Agree. It's always interesting to revisit your intentions before pregnancy, before birth and if you have additional children. I'm definitely not the mum now with 3 kids, that I was 10 years ago when I had my first baby.
Honestly though. My child is almost 3 and some of “the parent I thought I was going to be” has gone out the window to pave way for “the parent I actually am.”
@@cassidybrewer hahah so true I was like my kids will always eat healthy and won't play computer games for more than a hour a week hahha now it's who wants McDonald's again and omg the Xbox is so hot you have been playing Minecraft for 5hours maybe have a break lol
About forcing your child to do stuff. I'm autistic, so obviously I never wanted to try new stuff, so my parent's unofficial rule became that can't say I don't like stuff, until I've tried it. And if I still hated it afterwards, they'd never bother me with again. Knowing that, I felt save to try, but also back out, if I had to. Encouraging ≠ forcing ♥️
I agree!! I also think that sports are fundamental, so maybe it would be good for the child to try different things, it they don't like it is ok, but at least they are trying and getting some exercise at the same time :)
Thank you for saying this. This is the attitude we're taking with our daughter, who is on the spectrum, and I know parenting isn't a "one size fits all" situation, but it helps to hear this from someone who has personally experienced this in a positive way!
i was also raised like this - i have many memories of getting worked up on stuff, my mother just asking me to give it a go, and it actually turning out fine. and, on the rare occasions where i did hate it, i never felt any pressure to continue, as i knew i could quit at any time and she wouldn't judge me. so, it definitely gets my approval also!!
I am childfree, but I guess the only sport I would force my child into would be swimming lessons. Like it is so important skill if they ever get too deep at the beach of fall in a pond or something. They would not need to, you know, continue to go beyond being sufficiently skilled not to drown but I think I would insist on swimming lessons.
This!! I'm Dutch so everyone I know knows how to swim Personally I started as a baby and my parents made me get my A and B certificates (after that you got C and maybe some extras idk) and we if we wanted after that we could continue or stop and do another sport And I will absolutely do the same with my future kids Swimming lessons are so incredibly important
My mom grew up scared of the water, so her logic was.... none of my kids will ever learn how to swim lol I'm old now, I doubt someone like me can learn, but my son is taking swimming classes
Why can I picture Claudia teaching the baby dental anatomy from birth? "These are the molars! Yes they are! And underneath they have some roots! Just like trees, darling."
"Why don't they teach us that at school?" EXACTLY! Schools need to teach pupils life skills like this, not everybody has the kind of parents they can rely on for that. In fact, not everybody has parents, full stop.
@@blossompetal784 Also, nobody is blaming the teachers, they just follow the curriculum after all. Instead a big change in the educational curriculum is well overdue! I think there should be more focus on teaching finances, but also things like critical thinking, basics of sociology, and funnily enough - gardening/nature class :) In England nowadays the bar for passing core subjects on GCSE level just keeps getting higher and higher, with children studying e.g. science content which was A-level stuff only a couple years ago! It's likely that if you ask anyone who's worked in a school for a while they would tell you that it's happening too fast and students are stressed out and struggling. I just don't think that's necessary at all 🤔
With the girl I used to nanny the mum told me to say the TV was "tired" or "asleep" when she couldn't have more screen time and she'd tell it goodnight 😂
Our parents raised us three pretty gender neutral as in there was never really a label put on hobbies or things either and honestly I think that was the best thing they did. I turned out to be non-binary but my two older siblings are cis and the only thing they took from our upbringing was just doing stuff without being afraid that it's "unmanly" or "not feminine enough" before doing it. We never heard "Oh you are a girl you shouldn't do that" and other such ridiculous stuff. They always just tried to let us explore things in an age appropriate manner and encouraged us a lot. It's nice not to feel like you aren't allowed to do something just because of something like your sex that you have no control over at all. It wasn't nice when I was tossed into a society that often still thinks within these boundaries but my upbringing also gave me the strength to not give a fuck about what other people think and swim against the stream.
You talk about your siblings feeling comfortable doing things that people who choose to reinforce the gender binary would describe "manly" or "feminine", but how about you? What drew you the gender neutral label -- what activities, clothes, thoughts, or feelings did you feel were incompatible with your assigned-at-birth gender, such that you moved away from that gender and now identify as gender neutral?
When I was little my parents would take me to orchestras, ballets, museums, the zoo, and we would watch replays of Olympic sports then they would kind of wait for me to pipe up and be like ‘that looked so cool!’ Or ‘I want to try that’ and then they nudged me into those areas with a couple of false starts (on gymnastics and art classes) that’s how I ended up finding out that I loved swimming, science and dance! No forcing just lots and lots of exposure to different things and a nudge in the right direction 😀
My parents did similarly! I was always encouraged the “try everything,” but never told to feel a certain way about it. I think that resulted in me being very open minded and comfortable with new experiences-from new foods to new crafts, new sports, etc. It allowed me to enjoy testing everything out without the pressure to “stick to” something, finish a whole bunch of it, etc.
I think there's definitely benefit to that approach, which is what my parents did as well. But in the other hand, I feel that because I was never 'forced' to stick to anything like sports when I was younger, I've developed the habit of starting things and hobbies and dropping them off quickly. That may be down to the personality but I feel like it's something to consider as well.
@@ihavenoideareally Tbf, there's nothing wrong with switching it up when it comes to hobbies and interests, even if you keep doing it all your life. The value in those things doesn't have to be how good you get at them, or feeling like they have to amount to something monetary, the primary goal of hobbies and interests tends to be to have fun, wind down, and just do something that's nice. I don't think they need to come with a bunch of expectations.
Here the nr one pro tip: switch the two push lambs on a daily basis. So both of them are get cuddled and used. Children will notice that it is to new and not cuddled down, if their favorite one goes missing.
So... Not sure why, the idea of swapping out a rotation without telling your child doesn’t sit right with me, but I like the idea of telling your child that you sent the toy to Santa to have it fixed. 😅 Go figure. I guess because I feel like I personally would’ve resented my parents for the first option but not the second one.
As a chronically ill mom myself, I think it's a great idea that you're gonna be flexible on screen time. There are times when I'm having flares and am out of spoons but my husband is still working. Sometimes they watch something educational or something to get them exercising so it's actually a good thing for them too, but even if it's just a fun show, it's still a real lifesaver for me sometimes.
I got so much hate, because my son loved my daughters old dresses and wanted to wear them. He was 3 (oh 1996) and he also had a doll since he was one. I could care less and I asked him why, in his 3 year old way, because they're pretty. He grew out of it and loves to see pictures and laugh. What I always said was "hes happy, loved and well cared for, also why does it bother you, he's not yours" Oh, no he's not gay. For some reason that was everyone fear. Like clothes determines sexual preference 🤦♀️ and as long as my children are happy, doesn't matter
My ex in-laws had similar assumptions because my son was wearing gender neutral untill it was hard to find and didn't have a hair cut untill about the same (±3 years old). And who cares 🤷🏽♀️
Good on you for sticking to your guns, even if you don't think it was that significant it may have been for your son. 1996 was a much less accepting time. I'm female, I also grew up in the 90's, and my mother really wanted me to be a princess type of girly girl and was constantly dressing me up as one, decorating my bedroom as if I was one etc. It only really served to give me a deep seething hatred for traditional femininity that I still struggle with to this day, and I'm 33. My mother meant well and I've never had to be fearful of her love and affection being taken away, the things she put me through seemed trivial to her because it wasn't all the time, but her only being that excited when I was "her princess" sent a message regardless if she intended it or not, because even if she never pointed out my own preferences as explicitly wrong, she clearly preferred me conforming to a traditional preened and frilly girly-girl gender expression. It genuinely made me think thoughts like "I wish I was a boy", not because that felt true to who I was either. Not to take away anything from people who are transgender, that I questioned my gender had nothing to do with any of that, I didn't "wish I was a boy" because I thought I was meant to be one or had gender dysphoria, it most likely wouldn't have crossed my mind if it wasn't for the expectations of the people around me. I didn't wish I was a boy, it was just that the thought of having to become a socially acceptable version of femininity to live up to the expectations of other people was soul crushing. Reinforcing gendered expectations doesn't really shape a genuine gender identity in kids. It reaffirms the kids who can already conform without giving up who they are(because it's already pretty true to who they are), and makes the kids that are different feel like they can't be themselves. You definitely did something right.
My nephew had amazing, perfect, beautiful, golden, curly blond hair as a toddler, and nobody wanted to cut it short because was so beautiful. He got mistaken for a girl several times until his parents finally cut his hair for the first time. He’s fine, it didn’t scar him for life having long, curly blonde hair for a while, and I didn’t really mind having to answer the entirely predictable awkward questions about it. Sadly his baby blonde hair seems to be darkening as he grows up. I’m not surprised, as his mum has very dark hair herself.
@@marthahawkinson-michau9611 same for my son, being mistaken for a girl and I didn't want to cut his "goldy" locks (dark blonde) that once cut turned to light brown, deep brown up to almost black now. He was not scared either. Between 0 and 5 it's the only time they have before being formated by school and society's expectations.
