’t fix you! I hope you find peace.... Goodby!” It’s the only way. Save yourselves. Go no contact.
I have a highly narcissistic relative I have no sympathy for primitive, sick, and dangerous behavior. If they would really be as smart as they claim to be, they would seek help and go to therapy
Almamater8888 And the sickest part is they take ecstatic delight in achieving getting others to crack with anger etc back at them. It is Really Saddening to witness, your emotional wellbeing is of zero concern to them and they’ll drag a victim all over the place emotionally, and enjoy every second of your anxiety, grief, pain, upset, angry responses just to get through..... angry responses they’ve already set the tone for......... and smile at you while you’re in that state. It’s Hell being involved with them.
Did everything to b away from them ASAP as a child & married at early age to leave home. Divorced them formally 2 years later. Still recovering. PTSD is worst lingering symptom. Episodic at this point.
Denker Dunsmuir I’ve found the same problem. They’re a fracking NIGHTMARE - and soooooo convincing, yet conniving. I tried to go back to be Ming more distant friends and they just slam in with the casual abuse to score an easy “supply” or “fix” from putting you down - Dr Les is 100% correct when he stated “Narcissists are lost souls” - and they NEED TO SCORE POINTS - and get pissed off if they don’t via you explaining the Truth, with them then falling on their own sword..... it drove one narc nuts. Yet their behaviour drives our own behaviour downwards to become appalling also just to get through to them. They delight in bringing others down to their level, or “match pitch” as the video says...... Stay away from them. They are already lost to being able to relate gently to others. Respect to Dr Les Carter - a great Healer.
@Hunt Simple I'm sure you're correct, but mine never has. If I were to even suggest that he might be feeling those things, he would laugh in my face. A person has to be willing to be introspective and practice self- awareness to be able to recognize those feelings, and many narcs are too deep in denial of who and what they are to be willing to face that. That's why most of them never change- they cannot/ will not face who they truly are. That's also why most do not seek therapy- it can't help those who won't face reality.
My father was a raging narcissist with an explosive violent temper. When I was a child I thought I did something wrong. As an adult, I realize my father was a sick man. Even though he is long gone, I still hate him for what he did to me. The hardest thing to come to terms with is realizing the fact that he did NOT love me, because narcissists cannot love. If there is a heaven, I hope to meet my loved ones there, and that does NOT include my father.
Sir sir you are so right sometimes when I see her rage and the way she's acting I just couldn't understand one time I bought her flowers is she screamed and hollering and told me to get out and never come back but I actually seen she was crying because someone loved her and she didn't want it and it really made me think and that's why I'm researching stuff on narcissists that you and other people say but you are so right they're crying and the palm of their hands and not to get off topic what is a old saying by Tupac I'm sitting here with tears in the palm of my hand s and men don't understand and that's when I seen with her she's screaming and hollering about me buying flowers but she was actually really crying that someone loves her and she think that she didn't deserve it I'm going to say it like this and I'm going to call it end of the night you doing a great job keep it up that s*** f***** me up
Having one of these SOBs in your life during your formative years is a lasting nightmare. Getting them out of your head as an adult is nothing short of a miracle
Back Waters and Back Roads Thanks for saying that... my mom is a covert narc and I’ve been reading, listening to and watching everything I can to understand it and get past it… my husband always says I’m obsessed with her. At this point I am almost no contact with her and I AM obsessed with trying to undo the damage that was done to me... it is deep and pervasive. My entire childhood foundation was built on trying to protect her, prop her up, and appease her... It is very sad and very heavy. On the positive side, I am aware and have picked a nurturing husband, we has raised our kids differently and I have protected them from her poison... 👍
@@pep9312 God Bless You pep! You are doing all the right things for you and yours! You are a soldier!!! You are strong and see true!!! Keep up the good fight! I promise you it is worth it in the end!!!!
@Krista Awesome by no means am I out of the woods, or an expert, but something called "family systems theory" has helped me build a mental framework to tackle this stuff. We all have mental representations of our care givers/parents in our personalities. Narcissists will take up residence for life there and punish punish punish unless we evict them. It's worth looking into
I remember my heart always beating very fast when in presence of a narc. I was always very uncomfortable. A sense of danger coming, an uneasy feeling of having to be alert, i could never relax except if i was drunk. And i had no idea why.
You just described what it was like being with my child's father. I wish I knew better back then and read the signs. I'm stuck knowing this jerk for a very long time.
I’ve had butterflies in my tummy….. since I’ve met him. It was an alarm…. I ignored… 18 years later and 3 daughters after, I am in psychological and financial ruin with three daughters with cptsd….. but we managed to flee… He has a new family now to harass…..
I used drink and cocaine as a coping mechanism until I realised as I woke up one morning how I didn't want to feel hungover anymore, and that the only person I was hurting was myself. So I quit drinking and taking cocaine and I felt better and stronger and decisive. I left him after one of his rages because I didn't answer the phone and because of how his rage made me shake and feel mentally ill.
Feeling bad for them and trying to help them has only lead me to be abused more. No more excuses. I've been through shit too and I can be kind and compassionate.
Wow. I know this is two years old but this hits home for sure. Trying to help the unhelpable is what comes back to hurt the most. It’s almost as if I don’t accept this reality because there is no way it can be this cut and dry.
I was told my beliefs are wrong and I dont get along with others. All of this because, I stand up for myself and especially if I feel I'm being treated unfairly.
Good for you. I have paid a steep price for standing up for myself. But what other choice could I have made and still be me? Plan for the worse, but hope for the best.
The opposite is probably true. They love to turn things around on you. They lack accountability, have no self introspection and will continue to be in dysfunctional relationship after dysfunctional relationship until they learn to take criticism look within and try to change the ways that they deal with others. Sadly many will continue to deceive people and lie and manipulate until they get older and people can spot their games and stay away. Oftentimes they will reflect on all the good people they wronged, their loved ones will distance themselves and they will turn into self loathing drunks. Sad state of affairs. I tried to show the ex narc a better way (unconditional love and truth and christianity) she still is choosing deception. She has been shown a better way, and I pray she follows it before she gets taken from this life. Personally I feel that she will be completely broken if she doesn't choose to move towards what's right. I hope I get to see how the story ends.
Jazzmine Jackson Me too. But now I get to the point of "why me"? Why do they pick on me, not on others. I am like a bullet magnet. Isn't that better if the narcs just skip me and pick somebody else? People don't treat unfair toward other people whom they are FEAR of. For some reasons, narcs don't fear/respect me. It's time for me for more self-reflections. On my case, I need to learn to be fake a little bit, up to the point they will skip me. If you are the only rabbit in a groups of tigers, you don't want the tigers know you are a rabbit.
Same here 30 years of being treated like a dog. I knew I was being destroyed but unable to move out with two children and financially dependent. Finally got help and divorced and not looked back but it took every ounce of strength I had. Listening to this doctor has put everything he did in focus as I just assumed this man was selfish but now I have the definition that of narcissism. I unfortunately attract them both male and female. Thank you doctor for your concise and defining talks I am in a better place now.
meditation, nature walks, good genuine friends, doing fun and healthy hobbies like basketball and swimming, getting active, rebuilding your mind,, telling yourself it will be all right... all these techniques and more have helped me more than anything... the change starts within yourself. narcs have a good way of destroying your soul.... now is the time to take it back!
When my spouse is angry, he literally will not let me finish a sentence. If I ask to finish. he will yell, " No!" He has no understanding of the importance of reciprocity.
SBKiller1804 is perfect! Here he is voluntarily showing us the narc anger Dr.Carter had explained in the video. There are a lot of narcs on this channel and those like it. Beware the temptation to get pulled into their anger and insult them back. They are impenetrable and you won’t get through to them. Worse than that, you’ll give them supply. There’s no one there to reason with. Use them to practice recognizing and exposing narc behavior patterns instead. - Simmering annoyance and impatience She’s dared express vulnerable painful feelings. He doesn’t have the time or patience for that. He feels nothing but disdain for other people’s pain. He’s agitated by her free and open self-expression, something he’d never allow himself. - Plenty of unsolicited advice Not knowing the nature of Nancy’s trauma bond or marital situation, this asshole forces his one-size-fits-all solution onto her. Because of course he knows best and she is a bitch if she doesn’t follow his way. -Pet trigger point She’s triggered him here because he’s recognizing himself in her husband. The discomfort this produces in him must be deflected by blaming it on her and gaslighting her about the situation. -Primary forms of anger Here we have insults and name-calling “crying like a bitch” and condescension, since he is speaking from above her telling her what to do.
Get rid of people who have anger problems. There is no fixing it. And the suffering will never come to an end. A friend pointed out to me that when in a rotten relationship that I put up with for years, that I was 50% of the problem. And you know, I think that was true. Because I stayed. And put up with it.
Forty years ago, I would not have understood that I really needed this information, because I was SO in love. Twenty-five years ago, I desperately needed this, because I was totally confused. Five years ago, I finally acknowledged defeat and left the marriage. Thank God now for Dr. Carter's videos--they have been essential to my finally moving past all that crap.
45 years for me to leave and never look back! No contact for almost two years now ! I know now what I was dealing with. Now to be victorious in getting the divorce , is my next hurdle !
I am so thankful for Dr Cs videos. So happy I found them. I have known what I was dealing with but hearing him talk about it lets me know Im not losing my mind. Its so hard sometimes.
My deceased mother was a narcissist and my father was a selfish man. It was many years until I found this out. What a relief to finally accept what they were!
Though my 82 yo nmomster is still alive it is way better to know and understand the truth about what she (and my deceased codependent father) did to me. So I'm healing now and a much better person (something she hates) for it. Well considering I actually would have been a better person being raised by the right kind of parents but you work with what you've got. I have the Lord to help me through all this anger, acceptance and healing my damaged spirit. I'm getting back to being my bubbly personality that is something they absolutely HATE! It's good I live 1000 miles away!!! NC is my goal can't quite do it yet.
Gods Warrior+ It was such a blessing to read your post! I am in NC; so when your closer to move - reach out and I will find you a job if you need one. I am a NC Recruiter!! lol -- there is nowhere but up from here!! Keep smiling!!
Until very recently, and thank to you all, I suddenly understood so many things. It was almost like an epiphany! I kept retreating. I kept trying and trying to do what I could to avoid the explosive anger, but it was never good enough. I got the abusive bit. I got that I had done nothing to deserve it. But that it was a personality trait ..... I had no idea! I simply thought the person was difficult to live with. I thought it was a male dominance thing - simply what some men do. While listening to your lectures, I felt as if you were speaking directly to me. It is so unsettling to know it will never change. Mr Entitlement, Me Know All he will always be.
The gaslighting absolutely drove me crazy for so long. Then when I confronted them, we had the silent treatment and cold wars! It's all part of their control.
They used to scream at me that they work so much harder than me- even if they worked less or not at all. Always in a moment when I was reall exhausted by literal too much workhours.
I believe that. Mine (my mother) used to make it a point to wake me up before 8am on Saturdays after I stayed up till 2am cleaning the house. I was nine years old.
I was having my first heart problems/panic attack from stress and couldn’t get up to prep kids for school for first time in years. I called him to plz do it just once, and that Mf’er stood over me calling me pathetic while my two kids protested. I recorded everything. CA is a state where it’s illegal to record, but my lawyer confirmed, if you are in fear of your safety or your child’s, courts may/will accept it. And yes, I was. It also is proof later for yourself should you ever doubt just how bad or clear cut the bully-victim dynamic is.
Same scenario over here, had a member who is jobless but complains that he is the only one doing the most work in repairing the flushing mechanism and he complains that he is very tired for that miniscule work, what a pos.
Be careful with this particular knowledge! I’ve seen the little boy and the little girl behind my Narcissists my whole life! It’s the very thing that kept me there. Trying to save them. Trying to rescue them. Trying to show them value. Trying to love them. Feeling sorry for them. It kept me trapped for 51 years all together. I was born into it. It’s hard to let go of 51 years with some. 50 years with others. 25 years.. 17 years.. 26 years.. These are just examples of how long I held on.. There’s more!! I have been physically disabled for 24 years. I just got the book “A More Excellent Way” by Dr. Henry Wright. My own empathy for the lost child in my Narcs caused me to lose a lifetime of peace, joy and love with fellow human beings. God Saved me! He has sustained me. I survived! 1 by 1 I got away! It took a complete nervous breakdown from the TRAUMA to wake up to each one! Hopefully I’m done having those now!! Narcissists made me sick!
I finally mustered the strength and broke ties with my narcissist. We dated for many years. The relationship became unbearable. My friends lost patience listening to my sob stories. We both are in our mid 70's. There is no hope for a narcissist. I don't know how or why he became that way. I knew his late parents from 45 years ago. Both wonderful, kind people. It's been a year since I dumped him.. Time heals.
