3 Reasons to Stop Enabling with your Te (Extroverted Thinking)
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2024
- If you’re a guilty party with Te (Extroverted Thinking) “I'll just do it" disease... here are some things to consider. Fail to do so, and you are likely enabling a tribe of dependents... aka ... human pets.
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#LiJo #Te #ExtrovertedThinking
INTJ when others fail: "You are SO inefficient my heart is hurting . Let me do it".
INTJ when others try to help him/her: "I WANNA LEARN BY MYSELF AND CREATE MY OWN SYSTEM. WRITE DOWN YOUR SOLUTION STEP BY STEP FOR ME TO LATER ASSESS ITS EFFICIENCY OR LET ME ALONE "
lmaooo mi corazón duele!
This is pretty much a summary of my life😂.
I’m a Ti dominant ( intp ) and still relate to this , but instead of wanting to do the thing myself , I want to teach them how to do it themselves . Watching someone doing things wrong or or stating ,,opinions” that are obviously flawed in logic make me physically angry , I just want to tell the all the ways they are wrong ( I call this helping , no one else seems to agree ) . My mom started calling me Ben Shappiro so I’m trying to tone it down , but god is it painful to do so.
I relate hard! (INFJ) I want to strongly *encourage* and *enable* autonomy. I want to "teach a man to fish," and then I can teach someone else or something else. Also, _you_ (the one I've taught) can go on to teach others as well. And you don't have to ask me the same thing over and over. The lack of keeping/stacking information and continuing to build on it with Te irks me.
But the same token: I'll do things that work for me. If you are in a damn hurry to use the same space as me, take over. I'm not stopping you.
Hahah yes that is SO Ti!!! Hilarious that your mom sniffed out the Ti in both of your types too.
Hi. Just try to keep in mind that:
1. Ti logic is subjective. Others using Ti might draw different logical conclusions.
2. Using feelings is also legitimate and sometime more appropriate.
3. Where the evidence is conclusive (which is quite rare) Te is superior to Ti.
@@888Longball No it's not. Ti is objective. Adding Se or Ne can change the subject from Object to subject, but Ti still stay objective and is extremely sharp and accurate.
Ti is logic (superior) and Te is Rational for the tribe, meaning majority rules. Ti is the source of thinking and Te is the consumer of Ti's thinking. or Te consumes Tribe thinking Group think.
Oh my goodness. I was just talking about how I unintentionally collect people who over-rely on me and I know I have a big part in creating this. “Tribe of Dependents” is a perfect phrase. And I have Te tertiary, so I’m not even that skilled at it, just have a compulsion to use it.
Thank you, this was helpful, insightful and came at just the right time for me. - ENFP
I'm ENFP too and i focus more on my Ne+Fi with friends.I use my Ne+Te at my work(independent buisiness).
Glad the insight hit home!
@@firespawnie537 definitely Ne+Fi with friends. A blend of Fi and Te at work - Independent Business as well but I’m a psychotherapist so the Fi’s part of it. I sometimes dream of my career going towards a less heavy Fi leaning.
I like the design you got in the background, looks very chic! 😊
Well thank you! My sound chamber echo project was an aesthetic success!
Lol this is my life! “Derek will you help me with this!” “Derek! Will you do this for me?!?” “Derek! What’s the best camera for me to buy?” “Derek how do I do this on my instagram??”
Brilliant video. So true. Thanks Lindsey! 😜🥰
Run Derek RUN!!
Another amazing video. I have savior Fi, but double activated Te...and I definitely needed this video. My Ti husband is always telling me to leave our kids to figure things out themselves and I'm like IT HURTS ME! 😬😅
WOW!!! Lindsey you hit it out of the park for sure today. Awesome -INTJ
Thanks Rich!!!
I'm so guilty of this; I learned the hard way, when people won't bother using their head anymore because they have yours; very strong boundaries had to be set. I swear there are people who actively latch onto Te's to get things done as their modus operandi
I see this from the outside all the time too. I'm an ENTP (Ti heavy) with quite a few Te users in my life, and I find myself minimising how much I talk to them if I'm taking my time with something. Because they can't NOT take over, and that is as aggravating for me as watching the struggle is for them! Especially if I'm actually taking my time because: A. I'm trying to figure out the general system surrounding this particular problem so as to tackle it better in future; B. I'm not particularly invested in completing the task quickly anyway, and trying not to waste mental resources on it which they've now committed for me without my consent; C. I'm actually struggling (Si overwhelm) and their sudden barrage of extra detail threatens to push me over the edge.