I definitely can relate. I got so many weird looks and comments from family because my son had a doll when he was 3. He grabbed it when we were going through a toy aisle and he wanted it so badly, so we got it for him. And this was only 3 years ago, so I didn’t think people were going to make such a big deal out of it, but they did.
pink was considered a "more manly" colour because red was thought to be very masculine, whereas blue was representative of mother mary's blue veil. plus many boys wore dresses until they reached church choir age i believe, when they'd start wearing pink to "get them used to a more masculine drive"
My parents raised me very feminine, my mother tried to force me to be just like her. All I was aloud to wear was pink and skirts and honestly it was horrible for me. When my mother abandoned me and my father when I was about four I started branching out due to being homeless and getting my clothes from donations. The most common articles of clothing were black so I started wearing it near exclusively and found even after I got out of that situation I felt comfortable in it. I love the color pink but I just don't like it or many other stereotypically girly things. When I do have contact with my mother, not in over a year now thankfully, she thinks I'm hiding being transgender or that I'm lesbian(I have long hair, wear dresses, and look very feminine besides my clothing color choice, I am lesbian but she is wrong about this) so I "want to look like a man to attract other women." I love how you guys seem to understand that children need to learn to express who they are and wear what they feel most comfortable in regardless of gender and don't judge them for it. You guys are everything my mother was not and I can't be more happy you guys are going to be parents!
That's one of the varying "parenting philosophies" that children hate, but really, you have to decide whether children really need to know things in the first place while they are still children.
@@jwb52z9 I think they do, children are ultimately learning about the world and it would be your job as a parent to tell them how and why things work the way they do, telling them "because I said so" just creates an unjustified authority that will ultimately make them try and rebel against that authority. If you explain why they can or can't do something it could even lead to more cooperation as the authority you have as a parent is justified as they could be willing to follow your lead more if they understand you only have their best interests in mind. And children are much smarter than people give them credit for tbh, its not REALLY that hard to explain pretty much anything to them in a way that would satisfy their question, like how homophobes think children won't understand gay relationships when really its as simple as "a man can love a man too" and they just catch on
As the parent to an almost 18 year old, don’t beat yourself up when sometime you do end up saying “because I told you so”. Sometimes you are overwhelmed and have given an actual reason why, but said child doesn’t agree, and continues asking why, and you eventually say because I said so. Life happens.
I mean, if it's during the "why" phase, you'd be wasting a whole lot of your time since it's most of the time isn't a genuine inquiry as to why something is lol. "We need to wear our jackets today, it's really cold outside!" "Why?" "Because it's winter." "Why?" I mean, if you want to you can try to explain in a comprehensible way the earth is tilted in a way while it's turning around it's axis orbiting the sun, and how this gives us our seasons, and the reason why the season we call winter happens to be colder where we live. But it doesn't matter if you answer like a patient teacher or if you pull something out of your ass, because you know what the next thing coming out of your toddler's mouth is going to be... "Why?" So yeah, it's winter because I say so. ;P
@@KattReen thats a different situation really, when you think of a "because I said so" situation, it's usually in a way where the parent could be doing something unreasonable or just something that seems unreasonable to the child, in that situation it can often be really beneficial to just tell the child why what you say has to happen, and if you cant, maybe that's a POSSIBLE sign that its not that big of a deal and is more about control. and the "why" phase I would say IS genuine inquiries, its just that children are still learning and are naturally curious, they keep asking why because they want to understand, it can just get annoying to us because sometimes we just don't want to answer question after question or we just don't know the answer. and honestly, if you don't know the answer, it can show a lot of vulnerability that can help strengthen the relationship if you just say you don't know
Do remember that anger is a valid emotion. My father fell into the trap of ignoring my emotional outbursts (a result of dealing with his calm discussions that would last hours with no progress and a bunch of patronizing disrespect....)
About Lamby, make sure your baby is in contact with both of them from the beguining. Don't keep one of them as an spare one because babies are able to tell if a teddy is theirs by the smell and they don't like "imposters".
Parents' first baby is like a general's first battle. The plan will not survive contact with the enemy. Best strategy for both parents and generals is to be adaptable. I just want to say, "Good luck, and don't call me Shirley."
Me and my husband raised our now teenage autistic son gender neutral I guess. He had dolls and "girl toys" and any clothes he liked. He still is allowed anything he likes regardless of how people gender it. Our son wasn't completely different from us, I think it was much harder when we realized he was very much like us including our bad traits like stubbornness and perfectionism.
I'm the person that at the age of 3 started begging my mum to sign me up for dance classes... took me a year lol. But then out of 20 kids in my group, I was one of like five that didn't cry while going up the stairs to the dance class? I'm still dancing now 16 years later in the same studio. I don't think that parents forcing a child to do something is the best choice.
For me it was the fact that my parents did he opposite. It wasn't till recently that I discovered that I like dance an abnormal amount. I've only had 2 "dance" classes in my life: a "ballet" class when I was like 5, and a hip hop class around 10 or 11. It is quite a bit of money though if you go to classes.
It depends on the child. Some children know what they want, like to explore and can figure out what they like spontaneously. Some children cling to their comfort zone and don't know how to try things unless you encourage them. Some kids need freedom of choice, so they can be happy. Otherwise they rebel. Some kids need people to take them out of their comfort zone, so they can grow. Otherwise they become dependant. The same way, some children need to learn how to be less agressive and more respectful, while other kids are naturally more well behaved but need to learn how to speak up and stand up for themselves. Long story short, people have different personalities and different needs.
@@lobaetoile8440 Still forcing a child is never something you should do because it can create resentment. Encouraging a child or as other would say “giving them a little push in the right direction” is better. If you encourage a child to do something like dance you will often find they will want to do it more than the child who was forced.
@@Ethereal_Moonlight I agree. But, for the record, I do wish my parents had forced me to try more things outside of my comfort zone when I was younger. Because, if given a chance, I always ended up doing what I thought was my duty or what I thought was better for other people, and never learned how to do things that I wanted. Some people are scared of what they want or like. I know that sounds messed up, but it's true. Some people don't take risks because they are afraid of making mistakes, even when the risk is worth it and mistakes are human. And the thing is, the more you avoid things that make you uncomfortable or things that are difficult for you, the more your defects remain underdeveloped or paralysing. Kids are different, and they need different things. When I say "force" I don't mean making kids do things while they cry and or while they complain every time that they don't like something... I mean at least making them try things once or twice, before they can say if they like something or not.
For me, I wish my parents were more supportive. I have a few sports I was interested in but my parents were against it all because I WAS BORN A GIRL. I wanted to play basketball, they say that I was going to be too tall. I wanted to learn martial arts they say it was too masculine. If your kids is interested in something just support it. If they are like me and not allowed to do anything, we slowly become lazy.
Claudia just fits being a dentist. As soon as I read that it clicked that would be her perfect job. Anyone who's been her patient in lucky as hell. These 2 are examples of people who SHOULD be having children. They're going to bring up a child with so many good qualities. I'm so excited for them.
@@lauslora6511 you seem to be in every single comment section that praises how they plan to parent their child, specially when they mention things like this...
Ohh interesting! What's your thoughts on swimming lessons in regards to not forcing sports? Growing up my parents never forced us into any extra curriculars, but swimming lessons were considered a different category - almost like school. It was more of a safety thing than a sports thing.
I had swimming lessons, I think all kids should have them, its a life skill that everyone should have, so, for me, swimming lessons were like extra school. Same with learning how to ride a bike.
This is my rule for my boys. We started them in swimming lessons whilst they were still infants and they will have to continue until they graduate from the program, usually around 10yrs old. After which they can choose to do it as a sport or not.
In the Netherlands, everyone gets swimming lessons! Too many canals, sloten, ponds, lakes and sea for kids to fall into when playing. It used to he mandatory in primary school.
Well imagine - we did orienteering, which means half a day in whatever weather happens to be. Between mid-April and mid-October there are all kinds of weather here, we sometimes even got snow on the first of May (not common, but happens occasionally).
@@notavailable5911 lmao right? there's a difference between not lying to children (because they'll find out eventually and that's just a general waste of energy) and getting into full scientific or philosophical explanations that they can't possibly understand depending on how old they are. Sometimes kids just don't need to know all the hows and whys and not telling them things they're too young to understand or handle is actually the more respectful option.
@@iyawakarehen Unless they want to know! If they ask, then go off, tell them how electricity works! I was like four when I started pestering my dad with questions on what enegry is, where we get it from, how it works etc. He followed through with a very detailed explanation of the law of conservation of energy (in child-friendly language of course). I was fascinated and asked him in what subject in school I would eventually learn that. He said physics. And I knew that day that this was gonna be my *thing* . And here I am, more than fifteen years later, studying for my university quantum mechanics exam. The point being, sometimes the kid really does want to know about Newton's laws. And if that's the case, don't hold back just because they're very youg
@@nevernevereverland most places here give you 6 weeks off. Some with pay, but most of the time without. You have to use sick leave or vacation leave that you earn
I was born in 1969 to parents both born in the early 1930s. (I was a late life baby with siblings much older) even though, my parents were very open to letting me as a female have ANY toy no matter “boy or girl” I had babies and Barbie Dolls but I also had loads of dump trucks and race cars and GI Joe dolls. Were GI Joe dolls popular out side the US? I’ll explain what they are if not lol. So I appreciate the fact that you will expose your child to all different facets of play. It expands the imagination and there is nothing better!
