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Welcome back. I am sooo happy you are doing vids again. Missed you to be honest. Hope everything is going well, and keep doing them. Remember that the vids are not about us really. It is more for your therapy, but we just get the advantage of your experiences. It would be what's called a symbiotic relationship, we both learn and grow from the experience. Once again, welcome back.

FYI, we are divorced. She cheated on me three times in a matter of two months, and started dating another man before I even knew the marriage was over.

Jayna, as far as I know, there is no history of Schizophrenia. However, mental illness of many kinds runs throughout my family, so I suppose it's possible.

Kim, I think everyone can see them. You may be able to make it private through settings, though.

Hi I found your video's while doing a search for bipolar mania to try to better understand my husband's illness. And I must say thank you by the way for your courage to post these video's and give people a look into the life of a young man living and dealing with bipolar. A little bit of back round about my husband and I is he was diagnosed 2 years ago now at the age of 25 with Bipolar 11, Anxiety disorder, Panic Disorder. And he was then put on medications which made him no longer fit for duty in the Coast Guard, which he had been serving in for 4-5 years prior. Because they don't want you carrying a gun on mood stabilizers. So you suffer in silence, but when you have the courage to reach out and get the treatment you need, they discharge you. Nice Huh? Anyway. So the med board and discharge process took almost a year and a half with all the military doc appointment and evaluations that where necessary after he had already got the diagnoses from his civilian doc's. And I was a little worried about the huge hit to his self-esteem and added stress particularly on a man about losing his job, but he was very optimistic (or seemed to be) about getting out and starting a new job as a maintenance mechanic and using the GI bill to take classes for Mechanical Engineering. He was a Machinery Technician (MK) in the Coast Guard and loves working on machines and engines, cars, and building things, and is very good at it. And I was really worried about this because of the day to day schedule this would look like for him. Working nights and taking classes during the day sounded like a recipe for disaster for someone with bipolar. This would be TOO MUCH for anybody. But he kept trying reassuring me saying "I'll do what ever I have to do to take care of my wife." Which was an amazing show of his dedication to me, but at the some time terrifying to me. Because I was thinking I don't want you to spiral out of control and mentally crush yourself for me... And more recently he has been showing more signs of mania, and unable to sleep, and sometimes fits of rage. He missed a class the other day because he finally got to sleep and didn't wake up in time for a class and it was the 3rd time he had missed it for one reason or another and so he failed the class. And I wasn't mad I knew he wasn't doing well that day and so after I woke him up and we talked about it I let him go back to sleep, until I tried to wake him again around 7or 8 to eat before he have to be to work at 11 that night. But he didn't get up to eat, and then I tried again about 10-15 min before he had to leave because he kept ignoring his alarms. And he just came up off the couch like a bat out of hell and started freaking out, saying he had to do something before work and screaming at me and blaming me saying I never tried to wake him up, and that I am a liar. I tied to tell him I did ( which I know was useless and pointless and only makes things worse because when he is in that state of mind he doesn't hear anything I say, and can't be reasoned with). And screams at me to shut up over and over and over, but wants me to stand and listen as he screams at me all the things I did wrong. As I am standing there with my mouth hanging open almost in tears, cause I don't know what to say or do. I know he loves me and I know he doesn't mean what he says and it doesn't happen all the time but this is an unhealthy definite pattern of behavior between us when he is not doing well. But my question to you is, is his irrational angry out bursts part of the bipolar, stress or both. And how does you wife deal with your anger. I have been told by a friend of mine who is also bipolar that she sometimes will pick a fight with her husband as energy outlet, and that she doesn't want to hurt him but she feels better afterward. But I won't let him treat me like a verbal punching bag. When I try to tell him about it afterward he'll tell me I am overreacting or to sensitive, or worse THAT IT NEVER HAPPEND. Like I'm making it up or something. He has never and will never hit me, but his words hurt worse than if he had. I don't know what to do when this happens because he is such an amazing dedicated man to me the rest of the time.

errm ....im sorry if im a noob for asking this but is Schizophrenia something that runs in your family ? or is it just that one of thing? because some people in my family have it and I just wanted to make sure

errm ....im sorry if im a noob for asking this but is Schizophrenia something that runs in your family ? or is it just that one of thing?

Do you learn things fair to well by experience? If so you can be a great father! If somehow you can keep a positive additude that will be a huge plus! There are alternative methods/medicine that can help! Like your style will keep listening! BTW CONGRATES!

1. CONGRATS!!! 2. Take it one step at a time and relax. U will be a good dad, just love the baby and everything else will be fine. 3. U will be able to focus on something else and just give yourself a break. Best wishes to u and your wife. Enjoy every moment. Peace to u and yours

Thanks man! I'll be catching up on your videos shortly. Glad to see you back as well!

Still here, and I hope u are doing well. I have had some trauma in my life as of late. My mom broke her leg in two places about a week ago. Still checking out your vids and keep them going. This is real as i have said and it is raw, but real. U have my support and anything u need holler and will be there for u too.

That's an interesting idea of mania. I can assure you that cross-dressing has nothing to do with mania. That's something in and of itself. People who are in a manic state may act in a bizarre manner do to the overwhelming amount of energy.

That's an interesting idea of mania. I can assure you that cross-dressing has nothing to do with mania. That's something in and of itself. People who are in a manic state may act in a bizarre manner do to the overwhelming amount of energy.

That's an interesting idea of mania. I can assure you that cross-dressing has nothing to do with mania. That's something in and of itself. People who are in a manic state may act in a bizarre manner do to the overwhelming amount of energy.

