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My younger sibling is, respectfully, very resentful at times and I feel that I am often trying to explain to her that holding grudges is detrimental to both her relationships and overall mental health. This idea of not being resentful reminds me of Matthew 5, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” This notion of keeping no record of wrongs relates here as well, as Jesus teaches that you must extend love and compassion to those who hurt you, and reminds that those people are equal in the eyes of God. It shows that forgiveness is not just beneficial to those being forgiven, but encourages peace and compassion. While I agree, I find myself often debating whether or not you can forgive too much, or not hold enough against people. Where does forgiveness end and naivety begin?

I resonate with reverend Toller’s struggle to pray. I though I am not religious anymore, I have struggled in the past with a feeling of emptiness or just blankness when I began to pray. I think that Toller’s explanation that this in itself was a prayer would have helped me then. I, like reverend Toller, used a journal as a sort of private confession for some time, mainly things I struggled with that I couldn’t verbalize to people. However, I feel like it might have enabled me to spiral and dwell in my negative emotions. I feel like this might have been the case for Toller too. Sometimes speaking to a real person with a real opinion can stop you from spiraling, which I think would have helped Toller. I think Schrader would want us to applaud Reverend Toller’s compassion and his drive to understanding the truth.

Journaling is an inexpensive form of documenting thoughts, emotions, and experiences and exposing a person’s soul. I choose to Journal because it allows me to reminisce on memories and reveal my failures and successes. Expressing my thoughts on paper is evidence of my existence. I write to showcase the life I lived and the moments that helped determine who I wanted to be. Dr. M mentioned journaling as a form of vulnerability in which most choose to keep a secret. I think Schrader is trying to convey that journaling can help showcase the true colors of a person's soul because journaling is private. Due to journaling being regarded as private, the writer has no fear of writing their true thoughts and exposing their true self.

Journaling, for me, was always something that I never thought of doing just because I thought it was weird and something that guys don’t do. So I was always very closed minded about it with a hard mindset of never doing it. After listening to Dr. M’s story I realized that it’s different for everybody and it provides a “pair of ears” for those who feel as if they needed something/someone more private to listen to them. And that part I could relate with because it’s always pleasant to have a pair of non-judgmental ears to listen or to talk to. It just helps to have that to get certain things off of your mind.

Journaling is an act that stands out uniquely. Part of my reasoning behind this claim is due to the reality of human struggle, how often we see ourselves escaping from it, and, sheerly, the malleability of the paper with which we are faced head-on. It can rightfully be considered an art within that matter, as any painter can and will tell you that the physical and mental stress reflected in a finalized product, comes from the physical and mental stress faced by the artist in their past. The human struggle is one properly defined in some one way or another through various art forms, which is not the case I'm making. Rather, journaling carries the same significance for humans, offers the same punch in the form of self-revelatory writings and prose distinct to the writer's own experience in the struggle for humanness. Journaling offers more in this regard. Often I ponder the vast benefits to journaling and what I truly, if anything, gain from writing down revelations and epiphanies from the minute, hour, day or night or week prior. I tend to find my answer in the Beatitudes founded in Matthew 5. The meekness stands out in particular, for I see myself as a strongly meek and balanced person, not drawn to extremities but to a homeostasis of emotion and behavior and attitude. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land. - Oswaldo

I have a hard time being honest about my emotions with anyone, and a blank page is no different. Like Dr. M, I go through phases of heavy journaling, but it ultimately ends by way of laziness, avoidance of my feelings, and insecurity of writing them down. Unlike the protagonist of First Reformed, writing from the depths of my soul is neither comforting nor therapeutic; I write too much for my future self and focus too closely on the possibility of someone reading my thoughts. Praying does far more good for me at this time in my life than writing does but, similar to Toller, it can be unreasonably difficult to do so when emotional regulation eludes us. While I hope to make journaling a habit sometime in the future, prayer is my journal as of now.

