I have a career, but I don’t really care about it...but I’ve never wanted kids either (and I’m almost 45). I want to live simply and just help animals.
That's me, too! I'm 40 and never really wanted kids, but did struggle with pressure from society. We have 3 rescue dogs and my goal is to own a rescue one day.
I heard an interesting perspective once that said wanting to become a parent was a selfish choice. It is because it is in fact a choice of what you want out of your life not what you need. You WANT to have a child, to be a Mom, to be a Dad...to pass on YOUR lineage and ideas and to leave YOUR legacy. That in itself is actually a selfish motivation. Yet, it is the childless and childfree people of the world who are judged...go figure! My perspective? If someone wants to have kids, fine. If someone doesn't want kids, fine. If you wanted them but it just wasn't in the cards for you, fine. People need to take their nose out of other people's lives and focus on their own situations.
@we up Evolutionarily-speaking, you’d be correct. In today’s society, no. Neither yourself nor OP is wrong here. However, if we look at society today and all of that which encompasses it, we have a choice. We’re not acting out of “survival” means. We have no reason to procreate in a world as populated as ours. From a social psychological perspective, one would save their child before their husband due to the evolutionary principle as you’ve described above. Again, however, we do not choose to have children out of necessity. We choose to have children due to personal reasons - whether that be because we want a friend in our child, a chance to do different than our parents did with us, or because we want to make more of “ourselves.” Other reasons can play a role, of course, and yes, this is a case of to-each-their-own on both sides - child-bearing or not. But the perspective/concept that OP has stated is absolutely true, regardless of any rebuttal. We may have a drive to reproduce when we find someone we’d like to have children with, but that does not cause us to immediately attempt to conceive such as hunger producing the drive to find food and then eat. It’s a choice. Case in point, the evolutionary principle does not stand up to those parents who abuse their children, kill their children, abort their conceptions, etc. Parenting can be extremely difficult and a very large responsibility for many, and those who do not want children should not be made to feel as though they are any less human because of their choice.
I agree. People need too stop the pressure too get married or have children. Everyone has a different path in life and that is fine. People should live there own life and stop telling other people how too live there’s. I have one grown child she is 27 and when she was growing up I had friends that had kids and I also had friends that did not and it was nice because I enjoyed the time I had with my friends that did not have kids cause I could have completely different interests that were not child related. It’s like having the best of both worlds spending some time with both
@we up we get that but not because something is done means it should be done. Not everyone deserves kids because there are some really psycho parents in the world and some really sweet people who want children but don't have and some people who don't want kids for many reasons.
I never wanted children, but I got pregnant when I lost my virginity. I love my son, but being a mother is not the best thing in my life. I'm actually rather thrilled that he is 18 and ready to be a real adult. It's a hard life being a "good mom" and I don't know that I ever got the hang of it. I don't resent my son, but there are moments when I wonder what life would've been like without him. This was a great discussion. Thank you all for sharing.
@@madnessofmymind I would offer the advice that you should never do anything just because your man wants it. I've spent too long doing things because it's what my man wanted. I think it's very important to do what rings true for you, especially in the instance of creating a new life and trying to raise it. I wish you the best and follow your heart.
I don’t mean this arrogantly at all but I never wanted kids and Im very sure about it. Im fine with being alone at the end of my days. I’ll figure it out.
This 👆 say exactly what I decide. I remember 21, people say all time, you will love when clock 🕒 tell you it's time to be a mother. And always responde but I don't want to be one. Always same response, :you de with time. do not want be a mother, now 36 still don't want. My family finally accepted... In the end I Just want simple and kind life.
I always say that women don't share their true stories enough. We are all out here struggling with our decisions one way or another daily. So kudo for speaking out on this topic.
As a woman of mid age with no children, I can truly say in extremely happy I never did. It wasn’t meant to happen with the people I was with thank the Lord. I chose not to to not potentially pass on my visual impairment originally but as I got older and was a step mom I’m good. I look forward to continuing to do the things that make me absolutely happy. Judgement is others problem not mine.
I’m a full time nanny who loves kids,but doesn’t want her own.Its a tough job,it’s non-stop pretty much and the guilt I feel when I don’t do the right thing with the kids it’s torturous.They are NOT even my kids,but I’m the kind of person who has very high standards when it comes to raising kids.Anyone can have them,but not many know how to raise them properly.I appreciate Sanja for outsourcing the housework and focusing on quality time.My mom chose a clean house and meals from scratch over spending time with me like playing.People complain kids nowadays grow with iPads.Well, I watched TV for hours and no one thought that’s not healthy.Lisa,thank you and Tom for being so inspiring ❤️
Claudia Claudia Thank you so much for commenting! Soo interesting to hear your perspective on raising kids. It’s difficult. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. All we can do is our best 💜
My parents never enjoyed day to day life, we rarely did anything fun & spontaneous, they worked 7 days a week to accommodate my needs and provide for my education abroad. I really appreciate it as an adult, as they worked extremely hard but this put me off from having kids for good. I studied superhard and tried my best, I have a demanding career now which does matter to me but I just want to enjoy my life outside of work, travel and spend my money on me. The pressure and anxiety they put on themselves was just crazy.
I live my life for me. Not other people. Probably one of my BEST discoveries of 2020. If people can’t support my journey and my decisions and what’s best for me, then they don’t deserve to be in my life. I’m more than willing to support others on their journey, but if they look down on my life because it’s not the same as theirs (which is usually just pure jealousy and narcissistic tendencies - don’t need that in my life!), I’m not here for it. I’m worth more than that. I’m worthy of loving relationships.
It was not men who wanted that. It was women that wanted to be independent strong working women. Blaming this on men is baseless. Also I think that we humans have so many peoblems during our lifes. Why would you want to make another human to deal with all this shit I never understood.
@@yoooyoyooo The patriarchy places unfair burdens on both sexes, assuming that each has a role to fulfill. Choosing to be a person with a career or choosing to be a primary parent should be up to the partners involved and not based on society's expectations. Neither choice is the wrong choice if it's what you want.
@@yoooyoyooo Review your history. Women mainly started entering the workforce during world war 2. You can look up why but its pretty obvious somebody had to work while the men were away.
@@yoooyoyooo Yet, you men are all jumping on that bandwagon which you claim you didn't want, so that you can take advantage of women. Start taking some accountability instead of blaming everything on women! If you were a real man you would not be a pushover and bow down to this feminist idea and allow it to control YOUR views as a man. A TRUE traditional maintains his perspective and doesn't put these modern pressures on his woman - he provides for her and gives her no problems or drama for not wanting to work and be a housewife. This happens ALL the time nowadays (and it happened to me in 2 serious relationships) so you can't blame it on women. Most of us TRUE traditional women (which most men claim this is the type of woman they want, not the feminists) will get abandoned today because men have become the true feminists: men will date a woman for 5 years and STILL leave her if she refuses to contribute finances on top of having kids, even if we as women only want to stay at home if we plan to have kids. They choose to waste our time. So no, that old blame game on women 24/7 doesn't work.
Thank you, very interesting subject! I completely respect your choices and I’m sorry I made you feel the way you did when telling you that I wanted grandchildren. I only want you to be happy - that is all I ever wanted, and I see that you are my beautiful butterfly. Love you
Women of Impact you are so lucky to have a mom like that. My parents (Indian) tortured me all my life about it. Mental torture. They are embarrassed about me. They never leave me alone. They don’t listen. They don’t get it. And they sacrificed their lives for me and at the end I destroyed their lives and they are not able to live in their society because they are ridiculed for what I did. It never ends but nothing else the guilt will kill me at the end.
Dhyana so sorry to hear you’re in pain lovely. Please seek help from someone you trust and try to be kind to yourself. Learn your lessons and move forward rather than hanging on to the past. Sending you warm energy 💜❤️
Women of Impact thank you so much. You and Tom are my biggest inspirations. Not sure if you see this but I wrote the above comment late at night so it was not well put. The issue was well besides the many ways I supposedly disappointed my parents (married a non-Indian at one point which caused so much stress and eventually brought to an end) I became very ill at one point because my parents were forcing me to have children (live in the US and work in Cybersecurity but distance does not natter with Indian parents) and the extraordinary stress and hardcore treatments for that almost killed me. Indian parents have the most difficult way of maintaining these relationships. It is like black magic -you will never be able to disconnect because of the guilt and they will never stop ‘loving me’ which is essentially thinly veiled demands . So it came to a point that I am not even sure if I truly want children but as soon as I hear them say that I must, I instantly feel revolting towards that. And for the bonus, I really hate my career path too but that was my parent’s love too 🙄 Anyway, yes I need to seek help. Thank you for your kindness and suggestion.
MOTHER!!! Please never ever apologize!! I know how much that came from the MOST loving place ever so I never took it in a negative way!! You are officially the BEST mother I could of ever wished for and I absolutely HANDS DOWN would not be the woman I am today if it wasn’t to YOU!!! There is not one single doubt in my mind!!! I love you my beautiful butterfly 😘
I just never had mothers instinct in me because I never liked kids. Maybe it would change if I meet the right person, but unfortunately I do not have much time. So, I leave it to the universe and seriously I do not care what people think about me not having kids. There are other things in life that makes me happy.
SandraM Same here. I only would consider having kids IF and ONLY IF I meet the right man. So far, none of them have proven to be worthy of it and have abandoned me after wasting my precious time, even after being in serious, long term committed relationships with me. They deceived me and lied to me, breaking my heart by leaving me even though they were deeply in love so they said, smh. So it taught me most men are just great liars, and simply not worth their salt. Many of these men who claim to be "the good guys" are no better. Often times they are the same men who will dog you out. NO thanks. Maybe in the next life I'll have the chance and the time to have kids.
Same here, Even as a child myself I didn't like other kids. I still don't. I meditated on this. Talked to my therapist about this. Talked to the priest about it, maybe the devil is behind it ( not religios meanwhile btw) I was afraid that when I meet the right man, suddenly this huge urge to have a child with him would hit me. But no, there is nothing wrong with me! I love animals, I have always had motherly instincts towards animals but not towards humans. Hey, at least now I tolerate children, I used to hate them. I'm now 39 and single so... Even if I would meet Mr Perfect and suddenly want to have his child and become pregnant... That child will be 20 when I'm 60, no siblings. Their parents might be dead by the time they're 30. That's just sad. Why would I do that to another human being?
I’m from Zimbabwe, I know the struggle of not affording to pay $10 for school fees. I want to adopt as many as I can to educate who can not afford in Zimbabwe.
Wow, I did not expect to be crying right now. This conversation is raw and true and I love all the strong female energy here. I need to manifest having a group of empowering friends. We can all grow so much from these conversations. Thank u ladies♥️
Were you able to manifest having a group of empowering friends? The end of 2020 has brought me to so many realizations about what true friendship should be. I have now decided on what type of friends I should have in my life and will now begin to manifest them too! I wish this video could go viral!
It is fine to not want children. I am 43 and married to a wonderful guy and no kids. I initially wanted them when I was younger...but it was more to fit in with the "mother club" and to make my mother and father happy. It is strange though for women...we are told, "don't get pregnant...don't get pregnant..." then quickly told, "Hurry up and get pregnant....clock is ticking." Really!?! So we have to have the college experience, career, then find the man, get the babies, and do all of it?! Well I guess I failed in more ways than one.
I feel you. Im 25 and dont want to have kids but dont see myself giving my life for a job or a career. I just want to enjoy life as well but its a bittersweet feeling since apparently if a woman doesnt have kids by default she needs to focus all her attention in her career. It seems like its either or :/
Wow! This conversation is so needed. I was just speaking on the same topic, how women are expected to be everything and do everything. There's so much expectation on women, from adolescence to adulthood. There's a double standard - boys are loved, girls are raised. But I absolutely love the raw transparency in this convo and speaking so much truth that so many of us can relate to. Bravo ladies.