FAIL= Found Another Important Lesson
Heck yeah!
The Te do it because they need to be needed.
Ask them, if they have ever felt like they were "wanted" and not "needed".
This is Definitely an area I struggle with. For example, we have a noob in my group at work, and he's VERY inexperienced. We refer to it as being "green". It's PAINFUL to watch him try to complete a task. In previous years, I'd just push someone like him out of the way and "do it myself". I've realized exactly what you're saying, and have consciously had to step back and LET THEM LEARN. Failure is a Great teacher! 👍🏻
Oh my God Lindsey, these golden words that I learned later on in life but I didn't know it was Te. This is one of your best videos, and it hit me so deep, I know exactly what you're talking about. This was my biggest sin with my siblings when they were kids, "I'll do it " disease. It was easier for me to do what they are struggling with instead of let them waste my time (as I felt back then) and let them take their time to accomplish whatever task and learn. I just figured out later just as you said that I was building a tribe of dependent people, but thankfully I rectify my mistake, even though it wasn't that easy 😭
Thank you so much LiJo for the enlightenment, I really appreciate what you're doing ❤
The lessons that I have suffered with having to learn myself usually make my best videos. Just more proof that with suffering comes the greatest benefit. ;)
@@InternetLiJo
I feel you, and I couldn't agree more ;) good job 👍
You are making me a good son. My mother is an esfj "perfect compatibility". I get irritated whenever she asks me how to do things and I always do them in my own to avoid pain. I'll try going through the discomfort of being the assistant from now on
I like how the INtJs who mistype you for ESFP on the INTERNET, probably haven’t been outside in so damn long that they forgot how actual ESFPs act.
Yeah. They're free to believe whatever they like and go through their own process to achieve their own understanding lol.
As an actual ESFP, I endorse this message. I’ve never understood the “LiJo is an ESFP” statements. Both cognitively and behaviorally
@@InternetLiJo See that is even MORE responsible Te right there! What a comment.
And in a way, being typed "upsidedown" by others is a compliment. Meaning one is developed enough in other functions as to "confuse" some.
Oh no! They don't behave EXACTLY like the type description ordained... What do we do now!?!?
@@sirbradfordofhousejones we need more ESFP youtubers, you should start posting videos :D
@@alex.does.comedy I’m on Joyce’s channel quite a bit :)
I have like ZERO tech skill. I get super self-critical about passing along information in this format because I wouldn’t have any clue how to start in a way that would be appealing. Maybe I’ll do it one day, though!
FUUUUUUUUCKKK!! " Think about how you feel when you realize you're not as needed as you thought". That really hit.
😬💙
as a rouge INTP who is hanging out on your channel I feel like what you are describing is Te allowing others do discover their own Ti, which is sweet because that's how it really works in real life. I have many Te doms and Te parents in my life and often have to remind them its okay for me to struggle with something in the beginning because I need (and enjoy) the process of learning and discovering for my own independent purposes. Since Te is paired with Fi, I see how they feel some way emotionally (usually frustrated) in watching me struggle, (like I care about you so just let me do it). Its something I definitely have to communicate about especially as you see the "dependents" swarm around them to their detriment.
Well put. This is the type of issue Oi can really help Te to not sacrifice long term efficiency, with unnecessary relationships of dependency, for a short term one.
I'm INFP with inferior Te and I still relate to this. Maybe I'm just the tiniest bit more patient, but the frustration is absolutely there. Hey, I've got the solution to your problems bro, it's me doing it for you.
Great points, and all lessons I learned far too late in life! And, being a rescuer by nature and a nurse by profession didn't help the situation. My only salvation was enough age and experience under my belt. Life is a lot easier when you're not trying to take care of everyone.
Oh yes, I have kids. It’s a constant internal battle to not take the wheel and drive. I know while it would comfort me, it will be to their long term detriment.
'Tribe of dependents' is such a proper way to describe it. I've had the tendency to do things for people because they said I'm better at them or I thought I was... Maybe i were, but even then, what it did was take up a lot of my time and energy for others and i was the one who was left with pending work while theirs was done BY ME. It is a draining tendency and I think it's where the trope of "INTJs are so smart" comes from. It's not something we should take pride in because it's a weakness and benefits no one in the long run, especially not the person who does it.