When you've been terribly hurt by a narcissist, it's nearly impossible to see them as "hurt child" as they ride roughshod over your feelings. The most dangerous I've encountered are the passive aggressive narcs, yet stay with one long enough and watch the incredibly foolish, immature and often criminal choices they make to "preserve" their own image of themselves as somehow "superior" people. For "normal" people, time heals all wounds. For narcissists, time wounds all heels.
One last thought...sharing an experience with a narc. In a lame attempt to appear "superior" and to put down his partner by "discounting" the partner's knowledge, while taking an excursion on a Tahitian island, raw coconut was served. The narc's partner noticed there was the part of a coconut that brings on major diarrhea and cautioned the narc not to eat it. The tour people encouraged him to try it...cruel of them, too. But, with disregard for his partner's advice, valuing the advice of strangers over the partner's, he ate it....and was consequently made ill. By this time, the partner was "on to" this nonsense, and left him sick for the remainder of the cruise, thankful for the freedom and independence! Narcs do get sick...usually when their faux world is collapsing around them and their refusal to accept reality has consequences.
Once you corner and confront the narc about their behavior they'll go silent and start to cry. I've also noticed that they never wipe their tears, it's as if they want other ppl to notice they are the victim. They are soulless annoying devils.
As I understand, they never take responsibility for their actions. It is always someone else's fault. Always the victim. So confronting them seems like a waste of energy to me.
That crying baby is sometimes exhibited by a narcissist so as to elicit sympathy from others, so I am not completely agree that all narcissists are unaware of their inner dynamics.
Well, we all cry but we don't all harm others the way they do. We make the choice to not harm others and they make the FRE-WILL CHOICE to do harm to others because they DON'T CARE. They cry, we cry..everyone is responspible for they're own behavior.
I’m glad I learned that detachment is KEY before my mom died. It gave me a chance to have compassion for her brokenness as a human without throwing myself under the bus just to keep her comfort levels in check. Thank you for this!!
This is very well put. I have compassion for both my parents (my dad is deceased 3 years now). However, I refuse to make excuses for the ways they abused me any longer. It has taken me close to 51 years to come to a place of some sanity and peace in my heart.
a narcissist having a damaged soul is the best way of explaining it that I've ever heard. it's so true and goes to the very point of the problem. thank you.
"I need to be in charge." This phrase hits the heart of the issue for me. The issue though is "of what?" Seems to me it is ok to demand control over one`s own life. The problem it seems to me is when someone seeks to control someone else`s life. This is another way of saying "boundaries."
They sure are. So reasonable and calming reassuring. Narcs want to believe our feelings of their doing us wrong is al in our own heads not on their shoulders.
Dr. Les is VERY soothing and reassuring, isn't he?? Love him!!!! He's doing us a great service and I am eternally grateful!!! Many blessings upon you man splainer!!!!!
Big thank you Dr.Carter..you are a blessing to those of us dealing with the narcissist on our lifes.Ive finally reached the point of No contact and I'm good with that I was grade A supply.No longer..Peace to you all..
It was only until I could see that crying child that I was able to forgive the narcissist who taught me so much about myself. It took years and years. I blamed myself for so much and now I am forgiving myself for those wrong thoughts too. With so much hurt in our lives, we need the most tools we can get to forgive, move on and be productive.
I thought for years that because I am super empathic, that I was overreacting to the narcissistic people around me. I lived ¾ of my life surrounded by these crazy people. Now I am free, living my own life and finally coming to terms with who I am as a person. I relish everyday of my freedom now. I never feel alone because being with myself is so much more calm and pleasant than all the times before. Being alone is now a gift.
I'm trying to get out of relationship with a narcissist individual. I have known for years I needed to get out, but his anger instills fear causing me to feel trapped. I go silent when he begins to engage angrily at me because I feel helpless. I stopped trying to use reason or logical arguments when I realized I was arguing with a man who only used force, fear, manipulation and emotions to control the outcome. I feel weakened by this long-term relationship of 16 years. I am isolated feeling and embarrassed I got myself trapped. I'm working through it. This videos give me strength and helps me know I'm not alone with this battle.
Gina, I too am trying to leave a man that is a narcissist. 12 years and I’m over 60. I’m scared, all my money, I put into his home and my health and self- esteem have deteriorated. Every single promise that he made to me , every single one, he has broken. And my heart hurts. Right now I’m looking for a place to live but it’s difficult because of lack of housing ( and expense) but I’m determined. I have to let go of many possessions, and dreams but my animals are like my family. He bought me a pair of Great Danes 4 years ago when I tried to leave him now I have to go without them ( to save myself). I am very angry about that situation. This channel, Dr Carter , has been very helpful in my understanding of my SO’s behavior. Onward I go 🕊
Don't underestimate the danger of that anger and never rely on a restraining order. But get yourself some self defense training and/or a firearm to protect yourself. Don't simply stay vulnerable. You are strong enough to break free but you may have to prepare and plan carefully for a while before you can make your move. Personally, since I too am stuck for the time being I simply accepted responsibility for the failure of the marriage, denied responsibility for his happiness or lack thereof, and shamelessly refused to change my path of personal empowerment. I said "I'm sorry my strength and autonomy makes you so unhappy. But I will not change back. Deal with it." He has settled down to one narc rage per week which I flat out ignore. Best of luck. We are all with you in spirit.
Yes, I am in the same boat with you, ladies. Married to my narc for 11 years and I am planning for escape. Sometimes I feel so drained of energy and hopeless that I think of surrender, but after a while I bounce right back and do my tiny steps of preparation. I used to be strong, healthy, independent woman, but now I am not sure if I will be able to break off and survive - the health is disappearing. On opposite, it looks like my narc is getting stronger, healthier and boulder every day.
@@ДругаяИрина Stay strong. The fact you are seeking understanding says you're not as weak as you feel. We need to believe we are strong women. Together we can find our strength!
@@HuhisHere The effect of deliverance ministry, although authentic, turned out to be very short-lived, in the case of my former husband. I don't know how to help a narcissist change, and I don't know if they even want to, and if it is even possible.
@@dannebonaparte2213 I understand and I am sorry you had to be victimized by him. ❤ If the narcissist doesn't hate their own behavior and are not willing to live without the "benefits" of it then the demon has a legal right to stay. Sometimes the only thing left is to flee from the narcissist to protect ourselves from being targeted by the destruction narcissistic behaviour brings to innocent lives. God bless you.
eva mcinnis yes very true - they’re evil from the womb “the wicked are estranged from the womb, as soon as they’re born they go astray telling lies”-Psalm 58
Exactly! You hit the nail on the head. The narc firmly and totally believes that they own you. As far as I’m concerned the only way to deal with narcs is to get rid of them, be free of them it’s a never ending nightmare.
They want you to feel like your going insane and forever doubting yourself. That makes them feel in control and have the upper hand. I’m speaking from experience and it’s horrible.
@@bonniecat2918 I'm going through this now. With small children involved. I left the state because I felt I wasn't ok there especially being he was the only person I knew in that stat. I took our youngest with me who was exclusively breastfed. Judge just ordered me to return baby to the state. I can't go back there I know it would destroy me mentally. And I have a 7 year old. That is not his that is in school I can't mentally destroy him to. And pull him out of school right now its the end of the school year. I'm fighting this fight;hurting so bad calling on god ready to give up.
Dr. Carter, you have hit every nail on its head, and now I am absolutely certain that my family member is a seasoned narcissist. I surprised myself months ago, when this person was cursing and screaming at me. I put my hand up, after extending my arm fully, and said, "Stop." As this person continued, I pointed to the door and said, "There's the door." I didn't yell. I didn't threaten. I didn't curse. I was in control. That person didn't say another word, and just found the door and left. Thank you for these very informative videos. Your detailed approach/reaction examples are SO HELPFUL!!!
True, so very true, every word you spoke! 😭😭😭Dr. Carter you are gifted by God in your knowledge of this serious mental condition. You are also gifted in “your delivery” of your help messages. A million thanks again to you!! I am trapped in an inescapable situation, but you are helping me, teaching me, to survive. Thank you for this remarkable help for me. God bless you!!!
The most important thing to my narc stbx wife is her public personna. If she loses face then the anger and rage come roaring out. It's pathological fear of rejection but the very things she does to counter these fears end up creating the rejection they fear. Loss of Face is like Garlic to a Vampire. It's v sad. With my wife it really is: "all about me". She's never wrong and never sorry, ever.
Spindrifter Oh, Spindrifter, I agree totally...”a pathological fear of rejection...& never wrong, never sorry.” Their psyche does not allow them to “know how” to be sorry; they can’t feel it, unfortunately. Over the decades of our marriage, I was so naive, completely unknowing, about NPD while struggling to make sense of his ‘off the edge’ behavior. But thanks to Dr. Carter & the internet, I have pieced together the puzzle & am breathing again. Very heartbroken that he won’t be able to change his persona. Sad for my own psyche on the days he has episodes (which is nearly everyday.) Learning to detach in a healthy, safe, way without ruffling his feathers is difficult. But my mental health is in a better place, thanks to Dr. Carter. Aside from the tears & difficulties, Dr. Carter is so “spot on” in his talks I sometimes chuckle and ask myself, “Does he personally know my husband?” I was clueless that a traumatic childhood could be a critical factor in these individuals. I can’t change what happened to him as a little boy. All I want is for him to be a nice, kind, respectful, and caring adult that is “even keeled.” Over the years I was waiting for this adult man to “grow up.” Dr. Carter has helped me to realize that’s not going to happen. Sadly, he will always remain an injured little boy lashing out at the world (and his family.) 😞Spindrifter, I do hope your situation improves. Blessings.
I split up with my wife at the start of the year. I am living with my brother while I pick up the pieces. Just found out in this last week she's seeing another guy. I am in bits. I suspected a year ago she was cheating but I placed my trust in her and gave her the benefit of the doubt. 10 years we've been together and she just carries on like nothings happened. I feel like the garbage that took itself out. Knowing she has a disorder doesn't make it any easier cos she still knows cheating is just plain wrong. I hope you find peace butterfly
I can’t thank you enough for your videos. I’m healing little by little from the deep wounds from my narcissist mother. I moved to different country in my 20s for my education and to escape from her control. She blamed me for that. I got married and have two kids, and she blamed me for that, too. I can’t share any good things happening in my life with her, her mindset is that if she is suffering so much, why can I be happy. She is comfortable financially and in good health, but she is not happy. If I pretend to be miserable when I talk with her on the phone, she seems to be nicer toward me. If I just be myself and be happy, she criticizes everything including my kids and my husband. She seems to have endless hatred in her heart. I’m confused, horrified and tormented every time I talk to her. When I don’t talk to her for a while, I’m my happy self. I am in my 40s and finally learned that it’s not me who has problems after watching many of your videos. I feel relieved and liberated! I’m learning and healing everyday. I know I’ll grow and be strong. Thank you, Dr. Les Carter!
Yes my Mother went into a rage because of a broken vacuum cleaner. She said “Your character is on trial” regarding me fixing it. I refused to respond and the vacuum cleaner is still broken. It sounds utterly ridiculous but that is a day in the life with a narc. I detach and act like I am watching a movie. A badly written one.
Good image Dr. Les. I used to use a photo of my Dad when he was a little boy to help me understand that this little boy was hurt and abused. I have used this technique in the past for many difficult people. However, now that I am dealing with some of these people again, I have forgotten this. Thanks for the reminder. I am going to start praying for these people again, but also to ask for my own center of integrity so that I don't react in ways that make me feel bad about myself
I understand. When you're raised to pity poor sick behavior to survive your parent you are trained to allow anyone's mental illness in this way. It really was a pathetic rip off of our childhood. This video sums in all up in 15 minutes. I see now why I wasted 40 years and 2 relationships. Those are the crumbs my adopted mother gave me. Shame shame shame on Them for that. Garbage is the most accurate term for it all isn't it. We are do lucky to have witnessed this video.
I think that is the most important lesson I have to learn. I remind myself of Dr. Carter's motto of dignity, respect and civility ...so I don't become like the Narc.
Or, if someone is more of a covert narcissist, instead of raging, they might keep changing the subject and talking point to trap you into a circular argument. They might dance around the actual point like a politician.
There is no point. They shift the dialog to distract so nothing can ever be resolved or even acknowledged. And then when you bring the subject back to their point, they obfuscate and can't understand why you are so stupid.
*Yes, exactly. Actually politicians are normally narcissists. It is rare when one is there to serve others; most are there to serve themselves. Look at Trump.*
We can only control ourselves. Self-mastery will help soooo much when dealing with an angry partner/family member. Not reacting back in anger is what I have found to help diffuse the situation immensely. Thank you for these amazing videos.