The "Dark Night of the Soul" concept reminds me of several different points in my life. Times so colored by suffering that it becomes impossible to hold trust in the "painter." There was a point this summer at which I became so angry with God, that I revoked my faith. Of course, doing so out of spite meant I must still have faith for I withheld it vengefully. What greater good could possibly be worth the death of a 17-year-old kid (a family friend, lost to suicide)? What kind of loving God would allow such horror. I don't keep a diary; I do write music. No words. I didn't have anything to say. Still don't. Maybe it's all the same thing. Writing music keeps my soul in conversation with the higher being I won't speak with.

Around a little over a year ago, I started journaling to heal from a bad relationship. I was angry and not in the right mind. Journaling was my way of throwing out old trash to empty myself and fill that hole with something new. I, too, didn’t believe that scribing in my Target notebook would benefit me and I got less and less consistent as time went on. However, as I kept on writing, I found myself seeking good values, leading me back to the cross. I yearned to change, and in time, my writings became filled with gratitude, plans to grow, and celebrations over new relations. Journaling helped jumpstart me into a newer and better life. I really resonate with the protagonists in Shrader’s trilogy; they all yearn for change and a new life. Journaling is more than just pen and paper. But it’s a superpower.

Growing up, I often heard that journaling is beneficial for mental health, and although I tried it, I never made it a habit. Dr. M's story about his father giving him a diary struck a chord with me, as my dad had done the same. Despite the encouragement, journaling never became a consistent part of my life, and this video helped me realize that my father has been journaling for as long as I can remember, meticulously recording daily events in his notebooks. When I asked him why he writes, he explained that it helps him recall specific days when needed, but now it stands out to me that it could also be a form of journaling or prayer for him as well. Dr. M also suggested that journaling can serve as a form of prayer, a perspective I hadn’t considered before. This insight makes me curious about journaling's deeper meanings, inspiring me to take it more seriously moving forward.

Toller’s intent to “flay his conscience” through journaling and realization of the pride in his words resonate with me. I recently journaled to process the repercussions of an emotionally extreme incident, seeking catharsis by imagining that I was writing a letter of confession. However, I came to think I could control how I expressed my emotions, but was proven wrong when I realized that verbalizing my motivations behind every connected event only amplified my negative thoughts. The treasure in rereading the junk heap I’ve produced is finding that I don’t feel the way I did in past entries. Journaling is also a condensed way to give my thoughts to someone I’ve been blessed with who would wade through that heart-rending mess with me. Human memory is volatile, but some memories are sharp enough to remain when shared, and I hope to be that listening ear for others.

As an experienced journaler, I am an avid believer in its power and doubt I would be quite the person I am today if I had not performed such self-reflection in written pages for years. Writing down any introspection, whether shallow or deep, has helped me to understand my own emotions which is a feat to behold, especially as a young adult in the midst of self-discovery. The act also helps me to process and overcome things that may have bothered me or put me in some form of anguish, adding to the slew of reasons that journaling is beneficial. I very much agree in the human need to be listened to, as observed in myself and in others. I enjoyed the video and its validation of some of my own personal thoughts, and can't wait to watch First Reformed!

I believe that journaling is a good form of recollective thought and insight. I don't practice journaling currently, but I used to journal daily in high school. It is something I would like to return to because I did notice positive outcomes resulting from the practice. One was that, over time, I would notice consistencies with my days and see how they would affect me. These acts would cue me to either eliminate them or continue them, depending on whether I saw them as negative or positive. In reference to the video and the three films mentioned, Dr. M's. first question posed in the video was whether the hard-won insight granted by the main character's difficulties can somehow illuminate the path of a younger, equally troubled individual. This statement resonated with me because I gained an enlightened mindset as a result of my frequent journaling in high school. My younger sister is going through similar difficulties in high school as I did, and since I gained insight from my journaling, I then have been able to give her advice and relate to her through my experiences. Another question asked in the video was if it was beneficial at all to record the ups and downs of a given day or if these recordings are no better than storing broken car parts in a backyard. This depends on the individual. Through personal experience, I found journaling to be a very positive practice. Others might not find it as helpful. Nonetheless, journaling should be something that everyone should try and see whether or not it is something worth incorporating into their life.