My father uses tactical incompetency to get me to do things for him. This wasn't a problem at first, but it became obvious that he put zero effort into learning anything from the process; he even refuses to take notes. This made me feel that he was using me. After a few times, I stopped helping him even if he begged.
Excellent video, if there is one thing I hate is my family constantly calling me anytime they don’t understand something tech wise and want me to either explain it to them or fix whatever isn’t working. It’s as much my own fault because I definitely enable them, this is advice I need to consume big time and just learn to give them the opportunity to struggle learning it (which I already know they won’t, so they will just pay someone to fix it more likely 🤦♀️).
Wow, this is exactly what I needed. Thank you! When you were explaining grandma failing on the computer, I was like ugggh this is exactly what I deal with with my coworkers at work and it drives me insane. D;
😆✨ relatable with my co workers as well!
Great discussion! I agree with 90%! If not careful, we can use Te to prevent growth in others. I ultimately think it is about ego more so than it is about Te but either way, it is something we should work on!
Here is my audio reflection/response: ruclips.net/video/SG921S6f5aM/видео.html.
So So So guilty of the "just let me do it" syndrome. Totally correct that you have to let people make the mistake so they can learn. And don't let the olds get away with not learning how to use technology.
They must learn the things too! Grandma deserves to send memes.
3:17 I thought you were going to say "really stupid" hhahahah
This hits home. I’m very handy and pride myself on solving problems and helping people… that being said my parents are going to be absolutely F’d when I move out of state soon… I maintain and repair all their cars, computers, devices, networks, security, house repairs etc. I feel bad about it… they’re going to be spending a lot of money they’re not used too. ALOT.
True, but think of also how empowering (though often overwhelming at first) it is to take care of, and invest in the things that are important to you. :)
I love your shorter videos.
Thank you!
Hey LiJo, was wondering your ideas concerning typing and confusion between INTJ (NiTeFiSe) and ISTP (TiNiSeFe). I feel like there may be higher confusion between these two than between the standard ISTP due to the high Ni. I can't seem to find any discussions or material on this at all though and would love to hear if you have any thoughts.
Sure! Yes the two would come across closer in nature due to both having introverted functions first and having Ni in a savior position (though it’s second for the ISTP jumper). Especially if the INTJ had sleep second or even third the similarities would be even closer.
HAHAHAHA I am so happy to be able to laugh. This is hilarious.
I suspect myself being an Fi-Ne with Te last. I'm in a job, where I have to blast a lot. I work for a global alliance of NGOs with many passionately opinionated people. Very tiring and very difficult not to just shush everybody and tell them what to do. I try to listen and keep options open, but I end up just making the decisions anyway. In my defence, my feeble Te and uber strong Fi tells me: people are usually very happy with my work and most people's suggestions suck anyway. :D I'm just not that good at healthy balanced Te. Indeed, dependency ensues. Thanks for sharing!
Whoa Touche.. I think getting stung in this video shows I do this.. Very helpful!!
This unexpectedly triggered me, calling up the memory of a time when someone refused to respect my process and literally grabbed something out of my hands to do it herself. I had even expressed my wish to be shown what to do and asked her nicely to humor me. That she not only refused but did the exact opposite felt like such a violation at the time. It's still hard to think about now.
So goos to hear from the other side - thank you.
Good sound advice, Lindsay!!! Appreciate your perspective, insights, & content so much! Thank you!
Thanks Linds :)
Wow... This had me laughing and realising many habits. Thank you.
My father is an ESFP so he has Te as a third function. I have Ti as my third function. I am new to learning all those car things as I just bought my first car. When I have a problem with it, I NEVER go to my father for help beacause he always just does things for me and is angry at me instead of showing me the right way to do things. Thank God for the Internet. I just power up my inferior Se and transform myself to ISTP.
Yo, lots of feels over this one.
