When ableism is a compliment: ignorance at its best
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- Опубликовано: 17 июн 2024
- WE DID IT! We found the best worst RUclips comment! Let's digest. 😉
Getting strange comments isn't anything new to me, but this one seemed to encapsulate one of the ways our society looks at disability.
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As a deaf woman, I relate.
People say you don't look deaf.
Yeah, that's why it's called an INVISIBLE DISABILITY
i always (with anything but specially being deaf or blind) find this the most stupid comment ever, to me its a bit like expecting all ex convics to dress in jail outfit or striped clothing like a comic book... like.. do these people realy not know what the world looks like or something its so weird.
When people make that comment, do they expect you to not have ears?!
Thank you for shouting. I'm not as deaf as you, but I still go around shouting "WHAT?" at everyone. I'm not hard of hearing, they're hard of speaking.
I'd love to know what they think hearing looks like? I don't get people. You'd just love to be able to respond with 'well you don't look stupid but you just made that comment' wouldn't you 😅
@@GuntherRommelOh god, as an autistic person, I can so relate to this. I can hear just fine, but if you don't speak up and speak clearly my brain doesn't know what the hell you're saying.
A person with no heart called someone else incomplete. What incredible irony! Love you, Jo!
A person with no heart and no brain.
Heart or brain.
I love the way you put that! 😂
Exactly!
@Thussey711: This is exactly what I thougt, too. Heart, brain, empathy ...
How dare they? Some toughts:
If a human is defined by a leg ... what´s then a centipede?
Would a bird call me "complete"? Since I have two legs, but no wings?
In my first decades of life I had not much contact to disabled persons. Then I was in a group where a deaf man joined. At first I was a bit scared, but then it became so mormal that I almost forgot about his disability. I´m so thankful for this experience, because it "normalized" my view on blind, amputated, deaf, muscular dystrophy, parkinson disease .. and so on. It lowerd my fear of contact and I don´t see them as "non normal" people anymore. (sorry for may bad English)
One of the things I find most "inspirational" about you is that you show the shit side of things. Please don't stop doing that.
She’s not afraid to tell it like it is
“You’re inspiring” trigger warning:
You’ve shared both your highs (friendship, community, creativity) and lows (surgeries, divorce, truly heart shattering loss of pets) a lot of which don’t have to do with disabilities. You’re inspiring not in a “ if she can do it so can I” way, but in a “ whatever I’m going through, good or bad, it doesn’t seem as lonely” way. You’re brave to open up to strangers like that.
Thank you.
I once told a wheelchair bound disabled person after hearing her keynote talk that I was inspired by her. She visibly bristled and asked me what I meant. I replied - quite honestly - I was inspired by her starting a successful company so young. Her shoulders relaxed and her face went soft. She was afraid of what other people have dubbed "Inspiration porn". Honestly, her disability didn't even cross my mind when I said that!
@@EsmereldaPeajust for future reference, a lot of folks who use wheelchairs don’t love the term “wheelchair bound.” The idea of being “stuck” in a wheelchair is a very able bodied way of looking at it, whereas for someone with mobility issues a wheelchair can be a wonderful tool that helps them get around and do things more easily. So if your wheelchair represents freedom and independence, it’s not going to feel right when someone talks about it like it’s a bad thing, so “wheelchair user” tends to be the preferred term, since it’s more neutral. It also applies more accurately to folks who use a wheelchair when needed but don’t always need it.
@@TeeganLee - thanks for your reply. You're absolutely right. I have at least one friend in a wheelchair who uses this term, so that's why I used it. But it would be better to use a different term. I will take what you've shared forward and do better.
Hearing the inspiring sentence for living with a disability always makes my skin crawl. Or: "You are so strong, I would be depressed/heartbroken in this situation." I know it's meant as a compliment, but it just translates to "glad I'm not in this situation and it makes me feel good to be better/more complete than you" in my head. It's just not a compliment to say someone's inspiring/strong for living with a disability. It goes towards ablism even, cuz apparently in your head there's "whole" and "broken" people, and obviously you can only be happy when you're whole (according to them). No, you live your life the way the cards were dealt, and everyone strives to become the best version of themselves with or without disability.
For me Joe is inspiring because she can talk about extremely difficult topics in such a thought-provoking way. Being passionate and reasonable at the same time. This has nothing to do with her limbs, only her brain and heart.
You’re a disabled person, but you’re not _just_ a disabled person. You’re an artist. You’re an athlete. You’re an influencer. It’s sad that some people can’t look past the first thing they see.
🌬❣You are absolutely right. There is more than meets the eye. 😢
I know you mean well saying this. All disabled people are more than there disability but definitely having a disability forms a big part of how life is done.
@@Krinsta1 It was certainly not my intention to imply that disability is not a challenge for disabled people. I was simply pointing out that people who look at disability the way the ignorant person in the featured comment did need to see that there is more to disabled people than their disability.
I think the bit where you said you're not a disabled person kind of feels like you are saying not being disabled is better than being disabled.
I think disability is relative to the things you're trying to do, and to the tools you have available
If you can't move your legs and you don't have a wheelchair, and you want to go somewhere, then you're pretty disabled. But if you then get a wheelchair, and if all the places you want to go are wheelchair-accessible, then you're effectively abled again (I mean, not completely, obviously. But you're significantly more abled than you were without the wheelchair). Then if you want to go someplace new and you find out that the new place isn't wheelchair accessible? Now you have a disability again
It's an idea I heard a few years ago, and I hope I haven't done it a disservice by oversimplifying it. But it's a nice idea. We're used to thinking that a disability is a medical issue, that it's something within the person, always part of them. But under this new view it's different. It's more like a disability is an interaction between the person and the environment that they're in
As someone who is autistic, I can relate to this in a way. The kind of vile stigma placed upon us is staggering, treated like a disease or plague that’ll infect people or something. The same kinds of comments come to us too, and it just feels… so… weird to see the same people who will infantilize us and tell us that we’re doing such a good job simply existing turning around the next second and saying that we don’t deserve to exist because our lives are so horrible.
