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This is wonderful - thank you Imi. For someone who has DID - you describe the frustrations of of being one and then another is almost retraumatising in some respect. But once the realisation comes, and avoidance disposed with, the curtains shut down by that wonderful protector to protect awareness of the past, decides to give permission to see if you can be trusted. And it's 2 steps forward and 3 back, for a long time. And slowly, as trust is earned with all, it becomes more a pattern of 2 steps forward, and another 2 steps, perhaps 1 back, but when momentum gains expansiveness emerges - each of those within are unshackled by internal safety and earned trust - skills and qualities magnify and a sense of self becomes concretised. Thank you

Thank you, I needed this ❤ my family don't want to learn about this

In general well done, but please add somatic methods like somatic experiencing to your list of treatments. Processing trauma through the body has saved my life.

This was my partner & he hid it so well for many many months . I know there was something big going on with is hyper vigilant, nightmares, people pleaser , rabbit caught in head like look often. The nearly crying over small issues. In the end he was triggered & went avoidant at a year in & that was it . Didn’t even know who he was at that point. He def was one way at work & another in a relationship. Huge facade ever day he puts on .

Thank you❤

This video has been liberating in that it's a retelling of my very own experience but with such precision and eloquence. After years of psychological abuse from both my mother and her second husband I wrangled free for a year and stopped all contact. In that time I worried incessantly about my mother and wondered how she was but it was also then that i felt truly free. I had given myself permission to do the unthinkable - go against cultural and religious values and conventions. But my parents had me hacked and cyberstalked. So it was with great shock and disappointment that I came to the realisation that they wanted absolute control so badly that they were willing to destroy my life by taking away the freedom I value above life itself. I also had to accept that as long as they needed to hide the truth about their abusiveness and how they facilitated each other's abusive behaviour, they would want to stay in control. After an entire year of silence I caved and re-established contact when my brother emailed me with the news that another child was on the way. At first I was glad but now I realise I am my own worst enemy. What do I say to parents who are constantly dropping hints that they know what goes on on this side of the pond? I believe they made contact with the community where I live because one neighbour was trumpeting about how hard my mum's life had been. Until then I had no idea the loud mouth knew anything about my mother. That that wasn't an isolated incident or the loud mouth the lone ranger makes your point about flying monkeys oh so relevant. And of course everyone wants to help take their wayward daughter in hand, they are gifted with charisma. My step dad is especially effervescent. People love him. I'm universally hated because of my dick-grating personality and never believed no matter the situation. I can deal with the hate from people who are irrelevant. What I find difficult to live with is how after I decided to give family relations another go they can live with the continued spying and cyberstalking. Some people are very undeserving of compassion. All they do is take advantage of what they see is my weakness. I understand there can never be any meaningful conversations about what's been going on because my mother makes it about how much worse shes had it. Otherwise she stops me by telling me not to say anything because me getting upset is exactly what my enemies want. Thus i'm silenced.

Education on psychology and therapy is crucial for recovery. Speaking from experience, a large part of healing is being yourself.

Wow! Excellent.

Wow!

This article really helped me put some pieces in place. Thank you. Sharing.

I love the phrase “sensitive to the atmospheric pressure of other family members’ needs” - this describes how it feels very well

This is really good. Your content takes awhile because it is filled with a lot of things I want to take notes on and connect to similar topics in my notebook. Thank you. Your books must be great. It makes sense that they have high ratings on Amazon.

oh and spot on

what about when they are sadist who enjoy it? what if they say they enjoy it, meaning they are not ignorant or unintentional but rather deliberate?

Thanks very much for your videos and for your website. They have been really helpful to me.

I love someone who I cannot be with. I drives me on the edge . I can't take it anymore

Really wonderful words 💗 thank you Imi

I’ve been using ChatGPT DBT & CBT custom GPTs for over a year now. AMAZING and life changing. I installed the Feeling Great app last night and went through a CBT session. AMAZING results!

I wish you had a shorter version 😬. I'm curious but don't have the patience to listen for about an hour..

I wonder whether you would be open to doing a slightly different version of this for tertiary structural dissociation ie Dissociative Identity Disorder where other selves are much more defined and the origin of the trauma happened v early. It would then help people know the difference between ‘parts’ in IFS / schema etc which will help with people not getting misdiagnosed and getting the help they need. MeWe would be very grateful

Yes, or feeling emotionally numb as your major feeling

When you don't have a community at all it starts to alter ones mental state to know all these "non gifted" people don't "prefer" you.

100% related to all of this except at 1:50, “the intense, almost hyper-empathic connection you might feel with them during their calmer moments. They might seem incredibly attuned to your emotions.” Never felt that part during my childhood. So I guess I relate 98% to everything in this video lol. 😆

This also crosses with CPTSD as well. I have (or had) a dear friend who had quiet BPD, I didn't even know she had it before she decided to ghost me. Its quite sad really. I hope she's getting the treatment she needs to heal BUT ghosting those who care about you is not good. Period.

Thanks so very much for these videos. They are very insightful and affirming.

