This is why I never ask a man out. He absolutely should host and also pay. I don't believe in the offer because I believe in being genuine, not to play games like that. I don't want to pay so why offer just as a test and screw yourself over in case he takes it?
This is very interesting. On dates, I do not offer to pay and I do not ask men on dates. I’m just old fashioned that way. Of course always show gratitude and be nice. That’s for your input😊
Love your channel, but I disagree with this one cause if man invite us he should take care of everything we shouldn’t even reach our wallet! Especially if it’s the beginning of the stage we are actually educating and teaching them that it’s ok for woman to pay the bill, and have 50 50 relationships it’s not fair for woman 💕💕
I agree, the one who was invited should not be expected to pay and I don't believe in playing games, you're not obligated to offer to pay if they invited you out just so they can insist on paying and you wind up letting them anyway. Now after a couple of dates you can invite them out and be willing to pay or invite them to a nice home-cooked meal or a picnic.
Our first disagreement! I love that women think differently on this matter. A man always pays in my lifestyle and it’s worked out great. No more power struggles over a dinner tab. Love the opinion!
I love your channel Myka but I disagree completely with you on that topic too. Let me explain why from my experience. The men in my family are alpha males, and they are very successful. Each one of them takes pride in providing for their wives financially. Their wives don’t have to work if they don’t want to. All of their wives are very feminine women and they always look very put together. My cousins take pride in being able to provide for their families, and their wives appreciate them for that. They enjoy their wives being feminine and relaxing in their femininity because they aren’t stressed out about scraping together money to pay all of the bills and they have time for self care and maintaining their appearance. My cousins taught me well and told me NEVER to date a man who is hesitant to pay on the first date or expects me to split the bill with him because he will be very stingy with his money. Their advice has proven to be true. The men that I dated that expected me to pay on the first date or split the bill turned out to be more feminine beta men. These types of men expect a woman that they date or marry to function as their roommate and split the bills with them on everything (rent, mortgages, car payment etc) so they can save their money because they are not doing well financially and they are very stingy with their money. The successful men that I have dated have been very generous and paid for things for me even when I didn’t ask them to. It’s more fun to be with a generous man than a stingy one. Some women are traditional and appreciate an alpha male who will protect and provide for them.
this is titled modern dating for a reason. of course, for a tradition dating advice video it wouldn’t be the same. nowadays newer generation values equality between the roles, as it shows respect to the females and males alike, and what is socially acceptable in this day and age.
Also stingy ones are not ready to marry . Because they have yet alot to accomplish alot. I believe alot in compatibility and dating a man that is in the same path as me.
In my point of view this "host pay" works with Friends and Family, but not on dates! Men make more money, so they pay! In this case I prefer the classic etiquette hehehe
Hi Luciana, I agree offering sounds a bit counterproductive to learning etiquette. It’s not about looking like a gold digger either. Simply if you are studying etiquette it is the principle of ‘ladylike’ training to not produce masculine behaviors. I always ask myself during the era where women were courted “ would they offer to pay for their own meals?” And the first answer based on my observations of that time is “no they would not offer to pay for themselves.” However when I am out where I protect myself is that I have my own money in case someone tries to pull any stunts on me also for my own dignity and self respect.
@@ShanerraBrooks Yes, I totally agree! This case is more about femininity energy and behave! If a man ask me to share, I will do it (as you I always have my own money with me) but I will not date him again. He is a simple date not my life partner hehe 😘
When I was dating my husband, I would offer to pay and he always accepted to have me pay half of the bill. He said he really appreciated it because living in Los Angeles and making low wages at that time, it made him feel like I was being understanding, considerate, and not selfish. I on the other hand, was trying to dump him for accepting my offer 😂 he was pretty persistent and it helped he’s good looking. Now I’m a stay-at-home mom and he pays for everything. 😜
Myka! This is so needed for "modern" people. I can't believe how many adults have never been taught basic dating etiquette by their parents. If goes beyond dating. When I was a child in Pakistan we were always taught to never offer help as a guest. We were supposed to accept all of their hospitality. Offers to clear dishes or the like are seen as a way to absolve the guest of the need for reciprocation. The guest should return the invite when possible. Allow the host to play the host. You probably are not old enough to remember when NYC had ladies' menus! These were called "guest menus" by the 1980s. I remember when I was a child and my father took us (my mother and siblings) to a restaurant in the city. The ladies' menu tended to have more limited options but it never showed the prices. The priciest stuff was saved to be on the standard menu which was presented to the man. The man also was the only one to see the wine list. Since he was the one paying, that seems quite fair!
I agree But I was married to a man that I was the one paying all the time And now I am in the opposite position And it feels more.. “right” He pays for everything I help him out in his business And we are super happy
I only feel comfortable going out on dates with financially established mature men so I never have to deal with these type of problems. I just can get my mind off of financial matters and relax into my femininity and enjoy the date to the fullest. I had a phase where I was offering to split the bill and some of them would get offended so I stopped with that nonsense.
I brought this topic up to my husband (we've been married over 30 years) and he said the man should *always* pay. Especially if he says "can I take you to dinner?". Unless they say "let's meet for coffee/lunch" or unless the women grabs the check and insists on paying; the gentleman should be paying always. We also thought that perhaps the dentist didn't want to cause waves and let you pay because of how some women are about modern feminism.
