I'm aroace. my explanation before I discovered was "I don't feel particularly attracted towards any gender, therefore I must be bi, because I like every gender equally, even if is 0%"
With that description I pictured the image of Lady Justice, with the blindfold and scales, but instead of balancing justice it's balancing the 0% attraction! It's all fair for the aroaces of the world...
As an asexual I am going to answer those pressing questions. Are asexuals queer? Yes Are asexuals god's? Yes Are asexuals rare? Yes but not as rare as people assume Are asexuals virgins? Some are, some aren't, those that aren't are just as valid and ace as those that are Are asexuals smart? As smart or dumb as everyone else Are asexuals depressed? Anyone can suffer from Depression but depression does not cause asexuality or vice versa Are asexuals invading Denmark? What are you, a cop? Shush
This was so comforting as a man on the Ace spectrum. Knowing that I am valid is comforting. Especially after being brushed off by most people in my life
Of course you're valid! Gender has nothing to do with asexuality. And no one should brush you off like that. Stand your ground. Anyone who brushes you off is just being a pain. You know who and what you are. And that's all that matters. The Ace Community is always here, so we can support each other and have fun.
My ace journey: Pre age 12-ish: I thought falling in love was a magical thing and I'd know when it happened. Early teen years: I thought that if I liked enough things about a girl, that meant I had a crush on them. Mid-to-late-teens: started to be attracted to people but was still grossed out by the idea of sex, assumed I'd grow out of that eventually. Early 20s: I hadn't grown out of it, and I still hadn't found "the right person", and was too afraid of both rejection and the pressure of sex to try anymore, was also still in denial about being bi-romantic. Mid 20s: accepted my asexuality and assumed I'd just be alone and came to terms with that. Late 20s: realised I was lonely, and finally accepted being bi, tried things out with a guy but he turned out to be too sexual for me and we broke up after about two weeks. 30: fell in love, had that love reciprocated and my asexuality accepted, only problem is they live half a world away, but we make it work. The future: ???
For me, falling in love still feels like a magical thing. It sounds cool and I'm happy for the people who fall in love but I'm fine with never experiencing it in real life.
My asexual reasoning at first was “oh I’m just too focused on school to be in a relationship and it’s not really a necessity anyway”. Then later I found out that when non-asexuals say that someone is “sexy” they really do mean that they feel sexually attracted to them. And that every pop song that’s about sex wasn’t just an elaborate joke. And that the people from church really did think that “staying abstinent until marriage was hard”. Even after I found out what asexual meant, I had a hard time telling myself that I was that, bc in my mind it was like I was missing something important. Then I found my fellow cake aces and felt like a god so anyway go be ace, eat cake, and invade Denmark (we’re seriously overdue guys, I thought we were supposed to start this forever ago).
You still haven't arrived in Denmark? Dude! I think you missed the train😱 I've been here for 28 years! (Asexual Dane, had to make the joke - apologies for it being a bad one🙈)
I had a very similar experience, except the reason I didn't figure it out was because I conflated romantic attraction and having a libido with sexual attraction.
Similar experience here. In school I was like "I am too young" and then "I need to focus on my schoolwork" (+corona) I stumbled upon the asexual and aromantic umbrellas in fanfiction comments on wattpad,like found a term i didn't know and googled. Before that all the labels I knew was hetero, trans, bi, pan and gay|lesbian (thanks obscure "what sexuality is Lando if he is attracted to a droid" discussion in the jedipedia after the airing of the solo movie)(they settled on pan btw, because not human, which i think is pretty good way to split pan from bi) Anyway, I settled on demisexual and -romantic first, because everyone in my family (and some friends of my parents) keeps bugging me about a BoyFrIEnd(!!!) And I am like yeah, you want grandkids, but please let me study first😭 Also I am still like "do I want a romantic relationship or is thos just pressure? Am I aro/ace or cupioromantic/ace? But yeah, i am in for invading denmark, i could probably bring my horse, we don't live that far from denmark (in worldterms, like i'm in northern germany, but not that northern, just over Hamburg) Are we trying peaceful first, or should I bring my sword?😉 Oh and the ace Danes can help from the inside! Like with the Trojan horse!😆
My friends were in a group talking about their partners and they go “i have a boyfriend” or “i have a girlfriend” and i walked up without knowing anything they were saying and said with excitement “I HAVE A SANDWICH IN MY POCKET!!” 😂😭
As a demisexual man that doesn't always feel like he's included in the ace community those last two posts really made me almost tear up, it's nice to know that people out there see me and appreciate me, thank you so much for making this video OT, it just makes my day brighter to get to listen to your bubbly personality reading out these posts
I'm not really good with words, so uh bear with me here. But I just wanted to say that you're *absolutely* part of the community. And don't ever think otherwise. Gender doesn't matter, we're all in the ace-spectrum here, I mean it's the *Ace* *Community* for a reason. We're all just here to have a good time and support each other, so no one should feel excluded.
Another ace here. I know where you are coming from. When I first figured out I was ace, I had other aces tell me I wasn’t because I wasn’t like them. You totally belong!
I fondly remember my sisters using some kind of homemade spirit board (a piece of paper and a pendulum, kinda like Charlie Charlie, but the pendulum shows the answers instead of a pencil). They approached me and said, "We asked the spirits if you were straight. They said no. We asked if you were gay. They said no. What _are_ you then?" And I just flatly responded, "...I told you before, I'm Demisexual." The Spirits don't lie, my dudes.
So, I came out as Ace to a friend of mine recently; the first time I've really said anything about it to anyone. It was a really nerve wracking thing. You know what their response was? They surprised me by calling in an order of delivery cheesy garlic bread from a local place and when I asked them about it they linked me to this channel! I have no idea if that's a good thing or if they're messing with me, but considering the past few days I've been watching these damned videos and laughing so hard I can't breathe as tears freely stream down my cheeks... I guess it works? Thanks for these videos; this channel is seriously addictive, and that damned voice is killing me!
P.S. The 'Your [adult funtime] is named the last thing you watched' meme absolutely fails for me since my answer is "Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel"! xD
I went from "everyone magically becomes pan when they hit 16" to "everyone must be faking it" to "maybe it's actually 18" to "I'm too focused on school" in a very short period of time. Even after I learned what being asexual was, I still had my doubts. Obviously I didn't know what pan was, but I thouggt all adults were indiscriminately attracted to everyone because I was told being gay was a choice.
Homosexuality (as in engaging in homosexual relationships with a person you are attracted to) is only a choice for bi/pan people and anyone else under the umbrella, while being either impossible or inevitable for others, thanks for the insight ((Homosexuality as in attraction isn't though, you don't entirely have a say in that))
There's this whole thing going on in some videos of One Topic (and The Click) where, upon browsing subreddits like r/SuddenlyGay (where you get gems like "My mom told me she was also attracted to girls when she was younger, you just have to ignore that and it goes away" and "If being gay isn't contagious, why do I get homosexual thoughts every time my friend takes his shirt off?"), they'll say something like "What if all these people who say being gay is a choice are actually bi and they just don't know it?" Like, they believe being gay is a choice because they themselves had to choose to ignore their attraction to people of the same sex and they sincerely believe that everyone else ALSO feels attracted to both sexes and ALSO has to ignore their attraction to the other sex in order to be "straight". It sincerely doesn't even sound that improbable to me that a lot of homophobes who say these kinds of things honestly don't know that there are people out there who are only attracted to the opposite sex *by nature* .
For the"Why you didn't feel attracted before learning about asexuality": I personally could always recognize the social concept of other beauty and attraction. I simply would think "Huh that person is attractive" and continue on with my life. I didn't realize that allos can have their brain short-circuit thus constantly thinking about the person/people they find attractive. My personal excuse was that relationships were meant for when I was older(Arranged marriages are still quite common in India) and that focusing on studies and anime was the only tru path! My parents would always talk about how I should never enter relationships as they would hamper my studies. Though I wonder what they'll think about me being ace. My parents aren't against LGBTQ+, I know that my mom supports it but I've never seen an example from within the family and I don't know what or when to tell them.
Yeah, I think it was just learning the difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction that led me to realize I was asexual as well. I kinda had the same experience when it came to seeing a woman who was aesthetically pleasing, but I would kinda see how people around me would act and I kinda thought "Huh... they're going a little overboard."
@@SeanStrife Yeah, same for me. It's also how I came to think about me possibly being demiromantic. I knew that I didn't really see people who I wasn't already close to in any other light than "Stranger" or "Human" or "Someone who I really, really want to be friends with but don't know how to go about it" kind of way, but also found a lot of people very aesthetically pleasing.
This is why I love the book called “Loveless” by Alice Oseman where the main character Georgia throughout the book realizes that she’s aroace and it’s really heart wrenching that her friends still love her even though she doesn’t feel romantic attraction like them. I love that story so much and I read it in like 2 days.
damn, the place i read ebooks on won't have it until the end of october. i'll def read it tho! amazing recommendation, thank you. :) i really wanna get more into the lgbt book scene.
I definitely fall into the “I thought everyone was just joking” backstory category. This continues to be my default approach to sexuality every time I hear about something new, and I continue to be wrong every time. Humans are fucking insane.
Yeah, you're right. The thougt of people getting turned on by random strangers they see on the street still boggles my mind, so im guessing that says a few things about my orientation. Still unsure though, and accepting i might be aromantic has been a little difficult for me, but I think I'm getting used to it.
I'm demi, and I was in my twenties before I realized that one-night stands were a real thing and not a sitcom invention, like affordable apartments in NYC.
Yeah, all the times I made fun of the songs on the radio about love or physical attraction (because they couldn’t POSSIBLY be serious) while my friends just got mad at me… now make sense lol
@@bisahnchen8727 it is not really getting turned on, but more like "hey that person is really attractive" I do have that physical attraction, but I lack the romantic attraction to people i just randomly run into. (demiromantic)
That's how it was for me, I assumed everyone was like my parents, pretend when out in public and try to force a "happy family" dynamic when others were around but no one ever seemed happy that way, I had assumed once you grow up, you no longer get happiness.
Technically Kellogg's schtick was "I'm gonna make young boys so physically weak and exhausted they won't want to masturbate". He definitely wanted adult men to *reproduce*. This is why there are no "adult men scouts". My ace story: I'm sex-positive, so I actually thought I was completely normal for being curious, wanting to try it out to know what all the fuss was about, people being so obsessed with it must mean it was good, etc. Then I tried it... and I kept trying it... and the more I tried the more disappointed I got. Even though my partner has tried everything I asked, and I often do enjoy it, I just find myself thinking about sex as a waste of time, thinking of all the other things I could be doing with that time - reading, baking, playing games. My dissatisfaction about sex has also never led me to want to try someone else, even though I am aware someone else might be able to do it 'better', and I sincerely don't understand why people would risk relationships they're for the rest very happy with by having sex with someone else - like, if you're really happy with every aspect of your relationship except the sex, why don't you just... suck it up? It's not like sex is such a big deal, right? (I know that for many people it IS a big deal, this is just my gut reaction to the idea of cheating purely for 'better sex'). And I was aware of the ace "Sex is good but have you tried x" for the longest time but it was only when my best friend discovered her own (sex-repulsed) ace identity and explained to me, after her own research, that not all aces are sex-repulsed, that I actually made the connection for myself. As a teenager, I masturbated and I was curious about sex in the sense of "everyone says it feels amazing", but I fell in love with my partner because he came up to me to talk to me (I was very socially awkward and didn't know how to start a conversation with a stranger) and we ended up talking for hours and I liked his personality. For a long time I figured that meant I was pansexual, because I didn't really care about a person's body - I had to talk to them and like the person they were, and then I also don't care about gender or sex or anything like that. Then at one point I also realized that this thing where men get a boner from just looking at a beautiful woman happens to women too - where you get horny purely from the sight of a man (or person of a different gender) you find attractive, which is a thing that never happened to me, but culture basically taught me that that only happened to men anyway so I thought that part was normal. I get horny maybe once a month, in my own time, and nothing my partner can do will make me horny at any other time. I like kisses and caresses and all that, they just don't make me horny. So yeah. I'm asexual. I don't think sex is gross - I can enjoy it, in my own time. But generally I prefer baking muffins.
