For the people who are new to this stuff.. This is no joke. You will eventually start to get "glimpses" and they are truly scary and you will feel like going insane. That fear will take you couple steps back and slow down the process. Once it "starts" it will scare you like hell. Im also new for this stuff, but I cant go back anymore. And yes, words are tricky in this field.
Niinpä. Itsensä harhauttaminen ei enää toimi. Kun raskas energia pakkautuu, parempi ottaa vastaan kertarytinä kuin ainainen kitinä. Lopulta ei ole vaihtoehtoja kuin mennä pelkoa päin, lähes samastua siihen, ja luottaa että hippunen myötätunnon valoa saa sen virtaamaan ja irtoamaan kiinnikkeistään. Oman kokemukseni mukaan intensiteetti ei hellitä, mutta kerta kerralta läpivirtaus on hiukan nopeampaa.
@@chrisdelaplante5515 It feels like your life is falling apart, like everything is being lost. It feels like everything you don't want. It's not a fun feeling.
Agreeing with Angelo and other commenters here. When I was really exhausted from oscillating between boredom and suffering from being mind-identified, something in me finally let go and surrendered. And that's when it happened. And I believe surrender looks different for each of us. The viewer's letter really resonates with me so just wanted to say keep going 💜
I go on and off with self inquiry, for fear of going insane and also fear of dying (which feel like similar things). I feel like fully awakening is death, like its breaking all attachments to life to the point where there is no reason to keep being here. A couple of times I felt like this was going to happen, like I was at the brink of existence and I end up getting scared and try to force myself to forget or get distracted and invested again, basically clinging to my ego and life. Or I'm just mentally ill or delusional or something but that's why I don't try to awaken anymore. I jus meditate when it helps or i feel like it. Anyone relate?
I totally relate to your comment! 'In this moment', today, I am dissapointed in somebody, who even doesn't know me a lot...expectations lead to dissapointment, whether with people or pursueing enlightenment... And all this is ego, mind. And I am frustrated and sometimes 'I think' I am going mad...looking at my thoughts and feelings... I am the Observer, but 'I' can't let go and just allow, as everybody says. Then more thoughts arise.... I don't care about enlightenment any more... I can't stand this searching any longer... Either it will happen by itself or not... then I might "find my true self' in a next lifetime😔... Love to all out there, struggling... 💛🙏💞
Thanks for this video. I’m 50 now….and suffered in some way for I’d say 47 years of it. I catch my thoughts often repeating “I just want to die now” That’s how tired I am of the pit in my centre, the seeking and the boredom. Overall the feeling of doing something wrong and not living life the way it was intended. What a waste.
I feel you. I'm 44 and feeling the same. It's not constantly like this. From time to time I find joy, usually in a relationship. Which then inevitably leads to heartbreak and more months of suffering trying to "get over it", ready to chase another one. I'm tired of this cycle. Yes, this strong feeling of "I'm doing it wrong" but not knowing how to do it differently. I don't exactly want to die, but I don't really want to live life like this either.
Totally relate. Had suicidal thoughts and feelings for 47 years. Started at 9 years old. Done all the stuff to treat it too. Therapy, counselors, (I am a counselor too) psychedelics (a few major transformative experiences there) used drugs and alcohol for 35 years to “help.” Sober 10 years now. Big pharm poisons, spirituality, money, shopping etc etc. I’m so over it most of the time. Can it just be over already. lol Or, is there a way to actually enjoy this life thing? Had several peak experiences that blew the mind out (Nirvana) but alas, mind, mood and emotional identification comes back fast. Good luck. A buddy of mine always says “Just remember, when life is hard, one day you will die.” 😂😂😂 Funny while being comforting. ❤
Have you awakened yet? Like through the practice of yoga / Kriya / breathing techniques… I’ve felt the same way. It’s not too late for a do-over. You’re only 50… in my process of healing and awakening… I shed old egoic identities and patterns and negative self talk that locked me into the repetitive norm. Through the process of energy awakening (shakti)… it allowed for me to let go of certain things(egoic though structures of who I thought I was (I’m not a thought), find full-fillment within myself and through that process also found my dharma / righteous action. (What you’re suppose to do… you just haven’t found it yet maybe). Please forgive me if this is unwelcome / unsolicited advice. Simply I feel your frustration and can only share what’s happened to me as I embraced a deeper form of spirituality / awarness / self-acceptance …. which wasn’t psychological mind games most people think awakening is but an entire process of internal transformation that comes from the practice of yoga (Kriya I recommend). I was always looking for what I needed to “do.” First I had to ‘be’ and allow awakening and energy integration. Then profoundly started to listen to my intuition again and not my reasoning / logic stuck in dualism. Peace & Love … wishing you the best …
Some regular spiritual groundwork is helpful, enegy work, meditation, cultivating positive emotion, sangha, mindfulness, spiritual study etc. The intense stuff is easier to bear.
Funny, a few days ago I shared with my therapist, this same thing. That I am seeing that everything I am doing towards awakening, is just reinforcing a separate "me" -- attempting to move towards awakening. Thanks for this. Perfect timing.
I think we can all relate to the viewers comment that was read, I know I can. I have been lifted up and dashed back down by the waves of life and awakening so many times I've lost count. Im kind of in a steady as she goes approach. Available for whatever happens and totally willing to be stabilized in awakening. Grace is what's up now. Just letting go.
I think people get caught up in trying to maintain meditative states when this is the most important realisation. When we see that there's no way the self as we habitually conceive of it can exist it forever changes the mind's relationship with the illusion of it.
During an awakening, the seeker drops away. Afterwards, that extrapolation of the pursuer is seen as a narrative that is ultimately false, but exists as a currency to be used in social interaction. Through "spiritual" techniques, the seperate pursuer is tricked out onto the thin ice of the ego's world. Ideally, Crack & Splash!
Thanks for addressing my comment. ❤ l never thought that l could have been in a good place😂. And youre right, you cannot talk to anybody about how you feel. They would become so worried. And yes, I am going on with self inquiry, maybe starting to feel a sutle freedom. Some peace in midst of the hopelessness.