I've recently found out that I might be a narcissist. So I took an NPI test only to find the results scary. I've become a monster and I realize that I have. I'm desperately trying to become a better person and after watching this video I'm starting to see a horizon. The way he's explaining everything is absolutely amazing. He not only councils the victims of narcissism but also the narcissist themselves. This was a fresh piece of criticism that I've been looking for. Others on RUclips attack how we're all just mean and selfish, but for a narcissist seeking help on how to be a better person. I could see myself being helped by this doctor. Thankyou so so much!
crying child or cunning demon? it's hard to say. For sure though, as long as you think of them as a crying child they'll never give up on trying to manipulate you.
@@mariepichler2758 Get away from. The bible STATES under timothy to avoid. Narcissists are lovers of themselves and care nothing about anyone else. Blessings
@@ronfirek5824 I think in the end we are all human beings and love is the power that connects us all. Narcissists are great teachers. They are here to teach us how to love ourselves and how to stand up for ourselves. If we are willing to change and willing to become better people. They are not evil, just very broken people.
@@mariepichler2758 These are kind words of you. Many have committed suicide over such NARCISSIST. Nothing taught there. I believe NARCISSISTS ARE satans children very evil wicked and demonic. Alot of children have gone through horrific things and hold onto SINCERITY. I believe when NARCISSIST was abused they grew a great hate inside them where demons entered. Blessings
The narc will stomp and pout like someone stole milk money . They feel a need to get loud and leave . First they will make sure your hurt and and feel down. They are the opposite of an encouraging friend.
With all due respect, Dr. Carter ..... The problem with imagining a narcissist crying as a hurt little boy or girl is that covert narcissists often actually DO THAT in front of you. Sometimes in hysteria. And, yes, it may be coming from a deep seething pit of undissolved inner pain and irrational shame in his or her interiority. Unfortunately, this actual crying often simultaneously serves a dual function which includes even more layered and nuanced presentations of covert emotional manipulation. The unaware empath is in grave danger here of being siphoned back into deeper enmeshment with one who is mired in the tomb of this type of personality structure. Who wouldn’t want to help someone, especially if the empath does not know the nature of that which is actually presenting? Moreover, the more high-functioning covert narcissists present AS IF they themselves have a “sense of purpose” and (at least initially) as if he or she is someone who is “good, and kind, and helpful.” That again adds to a false sense of camaraderie with covert narcissists. Thank you for your contributions and videos in adding to the unwinding of the massive danger and hurt-infliction of covert narcissism and its pernicious effects on victims.
SkyFlying333 My husband acts like the nicest guy you could ever meet around other people. We live in a very small town and he is known all around town as a really nice guy. I have people say to me, " Your husband is so nice." And he is a great guy to other people. He will go out of his way to help a friend, or be especially friendly even to strangers. But, it's all about what he wants others to think about him. Our house has to be immaculate, the yard has to be the most manicured yard in town, the cars are kept spotless, all the outward appearances have to be to his specifications. In our private home lives though, none of us can live up to his standards. He is critical of pretty much anything I do. I don't know how many times I've said to him, " Nothing's ever good enough for you." Our children are grown adults and he still tries to control them. It doesn't work on them anymore thank goodness. The main way he controls me is through money, guilt, and blame. He has always controlled every penny of money, even when I was working, he demanded that every dime of my paycheck was allocated to all of the necessities like groceries, clothes for everyone, all prescriptions, cleaning supplies, all toiletries for everyone in the house, all pet food and supplies, birthday gifts for all, wedding presents, Christmas presents, even furniture, rugs, curtains, anything that he could make me pay for to keep me broke. I left him after I had a nervous breakdown when my youngest child was an infant. They carted me away to the hospital and admitted me to the in patient mental health facility. I was not allowed to have a visitor until the suicide watch time was up for a number of days ( never ever contemplated suicide then because of my children), which was procedure. When my husband was finally allowed to visit me his first words out of his mouth was, "How the hell do you expect me to pay for this!!! " He was so mad that I had cost him so much inconvience and money, and had embarrassed. But when I served him with divorce papers and a restraining order at work, he was furious!! I had to do the restraining order because I knew he would be dangerously angry! I had encountered his rage enough to know better. Since he was allowed to get the kids every other weekend, he used them to get back at me. He started telling them that it was all my fault, that I wanted the divorce, that I was mentally unstable. The kids started turning against me and were angry at me all the time. He then started calling me and telling me that no judge would give me custody of the kids because I was mentally unstable. It worked!! He cried and promised he would change. I took him back. And the whole time we were separated, his main focus was, you're not going to take my home and things I've worked so hard for away from me. Even our friends were surprised that his main complaint was him losing his things. One of his friends even confronted him and asked him if he loved me and the kids because he didn't ever mention losing us, just his material possessions. My health went crazy for years after I took him back. I have , developed all kinds of autoimmune disorders such as Lupus, and hypothyroid due to Hashimoto's, hypertension, angina, had miscarriage and then a complete hysterectomy, severe allergies, gout, osteoarthritis, Reynaurds Syndrome, had a heart attack, and am now dealing with a protein that can cause bone cancer, so I am monitored for that frequently, also have been treated for years for osteoporosis by IV medications, and now have a liver problem. However, I am grateful to have found this information. My husband was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder shortly after we got back together. He did go see a therapist because that was one of the things I made him agree to. However he only went a few times and then stopped because he didn't agree with his therapist. But now I know that his real diagnosis should have been narcissist. Maybe if he had stayed with the counseling she would have figured that out. I am very grateful to have some of this information. At least I know I'm not as crazy as my husband would like me to think. Of course all our problems have always been because I am not stable. And I have felt that way many times. I have gotten so out of control many times trying to argue with him. He pushes every button I have at times and I wind up screaming at him, or slamming doors, or cursing like a drunken sailor. Then I do feel like I'm crazy. In the past several years though, I have learned not to let him push me to that state of mind. Hopefully, these video's will help me to find some peace of mind, as well as some coping skills🤗 Prayers to all who are dealing with this issue😇
@@lindawhite8416 -- Please lady, it's never too late to get your life back! From the sound of it, you have put your entire life in your husband's hands and he has turned you into a pitiful shell of a human being. Reclaim your life NOW and resolve to live free from your husband's crushing spirit.
SkyFlying333 -- I agree with you. I have been abused and life-raped in just such a manner by a covert narc. The good doc is setting people up to be marks, abused by covert narcs.
My experience, the sobbing is real- I mean, snot and swollen red eyes, emotional wreck. And now I understand it’s him grieving everything he loses, the chaos he created all around him. So he sits by himself with no direction or comfortable place to fall. But not for long, his misery will find company soon enough.
Growing up having one of these poeple as a parent, I always said there was only one true emotion that I saw and that was anger. The under current of anger was always there whether you could see it or not....you could always feel it's presence.
Once you get to the "inner" layer of narcissist in your lives, you might actually surprise how shallow and childish they are..you wake up to a fact that you have been trying to communicate with a desperate 4-5 year old child all the time. It is really like that. They hate that, being exposed and you seeing how powerless they are, be careful because they might become violent at that point.
Hurt people hurt other people. I feel compassion and deep sadness for persons behaving in such a destructive manner. I now chose to avoid anyone who acts like this.
They really are alone because majority of those friends and family members can’t see who they really are. They only see the lie (facade) the Narc gives off. That’s why they’re alone. They’re alone because they hide they’re true identity. In society there are allot of people who are naive to a Narc personality. The personality is inhuman and controversial to what’s considered moral.
💯👌🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 my partner always complains of not having fam or friends care about him but every time he sees them it's usually initiated by them. Even the phone calls and txt msg. He doesn't put much effort in at all but moans that same story everytime he hasn't seen anyone for a while 😴😴😴
Sunshine Godschild It’s bc they are (fake) charmers. It’s also bc they’ve possibly smear campaigned their ‘friends’ against you. Keep in mind that their relps are shallow, though. Or Narcissistic harems.
What was so difficult for me was he would be good to me for a while until I did something minor that he did not approve of or he got offended by something. He would explode and scream at me. Then other times he would just cry and sob about what others have done to him. He cried more towards the end of the relationship because he knew I would not put up with the yelling anymore. But it always came back to his anger toward me. Judging my choices, doubting my illnesses. There was no real feelings toward me, only how my illness effected him. no empathy. If I did not do all that he thought that I should have, I would get sarcasm and scrutiny. Subtle belittling and demeaning words.
Sounds like yet another Male loser and control freak. The prisons are filled with men like like this and women have emotional issues they cant control? Lol lol forever on this one. Proud to be female. Men are the weaker of the sexes by FAR. Muscles dont mean crap boys....the male ego is absolutely uncontrollable. Its destroyed the whole world....
Tell a narc you have them figured out and watch them defy and deny every thing you say. Mine is determined to remain a mystery her entire life and if I seem to be solving any part of that mystery, I am soon met with anger, denial and all sorts of other tactics to throw me off the scent. Just a giant hurt child is what she is and never ever wants me or herself to see it.
Agreed. When I told him what he was, after him matching 27 out of 30 traits, screamed at me "No I'm not. Everyone in the world is a narcissist. Everyone is only concerned about what they want. It's not just me" I'm done, I'm out after 3 years and an engagement. But now I'm a shred of my former self
Sometimes the little narcissist will opportunistically turn the tables and accuse someone they are mind stuffing, by reversing the script back. One can be accused of being abusive; just because one is trying to communicate and connect. A very weird game play that !
Thank you so much for giving your heartfelt words of wisdom. I listen to your videos whenever I need a reality check. It is so hard to acknowledge the corrosiveness of these people. Their lives are truly tragic as they are empty of goodness. They do not build but lay waste. I had always thought that 'love will conquer all' but now at 62 I understand that I cannot save everyone and that my prime responsibility is to protect my integrity. I keep all my ex narcissist emails and texts just in case I should falter and start to gloss over their destructive meanness.
I always wanted to agree to disagree he never would abide by that! I couldn’t understand. He was very impatient with me, but oh boy I better be patient with him!! He had a bag full of trigger points! He would yell, demean, insult, I could never win, or get through to him, oh yes he would threaten and punish me too!
Scott Oefinger thanks good luck to you too, for years he had me questioning myself, I actually would call my friends give them the absurd scenario that took place to see if I was right feeling like I did, I didnt even trust my gut anymore. What a freeking mess they turn us into. Again thanks and wish you luck
@@likemike23100 me too for 10yrs he had me convinced I was the problem. Nothing I could do was right . Scolding upon scolding for things as petty as putting the toilet paper roll facing the 'wrong' way!!! I found videos about narcissism and it was like that part in the Wizard of Oz when it goes from black and white to color. I now know it has nothing to do with me that gives me some piece of mind but the pain and sorrow still makes my heart ache. I started calling my narc out using the language I learned in these videos. He went absolutely nuts the first time I called him a narcissist I thought he might spontaneously combust!!! I've heard in some videos not to expose them for what they are I'm not exactly sure why I did it but the reaction was priceless. I was discarded about a week later he couldn't handle being found out I guess the truth hurts people that are living a lie. I know am familiar with the empath/narcissist dynamic and I'm trying to slowly but surely heal from all the abuse I've been receiving for most of my life. Thank you for all the information and advice I know I'm not alone and that there is life after narcissistic abuse! 💛🌞🌻🌠🦋🎁🌈🍀💎🎰
Your videos help me a lot to understand and cope with the narcissist I’m married to for 16 years. Always knew there was something wrong with his character; he is constantly impatient & criticizes every careless driver on the road, grocery, public place. Now it’s very clear to me. It’s a constant struggle and challenge. Thank you again.
So, when are you leaving? It doesn't get any better. For me, married at 16 years, I had no clue to "what" was the problem. I just thought he was fukkkin' nuts. It took me another 10 years to realize my emotional and physical health was being compromised. I now have a couple autoimmune diseases that I will have for the rest of my life, plus PTSD. Please consider to get all of your ducks in a row financially and make sure you make copies of everything. Get the hell out and don't waste any more of YOUR precious time. Life is too short. (If you are in a marriage less than 10 years and reading this, you might want to stay with him for social security benefits for when you are older. It might work to your advantage.
BooHoo! Let them cry.... they will tear your down just because! They are incapable of seeing themselves for who they are no matter how much love understanding empathy you give them..... Run from these types of people like your life depends on it. It does.
I agree with you 100%. My narcissist is definitely damaged goods and messed up on so many levels. Trying to stay "on top" is her way of coping. It's a terrible battle and she is not a happy person. Although she is the one creating relational chaos through anger, threats, manipulations, and control, she believes that everyone is out to get her. A sorry state really! Feeling sorry for her is what has kept me in her grip for so long, at my own expense. At 53, I finally divorced my mother because my health was being affected by her poison and verbally aggressive behaviour.
The one I know seems to have seething anger just below a boil all of the time and the slightest word or event will set it off and once it's unleashed it is frightening.