*asexual revelation* people can get horny just by looking at people they're attracted to???? I mean, thanks for solving my confusion and sexuality questioning, but wtf?? Also same thing with my partner here, nothing they do can turn me on, and that can be very frustrating for them, especially when they want to feel wanted like that and I just can't give that to them. I'm just happy to know I'm not the only one with this experience.
"I don't think sex is gross - I can enjoy it, in my own time. But generally I prefer baking muffins." Reporting you for saying stuff too sexy for RUclips. 😭
I’m a sucker for Ace things. I used to think “I’m to young to think about that” and then “maybe I’m a late bloomer” to maybe “is there something physically wrong?” before I even knew asexually was a REAL thing! So I’m always grateful to see when Aces get attention 😊
My excuse for not having sexual attraction was that I was raised very religious and thought all sexual attraction was lust. I thought I was just blessed with not feeling lust, as I was being taught. As I got a little older I thought I was a late bloomer. But by the time I was more exposed to the secular world and had a better understanding of what that all meant, I realized I was just hella asexual and that the idea of adult fun time and marriage and all that shouldn’t scare anyone. I thought I was going to be stuck in a relationship I hated because that’s what my very conservative father wanted for me. Now as an adult, I am in a loving relationship with a fellow ace person and I couldn’t feel more in love and happy than when we are cuddling on the couch with snacks and our cat. The queer experience is beautiful.
I know as a bi person I can't entirely relate, but man, I love the thought of being with someone who's like you, because they GET you. Two asexuals in a relationship doing asexual relationship things without any expectation of doing allosexual relationship things sounds like the dream for an asexual.
I'm a secular humanist now, but I had something similar happen in terms of religion growing up. My parents were not very religious, but I went to a church school that served as my primary exposure to organized religion. I internalized all the teachings about lust, and assumed it was normal to experience none of that, which is why it confused me when I heard that most people have trouble controlling those feelings. Over time, I learned it was wrong that people are forced to suppress their feelings of attraction, so I became more sex positive, at least when it came to others. This is probably how I ended up as a sex repulsed yet sex positive asexual. My own feelings should not dictate what others get to do with their lives, which I think is the most important lesson I learned from breaking away from religion.
Omg yes totally! I was raised religious, and it seemed like every other Sunday there was a lesson about chastity. And every time I would get more and more frustrated and uncomfortable, because "I already got it the first time, why are we harping on this subject and grossing everybody out?" When I realized that they were doing this lesson so much was because it actually was something others struggled with, I was caught between "am I somehow more righteous than everyone else?" and "is there something wrong with me that this isn't a problem?" It's weird feeling simultaneously "better" than your peers, and inexplicably "broken" too. Turns out neither was the case XD allos aren't sinners, and I, an ace, am not broken I'm so glad you found a partner, the queer experience really is beautiful
I find it really funny. I'm a Catholic, so I've heard all the "sex before marriage bad!!! >:(" talks before, but I'm also sex positive and progressive about all that stuff. So when they tell us to stay abstinent, I'm just like "what the hell, people can do whatever the fuck they want as long as everyone's consenting! why are you so insistent on this! oh. no. I uh. I don't want to have sex before marriage, or sex. or marriage. but other people should be allowed to!"
im here to answer a very important constantly asked question are asexuals planning world domination yes, yes we are it will hit any day now prepare for your new overlords 👑 and were starting with denmark 😈😎
My "story" is that I thought romantic and sexual attraction were basically the same, and my romantic attraction would morph into wanting sex with them when I finally was "old enough" and had a willing partner. I thought that was basically how it worked for most people and that the only difference was I cared less about looks than most people. Thankfully, when I finally did have a partner, I started to realize asexuality was a thing and he was accepting of that.
Hey, I’m bisexual & I want to say that I wont stand for anyone’s derogatory comments about asexuals (or aros) being excluded from the queer community. I know my history & I know the long relation of allyship between bi+ folks & aces. Y’all are my buds & you won’t ever know just how comforting your existence is to me.
And as an older demi woman there's a lot of overlap from older millennials. I still claim bi bc straight, gay, bi were my only options back in the day. Bc I'm equal opportunity but I HAVE to know and like the person to have the remotest attraction.
I'm aroace and the fact that there is so much prejudice and hate coming from a community was created to be the opposite and that should know better from experience just makes me sad We ace and bi folk gotta stand together This comment warmed my heart, thanks for being such a wonderful being
@@Booyakasha787 hey, you too! I’m definitely not the only person who feels this way, but I’m glad to have been the person to warm your heart today. I hope you find that feeling wherever you go. 💞
My explanation for before I knew about aroaceness was both “ I’m probably a late bloomer” and “ They’re probably over-exaggerating, no one REALLY feels that way” 😭
1 year late. This is so fucking trueeeee. Whenever I hear my bf talking about her new boyfriend I just fell like she has an obsessive trouble. There is no way she can spend 2 hours talking with him, she must be mentally ill
For the"Why you didn't feel attracted before learning about asexuality": For years I fell for my mother's excuse that I "just didn't find the right person yet". And even after I found about asexuals (hello internet my old friend~) she'd still proceed to blabber about what she thought would happen when I'd finally come to her telling that I had a crush or felt butterflies in my stomach. I'm 30 years old. It's Never™going to happen, mother.
I was raised in a household where things like Adult Funtime was only for adults, and when I asked about why I was the only kid I knew that didn't kiss a boy, Mum told me it was because I was raised right. I was told "The struggle against Sexual immorality is real" and I'm like, 20 now, and I still haven't felt that struggle. Mum just said I'm lucky. In a way, she's right about me being lucky. So, my excuse is "I must be a late bloomer."
As an ace I am very biased, but these are some of my absolute favorite videos. The ace videos are the only reason I know anything about ace culture and experiences, and I very much appreciate everyone of your videos OT.
It always warms my heart knowing there's such a large and positive community surrounding the aromantic and asexual identities. It reminds me that I'm not as alone as I sometimes feel.
As someone who dreams of being an author, I already have one ace character planned for a major role in a series. I want everyone to be included and feel welcomed. I want to help represent every community, every gender, every sexuality the best way I possibly can. I love you all so much. Stay safe everyone and have a wonderful life.
"It was not that he felt any sort of love for Irene Adler. Love to him was only useful as a motive for action, not as a feeling. For him to feel love was an irritation, like sand upon his fine magnifying glass. Once, when asked, Holmes replied, 'I could say, Watson, that I am fully engaged with my work, but the simple truth is, I have never loved." -Dr. Watson writing about Sherlock Holmes in _A Scandal in Bohemia_ the first Sherlock Holmes story ever written, back in 1891. Just a little inspiration for you. Good luck! 😊😊
Same, my current story features a genderfluid androsexual aromantic in a QPR with a cis bi guy and another main character is an agender panromantic asexual, though I've been considering making them aromantic too because I'm not great at writing people developing feelings - people who already have those feelings, sure, but developing them? Not so sure... oh well, I'll figure it out.
My rationalization before I found out about asexuality was “waiting for the right person”. After finding out what adult-funtime was, I was both repulsed and baffled at the idea that people would actually _want_ to partake in it for *_fun._* Nothing about it sounded fun to me, if anything it sounded painful and kinda gross. But I thought trusting _someone_ with it was something that happened to everybody at some point or another, so I just accepted it was something that would happen eventually. But only for someone I was comfortable with. Fortunately I found out about asexuality only a couple years after I found out what sex was and it was a *huge* weight off my shoulders to know that the “right person” didn’t exist and I didn’t have to take part in that grossness at all! That said, I have recently realized I’m demiromantic. And honestly? Having that kind of domestic affection for someone without the bodily impulse feels really really good 💚 I love being ace 💜
All I can say to this is, same, almost to a "T". I remember making up crushes on people at sleepovers or whenever the topic came up and just panicking because I didn't actually like anyone "that way". That feeling of being broken, or there was something wrong with me because I didn't feel attracted to anyone was rough. Then finding the amazing community and realizing I'm ace, 💜🖤
I had basically the same experience too. I was really disgusted and uncomfortable with adult fun time until I found some videos explaining all of the different ways to be ace, and it made me feel much better about myself. One of the videos was of a person saying, “Oh, that person is pretty. Wait, is this sexual attraction? Thar bookcase is also pretty but I don’t want to have sex with it.” And that was when I realized.
@@LadyAJ95 I am so sorry. I appear to be one of the few who actually _doesn’t_ relate to the “feeling broken or like something was wrong with me” thing. Whenever it came up in my experience, I was just honest and said that I wasn’t attracted to anyone and that I was “waiting for the right person” (or, when adult-funtime specifically came up, said that I was saving it for someone special). Being demiromantic might have had something to do with it, too; I was never all that social and didn’t know a lot of people all that well - no one really caught my eye (aside from people I wanted to be friends with, and I only wanted to be friends with them). I thought it was normal to try to get to know someone before pursuing a relationship and I also never really paid attention to other people’s love lives. I *was,* in fact, more interested in my studies than I was in dating. I guess I really was fortunate in finding out about asexuality not long after finding out about sex; I had that weight lifted before I had any time to feel broken. I’m sorry you went through that, but I’m really glad we have this awesome community now 💜🤍♠️
My asexual story was that I hated watching kissing scenes when apparently everyone else was enjoying it, I just physically cringed, was told that would change, then when I was pretty young stumbled on a story that mentioned the term asexual. It was a crude and stereotypical representation about a sentient robot who had a partner but didn't want to do anything beyond cuddle and was grossed out by kissing, which yeah, some people, but it related a bit to me and I thought finally! Something explains how I feel! Then went to school told some friends about it, was asked "do you really not want sex? Are you sure you're not just aromantic?", decided, huh maybe??? And just went with the term aromantic, until I realised, no, I'm not particularly keen on sex or anything like that, and decided to go by aroace. Several years later I'm now in a relationship and questioning wtf romantic love actually is and how the hell is it different from platonic love if you remove the sexual attraction, other than maybe being several times more intense? Send help, I love my partner and are committed to them, but uh, am I in love with them? Or just love them? Ahhhh
For platonic vs romantic love, platonic is just wanting to be friends with someone, & feeling happy just doing things like chatting & hanging out. Romantic love ig is *kind of * like platonic love, except that you want to do “deeper” things like kissing on the lips or having their arm around you to name a few examples. I tried to describe it best as possible, so I hope this helps. 😊
@@superjuliamsaia3941 haha, thanks, I think I'm content with love being friendship plus commitment for now. I think it's fun to take a look at other people's opinions on it. I wonder if there's actually an objective answer out there that takes into account people can be in love and not fucking the brains out of each other. Personally I also don't get any desire to kiss my partner on the lips, more pecks on the cheek. Nor the arm thing. I will say that I'm normally touch averse, although that changes after I've reached a certain level of comfort with someone, this includes friends. Guess I have physical touch as a love language? What cruel jokes is the world playing hehe.
@@wyvinar3702 You could possibly be demiromantic asexual. According to Wikipedia, "demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which an individual does not experience primary sexual attraction - the type of attraction that is based on immediately observable characteristics such as appearance or smell and is experienced immediately after a first encounter". Although, I say demiROMANTIC because you mention that you don't want to have sex, but still have attraction to people, for example: your partner. I realize that I don't know your situation, but I hope this helps!! - a panromantic asexual nonbinary person
As a cis male Bi romantic ace it was nice to see a meme saying that we exist. Having been in a few long term relationships and not being believed about my own identity has sucked. Anyway let us all gate keep less and let people express who they are without judgement and/or disbelief. We are all valid. Thank you OT for your open mind and wholesome community.