Journaling can serve as a reflective form of rehabilitation or recollection. It can serve as a means of remembrance of hard times and how one persevered through it, or it can serve as a means to identify any inconsistencies that might prove negative or positive. The question given by Marchbanks is, is there any benefit at all from replaying the goods and bads of any given day, recording our faults and successes, or is this practice no better than storing broken, rusting car parts in one’s backyard? I believe this can go either way, depending on the individual. This is prevalent in the characters from the films mentioned in the video, as they all had hardened pasts and had yet to come to peace with their sins. In the one film mentioned by Dr. Marchbanks, the priest of a small congregation would journal to ease his wrestling with the arrogance he believed to end his marriage, his diary was a way to humble himself through a form of private confession. Dr. Marchbanks referenced a quote from the character in the film, as he reads back from his diary he thinks, “When I read these words, I see not truth, but pride. I wish I had not used the word ‘pride’, but I cannot cross it out, if only I could pray”. The pastor then decides to pray on the matter. His written diary prompted him to recollect what he wrote and led him towards decisive action, by praying.

As a journaler in the past I've struggled with whether or not the practice has been worth my time; when I've done it consistently I've found that I'm more able to process my feelings for the day and how I feel the Holy Spirit has been directing me. I look forward to seeing the film and looking into how it addresses the practice. Me personally, more recently I haven't been budgeting the time to make it happen as much, so I've been relying on larger, more sparse entries to satisfy the desire to have some sort of catalog of my life to look on later as a mark of emotional and spiritual progress.

The main topic here is journaling. I, too, have tried to journal several times in my life; in both cheap notebooks (including my beloved Justin Bieber diary from 2nd grade) or aesthetically pleasing journals. I always fail to remain consistent because I feel like it's easier for me to internalize and compartmentalize events or emotions than fully write them out. I think that a part of it is me being too prideful to actually write down how I feel on paper. I would like to begin journaling though, as I recognize its benefits for emotional relief. Reflecting on the character Toller, I immensely relate to the difficulty one can have to pray. So, I appreciate the point made about the "desire to pray is a prayer itself." As I've gone through ups and downs in my faith, this quote brings me to feel less religious "guilt."

I feel like I would have to watch the film to more understand what Schrader is saying as being able to see how the story was made can help carry to you what the story is delivering rather then just hearing about it, however I believe it did help him as it helps most, from my own experience I find journaling can help you in many ways from clearing your thoughts, deciding what you want to say to someone, or just letting off steam rather then hurting someone you care about. I know from personal experience that I have done them all as to me I find journalism to be the manifestation of your thoughts. When gathering your thoughts you can only think so much at a time however by writing it down you are able to keep your thoughts going like a story rather then being stuck on the same thought, it has helped me make decisions I thought I could not come up with, I beleaive it to be therapudic as althouhg you may not be able to talk to others about your feelings writing them down is another way of expressing them which can help you feel like you took the weight of your shoulders I beleave it to be similar in the story as he tries to move forward it is hard if your mind is stuck in the past but as he writes he is able to keep moving forward.

I find that journaling can be beneficial or similar to “storing rust car parts” depending on the content. I have stacks of old journals around my house, some where I tackled a specific issue in my life and others where I would ramble about my day. Those more intentional journals allowed me to get broader perspectives about myself over time, whereas the other journals only brought bad moments back to the present when they should have been left alone. All three of the films mentioned have characters who take on intentional journaling, working through past traumas and regrets to achieve redemption. In short, Schrader may be pointing to the good journaling can do as long as it remains centered around an aspect of someone’s life rather than taking on the full weight of it all.