This is so interesting. My mother wasn’t happy just being a mother. She always chose her job(s) and her social life over the kids. She wasn’t around when we needed her. I’ve struggled with identity throughout my adult life so much because the expectation in my family was to have a career and all I wanted was to be a mother. As a child I loved plying house with my dolls, cooking and taking care of a family. But I went into architecture and design and was miserable. When I became a mom I knew I wanted to stay home and I have been a stay at home mom ever since. I still struggle with shame over it.
Don't be ashamed. You made an honest choice and took full responsibility and made a real commitment to it. I'm borderline antinatalist but it warms my heart when people do have babies and show true dedication to the role. You owned ur choice, you just need to find confidence with it now 🥰
Interesting my mum born in 1933 and always lived her life her way.... not marrying and having kids till late 30s and into 40s....told me to travel, get out and live your life before you get married or have kids. Best mum ever💞👍
Plenty of women get told the same then suffer struggling to have them later on. It is possible to have a career and enjoy your life after marriage and kids too. It shouldn't be presented as the end of the road.
Sorry that's terrible advice for most women because the struggle they can have with infertility is soul crushing and takes a back seat to glittering around in your 20s. I remember reading Sandra Bullocks mom said her mom gave her that advice so she was waiting. When I read it I thought I bad advice. Later when she tried to have kids, too late. Multiple ivfs eventually adopted. Jen Anniston also, too late.
Thank you for this raw and real account of women's experiences. I'm 31 and married for 6 and a half years, not really ever wanted children but have overwhelming pressure from extended family (I have South Asian Heritage so the pressure is HEAVY) but there's so many things that I am worried about from the impacts on my body and mental state to passing down intergenerational trauma and worrying about giving my children a positive upbringing and maintaining a cultural and religious balance having multiple identities living in the UK. Not to mention all the other awful things out there.
This was so raw and real thank you! I’m 28 and have always since I was 12 yrs old I decided I don’t want children bc of hormonal and other health issues. My doctor told me they would be so severe that I would not be able to have children. So for a couple of years I just thought it’s better just to not have any because I didn’t want to be disappointed in the case I ever wanted some. As the years went by and as I kept trying to live life and to take care of my health, go to school, work, help out at home, I realized it’s already hard enough to try to take care of myself. So I became more firm on the idea of not having children because I felt it was not fair to me and those around me to not be as healthy or the best version that I could be. My family and family members always told me you’re going to change your mind but they did not live my life, we’re not in my body suffering so they did not see things from my point of view. For me and my personal journey I have not been able to enjoy my life in the way that I want because it’s always been my responsibilities first, my family and it’s never really been for me. So I always think how can I be a little person’s world if I don’t feel like I can give them everything and guide them because the world is hard. I’m one of those people Who wants to give 100% to a relationship or interaction that I have and I know that I personally cannot do that for a child if I have not felt that for myself. I have not given myself 100%. Even some friends today think that it is selfish of me to not have children. What they do not see is that I wish to be able to help many children around the world, help teens, help students who may be struggling with their health. So they may not understand that I am helping children just in my own way. Thank you Lisa for having this interview and thank you to the ladies in this panel for their honesty🧡
Jesus this sums up EVERYTHING that goes through my mind when I tell people I don't want kids. THANK YOU Lisa, Sanja, and Lillian for doing this raw and real show!!!❤️
Thanks so much Lisa for bringing this topic over and over again. I am 34 and the pressure is REAL. We should be able to embrace our individual choices.
Oh my goodness Lisa. I resonated with you so much when you shared with us that you told Tom you wanted kids and then decided not to. I told my husband “maybe, if it happens it happens.” Fully knowing I’ve never wanted kids. He of course was fine with it eventually but I feel the same guilt you felt. Thank you for this episode. It was great. I don’t feel guilt at all anymore, and haven’t in a while. I’m 34 and I’m in the fitness industry and my main reason for not wanting a child is not wanting to go through a pregnancy and lose my body. Some would call that selfish but it’s not because it’s MY choice. Anyway just wanted to say thank you ! Love everything you’re doing !!! xoxoxoxo
I resonated with this video so much. Growing up and into my adulthood I was never sure if I wanted children or not. I married at 29 years old and that thought changed. I wanted to have my husbands baby but we ended up having ten miscarriages over four and a half years. We decided for my health and our marriage it was in our best interest to stop trying. We both have been saddened by our decision but at the same time we both feel relieved. Adoption and advanced medicine just isn’t what we feel is best for our family. We are both truly happy and feel no need to grow our family in anyway. Family and friends took it hard at first but now are ok with our decision but strangers tend to be so negative toward us about our decision not to undergo advanced medicine and adoption. Many people seem to take it personally that we will not have children. I’ve recently had this experience at my Bible Study, last week; I felt so alone and attacked for not being physically able to have children and not choosing adoption. It’s hard and I hope these conversations will help other women, people in general understand that not everyone’s path is meant to be the same and that’s ok.❤
This was exceptional as each of the ladies went raw.The most profound part for me was when it came clear that no matter which side of the divide you are on, people will find a fault in your decisions.Moreso let us stick out for each other as women, ladies, girls etc and be assertive and proud for the choices we make.This was amazing.
I can really relate to the blonde lady in this video with regards to her confusion and ambivalence about children and the pain it has caused her. I had very mixed messages about parenthood growing up. At that time pregnancy was presented as a catastrophe, academic achievement was the most important thing, and I should leave marriage and children until my thirties. Then in my thirties I couldn't get pregnant but all of my siblings popped them out one after the other and suddenly careers were nothing and grandchildren everything. Now I realise that sometimes people (including your own parents) only give so-called advice that suits themselves at that moment in time. Unlike this lady, I did, however, go through IVF 5 times which ate up all my savings I worked so hard for all those years (ex-partner at that time wasn't working but that's another added complication I won't get into - he wasnt really a suitable partner in many ways, but that also took me a long time to realise). Throughout that and even now I am still ambivalent. Sometimes I think it's the confusion that causes the most pain. And if you tell people you are ambivalent they think it means you don't really care, rather than you are confused and distressed by your confusion. I think I always feared the responsibility of parenthood but if it had happened I would have embraced it. But of course, I can't know that for sure. I wish I knew that I definitely never wanted them, so I wouldn't have pissed all my money and 10 years of my life away trying to have them. The IVF clinic never offered any support or counselling. Most are only interested in positive test results to make their clinics look good and your money. You are just another sucker to them. I tend to be a solitary type of person into solitary pursuits so I at least like my own company. But for that reason sometimes I think it was maybe even more important for me to have had my own little family. My social circle is practically nil now. Friends and siblings with children are pretty absorbed in their own life. Some I prefer to avoid as they are too unbearably obsessed with their children. My situation has caused me to withdraw from society even more. I try to do my hobbies as usual, but I feel kind of frozen in time, like life is moving on without me. I am having a particularly stressful time at work at the moment, and when that happens you think...is this all there is? Where did I go wrong?
God I am just like you. The things you wrote in this comment are as if they’re plucked straight from my brain. I just don’t know what I want to do, my heart says no to being a mother, but my mind is throwing in all the “what ifs” that confuse the hell out of me. I’m trying to take the advice I’ve heard from others which is “if it’s not a resounding 100% YES, then it is a NO.”
Oh my gosh...thank you so fucking much for this video! This is such a difficult topic for me and I relate to it on such a deep level. It isn't discussed on a neutral and compassionate level enough! It's always "kids = no life" or "no kids = no life". It's awful. I hate that I can't know how I am going to feel in the future. My opinions change and that bothers me. I am kind of in the middle again. I want kids but I also don't want kids. I fear that I would regret not having kids. I also fear if I did have kids that I would regret it too. It's hard to make a decision true to yourself when both options are tainted with fear. And it isn't even a decision that can be taken lightly. I give 100% into anything, I know myself enough to know that if I had kids I would put 100% into it and that would impact my health issues too. I'm great with kids and I love spending time with them but I know I can't be that way all the time and that would hurt me. I would want to have my partner as number 1 and I'm not sure I could do both to a standards that I would accept. Mentally I know to my core I am not ready yet - but there also isn't a guarantee I'll ever be ready. If I do or don't want kids, I want it to be base on a confident decision and not out of fear. My partner wants kids without having any real reason. This add a whole host of new problems because would I regret ending the relationships and not having kids and so on. What if we broke-up and a year or so later I realised I did want kids. I grew-up not wanting kids, then with one ex I did want kids but now I am not so sure again. It's a much more complex topic than people make it out to be. Thank you for talking about it in such a raw and honest way.
Milly Tills Thank you so much for your comment and so happy to be part of this discussion ❤️ For sure, there are soooo many what ifs. Totally understand the dilemmas and sadly can’t offer you answers as those are yours alone to make. BUT hearing you and hoping you find your path 🙏🏻💜
I am in a very similar situation. I wish I knew how I will feel in the future but no one knows. I am sure if you have kids you will have a hard time but You will experience something very special and unremarkable. If you don’t you have the opportunity to be free and explore yourself all the time. Personality I am inclined for the second option because I have too many issues in my head all the time and find it hard to think how I will be while taking full responsibility of another human. I am still confused because my partner said he kinda wants kids but I am not sure about what I want at all. The biological clock sucks because I am barely figuring things out on my own and I have a couple of years to decide 😒. It is what it is. I think, what if I feel way better in a few years and think I am more mentally stable to have them but is too late. I guess I can adopt too. But I also feel I might never achieve that point, or I might and decide that kids are not in the plan at all.
What did you decided? I wish I had more time also. I turned 37 a few weeks ago. My husband says he will be happy with me in any decision I take , but I cannot take a decision. I want and not want also. Why is it so hard? I am scared to regret both decisions in the future.
This was such a honest portrayal of the real challenges women face. We should stop judging one another and accept that each of us have our own journey. Love this channel!
Excellent program!! I am going to share it with my two teenage daughters. Society and religion puts so much pressure on what you are supposed to do or accomplish. Loved it!!
I really appreciate this discussion, and the honesty and balance of perspectives on the panel. I’d like to share mine: 1. I believe that active parenting is the hardest and most important role there is for anyone with children. Oprah Winfrey chose not to be a mother because she knew that she could not do justice to the role with the demands of her career/business. She made a hard and honest choice, and I have the utmost respect for anyone who makes that choice. 2. Women who choose to have children and be career-or business-driven must be honest, and not pretend that they can excel at all roles simultaneously. We must be honest about the sacrifices being made domestically (as wives and mothers) when our careers or businesses come first. What I don’t respect, for example, is a neurosurgeon who works 90+ hours per week, has a husband, 2 children, and 2 nannies, and says that her role as a mother isn’t being compromised, and doesn’t see that some of her husband’s and children’s needs ARE being sacrificed for her career, which is a greater priority for her. Honesty in the face of political incorrectness is what is needed. 3. Much of the reason why many American women find the role of housewife or SAHM to be unfulfilling is because western culture doesn’t do it justice with enough purpose and meaning to see it as a career unto itself. There is no sense of purpose beyond cooking, cleaning, childcare and sex with hubby. In essence, our culture isn’t doing or teaching it right. Also, we see expectations as traps, which isn’t entirely healthy. 4. Yes, it’s your life. But your life was gifted to you by someone who could have chosen not to give you life. Unless you would rather not have been born, the desire and/or sense of obligation to give a life for the life you’ve been given is not an unfair expectation, and an expression of gratitude that can be fulfilled biologically or not, especially if you are wealthy. Thank you all for this.
Walladah Muhammad I mean, just wow 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Applaud you for your comment! Beautifully written and very carefully considered. Thanks so much for sharing 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Walladah Muhammad I love all of this. #2 brings to mind that men are not typically seen as not meeting familial needs for working 90+ hours. When a mother has the priority career, she seems to be lacking in duty. As you’ve mentioned, no human can excel at all things. Sacrifices are made no matter who has the priority career but society critiques women for making the same sacrifices as men.