My all-time favorite aroace character is Monkey D. Luffy. His asexuality made him immune to an antagonist's superpower of turning enemies to stone if they show sexual/romantic attraction to her. This detail is important to me because it means that Luffy being aroace is not only canon, but unambiguous and explicit.
I stopped by to say that you can identify as two different identity within the spectrum of sexuality. Being gay and ace, being demisexual and Bi, these things don't exclude one another. You can be attracted to people in more then just a sexual way and you can want to be in physical relationships and still be ace. Asexuality isn't just "I have no attraction to people and the thought of kissing makes me want to throw up" it can also be "I enjoy being sexual with my partner at times and yet I am not interested in people in a sexual way."
Before I realized I was ace, it baffled me that abstinence and celibacy were things people saw as sacrifices. Like, I just thought people had the hanky-panky only when they wanted to have kids, so why was it such a big deal. Took me until college to discover asexuality and realize "OH....."
I love it when OT posts, it always makes my day. As part of the ace community who has been rejected by friends family and partners because of it, OT always makes me feel so included and valid
The end post about not having to relate to every asexual experience made me happy, I’ve known that I’m asexual since I was 15 and even now I still sometimes question if I’m “ace enough” or something but that was a great reminder that I am
For me it's the opposite - instead of not being "ace enough", i sometimes think i'm "too ace" and that "this is beyond being asexual, this is just being broken at this point". So Yeah, it was great to hear that post!
For those who don't know, Alice Oseman (they/she) wrote the book "Loveless", and it's such an amazing story that talks about asexuality. They are amazing ♡
for what I know its specifically about someone romantic or aroace! it's called loveless but its about loving platonically - your friends, family :D it sounds like an amazing book!
My asexual story is that my body obviously doesn't want a relationship because it seemed so stressful to other people. All the couples that I knew were always arguing and I had a lot of friends, so why date and argue when you can just be friends? When I got older I adapted the story und used it as an excuse for when people asked me why I didn't date. "A relationship? A boyfriend / girlfriend? But that sounds so stressful! You need to pay attention to them, humour them, feed them, usw.". Sometimes I used sentences like "You need to water them" or "You need to take them on a walk everyday!", when the person didn't get I was joking the first time. It's actually very fun and to this day my favorite reply to such questions :D
Totally agree Like...I have 10 projects lined up, how am I supposed to fit someone as needy as a partner in there? I can't split in two (yeah, no mitosis for me unfortunately)
It is really hard for me as a demisexual/demiromantic person to tell what sexual or romantic attraction even is, so I was utterly shocked to learn that people get aroused looking at strangers? In public? I always thought that was an exaggeration, but apparently not. I learned at one point that I experience alterous attraction, which for me means that I feel an attraction to a person, but cannot always distinguish it as platonic, romantic, or sexual, which helped me to understand why even though I'm not attracted to guys I would be confused with my male friends, thinking maybe I /did/ want to date them.
@@Lkat. I may be misremembering, or misspelling, but I hope you find something that helps you understand yourself. Take care and remember that labels are tools, and you don't have to use them if they aren't helping you.
We grew up in a strict christian church (cult) so having sex was frowned upon anyway. It wasn't until I was older and had left that environment that I realized I was different. My mom kept telling me that I would have sexual feelings once I was in a relationship. I eventually found the ace community and found out there was nothing wrong with me and my mom found out she was demi and never knew XD
15:45 Something really similar to that is what I'm doing in my current book as the main internal conflict, actually! The main character doesn't know what love or attraction is but feel like they *can* and do enjoy his presence enough for it to be similar to how he feels. When you don't know the social pressure or stigma around love, you don't have to grapple with that. Caring for somebody and wanting them to be happy is enough. Thinking they are more important to you than the world is enough. It's just a matter of convincing themself to try to convey that to him, that it might not be entirely what he expects. And when the love interest accepts all of that, including that it has to work a little differently, I think it is much more powerful than a typical romance and love story. They don't fake anything, and they don't try to. How much they care for him, even if it isn't *exactly* the same as he does them, is still enough for him because he just wants them around and to see their value to him, if nothing else. Anyway! Author rant from a demi-romantic person is now over :)
At our local Pridefest this year it was my Ace friend who wanted to go and gave me the courage to go with them. We went to the HIV prevention booth and took part in a state survey of how accessible prevention and treatment materials were. Because my friend was present we were able to point out that there were no options for people who aren’t sexually active on the survey and the booth volunteers were very interested to hear my friend’s perspective to make the survey more inclusive next year. Ace representation is so important and it is wonderful to see more ace inclusion and leadership. ❤🎉
I'm bi and demisexual. Somehow I had zero problems accepting my bisexuality (despite living in russia), but to this day can't fully accept demisexuality. Those videos help, thank you 💜
I know how you feel. When I was a teenager, I felt like I was bisexual (bc I had intense feelings for both men and women), and I used that label for myself until I was in my late 20’s, when I found out demisexual was a thing, and that label fit me So much better. But it was hard to accept, because in a way I know it means I will probably not have a partner for most of my life. I mean I went 10 years between my only two relationships. And I’ve currently been single for almost 4 years now. However, I am so glad that I realize this about myself, bc now I don’t feel pressure to force myself into dating casually, or things like Tinder/online dating bc it made me So uncomfortable.
I'm panromantic and for the longest time I wanted to say I was pansexual despite being in denial that I had the same romantic attraction to all genders yet a significantly decreased sexual attraction towards some, and then eventually discovering that I'm on the ace spectrum and trying to figure out what the fuck kinda sexuality am I supposed to call myself ._.
As a demisexual enby I feel so uplifted by these videos. I feel understood and accepted for who I am, which has been hard in the past. Thank you for giving people like me a home.
As an asexual trans man, that last post hit me in the GOT DANG feels and that is NOT ALLOWED!! I'm just kidding, that whole video was very sweet. Thank you OT for making it and for all the people who post things like that.
Same dude, these kinds of posts are just such a nice reminder that there are people out there who can and will see us for every part of ourselves and be cool with it :)
I'm demisexual and I thought the point of a relationship was to get you to be attracted to someone. Because people always talk about waiting until you're comfortable to take next steps, i thought by comfortable to take a step they meant 'become attracted to the person'.
@@happytofu5 No, generally people who feel attraction will pursue a relationship because they feel attraction rather than the other way around. Being “comfortable enough to take the next step” is more about the gradual buildup of trust, familiarity, and connection to one another. Like how you’d probably want to know a new friend for a bit and get to know and like them before you invite them to your home to hang out.
I am in my late 40's and I only recently figured out that there is a term for what I feel. I'm asexual, and possibly aromantic. It feels better having a term for it and finding communities with people who feel similarly. Thank for for sharing these memes.
Hey OT, thanks for helping me find my sexuality, if it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't even know asexuals exist, let alone that I am one. So, thanks OT!
As an asexual person, I did really think everyone was joking and making up lies about adult fun times! Because there was no way that people really thought about sex. Ever. It took me realizing that I was sex-repulsed to figure it out fully. And that was with in the last decade when I was in college.
When I was in highschool gym, all the girls talked about was: Who they banged, Who they want to bang, How many they banged already, What they want out of a night with their SO's. When they asked me, I replied that I just wanted to watch a movie and cuddle. Yeah...
@@henryeye7147 Ikr plus he’s so wholesome, he really cheers you up, I’m always happy when I see his videos and he has taught me so much about the lgbt I’m genuinely in love with this dude (in a non-romantic way) and I kinda see him as a father figure, a way better father than may real one and I obsoletely respect him
As one of the younger members of the lgbtq+ community I want to thank OT. because of his content I had the confidences to come out as aroace and the video have also helped me with knowing that there are more people like me and that I am not some freak of nature.😊
My ace story is really simple: someone I followed on DeviantArt talked about being asexual and after finding out what it meant I felt that the label fits me. I can't remember my exact thought process there, though, since it was years ago lol
I actually mistook aesthetic attraction for crushes for a loooong time. In school everyone had their crush and was talking about it and I was just like: oh my holy chocolate cookie that guy has such a pretty face I wanna draw it!!! Or in extreme cases: I wanna hug you very tightly and be friends with you ( ironically I am a very cuddly person) For a time I even thought I was attracted to talented people! Nope! I was just impressed. So yeah that’s kind of how I realized there was something different, still questioning if im aro too though…
I did the same thing a couple years ago. Someone said they liked me and I didn't know how to respond, and I mistook wanting to be friends with them as a crush - no. i recently discovered i'm aro/ace.
Honestly, this comment really helped me understand aesthetic attraction better so thanks for posting it. I'd been wondering if I'm not really ace because I thought this girl at my old high school looked really pretty, but this helped clear that up.
Honestly though, the last person I thought about actually kissing, ended up being Ace so we had to break up but we're still friends and most of our convos are her teaching me about Warhammer40K so that meme was strangely exactly what happened to me.
i love the amount of us that thought sexual attraction was a joke or fake or smth. for me, it was one big, 'sounds fake but okay.' then i saw 'asexuality is when you aren't attracted to anyone' and went, 'wait it WASN'T FAKE?!' incredible.
i didn't *consciously* think it, but i did kinda assume it was just exaggerated for drama in films and tv. it was very amusing when i realised i'm ace and that 'wait- you're telling me that is actually how it is?', and then that this reaction is the ace norm lol
@@edenrose4912 I still don't fully believe that the shows aren't exaggerating. Like, considering how exaggeratedly cliche all the high school movies are, it stands to reason it all is.
Personally one of my fav moments while dating my ace lover was when we were listening to my lover's playlist, and it had SO MANY S-XUAL SONGS! I asked 'Why are these songs on your playlist' and my lover responds with- "What I like intense music" It took me a moment to realize they were taking about the fact these songs were rap and pop style and that they weren't taking about the actual lyrics...
I like the lyrics in some songs, but most often, I like a song because of the music. I currently adore Ed Sheeran's "Shivers," because I love the music. Some of the lyrics, not so much, but I can appreciate the sentiment behind the lyrics, and what they mean to others. 🙂
I used to question my asexuality all of the time because I’m not sex-repulsed and simply don’t have a very strong opinion on it, but sometimes like when I watch these videos, it helps me remember that every asexual’s experience is different, and that just because you’re not on the far side of a spectrum, doesn’t mean that you’re not part of it.
I am not aro or ace, but I am demiromantic and l could not begin to tell you how confusing it was in middle and high school to have everyone around me talking about relationships and falling in love and having sex, while I'm over with my other queer and happily single friends discussing the categories of superheroes.
I may not even be on the aroace spectrum, but I think I understand how you feel. Sex & romance are overrated. I just want to have a platonic relationship, spend time together, take care of eachother - not as friends, not as lovers. I'd prefer cuddling over sex, and it's not like I'm immature or a "late bloomer" - I have experienced attraction before, it's great - but there are just so many ways to feel close with someone emotionally, and it is unfair to focus on one of them.
The concept of one night stands or the trope of "accidentally" sleeping with the wrong person is something I cannot comprehend. Like, sex is fine I guess but not that big a deal, right? That was me. It's still me. I've created a human child and it's still me.
OT is part of the reason I discovered I'm asexual! Before I sub to him, I was just an ally but then I watched his ace vids and I found them oddly relatable. Then I had the 'oh, I'm the queer cousin' moment. I have been asexual for a year now thanks to OT. Thank you for spreading awareness!!
Same here! The first time I watched OT cover the Ace related subreddits was when I started to question if I was Ace myself. It feels so good to start knowing myself after years of stunted growth.