He knows what he's doing. He knows he hurts me. Its not an accident. Even when it's not deliberate, which it often is, he just doesn't think it is as important as whatever he's feeling or what he wants. Even as he learns what a narc is he still tries to gaslight me into believing in the narc and he's the codependent. Its like there's a short circuit in what he learns about the condition and what is evident in our behavior. I think he's trying to internalize it and add it to his false self.
Stuck at 2 year old tantrum stage FOREVER! Plus it does go deeper than that for many its on the satanic spiritual world type deeper evil. That's where their main goal is to destroy anyone that dares step outside that box they want to keep them in, and sometimes their desire is literal, they can be dangerous! My nmomster threatened to MURDER me! And pretty much has written me out of her will. Their goal is to make you suffer even from beyond the grave! That's EVIL!
@rj zander If they are dangerous. Think "of mice and men." have you read it? A retarded man accidentally kills a woman but she is no less dead for his lack of malice. And narcs don't lack malice.
I told her that when she was 38 years old. After all the ugly things she said to me. and after 2 1/2 years of her treating me badly. while I bit my tonge and said nothing just so I could be with my grandson. @@linbat6148
A narcissist supervisor did not want a crew that was capable, as much as he wants a crew that he can shape to fit his thinking. He wants credit for all success and a scapegoat for any mistakes.
carefulcarpenter I do. I do contract work for a business that has two teams. One team is run by an outrageous, fully blown narcissist, who cares about nothing than belittling each and every team member about something. The criticisms are EXTREMELY sharp, and deeply cutting, and they come out of no where. One minute, we are having an intellectual group conversation about how to solve a difficult problem, and out of no where, this supervisor will literally blast someone about a real or perceived safety infraction that doesn’t have anything to do with the project or the people involved, but they are scapegoated for it. I’m telling you, it is outrageously BIZARRE!!!!!! If you watch closely, you can see the narcissist’s eyes change, and his demeanor goes into an extremely sharp and condescending mode. In reality, I think he gets super nervous about the tasks at hand, and his lack of confidence and self ego shakes his inner being, and he then lashes out like he’s been taken by demons. The other team is run by a great guy...but he has let an overt narcissistic help run the paperwork. Given a little time, the team lead will have a massive knife plunged into his back. He’s already hard at work destroying the team, and will make sure that the lead is destroyed and left for dead.
Wow! Knowing the cry behind the rage breaks my heart that a parent would do this to their child. So so sad. Thank U Dr. Carter for your insight, & your ability to communicate this to us so well.
This solves the mystery of why, at first, I am so mad and after a few days of mental upset, I suddenly don’t care. It is accepting the good with the bad. After awhile the bad outweighs the good and you move on to the next narcissist. When they are good, they are very good, and when they’re bad their horrible.
Thank you so much for your work Dr. Carter. Your weekly videos have become an integral part of my ongoing healing process. You are one of the best out there, if not THE best!
THIS IS SO HELPFUL..I JUST BROKE UP WITH MY KIDS DAD TODAY AND THIS IS HIS PERSONALITY TO A T... I FEEL SO DRAIN AFTER DEALING WITH HIM AND IVE BEEN TOO GOOD TO HIM FOR YEARS. TO ONLY HAVE.MY TIME WAISTED.
What ive learned from these videos is when your calm and another person starts to upset you for no reason just avoid them, dont even waste your time trying to figure out their personality.
'What's wrong with you?!' That is repeated over and over again to my 4 year old grandchild. Blaming and acting like the victim with the child. Makes me sick.
I've been calling the tears from narcissistic people in my life crocodile tears for years. It's fake and a front to get others to feel sorry for them. Especially when they get called on their words and behaviors. I'm mediately they go into victim stance when they were the ones with predatory and toxic behaviors
I look forward to this. I feel like their anger comes from a hurt child deep inside them. Another theory I got is, anger is a easier " go to" emotion then using patience, or concern. Empathy and Caring take maturity. Your thoughts, Dr. Carter?
I really wonder if you're someone who checks all the boxes... looks, status, high functioning in every manner. Just the complete total package if they will look and play the part of being wonderful because they know they can't get anything better? I truly think this would be the case. Would I want such a person...lord no.
I also feel they project their anger--actually their shame and fear of that shame being discovered--onto "lesser" beings in order to avoid feeling their own pain. They're shameless in their avoidance of responsibility--thus their own suffering--and would much rather it be YOU that feels the pain for them! And yes, they never learned how to express their true feelings and emotions, so anger is the immature person's default mode. The narc I deal with said his parents "never talked", thus never modeled appropriate communication skills. So the "hurt child" is running the show, only the narcissist is not aware of it, and will tend to deny they had any problems as a child--even to the point of idealizing their parent(s) and saying what a happy childhood they had. (Don't you know it's YOU that has the problem??)
@@GnosticGuru Your narc and my narc are cut from the same cloth, lol! The level of denial I've seen is bewildering, especially coming from someone who is highly intelligent in many other ways.
Thank you Dr Les! I love how you bring us back to how we can act with dignity and integrity whilst having compassion for the narcissist. Your videos have been helping me tremendously.
Definatly gained from listening to such a great man on these issues. He helps save lives, cannot thank Dr Carter enough. From Nancy in manchester, England thankyou X❤
My kids and I have been the target of my ex narcissist husband abusive rage. Of course he caused the situation, then blames us for it and runs away playing the victim
That's what they do: my narc is getting meaner, more verbally abusive as the days go on. I have tried every which way to make him happy, and he got meaner and more critical of me. I've been with him 2 and a half years. I pray to God to help me not hate him.
I nearly cried when you spoke of the rage, insults, not listening... I've just ended my 10 year marriage because of the threats - verbal and physical intimidation. No contact despite his offer to do the marriage counseling I asked for some years ago & a men's behaviour change program. Too little, too late as I'm done giving to his taking.
Caro Todd I have just ended a relationship with a very angry man of 56 ...when he couldn’t get his way he would start shouting me down calling me a c**t .... swearing at me ...he would start leaving ..crashing and banging at midnight ....breaking things trying to intimidate and scare me with this bullying behaviour.... it’s not just me ...I saw him nearly loose control once with his parents when his dad wanted to go and visit his sister who according to him was a bigger c** t than me 😂😂😂 probably because he couldn’t manipulate her either ....he didn’t want the dad spending time with his sister ... so he lost it and went mad shouting at his poor parents swearing telling them if they didn’t do what he said he was leaving and not coming back ... if I’d have been his mum and dad I would have let him go ... but they didn’t ....they pandered to his anger & the dad didn’t go .... he had his way .... his mum was so embarrassed .... so was his poor old dad ...so was I .... yep swearing insults threats shouting you down ... yep chaos was caused it’s very bad and very unfair ... no they can’t talk normally .... he’s just told me to look at videos concerning narcissistic behaviour .... so I can see where I AM GOING WRONG .....😂😂😂OMG ....well it describes him to a T..... I wish I would have watched this before he moved in .... would have saved me a lot of heartache .... I’ve never known anything like it in my life ..... I hope I never see it again
Elle Smith So glad you have got out Ellie. I did after more than 30 years. It is wonderful to live without the fear of walking an endless minefield. I hope your ex's parents find the strength and support to 'let him go'. Enjoy your future!
I was married to a narcissist, wish I had your messages back then. Definitely is helpful and healing gaining this understanding-explained so well. I have my peaceful, loving, fun life back since I refused to let that narcissist back into my life.
Staying calm and focused is difficult when a Narcissist is being very angry, but it's very important to be detached from that anger, and be able to emotionally step back. Thanks for this one Les.
After years of trying to be understanding, patient, and accepting, I finally accepted that “I’m not the Narc Whisperer....I can’t fix you! I hope you find peace.... Goodby!” It’s the only way. Save yourselves. Go no contact.
Love "the Narc Wisperer" good title!
I have a highly narcissistic relative
I have no sympathy for primitive, sick, and dangerous behavior.
If they would really be as smart as they claim to be, they would seek help and go to therapy
@@MsKK909 what about Harry?
None of us can
A lifetime with my narc dad. I gave up: what a relief! No-contact is working; for me!
No doubt about it, the narcissist brings out the worst in people.
Definitely.
Only if u let them
Almamater8888
And the sickest part is they take ecstatic delight in achieving getting others to crack with anger etc back at them. It is Really Saddening to witness, your emotional wellbeing is of zero concern to them and they’ll drag a victim all over the place emotionally, and enjoy every second of your anxiety, grief, pain, upset, angry responses just to get through..... angry responses they’ve already set the tone for......... and smile at you while you’re in that state.
It’s Hell being involved with them.
Did everything to b away from them ASAP as a child & married at early age to leave home. Divorced them formally 2 years later. Still recovering. PTSD is worst lingering symptom. Episodic at this point.
Denker Dunsmuir
I’ve found the same problem.
They’re a fracking NIGHTMARE - and soooooo convincing, yet conniving.
I tried to go back to be Ming more distant friends and they just slam in with the casual abuse to score an easy “supply” or “fix” from putting you down -
Dr Les is 100% correct when he stated “Narcissists are lost souls”
- and they NEED TO SCORE POINTS - and get pissed off if they don’t via you explaining the Truth, with them then falling on their own sword..... it drove one narc nuts. Yet their behaviour drives our own behaviour downwards to become appalling also just to get through to them. They delight in bringing others down to their level, or “match pitch” as the video says......
Stay away from them. They are already lost to being able to relate gently to others.
Respect to Dr Les Carter - a great Healer.
Anger is how they express fear and insecurity, but they'd never admit to feeling either of those emotions.
Spot on. Dr. C
Totally Agree!!!
True!
@Hunt Simple I'm sure you're correct, but mine never has. If I were to even suggest that he might be feeling those things, he would laugh in my face. A person has to be willing to be introspective and practice self- awareness to be able to recognize those feelings, and many narcs are too deep in denial of who and what they are to be willing to face that. That's why most of them never change- they cannot/ will not face who they truly are. That's also why most do not seek therapy- it can't help those who won't face reality.
Lack of spirituality? I'd say total absence of spirituality🙄
My father was a raging narcissist with an explosive violent temper. When I was a child I thought I did something wrong. As an adult, I realize my father was a sick man. Even though he is long gone, I still hate him for what he did to me. The hardest thing to come to terms with is realizing the fact that he did NOT love me, because narcissists cannot love. If there is a heaven, I hope to meet my loved ones there, and that does NOT include my father.
“Their purpose in life is to preserve themselves”. Exactly. Their anger is calculated and a control mechanism.
Fortified in anger
Sir sir you are so right sometimes when I see her rage and the way she's acting I just couldn't understand one time I bought her flowers is she screamed and hollering and told me to get out and never come back but I actually seen she was crying because someone loved her and she didn't want it and it really made me think and that's why I'm researching stuff on narcissists that you and other people say but you are so right they're crying and the palm of their hands and not to get off topic what is a old saying by Tupac I'm sitting here with tears in the palm of my hand s and men don't understand and that's when I seen with her she's screaming and hollering about me buying flowers but she was actually really crying that someone loves her and she think that she didn't deserve it I'm going to say it like this and I'm going to call it end of the night you doing a great job keep it up that s*** f***** me up
Self serving temperamental Diva bores!
Their anger *isn't* calculated, they can't control it, it just happens when they feel powerless and helpless, which can happen at any given moment.
Kinda, not completely, it's more of a release mechanism.
Having one of these SOBs in your life during your formative years is a lasting nightmare. Getting them out of your head as an adult is nothing short of a miracle
Back Waters and Back Roads
Thanks for saying that... my mom is a covert narc and I’ve been reading, listening to and watching everything I can to understand it and get past it… my husband always says I’m obsessed with her.
At this point I am almost no contact with her and I AM obsessed with trying to undo the damage that was done to me... it is deep and pervasive. My entire childhood foundation was built on trying to protect her, prop her up, and appease her... It is very sad and very heavy.
On the positive side, I am aware and have picked a nurturing husband, we has raised our kids differently and I have protected them from her poison... 👍
@@pep9312 God Bless You pep! You are doing all the right things for you and yours! You are a soldier!!! You are strong and see true!!! Keep up the good fight! I promise you it is worth it in the end!!!!
@@patriciaclark1492 I feel your pain. God bless.
Amen.
@Krista Awesome by no means am I out of the woods, or an expert, but something called "family systems theory" has helped me build a mental framework to tackle this stuff. We all have mental representations of our care givers/parents in our personalities. Narcissists will take up residence for life there and punish punish punish unless we evict them. It's worth looking into
Whats scary about those types of people is when they dont make sound spiritual decisions .....and refuse to hear the truth .....thats scary ....
I remember my heart always beating very fast when in presence of a narc. I was always very uncomfortable. A sense of danger coming, an uneasy feeling of having to be alert, i could never relax except if i was drunk. And i had no idea why.