I don't fully understand the logic behind your 4th point. By that reasoning, people who don't want children don't really want to live, and in a way the ones who do want kids do it to thank their parents ? I understand that there is some truth to what you're saying ok, it's likely that if your childhood was unhappy, you probably won't have the desire to reproduce the patterns, I get that. And vice versa. But do you really think that everyone's purpose in life is to have a family ? and that you can't have had a happy childhood and still choose to invest your energy into something else that requires all of your attention ? as you said, life is a gift. Meaning when your parents give it to you, (and I know this is gonna sound triggering maybe, but : ) you don't owe them anything actually. You can feel gratitude if they did a good job as a parent, but it's not due. Like with any gift. And if you feel like giving again, it's a whole new thing, not "giving back" (to whom ??), and if you chose not to have kids, it's not taking a life "away". Kids that aren't born are just pure potential, they don't exist, so you're not hurting anyone see ? sorry I don't want to argue I just needed to express my view. ps: I can understand the surprise of people when you say you don't want kids, as it's not in the norm etc, but what I don't like is the "sense of obligation" and the pressure we get, that's not fair
Thank you for having this hard conversation. I am so appreciative that you chose both sides of the equation the vulnerability and honesty with the ups and downs of having kids and choosing not to have kids. As a young woman I’ve always assumed having kids and being married is “what you do”. Now that I’m headed toward my mid twenties, growing a business, and talking marriage with my partner I’ve decided, like you, the lifestyle and sacrifice in the day to day life isn’t something that I truly want. It has been hard to acknowledge especially the judgement from others and the “you’ll change your mind or regret it when you’re older”. Thank you for this!!!
i am still watching and impressed by the active listening skills of the interviewer. great convo thus far...but I remember telling my mother while i was a teen, that I would "NEVER BREED. " Especially as a black woman in a racist American society. i would never subjugate my own progeny to this level of institutionalized hatred there are soooo many layers to this convo.
It's not a skin color issue at all. All human beings suffer far more in life than they have pleasure. That's how life is for everyone. Making everything in to a race problem is not fair at all.
I’m super late to the party here! 37 year old father to 2 young kids and struggling. This conversation was super helpful. Thanks to all 3 of you! Lilian was a big part of my childhood watching wrestling 😊. Top notch discussion ladies. The world needs more of this! A great display of compassion and no judgement. ❤️
Maybe it’s a case specific but I had never a problem with the choice of not wanting kids. I never felt guilt, lack of comfort, problem with responding to questions about having kids. It was always just another question, like „what’s the weather like today”. I really dont care about other people’s agenda or societal structure. It’s literally nobody’s business, and I dont see a reason to explain myself. I just usually cut the discussion with something simple like “I do me, you do you”. And change the subject.
I have a 9 month old son and got pregnant my senior year of high school. I graduated, I’m doing well and get to be a stay at home mom. My boyfriend and I plan on getting married. I love being a mom and have a good support system which is so important. I’m so glad this came from non judgmental perspectives. Working child-free woman or a stay at home mom or something in-between, women should support women regardless of their journey. 🌈❤️😇
For all the women with or without kids and the women who doesn't want kid or wants kids, for those who can't have kids. I really love to say, you all are amazing beings no matter what. ❤️
I never not wanted kids but no time was ever right for me .I just kept putting it on the long finger..I'm very maternal.i know I'm mother material...but I'm thinking if the worst comes to the worst I'll adopt a couple of doggies ..💖💖💖💖🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🦋🦋🦋🐞🐞🐞🐞🧸🧸🧸🧸🌞🌞🌞🌸🌸🌸💐💐💐god bless you all Ladies. 🙏🦋🌈🦋🌈
I love this interview and topic, but I also find it extremely annoying how badass women still feel so unsure and have to justify every little decision they've made. So inspiring...
let me tell ya, just because you have kids, doesn't mean you will feel less lonely. So proud of you and these women, self-doubt is so real, but nothing more inspiring than seeing a community and dialogue based around this. Great job!
Who laughed, cried and related to almost everything in this video🙋🏻♀️ i am So addicted to this channel and have been watching all of them and have Loved all of them. I wish women were more supportive like this in real life but i know change starts with ourselves so i am trying to be super conscious of how I can be more of a supportive friend❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for this channel🌷🌻
Thank you for this episode. I loved it. I am taking a mental snapshot of this conversation. I think even men should see it. This is a tough conversation for me with my family and even some friends. I will absolutely redirect them here when they argue against my personal choice. The funny part is that I just tell them that it is a choice, one that I have not made but will nevertheless put a lot of thought into before going for it. But just the idea that it is A CHOICE seems too radical for them. Kids are much more intuitive than we give them credit for. As Sanja said, they are a sponge and they are tuned to unspoken emotions and feelings. If either parent was not ready/willing or forced into a decision out of guilt (be it because of religion/partner/family/society), kids will be able to pick it up. I was that kid once and it took me a lot to heal. I would never want to put another human being in that position ever.
Exactly! Thinking for ourselves is extremely important. I do not have kids, my boyfriend do not want kids, but my parents and his parents expect from us, thinking we are weird because we don´t have kids. So, the problem is people expect that other people do the same. That is wrong. I think we should do something we really want to do, not just because someone else expect from us. I don´t judge anyone, I just think for myself. I have courage and I think life is a choice. I think women should be independent, not rely on other people´s opinions, expectations and that is the same for men. I would like to make these interviews with women similar like me.
I took so much away from this video. I feel less alone on this topic and the radical honesty is what we need to hear more of. Thank you for saying the things us women are all thinking about but too scared to say ❤️❤️❤️
Lisa, Lilian, Sanja, thank you SO MUCH for sharing this and being so vulnerable and open about your experiences. Too often we struggle alone, quietly in our hearts and minds, thinking we must be broken somehow for not fitting someone else's expectation of us, whether those expectations come from family, friends, our partner or society in general. We work so hard trying to convince ourselves that we need to change to meet these expectations, and it ends up destroying our sense of self over time. I have been on my own journey with struggling about whether to have kids or not, and it's such a difficult, important choice to make. I'm still unsure what the answer is. For years I thought it was a choice I had to struggle with internally, and I was ashamed to even bring it up to my husband or close friends, but I am so grateful to have discovered Impact Theory, Women of Impact, Relationship Theory, and all the resources I have then found as a consequence of listening to you guys. It has allowed me to open up, be more vulnerable, TALK about the things that I struggle with, stop trying to appear so damn perfect all the time and it's been so helpful and liberating. So again, thank you. ❤❤❤
I love this so so much! This episode in particular really really touched me. My husband and I have decided to not have kids and its been a struggling telling people that especially family. Hearing each perspective and each of your knowledge was absolutely incredible. And it has reassured me we're doing whats best for us. Thank you!!!!
My father is Egyptian. And Egyptian parents want their kids to bear kids. Always. And my answer to ppl that asked (and ffs.. I'm in my mid twenties) was always "fuck off" simply. Its a great answer. To everyone. Really. It's NOBODY'S business what a woman chooses to do with her body. Nobody's. Period. People need to be reminded of that. You don't owe anyone anything. Focus on you. Live your truth and don't be swayed by anybody else's idea of what your life should look like. These people usually have no idea who they are or what they want so it's laughable that they pass judgement on your life decisions.
Wow This convo is just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much to unpack here. Thank you for bringing this to light. No woman is wrong on their choice and we need to uplift each other in this, because the truth is while we can all bring life, we should have a choice in that and feel like we are lesser if the calling is not there.
I was always someone who wanted to have kids growing up because I have a very nurturing personality, but I’ve had so many health struggles over the last 10 years that I don’t know if I could handle the stress of being a mom and it makes me feel like I’m a failure for the way I was made. I don’t know if I will have kids or not, but this conversation helped me free myself from the expectations of needing to have biological children. Thank you!
This could have easily been a 4 hour show with still much to say. Very impactful.!! What courage for all of you to speak on how we ALL REALLY FEEL, but don't say!
when she said that person just on the couch or lying in bed.. but on the other end of the phone, someone contemplating that, and that person being there for them. WOW- that is so true. being right there for someone else. being in that position and positioning oneself with readiness to help someone else. thats also a way of life too. ive felt behind and put off family and relationships, to pursue psychiatry for the last few years and i know i will be there for someone eventually in the ways i wished someone was there for me, animals too. and that is all part of nurturing. i also think its just as significant the women who sponsored children in africa, and is going to see them. i like that she says we should be open and let things unfold for us.
This was interesting to listen to as someone who really wants kids and has many friends who don't or at least don't want to give birth. I have a friend who wants to adopt because "why would she want a parasite grow in her body?". It's said as a joke but I have some medical problems that may prevent me from having kids so it can be hard to hear. What I loved about this conversation was that there wasn't any negative comments about what someone else's life looks like, only the opportunities they've gained for making the choices they have. And that atmosphere made it safe to share the things that they have personally had to give up or emotions that they've had surrounding the choices they made.
Selfish defined: (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. Either way, the choice to have, or not have, children is selfish. Having a child will bring YOU what? Not having a child will bring YOU what? The decision is all about you and/or your partnership and/or what you expect to get from the choice. Also, the expectation for women to reproduce is there. I work in healthcare and get asked DAILY if I have children, or assumed “when I have children in the future”, etc. If you have a vagina, it’s an expectation. I make women, specifically women, uncomfortable when I say we are not having them and we don’t want to. Some cringe and walk away, their eyes immediately dart to avoid eye contact, etc. It makes me laugh (inside) because I’m assuming they have never considered it an option. That part is sad. I love it when people ask “what does your husband think!?” 🙄 1) he isn’t the boss of my womb and he made a choice over a decade ago 2) He knows us and has known us. If he had a problem with it he knows I would let him have that special life of fatherhood and I would let him go. It was a dealbreaker for dating, it’s a dealbreaker in our marriage. 🤷🏼♀️
M R M R this is so carefully thought out, beautifully written and such great points raised! Thank you so much 💜 You’re right about the definition of selfish and for sure when people make choices about children to suit themselves it IS selfish. Sadly the term selfish it’s often used in a negative way... meaning that you’re depriving someone else of something. Which doesn’t have to be the case, as in Lisa’s case and in yours ❤️
Phoenix - exactly. I’ve had people ask about my husbands feelings about it, ask if he is on board with it, who will take care of me when I’m old, and say, “he is so wonderful he should have kids...”. I can assure you he is wonderful and he would be an AMAZING father, better than I as a mother but why is it OK for society to credit his presumed needs above our partnership or better yet - his presumed needs above my own? And I would rather have 70 years of child free bliss and 5 years of trials VS 20+ years of agony raising someone I never wanted. It’s math, people. Simple math. 🤷🏼♀️
My husband and I were on that track too. No kids! Especially because I suffer from severy depression, anxiety and BDD. I know that shouldn’t determine my answer to having children but in all honesty... it does... what do you think about that??? Also, bot too long ago, my husband made a comment stating he wants kids. He was “joking”. But I know him and he meant it. Now I am confused. We’ve had issues lately (having nothing to do with that topic). He used to say he wanted to share his life and love only with me. I think he doesn’t love me as much anymore and needs a “kid”. I will never have a kid if my partner wants it and I don’t obviously but I got so confused.
@@kimberlymej8584 I know its a late response but if he still wants a child that you have to divorce! If you didnt already. children is one of those few topics that you have to agree within a marriage.
M R YES!! Thank you for this. I will never EVER understand why people think it’s “selfish” to not have kids. What’s selfish is to have them when you know you don’t want to. It’s abuse waiting to happen to the kid. I would know, I was raised by narcissists and they had no business having kids. Empowering myself with these videos though to KNOW what I believe and to KNOW and LOVE myself and not back down or let other people tell me how to live my life, that is my super power👊🏻💥
This was such a nice conversation. Although I partially have the desire to have kids, I don't want it to just be an inherent expectation. I feel like we as women are indoctrinated into believing our primary value is children and nothing more.