Britain had a licensed "copy" of G. I. Joe called "Action Man" in the late 60s. The big dolls started going out of fashion by the late 70s almost universally, so then they made the small ones, but in the UK they stayed under the "Action Force" label, but they were essentially the same action figures.
my nephew loves playing with my old barbies from when i was little, and my mom is always like “you shouldnt let him play with those, youre feminizing him too much” MAAM. its a piece of plastic that looks like people, he doesnt even favor the girl dolls, he likes the boy dolls bc THEY LOOK LIKE HIM. he literally says theyre one of his favorite toys
We schooled my granddaughter in Montessori for her first 4 years and they were wonderful. She is 10 now and talks positively about her experience there. Every time I picked her up she had the biggest smile on her face and couldn’t wait to tell me about her day. Made a Nana’s heart happy 😊❤️
not knowing the gender of my baby was the best decision i made while pregnant. i knew that if i knew it, i would slip up in front of people and they will start buying her the obligatory pink clothes. but not knowing forced everyone to branch out into different colors. it's like people were inherently programed for pink and blue - a lot of them actually said that they were caught not knowing what to get her, because they didn't know if it was a girl or a boy. which is so ... sad and stupid.
That's true, but I do worry about how the baby will be treated as it gets older if its exposure to life is so basic and old fashioned where they are more or less kept from what constitutes the modern world in favor of lessons that, while very appropriate, done to an extreme can create issues with socialization and relation to other people who aren't so structured and restricted.
@Jwb52z hey I completely get this concern, but I don't think it's really possible to raise a child entirely separately from the modern world. My parents are rather old-fashioned and I didn't have a smartphone until I was 14, which is pretty old for most kids my age. We did, and still do, lots of walks gardening and learning about nature and painting and that kind of thing, but that doesn't mean that I missed out on all the other stuff, and it just means that I have the grounding to deal with the rest of life. I'm doing fine!
@@jwb52z9 it sounds like you really care for this baby and love them already too! And you just want what's best for them. I think there are countless concerns when it comes to raising children, and what's best is extremely subjective. I didn't hear them say they weren't gonna expose them to those things, but rather that it wasn't going to be their choice/preference. I also heard them say that these are their intentions, rather than rules. The fact that they speak with so much care and intentionality brings me some relief and reassurance. I can see how much they already love baby. I hope you can feel some relief and acceptance too.
@@h.h.7550 so we have no federally required maternity leave at all, or at least not paid maternity leave. Companies and states have varying laws and policies. Generally though, you tend to see about six weeks of maternity leave, and usually only for the parent who physically gave birth. You also see a lot of people having to use up their sick or vacation days on their maternity leave. Also, even if a company does have maternity leave, the toxic work culture here means that a lot of people go back to work even sooner than the six weeks to look “dedicated” or whatever. Tl;dr it’s awful and practically nonexistent. I still remember the shock when I studied abroad in Austria and learned about the maternity leave laws there (and most of the developed world tbh).
Some US workers get something known as FMLA leave. It's up to 12 weeks off unpaid in a 12 month period for maternity/caregiver/severe medical/military transition (26 weeks for military caregiver leave). "FMLA leave is not available to every employee. FMLA eligibility requires the following criteria: • The employee must have been employed with the company for 12 months • The employee must have worked at least 1,250 hours during the 12 months prior to the start of FMLA leave . The employer is one who employs 50 or more employees within a 75-mile radius of the worksite"
I was shook to hear 6 months! Here in Switzerland is 12 weeks and you only get 80% of your salary - and that is exclusively for the moms, dads don't have free days for the children (at least not nationaly) some companies give 2 days or smth like that UK sounds pretty good regarding that point!
Of all the sports that parents force their child into, swimming lessons are a must, a necessity. Start from a very young age and when they're older (like 13ish) you can ask if they want to still practice the sport. It can save your child's life, so treat it like school.
I'm happy so many of the baby clothes are trousers, I remember a study that found out that babies and little kids tend to explore and play more openly and are more active in trousers rather than in dresses
I always had leggings under my daughter's skirts. She went through a fluffy tutu phase. Her daycare was happy she was started young w that combo. Easier for her to do whatever.
Important about hobbies and sports is: try it out, then you'll know. It is hard to know beforehand if you'll enjoy sth, but you'll certainly know if you don't like it after doing it. Also with team sports it is very important that the feel of the team is right. So sucky coaches/teammates can absolutely make a fun sport not fun.
Agreed. Something I said to my son is try it for a season, and if you really don't like it then we don't do it again. So we are finding what my son really likes and dedicates his time and effort in, and what he's just not into :)
I'm studying sports psychology at the mo, and the research advocates for children and adolescents to play (1) a variety of sports, and (2) play them mostly for fun. Early specialisation, and a higher proportion of deliberate training (rather than play) can lead to burn out, but playing lots of sports encourages transferable skills. Also athletic ability during childhood/adolescence is a poor predictor of athletic expertise later in life - so even if they're great when they're young, that doesn't mean they'll still want to play when they're older.
Catch me literally cheering out loud for joy when Claudia showed her bump update! You two make such natural mums already! Congratulations again!! 🥰🥰❤️❤️
I love that the open communication question called it "talking back", which has the connotation of arguing 😏. My family thought I was nuts because I was okay with my kids asking "Why?" And I would explain my reasoning for why. I would listen to their reasons why they disagreed if there was the possibility I would change my mind, or if I felt there may be an angle I didn't consider. I didn't encourage arguing however. Once my decision was made, all discussion was done.
Why questions are fine until they become nonesensical. Example: Kid: What are you doing? Me: I'm peeling a carot K: Why? Me: Because I'm going to eat it as part of my lunch K: Why? Me: Because I like raw carots K: Why? Me: ... Because my brain deems the nuronal impulses created by eating a carrot to be pleasureable K: Why? Me: ... ... Because of a combination of my genetics and experiences K: Why? Me: That question dose not make sense. K: Why? Me: [Trys not to yell] K: Why? Why? Why?
There is one point to remember though, at times you must be able to give a command like "no" or "stop" or "come here now" without having to explain things when there is an emergency or any danger.
I know Lego is plastic but Lego literally shaped my childhood. Obviously not as a baby though. Also TV in reasonable amounts is probably good and I love talking with my friends 10+ years later about what we used to watch as children and I wouldn't want someone to miss out on all those references.
As someone who missed a lot of the references as a kid (some stuff I wasn’t allowed to watch; some stuff I would have been if we’d had cable; some was from the fact that we never listened to more popular music, just K-Love; I had a little sister so it was normally just PBS and TBN tv and movies meant for kids her age), it sucked and I got picked on and made fun of a lot for it. Being singled out because Mom said “no” to watching a movie about a book we’d just read was unpleasant (it was Hatchet, I was 11, but “it says PG-13 and you’re not 13”, I spent the afternoon with a bunch of fourth graders I didn’t know and watched them have field day outside). I had enough to be made fun of for without being totally unaware of everything around me in popular culture and current events, with undiagnosed autism and being 5’6” at age 11 and incredibly uncoordinated and clumsy because I grew so fast I needed to spend the next five years growing into my nearly-adult size. Later, our options expanded a lot with the advent of Netflix and me joining the school band and listening to the music we were playing to get a better feel for what it was supposed to sound like. Still had to ask “can I watch this?” until I was 17, but as long as it was TV-14 or PG-13 or lower it was usually approved. I get that cable was a money issue, but looking back, I wish they’d taught us about pop culture and current events. About pop culture from decades past and how some parts of older pop culture became classics. So when people were talking about these things at church or school I’d be able to follow along and maybe even contribute to the conversation.
@@brennaweaver3974 Yeah that most have been hard. I think it's a lot easier now to be aware of culture and what is happening in the world. not necessarily a good thing for some people. Something that 2020 changed for me was being more culturally aware and following the news. I have a news magazine subscription and also try to follow things that interest me. There were several big even that happened in my lifetime that I just wasn't aware off, some due to age and some due to just now being aware.
I love how the baby's current pronouns are they/them or...baby. "baby will have an amazing wardrobe and baby will look so vintage...". Idk it's just so cute
rugby is an amazing sport and as someone whose played it since age 7, i’m absolutely so grateful my parents got me into it, because the community i’ve gotten from it is truly priceless
Mine was lamby then she grew up (her soul moved on into another sheep toy) then the soul of her child (Leena) moved into the original toy. Still have her
Motherland was filmed at my primary school! It’s a very classic red brick Victorian school with wrought iron gates and things, and its used in all the school scenes!
