The best way to stop gossip is in its tracks. A lot of hard feelings and misunderstandings could be prevented if people didn't repeat everything they hear.
I personally would take another approach to someone as those responses seem quite sharp and the other person may feel snubbed or very embarrassed, I would probably just sway the conversation and not criticise the person for their gossip unless it was something really bad/rude and offensive they were saying about the person. I feel like it would be better to act disinterested when someone starts gossiping about someone and change the subject so eventually they get that you aren't interested in that kind of conversation.
I am thinking about 1 simple anti-gossiping tool. Make a team agreement that if anyone wants to share some information about a team member then that member has a right to hear it. So, basically they get cc’d into the conversation.
The idea of creating a team agreement is an excellent one! It sounds like you already know about the concept, but if you would like to learn more you can Google how to create a team contract, full value contract, or group charter. These are all common names for that process of inviting everyone to say what they want and need in order to feel like their work/school/etc is a safe place to be. The facilitator can specifically raise the subject of gossip and ask what the group's expectations are on the subject. On a side note, I'm glad you mentioned email! The BCC function is for newsletters only, but many people use it to blind copy someone on an email which allows them to share private information without other people on the thread knowing, which is a great way to have situations blow up. The CC function ensures everyone sees exactly who is participating in the conversation and seeing the email contents which supports the healthiest problem solving and team dynamics.
This was so helpful, I really want to change and know how to identify when it’s my queue to step away and this really gave me a better understanding. The role playing is great!
Thank you for sharing your feedback! And I LOVE that you are being mindful of what role you are playing in any given conversation. You"re going to have an incredibly constructive impact on the people around you!
If a person says "don't take my word for it, go find out please for yourself becuase I don't welcome gossip"! That's ussually a good sign that person is being straight up
I speak the truth no gossiping because gossip is painful for everybody...nobody needs this ,it only holds people back.....if somebody needs to vent because people are hurting them or have hurt them or are continuing to hurt them....that's different....see if you can strategize a way to get them the help they need...weather it be a new place to live away from threatening neighbors or a church group to help them feel more protected in there inner circle...dont think they are crazy for acting scared or feeling anxiety and crying....they are hurting .....be compassionate...I'm sure if this was you needing help they would do there best to help you and your family.......God bless😇❤❤❤❤
Lindsey...take this to the bank.....far as im concerned gossip uat to be literally outlawed! You gossip, you should iether be heavily fined or accually do jail time! Too many peoples lives have been ruined becuase of gossip, too many suicides becuase of gossip! What I personally look for in a "chat", if the words " please don't take my word for it, go do your own research and find out your facts as I don't want to start gossip, I could be the 15th person down the line for all you know hearing this"! I hear that......it's a good sign that person talking is a good person......at least they are being honest about it
Uaccually the problem is, you CAN NOT STOP anyone from gossiping, THAT'S the cold hard truth! What you CAN DO is do your own research after hearing the gossip, find out for yourself what the facts are, THEN make your own judgment! You'll never stop gossip, it'll always be there becuase there's always going to be control freaks out there who have to control every situation or play every situation they get thier hands on! I've seen it where the person SOUNDS CONFIDENT, LOOKS CONFIDENT and appears to know what thier saying, but in fact when you do your own research, you find out that person who told you to begin with is trying to "flip" the truth around, gossip, change details around and they think just becuase they sound confident, people or the crowd will believe thier bullshit WHEN IN FACT......THEY ARE THE ONES starting the gossip! I've experienced that, I've watched it happen to an inecent victom and I've noticed also the person starting the bullshit in the first place , they were the instigator! They think " if I sound and act confident, everyone will buy my bullshit"........until you do your own dudilegence on the matter find out THIER the ones starting it in the first place, confront them(call them out), they ussuzlly run.......like cowards! What I personally do.......i'll hear them out and think thanks for the info or say "thanks for the info" I'll then do my own homework on it and find out for MYSELF what's accurate and what's not!, in that process, in my opinion, if they aren't the gossiper, they'll iether welcome you to go find out for yourself or say "don't take my word on it, go find out what you need to, I could be the 5th person down the line telling you"! I've seen it too many times!
You've actually touched on a different topic which is very valuable to explore because it has overlap with gossip but isn't the same thing. Gossip is what happens when someone takes a story that is not their own and shares it with others which results in the natural morphing of the story as it is passed through a multitude of people. It results in misrepresentation and misinformation but that was not the intended outcome. The purpose of gossip is 'have you heard...' and sharing something juicy that attracts listeners. Intentional misrepresentation to stir things up or ruin someone's reputation is Maligning or Smear Campaigning. And you're right they need to be treated differently.