Hey Christina! Was reading a Ramana Maharshi Q&A and thought of sharing this with you. Pretty sure it will benefit you: "Question: When we fall from the path what should we do? Ramana: All will be well in the end. There is a steady determination that gets you on your feet again after a fall or break. Gradually the obstacles get weaker and your current gets stronger. Everything comes right in the end. Steady determination is what is required. Peace will be deeper and more prolonged with continued practice. It will also lead to the goal. The control of desire and meditation are interdependent. They must go hand in hand. Practice and dispassion bring about the result. Dispassion is to restrain the mind from projecting outwards and practice is to keep it turned inward. There is a constant struggle within between control and meditation. Meditation will eventually be successful. If you seek God with your whole heart, then you may be assured that the Grace of God is also seeking you." Peace. Stay full of hope! 🙏❤
I really appreciate your honesty and Angelo‘s reply was precious. Keep trusting you are exactly where you need to be although no-one could follow you there. Do self inquiry if you can but if the shadow work needs you attention, do it. With a turbulent bodymind there may be not enough clarity to meditate. The clarity emerges after the shadow material flows through a bit.
Hi Christina, I recognize a lot in what you are describing. Recently there was an anxious, disoriented and dissociated feeling. Now there is more of a kind of gloomy and depressed feeling. As if I don't care anymore and I feel a "no" to everything. My body feels very heavy too. Because the sense of time has changed so much it is as if it will always be like this. At the same time, partly because of Angelo's videos, there is a trust that it is okay. And it is so clear that I don't have the possibility to change anything anyway. (Such a wonderful ride 😉 🎉) Thank you for sharing your experience 🙏🏻💜
6:15 It's never felt like giving up, but it does feel like there's been a kind of "burnout" recently. It still truly seems like if I could find a good teacher to keep me on track, or even a monastery or meditation center where I could sit for months without being diverted from the "train tracks" by mundane life, then there's nothing preventing awakening, or simply awakeness. (and this is obviously the seeking, the projection into a future that'll "solve the problem", the idea of "what's missing" and why this isn't already available RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, which it blatantly is) It feels so immediate and obvious, there's no more magic tricks or special maps or intellectual understanding needed. Your pointings have been so exact for that and have cut off so many beliefs that only lead to going in circles. But now that it's this direct, "in my face", nowhere else to go but here, the hesitation, avoidance and distraction feel so much more powerful. Habits feel so much more powerful and engulfing than they did before. Doubts keep arising and being identified with, only to drop the moment they're seen as doubt in the moment, and yet in retrospect they clearly succeed given that I haven't dedicated EVERYTHING to this when it's so clear nothing else in "ordinary life" feels like it matters nearly as much. In a word, fear, probably. Sadness too, while writing this, but no resistance to it. The whole story just feels so silly by this point, even if it keeps being narrated and frequently believed in until moments of slightly-more clarity. So easy to look at all of that and sigh and think "when will it end, when will the last straw hit and I'll snap and put all attention into this, or surrender spontaneously, no more bouncing back and forth, whether right here and now or in some ideal environment", but that's just part of the story, projecting it into a future and past, ignoring what's right in my face... So exhausting. So unnecessary. Or maybe it's just part of the ride.
'Hard pressed on my right. My center is yielding. Impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent. I am attacking. -Ferdinand Foch. It's all about the attitude, your current conditions are the perfect conditions to practice with your patterns
I watched I video of a lady speaking about her awakening. Long story short it took her 20+ years to become for wanting of a better word fully awakened. 😫 Over 20 years. My god I’m about a year in. I doubt I got much more than 20 years to live. That’s very daunting to me but I feel there’s no shutting this down now. Not that I want to but please for the love of god I hope things open up a bit sooner than that. It didn’t seem she had the kind of help that’s here now , like your Chanel , so I hope that’s a factor. I’ve got your book on my Xmas list to so very much look forward to that. And I hope it gives me a nudge in the right direction. A story like yours detailed from start to finish is what I need. I know there’s no finish but you know what I mean.🙏
LOL! Not to discourage you but I have been on some kind of spiritual "path" or other for over 50 years! Certainly am wiser and more open but wouldn't say I am awakened. That particular thing has not happened other than glimpses. But I have no choice but to stay the course. It's obviously my lifes mission. It's in Gods hands. I quit "trying" a while ago.
Sometimes I feel I've been driving on this pathless road to Awakening with the brakes on... no wonder why the feelings of being stuck, dissatisfaction, and disappointment ... 🤦🏻♀️ this video is a great reminder of letting go of the urge to be in control, release the pedals, take the back seat, and ride along in this driverless vehicle and into the mystery! Thanks Angelo! ❤️🙏 See you in a couple of weeks at AOLRC!
I am most definately in it , for the most part I am challenged. It has landed for me, this is how it is, now and then I get a 2nd wind....I also sense once we've deeply engaged the awakening process, there's no U turn, it has it's own momentum and it's up to me to embrace the truth of really not knowing how this is going to unfold or even if I'll be graced to fully abide in the truth of the being that I am.
Thanks, im finally been given a gift, this nonduality. I have been seeking ever since so young. Id like to say that understanding your video today was a really really good sign bc i used to get headaches listeneing to you before i mean it took me a while to comprehend them. Today was a breeze. Grateful to your presence.
Beautiful Angelo. So many times I've been in that dark place of frustration and discomfort, and each time I come out the other side there's a tiny bit more clarity and unbinding. I remember Nisargadatta Maharaj's words, "Earnestness is the key" and manage to push on. While there are still many days of struggle and resistance, other days now are almost effortless and there's a natural flow which is my confirmation that yes, this is the only path. No major shift yet, but it's ok 😊. Love your videos. Many thanks! 🙏🙏
What great timing. When I initially started, I always stated I was more interested in the nature of reality than personal enlightenment. But as I went deeper, I do sense the dissatisfaction becoming more clear so much so that I miss the ignorant days, i.e., when I was ignorant, there was bliss - even though there were all kinds of ups and downs, I wasn't thinking of awakening or realisation or whatever. It seemed like a more innocent time. Yet there's no going back I suppose. And would I even want to, as Morpheus asks Neo.
