This Episode Broke My Queer Little Heart
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- Опубликовано: 11 фев 2023
- #thelastofus #drelliott drelliott #doctorreacts #psychiatrist #mentalhealth
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This Doctor Reacts video is an emotiona one. I'm watching episode 3 of The Last of Us. This has a wonderful gay/queer storyline which I just loved but also, and rather predictably, broke my heart, but there are also loads of mental health topics to talk about too, including projection, delusions, schizophrenia, psychological defence mechanisms and much more.
Let me know what you think!
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The director for It's A Sin directed this episode. They wanted a gay director to handle this episode. The showrunners are doing everything right with this series.
Peter Hoar is known for The Last of Us (2023), It's a Sin (2021), and The Umbrella Academy (2019).
Honestly, as a straight man, I don't think I would have been able to properly write a believable gay romance. I could get the beats, but would miss the nuance.
@@mcclada I think we (as straight people) could, the problem is that some of us view it as "a gay romance".
It's just a romance.
Replace either Bill or Frank with a woman, make both of them women, make one of them Trans, or a genderfluid/queer, hell make Bill a grizzled old dog and Frank a sassy stray cat and you can still have this same episode happen with the same impact.
I think the focus on it being a "gay romance" misses the point that nothing about this spectacular episodes necessitates it being gay men in order to have the impact that it did.
Fantastic that it was gay men because gay people need representation, especially in post-apocalyptic media, but I think it could be impactful regardless the homosexuality. That's what we should be aiming for in order to reduce inequity. Separate cannot be equal, gay romances should just be romances.
@@thomaswillard6267
I think there’s nuance that might not be there if told by someone who hasn’t experienced that life. There were some good stories written about the black experience in media that were written and directed by white men.
But the stories are told differently from your own experience than when told by someone else. You can take a story outline and mix and match the characters as you wish. Sure. But people aren’t entirely interchangeable. You would have to do a lot of research to get that nuance right. But that may be limited to the stories told by others.
A person who’s a member of a specific community would have to do similar research for the same character development. But part of that research is lived experience. They would have the ability to include details that haven’t been told in media before. Or might be overlooked by someone else. It adds a layer of authenticity that wouldn’t be there otherwise. Especially for the community being represented.
I have to say - as a gay man, this episode feels so damned groundbreaking. This storytelling is so *present*, the camera literally lingering on their affection - it feels almost intrusive sometimes, but also very very real. To see a story like this in an overall program that isn't queer-focused media is absolutely mindblowing.
Also, the other thing I love is that while yes, it was tragic (and I'm just as tired of Sad Gay Stories as the rest of us), unlike so many of those, this story was about queer people with *agency*. They chose their life, they thrived beside one another, and they chose how they would depart the world. Particularly in a setting like this one - where fascists are executing folks and there's a whole mushroom kingdom looking to kill people - seeing someone have a choice in their fate is incredible.
It didn't seem so tragic to me. It was almost triumphant.
Not a gay man myself. But to me it was a beautiful love story between two people. The groundbreaking part in my opinion, is that it's not about them being gay at all, they're just people that just happen to be gay. And to me it didn't seem tragic at all. They got to spend almost 20 years together and get old together, which as far as I'm concerned is a big win for anyone, and like you said, especially in the world they live in.
@@noisycarlos Right. That kind of purposeful life is hard to come by, even in a non-apocalyptic world.
I found their story hit particularly close to home. I love coming of age stories like e.g. heartstopper a lot, but seeing two more burly, grown up men living their life together, growing old together and living past that point of 'just' love but being each other's rock on the shore just feels so real. The little intimate moments, fighting, tears, surprises and not to mention that wink from Bill when we see Frank painting in the wheelchair. It's just a marvelous masterpiece. But it also makes made me so aware of that fear of having someone to lose now. Bill & Frank forever💞🍓🥀
I loved this episode for so many reasons. First it was just a great love story about two individuals that just happened to be men. There wasn't a big deal made about it. I also liked that there weren't a lot of stereotypes, yes Frank did care about how things looked and wanted the boutique but, he wasn't an over the top stereotype. There's a lot of us Bills out here too (not all are conspiracy theorists lol). I can also relate to the time being in my sixties. I really related to Bill a lot. I didn't think this was a tragic sad gay story. Bill even says it clearly with his Boys in the Band reference. That it's not the tragic suicide at the end of the play. They had a wonderful life together. Ironically probably more enjoyable than they could have had during that time if the fungus plague hadn't happened. They would have faced discrimination, would have had to be somewhat closeted or faced dealing with all manner of homophobic abuse. As Bill said, he was old and satisfied, he didn't have a lot of time left before he was too old to manage and definitely he didn't want to do it without Frank. They both went out on their own terms. While I did shed quite a few tears, ultimately I was left feeling like this was a triumph. This is one of the best, possibly THE BEST episode of TV I've ever seen.