... while they amply demonstrate that they know fuck all about the life of even one autistic person, let alone about how varied our experiences are. 🤬😡🤬
Thank you for saying this. My nephew is on the spectrum and I work with kids that are on it as well. My job is to teach kids how to do things that most neurotypical people take for granted. Things like cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping…etc. When I’m out with the kid I’m currently working with, we get all kinds of looks and comments. This kid is incredibly smart and very loving. But people choose not to see that. They also realize that he’s deaf and therefore can’t hear how loud he can get when he’s vocalizing. When he gets excited you can not only see it in his face, you can also hear it as he will be very gleeful. And when he’s not so happy he can pierce ear drums with his screams. As much as we hate to say this, there are times when his mom and I are kind of glad that he can’t hear the things people say. Though he does react to the vibe they put out. When that happens the comments get so gross and mean. Sometimes I wish I could carry a roll of duct tape for their mouths. You are definitely not a disease or a plague. Neither are the kids and adults that I work with. If anything I’d say the sheer ignorance of other people is the plague.
I would like to take this opportunity as a person on the spectrum to remind everyone that Autism Speaks is an origination made up ENTIRELY of the bad kind of people being talked about.
"Better dead than weird" as we tend to say about the adjacent anti-vax mums.... and yes that movement started getting it's current head of vile steam with us. Thanks, Andy.
I hate using Elon Musk as an example, because he's a piece of crap human being who mistreats those around him and has really crappy beliefs. But, when it comes to pure accomplishments and effect on the world? He literally is the best living example in terms of material contributions to society, when you look at SpaceX and Tesla dramatically changing both the future of transportation and the future of space exploration.
When it comes to deceased examples, I can almost guarantee that Albert Einstein was autistic, and I'm sure there are quite a few other awkward people that were also on the spectrum. There's even the suggestion that General Montgomery was autistic, and he was one of the best commanders of World War II, according to some.
@@TheEDFLegacy I know you're trying to be positive about autism, but that's not how your comment comes across. By referencing what a few autistic people have contributed to society you are implying that autistic people only have value if they contribute to society. But autistic people are just people; they are no more or less valuable than allistic people.
As a disabled person I hate being told how brave I am, for not letting my disability ‘impact me’
Yes, because you try to deal with it doesn't mean it hasn't impacted you 24/7.
Yeah I'm an able bodied minority but I get the same bullshit and can't stand it. It's not like only brave people can get disabilities or face discrimination or any sort of hardship. Without knowing anything else about you, there's no way for me to know if you're brave or just a normal person who happens to be disabled. Your disability tells me you've had struggles, but I don't know if you've overcome them in stride or let them kick the crap out of you. At least you haven't killed yourself, but that's an incredibly low bar. I wish you strength, but I don't assume you already have it.
Me too and I’m a wheelchair user
Yes, connective tissue disorder that therefore fu..s up so many things, costs a fortune in meds and treatment and doctors usually don't want to manage you, so you're on your own with dealing with it. GPs are usually ignorant and can accuse you of malingering or drug addiction. Of course no impact on your physical and mental health!
Yeah that one is irritating, but it's really a well meaning statement expressed via a poor choice of words. So, I explain to those who say it, that I'm not brave, I'm living my life, and that just because I'm out and about doesn't mean every aspect of my life isn't "impacted" by my disability.
There is a great Tedx talk by Stella Young called "Inspiration porn and the objectification of disability" for anyone who wants more on the topic of "disabled people as inspiration because hey at least my life isn't as bad as yours."
Thank you so much for this video, Jo!
So I have two semi-functioning meat legs and use crutches to get around. I've never had anyone outright tell me "jeez I would off myself if I was you" but I have had several random strangers in public say something to me, to the effect of "hey good on you for your continued existence as a disabled person." It's always a very strange experience.
Really might have too check that out.
What, we are all supposed to immediately kill ourselves because we are disabled?!
I’m in a wheelchair and absolute strangers will say stuff like “it’s so great to see people like you out and about,” and I wish I had the guts to turn it around and say “it’s great to see people like you out and about too!” Also, I’m an ambulatory chair user, and people cannot wrap their heads around the fact that I can walk a few feet. I have been accused of faking, taking advantage, not being “real disabled” and once I had someone shout from across the street “It’s a miracle!” when I stood up to navigate a curb without a curb cut, with the help of my able bodied companions. It makes me want to never stand up from my chair in public, even if that is the best way for me to avoid increased pain or navigate things in 10 seconds instead of the multiple minutes it might take me if I’m tied to my chair.
Edit: and I’ve definitely gotten the “I would rather die than be like you” thing a lot. Even from close family members. They always see it as a compliment not the insult it actually is.
@@Tinyvalkyrie410 Ignorance even among medical professionals is a major problem. I just use a cane, or rollator and get the same response if I walk a few steps without them . I use them for OA, CPPD pain and fatigue - can always have a seat on rollator. Nothing wrong with legs that prevent walking but need braces to prevent damaging hypermobile wonky knees even more. They just make life less painful and tiring.
@@TheMazinoz yes, I have a rare genetic condition that resulted in severe malformation of my spine. It’s a horrifically painful condition. I do not have a single vertebrae that is unaffected. Even though I have obvious physical differences, people are still casually cruel. Still, I can stand for a minute or two, and walk a few feet, sometimes more on a good day. I also know what you mean about doctors. They are not free from bias. How to deal with disabled patients is not taught in medical school for some reason, so they are just about as bad at it as the general public, unless they personally choose to put in the effort to learn.
One of our friends said something similar that if he was disabled (a 4x limb amputee specifically) he'd want to end his life...I had to walk away from him, I was so angry. He didn't even understand why "I'd rather be dead that disabled" might upset me(a disabled person). I'm so angry that this ablelist ideology is so prevalent that people can say it without even thinking about how messed up it is.
I'm going to counter that message and say: Thank you Jo for your stories and sharing things about your life. It has really helped me accept and grow and better understand myself. I struggled for a long time when I became disabled not to just mourn my loss(as I saw it). You are an inspiration, not because you are a Good Disabled, but because you are a Good Person and a Good Advocate.
I am so sorry that happened.
I am commenting because I want to spread word that this possibly could be do to depression.
