Can a ~Bisexual~ Call Themselves Gay? | LESBIAN VS BISEXUAL
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- Опубликовано: 1 июл 2024
- Can someone who identifies as bisexual also call themselves gay? This is the question. Use my code FENDER for 50% Off 1 item + Free Shipping in the US & Canada here: adamandeve.com *some exclusions apply
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Taking Gay Internet Quizzes Video: • Finding Out How Gay We...
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↠ If you made it all the way to the bottom of this description comment 'I'M GAY!' on this video!! 
Развлечения
As a bisexual I like Thomas Sanders quote: "Could be gayer."
*slides a $20*
Make it gayer
You are enough with any identity you have you dont need to be gayer.
@@lavender_evie True, but I technically could be gayer. Ever since I saw his T-shirts I though of them as a great, funny way to express myself. Because I am gay, but I still could be gayer. Not should be, but I could be.
well well. how the turn,, tables.
😂😂😂 looking for these comments
I was looking through her other recent videos and I was like WELL whAt do we have HeRE
Bahahaha I just spat out water
Same lmaoo
I know it’s a small thing, but when you said “if I was with a woman or a non-binary person” it caught me off guard because I’m just not used to being even acknowledged as a non-binary person. It brought very surprising tears of joy to my eyes. Thank you.
chtal292 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Wow she was talking to you? Geeeeez you’re famous now.
As someone who’se bi, I’ve thought “Wow I’m so gay” when I felt extremely attracted to another woman. It would feel weird to say “bisexual” since that word has to do with the attraction of both men and women and if if I’m only attracted to a woman in that moment, why would I bring in the idea of attraction to men? Ya know? I also kinda see gay as being a bit of an umbrella, for example, a lot of people still use the words “gay community” to mean people who are gay, bi, etc.
You said it so much better than me lol. I think bi people are also gay obviously but if I was just meeting you I'd want to know if you were gay or bi outright to avoid confusion
Omg that’s such a great explanation! I never really thought it through in that way but it completely fits how I feel in that kind of situation. I’m only referring to one facet of my attraction in a particular moment and I don’t want to bring in another that isn’t relevant at the time.
Yes yes yes!
But does bi have to mean the attraction of both men and women in a particular moment? I respect you're use of 'gay' in situations like this, and I admit to doing that as well, but I guess i've begun to wonder whether me labelling moments where i'm very attracted to one binary gender as 'gay' or 'straight' is propagating the myth that bi people can only really be or feel bi if they like more than one gender simultaneously. Like if I were to monogamously date a woman (being a woman myself) almost every moment of that relationship could be labelled 'gay' by this logic (since it would involve me loving/being attracted to/living life as a woman with another woman) but I would protest against other people saying me or my relationship is 'lesbian'. Same if I was with a guy and being called straight.
Not at all attacking you, and you're totally free to use language in whatever ways makes you feel comfortable - I'm just curious to see how bi people think about this and how it may or may not be related to erasure. Like if we say that bi people are still bi regardless of their relationship status, then could we be erasing ourselves by labelling our feelings according to the binary instead of taking singular attraction to women in a moment as part of the overall bi experience?
@@Lisa_Flowers I feel the same way. I feel that erasure as a bi woman married to a man. I'm only out to a few people so most people don't know I'm bi. I don't know why it matters because I'm very happy in the "straight" relationship, but it's starting to feel like it matters.
In the words of the great Kristen Steward : "I'm like sooo gay, dude !"
Marion D. I thought about that after watching this
I see u everywhere!!
Hey Marion, hope you are having a good day. (I've watched a few videos from "our" community and didn't see a comment from you, so I started to worry.) [RUclips should *really* let me have all of the Marion D. comments at the top of the comment section, as direct messages aren't a thing anymore.]
@@recklessroges what
Marion D. Kristen Stewart is the love if my life
This video is so gay
Alayna Joy wait same
Just like me
Only half gay
I’m bisexual/half gay 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈O_O
You said it hun
I would also agree that "gay" is an umbrella term most of the time, that's how I've always heard it used anyway.
Homosexuality is an umbrella
Bisexuality is its own umbrella.
@@somethingclever8916 exactly. but, so r the guys (usually married) who dress like women but are straight and talk masculine. Another individual umbrella. I'm not tlkn about the men that get sex changes cuz they usually go with guys, same with women. But hey it takes a lot of different people (minus the assholes) :) to make this world so great. 👍
not in the year 2020
y0un355 it is in 2021 tho :)
"its not two and a half gays it's just, three gays"
character development
Tori Muskequeer has been right all along though and I still vote for it
@@lilimo1384 History will look favourably upon your comment, (and I hope the 3 Muskequeers ride again.)