It’s sort of real when we signal each other and when we recognize stages of early coming out in others.
i noticed how in the beginning Bill sits the most far awy from Frank as possible but in the end they sit next to each other.
This episode only get sadder each time
the more i watch vids or read comments about this episode, it blows my mind how much thought was put into the details. wow that is absolutely phenomenal and magnificent. i keep realizing new detail aaaa my brain!! my tear ducts!
As a 56 y.o. trans man that has Multiple Sclerosis…I have thought a lot about what my life is going to look like when I get older: will I have access to medical care/equipment? Will I have access to hormones? Hard to know, but in an apocalyptic world the answer is most definitely “No!” One of the beautiful things about this episode (IMO) is the personal autonomy both of these characters have in a world where most don’t.
For me, living with MS is difficult, frustrating, and sometimes painful. One of my biggest fears is that I won’t be granted that personal autonomy of “when to say when” even in this modern world. This episode was achingly beautiful to watch; I felt seen.
I have played the game at least a dozen times, & I can say that this show is the best videogame adaptation ever! It does what any good adaptation should do; be mostly loyal to the original source material, but change just enough so there's something new yet still enjoyable to watch. About 80% of what we see in these 1st 3 episodes is from the 1st few levels of the game, but the remaining 20% is things like expanded backstory & more development for certain characters we didn't originally get.
I’ve been watching loads of these reaction videos, and in one of them, a commentor had something to say that I found rather profound: “Bill was an expert in Survival, but it was Frank who taught him how to Live.”
Thanks very much for your reaction and perspective.
Really shows the difference between survival mode and living.
I saw that comment as well and it really stayed with me watching all these reactions
"Good for them, hope they brushed their teeth..." 😂❤️ Not to make light of it, but I literally snorted laughing. Love hearing your thoughts about this!
The realness of the human 'condition' was one of my favorite things in this episode. From Ellie finding tampons, to her telling Joel he smelled, to Frank telling Bill to shower. Oftentimes, these kinds of dystopian tales don't give you those touches.
That was so funny! Totally unexpected reaction but a perfectly valid point 😂😭
I thought that I would be fine, but even with just clips it's making me cry again. The death scenes that always hit the hardest for me are the ones paired with love and connection.
Yeah, it's paired perfectly. Like rabbit and Beaujolais.
Hence ,Joel's avoidance of love and connection in a world where these can be ripped from you as quickly as they're acquired
Yeah, me too. I was blindsided by this episode. My wife saw the episode before me. She knew I was going to cry. Even seeing these segments again got some onions in my eyes or something. It is an exceptional story. Creators of the show didn't need do this. I am so incredibly glad they did.
Rocking back and forth while wrapped in a blanket is 100% the most appropriate response to watching this episode.
Bill and Frank's love story is one of the most beautiful love stories I've ever seen. Every time I see the clip of Frank explaining to Bill what he wants to do with his last day and watching Bill break down makes me cry so much!
One of my favorite aspects of this episode is how real their love felt. There were good times and difficult times in their relationship. It felt raw and true.
I find the euthanasia debate very interesting. I am from Belgium, and euthanasia is seen as the most normal thing in the world here, and I like that. Euthanasia is a personal choice that should be respected. From my own experience, I can only be glad that the option exists. My grandfather was able to die by euthanasia in a dignified manner, surrounded by family.
Like you said, the problem in Belgium is that recently people with severe psychological problems are getting euthanised. This only happens in very rare cases, but it is a questionable practice. There was a lot of controversy surrounding the case you’ve mentioned.
Here in Ontario Canada, MAID (Medical Assistance In Dying) is being debated for use in psychiatric illnesses. One of the uses would be for dementia. I hope that if I develop dementia as my mother did, MAID would be available to me. It would be a kindness.
The creators of the show have said they didn’t want to specify exactly what Frank had, but likely MS or early stages of ALS.
I have MS and I thought that immediately. I did also think ALS but as far as I'm aware ALS progresses very quickly and is usually fatal, he did also say that there was no cure even before the apocalypse so he obviously knew he had this disease before everything went south
This episode destroyed me as an EMT. Many of my stable transport patients are hospice patients with less than zero quality of life. They're suffering. Their family might even try to reverse or hide DNR orders.
I love that Bill obviously is hurt by Frank's decision. He's not okay with it. But his love for Frank manifests in performing Frank's wishes rather than his own understandably selfish preference to keep his partner around.
Letting your loved ones go at an appropriate time is a monumental expression of love.
And assuming you're not stuck in a zombie apocalypse, professional and informed medically assisted suicide should absolutely be a viable healthcare decision.