I used to have similar thoughts and during those times my mind genuinely thought that those ideas in my mind were completely normal, now I am able to see it is only hurtful to everyone around me including myself to ever think or say such things.
Of course maybe he is a person who is selfish and can’t think of others normally, but he also could be dealing with underlying issues that could become worse if lashed out on.
Hope things get better and your friend can eventually see that what he thought was wrong
I must admit, I would probably feel similarly if I was a quadriplegic or similar. If I wasn't able to interact with the world around me, I would feel incredibly trapped and unable to do anything. The only reason why I would consider living with it these days is because we are on the verge of a technological breakthrough where we could pretty much replace the human body with cybernetics within my lifetime. But that's within my lifetime.... for those in previous generations, it was essentially a life sentence in a prison you could never escape. It's tragic. 😢
@@TheEDFLegacy Computer interfaces that do not require manual control have been common for a long time now. I would be sad at the limitations such a disability would impose(just like I lament the limitations my current one imposes) but that disability does not prevent you from living a full and happy life.
@@deetlebeedepends on what kind of person one is. i know for a fact that i could never have a full and happy life if i lost all my limbs. that isnt to say these peoples lives don't matter or that they arent full and worthy human beings, and i hope everyone who has this disability is able to be happy and live a good life, but i can understand why for some that is pretty much their worst nightmare.
@@TheEDFLegacy Here's the thing though, even being a quadriplegic doesn't necessarily mean you can't interact with the world around you. There are many artists, for example, Sarah Biffen, born in 1784 with no limbs, who was also a mouth painter. Do yourself a favor and google her self portraits. John Carter was also a mouth artist, who preferred pencils, and he was paralyzed from the neck down in the 1830s. He successfully made art for 20 more years.
Today there are quadriplegic authors, scientists, musicians, doctors, psychiatrists, and more. Yes, being disabled makes life much harder, but it doesn't mean its over.
I will say this for the commenter: at least they took the “you’re an inspiration” to its logical conclusion. So many people genuinely don’t seem to understand that the implied coda to “you’re so brave/ such an inspiration” is “I’m shocked you haven’t unalived yourself!”
This!!! I had an ex-friend tell me “you’re so inspiring, I don’t know how you do it. I’d rather die.”
I think its more of "I don't think I would be strong enough to fight and keep moving forward, and I'm amazed you can".
That's how I felt about it prior to becoming disabled - Being an athlete was my life and outlet for everything. I can't say I handled it well, but I did find it in me to keep going.
I think we underestimate our capacity as humans to adapt to crap circumstances, and our fear of our own weakness and mortality makes us do and say some dumb stuff.
It's also hard to realize how bad saying those things sound from the perspective of someone who IS in that position, until you're in that position yourself.
@@Nil-tz6gy yeah, I get that this is what the person thinks they are saying. But if you think about it for more than a minute, what other option is there other than continuing to just live your life one day at a time? Do they imagine they’d just lay in a bed somewhere not doing anything until they just die? Actively end their life? Honestly, between the possible alternatives, the EASIEST thing is to just keep doing your best to get through each day, pretty much like you were before, only with more obstacle/struggle/pain/limitations/etc. I think people underestimate how hard it would be to actively choose to waste away without doing anything for days on end. It’s also psychologically really difficult to actively chose to end your life if you don’t already know you are dying, or aren’t extremely clinically depressed.
You're an inspiration Jo, but not because you're disabled. You're an inspiration because of your dedication to advocacy for your community and the hard work you put in to make the world a better place through said advocacy ❤ Keep being awesome 😄
I wish I could give this video more than one like. It's obvious this person hasn't seen a lot of your videos because if they had, they'd see you are a very complete person. You're kind, you're tough, you're smart, you're an excellent educator, artist, athlete, dog mom, and you've created this awesome community of people who are kind to both themselves and others.
make another account and like again. Then you can like more than once.
I needed this before i headed to my prosthetist appointment today. Keep truckin', Jo! You always make me smile.
Thanks for helping us disabled and able bodied folk alike know we dont have to be cheery about the sh*t we ve been through, it's ok to be sad or angry. Makes a difference x
I’m diabetic, so amputation is absolutely something that may be in my future. Watching your videos gives me a much more concrete sense of exactly what aspects of my life will change and what I can potentially do to make that suck less (#1 takeaway so far: improve my upper body strength). You’ve been very candid about both the physical and emotional considerations, and just having that level of factual information to work with has helped me immensely. Thank you for putting all this out there. I’m sorry you get comments like this.
I am also diabetic and my doctor is freaking out now cuz my latest blood test results have not been so good lately. I've already lost my pinky toe from bone infection. The meat toe is still there but there's no bone underneath. So I've already dabbled a bit into what amputees deal with (phantom sensations and whatnot).
I don't know much about diabetes, would you mind explaining how amputation is a possibility? if you don't feel comfortable taking about it, that's completely understandable
@@ithinkitsjames619 I'm not diabetic, but part of it is reduced circulation to the lower limbs which then can cause you to not heal as easily from injury to the area causing necrosis, or just not enough circulation in general causing the area to slowly die off. And if it's not taken care of can lead to sepsis, so it is usually chopped off, as it is dead tissue. A diabetic can correct me if I'm wrong, but that is my understanding of possible complications due to diabetes.
@ithinkitsjames619 Additionally, amputation is not a risk of just having diabetes, but of having uncontrolled diabetes over a significant period of time, or diabetes plus a second factor such as trauma.
I’m a month late, so I doubt you’ll see this, but yes, keeping your strength and fitness as high as you can will serve you. I don’t know if anything could have prevented my mother’s long final decline or extended her life, but I think better strength going into it might have improved her quality of life significantly.
And in answer to the above, diabetes over time damages circulation. My mother also had an initial severe septic incident during which pressure wounds formed on her heels, so it was a combination of factors.
I am disabled myself and I find other disabled people inspiring. Not because it makes me feel better about myself, but because I know and can imagine how difficult it is to even get out of bed some days. Seeing other disabled people actually gives me hope. If someone who has gone through similar things to me, who has had and continued to have the ability to try and be positive despite the awful stuff that happens in life, then maybe I can too. Maybe there is hope for me because I am not alone. It is nice to be reminded that people like me can do things, can learn to cope with bad things, can have the lives they want. So I would say you're pretty inspiring Jo
You have to understand how unfair that is to other disabled people. Everyone has enough to deal with without having to inspire you.
