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My pleasure ❤️❤️❤️

I understand how you feel, truly. The truth is if you can wait for them to do something about it or you can take your life and relationship into your own hands * *This being that you cant control everything but you can control what you do and how you experience it.

@@xoellielily Yes how I react/respond is directly co-related to their actions. Ive gone into therapy & yet they wont even commit to a healthy conversation. Its very hurtful. May be you can make a video on self-worth so that they know what they lost

@ParisianStreets ❤️

@@xoellielily Thank you

Sorry you feel that way

@@upgrader99 I understand how you feel, but not all information is meant for all ears.

Exactly I hate this… RUclips is not TikTok

@agy234 just block my account and keep scrolling :)

@@xoellielily that’s not how RUclips works

@@agy234 ok

@@viiiRA_ not necessarily. It doesn’t have to mean you can’t have preferences or have compatibility be a factor in your decisions. Obviously you should choose someone you connect with and you always have the option to choose differently (as does your chosen partner). Many people in relationships start questioning whether they’re with the right person AFTER they’ve already committed (and I think that’s natural, it’s common) however, if you view your relationship through that lens - you’re robbing yourself of the experiences (both bad and good) that are such a gift in that specific relationship💝. For how would we know it is good now, if we didn’t go through bad times in the past to tell the difference? Experiencing negative emotions makes you more aware of the positive ones- and I think just being able to live in each moment, cherishing the experience of it is so beautiful

💯🔥

@@teensish Hi 💕 here is my strategy that changed my relationship & can do the same for you in as little as 14 days! stan.store/EllieLily/p/connectioncodes Let me know what you think!

Everyone is self absorbed?

Perhaps some of them have come to that realization now 😉 as they say “ when the student is ready, the teacher appears”

Hi 💕 here is my strategy that changed my relationship & can do the same for you in as little as 14 days! stan.store/EllieLily/p/connectioncodes Let me know what you think!

This is a valid point too. Honestly, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, good on you for recognizing that it’s not helpful for your relationship to stay in that pattern & those tendencies. Most people don’t want to acknowledge that. As far as compliments being disingenuous, and over the top- I think that’s Valid for pretty much anyone.

@@xoellielily yeah I just meant to say that even if I knew she was genuine with the compliments and was trying to make me feel safe and loved, it still felt very awkward to me. I've been reading and watching a lot of stuff about this. I wanna try to be better because I already ruined a really good relationship due to it, not to mention this doesn't apply to romantic relationships only. Every relationship can improve if I can fix the way I behave

So true! You can do it.

Hi ❤️ in your place, I would start looking at the body language or watch for when they start shutting down/ getting triggered. That is the only way to really know that you are influencing them in a way that isn’t helpful to your communication. You can try to think back on something that happened recently and try to remember at which point you noticed they changed their behavior. What words did you use, how did you deliver your message to them? Yes if they could just tell you what triggered them it would take the guessing work out of it, but unfortunately a lot of people have trouble telling you what bothers them, even if it would benefit both of you to do so.

@@xoellielily Thank you. Last line=Why is that? How can i create a safe space psychologically as vulnerability the main thing to deepen connections is their kyptonite. And for once I'd like for them to make up to me and understand. I'm tired of scripts on how to comm. to them.

Do you mean why are they like that? It’s a learned behavior, maybe it wasn’t safe for them in the past or just feels overwhelmingly unsafe. You can create a safe space, and be supportive but you have to remember that they might not be ready to share and do things different right away. Remember to have lots of patience, and no expectations for them to change. Just love, acceptance, and openness. You can create that safe space by: 1. Learning their triggers and try to avoid them. 2. Don’t force them to pen up but use language that encourages it, and no pressure or rush. ( a good visualization would be a terrified animal that doesn’t trust a human to help them, the more you try to force it the more they will hide or attack). I’m not saying your partner is an animal, just hope that paints a picture of what it’s like to try to connect and communicate with someone who has alot of resistance and fear around it. Hope that helps ❤️

@ParisianStreets I’ve dealt with your frustration in my relationship also, I know how it can feel, and then when you hit a bump in the road , you wonder if anything has changed at all. When you look back, you realize that all this work was for something and you’re no longer incompetent of handling things that don’t go smoothly. I linked my course in the description box, if you feel this will help you, you’re welcome to join!