Selfish, is after you brought kids into the world, and go about your business, partying and don't care for your kids. Prevention, and acknowledging you are already in this world let you deal with you. That, is not selfish! Selfish, is having kids and regret you have them. That, is the worst. So many mentioned to me they regret they have kids, both sex regret!
thank you , amazing. I had 2. started at age 15. I worked very hard balancing keeping a marriage, raising strong children, working, continuing education.
The first lady spoke, did not impress me that she is happy of her decision in being a Mom. I pick up this from the beginning of the story, before I heard the rest of the story. Second Lady, in all black, very funny, said her job, is her child. Stop second guessing yourself and make peace with your decision. You don't have children to lean on them when you get old. You have them to raise and love them. The point the lady in all black made about if she had kids she didn't want to regret like the first lady. This is why best to make peace with whatever you decide.
First I have to say not having a child because some man doesnt want to to is the dumbest thing a woman could ever do. I know multiple women married to men that wanted to remain childless until she went through menopause and all the sudden they are off to have a family with a younger version.
Now I am experiencing the second child guilt. I get it everyday! So now that I have had the first, which I get no credit for, everyone wants to know about the second and the third. And the first birth almost killed me. Has anyone else had this happen after the birth of their first child? P. S. I haven't lived my best career life yet and I'm almost 40.
Lauren Seymour Thank you so much for sharing. Can’t relate but totally hearing you! Do what’s right for you lovely. Whatever anyone says, this is YOUR life 💗
I had an extremely high risk pregnancy and IMMEDIATELY wanted a second (which I had). It nearly killed me. I'm thankful. In all honesty I'm still recovering and it's been over 1 year since I had my 2nd. Our health is number 1. That's a VERY hard place to be. I pray you arrive at the best decision for your family.
You ask them this: “Ok are you ready to be a surrogate?” “Are you ready to pay my medical bills?” “Are you ready to help me raise the child until they’re 18 years old?” If all the answers are “No”, then shut the f*** up and stay out of my ovaries.
Once you have two they'll say when's the third. When you have three they'll say when are you having the next. When you have four they'll say why so many!!?
@@theresekatie4841 After the third, people will then ask about your career etc, etc, etc... Don't listen to society, they will drive you crazy. Step back, take a deep breaths and make decisions that are best for you.
Please be honest with yourself and teach your children the same. I know so many parents who felt obligated to reproduce, some stayed in unhealthy relationships to protect that vision. Take a look at the persons who self-medicate in your life, are they living their true life? By being more comfortable we can live better lives and get better results. Thank you ladies.
This has been the most rich conversation about the topic I´ve heard so far , so interesting to see how you 3 were so open vulnerable and brave to say your true to one another even when youhave such different realities, and still embrace each other 🥰. I reasonate a lot with Lilian and I admire how she can say it out loud. I´ve learnt from this that maybe it´s ok to be open about it , depending on who we are talking to.
An amazingly honest women, supporting and empowering each other. Simply beautiful to watch and very inspiring. Let's allow ourselves to take our own paths in life, they can all be very different but equally beautiful. Thank you!
Thank you for this conversation between three raw and kind people. No matter where we are or come from we all have our struggles. Hearing their experiences has helped me make up my mind on kids. Informed decisions are the best ones and this has been extremely informative. A thousand thanks!
Thank you for this conversation! I love how there are three women in this conversation with all different paths and lives and all supporting and loving each other and there are no sides or right ways. Such big and important contemplation, and not from a guilt basis but from life situation and our own choices in how we move.
Wow, this conversation was so powerful and enlightening. Thank you for sharing and being so transparent and honest! Blessings to you all- keep spreading these empowering messages!!!
Such a great episode! It is so sad that we need to struggle to be vulnerable and honest in saying that we don’t want kids. People aren’t ridiculed for not liking a certain colour, food, car etc so why are we ridiculed for not wanting children? At the end of the day it’s simply a personal choice. Why is it not ok to say “I have a great relationship and an amazing life and I don’t need anything else” straight away people fire back with “it could be even better with kids” well isn’t that a huge risk to take? Why take the risk if you don’t actually need to? I will never understand this logic, it baffles me. At times I feel some of these people just want you to be in the “mum” trap that they have got themselves into because they feel they are actually the ones being left behind. I don’t feel the need to tell people not to have children so why do people feel the need to tell me to have children?
Lisa I found yours and Toms company channel last Summer and obviously was very inspired by the talks and interviews he does on there, enough to keep coming back and seeing so many of the impactful and informative interviews that he has done on there. I obviously knew of you and saw you both as a very powerful team and I very much had the impression that the company and the talks were a team effort. And that you were doing a massive effort in the background, that I just wasn’t aware of. But when I found out about this channel a few weeks ago, I kinda felt dumb making assumptions I had no basis to make. I watched one of your interviews and I was kinda floored how much your way of conducting these talks, it really makes me feel heard, seen, loved and comforted. Even if I have no connection to the subject matter. Your way of listening to your guests, showing compassion, encourage them and compliment their power and vulnerability while you let them pass on their wisdom to all of us who need it, it is so impressive and worthy of tremendous respect. You show how to actually accomplish the whole ‘Women lift up other women’ belief that we really all should have. You inspire just by being yourself ❤️ Also many of the talks that I so far have seen give me this feeling of sitting with a bunch of wonderful new friends and just listening to them sharing the amazing wisdom they have learned throughout their life. I have a feeling that I will be gaining several lessons from you and these guests that will be stay with me until the time I need it, whether one time or many, so thank you so much! Btw: This is the first channel ever where I clicked the post notifications button (on purpose!) to be sure I never miss anything.
Keep up to date... Be the "cool" adult and your age won't even matter I speak from experience and people I have interacted with that are waaaaaay older than me (more than 20 yes of difference in age)
If you visit nurseries, most retired are only visited by their children on holidays. What i agree with you is the dying, funeral part when not having children. But if you get along well with your family there will be someone there to care for you.
@@woolypuffin392 Its nice for someone to visit in holidays, given the alternative. They also are probably helping to pay for that retirement home, and could do something in case you complained of mistreatment. I might have the choice made for me since my long term couple doesnt want children and I'm very reluctant to leave the relationship.
This hits differently after you give birth naturally and you get separated from your baby and you don't know how long. Healing from postpartum in a psych ward is not very ideal, it's rare that this happens. I wonder what life would be like if I didn't want kids instead. Team Malia. Team all women.
Wow. This was my first time to listen to this show. Expected to tune out after the first few min, but I was captivated! Lisa is a phenomenal host and moderated the conversation so skillfully. I'm a woman who doesn't want biological children and I've felt very alone in struggling with that decision. This conversation was eye-opening and gave me a lot of gems to think about. I may even need to rewatch it another day while taking notes on the side!
I’ve always wondered how many women of my mother’s generation really did not want children but had them anyway because it was expected of them and they could not have a choice because of society’s pressure. And that’s what women did back then. And a lot of them still won’t admit it to this day.
My grandma was one of them. Had mom and my uncle, but absolutely hated being pregnant. She didn't want to marry but was pressured to do so. She, at one point, said she actually wanted to become a nun. 😓 She was an extremely indoctrinated catholic. "That's what everyone did." 😢
I never comment, and, I respect all women who chose not to have children. However, it would be a your Legacy left behind for future generations Liza and Tom. You guys have the wealth in every area of life. Passing on the torch of what you have built would be a blessing to life. Our life is not promised and when life happens to one of us, you have that piece/part of that person you loved left behind to love. My opinion with all respect. I LOVE YOUR WORK GUYS AND YOU GUYS TRANSFORM LIFES, INCLUDING MINE. !!🙂💕💕
I think that we should listen to your gut feeling if we want to have children or not. I think that society puts too much pressure to have children. I work with children and I love them, but I am very happy to come back home and have time for myself and my hobbies.
I love you so much as a soul Lisa 💙💙💙. Seriously so blown away again by your videos by your authenticity and ability to non judgmentally connect to those on your show and bring out the best authenticity in them . . . who then share their best with us the viewers! You have an amazing gift your unselfishly sharing with the world and you are such a gift to us mortals!! 🤣 Thank you!!! 💙
I have a career, but I don’t really care about it...but I’ve never wanted kids either (and I’m almost 45). I want to live simply and just help animals.
Nakidz Hear that! Got to LOVE animals 💗💗 Thank you for sharing 💜
That's me, too! I'm 40 and never really wanted kids, but did struggle with pressure from society. We have 3 rescue dogs and my goal is to own a rescue one day.
YES TO THE ANIMALS!!!!
@@jensquickreviews Ha! Me too! We should all join forces! :)
Nakidz yay there are others like me! 😃
It is hard enough to be a woman in this world, we shouldn't judge one another but be supportive sisters for each other. ❤️❤️❤️
Lora Lu well put 👏🏻👑💜
Our laws pander to women compared to men, trust me you don't have it as hard.
@@stn7172 you don't know what women go through if you are not a woman
So true
@@stn7172 Women do have it extremely hard!
I heard an interesting perspective once that said wanting to become a parent was a selfish choice. It is because it is in fact a choice of what you want out of your life not what you need. You WANT to have a child, to be a Mom, to be a Dad...to pass on YOUR lineage and ideas and to leave YOUR legacy. That in itself is actually a selfish motivation. Yet, it is the childless and childfree people of the world who are judged...go figure!
My perspective? If someone wants to have kids, fine. If someone doesn't want kids, fine. If you wanted them but it just wasn't in the cards for you, fine. People need to take their nose out of other people's lives and focus on their own situations.
This 💯
@we up Evolutionarily-speaking, you’d be correct. In today’s society, no. Neither yourself nor OP is wrong here. However, if we look at society today and all of that which encompasses it, we have a choice. We’re not acting out of “survival” means. We have no reason to procreate in a world as populated as ours. From a social psychological perspective, one would save their child before their husband due to the evolutionary principle as you’ve described above. Again, however, we do not choose to have children out of necessity. We choose to have children due to personal reasons - whether that be because we want a friend in our child, a chance to do different than our parents did with us, or because we want to make more of “ourselves.” Other reasons can play a role, of course, and yes, this is a case of to-each-their-own on both sides - child-bearing or not. But the perspective/concept that OP has stated is absolutely true, regardless of any rebuttal. We may have a drive to reproduce when we find someone we’d like to have children with, but that does not cause us to immediately attempt to conceive such as hunger producing the drive to find food and then eat. It’s a choice. Case in point, the evolutionary principle does not stand up to those parents who abuse their children, kill their children, abort their conceptions, etc. Parenting can be extremely difficult and a very large responsibility for many, and those who do not want children should not be made to feel as though they are any less human because of their choice.
Called antinatalism
I agree. People need too stop the pressure too get married or have children. Everyone has a different path in life and that is fine. People should live there own life and stop telling other people how too live there’s. I have one grown child she is 27 and when she was growing up I had friends that had kids and I also had friends that did not and it was nice because I enjoyed the time I had with my friends that did not have kids cause I could have completely different interests that were not child related. It’s like having the best of both worlds spending some time with both
@we up we get that but not because something is done means it should be done. Not everyone deserves kids because there are some really psycho parents in the world and some really sweet people who want children but don't have and some people who don't want kids for many reasons.
I never wanted children, but I got pregnant when I lost my virginity. I love my son, but being a mother is not the best thing in my life. I'm actually rather thrilled that he is 18 and ready to be a real adult. It's a hard life being a "good mom" and I don't know that I ever got the hang of it. I don't resent my son, but there are moments when I wonder what life would've been like without him. This was a great discussion. Thank you all for sharing.
Tiffany Hallmark thank you SO MUCH for sharing and for being so honest and open 🙏🏻 Totally hear you... it’s such an important discussion to be had ❤️💗
I worry that is what will happen to me if I do it for my man. He wants them, I loathe them. Will I end up resenting both? It's hard being a female. :/
@@madnessofmymind I would offer the advice that you should never do anything just because your man wants it. I've spent too long doing things because it's what my man wanted. I think it's very important to do what rings true for you, especially in the instance of creating a new life and trying to raise it. I wish you the best and follow your heart.
madnessofmymind all you can do is your best 💜
Tiffany Hallmark ❤️
I don’t mean this arrogantly at all but I never wanted kids and Im very sure about it. Im fine with being alone at the end of my days. I’ll figure it out.