@@mykameier7474 I really like your videos, you are an influencer, but this one... Man normally make more money so they should pay and that is it! If he cannot afford it don't ask a women out...We need to come back to our femininity and let be the men be the men. Nowadays we have more masculine women and more feminine men that are expecting us to 50/50. And apart from everything, a real elegant and higher caliber man will never let a woman pay! As you say we can agree to disagree 😘
I love your channel Myka but I disagree completely with you on that topic too. Let me explain why from my experience. The men in my family are alpha males, and they are very successful. Each one of them takes pride in providing for their wives financially. Their wives don’t have to work if they don’t want to. All of their wives are very feminine women and they always look very put together. My cousins take pride in being able to provide for their families, and their wives appreciate them for that. They enjoy their wives being feminine and relaxing in their femininity because they aren’t stressed out about scraping together money to pay all of the bills and they have time for self care and maintaining their appearance. My cousins taught me well and told me NEVER to date a man who is hesitant to pay on the first date or expects me to split the bill with him because he will be very stingy with his money. Their advice has proven to be true. The men that I dated that expected me to pay on the first date or split the bill turned out to be more feminine beta men. These types of men expect a woman that they date or marry to function as their roommate and split the bills with them on everything (rent, mortgages, car payment etc) so they can save their money because they are not doing well financially and they are very stingy with their money. The successful men that I have dated have been very generous and paid for things for me even when I didn’t ask them to. It’s more fun to be with a generous man than a stingy one. Some women are traditional and appreciate an alpha male who will protect and provide for them. 😊
What does it all boil down to? When you're the host, you play host. I would NEVER want my guest to feel like they had to think about money AT ALL if I'm the one who makes the event arrangements. At the end of the day, you want your guests to feel comfortable at all times. That's what etiquette's all about!
When did a casual lunch or Dinner outing with “girl friends” become a guest/ host situation? I could not imagine paying for my friends lunch every time I was like, “hey let’s grab lunch with our kiddos after the park on Tuesday.”
Even married and sharing everything we still “treat” each other and say “thanks for dinner”. It isn’t like we have separate finances, but it is sweet to plan a date for the other person!
I would never pay to go out with a man and I’ve never been out with a man that would expect me to pay. However, If the relationship continues I would know to reciprocate in other ways.
I agree! Good tips! On my first date with my partner he paid because he asked me out and planned everything. That went on for awhile - whoever planned payed. However, we’ve been together for over 6 years now. After the first year or so we just decided to split everything together because we were both in college (so not great finances) and eventually we were living together so at that point we shared and split everything...groceries, dinners, tickets, etc. We’re not engaged or married yet (mostly because of the virus ruining our plans; he’s British and I’m American). I don’t think it’s about gender or who makes more money (because that’s not even a topic that should be discussed on a first date) so I like your point about whoever plans should pay, but offering to be polite. After we were together for so long we had a discussion about it and agreed to split everything because as college students it was unfair to make one person pay every time and we would usually make plans together. Everything is ours at this point so we split large meals or whoever is running to grab the coffee or happens to have their card handy will pay. It all evens out in the end and it’s not about the money, it’s about enjoying our time together and doing things we enjoy together! The only exception is birthday dinners! I pay for his and he pays for mine as a treat, but again, it all evens out!
If I know I don't want to see my date ever again, I will pay my half (even though it's not in my culture to pay for dates for a variety of reasons). Unless it is against his culture and he resists firmly. Also, in the modern world of [online] dating , you usually meet someone for a semi-casual drink after work. And in those instances it seems acceptable to pay for your own drink since you are literally meeting this person for the first time and haven't established an actual date.
Omg myka THANK YOU for this 💕💕💕 I’m a big believer that just bc a man is a man, that doesn’t mean HE has to pay and woman can take advantage of that. My (now) husband and I met 10 years ago and our first date was to a restaurant and a movie. He paid the restaurant bill and I paid for the movies. As someone who works very hard for her money I’m very proud that I can pay my own way if needed and I am more than happy to split a bill if needed. I think it’s only fair. We’re not in the 40’s or 50’s anymore when women were very much reliant on men because they were the providers. You’re amazing
Hey, Myka. Thank you for sharing your experience. Always enjoy watching your videos. I’m sorry for what happened to the first and only date with the dentist. And I’m glad your dad was such an angel to you that he prevented the could’ve happened awkwardness. I understand the advice given by your father that a girl should always offer to pay. It does make a girl seems like independent but i don’t think it’s the best thing to do in situations like that. First of all, a girl is not given a chance to pick a place that is affordable for her budget. Offering to split or pay put herself at place where she need to do something she was not prepared or informed. Second, people have different opinions and understandings about paying for the date. I know some guy thinks if a girl offers to pay means she wants to be an independent woman, and it’s not polite not to give the lady the chance. Third, both the universal etiquette and a girl’s expectation agree that the guy plans everything needs to pay. My advice for girls in this situation is to say thank you for inviting and treating me. I enjoyed it. I will be on me next time. Problem solved without any risks or awkwardness.
I'd never offer to pay in the initial stages of dating... it's different when you're in the established relationship and sharing a home together. But to offer to pay on a first date? Never. I'd probably get drinks or something another time, but not on the first date.
Offering to pay is a respectful and kind gesture, but I wonder how would the script go? Maybe something like this: > Waiter drops check on table > Thoughtful Guest: (takes out wallet) "Lets see here." (motioning to the bill) Then, as explained in the video, the rest of the scenario should continue like this: > Host: (interrupting the thoughtful guest) "Oh, please, this is my treat. Thank you so much for offering" > Thoughtful Guest: "Thank you, that's so kind!"
Hi Myka, thank you for your sharing your tips with us but I have to disagree with this one. I learned the hard way that I should teach how I would like to be treated from the beginning. And how I would like to be treated is a man who knows how to take care of his household and that is providing. I am single and very self sufficient and I watched my mom growing up taking a role of my father and this is very common in my society. As a result she could not play her role of being a nurturer. So this is a definite no for me.
Totally agree.... we teach people how to treat us. This isn't great advice particularly for younger women. You've been asked on a date! You allow a man to be in his masculine energy and pick up the bill. Gratitude and saying thank you is proper.
I would never expect a friend to pay for my meal if we decide to get together, it's the cost of cultivating a friendship. To expect that someone will pay for you seems arrogant and the opposite of proper etiquette. It makes more sense to decline the invite and be honest that it's not in your budget which then gives them the opportunity to offer to pay for the entire meal. As far as men go, men pursue women respond IMO.
