Signs You're Dealing With A Narcissist! - How To Outsmart Toxic People & Heal Your Life | Dr. Ramani
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at California State University in Los Angeles. The focus of Dr. Ramani’s clinical, academic and consultative work is the cause and impact of narcissism and high-conflict, entitled, antagonistic personality styles on human relationships, mental health, and societal expectations.
Lee Hammock is a diagnosed Self Aware Narcissist (known as Mental Healness across all social media platforms). His goal is to raise awareness for NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), Get more people into therapy and also validate the victims and survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. Lee has been in psychotherapy since October of 2017 dealing with this disorder and has been public about it since July of 2019. He makes videos about dealing with his disorder in order to assist survivors on their healing journey and also to show Narcissists (THOSE THAT ARE WILLING) that the disorder does not have to be the end of the world for them.
Dr. Najwa Zebian is an activist, educator, speaker, author and relationship expert. Dr. Zebian began to write in an effort to connect with and heal her first students, a group of young refugees, but found that she was also writing to heal herself. In her first book, Welcome Home, she presented a guide for people to become a safe space for themselves, to see themselves through their own eyes, and to leave self-abandoning patterns behind.
Rebecca Zung is a Narcissism Negotiation Expert, founder of the SLAY negotiation method, popular RUclipsr (more than 25 MILLION VIEWS in less than 2 years) and one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, having been recognized by U.S. News & World Report as a “Best Lawyer in America”, as “Legal Elite” by Trend Magazine, and recognized by her peers and the judiciary as AV preeminent rated in family law, the highest possible rating for an attorney by Martindale Hubbell. She is the author of TWO bestselling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Freedom, and is a sought after major media contributor. Her perspectives are in high demand by television and print outlets, as she has been featured in or on Extra, Forbes, Huffington Post, Newsweek, Time, Dr. Drew, NPR Talk Radio among others.
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That's the worst isn't it. When you love someone but you know they will never change and you have to let go. I miss her often, i will never reach out.
@@86leewis I get it.
never say never because it can back firer
@@sylviaduncan6663 what are you talking about?
You stated that you miss her often, that you will never reach out. Be careful because you are very vulnerable. She could very likely be the one to reach out and you will fall right back into the same cycle. I still love and miss my just divorced ex. But "THEY NEVER CHANGE". They may convince you they will or have changed, until you're back to being their supply! It's heartbreaking beyond words!
@@tamiaustinyoga no she won't. She's knows the risk of rejection is far too high. It's been 10 months and even if she did, my mind is made up. I'm the one that left her, and that was the hardest part. She tried a few Hoovers that first month but just got ignored. And when I say I miss her, I mean I miss the idea of her, but after 1 minute of that I remember everything.
Games. Teasing, tormenting, maligning, alienation, Rollercoaster, breadcrumbing, devaluation, alienation, says one thing and does another. Mean spirited.
AC is a victim of mind games.
Walk away quickly and quietly. Set boundaries and stick to your boundaries. When a narcissist shows you who they are,run. They are deceivers, manipulative, abusive . Iron sharpens iron.
You are absolutely right. RUN. They dont change.
Nobody can make you feel more worthless than a mother with narcissistic personality disorder. It’s ruined our family. I haven’t spoken to her for years. You just have to cut and run….pick up the pieces and move on the best you can.
Boy you hit the NAIL right on the head
Yes, they really have a scorched earth mentality. And in her own eyes , she's a saint.
Give your head a shake....one of his best lines...raised my children alone....after getting rid if him...he was so much mental work for me....couldnt take it anymore...
they are mentally abusive.. they are mentally ill..will never admit it or go for help.. good for you - who needs that kind of energy around them?!
Right now i am having such big boundaries with my own parents…i totally disconnect from what ever unnessary conversation…but still i respect them by speaking politely to them…
Your parents are your enemies. Why not turn respect into a strategy and observe them?
To outsmart toxic and npd people is not to play their game.
Unfortunately, it's easier said than done !
The narcissist will absolutely ruin a calm, comfortable moment between you by bringing up their memory with an old "friend." Just when you feel really close to them, they destroy that moment by telling you about some romantic time they had with their old "friend" just to make you feel valueless and insecure. You're never the ONE with a narcissist, they constantly need a new supply!