Less than zero quality of life. That is no way to live.
Every new day for Frank was on some level worse than the previous one and it would only get worse and worse. He just waned one more good day while he could still have it. It was sadly the worst day for Bill but at least he was able to give Frank everything.
I love that this nuanced and thoughtful discussion of complicated medical/emotional issues is happening in front of an image of LaLa Ri's Bag Look. :)
It’s the ‘left the window open’ line that really got me.
Me too. For me in symbolised compassion but also left me with the image of them lying together in each others arms, undisturbed, forever, rather than drawing any attention to themselves
According to the writers of the show, they wanted to leave Frank's condition intentionally ambiguous. It's a neurodegenerative disorder, something akin to ALS or MS but they haven't chosen any as *the* condition
I shed a few tears in this episode. Also by relating it to personal experiences.
One of the reasons why the line "older means we're still here" is so impactful is the fact that Frank, as a 40-50 year old gay man in 2003, would have lived through the AIDS crisis. Frank has watched his friends and loved ones die en masse twice. The fact that he made it that far and actually got to have control over how he died is a miracle.
I had and lost this kind of love, it's so beautiful when it's happening. Almost golden memories. I relate to those mundane things like just going to the shops or making dinner being the best time in the world.
Me too. ❤
When someone has become your life and you do everything together. Everything becomes a reminder. Sometimes those reminders are sad because they are tied to the loss.
I think there's a real kind of gaydar in recognizing the way we signal each other. Things all the way back to violets, green carnations, the handkerchief code. Modern things like pins, styles, haircuts, even postures. There's a way of Recognizing each other, a way we are telling each other "Hello. Can you hear my heart saying hi?"
I completely mis-read the characters! When the prepper guy let his guard down and started playing the piano, I thought the other guy was going to kill him! But I got so invested in their relationship. The fight over having friends, crying over the strawberries, and the final suicide scene were beautifully done
I totally relate to the "extroverted introvert" personality type.
The gaydar thing is, as you touched upon, non-verbal cues and social conditioning.
I’ve been married to my wife for over 27 years. During that time we have had to face a multitude of health crises. So watching this episode struck home for both of us. Gay or straight if you stay with someone long enough, you will have to face the day when one of you becomes the caretaker of the other. Then sooner or later one of you will have to leave before the other.
I’m normally not a “ sensitive “ type with tragic story’s . However this episode both warmed my heart and broke it at the same time .
I've never played the game that this is based on so I had no idea what was coming and it devastated me. I didn't expect this depth of story-telling in a video-game-TV show. Holy crap. And, apparently, that last shot through the window with the curtains blowing is lifted directly from the game. Frank and Bill are characters I'll hold a soft spot in my heart for for the rest of my life.
This episode brings me to tears each time I revisit it. What I love about it is it is a queer story without it being “a queer love story”. It’s relatable to all of us, queer or not. It’s a human story! And it’s beautiful even more because it is queer, something we don’t see very much in hugely popular media.
Two people who love each other, who have by the grace of Glob been able to live their lives outside of the pandemic, who choose to go together, because they have lived a beautiful life together that a lot of us don’t experience.
It was one of the finest hours of television I have ever seen and it brings me to my knees each time I watch it.
Reminder: In the show, the apocalypse began in 2003 when George W. Bush was President (as we saw in Episode 1), which means gay marriage wasn't legal in the U.S. yet. So, theoretically 1 additional reason why Bill & Frank chose to live on their own instead of the Boston QZ was because they were a gay couple & they might have been discriminated against for that.
In the early stages of coming out - especially in time periods and geographical areas that have been less accepting and it's taught to us before coming out that we are somehow 'evil' or 'sinful' or 'wrong' - we are forced to analyze the motives of others on a different level, at times for our own safety. Within that period of being forced to learn non-verbal cues and see things that aren't being spoken (maybe just for our mental well-being, or perhaps in extreme situations even for our physical well being) - we initially are seeking those that we are safe with, and perhaps those that are safe to come out to. -- I think that could easily be the foundation of what came to be known as 'gaydar' - as others that are the same as us would be the ultimate safety.
People don't talk enough about how significant it is that Bill immediately admits, "There's no girl," to a stranger while he isn't armed. Frank could've been a raging homophobe who would've wanted to harm him for being gay. There were several real world examples of that happening to people at that time. Bush was trying to ban gay marriage then too, so this had to be intentional timing on the show's part. Most of us have had to develop this sense of, "Am I safe with this person? Are there clues that show they're like me?" But Bill is so paranoid that he likely would've ignored any intuition like that he had at the beginning. It shows just how starved for love and lonely both men are when they're open so quickly when doing so could have been incredibly dangerous for both them.