Lindsey walton professional team boulder: your effort is nice to see to stop it from happening lindsey, so I thank you for trying, just becuase I don't agree doesn't mean much! Others MAY agree with you, it's JUST my opinion......that's all! What works for me lindsey ok, what I have personally found that works for me you iether confront the person(yes aggressively.....if a guy) or calmly with a woman, call them out, it ussually stops it, oooooorrrr waite to see if that person INVITES YOU to go do your own research and find out for yourself the facts as they don't want to start gossip.......you hear THAT, they ussually aren't the instigator as they are at least being honest with you and suggesting to find out your fits what YOUR OK WITH!
Accually lindsey, I disagree, I have also noticed gossip being initiated by the "player", the person who wants to control everything! That's how they do it, they flip every situation they can get thier hands on and they think just becuase they sound confident doing it, people WON'T think it's them accually starting the gossip......so no, I don't agree! Yes I agree gossip shouldn't start in the first place but I notice most of the time if you take the time research and look for the source it's ussually going to be the "player"
That's a really good question. Sometimes expressing your boundaries and expectations out loud to others in general helps to put a stop to things when you don't know the specific source of a particular problem. When people in your circle simply hear you express, for example, that you expect people who have an issue with you to speak with you directly about the problem, the unknown source can end up changing their behaviour as a result when word reaches them, putting an end to anonymous notes being left taped around the office. We often create change in others' behaviour by changing our own and it's nice to know that we can trust that process when we have no idea who to approach directly to start a constructive conversation. I hope that helps. If I've misunderstood your question please feel free to let me know and I'll see what else I can share.
People start visibly caring about their gossiping really fast when other people start calling them out on their behavior. Gossiping is often driven by a desire to be accepted and needing to have something interesting to talk about to reel other people in. The problem is the person relies on other people's interesting stories instead of their own. When a gossip hears from people that their sharing of other people's stories isn't acceptable, that provides an opportunity for big change because they'll be open to what is considered acceptable so they can be accepted. Trust me, they care. A Lot. But threatening to make someone feel unaccepted if they don't stop gossiping isn't the way to go either. It's more about communicating expectations and creating boundaries until that person is behaving in a more constructive way.
The best way to stop gossip is in its tracks. A lot of hard feelings and misunderstandings could be prevented if people didn't repeat everything they hear.
This is the best lesson I've seen on this topic and I love how you demonstrated each strategy with role playing, so we know exactly what we can say.
I'm glad you liked it!!! And thank you for the feedback. That's really helpful for knowing what to include in future videos!
I personally would take another approach to someone as those responses seem quite sharp and the other person may feel snubbed or very embarrassed, I would probably just sway the conversation and not criticise the person for their gossip unless it was something really bad/rude and offensive they were saying about the person. I feel like it would be better to act disinterested when someone starts gossiping about someone and change the subject so eventually they get that you aren't interested in that kind of conversation.
True 💯
Agree 100%. Act disinterested and move the conversation. People get the message.
I am thinking about 1 simple anti-gossiping tool. Make a team agreement that if anyone wants to share some information about a team member then that member has a right to hear it. So, basically they get cc’d into the conversation.
The idea of creating a team agreement is an excellent one! It sounds like you already know about the concept, but if you would like to learn more you can Google how to create a team contract, full value contract, or group charter. These are all common names for that process of inviting everyone to say what they want and need in order to feel like their work/school/etc is a safe place to be. The facilitator can specifically raise the subject of gossip and ask what the group's expectations are on the subject. On a side note, I'm glad you mentioned email! The BCC function is for newsletters only, but many people use it to blind copy someone on an email which allows them to share private information without other people on the thread knowing, which is a great way to have situations blow up. The CC function ensures everyone sees exactly who is participating in the conversation and seeing the email contents which supports the healthiest problem solving and team dynamics.
Stop gossiping for oneself is great self development. Love it.
Im a Christian and I want to thank you as you have helped me following the Lord better
This was so helpful, I really want to change and know how to identify when it’s my queue to step away and this really gave me a better understanding. The role playing is great!
Thank you for sharing your feedback! And I LOVE that you are being mindful of what role you are playing in any given conversation. You"re going to have an incredibly constructive impact on the people around you!
I Really Enjoyed This Video!!! These Tips Are Very Helpful. Thank You Ms. Walton 😁
I'm glad they were helpful! Thanks for commenting and letting me know. :) Cheers!
If a person says "don't take my word for it, go find out please for yourself becuase I don't welcome gossip"! That's ussually a good sign that person is being straight up
Thank you! Sharing this with my high school students.
That's great! Hoping fabulous things happen for them and for the dynamics in class and the broader school. Cheers!
