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I found this a fascinating discussion - the question at 34:00 regarding how compassion is offered and the type of compassion offered seem like potentially very important considerations. Thank you for sharing this intriguing research with us.

Powerful words

& the cultural narrative that seeks independence as a virtue, the catchy poppsych that tells us were "codependent" or the clingy friend. The religious perspectives that tell us "no one's coming to save us" or the head of household doctrine that teaches to stay only within our families. The TV characters that are cast as pathetic & worthless for asking their boyfriends to met a basic need. Pathologising & individuating a dominat cultural harm & taking it from a "we" problem to a "me" problem only teaches us further to never seek support or care.

Great guys.

Deanna is so impressive i was hoping she was a Melb therapist. Obviously not, as she is into stats (as was i in my two efforts to obtain a degree but, alas, ADHD)

I FEAR SELF compassion. If a therapist bombards me with compassion there are two reactions. The immediate response is quick deep breath to toughen up so that the meaning/sense of care can't get in me OR if i missed the moment to protect myself i melt in a puddle of tears. Twenty years ago a therapist i'd been attending for a year was shocked into saying _"So you do feel empathy and compassion - but never for yourself or your kid"_

I'm going to watch this one no doubt. Just to tell you that your teaching on "shame memories" as a major FBR to compassion/Self-compassion was a very meaningful discovery on my compassionate journey. May more and more human being will get to learn about "same memories" it will make our world much helpful one rather then harmful (as it is 😢).

Very insightful, thanks for sharing!

Luv the shirt

Awesome, thanks Stan.

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Please be a book

Thank you for sharing

Very helpful! Thanks!

I've just started my journey with self-compassion and found this video so helpful and thought-provoking. Thank you so much for posting this!

What an excellent and useful summary🙏🏻 it got me reflecting on how It took me years of learning and practicing to get to a point where I can let go a little (every time more and more) of the inner critic and allow trust in my compassionate self and that he really have goodwill for me, and not as the inner critic used to say "ahh again this one with his soft voice and gentleness, this softness attitude won't change nothing or take you far in life...", it was far to be my default. learning why it wasn't what a major and very important part of it all - so grateful for psychoeducation which today I know it's my compassionate self aka therapist self 😋 who led me with his goodwill drive and curiosity. So grateful also to know and experience the impact the beauty and the completely opposite of what it is to have a compassionate mind. It's literally a goodwill motivation 🙏🏻

Thank you, some good tips I'll try out.

Dr. Steindl communicates in a clear and authentic way, whereas Dr. Kolts too often talks in academic-speak and at times seems to exhibit "a rank-based way of being in the world" (that he condemns).

In my 23 years experience with a narcissistic partner is that they have little more than cognitive empathy which they manipulate to their advantage. I was diagnosed with Borderline 14 years ago , and I realised I was struggling from my teens with inferiority complex born out of infant trauma from abuse, neglect and abandonment. I've studied psychology all my long life and it took being with a closet narcissist to drive me to seek therapy. The big difference is accountability and self awareness combined with capacity for empathy. My partner has zero accountability and no genuine empathy and low emotional intelligence. She had been through 3 marriages before I met her. The first marriage was short lived but produced one child and the husband was blamed for that marriage collapse. The child she admits she never bonded with and soon despatched him back to live with his father. Her 2nd marriage was to a very attractive looking man she married soon but sent him packing claiming he was always seeking other women ( to find affection she couldn't provide??) Her 3rd marriage was to a man 30 years older who was wealthy and treated her like a princess ( according to that mans elderly daughter) he let her have her way and was wealthy enough to provide all her wishes. He became chronically ill and passed away 8 months before I met my partner. She love bombed me in text book style including sex on our first date , claiming she was giving me ( a stranger) what I wanted. Then she pulled away saying she wasn't looking for a relationship!! I was looking for a relationship and still looking 23 years on. It's been a torturous road where I have done everything to try to please her, worked constantly around her property as an unpaid handyman everything from building carports and extensions to everyday DIY and garden jobs etc. She wears a mask of respectability yet will brazenly shoplift , use charm to seek advantage, flirt around other men and tell homeless people on the street to get a job. I've been in hospital twice with serious illness stress induced cardio and GI BLEED from ulcer problems, when I came off my bike and was in ER awaiting a head scan she left me there saying she had to get back to work ( self employed job) She typically goes awol whenever I need help which is rare. After therapy I began setting boundaries and she really became intolerable over that. When I went into training to become a mental health mentor, a path suggested for me by the Therapeutic community I'd been in , she mocked it all and used it to scapegoat and claim all our relationship difficulties were my fault and I'm the crazy one. I found narcissism untreated gets worse with age as if they are imploding with loss of youthfull attraction and they increasingly get unstable and cantankerous. Her family are fully aware she has issues and I am conflicted between still having feelings for her and a desire to rescue and completely pulling away to preserve my emotional well-being. In my experience Compassion is only manipulated and you either become their enabler/ partner in their abuse or set limits and boundaries and recieve more abuse! You can't change anyone who has no self awareness and has invested a lifetime using tactics that at times gained them tremendous advantages at others expense. ❤