I thought this was a very sweet and heart breaking episode. But Dr Elliott broke this down so wonderfully, it made me appreciate emotional layers I wouldn't have seen before.
This episode made me cry so hard that I was worried my neighbors would come check on me. I'm not exaggerating. People don't talk enough about how significant it is that Bill immediately admits, "There's no girl," to a stranger while he isn't armed. Frank may have gotten a gaydar sense from Bill, but Bill is so paranoid, he likely would've ignored any intuition like that he had. Frank could've been a raging homophobe who would've wanted to harm him for being gay. There were several real world examples of that happening to people at that time. Bush was trying to ban gay marriage then too, so this had to be intentional timing on the show's part. The fact that Frank cries when they first kiss, and Bill is so hesitant at first but reciprocates the kiss quickly despite how paranoid he is, shows just how lonely and starved for love both men have been. The showrunners have said Frank had MS and already knew about it. I definitely would've done the same as Bill at the end. Gaydar is definitely a thing. I seem to have it really well, but no one has it with me unless I donate my hair, making me more masc. Granted, society tends to see people who use wheelchairs like me as completely non-sexual, so it's unsurprising. If Nick Offerman doesn't win awards for his performance in this, I'm going to be mad.
My dog (who’s also my ESA) kept checking in on me and I kept having to reassure him I was okay. We watched some silly videos after and went to bed, but I could tell he wasn’t completely convinced at first. I only fell asleep after he did. 💜
@starparodier My service dog was the same before he passed away two years ago. Service dogs always get so attuned and attached to us. The first time I genuinely freaked out watching a movie (it wasn't even a horror movie), he refused to get his head off my lap because he knew I was NOT okay. (Don't watch Berlin Syndrome- though it would be interesting to see this channel break it down for the mental health issues in it). Emmett, my service dog, would've been so worried about me just like yours was, had he still been alive.
@@mandipandi303 I’m so sorry about the loss of your service dog. I’d already moved out when one of our family dogs I basically raised passed in March of 2022, and after I moved back in with my parents to help them with the animals our other family dog also passed not long after. I’ve had my “first” dog since 2018 and he’s so sweet. I read more of your original comment and while I don’t use a wheelchair, many of my friends do. I have very mild cerebral palsy and loads of other medical things, and my boy Gus is always willing to help me and everyone he can. My gaydar is also pretty accurate, haha! You seem like a wonderful person and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! 😊💜
To add to your point, it's worth noting that the pandemic in TLOU probably occurred before gay marriage was legalized, so Bill admitting he was queer, even indirectly, is even more poignant. Also makes them getting married at the end of the episode hit so much harder, as it literally wouldn't have been possible if the world hadn't ended.
@@starparodier91 I'm so sorry. Losing animals is so hard. If only they lived as long as we did. I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy (turned out I was misdiagnosed and actually have a genetic degenerative neuromuscular disease). I also have epilepsy and a bunch of other health issues, so I know what it's like to have to deal with multiple health problems. It's not fun. I'm glad you have a support system around you in your family. I hope you have a great day/night and that you're doing well.
17:16 If I understand it correctly, assisted suicided nowadays is prosecuted 'on a case by case basis' by the CPS, but actually rarely does.
In the U.S., it's called Death with Dignity, but not all states have it. A friend of mine was diagnosed with a type of angiosarcoma that had spread to her spine and later to her brain, rendering her unable to use one side of her body and causing seizures. She lived in Oregon which is one of the states that does have it, so she was able to make use of it, passing at home on March 28, 2022.
As for us, her family and friends, because we knew that her time was running short, we could tell her that we loved her and that we would miss her. We sent messages and recorded videos, and yeah, we're grieving, but we didn't want her to force herself to try and stay alive when she was in so much pain.
I've also done contact tracing for the past two years, and some folks will look up their recent transactions on their bank account and tell you exactly which stores they went to and when. Others will 'magically' forget which grocery store they went to yesterday and who they went with.
I don't know what's more tragic: The story of Bill & Frank...or Lala Ri's BAG DRESS in the background, Dr. Elliot!!?? 🤣🤣
I'm sure there was some sort of unconscious attempt at undoing the psychic pain of this episode with the sheer joy of the bag dress because I live for that dress
Ahhh it's HERE! I'm so excited for this, I love this episode so very much I think it's absolutely beautiful.
As to your question, I'm queer but I'm also autistic, so I have difficulty with things like flirting but after watching this episode a few times I could see plenty of signs Bill gave that he was lonely, that he was more sensitive that he appeared, that he wasn't this big toxicly macho manly man, and that he gave little signs of almost like... preening behaviour? Idk if that's the right word but like the little hair flip, the fancy wine pour, ect. Frank was very observant, and being more forward he noticed these things and kept testing the waters, probing him with little questions and comments, like the wine pairing quip and the "no you do seem like the type" and the "who's the girl". Idk that it's specifically gaydar but just a general observation of behaviour we all do (except in the moment I'm absolutely oblivious to it LMAO)
That ws one thing i was really wonderig about.