Nathalie Dufour ...good reason not to drink. Could your spirit be sensitive to the demons in them?
I understand completely,☀️
You just described what it was like being with my child's father. I wish I knew better back then and read the signs. I'm stuck knowing this jerk for a very long time.
I’ve had butterflies in my tummy….. since I’ve met him. It was an alarm…. I ignored…
18 years later and 3 daughters after, I am in psychological and financial ruin with three daughters with cptsd…..
but we managed to flee…
He has a new family now to harass…..
I used drink and cocaine as a coping mechanism until I realised as I woke up one morning how I didn't want to feel hungover anymore, and that the only person I was hurting was myself. So I quit drinking and taking cocaine and I felt better and stronger and decisive. I left him after one of his rages because I didn't answer the phone and because of how his rage made me shake and feel mentally ill.
Feeling bad for them and trying to help them has only lead me to be abused more. No more excuses. I've been through shit too and I can be kind and compassionate.
Exactly. But, their experiences are so much worse and more important. (Sarc)
Wow. I know this is two years old but this hits home for sure. Trying to help the unhelpable is what comes back to hurt the most. It’s almost as if I don’t accept this reality because there is no way it can be this cut and dry.
They do more than insult and yell. They get physical too. They're very dangerous to be around.
Emotional, physical, and mental abuse. You are never smart enough, pretty enough, or thin enough.
I'm glad someone else sees this. Everyone else says that I'm making it up and I'm the violent one. I just learned to defend myself...
Yes they do get physical. They are possessed by demons or allow demons to live in their body.
@@PMJ4EVERR True
@Hunt Simple how long were you with them for? I'm not saying ALL narcs are, but a lot get there in certain situations.
It's always about themselves, not only in the anger.
Liesbeth de Vries,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist.....
I was told my beliefs are wrong and I dont get along with others. All of this because, I stand up for myself and especially if I feel I'm being treated unfairly.
Standing up for your beliefs sounds like you have a strong handle on the situation. Brava!
Good for you. I have paid a steep price for standing up for myself. But what other choice could I have made and still be me? Plan for the worse, but hope for the best.
The opposite is probably true. They love to turn things around on you. They lack accountability, have no self introspection and will continue to be in dysfunctional relationship after dysfunctional relationship until they learn to take criticism look within and try to change the ways that they deal with others. Sadly many will continue to deceive people and lie and manipulate until they get older and people can spot their games and stay away. Oftentimes they will reflect on all the good people they wronged, their loved ones will distance themselves and they will turn into self loathing drunks. Sad state of affairs. I tried to show the ex narc a better way (unconditional love and truth and christianity) she still is choosing deception. She has been shown a better way, and I pray she follows it before she gets taken from this life. Personally I feel that she will be completely broken if she doesn't choose to move towards what's right. I hope I get to see how the story ends.
Jazzmine Jackson Me too. But now I get to the point of "why me"? Why do they pick on me, not on others. I am like a bullet magnet. Isn't that better if the narcs just skip me and pick somebody else? People don't treat unfair toward other people whom they are FEAR of. For some reasons, narcs don't fear/respect me. It's time for me for more self-reflections.
On my case, I need to learn to be fake a little bit, up to the point they will skip me. If you are the only rabbit in a groups of tigers, you don't want the tigers know you are a rabbit.
I can relate.
And being positive .
Divorced after 30 years to a narcissistic sociopath. Almost killed.
Thank you for doing this.
God bless you Foxie I m in for 23 years. Im making plans to move to a different country in Sept.
Same here 30 years of being treated like a dog. I knew I was being destroyed but unable to move out with two children and financially dependent. Finally got help and divorced and not looked back but it took every ounce of strength I had. Listening to this doctor has put everything he did in focus as I just assumed this man was selfish but now I have the definition that of narcissism. I unfortunately attract them both male and female. Thank you doctor for your concise and defining talks I am in a better place now.
meditation, nature walks, good genuine friends, doing fun and healthy hobbies like basketball and swimming, getting active, rebuilding your mind,, telling yourself it will be all right... all these techniques and more have helped me more than anything... the change starts within yourself. narcs have a good way of destroying your soul.... now is the time to take it back!
Beautifully said.
Zen philosophy and Taoism can do wonders, the same with Eye Movement Therapy and Psycho acting.
When my spouse is angry, he literally will not let me finish a sentence. If I ask to finish. he will yell, " No!" He has no understanding of the importance of reciprocity.
Then stop crying like a bitch and divorce him
SBKiller1804 eat shit.
SBKiller1804 is perfect! Here he is voluntarily showing us the narc anger Dr.Carter had explained in the video. There are a lot of narcs on this channel and those like it. Beware the temptation to get pulled into their anger and insult them back. They are impenetrable and you won’t get through to them. Worse than that, you’ll give them supply. There’s no one there to reason with. Use them to practice recognizing and exposing narc behavior patterns instead.
- Simmering annoyance and impatience
She’s dared express vulnerable painful feelings. He doesn’t have the time or patience for that. He feels nothing but disdain for other people’s pain. He’s agitated by her free and open self-expression, something he’d never allow himself.
- Plenty of unsolicited advice
Not knowing the nature of Nancy’s trauma bond or marital situation, this asshole forces his one-size-fits-all solution onto her. Because of course he knows best and she is a bitch if she doesn’t follow his way.
-Pet trigger point
She’s triggered him here because he’s recognizing himself in her husband. The discomfort this produces in him must be deflected by blaming it on her and gaslighting her about the situation.
-Primary forms of anger
Here we have insults and name-calling “crying like a bitch” and condescension, since he is speaking from above her telling her what to do.
Yep I'm hearing you
Get rid of people who have anger problems. There is no fixing it. And the suffering will never come to an end. A friend pointed out to me that when in a rotten relationship that I put up with for years, that I was 50% of the problem. And you know, I think that was true. Because I stayed. And put up with it.
Forty years ago, I would not have understood that I really needed this information, because I was SO in love. Twenty-five years ago, I desperately needed this, because I was totally confused. Five years ago, I finally acknowledged defeat and left the marriage. Thank God now for Dr. Carter's videos--they have been essential to my finally moving past all that crap.
Anne Marvin After 61 years and death, I am finally learning what I was dealing every single day.
Anne Marvin
Be appreciative of NOW!!!😉
The past is where hurt will be and the future isn't here, yet.
You deserve the very best!!
45 years for me to leave and never look back! No contact for almost two years now ! I know now what I was dealing with. Now to be victorious in getting the divorce , is my next hurdle !
I was in twenty four years. Thank God for divorce. My ex-husband was a nightmare. Freedom is sweet!
I am so thankful for Dr Cs videos. So happy I found them. I have known what I was dealing with but hearing him talk about it lets me know Im not losing my mind. Its so hard sometimes.
My deceased mother was a narcissist and my father was a selfish man. It was many years until I found this out. What a relief to finally accept what they were!
I agree. Not understanding was a difficult part of it all.
Carolyn Stine
Definitely a relief to finally understand the truth!
Though my 82 yo nmomster is still alive it is way better to know and understand the truth about what she (and my deceased codependent father) did to me. So I'm healing now and a much better person (something she hates) for it. Well considering I actually would have been a better person being raised by the right kind of parents but you work with what you've got. I have the Lord to help me through all this anger, acceptance and healing my damaged spirit. I'm getting back to being my bubbly personality that is something they absolutely HATE! It's good I live 1000 miles away!!! NC is my goal can't quite do it yet.
Gods Warrior+ It was such a blessing to read your post! I am in NC; so when your closer to move - reach out and I will find you a job if you need one. I am a NC Recruiter!! lol -- there is nowhere but up from here!! Keep smiling!!
You're such a bright light after experiencing the severe darkness with the narcissist. Thank you so much for what you bring us all, Dr. C! ♥
Exactly. Thats what I was thinking.
Until very recently, and thank to you all, I suddenly understood so many things. It was almost like an epiphany! I kept retreating.
I kept trying and trying to do what I could to avoid the explosive anger, but it was never good enough. I got the abusive bit. I got that I had done nothing to deserve it. But that it was a personality trait ..... I had no idea! I simply thought the person was difficult to live with. I thought it was a male dominance thing - simply what some men do.
While listening to your lectures, I felt as if you were speaking directly to me.
It is so unsettling to know it will never change. Mr Entitlement, Me Know All he will always be.
Yes, thank you.
The gaslighting absolutely drove me crazy for so long. Then when I confronted them, we had the silent treatment and cold wars! It's all part of their control.
Don't forget to have your own boundaries. It's one thing to try and understand their problems, and it's another to let them abuse you.
They used to scream at me that they work so much harder than me- even if they worked less or not at all. Always in a moment when I was reall exhausted by literal too much workhours.
@@justChrisjones or after a 16 hour shift. ,,come over to say ,why are you sleeping AGAIN,,MY narc always messed with me sleeping.
I believe that. Mine (my mother) used to make it a point to wake me up before 8am on Saturdays after I stayed up till 2am cleaning the house. I was nine years old.
Jael Abraham Hugs
I was having my first heart problems/panic attack from stress and couldn’t get up to prep kids for school for first time in years. I called him to plz do it just once, and that Mf’er stood over me calling me pathetic while my two kids protested. I recorded everything. CA is a state where it’s illegal to record, but my lawyer confirmed, if you are in fear of your safety or your child’s, courts may/will accept it. And yes, I was. It also is proof later for yourself should you ever doubt just how bad or clear cut the bully-victim dynamic is.
Same scenario over here, had a member who is jobless but complains that he is the only one doing the most work in repairing the flushing mechanism and he complains that he is very tired for that miniscule work, what a pos.
Be careful with this particular knowledge! I’ve seen the little boy and the little girl behind my Narcissists my whole life! It’s the very thing that kept me there. Trying to save them. Trying to rescue them. Trying to show them value. Trying to love them. Feeling sorry for them. It kept me trapped for 51 years all together. I was born into it. It’s hard to let go of 51 years with some. 50 years with others. 25 years.. 17 years.. 26 years.. These are just examples of how long I held on.. There’s more!! I have been physically disabled for 24 years. I just got the book “A More Excellent Way” by Dr. Henry Wright. My own empathy for the lost child in my Narcs caused me to lose a lifetime of peace, joy and love with fellow human beings. God Saved me! He has sustained me. I survived! 1 by 1 I got away! It took a complete nervous breakdown from the TRAUMA to wake up to each one! Hopefully I’m done having those now!! Narcissists made me sick!
I finally mustered the strength and broke ties with my narcissist. We dated for many years. The relationship became unbearable. My friends lost patience listening to my sob stories. We both are in our mid 70's. There is no hope for a narcissist. I don't know how or why he became that way. I knew his late parents from 45 years ago. Both wonderful, kind people. It's been a year since I dumped him.. Time heals.
I wish nothing but the best for you as you move forward. Dr. C
So true! They have zero purpose and meaning and hate yours.
I just found out that i have been dealing with one and im done with that deal. Sick very sick!!!!
When you've been terribly hurt by a narcissist, it's nearly impossible to see them as "hurt child" as they ride roughshod over your feelings. The most dangerous I've encountered are the passive aggressive narcs, yet stay with one long enough and watch the incredibly foolish, immature and often criminal choices they make to "preserve" their own image of themselves as somehow "superior" people. For "normal" people, time heals all wounds. For narcissists, time wounds all heels.
One last thought...sharing an experience with a narc. In a lame attempt to appear "superior" and to put down his partner by "discounting" the partner's knowledge, while taking an excursion on a Tahitian island, raw coconut was served. The narc's partner noticed there was the part of a coconut that brings on major diarrhea and cautioned the narc not to eat it. The tour people encouraged him to try it...cruel of them, too. But, with disregard for his partner's advice, valuing the advice of strangers over the partner's, he ate it....and was consequently made ill. By this time, the partner was "on to" this nonsense, and left him sick for the remainder of the cruise, thankful for the freedom and independence! Narcs do get sick...usually when their faux world is collapsing around them and their refusal to accept reality has consequences.
Let hope time wounds all heels
I'm nauseous its been so terrible
Once you corner and confront the narc about their behavior they'll go silent and start to cry. I've also noticed that they never wipe their tears, it's as if they want other ppl to notice they are the victim. They are soulless annoying devils.
Thank you.
As I understand, they never take responsibility for their actions. It is always someone else's fault. Always the victim. So confronting them seems like a waste of energy to me.
You are right about the tears 😨
Right on!...Bingo!
Not in my case, he went into a rage & attacked me relentlessly
That crying baby is sometimes exhibited by a narcissist so as to elicit sympathy from others, so I am not completely agree that all narcissists are unaware of their inner dynamics.
Well, we all cry but we don't all harm others the way they do. We make the choice to not harm others and they make the FRE-WILL CHOICE to do harm to others because they DON'T CARE. They cry, we cry..everyone is responspible for they're own behavior.