Exactly
KarmaGirlDreams amazing that you’ve made a choice for you that you’re confident in and happy with 👊🏻
This 👆 say exactly what I decide. I remember 21, people say all time, you will love when clock 🕒 tell you it's time to be a mother. And always responde but I don't want to be one. Always same response, :you de with time. do not want be a mother, now 36 still don't want. My family finally accepted... In the end I Just want simple and kind life.
It is not arrogant to have never wanted kids!
Exactly, and kids should never be a retirement goal anyways...I know for a fact that my only child won't be there for me anyways.
I always say that women don't share their true stories enough. We are all out here struggling with our decisions one way or another daily. So kudo for speaking out on this topic.
KwikVideoMaker 🙌🏻 Thank you!! And agreed... we’re all struggling... time to be real about it 💗
As a woman of mid age with no children, I can truly say in extremely happy I never did. It wasn’t meant to happen with the people I was with thank the Lord. I chose not to to not potentially pass on my visual impairment originally but as I got older and was a step mom I’m good. I look forward to continuing to do the things that make me absolutely happy. Judgement is others problem not mine.
I’m a full time nanny who loves kids,but doesn’t want her own.Its a tough job,it’s non-stop pretty much and the guilt I feel when I don’t do the right thing with the kids it’s torturous.They are NOT even my kids,but I’m the kind of person who has very high standards when it comes to raising kids.Anyone can have them,but not many know how to raise them properly.I appreciate Sanja for outsourcing the housework and focusing on quality time.My mom chose a clean house and meals from scratch over spending time with me like playing.People complain kids nowadays grow with iPads.Well, I watched TV for hours and no one thought that’s not healthy.Lisa,thank you and Tom for being so inspiring ❤️
Claudia Claudia Thank you so much for commenting! Soo interesting to hear your perspective on raising kids. It’s difficult. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. All we can do is our best 💜
My parents never enjoyed day to day life, we rarely did anything fun & spontaneous, they worked 7 days a week to accommodate my needs and provide for my education abroad. I really appreciate it as an adult, as they worked extremely hard but this put me off from having kids for good. I studied superhard and tried my best, I have a demanding career now which does matter to me but I just want to enjoy my life outside of work, travel and spend my money on me. The pressure and anxiety they put on themselves was just crazy.
I live my life for me. Not other people. Probably one of my BEST discoveries of 2020. If people can’t support my journey and my decisions and what’s best for me, then they don’t deserve to be in my life. I’m more than willing to support others on their journey, but if they look down on my life because it’s not the same as theirs (which is usually just pure jealousy and narcissistic tendencies - don’t need that in my life!), I’m not here for it.
I’m worth more than that. I’m worthy of loving relationships.
I've never really wanted them. When men stopped being providers and expected us to bring in half the takings it's turned into a total scam.
It was not men who wanted that. It was women that wanted to be independent strong working women. Blaming this on men is baseless. Also I think that we humans have so many peoblems during our lifes. Why would you want to make another human to deal with all this shit I never understood.
@@yoooyoyooo The patriarchy places unfair burdens on both sexes, assuming that each has a role to fulfill. Choosing to be a person with a career or choosing to be a primary parent should be up to the partners involved and not based on society's expectations. Neither choice is the wrong choice if it's what you want.
@@yoooyoyooo Review your history. Women mainly started entering the workforce during world war 2. You can look up why but its pretty obvious somebody had to work while the men were away.
Sundal Roy - PRECISELY!! Unless I am fully provided for, no way I'm having kids on top of contributing to the finances.
@@yoooyoyooo Yet, you men are all jumping on that bandwagon which you claim you didn't want, so that you can take advantage of women. Start taking some accountability instead of blaming everything on women! If you were a real man you would not be a pushover and bow down to this feminist idea and allow it to control YOUR views as a man. A TRUE traditional maintains his perspective and doesn't put these modern pressures on his woman - he provides for her and gives her no problems or drama for not wanting to work and be a housewife. This happens ALL the time nowadays (and it happened to me in 2 serious relationships) so you can't blame it on women. Most of us TRUE traditional women (which most men claim this is the type of woman they want, not the feminists) will get abandoned today because men have become the true feminists: men will date a woman for 5 years and STILL leave her if she refuses to contribute finances on top of having kids, even if we as women only want to stay at home if we plan to have kids. They choose to waste our time. So no, that old blame game on women 24/7 doesn't work.
Thank you, very interesting subject! I completely respect your choices and I’m sorry I made you feel the way you did when telling you that I wanted grandchildren.
I only want you to be happy - that is all I ever wanted, and I see that you are my beautiful butterfly.
Love you
Mother, you only ever did your best. And you ARE THE BEST 💗 LOVE YOU BEYOND WORDS ❤️
Women of Impact you are so lucky to have a mom like that. My parents (Indian) tortured me all my life about it. Mental torture. They are embarrassed about me. They never leave me alone. They don’t listen. They don’t get it. And they sacrificed their lives for me and at the end I destroyed their lives and they are not able to live in their society because they are ridiculed for what I did. It never ends but nothing else the guilt will kill me at the end.
Dhyana so sorry to hear you’re in pain lovely. Please seek help from someone you trust and try to be kind to yourself. Learn your lessons and move forward rather than hanging on to the past. Sending you warm energy 💜❤️
Women of Impact thank you so much. You and Tom are my biggest inspirations. Not sure if you see this but I wrote the above comment late at night so it was not well put. The issue was well besides the many ways I supposedly disappointed my parents (married a non-Indian at one point which caused so much stress and eventually brought to an end) I became very ill at one point because my parents were forcing me to have children (live in the US and work in Cybersecurity but distance does not natter with Indian parents) and the extraordinary stress and hardcore treatments for that almost killed me. Indian parents have the most difficult way of maintaining these relationships. It is like black magic -you will never be able to disconnect because of the guilt and they will never stop ‘loving me’ which is essentially thinly veiled demands . So it came to a point that I am not even sure if I truly want children but as soon as I hear them say that I must, I instantly feel revolting towards that. And for the bonus, I really hate my career path too but that was my parent’s love too 🙄
Anyway, yes I need to seek help. Thank you for your kindness and suggestion.
MOTHER!!! Please never ever apologize!! I know how much that came from the MOST loving place ever so I never took it in a negative way!! You are officially the BEST mother I could of ever wished for and I absolutely HANDS DOWN would not be the woman I am today if it wasn’t to YOU!!! There is not one single doubt in my mind!!! I love you my beautiful butterfly 😘
I just never had mothers instinct in me because I never liked kids. Maybe it would change if I meet the right person, but unfortunately I do not have much time. So, I leave it to the universe and seriously I do not care what people think about me not having kids. There are other things in life that makes me happy.
Sandra Masilune GO GIRL!! 👊🏻🙌🏻👏🏻
SandraM Same here. I only would consider having kids IF and ONLY IF I meet the right man. So far, none of them have proven to be worthy of it and have abandoned me after wasting my precious time, even after being in serious, long term committed relationships with me. They deceived me and lied to me, breaking my heart by leaving me even though they were deeply in love so they said, smh. So it taught me most men are just great liars, and simply not worth their salt. Many of these men who claim to be "the good guys" are no better. Often times they are the same men who will dog you out. NO thanks. Maybe in the next life I'll have the chance and the time to have kids.
What happened in end? ❤
@@irinaivanovic9792 Thank you for your perspective on this without throwing women under the bus--refreshing!
Same here, Even as a child myself I didn't like other kids. I still don't. I meditated on this. Talked to my therapist about this. Talked to the priest about it, maybe the devil is behind it ( not religios meanwhile btw) I was afraid that when I meet the right man, suddenly this huge urge to have a child with him would hit me. But no, there is nothing wrong with me! I love animals, I have always had motherly instincts towards animals but not towards humans. Hey, at least now I tolerate children, I used to hate them. I'm now 39 and single so... Even if I would meet Mr Perfect and suddenly want to have his child and become pregnant... That child will be 20 when I'm 60, no siblings. Their parents might be dead by the time they're 30. That's just sad. Why would I do that to another human being?
I’m from Zimbabwe, I know the struggle of not affording to pay $10 for school fees. I want to adopt as many as I can to educate who can not afford in Zimbabwe.
I'm from Gabon
@Linet Akinyi I am from India and in my country society loves to shame people who don't have children.
Wow, I did not expect to be crying right now. This conversation is raw and true and I love all the strong female energy here. I need to manifest having a group of empowering friends. We can all grow so much from these conversations. Thank u ladies♥️
Bella Ali Aww 🥰 feeling that lovely. Thanks so much for your comment and so glad the episode impacted you ❤️❤️
I feel the same. It's so hard making new meaningful friends in my 30s
mellissa1981 hard but not impossible... keep moving forward 💗💗
It made me cry too. I am glad that there exists conversations like that one.
Were you able to manifest having a group of empowering friends? The end of 2020 has brought me to so many realizations about what true friendship should be. I have now decided on what type of friends I should have in my life and will now begin to manifest them too! I wish this video could go viral!
It is fine to not want children. I am 43 and married to a wonderful guy and no kids. I initially wanted them when I was younger...but it was more to fit in with the "mother club" and to make my mother and father happy. It is strange though for women...we are told, "don't get pregnant...don't get pregnant..." then quickly told, "Hurry up and get pregnant....clock is ticking." Really!?! So we have to have the college experience, career, then find the man, get the babies, and do all of it?!
Well I guess I failed in more ways than one.
Yes and after getting a career and husband and kids also maintain all of them. Exhausting, for some impossible.
Here i am 26, working 80%, so not a career woman and i dont want children. I just want to enjoy life!
Exactly. The part of me that doesn’t want kids doesn’t want them SO THAT I can relax in my career and float by. Less pressure, fewer expenses!
I feel you. Im 25 and dont want to have kids but dont see myself giving my life for a job or a career. I just want to enjoy life as well but its a bittersweet feeling since apparently if a woman doesnt have kids by default she needs to focus all her attention in her career. It seems like its either or :/
Wow! This conversation is so needed. I was just speaking on the same topic, how women are expected to be everything and do everything. There's so much expectation on women, from adolescence to adulthood. There's a double standard - boys are loved, girls are raised. But I absolutely love the raw transparency in this convo and speaking so much truth that so many of us can relate to. Bravo ladies.
Brittney Q. Hill wow! Thanks so much for your comment. Really appreciate your input... boys are loved, girls are raised... 💥
This is so interesting. My mother wasn’t happy just being a mother. She always chose her job(s) and her social life over the kids. She wasn’t around when we needed her. I’ve struggled with identity throughout my adult life so much because the expectation in my family was to have a career and all I wanted was to be a mother. As a child I loved plying house with my dolls, cooking and taking care of a family. But I went into architecture and design and was miserable. When I became a mom I knew I wanted to stay home and I have been a stay at home mom ever since. I still struggle with shame over it.
Don't feel ashamed. It's your personal choice and you're comfortable with it🥰🥰
Your a natural!♥️
You should never be ashamed - this is so sad that people look down on stay at home Mums. Seems like as a woman you can never make it right:-(
Don't be ashamed. You made an honest choice and took full responsibility and made a real commitment to it. I'm borderline antinatalist but it warms my heart when people do have babies and show true dedication to the role. You owned ur choice, you just need to find confidence with it now 🥰
So sad. You’re ashamed for “just” being a mom, I’m ashamed for not being a mom. So much shame we shouldn’t have.
Interesting my mum born in 1933 and always lived her life her way.... not marrying and having kids till late 30s and into 40s....told me to travel, get out and live your life before you get married or have kids. Best mum ever💞👍
I see that she never pressured you. That’s awesome. I agree.
Plenty of women get told the same then suffer struggling to have them later on. It is possible to have a career and enjoy your life after marriage and kids too. It shouldn't be presented as the end of the road.