Thanks Christina for this question! I get that occasionally on daily life and specifically in the retreats. I had it in Angelo’s retreat in Australia. Thanks Angelo for the response. 🙏🏻💜🙏🏻
Angelo your nurturing and kindness is so epic. It just touches my heart so deeply. My gratitude is beyond words and yet I want to say thank you. 🙏 ❤ Kris
@@SimplyAlwaysAwakethere is no “simply always awake”, waking up is never ending, delusions come and go. Classic example of neo folks claiming that awakening is the final obtainable endpoint, that knowing something about no-self is not the awakened state…it’s not, but just the beginning of the awakening
This is so amazing. I couldn’t put into words this “half way to real surrender” thing going on. Utter exhaustion mixed with an eeeily numb “unreal” feeling. You put words to this and it’s brilliant.much love, thank you
Dear Angelo, First of all, I love your content, you are a great guide and "teacher" even when I know you don't consider yourself as such. You are nonetheless a amazing person who has helped more people then we can count❤ I do have a request out of curiosity. I drank some booze the other day and was wondering what the effects are on my ego and consciousness. If you do consider making a video, maybe combine with other substances, like drugs or "to much" sugar. Dopamine etc. So many options. Thanks for reading and have a great day. Ps. Maybe invite Zbin for the mix as he also loves discussing these topics😊
Thanks Angelo, this video was lifesaving this morning. I resonate with Christina’s message of hopelessness,. Yet I stick to meditation practice with a bit of seeking energy left. My body is a battleground of nondual experiences and a fierce trauma identity / deep shadow stuff fighting for it‘s life. It‘s indeed risky to open up of the ego death process to anyone. I‘ve lost two friends, both with spontaneous clairvoyant abilities. The other recently concluded that I‘ve manifested my misfortune by meddling with the evil forces of Eastern spirituality. She renounced her siddhis and turned to fundamentalist Christianity. According to her, I could just turn to light and find peace of mind. Amazing how few of even spiritually inclined people get that trauma/shadow is where you need to go. Being afraid of their own shadow they plaster their ego with extreme duality. Black-and-white ideologies gain followers.
I had an experience where I was sinking into an abyss and I was no longer connected to my mind or my body. I could still see thoughts coming up and passing but I felt I was getting pulled into the experience completely. At that moment, I made a conscious decision of returning back to my thoughts and returning to sensations of my body , I spoke in that moment to the universe/silence and I felt I made a choice to experience huge financial abundance and let go of the opportunity of liberation as a trade off. I felt I received almost a message which asked through transmission/telepathy if I was sure about my decision and I affirmed to the same.
You've said some things on this video that struck a nerve with my process. Ordering your book now. It's important that I don't expect that your book will solve my problems, but will be another tool in self realization.
I think it would be cool to check back in with Christina. Cause I went through that stage and thought joy would never be mine again and everything was boring and meaningless. But not anymore. It has returned. I'm interested again.
This is my first time running across your video. I have been searching for my soul family and like minded individuals to compare notes, look for common denominators and find solutions. I would love to chat. ...and yes enlightenment is a messy process.
"Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate". Dante. Another brilliant discussion of abandoning any thought of navigating this portal with the mind. In spite of the terror this conjurs, it is heartening to know that as thoughts slowly subside, the peace of God seeps forward.
I remember the first time I heard Buddha's first noble truth, it was like a punch in my gut. It resonated so much, and started this whole thing for me.
It would be very helpful to inquire at that particular moment, "to whom do these thoughts arise?" I imagine Sri Ramana Maharshi would tell Christina something along the lines of "Who is tired? Who doesn't want to chase awakening anymore? Who says that life is boring and it's not what he/she wants? Ask the question 'Who Am I?' and inquire"
Thank you. This is more or less where I have been for the past month. To me, though, it feels like all this seeking is finally starting to pay off. Every two or three days I have been reaching states of bliss, or love… and those tend to happen whenever I somehow manage to drop all hope, all faith, all seeking, all wanting. I say “somehow” because at times I can spend days trying and failing to get there. So, that’s what the past month has been like for me.
All people close to me have absolutely no idea about awakening or anything close to it and I have learn not to talk about it. Trying to make others realize something when they are not receptive or when you are not grounded enough in truth to handle their response is the worst. I always tried to look at why I wanted them to understand this or that and I realized it was either because it felt uncomfortable to have to deal with an "unconscious" person every day during this process or because I thought they should do this work, they should want to be better. On this path, our first insights are so clear and obvious that when we share them and people don't get it, it can feel like pure unwillingness or selfishness on their part. But now, I understand pretty well what Eckhart Tolle means when he says "People can only act according to their level of consciousness". I see how all our reactions, thoughts and stories are a bigger illusion than this mind could ever comprehend, hence why we don't see it as long as we are in our head, I guess. Nowadays, the only feeling that's hard to shake for me comes with a thought saying "its a shame" when I see my husband or my mom being so stuck in their identity because I would like for them to see at least a little bit of truth... for their sake.
@@Buddhishgirl I really know what you are talking about! Same 'story' with my family- Especially 'hard' to see one's husband indentified with feelings of anger or sadness... It is exhausting sometimes... Love to you And everybody 🙏💛💞
If someone says they are bored, I would ask “if you could do or have anything to not be bored, what would it be” The spiritual journey isn’t linear, 3 steps forward 2.9 steps back is common, at times it can even seem like 6 steps back, but isn’t really. Nothing gained is ever really lost.