As a non queer person, the first kiss was almost a real surprise for me. Did no see that one comming.
When i saw Bill do all his "manly" things with weapons and tools i didnt think much of it. But when he made that food and poured the wine, i waslost. I didnt know what it was and just thought "wow he is must have worked in a fancy restaurant" or something.
And then the kiss happend and i just went "ahhhhh ok", i suspect he is gay.
tlou is such a beautiful, heartbreaking game/show, i think you'll like future episodes
Still my favourite episode of the series so far. I shed a tear or three of my preciouss manly-man, straight-man tears.
Your diatribe as "an extroverted introvert" certainly struck a chord with me :) I hate small talk.
That was a rather wonderful breakdown/reaction video, Doc. Cheers to you.
I haven't cried that much watching a TV show or movie in a while but this episode broke me.
Even watching clips of this episode has me crying. I honestly can’t understand how people can be bigoted towards lgbtq love. I’m straight and I can see the beauty in any romantic relationship. Amazing episode. Far more elevated then the characters depicted in the game.
Rewatching this got me choked up all over again.
I want to appreciate how much I adore this channel 🥰 I love shows and psychology. But these days due to law school I don't have the patience or time to watch 10+ hours of series. You combining the two and sharing your wisdom is so helpful. You and cinema therapy are one of the reasons why I'm still sane 💓
'Oh good for them. I hope they brush their teeth.' Had be rolling!
I've been waiting for this one. Loved it, thank you for sharing.
I dont know if gaydar itself is a real thing, but I do have a knack for figuring out peoples sexuality just based on context clues.
Like, my newest best friend never talked about dating. Full stop. So eventually I was like "ace, eh?" And he was like "you got it." And then sent me the *one of us* gif.
But i mean... it isnt a gaydar. It is just... paying attention to people you care about.
I think in general, a lot of closeted people wouldn't talk about dating or attraction bc that would mean they would need to lie.
@@TobiNano oh for sure. But i am out and proud, so most people feel safe to come out to me anyway. Because they know i wont out them around others. Im a big advocate for people to be their true selves, etc. And this friend totally would have said something about dating if it was a thing for him. Im also ace spec, but i am romantic (and married), and he is fully asexual aromantic. So for this one. I just knew he was ace.
And it honestly makes our friendship even better because hes also my boss part of the year, and knowing he is also LGBTQIA+ really helped me feel super safe with him as my boss (i am trans in a southern us state and have ptsd) and strengthened our friendship even more :)
Ooh I like your theory about gaydar being the ability to recognise outward signed shared experiences. Especially as I feel like it also explains how neurodivergent people always seem to find each other (I know being ND means you may communicate similarly etc but I've seen the same conditions manifest very differently in different people so this isn't always the case).
"Dunno what to say" was wonderfully said. What an episode.
I don't cry often with tv shows but this episode had me balling. So beautifully done.
In the official HBO The Last of Us podcast (it's on youtube) the show-runners of the show talked about the story, and the care they took to make it right: neither of them is queer, so they got a gay screenwriter and a gay director for the episode, and gay actors to portray Bill and Frank. The Frank guy hat to be replaced and they went with Nick Offerman (who is not gay, but a long time ally, and was often type-casted into macho men before) instead. Nonetheless, they took care to represent a gay romance, and a middle-aged gay romance, properly.
I was scared watching this epsiode because i heard a queer couple died in the apocalypse. Last time i saw a queer couple in a zombie apocalypse was in TWD and one of them just died so quickly. Im so glad this episode was a very different way of a queer couple dying, they get to live their whole damn life together, and then die together. This episode was absolutely beautiful and I was sobbing like halfway or 2/3rds of the way through. I really appreciate that we were able to get queer characters with agency over their fates
This broke my heart. My husband and I are both Bisexual, our kid is trans, and my brother-in-law is both demiromantic and asexual, so almost my entire family with the exception of my mother are LGBTQ+. This made me feel so much pain for our community and yet a joy seeing such a poignant love story played completely identical to any other love story that has come before. Nick Offerman is married to Megan Mullally, one of the most amazing Bi icons in entertainment, so he's such a great pick to play a character like this because he knows what it means to everyone in our community to see the real LOVE we have for each other, the emotional connections we feel for our partners, far beyond sexual attraction. He's a Mensch and an excellent ally.
Interesting that you reference It’s a Sin, since Peter Hoar was the director both for that series and for this episode.