@@xxyes8879 it is almost impossible. People who get married in time also struggle to have kids for one reason or the other.
Sorry that's terrible advice for most women because the struggle they can have with infertility is soul crushing and takes a back seat to glittering around in your 20s. I remember reading Sandra Bullocks mom said her mom gave her that advice so she was waiting. When I read it I thought I bad advice. Later when she tried to have kids, too late. Multiple ivfs eventually adopted. Jen Anniston also, too late.
Thank you for this raw and real account of women's experiences. I'm 31 and married for 6 and a half years, not really ever wanted children but have overwhelming pressure from extended family (I have South Asian Heritage so the pressure is HEAVY) but there's so many things that I am worried about from the impacts on my body and mental state to passing down intergenerational trauma and worrying about giving my children a positive upbringing and maintaining a cultural and religious balance having multiple identities living in the UK. Not to mention all the other awful things out there.
This was so raw and real thank you! I’m 28 and have always since I was 12 yrs old I decided I don’t want children bc of hormonal and other health issues. My doctor told me they would be so severe that I would not be able to have children. So for a couple of years I just thought it’s better just to not have any because I didn’t want to be disappointed in the case I ever wanted some. As the years went by and as I kept trying to live life and to take care of my health, go to school, work, help out at home, I realized it’s already hard enough to try to take care of myself. So I became more firm on the idea of not having children because I felt it was not fair to me and those around me to not be as healthy or the best version that I could be. My family and family members always told me you’re going to change your mind but they did not live my life, we’re not in my body suffering so they did not see things from my point of view.
For me and my personal journey I have not been able to enjoy my life in the way that I want because it’s always been my responsibilities first, my family and it’s never really been for me. So I always think how can I be a little person’s world if I don’t feel like I can give them everything and guide them because the world is hard. I’m one of those people Who wants to give 100% to a relationship or interaction that I have and I know that I personally cannot do that for a child if I have not felt that for myself. I have not given myself 100%. Even some friends today think that it is selfish of me to not have children. What they do not see is that I wish to be able to help many children around the world, help teens, help students who may be struggling with their health. So they may not understand that I am helping children just in my own way. Thank you Lisa for having this interview and thank you to the ladies in this panel for their honesty🧡
Jesus this sums up EVERYTHING that goes through my mind when I tell people I don't want kids. THANK YOU Lisa, Sanja, and Lillian for doing this raw and real show!!!❤️
Kelly Stucker glad the content resonated 🙌🏻🙏🏻❤️
Thanks so much Lisa for bringing this topic over and over again. I am 34 and the pressure is REAL. We should be able to embrace our individual choices.
Oh my goodness Lisa. I resonated with you so much when you shared with us that you told Tom you wanted kids and then decided not to.
I told my husband “maybe, if it happens it happens.” Fully knowing I’ve never wanted kids. He of course was fine with it eventually but I feel the same guilt you felt. Thank you for this episode. It was great. I don’t feel guilt at all anymore, and haven’t in a while. I’m 34 and I’m in the fitness industry and my main reason for not wanting a child is not wanting to go through a pregnancy and lose my body. Some would call that selfish but it’s not because it’s MY choice. Anyway just wanted to say thank you ! Love everything you’re doing !!! xoxoxoxo
Grown women speaking to each other so respectfully. Affirming each other regardless of different choices.. Beautiful ❕💕❕
I resonated with this video so much. Growing up and into my adulthood I was never sure if I wanted children or not. I married at 29 years old and that thought changed. I wanted to have my husbands baby but we ended up having ten miscarriages over four and a half years. We decided for my health and our marriage it was in our best interest to stop trying. We both have been saddened by our decision but at the same time we both feel relieved. Adoption and advanced medicine just isn’t what we feel is best for our family. We are both truly happy and feel no need to grow our family in anyway. Family and friends took it hard at first but now are ok with our decision but strangers tend to be so negative toward us about our decision not to undergo advanced medicine and adoption. Many people seem to take it personally that we will not have children. I’ve recently had this experience at my Bible Study, last week; I felt so alone and attacked for not being physically able to have children and not choosing adoption. It’s hard and I hope these conversations will help other women, people in general understand that not everyone’s path is meant to be the same and that’s ok.❤
This was exceptional as each of the ladies went raw.The most profound part for me was when it came clear that no matter which side of the divide you are on, people will find a fault in your decisions.Moreso let us stick out for each other as women, ladies, girls etc and be assertive and proud for the choices we make.This was amazing.
I can really relate to the blonde lady in this video with regards to her confusion and ambivalence about children and the pain it has caused her. I had very mixed messages about parenthood growing up. At that time pregnancy was presented as a catastrophe, academic achievement was the most important thing, and I should leave marriage and children until my thirties. Then in my thirties I couldn't get pregnant but all of my siblings popped them out one after the other and suddenly careers were nothing and grandchildren everything. Now I realise that sometimes people (including your own parents) only give so-called advice that suits themselves at that moment in time. Unlike this lady, I did, however, go through IVF 5 times which ate up all my savings I worked so hard for all those years (ex-partner at that time wasn't working but that's another added complication I won't get into - he wasnt really a suitable partner in many ways, but that also took me a long time to realise). Throughout that and even now I am still ambivalent. Sometimes I think it's the confusion that causes the most pain. And if you tell people you are ambivalent they think it means you don't really care, rather than you are confused and distressed by your confusion. I think I always feared the responsibility of parenthood but if it had happened I would have embraced it. But of course, I can't know that for sure. I wish I knew that I definitely never wanted them, so I wouldn't have pissed all my money and 10 years of my life away trying to have them. The IVF clinic never offered any support or counselling. Most are only interested in positive test results to make their clinics look good and your money. You are just another sucker to them. I tend to be a solitary type of person into solitary pursuits so I at least like my own company. But for that reason sometimes I think it was maybe even more important for me to have had my own little family. My social circle is practically nil now. Friends and siblings with children are pretty absorbed in their own life. Some I prefer to avoid as they are too unbearably obsessed with their children. My situation has caused me to withdraw from society even more. I try to do my hobbies as usual, but I feel kind of frozen in time, like life is moving on without me. I am having a particularly stressful time at work at the moment, and when that happens you think...is this all there is? Where did I go wrong?
So sorry that you are feeling like this. But thanks for sharing your experience. Please take care of yourself.
God I am just like you. The things you wrote in this comment are as if they’re plucked straight from my brain. I just don’t know what I want to do, my heart says no to being a mother, but my mind is throwing in all the “what ifs” that confuse the hell out of me. I’m trying to take the advice I’ve heard from others which is “if it’s not a resounding 100% YES, then it is a NO.”
This comment piece! 🙌❤️🫂 the mind games that self plays is tough!
Oh my gosh...thank you so fucking much for this video! This is such a difficult topic for me and I relate to it on such a deep level. It isn't discussed on a neutral and compassionate level enough! It's always "kids = no life" or "no kids = no life".
It's awful. I hate that I can't know how I am going to feel in the future. My opinions change and that bothers me. I am kind of in the middle again. I want kids but I also don't want kids. I fear that I would regret not having kids. I also fear if I did have kids that I would regret it too. It's hard to make a decision true to yourself when both options are tainted with fear. And it isn't even a decision that can be taken lightly. I give 100% into anything, I know myself enough to know that if I had kids I would put 100% into it and that would impact my health issues too. I'm great with kids and I love spending time with them but I know I can't be that way all the time and that would hurt me. I would want to have my partner as number 1 and I'm not sure I could do both to a standards that I would accept.
Mentally I know to my core I am not ready yet - but there also isn't a guarantee I'll ever be ready. If I do or don't want kids, I want it to be base on a confident decision and not out of fear. My partner wants kids without having any real reason. This add a whole host of new problems because would I regret ending the relationships and not having kids and so on. What if we broke-up and a year or so later I realised I did want kids. I grew-up not wanting kids, then with one ex I did want kids but now I am not so sure again. It's a much more complex topic than people make it out to be. Thank you for talking about it in such a raw and honest way.
Milly Tills Thank you so much for your comment and so happy to be part of this discussion ❤️ For sure, there are soooo many what ifs. Totally understand the dilemmas and sadly can’t offer you answers as those are yours alone to make. BUT hearing you and hoping you find your path 🙏🏻💜
I am in a very similar situation.
I wish I knew how I will feel in the future but no one knows.
I am sure if you have kids you will have a hard time but You will experience something very special and unremarkable. If you don’t you have the opportunity to be free and explore yourself all the time. Personality I am inclined for the second option because I have too many issues in my head all the time and find it hard to think how I will be while taking full responsibility of another human. I am still confused because my partner said he kinda wants kids but I am not sure about what I want at all.
The biological clock sucks because I am barely figuring things out on my own and I have a couple of years to decide 😒. It is what it is.
I think, what if I feel way better in a few years and think I am more mentally stable to have them but is too late. I guess I can adopt too. But I also feel I might never achieve that point, or I might and decide that kids are not in the plan at all.
What did you decided? I wish I had more time also. I turned 37 a few weeks ago. My husband says he will be happy with me in any decision I take , but I cannot take a decision. I want and not want also. Why is it so hard? I am scared to regret both decisions in the future.
This was such a honest portrayal of the real challenges women face. We should stop judging one another and accept that each of us have our own journey. Love this channel!
Lenore Brander AGREED!! And 🙏🏻💗
Excellent program!! I am going to share it with my two teenage daughters. Society and religion puts so much pressure on what you are supposed to do or accomplish. Loved it!!
Maria Isabel Rivera de Cuellar LOVE THIS! 🙌🏻🙌🏻 Teaching the next generation to be whatever they want to be 🙏🏻👏🏻💜
These women are amazing! raw & honest emotions!
Diana Charalambous 😘😘
I really appreciate this discussion, and the honesty and balance of perspectives on the panel. I’d like to share mine:
1. I believe that active parenting is the hardest and most important role there is for anyone with children. Oprah Winfrey chose not to be a mother because she knew that she could not do justice to the role with the demands of her career/business. She made a hard and honest choice, and I have the utmost respect for anyone who makes that choice.
2. Women who choose to have children and be career-or business-driven must be honest, and not pretend that they can excel at all roles simultaneously. We must be honest about the sacrifices being made domestically (as wives and mothers) when our careers or businesses come first. What I don’t respect, for example, is a neurosurgeon who works 90+ hours per week, has a husband, 2 children, and 2 nannies, and says that her role as a mother isn’t being compromised, and doesn’t see that some of her husband’s and children’s needs ARE being sacrificed for her career, which is a greater priority for her. Honesty in the face of political incorrectness is what is needed.
3. Much of the reason why many American women find the role of housewife or SAHM to be unfulfilling is because western culture doesn’t do it justice with enough purpose and meaning to see it as a career unto itself. There is no sense of purpose beyond cooking, cleaning, childcare and sex with hubby. In essence, our culture isn’t doing or teaching it right. Also, we see expectations as traps, which isn’t entirely healthy.
4. Yes, it’s your life. But your life was gifted to you by someone who could have chosen not to give you life. Unless you would rather not have been born, the desire and/or sense of obligation to give a life for the life you’ve been given is not an unfair expectation, and an expression of gratitude that can be fulfilled biologically or not, especially if you are wealthy.
Thank you all for this.
Walladah Muhammad I mean, just wow 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Applaud you for your comment! Beautifully written and very carefully considered. Thanks so much for sharing 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Walladah Muhammad I love all of this. #2 brings to mind that men are not typically seen as not meeting familial needs for working 90+ hours. When a mother has the priority career, she seems to be lacking in duty. As you’ve mentioned, no human can excel at all things. Sacrifices are made no matter who has the priority career but society critiques women for making the same sacrifices as men.
