My best friend just posted a video of him shitting his pants about babies shutting their pants. Here's a vision of the future. Nurse: Mr. Shives needs to be changed. He's had a blow out." Nurse 2: You know, I saw a video on RUclips the other day and I am pretty sure it was Mr. Shives losing his shit about babies pooping in diapers. Nurse: Ah Irony.
Jason, would it be too much to ask if you commented on ALL of Steve's videos? I know you guys do, like, everything together already (or so it seems), but I'm definitely here for these exchanges. And the videos, I suppose.
Note: Even an incon(tinent) person will answer the same bcuz us incons know well that depends are the worst... theres so many better adult diapers out there that wont leak at the first sign of urine
This same commercial could be done about elderly adults wearing diapers and their power of attorneys signing off on consent to be filmed while pants shitting. Babies, seniors, either way feels like a massive violation of privacy being announced to unsuspecting viewers.
I'm with you on the child-free lifestyle. Every time I go to a cookout and deal with my friend's kids running around knocking things over and and spraying the food with a water gun I immediately think "I hate these damn things".
I as a parent was also confused by 'up to 100% of leaks' like, that's the dream, but honestly give me a real hard stat like '95% of leaks' and I might be sold, there was this ducky brand our local grocery store sold in Vegas in the early 2000s that was so bad you'd be better served to skip the diapers and save the money for laundry, it would cost less and create less trash in the end.....
A particular group of Trump supporters have been unironically wearing diapers in response to Michael Cohen calling Trump "VonShitzInPantz" back in April. I mention this because I was kind of expecting you to segue to it in this video.
When you say babies are incapable of not shitting their pants, understand that given the opportunity, a child will be pants-free and shitting their surroundings. Take it from a fellow childless person who grew up in a household with a home daycare!
My middle school's policy was a middle ground between those. For health class, 8th graders carried around an electronic baby for a week or two, and when it cried, we turned a key in its back.
That should keep kids from having sex , also show pics of STDs and how periods work. Or pass around a rotten fish around and say "that what a vagina can smell like if you don't wash it regularly" My first girlfriend had no clue about it.
Steve Shives: *releases video passionately defending women's rights* Steve Shives: *releases video calling for gun control* Steve Shives: *witty satirical video on the repellent values of the political Right Wing* ... Also Steve Shives: "Diaper Commercials. A rant."
My daughter used to regularly blow out her diapers all the way up her back. Somehow, her diaper stayed relatively clean. We do not understand the physics of how that happened. It was like she somehow aimed it straight up.
Same fam! Whenever my kids had a blowout it was NEVER out the side, the leg holes. It was always up the back. 😂😂😂 All the way from the crack to the neck.
He didn't even discuss, probably because of lack of parental experience, at anytime of when the diapers are off, pee can shoot out them like the Buckingham Fountain. Sometimes it'll hit you in the face. Even the baby girls although you're slightly safer around them
The maxipad package also says "Up to 100% leak-free" and none of us STEM ladies are amused by that reliance on poor math skills and defunded public education.
I took the easy way out. Never birthed a child but hosted a couple of high school senior foreign exchange students for a year. Their parents did all the hard work and I got two great kids for a year.
Wearing them past 4 1/2 years old, I never took for granted that a child would wear them for any less time. Now, most brands are braced for kids to wear them up to 5 y.o., sometimes even 6. Then again, they could be designed for children with special needs, whom my family seems to happen upon a lot.
Brace yourself Poop is coming. Also it's funny how we as a society are willing to show infants in the act of taking a shit, even with cute poop and pee mascots to visualise what we don't on screen, but the tampon commercials can't even use the red dyed liquid because it's not seen as proper.
thing is tho, the difference between 95% and "up to 100%" is something that parents of infants are very, VERY well aware of and sincerely appreciate not having to do anywhere near as much disinfecting
How does that demonstrate the failures of late stage capitalism any more than the fact that the industry doesn't advertise the Size 7s and 8s they've introduced this decade?
I spend considerable time avoiding seeing ads in my daily life; I prefer, instead, to see them deconstructed and contextualized in digital essay form. This is the future, bay-bee.
My child-free wife and I see these damn ads all the time when we watch RUclips together and basically do a mini version of your rant every time. Thanks for this. We feel seen.
I once saw, in a local Healthcare Centre, a big poster explaining all the colors of baby's poop, and what they mean. At least they didn't give "scratch' and smell" swatches... Also sideways blowout is not the worst. The worst is the dreaded backside blowout. It goes along the spine, over the back of the neck and into the hair. Depending on the baby's position in the little wooden cage, you might have to repaint the wall, too...
@@selalewow yep, me too. makes a person no longer question why newborn onesies have buttons at the shoulders when they're thankful that the formerly-clothes-now-shitrags don't need to be dragged over bubba's face. hey, at least we can use the alternate name for it - a "number three"
@@Old_Man_Fire And the fun doesn't end then and there, especially if poor baby has some kind of viral diarrhea. It's smelly, sticky and slimy and there is no way you won't get some on yourself, too. So you clean the baby, she grabs her toeas, smiles and you, a bonding moment, and "There she blows!". Or you manage to get a new diaper on, and use your fingers to get those seals on the sides positioned, and your baby just waits for that finger to "erupt". I'm sure they do it on purpose. Another "opportunity" happens after everything is cleaned, clothes are replaced and you lift your baby. She looks at you, smiles, giggles. Perfect parent-child bonding moment. And then it happens. A Krakatoa of blowouts.
You got that part about having to pretend to like other parents wrong. It works the other way round: "I like Stevie's mom, so you better find a way to be friends with him, otherwise the next 10 years of your life will REALLY suck".
yeah, there's a lot of things you don't get warned about. The throwups every time they're sick. The diarrhea in the middle of a diaper change where you end up just standing there with a handful of wipes and the old diaper trying to catch everything. The middle of the night where he pulls off his diaper so he can pee out of the cot into the bedroom. Or the time he was playing in his room, far too quietly, and when we went to investigate, he had taken off his poo filled diaper, taken all the poo balls, and lined them up on his dresser... in order of size. And no, they cannot actually say they prevent anything, because sometimes they just don't. Diapers work most of the time, but not all the time. The amount of times we've had to clean his car seat, the couch, the bed, ourselves... we usually sigh a breath of relief when it's JUST pee.