@@xoellielily Very helpful & clear. Thanks a million!

@ParisianStreets Hi 🩷 here is the payment link 🔗. Once you complete it, you should get instant access! stan.store/EllieLily/p/connectioncdes Let me know if you have any questions!

@@Apbt-rv7zw the reason I believe no one owes you anything is because it helps you develop an independent mindset. Even with a vow- it can be easily broke and as statistics show- often is.. your partner can also decide they no longer want to be in this marriage and ask for a divorce. If you are thinking about a promise someone made you and feel entitled to them keeping it - you are setting yourself up for disappointment bei see humans are so very flawed.

@@xoellielily Again you're failing to show basic empathy or understanding in your responses. For example a better reply might go something like: "I understand that being in a relationship without the level of security you might feel you need can cause you a lot of anxiety and stress. It's okay to have these feelings and if that's what you need from a relationship then you should be sure to communicate this need and be sure it is understood and reciprocated on the outset of a relationship before either of you commit further. However humans are still flawed and If you are thinking about a promise someone made to you and you feel entitled to them keeping it - you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. I believe no one owes you anything is because it helps you develop an independent mindset. Even with a vow- it can be easily broke and as statistics show- often is. So while your feelings here are certainly valid please keep an open mind as to how the other party might be feeling in this situation and how their experiences might be shaping their expectations of commitment." Just an off-the-cuff example ofc but I think you get the jist of it.

@@anonporter9343 You might be right. My reply wasn’t as diplomatic and well spoken as yours but I had the same intention. I do feel empathy for people in situations like this, hence why I made a video talking about how to deal with it.

@@Apbt-rv7zw you can’t say that because someone developed a certain coping mechanism that they ruining things for everyone else. Whatever your partners attachment style- it needs to be worked through. Yes they can’t completely change what is buried so deeply into their psyche however there are certain actions behaviors that may need to be adjusted to make your relationship work ( if that is what you desire)

@xoellielily You can help an Avoidant to be as safe as the rock of Gibralter, but none of that matters because their trauma will cycle back around until the accumulated cycles cause them to ghost, discard and abandon. Their traumas are just too deep to enter a mature adult relationship. You could teach Avoidants to avoid relationships until they have worked through those childhood traumas. Seeing the methods that work specifically for Avoidants would be really interesting. Telling others that they are anxious when they aren't is just an obnoxious projection.

@xoellielily Avoidance is a learned behaviour. Therefore, they can unlearn it through proper therapy. Seeing what therapy that is would be of high interest.

@@Apbt-rv7zw avoidance (the behavior) yes, however when you’re talking about the attachment theory- it is not so simple. It is the default coping mechanism learned so early on in that persons life that it will always be your “natural reaction”, and natural route of behaving. That is not to say you cannot change/ adapt/ choose different ways of operating through situations, but it is a deeply rooted pattern of human behavior.

@@Apbt-rv7zw not necessarily. You will just have to keep in mind that their natural habit is to avoid you in vulnerable situations. If you take offense to it instead of extending patience and compassion, it will help them ‘heal’ especially when they are with you for a prolonged period of time

@@lmanig7621 Hi 💕 I’m so glad you found this tip helpful! Here is the invite as promised 😊: stan.store/EllieLily/p/connection-codes-end-persistent-conflicts- Please let me know if there are any questions I can help answer!

@@Izzy-ff8ns Hi 💕 I’m so glad you found this tip helpful! Here is the invite as promised 😊: stan.store/EllieLily/p/connection-codes-end-persistent-conflicts- Please let me know if there are any questions I can help answer!

Hi 💕 I’m so glad you found this helpful! Here is the invite as promised 😊 stan.store/EllieLily/p/connection-codes-end-persistent-conflicts-

@@isabellahansen8380 aww, I’m so glad to hear your feedback ❤️

Sir if you are secure you wouldn’t have this problem. I also am married to an avoidant and through the steps I’ve changed in my life, I was able to remedy our situation. She wasn’t always avoidant towards you , in the beginning of the relationship- or was she? If either of two partners is secure, it doesn’t matter what attachment the other partner is. They’ll make it work. So if your goal is to stay together, one has to change or you split. Wish you luck in love ❤️

😂 you summed it up perfectly They both need to become Secure

Avoidant attachment is one thing, but if is being used to excuse taking accountability ( which is common) it is usually an indication that the person not only has an avoidant attachment style but low self awareness.