good points

I love the idea that self compassion is not a distraction or letting yourself off the hook. But rather it is a way to allow yourself to focus and build courage to continue.

Thanks Stan, I really appreciate how you invite us to consider what are really quite complex human dynamics in a very accessible and hope-filled manner. I will be giving your practical self compassion aids a run out to see how they can support me in times of stress or self doubt.

What’s the relationship between shame and pride

Very nice session with good metaphors

❤ excellent

🫂Thank🕊YOU sharing

My compassionate goal I still live in the present moment, kindly with care towards myself and others, and to remember that I am part of this universe

Knowing that others suffer has never relived or informed my own.

Love your work stan!!

Thank you!

Thanks Stan. I watch this movie every Christmas.... often 2 or 3 times and I've always loved the relationship between Daniel and Sam but your clarification of Daniels compassion towards Sam is so helpful. Another beautiful example.... and yet another excuse to re watch it!

Beautiful, I love this movie. And let's not forget to give all this beauty to ourselves as well - the tricky part 😊 Meri Christmas 🎄

Wonderful compassionate in a t-shirt conversation as usual 😊 plus its wonderful to know that there's a CFT representative in France as im living in France. "Compassion is the courage to descend in to the reality of the human experience" - I loved that you mentioned this and I resonate with it strongly. Could you advise where did Paul Gilbert mentioned this or wrote it? I tried to find in The Compassionate Mind book and in the article The origin and nature of CFT without success. I would like to elaborate on this and in general on the notion of Compassionate Courage. It's such a powerful notion of CFT no doubt 🙏🏻 Shiri

Thanks Kate and Stan. This was a real tonic to listen to. Energising and inspiring

❤

Listened to countless interviews by James Doty. . Read his book. Nobody asks him what he means by woo woo. Does he think NDEs are just brain activity. Clearly it cant be if you do the research. He seems to suggest that consciousness is within the brain. The best evidence is that the brain receives information from outside of itself like a radio set or TV. If you have listened to Eben Alexander another brain surgeon he will argue that the woo woo stuff is real. If you set an intention and work towards achieving it then it can work. Otherwise we would never bother to train to be doctors, carpenters or any other profession.

May you be well and happy. May you be loved and supported. May you find the courage to deal with life's difficulties. 🙏

Found this book by chance just before heading off on holiday. Couldn't put it down, such life lessons. Thank you.

Thank you so much for this conversation. I loved the way you acknowledged grief as part of The Human Condition, and NATO...It is what I aim for in my practice and so validating to hear you both speak about it. I have found my tribe! Thank you.

thank you, I find it very useful. I was so confused.I already searched for the meaning from different kinds of dictionaries, but it's helpless. thank you so much

When does the topic in the title start

OMG this video is pure gold!

I love your podcast but the commercials are so over the top. Is there another way I would rather pay a fee then endure a commercial every 7 or 8 minutes. It's not good for my brain or anybody's for that matter....

Not enough speaking about manifestation but moralistic talk

Helpful discussion that clarifies the difference between compassion and kindness, thank you.

Dr Tony, Can you send me a Buddha?

Great and very comforting and strengthening episode - needed that now little more then usual 🙏🏻. As a highly sensitive person (HSP) I admit that optimisem/hope it's definitely part of the trait challenges. Over worried, expect the worst and in general seeing how things can go wrong a bit more then right or satisfying. It's in our nervous system ability to deeply process information and the sensitivity to sensory processing that get us and me personally lost. Especially when growing up without secure attachment combined with some family tragedy, hopefulness is challenging. The episode reminded me also of Martin Seligman work learned helplessness/optimism and the optimistic child. Hopefully it's a topic that you may find interesting or important to elaborate on especially from the HSP perspective as it's really challenging. Compassion and self-compassion especially are a major role in my life when it comes to hope and optimism. Thank you🙏🏻

It's not anxiety, it is shame ----- So true....