My thoughts: As a gay woman, I use the term “gay” as an umbrella term to refer to anyone who is attracted to someone of the same gender. However, I more commonly use “queer” as I think it is more inclusive in that it refers to anyone who is not straight (so this includes asexuality). I also think there is something to be said of using “bisexual” when specifically referring to a bisexual person/bisexual people as this helps fight bi erasure, but I have no problem with using gay as a more general term to refer to some one who is bi/pan/etc.
I thirst for more I Don't Bi It episodes Alayna 😭
pastyginger Same!!!!! Definitely need more episodes!!!
such a terrible tragedy that she is no longer bisexual and had joined the homosexu- I mean heterosexual side now that she is engaged to a male ;) 😭😭😭 her bisexuality will be dearly missed
@@hannahsaderholm5985 dot dot dot The plot thickens....
@@hannahsaderholm5985 damn gal, is that the famous fay astrology I've heard about over and over ?
you knew
i think people being against using words as umbrella terms come from the fear of losing an accurate word for their identity. words change meanings so often and so quickly, meaning there’s a fear that if enough people - whose experience differs from the strict definition of the word - begin to identify as that word, the word then takes on a whole new meaning. if this word then starts to describe this different experience, the meaning of the word broadens, and people who fit the strict definition then don’t have an accurate way to describe themselves.
i have no idea if that made sense, but i honestly see it from both points of view. and i especially agree that if the person means no harm they should not be treated as if they do. respect everyone and let people live and be comfortable
this actually makes so much sense! I'd never thought of it that way, but I've no doubt many people are attached to gay as their specific word and might not like it being used to describe such a broad swathe of experiences since the details of it are more narrow and personal to them. Thanks for sharing!
Finally some truth up in here.
this video hits different after her latest video
So True
I’m straight and I try to be as educated as possible so I really appreciate these series!
awww you are a great ally!
Im proud of you
That's super cool of you. We need our Allies! You are very appreciated :D
I've seen the near opposite of the poster you described
I'm 0% gay, 0% straight, 100% bisexual
I like that one better
I'm bi and love calling myself gay, I haven't been policed for it (yet?) and I feel secure enough in my bisexuality that I feel I can comfortably use it. But if someone else called themselves gay I would probably assume they're homosexual......weird bias there. btws always love videos with Bree (and willow, she's my crush 💔)
But what about bi/pan erasure and the really strong need of bi/pan visibility? Self labelling is not the same as being erased/labelled by other people but still, if you are not monosexual and use terms that are generally understood as describing monosexual orientation, it participate to this invisibilisation. But of course, I'm not trying to force or prevent someone to use or not use a term to label themselves, more giving my opinion and hoping the person will think about it.
@@mariebourgot4949 I prefer using bi for this reason. To me is more validating and I feel empowered and part of a specific community using it. I personally don't use the term gay for myself (I prefer queer) but I can see why others would use it.
@@mariebourgot4949 I definitely agree with you on one level, it enforces the binary gay/straight perspective that most people have, and I personally would be pretty bothered if I said offhand something about feeling gay today and someone assumed I was monosexual. It's something I'll have to check about myself in future and make sure I don't subject other people to that. But also, if there wete a unique word that meant im-really-attracted-to-the-same-gender-as-me-today-but-in-a-bisexual-kind-of-way I would use it y'know? But language isn't nuanced enough for it yet.
When I come out to people, I say that I am bisexual, but usually in passing I say gay because to me, it is easier to use in every day language. To me, it is weird to say ‘I am so bi right now, look at that person.’ Instead I say gay because I am talking about being attracted to the same gender. I agree bi-erasure is so important to stop, which is why I explain when asked that I am bi and proud to be, but I will use gay as an umbrella term for our whole community.
Kate J weird BI-as?!
As a gay man, it's always felt weird whenever I hear anyone but homosexual men call themselves gay. Mostly because they have more specific labels, like bisexual, or lesbian, but all I have to call myself is gay and that's as specific as it gets without having to explain anything else.
Because people use language differently, I can't really have a quick and simple way of explaining myself.
I agree.
thats completely fair, i hadnt thought of it that way. your comment opened my eyes quite a bit as a bi woman who often identifys as gay, or dosent mind being labeled that way by others anyway
im not particularly worried about labels when referring to myself but I wouldnt want to hurt anyone else in doing so
You don’t own gay.
First example that came to mind is when a guy hits on me and I tell them that I’m a lesbian and they respond with “I’m a lesbian too!” It’s not a funny joke, it’s so played out and it makes me infuriated but also embarrassed for them at the same time. It’s like the equivalent to a dad joke but the intention is to get your number.
I dont understand what your trying to say here, You think that Bi people shouldn't be able to use the term?
Also sorry if that sounded rude!
@@Sam_Hedgehog No they meant they find it annoying when straight men say they're lesbians as a weird joke just cuz they like women
@@shanenanigans27 Ohhhh
I'm a bisexual man and I've never thought of myself as gay. It seems to me to imply that I'm only interested in men. I would feel very uncomfortable if someone refered to me as gay. I would tell them I was bi not gay.