I speak the truth no gossiping because gossip is painful for everybody...nobody needs this ,it only holds people back.....if somebody needs to vent because people are hurting them or have hurt them or are continuing to hurt them....that's different....see if you can strategize a way to get them the help they need...weather it be a new place to live away from threatening neighbors or a church group to help them feel more protected in there inner circle...dont think they are crazy for acting scared or feeling anxiety and crying....they are hurting .....be compassionate...I'm sure if this was you needing help they would do there best to help you and your family.......God bless😇❤❤❤❤
Lindsey...take this to the bank.....far as im concerned gossip uat to be literally outlawed! You gossip, you should iether be heavily fined or accually do jail time! Too many peoples lives have been ruined becuase of gossip, too many suicides becuase of gossip! What I personally look for in a "chat", if the words " please don't take my word for it, go do your own research and find out your facts as I don't want to start gossip, I could be the 15th person down the line for all you know hearing this"! I hear that......it's a good sign that person talking is a good person......at least they are being honest about it
Woow I will try this
Fantastic Video!
Thank you
Uaccually the problem is, you CAN NOT STOP anyone from gossiping, THAT'S the cold hard truth! What you CAN DO is do your own research after hearing the gossip, find out for yourself what the facts are, THEN make your own judgment! You'll never stop gossip, it'll always be there becuase there's always going to be control freaks out there who have to control every situation or play every situation they get thier hands on! I've seen it where the person SOUNDS CONFIDENT, LOOKS CONFIDENT and appears to know what thier saying, but in fact when you do your own research, you find out that person who told you to begin with is trying to "flip" the truth around, gossip, change details around and they think just becuase they sound confident, people or the crowd will believe thier bullshit WHEN IN FACT......THEY ARE THE ONES starting the gossip! I've experienced that, I've watched it happen to an inecent victom and I've noticed also the person starting the bullshit in the first place , they were the instigator! They think " if I sound and act confident, everyone will buy my bullshit"........until you do your own dudilegence on the matter find out THIER the ones starting it in the first place, confront them(call them out), they ussuzlly run.......like cowards! What I personally do.......i'll hear them out and think thanks for the info or say "thanks for the info" I'll then do my own homework on it and find out for MYSELF what's accurate and what's not!, in that process, in my opinion, if they aren't the gossiper, they'll iether welcome you to go find out for yourself or say "don't take my word on it, go find out what you need to, I could be the 5th person down the line telling you"! I've seen it too many times!
You've actually touched on a different topic which is very valuable to explore because it has overlap with gossip but isn't the same thing. Gossip is what happens when someone takes a story that is not their own and shares it with others which results in the natural morphing of the story as it is passed through a multitude of people. It results in misrepresentation and misinformation but that was not the intended outcome. The purpose of gossip is 'have you heard...' and sharing something juicy that attracts listeners. Intentional misrepresentation to stir things up or ruin someone's reputation is Maligning or Smear Campaigning. And you're right they need to be treated differently.
Lindsey walton professional team boulder: your effort is nice to see to stop it from happening lindsey, so I thank you for trying, just becuase I don't agree doesn't mean much! Others MAY agree with you, it's JUST my opinion......that's all! What works for me lindsey ok, what I have personally found that works for me you iether confront the person(yes aggressively.....if a guy) or calmly with a woman, call them out, it ussually stops it, oooooorrrr waite to see if that person INVITES YOU to go do your own research and find out for yourself the facts as they don't want to start gossip.......you hear THAT, they ussually aren't the instigator as they are at least being honest with you and suggesting to find out your fits what YOUR OK WITH!
Now l know why people talks about sports
Accually lindsey, I disagree, I have also noticed gossip being initiated by the "player", the person who wants to control everything! That's how they do it, they flip every situation they can get thier hands on and they think just becuase they sound confident doing it, people WON'T think it's them accually starting the gossip......so no, I don't agree! Yes I agree gossip shouldn't start in the first place but I notice most of the time if you take the time research and look for the source it's ussually going to be the "player"
What if you don’t know WHO to speak to DIRECTLY?
That's a really good question. Sometimes expressing your boundaries and expectations out loud to others in general helps to put a stop to things when you don't know the specific source of a particular problem. When people in your circle simply hear you express, for example, that you expect people who have an issue with you to speak with you directly about the problem, the unknown source can end up changing their behaviour as a result when word reaches them, putting an end to anonymous notes being left taped around the office. We often create change in others' behaviour by changing our own and it's nice to know that we can trust that process when we have no idea who to approach directly to start a constructive conversation. I hope that helps. If I've misunderstood your question please feel free to let me know and I'll see what else I can share.
@@lindsaywalton Good. Thanks Lindsay.
Yeah......this would work IF the person gossiping ACCUALLY cared about gossiping in the first place, THAT'S why it's called gossip
People start visibly caring about their gossiping really fast when other people start calling them out on their behavior. Gossiping is often driven by a desire to be accepted and needing to have something interesting to talk about to reel other people in. The problem is the person relies on other people's interesting stories instead of their own. When a gossip hears from people that their sharing of other people's stories isn't acceptable, that provides an opportunity for big change because they'll be open to what is considered acceptable so they can be accepted. Trust me, they care. A Lot. But threatening to make someone feel unaccepted if they don't stop gossiping isn't the way to go either. It's more about communicating expectations and creating boundaries until that person is behaving in a more constructive way.