Seeking is addicting. Even after having found beingness, the ego wants to jump back into the driver's seat and start Seeking heehee. It's a silly wabbit. 😂
the kingdom you seek for peace is not from worldly desires, it is internal, a true spiritual being doesnt rely on anything, you look deep inside yourself inside the inner man/woman
It’s time to come forward and speak truth with so much light that the cognitive dissonance of society is unable to subjugate the next generations. Much of my life I hid from others due to how they would react to me. I like many, became a chameleon to hide right in front of others. I hid my authentic self. I even hid from myself. I literally gaslit myself much of my life. I am someone who had literally epic psychic visions, into many parts of my life as a child and then had to live through those experiences and see I was an actual child seer. Yes. Believe it or not. I was a child seer. One who sees is a seer. I was a child seer until I couldn't take seeing into the horror of society anymore. And then I blinded myself to my senses for much of my life. It was the only safety I knew. I didn’t see a way to stop the horror of society coming at me. The convoluted reality that I then existed in, while suffering the Pre-PTSD of the suppressed PTSD of what I would later endure, that I had seen ahead and then indeed did occur all around me, the reality that I then existed in was the reality of not being more fully present in my own experience of life to be more fully able to speak these truths to an unconscious society that would abuse me if I did. I submitted myself to being less than I truly was because I saw society didn’t care about me. I had yet to learn to care about me enough to be who I am. Looking back at your life, when you lived so much of that life not being present, tends to give you glimpses into how much you’ve lost, but as well how much society truly lost over the years, by it’s inabilities to truly see each other and hold space for the presence of one another. Yet there is clarity in overcoming the subjugation of it all, and freeing one’s spirit in seeing through the times and spaces of your own existence. That’s not even taking into consideration as a small child as I was seeing into the many states of ego I would develop and have throughout much of my life, I was also having memories of what appeared to be other life times I was seeing through. Having to go to speech therapy as a small child because when I became flustered the adults would look at me in shock and state: “He’s speaking in a deep Scottish brogue!” Or having night terrors of dying on a battlefield in a life I was seeing into from 1513. Being present in presence manifests prescience.
I’ve been drowning in a sea of dukkha for forty years. I simply can’t take it anymore. It’s always seemed to me that others knew how to human, but I was somehow born on the wrong planet. I don’t know what being awake will be like, and I really don’t need to know. I can’t imagine it could be worse than this. I’m absolutely up for letting retreat take me next month.
Hell yes,Angelo! Beyond excited for retreat. A little nervous also, but mainly I’m just I’m just thankful to have the opportunity to let go into the retreat so it take unfold and take me wherever life wants it to go. Extremely direct transmissions from you in person has me giddy.
I have been through an awakening for two times in my life now. That kinda confuses me because after the first one i reached that letting go of everything state where you just know what you reached is the ultimate realization and only after that you can truly let it all rest. After several years i fell deeply in love with someone and it ended in pain. It started that whole awakening journey again like i was suffering some kind of amnesia, from awakend mind to the deepest ego mind, including suffering and stalking and jealousy. This lead me first on the twin flame journey, to manifesting journey and then again to awakening journey. Finally things are resting again leaving me deeply confused. Makes me wonder if this whole journey to reach the surrendering stage is merely a vicious cycle that we can't escape, like the whole journey is simulated. I mean in the end we are just conciousness thinking we achieved something by finally surrendering, but what if literally NONE of that achievements and realizations are truly our own but rather were simulated by manipulating out thoughts minds and feeling to create this illusion of progress.
That muggle comment is really thought provoking. Mostly why it had not occurred to me. 😂. I must be changing 😊. There are some parallels as you can’t talk to normal folks about most of this stuff.
Angelo, have you ever met anyone with bipolar disorder and with psychosis that got enlightened (besides Frank Yang)? If so, did they stop taking medication? Thank you.
They often do stop taking medication anyway. Frank seems a bit manic (at least hyperactive) to me. I didn't know he had BP, but that was my first impression of him based on a recent interview.
One of my recent issues….is, NOT believing in the I….i do not see how i am not In my brain. We always say: i m not the mind/body…..but i dont SEE anything else. I feel fake when saying i SEe i am separate from the thinker
So does this go along with this feeling I've had for as long as I can remember? Hard to say when it's said "there is no you"/ "never were born"..I guess I'm still identified with the personality self. For as long as I can remember I've felt like I just need to rest. Like I'm bombarded by life and can't catch a break. My sister feels the exact same. All we've ever wanted to do is sit and breather but somehow we have to keep waking up and getting dressed and going to the job that we don't want to. I've had the opportunity for the last few years to get some sense of that rest I've been needing but it doesn't feel like enough. Life is still coming and I still have to get up for the things I don't want to. Feel like I can never quite get the rest and stillness that I want
@@davidb.2496 , not disagreeing, only that there is no One to read/watch. Only What’s Happening. Which is nothing appearing as Everything. Happening to No One.
Burning out from seeking, letting go, finally surrendering to what’s just here, forever & never deviating, just done. Feels ok :)
only ok ? from an ego percepective seems not much haha
For the people who are new to this stuff.. This is no joke. You will eventually start to get "glimpses" and they are truly scary and you will feel like going insane. That fear will take you couple steps back and slow down the process. Once it "starts" it will scare you like hell. Im also new for this stuff, but I cant go back anymore. And yes, words are tricky in this field.
I feel this
Niinpä. Itsensä harhauttaminen ei enää toimi. Kun raskas energia pakkautuu, parempi ottaa vastaan kertarytinä kuin ainainen kitinä. Lopulta ei ole vaihtoehtoja kuin mennä pelkoa päin, lähes samastua siihen, ja luottaa että hippunen myötätunnon valoa saa sen virtaamaan ja irtoamaan kiinnikkeistään. Oman kokemukseni mukaan intensiteetti ei hellitä, mutta kerta kerralta läpivirtaus on hiukan nopeampaa.
What is the scary things ?
Yesss
@@chrisdelaplante5515 It feels like your life is falling apart, like everything is being lost. It feels like everything you don't want. It's not a fun feeling.
Agreeing with Angelo and other commenters here. When I was really exhausted from oscillating between boredom and suffering from being mind-identified, something in me finally let go and surrendered. And that's when it happened. And I believe surrender looks different for each of us. The viewer's letter really resonates with me so just wanted to say keep going 💜
I go on and off with self inquiry, for fear of going insane and also fear of dying (which feel like similar things). I feel like fully awakening is death, like its breaking all attachments to life to the point where there is no reason to keep being here. A couple of times I felt like this was going to happen, like I was at the brink of existence and I end up getting scared and try to force myself to forget or get distracted and invested again, basically clinging to my ego and life. Or I'm just mentally ill or delusional or something but that's why I don't try to awaken anymore. I jus meditate when it helps or i feel like it. Anyone relate?