My parents always made me finish the season to teach me responsibility in a group. Like, "this team is counting on you. You need to show up" and I appreciate the lesson.
I would love to see a baby clothing haul!! 😄😄 One thing though (not a criticism): The issue with "gender neutral" clothing is that it always leans "male". When something is even slightly feminine it's not gender neutral, but when something is almost completely masculine people are still willing to call it gender neutral. Unfortunately our society doesn't like women very much, so you constantly have to confront your own biases. Like if your future daughter wears that adorable bowtie people will assume she's a boy, and if your son wears that pink dress then people will assume he's a girl...but only one of those caused Claudia to have a strong reaction.
One thing no one has to assume, is that you both will try your hardest to be wonderful parents, on all levels. What an adventure you are heading for ! That baby is SO very blessed, and seeing the way you two love each other is a priceless, solid lesson for him/her.
Please review this video each year! Cause I love the way you view parenting, the actual parenting will be totally different and it will be lovely to see you watch back on where you started and where you are.
Baby will 100% baffle you at some point and that's a great thing. It's proof that baby is their own person. Every time my son does something I wouldn't think to do I get excited that he has a new perspective. It's helped me be more creative and curious.
Oh, you sweet innocent doves 😍 Please do a follow up video when the baby is 18 months, where you watch this video again an comment on your own answers.
Very smart buying a second stuffed lamb when you can! So many new parents don’t know to prep for item attachment. Also instead of waiting until it gets raggedy, switch the lambs out every time the other one is being cleaned or every few months so they have the same amount of wear 🥰
Claudia, you're positively glowing!! Hope that all FIVE of you (Jessica, Claudia, Walter, Tilly and Baby Kellgren-Fozard) are happy and healthy in these difficult times and I love you all ❤️❤️❤️
@@jgr_lilli_ yeah, a lot of it is plastic nowadays. I remember they used to be less like that, but I don't think you can by the "originals" anywhere besides eBay! :(
Me imagining Jess and claud clapping and cheering enthusiastically on the sidelines for their kid playing sport meanwhile the team is fully loosing and theyre just having so much fun watching and supporting them 😂
I did not find my "sport" until I was waaaay older and I really regret not trying a wide variety of things when I was younger. I may have found this passion a lot sooner. So, yeah. I recommend trying all kinds different things.
Just starting the vid, but would love to see how much of this is still true in a couple of years. Not many parenting styles survive contact with the tiny ones
I freaked out when I heard MONTESSORI! I’m AMS (American) trained with 3-6 year olds and am currently raising my 1 year old using Montessori philosophies. Excited for the video you plan to make!!
Me too, my little bubs is only 4 months now and I had montesori for a few years when we lived in UK, and also when we had out summers in the woods in Sweden. I think it helped me alot as a kid to think a bit outside the box and want my baby to have that experience too, although it's harder living in a digital world these days. In the 90's our internet was still dial up so it made it alot easier ;P
i went to a montessori school during my elementary years and i love that you're applying this method to your home!! i think my montessori education contributed so much to my self esteem because it made me very independent, secure, and gave me a sense that i am capable of doing things. if you're doing montessori at home, i highly recommend sending your kid to a school that uses the montessori method as well (at least until grade 6). I remember everything from my montessori elementary education but absolutely nothing from my traditional high school years.
I am 22 and I somehow STILL felt a rush of joy come over me when you brought that cuddly lamb onscreen. There is a certain spot in my heart that I don't think will ever get over cuddly toys
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It would be interesting to revisit this video in 1-2 years time and reflect on how many of these turned out differently from what you expect!
Yeah! That would be cool!
Ha ha!!
Agree. It's always interesting to revisit your intentions before pregnancy, before birth and if you have additional children. I'm definitely not the mum now with 3 kids, that I was 10 years ago when I had my first baby.
Honestly though. My child is almost 3 and some of “the parent I thought I was going to be” has gone out the window to pave way for “the parent I actually am.”
@@cassidybrewer hahah so true I was like my kids will always eat healthy and won't play computer games for more than a hour a week hahha now it's who wants McDonald's again and omg the Xbox is so hot you have been playing Minecraft for 5hours maybe have a break lol
About forcing your child to do stuff.
I'm autistic, so obviously I never wanted to try new stuff, so my parent's unofficial rule became that can't say I don't like stuff, until I've tried it. And if I still hated it afterwards, they'd never bother me with again.
Knowing that, I felt save to try, but also back out, if I had to.
Encouraging ≠ forcing ♥️
Thank you for posting this. My 13 year old and I have this same agreement and I occasionally worry that I'm making a huge mistake.
I agree!! I also think that sports are fundamental, so maybe it would be good for the child to try different things, it they don't like it is ok, but at least they are trying and getting some exercise at the same time :)
Thank you for saying this. This is the attitude we're taking with our daughter, who is on the spectrum, and I know parenting isn't a "one size fits all" situation, but it helps to hear this from someone who has personally experienced this in a positive way!
i was also raised like this - i have many memories of getting worked up on stuff, my mother just asking me to give it a go, and it actually turning out fine. and, on the rare occasions where i did hate it, i never felt any pressure to continue, as i knew i could quit at any time and she wouldn't judge me. so, it definitely gets my approval also!!
I'm also autistic and my parents had the same rule for me as a child too. I'm now 25 and they still use the same rule.
*Official "we want to see all the baby clothes" button*
⬇️
Yessss! Baby fashion show!
I'm not really a baby person, but baby clothes are a whole different story. I love buying clothes to my nephew.
I would genuinely watch hours of baby clothes/toys/nursery decorations
@@poplillyp yes! I don't even have anything to do with children but Jessica's and Claudia's are something different ( ◜‿◝ )♡
Yes so much pretty please!!
@@SpeedOfTheEarth absolutely!!
My assumption is you both will be AMAZING parents. Is that a cheating assumption because we all know it's true?
Yes, yes it is
It's not an assumption when it's based on mountains of evidence ;)
From what we've seen.
I am childfree, but I guess the only sport I would force my child into would be swimming lessons. Like it is so important skill if they ever get too deep at the beach of fall in a pond or something. They would not need to, you know, continue to go beyond being sufficiently skilled not to drown but I think I would insist on swimming lessons.
you can apparently teach them as little babies too!
This!! I'm Dutch so everyone I know knows how to swim
Personally I started as a baby and my parents made me get my A and B certificates (after that you got C and maybe some extras idk) and we if we wanted after that we could continue or stop and do another sport
And I will absolutely do the same with my future kids
Swimming lessons are so incredibly important
@@LS-vq2or My nephew used to go to baby swimming lessons soon after he was born (until the pandemic hit)
I wish I’d been given swimming lessons as a kid, we kind of learnt at school, but I’d definitely drown now in an emergency situation
My mom grew up scared of the water, so her logic was.... none of my kids will ever learn how to swim lol I'm old now, I doubt someone like me can learn, but my son is taking swimming classes
Why can I picture Claudia teaching the baby dental anatomy from birth?
"These are the molars! Yes they are! And underneath they have some roots! Just like trees, darling."
That would be so cute haha
That's so precious! 🥺
I mean that might be valid :P I had a dentist parent and definitely learned oral anatomy when I was about 6.
Please look up "toddler skulls". Look at those teeth. I love those teeth
@@isabelall4127 highly concerning comment after watching teen titans go episode where everyone is obsessed with eating teeth 😂😂😂
Oh my god two lesbian moms at a rugby game cheering on their child is such a NICE THOUGHT
Lmao it is
especially if it’s a girl! (or gender neutral)
My hot take is sports are kinda toxic and I hope that baby gets to do other extra currics like music
Stiff that doesn't even have a gender stereotype attached
@@Crowcifixx sports are toxic but acting like other things aren't toxic is a bit ridiculous
"Why don't they teach us that at school?" EXACTLY! Schools need to teach pupils life skills like this, not everybody has the kind of parents they can rely on for that. In fact, not everybody has parents, full stop.
In canadian high schools we do have the option more recently of a finance class. Where that is literally at the focus.
Teachers are overwhelmed with what they already have to teach. It goes way beyond the 3 Rs.
@@blossompetal784 well then maybe it's time to let go of some of the unnecessary stuff they teach now and put a finance class in place of that🤷♀️
@@blossompetal784 Also, nobody is blaming the teachers, they just follow the curriculum after all. Instead a big change in the educational curriculum is well overdue!
I think there should be more focus on teaching finances, but also things like critical thinking, basics of sociology, and funnily enough - gardening/nature class :)
In England nowadays the bar for passing core subjects on GCSE level just keeps getting higher and higher, with children studying e.g. science content which was A-level stuff only a couple years ago! It's likely that if you ask anyone who's worked in a school for a while they would tell you that it's happening too fast and students are stressed out and struggling. I just don't think that's necessary at all 🤔
@@Merciaks Yeah, I imagine forgoing some of outdated home economics lessons to introduce financial literacy.
jessica: "you are going to have to socialize with the parents of our child's friends"
claudia: polite blank face
😅❤❤
With the girl I used to nanny the mum told me to say the TV was "tired" or "asleep" when she couldn't have more screen time and she'd tell it goodnight 😂
That's sweet
I've told my kids Netflix is saying "goodnight!" When it actually says "are you still watching?" 👍🏻😜
I don't know how I ever missed that Claud's a dentist. That added yet another layer of cool to y'all's lives.