Narcs are the definition of the opposite of; live and let live
Dr Ramani was my angel in the dark pit I was in.She really gets it.❤
Thank you for mentioning the book, "Stop walking on eggshells" I read that book many years ago in attempt, at that point in my life, to make sense of my parent's behavior. Talk about ego injury. You never knew what would set it off, and as you can imagine, just about everything. The topic in our family was always about them and much of my growing up was lost because their irresponsible behavior was focused on much more. I realize that these toxic behaviors lead you down a rabbit hole and take so much of your energy, there isn't anything (or very little) left of you.
They don't ask why you 'thought' they said what they did. They don't get sad. They won't show it.
My neighbors are horrible they listen to my conversations and gossip about it. Spread rumors. I want nothing to do with them. As for my husband, I don't know what I think. I struggle between wanting to leave and taking care of myself.
Freedom and Peace of mind are Priceless
If you leave, Go No Contact! It's 100% has to be done. ❤ GOD LOVES! LOVE DON'T HURT!
How can you outsmart the Narcissist when the courts empower the Narc even when red flags are flying and don't question bad behaviour or their destructive actions.
No questions asked.
My narcissistic wife used the UK family courts to enable her cruel, greedy, evil ways to succeed in taking as much as possible from my family .
🔥🔥🔥Courts are Full of Disordered Creatures that will Accept Bribes b/c they are Greedy! Attorneys(🎉surprisingly~ will accept a Bribe for You to Lose(your Attorneys). The Bribes will be paid by Flying Monkeys or Blatantly given In Front of you... The Court System is Crooked & Children suffer. 🩷🙏🩷 Healing Blessings! 💞💞💞
I recently just experienced this , my best friend of 30 years is married to a complete narcissist! She in turn has turned into the same . Sooooo many things happened, they tried pulling me into their world and I did for a bit and then pushed away and received the full wrath. Awful 😞
The third interviewee describes exactly what I experienced in my prior toxic relationship. I felt that I couldn't be myself. I had to be someone else, someone that the other person would accept or approve of. What that did to me was to shut me down and over time I felt that I became more and more contemptuous of the other person. I now realize that was wrong and an indication that it was time to go. It's a horrible thing to experience.
well damn. this is the 2nd time i’ve heard the phrase dry drunk. i’ve been sober 3 years now and am grateful for the reminder to get back in a helpful group.
🇹🇹 Hi great job!
When someone tells a lie - it's a blatant statement.
When someone gaslights - it's the blatant statement branched out or extended (stems, leaves, fruits).🇹🇹
But family that does that don’t you think they never really liked you in the beginning?
I told me the other day so you know I don’t like the way I feel when I’m around you and I said yeah that’s the way I feel I’m under therapist now for trauma. I’m gonna call it betrayal trauma, emotional psychological neglect. Now he’s abandoned, which is probably a good thing, OK that conversation
Everyone tells me to ignore the narcissist in my life, and criticizes my angry response, but he brings it to a physical level. He is a touchy feely person, but not in a nice way. He has a weird issue with touching people and wanting them to touch him. He touches people when it's inappropriate and it's unwanted. He compulsively puts his hand on people's shoulder and back, and grabs me from behind when my hands are full to take advantage. He will be awful to me and 5 minutes later he is trying to hug up on my, press his pelvis against me, and bully me into sex. I don't remember the last time I had sex with my partner that it wasn't entirely pressured and coherced. I have to let it happen to get it over with and to avoid abuse for not giving him what he wants
Love has nothing to do with it. I am strong like that. It is the money. We own a house together and I need him to pay half the bills. I am able to avoid him most of the time.
Yes, I have that filling or I had that filling a while back and last spring. It really freaked me out. I was like outside of my body and I told myself get back in there. I said no we’re not going that road yet. I don’t know. My husband told me he sold it sold to the devil, he say stuff like that can you explain that to me? That’s just really bizarre couple more comments he really didn’t know what he was doing. You know on earth that he hadn’t missed his mom and he was afraid of dying when you’re older narcissist with dark traits, you start to wanna just take care of yourself Because you don’t wanna die and you have to give yourself 100% you never gave the other person much thought during the last 10 years I told him the other day I said you’ve been trying to fucking get rid of me for eight years on and goes yeah I have it three weeks ago left me with all the bills so far anyway pretty good on Social Security huh yeah he’s 77 I’m 71 so we either get get on with our life and get this over with and move on and start living our life because there’s not much of it left
lol same it feels predictable with people nowadays. Maybe meet through friends?