Yes the fact NARCISSISTS DO NOT take responsibility or accountability for their evil actions/deeds says a whole lot.
Blessings
I was thinking about the anger they cause in me! 🧐
I’m glad I learned that detachment is KEY before my mom died. It gave me a chance to have compassion for her brokenness as a human without throwing myself under the bus just to keep her comfort levels in check. Thank you for this!!
This is very well put. I have compassion for both my parents (my dad is deceased 3 years now). However, I refuse to make excuses for the ways they abused me any longer. It has taken me close to 51 years to come to a place of some sanity and peace in my heart.
a narcissist having a damaged soul is the best way of explaining it that I've ever heard. it's so true and goes to the very point of the problem. thank you.
what soul?
Somewhere along the line the the soul got lost
Doctor C, you are too kind! “Narcissists are a lost soul.” I call it, “the Author of Confusion.”
Suzan Vaughn,You look pretty,hope you are not with a narcissist...
@@jamesarmstrong4179 thank you, James. I left one four months ago
@@suzanvaughn4522 You are welcome dear.I am James from USA.You?
The person you just responded to has been hitting on every woman in the comment section so it’s best to ignore it.
Wow. Just wow. Light has turned on.
"I need to be in charge." This phrase hits the heart of the issue for me. The issue though is "of what?" Seems to me it is ok to demand control over one`s own life. The problem it seems to me is when someone seeks to control someone else`s life. This is another way of saying "boundaries."
Your videos are tremendously helpful and I will even say soothing. Thank you.
They sure are. So reasonable and calming reassuring. Narcs want to believe our feelings of their doing us wrong is al in our own heads not on their shoulders.
man splainer I totally agree! 💕💕
Dr. Les is VERY soothing and reassuring, isn't he?? Love him!!!! He's doing us a great service and I am eternally grateful!!! Many blessings upon you man splainer!!!!!
@@shadesofidaho Because they are mentally ill. Take pity on them.
Yes indeed Lori and thank you and bless you!
Big thank you Dr.Carter..you are a blessing to those of us dealing with the narcissist on our lifes.Ive finally reached the point of No contact and I'm good with that I was grade A supply.No longer..Peace to you all..
Thank you! Very insightful ❤
And John Robinson, Just saying? I'm SO proud of you!!! You are doing the RIGHT thing!!!! Happy mental health to you!!!!!
Way to go it is so hard to do but when you do you know that you are happier🌠
@@loribuonamici1398 thank you Lori..much appreciated..peace..
@@unpluggeddogdreams thanks ..peace..
It was only until I could see that crying child that I was able to forgive the narcissist who taught me so much about myself. It took years and years. I blamed myself for so much and now I am forgiving myself for those wrong thoughts too. With so much hurt in our lives, we need the most tools we can get to forgive, move on and be productive.
I thought for years that because I am super empathic, that I was overreacting to the narcissistic people around me. I lived ¾ of my life surrounded by these crazy people. Now I am free, living my own life and finally coming to terms with who I am as a person. I relish everyday of my freedom now. I never feel alone because being with myself is so much more calm and pleasant than all the times before. Being alone is now a gift.
Kathy Binfet,You are beautiful,you don't need a narcissist in your life.....
@@jamesarmstrong4179 Quit hitting on all the women in this section asshole.
Empaths attract loser narcissists.
Starts with anger & then can evolve into hostility & “yes” rage.
I'm trying to get out of relationship with a narcissist individual. I have known for years I needed to get out, but his anger instills fear causing me to feel trapped. I go silent when he begins to engage angrily at me because I feel helpless. I stopped trying to use reason or logical arguments when I realized I was arguing with a man who only used force, fear, manipulation and emotions to control the outcome. I feel weakened by this long-term relationship of 16 years. I am isolated feeling and embarrassed I got myself trapped. I'm working through it. This videos give me strength and helps me know I'm not alone with this battle.
Gina, I too am trying to leave a man that is a narcissist. 12 years and I’m over 60. I’m scared, all my money, I put into his home and my health and self- esteem have deteriorated. Every single promise that he made to me , every single one, he has broken. And my heart hurts. Right now I’m looking for a place to live but it’s difficult because of lack of housing ( and expense) but I’m determined. I have to let go of many possessions, and dreams but my animals are like my family. He bought me a pair of Great Danes 4 years ago when I tried to leave him now I have to go without them ( to save myself). I am very angry about that situation. This channel, Dr Carter , has been very helpful in my understanding of my SO’s behavior. Onward I go 🕊
Don't underestimate the danger of that anger and never rely on a restraining order. But get yourself some self defense training and/or a firearm to protect yourself. Don't simply stay vulnerable. You are strong enough to break free but you may have to prepare and plan carefully for a while before you can make your move. Personally, since I too am stuck for the time being I simply accepted responsibility for the failure of the marriage, denied responsibility for his happiness or lack thereof, and shamelessly refused to change my path of personal empowerment. I said "I'm sorry my strength and autonomy makes you so unhappy. But I will not change back. Deal with it." He has settled down to one narc rage per week which I flat out ignore. Best of luck. We are all with you in spirit.
@@MediaEnslavedNation Thank you
Yes, I am in the same boat with you, ladies. Married to my narc for 11 years and I am planning for escape. Sometimes I feel so drained of energy and hopeless that I think of surrender, but after a while I bounce right back and do my tiny steps of preparation. I used to be strong, healthy, independent woman, but now I am not sure if I will be able to break off and survive - the health is disappearing. On opposite, it looks like my narc is getting stronger, healthier and boulder every day.
@@ДругаяИрина Stay strong. The fact you are seeking understanding says you're not as weak as you feel. We need to believe we are strong women. Together we can find our strength!
They're toxic
Hiding behind God's Word 💯
i know somone that does just that , Hiding behind gods word ,so hipicritical
I see this alot. They have a Religious Spirit and a Form of Godliness.
Yes.
Your speaking FACTS 💯 ! I know a religious Narcissist, completely NUTS AND A HYPOCRITE!!!!
dandrea dyson I know, what’s up with that?
By all means protect your engery!! narscsist are demons, they are hurting and don't want help period..
Thank you! Blessings to you and your family!!
They could benefit from a good deliverance minister, but those are so very rare.
@@HuhisHere The effect of deliverance ministry, although authentic, turned out to be very short-lived, in the case of my former husband. I don't know how to help a narcissist change, and I don't know if they even want to, and if it is even possible.
@@dannebonaparte2213 I understand and I am sorry you had to be victimized by him. ❤ If the narcissist doesn't hate their own behavior and are not willing to live without the "benefits" of it then the demon has a legal right to stay. Sometimes the only thing left is to flee from the narcissist to protect ourselves from being targeted by the destruction narcissistic behaviour brings to innocent lives. God bless you.
eva mcinnis yes very true - they’re evil from the womb “the wicked are estranged from the womb, as soon as they’re born they go astray telling lies”-Psalm 58
Bottom line , they never seek help no cure , they don’t think anything is wrong with them so why seek help ! Run like the wind from these monsters
As far as they're concerned we must have their permission to exist, and they don't give it.
This is a sorely underappreciated comment. Thank you for writing it, I'll be thinking about this phrase for a while
Exactly! You hit the nail on the head. The narc firmly and totally believes that they own you. As far as I’m concerned the only way to deal with narcs is to get rid of them, be free of them it’s a never ending nightmare.
Walk and never look back
Head on nail 🌟
And you wait for your permission, wasting your time. After 30 years, you still haveny gotten it. You never will.
47 years of marriage and I am learning so much from you. I have grown stronger and wiser but nothing heals that trait. They don't hear you.
Tone deaf. Dr. C
Wow...I live with this everyday. Makes me feel like I’m insane at times! 😳
Run away, before you start to feel insane ALL of the time....run!
You're only remedy is to rid yourself of them once and for all! Do it fast and quietly! And never, ever look back!
They want you to feel like your going insane and forever doubting yourself. That makes them feel in control and have the upper hand. I’m speaking from experience and it’s horrible.
@@bonniecat2918 I'm going through this now. With small children involved. I left the state because I felt I wasn't ok there especially being he was the only person I knew in that stat. I took our youngest with me who was exclusively breastfed. Judge just ordered me to return baby to the state. I can't go back there I know it would destroy me mentally. And I have a 7 year old. That is not his that is in school I can't mentally destroy him to. And pull him out of school right now its the end of the school year. I'm fighting this fight;hurting so bad calling on god ready to give up.
Agreed I feel your exact pain and struggle. But with children involved.
I saw that child and hate his mother for what she did. Can't change it but I understand now.
Im sorry we feel the same way. Im awful lonely facing this experience. Thank you for relating to me!
"does any of that sound familiar" yes!
Dr. Carter, you have hit every nail on its head, and now I am absolutely certain that my family member is a seasoned narcissist. I surprised myself months ago, when this person was cursing and screaming at me. I put my hand up, after extending my arm fully, and said, "Stop." As this person continued, I pointed to the door and said, "There's the door." I didn't yell. I didn't threaten. I didn't curse. I was in control. That person didn't say another word, and just found the door and left. Thank you for these very informative videos. Your detailed approach/reaction examples are SO HELPFUL!!!
It took me 20 years to escape the narcissistist I was married to. Life can be so much better. The narcissist will never change.
Does any of that sound familiar?
Very familiar!
True, so very true, every word you spoke! 😭😭😭Dr. Carter you are gifted by God in your knowledge of this serious mental condition. You are also gifted in “your delivery” of your help messages. A million thanks again to you!! I am trapped in an inescapable situation, but you are helping me, teaching me, to survive. Thank you for this remarkable help for me. God bless you!!!
The most important thing to my narc stbx wife is her public personna. If she loses face then the anger and rage come roaring out. It's pathological fear of rejection but the very things she does to counter these fears end up creating the rejection they fear. Loss of Face is like Garlic to a Vampire. It's v sad. With my wife it really is: "all about me". She's never wrong and never sorry, ever.
Spindrifter Oh, Spindrifter, I agree totally...”a pathological fear of rejection...& never wrong, never sorry.” Their psyche does not allow them to “know how” to be sorry; they can’t feel it, unfortunately. Over the decades of our marriage, I was so naive, completely unknowing, about NPD while struggling to make sense of his ‘off the edge’ behavior. But thanks to Dr. Carter & the internet, I have pieced together the puzzle & am breathing again. Very heartbroken that he won’t be able to change his persona. Sad for my own psyche on the days he has episodes (which is nearly everyday.) Learning to detach in a healthy, safe, way without ruffling his feathers is difficult. But my mental health is in a better place, thanks to Dr. Carter. Aside from the tears & difficulties, Dr. Carter is so “spot on” in his talks I sometimes chuckle and ask myself, “Does he personally know my husband?” I was clueless that a traumatic childhood could be a critical factor in these individuals. I can’t change what happened to him as a little boy. All I want is for him to be a nice, kind, respectful, and caring adult that is “even keeled.” Over the years I was waiting for this adult man to “grow up.” Dr. Carter has helped me to realize that’s not going to happen. Sadly, he will always remain an injured little boy lashing out at the world (and his family.) 😞Spindrifter, I do hope your situation improves. Blessings.
I split up with my wife at the start of the year. I am living with my brother while I pick up the pieces. Just found out in this last week she's seeing another guy. I am in bits. I suspected a year ago she was cheating but I placed my trust in her and gave her the benefit of the doubt. 10 years we've been together and she just carries on like nothings happened. I feel like the garbage that took itself out. Knowing she has a disorder doesn't make it any easier cos she still knows cheating is just plain wrong. I hope you find peace butterfly
I can’t thank you enough for your videos. I’m healing little by little from the deep wounds from my narcissist mother. I moved to different country in my 20s for my education and to escape from her control. She blamed me for that. I got married and have two kids, and she blamed me for that, too. I can’t share any good things happening in my life with her, her mindset is that if she is suffering so much, why can I be happy. She is comfortable financially and in good health, but she is not happy. If I pretend to be miserable when I talk with her on the phone, she seems to be nicer toward me. If I just be myself and be happy, she criticizes everything including my kids and my husband. She seems to have endless hatred in her heart. I’m confused, horrified and tormented every time I talk to her. When I don’t talk to her for a while, I’m my happy self. I am in my 40s and finally learned that it’s not me who has problems after watching many of your videos. I feel relieved and liberated! I’m learning and healing everyday. I know I’ll grow and be strong. Thank you, Dr. Les Carter!
Yes my Mother went into a rage because of a broken vacuum cleaner. She said “Your character is on trial” regarding me fixing it. I refused to respond and the vacuum cleaner is still broken. It sounds utterly ridiculous but that is a day in the life with a narc. I detach and act like I am watching a movie. A badly written one.
So, so sorry Catherine.