Yes. 100%. But then i realized, that’s just more ego- still intense emotions and shit
I totally relate to your comment!
'In this moment', today, I am dissapointed in somebody, who even doesn't know me a lot...expectations lead to dissapointment, whether with people or pursueing enlightenment...
And all this is ego, mind.
And I am frustrated and sometimes 'I think' I am going mad...looking at my thoughts and feelings...
I am the Observer, but 'I' can't let go and just allow, as everybody says.
Then more thoughts arise....
I don't care about enlightenment any more...
I can't stand this searching any longer...
Either it will happen by itself or not...
then I might "find my true self' in a next lifetime😔...
Love to all out there, struggling...
💛🙏💞
Thanks for this video. I’m 50 now….and suffered in some way for I’d say 47 years of it. I catch my thoughts often repeating “I just want to die now” That’s how tired I am of the pit in my centre, the seeking and the boredom. Overall the feeling of doing something wrong and not living life the way it was intended. What a waste.
I feel you. I'm 44 and feeling the same. It's not constantly like this. From time to time I find joy, usually in a relationship. Which then inevitably leads to heartbreak and more months of suffering trying to "get over it", ready to chase another one. I'm tired of this cycle. Yes, this strong feeling of "I'm doing it wrong" but not knowing how to do it differently. I don't exactly want to die, but I don't really want to live life like this either.
Totally relate. Had suicidal thoughts and feelings for 47 years. Started at 9 years old. Done all the stuff to treat it too.
Therapy, counselors, (I am a counselor too) psychedelics (a few major transformative experiences there) used drugs and alcohol for 35 years to “help.” Sober 10 years now.
Big pharm poisons, spirituality, money, shopping etc etc.
I’m so over it most of the time.
Can it just be over already. lol
Or, is there a way to actually enjoy this life thing?
Had several peak experiences that blew the mind out (Nirvana) but alas, mind, mood and emotional identification comes back fast.
Good luck.
A buddy of mine always says
“Just remember, when life is hard, one day you will die.” 😂😂😂
Funny while being comforting. ❤
Have you awakened yet? Like through the practice of yoga / Kriya / breathing techniques… I’ve felt the same way. It’s not too late for a do-over. You’re only 50… in my process of healing and awakening… I shed old egoic identities and patterns and negative self talk that locked me into the repetitive norm. Through the process of energy awakening (shakti)… it allowed for me to let go of certain things(egoic though structures of who I thought I was (I’m not a thought), find full-fillment within myself and through that process also found my dharma / righteous action. (What you’re suppose to do… you just haven’t found it yet maybe). Please forgive me if this is unwelcome / unsolicited advice. Simply I feel your frustration and can only share what’s happened to me as I embraced a deeper form of spirituality / awarness / self-acceptance …. which wasn’t psychological mind games most people think awakening is but an entire process of internal transformation that comes from the practice of yoga (Kriya I recommend). I was always looking for what I needed to “do.” First I had to ‘be’ and allow awakening and energy integration. Then profoundly started to listen to my intuition again and not my reasoning / logic stuck in dualism. Peace & Love … wishing you the best …
Nothing is wasted. It's all the perfect recipe for "you", to come to inevitable fruition.
Some regular spiritual groundwork is helpful, enegy work, meditation, cultivating positive emotion, sangha, mindfulness, spiritual study etc. The intense stuff is easier to bear.
Funny, a few days ago I shared with my therapist, this same thing. That I am seeing that everything I am doing towards awakening, is just reinforcing a separate "me" -- attempting to move towards awakening.
Thanks for this. Perfect timing.
Nice
Thanks for that. Great in-sight
I think we can all relate to the viewers comment that was read, I know I can. I have been lifted up and dashed back down by the waves of life and awakening so many times I've lost count. Im kind of in a steady as she goes approach. Available for whatever happens and totally willing to be stabilized in awakening. Grace is what's up now. Just letting go.
Awakening is not an acquisition, but a lessening. Not the dropping away of the Self. Rather the realization that the Self never existed. 🎉 😮
Yeah, realizing that the so-called Self was just a bunch of thoughts!
I think people get caught up in trying to maintain meditative states when this is the most important realisation. When we see that there's no way the self as we habitually conceive of it can exist it forever changes the mind's relationship with the illusion of it.
do you say now that you don’t know what you are or do you say you are self with a capitol “S”? i feel like there are two camps.
@ , often this trio response is given. I an No One, Nobody, I don’t know.
I AM is not just thinking is energy that contains seeking and hides what is@@silverhandle
The pursuer is backward extrapolated constantly by the pursuit 🔄
During an awakening, the seeker drops away. Afterwards, that extrapolation of the pursuer is seen as a narrative that is ultimately false, but exists as a currency to be used in social interaction. Through "spiritual" techniques, the seperate pursuer is tricked out onto the thin ice of the ego's world. Ideally, Crack & Splash!
Thanks for addressing my comment. ❤ l never thought that l could have been in a good place😂. And youre right, you cannot talk to anybody about how you feel. They would become so worried. And yes, I am going on with self inquiry, maybe starting to feel a sutle freedom. Some peace in midst of the hopelessness.
Hey Christina!
Was reading a Ramana Maharshi Q&A and thought of sharing this with you. Pretty sure it will benefit you:
"Question: When we fall from the path what should we do?
Ramana: All will be well in the end. There is a steady determination that gets you on your feet again after a fall or break. Gradually the obstacles get weaker and your current gets stronger. Everything comes right in the end. Steady determination is what is required. Peace will be deeper and more prolonged with continued practice. It will also lead to the goal.
The control of desire and meditation are interdependent. They must go hand in hand. Practice and dispassion bring about the result. Dispassion is to restrain the mind from projecting outwards and practice is to keep it turned inward. There is a constant struggle within between control and meditation. Meditation will eventually be successful. If you seek God with your whole heart, then you may be assured that the Grace of God is also seeking you."
Peace. Stay full of hope! 🙏❤
Thank you for asking.