Point 2 in vid) this one hits home hard (having been on the receiving end of impatient Te a lot more than I'd like to acknowledge). My Fe gets hardcore stressed out with a) its inferior Te and b) that I'm causing discomfort in the tribe, and I literally can't focus on the task at hand either sufficiently or at all (something I'm working on). If you (the Te user) are feeling the pressure and stress, it helps us both out if you go and take care of yourself and preoccupy yourself with something else. I want you to be good, but it's hella distracting when I'm focusing on something I'm bad at. We both know you can do it "better", and hopefully one day I will do it "as well". Fe wants to have competent Te... in a way that Ti approves. 😜
Maybe the other Fe/Ti users can attest to this, but Te can feel looming and condescending when we're not meeting "expectations" that we sense from those around us, but aren't necessarily articulated. (***Ask that vulnerable question to make sure it's not just in your head y'all. Some people are patient with the shortcomings of others and you can be imagining someone isn't.) Shame at being not so good at things and knowing that people are aware of it around me makes me want to run for the hills 😅
Point 3 in vid) some degree of failure is not just helpful, but essential and necessary to learn, I think. Knowing that helps to combat feelings of inadequacy or incompetence. Even if it doesn't go "wrong", there may be things that could go better, and that's a growth opportunity. But also feel free to relish and savour when it goes "perfect"😉
Take care of your Te users as best you can, because you love them and because it's healthy for you to grow in competency. They love you, that's why they're trying to help, but don't slack and take advantage. As long as you do your best to learn and grow from INEVITABLE error/failure (see point 3), and you appreciate their competency, the rest is up to them to grow into being gracious and provide space for you to grow in that. God bless.
Wow Delynn that was so good to hear from the perspective of someone on the receiving end of Te aghhh!! I can only imagine how many time I've done that to people and it just makes me cringe now.
@@InternetLiJo that's what grace is for. Learning is a sloppy process sometimes 🤷♀️ Still like you tho. 😊
Another Fe/Ti user chiming in. Definitely feel stressed out when someone is looming over me and you can see they're just itching to grab something from my hands because I'm too slow or inefficient for their liking. And it becomes a total spiral because then to me the negative feelings in the situation become the first priority to solve (I just want to go back to pissing myself off at being incompetent in peace, without pissing OTHERS off at being incompetent), and then it becomes hard to focus on the initial task. Which of course makes the loomy person not just stressed at my slowness and inefficiency but also at my lack of focus, which means they itch even more, which means I notice their itching even more...
I sometimes feel like I'm part of that 'tribe of dependents' but it's mostly just because the easiest way to stop Chief of Dependents from stressing out is to just shove every task at them the moment they get itchy palms. Unless we have the kind of relationship where I can tell 'em to just leave me be. Of course this doesn't necessarily help Chief of Dependents, because they'll just know I'm being slow and inefficient in the other room, but at least it helps me. Some.
Though I'm newly in a sarcastic phase so I'm more likely to recognize (silently, to myself) 'Oh, you're stressing out because I'm doing something wrong that I have no experience with, which I'm doing just for myself and which doesn't impact you in the slightest except that it gives you feelings? Sounds like a you problem'. At least that shuts off my own part of the 'here, let me grab that out of your hands' cycle, which is taking over their feelings management because they're obviously processing too slowly and inefficiently and it's affecting the way the interaction 'should' go.
Truce. You don't have to be responsible for my actions and I don't have to be responsible for your feelings. Even if we're both itching to help-which-isn't-helping.
@@MaartjeGorte these feelings resonate. But upon play review, I've had to question in my own situation if there really has been a foul. A truce would require communication, and I think in that communication, you could potentially build a bridge with a (worth your time and investment) Te-Fi user by working out with them time and space to learn things. I've literally said aloud, "I know you know how to do this better (objectively) and that there's a lot of things you see in my situation right now, but less of ____ from you is more helpful to me right now to give me a chance to figure it out." And generally they respect that, and then, if they're really self-aware, they'll prioritize only what truly truly needs to be said and they'll offer the help rather than blurt it. Then, it's a mutual learning experience, which I really think is the most ideal.
My mantra is "gracefully allow other people to fail"
I've worked in telecom for 30+ years, and in cellular telecom as a switch technician/engineer for 20+ years. I've typically just offered to write a document that sets forth the steps and reasons to do a thing in the easiest, most efficient way possible, and trying to write it so that *anyone* can do it. My supervisors have always loved that, and it saved me tons of headaches. LOL!
But when I've had to train people face-to-face, I steadfastly *refuse* to enable, because as frustrating as it can be, I *know* it'll be best if I go against the way *I* want to do it. For example, I'll ask someone questions designed to make them _think_ about what I'm teaching them to do. I've even been known to tell someone I'm training, "I'm not going to just give you the answer. If I do that, then you won't understand it. I'm asking you questions designed to make you think, so that you understand it yourself. If I can get you to understand it on your own terms, then you won't forget it."