I'm taking this to thearpy. My group counselor is currently learning about BPD because of me. Now to convince my psychologist I'm not Bipolar. At 55 years young you'd think I know myself by now.

I take most RUclips psy videos with a grain of salt. One dubious vid said “If you understand object permanence you should know there is also emotional permanence.” It was like a light bulb going off. You video confirmed this and have the correct name (object constancy). Keeping this in mind, supported by evidence that my mate has NOT abandoned me has made a huge difference. I still get anxious but breathwork helps me get through till we see each other again. as your video states I need to work on self reliance. Great video thank you

Wow, I’m a 41 yr old male (ESFJ-A) 8 months free of drinking, on a whirlwind spiral “upwards” of finding myself out after childhood > adult trauma and 20 years of drinking beer and masking everything .. Only 7 days after 2025 started, I was just offered a small severance from work, feeling all kinds of emotions about my next step in work….. but a voice inside was telling me assuringly it’s ok, don’t panic. Normally I’d be a mess and I’m not even sure how I came across this episode at a very emotionally raw and real crossroad of my life. I will visit the website and just try and put one foot in front of the other. Thank you for this episode….

I live by my inner voice..... I am a chosen one...my intuition NEVER has failed me....

This deeply resonates....

The ones whose life is a TRAINWRECK..............loves to give you unsolicited advice........

Thank you, and Happy New Year <3 Your insights helped me not run out of compassion for people who I'd otherwise think should have long managed to free and rebuild themselves.

Thank you for this interview and for both of your work!! It’s very validating and exciting to learn about both of your work. I just made a note of how Patty shared that’s “it’s taken a lot of work for me to connect with excitement” and I can relate.

Is there a french version of this video?? I would really need it.😢

It is not easy to be gifted. A lot of energy will be simply spent to adjust to the mediocrity in society and this leaves very little drive to accomplish things in life. It feels like a great task just to be alive. And intensity is another common feature of giftedness and quite often it can get very overwhelming. It is wholly different experience of life.

Luckily I have been able to experience the intensity of love and romance by watching dramas instead of real life which can drive people away. The love feelings are so intense and all consuming that the other person is just scared and mistake it for obssessive attachment. It all exists in our mind and we breathe life into others which is actually not there in them.

Yes. They can-and (per personal experience)-some will. The worst “mistake” a therapist can make is for one to forget that s/he is supposed to be there for you and instead, turns the relationship around so that you end up being there for him/her. I took one psychiatrist to task on this, whose answer was, “I only want you to like me!” Classic roll reversal and misuse of power. This doctor was, btw, was the Department Head(!) Be careful who you let into your brain.

Thank you!

The real sickos are the robotic....soulless.....empty...hollow walking dead entities...

I really see myself in the points made in this video. I am in my late fifties, speak 3 languages fluently, and yet work a meaningless job. Every time I've tried to get promoted; I get passed over by troglodytes. I used to try to make friends at work by engaging in light banter, but I realized that they didn't like me or thought I was trying to "show off" when I spoke because I basically use good grammar and occasionally mention literature or foreign words. I feel I'm too old to get retrained for something more fulfilling at this point.

Thank you so much. Exactly my current situation

I am an ACQUIRED taste......

I am an old soul....an INDIGO CHILD.....a chosen one....☮️

I am WAY ahead of my time........

Totally RESONATES..........a total NON- CONFORMIST.......

Never feel challenged.....bored...stagnant.....always having to dumb myself down...

I'm a chosen one.....we are cut from a different cloth....

Wow, did I just get educated!! I admire your writing, Imi Lo, it is excellent. Exceptional. This gave me a clear understanding and fit well with my existing psych perceptions. Thank you for bundling in so much detail and weaving the overlapping mechanisms together like cheese cloth, I could see right through it and save it for later if I get nuts. Cheesy, I know [ba dum]. I don't have direct experience with BPD and limerence, just a lifetime of somewhere on the cluster B spectrum. A lot of similar pitches but at different volumes. I do see posts online about bpd, the Favorite Person (limerent object), etc. but those corners are not where I linger like The Cranberries. Except sometimes to read episodic parents text messages, which I now have a better foundation in which to make sense of. I felt like this paragraph was a particularly great crescendo of describing the peak anxiety: "When interpersonal sensitivity and the negative bias in BPD are combined with limerence, [...]" Thank you for explaining this all in a compassionate way. It helped put me in check, having been on the receiving end of idealization and devaluation (not that I'm one to cast stones). I like how you point out that it is a manifestation of intense passion for life. I am grateful that you share your gift with us, the world. Pretty extraordinary that I get to experience your gift and type a response from across the globe. Easy thing to take for granted. 🙏

So, so beautiful. This feels like a message from my Higher Self, like I’m being given permission to find deeper levels of peace and acceptance in who and how I am. To let go of the relentless self-judgement. Thank you for sharing your gift. You speak for millions 💐✨

thank you for making this video. although there is not much new thoughts for me here (i've been on my journey for understanding and loving my self for a long time now), it's the best written and articulated video on the topic I've ever came across. It feels like it covers everything top to bottom: the origin, the essence and potential recovery from this trauma. thank you so much for a much needed sense of solace