I really appreciate your honesty and Angelo‘s reply was precious. Keep trusting you are exactly where you need to be although no-one could follow you there. Do self inquiry if you can but if the shadow work needs you attention, do it. With a turbulent bodymind there may be not enough clarity to meditate. The clarity emerges after the shadow material flows through a bit.
Hi Christina,
I recognize a lot in what you are describing.
Recently there was an anxious, disoriented and dissociated feeling.
Now there is more of a kind of gloomy and depressed feeling. As if I don't care anymore and I feel a "no" to everything. My body feels very heavy too.
Because the sense of time has changed so much it is as if it will always be like this.
At the same time, partly because of Angelo's videos, there is a trust that it is okay.
And it is so clear that I don't have the possibility to change anything anyway.
(Such a wonderful ride 😉 🎉)
Thank you for sharing your experience 🙏🏻💜
@@ChrisTina-yc5fh Had similar feelings recently. Thx for asking 🩷
6:15 It's never felt like giving up, but it does feel like there's been a kind of "burnout" recently.
It still truly seems like if I could find a good teacher to keep me on track, or even a monastery or meditation center where I could sit for months without being diverted from the "train tracks" by mundane life, then there's nothing preventing awakening, or simply awakeness. (and this is obviously the seeking, the projection into a future that'll "solve the problem", the idea of "what's missing" and why this isn't already available RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, which it blatantly is)
It feels so immediate and obvious, there's no more magic tricks or special maps or intellectual understanding needed. Your pointings have been so exact for that and have cut off so many beliefs that only lead to going in circles.
But now that it's this direct, "in my face", nowhere else to go but here, the hesitation, avoidance and distraction feel so much more powerful. Habits feel so much more powerful and engulfing than they did before. Doubts keep arising and being identified with, only to drop the moment they're seen as doubt in the moment, and yet in retrospect they clearly succeed given that I haven't dedicated EVERYTHING to this when it's so clear nothing else in "ordinary life" feels like it matters nearly as much.
In a word, fear, probably. Sadness too, while writing this, but no resistance to it. The whole story just feels so silly by this point, even if it keeps being narrated and frequently believed in until moments of slightly-more clarity.
So easy to look at all of that and sigh and think "when will it end, when will the last straw hit and I'll snap and put all attention into this, or surrender spontaneously, no more bouncing back and forth, whether right here and now or in some ideal environment", but that's just part of the story, projecting it into a future and past, ignoring what's right in my face... So exhausting. So unnecessary. Or maybe it's just part of the ride.
Boomerang to you. I feel you .🌻💛
'Hard pressed on my right. My center is yielding. Impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent. I am attacking. -Ferdinand Foch.
It's all about the attitude, your current conditions are the perfect conditions to practice with your patterns
I watched I video of a lady speaking about her awakening. Long story short it took her 20+ years to become for wanting of a better word fully awakened. 😫
Over 20 years. My god I’m about a year in. I doubt I got much more than 20 years to live. That’s very daunting to me but I feel there’s no shutting this down now. Not that I want to but please for the love of god I hope things open up a bit sooner than that. It didn’t seem she had the kind of help that’s here now , like your Chanel , so I hope that’s a factor. I’ve got your book on my Xmas list to so very much look forward to that. And I hope it gives me a nudge in the right direction. A story like yours detailed from start to finish is what I need. I know there’s no finish but you know what I mean.🙏
LOL! Not to discourage you but I have been on some kind of spiritual "path" or other for over 50 years! Certainly am wiser and more open but wouldn't say I am awakened. That particular thing has not happened other than glimpses. But I have no choice but to stay the course. It's obviously my lifes mission. It's in Gods hands. I quit "trying" a while ago.
Angelo, when l saw your video on my comment this was literally the universe talking to me. How beautiful is that?? 😊❤ and how could it be different?
🤗….what remains when there is no one chasing, resisting or hoping? …..💛
Sometimes I feel I've been driving on this pathless road to Awakening with the brakes on... no wonder why the feelings of being stuck, dissatisfaction, and disappointment ... 🤦🏻♀️ this video is a great reminder of letting go of the urge to be in control, release the pedals, take the back seat, and ride along in this driverless vehicle and into the mystery! Thanks Angelo! ❤️🙏 See you in a couple of weeks at AOLRC!
I am most definately in it , for the most part I am challenged. It has landed for me, this is how it is, now and then I get a 2nd wind....I also sense once we've deeply engaged the awakening process, there's no U turn, it has it's own momentum and it's up to me to embrace the truth of really not knowing how this is going to unfold or even if I'll be graced to fully abide in the truth of the being that I am.
Thanks, im finally been given a gift, this nonduality. I have been seeking ever since so young. Id like to say that understanding your video today was a really really good sign bc i used to get headaches listeneing to you before i mean it took me a while to comprehend them. Today was a breeze. Grateful to your presence.
Beautiful Angelo. So many times I've been in that dark place of frustration and discomfort, and each time I come out the other side there's a tiny bit more clarity and unbinding. I remember Nisargadatta Maharaj's words, "Earnestness is the key" and manage to push on. While there are still many days of struggle and resistance, other days now are almost effortless and there's a natural flow which is my confirmation that yes, this is the only path. No major shift yet, but it's ok 😊. Love your videos. Many thanks! 🙏🙏
What great timing. When I initially started, I always stated I was more interested in the nature of reality than personal enlightenment. But as I went deeper, I do sense the dissatisfaction becoming more clear so much so that I miss the ignorant days, i.e., when I was ignorant, there was bliss - even though there were all kinds of ups and downs, I wasn't thinking of awakening or realisation or whatever. It seemed like a more innocent time. Yet there's no going back I suppose. And would I even want to, as Morpheus asks Neo.