No offense, but one of the most annoying things about parents is their commitment to telling people every horrific detail about every gross thing their kids have done.
@@hodgeelmwood8677I was thinking the same thing. Motherfu- I hated this when I was a *child* and had to hear these *across the dinner table* (in a feeble attempt to befriend my mother - she was equally... unimpressed.) When a childfree person says "don't tell me" we *genuinely, sincerely, earnestly, most definitely* do not want to know. It's not a trick. Nor reverse psychology. Please find yourself a parents group to share your *fascinating* stories with.
@@hodgeelmwood8677 and yet the biggest problem is lack of information and education... I was given no warnings before becoming a parent. So what exactly are you complaining about?
Really? These are the faces the commercial choose? If they're gonna do a poopface commercial, why be so tame? Own the concept! Show the absolute contorted face-scrunching, drool-spawning, fist-clenching train wreck that is the infant's bowel movement! I'm talking the faces you'd expect to see on an episode of Spongebob! Also, I may be very immature, but total missed opportunity on Pampers cutting the sound. I ain't above laughing at a fart, let alone, a baby fart.
Uh. That woman should have been stopped before she started. I barely lived through the nauseating Drakar/Polo stench of university life in the late 80's. I swore the Pikes and Tekes had that stuff delivered every Thursday in 55 gallon drums.
The baby-simulators ("robobabies") that students taking Child Development in our school have to take care of for a weekend are probably the biggest turn-off for having kids as teenagers we have. One weekend of having to pretend to feed, burp, change, lug the baby around in a car seat, or else it screams its head off and gives you a bad grade is enough that most of them (and the friends they hang out with that weekend) decide, "nope, not worth it". Still think my dad's way of explaining things to my brother was the best. He was a freshman in high school and had just started going out with his first girlfriend. Our younger sister was in the kitchen complaining up a storm about doing the dishes while we were sitting in the den. My dad looks at my brother, who is rolling his eyes at our sister, then looks at her, then back at him, and says, "broken condom." My brother went very still, then nodded in an, "understood" way.
Does it only scream if you forget to do the stuff? Cause you get a lot of babies that just scream, regardless how much you try. Or refuse to eat to the point of anemia and starvation - that's what we're struggling with at the moment. Severe food aversion. He will occassionally tolerate a cookie or a piece of bred, but the rest of the time he will only drink tea. so we tend to throw in vitamin supplements and stuff to fill him up from his bottles. 3 years old now, we're going through food training with the Occupational Therapist. Dude is stubborn as heck, and I can't blame him, because I know the stubborn gene came from my side of the family...
@@neosmagus there is light at the end of the tunnel... My grandmother was born in 1894 (not a typo) and lived to be 108 and 11 months. She had four babies, the first two were girls and the second two, boys. The boys both died in infancy and no one (including the Drs) knew why, but my grandmother could not breastfeed, and they were able to use whatever was the common substitute on my aunt, her first born, but two years later when she had my mother, she couldn't find anything that my mother could tolerate, and so my mother as an infant was fading fast. Grandmama stumbled on Carnation Instant Powdered Milk, and my mother was able to eat/drink at last. Carnation Instant literally saved my mother's life. Of course there's no knowing at this point why Mommy couldn't tolerate anything but that brand of liquid out of the few choices there were, but she lived long enough to have a happy career, marriage and me... Now to continue the parental trauma around food, I was fussy and I cannot tell you why food just wasn't much on my Maslow's list... according to Grandmama, I lived on applesauce until I was five. I on the other hand, will confirm only that I lived mostly on applesauce, with the occasional wish for carrots in butter, until I had enough teeth to eat minute steak and rice like my Papa. Then and now, I have no reason, except that applesauce tasted good and I wasn't hungry. I was skinny as a rail and only 11 pounds in kindergarten, but except for catching colds and a bad case of bronchitis, I was healthy, the tallest girl in kindergarten and not too shabby in the brain department. Friend, you have more at your disposal now than my mother 60 years ago, or my grandmother 100 years ago. You and your baby will get through this, and I wish you patience and humor and finally the kid just glomming on to tasty food... Did you ever try 100% pure maple syrup or kikoman brand soy sauce (all the other brands add carmel coloring) as condiments? That's what helped me, but I am half Chinese and half French-Canadian, so go figure.
Through eavesdropping at Grandma's kitchen table, we figured out that my entire cohort of siblings and cousins (Gen X) were conceived while our parents were using at least one form of contraception, and sometimes two. I figure if good intentions can fail that often, leaving it to chance is just plain stupid.
@@marieroberts5664 It took until my early teens before I developed some taste for almost any home-cooked cuisine, including rotisserie chicken or whole-grain marinara, that everyone else around me likely had in their early preteens. But with so many young adults, even in affluent communities, eating much less fresh food than me, I've only assumed anyone's a better cook than me nowadays if they show the meal on social media.
The icing on a sheet cake for me was the rant about up to. I often go off about weasel words as you likely know from my Facebook page. It was glorious to hear you lay this out bear. 😂❤
If nothing else, having children would not provide me the social status that most other people think they could get from it. I'd probably be looked down upon as a teenage father both because of my autism (even if it is high-functioning) and my 15 to 17 y.o. appearance.
Even across the decades, the industry probably hasn't cast 3000 children in commercials, print ads, or packaging yet. What you're saying would be an off-the-wall scenario, roughly a 1 in 100000 chance.
I dont even like talking loud enough for people to hear me a foot away in public; I'd die if I had a screaming kid and people looking at me in a dismayed pitying fashion
Okay. Try not to laugh with that video. I don't watch TV, so I'm wasn't aware. About the kids acting out in the grocery store thing, I live in the South, so it can get horrifying. Imagine just minding your own business in Walmart when you hear a thunderous slap some isles over startle the crap out of you. It makes you wonder how the kid survived that. I won't have kids because I'm horrified that I may be tempted out of extreme stress to do something like that. I don't need to sprinkle the cosmos with my genes, anyway.
Getting the snip has been my best life decision. I've dodged so many bullets and its shown me my relationships were doomed to failure early. The first time I experienced the 'I'm pregnant speech' I laughed because "I knew".
If you ask me, even tweens / preteens are easier to put up with. But it might come off as particularly rude coming from me because I look like I'm in my mid teens, and I'm under the impression that makes such aloofness unbefitting.