I don't know why but i thought that she is a vet. Have no idea why)))
@@ДарьяВолкова-ш4ш she has the energy of a vet for sure!
@@ДарьяВолкова-ш4ш Same!!!
@@ДарьяВолкова-ш4ш big vet energy
Same tho
Our parents raised us three pretty gender neutral as in there was never really a label put on hobbies or things either and honestly I think that was the best thing they did.
I turned out to be non-binary but my two older siblings are cis and the only thing they took from our upbringing was just doing stuff without being afraid that it's "unmanly" or "not feminine enough" before doing it.
We never heard "Oh you are a girl you shouldn't do that" and other such ridiculous stuff. They always just tried to let us explore things in an age appropriate manner and encouraged us a lot.
It's nice not to feel like you aren't allowed to do something just because of something like your sex that you have no control over at all.
It wasn't nice when I was tossed into a society that often still thinks within these boundaries but my upbringing also gave me the strength to not give a fuck about what other people think and swim against the stream.
You talk about your siblings feeling comfortable doing things that people who choose to reinforce the gender binary would describe "manly" or "feminine", but how about you? What drew you the gender neutral label -- what activities, clothes, thoughts, or feelings did you feel were incompatible with your assigned-at-birth gender, such that you moved away from that gender and now identify as gender neutral?
I wish I had that!
When I was little my parents would take me to orchestras, ballets, museums, the zoo, and we would watch replays of Olympic sports then they would kind of wait for me to pipe up and be like ‘that looked so cool!’ Or ‘I want to try that’ and then they nudged me into those areas with a couple of false starts (on gymnastics and art classes) that’s how I ended up finding out that I loved swimming, science and dance! No forcing just lots and lots of exposure to different things and a nudge in the right direction 😀
My parents did similarly! I was always encouraged the “try everything,” but never told to feel a certain way about it. I think that resulted in me being very open minded and comfortable with new experiences-from new foods to new crafts, new sports, etc. It allowed me to enjoy testing everything out without the pressure to “stick to” something, finish a whole bunch of it, etc.
I think there's definitely benefit to that approach, which is what my parents did as well. But in the other hand, I feel that because I was never 'forced' to stick to anything like sports when I was younger, I've developed the habit of starting things and hobbies and dropping them off quickly. That may be down to the personality but I feel like it's something to consider as well.
@@ihavenoideareally Tbf, there's nothing wrong with switching it up when it comes to hobbies and interests, even if you keep doing it all your life. The value in those things doesn't have to be how good you get at them, or feeling like they have to amount to something monetary, the primary goal of hobbies and interests tends to be to have fun, wind down, and just do something that's nice. I don't think they need to come with a bunch of expectations.
Exactly! Perfect method. Exposure, that's the key!
That's really smart!!
Here the nr one pro tip: switch the two push lambs on a daily basis. So both of them are get cuddled and used. Children will notice that it is to new and not cuddled down, if their favorite one goes missing.
Yup, came here to say this! We have four identical stuffed unicorns that we swap out every few weeks. Or daughter hasn't caught on yet. 😂
Yeah, also there should be more than two I think, you never know when your child decides that they favorite plush needs to take a trip in a river
Actually there's often one that's still favourite for the child (they do make a difference) but that's a good tip
Yess!!
So... Not sure why, the idea of swapping out a rotation without telling your child doesn’t sit right with me, but I like the idea of telling your child that you sent the toy to Santa to have it fixed. 😅 Go figure. I guess because I feel like I personally would’ve resented my parents for the first option but not the second one.
This is going to be the best-dressed baby ever- I’m calling it now ✨
Yes please do a baby wardrobe video!!
As a chronically ill mom myself, I think it's a great idea that you're gonna be flexible on screen time. There are times when I'm having flares and am out of spoons but my husband is still working. Sometimes they watch something educational or something to get them exercising so it's actually a good thing for them too, but even if it's just a fun show, it's still a real lifesaver for me sometimes.
Agreed wholeheartedly. I have chronic illness as well and this is true for us too.
Is there a human being who looks more fantastic pregnant than Claudia though? ✨
She's a beautiful glowing sun.
She's stunning! She has always been beautiful but now I can't take my eyes off her (and I'm a straight woman).
I just had a baby three months ago and I wish I looked that good. I was like a blob 😂.
Your mom when she had you
Nah
Oh what gender is your baby??
Jess: Montessori 😘
You two are going to be such wonderful parents my heart is bursting happily for you both ❤
This made me laugh more than it should have 😭☠️
I think I heard Jess spoil it in the video, but I might be wrong 😉
@@Surdeigt She did say daughter so I was like ooooooo
I got so much hate, because my son loved my daughters old dresses and wanted to wear them. He was 3 (oh 1996) and he also had a doll since he was one. I could care less and I asked him why, in his 3 year old way, because they're pretty. He grew out of it and loves to see pictures and laugh. What I always said was "hes happy, loved and well cared for, also why does it bother you, he's not yours"
Oh, no he's not gay. For some reason that was everyone fear. Like clothes determines sexual preference 🤦♀️ and as long as my children are happy, doesn't matter
My ex in-laws had similar assumptions because my son was wearing gender neutral untill it was hard to find and didn't have a hair cut untill about the same (±3 years old). And who cares 🤷🏽♀️
Good on you for sticking to your guns, even if you don't think it was that significant it may have been for your son. 1996 was a much less accepting time. I'm female, I also grew up in the 90's, and my mother really wanted me to be a princess type of girly girl and was constantly dressing me up as one, decorating my bedroom as if I was one etc. It only really served to give me a deep seething hatred for traditional femininity that I still struggle with to this day, and I'm 33.
My mother meant well and I've never had to be fearful of her love and affection being taken away, the things she put me through seemed trivial to her because it wasn't all the time, but her only being that excited when I was "her princess" sent a message regardless if she intended it or not, because even if she never pointed out my own preferences as explicitly wrong, she clearly preferred me conforming to a traditional preened and frilly girly-girl gender expression. It genuinely made me think thoughts like "I wish I was a boy", not because that felt true to who I was either. Not to take away anything from people who are transgender, that I questioned my gender had nothing to do with any of that, I didn't "wish I was a boy" because I thought I was meant to be one or had gender dysphoria, it most likely wouldn't have crossed my mind if it wasn't for the expectations of the people around me. I didn't wish I was a boy, it was just that the thought of having to become a socially acceptable version of femininity to live up to the expectations of other people was soul crushing.
Reinforcing gendered expectations doesn't really shape a genuine gender identity in kids. It reaffirms the kids who can already conform without giving up who they are(because it's already pretty true to who they are), and makes the kids that are different feel like they can't be themselves. You definitely did something right.
My nephew had amazing, perfect, beautiful, golden, curly blond hair as a toddler, and nobody wanted to cut it short because was so beautiful. He got mistaken for a girl several times until his parents finally cut his hair for the first time. He’s fine, it didn’t scar him for life having long, curly blonde hair for a while, and I didn’t really mind having to answer the entirely predictable awkward questions about it.
Sadly his baby blonde hair seems to be darkening as he grows up. I’m not surprised, as his mum has very dark hair herself.
@@marthahawkinson-michau9611 same for my son, being mistaken for a girl and I didn't want to cut his "goldy" locks (dark blonde) that once cut turned to light brown, deep brown up to almost black now. He was not scared either. Between 0 and 5 it's the only time they have before being formated by school and society's expectations.
I definitely can relate. I got so many weird looks and comments from family because my son had a doll when he was 3. He grabbed it when we were going through a toy aisle and he wanted it so badly, so we got it for him. And this was only 3 years ago, so I didn’t think people were going to make such a big deal out of it, but they did.
pink was considered a "more manly" colour because red was thought to be very masculine, whereas blue was representative of mother mary's blue veil. plus many boys wore dresses until they reached church choir age i believe, when they'd start wearing pink to "get them used to a more masculine drive"
I thought you were going to say “this video is sponsored by Claudia” 🤣
(my wellbeing is sponsored by Claudia 🤣)
i thought i heard “this video is sponsored by Clara” 🤣
@@ladiz.washroom so did I 🤣
@@ladiz.washroom I would hope not. I have no money! uwu
Glad I wasn't the only one to think that 😅
My parents raised me very feminine, my mother tried to force me to be just like her. All I was aloud to wear was pink and skirts and honestly it was horrible for me. When my mother abandoned me and my father when I was about four I started branching out due to being homeless and getting my clothes from donations. The most common articles of clothing were black so I started wearing it near exclusively and found even after I got out of that situation I felt comfortable in it. I love the color pink but I just don't like it or many other stereotypically girly things. When I do have contact with my mother, not in over a year now thankfully, she thinks I'm hiding being transgender or that I'm lesbian(I have long hair, wear dresses, and look very feminine besides my clothing color choice, I am lesbian but she is wrong about this) so I "want to look like a man to attract other women." I love how you guys seem to understand that children need to learn to express who they are and wear what they feel most comfortable in regardless of gender and don't judge them for it. You guys are everything my mother was not and I can't be more happy you guys are going to be parents!