I don't fully understand the logic behind your 4th point. By that reasoning, people who don't want children don't really want to live, and in a way the ones who do want kids do it to thank their parents ? I understand that there is some truth to what you're saying ok, it's likely that if your childhood was unhappy, you probably won't have the desire to reproduce the patterns, I get that. And vice versa. But do you really think that everyone's purpose in life is to have a family ? and that you can't have had a happy childhood and still choose to invest your energy into something else that requires all of your attention ? as you said, life is a gift. Meaning when your parents give it to you, (and I know this is gonna sound triggering maybe, but : ) you don't owe them anything actually. You can feel gratitude if they did a good job as a parent, but it's not due. Like with any gift. And if you feel like giving again, it's a whole new thing, not "giving back" (to whom ??), and if you chose not to have kids, it's not taking a life "away". Kids that aren't born are just pure potential, they don't exist, so you're not hurting anyone see ? sorry I don't want to argue I just needed to express my view.
ps: I can understand the surprise of people when you say you don't want kids, as it's not in the norm etc, but what I don't like is the "sense of obligation" and the pressure we get, that's not fair
I wish I didn't exist. Existing is painful, but I love my mom
@@infjness definitely agree with you
Thank you for having this hard conversation. I am so appreciative that you chose both sides of the equation the vulnerability and honesty with the ups and downs of having kids and choosing not to have kids. As a young woman I’ve always assumed having kids and being married is “what you do”. Now that I’m headed toward my mid twenties, growing a business, and talking marriage with my partner I’ve decided, like you, the lifestyle and sacrifice in the day to day life isn’t something that I truly want. It has been hard to acknowledge especially the judgement from others and the “you’ll change your mind or regret it when you’re older”. Thank you for this!!!
i am still watching and impressed by the active listening skills of the interviewer.
great convo thus far...but I remember telling my mother while i was a teen, that I would "NEVER BREED. "
Especially as a black woman in a racist American society. i would never subjugate my own progeny to this level of institutionalized hatred
there are soooo many layers to this convo.
peace azure agreed! MANY layers ❤️❤️
I do wonder about that. I would probably just a dark black kids that are already in this society.
It's not a skin color issue at all. All human beings suffer far more in life than they have pleasure. That's how life is for everyone. Making everything in to a race problem is not fair at all.
yoooyoyooo it’s not a skin color issue FOR YOU. Who are you to tell someone their experience is not an issue?
I’m super late to the party here! 37 year old father to 2 young kids and struggling. This conversation was super helpful. Thanks to all 3 of you! Lilian was a big part of my childhood watching wrestling 😊. Top notch discussion ladies. The world needs more of this! A great display of compassion and no judgement. ❤️
There is nothing more satisfying than listening to wise women have a conversation. Very enlightening. ❤❤❤
Thatgirl 223 🙏🏻❤️ glad you enjoyed the episode! ❤️
Maybe it’s a case specific but I had never a problem with the choice of not wanting kids. I never felt guilt, lack of comfort, problem with responding to questions about having kids. It was always just another question, like „what’s the weather like today”. I really dont care about other people’s agenda or societal structure. It’s literally nobody’s business, and I dont see a reason to explain myself. I just usually cut the discussion with something simple like “I do me, you do you”. And change the subject.
I have a 9 month old son and got pregnant my senior year of high school. I graduated, I’m doing well and get to be a stay at home mom. My boyfriend and I plan on getting married. I love being a mom and have a good support system which is so important. I’m so glad this came from non judgmental perspectives. Working child-free woman or a stay at home mom or something in-between, women should support women regardless of their journey. 🌈❤️😇
Amazing empathy shown to each other here. This hour felt like a minute. Thank you so much for a fantastic discussion!
For all the women with or without kids and the women who doesn't want kid or wants kids, for those who can't have kids. I really love to say, you all are amazing beings no matter what. ❤️
I never not wanted kids but no time was ever right for me .I just kept putting it on the long finger..I'm very maternal.i know I'm mother material...but I'm thinking if the worst comes to the worst I'll adopt a couple of doggies ..💖💖💖💖🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🦋🦋🦋🐞🐞🐞🐞🧸🧸🧸🧸🌞🌞🌞🌸🌸🌸💐💐💐god bless you all Ladies. 🙏🦋🌈🦋🌈
I love this interview and topic, but I also find it extremely annoying how badass women still feel so unsure and have to justify every little decision they've made. So inspiring...
Life is measured in IMPACT, not in duration. Thank you for this. Keep up doing what you do.
DM Walters beautifully put! 💗
let me tell ya, just because you have kids, doesn't mean you will feel less lonely. So proud of you and these women, self-doubt is so real, but nothing more inspiring than seeing a community and dialogue based around this. Great job!
Ash Liu 🙏🏻 thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed the episode 💜
Who laughed, cried and related to almost everything in this video🙋🏻♀️
i am So addicted to this channel and have been watching all of them and have Loved all of them. I wish women were more supportive like this in real life but i know change starts with ourselves so i am trying to be super conscious of how I can be more of a supportive friend❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for this channel🌷🌻
Thank you for this episode. I loved it. I am taking a mental snapshot of this conversation. I think even men should see it. This is a tough conversation for me with my family and even some friends. I will absolutely redirect them here when they argue against my personal choice. The funny part is that I just tell them that it is a choice, one that I have not made but will nevertheless put a lot of thought into before going for it. But just the idea that it is A CHOICE seems too radical for them.
Kids are much more intuitive than we give them credit for. As Sanja said, they are a sponge and they are tuned to unspoken emotions and feelings. If either parent was not ready/willing or forced into a decision out of guilt (be it because of religion/partner/family/society), kids will be able to pick it up. I was that kid once and it took me a lot to heal. I would never want to put another human being in that position ever.
This channel and content is so honest, raw and intelligent and so necessary for women of all ages.
deelot1 thank you so much 🙏🏻 Feeling the 🥰❤️
Exactly! Thinking for ourselves is extremely important. I do not have kids, my boyfriend do not want kids, but my parents and his parents expect from us, thinking we are weird because we don´t have kids.
So, the problem is people expect that other people do the same. That is wrong. I think we should do something we really want to do, not just because someone else expect from us. I don´t judge anyone, I just think for myself. I have courage and I think life is a choice. I think women should be independent, not rely on other people´s opinions, expectations and that is the same for men.
I would like to make these interviews with women similar like me.
More conversation and respect needs to be had around this topic🥰
I have always thought i wanted kids until i watched this episode. SCARY
Lindokuhle Nhlanhla not sure whether to high five that or commiserate with you 🤔 Either way, sending positive energy your way 💗💗
I took so much away from this video. I feel less alone on this topic and the radical honesty is what we need to hear more of. Thank you for saying the things us women are all thinking about but too scared to say ❤️❤️❤️
Life.Energy.Movement with Laura thanks so much 🙏🏻💗 Glad you enjoyed the episode!
This talk hit me deep. So glad there are others like me! Thank YOU so much!
Ayesha S many others 🙏🏻💜
Lisa, Lilian, Sanja, thank you SO MUCH for sharing this and being so vulnerable and open about your experiences.
Too often we struggle alone, quietly in our hearts and minds, thinking we must be broken somehow for not fitting someone else's expectation of us, whether those expectations come from family, friends, our partner or society in general. We work so hard trying to convince ourselves that we need to change to meet these expectations, and it ends up destroying our sense of self over time.
I have been on my own journey with struggling about whether to have kids or not, and it's such a difficult, important choice to make. I'm still unsure what the answer is. For years I thought it was a choice I had to struggle with internally, and I was ashamed to even bring it up to my husband or close friends, but I am so grateful to have discovered Impact Theory, Women of Impact, Relationship Theory, and all the resources I have then found as a consequence of listening to you guys. It has allowed me to open up, be more vulnerable, TALK about the things that I struggle with, stop trying to appear so damn perfect all the time and it's been so helpful and liberating.
So again, thank you. ❤❤❤
Fanny Berthiaume thank you so much for sharing and for the love 🥰 Felt that! Grateful to be making a positive impact 🙏🏻
@@LisaBilyeu ♡♡♡
Finally a raw & great topic so many great points... I'm in a marriage with no children & hearing these ladies speak I can definitely relate.
I love this so so much! This episode in particular really really touched me. My husband and I have decided to not have kids and its been a struggling telling people that especially family. Hearing each perspective and each of your knowledge was absolutely incredible. And it has reassured me we're doing whats best for us. Thank you!!!!
Sarah Kruse 🙏🏻 Thank you ❤️ Keep doing what’s best for you 🙌🏻💜
Sarah Kruse same :) lots of love xoxo
Does it gets better.?
My father is Egyptian. And Egyptian parents want their kids to bear kids. Always. And my answer to ppl that asked (and ffs.. I'm in my mid twenties) was always "fuck off" simply. Its a great answer. To everyone. Really. It's NOBODY'S business what a woman chooses to do with her body. Nobody's. Period. People need to be reminded of that. You don't owe anyone anything. Focus on you. Live your truth and don't be swayed by anybody else's idea of what your life should look like. These people usually have no idea who they are or what they want so it's laughable that they pass judgement on your life decisions.
Wow This convo is just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much to unpack here. Thank you for bringing this to light. No woman is wrong on their choice and we need to uplift each other in this, because the truth is while we can all bring life, we should have a choice in that and feel like we are lesser if the calling is not there.
Laura Almirez Couldn’t agree more!! 💗
I was always someone who wanted to have kids growing up because I have a very nurturing personality, but I’ve had so many health struggles over the last 10 years that I don’t know if I could handle the stress of being a mom and it makes me feel like I’m a failure for the way I was made. I don’t know if I will have kids or not, but this conversation helped me free myself from the expectations of needing to have biological children. Thank you!
This could have easily been a 4 hour show with still much to say. Very impactful.!! What courage for all of you to speak on how we ALL REALLY FEEL, but don't say!
Micaela Harris 🙏🏻 haha, yep, think we need a sequel!
when she said that person just on the couch or lying in bed.. but on the other end of the phone, someone contemplating that, and that person being there for them. WOW- that is so true. being right there for someone else. being in that position and positioning oneself with readiness to help someone else. thats also a way of life too. ive felt behind and put off family and relationships, to pursue psychiatry for the last few years and i know i will be there for someone eventually in the ways i wished someone was there for me, animals too. and that is all part of nurturing. i also think its just as significant the women who sponsored children in africa, and is going to see them. i like that she says we should be open and let things unfold for us.
This was interesting to listen to as someone who really wants kids and has many friends who don't or at least don't want to give birth. I have a friend who wants to adopt because "why would she want a parasite grow in her body?". It's said as a joke but I have some medical problems that may prevent me from having kids so it can be hard to hear.
What I loved about this conversation was that there wasn't any negative comments about what someone else's life looks like, only the opportunities they've gained for making the choices they have. And that atmosphere made it safe to share the things that they have personally had to give up or emotions that they've had surrounding the choices they made.
Selfish defined: (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. Either way, the choice to have, or not have, children is selfish. Having a child will bring YOU what? Not having a child will bring YOU what? The decision is all about you and/or your partnership and/or what you expect to get from the choice.
Also, the expectation for women to reproduce is there. I work in healthcare and get asked DAILY if I have children, or assumed “when I have children in the future”, etc. If you have a vagina, it’s an expectation. I make women, specifically women, uncomfortable when I say we are not having them and we don’t want to. Some cringe and walk away, their eyes immediately dart to avoid eye contact, etc. It makes me laugh (inside) because I’m assuming they have never considered it an option. That part is sad. I love it when people ask “what does your husband think!?” 🙄 1) he isn’t the boss of my womb and he made a choice over a decade ago 2) He knows us and has known us. If he had a problem with it he knows I would let him have that special life of fatherhood and I would let him go. It was a dealbreaker for dating, it’s a dealbreaker in our marriage. 🤷🏼♀️
M R M R this is so carefully thought out, beautifully written and such great points raised! Thank you so much 💜
You’re right about the definition of selfish and for sure when people make choices about children to suit themselves it IS selfish. Sadly the term selfish it’s often used in a negative way... meaning that you’re depriving someone else of something. Which doesn’t have to be the case, as in Lisa’s case and in yours ❤️
Phoenix - exactly. I’ve had people ask about my husbands feelings about it, ask if he is on board with it, who will take care of me when I’m old, and say, “he is so wonderful he should have kids...”. I can assure you he is wonderful and he would be an AMAZING father, better than I as a mother but why is it OK for society to credit his presumed needs above our partnership or better yet - his presumed needs above my own? And I would rather have 70 years of child free bliss and 5 years of trials VS 20+ years of agony raising someone I never wanted. It’s math, people. Simple math. 🤷🏼♀️
My husband and I were on that track too. No kids! Especially because I suffer from severy depression, anxiety and BDD. I know that shouldn’t determine my answer to having children but in all honesty... it does... what do you think about that???