I thought I was broken before I found out about the Ace AND the Aro communities. I straight up wept when I realized that no, I don't have to kiss anyone or let anyone touch me if I don't want to. That I wasn't some inhuman thing because I don't love "in the right ways". Also, I really enjoy when One Topic does these ace videos because he wholeheartedly enjoys the memes in a way a lot of creators don't. When they make videos it feels like their laughing awkwardly and just scooting along instead of trying to enjoy themselves. Thanks One Topic!
I so needed this today, I was at a pride event and a homophobic protester showed up. We were all just having fun and he ruined the mood. So I definitely needed this hint of positivity in my life
I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and I'm glad OT's special brand of wholesomeness was able to cheer you up. He helps me a lot when I'm feeling down, too.
i always had a hard time connecting to the Ace/Aro community because i can't relate to most things discussed on there. I have a craving for (adult fun time) but every time i get to perform (adult fun time) i always get disgusted or extremely uncomfortable, it's like having a craving for something sweet but all the sugary food tastes disgusting. it's incredibly frustrating. but i'm glad i watched your video showing me there are good people who just give off such accepting and compasionate energy like yourself that make me feel less ostracized
I don't know if i am in the ace spectrum or not, i mean, all i want is a friend, or a lover, or a platonic lover, i don't relly care, all i want is someone that cares about me.
2:21 If anyone asks you this question, tell them: Being asexual isn’t just being sex-repulsed. Being asexual is not finding people sexually attractive, not finding them hot, and/or not being turned on by their bodies. Yes, asexuals can be sex-repulsed, but that’s not all it is and it isn’t the same with everyone.
I really appreciate it when you do ace memes. Reminds me there are people out there either like me or who value me as part of the community. Makes me feel less alone. Kinda gets tiring being 30 and hearing people say practically every cruel and r*pey thing in the book or tell me to go to therapy to get "fixed" as if there's anything wrong with being ace at all. I'm ace. It's just a part of who I am unrelated to any trauma I've gone through. I'm not less queer than anybody else in the community. The community isn't a popularity club or exclusionary club to make someone feel just soooo special despite what certain people seem to think. So, if there are any other aces here regardless of age: you are doing just fine and you are a part of the queer community and I'm happy you're here 💕
I value you as part of the LGBTQIA community. You are valid and accepted by this BTQ person. I hope anyone who says mean things to you gets lemon juice in their eyes.
I love your ace videos. I’m 38 and only recently realized I’m asexual and not just odd. Everything about my past relationships makes SO much sense now. It’s fun laughing at these posts but also feeling seen.
The one about 'what did you believe was happening before you knew about asexuality' is something that resonates, because unless you stop to think about it, if you were like me and just figured that there was something wrong with you, that your lack of attraction simply meant that no-one could ever love you because there's something missing, then it's very easy to fall back into that pattern. Objectively, I know that isn't true, that being asexual doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me and that I could, one day, form a deep intimate emotional relationship with someone, but it's hard to shake a mindset that has been there through most of your adolescence. It's why I like watching these videos, they help remind me that there is a diverse, welcoming community of other aces out there and that I'm not alone or wrong or sick or broken.
I hope you know these videos help remind me how valid I am. Seeing someone who isn’t ace speak so highly of asexuality reminds me that there are good people out there who will respect and love me no matter who they are. You bring me so much joy. Thank you.
When I came across the term asexuality it just stuck, I was lucky and didn't ever have the struggle of identity at the time I was 15 turning 16. At that point I hadn't even thought about dating even though my classmates were. If I new about the term earlier I don't think much would have changed for me but I know that if it was someone else it would have helped. Thank you for making videos like this to spread a positive message about caring and respecting others regardless of who they are.
Hay OT, remember when you were talking about there not being enough ace characters in media? Well as an artist i'n trying to change that. Most of my characters are non binary or part of the LGBTQ+ community in some way and i listen to you every morning while drawing them before school so i guess in a way you're helping me achieve relinquishing the lack of lgbtq midia characters by just making your videos. I guess i should be thanking you for being here OT, you're the best and i appreciate you. Also tell Human 1 i appreciate her too because she deserves to feel the love of a fan too.
I just got a new therapist, and it’s due to videos and representation like this that I was actually finally able to use the word asexual when talking about myself, instead of trying to hide or skirt around that topic like I’ve done in the past out of fear of judgement or rejection. When so many people have told me asexuality is fake, or that I” just need to get laid,” or that it must be a result of unresolved trauma, and on and on, seeing that there is a whole diverse community of Ace folks out there is so affirming and empowering. I have the words now to describe this part of me that I’ve known about myself for a long time, and if my new therapist or anyone else chooses not to believe me, I have a whole community who says I am whole, I am valid, and I am supported. 💜💜💜
12:10 I actually asked someone who was planning on becoming a pastor this question and after this entire debate, we agreed that Jesus was more of a personality guy
14:26 My theater director and my choir teacher. Also, my story for being ace is just "meh, don't feel like it. If love comes to me, fine, but I'm not searching for it."
I know it's silly and just memes and everything. But it's always affirming to see my orientation treated the same as others. Thanks and have a great weekend!
I read one a few years ago that went something like “What’s your favourite card in the deck? Because if it’s an ace, look no further!” and I haven't found a more perfect one since. "Can I buy you a book?" always works on me, and it's not even an Ace specific pickup line!
12:43 Okay, so... Before I realised I was Ace I simply believed in the whole "women aren't supposed to want sex" and since I was born female, that must include me... How the frick I believed this despite having a sister who is openly hypersexual and had a female friend who also talked a lot about her needs and how she had a giant dildo collection because her boyfriend wasn't enough to satisfy her... I have no clue, man... I was in denial? When I first learned about the different sexualities at 14, the definition of Ace I found was basically sex repulsed AroAce with no interest in a romantic or sexual partner - and since I had a girlfriend at the time I immediately dismissed the possibility of being Ace... Also, before realising I was Demiromantic, I often warned people I was getting romantically involved with, that my feelings "seem to develop more slowly than others' do" and well... Turns out Aesthetich + Sensual attraction isn't the same as romantic or sexual attraction?! Who would have ever thought of such wild things!! (Definitely not me as I was fooled for YEARS)
This is the first video im watching on 2023, it feels like i started the year just right with some good laughs and acceptance. Hopefully i get to watch many more videos from your channel this year
I love how open OT is about seeing stuff like this. im demisexual and i sometimes feel very unwelcome in the community, so its really nice seeng someone so open and comforting about it. also, i love how OT misunderstood /j as genuine
What I told myself before realising I was on the ace spectrum was "I'm just really picky" and "I have relationship trauma" which I kinda have but seeing people with horrible horrible relationship trauma getting into relationships anyways made me question that as well
Mine was, "I thought I was too young" or "I thought it was my autism". But no, I do feel attraction, but only for fictional characters, no one irl. I was so confused for years.
I'm an aroace and I can honestly say the closest I've come to any sort of attraction is aesthetic appreciation. I've always known this about myself, even before I found the terminology. Being aroace made high school really fun though. I was always the quiet girl everyone knew but kept to a corner reading and listening to the gossip (I went to a tech high school so there wasn't as much of a bullying issue there in general). My best friend from high school turned out to be bi-romantic ace, so when she was around we spent most of our time nerding out over Sailor Moon and Mercedes Lackey books.
![Ice On My Teeth - ATEEZ エイティーズ 에이티즈 [Music Bank] | KBS WORLD TV 241115](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/c-n92OgbbwA/mqdefault.jpg)
someone *PLEASE* tell me what the *song* was
😭💀
bwiwiwwaaaamp *woodblocks woodblocks*
i *need* to remember what it was😳
we shall never
no
Tsunami?
Literally me every few RUclips shorts
I'm aroace. my explanation before I discovered was "I don't feel particularly attracted towards any gender, therefore I must be bi, because I like every gender equally, even if is 0%"
Bilacksual
Every damn time
With that description I pictured the image of Lady Justice, with the blindfold and scales, but instead of balancing justice it's balancing the 0% attraction!
It's all fair for the aroaces of the world...
No because I genuinely thought that I was attached to people...
Aesthetic attraction is confusing man.
@@Rongi_23 this. exactly why I thought I was panromantic.
As an asexual I am going to answer those pressing questions.
Are asexuals queer? Yes
Are asexuals god's? Yes
Are asexuals rare? Yes but not as rare as people assume
Are asexuals virgins? Some are, some aren't, those that aren't are just as valid and ace as those that are
Are asexuals smart? As smart or dumb as everyone else
Are asexuals depressed? Anyone can suffer from Depression but depression does not cause asexuality or vice versa
Are asexuals invading Denmark? What are you, a cop? Shush
Personally I don't identify as queer, so I think that's more of a case-by-case thing
Invade denmark
You forgot our love of cake!
@@_hellojarofdirt and garlic bread
@@Illamdalt yeah we totally wouldn’t do that…not at all…👀
This was so comforting as a man on the Ace spectrum. Knowing that I am valid is comforting. Especially after being brushed off by most people in my life
Of course you're valid! Gender has nothing to do with asexuality.
And no one should brush you off like that. Stand your ground. Anyone who brushes you off is just being a pain.
You know who and what you are. And that's all that matters. The Ace Community is always here, so we can support each other and have fun.
as an aroace trans man you are cool and slay
@@alexxmichaelis5669 Thank you, it was nice seeing someone being supportive. :)
@@PWNDON Thank you, you are pretty cool too. :D
You slay that asexuality!
You are very valid!
My ace journey:
Pre age 12-ish: I thought falling in love was a magical thing and I'd know when it happened.
Early teen years: I thought that if I liked enough things about a girl, that meant I had a crush on them.
Mid-to-late-teens: started to be attracted to people but was still grossed out by the idea of sex, assumed I'd grow out of that eventually.
Early 20s: I hadn't grown out of it, and I still hadn't found "the right person", and was too afraid of both rejection and the pressure of sex to try anymore, was also still in denial about being bi-romantic.
Mid 20s: accepted my asexuality and assumed I'd just be alone and came to terms with that.
Late 20s: realised I was lonely, and finally accepted being bi, tried things out with a guy but he turned out to be too sexual for me and we broke up after about two weeks.
30: fell in love, had that love reciprocated and my asexuality accepted, only problem is they live half a world away, but we make it work.
The future: ???
You got this homie
Bros life’s a movie 😂
@@broccoli1683 fuckin boring drawn out movie if you ask me
For me, falling in love still feels like a magical thing. It sounds cool and I'm happy for the people who fall in love but I'm fine with never experiencing it in real life.
I’m close enough to my early teens to count, but I’ve also done the “if I like enough things about someone I have a crush” on them thing…
My asexual reasoning at first was “oh I’m just too focused on school to be in a relationship and it’s not really a necessity anyway”. Then later I found out that when non-asexuals say that someone is “sexy” they really do mean that they feel sexually attracted to them. And that every pop song that’s about sex wasn’t just an elaborate joke. And that the people from church really did think that “staying abstinent until marriage was hard”. Even after I found out what asexual meant, I had a hard time telling myself that I was that, bc in my mind it was like I was missing something important.
Then I found my fellow cake aces and felt like a god so anyway go be ace, eat cake, and invade Denmark (we’re seriously overdue guys, I thought we were supposed to start this forever ago).
You still haven't arrived in Denmark?
Dude! I think you missed the train😱 I've been here for 28 years! (Asexual Dane, had to make the joke - apologies for it being a bad one🙈)
I had a very similar experience, except the reason I didn't figure it out was because I conflated romantic attraction and having a libido with sexual attraction.