It's not a compliment, it's unwanted stress.
That a**hole is definitely disabled (in his mind) and is truly sick in spirit. It is way too easy to “dump” on people on the Internet when they are too cowardly to say it to someone in person. Just found your channel BTW - very honest and inspirational. ❤🇨🇦
That person is already an incomplete person.
I stumbled on your videos while looking for in formation on how to live and use my prosthetic leg. Thanks to your inspirational videos I started walking with my prosthetic in 3 weeks instead of months that everyone was telling me it was going to take. I’m walking with a bit of a limp but no pain and can do basic stuff again. Thanks for your inspiration through your videos. Thanks and bless you 🌹
I'm chronically disabled and I love this sassy side of Jo, and this video!!!!! I get tired of hearing:
"You're so inspirational"
And next time I'm having a rough day:
"Oh, you should be more positive!!!/where's the positive girl I know?"
I just wanna scream:
"She got sick of being your feel-good story, you're healthy so be your own inspiration, I'm tired and need a vacation!"
I'm not disabled, but I find your videos so relatable. Life is hard, and we have to struggle on. You have a talent to put that into words, better than I can so I really appreciate you and your videos.
I have some significant complications from a relatively rare genetic disorder, but until recently everything was invisible. Now that both my collarbones aren’t attached to the rest of my body at my AC and SC joints and I need bilateral slings it’s very obvious to anyone around me that something is not right/normal.
I am in my early 40s and all of this happened around the time I turned 40. The first four decades of my life I was a very active, outgoing and very busy person. Without my sling, I end up needing to lay flat on the ground, or else I will pass out. It is integral to me as a wheelchair is to someone who is unable to walk.
I don’t care about the looks I get, and I’ve gotten pretty good at answering questions with a short answer. But I cannot stand being told I am “an inspiration”. Some very kind and well-being friends have said this to me and I’ve bit my tongue because I know it’s coming from a place of kindness…. they’ve seen what I’ve gone through and know that getting out of the house with my arms in a sling is the tip of the iceberg. However, I’m less patient when it comes from strangers, because they don’t know everything I have been through to get to this point. I’m not an inspiration because I use an adaptive device to get on with and continue to live my life.
I’ve also had to grieve the loss of my career, my expectations about motherhood (my children were four and seven when my body started to fall apart so my youngest doesn’t remember a time when mommy was healthy), and my independence. My life now is nothing like it was six years ago. I’m still grieving and I’m trying to guide my husband and children through the grieving process as well. There’s nothing inspiring about my life. Not giving up is not inspiring.
P.s. Jo, I just found your channel last night. I love your sass!
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK 🙌🥳
As a disabled person, thank you for making this video, and talking about backhanded compliments. This NEEDED to be said.
Your videos about your struggles have been the most helpful.
Hearing you talk about adversity, especially with respect to chronic pain, makes me feel less alone.
Not inspired, but in good company, dealing with the shit the world throws at us.
I'm disabled inside, broken, weird... whatever you want to call it. You having a disability, being open with it, talking about it both good and bad as you're living your own life; is inspirational to me. Because you plow through shit and keeps on going, which makes me who haven't lived for nearly 20 years a bit curious of trying to step a little further outside my comfort zone.
You missing a part of your anatomy doesn't define you, to me it's more a fact. Like getting to know about it and think "oh, okay" and move on.
You seem like a kindhearted, openminded person who want to help but mainly share your journey in life and I truly appreciate that!
Thank you for reading.
The reason I love you is because you are honest about lives problems not because you are an amputee. Some of your journey has mirrored my own and I am very grateful for your insights. You are a beautiful person, who has opened my mind to different aspects of your life that I never thought about before. Thanks Jo❤.
Wow… What a comment, I haven’t had an “you’re an inspiration”-type comment recently. Though I did just get an “You don’t look disabled”-type comment from a prospective psychiatrist last week. It’s incredibly exhausting. Hugs Jo.
I never really thought about how easy it was to just walk until I started watching your videos and saw how hard it is to learn to use a prosthetic. Your videos give me a window into what life is like with chronic pain and a disability and I hope that the second hand experience through your eyes makes me a kinder, more empathetic person.
Being completely vulnerable is truly commendable which helps millions that are dealing with a disability of any kind. I love that you doing so is what is capturing the hearts of millions that cannot which inspires them to do the same.
Thank you for all that you are ❤
Its about how we feel about ourselves over others' opinions, but Jo is straight up smoking hot and she has a wonderful personality. Haters and trolls can go fly a kite.
That commenter is absolutely an incomplete person. It just doesn't show on the outside.
Here's hoping that they find what they're missing, so they can stop leaving shitty comments that put others down in order to feel better about themselves.
As someone who suffers from chronic pain. I REALLY appreciate this video being out in the universe. Jo, let’s be friends 😂❤ 👋
You are an inspiration to me, not because you're missing a limb, not because you fit in some artificial box of "disabled person who is always upbeat and overcomes adversity." You are an inspiration to me because you are a person who is willing to show the world that there are positives and negatives to everything, that life may look kind of different now but that one accident/trauma/surgery/whatever doesn't completely redefine you. Most of all, you inspire me precisely BECAUSE you are willing to let down your guard for a moment here and there and let those more vulnerable, human moments show. As a disabled man whose disability is almost completely invisible I can see both sides, but perhaps because of that, I can also see that there is so much more we all have in common than the part that's different. Your videos are often uplifting and positive, occasionnally dark and/or introspective, which is just the way life is for all of us. Thank you. For the spirit and energy that you bring into the world, and for reminding us all that being a whole person means taking the hard moments as well as the good times.
This! ❤
Everybody thinks that they can't live or survive being a disable, until it happens and you find your balance and how to live your life without a part of your body. I am mentally strong.