I agree with Steve up to 100%. 👍 Regarding the drop-off box at fire stations, it seems like a charitable act, until you learn that up to 100% of firefighters are cannibals.
I remember being at the car dealership waiting on my car being fixed for some minor issues. A young mother was sitting next to me with her toddler and infant child. I had earbuds in, but even over that, I could hear that poor baby just absolutely firehose his diaper with shit. The poor mom tried to play it off but there was NO denying what the poor baby just did. She took him to the bathroom, and when he came out, I noticed she had had to change his onesie jumper as well. It had apparently been SO bad, that it escaped the diaper and into his clothes. So yeah, blowout protection is a good idea in my opinion.
i remember a diaper commercial that included a baby kinda twerking with a guy saying "shake that butt" and i just felt gross diaper commercials are weird and gross and i don't like them
With the inflated cost of living, and dwindling per-dollar buying power in our currency, 50 Megadollars might not even last very long in bringing up children.
Um that's the weight of the baby in total, to properly fit the diaper around the waist and legs. Smaller or larger babies won't fit in the diaper properly, so the gaps will cause the blowout feature to fail.
@@marieroberts5664 Only if you've deluded yourself about the human body being one size fits all. Cause that's not how weight works. The OP is the logical one here.
I live somewhere that the phrase "blowout preventer" does double-duty as a thing you find at an offshore oil well. Those "up to 100% effective at stopping leaks" claims sound like they could have come from a BP spokesman some years back to me.
I have a nearly 3 year old still getting the hang of a toilet. We seem to be lucky on blowouts, as I think we've had only a half dozen of them in our child's life. But any amount of blowouts that can be avoided are preferable.
I'm not a parent either, but I am an uncle, and that's enough for me to know I have no business beings a parent. Don't get me wrong, I love my niece and nephew dearly. I frequently babysit them, but the difference is at the end of "hard" afternoon watching them, I get to take the rest of the evening off. PS: yes, blowouts are a thing, only its not just when the poop comes out the side of the diaper. Actually, the sides of most diapers are pretty effective at stopping that. No, the true blowout is when the baby shis so much it comes out the to of the diaper and runs up their back.
Pity that mainstream brands haven't brought the 198X-era quality and thickness to their products that many online businesses have brought to their products for those 130 lbs and up.
I will follow instructions and not talk about my now adult child's former bathroom habits. I will say I showed him this video and he worries for your blood pressure but agrees with you (up to) 100%. 😂
The anecdote about the kid at the grocery store is why I can’t go grocery shopping without wearing noise-canceling headphones. I can’t imagine dealing with that in my own home.
Their products have none of the already scant quality their all-in-one omutsu had from the late '980s through the 00-Agents' Decade. If anyone wants quality, they have to look online. The 130 lb+ demographic has experienced a recent boom in small business manufacturing and selling superior products. The world record for any one brand, last I heard, was *9 liters.* Pity no-one, particularly not Kimberly Clark or Proctor & Gamble, is providing anyone below about 90 or 100 lbs even a fraction of that much performance quality.
What they don't tell you is when said blowout happens (and it will) that onesies are designed to be pulled down around the shoulders so you don't have to pull the poop up over the kid's head. I did not learn this fact until my second child.
I believe there’s actually a law now that all proceeds from child actors has to be put into a locked bank account that cannot be accessed by anyone but the child and not until the child is like 16 or something
2:32 "a well known pants-shitting accommodation device" Bein incon myself, i rly wanna start callin my diapers "pants-shitting accommodation devices" now; it honestly sounds way better than all the other euphemisms like "incontinence briefs" I mean rly the diapers for me are pants-pissing accommodation devices, but same same here, and pants-shitting accommodation device just sounds funnier
Yeah, it’s way better than what my family all called them - “incos”, a deliberately opaque, vaguely corporate-sounding term designed to keep eavesdroppers ignorant.
Thanks for the reminder of flour babies. I named mine Napoleon Blownapart after I swept and duct taped it back together when I failed to catch it after playing Upsy-daisy almost to the ceiling of the gym. Glad I wasn't a teen parent but we never took the whole thing seriously back then..
I had triplets twenty-one years ago. I can't even remember the guy who would find this rant funny - that's how dramatically parenting changes you - but he would have found this hilarious 😊
I can identify with your "thank God I don't have a child" philosophy. My wife and I don't have children, either. And, personally, I'm glad we didn't have children.
Here's a fun fact about human babies: Have you noticed how utterly helpless they are compared to the babies of other mammals? How they can't do anything on their own? This is, ironically enough, due to how big our brains are compared to other mammals; because of our large brains, our heads are too big to fit through the cervix if we were to fully develop during gestation, so the female human reproductive system evolved to give birth several months BEFORE other mammals do (and even then it's extremely painful and risky, think of all the women who still die in childbirth despite this fact). That's why with other mammals, their babies can stand up and start walking basically minutes after being born while humans take about a year. Their gestation period is longer. That's also likely why babies are perpetual pant-shitters; their brains haven't fully developed prior to birth. It's also why the average age for potty training is 2; 18-20 months is the average gestation period for many mammals. Technically speaking, ALL humans are premature births, because we have to be, otherwise we'd basically have to come out Chest Burster-style.
I remember the commercials where they'd pour colored liquid onto a diaper to demonstrate the absorbing power of the product, then they'd dump half a bottle of talcum into the diaper, hold it up and blow the excess off the surface, with the accompanying voice over, "So absorbant, you can prove it with powder." No crap (heh), there's so much excess on there that you'd better be getting coverage for your resulting lung cancer treatment.
The thing about containing up to 100% of a blowout...that's impossible. A blowout is when the poo leaks out of the diaper, that's what defines it as a blowout. If you contained 100% of it, it wouldn't be a blowout. Pampers, do you even diaper, bro?
A blowout is when the poop just keeps going and just COMES OUT EVERYWHERE. Had to throw out the whole outfit, and resist the urge to throw out the child. Another fun story: my daughter shot poop onto me just days after being born. Literally shot across several feet and hit my shirt. I thought I would avoid getting waste shot on me because we didn't have a boy, but nooooooo
Look, I’m just greateful they’re no longer spending most of the commercials with the cameras focused on the diapers themselves and fat little baby-legs. Because unfortunately, I have been around long enough to be unable to escape the thought, “Somewhere, some creep is watching the exact same commercial I am. And they’re getting off on it.” Not saying there *aren’t* creeps doing the same with this specific ad, just that there’s probably *fewer* creeps with a fixation on “babies’ facial expressions as they poo themselves” than “the entire lower half of a toddler.”