I usually do a little reach for my wallet, and by the time I get my card out, my date has usually already put his card down. If he hasn’t already told me he’s got it, I may offer to split it, but I don’t offer to pay the full bill, unless it’s his birthday or something. If it’s a really nice dinner and I want to show my appreciation, I may ask if I can cover the tip or get the drinks after
Im a female and I always pay on a date. I also date women so not sure how this relates to your video lol. Intresting to read the comments tho. For straight couples I think the man should always pay.
I think the WORST etiquette I’ve ever seen from a “man” was many years ago, I was on a first date with this guy, we met for drinks… as it was time to tab out the bartender asked “together or separate?”… this guy literally stands up from his bar stool and points at me and says “separate, I just met her”. 😮 needless to say; I never went out with him again. Now I’m happily married to the biggest gentleman in the world! ❤ who never even lets me SEE the bill, even after all these years, he will say “are you paying? NO! Then you don’t even need to SEE the bill… “ ❤
If I’m invited I expect the host to pay but consider it appropriate to offer to pay TIP, not half. However I am also a considerate guest and never order anything that costs more than what the host has ordered.
With friends I always paid only my own bill, regardless of who invited, except for a few times when I knew the other person had lost a job or something. I never offered to pay on first dates, but I was willing to pay or pitch in later in the relationship if he asked. When my husband and I were dating, we agreed that he would pay for dates but I would pay for groceries if we were going to cook something together.
I always would offer to split the bill but if the other person (who asked me on a date) said no, then I would not insist. It's so nice to see I was doing the polite thing! haha And just in case, I always made sure I only accepted dates on places I could afford!
Gosh if this is modern etiquette what would be wrong with bringing up who pays before hand? Wouldn't that be a sign of a future healthy relationship? Such as just casually saying before the date "how shall the bill be handled?" And see what the date who arranged the whole thing says? Instead of putting both people in that awkward moment of when the bill comes? I have a good friend in another state and we get together for a yearly retreat. Last year she kept insisting on paying for everything and that really annoyed me. Made me feel like a child or that she was implying that I didn't have the means. Or that this might be something she could hold against me in the future. So I told her this year let's discuss how we are paying for things like groceries, gas/petrol and restaurant bills right away so there's no passive aggression, confusion or hurt feelings.
Guys, just pay for the date you invited or choose something more creative that won't be expensive or just in a budget that will work for you. If I like a guy and he s asking me on a date, I offer to pay - BUT IF HE ACCEPTS I do not go on a second date with him. If I go on a date with a guy and I don't like him then I would insist to pay - because some guys will react very inappropriate or even aggressive when they are refused romantically. If you try to use the equality card or that is modern, don't - because you need to be mannered at all time.
I agree if you’re inviting someone out on a romantic occasion feel free to host and pay. If you’re inviting out your friends you should not feel obligated to pay because you suggested to eat together.
Definitely, the man should pay, it's not very nice when you go out with someone and they hand you the bill for your share unless the woman specifically wishes to take the man out and is earning a very good salary. I personally am not going to wait around for someone to ask me out, I will decide where I want to go and invite some company.
I love your dad. He reminds me of my dad. Cheers to awesome dads. I agree with your dating style here, and always reach for my wallet and offer to contribute or leave the tip. I do have more of an expectation that a man will pay the bill if he picks me up and takes me out than I would if I meet a man at a mutually agreed upon restaurant. I would still offer either way.
I am a big believer in traditional gender roles and want a man who is a protector and a provider so in my view the man should pursue the woman, ask her out on a date and therefore pay 😊💕 my parents didn't have traditonal gender roles and it caused the breakdown of their marriage. Furthermore if you want to be more of a stay at home wife/mom you need to ensure the man can afford this. Having higher standards as a woman is a good tactic to kind of "scare away" less serious men. I also don't think traditional feminine ladies like me should offer to pay because this signals to the man she's more of a modern feminist and wants a 50/50 relationship, which is not the case. You don't want to start off a relationship with the gender roles reversed.
I found this really interesting. I accepted a date from a guy once who wanted to go to a show but didn’t tell me the cost, leading me to assume (never assume!) that he was paying. He paid for a drink beforehand but I wasn’t prepared to pay for the show. As my card was swiped I had a sinking feeling it would decline 🙈 fortunately it didn’t but I only had about $3 left until pay day. I learned after that to check ahead for the expected costs and always go out with enough money to pay the full bill - just in case!
Not another seahorse lol, well, I learned a lesson at any rate. I didn’t have much dating experience at the time and whenever I organised something with others I always gave them a heads-up of the cost. I assumed he’d pay as he ever told me the cost 🤷♀️....never assume!
Hey Myka, I have another question. I am a 33 year old woman and still single. I went to a cafe and ordered a tea. And I sat there reading your book. Suddenly a man of 75+ approached me and asked me if he could offer me a drink. I declined in a very kind way and said thank you for the offer. Was this owkay to do? Or should I accepted the offer?
In a pureply relationship context, if a man isn't willing to pay for a date then he obviously doesn't care enough. Any other situation I agree with this video, if I invite my friend/colleague I'm paying or we're splitting the bill
I agree with you on this one. My husband and I raised our 20 year old son to ALWAYS pay for his date. If a young lady offered to pay, of course our son would decline. However, we would all look upon this gesture as a favorable indicator of his date’s character. That has far more value than the cost of a restaurant tab. Likewise, as you pointed out, this gesture could also be used as a vetting tool for the lady to determine if her date is a keeper. I never thought of that! It’s a great litmus test for both parties. I’m old school. Other than treating a man for a special occasion, such as his birthday, I never paid for a date. However, I did end up paying for my husband’s proposal dinner to me. My then-boyfriend made reservations at this special restaurant to propose. He did so under the pretense that we were celebrating his company appointment to vice president. He wanted the proposal to be a surprise, but needed a cover story, because I’m so nosy. I knew he would battle me over the check, so while he excused himself from the table, I paid for dinner. In retrospect, I think he left the table to brace himself, because when he returned, he seemed quite nervous. He then proposed. Shortly after accepting his proposal, the waiter returned with my receipt…doh!