Great video
Mahalo for the important information and conversation!
Going on 25 years
Matter what it is, it could be 1 million things and it’s still not right or it’s not his way or it’s not the best way
How come that people are that were raised by narcissists? Can't seem to be able to recognize another narcissist when they are an adult. Even though they've been a narcissistic relationships all their lives, they can't seem to be in the shape that personal trait and seem to gather another one in their lives
Great content 👏👏👏👏🤗🙏
Thank you
Dr Ramani is good at pushing confidence on the abused person in a relationship which is good but her simplistic view on narcissism is stigmatising and preventing a lot of narcs to come out and get better. When we heal beyond this one dimensional view, she will not be the place people go for advice anymore. She keeps people stuck in anger. We can get past that and be healthier.
Her focus has always been on the abused, she has many times the narcissist abuser has very little chance of getting better.
Is she confused between narcissists and psychopaths? Narcissists believe their lies, whereas psychopaths gas light. (Source: Sam Vaknin).
What's this about telling her what she did wrong on the first date? Dude, I hear that and cya. Also, you will totally vibe with a narcissist on the first date. They are mirroring you, which means you will totally vibe with you. You will be mesmorized, possibly vibrating, and miss all the micro-tells at the time, but see them clearly when the spell wears off. That will be when the mask comes off. No no no. It's not possible to be in a relationship with a narcissist. Unless, you don't mind losing everything and spiraling down to crazy in the future. They can't love you. They have no empathy. They are transactional. You're too young to settle for that and waste the time you could meet the right person, while you still have yours calm, cool, and collective. Leave her? 😂😂😂😅😢 You haven't seen crazy yet. Big hugs, be wise, Mom who has been there, done that. Oh, get pregnant and you get her forever.
Lee the answer is no.
Other than you aren’t related
Im not interested in gas lighters
Pls speak slowly...
My husband bought jewelry for two young women without telling me. Am I over reacting?
No!!!
What kind of question is this? There’s no common sense in this question.
@@phyllisjackson4322 Ty
@@amygerges6974 Move on.
NO
Dr. Ramini looks like a predator to me.
Practice detachment. Practice self care.
We did NOT come upon this planet for another to control us!!
I feel that we are all controled by even governments, the food/drink industry, pharma, ++++😢
I left my narcassistic husband 40 years ago well before I'd ever heard of this term. In my day we called it a control freak that had adult tantrums whenever I would challenge his behavior.
He went onto marrying again to a submissive lady who gives him everything in order for him to not complain....this choice is a choice made from low self esteem and zero self worth so therefore some people cannot ever muster the courage to ever leave even though they are being abused. I'm so grateful that I decided to love and respect myself in the way I did my exhusband which gave me the willingness and eagerness to finally walk away from this toxic pattern of being a punching bag.
yes.
Trust me , he will still complain … they are never satisfied!
You are mighty full of yourself. 🙄
Its hard to get out so cudoes! Good for you.
@@kaitlyngault3987 you sound like a narc🤣🤣🤣
Dr Ramani you have helped me escape a toxic relationship after 24 years of blaming myself
You are my Angel ❤
It will always be a nightmare at some point and you will be the broken one in the end.
Dr Ramani is such a goldmine of advice and information! This interview is full of gems. Thanks for having her on!
I wonder how much social anxiety in this world is actually a result of narcissistic abuse.
Probably most of it
Keep the narcs away from your family, especially your impressionable kids. They will drive a wedge between you and the kids, then blame you for being a mentally ill bad parent. They’re jealous and do t want you to have a relationship with your own adult kids. Heed my words.
This is so true.
How true!