As a queer guy, it wasn't the dinner table scene, it wasn't the piano scene, Frank actually pretty much took control while he still had a gun pointed at him: after saying he's bad at lying he puts his hands down and just sort of smiles at Bill. The resulting interaction was inevitable.
Absolutely wonderful analysis and reaction.
Very seldom do we see a story that mirrors our own experiences so accurately, it's a little frightening. I'm a 63 y.o. gay man, whose 73 y.o. husband is my caregiver. He's seen me through both a near-fatal reaction to a prescription drug, as well as 2nd stage prostate cancer. We've been together for nearly 30 years, and not even BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN hit us the same way this episode did. This might be THE best story of a relationship, queer or otherwise, that I've ever seen depicted. I feel lucky to have been around to see it.
Did you notice the rainbows on the baby's blanket? Foreshadowing the gay romance to come. Heartbreaking and powerful imagery
Here in Canada we have MAID (Medical Assistance In Dying). The requirements to access it are quite stringent. Prior to that, all that was available was palliative care, where a doctor will stop focusing on extending a patient's life, and turn instead to making them comfortable for however long they have left. That was the route my mom chose when she had ALS back in 2001. He put her on a morphine drip to make her comfortable, and nothing else. However, before she told the doctor, she got approval from my two sisters and I, communicating with a letterboard, as she was non-verbal by then.
Two days ago was the 20th anniversary of her passing.
Then, six years ago my dad chose the same course when his fight with cancer became too much to bear. He didn't qualify for MAID because the protocols required 10 days of mental coherence, and his mental acuity was intermittent. But they did allow palliative care, where they put him to sleep and cut off fluids and nutrition. They both went within 36 hours of making their decisions.
I totally believe gaydar! I'm a 58 yr old lesbian in the Boston area & my gaydar is strong. I am 99% correct most of the time and the other 1% is a person who is curious, queer on some level or bi. I am very intuative but am always watching people's body language, movements, the way they speak & how. I pay attention.
In terms of the efficacy of Gaydar, not only is there so much anecdotal evidence from people who claim to be able to spot who is and isn't queer, but Stanford was able to create an AI that could take a picture of someone and determine with 80% accuracy if they were gay or straight, and when you added more pictures of the same individual the accuracy went above 90%. It's actually a scary concept.
In Massachusetts, gay marriage was first legalized in May 2014... a few months after Outbreak Day in this timeline.
man.
This Last Episode of The Last of Us was so emotional, so beautiful and so powerful! And so supportive of love through the lens of equity. However! Can I just say... I am living for the cameo that Miss Lala Ri and her paperbag hot glue messy dress has in this video!!! 😆
This is my second time watching this. The first time, I cried like crazy. This time, your trepidition of what tradegy is going to happen made me laugh; "It's another Colin from It's a Sin."
FYI: The quote "This isn't the tragic suicide at the end of the play." is a quote from the gay play "Boys in the Band." It's a good play (there is a movie version of it).
Great episode and great commentary. Such a powerful story. Also LaLa Ri bag look :)
I cried while watching it and I cried again now. well thanks for that ugh
In NZ euthanasia became legal a year or so ago. Me and my grandma had been caring for my grandad for the past year, on Christmas day he asked mum if she would start the process of "assisted dying". I was there when he died. He was like a father to me. I would've cared for him until the natural end. Even though it made sense in his circumstance (terminal cancer, loss of mobility and independence) it destroyed me, as did this episode (being a queer myself) 💔
Legal in Canada. Done by doctor. It's called M.A.I.D. - Medical Assistance In Death. Legislation passed in 2016, law came into force March 2021.
As to your opening question. Yes, I think gaydar is a real thing. I suspect it's a matter of catching very tiny clues, perhaps hidden "tells" from the eyes, hands, movement, clothing, speech. As a group which has for centuries had to exist "underground," these little hints, intentional or not, are a way of communicating "I am here."
Episode 3 of this television show is one of the finest movies ever made.
An amazing, beautiful episode
I have had a tendency to set off men's gaydars as a false alarm. When I asked a friend, he told me that nerdy straight guys can sometimes confuse him because we can seem gay to him.
No guns at the table, plural, you are allowed one.
Just rewatched the show for fun and this episode hit even harder than the first time. l had to put down my 15yo cat who's been my companion since she was 10 months and that last dinner scene put me right back at the room with the vet.. Jesus fucking christ, it hit so hard, l was just bawling my eyes out...
I think gaydar is a real thing in the sense that we're taught to think in boxes and make assumptions about situations for our own benefit (be they social or survival focussed, recognising a threat is important) I think "gaydar" is an adaptation of this. just as we've come to recognise certain inflections and body posture as aggresive we've now also began to pick up on things that might indicate an individuals MOST LIKELY sexual preference.
another example of this is "clocking" someone as trans or cis.