Catherine Wood no your character has nothing to do with her
Good image Dr. Les. I used to use a photo of my Dad when he was a little boy to help me understand that this little boy was hurt and abused. I have used this technique in the past for many difficult people. However, now that I am dealing with some of these people again, I have forgotten this. Thanks for the reminder. I am going to start praying for these people again, but also to ask for my own center of integrity so that I don't react in ways that make me feel bad about myself
I understand. When you're raised to pity poor sick behavior to survive your parent you are trained to allow anyone's mental illness in this way. It really was a pathetic rip off of our childhood. This video sums in all up in 15 minutes. I see now why I wasted 40 years and 2 relationships. Those are the crumbs my adopted mother gave me. Shame shame shame on Them for that. Garbage is the most accurate term for it all isn't it. We are do lucky to have witnessed this video.
I think that is the most important lesson I have to learn. I remind myself of Dr. Carter's motto of dignity, respect and civility ...so I don't become like the Narc.
Or, if someone is more of a covert narcissist, instead
of raging, they might keep changing the subject and talking
point to trap you into a circular argument.
They might dance around the actual point like a politician.
Steven Li yes yes yes
There is no point. They shift the dialog to distract so nothing can ever be resolved or even acknowledged. And then when you bring the subject back to their point, they obfuscate and can't understand why you are so stupid.
*Yes, exactly. Actually politicians are normally narcissists. It is rare when one is there to serve others; most are there to serve themselves. Look at Trump.*
The hamster wheel
We can only control ourselves. Self-mastery will help soooo much when dealing with an angry partner/family member. Not reacting back in anger is what I have found to help diffuse the situation immensely. Thank you for these amazing videos.
Marla Martenson,I admire your lovely smile
yes exactly! The times ive argued/debated back, the familiy member got 100% worse.
@@jamesarmstrong4179 Awww, thanks so much!
I've recently found out that I might be a narcissist. So I took an NPI test only to find the results scary. I've become a monster and I realize that I have. I'm desperately trying to become a better person and after watching this video I'm starting to see a horizon. The way he's explaining everything is absolutely amazing. He not only councils the victims of narcissism but also the narcissist themselves. This was a fresh piece of criticism that I've been looking for. Others on RUclips attack how we're all just mean and selfish, but for a narcissist seeking help on how to be a better person. I could see myself being helped by this doctor.
Thankyou so so much!
I don’t know if you’ll see this comment a year later but I am hoping you are doing well?
I understand. But,I'm gone.Your work is very good and helpful to me.I appreciate your practice.
crying child or cunning demon? it's hard to say. For sure though, as long as you think of them as a crying child they'll never give up on trying to manipulate you.
I think detaching emotionally is a good way to handle it. But so difficult to do!
They are frustrated they lack full control of you.
I agree they are demons out to destroy GODS children.
Narcissists belong to Satan.
Blessings
@@mariepichler2758
Get away from.
The bible STATES under timothy to avoid.
Narcissists are lovers of themselves and care nothing about anyone else.
Blessings
@@ronfirek5824 I think in the end we are all human beings and love is the power that connects us all. Narcissists are great teachers. They are here to teach us how to love ourselves and how to stand up for ourselves. If we are willing to change and willing to become better people. They are not evil, just very broken people.
@@mariepichler2758
These are kind words of you.
Many have committed suicide over such NARCISSIST.
Nothing taught there.
I believe NARCISSISTS ARE satans children very evil wicked and demonic.
Alot of children have gone through horrific things and hold onto SINCERITY.
I believe when NARCISSIST was abused they grew a great hate inside them where demons entered.
Blessings
"Hey, you're making a good point!" Yeah, I don't think I've heard that in 3 decades....
its like they try to turn you into them by being mean and hateful .
My boyfriend gets really upset when I have a different opinion then his. It's his way or no way..
You feel like you have to explain your assistance to a narcissist Thank you for this golden advice.
The narc will stomp and pout like someone stole milk money . They feel a need to get loud and leave . First they will make sure your hurt and and feel down. They are the opposite of an encouraging friend.
So true “ they are a lost soul”
With all due respect, Dr. Carter .....
The problem with imagining a narcissist crying as a hurt little boy or girl is that covert narcissists often actually DO THAT in front of you. Sometimes in hysteria.
And, yes, it may be coming from a deep seething pit of undissolved inner pain and irrational shame in his or her interiority.
Unfortunately, this actual crying often simultaneously serves a dual function which includes even more layered and nuanced presentations of covert emotional manipulation.
The unaware empath is in grave danger here of being siphoned back into deeper enmeshment with one who is mired in the tomb of this type of personality structure.
Who wouldn’t want to help someone, especially if the empath does not know the nature of that which is actually presenting?
Moreover, the more high-functioning covert narcissists present AS IF they themselves have a “sense of purpose” and (at least initially) as if he or she is someone who is “good, and kind, and helpful.” That again adds to a false sense of camaraderie with covert narcissists.
Thank you for your contributions and videos in adding to the unwinding of the massive danger and hurt-infliction of covert narcissism and its pernicious effects on victims.
SkyFlying333 My husband acts like the nicest guy you could ever meet around other people. We live in a very small town and he is known all around town as a really nice guy. I have people say to me, " Your husband is so nice." And he is a great guy to other people. He will go out of his way to help a friend, or be especially friendly even to strangers. But, it's all about what he wants others to think about him. Our house has to be immaculate, the yard has to be the most manicured yard in town, the cars are kept spotless, all the outward appearances have to be to his specifications. In our private home lives though, none of us can live up to his standards. He is critical of pretty much anything I do. I don't know how many times I've said to him, " Nothing's ever good enough for you." Our children are grown adults and he still tries to control them. It doesn't work on them anymore thank goodness. The main way he controls me is through money, guilt, and blame. He has always controlled every penny of money, even when I was working, he demanded that every dime of my paycheck was allocated to all of the necessities like groceries, clothes for everyone, all prescriptions, cleaning supplies, all toiletries for everyone in the house, all pet food and supplies, birthday gifts for all, wedding presents, Christmas presents, even furniture, rugs, curtains, anything that he could make me pay for to keep me broke. I left him after I had a nervous breakdown when my youngest child was an infant. They carted me away to the hospital and admitted me to the in patient mental health facility. I was not allowed to have a visitor until the suicide watch time was up for a number of days ( never ever contemplated suicide then because of my children), which was procedure. When my husband was finally allowed to visit me his first words out of his mouth was, "How the hell do you expect me to pay for this!!! " He was so mad that I had cost him so much inconvience and money, and had embarrassed. But when I served him with divorce papers and a restraining order at work, he was furious!! I had to do the restraining order because I knew he would be dangerously angry! I had encountered his rage enough to know better. Since he was allowed to get the kids every other weekend, he used them to get back at me. He started telling them that it was all my fault, that I wanted the divorce, that I was mentally unstable. The kids started turning against me and were angry at me all the time. He then started calling me and telling me that no judge would give me custody of the kids because I was mentally unstable. It worked!! He cried and promised he would change. I took him back. And the whole time we were separated, his main focus was, you're not going to take my home and things I've worked so hard for away from me. Even our friends were surprised that his main complaint was him losing his things. One of his friends even confronted him and asked him if he loved me and the kids because he didn't ever mention losing us, just his material possessions. My health went crazy for years after I took him back. I have , developed all kinds of autoimmune disorders such as Lupus, and hypothyroid due to Hashimoto's, hypertension, angina, had miscarriage and then a complete hysterectomy, severe allergies, gout, osteoarthritis, Reynaurds Syndrome, had a heart attack, and am now dealing with a protein that can cause bone cancer, so I am monitored for that frequently, also have been treated for years for osteoporosis by IV medications, and now have a liver problem. However, I am grateful to have found this information. My husband was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder shortly after we got back together. He did go see a therapist because that was one of the things I made him agree to. However he only went a few times and then stopped because he didn't agree with his therapist. But now I know that his real diagnosis should have been narcissist. Maybe if he had stayed with the counseling she would have figured that out. I am very grateful to have some of this information. At least I know I'm not as crazy as my husband would like me to think. Of course all our problems have always been because I am not stable. And I have felt that way many times. I have gotten so out of control many times trying to argue with him. He pushes every button I have at times and I wind up screaming at him, or slamming doors, or cursing like a drunken sailor. Then I do feel like I'm crazy. In the past several years though, I have learned not to let him push me to that state of mind. Hopefully, these video's will help me to find some peace of mind, as well as some coping skills🤗 Prayers to all who are dealing with this issue😇
@@lindawhite8416 -- Please lady, it's never too late to get your life back! From the sound of it, you have put your entire life in your husband's hands and he has turned you into a pitiful shell of a human being. Reclaim your life NOW and resolve to live free from your husband's crushing spirit.
SkyFlying333 -- I agree with you. I have been abused and life-raped in just such a manner by a covert narc. The good doc is setting people up to be marks, abused by covert narcs.
When they're angry, they're the hurt child underneath. When they're crying, they are merely manipulating you.
My experience, the sobbing is real- I mean, snot and swollen red eyes, emotional wreck.
And now I understand it’s him grieving everything he loses, the chaos he created all around him. So he sits by himself with no direction or comfortable place to fall. But not for long, his misery will find company soon enough.
Growing up having one of these poeple as a parent, I always said there was only one true emotion that I saw and that was anger. The under current of anger was always there whether you could see it or not....you could always feel it's presence.
Once you get to the "inner" layer of narcissist in your lives, you might actually surprise how shallow and childish they are..you wake up to a fact that you have been trying to communicate with a desperate 4-5 year old child all the time. It is really like that. They hate that, being exposed and you seeing how powerless they are, be careful because they might become violent at that point.
Hurt people hurt other people. I feel compassion and deep sadness for persons behaving in such a destructive manner. I now chose to avoid anyone who acts like this.
GC Sinclaire,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist....
Why do narcs say they're alone when they have all the friends and supportive family members babying them ....just weirdos
Tough Shit yes they have a ton of supply friends and I have very few
They really are alone because majority of those friends and family members can’t see who they really are. They only see the lie (facade) the Narc gives off. That’s why they’re alone. They’re alone because they hide they’re true identity. In society there are allot of people who are naive to a Narc personality. The personality is inhuman and controversial to what’s considered moral.
They're the only person in their world.
💯👌🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 my partner always complains of not having fam or friends care about him but every time he sees them it's usually initiated by them. Even the phone calls and txt msg. He doesn't put much effort in at all but moans that same story everytime he hasn't seen anyone for a while 😴😴😴
Sunshine Godschild It’s bc they are (fake) charmers. It’s also bc they’ve possibly smear campaigned their ‘friends’ against you. Keep in mind that their relps are shallow, though. Or Narcissistic harems.
What was so difficult for me was he would be good to me for a while until I did something minor that he did not approve of or he got offended by something.
He would explode and scream at me.
Then other times he would just cry and sob about what others have done to him. He cried more towards the end of the relationship because he knew I would not put up with the yelling anymore.
But it always came back to his anger toward me. Judging my choices, doubting my illnesses. There was no real feelings toward me, only how my illness effected him. no empathy. If I did not do all that he thought that I should have, I would get sarcasm and scrutiny.
Subtle belittling and demeaning words.
Sounds like yet another Male loser and control freak. The prisons are filled with men like like this and women have emotional issues they cant control? Lol lol forever on this one. Proud to be female. Men are the weaker of the sexes by FAR. Muscles dont mean crap boys....the male ego is absolutely uncontrollable. Its destroyed the whole world....
Lori B so sorry ... take care of yourself u are deserving of it
Tell a narc you have them figured out and watch them defy and deny every thing you say. Mine is determined to remain a mystery her entire life and if I seem to be solving any part of that mystery, I am soon met with anger, denial and all sorts of other tactics to throw me off the scent. Just a giant hurt child is what she is and never ever wants me or herself to see it.
A huge waste of you're precious life, she is....they all are a waste of a human.
Agreed. When I told him what he was, after him matching 27 out of 30 traits, screamed at me "No I'm not. Everyone in the world is a narcissist. Everyone is only concerned about what they want. It's not just me" I'm done, I'm out after 3 years and an engagement. But now I'm a shred of my former self
Sometimes the little narcissist will opportunistically turn the tables and accuse someone they are mind stuffing, by reversing the script back. One can be accused of being abusive; just because one is trying to communicate and connect. A very weird game play that !
My Narc insisted that I was abusing him by objecting to his abusing me! Wow!
Covert Narcissists tend to do that, they are the worst type specially when they are malignant, they actually are similar to psychopaths.
I recently read about immaturity.
"The narc is only two days past born".
Pretty close to what they look and act like. Lol
Thank you so much for giving your heartfelt words of wisdom. I listen to your videos whenever I need a reality check. It is so hard to acknowledge the corrosiveness of these people. Their lives are truly tragic as they are empty of goodness. They do not build but lay waste. I had always thought that 'love will conquer all' but now at 62 I understand that I cannot save everyone and that my prime responsibility is to protect my integrity. I keep all my ex narcissist emails and texts just in case I should falter and start to gloss over their destructive meanness.