Personally when going on dates (its been a long time now) but I ALWAYS made the payment terms clear before we even chose a place to go and it was almost ALWAYS "Hey, lets go out here, somewhere nice, we can split it so we can get some nicer ($$$) meals..." very casual about it and that takes all the pressure off both people all through the ordering of the meal and the paying of the meal and we get to enjoy each other during the time rather than worrying about $$$ raising as we order more and more. If they were generous they would obviously say "thats crazy Im treating you" and that works also but the stress is gone way before the event. PLUS "going dutch" has the benefit of not feeling bad at the end when you don't have sparks with the person (especially if you KNOW you dont want to see them again), you split the bill and dont feel obligated to ever see them again. As of now (6 years) my partner and I ALWAYS go dutch OR switch off paying for each other when we get take out. I think its fair - no different than a married couple using a joint bank account to pay for things.
GREAT question. The answer: You can still accept the date. Order modestly (never order any menu item on the more expensive side of the menu) and when the bill comes, if you already are sure you can't pay, then don't offer. If I could go back to that mortifying moment I speak of in my youtube video, I would tell my younger self to A.) know how much money I had available and B.) if I KNEW the funds were not there, it's a disingenuous offer...and therefore I would not offer to pay if I knew I couldn't. If you accept a date when you can't afford it, make sure the person who asked you out is choosing the restaurant (so it's within their budget) and let them order anything aside of your meal that you two may be sharing (a bottle of wine etc). Hope that is helpful
So I disagree on this, regardless of who asked, and I would not "ask" a man out on a date, I would hint (ball in your court), but not ask. There are many reasons for this, but, paying or asking has nothing to do with being independent, strong, or equal. This has to do with masculine & feminine energy, the way we are wired as male & female for the mating process.
I love you but I disagree with you in this topic. I would never pay for men in date. If just friends I always first to offer to pay but all my male friends are gentelmen they always pay for me. For my female friends I never offers just pay for them.
Dating for a man means having a significant level of ressources if you need to go on multiple dates (Humour please). As a man I feel that it is normal if i pay, since I invite out... I guess a feminist would be offended if "invited" and be payed for; in that case a split (of the bill and life) is an acceptable tactics. Definitely, tea/coffee is the best "get to know each other" tactics. Eventually this will resume one day (posted in March 2021 while being semi-locked down) My view not pretending to be arming nor offensive...
Myka, You are so wrong here,,,,,, Please ladies,,,,, refer to " Anna Beyond " " Who pays on a date ",,,,,,,,, Women that pay or offer, look desperate !!!!!!
I like to offer to pay so I don't seem entitled. I feel so bad for men who get used, and I try extra hard to pay if I know I have no intention of going out with a guy again. But I've noticed men who like to pay tend to be better quality men. It's not a money thing for me. I can afford food, and I do not enjoy dating. The last thing I'd do is go out with a guy just so he could pay. I just like old-fashioned gentleman who are masculine as far as liking to provide. Most women want to feel special. It doesn't feel great when a guy asks you out, you've put in all this effort to get ready and look your best, and he doesn't even want to pay for dinner. I just think it's the least he could do because it is more work for a woman to get ready. This doesn't mean a woman is looking for a sugar daddy. It's simply romance and wanting to be treated like a lady. I'd prefer a man with a normal job who is chivalrous and generous with what he has over some rich guy who's a cheapskate and treats me like a bro.
I completely agree with this! So unlady like to expect to be paid for. In today’s world men do NOT always make more money - as was the case with my husband and I when we first met. BUT since he asked me out, he paid for dinner.. but not before I offered to pay for my half. That was the one mistake I think you made Myka w your Dentist. I think when you are not the host, and you offer to pay.. it should be for your half only, not the entire bill. Love the videos! Keep them coming! 😘
Yep. I offered and he declined. He told me later that he would have never let me pay but he loved that I offered. Lucky you’re not married to him and I am!
Unlady like to expect to be paid for? LOL its very effeminate for a man to expect a woman to go half or even offer to pay for a date that HE ASKED her out for.
It's actually unladylike to step into the masuline role of paying and providing. If men want to marry a classy feminine lady and not a blue-haired extreme feminist, they need to be able to afford to take on the masculine role. Men pursue women, not the other way around.
This is why I never ask a man out. He absolutely should host and also pay. I don't believe in the offer because I believe in being genuine, not to play games like that. I don't want to pay so why offer just as a test and screw yourself over in case he takes it?
That's your problem you dont want to pay
@@bartdroog7371 preach!
This is very interesting. On dates, I do not offer to pay and I do not ask men on dates. I’m just old fashioned that way. Of course always show gratitude and be nice. That’s for your input😊
I am wheeeziinnd lmaooo
Lmao🥰🤣
@@SNT412 You sound like a guy who can't afford a meal at McDonalds. #cheap#cheap#cheap
Same
Love your channel, but I disagree with this one cause if man invite us he should take care of everything we shouldn’t even reach our wallet! Especially if it’s the beginning of the stage we are actually educating and teaching them that it’s ok for woman to pay the bill, and have 50 50 relationships it’s not fair for woman 💕💕
Anna Bey has a RUclips video in this. She says to never take out your wallet ladies.
I agree, the one who was invited should not be expected to pay and I don't believe in playing games, you're not obligated to offer to pay if they invited you out just so they can insist on paying and you wind up letting them anyway. Now after a couple of dates you can invite them out and be willing to pay or invite them to a nice home-cooked meal or a picnic.
What if the woman wants to go out? Who should pay?
Our first disagreement! I love that women think differently on this matter. A man always pays in my lifestyle and it’s worked out great. No more power struggles over a dinner tab.
Love the opinion!
I love your channel Myka but I disagree completely with you on that topic too. Let me explain why from my experience. The men in my family are alpha males, and they are very successful. Each one of them takes pride in providing for their wives financially. Their wives don’t have to work if they don’t want to. All of their wives are very feminine women and they always look very put together.