That bag ball is iconic tho
Love this episode and this show! You’re in for another doozy in a couple episodes though.
I think gaydar is a real thing yeah. As for how I think it works: the human mind is wired to pick up clues about the person we're interacting with, and the majority happens without our cognitive awareness. Logically, I think, because these are skills that we needed to develop long before self-consciousness and cognitive thought even came along. Animals also need to be able to sense as quickly as possible whether another animal is a threat or a friend or even food. They communicate so much without ever uttering a word, so I'm often in awe of how much people struggle to believe how much communication and transmission of information happens non-verbally.
I think gaydar works by sort of piecing it together from loads of contextual clues and nonverbal cues that we don't even notice consciously at all. Maybe it's the way someone isn't laughing quite as genuinely as a sex joke a friend made that's straight in nature. Maybe they give off a sense of having quite an isolated lived experience as a minority. Maybe we pick up that they respond differently to people of the same gender than we're used to from straight people. None of those things would be enough for the mind to come to the conclusion that someone might be gay, but add enough of those clues together and it might become a decent assumption. Just like a frown doesn't tell you what emotion someone is feeling, but it might if it's put together with other parts of the facial expression.
But just like with reading facial expressions, gaydar isn't perfect ;)
I have a similar thing but for autism and ADHD (which I both have), but quite honestly I think those two are cheating a bit. Because those have quite clear diagnostic criteria that become evident quite easily from social interaction (especially autism). But partly, it's also just that we recognize that their brain works the same weird way ours does. However, much of that is way more evident than someone sexual orientation and I still believe gaydar is a thing!
Edit to add: I've in the meantime arrived at the part where you share your own thoughts on whether gaydar is a thing and it's eerie how many of the same things you said 😅 And since you're actually a learned man when it comes to psychology (I'm not, I'm just very interested in it), I'm going to take that as a compliment ;)
Another edit: oh my goodness, euthanasia is illegal in the UK?! I'm shocked 😅 It's legal here in the Netherlands, it's just very hard to get, which makes sense, because we don't want to make mistakes. Although I'd argue that it should be at least a *bit* easier because there's still a lot of people turning to su*cide who aren't old but are still suffering to a point where I'd consider euthanasia humane. From what I've understood (it was done to a high school friend's mother who had inoperable brain tumors and wanted to be euthanized before she'd forget the names of her children and her husband) it works practically the same as with pets. There's two shots that matter, one is to medically induce a coma and the other is to paralyze the striated muscle tissue, leading to respiratory arrest, afterwards leading to cardiac arrest. Usually there's a lidocaine shot before the coma inductor because that one can sometimes be experienced as painful. Hope that helps!
I never noticed, but you have beautiful eyes! Very expressive too! Haha
I’m still crying for this episode… I’ve played the game millions of times and I’m loving the serie! It’s one of the best adaptations I’ve ever watched, I think the game is about how to survive the apocalypse, this is about why.
P.s. as soon as frank appeared sick I was sure it was multiple sclerosis, I have it and my mom had it, euthanasia isn’t legal in Italy and when she felt she was done we were lucky enough to be able to realize her wishes legally and I saw her in frank asking bill to help him die
I love your anaIyses! I was wondering if you ever considered reacting to AMC's Interview with the Vampire? Because:
1) It's really really good television;
2) With a very well-crafted queer relationship;
3) The narrative structure really pulls you in;
4) Their relationship dynamic is *something else* (don't want to give too much away).
The psychology of this show is fascinating and I'd really love to hear your take on it.
Question One: I think Gaydar is ABSOLUTELY a real thing, but it's much much simpler than people think it is. Queer people search eachother to see if we're looking at a fellow queer person, and if we see them SEARCHING BACK, then we recognize it, and our brain goes "ding!". I think it's like 95% unconscious, but it's just… like… looking in someone's eyes to find out if they're looking into your eyes to find out the same thing, you know?
Aw I got teary eyed about it all over again just from the little clips shown here. ;____;
I'm not sure how the gaydar works, it's like a vibe, sometimes behaviors, sometimes tone of voice, sometimes even what their interests are. idk, I thought I was a very normal straight, but when I realized and came out as bi/pan, at least half of my friends knew already, and some of them weren't even gay themselves. My own gaydar didn't really get honed until after I realized I wasn't straight lol
I just found your channel today and I am loving your commentary on The Last of Us. I will probably go through your past videos to see what else you've discussed, but if you are interested in any recommendations, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the characters in The Legend of Vox Machina (Prime video).
If gaydar is a real thing, mine is definitely BROKEN. 😭
I've seen a gazillion reactions to this video. No one has ever remarked about "this isn't the tragic suicide at the end of the play" which is a reference to Romeo and Juliet. Also, there's a funny callback in Episode 4 when Ellie notices a gay porn mag with sticky pages because, yes, it's Bill's truck.