Same but I'm a woman. I don't really understand and agree with this video, as I think they are both aware of bi/pan erasure and the really strong need of bi/pan visibility. And yes, self labelling is not the same as being erased/labelled by other people but still, if you are not monosexual and use terms that are generally understood as describing monosexual orientation, it participate to this invisibilisation. But of course, I won't try to force or prevent someone to use or not use a term to label themselves.
@@mariebourgot4949 I completely agree. I think a better umbrella term would be queer, but I don't see why you necessarily need an umbrella term. Why not just say what you mean?
As a man that recently finally figure out that i am bisexual man and not purely heterosexual man i have notice when trying to learn about LGB people that they contribute to the so called bi-erasure and i found this to be damaging. The reason is that i thought that as human beings that participate in homosexuality we would have unity and i find division to bigger or lesser degree. Why do some human beings have hard cope with some men and women being for real bisexuals? What is the root cause of this bi-erasure? Does the so called heterophobia as i have watched video about on youtube a factor that adds to the bi-erasure in some gays and lesbians? I decided to only use for myself only label of bisexual man because as you i never thought of myself as gay. Besides labeling as gay would add to bi-erasure and i refuse to add to it.
So glad I have a “real job” NOW lol 😂. Guess before I was just going to my “fake job”. So nice to have real things! Hopefully soon I’ll have real friends 👭 👭
I miss the delicious flavour of drama that you add(ed?) to these -one point five- 2 gays.
I can't tell if this shade is real
@@Sendboi Welcome! There are quite a few videos with Willow and "the other two" that can clear that up for you. #noSpoilers
@@recklessroges this is real lore
Please do another two and a hal- sorry 3 gays episode
Rewatching this now... yes, Alayna, without ever a shadow of a doubt, you can call yourself gay! Sending love and support (from the future)
What I say to people is that I'm not 50% gay and 50% straight or 30% gay and 70% straight. I'm just 100% bisexual.
came here after the new video wow
I do love that you emphasized bisexuality is 100% your own gender and 100% not your own gender though
When my bi friends say they're gay when talking about liking girls I think it's nice bc it's like we have that in common (we the lesbians) with them. I don't think people ever use it as "being bisexual is the same thing and experience as being a lesbian/gay" which is the only thing that I could understand being a bit confusing. Love you both!!
i am bi, prefer women, and i use the label gay 99% of the time
gays prefer men. it's how gays work.
Bre, you need to take a break from your phone.
When you try to zoom in IRL, it's time for a break.
I only like women, which technically makes me a lesbian I guess, and I love when anyone on the spectrum uses the word 'gay' to describe themselves! Truly, it's not just about identity but calling things what they are haha. If a lady crushes on a lady, that's a pretty gay thing to do. Regardless of how she identifies :) Often times I see the word 'gay' as an umbrella term for all things not straight and I love it! Let's all just be gay okay thanks
That zoom in thing at the end is relatable. I'm a digital artist, and when I try to do traditional art on paper, I'll try to zoom in on the paper and feel like an idiot
Haha, I've tried tried to Ctrl Z while drawing traditionally 😂
This aged well😂
Hahahahah
Hey y'all! I totally relate to the "gay" umbrella term. I consider myself bisexual, but also use gay.
same!
But what about bi/pan erasure and the really strong need of bi/pan visibility? Self labelling is not the same as being erased/labelled by other people but still, if you are not monosexual and use terms that are generally understood as describing monosexual orientation, it participate to this invisibilisation. But of course, I'm not trying to force or prevent someone to use or not use a term to label themselves, more giving my opinion and hoping the person will think about it.
@@mariebourgot4949 I am attracted to women and men, leaning more towards women. Not trying to at all push my preferences on others. It's just what I'm comfortable with.
My only concern with this is it becomes confusing to others. Bre even says in the video she uses the term to quickly identify. Which is the whole purpose of identifying sexuality. In an ideal world the question would “will you date me?” And the sexuality actually doesn’t matter. This being said it’s not. So for lesbians there is gay, lesbian, and homosexual. For gay men it’s just gay and homosexual. I know there are any many sub categories within, but still.
So the question then becomes for pan and bi people calling themselves gay, are you ok with confusing words? Is it ok to slow down the larger global communities’ understanding of these terms?
Like queer is largely understood to be umbrella I think. Gay isn’t.
Not that it should necessarily change how people act. I just don’t think this video addressed the question in the way it’s asked. It’s just the inclusivity answer. Which I am all down for, but at that point we should just erase labels.