BWAAAAAAA HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh Steve, i can only ever hear half of this video because you've timed the burst-out-laughing lines so well that i only ever stop laughing in time to hear the setup and punch of the next zinger. that was smegging BEEEEE-YOOO-dee-full i sincerely swear, and i'm saying this as a happy single parent of a 10yo kid. happy because no more daipers, yeah? it's pretty obvious lol honestly tho, as a parent who very deliberately chose this role, i completely understand what you're saying, especially about parenthood being an informed choice that happens before pregnancy ... but when you said "and what the fuck is a blowout?!?" i completely frikkin lost it hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm not used to English parental terminology, but in my experience as a father, the side leaks were the worrisome ones. I don't remember having blowout protection on the diapers I bought, but if shit was seeping from the back, the legs were probably drenched so...
Have somebody's parents been lamenting their dearth of grandchildren sired by their modestly famous RUclipsr son? Holiday weekends and family gatherings can lead to that.
Instead of making their diapers cheaper, they protect the diapers from exploding when they're overused, because their product is such a burden to a parent's budget.
Steve, I think you are just jealous of the simple joy of being a baby and shitting your pants without an ounce of shame. We all must grow out of it sometime, but that’s no reason to be a hater.
i had a friend who's first born at the age of 15 months old wanted to paint on the walls of the nursery and all she had was the color brown.....and no it was NOT a blow out....tell that story to teens in health class....that would really prevent teen pregnacy
Much worse when the close up on the individual shitting his pants is the GOP nominee in the middle of that random effusion of words we generously call a speech.
Oh yes - blowouts are a very real thing, and they are horrifying. I have no idea how he managed it, but my son once had a blowout while laying down that was so bad that he had shit all the way up his back and, not even kidding, in his @#$! hair. The only consolation was that he was still young enough that it was still that relatively harmless yellow shit, not the brown and unmistakably human fecal horror that would need to be dealt with a few months down the line. Sorry if that thought made you uncomfortable, but you only had to imagine it - I lived it.
My best friend just posted a video of him shitting his pants about babies shutting their pants. Here's a vision of the future. Nurse: Mr. Shives needs to be changed. He's had a blow out." Nurse 2: You know, I saw a video on RUclips the other day and I am pretty sure it was Mr. Shives losing his shit about babies pooping in diapers. Nurse: Ah Irony.
Yeah, and you'll be dead by then HA HA HA NOW IS IT FUNNY?!
@@SteveShives You HOPE I'll be dead and yes! It's hilarious!
@@SteveShives What is your opinion this
Answer: Well, it Depends...
Jason, would it be too much to ask if you commented on ALL of Steve's videos? I know you guys do, like, everything together already (or so it seems), but I'm definitely here for these exchanges.
And the videos, I suppose.
Q: What's the worst commercial you'd want to be in?
A:Depends
🫡
A preparation h commercial.
Note: Even an incon(tinent) person will answer the same bcuz us incons know well that depends are the worst... theres so many better adult diapers out there that wont leak at the first sign of urine
No, yeah! I wanna see the old person counterpart to this commercial! 🤣
@@SylviaRustyFaedepends be one of the worst brands indeed. That and all the "discreet" ones.
This same commercial could be done about elderly adults wearing diapers and their power of attorneys signing off on consent to be filmed while pants shitting. Babies, seniors, either way feels like a massive violation of privacy being announced to unsuspecting viewers.
I'm with you on the child-free lifestyle. Every time I go to a cookout and deal with my friend's kids running around knocking things over and and spraying the food with a water gun I immediately think "I hate these damn things".
Outstanding rant, Steve! George Carlin couldn’t have done a better job.
Up to 100% of the spare ribs at your local Chinese buffet will cause up to 100% of your own adult blowout.
I as a parent was also confused by 'up to 100% of leaks' like, that's the dream, but honestly give me a real hard stat like '95% of leaks' and I might be sold, there was this ducky brand our local grocery store sold in Vegas in the early 2000s that was so bad you'd be better served to skip the diapers and save the money for laundry, it would cost less and create less trash in the end.....
A particular group of Trump supporters have been unironically wearing diapers in response to Michael Cohen calling Trump "VonShitzInPantz" back in April.
I mention this because I was kind of expecting you to segue to it in this video.
I have two kids... 1 and 5. it’s so fucking hard, hopefully they’ll carry my coffin one day or all this was for nothing
GOD I soooo wish there were diapers with blowout barriers when my kids were babies
The only experience I have with “blowouts” is my boyfriend’s dog getting poop stuck in her fur after she has bad diarrhea
Some people (like Trump) never become intelligent enough to not shit their pants.
Is this about Von ShitzinPantz?
When you say babies are incapable of not shitting their pants, understand that given the opportunity, a child will be pants-free and shitting their surroundings. Take it from a fellow childless person who grew up in a household with a home daycare!
They never made us carry the flour sack/egg/doll. Instead, we watched an uncensored video of a woman giving birth. That was enough.
We had one class period of sex ed in Grade 12, by which time pretty much every one of us who was going to become a teen parent had already done so.
Same. That was so traumatic.
My middle school's policy was a middle ground between those. For health class, 8th graders carried around an electronic baby for a week or two, and when it cried, we turned a key in its back.
That should keep kids from having sex , also show pics of STDs and how periods work.
Or pass around a rotten fish around and say "that what a vagina can smell like if you don't wash it regularly"
My first girlfriend had no clue about it.
That’s what they did here in Virginia in the early 70s. I vividly recall 200 kids walking around in shock for days afterward.
Steve Shives: *releases video passionately defending women's rights*
Steve Shives: *releases video calling for gun control*
Steve Shives: *witty satirical video on the repellent values of the political Right Wing*
...
Also Steve Shives: "Diaper Commercials. A rant."
Also Star Trek reviews, but that kinda messes up the pattern
This is precisely why we’re all here. 😂
He is well rounded
A man of many talents
He's not wrong.