My cousins take pride in being able to provide for their families, and their wives appreciate them for that. They enjoy their wives being feminine and relaxing in their femininity because they aren’t stressed out about scraping together money to pay all of the bills and they have time for self care and maintaining their appearance. My cousins taught me well and told me NEVER to date a man who is hesitant to pay on the first date or expects me to split the bill with him because he will be very stingy with his money. Their advice has proven to be true.
The men that I dated that expected me to pay on the first date or split the bill turned out to be more feminine beta men. These types of men expect a woman that they date or marry to function as their roommate and split the bills with them on everything (rent, mortgages, car payment etc) so they can save their money because they are not doing well financially and they are very stingy with their money. The successful men that I have dated have been very generous and paid for things for me even when I didn’t ask them to. It’s more fun to be with a generous man than a stingy one.
Some women are traditional and appreciate an alpha male who will protect and provide for them.
this is titled modern dating for a reason. of course, for a tradition dating advice video it wouldn’t be the same. nowadays newer generation values equality between the roles, as it shows respect to the females and males alike, and what is socially acceptable in this day and age.
@@cinnamorollgirl4961 very well explained 👌🏻
I do agree with you
Also stingy ones are not ready to marry . Because they have yet alot to accomplish alot. I believe alot in compatibility and dating a man that is in the same path as me.
In my point of view this "host pay" works with Friends and Family, but not on dates! Men make more money, so they pay! In this case I prefer the classic etiquette hehehe
Hi Luciana,
I agree offering sounds a bit counterproductive to learning etiquette. It’s not about looking like a gold digger either. Simply if you are studying etiquette it is the principle of ‘ladylike’ training to not produce masculine behaviors. I always ask myself during the era where women were courted “ would they offer to pay for their own meals?” And the first answer based on my observations of that time is “no they would not offer to pay for themselves.”
However when I am out where I protect myself is that I have my own money in case someone tries to pull any stunts on me also for my own dignity and self respect.
@@ShanerraBrooks Yes, I totally agree! This case is more about femininity energy and behave! If a man ask me to share, I will do it (as you I always have my own money with me) but I will not date him again. He is a simple date not my life partner hehe 😘
@@lucianapaladini4299 😂👍🏾 Exactly!!!! 😘😘 💍 🛑
I do agree
When I was dating my husband, I would offer to pay and he always accepted to have me pay half of the bill. He said he really appreciated it because living in Los Angeles and making low wages at that time, it made him feel like I was being understanding, considerate, and not selfish. I on the other hand, was trying to dump him for accepting my offer 😂 he was pretty persistent and it helped he’s good looking. Now I’m a stay-at-home mom and he pays for everything. 😜
Myka! This is so needed for "modern" people. I can't believe how many adults have never been taught basic dating etiquette by their parents. If goes beyond dating. When I was a child in Pakistan we were always taught to never offer help as a guest. We were supposed to accept all of their hospitality. Offers to clear dishes or the like are seen as a way to absolve the guest of the need for reciprocation. The guest should return the invite when possible. Allow the host to play the host. You probably are not old enough to remember when NYC had ladies' menus! These were called "guest menus" by the 1980s. I remember when I was a child and my father took us (my mother and siblings) to a restaurant in the city. The ladies' menu tended to have more limited options but it never showed the prices. The priciest stuff was saved to be on the standard menu which was presented to the man. The man also was the only one to see the wine list. Since he was the one paying, that seems quite fair!
I agree
But I was married to a man that I was the one paying all the time
And now I am in the opposite position
And it feels more.. “right”
He pays for everything
I help him out in his business
And we are super happy
I only feel comfortable going out on dates with financially established mature men so I never have to deal with these type of problems. I just can get my mind off of financial matters and relax into my femininity and enjoy the date to the fullest. I had a phase where I was offering to split the bill and some of them would get offended so I stopped with that nonsense.
I second that !!!!
I brought this topic up to my husband (we've been married over 30 years) and he said the man should *always* pay. Especially if he says "can I take you to dinner?".
Unless they say "let's meet for coffee/lunch" or unless the women grabs the check and insists on paying; the gentleman should be paying always.
We also thought that perhaps the dentist didn't want to cause waves and let you pay because of how some women are about modern feminism.
My husband and I both think the dentist was a jerk.
😢
Sorry Myka, but I disagree completely with you on that topic
I'm a modern etiquette kind of gal! That's okay if we don't agree :) We can always agree to disagree! xo, MM
@@mykameier7474 I really like your videos, you are an influencer, but this one...
Man normally make more money so they should pay and that is it! If he cannot afford it don't ask a women out...We need to come back to our femininity and let be the men be the men. Nowadays we have more masculine women and more feminine men that are expecting us to 50/50. And apart from everything, a real elegant and higher caliber man will never let a woman pay! As you say we can agree to disagree 😘
I love your channel Myka but I disagree completely with you on that topic too. Let me explain why from my experience. The men in my family are alpha males, and they are very successful. Each one of them takes pride in providing for their wives financially. Their wives don’t have to work if they don’t want to. All of their wives are very feminine women and they always look very put together.
My cousins take pride in being able to provide for their families, and their wives appreciate them for that. They enjoy their wives being feminine and relaxing in their femininity because they aren’t stressed out about scraping together money to pay all of the bills and they have time for self care and maintaining their appearance. My cousins taught me well and told me NEVER to date a man who is hesitant to pay on the first date or expects me to split the bill with him because he will be very stingy with his money. Their advice has proven to be true.
The men that I dated that expected me to pay on the first date or split the bill turned out to be more feminine beta men. These types of men expect a woman that they date or marry to function as their roommate and split the bills with them on everything (rent, mortgages, car payment etc) so they can save their money because they are not doing well financially and they are very stingy with their money. The successful men that I have dated have been very generous and paid for things for me even when I didn’t ask them to. It’s more fun to be with a generous man than a stingy one.
Some women are traditional and appreciate an alpha male who will protect and provide for them. 😊
Luciana Paladini wonderful comment. THANK YOU
What does it all boil down to? When you're the host, you play host. I would NEVER want my guest to feel like they had to think about money AT ALL if I'm the one who makes the event arrangements. At the end of the day, you want your guests to feel comfortable at all times. That's what etiquette's all about!