@@ParisianStreets yes it does but in most cases one is more willing to cha he then the other & sometimes they come around after seeing changes in their mate ❤️ best of luck to you in love and other matters !

@@michaella5799 that’s a bit of an exaggeration that benefits your ego by keeping you stuck in the situation you are in now. Having an avoidant partner is a gift for you to learn self-security & that is SO much more freeing then constantly feeling like the hurt one. I hope you get it one day ❤️ wishing that for you!

@@xoellielily no thanks i like dating normal people with normal attachment styles. That being said your relationship must be so great you browse avoidant pages on youtube.. lol

@@michaella5799 and that’s your choice too. Hope you find the one

@@xoellielily im happily married, i had an affair with an avoidant, never met a person with such a non personality non close person the whole thing felt off and strange, hence why im here. Apparently they love cheating flings and one nighters, is what it is, good luck.

@@xoellielily im married, had an affair with an avoidant. I find them very detached and in their heads, not particularly very emotionally close. Such a strange and broken mentality hence why im here. Apparently avoidants love cheating, flings, and one nighters, it is what it is, good luck your relationship with one as they seem to destroy people who care for them. Her husband commited suicide, after reading these commentaries i completely understand why he did it.

@@user-jr9ix3bo8j ❤️❤️❤️

That is the whole point of this video- to bring self awareness into the equation

@@xoellielily well hopefully people begin to hear it. The lack of self awareness is rampant with insecure attachment. We all need to start there. Thank you for the video, keep up the good work.

@pampj8501 I appreciate the feedback , and yes I agree completely

Hey Javier - you're just proving Ellie's point. I have been there many times where you are now, but it never worked in the end. It's very hard to look into mirror and do the change - I'm trying now. I could tell you, your security will allow them to open up to you, which is what you ultimately want and need. They're basically opposite of us. Try it, drop the Ego guard. Good luck. 🙏❤

@@pavschodyko6531 You sound like someone who gets it, my friend! Yes ❤️

I understand how this advice can anger you, however all I suggested was to show compassion for another person- isn’t that a form of love? If you’re too quick to throw in the towel because your partner can’t meet you where you’re at, you’re going to go through countless relationships and they will all end at one point or another.. I get you, I was on the receiving end of this type of relationship too once. Wish you lots of happiness in your relationship 🩷

@@xoellielily I thought I did. My update is now that it’s two way street. At least we all try.

@@pavschodyko6531 of course only know know what’s right for you but things take time- many times longer then a week ( especially when someone has developed a way of being over the course of their life) & the two of you are used to interacting in a particular way- it won’t be a quick fix. It’s a transformation journey and unfortunately most people would rather jump ship as soon as possible then stand on something that may be uncomfortable for a bit but produce amazing results in the long run. ( long run could be a couple months- half a year) Whatever you choose to do in your situation, may it bring you happiness 💕

Not when I purchased it

Thank you 🩷

We’re talking about masculinity and femininity, as in your Anima and Animos in psychology, which every single human being has both of. You can be the prettiest woman on the planet and not be feminine, and the manliest man ever and not be masculine. I wonder what offends you? That might be a good thing to look deeper into and discover

Men 🩷

@@xoellielily the only good thing about bring a man is not being A woman.

You know I would have to agree with you.

@@xoellielily ❤️

Message me on instagram! Same user handle @xoellie.lily It will be sent into your DMs :)

Hey! I would love to send you the guide but can’t do it on RUclips - Message me on instagram ❤

My advice if you want it. Friends can be a great source of Support. I know that it can be hard to lean on others but that's what makes them friends.

Agreed! Avoidants run from intimacy which is crazy if you want a relationship. They are the ones who seriously need therapy and we AP are blamed for being needy clingy.

Thank you ❤️

Eww

I appreciate the feedback 🩷

@@xoellielily We all start somewhere! Good luck!!