My daughter used to regularly blow out her diapers all the way up her back. Somehow, her diaper stayed relatively clean. We do not understand the physics of how that happened. It was like she somehow aimed it straight up.
Same fam! Whenever my kids had a blowout it was NEVER out the side, the leg holes. It was always up the back. 😂😂😂 All the way from the crack to the neck.
Same! 😳😆
He didn't even discuss, probably because of lack of parental experience, at anytime of when the diapers are off, pee can shoot out them like the Buckingham Fountain. Sometimes it'll hit you in the face. Even the baby girls although you're slightly safer around them
It's a thing. And once you get old enough you might need such a product again.
Rumors say you should drag a wet wipe over the belly button 10 to 20 seconds before changing, but that might only work with a narrow age range.
The maxipad package also says "Up to 100% leak-free" and none of us STEM ladies are amused by that reliance on poor math skills and defunded public education.
I took the easy way out. Never birthed a child but hosted a couple of high school senior foreign exchange students for a year. Their parents did all the hard work and I got two great kids for a year.
Wearing them past 4 1/2 years old, I never took for granted that a child would wear them for any less time. Now, most brands are braced for kids to wear them up to 5 y.o., sometimes even 6. Then again, they could be designed for children with special needs, whom my family seems to happen upon a lot.
Brace yourself Poop is coming.
Also it's funny how we as a society are willing to show infants in the act of taking a shit, even with cute poop and pee mascots to visualise what we don't on screen, but the tampon commercials can't even use the red dyed liquid because it's not seen as proper.
Actually most menstrual products use red dyed liquid in their ads now. I haven't seen the mysterious blue-goo for literal years. Progress.
I'm unsure if my confusion to the blue goop was so strong that I'm convinced I've seen it recently or if I've *actually* seen it recently.
Since I don't have spotify premium, whenever that "you know poop is coming" ad comes on it's like getting whiplash
I don’t watch tv on the regular anymore, so I don’t see many tampon ads but the ones I happen to see on RUclips are still using windex coloured liquid
They've recently started using red liquid in UK commercials.
Any guarantee that includes the phrase "up to 100%" just mean "no guarantee". And I guarantee I'm right, up to 100% of the time!
thing is tho, the difference between 95% and "up to 100%" is something that parents of infants are very, VERY well aware of and sincerely appreciate not having to do anywhere near as much disinfecting
That whole "Up to 100%" crap is just jabber to fill time. Sounds important until you think about it and realize they've just told you f__k-all.
Wait until you see the Huggies commercial where the guy has a fake German accent and describes different kinds of butts. It is pure hell.
The baby pants-shitting commercial might truly be the darkest unintended consequence of late-stage capitalism.
Na, that will always be the commodifying of water.
@@johntousseau9380 for us to shit in! we pay to shit in clean, drinkable water! It's completely deranged
How does that demonstrate the failures of late stage capitalism any more than the fact that the industry doesn't advertise the Size 7s and 8s they've introduced this decade?
No, an old people pants-shitting commercial would truly be the darkest unintended consequence of late-stage capitalism. -- it Depends!
Me: Thinking of "Tank Girl".
I have a feeling Steve is getting ten bucks each time he says “shitting their pants.”
Saying "shitting their pants" is its own reward.
@@SteveShives I strive to live with that mindset
This video has motivated me to find ways to incorporate "shitting pants" into more of my daily conversations. Keep doing the Lord's work, Steve!
There is a phrase, “shit happens”… it’s better than, “shit happens, sometimes all up your back”… both are relevant
Dude 🤮🤮
Without those commercials I wouldn't be able to recognize that same expression when 45 pauses during one of his speeches.
hey perhaps that's what happened to Mitch McConnell last summer when he had those 3 strokes hile in mid sentence to a press conference
😂😂😂
I spend considerable time avoiding seeing ads in my daily life; I prefer, instead, to see them deconstructed and contextualized in digital essay form. This is the future, bay-bee.
"Pants shitting accommodation device" 😄😁😆😅😂 that had me rolling. Oh, my dear friend, thanks for the morning guffaw. I needed that. ❤
My child-free wife and I see these damn ads all the time when we watch RUclips together and basically do a mini version of your rant every time. Thanks for this. We feel seen.
I was 100% convinced this video would end on Donald Trump moaning on stage while he's clearly laying an egg.
Trump barely reached the toddler phase. He's not intelligent enough to not shit his pants.
I once saw, in a local Healthcare Centre, a big poster explaining all the colors of baby's poop, and what they mean. At least they didn't give "scratch' and smell" swatches...
Also sideways blowout is not the worst. The worst is the dreaded backside blowout. It goes along the spine, over the back of the neck and into the hair. Depending on the baby's position in the little wooden cage, you might have to repaint the wall, too...
*sigh* been there
TMI!!!😂
@@selalewow yep, me too. makes a person no longer question why newborn onesies have buttons at the shoulders when they're thankful that the formerly-clothes-now-shitrags don't need to be dragged over bubba's face. hey, at least we can use the alternate name for it - a "number three"
This guy ^^^ gets it. Respect from one who's been in the blowout trenches.
@@Old_Man_Fire
And the fun doesn't end then and there, especially if poor baby has some kind of viral diarrhea. It's smelly, sticky and slimy and there is no way you won't get some on yourself, too. So you clean the baby, she grabs her toeas, smiles and you, a bonding moment, and "There she blows!".
Or you manage to get a new diaper on, and use your fingers to get those seals on the sides positioned, and your baby just waits for that finger to "erupt". I'm sure they do it on purpose.
Another "opportunity" happens after everything is cleaned, clothes are replaced and you lift your baby. She looks at you, smiles, giggles. Perfect parent-child bonding moment. And then it happens. A Krakatoa of blowouts.
“Little wooden cages” 😂
My sister recently had a baby and just seeing the medical bill was all the validation I needed for my decision not to have kids.
That's half the problem. The other half is the for-profit, corporate nature of United Statish health care.
You got that part about having to pretend to like other parents wrong. It works the other way round: "I like Stevie's mom, so you better find a way to be friends with him, otherwise the next 10 years of your life will REALLY suck".
😂Pretty much. It's good for kids though. It teaches them how to get along with jerks and oddballs.
I'd say it's a two way street. You'll have your friends, your kids will have their friends... and there will be conflict if they don't overlap.