Don't do that.
i refuse to describe my attraction in percentages but it's helpful to some and just because that description doesnt fit my experience doesnt mean i judge anyone who does. if it feels good to you, thats great and i support you. we're here to raise each other up not bring each other down.
why i refuse to do it myself is bc as she says it kind of makes it sound like you only give someone that amount of love or that a prefence would make you love another gender less. personally i consider my sexuality as fluid but im always still attracted to all genders but one just might appeal to me more often that week or month yk. which is why i could never describe it in neat little percentages
on my tinder bio I call myself "bi af". and its true - no matter who im with, or who im attracted to, im ALWAYS bi
I think its like the word bro...i can call you bro but that doesnt mean youre my brother 🤷♀️😂
i don't agree as like for the word "dude" and others like them, it is always supposedly meant to be neutral and universal when in fact it is pretty androcentric with masculinity/men still seen as the norm. You can call everybody "bro" or "dude" but beware, calling a cishet boy/man "sis" or "girl". It's a double standard like always with sexism/misogyny.
@@mariebourgot4949 its more my close friends i call that dont mind if i dont know whether or not someone is comfortable with it i wont call them by that
I was SO EXCITED when I got this notification at work today. I literally was just talking to my therapist about how I gate-keep my own identity, and my disagreeing with her often does come down to language, and how different people have different definitions for words.
If I see a very attractive woman, I might say "wow I'm gay." But I've never found it a fitting label for myself. And I don't really care if others do.
The only thing for me is that if someone were to refer to themselves as gay, I would immediately assume they're only attracted to the same sex/gender, unless they're non-binary, in which case I would assume they're using it as an umbrella term as Bre described. But like, unless I'm into that person that's not really an issue, so long as they're cool with that assumption.
I think, the main hold up for me would be "okay, where do we draw the line?" Which, I suppose, just comes from a fear of somehow losing the value of my identity. "If I could call myself gay, then couldn't a straight person call themselves bi? And then my identity is meaningless!" But, once again, I think this just stems from a fear of somehow losing my connection to the lgbt+ community, along with this ever present judgement that I'll never be queer enough, therefore my label is all I have as proof of being a part of something.... Idk something like that. But hey, that's a me problem!
ANYWHO so glad to see people talking about this! Lovely video, as always, Alayna!
lol its really funny to watch this after watching her video coming out as gay
First things first 🥰🥰🥰 love and hugs and kisses to the both of you!!!
Now to the discussion part. I'm a bisexual Woman and if I talk to someone about my sexuality I always would use "bi" as a label. I don't have any problem with other people using a different wording or umbrella terms, but I don't feel comfortable with the label "gay" for me. I think it's because in my mother language (German) the word gay is translated (as I understand it) into "homosexuel" and therefore it doesn't really fit because it seems to clash with the bisexual label.
I'm demisexual and panromantic and I'm very much on the side of "LOL I'M SO GAY" constantly
I’m bisexual but I always say I’m so gay whenever I feel that attraction to a women. I just have never questioned if I were allowed to say that because essentially, I am to an extent. I use the word gay as attraction to the same gender and that’s that.
I really enjoyed this Versus episode. I am a Bisexual Demisexual person who identifies as a woman. I have really struggled to go from straight ally to my label. I have struggled to really settle into the community because bi erasure and ace phobic content..... when I accepted my bi / demi labels it was amazing.
I don’t really know about using the term gay because it’s been really utilized as male/male relationships and in writing they have had to create other terminology.
I agree that labels are whatever they are without causing harm.
For me what I am looking for is a less sexualized community and a community that isn’t so focused on men. Women of all shapes, sizes and labels are in the community as well.
I am more interested in the community being less of judgemental douches when it comes to ace inclusion. It’s like the community was like “we can deal with you wanting sex with anyone but not having sex, nope to the nopest.”
Anyway. To stick to the topic on hand, I definitely feel a little squirmy about using the term gay. I prefer to use the Bisexual term and even though I lean more towards women/women relationships it’s doesn’t mean that I don’t then also feel attraction for the other gender.
Maybe my writing fanfiction past has affected how those words speak to me because the lgbtq+ content that so many people were searching for was happening in free fanfiction content well before it was becoming more mainstream so I imagine that the terminology will keep growing with our community.
And I agree with both of you that the platforms that you seek to share on and the words you use can sometimes invite some negativity and I am grateful that you still create content. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Bre made me think of this quote by Stephen King when talking about not really loving the labels because they just don’t do our feelings justice (I feel this so much ❤️):
“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”
That's amazing, Amy. Thanks for sharing it. Was that from a Stephen King interview, or one of his books?