When did a casual lunch or
Dinner outing with “girl friends” become a guest/ host situation?
I could not imagine paying for my friends lunch every time I was like, “hey let’s grab lunch with our kiddos after the park on Tuesday.”
Even married and sharing everything we still “treat” each other and say “thanks for dinner”. It isn’t like we have separate finances, but it is sweet to plan a date for the other person!
I would never pay to go out with a man and I’ve never been out with a man that would expect me to pay. However, If the relationship continues I would know to reciprocate in other ways.
I agree! Good tips! On my first date with my partner he paid because he asked me out and planned everything. That went on for awhile - whoever planned payed. However, we’ve been together for over 6 years now. After the first year or so we just decided to split everything together because we were both in college (so not great finances) and eventually we were living together so at that point we shared and split everything...groceries, dinners, tickets, etc.
We’re not engaged or married yet (mostly because of the virus ruining our plans; he’s British and I’m American). I don’t think it’s about gender or who makes more money (because that’s not even a topic that should be discussed on a first date) so I like your point about whoever plans should pay, but offering to be polite. After we were together for so long we had a discussion about it and agreed to split everything because as college students it was unfair to make one person pay every time and we would usually make plans together. Everything is ours at this point so we split large meals or whoever is running to grab the coffee or happens to have their card handy will pay. It all evens out in the end and it’s not about the money, it’s about enjoying our time together and doing things we enjoy together! The only exception is birthday dinners! I pay for his and he pays for mine as a treat, but again, it all evens out!
If I know I don't want to see my date ever again, I will pay my half (even though it's not in my culture to pay for dates for a variety of reasons). Unless it is against his culture and he resists firmly.
Also, in the modern world of [online] dating , you usually meet someone for a semi-casual drink after work. And in those instances it seems acceptable to pay for your own drink since you are literally meeting this person for the first time and haven't established an actual date.
Thank you Myka. I have been eagerly awaiting your next video and have really enjoyed watching it 👍🏽😊
Disagree on this one. No no no. The man should pay. I don’t ask men to go on dates with me.
Omg myka THANK YOU for this 💕💕💕 I’m a big believer that just bc a man is a man, that doesn’t mean HE has to pay and woman can take advantage of that. My (now) husband and I met 10 years ago and our first date was to a restaurant and a movie. He paid the restaurant bill and I paid for the movies.
As someone who works very hard for her money I’m very proud that I can pay my own way if needed and I am more than happy to split a bill if needed. I think it’s only fair. We’re not in the 40’s or 50’s anymore when women were very much reliant on men because they were the providers. You’re amazing
Hey, Myka. Thank you for sharing your experience. Always enjoy watching your videos. I’m sorry for what happened to the first and only date with the dentist. And I’m glad your dad was such an angel to you that he prevented the could’ve happened awkwardness. I understand the advice given by your father that a girl should always offer to pay. It does make a girl seems like independent but i don’t think it’s the best thing to do in situations like that. First of all, a girl is not given a chance to pick a place that is affordable for her budget. Offering to split or pay put herself at place where she need to do something she was not prepared or informed. Second, people have different opinions and understandings about paying for the date. I know some guy thinks if a girl offers to pay means she wants to be an independent woman, and it’s not polite not to give the lady the chance. Third, both the universal etiquette and a girl’s expectation agree that the guy plans everything needs to pay. My advice for girls in this situation is to say thank you for inviting and treating me. I enjoyed it. I will be on me next time. Problem solved without any risks or awkwardness.
I do not agree. There is an old rule that MAN should be a provider. Lets stop this nonsense with 50/50.
I'd never offer to pay in the initial stages of dating... it's different when you're in the established relationship and sharing a home together. But to offer to pay on a first date? Never. I'd probably get drinks or something another time, but not on the first date.
@@MargaretBuj_InterviewCoach If a man is handling his responsibilities properly, he shouldn't need to take money from a woman.
@@nataliam6173 couldn't agree more
Natalia M EXACTLY
Offering to pay is a respectful and kind gesture, but I wonder how would the script go? Maybe something like this:
> Waiter drops check on table
> Thoughtful Guest: (takes out wallet) "Lets see here." (motioning to the bill)
Then, as explained in the video, the rest of the scenario should continue like this:
> Host: (interrupting the thoughtful guest) "Oh, please, this is my treat. Thank you so much for offering"
> Thoughtful Guest: "Thank you, that's so kind!"
Hi Myka, thank you for your sharing your tips with us but I have to disagree with this one. I learned the hard way that I should teach how I would like to be treated from the beginning. And how I would like to be treated is a man who knows how to take care of his household and that is providing. I am single and very self sufficient and I watched my mom growing up taking a role of my father and this is very common in my society. As a result she could not play her role of being a nurturer. So this is a definite no for me.
Totally agree.... we teach people how to treat us. This isn't great advice particularly for younger women. You've been asked on a date! You allow a man to be in his masculine energy and pick up the bill.
Gratitude and saying thank you is proper.
Also I’d like both my sons to take your course. They have great manners but I think they’d benefit
I would never expect a friend to pay for my meal if we decide to get together, it's the cost of cultivating a friendship. To expect that someone will pay for you seems arrogant and the opposite of proper etiquette. It makes more sense to decline the invite and be honest that it's not in your budget which then gives them the opportunity to offer to pay for the entire meal. As far as men go, men pursue women respond IMO.
Couldn't agree more with your stance, Myka! xo
I usually do a little reach for my wallet, and by the time I get my card out, my date has usually already put his card down. If he hasn’t already told me he’s got it, I may offer to split it, but I don’t offer to pay the full bill, unless it’s his birthday or something. If it’s a really nice dinner and I want to show my appreciation, I may ask if I can cover the tip or get the drinks after
Im a female and I always pay on a date. I also date women so not sure how this relates to your video lol. Intresting to read the comments tho. For straight couples I think the man should always pay.