Probably the most frustrating thing is working in a cellular NOC environment, when so many of my co-workers clearly have no telecom background. It just makes me want to scream, "How the *HELL* did you get this job?!"
I've frequently tested as INXJ (occasionally as INTJ), and the most recent time I chose to do the test again - just because - I hit INXJ again. The first time I ever tested I used the test in Keirsey and Bates’ _Please Understand Me_ (first edition of the book, I believe) - many, many years ago - it came up INTP and my immediate reaction was, "That's close, but not quite. Something's wrong." When I realized my understanding of P vs J was off, that made it click, and I knew I was either INTJ or INFJ. I don't like to P all over everything. :P
I also love to write fiction - science fiction and fantasy - so I suspect that’s the NF saying, “Let me have my turn.”
yes, I'm so good at te I'm terrified to let it out. except when driving its an amazing crash mitigation system.
Yip, had to learn this the hard way with my family many years ago. Giving people more space to do their own process is all fine and well, but there's also the side effect of this potentially making an INTJ seem even more detached and aloof than we already are. And its not like we can tell people without them getting offended that we are deliberately indifferent to their suffering because its for their own good.
Hahah your last sentence 😂👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻
I used to do this a lot when I was volunteering to help people use computers for this specific thing (won't name) and often I would just end up using the computers for them and doing everything they needed to do for them in order to make things more efficient. Heck, I even wrote out letters and other things for them. Some of the things were rather amusing. Was perfectly happy to do it because it just comes so naturally to me (though there was one woman with a screaming child that I just wanted rid of ASAP). I think I also decided I was in charge when new volunteers came (since I was no longer the newbie) and organised a rotation of breaks on the fly so that the place wouldn't be left unmanned while volunteers were away eating (there'd always be at least one person there to mind the place). I also wound up doing this with my mother since she was playing FF14 and I noticed her hotbar set-up was terrible so I went and improved it by making it like my hotbar set-up (which is organised and not a jumbled mess), though this very thing happened where she started becoming dependent on me to set up her hotbars whenever she started something new and it meant she kept interrupting my work or springing it on me out of nowhere and expecting me to just set up her bars on the fly. That also applied to certain boss fights as well where she refused to learn mechanics and I used to just do it for her because I got bored of seeing her fail endlessly but then she ended up demanding I do fights for her. Now I mostly refuse and just let her suffer. Only time I end up doing it for her is if I get really annoyed, and if several stages are breached.
Oh and I was the kid at school who ended up having to do all the work whenever we were doing group work (mostly presentations). Usually people would just end up not doing any work whatsoever so I wound up just doing everything. Heck, I practically wrote the entire script for a play we were doing for an assessment. I think people took advantage of that a lot... on the bright side, I got really good at using Powerpoint to the point where I was on this course, was half-asleep and completely demotivated because it was a waste of my time but made this Powerpoint on like 1% focus and brainpower and the tutor was like "Wow, this is amazing. Everyone look at this. You must have put so much effort into this!" Lol nope... xD
Haha I'm with you. I can create a presentation with my eyes closed.
@@InternetLiJo It's pitifully easy when you just stick to functionality and ease of reading.
@@Azdaja13 funny, that's exactly what I tell everyone about talking in front of a lot of people if you just stick to being observant and funny. For some reason though my presentations are usually 2 slides: the first says WING, the second says IT (cause I'm in IT :D)
Blast, I just called myself out on this. I try not to interfere but it sneeks out and blind sides me a day or two later when I realize what I did. I am as bad as Star Trek for not interfering I guess. It's not when I am frustrated watching, it is when I want to help them reach what I think they want. 💔
Make. Them. Suffer 💗 independence is really what we all want after all.
That's what i tell my mom when i refuse to fully help my younger siblings in stuff and school .. they need to go through their own experience ,not to get things thought and done for them so they can depend on themselves more because I'm not gonna be always here.
But before i was just like let me help u I can't see things being done wrong.. and for me i have hard time teaching things I'm good at it but i will have a headache after I'm done.
Yes exactly. Seeing them wrong or slow is almost painful.
Listening to an IJ describe the frustrating "things" aspect of teaching "nana" how to send an email. LOL! (Never teach her this, she will send emails to YOU.)
I don't think Te lead worries about the thing aspect to such an extent. More so on the being needed as tribe / self will do. I know I can be very overpowering with my 4th Te (work in progress!)
Your Te description, as of all ITJs sounds perfectly healthy and balanced. Something to emulate for sure. Damn double decider superpower.