I just thought of a metaphor of labels being like clothing: two people can have the same piece of clothing but look completely different in it, use it differently and feel differently in it but in the end the only thing that matters is that they feel good in that piece of clothing
That metaphor is amazing
Thank you
"it's just three gays now" was a premonition
As someone who is bi and has a male partner but uses the term gay, I feel like it is in a way more validating than saying bi. Part of it is a fear of the negative stereotypes that come with the bisexual label and part of it is just a sense of community with people who are similar. I'm also a very sexual person so the term gay is comfortable for me because it allows me to express my sexuality as being something "deviant" so to say, in a way that bi doesn't
Yes! I feel the same way
Hum... I don't understand the end of your comment. You are saying that gay is a more "sexual" term than bi, when the label bi is literally known for having the promiscuous/threesome/sluty/sleep with everyone stereotype attached to it. Also being bi/pan is indeed more "deviant" than being gay/lesbian because there is the homosexual part PLUS the non monosexual part which is still vue as "deviant"/"perverted" by a lot of monosexual people either het or gay.
No. Gross, you are literally telling straight men that they can turn gay women straight. STOP.
@@lilygreen221 Stop. You are ruining it for real gay women.
@@r12joy96 she didnt say that. Read again pls
Darling young women - so valuable to hear these conversations. Thank you and bless you both
For me I’m bisexual, but I predominantly like women. Only a small part of me likes men. So often I might call myself gay, but usually in a joking way because I don’t want to insult anyone. I get worried that lesbians or gay men would be upset that I’m using the term gay. Even though for me I use it as an umbrella term
I just found this channel and I resonate with it so much! I'm a polysexual, polyamorous woman in a monogamous relationship with a woman but I use "bisexual" A LOT as a term because most people don't know the term "polysexual" and I don't always feel like explaining... I always try to use the label the other person identifies with, because they're the only people who can tell how they feel!
So interesting!! Somehow didn’t see your videos anymore, but back in my recommended. Love it!
Having watched the video, I have a few more comments. SUPER interesting discussion. I agree on a lot of points, but have some push back. While language is super important on an individual level, and I think the LGBTQ+ is great about validating and giving space for individual feelings and experiences, I would push back on the idea that language is for solely for an individual person to describe their experience. It's also societal and systemic, it's used by and between communities of people. It's used in policy and in government. So, as much as I hate policing of language, I think it is important to recognize that an individual person may be comfortable using language in a particular way for themselves, or even have good intentions, but it might have a negative effect on a community or societally, or even be downright harmful. Especially if you take into account that people's feelings are created in the context of a homophobic/transphobic/biphobic society, so even the best of intentions can be laced in harmful ideologies and unconscious bias. Sometimes social progress is made when we set aside individual agendas and think about things in terms of a larger community or social effort, instead of only about how things make us feel. Our feelings are a hundred percent important and should be honoured, but I think there should be a balance, because no one exists in a vacuum, and how we use language affects those around us whether we like it or not. It in part comes down to why language has set definitions; if everyone personally determined what a word meant to them and only them, communication would fall apart. Definitions are inherently exclusive to some extent: you are X if you aren't Y, and if you are everything, then you are nothing. So is some gatekeeping outside of 'if you feel it you are it' neccesary? I think so, just for the sake of cohesion, clear communication and to acknowledge that feelings can be influenced or affected by oppressive ideologies and we need to hold each other accountable for that. But we can definitely go too far with it, and I think everyone agrees that it all goes awry when we try and police people's identities based off inaccurate info/stereotypes and don't have an understanding and kind posture towards others.
I agree with what Bree said. Language is an abstract thing in our minds and everyone creates a different definitions for different words. We can see this when we travel through countries that speak the same language but have different meanings for the same word. We should have the liberty to decide what to call ourselves and not have anyone police us for it. As a community we do complain a lot about gatekeeping from society and we do the same thing within each mini community inside the LGBTQIA+ community as a whole.
Bre I really enjoyed listening to you explaining everything, you explained it super well, it was awesome.
I love this 💜✨ Language is FLUID, as are our identities!!
We have individual experiences, within the context of our cultures/regions/exposure, etc. The internet is a worldwide community, and while we should be actively fighting the forces that propagate harm, we need to make room for one another.
Glad I found this video. My straight housemate keeps telling me I can't call myself gay when I'm bi, no matter how many times I tell her I'm using it as an umbrella term. It's not like I'm not trying to hide that I'm also attracted to men smh
I'm lesbian and it annoys the fuck out of me when my roommates call themselevs gay. They're bi, not gay! And there's nothing wrong with that
@@katiephillips9969 Out of curiosity, why do you think it bothers you so much? I think it's different if you're trying to make an argument of some sort, but if it's just in a playful context amongst friends, is it really hurting anyone? i.e. when I see a woman I'm attracted to I'll be like "god I'm so gay right now" because my feelings in that moment aren't 'bi.' My orientation is bi, but if I'm attracted to another woman, the attraction is gay anyway
Reunited and it feels so good.
I’m so late to this party, but just wanted to thank you both so much for making this video!!!!!
Friggin obsessed with y’all!!! Had I found you both before I came out I would have come out so much earlier!!!
Wow. I just loved this video. It is exactly what I needed at this moment.
I mostly say that I'm basically only straight for Cillian Murphy now. Ha. I've gotten more comfortable calling myself gay more.