@@lampekartoffel nah that was great xD
Similar experience here. In school I was like "I am too young" and then "I need to focus on my schoolwork" (+corona)
I stumbled upon the asexual and aromantic umbrellas in fanfiction comments on wattpad,like found a term i didn't know and googled. Before that all the labels I knew was hetero, trans, bi, pan and gay|lesbian (thanks obscure "what sexuality is Lando if he is attracted to a droid" discussion in the jedipedia after the airing of the solo movie)(they settled on pan btw, because not human, which i think is pretty good way to split pan from bi)
Anyway, I settled on demisexual and -romantic first, because everyone in my family (and some friends of my parents) keeps bugging me about a BoyFrIEnd(!!!) And I am like yeah, you want grandkids, but please let me study first😭
Also I am still like "do I want a romantic relationship or is thos just pressure? Am I aro/ace or cupioromantic/ace?
But yeah, i am in for invading denmark, i could probably bring my horse, we don't live that far from denmark (in worldterms, like i'm in northern germany, but not that northern, just over Hamburg)
Are we trying peaceful first, or should I bring my sword?😉
Oh and the ace Danes can help from the inside! Like with the Trojan horse!😆
@@gentlesharkman Haha, thx🙈
My friends were in a group talking about their partners and they go “i have a boyfriend” or “i have a girlfriend” and i walked up without knowing anything they were saying and said with excitement “I HAVE A SANDWICH IN MY POCKET!!” 😂😭
I have an army
We have a hulk
I've got a jar of dirt
"Nice girlfriend" "NICE SANDWITCH"
@@shelbiecain9289 And guess what's inside it! A sandwich!
@@shelbiecain9289real
Helllll yeahhhhj
As a demisexual man that doesn't always feel like he's included in the ace community those last two posts really made me almost tear up, it's nice to know that people out there see me and appreciate me, thank you so much for making this video OT, it just makes my day brighter to get to listen to your bubbly personality reading out these posts
I'm not really good with words, so uh bear with me here.
But I just wanted to say that you're *absolutely* part of the community. And don't ever think otherwise.
Gender doesn't matter, we're all in the ace-spectrum here, I mean it's the *Ace* *Community* for a reason.
We're all just here to have a good time and support each other, so no one should feel excluded.
No matter what others say, you are valid💚
Fellow demisexual here to remind you that you are absolutely valid and you belong in the ace community exactly as you are
Ace here, you are absolutely part of the ace community. Bring it in for a hug.
Another ace here. I know where you are coming from. When I first figured out I was ace, I had other aces tell me I wasn’t because I wasn’t like them.
You totally belong!
I fondly remember my sisters using some kind of homemade spirit board (a piece of paper and a pendulum, kinda like Charlie Charlie, but the pendulum shows the answers instead of a pencil). They approached me and said, "We asked the spirits if you were straight. They said no. We asked if you were gay. They said no. What _are_ you then?"
And I just flatly responded, "...I told you before, I'm Demisexual." The Spirits don't lie, my dudes.
So, I came out as Ace to a friend of mine recently; the first time I've really said anything about it to anyone. It was a really nerve wracking thing. You know what their response was? They surprised me by calling in an order of delivery cheesy garlic bread from a local place and when I asked them about it they linked me to this channel! I have no idea if that's a good thing or if they're messing with me, but considering the past few days I've been watching these damned videos and laughing so hard I can't breathe as tears freely stream down my cheeks... I guess it works?
Thanks for these videos; this channel is seriously addictive, and that damned voice is killing me!
P.S. The 'Your [adult funtime] is named the last thing you watched' meme absolutely fails for me since my answer is "Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel"! xD
You didn't answer the most important question raised by your story though.
Do you love garlic bread more than life itself, or not?
Welcome to the ot family. It's not a joke. Just a bunch of beirdos and weirdos carving out a loving space for any weary travlers
Oh that is so incredibly wholesome ❤️ you're doing great
make sure you keep that friend. They get it.
I went from "everyone magically becomes pan when they hit 16" to "everyone must be faking it" to "maybe it's actually 18" to "I'm too focused on school" in a very short period of time. Even after I learned what being asexual was, I still had my doubts. Obviously I didn't know what pan was, but I thouggt all adults were indiscriminately attracted to everyone because I was told being gay was a choice.
Lol that's the best interpretation of "gay is a choice" xD
Homosexuality (as in engaging in homosexual relationships with a person you are attracted to) is only a choice for bi/pan people and anyone else under the umbrella, while being either impossible or inevitable for others, thanks for the insight
((Homosexuality as in attraction isn't though, you don't entirely have a say in that))
There's this whole thing going on in some videos of One Topic (and The Click) where, upon browsing subreddits like r/SuddenlyGay (where you get gems like "My mom told me she was also attracted to girls when she was younger, you just have to ignore that and it goes away" and "If being gay isn't contagious, why do I get homosexual thoughts every time my friend takes his shirt off?"), they'll say something like "What if all these people who say being gay is a choice are actually bi and they just don't know it?"
Like, they believe being gay is a choice because they themselves had to choose to ignore their attraction to people of the same sex and they sincerely believe that everyone else ALSO feels attracted to both sexes and ALSO has to ignore their attraction to the other sex in order to be "straight". It sincerely doesn't even sound that improbable to me that a lot of homophobes who say these kinds of things honestly don't know that there are people out there who are only attracted to the opposite sex *by nature* .
For the"Why you didn't feel attracted before learning about asexuality": I personally could always recognize the social concept of other beauty and attraction. I simply would think "Huh that person is attractive" and continue on with my life. I didn't realize that allos can have their brain short-circuit thus constantly thinking about the person/people they find attractive.
My personal excuse was that relationships were meant for when I was older(Arranged marriages are still quite common in India) and that focusing on studies and anime was the only tru path! My parents would always talk about how I should never enter relationships as they would hamper my studies. Though I wonder what they'll think about me being ace. My parents aren't against LGBTQ+, I know that my mom supports it but I've never seen an example from within the family and I don't know what or when to tell them.
Yeah, I think it was just learning the difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction that led me to realize I was asexual as well. I kinda had the same experience when it came to seeing a woman who was aesthetically pleasing, but I would kinda see how people around me would act and I kinda thought "Huh... they're going a little overboard."
Omg I'm Indian and ace too! Don't feel pressured to come out but if you choose to do so I hope it goes well :)
I just never really thought about it
Dude your Indian and your parents aren't homophobic?
@@SeanStrife Yeah, same for me. It's also how I came to think about me possibly being demiromantic. I knew that I didn't really see people who I wasn't already close to in any other light than "Stranger" or "Human" or "Someone who I really, really want to be friends with but don't know how to go about it" kind of way, but also found a lot of people very aesthetically pleasing.
My reason for asexuality before asexual was discovered in my brain was “im just a child, once I’m older I’ll feel it”
This is why I love the book called “Loveless” by Alice Oseman where the main character Georgia throughout the book realizes that she’s aroace and it’s really heart wrenching that her friends still love her even though she doesn’t feel romantic attraction like them. I love that story so much and I read it in like 2 days.
damn, the place i read ebooks on won't have it until the end of october. i'll def read it tho! amazing recommendation, thank you. :) i really wanna get more into the lgbt book scene.
That book made me cry so much. Highly recommend it still
Oh I thought of this too! Definitely need to get it
Is that the author who made heartstopper
@@dice412 Yeah!
I definitely fall into the “I thought everyone was just joking” backstory category. This continues to be my default approach to sexuality every time I hear about something new, and I continue to be wrong every time. Humans are fucking insane.
Yeah, you're right. The thougt of people getting turned on by random strangers they see on the street still boggles my mind, so im guessing that says a few things about my orientation. Still unsure though, and accepting i might be aromantic has been a little difficult for me, but I think I'm getting used to it.
I'm demi, and I was in my twenties before I realized that one-night stands were a real thing and not a sitcom invention, like affordable apartments in NYC.
Yeah, all the times I made fun of the songs on the radio about love or physical attraction (because they couldn’t POSSIBLY be serious) while my friends just got mad at me… now make sense lol
@@bisahnchen8727 it is not really getting turned on, but more like "hey that person is really attractive" I do have that physical attraction, but I lack the romantic attraction to people i just randomly run into. (demiromantic)
That's how it was for me, I assumed everyone was like my parents, pretend when out in public and try to force a "happy family" dynamic when others were around but no one ever seemed happy that way, I had assumed once you grow up, you no longer get happiness.
Technically Kellogg's schtick was "I'm gonna make young boys so physically weak and exhausted they won't want to masturbate". He definitely wanted adult men to *reproduce*. This is why there are no "adult men scouts".
My ace story: I'm sex-positive, so I actually thought I was completely normal for being curious, wanting to try it out to know what all the fuss was about, people being so obsessed with it must mean it was good, etc. Then I tried it... and I kept trying it... and the more I tried the more disappointed I got. Even though my partner has tried everything I asked, and I often do enjoy it, I just find myself thinking about sex as a waste of time, thinking of all the other things I could be doing with that time - reading, baking, playing games. My dissatisfaction about sex has also never led me to want to try someone else, even though I am aware someone else might be able to do it 'better', and I sincerely don't understand why people would risk relationships they're for the rest very happy with by having sex with someone else - like, if you're really happy with every aspect of your relationship except the sex, why don't you just... suck it up? It's not like sex is such a big deal, right? (I know that for many people it IS a big deal, this is just my gut reaction to the idea of cheating purely for 'better sex').
And I was aware of the ace "Sex is good but have you tried x" for the longest time but it was only when my best friend discovered her own (sex-repulsed) ace identity and explained to me, after her own research, that not all aces are sex-repulsed, that I actually made the connection for myself.
As a teenager, I masturbated and I was curious about sex in the sense of "everyone says it feels amazing", but I fell in love with my partner because he came up to me to talk to me (I was very socially awkward and didn't know how to start a conversation with a stranger) and we ended up talking for hours and I liked his personality. For a long time I figured that meant I was pansexual, because I didn't really care about a person's body - I had to talk to them and like the person they were, and then I also don't care about gender or sex or anything like that. Then at one point I also realized that this thing where men get a boner from just looking at a beautiful woman happens to women too - where you get horny purely from the sight of a man (or person of a different gender) you find attractive, which is a thing that never happened to me, but culture basically taught me that that only happened to men anyway so I thought that part was normal. I get horny maybe once a month, in my own time, and nothing my partner can do will make me horny at any other time. I like kisses and caresses and all that, they just don't make me horny.
So yeah. I'm asexual. I don't think sex is gross - I can enjoy it, in my own time. But generally I prefer baking muffins.
Baking muffins is pretty rad. 😁
I think that last sentence sums up my experience perfectly
*asexual revelation* people can get horny just by looking at people they're attracted to???? I mean, thanks for solving my confusion and sexuality questioning, but wtf??
Also same thing with my partner here, nothing they do can turn me on, and that can be very frustrating for them, especially when they want to feel wanted like that and I just can't give that to them. I'm just happy to know I'm not the only one with this experience.
I prefer sleeping lmao you summed it up nicely!
"I don't think sex is gross - I can enjoy it, in my own time. But generally I prefer baking muffins."
Reporting you for saying stuff too sexy for RUclips.
😭
I’m a sucker for Ace things. I used to think “I’m to young to think about that” and then “maybe I’m a late bloomer” to maybe “is there something physically wrong?” before I even knew asexually was a REAL thing! So I’m always grateful to see when Aces get attention 😊
My excuse for not having sexual attraction was that I was raised very religious and thought all sexual attraction was lust. I thought I was just blessed with not feeling lust, as I was being taught. As I got a little older I thought I was a late bloomer. But by the time I was more exposed to the secular world and had a better understanding of what that all meant, I realized I was just hella asexual and that the idea of adult fun time and marriage and all that shouldn’t scare anyone. I thought I was going to be stuck in a relationship I hated because that’s what my very conservative father wanted for me. Now as an adult, I am in a loving relationship with a fellow ace person and I couldn’t feel more in love and happy than when we are cuddling on the couch with snacks and our cat. The queer experience is beautiful.
Omg, someone else who thought "I've been blessed to not feel lust".
