I am a lawyer, if you're in a committed relationship. Do not have friends of the opposite. What I see, with our divorce clients, it is often the 'friend' who ends up becoming the next husband/bf/wife/gf.
Thanks for sharing. People need to hear these experiences. The same people that will tell you that you're wrong for not having close friends of the opposite sex are the same ones who will be forced to learn the hard way when their partner ends up cheating on them with one of their close friends. Nobody wants to be told what to do these days, they don't want to set healthy boundaries and they will call these kinds of rules or boundaries toxic and controlling but in reality it's a necessary sacrifice for most relationships. Speaking for men , most men aren't going to care that a woman is in a committed relationship, especially of they don't know the guy.
And girls like to be “friends” with guys who obviously have a thing for them, or put themselves in scenarios and situations dolled up to the max where they know guys will approach them so they get extra validation outside of their relationship and then act like they haven’t done anything wrong
To set boundaries or ask for boundaries is NOT a sign of insecurity either. I’m sick of being accused of being insecure for asking for healthy boundaries. Because I spent my entire childhood being put last and being neglected and never being given a choice but to be forced around people who hurt me and disrespected me, that as an adult now I can say no and put my foot down and command respect to be surrounded by people who are respectful, kind and positive people. I put four years into therapy for this and I learned coping skills and how to quit being another person’s doormat. I found out I deserve respect. I say no to cattiness, drama and all the other negative bs that comes with a lot of these female friends that men have.
Amen... respect. I had the similar situation neglect and marginalization and I promised myself when I grew up that I would stand up for myself and honor my personal boundaries. ExBF tried to get me back for a couple years but he never addressed the issue. He was always sweeping my desires under the carpet. I once asked him, "Do you think you know me?" and he said yes. I replied "then what HURTS me?"
Someone once told me that opposite sex best friends are one step from being lovers or they have already explored that area; most people are attracted to their best friend; something about them got their attention from the start even if they met as kids the bond will only get deeper and stronger most times. I would be careful because some play by holding on to that bestie in case the situation they have ends, well they have someone to move on with.
@@christinadg Either bring it up, or you fat and they don't want to hit it But if you bring it up to them, flirt a bit and tee up the D, you'll get it.
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death. I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner is? Also, you you would more likely be much closer to a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a partner or spouse. People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse. Also, there are a lot of toxic romantic relationships, while there isn't that many toxic platonic relationships. Like an example is that abuse happens a lot in romantic relationships, while abuse is rare in platonic relationships. So there is a lot of abusive romantic relationships, while there is isn't that many abusive platonic relationships. Why do you think abusive romantic relationships have a term for them called "domestic violence", while abusive platonic relationships don't have a term for them? It's because abuse in platonic relationships are very rare, while abuse in romantic relationships happens a lot. And also, a lot of people cheat on their romantic partners with someone else, while most people won't do stuff like that with their platonic best friends. And also, it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING". Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating. So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone. So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone. Also, I heard that most people can live a life without romance and can still be happy. But most of the time, if someone doesn't have any platonic friends in their life, it can effect them really bad mentally; much worse than living a life without a romantic partner. In today's world, less people are dating and getting married now, and they seem to be more happy being single rather than being in romantic relationship with someone. And also, most people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards. So those are other reasons why romantic love isn't real or special, while platonic love is.
Well that explains all those cheese instagram posts titled “2 years with my best friend.” Personally I believe friendship and romance are mutually exclusive however. I find the whole notion that friends become partners confusing and paradoxical.
If it bothers you that your significant other has opposite sex friends then (IMO) it's always going to "bother you". You can do all sorts of mental gymnastics to try to convince yourself that "it's now OK" but there's a cancer cell in your relationship. If it bothers you and your SO laughs it off..decides that the friendship is too valuable compared to your peace of mind then it's time to move along. There needs to be a plain list of "deal breakers" right at the start of a serious relationship. If either side has an issue over where the lines are drawn then that's a sign you are probably not going to be compatible. I'm a religious type and when I got married we both vowed "to forsake all others". That's not just referring to sexual intercourse. Now, forsaking doesn't necessarily mean cutting people entirely out of your life, but your spouses want's/needs/fears should take precedence over your desire to spend time with any other person.
Romantic relationship should also have boundries. There are men who are married to women and their wives do not even allow them to socialize with their guy friends. They control every aspects of their husbands' lives and husbands cave in to make their wives happy or to make peace. People always talk about compromise and being considerate. Where do you draw the line. It is not only children who needs boundries but so are adults. Adult can be emotionally selfish too but children do not know they have to be taught. If you have that kind of mindset you can easily be emotionally manipulated. Sometimes, you have to let the person work with their own emotional insecurity as well.