I always wanted to agree to disagree he never would abide by that! I couldn’t understand. He was very impatient with me, but oh boy I better be patient with him!! He had a bag full of trigger points! He would yell, demean, insult, I could never win, or get through to him, oh yes he would threaten and punish me too!
I feel your pain. I feel your frustration. And I wish you well.
Remember, it is him, not you.
Scott Oefinger thanks good luck to you too, for years he had me questioning myself, I actually would call my friends give them the absurd scenario that took place to see if I was right feeling like I did, I didnt even trust my gut anymore. What a freeking mess they turn us into. Again thanks and wish you luck
I give my narc the silent treatment more and more every day. He is such a jerk.
Been there
@@likemike23100 me too for 10yrs he had me convinced I was the problem. Nothing I could do was right . Scolding upon scolding for things as petty as putting the toilet paper roll facing the 'wrong' way!!! I found videos about narcissism and it was like that part in the Wizard of Oz when it goes from black and white to color. I now know it has nothing to do with me that gives me some piece of mind but the pain and sorrow still makes my heart ache. I started calling my narc out using the language I learned in these videos. He went absolutely nuts the first time I called him a narcissist I thought he might spontaneously combust!!! I've heard in some videos not to expose them for what they are I'm not exactly sure why I did it but the reaction was priceless. I was discarded about a week later he couldn't handle being found out I guess the truth hurts people that are living a lie. I know am familiar with the empath/narcissist dynamic and I'm trying to slowly but surely heal from all the abuse I've been receiving for most of my life. Thank you for all the information and advice I know I'm not alone and that there is life after narcissistic abuse! 💛🌞🌻🌠🦋🎁🌈🍀💎🎰
Your videos help me a lot to understand and cope with the narcissist I’m married to for 16 years. Always knew there was something wrong with his character; he is constantly impatient & criticizes every careless driver on the road, grocery, public place. Now it’s very clear to me. It’s a constant struggle and challenge. Thank you again.
So, when are you leaving? It doesn't get any better. For me, married at 16 years, I had no clue to "what" was the problem. I just thought he was fukkkin' nuts. It took me another 10 years to realize my emotional and physical health was being compromised. I now have a couple autoimmune diseases that I will have for the rest of my life, plus PTSD. Please consider to get all of your ducks in a row financially and make sure you make copies of everything. Get the hell out and don't waste any more of YOUR precious time. Life is too short. (If you are in a marriage less than 10 years and reading this, you might want to stay with him for social security benefits for when you are older. It might work to your advantage.
@@Kathleen5429
Nothing is worth losing your sanity over.
Blessings
BooHoo! Let them cry.... they will tear your down just because!
They are incapable of seeing themselves for who they are no matter how much love understanding empathy you give them..... Run
from these types of people like your life depends on it. It does.
Just learning now how close to death my narc pushed me to, 3 years later. And im not out of the woods yet.
I agree with you 100%. My narcissist is definitely damaged goods and messed up on so many levels. Trying to stay "on top" is her way of coping. It's a terrible battle and she is not a happy person. Although she is the one creating relational chaos through anger, threats, manipulations, and control, she believes that everyone is out to get her. A sorry state really! Feeling sorry for her is what has kept me in her grip for so long, at my own expense. At 53, I finally divorced my mother because my health was being affected by her poison and verbally aggressive behaviour.
The one I know seems to have seething anger just below a boil all of the time and the slightest word or event will set it off and once it's unleashed it is frightening.
He knows what he's doing. He knows he hurts me. Its not an accident. Even when it's not deliberate, which it often is, he just doesn't think it is as important as whatever he's feeling or what he wants. Even as he learns what a narc is he still tries to gaslight me into believing in the narc and he's the codependent. Its like there's a short circuit in what he learns about the condition and what is evident in our behavior. I think he's trying to internalize it and add it to his false self.
Immature seems synonymous with this person you describe as the narcissist.
More perhaps...undeveloped.
It goes deeper than that
Stuck at 2 year old tantrum stage FOREVER! Plus it does go deeper than that for many its on the satanic spiritual world type deeper evil. That's where their main goal is to destroy anyone that dares step outside that box they want to keep them in, and sometimes their desire is literal, they can be dangerous! My nmomster threatened to MURDER me! And pretty much has written me out of her will. Their goal is to make you suffer even from beyond the grave! That's EVIL!
It's much deeper than just immature, but immature is a start.
The Narc is an self absorbed entitled demonic monster.
I told my child that God did not have to make a devil to torment me, I have you for a daughter. And I meant every bit of that statement.
@@dogcomb47 It's no wonder to me that a child who was told that has problems.
@rj zander If they are dangerous. Think "of mice and men." have you read it? A retarded man accidentally kills a woman but she is no less dead for his lack of malice. And narcs don't lack malice.
I told her that when she was 38 years old. After all the ugly things she said to me. and after 2 1/2 years of her treating me badly. while I bit my tonge and said nothing just so I could be with my grandson. @@linbat6148
@@dogcomb47I thought you meant you had told that to a young child.
A narcissist supervisor did not want a crew that was capable, as much as he wants a crew that he can shape to fit his thinking. He wants credit for all success and a scapegoat for any mistakes.
carefulcarpenter So true about ALL narcissists!!!!
@@annachrissy4874 Do you have a story to support this?
So true!
We've recently unmasked one who has a complete crew. Truly she must have over a thousand folk believing her lies who are part of her hobby.
carefulcarpenter I do. I do contract work for a business that has two teams. One team is run by an outrageous, fully blown narcissist, who cares about nothing than belittling each and every team member about something. The criticisms are EXTREMELY sharp, and deeply cutting, and they come out of no where. One minute, we are having an intellectual group conversation about how to solve a difficult problem, and out of no where, this supervisor will literally blast someone about a real or perceived safety infraction that doesn’t have anything to do with the project or the people involved, but they are scapegoated for it. I’m telling you, it is outrageously BIZARRE!!!!!! If you watch closely, you can see the narcissist’s eyes change, and his demeanor goes into an extremely sharp and condescending mode. In reality, I think he gets super nervous about the tasks at hand, and his lack of confidence and self ego shakes his inner being, and he then lashes out like he’s been taken by demons.
The other team is run by a great guy...but he has let an overt narcissistic help run the paperwork. Given a little time, the team lead will have a massive knife plunged into his back. He’s already hard at work destroying the team, and will make sure that the lead is destroyed and left for dead.
Wow! Knowing the cry behind the rage breaks my heart that a parent would do this to their child. So so sad. Thank U Dr. Carter for your insight, & your ability to communicate this to us so well.
Becky Griffith,You look gorgeous,hope you are not with a narcissist....
This solves the mystery of why, at first, I am so mad and after a few days of mental upset, I suddenly don’t care. It is accepting the good with the bad. After awhile the bad outweighs the good and you move on to the next narcissist. When they are good, they are very good, and when they’re bad their horrible.
Thank you so much for your work Dr. Carter. Your weekly videos have become an integral part of my ongoing healing process. You are one of the best out there, if not THE best!
THIS IS SO HELPFUL..I JUST BROKE UP WITH MY KIDS DAD TODAY AND THIS IS HIS PERSONALITY TO A T... I FEEL SO DRAIN AFTER DEALING WITH HIM AND IVE BEEN TOO GOOD TO HIM FOR YEARS. TO ONLY HAVE.MY TIME WAISTED.
Delaw2 xoxo so sorry May your future be bright with love and joy and new adventures stay strong love your inner child🌷🌷🌷
What ive learned from these videos is when your calm and another person starts to upset you for no reason just avoid them, dont even waste your time trying to figure out their personality.
'What's wrong with you?!' That is repeated over and over again to my 4 year old grandchild.
Blaming and acting like the victim with the child. Makes me sick.
Barbara Shahin,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist....
Their crying is pathetic and FAKE like a crocodile tears, and I DON'T feel sorry for them.. NO mercy..
I do feel pity for them. But yes, no mercy!
I've been calling the tears from narcissistic people in my life crocodile tears for years. It's fake and a front to get others to feel sorry for them. Especially when they get called on their words and behaviors. I'm mediately they go into victim stance when they were the ones with predatory and toxic behaviors
I know this only too well!!!!
Yellow West nmNOTwanted Amen to that
They are PATHETIC. I also, don't feel sorry for them and what they've sown they will reap. Good for them.
I look forward to this. I feel like their anger comes from a hurt child deep inside them. Another theory I got is, anger is a easier " go to" emotion then using patience, or concern. Empathy and Caring take maturity. Your thoughts, Dr. Carter?
You're spot on. Your thoughts will be echoed in this video. Dr. C
Sherri M 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾💖💖💖
I really wonder if you're someone who checks all the boxes... looks, status, high functioning in every manner. Just the complete total package if they will look and play the part of being wonderful because they know they can't get anything better? I truly think this would be the case. Would I want such a person...lord no.
I also feel they project their anger--actually their shame and fear of that shame being discovered--onto "lesser" beings in order to avoid feeling their own pain. They're shameless in their avoidance of responsibility--thus their own suffering--and would much rather it be YOU that feels the pain for them! And yes, they never learned how to express their true feelings and emotions, so anger is the immature person's default mode. The narc I deal with said his parents "never talked", thus never modeled appropriate communication skills. So the "hurt child" is running the show, only the narcissist is not aware of it, and will tend to deny they had any problems as a child--even to the point of idealizing their parent(s) and saying what a happy childhood they had. (Don't you know it's YOU that has the problem??)
@@GnosticGuru Your narc and my narc are cut from the same cloth, lol! The level of denial I've seen is bewildering, especially coming from someone who is highly intelligent in many other ways.
Thank you Dr Les! I love how you bring us back to how we can act with dignity and integrity whilst having compassion for the narcissist. Your videos have been helping me tremendously.
They have no sense of purpose...so very true!
Definatly gained from listening to such a great man on these issues. He helps save lives, cannot thank Dr Carter enough. From Nancy in manchester, England thankyou X❤
My kids and I have been the target of my ex narcissist husband abusive rage. Of course he caused the situation, then blames us for it and runs away playing the victim
That's what they do: my narc is getting meaner, more verbally abusive as the days go on. I have tried every which way to make him happy, and he got meaner and more critical of me. I've been with him 2 and a half years. I pray to God to help me not hate him.
@@janyager2854 They only become more emboldened as time goes on. Mean today, genuinely threatening your safety tomorrow.
@@janyager2854 well two words..... Good luck.
I nearly cried when you spoke of the rage, insults, not listening... I've just ended my 10 year marriage because of the threats - verbal and physical intimidation. No contact despite his offer to do the marriage counseling I asked for some years ago & a men's behaviour change program. Too little, too late as I'm done giving to his taking.
Caro Todd good.leave him and enjoy your new free life!!😀😀👍😃👍👍
Caro Todd I have just ended a relationship with a very angry man of 56 ...when he couldn’t get his way he would start shouting me down calling me a c**t .... swearing at me ...he would start leaving ..crashing and banging at midnight ....breaking things trying to intimidate and scare me with this bullying behaviour.... it’s not just me ...I saw him nearly loose control once with his parents when his dad wanted to go and visit his sister who according to him was a bigger c** t than me 😂😂😂 probably because he couldn’t manipulate her either ....he didn’t want the dad spending time with his sister ... so he lost it and went mad shouting at his poor parents swearing telling them if they didn’t do what he said he was leaving and not coming back ... if I’d have been his mum and dad I would have let him go ... but they didn’t ....they pandered to his anger & the dad didn’t go .... he had his way .... his mum was so embarrassed .... so was his poor old dad ...so was I .... yep swearing insults threats shouting you down ... yep chaos was caused it’s very bad and very unfair ... no they can’t talk normally .... he’s just told me to look at videos concerning narcissistic behaviour .... so I can see where I AM GOING WRONG .....😂😂😂OMG ....well it describes him to a T..... I wish I would have watched this before he moved in .... would have saved me a lot of heartache .... I’ve never known anything like it in my life ..... I hope I never see it again
Elle Smith So glad you have got out Ellie. I did after more than 30 years. It is wonderful to live without the fear of walking an endless minefield. I hope your ex's parents find the strength and support to 'let him go'. Enjoy your future!
I was married to a narcissist, wish I had your messages back then. Definitely is helpful and healing gaining this understanding-explained so well. I have my peaceful, loving, fun life back since I refused to let that narcissist back into my life.
I always turn to Dr. Carter when narcissists appear in my life. He always helps!
Staying calm and focused is difficult when a Narcissist is being very angry, but it's very important to be detached from that anger, and be able to emotionally step back. Thanks for this one Les.
Yes...you have to emotionally unhook, and I realize it is easier said than done. Dr. C