"Brace yourself poop is coming," the same phrase used to warm up the crowds at Trump rallies.
yeah, there's a lot of things you don't get warned about. The throwups every time they're sick. The diarrhea in the middle of a diaper change where you end up just standing there with a handful of wipes and the old diaper trying to catch everything. The middle of the night where he pulls off his diaper so he can pee out of the cot into the bedroom. Or the time he was playing in his room, far too quietly, and when we went to investigate, he had taken off his poo filled diaper, taken all the poo balls, and lined them up on his dresser... in order of size. And no, they cannot actually say they prevent anything, because sometimes they just don't. Diapers work most of the time, but not all the time. The amount of times we've had to clean his car seat, the couch, the bed, ourselves... we usually sigh a breath of relief when it's JUST pee.
this comment needs more eyes on it
No offense, but one of the most annoying things about parents is their commitment to telling people every horrific detail about every gross thing their kids have done.
@@hodgeelmwood8677I was thinking the same thing. Motherfu- I hated this when I was a *child* and had to hear these *across the dinner table* (in a feeble attempt to befriend my mother - she was equally... unimpressed.)
When a childfree person says "don't tell me" we *genuinely, sincerely, earnestly, most definitely* do not want to know. It's not a trick. Nor reverse psychology. Please find yourself a parents group to share your *fascinating* stories with.
@@hodgeelmwood8677 and yet the biggest problem is lack of information and education... I was given no warnings before becoming a parent. So what exactly are you complaining about?
The Nirvana baby sued. One of these little ones might like this out there in the future. Brace for the lawsuit.
Any leads on what kind of debts he might've been trying to cover?
Really? These are the faces the commercial choose? If they're gonna do a poopface commercial, why be so tame? Own the concept! Show the absolute contorted face-scrunching, drool-spawning, fist-clenching train wreck that is the infant's bowel movement! I'm talking the faces you'd expect to see on an episode of Spongebob!
Also, I may be very immature, but total missed opportunity on Pampers cutting the sound. I ain't above laughing at a fart, let alone, a baby fart.
Those diaper commercials are a literal shitshow.
Thank you, I'll be here all week.
TAKE MY LIKE AND GET THE HELL OFF THE STAGE
We should pass laws against commercials. If I don’t need their crappy product, they owe me money for wasting my time with their ad
Perhaps the running a broadcast network or internet server carries overpriced overhead, and we should be looking into why.
Dude has made videos about politics, Star Trek, politics in Star Trek and then comes out with a video on diapers. Keep up the good work mate
Do you suppose in Star Trek, they can just beam the poop out of the diapers?
@@ttintagelthe replicators need organic material somehow
Nice Steve. Now do the ever increasing number of crotch deodorant commercials.
Uh. That woman should have been stopped before she started. I barely lived through the nauseating Drakar/Polo stench of university life in the late 80's. I swore the Pikes and Tekes had that stuff delivered every Thursday in 55 gallon drums.
THANK you!
The baby-simulators ("robobabies") that students taking Child Development in our school have to take care of for a weekend are probably the biggest turn-off for having kids as teenagers we have. One weekend of having to pretend to feed, burp, change, lug the baby around in a car seat, or else it screams its head off and gives you a bad grade is enough that most of them (and the friends they hang out with that weekend) decide, "nope, not worth it".
Still think my dad's way of explaining things to my brother was the best. He was a freshman in high school and had just started going out with his first girlfriend. Our younger sister was in the kitchen complaining up a storm about doing the dishes while we were sitting in the den. My dad looks at my brother, who is rolling his eyes at our sister, then looks at her, then back at him, and says, "broken condom." My brother went very still, then nodded in an, "understood" way.
Does it only scream if you forget to do the stuff? Cause you get a lot of babies that just scream, regardless how much you try. Or refuse to eat to the point of anemia and starvation - that's what we're struggling with at the moment. Severe food aversion. He will occassionally tolerate a cookie or a piece of bred, but the rest of the time he will only drink tea. so we tend to throw in vitamin supplements and stuff to fill him up from his bottles. 3 years old now, we're going through food training with the Occupational Therapist. Dude is stubborn as heck, and I can't blame him, because I know the stubborn gene came from my side of the family...
@@neosmagus there is light at the end of the tunnel... My grandmother was born in 1894 (not a typo) and lived to be 108 and 11 months. She had four babies, the first two were girls and the second two, boys. The boys both died in infancy and no one (including the Drs) knew why, but my grandmother could not breastfeed, and they were able to use whatever was the common substitute on my aunt, her first born, but two years later when she had my mother, she couldn't find anything that my mother could tolerate, and so my mother as an infant was fading fast. Grandmama stumbled on Carnation Instant Powdered Milk, and my mother was able to eat/drink at last. Carnation Instant literally saved my mother's life. Of course there's no knowing at this point why Mommy couldn't tolerate anything but that brand of liquid out of the few choices there were, but she lived long enough to have a happy career, marriage and me...
Now to continue the parental trauma around food, I was fussy and I cannot tell you why food just wasn't much on my Maslow's list... according to Grandmama, I lived on applesauce until I was five. I on the other hand, will confirm only that I lived mostly on applesauce, with the occasional wish for carrots in butter, until I had enough teeth to eat minute steak and rice like my Papa. Then and now, I have no reason, except that applesauce tasted good and I wasn't hungry. I was skinny as a rail and only 11 pounds in kindergarten, but except for catching colds and a bad case of bronchitis, I was healthy, the tallest girl in kindergarten and not too shabby in the brain department.
Friend, you have more at your disposal now than my mother 60 years ago, or my grandmother 100 years ago. You and your baby will get through this, and I wish you patience and humor and finally the kid just glomming on to tasty food... Did you ever try 100% pure maple syrup or kikoman brand soy sauce (all the other brands add carmel coloring) as condiments? That's what helped me, but I am half Chinese and half French-Canadian, so go figure.
Through eavesdropping at Grandma's kitchen table, we figured out that my entire cohort of siblings and cousins (Gen X) were conceived while our parents were using at least one form of contraception, and sometimes two. I figure if good intentions can fail that often, leaving it to chance is just plain stupid.