Very happy you have responded to this, if for no other reason, to affirm to yourself that you are not defined by ignorant ideas, that you honestly accept and love yourself through your own growth and pain- like many human beings attempt to do (but do not always succeed). You are raw and open and THAT is inspirational. We ALL have issues that we need to overcome, many of us don’t wear them on the outside, and we have the luxury of keeping our battle “under wraps.” I have a special needs son, and I NEVER accept ignorance with regard to him. We all deserve respect and the space to live without such ridiculous judgment. I have multiple issues that I have to overcome each day, but it would never occur to me to tell someone else that their “worse” issues make me feel better. You cannot compare the human experience and position yourself in a superior seat over anyone else. Gosh, I guess that comment upset me. 😔
No matter what, you have my highest respect!
I think you're inspirational not because of the things you do after an amputation, but because of your honesty about living life after the amputation. Yes, you do things that some think you wouldn't (or shouldn't) be able to, but you're also honest about the difficulties and struggles, because those are also real. Thank you for being honest and real. My son lives with Cerebral Palsy and has to use a wheelchair for mobility. Yes, that sometimes sucks, but it is the reality he lives with every day. He didn't let that stop him from getting the job he wanted and living life to the fullest. You and he are very much alike in that way.
I agree with you completely. Losing my leg made me realize more firmly that my body is just my vessel and nothing more.
It is difficult being disabled but there is nothing you can do about it than love yourself
Wow! People really need to stop and think before they speak, whether that is verbally or in print. Incomplete person? You deserve to be sassy after a remark like that. Thanks for sharing!
The thing you said, about people with trauma being able to relate - I do. Lots of the things you talk about resonate with me, as a physically abled person with mental health struggles. And when you inspire me it's because in you I see someone I want to be like, not someone I'm glad I'm not.
I am afraid Jo I have heard comments like this before.
Having been an amputee for most of my life and having had a great deal of problems with the residual limb over many years(The fact that for some reason my brain is trying to regenerate the lost limb!)
People have often told me how brave I am and how they would be unable to cope! I simply laugh to myself! Take care of yourself.
People should think before they speak or type. The person making that comment is way more incomplete as a basic person than they are insisting you are as an amputee.
THIS 100%
I agree
Though as someone who what’s had past severe depression, Ive had similar thoughts
So I think we should have some compassion for this person and tell them that what they thought and said is wrong instead of putting them down
Bold and appropriate answer to the ignorant idiots. You are very positive and straightforward person. I’m inspired. 🙏🇩🇰
I struggle with this one too, I understand where you’re coming from.
As a person with MS, ran marathons and triathlon while living with MS. I’ve received similar comments over the years.
Best to you and yours over the holidays, hope your surgery recovery continues well.
Yeah. I struggle with the same. I have a cybernetic interface that helps me hear ("a hearing aid" sounds way less cool), and I walk with a cane. I hate being someone's "inspiration" to appreciate their own life. I always want to say, "Yeah, I'd want to unalive myself if I were you, too." There's so much more to our lives than our disability.
Wow, that's quite a comeback, lol.
LOVE the ‘Cybernetic Interface’ I’m really jealous now !
@@roberthardy2013 That's basically what digital hearing aids are.
I'm going to keep that comeback in my memory.
This is just to say thank you, Jo. I don't have much experience with disabilities in my immediate surroundings, but your videos have educated me on the physical and mental components of (your) disability and I can tell I understand so much more now, both about disability and in general about people being full, complex human beings. Thanks for educating us, thanks for making able-bodied people all a little better :)
Hi Jo ! Great video!
I have an invisible disability ( basically my knees, back and wrists can be extremely painful from time to time) and I never really understood why i would get angry when my friends called me brave for just going about my day. But now I understand, I think it's in a similar way of being called "inspirational" for existing.
It's not like I have a choice, I have to walk home sometimes because public transport where i live isn't always great. I'm not brave for that ! If I had a choice i just wouldn't walk at all!
Thank you for putting words on my feelings ❤
I hope you have a great day!
You make me feel better about myself because I'm disabled too and your content is always real. Thank you 🙏
As you say, your experience in dealing with loss isn't totally different from other kinds of loss that changes people's lives. And seeing a cool person being open about dealing with her losses in a way that's real, interesting, engaging, and sometimes quite visceral...I do find that inspiring. We all have had or will have losses of all kinds and degrees that change us, and you engaging with us about yours helps make some of us better equipped to deal with the stuff that comes our way. It makes me want to be better about how I handle the next big change that comes along in my life, and makes me feel a little better prepared. So thank you.
You've been through so many things, Jo. I hate that you went through them, but I also want to thank you for sharing your experiences and perspectives. You inspire people not because of your pain and some "willingness to go on despite it" but rather how you've chosen to be vulnerable and therefore courageous about what you've been through. You have true strength. Your personality and character is what makes you inspirational. It's how you've grown through all this and manage and process the grief. It's isn't about "overcoming". Your channel at it's core is talking about the human experience. You talk about pain and loss but also joy and realtionships and fulfillment. It's that heart of your content that makes you inspirational. Your empathy, wit, and love give you such insightful perspectives and your bright and warm energy is a hearth for the world.
That is a classic case of ignorance. Coming from someone that has the same amputation as you, and throw in renal failure (on dialysis), a widower, just having a triple bypass and oh yeah, I’m a diabetic too, I don’t have even the slightest inclination to want to do harm to myself. I’m still here, and I plan on being here for a while. I do have kids stare at my prosthetic, and instead of being mean, I remember how I was. There was a girl on one of my classes when I was like 10 that had a prosthetic arm with the hook on the end, and it scared the crap out of me. That’s why I make it a point if I see anyone, young or old, being curious about my prosthetic, I show it to them. I wish someone did that for me. When I lived in California, a family with a small boy was passing me in a shopping center. He walked right up to me, pointed at my prosthetic and asked “What’s that?”. His parents, looking mortified, gave me a look and I told then right away that it’s ok, and that I encouraged his curiosity. I told him that I had a really bad infection in my foot, and in order to save my life they had to remove it. Then right away I added that my new leg works great, and it allows me to walk around. He was satisfied with that, his parents thanked me, and we went out separate ways. I hope that took some of the fear out of it for him. I always wanted to have a channel similar to yours but I’m terrible at making content, so I’ll continue to watch yours. Your husband is a lucky guy. Have a great day!
Ugh!!! That person better not be caught being less than perfect and avoid all illness or accidents!