I know as a bi person I can't entirely relate, but man, I love the thought of being with someone who's like you, because they GET you. Two asexuals in a relationship doing asexual relationship things without any expectation of doing allosexual relationship things sounds like the dream for an asexual.
I'm a secular humanist now, but I had something similar happen in terms of religion growing up. My parents were not very religious, but I went to a church school that served as my primary exposure to organized religion. I internalized all the teachings about lust, and assumed it was normal to experience none of that, which is why it confused me when I heard that most people have trouble controlling those feelings. Over time, I learned it was wrong that people are forced to suppress their feelings of attraction, so I became more sex positive, at least when it came to others. This is probably how I ended up as a sex repulsed yet sex positive asexual. My own feelings should not dictate what others get to do with their lives, which I think is the most important lesson I learned from breaking away from religion.
That's amazing! I, as an aroace, want another aroace to cuddle on the couch with and play dnd.
Omg yes totally! I was raised religious, and it seemed like every other Sunday there was a lesson about chastity. And every time I would get more and more frustrated and uncomfortable, because "I already got it the first time, why are we harping on this subject and grossing everybody out?" When I realized that they were doing this lesson so much was because it actually was something others struggled with, I was caught between "am I somehow more righteous than everyone else?" and "is there something wrong with me that this isn't a problem?" It's weird feeling simultaneously "better" than your peers, and inexplicably "broken" too.
Turns out neither was the case XD allos aren't sinners, and I, an ace, am not broken
I'm so glad you found a partner, the queer experience really is beautiful
I literally love your videos so much. As an ace person I feel seen and heard. Instead of being laughed at I'm being laughed with.
See ya in Denmark, fellow god
To Denmark gods
Samies
If you hate garlic bread you have no sole so go hang with the gingers
Hold the boat folks, I’m just rounding up the last of the cake for us cause we can’t go without essential supplies!
I realized I was ace when I learned staying abstinent is supposed to be hard.
Still can’t believe some people find it challenging
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HARD, WHAT!!!!
I don’t get why people find it so bloody difficult. Can they not go a day without doing that stuff?
I find it really funny. I'm a Catholic, so I've heard all the "sex before marriage bad!!! >:(" talks before, but I'm also sex positive and progressive about all that stuff. So when they tell us to stay abstinent, I'm just like "what the hell, people can do whatever the fuck they want as long as everyone's consenting! why are you so insistent on this! oh. no. I uh. I don't want to have sex before marriage, or sex. or marriage. but other people should be allowed to!"
im here to answer a very important constantly asked question are asexuals planning world domination
yes, yes we are
it will hit any day now prepare for your new overlords 👑 and were starting with denmark 😈😎
My "story" is that I thought romantic and sexual attraction were basically the same, and my romantic attraction would morph into wanting sex with them when I finally was "old enough" and had a willing partner. I thought that was basically how it worked for most people and that the only difference was I cared less about looks than most people. Thankfully, when I finally did have a partner, I started to realize asexuality was a thing and he was accepting of that.
Hey, I’m bisexual & I want to say that I wont stand for anyone’s derogatory comments about asexuals (or aros) being excluded from the queer community. I know my history & I know the long relation of allyship between bi+ folks & aces. Y’all are my buds & you won’t ever know just how comforting your existence is to me.
And as an older demi woman there's a lot of overlap from older millennials. I still claim bi bc straight, gay, bi were my only options back in the day. Bc I'm equal opportunity but I HAVE to know and like the person to have the remotest attraction.
I'm aroace and the fact that there is so much prejudice and hate coming from a community was created to be the opposite and that should know better from experience just makes me sad
We ace and bi folk gotta stand together
This comment warmed my heart, thanks for being such a wonderful being
@@Booyakasha787 hey, you too! I’m definitely not the only person who feels this way, but I’m glad to have been the person to warm your heart today. I hope you find that feeling wherever you go. 💞
We need you for the Denmark alliance
@@irispartlan9678 thank you so much 💜
and same to you, my friend :)
My explanation for before I knew about aroaceness was both “ I’m probably a late bloomer” and “ They’re probably over-exaggerating, no one REALLY feels that way” 😭
1 year late.
This is so fucking trueeeee. Whenever I hear my bf talking about her new boyfriend I just fell like she has an obsessive trouble.
There is no way she can spend 2 hours talking with him, she must be mentally ill
For the"Why you didn't feel attracted before learning about asexuality": For years I fell for my mother's excuse that I "just didn't find the right person yet". And even after I found about asexuals (hello internet my old friend~) she'd still proceed to blabber about what she thought would happen when I'd finally come to her telling that I had a crush or felt butterflies in my stomach.
I'm 30 years old. It's Never™going to happen, mother.
In case you need a mama to tell you that's okay, I'm saying THAT'S OKAY! May whatever healthy, joyful life you want, manifest for you. 🙏❤🏳🌈
As a double demi, for whom the expression is actually how it is, 'm still waiting and it ain't that easy as it sounds.
I was raised in a household where things like Adult Funtime was only for adults, and when I asked about why I was the only kid I knew that didn't kiss a boy, Mum told me it was because I was raised right. I was told "The struggle against Sexual immorality is real" and I'm like, 20 now, and I still haven't felt that struggle. Mum just said I'm lucky.
In a way, she's right about me being lucky.
So, my excuse is "I must be a late bloomer."
As an ace I am very biased, but these are some of my absolute favorite videos. The ace videos are the only reason I know anything about ace culture and experiences, and I very much appreciate everyone of your videos OT.
It always warms my heart knowing there's such a large and positive community surrounding the aromantic and asexual identities. It reminds me that I'm not as alone as I sometimes feel.
As someone who dreams of being an author, I already have one ace character planned for a major role in a series. I want everyone to be included and feel welcomed. I want to help represent every community, every gender, every sexuality the best way I possibly can. I love you all so much. Stay safe everyone and have a wonderful life.
"It was not that he felt any sort of love for Irene Adler. Love to him was only useful as a motive for action, not as a feeling. For him to feel love was an irritation, like sand upon his fine magnifying glass. Once, when asked, Holmes replied, 'I could say, Watson, that I am fully engaged with my work, but the simple truth is, I have never loved."
-Dr. Watson writing about Sherlock Holmes in _A Scandal in Bohemia_ the first Sherlock Holmes story ever written, back in 1891.
Just a little inspiration for you. Good luck! 😊😊
Same, my current story features a genderfluid androsexual aromantic in a QPR with a cis bi guy and another main character is an agender panromantic asexual, though I've been considering making them aromantic too because I'm not great at writing people developing feelings - people who already have those feelings, sure, but developing them? Not so sure... oh well, I'll figure it out.
@@themisfitowl2595 That is so cool. Thank you so much for the inspiration.
@@Mx.Phoenix That is amazing. And I believe in you. Simply just take your time and slowly lean into it when you feel comfortable enough. Good luck.
"Your hand looks heavy...can I hold it for you?" Affective yet cute and it's asexual friendly :3
I feel like I would be petty enough to respond with "It weighs less than a kilogram, I've held a lot heavier things than that".
My rationalization before I found out about asexuality was “waiting for the right person”. After finding out what adult-funtime was, I was both repulsed and baffled at the idea that people would actually _want_ to partake in it for *_fun._* Nothing about it sounded fun to me, if anything it sounded painful and kinda gross. But I thought trusting _someone_ with it was something that happened to everybody at some point or another, so I just accepted it was something that would happen eventually. But only for someone I was comfortable with.
Fortunately I found out about asexuality only a couple years after I found out what sex was and it was a *huge* weight off my shoulders to know that the “right person” didn’t exist and I didn’t have to take part in that grossness at all!
That said, I have recently realized I’m demiromantic. And honestly? Having that kind of domestic affection for someone without the bodily impulse feels really really good 💚
I love being ace 💜
All I can say to this is, same, almost to a "T". I remember making up crushes on people at sleepovers or whenever the topic came up and just panicking because I didn't actually like anyone "that way".
That feeling of being broken, or there was something wrong with me because I didn't feel attracted to anyone was rough. Then finding the amazing community and realizing I'm ace, 💜🖤
I had basically the same experience too. I was really disgusted and uncomfortable with adult fun time until I found some videos explaining all of the different ways to be ace, and it made me feel much better about myself. One of the videos was of a person saying, “Oh, that person is pretty. Wait, is this sexual attraction? Thar bookcase is also pretty but I don’t want to have sex with it.” And that was when I realized.
@@LadyAJ95 I am so sorry. I appear to be one of the few who actually _doesn’t_ relate to the “feeling broken or like something was wrong with me” thing. Whenever it came up in my experience, I was just honest and said that I wasn’t attracted to anyone and that I was “waiting for the right person” (or, when adult-funtime specifically came up, said that I was saving it for someone special). Being demiromantic might have had something to do with it, too; I was never all that social and didn’t know a lot of people all that well - no one really caught my eye (aside from people I wanted to be friends with, and I only wanted to be friends with them). I thought it was normal to try to get to know someone before pursuing a relationship and I also never really paid attention to other people’s love lives. I *was,* in fact, more interested in my studies than I was in dating.
I guess I really was fortunate in finding out about asexuality not long after finding out about sex; I had that weight lifted before I had any time to feel broken. I’m sorry you went through that, but I’m really glad we have this awesome community now 💜🤍♠️
My asexual story was that I hated watching kissing scenes when apparently everyone else was enjoying it, I just physically cringed, was told that would change, then when I was pretty young stumbled on a story that mentioned the term asexual. It was a crude and stereotypical representation about a sentient robot who had a partner but didn't want to do anything beyond cuddle and was grossed out by kissing, which yeah, some people, but it related a bit to me and I thought finally! Something explains how I feel! Then went to school told some friends about it, was asked "do you really not want sex? Are you sure you're not just aromantic?", decided, huh maybe??? And just went with the term aromantic, until I realised, no, I'm not particularly keen on sex or anything like that, and decided to go by aroace. Several years later I'm now in a relationship and questioning wtf romantic love actually is and how the hell is it different from platonic love if you remove the sexual attraction, other than maybe being several times more intense? Send help, I love my partner and are committed to them, but uh, am I in love with them? Or just love them? Ahhhh
For platonic vs romantic love, platonic is just wanting to be friends with someone, & feeling happy just doing things like chatting & hanging out. Romantic love ig is *kind of * like platonic love, except that you want to do “deeper” things like kissing on the lips or having their arm around you to name a few examples. I tried to describe it best as possible, so I hope this helps. 😊
@@superjuliamsaia3941 haha, thanks, I think I'm content with love being friendship plus commitment for now. I think it's fun to take a look at other people's opinions on it. I wonder if there's actually an objective answer out there that takes into account people can be in love and not fucking the brains out of each other.
Personally I also don't get any desire to kiss my partner on the lips, more pecks on the cheek. Nor the arm thing. I will say that I'm normally touch averse, although that changes after I've reached a certain level of comfort with someone, this includes friends. Guess I have physical touch as a love language? What cruel jokes is the world playing hehe.
@@wyvinar3702 You could possibly be demiromantic asexual. According to Wikipedia, "demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which an individual does not experience primary sexual attraction - the type of attraction that is based on immediately observable characteristics such as appearance or smell and is experienced immediately after a first encounter".
Although, I say demiROMANTIC because you mention that you don't want to have sex, but still have attraction to people, for example: your partner. I realize that I don't know your situation, but I hope this helps!!
- a panromantic asexual nonbinary person
PEOPLE LIKE KISSING SCENES?????
@@valerieh.8654 I mean, why else would they be in all these movies??
As a cis male Bi romantic ace it was nice to see a meme saying that we exist. Having been in a few long term relationships and not being believed about my own identity has sucked. Anyway let us all gate keep less and let people express who they are without judgement and/or disbelief. We are all valid. Thank you OT for your open mind and wholesome community.