I have also tried journaling, countless times I have received a journal for my birthday or as a Christmas gift, and it somehow ends up at Goodwill. I connected with the thought of is it better to journal and replay the thoughts of the day over paper, or over another hobby such as fixing a car. To this, I think anything that relaxes the soul, is the same as journaling, as journaling is form of decompressing. Fixing a car, can be frustrating in the moment, but the end result is incredibly rewarding, and this is a similar feeling to what I think a completed journal feels like. I also resonated with the tid bit you mentioned about humans needed and wanting someone to listen to them. Safety in having this, is rather important, someone needs to feel the safety, trustworthiness, and love to share deep and personal thoughts, whereas with a journal paper and a pen are all that is needed. Personally I love to talk, and listen to people, so this has always worked better than a journal, but that can always change. Overall I loved the video and all the interesting points made, I can't wait to watch First Refromed!

As a psychology major, journaling is often mentioned and I appreciate Dr. M's point about it being convenient and inexpensive. For those who don’t have someone to talk to, writing can be a great outlet. I journal occasionally, especially to release negative emotions by writing them down and then throwing away the paper to symbolizing letting go. The beautiful parts of my life are what I love rereading. I also related to Dr. M’s mention of journaling in his relationship. When I struggled in mine, journaling helped me cope. It allowed me to express feelings I couldn’t share directly with my boyfriend without hurting him. This helped me process my emotions privately. Who knows, maybe journaling can help save other relationships.

Writing down my thoughts and feelings, whether with pen on paper or by typing on the computer, has helped transform vague ideas into concrete thoughts that might not have come into focus otherwise. I believe that journaling allows for deeper reflection than simply speaking aloud. I also agree with the notion that the intention to pray, as he wrote, is itself a plea for help. In doing so, it becomes a prayer to God for the strength to become a more righteous person.

Through this video ive learned that writing down my thoughts in a personal journal can be really helpful. It gives you a space to reflect on things that are on your mind, helping you sort through emotions or ideas you might not have realized were there. It’s also a way to look back and see how I’ve grown or changed over time. Keeping a journal is a tool for self-understanding, and it feels like a small but meaningful way to keep track of your thoughts.

Toller earnestly seeks connection with God through the practice of journaling, yet he finds his own reflections to be nothing but prideful ramblings. However, I would argue that this is the exact purpose of journaling. I cannot think of one instance where I have journaled and looked back at my writing later without thinking I sounded irrational, conceited, and outright ridiculous. Yet, to dig deep into one’s consciousness is to find pride and vanity, for this is the core of our being. I believe that Toller’s discovery of his own prideful thoughts is not a mark of failed prayer, but instead the start of a deeper connection with God. His frustration with his journaling propels him to explore alternatives to traditional prayer, ultimately connecting him with God. To me, journaling is merely a catalyst moving us to make the connection between our inadequacies and our need for God’s grace.

The idea of using one’s negative experiences to “re-channel” into a productive means is a concept the resonates with me greatly. I have an older brother who is very charismatic, loving, and supportive of me; but his fatal flaw has led him to being a two-time felon. The amount of support my family and I have for my brother is tremendous. The effort it took for him to repel aggression and to discontinue seeking short cuts in life nearly seemed insurmountable, but the result inspired me greatly. During hardships, I find that journaling can be very beneficial in guiding myself through turbulent thoughts, and I’m able to take several minutes to discover solutions to work through my feelings. On the other hand, I never journal when life is going well; isn’t it just as important to take time to applaud yourself, especially after overcoming difficulties?

Often, I have a far easier time understanding external events, or even the emotions of others, than understanding my own emotions or intentions. My thoughts, like a spider’s web, are balled up and tangled the moment something foreign strikes and I become unable to dissect them when I need to most. Journaling and prayer allow me to work non-linearly to understand myself in these moments. Like untying an unfamiliar knot, I begin with a loose loop; tugging, gnawing, or prodding until another loop (or two or three) are likewise slackened. I then work these as well, jumping between sections and gradually untangling my thoughts until I come to understand the source of my emotions. For me, journaling looks like a mosaic of half-formed sentences strewn about a page without regard for legibility. Prayer is similar - raw emotions being spoken to God with the knowledge that he hears and understands me

I agree that it is inherent to human nature that we desire our thoughts be listened to without receiving judgment. Everyone has a part of themself that is private, and it often gets difficult to cope with a taunting inner voice independently. Journaling has frequently been a coping mechanism for me. I find it intriguing to consider that some people find comfort in discarding journals, whereas others return to journal entries, and discover how limited negative feelings and experiences truly are. Personally, I love reading my old journal excerpts because they allow me to reflect on momentary feelings, get a bigger picture of myself from an objective point of view, and appreciate my growth over time. Journaling opens up an exploration of the self and really does allow for a deep dive into the soul.