That's an interesting idea of mania. I can assure you that cross-dressing has nothing to do with mania. That's something in and of itself. People who are in a manic state may act in a bizarre manner do to the overwhelming amount of energy.

Most of the time I can feel it coming, but there are times when it will hit me out of nowhere.

Just keep the faith, Happy Birthday man. Enjoy each moment. U are doing well, I hope. Remember only do these when u want to, not because u feel obligated too. I am here for u and support u. Relax, and enjoy the moment, I can not stress that enough. Merry Christmas and Happy holidays. Happy thoughts and all that. Bye for now.

The Raven :-D

I don't feel I have control because of my past experience and my distorted thinking. I'm hoping that it will at least ease the symptoms more than the medication does so that I can push myself more and make better progress.

I don't think anyone has ever told me that I inspire them! I'm glad I could cause such a positive thing for someone else! That's what makes this worth it. :-) I've learned that society's perception of you means nothing of who you are, but I definitely understand otherwise. If you don't mind my asking, why does your color of skin make it harder for others to understand, especially those of your own race?

Pretty much lol

That's because you're senile.

Well YOU'RE certainly not a cure-all! Can I kick you in the side?? :-P

One of my favorite CWG quotes.

A pox on your idea! I hate it! ;-P Of course you know otherwise, heheh.

The metronome idea is fascinating! I have always found them to be relaxing.

I FORGOT ONE!! Rachel & I got matching wedding band tattoos!

Holy shit! I can understand that impulse! I have gotten that urge as well, but lack of funds always stand in the way.

I always keep an eye out for your videos as well! :-D I'm glad the video made you laugh! I am curious, what drew you to that video, and what were your expectations?

Thank you for the compliment! Much appreciated!

Thank you! I am sure bipolar disorder is even more difficult during your teenage years. I hope all is well for you! Don't be a stranger.

How about a physical list? Nothing mental with me lasts long, unless it sucks! Heheh.

I have seen some of that. I admit I am a bit skeptical with televised psychics or mediums. But, I haven't given it a chance. They're usually shown back to back anyway. I love convenience, heheh.

You are an amazing person! Stop it! Heheh, thank you!

Not really. Just some here and there. The only thing I can figure is the inability to fit in. I tried to fit in with my friends growing up, unknowingly changing aspects of myself, but always feeling left out to some extent. Maybe that's the BPD itself. I have no idea.

Apparently I can't send you a message because you have some sort of "lock" on. It says you have to add me as a contact...?

Ah, Bob Proctor! I am very familiar with him! I am seeing a therapist and cognitive therapy is a plan for me. I love meditation! I just avoid it for fear it won't help...therefore I never take the chance to find out, heheh. I actually have a list now of 5 things to do each day that focus on my mind, body, and spirit, thanks to a good friend. And thank you as well! I will remember your suggestions. :-)

Well, I have turned my thoughts from ending my channel to changing direction. It will actually be aimed toward directly helping others, as was the original plan. Thank you for your support! It does mean a lot. :-)

It's not the numbers you get right away man, it's that it's OUT there for people. No shame in taking a break from it.... Looks like you positively set things up for a hiatus and that's cool instead of disappearing on a low note but I wholeheartedly think you should leave the vids up. It's worth it if it helps even one person a year from now. Just my take dude.

I have friends that watch & have told me that you've helped them feel not alone. Not everyone wants to speak up. You could come up with your own informational vids. Make them themed: meds, finding the right therapist, the mental health industry, suicide prevention, etc. Pick topics on your own to discuss at first, then maybe questions will follow. Don't rely on others to give you direction. It's easier to ask questions about info already given, so give it some structure & you may get more Q&A.

I am very sorry! I forgot that you didn't get my reply! I'll have to fix that!

If you haven't been taking care of yourself, then you haven't been trying as hard as you say. You're taking on the big things before tending to the small things, & that can cause discouragement. So making an effort to take care of the physical self is a good start. Baby steps. I'm not saying all of your ideas are bad though, giving love and happiness to another is always a good thing. :) If you hold it all in and restart the vicious cycle, you'll end up possibly hurting Rachel worse in the end.

I was gonna let u know that I didn't get your response from the personal message i sent. I appreciate your vids because, as i have said it's REAL. I also understand if it isn't helping u, then it isn't worth hurting u over either. Whatever halps u, but it did help me some because i am dealing with someone with bipolar disorder. Thank u for everything either way. Wish u all the best in everything.

Ok, u are doing the right thing by thinking about your wife. Focusing your attention on her will help u, believe me. Also if u only do videos once a week that would be fine. It gives u perspective, and u can talk about the week. Give yourself kindness, and don't beat up on yourself, that will help Rachael too, she loves u. She wants u to be happy, just as much as u want her to be happy. Just know if u don't do anymore videos, that is ok too. I am in support of whatever makes u decide. Good luck.

Your suggestions SUCK! What the hell is wrong with you?? ;-) Actually your ideas are great! I know daily showering will help, I just need to motivate myself to do so. The second suggestion is beautiful!! I will start that as soon as I think of something! I can't make 3 more. I can barely remember what day of the week it is! :-P But, I'll try. Thank you, Malady!

Since you're doing better now, I'd like to point out, that hearing Josh cracking up in the background at the end makes it sound either really funny, or really demented/crazy

LOL!!!! I don't know what to talk about!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I can come up with sommmmmething..... maybe.... *hides*

YAY!!!! That's good :) You did look like you were having a lot of fun with that wheelchair, though. lol

Back to normal! Each day had shown great improvement. I could walk as normal in no more than a week. I miss the wheelchair though! ;-P

Thank you, Jordaine! I think my therapist had mentioned Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. PLEASE do let me know how it goes for you! I am also going to look into it.