The one thing I hated growing up was the "because I said so" thing.... I think if youre gonna tell your kid no, give them a real reason >
That's one of the varying "parenting philosophies" that children hate, but really, you have to decide whether children really need to know things in the first place while they are still children.
@@jwb52z9 I think they do, children are ultimately learning about the world and it would be your job as a parent to tell them how and why things work the way they do, telling them "because I said so" just creates an unjustified authority that will ultimately make them try and rebel against that authority. If you explain why they can or can't do something it could even lead to more cooperation as the authority you have as a parent is justified as they could be willing to follow your lead more if they understand you only have their best interests in mind.
And children are much smarter than people give them credit for tbh, its not REALLY that hard to explain pretty much anything to them in a way that would satisfy their question, like how homophobes think children won't understand gay relationships when really its as simple as "a man can love a man too" and they just catch on
As the parent to an almost 18 year old, don’t beat yourself up when sometime you do end up saying “because I told you so”. Sometimes you are overwhelmed and have given an actual reason why, but said child doesn’t agree, and continues asking why, and you eventually say because I said so.
Life happens.
I mean, if it's during the "why" phase, you'd be wasting a whole lot of your time since it's most of the time isn't a genuine inquiry as to why something is lol.
"We need to wear our jackets today, it's really cold outside!"
"Why?"
"Because it's winter."
"Why?"
I mean, if you want to you can try to explain in a comprehensible way the earth is tilted in a way while it's turning around it's axis orbiting the sun, and how this gives us our seasons, and the reason why the season we call winter happens to be colder where we live. But it doesn't matter if you answer like a patient teacher or if you pull something out of your ass, because you know what the next thing coming out of your toddler's mouth is going to be...
"Why?"
So yeah, it's winter because I say so. ;P
@@KattReen thats a different situation really, when you think of a "because I said so" situation, it's usually in a way where the parent could be doing something unreasonable or just something that seems unreasonable to the child, in that situation it can often be really beneficial to just tell the child why what you say has to happen, and if you cant, maybe that's a POSSIBLE sign that its not that big of a deal and is more about control.
and the "why" phase I would say IS genuine inquiries, its just that children are still learning and are naturally curious, they keep asking why because they want to understand, it can just get annoying to us because sometimes we just don't want to answer question after question or we just don't know the answer. and honestly, if you don't know the answer, it can show a lot of vulnerability that can help strengthen the relationship if you just say you don't know
Do remember that anger is a valid emotion. My father fell into the trap of ignoring my emotional outbursts (a result of dealing with his calm discussions that would last hours with no progress and a bunch of patronizing disrespect....)
"it's okay to be angry/upset, but it is not okay to hurt others" ❤️
Did anyone else squeak excitedly when Claudia showed her bump?
About Lamby, make sure your baby is in contact with both of them from the beguining. Don't keep one of them as an spare one because babies are able to tell if a teddy is theirs by the smell and they don't like "imposters".
Parents' first baby is like a general's first battle. The plan will not survive contact with the enemy. Best strategy for both parents and generals is to be adaptable. I just want to say, "Good luck, and don't call me Shirley."
This may be the funniest comment ever.
That was the comment I was looking for!
This is very true lol
Hahahaha! I love that movie! 🤣
This is awesome! I wanted to say something similar. After four kids, I became much more practical.
Me and my husband raised our now teenage autistic son gender neutral I guess. He had dolls and "girl toys" and any clothes he liked. He still is allowed anything he likes regardless of how people gender it.
Our son wasn't completely different from us, I think it was much harder when we realized he was very much like us including our bad traits like stubbornness and perfectionism.
Now we NEED a baby clothes video and one explaining the m word.
Maionese?
@@eduardaarrais Montessori haha
@@lgbtqplus AHHHHH. I was so confused with what the M word was supposed to be 😂 thanks for explaining!
Montessori is an amazing school sistem designed for the individual needs of the child, look it up💕
As an American, the idea of 6 months paid maternity leave literally brought me to tears that sounds so wonderful.
I was surprised not to see an assumption about teaching the kid BSL or any form of sign language!
They covered that already! They will be teaching BSL from the start :)
Yeah I'd like to hear their thoughts on that.
@bails9546 ohh I guess I missed that thank you!
@@bails9546 Oh, where did they cover that? I don’t remember it coming up...
@@silvermoon2281 Maybe it was in the members only video? Idk i don't remember either
I'm the person that at the age of 3 started begging my mum to sign me up for dance classes... took me a year lol. But then out of 20 kids in my group, I was one of like five that didn't cry while going up the stairs to the dance class? I'm still dancing now 16 years later in the same studio. I don't think that parents forcing a child to do something is the best choice.
For me it was the fact that my parents did he opposite. It wasn't till recently that I discovered that I like dance an abnormal amount. I've only had 2 "dance" classes in my life: a "ballet" class when I was like 5, and a hip hop class around 10 or 11.
It is quite a bit of money though if you go to classes.
It depends on the child. Some children know what they want, like to explore and can figure out what they like spontaneously. Some children cling to their comfort zone and don't know how to try things unless you encourage them. Some kids need freedom of choice, so they can be happy. Otherwise they rebel. Some kids need people to take them out of their comfort zone, so they can grow. Otherwise they become dependant. The same way, some children need to learn how to be less agressive and more respectful, while other kids are naturally more well behaved but need to learn how to speak up and stand up for themselves.
Long story short, people have different personalities and different needs.
@@lobaetoile8440
Still forcing a child is never something you should do because it can create resentment. Encouraging a child or as other would say “giving them a little push in the right direction” is better. If you encourage a child to do something like dance you will often find they will want to do it more than the child who was forced.
@@Ethereal_Moonlight I agree. But, for the record, I do wish my parents had forced me to try more things outside of my comfort zone when I was younger. Because, if given a chance, I always ended up doing what I thought was my duty or what I thought was better for other people, and never learned how to do things that I wanted. Some people are scared of what they want or like. I know that sounds messed up, but it's true. Some people don't take risks because they are afraid of making mistakes, even when the risk is worth it and mistakes are human. And the thing is, the more you avoid things that make you uncomfortable or things that are difficult for you, the more your defects remain underdeveloped or paralysing. Kids are different, and they need different things.
When I say "force" I don't mean making kids do things while they cry and or while they complain every time that they don't like something... I mean at least making them try things once or twice, before they can say if they like something or not.
For me, I wish my parents were more supportive. I have a few sports I was interested in but my parents were against it all because I WAS BORN A GIRL. I wanted to play basketball, they say that I was going to be too tall. I wanted to learn martial arts they say it was too masculine. If your kids is interested in something just support it. If they are like me and not allowed to do anything, we slowly become lazy.
"Parent-teacher association." I am 26 years old and Just realized thats what PTA stands for and I feel stupid 😂😂
I didn't get it until recently and I'm... well, middle aged 🤣
👁️👄👁️ THAT'S WHAT PTA MEANS?
Audiologist terms this would mean Pure Tone Audiometry =. PTA. What else can it mean?
I'm 27 and I just realized it as well XD
Claudia just fits being a dentist. As soon as I read that it clicked that would be her perfect job. Anyone who's been her patient in lucky as hell. These 2 are examples of people who SHOULD be having children. They're going to bring up a child with so many good qualities. I'm so excited for them.
I agree with Jessica, that dress is going to look adorable, regardless of if it's a boy or a girl (or any other gender)
@@lauslora6511 why do they need help
@@Chaosdemon-mj6yh because transphobes assume that everyone around them is crazy
Baby clothes used to be basically just dresses regardless of gender anyway
I agree in my home country it's quite normal for babies to wear dresses and bows whatever their gender is
@@lauslora6511 you seem to be in every single comment section that praises how they plan to parent their child, specially when they mention things like this...
Y’all should start a “Montessori “ jar for every time Jessica says it, she’ll have to put money in it😂 it would pay for a vacation in no time! 😆
Ohh interesting! What's your thoughts on swimming lessons in regards to not forcing sports? Growing up my parents never forced us into any extra curriculars, but swimming lessons were considered a different category - almost like school. It was more of a safety thing than a sports thing.
same, my parents wanted me to learn to swim and learn to ride a bike it wasn't in the same category as sport
Same, the only classes I forced on my child since he was rarely in contact with pools otherwise. It was a safety purpose like CPR for me.
I had swimming lessons, I think all kids should have them, its a life skill that everyone should have, so, for me, swimming lessons were like extra school. Same with learning how to ride a bike.