Apparently, the porn mag thing was in the game, so it's not a surprise to those that played the game. I didn't play it, but I do watch a lot of "making of" videos, in particular, The Last of Us, where they showed the clip of Ellie looking at the magazine.
I guess as a queer story it hits a lot harder because sometimes you think maybe you’ll never get to have a beautiful long life with someone you love, so it’s more horrifying to see someone have it and lose it in this heartbreaking way, even though neither had to live through the loss.
I keep thinking that Bill is not gay, in the way we think of it. Or at the very least being gay is not a factor in this scenario. I keep thinking that it's basic human interaction that is the point of the story. But then again I like burned toast, so what do I know.
I have always appreciated your content for being educational but I want to thank you for also leaving time in the videos to say nothing. Staying present is hard and I appreciate support. ❤
😭😭😭😭 im not crying, you're crying. I had to go answer the door to a stranger halfway through this video and had to attempt to compose myself. Im honestly glad i didnt watch the full episode because even these short clips i am full on crying. I'm whats known in the biz (from a psychologist student who was doing an experiment at my old uni) as a supercrier. Your videos get me too much 🤣 im literally worse since having a child and she is 20 months now. Howwww. Do some hormones/pathways just change permanently when you have a baby 🙃
gaydar is real!! queer people recognise each other as we are always queer signalling, letting the world know our queerness through small actions or what we wear.
to add to the assisted dying debate, in Canada we now have the MAID (Medical Assistance In Dying) and I think it's a balanced fair act. They have delayed making a decision about people with "only" mental health problems to further examine the ethics about that. I can recommend an amazing book that doesn't talk about policy or ethics but the humanity of assisted death. It's called This Is Assisted Dying, by Dr. Stefanie Green.
NOT LALARI ON THE BACKGROUND LMAOOOOOOO
I think gaydar is real based on things like how gay men are expected to act socioculturally. Also seeing two men kiss is probably a sign they’re gay…
I come from a country where assisted suicide has been a thing for my whole life. It's hard for me to imagine being denied the autonomy to end my own suffering. Our assisted suicide organisation only provides services to people with incurable illnesses and after a meeting with a counselor. The person has to take the meds/trigger the IV themselves, the organisation provides the drugs/puts in the IV.
Also, suicidal people in the more standard sense do not choose to go through those organisation, because it is so slow. My godfather, who has several chronic illnesses, would qualify for assisted suicide. He has also been struggling with an (as of yet unexplained) psychiatric disorder that causes extremely sudden onset suicidal ideation and attempts. Something snaps and he will jump off a balcony if he can in the next 30 seconds. Thing is, he doesn't want to die. When he gets back to reason, he's horrified. He's desperately trying anything he can with a psychiatrist team to stop it. All that to say, he would absolutely never think of assisted suicide, because it's a long process that is typically done together with family, not a sudden decision.
If gaydar is real, mine doesn't work lol. I've gotten it wrong so many times that I don't even try to guess anymore.
My gaydar gets tangled with my wishful thinking. I'm a mess.
Journey BEFORE destination!!!
IIRC there's a study that shows an increase in probability of homosexuality for male children that are the third or more male child born from the same woman. If that's the case then the parent child relationships of later kids is another way in which homosexual men would learn atypical social patterns that "gaydar" could detect. I do think however, the largest contribution is the influence of gay peers in creating various trends and norms. The intentional adoption of effeminite voice patterns, walking, gestures, etc. is exclusively a result of cultural norms.
I think gaydar is kind of a thing, but its if someone has been hiding it for years themselves then they can tell the signs of hiding it better than someone who hasnt had to. And then also cultural differences because there is definitely a difference in straight culture and gay culture (and other lgbtq culture). I think there is but also its not as simple as "i know they are gay because i just sensed it", its a lot of subconscious things i reckon.
NO! I had forgotten about Colin. Why have you conjured that memory? 😭
Love this episode.
For the states in the U.S. that have legalized euthanasia you must have a terminal illness. The medicine (Seconal ($500) or another drug I forgot the name of that costs 4x more ($2,000+) - and for some reason the pharmacies are always out of the cheaper one 🙄) must be self administered which is a gamble because if you become incompacitated for any reason no one else can give it to you.
I think it is a very humane thing to do. People should be able to die with dignity rather than suffer immeasurable pain and discomfort until their body gives out. Putting yourself and your family through that trauma as well as the insane medical cost (in the U.S.) is just salt in the wound.
I feel bad for religous people who think they will go to hell for 'suicide' for taking the option. Do they really think their god wants them to suffer? They are dying, it's just adjusting the timeline.
For me I pick up certain energy even if it's not obvious and majority time I'm right so gaydar I think is real.