I think the WORST etiquette I’ve ever seen from a “man” was many years ago, I was on a first date with this guy, we met for drinks… as it was time to tab out the bartender asked “together or separate?”… this guy literally stands up from his bar stool and points at me and says “separate, I just met her”. 😮 needless to say; I never went out with him again. Now I’m happily married to the biggest gentleman in the world! ❤ who never even lets me SEE the bill, even after all these years, he will say “are you paying? NO! Then you don’t even need to SEE the bill… “ ❤
I would not offer ...
If I’m invited I expect the host to pay but consider it appropriate to offer to pay TIP, not half. However I am also a considerate guest and never order anything that costs more than what the host has ordered.
With friends I always paid only my own bill, regardless of who invited, except for a few times when I knew the other person had lost a job or something. I never offered to pay on first dates, but I was willing to pay or pitch in later in the relationship if he asked. When my husband and I were dating, we agreed that he would pay for dates but I would pay for groceries if we were going to cook something together.
You’re adorable I love your videos I learn so much
I always would offer to split the bill but if the other person (who asked me on a date) said no, then I would not insist. It's so nice to see I was doing the polite thing! haha
And just in case, I always made sure I only accepted dates on places I could afford!
Gosh if this is modern etiquette what would be wrong with bringing up who pays before hand? Wouldn't that be a sign of a future healthy relationship?
Such as just casually saying before the date "how shall the bill be handled?" And see what the date who arranged the whole thing says? Instead of putting both people in that awkward moment of when the bill comes?
I have a good friend in another state and we get together for a yearly retreat.
Last year she kept insisting on paying for everything and that really annoyed me. Made me feel like a child or that she was implying that I didn't have the means. Or that this might be something she could hold against me in the future.
So I told her this year let's discuss how we are paying for things like groceries, gas/petrol and restaurant bills right away so there's no passive aggression, confusion or hurt feelings.
I always pay. Anyway I have lesbian relationship and I am so proud of it.
Guys, just pay for the date you invited or choose something more creative that won't be expensive or just in a budget that will work for you. If I like a guy and he s asking me on a date, I offer to pay - BUT IF HE ACCEPTS I do not go on a second date with him. If I go on a date with a guy and I don't like him then I would insist to pay - because some guys will react very inappropriate or even aggressive when they are refused romantically. If you try to use the equality card or that is modern, don't - because you need to be mannered at all time.
May I ask, Dear Ms Meier,
What if you are 2 colleagues; one decides to go to the restaurant and you agree, you pay your own bill, right?
Thank you!!!
I agree if you’re inviting someone out on a romantic occasion feel free to host and pay.
If you’re inviting out your friends you should not feel obligated to pay because you suggested to eat together.
Definitely, the man should pay, it's not very nice when you go out with someone and they hand you the bill for your share unless the woman specifically wishes to take the man out and is earning a very good salary. I personally am not going to wait around for someone to ask me out, I will decide where I want to go and invite some company.
I love your dad. He reminds me of my dad. Cheers to awesome dads. I agree with your dating style here, and always reach for my wallet and offer to contribute or leave the tip. I do have more of an expectation that a man will pay the bill if he picks me up and takes me out than I would if I meet a man at a mutually agreed upon restaurant. I would still offer either way.
I am a big believer in traditional gender roles and want a man who is a protector and a provider so in my view the man should pursue the woman, ask her out on a date and therefore pay 😊💕 my parents didn't have traditonal gender roles and it caused the breakdown of their marriage. Furthermore if you want to be more of a stay at home wife/mom you need to ensure the man can afford this. Having higher standards as a woman is a good tactic to kind of "scare away" less serious men. I also don't think traditional feminine ladies like me should offer to pay because this signals to the man she's more of a modern feminist and wants a 50/50 relationship, which is not the case. You don't want to start off a relationship with the gender roles reversed.
I found this really interesting.
I accepted a date from a guy once who wanted to go to a show but didn’t tell me the cost, leading me to assume (never assume!) that he was paying. He paid for a drink beforehand but I wasn’t prepared to pay for the show. As my card was swiped I had a sinking feeling it would decline 🙈 fortunately it didn’t but I only had about $3 left until pay day.
I learned after that to check ahead for the expected costs and always go out with enough money to pay the full bill - just in case!
Not another seahorse lol, well, I learned a lesson at any rate. I didn’t have much dating experience at the time and whenever I organised something with others I always gave them a heads-up of the cost. I assumed he’d pay as he ever told me the cost 🤷♀️....never assume!
This is 100% TERRIBLE etiquette on his part!
You have a beautiful soul. Thank you for teaching us. Etiquette
I love this topic. This very helpful.❤
He pays !!!!! Always !!! No exception s !!!!
Hey Myka, I have another question. I am a 33 year old woman and still single. I went to a cafe and ordered a tea. And I sat there reading your book. Suddenly a man of 75+ approached me and asked me if he could offer me a drink. I declined in a very kind way and said thank you for the offer. Was this owkay to do? Or should I accepted the offer?
I think you did right! We don't have to accept every invitation from a man (or from whoever) if we don't want, and you declined kindly!
It's perfectly fine to decline an offer so long as you do so politely 😊💕 and say thank you for the offer
In a pureply relationship context, if a man isn't willing to pay for a date then he obviously doesn't care enough.
Any other situation I agree with this video, if I invite my friend/colleague I'm paying or we're splitting the bill
I agree with you on this one. My husband and I raised our 20 year old son to ALWAYS pay for his date.
If a young lady offered to pay, of course our son would decline. However, we would all look upon this gesture as a favorable indicator of his date’s character. That has far more value than the cost of a restaurant tab.
Likewise, as you pointed out, this gesture could also be used as a vetting tool for the lady to determine if her date is a keeper. I never thought of that! It’s a great litmus test for both parties.
I’m old school. Other than treating a man for a special occasion, such as his birthday, I never paid for a date. However, I did end up paying for my husband’s proposal dinner to me.