Journalling, the art of putting pen to paper in a manner which reflects your own mind and experiences. While it has never been a part of my life, I believe that the practice has sound backings in roots of mental health and spiritual health. I found this topic to be very compelling as it enlightened me to the way that journalling can be such a large part of one’s life and how it can open the door to new insights on current feelings. Being much like Dr. M, I would rather pray as opposed to putting my feelings in writing, however I might integrate this by writing down my prayers so that I can look back and store them as a reminder to be grateful.

Violence seems to bleed from the worst people in society. We think that in them there is no capacity for anything besides evil, that stems from a rotten core. I would argue everyone has the capacity to express tenderness and compassion. While one’s mind might be dull from these qualities, like a knife, you can always sharpen the mind. Or perhaps this tenderness and compassion has never been unlocked by this individual, but an event causes them to experience these feelings for the first time. No matter how it comes about, I believe that violence can never harden someone past the point of no return. Now one can prevent violence in their mind by replaying one's ups and downs daily which is a complicated yet productive task. It requires deep introspection that leads one to intentionality in their thoughts, actions, and relationships.

Whenever I get too anxious or overwhelmed, I journal; I enter into a private space where my thoughts can flow back and forth from my mind to the page. It can take a whirlwind of thoughts that constantly overlap and overwhelm and condense them into a few solid lines on paper. With these troubled men with so much trauma, pulling these sloshing thoughts of anger and self hatred outside of one's head and into reality seems to only simply be survival. Without this release, they will succumb to their own emotions. I imagine journaling for them is akin to boring a hole in the skull to relieve pressure on the brain; it relieves a painful symptom, but the true process of change through action is the cure.

Upon reflecting on my personal experience with journaling, the two points made in the video that resonated with me the most are using journaling as a therapeutic method and reflecting on what one has written in the past. As stated in the video, journaling can be a way for us to feel heard, yet in doing so, we do not burden others or expose our vulnerabilities. This can be soothing because, rather than bottling up what we want to express but cannot, the journal becomes a relief tool. When looking back at what I have previously written, I often note how much both I and my perspectives have changed. Problems that once seemed insurmountable have now come and gone; my understanding of the world has expanded, and the level of maturity and righteousness I once had now seems shameful. However this is progression manifested, which itself provides a soothing charm.

I found this video to be very interesting. As someone who has journaled off and on throughout my life starting at the age of 10, I can relate to Dr. Marchbanks's comments on how he struggled to keep up with journaling. On the one hand, it can be extremely therapeutic and can be used as a way to communicate or spend time with God, and it can also be used to reference back to past times in our lives. I personally find it hard to journal when everything is going wrong in my life. When events occur that I would rather forget the last thing I want to do is write them down to look back on later, however, I can see the purpose of it. I can relate to Toller's journaling and the feelings he experienced towards struggling with receiving grace. It can be hard to think that God will look past our biggest mistakes and darkest moments and just forgive us. I think this is such a hard concept to grasp because as humans we find it extremely hard to forgive people who have wronged us. In my own life, I have found it hard to forgive those who have wronged me and show them grace, so It is hard to imagine that God has neverending grace for all of my mistakes and shortcomings.

Arrogance, pride, and ghosts from a broken past imprisoning you, desperately crying out to God for a miraculous escape you seem barred from attaining. Such is the spiritual state of Toller, and as the viewer considers, possibly of ourselves. While Dr. Marchbanks highlights Toller’s use of Journaling to attempt to move past this brokenness, Toller’s other actions to attempt to reconnect with God implicate that Journaling is not alone up to this insurmountable task. At the root, Toller needs to accept grace. No written words, no actions will make him worthy enough to merit the grace Christ poured out on the cross, because he cannot be worthy of that grace. Perhaps that is why, in the words of Paul in Romans 8:26, the “Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Toller’s actions are forgiven, but he must forgive himself as Christ forgave him.