They don't like it when you talk to Anyone
Broke, broken, mentally confused, emotionally bankrupt, physically drained and UTTERLY DESTROYED! I wish I had known sooner 😢
Unfortunately this is so true, I left the narcissist after 5 years of gaslight and mental abuse (then a complicated years long divorce) After another 5 years of loneliness, I found someone and we are in a healthy relationship. Right after, he turned one of our boys against me. I changed 2 lawyers trying to get the custody but they did not show up in court when the time came. He blocked me everywhere and when it's my weekend with the boys he takes them out of house and the police says they cannot do anything, they did not even register my complaints when in one occasion I have been beaten by his dad because I went to see my sons. He does make calls though where he tells my son " tell mommy you don't want her to call or try to visit again or she will be in big trouble" and then hangs the phone. Also be careful there is blackmail as well. Sacrifices you do for them will later be turned into something morally wrong and weakness.
Dr. Ramani, you are sent by heaven. You continue to confirm all that I have experienced with my ex. Broken up for almost three years. Yet he is STILL destroying my life and reputation as best he can. The lies he has spread about me are unbelievable, but, as you said in this podcast, people start believing the lies as he is so convincing. What a nightmare! And for people who say just move on, it is not that easy to do when your whole life is being destroyed and you can do nothing about it. People, run, do not walk, if you recognize ANYTHING in your partner or potential partner that Dr. Ramani has pointed out in any video ever.
Agree 100%!
It is that easy.....I did it and so can you.
Where are you making excuses to convince yourself you are better off being abused????
The answer is Fear
Dr Ramini is being very cautious in what her suggestions are when living with a narc wether it being a spouse...family member or so called friend. She really wants to say....
RUN....NEVER LOOK BACK...SAVE YOURSELF. Learn your lessons the narc offered you and leave with expansion of your souls mission.
You have to embrace “The Theory of Let’Em.” If they want to talk about you let’em. If they do t want to call let’em. Just let’em. It’s that easy♥️
My small community voted in an HOA a few years ago and it's been downhill since. There is a 'gang' of very toxic folks - narcissistic, anti-social, and fluent in lying - that are using our Association against us with rules and restrictions that are very draconian with the goal of driving folks out of their homes. They are using an IMSI Device to cyberstalk and block communications, intercepting calls and interfering with appointments, repairpersons, doctors, online ordering - anything they do to make life harder. The lies are whoppers - heard I got someone a DUI, dented someone's car, etc. The lower they can make me look the more they can control those around me. I know the truth, but others are swayed by these prolific liars with juices up gossip and using Association funds and other monies to buy my contacts' allegiance. It's like living in a Stephen King novel. Unbelievable evil so a small group can 'make money' by others losing their homes.
Dr. R. You are absolutely right!
You can heal in the relationship.
I did it the way you said, radical acceptance. He was never going to change. So I waited! Patiently. He died!
You’ll see that these people all always doing “one up,” comparing themselves to others, and prone to resentment and holding grudges.
No wonder, workplaces are hell.
„Saying the word „no” will teach you way more about somebody, than saying „yes” to everything.” I need to write this down 💥👍🏼
Yes, because how they handle that "NO" is what shows you their character
I was married to a narcissist for 14 years! It’s been 10 since separation and eventually divorce. I still have NIGHTMARES of he an I in a vehicle driving down a long high Mountain in pitch black NIGHT and a RAPID acceleration STRAIGHT DOWN THE MOUNTAIN! It was such a treacherous relationship!
They NEVER get better and IF they were to even a smidge there WILL BE a million lies and deceptions that would CRIPPLE any relationship if they came out!
Had to get out too, still working on healing the effects
Gaslight: “you’re not sick today.”
🤦♀️
Oh REALLY???
Children off narcissists are often future addicts ,of the same mechanism,highs and lows,unecessary effort required to get that love
Agreed. The trauma cycle is a hard one to break out of, and that's why our own shadow work is so crucial. I hope you find your answers and break free.
Seriously, the best thing is to leave! Even with children. Perpetual emotional abuse is chronic stress......it wears away at your glandular system. Victims eventually develop autoimmune conditions.....to the point of being a sitting duck in the future.....to sick to get out of bed.... being screamed at rhen is another thing. The perpetual cortisol rise keeps one in inflammation.
Took me 3 years to get over a narcissist abuse.. 3 years of healing.
For Some of us, it's a lifetime journey
I am almost at three years, and I see narcissistic red flags everywhere, more and more, the longer out I am. I’m a bit worried because I don’t want to date at all and I am just getting older.