Love the conversation! I personally feel most comfortable using Queer and Bisexual as my labels. I grew up in a Christian home and gay was seen as negative so I don’t use it for myself. But of course I have no problem with people who do use it. I love how Bre describes gay though! Thank you for that! Also, Love is love!
Figuring out who you are is such an emotional and personal thing that I think whatever word(s) you resonate with or don’t resonate with is ✨.
I sometimes question myself using gay/lesbian because sometimes I find a guy attractive or “what if I fall for a guy?” unlikely as that is. But those are the labels and that’s the community I found a home in when I was questioning myself and learning.
And they fit the most so... gay it is.
I laughed so hard! I think this is my favorite video right now!!! 💚💚💚. I’m technically pan but refer to myself as bi and I also use the term gay ; so I honestly had some of the same thoughts! Like I don’t think it’s wrong for me or anyone else to use the term if it’s how you feel. It made me think of the time my straight best friend asked me why I used the term gay when I’m “technically bi” but like I said I’m technically pan but use a different term cause it’s what I find comfortable.. I personally am not married to any term/s. I use a few terms to describe myself just because they feel right , but it also feels wrong to only classify myself as one term, if that makes any sense. 😅
Well, as it turns out, you can definitely call yourself 'gay' lol
hahaha ich wusst nicht dass andere deutsche ihre videos anschauen
Well you're not more "technically" pan than bi, because bi includes perfectly nb people so it's just a matter of preference of labels i'd say.
i appreciate this so much. for a long time i denied my attraction to women (even though i fell in love with women, had crushes on women, was intimate with women) just because of comp het. now i am in a long term relationship with a man and finally came to terms with my sexuality and i don't feel the need to break up with him and date a woman just to prove my sexuality. i know that i am bi and that i am valid.
I struggle with this question as a bi girl so thank you for this
Bre has THE most contagious laugh ever omg
Hello there. I love your channel Alayna. I want to contribute to the discussion. I’m a bisexual woman, technically pan. I just like the label bi more I guess, 😅 I also like the label/term queer.
I like Breanne’s perspective of gay as an umbrella term. I think I kind of thought of it like that as well. I personally do refer to my actions or myself as gay at times. My partner (who’s a woman) also does a lot. So I’m around people in my everyday life who don’t have a problem with me being called or calling myself gay even tho I’m bi. But as Breanne also said, being on the internet and social media, that’s where I think I learned that ppl within the community feel a certain way about bisexuals referring to themselves as gay.
I don’t see it as a problem. I agree with what you guys concluded, that people should be able to express themselves however it makes them comfortable as long as it’s not harmful.
The only thing I think about sometimes is am I committing some small form of bierasure if I do it (use gay) a lot or around ppl/in settings where ppl don’t already know that I’m bi. 🤷🏾♀️. But thts a thought I don’t let bog me down too much. Bc, not to be too cheesy but, just me existing and being me is bi visibility so I’m bi/gay/queer and proud 🤟🏾
Alana "I'm a toaster or a dog". I laugh historically and love the video especially the beginning is funny.
10:56 I agree with what you’re saying about how using a label that might not be techno correct but feels right doesn’t take away from someone else using the label; but it makes me think about how like someone might say “oh I’m so bipolar” cause they get excited or sad sometimes which can take away from it because it makes it out to be something it’s not. That was a bad example but it’s something I wonder
I’m personally really afraid of labels, and percentages. I just don’t like the weight they carry. I know what I like but I’m scared to label myself and let others label me. Which sucks because no one should ever have to feel this way.
having to choose one label has been so constricting to me, and recognising that fluidity is valid has been so liberating!
I’ve always felt the same as Bre!! Queer/gay as inclusive, umbrella terms
I completely understand this. I'm bisexual. I see myself as gay and straight because like you said I'm both. Also interesting what you say about pansexuality. I suppose I'm pan but I always say bi because for me personally, the meaning is the same. Love what you're doing ❤️
Thank you so much for making this video. This is something I have struggled with a lot. I use many different labels but it's been hard to come to a place (I'm still not quite there) were I feel like it's ok or that I'm allowed to call myself whatever I want. I never want to offend anyone or take anything away from their experience but at the same time feels wrong to limit myself to one label or feel like I have to chose one. I call my self, bi, pan, gay, queer and to me all of these feel right even though to someone else it might seem like they contradict each other. But I don't want to label myself based on what other people want any more. Even though it may be hard. If any one has any advice or similar experiences that they want to share feel free to do so/
I completely agree. As a Bisexual woman, I have always viewed 'gay' as an umbrella term. Therefore, I consider myself gay af. 💜
No!!! It's not. When you date men you are telling them they can turn lesbians straight.
@@r12joy96 You have to be joking
@@r12joy96 they are not saying anything like that.