I found out a guy I wanted to be with has an unhealthy emotional attachment to his female 'best friend.' They both put their 'friendship' above their partners so I called it quits. It's not okay to ignore your partner and come up with excuses saying you're busy but you message and interact with that 'friend' all day. I saw all their countless social media interactions but he just ignored me. Bye forever. All trust is gone now.
PREACH!! Boundaries boundaries boundaries!! My ex had ZERO boundaries with his girl best friend, talks/texts with her EVERY DAY, takes her to go get massages on her bday (boundary suggested: give her a gift card and she takes herself), he would go above and beyond for her and was dead set adamant about me meeting her to become friends with her, then blew up at me when I asked "well what if we don't get along?" This ended our relationship and it's not a jealousy thing to ask that he set healthy boundaries with her, it's respect.... he refused. I left because I received none....
I am not saying you are wrong for what you did, but your explanation is why i am adverse to romantic relationships. I know it would be difficult to form thpse types pf relatipnships bexause my friends are just as important (sometimes more important) than a romantic partner. Romantic partnerships for me contain too many expectations that platonic relationships just don't have. I just always wonder why people place friends as secondary when they were primary. You share everything (for example, private information) with your friends, but not your partner, and I find tjat interzsting and disturbing. If they are your partner, why would they not know everything about you? Once again, I am not saying you are wrong, I am just confused by it all.
@@fedoramcclaren4294 I’m dealing with something difficult now so I’m in a relationship and I have an opposite sex friend but I kinda keep it a secret for a while because he won’t allow it but I was already friends before he said that. what should I do ?
@@EmmaDeFazio5938 When it comes tp advice giving, I do my best to remove my perspective from it, however, withholding secrets is not the healthiest in any type of relationship. If you feel it is too much to tell your partner, then it would be best to not continue the relationship, because they will most likely discover it anyways and not be pleased eother way. You can always go with who your biggest genuine suppprter is as well through your ups and downs.
My ex girlfriend broke up with me last night (a number of reasons), but she told me she confided in a male friend about a situation because she didn’t want to bring problems into my life. That same friend who is like a “father figure” also asked her on a date several times. I’m grateful we broke up because of all the red flags I was ignoring. But I was “insecure” lol. Have healthy boundaries, and don’t let anybody make you feel like you’re crazy for not being comfortable about a situation. Love yourself first.
A lot of them are like this and will lie about the fact that the dude has shown clear and obvious signs of attraction but they keep him around for attention and and ear to listen to the problems she’s don’t wanna share with her man. They know what they doing but will never tell the whole truth
Thank you! I’m glad people are becoming more honest with how they feel about this topic. Most people try and say they don’t feel a ways so they won’t come off as the jealous type.
I love what was said about boundaries have to be created and that your partner should be your number one best friend. But the partner may still be insecure even after introducing them to the friend of the opposite sex.
I don’t have any male friendships at all. In my experience, being friends with guys didn’t work out because the guys liked me and I wasn’t interested in them like that. I couldn’t maintain a friendship knowing I would never be interested in dating them. I would not be comfortable if I had a boyfriend who had a woman as his best friend - especially if they’re super close, on the phone everyday (what man gabs on the phone like that anyway???), hanging out, etc. I can admit that I have trust issues so I’m terribly jaded in this scenario.
If she is his best friend,she should be his girlfriend or wife right? That's why I don't believe someone of the opposite sex could be your Best friend, because it becomes a problem in a marriage,role wise.
@@ladydignity first of all, I don't use the term "best friend" because it sounds elementary school term. I use the term "close friend". People do not marry their close friends for many reasons such as lack of sexual compatibility, age generation gap, share values. He/she could be muslim while the friend is Christian.
Mine is the opposite. When his female friends weren't involved, we were at our happiest and our relationship was healthy. When they were became involved the whole relationship tore apart and it became toxic. The girls didn't respect boundaries or care for our relationship dynamic. He started giving his energy to them so I received hardly any energy from him. It was like I was suddenly seen as dirty because I was the one dealing with helping him through tough times while his female friends provided him with a sense of youthfulness and recklessness
Also, what he said about the buffer is so true. In my previous relationships I would give my number out to dudes with the intent of being friends. I saw nothing wrong with it, but looking back, the reason I did it was cause there were things lacking in my own relationship. With my current partner, I wouldn't dare. He's a great man. We're in love and I respect him too much.
@@saragirma6577 quick question, do you date for fun or knowing you guys are in a step about to move to another? If you can’t have rules down or create this boundaries, how do you expect them to stay true to it when married? Being friends-lovers-marriage-to forever. You have rules as friends, you have has boyfriends and girlfriends and as husband/wife’s (Children rules and all)
@@saragirma6577Because confiding in a best friend of the opposite sex is how "emotional connections" begin that can prevent your current relationship from blossoming. Also...Men don't comfort men with advice the way that women do and vice a versa. If a female best friend is playing the role as your "ride or die" bestie...Where will your current partner fit in? And I'm not talking about someone you're dating for only 6mos to a year. I'd say at least 3yrs or more. Someone that you've invested some REAL time in with. Because truth be told, there's just no way you can focus on making your current partner your best friend IF you're still confiding in your best female friend when things go sour in your relationship. Because like Stephan said, you're using her as a buffer for emotional comfort.