I envy you. I am trying to heal from that shit my whole life, since I have toxic parents. And it's still difficult.
A very wise counselor gave me the best tool in my life towards self healing and growth. During a gas lighting smear campaign I poured out my pain of the things that were being said that either never even happened or did not happen in the manner described. He stated that remember people really have so much going on their own life to put much weight in what they hear about you and the faster you move forward and gain a support group of healthy individuals and concentrate on bettering yourself will be your biggest weapon against this kind of sabotage . Don’t let these people rob you of your blessings and self love that is required to fulfill the purpose of your life. Make boundaries and promise yourself if betrayal continues you will act in a manner that puts you in a safe environment. Have an exit plan if you truly are with a narcissist. If you ever have to act on it then it’s there to literally save your well being and even life. Don’t feel guilty because you trained your mind and financial security to survive. They will try to destroy you and the very fact you wised up and created a healthy survival plan will carry you through to a new chapter in your life. ❤
🎉
Why is reference always to men being the narc? I know plenty of women who are narcissistic.
I would assume most of her clients are women, in relationships with narcissistic men.
THANK YOU
I don't know why because I know plenty of narcissistic women!
I don't know why because I know plenty of women who are Narcissists.
AWAWE psychology. Always happens in "democratic" times
You go about your business and not think twice.
If you have NO MONEY you are really in a mess
Yeah, I know people who stay in this type of relationship and they have no money. Even when they do the partner or family will want it. Some even admitted that they are grateful because they are being fed and taken care of because no one else would do that. Some would, not tear you up to the point you are a shell of yourself that agrees with everything they say.
Yes. I really am in a mess. I don’t know how I am going to get out of this. I didn’t do this to myself! I am trying to get help but I have been completely crippled. I didn’t grow up in a functional household. Yet I am having to shoulder the burden of doing this all to myself.
@@CharlotteJocelyn there are women's organizations that lend money re: this situation.. phone around for help..
@@CharlotteJocelynyou can do this.
@@kimparke6653 I am trying as hard as I can.
Disconnect yourself emotional ,get the toxic person from your mind become unattached . No contact some are bound to go back
Yes exactly 💯
What if you have a mother that you’re financially dependent on? Then what? I am trapped! And if I am not trapped, then I FEEL trapped because I’m just gas lit by her. I am trying to get myself help, but I don’t see how I’ll be able to get away from being financially dependent on my mother who had a hand in doing this to me but absolves herself of all responsibility.
@CharlotteJocelyn Don't make this all about relying on your mother financially. You can look for a job their are other ways to earn income, and if you stop taking your financial burdens onto your mother and earn your own income, then you'll be just fine.
@@Butterflyyyy9 I have been trying to earn my own income for 8 years. Please don’t say or assume I haven’t tried or have been trying!! I have been doing the best I can with what I have. I have a great deal of past trauma and abusive experiences that have been holding me back. I am still trying…fighting for my life to get out of this controlling situation.
Literally my family and best friend SO. She is so trauma-bonded to the guy I live in fear that he will just order her to stop talking to me. He has already done some things I can't even address because she gets defensive. She is literally his doormat. As a receiver of narc abuse who is on the path to healing this breaks my heart. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. No one deserves to be with those types of people.
He will try to keep her from having anyone to talk to. They don't care how, especially if the friend is supportive.
Is a narcissist just an new name for a psychopath
Yeap, unfortunately .
Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani!!! So Smart!!! So Very Very True!!! I Appreciate You So Very Much!!! Thank You For This Important And Informative Video!!!🎉❣️
Lee Hammock is spot on, both Ramani & himself and are spot on.
I’m part way in, hoping they touch on siblings… adult siblings with living parents, so tough…. very sad and feels like loose loose
They loose too
Did they go over siblings?
Agree!!