This is my rule for my boys. We started them in swimming lessons whilst they were still infants and they will have to continue until they graduate from the program, usually around 10yrs old. After which they can choose to do it as a sport or not.
In the Netherlands, everyone gets swimming lessons! Too many canals, sloten, ponds, lakes and sea for kids to fall into when playing. It used to he mandatory in primary school.
My mum always said she was so glad I did gymnastics and then trampolining as my sports because she didn't have to stand and watch me in the rain 😂
Well imagine - we did orienteering, which means half a day in whatever weather happens to be. Between mid-April and mid-October there are all kinds of weather here, we sometimes even got snow on the first of May (not common, but happens occasionally).
Will you go with the "every question a child asks should be answerd with the full complete truth" route?
Honestly it is so much simpler to say the truth...
If they're old enough to ask, they deserve the respect of the fullest answer you can provide, at a level they understand.
@@notavailable5911 lmao right? there's a difference between not lying to children (because they'll find out eventually and that's just a general waste of energy) and getting into full scientific or philosophical explanations that they can't possibly understand depending on how old they are. Sometimes kids just don't need to know all the hows and whys and not telling them things they're too young to understand or handle is actually the more respectful option.
@@iyawakarehen Unless they want to know! If they ask, then go off, tell them how electricity works! I was like four when I started pestering my dad with questions on what enegry is, where we get it from, how it works etc. He followed through with a very detailed explanation of the law of conservation of energy (in child-friendly language of course).
I was fascinated and asked him in what subject in school I would eventually learn that. He said physics. And I knew that day that this was gonna be my *thing* .
And here I am, more than fifteen years later, studying for my university quantum mechanics exam.
The point being, sometimes the kid really does want to know about Newton's laws. And if that's the case, don't hold back just because they're very youg
*cries in American in response to 6 month maternity leave*
Basically choked when I heard that 😩
Me too.
How much maternity leave do you get in America? In Australia it's 6 months too, or 12 months at half pay.
@@nevernevereverland most places here give you 6 weeks off. Some with pay, but most of the time without. You have to use sick leave or vacation leave that you earn
@@nevernevereverland lol 0 is required by law most jobs might give you 6 weeks
I was born in 1969 to parents both born in the early 1930s. (I was a late life baby with siblings much older) even though, my parents were very open to letting me as a female have ANY toy no matter “boy or girl” I had babies and Barbie Dolls but I also had loads of dump trucks and race cars and GI Joe dolls. Were GI Joe dolls popular out side the US? I’ll explain what they are if not lol. So I appreciate the fact that you will expose your child to all different facets of play. It expands the imagination and there is nothing better!
Britain had a licensed "copy" of G. I. Joe called "Action Man" in the late 60s. The big dolls started going out of fashion by the late 70s almost universally, so then they made the small ones, but in the UK they stayed under the "Action Force" label, but they were essentially the same action figures.
my nephew loves playing with my old barbies from when i was little, and my mom is always like “you shouldnt let him play with those, youre feminizing him too much” MAAM. its a piece of plastic that looks like people, he doesnt even favor the girl dolls, he likes the boy dolls bc THEY LOOK LIKE HIM. he literally says theyre one of his favorite toys
‘Hello lovely people’ I’ve been needing that, thank you 💖
We schooled my granddaughter in Montessori for her first 4 years and they were wonderful. She is 10 now and talks positively about her experience there. Every time I picked her up she had the biggest smile on her face and couldn’t wait to tell me about her day. Made a Nana’s heart happy 😊❤️
jessica: “My baby shopping knows no bounds” 😂😂
not knowing the gender of my baby was the best decision i made while pregnant. i knew that if i knew it, i would slip up in front of people and they will start buying her the obligatory pink clothes. but not knowing forced everyone to branch out into different colors. it's like people were inherently programed for pink and blue - a lot of them actually said that they were caught not knowing what to get her, because they didn't know if it was a girl or a boy. which is so ... sad and stupid.
Assumption: baby will be one of the best loved babies on Earth
That's true, but I do worry about how the baby will be treated as it gets older if its exposure to life is so basic and old fashioned where they are more or less kept from what constitutes the modern world in favor of lessons that, while very appropriate, done to an extreme can create issues with socialization and relation to other people who aren't so structured and restricted.
@Jwb52z hey I completely get this concern, but I don't think it's really possible to raise a child entirely separately from the modern world. My parents are rather old-fashioned and I didn't have a smartphone until I was 14, which is pretty old for most kids my age. We did, and still do, lots of walks gardening and learning about nature and painting and that kind of thing, but that doesn't mean that I missed out on all the other stuff, and it just means that I have the grounding to deal with the rest of life. I'm doing fine!
@@jwb52z9 it sounds like you really care for this baby and love them already too! And you just want what's best for them. I think there are countless concerns when it comes to raising children, and what's best is extremely subjective. I didn't hear them say they weren't gonna expose them to those things, but rather that it wasn't going to be their choice/preference. I also heard them say that these are their intentions, rather than rules. The fact that they speak with so much care and intentionality brings me some relief and reassurance. I can see how much they already love baby. I hope you can feel some relief and acceptance too.
I love that they are allowing clothes to be clothes, let your babies wear all of the colours of the rainbow
“Always interested in how couples divide their maternity leave”
*cries in American*
How does it work in America ? (Just a curious French wanting to learn more
@@h.h.7550 so we have no federally required maternity leave at all, or at least not paid maternity leave. Companies and states have varying laws and policies. Generally though, you tend to see about six weeks of maternity leave, and usually only for the parent who physically gave birth. You also see a lot of people having to use up their sick or vacation days on their maternity leave. Also, even if a company does have maternity leave, the toxic work culture here means that a lot of people go back to work even sooner than the six weeks to look “dedicated” or whatever.
Tl;dr it’s awful and practically nonexistent. I still remember the shock when I studied abroad in Austria and learned about the maternity leave laws there (and most of the developed world tbh).
@@bibliophilecb this. It sucks
Some US workers get something known as FMLA leave. It's up to 12 weeks off unpaid in a 12 month period for maternity/caregiver/severe medical/military transition (26 weeks for military caregiver leave). "FMLA leave is not available to every employee.
FMLA eligibility requires the following criteria:
• The employee must have been employed with the company for 12 months
• The employee must have worked at least 1,250 hours during the 12 months prior to the start of FMLA leave
. The employer is one who employs 50 or more employees within a 75-mile radius of the worksite"
I was shook to hear 6 months! Here in Switzerland is 12 weeks and you only get 80% of your salary - and that is exclusively for the moms, dads don't have free days for the children (at least not nationaly) some companies give 2 days or smth like that
UK sounds pretty good regarding that point!
Of all the sports that parents force their child into, swimming lessons are a must, a necessity. Start from a very young age and when they're older (like 13ish) you can ask if they want to still practice the sport. It can save your child's life, so treat it like school.
It might just be my brain injury but I truly expected to see a baby modeling those clothes and I don't know why😭
I'm happy so many of the baby clothes are trousers, I remember a study that found out that babies and little kids tend to explore and play more openly and are more active in trousers rather than in dresses
I always had leggings under my daughter's skirts. She went through a fluffy tutu phase. Her daycare was happy she was started young w that combo. Easier for her to do whatever.
Important about hobbies and sports is: try it out, then you'll know. It is hard to know beforehand if you'll enjoy sth, but you'll certainly know if you don't like it after doing it.
Also with team sports it is very important that the feel of the team is right. So sucky coaches/teammates can absolutely make a fun sport not fun.
Agreed. Something I said to my son is try it for a season, and if you really don't like it then we don't do it again. So we are finding what my son really likes and dedicates his time and effort in, and what he's just not into :)
I'm studying sports psychology at the mo, and the research advocates for children and adolescents to play (1) a variety of sports, and (2) play them mostly for fun. Early specialisation, and a higher proportion of deliberate training (rather than play) can lead to burn out, but playing lots of sports encourages transferable skills. Also athletic ability during childhood/adolescence is a poor predictor of athletic expertise later in life - so even if they're great when they're young, that doesn't mean they'll still want to play when they're older.
Catch me literally cheering out loud for joy when Claudia showed her bump update! You two make such natural mums already! Congratulations again!! 🥰🥰❤️❤️
I love that the open communication question called it "talking back", which has the connotation of arguing 😏. My family thought I was nuts because I was okay with my kids asking "Why?" And I would explain my reasoning for why. I would listen to their reasons why they disagreed if there was the possibility I would change my mind, or if I felt there may be an angle I didn't consider. I didn't encourage arguing however. Once my decision was made, all discussion was done.
Why questions are fine until they become nonesensical. Example:
Kid: What are you doing?
Me: I'm peeling a carot
K: Why?
Me: Because I'm going to eat it as part of my lunch
K: Why?
Me: Because I like raw carots
K: Why?
Me: ... Because my brain deems the nuronal impulses created by eating a carrot to be pleasureable
K: Why?
Me: ... ... Because of a combination of my genetics and experiences
K: Why?