We all must grapple with dark thoughts. I have found that the only way to reconcile these contemptible ruminations is to express them; to make them exist outside my mind. Journaling is not my practice of choice (although I could probably benefit from such a practice). I am fortunate to have close confidants with whom I can share these parts of myself without fear of judgment or worse, rejection, but for those who do not or are more self-conscious than I, journaling is a promising option. There is no use in denying our capacity for depravity. To be compassionate requires understanding of the other and to understand the other one must understand the self-in its entirety. Achieving this kind of understanding requires coming to terms with one’s darkness. I believe the contemplation of one’s darker desires and impulses through journaling, meditating, or discussion represents a form of prayer.

The prayer of wanting to pray is a prayer I have prayed before in various forms, so I am intrigued to see the path that the protagonist takes in this film. I have continuously journaled a line from a favorite song of mine: "I want to want to get better. I want to want to feel closer to you when I'm far away." The idea that the desire to be closer to God itself can be worship has been a comfort for me in the last year. I am curious to further understand the protagonist's specific discipline in journaling, as I am particularly intrigued by his refusal to let himself cross anything out or seemingly to make correction/adjustments. Is that a dedication to stream of consciousness or a refusal to soften anything he has admitted?

This video was incredibly compelling because of my personal love for journaling. As Dr.M mentioned in his video, one of the biggest reasons I journal is to trace and examine God’s faithfulness over the years of my life. Looking back on times when I felt I was at my lowest gives me such a gracious outlook on life that God could pull me out of those hard times/feelings I once wrote about. I also felt quite connected to the main character Toller as Dr.M explained that he attempted to embrace God’s grace but kept falling short as his past weighed heavy on him. Through my faith, I know I am forgiven, yet I often experience Toller’s feelings of simply falling short and struggling to accept our forgiveness. It can be hard navigating life, especially new life in Christ yet still feeling burdened by past choices.

I have journaled in the past, mainly in seasons where I felt distraught about the world around me and my own emotions. Since then, I have not journaled, but I have looked back at what I have written from time to time to compare my current state with my pervious state of mind. However, I turned to prayer not only to express my emotions, but also to find comfort. And by trusting God, the situation is no longer a burden on my shoulders, but rather something I have surrendered to God. Like Dr. Marchbanks mentions in the video, that the desire to pray is a type of prayer, and I agree. I understand how it feels to want to pray, but not do it and I can say that it often proves to me that I am not in as bad a place as I thought I might be since I have that continual desire to connect with God.

I still currently journal because I tend to overthink a lot so writing everything that’s on my mind has always helped me achieve a more calm and peaceful mindset. I journal about my day even if I didn’t do much that day and I also journal about the struggles going on and the small victories like Dr. M’s video had mentioned and sometimes whenever I go back and look at previous journal entries I always enjoy reading them because it shows that I’m grown in many ways. Praying has helped me just like journaling except in the sense that praying helps me feel more connected to God whereas journaling helps me feel more connected to myself.

While I do not currently journal, writing about my victories, struggles, and even the mundane was a practice that I performed daily for over two years. But like Toller in First Reformed, I feel as though I journaled out of a sense of pride and loneliness rather than keeping an ongoing reflection book for self improvement. Looking back on it now, journaling was an adequate yet temporary solution to my problem, but it did not permanently fix the desire for true connection. It was only when I realized that I need other people, that I need a savior to become fully healed, that I stopped journaling, humbled myself, and prayed. Today I do not journal. But I now have a personal relationship with God that sustains me infinitely more than any diary entry can.