Gotta flaunt my Se in your face😝
Haha yeah my single observer-isms certainly crept out on that one you’re right
@@InternetLiJo The "fun" thing about all of this, or maddening, is the closer one looks all that one sees are functions. (Now that is just my stuff creeping out:)
(Note: Most of my comment is not really super related to this video, but it's what this video made me think about. The end of my comment is about enabling).
INTP here. Personally, I think my Si is what makes me want to say things like, "No, that's OK, I'll do it myself," because I want things done a certain way because I've thought of all the possibilities of what could go wrong (Ne) if done the "wrong" way, so I'm particular about how things get done. But that's not really enabling, it's refusing help. And it also seems much easier to just do things myself than to try to explain how I would like something done, and quite frankly, I think beggars can't be choosy, so if I seek help, the other party should get to help the way they want to help, not the way I want them to help.
But for sure, if I have no preference for the way something is done, I would LOVE it if someone else did the job instead of me. My ISTP husband is always asking for me to give him stuff to do, partially to lighten my load, and partially because he just likes to stay in almost constant productivity (as long as he has the energy). I always give him the tasks where I don't care how it's done.
I wonder if it also could be Ti that makes us think we know the best way of doing something? My ISTP husband has Ti first as well, and he thinks he knows the best way to do something, and I think I know the best way of doing things. Ti is about what we think is "true". So my ISTP husband thinks one thing is true and I think another thing is true. I think one thing is necessary (or not necessary) and he thinks another thing is necessary (or not necessary).
This comment thus far isn't really relevant to enabling...
I'm guilty of enabling people because of my Fe. Often times, people who are dependent on others will come to me, and the impression I get from them is that I'm the only one in the whole world who can and/or will help them. I used to forget that that person can in fact help themselves, and I have been enabling them for years. So I no longer do for other people what is their responsibility to do for themselves.
I used to take over and do a lot of things for people in my twenties but after enough backfires, I started working on my patience and teaching them for themselves. It's still hard. I justify it this way: I will spend less time in the long term, being called on if I make this investment of time and energy now. It does involve a bit of adaptation to understand what angle they are coming from though, which is tiring (my underutilised Fe). I just remind myself that I probably frustrate people with my slow grasp of the sensory. My poor driving instructors.
For years I had a beloved senior employer that tested my patience with helping him do anything online. On a good day I would walk him through it so that he could do himself but there were many times where I just took over and did it for him. That came to backfire on me when COVID hit and I couldn't just do it for him anymore. Even as an ENFP, I need to learn to better manage my Te.
Wrangle that Te and make it work for you!
This is gold!!
Thanks for this great lesson 👍
👽✨
This. Even my friends come to me only ask me for a help. Gosh sometimes I even losing my time for helping them instead of completing my task. Maybe I need to think about myself first before helping them.
2:40 "MORE IMPORTANTLY it's not fair to THEM" haha I'm no expert but I think you may have let out a bit of Te right there💀
Ok, I’m very much a Te user😐😂.
I noticed this when I’m teaching someone.
I always tell them about how the thing works, for example, when i was teaching my sister how to drive, i first explained to her how clutch and throttle work in a very simplistic way and then suggested the ways that I’m comfortable with, while driving, like, the position of hands, the timing of gear changes, braking techniques and so on. And all the time, i wanted to take tge steering wheel and show it to herself. I became so much softer in my approach, but i was much more aggressive when i was very young.
I remember when i was trying to learn one of my cousins how to play a simple game and I couldn’t do it without unintentionally hurting their feelings😂.
To be fair, my advice was so good and useful and it would help her a lot, lust like my other life advices. It’s a shame that i suck when it comes to teaching them😂.
It was my first job, to help people how to use the website, or complete the registration form, on the computer.
A coworker : Let people do it.
But if we don’t explain to people how to do it, they will never know how to, and they end up to just waiting someone to give them the instructions.
I'm very, very bad about having the 'I'll just do it' disease. With me, it might be fatal (or something that I'll have until I die). I've always been this way, even as a little kid. If there was something I knew how to do better than everyone else around me, I just did it for them if they'd let me, or if they weren't paying attention enough to beat me to it, or stop me from doing it for them. :) At the best of times, it's seen as being helpful and proactive. At the worst of times, it annoys people, especially if they have their own way of doing it, or especially if I'm supposed to be teaching them how to do it. I sometimes tutor students and let me tell you, the temptation to do things for them is awful, but I know that they'll never get better at it if they don't try themselves. One thing I do to derail my 'I'll just do it' disease so that they can still practice is to do it in front of them as they try to do it themselves. I'll say 'okay, watch me closely as I do it, with me' or something like that. It's kind of the approach that fitness coaches use. When it's possible, it sure is nice.