Also, bot too long ago, my husband made a comment stating he wants kids. He was “joking”. But I know him and he meant it. Now I am confused. We’ve had issues lately (having nothing to do with that topic). He used to say he wanted to share his life and love only with me. I think he doesn’t love me as much anymore and needs a “kid”. I will never have a kid if my partner wants it and I don’t obviously but I got so confused.
@@kimberlymej8584 I know its a late response but if he still wants a child that you have to divorce! If you didnt already. children is one of those few topics that you have to agree within a marriage.
M R YES!! Thank you for this. I will never EVER understand why people think it’s “selfish” to not have kids. What’s selfish is to have them when you know you don’t want to. It’s abuse waiting to happen to the kid. I would know, I was raised by narcissists and they had no business having kids. Empowering myself with these videos though to KNOW what I believe and to KNOW and LOVE myself and not back down or let other people tell me how to live my life, that is my super power👊🏻💥
Watching this literally solidified that I do want a child because I could feel myself gravitating towards that story and life. Wow thank you.
Love love loved this talk 😍 blessings really look forward to your interviews 🥰
Stephanie Ruiz Aww 🥰 Thank you! 🙏🏻❤️
This was such a nice conversation. Although I partially have the desire to have kids, I don't want it to just be an inherent expectation. I feel like we as women are indoctrinated into believing our primary value is children and nothing more.
Thank you Lisa for spreading this important message and inspiring my generation too!
Greetings from Barcelona, Spain x
Neus Sánchez Hola Barcelona ❤️ So glad you enjoyed the episode 🙏🏻💗
Loved what Lilian said about just being open and letting life unfold itself in these “beautiful little packages” really warmed my heart ❣
Style With Substance 🥰🙏🏻💗
Selfish, is after you brought kids into the world, and go about your business, partying and don't care for your kids. Prevention, and acknowledging you are already in this world let you deal with you. That, is not selfish! Selfish, is having kids and regret you have them. That, is the worst. So many mentioned to me they regret they have kids, both sex regret!
thank you , amazing. I had 2. started at age 15. I worked very hard balancing keeping a marriage, raising strong children, working, continuing education.
The first lady spoke, did not impress me that she is happy of her decision in being a Mom. I pick up this from the beginning of the story, before I heard the rest of the story. Second Lady, in all black, very funny, said her job, is her child. Stop second guessing yourself and make peace with your decision. You don't have children to lean on them when you get old. You have them to raise and love them. The point the lady in all black made about if she had kids she didn't want to regret like the first lady. This is why best to make peace with whatever you decide.
First I have to say not having a child because some man doesnt want to to is the dumbest thing a woman could ever do. I know multiple women married to men that wanted to remain childless until she went through menopause and all the sudden they are off to have a family with a younger version.
Thank you for talking about something that isnt easy to talk about and for being so open and honest❤️
Ava Grace Pleasure 🙏🏻 Glad you enjoyed the episode 💜
We need these conversations so much!! I love everything about it! Such a fan of your channel ❤️
Now I am experiencing the second child guilt. I get it everyday! So now that I have had the first, which I get no credit for, everyone wants to know about the second and the third. And the first birth almost killed me. Has anyone else had this happen after the birth of their first child? P. S. I haven't lived my best career life yet and I'm almost 40.
Lauren Seymour Thank you so much for sharing. Can’t relate but totally hearing you! Do what’s right for you lovely. Whatever anyone says, this is YOUR life 💗
I had an extremely high risk pregnancy and IMMEDIATELY wanted a second (which I had). It nearly killed me. I'm thankful. In all honesty I'm still recovering and it's been over 1 year since I had my 2nd. Our health is number 1. That's a VERY hard place to be. I pray you arrive at the best decision for your family.
You ask them this: “Ok are you ready to be a surrogate?” “Are you ready to pay my medical bills?” “Are you ready to help me raise the child until they’re 18 years old?” If all the answers are “No”, then shut the f*** up and stay out of my ovaries.
Once you have two they'll say when's the third. When you have three they'll say when are you having the next. When you have four they'll say why so many!!?
@@theresekatie4841 After the third, people will then ask about your career etc, etc, etc... Don't listen to society, they will drive you crazy. Step back, take a deep breaths and make decisions that are best for you.
Please be honest with yourself and teach your children the same. I know so many parents who felt obligated to reproduce, some stayed in unhealthy relationships to protect that vision. Take a look at the persons who self-medicate in your life, are they living their true life? By being more comfortable we can live better lives and get better results. Thank you ladies.
This has been the most rich conversation about the topic I´ve heard so far , so interesting to see how you 3 were so open vulnerable and brave to say your true to one another even when youhave such different realities, and still embrace each other 🥰. I reasonate a lot with Lilian and I admire how she can say it out loud. I´ve learnt from this that maybe it´s ok to be open about it , depending on who we are talking to.
An amazingly honest women, supporting and empowering each other. Simply beautiful to watch and very inspiring. Let's allow ourselves to take our own paths in life, they can all be very different but equally beautiful. Thank you!
Thanks for your vulnerability and honesty guys!
MaryFrances72 ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this conversation between three raw and kind people. No matter where we are or come from we all have our struggles. Hearing their experiences has helped me make up my mind on kids. Informed decisions are the best ones and this has been extremely informative. A thousand thanks!
This conversation has given me chills. Thank you Lisa for bringing this up. Amazing.
Thank you for this conversation! I love how there are three women in this conversation with all different paths and lives and all supporting and loving each other and there are no sides or right ways. Such big and important contemplation, and not from a guilt basis but from life situation and our own choices in how we move.
You guys this was one of the best episode and very beautifully done. I loved it!
Sensual Elegance amazing!! 🙏🏻❤️
Wow, this conversation was so powerful and enlightening. Thank you for sharing and being so transparent and honest! Blessings to you all- keep spreading these empowering messages!!!
Such a great episode! It is so sad that we need to struggle to be vulnerable and honest in saying that we don’t want kids. People aren’t ridiculed for not liking a certain colour, food, car etc so why are we ridiculed for not wanting children? At the end of the day it’s simply a personal choice. Why is it not ok to say “I have a great relationship and an amazing life and I don’t need anything else” straight away people fire back with “it could be even better with kids” well isn’t that a huge risk to take? Why take the risk if you don’t actually need to? I will never understand this logic, it baffles me. At times I feel some of these people just want you to be in the “mum” trap that they have got themselves into because they feel they are actually the ones being left behind. I don’t feel the need to tell people not to have children so why do people feel the need to tell me to have children?
Lisa I found yours and Toms company channel last Summer and obviously was very inspired by the talks and interviews he does on there, enough to keep coming back and seeing so many of the impactful and informative interviews that he has done on there. I obviously knew of you and saw you both as a very powerful team and I very much had the impression that the company and the talks were a team effort. And that you were doing a massive effort in the background, that I just wasn’t aware of. But when I found out about this channel a few weeks ago, I kinda felt dumb making assumptions I had no basis to make. I watched one of your interviews and I was kinda floored how much your way of conducting these talks, it really makes me feel heard, seen, loved and comforted. Even if I have no connection to the subject matter. Your way of listening to your guests, showing compassion, encourage them and compliment their power and vulnerability while you let them pass on their wisdom to all of us who need it, it is so impressive and worthy of tremendous respect. You show how to actually accomplish the whole ‘Women lift up other women’ belief that we really all should have. You inspire just by being yourself ❤️
Also many of the talks that I so far have seen give me this feeling of sitting with a bunch of wonderful new friends and just listening to them sharing the amazing wisdom they have learned throughout their life.
I have a feeling that I will be gaining several lessons from you and these guests that will be stay with me until the time I need it, whether one time or many, so thank you so much!
Btw: This is the first channel ever where I clicked the post notifications button (on purpose!) to be sure I never miss anything.
Christina Schou 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 LOVE this comment so much!! Thank you for all the support and so happy our show gives you the warm and fuzzies ❤️❤️
What I'm worried about is old age without children and only having a small social circle. I would love a panel on that topic.
Keep up to date... Be the "cool" adult and your age won't even matter
I speak from experience and people I have interacted with that are waaaaaay older than me (more than 20 yes of difference in age)
If you visit nurseries, most retired are only visited by their children on holidays. What i agree with you is the dying, funeral part when not having children. But if you get along well with your family there will be someone there to care for you.
@@woolypuffin392 Its nice for someone to visit in holidays, given the alternative. They also are probably helping to pay for that retirement home, and could do something in case you complained of mistreatment.
I might have the choice made for me since my long term couple doesnt want children and I'm very reluctant to leave the relationship.
@@darthasheth1693 What if you don't have nieces or nephews?
@@kittykat4313 You can do that with hobbies... You don't need a niece or a nephew. Some of us don't even have siblings
This hits differently after you give birth naturally and you get separated from your baby and you don't know how long. Healing from postpartum in a psych ward is not very ideal, it's rare that this happens. I wonder what life would be like if I didn't want kids instead. Team Malia. Team all women.
Wow. This was my first time to listen to this show. Expected to tune out after the first few min, but I was captivated! Lisa is a phenomenal host and moderated the conversation so skillfully. I'm a woman who doesn't want biological children and I've felt very alone in struggling with that decision. This conversation was eye-opening and gave me a lot of gems to think about. I may even need to rewatch it another day while taking notes on the side!
One of the best talk , honest, raw, heartfelt! It made me feel proud to be a woman!
A beautiful, raw and honest conversation that so many women need to hear!!!!! 😍❤️
Layonie Jae ❤️❤️
#Believe :)
Hey Evan👋
Such a beautiful video. Thank you 💕
Vanessa Somuayina glad you thought so 💗
I’ve always wondered how many women of my mother’s generation really did not want children but had them anyway because it was expected of them and they could not have a choice because of society’s pressure. And that’s what women did back then. And a lot of them still won’t admit it to this day.
My grandma was one of them. Had mom and my uncle, but absolutely hated being pregnant. She didn't want to marry but was pressured to do so. She, at one point, said she actually wanted to become a nun. 😓 She was an extremely indoctrinated catholic. "That's what everyone did." 😢
My mother was one of them.
Stop judging and do what you want and be happy. Simples
I never comment, and, I respect all women who chose not to have children.
However, it would be a your Legacy left behind for future generations Liza and Tom.
You guys have the wealth in every area of life. Passing on the torch of what you have built would be a blessing to life. Our life is not promised and when life happens to one of us, you have that piece/part of that person you loved left behind to love. My opinion with all respect.
I LOVE YOUR WORK GUYS AND YOU GUYS TRANSFORM LIFES, INCLUDING MINE. !!🙂💕💕
Lily N-C this is so lovely. Totally appreciate your viewpoint and thank you for your VERY sweet comment 💗
I needed to hear this this morning. Thank you!
Veronica Simmons glad to be of service 💗💗
I think that we should listen to your gut feeling if we want to have children or not. I think that society puts too much pressure to have children. I work with children and I love them, but I am very happy to come back home and have time for myself and my hobbies.
I love you so much as a soul Lisa 💙💙💙. Seriously so blown away again by your videos by your authenticity and ability to non judgmentally connect to those on your show and bring out the best authenticity in them . . . who then share their best with us the viewers! You have an amazing gift your unselfishly sharing with the world and you are such a gift to us mortals!! 🤣 Thank you!!! 💙