I struggled with labels for a long time. First I thought I was bisexual and then I was using queer as my label. But now I’m using “sexually fluid” as my label. 🙌
Such a great Video! I def have wondered about this myself, and have had my definitions of words shift, over just the past few years since I accepted my own queerness. I identify as a Lesbian Genderqueer Transwoman, and for a long time I Had It In My Head that Gay meant men, and Lesbian meant women, but Bi meant either, in all the ways. Trans was just a separate thing that was mainly lumped in with the other two because of 2 factors: A) How Homophobic AND Transphobic most societies are & B) unless you magically went from a 'straight man' to a 'straight woman' when you transitioned, then you'd be or have been (at least perceived as) gay at some point of your transition. It was, in fact, a convo with a straight person that convinced me of the 'gay is the ultimate umbrella term' argument, because that is, in the end, 'How Society Sees It/Us'...
That said, I've found that I personally have a bit of a squickiness about using the term Gay for myself, and MUCH prefer the term Lesbian, and prefer Queer as the ultimate umbrella term that best 'sums me up', and I didn't Really Understand Why till I had my first experience with someone saying 'Please don't use that word around me' after I used the term Queer. Since they were one of my best friends in the world, I didn't just accept that at face value and move on, I asked why, and learned that he had that yelled at him by the people who beat him up as a kid/youth. And I remember getting called Gay when the same thing happened to me, whereas I 'learned the term Queer' from the Oz Books, where it kinda meant 'the best kind of weird'.
And the Lesbian vs. Bisexual (vs. Pansexual) thing is def something I've thought about a lot, bc I Think Technically I'm Bi, because of the large number of Non Binary folks I Crush On... except, Partially because so many people equate Bi and Pan nowadays, and Gender Definitely Matters to Me (in Enbies, many Women and even a VERY Small # of Men, it is often the mixture of masculine and feminine traits that most intrigues me) I only use the term Lesbian for myself (also partially because it is often 'the more femininely-bodied folk' I am Instantly Attracted To).
Grateful for all your many wonderful conversations on such topics! Interesting conversation I had to think about this one for a bit... I agree with Bre, in that in my experience gay has been used as an umbrella term as you said, you are lesbian, Alayna is bisexual and you consider both of you as gay. The language can get tricky and language changes but technically the word Gay is used to define a person who has same-gender attractions only, so gay and lesbian (same thing) but bi and gay isn't the same thing. But then I totally understand your desire to use the word gay and I'd be cool with it too, as you said it's not harming anyone it just might confuse some people! Bre: "I've never been more doubting of the way I describe myself until the internet"- I totally feel that haha.
I don't really understand and agree with this video, as I think they are both aware of bi/pan erasure and the really strong need of bi/pan visibility. And yes, self labelling is not the same as being erased/labelled by other people but still, if you are not monosexual and use terms that are generally understood as describing monosexual orientation, it participate to this invisibilisation. But of course, I won't try to force or prevent someone to use or not use a term to label themselves.
I had a similar experience to Alayna with a therapist when I was 20 or so she questioned my homosexuality because I hadn't dated yet. I now identify as non binary but 20 years ago I didn't have that language. I am still exclusively attracted to feminine presenting people but no longer feel comfortable saying gay or lesbian I now say queer or gender queer. I have always supported bi people and for my 2 cents if you identify as bi or gay or straight then you are bi or gay or straight until you discover something different about yourself. For example Holly Near now identifies as Serial Monogomasist instead of lesbian or bi. Because if she's in a relationship she's in that relationship for a long time. I think people need to quit policing words. Also I love when Bree says Hey humans what's up on her channel it's so inclusive.
trying to zoom in on the box 😂😂😂 im a digital artist, and that reminds me of the time when i was like drawing in a actual notebook instead of a tablet, and i goofed and i tried to go to where the "undo" button would be on the screen to realize you cant do that on paper 😂😂😂
as a bi gal i completely feel you! i've gotten more comfortable with using gay as an umbrella term, but i also like saying queer as an umbrella term and i think i use it a bit more for the same feelings you were talking about. i think it depends in what context though, like i'll say queer in the same way i would say LGBTQ+, and in more joking ways will say 'gay' about myself just because it's faster really and honestly sounds kinda like, zippier if that makes sense? like if it's commenting on a friend's picture who's a woman for ex., I'd say "I'm so gay" instead of "I'm so bi" cause like, I'm focusing on the more "gay aspect" of my sexuality, for lack of better words
I don't think gay is an umbrella term, because it's supposed to mean gay MEN, so using it instead of LGBT or specific label makes the rest of the members of the community remain invisible. Many people call it "gay pride" because they don't even know what LGBT stands for, and the only way to make something visible is naming it. We really need to spread awareness of lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, aromantic, non-binary and trans people's existence. But if you are more confortable with using it for you, then you do you!