What an amazing woman ❤. I can’t express enough how great it is to listen and learn from her. I am listening to it over and over .. I wish there is more amazing people like her . ❤
Wow she really knows what she is talking about!!! My father was a narcissist and my mother and we kids had a hard time, but it became bareble when we accepted it after many years and therapy ect, it was unbearable at times but after we learned to anticipated it especially when they get angry, and totally unreasonable, they also tend to take things to the next level with stakes and rage levels, while creating sympathy for themselves by others. They are master manipulators because they convince themselves that it is so. If you get them and realize what narcissism and bipolar tendancies are you don’t get emotionally involved anymore. We learned to live with him. We didn’t engage anymore, and it helped alot. Its really not a true relationship, you have to cope, and you know what they are gonna do before they do it. Its very hard to leave, it will be so much worse, they loose their minds, and beat you. My mom did try to leave but he found her and almost killed her. He would threaten killing himself. But it would have not benefited anyone. So we all coexisted, until his death. They were not really married for the last 15 years. Lived separately and just ate together sometimes. You only exist for their purpose in their minds. And if you don’t comply they can’t understand it. Its like incomprehensible for them. Because they are the only ones that matter.
My son moved in and out of my life 13 times from 2007 to 2022. Every time he got into a relationship with someone he for no reason flipped out on me, cussing me out with me in tears not knowing what I did...moved out, relationship he was in failed, screamed help mom, I let him back in as he knew how to pull on my heart strings (eventhough he blames ME for HIS failed relationships later!) None of his failed relationships were ever HIS fault. I had to go no contact in 2022 bc he was putting me through this for the 14th time and I had just found out I had a very aggressive cancer that within a year could have taken my life. I had to, for once, put myself before my son. Best thing I ever did!!!
Dr. Ramani, you have helped me immensely ❤
What happens when it doesn't work, and they realize you can't be controlled but yet they don't discard you, and still stay
You have to be the one who cuts the ties... Take charge of your own Life
I stay in my room and I bother no one. I'm not a narcissistic person.
That's called Isolation and maybe you know one. GOD LOVES; LOVE DON'T HURT
It's sickening when it's your own parents doing that to you!
I am definitely dealing with this situation but with my youngest adult daughter. She is on a campaign of harassment & destruction on social media against me. Strangely enough because I spent time a few hours with her older sister. Everything the Dr says rings true about my daughter. It is so mind-numbing & destruction is the plan with these people. After years of this merry go around of emotional abuse. I have finally resigned myself to going no contact for my sanity.
Looking back entrainment plaid out at first absolutely not love bombing .Yes dismissive , invalidating . I only want to hear what’s true .. Not what someone think I want to hear . I can read between the lines they are not genuine .
I'm in a narcissistic relationship lately, I'm pretty sure I am, but not with a lover, with someone I've been working with. There's two people in particular, I've just tried to help them, done so much for them and the business, invested alot of time, effort and resources but unfortunately things have popped up that have made them 'look bad', because they are bad, not trustworthy. Long story short now they are trying to utterly destroy me. I thought I could see it through and things will get better and they will eventually prove to be true to their word. Unfortunately it is becoming more and more obvious that this will never come into fruition, I just need to leave and let them destroy themselves and the business. Thanks for your videos they've opened my eyes alot.
I agree it's al about that controll and minimize people.
I saw so much just within a couple months. And i chose to ignore it.
I meant to comment a while your videos are helpful and supportive at times. But it’s getting to that point where it’s talked about nothing is done about that I’m finding myself alone in the world isolated from having to do to much and trusting narcissistic abusers. They succeeded to isolate me alienate and estrange my loved ones by the time I catch on it’s too late damage destruction is done you catch on too late and look bad and misunderstood. What was difficult all along there’s no real help for this. These narcissists should be segregated not in positions of money and power destroying the world.
Even managers and coworkers
You have to practice radical self care and learn to love yourself. Build yourself up as much as you can and limit your exposure to mean people. When you have to be in their presence SILENTLY repeat the mantra "it's not about me."
@@mimibatman2787good advice.
I know the feeling! ❤
She says narcissists are emotionally disregulated, but I feel disregulated because of their gaslighting and attempts to manipulate and abuse me, I react with anger. And then i am called a bad person for being angry and for calling them out on their exploitative behavior! Wtf
Outside of young people running maybe wild a bit. If for sure 25+ even younger. One or two years friends, minimum. Yet seen malignant coverts can 'act' longer well behaved. Mutual minded. Nos are the key. First time you say no.
You learn of them....Maybe a similar hobby together to see them interact in public group settings.