The man’s past chains him to the desk, weighing down his pen to the page. Painstakingly he releases all his pent up emotions and repulsive thoughts on that page. The ink permanently staining his hand as he faces his innermost self, studying it loathingly but… with a small hint of fascination. Slowly the ink reshapes his character, he no longer connects with the writing. He feels light; the chain, he realizes, has loosened and he can leave. And yet his chain still calls to him, begging for a glance, a touch, an embrace; eventually the man finds himself at the desk once again. Who can truly remove that chain, still its cries… perhaps destroy it once and for all?

The question of has journaling ever helped me stood out to me. I don’t journal and I can probably only think of one time I tried but didn’t even write a full page. I’ve always had a blank journal sitting on my bedside so I can attempt but never do. Not sure if it’s because of fear of it being read, or fear of rereading what I wrote, or just plain laziness. I think Shrader is trying to tell us explain to us how journaling can aid someone but it can also lead a person to spiral into their own darkness through journaling. Perhaps why Toller doesn’t believe in revisiting his thought in his journal.

Dr. Marchbanks's point on everyone’s desire to talk to someone loving yet not always having that understanding party to confide in is something that I can relate to. Journaling, as Dr. Marchbanks mentioned, can be something that one can do to get their thoughts out in order to dispose of or look back on at a later date. I find that having a journal, or something that cannot judge, to write out the highs and lows of life can be linked to how God is depicted to be a loving and judgment-free source of comfort to pray to. Reflecting on one’s own experiences, whether positive or disturbing, can bring a heightened sense of self-acceptance in a world where it is often difficult to set aside time to look deep inside.

Like William Tell in The Card Counter, I journaled as a child to process trauma and past events. Listening to the description of William’s writing environment, the white sheets covering the furniture appeared to reflect the white pages of a journal. As his surroundings mirror a blank page, maybe he is able to channel his thoughts onto the page only, and when he closes his journal, his surroundings remain blank without the stain of his past. I’ve let go of journaling as I’ve gotten older, preferring to confide in my partner or friends. To Dr. M’s point, not everyone is lucky enough to have someone who listens, and journaling can provide a way to process emotions externally. For me, however, communicating to someone allows for better reflection, whereas a journal contains my own biases towards situations without anyone to help me see the situation more clearly.

In response to the question of whether someone who has previously demonstrated strong principles can completely alter their worldview within their lifetime without a Phineas Gage-level accident, I answer no. Attitudes must linger, at least in lesser magnitude, because to completely shed a mindset would mean disregarding or forgetting the experiences that shaped it, which humans struggle to do unassisted. And after considering how journaling compares to “storing broken, rusting car parts in one's backyard,” I think they have equal introspective value if a writer strictly recounts his day. If he were to include his feelings about what had happened to him, wonder why he felt that way, and even guess the possible reason, then journaling proves itself as an effective method of understanding oneself.

I find compelling Shrader’s capturing of the concept of heart posture as it pertains to prayer. Toller’s unapologetic declaration, “the desire to pray itself is a type of prayer” directly echoes the affections of the heart. I grew up being taught that God seeks, more than anything, the heart of those who believe in Him… Realizing that communicating with God first occurs in the heart, I am reminded of the verse in Matthew 12 which states “from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34).

This video makes some great points on journaling and touches on movies that really highlight the subject. The card counter was a pretty interesting movie. Learning about how William uses journaling as a way to process his past trauma and his inner turmoil and how it relates to the tattoos on his back was somewhat intriguing. I feel like the act of writing in a journal provides him with a sense of control and structure, mirroring his precise and disciplined life as a gambler. In this way, the film highlights journaling as a powerful tool for self-exploration, emotional release, and a means to navigate personal redemption. I also agree with your point that everyone wants to be heard and that not everyone has a close friend or partner to listen to them. Reflecting on my own life, I feel like I could have done a better job at being a good listener to the people in my life who tried to open up. Although I feel like journaling can be a good way to process your thoughts and allows a person to look back at past events. I still think having someone to talk to and sympathize with is important.