Got an ad with you in it on your own video...I will NOT skip this one😅
I have definitely had people after I told all my medical healthcare problems. Tell me they would probably kill themselves if they had to deal with all that. I already struggle with wondering if my life is worth living at times because I have bipolar which causes severe depression.
I am so sorry. I wish people could see how hurtful it is to say that.
It’s extra difficult too because many times people say this because they themselves are in a bad state of mind and struggling with mental illness themselves.
Back when my depression was severe I genuinely had similar thoughts to this person, thankfully now that I’m better I can clearly see that that was only hurting everyone around me and myself.
@@zillycat8534 thank you I really appreciate that. I’m slowly increasing a mood stabilizer and doing a lot better. I also have an amazing psychologist, and I’m lucky to have a primary care physician who listens to me.
I lost my foot this year and I can't speak on how much I needed your videos to get me to realize life isn't over.. keep going you are so beautiful and I will always love your art.
Jo, my dearest, I'm very happy to hear you say ANYTHING about EVERYTHING, having been the survivor of a Widowmaker that happened 16 October of 2017, @ 8pm
(Almost 4 days before I turned 50, what a PRESENT, eh?) Long story, short, I am very inspired by your contribution to this life and care about you
VM, IRL.
Thank you for being perfectly imperfect for all of us! ❤ Really appreciate your candor and truthfulness.
I find you inspirational for your words and spirit. I often am struggling mentally but still finding joy most days. I've never understood why that is such a hard concept for so many. ❤❤
I am disabled and I appreciate you talking about this. Sometimes it sucks living as a disabled person. I am so sorry that someone said that to you. I am going to call you an inspiration to me because as a fellow disabled person sometimes I get self deprecating and hearing you talk about your hard time and you got through them has inspired me to try some new things to help my mental health get better. Thank you so much for being on RUclips and spreading awareness along with calling out those rude people out. Your videos are great. Have a great day and I hope the nerves in your leg heal up to be pain free.
Thank you for educating those of us who may not have had the opportunity to talk to someone or be close enough to someone with disabilities to feel comfortable asking questions about their lives. You are a soul, you have a body. The body you were allotted may not be complete in some people's eyes, but clearly your soul is. I'm glad you are here doing what you do.
Literally the thing that inspires me about you is how open you are about the ups and downs of your life! I so often feel that I should just shut up about the difficulties in my life, because I don't want to be that miserable cripple that's always complaining. But you share your struggles, and I watch your videos and I care about them. So maybe I do have room to expect from the people around me the same care that I am so happy to give to others.
Yes,but she is often addressing other people with an assortment of disabilities and so we don't see it as complaining, just sharing issues many of us face whatever the disability is. We can share our thoughts that sometimes we may not be able or are scared to say to people without a disability.
@@TheMazinoz very true. I do try to surround myself with people who will empathise even if they don't fully understand, but you're right that there's nothing quite like talking to people who have experienced similar things first-hand.
For myself, I was drawn to the channel because of my ATK amputee grandmother. A) I miss her B) wish I had known her better and C) still feel the stigma around her being an amputee (which I never understood as a kid, and was curious about it) and D) I actually love the open dialogue. Demystifying subjects is a good thing. Understanding our bodies is a vastly ignored subject that is exponentially screwed up in politics, insurance coverage, veteran benefits, etc. There is also the resiliency that impresses me. Dealing with the pain, parsing nerve impulses and psychological issues, shortcomings of the current prosthetic technologies, the possibilities of future technologies, etc., ...
There is also Jo's interest in martial arts. BTW, have you ever seen The Killer Elite with James Caan? He isn't an amputee but is severely injured and works with canes and joint braces into his martial arts.
I also love dogs and Sophie is a favorite.
The channel offers a lot and I think Jo's curiosity and exploration offers additional content.
I think I've got a bout of the sassyness too, because the first thing that came to mind when you read that comment out was "well, if it were to happen to you, shooting yourself would at least rid us of one more ignorant person incapable of empathy..." . First thoughts aren't often the best... I'm glad that you were able to talk about this comment in this video and frame it in an educational way so that some benefit has come of this persons ignorant and hurtfull thoughts.
Love, light and spoons to you and all those who need them!
I had my leg amputated in May this year, I received a prosthesis 2 months after the amputation and my leg is shrinking so quickly that I am already waiting for the 3rd prosthesis.❤
I haven’t fully watched this video (about half way) but yeah this is sad for everyone
I remember a long time ago I was in a very bad mental state and I did think similarly to this “if this or that happened to me I’d off myself” ect
So I really hope this person is okay, and hope that they can see that what they are saying may look good but is actually hurtful
I agree with you. I don't think the words they used reflect how they see disabled people as much as it reflects on how they see themselves. I think Jo got the wrong end of the stick here. I hope this video doesn't cause them any harm.
I'm a prosthetist and I find your videos very helpful, I send them to some of my new prosthetic patients. I want to share a story with you. I have a patient who wears thigh length callipers on both legs; he had polio as a child. He is a lawyer specialising in labour law. Sometimes the patients get attached to their old callipers, so I end up endlessly repairing them. Anyway, a few years ago we did some repairs that took two days. When he came to fetch them( he drives a car that has been modified to finger tip control), he looked grey around the gills. He said, " I've had two terrible days without these callipers, but today took the cake". I replied, "What made today worse?" " This morning at nine we were supposed to have an arbitration hearing for a 25 year old man who is claiming unfair dismissal. At a previous hearing he didn't pitch up, so I gave him another chance. This morning I rose an 1 1/2 earlier, as it is tough to perform my toilet without the callipers. So, at 9:00, five of us are there for the meeting, and the complainant isn't there. At 9:30 I dismiss the case. He arrives at 9:35, and he is incensed that I dismissed the case." Tiredly, my patient looked at me, and said, "What was I to do? The first time he doesn't even pitch up, and the second time he is more than a 1/2 hour late. And you know why he lost his job: he was always late". A disabled man without his callipers is on time, a physically able 25 year old man, is never on time. In my experience disabled people try harder, are very conscientious, as they know folks are waiting for them to fail.