You. Are. *_Valid!_*
comment for algorithm moment
You. Are. *Valid!* (chain)
THIS
You are valid- all of you out there
My all-time favorite aroace character is Monkey D. Luffy. His asexuality made him immune to an antagonist's superpower of turning enemies to stone if they show sexual/romantic attraction to her. This detail is important to me because it means that Luffy being aroace is not only canon, but unambiguous and explicit.
I stopped by to say that you can identify as two different identity within the spectrum of sexuality. Being gay and ace, being demisexual and Bi, these things don't exclude one another. You can be attracted to people in more then just a sexual way and you can want to be in physical relationships and still be ace. Asexuality isn't just "I have no attraction to people and the thought of kissing makes me want to throw up" it can also be "I enjoy being sexual with my partner at times and yet I am not interested in people in a sexual way."
Ah, yes this is really helpful! If anyone wants to learn more, look up the Split Attraction Model!
Before I realized I was ace, it baffled me that abstinence and celibacy were things people saw as sacrifices. Like, I just thought people had the hanky-panky only when they wanted to have kids, so why was it such a big deal. Took me until college to discover asexuality and realize "OH....."
FOR THE ALGORITHM
But I was on the bi to aroace pipeline "I don't have a preference. Nope not that way. The other way. The other way."
I love it when OT posts, it always makes my day. As part of the ace community who has been rejected by friends family and partners because of it, OT always makes me feel so included and valid
The end post about not having to relate to every asexual experience made me happy, I’ve known that I’m asexual since I was 15 and even now I still sometimes question if I’m “ace enough” or something but that was a great reminder that I am
For me it's the opposite - instead of not being "ace enough", i sometimes think i'm "too ace" and that "this is beyond being asexual, this is just being broken at this point". So Yeah, it was great to hear that post!
All of us wonderful aces are VALID AS HECK and we're doing a great job.
You are valid ♥️
For those who don't know, Alice Oseman (they/she) wrote the book "Loveless", and it's such an amazing story that talks about asexuality. They are amazing ♡
for what I know its specifically about someone romantic or aroace! it's called loveless but its about loving platonically - your friends, family :D it sounds like an amazing book!
@@agispaaa it's fantastic, i couldn't recommend more!
My asexual story is that my body obviously doesn't want a relationship because it seemed so stressful to other people. All the couples that I knew were always arguing and I had a lot of friends, so why date and argue when you can just be friends?
When I got older I adapted the story und used it as an excuse for when people asked me why I didn't date. "A relationship? A boyfriend / girlfriend? But that sounds so stressful! You need to pay attention to them, humour them, feed them, usw.". Sometimes I used sentences like "You need to water them" or "You need to take them on a walk everyday!", when the person didn't get I was joking the first time.
It's actually very fun and to this day my favorite reply to such questions :D
Totally agree
Like...I have 10 projects lined up, how am I supposed to fit someone as needy as a partner in there? I can't split in two (yeah, no mitosis for me unfortunately)
Before I knew asexuality was a thing, I would say, "I'm hetero, just not very good at it." LOL
Amazing
I also thought I was just very bad at being straight!
I think that'd be an incel lol
It is really hard for me as a demisexual/demiromantic person to tell what sexual or romantic attraction even is, so I was utterly shocked to learn that people get aroused looking at strangers? In public? I always thought that was an exaggeration, but apparently not. I learned at one point that I experience alterous attraction, which for me means that I feel an attraction to a person, but cannot always distinguish it as platonic, romantic, or sexual, which helped me to understand why even though I'm not attracted to guys I would be confused with my male friends, thinking maybe I /did/ want to date them.
Alterous attraction’s a thing? I had no idea. It actually might explain a lot about myself. I’ll look into it.
@@Lkat. I may be misremembering, or misspelling, but I hope you find something that helps you understand yourself. Take care and remember that labels are tools, and you don't have to use them if they aren't helping you.
We grew up in a strict christian church (cult) so having sex was frowned upon anyway. It wasn't until I was older and had left that environment that I realized I was different. My mom kept telling me that I would have sexual feelings once I was in a relationship. I eventually found the ace community and found out there was nothing wrong with me and my mom found out she was demi and never knew XD
15:45 Something really similar to that is what I'm doing in my current book as the main internal conflict, actually!
The main character doesn't know what love or attraction is but feel like they *can* and do enjoy his presence enough for it to be similar to how he feels.
When you don't know the social pressure or stigma around love, you don't have to grapple with that. Caring for somebody and wanting them to be happy is enough. Thinking they are more important to you than the world is enough. It's just a matter of convincing themself to try to convey that to him, that it might not be entirely what he expects.
And when the love interest accepts all of that, including that it has to work a little differently, I think it is much more powerful than a typical romance and love story.
They don't fake anything, and they don't try to. How much they care for him, even if it isn't *exactly* the same as he does them, is still enough for him because he just wants them around and to see their value to him, if nothing else.
Anyway! Author rant from a demi-romantic person is now over :)
6:15 I don’t know why but I just started to imagine if you could get LGBTQ+ trading cards.
“I’ll trade you an asexual for a lesbian”
At our local Pridefest this year it was my Ace friend who wanted to go and gave me the courage to go with them. We went to the HIV prevention booth and took part in a state survey of how accessible prevention and treatment materials were. Because my friend was present we were able to point out that there were no options for people who aren’t sexually active on the survey and the booth volunteers were very interested to hear my friend’s perspective to make the survey more inclusive next year. Ace representation is so important and it is wonderful to see more ace inclusion and leadership. ❤🎉
I'm bi and demisexual. Somehow I had zero problems accepting my bisexuality (despite living in russia), but to this day can't fully accept demisexuality. Those videos help, thank you 💜
I know how you feel. When I was a teenager, I felt like I was bisexual (bc I had intense feelings for both men and women), and I used that label for myself until I was in my late 20’s, when I found out demisexual was a thing, and that label fit me So much better. But it was hard to accept, because in a way I know it means I will probably not have a partner for most of my life. I mean I went 10 years between my only two relationships. And I’ve currently been single for almost 4 years now. However, I am so glad that I realize this about myself, bc now I don’t feel pressure to force myself into dating casually, or things like Tinder/online dating bc it made me So uncomfortable.
oh holy hell, I didn't expect someone with the same story as me! like.. the exact same.. anyways! I'm so glad we share similar experiences
I'm panromantic and for the longest time I wanted to say I was pansexual despite being in denial that I had the same romantic attraction to all genders yet a significantly decreased sexual attraction towards some, and then eventually discovering that I'm on the ace spectrum and trying to figure out what the fuck kinda sexuality am I supposed to call myself ._.
4:56 you dont know that. That was literally the only reason i woke up today instead of staying asleep.
I’m leaving a comment to indicate my appreciation for this man’s laugh, humor, and stellar voice acting. Nothing can beat the “Hmph!” he said.
I love it when he looks at a post for a few minutes, obviously confused, and then it hits him… he has such a great shock reaction
As a demisexual enby I feel so uplifted by these videos. I feel understood and accepted for who I am, which has been hard in the past. Thank you for giving people like me a home.
One of my grown kid is a demisexual enby. 🙏❤🏳🌈🏳⚧
As an asexual trans man, that last post hit me in the GOT DANG feels and that is NOT ALLOWED!! I'm just kidding, that whole video was very sweet. Thank you OT for making it and for all the people who post things like that.
Same dude, these kinds of posts are just such a nice reminder that there are people out there who can and will see us for every part of ourselves and be cool with it :)
I'm demisexual and I thought the point of a relationship was to get you to be attracted to someone. Because people always talk about waiting until you're comfortable to take next steps, i thought by comfortable to take a step they meant 'become attracted to the person'.
Wait thats not what it means???
@@happytofu5 No, generally people who feel attraction will pursue a relationship because they feel attraction rather than the other way around. Being “comfortable enough to take the next step” is more about the gradual buildup of trust, familiarity, and connection to one another. Like how you’d probably want to know a new friend for a bit and get to know and like them before you invite them to your home to hang out.
I am in my late 40's and I only recently figured out that there is a term for what I feel. I'm asexual, and possibly aromantic. It feels better having a term for it and finding communities with people who feel similarly. Thank for for sharing these memes.
To the algorithm: I LOVE HOW THIS VIDEO IS SO FAMILY FRIENDLY AND WHOLESOME AND DOESNT DESERVE TO BE DEMONITISED
Hey OT, thanks for helping me find my sexuality, if it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't even know asexuals exist, let alone that I am one. So, thanks OT!
11:52 in the orginal princess and the frog, the princess just throws the frog at the wall and he goes back to normal for some f*ing reason
As an asexual person, I did really think everyone was joking and making up lies about adult fun times! Because there was no way that people really thought about sex. Ever. It took me realizing that I was sex-repulsed to figure it out fully. And that was with in the last decade when I was in college.
When I was in highschool gym, all the girls talked about was:
Who they banged,
Who they want to bang,
How many they banged already,
What they want out of a night with their SO's.
When they asked me, I replied that I just wanted to watch a movie and cuddle. Yeah...
@@YGOphantom I always thought they were lying to sound cooler, which to be fair they may well have been.
Yeah, I thought the idea that people craved adult fun time was absurd. No one needs that.
i'm glad that this topic was asked for and people get to see the representation they need
I agree. Not ace meself, but absolutely love what OT does for representation for all sorts of peoples.
@@henryeye7147 Ikr plus he’s so wholesome, he really cheers you up, I’m always happy when I see his videos and he has taught me so much about the lgbt I’m genuinely in love with this dude (in a non-romantic way) and I kinda see him as a father figure, a way better father than may real one and I obsoletely respect him
As one of the younger members of the lgbtq+ community I want to thank OT. because of his content I had the confidences to come out as aroace and the video have also helped me with knowing that there are more people like me and that I am not some freak of nature.😊
Oh hey that's our comic! Your dubbing over it gave me a good chuckle. Thanks for the shout out! :D
My ace story is really simple: someone I followed on DeviantArt talked about being asexual and after finding out what it meant I felt that the label fits me. I can't remember my exact thought process there, though, since it was years ago lol
I actually mistook aesthetic attraction for crushes for a loooong time.
In school everyone had their crush and was talking about it and I was just like:
oh my holy chocolate cookie that guy has such a pretty face I wanna draw it!!!
Or in extreme cases: I wanna hug you very tightly and be friends with you ( ironically I am a very cuddly person)
For a time I even thought I was attracted to talented people! Nope!
I was just impressed.
So yeah that’s kind of how I realized there was something different, still questioning if im aro too though…
I totally relate to you! I felt the same way growing up. Still do.
I did the same thing a couple years ago. Someone said they liked me and I didn't know how to respond, and I mistook wanting to be friends with them as a crush - no. i recently discovered i'm aro/ace.
@@roar64 yup! I’ve been in that situation and it’s awkward…
@@fridayweekend7775 it is so awkward
Honestly, this comment really helped me understand aesthetic attraction better so thanks for posting it. I'd been wondering if I'm not really ace because I thought this girl at my old high school looked really pretty, but this helped clear that up.
8:00 don't forget the stuffed animal pile, especially Blahaj
Honestly though, the last person I thought about actually kissing, ended up being Ace so we had to break up but we're still friends and most of our convos are her teaching me about Warhammer40K so that meme was strangely exactly what happened to me.
Your videos as a "new" ace person have helped so much. There truly isn't enough ace representation and like talk about asexuality. Thanks ot
Hello fellow Unace Annace
Welcome to the club, let me get you some cake and garlic bread
@@thatoneinsidejoke *chanting intensifies*
i love the amount of us that thought sexual attraction was a joke or fake or smth. for me, it was one big, 'sounds fake but okay.'
then i saw 'asexuality is when you aren't attracted to anyone' and went, 'wait it WASN'T FAKE?!' incredible.
i didn't *consciously* think it, but i did kinda assume it was just exaggerated for drama in films and tv. it was very amusing when i realised i'm ace and that 'wait- you're telling me that is actually how it is?', and then that this reaction is the ace norm lol
@@edenrose4912 I still don't fully believe that the shows aren't exaggerating. Like, considering how exaggeratedly cliche all the high school movies are, it stands to reason it all is.