My then-boyfriend made reservations at this special restaurant to propose. He did so under the pretense that we were celebrating his company appointment to vice president. He wanted the proposal to be a surprise, but needed a cover story, because I’m so nosy.
I knew he would battle me over the check, so while he excused himself from the table, I paid for dinner.
In retrospect, I think he left the table to brace himself, because when he returned, he seemed quite nervous. He then proposed. Shortly after accepting his proposal, the waiter returned with my receipt…doh!
Personally when going on dates (its been a long time now) but I ALWAYS made the payment terms clear before we even chose a place to go and it was almost ALWAYS "Hey, lets go out here, somewhere nice, we can split it so we can get some nicer ($$$) meals..." very casual about it and that takes all the pressure off both people all through the ordering of the meal and the paying of the meal and we get to enjoy each other during the time rather than worrying about $$$ raising as we order more and more. If they were generous they would obviously say "thats crazy Im treating you" and that works also but the stress is gone way before the event. PLUS "going dutch" has the benefit of not feeling bad at the end when you don't have sparks with the person (especially if you KNOW you dont want to see them again), you split the bill and dont feel obligated to ever see them again. As of now (6 years) my partner and I ALWAYS go dutch OR switch off paying for each other when we get take out. I think its fair - no different than a married couple using a joint bank account to pay for things.
Wonderful advice,thanks.
You should not offer to pay
Agreed. Men need to show they can protect and provide, and men should pursue women.
I completely agree.
Great info but does this also mean I shouldn't accept the date when I know I can't afford to pay?
GREAT question. The answer: You can still accept the date. Order modestly (never order any menu item on the more expensive side of the menu) and when the bill comes, if you already are sure you can't pay, then don't offer. If I could go back to that mortifying moment I speak of in my youtube video, I would tell my younger self to A.) know how much money I had available and B.) if I KNEW the funds were not there, it's a disingenuous offer...and therefore I would not offer to pay if I knew I couldn't. If you accept a date when you can't afford it, make sure the person who asked you out is choosing the restaurant (so it's within their budget) and let them order anything aside of your meal that you two may be sharing (a bottle of wine etc). Hope that is helpful
@@mykameier7474 The advice is very fair and reasonable, thank you so much 🙏🏾.
If a man let's you pay when he asks u out,,, he's has no interest in you...
So I disagree on this, regardless of who asked, and I would not "ask" a man out on a date, I would hint (ball in your court), but not ask. There are many reasons for this, but, paying or asking has nothing to do with being independent, strong, or equal. This has to do with masculine & feminine energy, the way we are wired as male & female for the mating process.
I make a date. I ask about date so I should pay.
Many of my friends ask me to pay even if they are hosts and before I even offer them 😄
When a man asks you on a date,,,, yes he pays,,,, ladies, don't pull out your wallet....
Great episode 👍🏻👍🏻
I love you but I disagree with you in this topic. I would never pay for men in date. If just friends I always first to offer to pay but all my male friends are gentelmen they always pay for me. For my female friends I never offers just pay for them.
Good, I always let guys plan things so no problem lol
😍
Dating for a man means having a significant level of ressources if you need to go on multiple dates (Humour please). As a man I feel that it is normal if i pay, since I invite out... I guess a feminist would be offended if "invited" and be payed for; in that case a split (of the bill and life) is an acceptable tactics.
Definitely, tea/coffee is the best "get to know each other" tactics. Eventually this will resume one day (posted in March 2021 while being semi-locked down)
My view not pretending to be arming nor offensive...
Yes, on a meet and greet just invite someone for coffee to see if there is a connection.
Men be careful.
Why do you think people say it is the person who asks should pay?
Friendships, dating and marriage is about working together.
I don't ask men out and therefore I dont pay.
The problem is that many women go out on a date with a man they have zero interest in just for a free meal. Which is very trashy behaviour.
I agree with everything you said 👏👏
Ps. I’m 29 but never been on a date though lol
Stop spoiling men
First of all I would not ask a guy out ,,,,,,, you shouldn't b teaching this to young women .....!!#
Myka, You are so wrong here,,,,,, Please ladies,,,,, refer to " Anna Beyond " " Who pays on a date ",,,,,,,,, Women that pay or offer, look desperate !!!!!!
I like to offer to pay so I don't seem entitled. I feel so bad for men who get used, and I try extra hard to pay if I know I have no intention of going out with a guy again. But I've noticed men who like to pay tend to be better quality men. It's not a money thing for me. I can afford food, and I do not enjoy dating. The last thing I'd do is go out with a guy just so he could pay. I just like old-fashioned gentleman who are masculine as far as liking to provide. Most women want to feel special. It doesn't feel great when a guy asks you out, you've put in all this effort to get ready and look your best, and he doesn't even want to pay for dinner. I just think it's the least he could do because it is more work for a woman to get ready. This doesn't mean a woman is looking for a sugar daddy. It's simply romance and wanting to be treated like a lady. I'd prefer a man with a normal job who is chivalrous and generous with what he has over some rich guy who's a cheapskate and treats me like a bro.
Actually practical tips for the modern woman thank you❤️
Nope
I completely agree with this! So unlady like to expect to be paid for. In today’s world men do NOT always make more money - as was the case with my husband and I when we first met. BUT since he asked me out, he paid for dinner.. but not before I offered to pay for my half. That was the one mistake I think you made Myka w your Dentist. I think when you are not the host, and you offer to pay.. it should be for your half only, not the entire bill. Love the videos! Keep them coming! 😘
Yep. I offered and he declined. He told me later that he would have never let me pay but he loved that I offered. Lucky you’re not married to him and I am!
Unlady like to expect to be paid for? LOL its very effeminate for a man to expect a woman to go half or even offer to pay for a date that HE ASKED her out for.
It's actually unladylike to step into the masuline role of paying and providing. If men want to marry a classy feminine lady and not a blue-haired extreme feminist, they need to be able to afford to take on the masculine role. Men pursue women, not the other way around.
You're dad is wrong