I've worked for, worked with people with a disability and have one. If able bodied knew what we go through on a daily basis they would be ashamed sometimes.
Thank you for talking about ignorance in such a down to earth way. It helps us all to be more aware. It helps me see another perspective.
That person needs copious amounts of therapy.
I find you inspiring not cuz you exist with a disability, but because you are willing to talk about the struggles you face. You talk about the bad stuff, which goes against what the world wants from disabled people. Nobody abled wants to think about the 'ugly' side of living with a disability. They don't wanna see that we don't get help, and the world isn't built for us, and is, in fact, incredibly hostile to us. Talking about bad days, the pain, the struggles and being kind to yourself, that's rebelling against the stereotypes and hate. Love that about your content. You are absolutely right that we all share the experience of surviving in the face of bad things happening. Thank you for talking about this. It's helped me accept myself when I'm having bad days and I have to face my own limits. Cuz you show me I'm not alone.
I'm inspired by the fact that you share your hardships with us. I am inspired by the fact that you push through the hard days and find ways to make your life yours. I'm inspired by the fact that even though life is objectively harder for disabled people, you're out here living your best life and finding reasons to be happy.
I’ve lived with an invisible disability my whole life. I was born with scoliosis and am always in some kind of pain. I also have some other issues going on as a result of the scoliosis. Some of which require a major surgery that I’m hoping I’ll get to have in March. There have been times when the pain was bad enough that I thought about ending it all. I got to the point where I wouldn’t even tell anyone how I was feeling or that my back and knees are/were hurting like hell. I had people tell me that what I was feeling was feeling both physically and emotionally was nothing compared to what they or others were feeling and dealing with. Yes I’m aware that people deal with worse things than I have. I’ve never lost a child or had cancer but I’ve known people that have. Those are things I wouldn’t wish on almost anyone. That doesn’t invalidate what another person feels like or is going through. One persons pain is not worse than another’s. Suffering is a choice. Dealing with your stuff is not. Yes it can be a battle. Nobody can deny that. For people to say things what this person said just shows a level of self hate that they clearly have. It takes a lot of guts to admit things like this. To feeling the way that people do and actually saying it out loud. And heaven forbid a normie get offended by it. Guess what normies? This is what our normal is.
I have mild scoliosis that causes daily pain. I've also lost a child.
I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone. I also think that having a hardest thing we've ever been through is relatable, even if another's hardest thing feels harder to us than our own.
Life after losing my little girl has been tumultuous. It's been 7 years, so things have mostly calmed. I also have a new normal inclusive of missing my daughter. Adapting to our unique circumstances is part of the human experience.
Just found you a few days ago. My late mother ended up a bilateral aka. It was completely different from your situation in so many ways and I don’t think anyone told her they would rather die than be in her situation. However at least one person said it to me, almost casually. Thank you for your channel. I’m still processing many things from those final crisis-filled years with her and I don’t think I had acknowledged how hard that comment hit me. You are an inspiration-for being so open and vulnerable about your journey.
Post-chillectomy sassy Jo is my new new favorite ❤
I had my apendix removed when I was 5, technically I would be an "uncomplete person" because I'm missing a body part.
I'm an RBK amputee. Lost it to a staph infection a couple of years ago. I haven't had too many people say really stupid things to me about it. Part of that is probably because I've actively avoided the truly hurtful type of people since long before this happened. But most of the dumb comments I've gotten have come, not from a place of malice, but of ignorance or naivety. I think people only really understand life through the lens of their own experiences, and if you haven't gone through something like this, it's hard to fully relate. That means they typically wind up trying to awkwardly empathize by whatever struggles they've gone through themselves. I don't fault them for that. It's just human nature. I have no doubt I've said some really well intentioned dumb things to other people as well.
Thank you for making content that does show their good days and bad days. As a disabled person it's refreshing in all the social media content that only shows how awesome life is.
I can't be nice to those people.
I'm a brain injury survivor, and I often struggle with feeling incomplete, or less of a person. Assholes like that just make it harder.
And here's the kicker, I've never met a single one who was willing to say that to my face.
So they're not just assholes, they're cowards.
I know you are a beautiful person inside and outside. Thank you for being you❤
Great post. Thanks. This negative form of inspiration is another case of judging people by superficial things, but it sounds "nice", which might be worse.
Makes me worry about their mental health. They could be in a bad state of mind and using this to pick themselves up from suicidal thoughts.
They could have also of course just not thought their post through too though.
I am disabled person but I watch your videos to help me find a different viewpoint then my own. Thank you for your videos.
Hi Jo, you are an amazing person with so much courage. You remind me of a girl I met in high school who was hit by a bus when she was about 7. She had part of her leg amputated and when I knew her she just had a small stump high on her thigh. This never stopped her. She used one crutch as her prosthetic was too uncomfortable (this was back in the 1960s). She swam competitively and was faster than most of the girls at school. After I left school we lost touch for a number years but saw her again in the city. I was amazed to find out she was married and expecting her first child. I think she was a good example to all of us at school. You show us that life goes on and like all of us you have good days and bad. Blessings to you. Greetings and love from South Africa.
I completely agree with you! I see people with any disability and i think "Wow! They are so strong for being able to push past their disability and live their life!" I say this knowing that people have bad days, weeks, months, years. Getting "better" is super hard. I always have the upmosy respect for people with disabilities, visible or invisible, and have an open mind because adapting to change can be really hard, especially when you lose part of you, physically or mentally. Everyone has challenges that they have to overcome. And its not up to us to judge them for their obstacles, only how they overcome them. Last year I broke my foot and was disabled for about 3-4 months and I gained even more respect for amputees, and people who have mobility issues. I apologise if any of my words came across ignorant, i am not the best with words or getting my thoughts out there.
i think you said that realy well :) i defenitly understand what your trying to say. the funny thing i was just thinking about. there is this movie soul surfer where she loses her arm by a shark attack and has a realy hard time and then goes for what she want anyway (being a pro surfer) its based on a real event and girl and on the outside it loooks like admiration because she get trough this. but to me actually i realised its because kinda everyone is like "you should slow down find something else to do with you life' and she is like NO WAY im doing what i was doing. (it takes her a while :P but thats fine) and the fact that she has the strengt to ignore everyone and fights for what she truely wants THATS inspiring to me and gives me hope i will find this strenght somewhere one day :D
Nope, I’m not here to inspire anyone or to make anyone feel better about themselves. I’m here for me and to just be able to walk.