Many times during this the thought arises to give it up. Then it is realized something is driving this process other then what I take myself to be
Thanks Christina for this question! I get that occasionally on daily life and specifically in the retreats. I had it in Angelo’s retreat in Australia. Thanks Angelo for the response. 🙏🏻💜🙏🏻
thanks for your non dogmatic approach. really refreshing when one is looking into various scriptures
Angelo your nurturing and kindness is so epic. It just touches my heart so deeply. My gratitude is beyond words and yet I want to say thank you. 🙏 ❤ Kris
You’re very welcome ❤
@@SimplyAlwaysAwakethere is no “simply always awake”, waking up is never ending, delusions come and go. Classic example of neo folks claiming that awakening is the final obtainable endpoint, that knowing something about no-self is not the awakened state…it’s not, but just the beginning of the awakening
This is so amazing. I couldn’t put into words this “half way to real surrender” thing going on. Utter exhaustion mixed with an eeeily numb “unreal” feeling. You put words to this and it’s brilliant.much love, thank you
Dear Angelo,
First of all, I love your content, you are a great guide and "teacher" even when I know you don't consider yourself as such. You are nonetheless a amazing person who has helped more people then we can count❤
I do have a request out of curiosity. I drank some booze the other day and was wondering what the effects are on my ego and consciousness. If you do consider making a video, maybe combine with other substances, like drugs or "to much" sugar. Dopamine etc. So many options. Thanks for reading and have a great day.
Ps. Maybe invite Zbin for the mix as he also loves discussing these topics😊
Thanks Angelo, this video was lifesaving this morning. I resonate with Christina’s message of hopelessness,. Yet I stick to meditation practice with a bit of seeking energy left. My body is a battleground of nondual experiences and a fierce trauma identity / deep shadow stuff fighting for it‘s life. It‘s indeed risky to open up of the ego death process to anyone. I‘ve lost two friends, both with spontaneous clairvoyant abilities. The other recently concluded that I‘ve manifested my misfortune by meddling with the evil forces of Eastern spirituality. She renounced her siddhis and turned to fundamentalist Christianity. According to her, I could just turn to light and find peace of mind. Amazing how few of even spiritually inclined people get that trauma/shadow is where you need to go. Being afraid of their own shadow they plaster their ego with extreme duality. Black-and-white ideologies gain followers.
I had an experience where I was sinking into an abyss and I was no longer connected to my mind or my body. I could still see thoughts coming up and passing but I felt I was getting pulled into the experience completely. At that moment, I made a conscious decision of returning back to my thoughts and returning to sensations of my body , I spoke in that moment to the universe/silence and I felt I made a choice to experience huge financial abundance and let go of the opportunity of liberation as a trade off. I felt I received almost a message which asked through transmission/telepathy if I was sure about my decision and I affirmed to the same.
It must be very frustating when you have 20 years of meditation and no awakening !
Yes Angelo, I didn’t realize the gravity. Now it’s so profound and dearly appreciated.
So much gratitude 💖
Thank you. I'm trying to listen.
You've said some things on this video that struck a nerve with my process. Ordering your book now. It's important that I don't expect that your book will solve my problems, but will be another tool in self realization.
I think it would be cool to check back in with Christina. Cause I went through that stage and thought joy would never be mine again and everything was boring and meaningless. But not anymore. It has returned. I'm interested again.
did i just make a video as this buddha just peeled back another layer...at 5 minutes the statement about the "healthy mind" was beautiful...
This is my first time running across your video. I have been searching for my soul family and like minded individuals to compare notes, look for common denominators and find solutions. I would love to chat. ...and yes enlightenment is a messy process.
Expectation is a synonym for dissapointment
That muggle analogy is perfect, haha.
"Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate". Dante. Another brilliant discussion of abandoning any thought of navigating this portal with the mind. In spite of the terror this conjurs, it is heartening to know that as thoughts slowly subside, the peace of God seeps forward.
I remember the first time I heard Buddha's first noble truth, it was like a punch in my gut. It resonated so much, and started this whole thing for me.
Awareness is a state of being , a mental state of being
It would be very helpful to inquire at that particular moment, "to whom do these thoughts arise?"
I imagine Sri Ramana Maharshi would tell Christina something along the lines of "Who is tired? Who doesn't want to chase awakening anymore? Who says that life is boring and it's not what he/she wants? Ask the question 'Who Am I?' and inquire"
Thank you, that's very helpful guide!🙏
Thank you. This is more or less where I have been for the past month. To me, though, it feels like all this seeking is finally starting to pay off. Every two or three days I have been reaching states of bliss, or love… and those tend to happen whenever I somehow manage to drop all hope, all faith, all seeking, all wanting. I say “somehow” because at times I can spend days trying and failing to get there.
So, that’s what the past month has been like for me.
Super helpful thanks Chris Tina and 😇 😇 Angelo ❤
All people close to me have absolutely no idea about awakening or anything close to it and I have learn not to talk about it. Trying to make others realize something when they are not receptive or when you are not grounded enough in truth to handle their response is the worst. I always tried to look at why I wanted them to understand this or that and I realized it was either because it felt uncomfortable to have to deal with an "unconscious" person every day during this process or because I thought they should do this work, they should want to be better. On this path, our first insights are so clear and obvious that when we share them and people don't get it, it can feel like pure unwillingness or selfishness on their part. But now, I understand pretty well what Eckhart Tolle means when he says "People can only act according to their level of consciousness". I see how all our reactions, thoughts and stories are a bigger illusion than this mind could ever comprehend, hence why we don't see it as long as we are in our head, I guess. Nowadays, the only feeling that's hard to shake for me comes with a thought saying "its a shame" when I see my husband or my mom being so stuck in their identity because I would like for them to see at least a little bit of truth... for their sake.
@@Buddhishgirl
I really know what you are talking about!
Same 'story' with my family-
Especially 'hard' to see one's husband indentified with feelings of anger or sadness...
It is exhausting sometimes...
Love to you
And everybody
🙏💛💞
If you've never been awakened, how do you know what you're pursuing? It seems like an impossible conundrum?
I laughed at the muggle part hahaha Damn it muggles!!!
If someone says they are bored, I would ask “if you could do or have anything to not be bored, what would it be”
The spiritual journey isn’t linear, 3 steps forward 2.9 steps back is common, at times it can even seem like 6 steps back, but isn’t really. Nothing gained is ever really lost.
Seeking is addicting. Even after having found beingness, the ego wants to jump back into the driver's seat and start Seeking heehee. It's a silly wabbit. 😂
the kingdom you seek for peace is not from worldly desires, it is internal, a true spiritual being doesnt rely on anything, you look deep inside yourself inside the inner man/woman
I want to give up because of the absolute terror I feel .