Personally one of my fav moments while dating my ace lover was when we were listening to my lover's playlist, and it had SO MANY S-XUAL SONGS! I asked 'Why are these songs on your playlist' and my lover responds with- "What I like intense music" It took me a moment to realize they were taking about the fact these songs were rap and pop style and that they weren't taking about the actual lyrics...
I like the lyrics in some songs, but most often, I like a song because of the music. I currently adore Ed Sheeran's "Shivers," because I love the music. Some of the lyrics, not so much, but I can appreciate the sentiment behind the lyrics, and what they mean to others. 🙂
Me, an aroace loving cake by ocean because it's such a jam
Same. I danced to almost all my songs so I rate songs almost purely by dance ability
Instrumental is the way
I used to question my asexuality all of the time because I’m not sex-repulsed and simply don’t have a very strong opinion on it, but sometimes like when I watch these videos, it helps me remember that every asexual’s experience is different, and that just because you’re not on the far side of a spectrum, doesn’t mean that you’re not part of it.
your stance on sex or romance is seperate from your sexuality, that's why 😊
I am not aro or ace, but I am demiromantic and l could not begin to tell you how confusing it was in middle and high school to have everyone around me talking about relationships and falling in love and having sex, while I'm over with my other queer and happily single friends discussing the categories of superheroes.
Jesus christ, same here. My friends have already dated like 3 people each and I'd rather collect keychains, play with my cats and drink coffee
I may not even be on the aroace spectrum, but I think I understand how you feel. Sex & romance are overrated. I just want to have a platonic relationship, spend time together, take care of eachother - not as friends, not as lovers. I'd prefer cuddling over sex, and it's not like I'm immature or a "late bloomer" - I have experienced attraction before, it's great - but there are just so many ways to feel close with someone emotionally, and it is unfair to focus on one of them.
@@senilerodent whose gonna tell him?
As a sex-favorable asexual, I just thought that was the normal experience. But no, most people actually experience sexual attraction
Yeah, same.
The concept of one night stands or the trope of "accidentally" sleeping with the wrong person is something I cannot comprehend. Like, sex is fine I guess but not that big a deal, right? That was me. It's still me. I've created a human child and it's still me.
Same. "we're in a relationship, so we're suppose to have sex, so we have sex". Not even questionning my consent or desires...
I always though it was a joke or a choice to feel attraction. Apparently they really do want to rub genitals with each other.
Can confirm, I'm an "I thought everyone was just joking and making it up in stories to be dramatic" ace in terms of sexual attractions existence
Tbh that's still how I react, it sure is funny sometimes.
Nobody wants to write ace protagonists… so can I just not pay taxes then? “No taxation without representation”
OT is part of the reason I discovered I'm asexual! Before I sub to him, I was just an ally but then I watched his ace vids and I found them oddly relatable. Then I had the 'oh, I'm the queer cousin' moment. I have been asexual for a year now thanks to OT. Thank you for spreading awareness!!
Just going to casually steal "the queer cousin". Don't mind me.
@OdinsSage thank you I'm honoured. I honestly should have realised it sooner. cake, dragons and garlic bread are all favs of mine since I was a kid XD
Same here! The first time I watched OT cover the Ace related subreddits was when I started to question if I was Ace myself. It feels so good to start knowing myself after years of stunted growth.
> Before I sub to him, I was just an ally
So you're saying that in this one specific case, the A in LGBTQIA+ *did* stand for an ally.
I feel myself going through the same thing right now
I thought I was broken before I found out about the Ace AND the Aro communities. I straight up wept when I realized that no, I don't have to kiss anyone or let anyone touch me if I don't want to. That I wasn't some inhuman thing because I don't love "in the right ways". Also, I really enjoy when One Topic does these ace videos because he wholeheartedly enjoys the memes in a way a lot of creators don't. When they make videos it feels like their laughing awkwardly and just scooting along instead of trying to enjoy themselves. Thanks One Topic!
I so needed this today, I was at a pride event and a homophobic protester showed up. We were all just having fun and he ruined the mood. So I definitely needed this hint of positivity in my life
I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and I'm glad OT's special brand of wholesomeness was able to cheer you up. He helps me a lot when I'm feeling down, too.
i always had a hard time connecting to the Ace/Aro community because i can't relate to most things discussed on there. I have a craving for (adult fun time) but every time i get to perform (adult fun time) i always get disgusted or extremely uncomfortable, it's like having a craving for something sweet but all the sugary food tastes disgusting. it's incredibly frustrating. but i'm glad i watched your video showing me there are good people who just give off such accepting and compasionate energy like yourself that make me feel less ostracized
Clicked faster than Thomas Sanders could say "Take it easy guys gals and non-binary pals"
hell yeah, Thomas sanders.
@@eyalm867 always. He is one of the best
Eyyy.
Allo authors: MY CHARACTER CAN'T BE ACE BECAUSE I CAN'T RELATE!!!
Ace authors: write some of the best smut ever.
Ace Memes and Aro Memes make me chuckle and I feel happier after seeing them. There are some great things to learn.
I don't know if i am in the ace spectrum or not, i mean, all i want is a friend, or a lover, or a platonic lover, i don't relly care, all i want is someone that cares about me.
2:21
If anyone asks you this question, tell them:
Being asexual isn’t just being sex-repulsed. Being asexual is not finding people sexually attractive, not finding them hot, and/or not being turned on by their bodies. Yes, asexuals can be sex-repulsed, but that’s not all it is and it isn’t the same with everyone.
I really appreciate it when you do ace memes. Reminds me there are people out there either like me or who value me as part of the community. Makes me feel less alone. Kinda gets tiring being 30 and hearing people say practically every cruel and r*pey thing in the book or tell me to go to therapy to get "fixed" as if there's anything wrong with being ace at all. I'm ace. It's just a part of who I am unrelated to any trauma I've gone through. I'm not less queer than anybody else in the community. The community isn't a popularity club or exclusionary club to make someone feel just soooo special despite what certain people seem to think. So, if there are any other aces here regardless of age: you are doing just fine and you are a part of the queer community and I'm happy you're here 💕
I value you as part of the LGBTQIA community. You are valid and accepted by this BTQ person.
I hope anyone who says mean things to you gets lemon juice in their eyes.
I love your ace videos. I’m 38 and only recently realized I’m asexual and not just odd. Everything about my past relationships makes SO much sense now.
It’s fun laughing at these posts but also feeling seen.
The one about 'what did you believe was happening before you knew about asexuality' is something that resonates, because unless you stop to think about it, if you were like me and just figured that there was something wrong with you, that your lack of attraction simply meant that no-one could ever love you because there's something missing, then it's very easy to fall back into that pattern. Objectively, I know that isn't true, that being asexual doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me and that I could, one day, form a deep intimate emotional relationship with someone, but it's hard to shake a mindset that has been there through most of your adolescence.
It's why I like watching these videos, they help remind me that there is a diverse, welcoming community of other aces out there and that I'm not alone or wrong or sick or broken.
I hope you know these videos help remind me how valid I am. Seeing someone who isn’t ace speak so highly of asexuality reminds me that there are good people out there who will respect and love me no matter who they are. You bring me so much joy. Thank you.
When I came across the term asexuality it just stuck, I was lucky and didn't ever have the struggle of identity at the time I was 15 turning 16.
At that point I hadn't even thought about dating even though my classmates were. If I new about the term earlier I don't think much would have changed for me but I know that if it was someone else it would have helped.
Thank you for making videos like this to spread a positive message about caring and respecting others regardless of who they are.
Hay OT, remember when you were talking about there not being enough ace characters in media? Well as an artist i'n trying to change that. Most of my characters are non binary or part of the LGBTQ+ community in some way and i listen to you every morning while drawing them before school so i guess in a way you're helping me achieve relinquishing the lack of lgbtq midia characters by just making your videos. I guess i should be thanking you for being here OT, you're the best and i appreciate you. Also tell Human 1 i appreciate her too because she deserves to feel the love of a fan too.
omg, my adult fun time life is called 'series of unfortunate events', I just can't- 😭😂
I just got a new therapist, and it’s due to videos and representation like this that I was actually finally able to use the word asexual when talking about myself, instead of trying to hide or skirt around that topic like I’ve done in the past out of fear of judgement or rejection. When so many people have told me asexuality is fake, or that I” just need to get laid,” or that it must be a result of unresolved trauma, and on and on, seeing that there is a whole diverse community of Ace folks out there is so affirming and empowering. I have the words now to describe this part of me that I’ve known about myself for a long time, and if my new therapist or anyone else chooses not to believe me, I have a whole community who says I am whole, I am valid, and I am supported. 💜💜💜
Aye!
12:10 I actually asked someone who was planning on becoming a pastor this question and after this entire debate, we agreed that Jesus was more of a personality guy
14:26 My theater director and my choir teacher. Also, my story for being ace is just "meh, don't feel like it. If love comes to me, fine, but I'm not searching for it."
I know it's silly and just memes and everything. But it's always affirming to see my orientation treated the same as others. Thanks and have a great weekend!
I read one a few years ago that went something like “What’s your favourite card in the deck? Because if it’s an ace, look no further!” and I haven't found a more perfect one since.
"Can I buy you a book?" always works on me, and it's not even an Ace specific pickup line!
12:43 Okay, so... Before I realised I was Ace I simply believed in the whole "women aren't supposed to want sex" and since I was born female, that must include me... How the frick I believed this despite having a sister who is openly hypersexual and had a female friend who also talked a lot about her needs and how she had a giant dildo collection because her boyfriend wasn't enough to satisfy her... I have no clue, man... I was in denial? When I first learned about the different sexualities at 14, the definition of Ace I found was basically sex repulsed AroAce with no interest in a romantic or sexual partner - and since I had a girlfriend at the time I immediately dismissed the possibility of being Ace...
Also, before realising I was Demiromantic, I often warned people I was getting romantically involved with, that my feelings "seem to develop more slowly than others' do" and well... Turns out Aesthetich + Sensual attraction isn't the same as romantic or sexual attraction?! Who would have ever thought of such wild things!! (Definitely not me as I was fooled for YEARS)
This is the first video im watching on 2023, it feels like i started the year just right with some good laughs and acceptance. Hopefully i get to watch many more videos from your channel this year
I love how open OT is about seeing stuff like this. im demisexual and i sometimes feel very unwelcome in the community, so its really nice seeng someone so open and comforting about it.
also, i love how OT misunderstood /j as genuine
As an asexual person, I’m always happy to see you cover ace memes. Thank you for doing this sometimes.
What I told myself before realising I was on the ace spectrum was "I'm just really picky" and "I have relationship trauma" which I kinda have but seeing people with horrible horrible relationship trauma getting into relationships anyways made me question that as well
Mine was, "I thought I was too young" or "I thought it was my autism". But no, I do feel attraction, but only for fictional characters, no one irl. I was so confused for years.
I'm an aroace and I can honestly say the closest I've come to any sort of attraction is aesthetic appreciation. I've always known this about myself, even before I found the terminology.
Being aroace made high school really fun though. I was always the quiet girl everyone knew but kept to a corner reading and listening to the gossip (I went to a tech high school so there wasn't as much of a bullying issue there in general). My best friend from high school turned out to be bi-romantic ace, so when she was around we spent most of our time nerding out over Sailor Moon and Mercedes Lackey books.
I don't really find people aesthetically attractive, but when it comes to birds and fish absolutely. They are incredible.