Great video lesson😊
Constant games of one upmanship.
❤❤Thank you ❤❤ it’s been a lifetime journey avoiding narcissistic people! That was once I learned why the people in my life are narcissistic.. 😢
NOT EASY
IM TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM THEM!
I have a friend that I have known for 17 years and I do believe this is what she has, and probably lot more. She even also loves to infantilizing me and I'm close to being 50 years old. She was my boss for 14 years and we kept in contact after she retired. After my last parent died, I have never seen her act like this. Her husband isn't like this to me at all. I have set my boundaries many times and she doesn't like it at all. She got mad at me. She likes to nag about my stuff, my car (she hates my car). She wants me to get rid of it. I'm like, "No way! I'm not getting rid of my car." She has a daughter and she wants me to get a car just like hers or take the bus. I told her, "Nothing is wrong with my car." Every time, she wants me to hangout with her and it's like she wants to complain. She asked me one day, "You STILL hangout with your guy friend?" I was like, "Yes. I do." It feels like I can't even make friends or hangout. I do have a learning disability. I'm very independent. Not sure if that's the case. I get so frusterated.
I so wish I could personally thank Dr. Ramani. She will never understand how she literally saved my life by choosing this life path. I am so unbelievably grateful for her!!!
I have a friend (ex housemate) who had a cruel, narcissistic ex whom she saw on a dating profile. One day, the three of us were just sitting with our phones looking at people on a dating app. She suddenly burst out laughing. She read us the description he had written about himself, it was exactly as you said "....I am looking for my Queen. An intelligent woman to understands..." blah blah. The three of us knew that the man on this profile was a complete fake.
My problem is my mother is a narcissist. I love her, i live with her, however it is extremely difficult. I haven't left because she is overweight and sickly and im her main caregiver. If im offered a job out of town i will take it. I will still. E concerned but i will have to find a caregiver .
Omg they want to drain you so bad.
It’s always about them.. poor me me me me.
You can even have a conversation with them..
they always the right now.. and think they can do whatever they want.
But if someone do it.. the hell will brake
🙏🏻💜🦋 Thank you so much for doing these super helpful videos!
mom all ways say if the bad out ways the good get out😢😢😢😢😢
YOU are either " holding court" or relegated back to the harem.
I rrally want to meet a person with my values but never meet the right person ....
I have that problem. Ask God to pick the next one. I need to get me right before I even want another relationship. Utterly destroyed! Love you first!
understanding i’m not just crazy or being dramatic is so healing. thank you. “don’t go deep. do defend. don’t explain. don’t personalize.” yes. they pretty much sound like charlie browns teacher and all we have to do is dissociate a lil bit then get away from them. 😂 also say out loud: i return all energy to sender and call my power back to me.
Great advice. Time well spent, learn about this as young as possible.
You have to know who are! Don't engage, silent help too and maintain your joy no matter what!
How about This?
If a Narcissistic relationship is about a Power-play then....
What about (usually) strangers who approach you, usually in a public place or even sometimes outside, who are "polite" about it all and say:
"Excuse me, but could you....? and you can bet that whatever they want, however small, will be all about getting you to:
A) STOP what you were already doing. Now!
B) CHANGE how you're doing whatever, now! to their way (and they are NOT your Boss, the police or in charge of the business)
C) MOVE where you are doing it at, now! For them. Is it Covert Narcissism? Some "polite" passive-aggressive manipulation disguised (or not) as a "favor"?
Have you ever gotten in the car, driven to some other public place, or even outdoors, simply wanting to relax and basically be left alone and Unhassled, but nnooooo....it goes like this:
1. "Excuse me but: could you not sit/park here, and move? (Why? There ARE plenty of other places, for them. Not far away, in fact, right around the other side of my car. More than one. Have at it! Why even approach me?)
2. Excuse me, but could you not ...or could you stop.... It's nothing Gross or immoral. Maybe something as innocent as me figuring some bills or doing some arithmetic and tapping my pencil as I think. (seriously? with all the other people talking in this public place, who would even hear it at all anymore than 1 table away? YOU move! Do iiii b*tch about their "loud conversation level" of their discussing politics at their table? No. Do you have anything a little more serious to bitch about?