@@marieroberts5664 It took until my early teens before I developed some taste for almost any home-cooked cuisine, including rotisserie chicken or whole-grain marinara, that everyone else around me likely had in their early preteens. But with so many young adults, even in affluent communities, eating much less fresh food than me, I've only assumed anyone's a better cook than me nowadays if they show the meal on social media.
The icing on a sheet cake for me was the rant about up to. I often go off about weasel words as you likely know from my Facebook page. It was glorious to hear you lay this out bear. 😂❤
If nothing else, having children would not provide me the social status that most other people think they could get from it. I'd probably be looked down upon as a teenage father both because of my autism (even if it is high-functioning) and my 15 to 17 y.o. appearance.
Admit it: you were one of the babies in those commercials and you never saw a dime. 😂
Even across the decades, the industry probably hasn't cast 3000 children in commercials, print ads, or packaging yet. What you're saying would be an off-the-wall scenario, roughly a 1 in 100000 chance.
Don't forget that, if in the US, if you don't have kids you have to pay a pretty large non-breeder tax.
I dont even like talking loud enough for people to hear me a foot away in public; I'd die if I had a screaming kid and people looking at me in a dismayed pitying fashion
Okay. Try not to laugh with that video. I don't watch TV, so I'm wasn't aware. About the kids acting out in the grocery store thing, I live in the South, so it can get horrifying. Imagine just minding your own business in Walmart when you hear a thunderous slap some isles over startle the crap out of you. It makes you wonder how the kid survived that. I won't have kids because I'm horrified that I may be tempted out of extreme stress to do something like that. I don't need to sprinkle the cosmos with my genes, anyway.
I suppose it's possible that states like Mississippi or Alabama could be worse about small children in nearby aisles. The question is why?
Getting the snip has been my best life decision. I've dodged so many bullets and its shown me my relationships were doomed to failure early. The first time I experienced the 'I'm pregnant speech' I laughed because "I knew".
I am not a baby person. I love children. But I am NOT a baby person.
If you ask me, even tweens / preteens are easier to put up with. But it might come off as particularly rude coming from me because I look like I'm in my mid teens, and I'm under the impression that makes such aloofness unbefitting.
I agree with Steve up to 100%. 👍
Regarding the drop-off box at fire stations, it seems like a charitable act, until you learn that up to 100% of firefighters are cannibals.
Are firefighters supposed to be zombies? Mountain trolls? Morlocks as HG Wells defined them?
I think it's a little better to be famous for that face when you were 8 months old rather than when you're 8 decades old.
I remember being at the car dealership waiting on my car being fixed for some minor issues. A young mother was sitting next to me with her toddler and infant child. I had earbuds in, but even over that, I could hear that poor baby just absolutely firehose his diaper with shit. The poor mom tried to play it off but there was NO denying what the poor baby just did. She took him to the bathroom, and when he came out, I noticed she had had to change his onesie jumper as well. It had apparently been SO bad, that it escaped the diaper and into his clothes. So yeah, blowout protection is a good idea in my opinion.
i remember a diaper commercial that included a baby kinda twerking with a guy saying "shake that butt" and i just felt gross
diaper commercials are weird and gross and i don't like them
In the UK that advert calls it a poonami
(Slowly and dramatically removes sunglasses)
*_”Sweet Moses and Abraham…”_*
You couldn't pay me enough to have kids. Even millions of dollars, nope not a chance.
With the inflated cost of living, and dwindling per-dollar buying power in our currency, 50 Megadollars might not even last very long in bringing up children.
The package says it's good for 8-12 lbs. There is no way that it holds that much!
Um that's the weight of the baby in total, to properly fit the diaper around the waist and legs. Smaller or larger babies won't fit in the diaper properly, so the gaps will cause the blowout feature to fail.
@@marieroberts5664 Only if you've deluded yourself about the human body being one size fits all. Cause that's not how weight works.
The OP is the logical one here.
I live somewhere that the phrase "blowout preventer" does double-duty as a thing you find at an offshore oil well. Those "up to 100% effective at stopping leaks" claims sound like they could have come from a BP spokesman some years back to me.
My takeaway from this hilariously epic rant is that Steve urgently needs an ad blocker 🤣
I have a nearly 3 year old still getting the hang of a toilet. We seem to be lucky on blowouts, as I think we've had only a half dozen of them in our child's life. But any amount of blowouts that can be avoided are preferable.
Steve Chives with kids. Less hair, less time and either shorter fuse or more patience. Thats a 50/50 shot.
If it happens often enough to have a name, it's bad.
Not unlike "broken arrow".
And to think we have a Presidental candidate who requires a pants shitting accommodation device.
I'm not a parent either, but I am an uncle, and that's enough for me to know I have no business beings a parent.
Don't get me wrong, I love my niece and nephew dearly. I frequently babysit them, but the difference is at the end of "hard" afternoon watching them, I get to take the rest of the evening off.
PS: yes, blowouts are a thing, only its not just when the poop comes out the side of the diaper. Actually, the sides of most diapers are pretty effective at stopping that. No, the true blowout is when the baby shis so much it comes out the to of the diaper and runs up their back.
Pity that mainstream brands haven't brought the 198X-era quality and thickness to their products that many online businesses have brought to their products for those 130 lbs and up.
I will follow instructions and not talk about my now adult child's former bathroom habits. I will say I showed him this video and he worries for your blood pressure but agrees with you (up to) 100%. 😂
The anecdote about the kid at the grocery store is why I can’t go grocery shopping without wearing noise-canceling headphones. I can’t imagine dealing with that in my own home.
Valid rant. Next please do one about radio ads for IBS medications. Those things really paint a picture with words...
Watching you get big mad about this is delightful.
Slightly baked as Steve goes into high gear about blow outs preventing teen pregnancy and I've haven't laughed this hard in over a year!
Thanks Steve!
Steve… I kinda wish you *were* a parent. It would be a relief to know that a good, moral man like you was having an influence on future generations.
It could be worse; it could've been an ad for Depend.
Their products have none of the already scant quality their all-in-one omutsu had from the late '980s through the 00-Agents' Decade. If anyone wants quality, they have to look online. The 130 lb+ demographic has experienced a recent boom in small business manufacturing and selling superior products. The world record for any one brand, last I heard, was *9 liters.* Pity no-one, particularly not Kimberly Clark or Proctor & Gamble, is providing anyone below about 90 or 100 lbs even a fraction of that much performance quality.