Me: That question dose not make sense.
K: Why?
Me: [Trys not to yell]
K: Why? Why? Why?
There is one point to remember though, at times you must be able to give a command like "no" or "stop" or "come here now" without having to explain things when there is an emergency or any danger.
I know Lego is plastic but Lego literally shaped my childhood. Obviously not as a baby though. Also TV in reasonable amounts is probably good and I love talking with my friends 10+ years later about what we used to watch as children and I wouldn't want someone to miss out on all those references.
@@notavailable5911 yeah they do :) most of my lego is my mums
LEGO still enriches my life as an adult. It’s so good to just concentrate on making it and let the worries slip away!
As someone who missed a lot of the references as a kid (some stuff I wasn’t allowed to watch; some stuff I would have been if we’d had cable; some was from the fact that we never listened to more popular music, just K-Love; I had a little sister so it was normally just PBS and TBN tv and movies meant for kids her age), it sucked and I got picked on and made fun of a lot for it. Being singled out because Mom said “no” to watching a movie about a book we’d just read was unpleasant (it was Hatchet, I was 11, but “it says PG-13 and you’re not 13”, I spent the afternoon with a bunch of fourth graders I didn’t know and watched them have field day outside). I had enough to be made fun of for without being totally unaware of everything around me in popular culture and current events, with undiagnosed autism and being 5’6” at age 11 and incredibly uncoordinated and clumsy because I grew so fast I needed to spend the next five years growing into my nearly-adult size. Later, our options expanded a lot with the advent of Netflix and me joining the school band and listening to the music we were playing to get a better feel for what it was supposed to sound like. Still had to ask “can I watch this?” until I was 17, but as long as it was TV-14 or PG-13 or lower it was usually approved. I get that cable was a money issue, but looking back, I wish they’d taught us about pop culture and current events. About pop culture from decades past and how some parts of older pop culture became classics. So when people were talking about these things at church or school I’d be able to follow along and maybe even contribute to the conversation.
@@brennaweaver3974 Yeah that most have been hard. I think it's a lot easier now to be aware of culture and what is happening in the world. not necessarily a good thing for some people. Something that 2020 changed for me was being more culturally aware and following the news. I have a news magazine subscription and also try to follow things that interest me. There were several big even that happened in my lifetime that I just wasn't aware off, some due to age and some due to just now being aware.
The dogs on the little cardigan look like Walter and Tilly 🥺
I love how the baby's current pronouns are they/them or...baby. "baby will have an amazing wardrobe and baby will look so vintage...". Idk it's just so cute
did u not hear how they changed the pronouns at 1:00? 🤨
@@bekkahefe haha yeah i thought they were just reading the assumption. But they used they/them after that
@@bekkahefe that might be how the assumption was worded? Only assuming, though.
rugby is an amazing sport and as someone whose played it since age 7, i’m absolutely so grateful my parents got me into it, because the community i’ve gotten from it is truly priceless
My favourite toy as a child was called lamby. I still have her 23 years later!
Mine is hand knitted though.
My childhood toy was horsey. I got her at four so she's almost 26 and is sitting on a book shelf.
Mine was lamby then she grew up (her soul moved on into another sheep toy) then the soul of her child (Leena) moved into the original toy. Still have her
Motherland was filmed at my primary school! It’s a very classic red brick Victorian school with wrought iron gates and things, and its used in all the school scenes!
That pink dress is so cute! Any baby would be adorable in it 😇
"what if it comes out and it can name all the footballers?" this made me snort
My immediate assumption is that this will be the most loved baby of all time 💚
My parents always made me finish the season to teach me responsibility in a group. Like, "this team is counting on you. You need to show up" and I appreciate the lesson.
For a minute I thought the video was sponsored by Clara, Jessica’s carer, and I was wondering why
She needs to make her money! 😂
I would love to see a baby clothing haul!! 😄😄 One thing though (not a criticism): The issue with "gender neutral" clothing is that it always leans "male". When something is even slightly feminine it's not gender neutral, but when something is almost completely masculine people are still willing to call it gender neutral. Unfortunately our society doesn't like women very much, so you constantly have to confront your own biases. Like if your future daughter wears that adorable bowtie people will assume she's a boy, and if your son wears that pink dress then people will assume he's a girl...but only one of those caused Claudia to have a strong reaction.
They’ll be amazing parents
All I need right now is a video of you showing everything you’ve bought for the baby. I’m 100% ready.
I’ve never clicked onto a Jessica video faster I am much intrigued
One thing no one has to assume, is that you both will try your hardest to be wonderful parents, on all levels. What an adventure you are heading for ! That baby is SO very blessed, and seeing the way you two love each other is a priceless, solid lesson for him/her.
My assumption is: the baby will be very adorable 🥺
Also, the baby clothes are all so cute!
Please review this video each year! Cause I love the way you view parenting, the actual parenting will be totally different and it will be lovely to see you watch back on where you started and where you are.
Listening to you two chat about the baby reminds me of when I was pregnant with my first. Ah...memories from 30+ years ago! LOL
Baby will 100% baffle you at some point and that's a great thing. It's proof that baby is their own person. Every time my son does something I wouldn't think to do I get excited that he has a new perspective. It's helped me be more creative and curious.
Oh, you sweet innocent doves 😍 Please do a follow up video when the baby is 18 months, where you watch this video again an comment on your own answers.
I’m watching this after having six children and thinking bless them.
That would be amazing lol
Very smart buying a second stuffed lamb when you can! So many new parents don’t know to prep for item attachment. Also instead of waiting until it gets raggedy, switch the lambs out every time the other one is being cleaned or every few months so they have the same amount of wear 🥰
Gymnastics, and baby gym is also very good for developing coordination
Bit bias being a gymnastics coach, but still
Lol I said the same thing, then found your comment 😆
I need that baby clothes video! I can already imagine how adorable they look! 💕
Claudia, you're positively glowing!! Hope that all FIVE of you (Jessica, Claudia, Walter, Tilly and Baby Kellgren-Fozard) are happy and healthy in these difficult times and I love you all ❤️❤️❤️
I'm also SO READY for the baby clothes fashion show. Drop it girl
What do you both think about Sylvanian Families toys? They're so sweet and are totally Jessica's aesthetic
Totally! But so finnicky and plasticky... :(
@@jgr_lilli_ yeah, a lot of it is plastic nowadays. I remember they used to be less like that, but I don't think you can by the "originals" anywhere besides eBay! :(
They are soo cute!
Most of their houses and objects a plastic, but the dolls themselves don't seem to be.
A video about Montessori would be amazing! A lot of people don't know what is it, and you explain things so well Jessica!
i first thought you said Clara, I was like the legend is back??? LOL
Me imagining Jess and claud clapping and cheering enthusiastically on the sidelines for their kid playing sport meanwhile the team is fully loosing and theyre just having so much fun watching and supporting them 😂
I will watch an entire baby clothes video YES
Yes PLEASE a whole video on baby clothes!
My assumption is that youll be great parents ❤ you give me hope for my future and having a family as a wlw ❤
I did not find my "sport" until I was waaaay older and I really regret not trying a wide variety of things when I was younger. I may have found this passion a lot sooner.
So, yeah. I recommend trying all kinds different things.
What is your “sport”? Just curious
@@leahwhite8212 circus performer. More specifically, aerialist. I do aerial silk, trapeze, aerial hoop, rope, and contortion. Hence why I said "sport"
I would love to see a video with just baby clothes ! Especially for the bows 😍
You’re going to be wonderful mums. You have what it takes-a lot of love and common sense. I’m so happy for you.
you are going to be the greatest parents! so supportive and kind 😭
Just starting the vid, but would love to see how much of this is still true in a couple of years. Not many parenting styles survive contact with the tiny ones
my favourite baby toy (that i still have) is called Lamby, that made me so happy 🥺
I freaked out when I heard MONTESSORI! I’m AMS (American) trained with 3-6 year olds and am currently raising my 1 year old using Montessori philosophies. Excited for the video you plan to make!!
Me too, my little bubs is only 4 months now and I had montesori for a few years when we lived in UK, and also when we had out summers in the woods in Sweden. I think it helped me alot as a kid to think a bit outside the box and want my baby to have that experience too, although it's harder living in a digital world these days. In the 90's our internet was still dial up so it made it alot easier ;P
I love this video so much! I just started and I'm so excited. You two are an adorable couple!!!
i went to a montessori school during my elementary years and i love that you're applying this method to your home!! i think my montessori education contributed so much to my self esteem because it made me very independent, secure, and gave me a sense that i am capable of doing things. if you're doing montessori at home, i highly recommend sending your kid to a school that uses the montessori method as well (at least until grade 6). I remember everything from my montessori elementary education but absolutely nothing from my traditional high school years.
My day just got a whole load better when I heard Hello Lovely People! I live you guys!❤️
I am 22 and I somehow STILL felt a rush of joy come over me when you brought that cuddly lamb onscreen. There is a certain spot in my heart that I don't think will ever get over cuddly toys