🙏 Thanks
It’s time to come forward and speak truth with so much light that the cognitive dissonance of society is unable to subjugate the next generations. Much of my life I hid from others due to how they would react to me. I like many, became a chameleon to hide right in front of others. I hid my authentic self.
I even hid from myself.
I literally gaslit myself much of my life.
I am someone who had literally epic psychic visions, into many parts of my life as a child and then had to live through those experiences and see I was an actual child seer.
Yes. Believe it or not.
I was a child seer.
One who sees is a seer.
I was a child seer until I couldn't take seeing into the horror of society anymore.
And then I blinded myself to my senses for much of my life.
It was the only safety I knew. I didn’t see a way to stop the horror of society coming at me.
The convoluted reality that I then existed in, while suffering the Pre-PTSD of the suppressed PTSD of what I would later endure, that I had seen ahead and then indeed did occur all around me, the reality that I then existed in was the reality of not being more fully present in my own experience of life to be more fully able to speak these truths to an unconscious society that would abuse me if I did.
I submitted myself to being less than I truly was because I saw society didn’t care about me.
I had yet to learn to care about me enough to be who I am.
Looking back at your life, when you lived so much of that life not being present, tends to give you glimpses into how much you’ve lost, but as well how much society truly lost over the years, by it’s inabilities to truly see each other and hold space for the presence of one another.
Yet there is clarity in overcoming the subjugation of it all, and freeing one’s spirit in seeing through the times and spaces of your own existence. That’s not even taking into consideration as a small child as I was seeing into the many states of ego I would develop and have throughout much of my life, I was also having memories of what appeared to be other life times I was seeing through.
Having to go to speech therapy as a small child because when I became flustered the adults would look at me in shock and state: “He’s speaking in a deep Scottish brogue!” Or having night terrors of dying on a battlefield in a life I was seeing into from 1513.
Being present in presence manifests prescience.
@@AwakingSpirit Powerful
@@SimplyAlwaysAwake I've never been able to mingle very well with strangers. But that's ok.
Thanks for sharing your voice for others.
I’ve been drowning in a sea of dukkha for forty years. I simply can’t take it anymore. It’s always seemed to me that others knew how to human, but I was somehow born on the wrong planet.
I don’t know what being awake will be like, and I really don’t need to know. I can’t imagine it could be worse than this. I’m absolutely up for letting retreat take me next month.
That’s what the fuck I’m talking about!
Hell yes,Angelo! Beyond excited for retreat. A little nervous also, but mainly I’m just I’m just thankful to have the opportunity to let go into the retreat so it take unfold and take me wherever life wants it to go. Extremely direct transmissions from you in person has me giddy.
In. Search 👀 of the miraculous ❤
I have been through an awakening for two times in my life now. That kinda confuses me because after the first one i reached that letting go of everything state where you just know what you reached is the ultimate realization and only after that you can truly let it all rest.
After several years i fell deeply in love with someone and it ended in pain. It started that whole awakening journey again like i was suffering some kind of amnesia, from awakend mind to the deepest ego mind, including suffering and stalking and jealousy. This lead me first on the twin flame journey, to manifesting journey and then again to awakening journey. Finally things are resting again leaving me deeply confused.
Makes me wonder if this whole journey to reach the surrendering stage is merely a vicious cycle that we can't escape, like the whole journey is simulated. I mean in the end we are just conciousness thinking we achieved something by finally surrendering, but what if literally NONE of that achievements and realizations are truly our own but rather were simulated by manipulating out thoughts minds and feeling to create this illusion of progress.
That muggle comment is really thought provoking. Mostly why it had not occurred to me. 😂. I must be changing 😊. There are some parallels as you can’t talk to normal folks about most of this stuff.
Angelo, have you ever met anyone with bipolar disorder and with psychosis that got enlightened (besides Frank Yang)? If so, did they stop taking medication? Thank you.
They often do stop taking medication anyway. Frank seems a bit manic (at least hyperactive) to me. I didn't know he had BP, but that was my first impression of him based on a recent interview.
How much of your decision to upload this is related to Delson Armstrong and his recent......admission?
One of my recent issues….is, NOT believing in the I….i do not see how i am not In my brain.
We always say: i m not the mind/body…..but i dont SEE anything else.
I feel fake when saying i SEe i am separate from the thinker
What happens if you cling to neither the belief that you exist, nor the belief that you don’t exist?
💛
The fourth way❤
So does this go along with this feeling I've had for as long as I can remember? Hard to say when it's said "there is no you"/ "never were born"..I guess I'm still identified with the personality self. For as long as I can remember I've felt like I just need to rest. Like I'm bombarded by life and can't catch a break. My sister feels the exact same. All we've ever wanted to do is sit and breather but somehow we have to keep waking up and getting dressed and going to the job that we don't want to. I've had the opportunity for the last few years to get some sense of that rest I've been needing but it doesn't feel like enough. Life is still coming and I still have to get up for the things I don't want to. Feel like I can never quite get the rest and stillness that I want
Don't give up looking.
Give up expecting to find something.
And then it's right here.
Oh that hit me in a good spot
Angelo, do you have anything on cessations and whether they’re necessary?
A major core effect not a side effect here is the bubbling of anger, and more so currently is, fear and sadness in a major way.
Messing up with predictive coding (the mind spiel, aka identity) always backfires.
Nothing is inevitable.
If I let, go of the thoughts how do i read a book or understand your RUclips?
@8996… thoughts will not stop, but identifying with them can. It’s all part of What’s Happening.
You read/watch from the position of the higher consciousness.
@@davidb.2496 , not disagreeing, only that there is no One to read/watch. Only What’s Happening. Which is nothing appearing as Everything. Happening to No One.
@@davidb.2496 as soon as i typed it, i got that. Thanks!
@@cps_Zen_Run yes!
Intentional effort and conscious suffering
So what does it matter if "I" give up or not 😂
That which cannot be dedcribed must be passed over in silence.
🙏🙏🙏
What do you mean by "awakening ". Some awakenings require research