You're totally right. I need to let people figure out things for themselves more and to step back and wait for them to ask for help, if they even want my help.
I have Ti as first function, I can’t help myself spiting solutions but I would tell you instead of doing for you 😂
INTJ proverb of the day is: "Give man a fish and he will eat for a day. Make him suffer and he will be forced to invent a fishing rod"
That’s what I’m talking about :)
my sister is an infp
when I need her to teach me something, I have to force her to explain it and not just do it for me
Yeah that could make sense!
While I agree with this for the most part. It doesn't seem to work with coworkers - at least not for me. (I suppose it may depend on the situation overall) Let's just say that many of my coworkers seem to have trouble getting their paper towels into the trash can (in the restroom) even though it is less than an arms length away when exiting. I have on several occasions cleaned up the mess, but have since stopped doing it, as that it would appear that I am the only one "capable" of doing it. (I've been down this road of "dependents" before).
I justify not doing it (to myself) by not throwing my towels in that can - I take them back to my area and throw them in my can. I work alone in my area - and honestly could not be happier for it.
A while back, my boss had hired someone to "help" me (without my consent lol) and while it did make some things easier, it also made other things much harder. And yeah, there was a lot that I just ended up doing myself. It's kind of hard to let that go when the person you are working with keeps making the same mistakes over and over again on a daily basis. Thankfully, for my sanity, he has since quit - and not been replaced. I far prefer to work alone.
Edit: The restroom can is just one example of many, there is also the guy who keeps throwing his trash into the "wood only" recycle bin (it's a cabinet shop) even though he has an actual "trash" can less then ten feet away. But yeah, I don't sign his paycheck, I don't work in that area, and I don't get paid to fix it so...as much as I hate it...I don't. I have at least learned (to some extent) to NOT allow these kind of people to become my "dependents". 👍😁
Sometimes I think I am being taken advantage of even when I say no and am blamed for not being helpful and that since I am capable in many things that I should compromise for others since they aren't as capable especially in group settings. If you are slow at something it is not my job to stop for you to catch up to me it is ur job to catch up to me and I can give you guidance sometimes but don't rely on me and demand me to be ur problems solver when I got my own shit to handle as well.
it is frustrating a lot especially when you can't just leave the setting cuz of work or close relationships.
My brother was very bad at school (he's of course very talented on other areas) so when we were kids, I'd do his homework.
My mom found out and from that moment I was prohibited of doing things for him. He even had a speaking problem, he learned how to speak until the age of 6, because I'd always "translate" what he babbled.
So I kinda learned not to engage with Te since a very young age.
i noticed this so i am trying to be patient also its better to make people relay on themselves but if i am on a hurry i cant help but do it , i do it alot with my isfp mom and sfp in general i tell them i will do that you just go but the only type who refuses is enfj they get mad if i didnt teach them and do it for them
Me......Me......Me......
INFP-T for 65 years.
I always kick into "mother mode" for capable siblings just to get things done.
It's gone on so long, they know how to play me like a fiddle.
I get frustrated & angry (inside my head) also resentful.
> they don't want to learn simple computer/technology.
> they don't care if it's not fair to me.
> they don't care if it will help them.
How do I let this go & let them either 'do it' or 'not do it'?
Part of what I believe to be the problem is that they didn't develop the system before a person like me became involved and as a result are using time (which was allotted to perhaps attempted development of a social bond or practing being social in general just as possible examples ) meanwhile a person would have to either allow the wasting of a persons time watching them struggle to do something that to me at least is often seemingly as simple as breathing while walking which also brings into question whether or not establishing this social link will be beneficial in the long run.(Because if something this simple causes such difficulty how can they make me better or help me achieve my goals.) Or walk away/ continue without them at the risk of inadvertently ending the social link with this person through breach of unwritten social contract obligations.
omg thank u so much. i think i understand my parents now LMAO!
Honestly, I can be a little guilty of that... Something I'm working on :/ Good advice, thank you.
💗
Another perspective even more on the extreme Te side is where you don't even show any sympathy or desire to help by doing things for people.