My only problem is that a lot of the time when I tell potential male partners I’m “gay”, they take it to mean “I like girls” and don’t leave me alone like I wanted them to !!! And I’m a lady so I can say “lesbian” which is an obviously exclusionary term, but I wonder if I was a gay man if it would work the same way 🤔
As a society we assume babies and toddlers and children are all straight yet none of them have had any "experience" so why do people want me to prove my bisexuality?
Sadly agree.
I personally use the word gay to describe myself as someone that also calls themselves bi. For me it's because of my experience, I guess for me my default wasn't straight, it was liking girls and then I discovered the part of myself that liked masculinity, men, male presenting people etc. Even though my "crushes" were guys I'm seeing now it was because I wasn't out and actually I've dated only women and a non binary person. But just because that's based on my experience, it doesn't mean that people can't use the same labels or descriptions that have had different ones.
THIS ☝☝
My roommates and I are all bisexual, and we’ve always called ourselves gay or queer even though three out of four of us are in “straight” relationships. I think it really depends on who you are and how you want to label yourself if you want to even label yourself at all. I agree with you both completely! Gay rights/gay pride etc. it’s kind of just an umbrella term for a lot of lgbtq+ people I think
I’m so glad I re-watched this video. Gold 💫
I’m so glad y’all did this video bc as a bisexual individual I have been called out before for saying that I’m gay and I think it’s ridiculous. 😂😂😂
I think this is such an interesting conversation to have. My sexuality has been very fluid in my life. I have identified as straight, mostly straight, kinda gay, bi, queer, gay, and lesbian while my sexuality evolves. I think in the most strictest of terms I’m pansexual, but that’s a term that has never really felt right for me. I used bi for a while, but even that doesn’t feel quite right to me anymore. I use gay and queer the most now, but I’ve also felt the anxiety about using the word gay. When it comes down to it, that’s what feels right, even if it’s not the definition that someone else might use. I love the way Bree summarized how labels can be both harmful and helpful. Really insightful video (but Alayna, you can still be half gay if you want for the joke!)
I'm so glad to see this video. I was having alot of issues with the gate keeping of the word bisexual. Being told I can't call myself bisexual because technically I'm pollysexual. And that if I say I'm bi I must only be attracted to cis men and cis woman. Which isn't even true... But Everytime I tried to protest people just acted like "what's the big deal, just use another label, or just ignore them, who cares." But it hurt to feel I was being forced out of my own label and having my own experience devalidated by a bunch of strangers, right after I had finally become confident in saying I'm bisexual.
I wonder if you've seen any of this "the bisexual label is transphobic" bullcrap floating around in your world too?
The people who said that to you are actually ignorant biphobic people.
@@mariebourgot4949 I know that. It's just that it is still bugging me. Especially since a lot of the people who have been spreading around that rhetoric, are people friends and family. I haven't seen other Bi-sexual people speak up about the issue yet, and am wondering if it's been effecting anyone else as much as it has me.
It's an old video by now but still super relevant. Personally, I claim multiple words and will use them depending on context: queer, gay, lesbian, bisexual and on the asexual spectrum. Sexuality in general is not really definable, I would say. It can't neatly fit into the boxes we create. But labels help us convey information and the meaning of the words will depend on the context we operate in.
Bre is *glowing* in this video!😻🙀
I wouldn't say 100% straight and 100% gay, like the poster said. As a bi/pan person, I do feel gay, but I never feel straight.. Yet the level of attraction is equal. Does that make sense? I guess it has to do with going against hetronormativity and my attraction to women being erased more by others.
Gay-ve a talk recently at a local LGBT+ Support charity social event and there was a guy who identified as a gay bisexual man. He was an older man. Gay used to be more inclusive; I heard that its 1970s gay rights activism that fought to separate gays from any who still had different-sex attraction. Gays have got angry and shouted when bi people use gay, maybe they're worried about muddying the waters between gay and straight and worried that people thought some different-gender/sex attraction meant they could still date and marry, have sex and babies the same way straight people do and didn't therefore need any extra rights (even though that is still oppression). London's Pride changed names a number of times to add lesbian to the name and then others and it became just "Pride". Polyamorous and kinky people and genderqueer, asexual, intersex etc. Gatekeeping sucks.
Y'all are SO intelligent and mature. We stan.
I also use bi and queer as umbrella terms. And I’m a big fan of people just using whatever they find most comfortable with. I am curious how you both feel about the use of ‘slurs’ though.
I literally have gone on the EXACT same rant to my friends before. I am on the exact same page as well
Thanks for making this video, y'all 🥰 Made me realize that I AM allowed to refer to myself as a lesbian!
Growing up I always said I was bi (pans wasn't a term yet) and sometimes would quantify it with "about 60% gay/lesbian & 40% straight" when asked (because I preferred women slightly more than men, but either are great & so is everything in between).
I am bi but love to use the label gay! I think of it as an umbrella term too!