(Note: They simply dont like whatever but they are not the police or managment of the business or in charge.).
3. You are listening to music, softly. maybe thru your laptop. You were there, first. someone asks you to turn it down. You say no. It isnt loud and i dont have headphones. The room is Big.. Many tables, not "on-top-of-each-other". People have space. They dont have to sit at the table right next to me. No one else said a word. What now?
4. You are in a lounge, sitting in a chair, and also using an ottoman (automan?) to rest your feet and someone comes by and says excuse me but we need that seat. Do you cave-in? What DO you say?
5. Someone is a passenger in YOUR car w/you driving and you are simply playing your favorite music as you drive. Not screaming loud, just On. They say to turn that sh*t off and listen to it on your own time cuz they hate it. IIIII say: too bad. A) its the chance they take riding with anyone else. and B) when iiii'm a passenger in anyone else's car, i am on THEIR "Turf" so i show them respect. God forbid anyone else could do it for me. What say you? why? (more below),
I cant help wondering if this isn't some as yet undefined/unclassified pathological condition, something like:
"passive-aggressive power tripping" by:
constantly trying to get other folks to do little "favors" for them.
Then, you cave-in. They got you to do-it-their-way, or stop. They were dominant. You, complied. Now, they feel they have-the-power. But, gee, they were so "polite" in asking you.
How about if they mind their own business and dont ask at all? Can't they get-thru-their-day w/o anyone else doing things for them?
Do you owe them anything? Are they your Boss? Who knows? But its annoying. How about if i enjoy a quiet day off and simply "not engage" people today? It's not illegal. It's not required. Just for today, I'm taking it easy and "opting out" of "engaging". Yes, even with other folks around, in public. "I came here to relax. I dont feel like conversation right now." WHO DIED?
God forbid THEY would put up with anything at all. No one cares when you put up with:
revving motorcycles
loud chainsaws
lawn mowers
barking dogs
or their screaming, unruly kids. .........We need Comebacks to "Excuse me, but could you" (usually in public places, or even outside)..... And ways to say no. Any suggestions?
Dr. Ramani I value your knowledge and experience that you share. I’m appreciative that you applied your intelligence to dedicate to this field. Thank you for your support. ❤🌻
I wonder if this doctor thinks mental diseases = Toxic ? Or does she believe mental disease or illness = People with trauma. Does she believe in bringing back the old asylum?.
If you watch enough of her videos and study NPD/Narcissism, then you learn NPD/Narcissism is NOT a mental illness. It's a Personality Style!
@@mday3821 It's actually classed as a disorder. Style and disorder are different when conforming to the DSM criteria. Thanks for u
Your input just the same. The question was a broader question that related to the argument regarding mental illness/ disease versus distressed / traumatization and not the singular narcissism
I’m going through the process of healing while I plan to get out. For some therapist they don’t believe it’s possible.
It is possible, but it’s challenging. Think about how they don’t like to be left. Now I’m living with a Covert Narcissist who feels I’m not engaged with. He feels insecure.
Daily I practice I’m here now for my purpose. At the same time there’s the history of caring for him. Sometimes I feel like I’m being Narcissistic. I need to remember I’m going through a process. Mindfulness is essential with my routine.
It is exhausting, so being present with myself is important.
Practicing setting boundaries and following through is imperative.
To cope It’s important to participate in effective activities such as Yoga, Yoga Nidra, and/or meditation. Sitting with myself focusing on my breathing, letting my thoughts and feelings pass without judgement for 20 minutes a day. That’s a process that supports a change within in my brain affecting thought patterns, behavior, and reactions. ❤
Please don’t make a profile for an experiment. Pause and think how that will affect someone. I feel you wouldn’t want to affect a person who may be insecure. That’s a game that shouldn’t be played. You actually said that. I do think it’s interesting without participation.
I gavemyaselfmore than 3 years and still.did not mert anyone who had the same values
Can you not have anger issues when you were born to a malignant narcissist, married a covert with a malignant sister & have worked with a plethora of these people? I'm talking before education & radical acceptance. There seem to be a couple of docs that focus on anger or yelling because their narcs were overt. Eliciting dysregulation happens outside of physical abuse or alcoholism but as a society we seem to consider it as unknowable as the narc would like us to.