Dr. M notes that Toller writes intensively to “dig down into the very depths of his soul”, which personally, is an ineffective form of journaling. I believe that reliving distresses cultivates negative thinking, and that it is wiser to analyze the "why" of an emotion. When root causes are determined, thoughts can be validated or ignored, and as a result, thinking patterns can be improved. I think that journals should be a tool used to focus on what an individual wants, and its contents should be revised daily. I also resonated with Dr. M’s statement that a longing, as one moves towards decisive action, is a type of prayer. Since humans are goal-oriented creatures, defining goals and yearning for them over time (granted they are beneficial to the individual), may become therapeutic. From experience, common side effects include: gaining a sense of God-given purpose and increased happiness.

The observation on overscheduling - how we crave support from others while being too busy to provide it - really resonated with me. Having often faced loneliness in the past, I truly value when someone I know is willing to share their time. That’s why I prioritize spending time with others in my life, as I understand that my presence and willingness to listen can make their difficult moments a bit easier to navigate. I found the remark about people discarding their journals particularly interesting. For the past few years, I’ve tracked my daily feelings on a scale from 1 to 7, with higher numbers indicating better days. This log has become an essential part of my identity, so the thought of ever losing it away seriously feels unimaginable to me.

Agreeing with the protagonist in First Reformed, I don’t believe journaling needs revisiting. The act of journaling is very similar to the act of praying in the sense that it is a way to take a step back for self-reflection, a time to acknowledge growth whether internally or spiritually. One can not actively rewind past prayers though we have a vague memory of them in the same way that one should not be pushed to reread past journal entries because we don't actively want to relive those events. I tend to side with the folks who don’t believe in the sense of power that comes from journaling therefore they do not partake in journaling. I can acknowledge that some people rely on journaling as a form of therapy but I’m not willing to bring to light my suppressed thoughts and feelings. I believe that one’s state of mind dictates one's acceptance of journaling.

Thousands of years after civilization’s dawn, peace continues eluding us. Ironically, we create division while seeking kinship as wars rage, racism persists, and families fracture. Violence pervades history. Therefore, while violent people may appear hardened, they merely reflect humanity’s heart. Accordingly, the person who has lived through violence but now seeks a better path shows greater maturity than the blissfully unaware. While many of us consider ourselves beyond violence, failing to recognize its personal presence blinds us to future growth. Journaling can be a powerful tool for this self-discovery, helping us notice thoughts like the birds in a forest. They’re easy to overlook until we deliberately listen and notice which bird makes which sound. Through journaling, we record our inner landscape and work toward peace within us and beyond. Thus, like the sinner in Luke 7:47, the redeemed violent man loves the most, growing the softest heart for mankind.

I feel that when honest, journaling will be a helpful record to reflect upon, criticize yourself, reminisce about old memories, and view your life's development and process on paper. The process of putting pen to paper is beneficial because you remember information better when you write it, and some research shows that long-term journaling can have calming effects; however, none of the information recorded will matter if you are not truthful with yourself in your writing. One comment I found interesting in the video was people trashing their journals. I think that people's journals can mark interesting times in history over long periods, and though the contents of our journals are intimate and challenging to share, the idea of reading someone's diary from one hundred years ago sounds fascinating to me. The stories we fill pages will carry emotions and exhibit vulnerability, which humans attach to easily. When people are confident enough to journal honestly for themselves, they also leave a part of history behind for others long in the future to connect to.

In the portrayal of journaling in Schrader’s First Reformed, I was left confounded by the contradiction between Toller’s position as a pastor and his inability to pray. While Toller earnestly serves his congregation, his own physical and spiritual health declines. Toller turns to journaling as an experiment out of desperation rather than curiosity. While Schrader portrays journaling as a remedy to spiritual plight, it has unearthed Toller’s darkest thoughts, degrading the conception of his own sin and prayer life. Personally, I have not found solace in the act of daily journaling, as too often entries devolve into to-do lists or summaries. When processing difficult thoughts, I find silent prayer or introspection to be therapeutic. While the act of prayer eludes Toller, I commend his attempt at journaling in pursuit of redemption in spite of his spiritual afflictions.