My amputation and or prosthetic leg is not meant for anyone to look at and get warm fuzzies of inspiration nor is it for anyone to dole out sympathy. I made a choice to cut my leg off so I could continue to walk. I’ve had friends freak out and not know what to say, don’t say anything because it’s of no value to me and my ability to walk. If someone is so upset by the way they look, feel, or see themselves then they really need to seek mental health professionals to get themselves figured out but they really need to not look at someone with a disability to get their feel good.
I am a person with a disability. I’m not a disabled person. There’s a difference, I don’t live my life as a disability, I live my life as a person that just happens to have a disability.
That jerk said the quiet part out loud. Whenever someone tells me I'm so brave or whatever I absolutely feel like they don't even realize what the alternative would be. It's not brave to simply live my life because I lost a limb. I totally isolated while healing because I couldn't deal with everyone projecting their nonsense on me.
Thank you, Jo, for saying out loud what so many of us (I'm an above-the-knee amputee with osseointegration prosthesis) are thinking but don't have the spine to say.
Jo, you are an inspiration to me in so many ways, and I'll be honest, almost none of those ways have anything to do with you being an amputee 😂 I found your channel because of your life as an amputee content, but where I am inspired by you is that you have inspired me to advocate for myself to doctors until I am listened to. Your openness about your struggles with mental health are inspiring because of how real you are about them so your thoughts and advice don't feel out of touch. I will say when you talk about being an amputee, it inspires me to remember to be open-minded to other people's experiences, but MOST of what I've gotten out of your videos is listening and learning from the way that you've navigated many, many extremely challenging situations.
"Incomplete person" what (and I cannot stress this enough) the fuck
how can you write that, read it back, and think, "yes, this is a good thing to say"
Exactly
It could be mental issues.
I’ve never had the anyone being incomplete thought but when my depression was severe I would think that if something bad enough happened to me I’d just die, and thought that it wasn’t a bad thing to think or say
Mental illness can make something that is so obviously wrong, look and feel right
By the way not defending what they said or saying that what they said is right in anyway
As a fellow disabled human,
Thank you for being inspirational! But, what I find inspirational about you is your youtube channel. Your candor and honesty have given me hope.
You say the things I feel but can't say. The people in my life are like so many, they mean well. They just ultimately end up ripping out my soul because of their ableist beliefs because of their upbringing. I love them, I do, but I hate how they treat me. Your channel has let me know I'm not alone or wrong to feel this way.
it’s your willingness to share both your ups and downs that draws me back to your channel and has me clicking on your shorts. You share your journey with us, and I learn a lot from it. Thank you
Whoa. Pretty evil comment. Sorry someone said that to you.
I think it’s more likely this person may be dealing with depression or something similar. (I can’t say 100% of course, and am not trying to diagnose them)
Just I was at a point where my depression was so bad I had similar thoughts to this person, and genuinely because my brain was so fogged with it, I thought it would be a kind thing to say, when obviously now I can see it isn’t
I think we should hope this person gets better, let them know what they did was wrong, but not push them, as it makes them more likely to say something like this or even worse again
@@zillycat8534 fair enough. Seeing such a comment immediately placed an image of an evil nasty person in my mind and maybe they are suffering something themselves. Thanks for showing me a high road.
@@brianvernaglia9449 No problem, I do it a lot too
It can be really hard to imagine that someone may say something because they are going through something if you haven’t experienced it yourself
I’ve been watching you ever since I lost my right leg last October 10th. I have been totally amazed by your strength and honesty throughout your series and life. I certainly don’t agree with everything you say but I am and will continue to be thankful for your making my transition to a functioning amputee easier.
God’s blessings on you my friend
Thanks for all of your videos. I appreciate them and find them helpful.
As someone with a vision impairment, ive learned a lot since discovering your channel. Youve provided a perspective that i don't typicay hear from other people.
Thanks.
I think it's also important to note that a big part of what makes your experience of the world different is that our ableist society holds beliefs like this and so people (and systems) treat you differently. And that difference is entirely socially constructed.
You ARE inspiring! I've only been a subscriber for a few minutes (literally). I have been to the channel many times, though. I haven't seen all the videos, but the ones I have seen, I see a young woman dealing with life as it comes at her. You're still here, so you must be doing it mostly right. I'll be 61 soon and what I know for sure is that healing and growth are continuous. I don't see you as a handicapped person. I'm sure missing the leg is a challenge, but hearing you speak about your life is inspiring. I see a lot of strength and it is because you are so willing to show your weaknesses.
I stumbled on your channel yesterday because I'm considering a BKA - in hopes i can return to rock climbing and reduce my chronic pain - and have been endlessly researching.
I thought I'd get some "you can do it" vidoes peppered with some "sometines its really hard" videos, and that would be that.
What I found, however, was a steam train of humanity and its complexities, and a person with a serious gift for expressing their thoughts and feelings in words.
This channel has possibly changed my perspective on the power of the Internet.
Your method of explaining is inspiring
Way to go Jo.
All the best from UK
Jo I just love your attitude. You are an inspiration to me. Your inspiration should be grabbed by everyone!
Your videos have been a big help and educational for many people. Keep doing what you're doing!
Watching your video commentary Jo I think how articulate and fantastic a speaker you are is what makes your journey so interesting to listen to. I'd listen to any subject you tackled way beyond disability because of how easy and delightful you are to listen to. Intelligent and incisive. Keep on the fantastic productions and yeah I think any topic way beyond disability would be great to listen to if you decided to do that 🙂👍
You're amazing and i can't imagine anyone trying to put you down, they must really hate someone being happy with who they are! Love you and everything you do 💙
I love you girl! Here is the thing, even if only temporary, almost all of us will be disabled in some way at some point in time - some much sooner and longer than others. We are all complete, regardless of disability, we are all beautiful, we are unique, we are human, we are imperfect and there in lies the beauty. If someone doesn’t have the capacity to understand that, I feel bad for them. Love you!