What they don't tell you is when said blowout happens (and it will) that onesies are designed to be pulled down around the shoulders so you don't have to pull the poop up over the kid's head. I did not learn this fact until my second child.
I believe there’s actually a law now that all proceeds from child actors has to be put into a locked bank account that cannot be accessed by anyone but the child and not until the child is like 16 or something
You missed the real life example of the legacy --
The Nirvana album cover... 🤪
I'm reminded of Nirvana's nevermind album cover and how that guy was cool with his baby pic being there, until he wasn't.
My favorite phrasing is "up to x% or more"
Smell-O-Vision Diaper commercials....
That line of MST 3K video tapes and DVDs fills my heart with joy
2:32 "a well known pants-shitting accommodation device"
Bein incon myself, i rly wanna start callin my diapers "pants-shitting accommodation devices" now; it honestly sounds way better than all the other euphemisms like "incontinence briefs"
I mean rly the diapers for me are pants-pissing accommodation devices, but same same here, and pants-shitting accommodation device just sounds funnier
Yeah, it’s way better than what my family all called them - “incos”, a deliberately opaque, vaguely corporate-sounding term designed to keep eavesdroppers ignorant.
Thanks for the reminder of flour babies. I named mine Napoleon Blownapart after I swept and duct taped it back together when I failed to catch it after playing Upsy-daisy almost to the ceiling of the gym.
Glad I wasn't a teen parent but we never took the whole thing seriously back then..
I had triplets twenty-one years ago. I can't even remember the guy who would find this rant funny - that's how dramatically parenting changes you - but he would have found this hilarious 😊
I can identify with your "thank God I don't have a child" philosophy. My wife and I don't have children, either. And, personally, I'm glad we didn't have children.
Here's a fun fact about human babies:
Have you noticed how utterly helpless they are compared to the babies of other mammals? How they can't do anything on their own? This is, ironically enough, due to how big our brains are compared to other mammals; because of our large brains, our heads are too big to fit through the cervix if we were to fully develop during gestation, so the female human reproductive system evolved to give birth several months BEFORE other mammals do (and even then it's extremely painful and risky, think of all the women who still die in childbirth despite this fact).
That's why with other mammals, their babies can stand up and start walking basically minutes after being born while humans take about a year. Their gestation period is longer. That's also likely why babies are perpetual pant-shitters; their brains haven't fully developed prior to birth. It's also why the average age for potty training is 2; 18-20 months is the average gestation period for many mammals.
Technically speaking, ALL humans are premature births, because we have to be, otherwise we'd basically have to come out Chest Burster-style.
I remember the commercials where they'd pour colored liquid onto a diaper to demonstrate the absorbing power of the product, then they'd dump half a bottle of talcum into the diaper, hold it up and blow the excess off the surface, with the accompanying voice over, "So absorbant, you can prove it with powder." No crap (heh), there's so much excess on there that you'd better be getting coverage for your resulting lung cancer treatment.
The thing about containing up to 100% of a blowout...that's impossible. A blowout is when the poo leaks out of the diaper, that's what defines it as a blowout. If you contained 100% of it, it wouldn't be a blowout.
Pampers, do you even diaper, bro?
A blowout is when the poop just keeps going and just COMES OUT EVERYWHERE. Had to throw out the whole outfit, and resist the urge to throw out the child. Another fun story: my daughter shot poop onto me just days after being born. Literally shot across several feet and hit my shirt. I thought I would avoid getting waste shot on me because we didn't have a boy, but nooooooo
Look, I’m just greateful they’re no longer spending most of the commercials with the cameras focused on the diapers themselves and fat little baby-legs. Because unfortunately, I have been around long enough to be unable to escape the thought, “Somewhere, some creep is watching the exact same commercial I am. And they’re getting off on it.”
Not saying there *aren’t* creeps doing the same with this specific ad, just that there’s probably *fewer* creeps with a fixation on “babies’ facial expressions as they poo themselves” than “the entire lower half of a toddler.”
BWAAAAAAA HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh Steve, i can only ever hear half of this video because you've timed the burst-out-laughing lines so well that i only ever stop laughing in time to hear the setup and punch of the next zinger. that was smegging BEEEEE-YOOO-dee-full i sincerely swear, and i'm saying this as a happy single parent of a 10yo kid. happy because no more daipers, yeah? it's pretty obvious lol
honestly tho, as a parent who very deliberately chose this role, i completely understand what you're saying, especially about parenthood being an informed choice that happens before pregnancy ... but when you said "and what the fuck is a blowout?!?" i completely frikkin lost it hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Yes, a blowout is exactly what you think it is. South Park didn't just make up the term explosive diarrhea from nothing.
I'm not used to English parental terminology, but in my experience as a father, the side leaks were the worrisome ones. I don't remember having blowout protection on the diapers I bought, but if shit was seeping from the back, the legs were probably drenched so...
Have somebody's parents been lamenting their dearth of grandchildren sired by their modestly famous RUclipsr son? Holiday weekends and family gatherings can lead to that.
"If you agree to work here and become part of our family yada yada, then we'll offer you up to 100% of a living wage."
Instead of making their diapers cheaper, they protect the diapers from exploding when they're overused, because their product is such a burden to a parent's budget.
Steve, I think you are just jealous of the simple joy of being a baby and shitting your pants without an ounce of shame. We all must grow out of it sometime, but that’s no reason to be a hater.
The freedom of being childfree is why I'm so puzzled by our modern obsession with pets.
i had a friend who's first born at the age of 15 months old wanted to paint on the walls of the nursery and all she had was the color brown.....and no it was NOT a blow out....tell that story to teens in health class....that would really prevent teen pregnacy
Suffice it to say, a blowout isn't great. My daughter lost a whole outfit that way once. (She was sick at the time, but damn.)
Much worse when the close up on the individual shitting his pants is the GOP nominee in the middle of that random effusion of words we generously call a speech.
Oh yes - blowouts are a very real thing, and they are horrifying. I have no idea how he managed it, but my son once had a blowout while laying down that was so bad that he had shit all the way up his back and, not even kidding, in his @#$! hair. The only consolation was that he was still young enough that it was still that relatively harmless yellow shit, not the brown and unmistakably human fecal horror that would need to be dealt with a few months down the line. Sorry if that thought made you uncomfortable, but you only had to imagine it - I lived it.