Instead you believe having a tribe of unskilled dependents can be a good thing if you charge them money each time you help. You can then develop your Te money management skills as you bring in more and more money over time.
Entj intjs donts
ESTJs are either incapable or unwilling of understanding this.
Atleast audiobooks and podcast are the reason, I keep focusing my work with my laptop at home.
💯
Te thinkers care about what other people think of them.
Personally guilty of bothering people for information for something when its likely I could learn/figure it out myself if I set aside the time and attention to do it.
With the suffering of growth comes freedom :)
@@InternetLiJoits kinda like hedging myself against other people.
So guilty of this 😞
ENFP Jumper
Not a guilty party of the Te "I'll just do it" disease!
INTJ
There's hope for the rest of us!
why i feel like after this video i will have another reason to not want to be ENTJ
Fi involved ?
- INTJ
I love this 😍
💗
I think this is more XSTJ than XNTJ. I feel like XNTJs give you the task or tell you how to do it and walk away. Maybe I'm wrong but XNTJs tend to believe more in independence.
Perhaps, but also Ni is also anticipating it won’t be done right and that they will have to fix it so that can sometimes perpetuate the desire to just do it so then we can walk away… for good. Or so we think 🤦🏼♀️
We do, but INTJs (ENTJs are even more like this than INTJs or ISTJs since higher Te) are still prone to this. The difference I think is INTJs are quicker to get annoyed with people depending on us and interrupting our work, but we're still prone to choosing to do things for others by our own independent choice (basically we're perfectly to do things for you if we choose to, but don't like it when you come to us for help and interrupt what we're doing). I would say with INTJs, we're likely to tell you how to do it, but then end up confusing the other person (I always struggle with telling people how to do things, even though I know how to do it in concept but without Si, giving the instructions is difficult and it always comes out in some kind of weird, abstract mess). ISTJs are more likely to tell you how to do something and outline every step in such a way where the other person isn't confused (unless you're me, in which case I always switch off whenever I'm bombarded with such details). So yeah, INTJs here are a contradiction, we believe in independence but also can end up just doing things for others until it annoys us and gets in the way of the Ni vision. I hope that made sense. xD
@@InternetLiJo
Yes, this point too, the it won't be done right and I have to come back and fix it later.
unhealthy Te use can lead to anxiety?
I would say overwhelm :)
I would have expected the reasons then time stamp links to explanations
Someone usually does that in the comments.
@@InternetLiJo Sounds like enabling :)
Is it possible for INTJ's to be socially popular in High School?
I think anything is possible while some things are less probable. All of the intjs I’ve known have blossomed after high school
@@InternetLiJo I see
This is why my mother thinks I don’t want her to learn using smartphones
Give a man a fish he eats one meal. Teach a man to fish, he eats for life. Old proverb
Te? Hardly even know her
But with all seriousness, having Te at the bottom and that email scenario you described reminds me of helping my parents with things on the computer, it was basically like pulling teeth 🙄🙄🙄 it exhausted the hell out of me, cause yes i could have just done it for them but i wanted to go the extra mile to let them try to learn it themselves so they wouldn't bug me about it later but my god....i almost always retreated to my room immediately after helping them 😆😆😆
Oh wow that's what this video is about lmao i totally didn't finish watching this before writing that second part 〽️
Can sum this up as teaching a man to fish rather than just giving one
lol
But Lijo they won't get it done riigghht. -Te
Make a part 2 about the suffering of the Te as a result of just that? Lmao
My partner is an INTP - you imagine our fights Ti versus Te with me being an INTJ ...
Oh yes, Ti and Te have a unique variety of squabble.
Yeah I’ve learned to shut up tbh
It’s a valid skill for everyone.
Don't be the smartest guy or girl in the room.
This ^
Allow other people to actualize their own ability.
Don't forget to update your thumbnail. Or do. It literally doesn't matter. No pets were mentioned, i don't think?
I think it might be creating confusion with this video.
Im not sure why people spend years diving into this glorified horoscopic science. Myself included. Diminishing returns my friends
I have so much I could say behind the validity of the science in cognition and thus, type. But it’s compiling for a video so… lol
Stop being a pet. Respect yourself. Don't help the elderly with computer stuff.
Just joking.
hahah
2:40 "MORE IMPORTANTLY it's not fair to THEM" haha I'm no expert but I think you may have let out a bit of Te right there💀