In my 32 years of life I have realized that in general men don’t seek friends 👫 in woman just to be friends. men are opportunist and will see a female friendship for selfish reason for example sexually relation or clout. Some woman fall in to this also but it majority men. This is the major reason why this topic is so controversial
You're making a generalization. Just as me being a man, I cannot speak for all men, and you being a woman, you cannot speak for all women. Each person has to speak for themselves, and any friendships I have with women are just that. If there is an attraction between us it manifested in the friendship period and would have to be something that is mutually shared if it evolves into something more, whatever that may be. I can be attracted to a woman and not desire her sexually but that takes a level of maturity on a spiritual level. I don't have to have every woman, though those type of men exist, each man has his own mind.
I kinda agree with your comment most men just stick around for their selfish interests. They use the guise of friendship to get boyfriend benefits but would never seriously want to date, they use women as floor mats at their convenience. Having an opposite bestie is a slippery slope because someone would low-key have feelings for the other when they spend most times together. There is no much pressure with the friend title which is very easy to walk away from.
You ever think that a relationship has flaws because of the friendship of the opposite sex? They will just agree with you because they are your "friend" never tell you that you are wrong. Instead of running to your friends they should talk to the person they are with and try to understand them. Not all advice is good advice from friends n family 🤷🏿♂️.
My guy best friend has been integral in how I handle my husband. I grew up in a single family household so I didn't know how to stand my ground AND be respectable at the same time. My husband has met my best friend, but we definitely have boundaries. No late night phone calls unless it's an emergency, and some topics are off limits. He's like a brother.. Any convo Im not comfortable talking to my brother about, I'm not talking to my best friend about.. Not doing it.. Nope..we not sending no selfies, cuz we're friends on social media.. We can see them there. I agree with Stephan. The word here is boundaries.
I don’t think that’s what he is saying. I agree with him wholeheartedly. If you are in a committed relationship and your partner is the one that God has sent to you then there definitely has to be some boundaries put in place . You as well as your “friend “ have to have an understanding that your partner, who is now your friend comes first you have to invite your partner into that relationship as well.
I have several best friends, and one is a man. He has a girlfriend he is so in love with. He introduced us immediately, and she and I are now messaging and getting to know each other. There's a huge age difference. We were sounding boards for each other, and now it's he's mine if I need it. We have a great sense of humor with each other, which is fun. He's a wonderful human being, and we encourage each other. I truly think opposite sex friendships can work with the right honesty and open communication.
God LAAAAWD you good...luv your videos and advice thank you for providing this info on a free platform (as many need this and may not afford to talk to someone) ...you'll still be financially BLESSED 💯🙌🏽🙌🏽
My "friends" of the opposite sex either they were my ex or wanted to date me. Dont trust those "friends" if your gut telling you not to if you in a relationship with someone who has "friends".I choose to not cross the line but my "friends" be wanting me to.
Thank You My Brutha! You really solidified for me why I know there was something wrong with my ex talking to another at OUR JOB PLACE--Which is where we met and how we hooked up, but never ended introducing me to HIS NEW FEMALE "FRIEND"
Boundaries for sure because cashing my man to watch your son while you run errands, calling him to help you with car trouble, calling him when you need to vent or talk, only thing he isn't doing is having sex with them and that's not cool.
umm not always, I have a boy bsff and we been friends for years and never had any types of feelings towards each other, we just don't see each other in that way
Amen...Yep, my exBF kept me separate from his "friend". He did a conciliatory meeting when he took me out to drive go-carts on my bday. He didn't even introduce me as his girlfriend. The "friend's" mother took a pic of me and my exBF in front of our go-carts, he had serious sort of smile with a little physical distance from me, and when I took a pic of the 3 of them sitting on a bench, he had his arms around them and the biggest possible smile ever. After that he never allowed me around the "friend"... he would call her everyday, he entertained her all the time, lunches, dinners, rollerblading, kayaking, parties at his guy friends' house, those are only the things I actually knew of. I told him, do what you want but that I couldn't be with a guy like that. He agreed, but the next day (probably after talking to said "friend") he changed his mind. So I said "Ok you made your choice...plus I don't want to be with a 'waffler' "
Yes you can. I have 3 male friends and it's strickly friendship. 1 is know married to a female friend of mine lol. I do agree you partner is to be your best friend. I understand my role as a friend and agree with Stephan whole heartly
your friends with his wife not him. also do y'all text, call send pictures to each other like friends do? y'all be going to lunch hanging out alone because thats what friends do?
I totally respect this out look. I am in a situation, not attracted to this friend at all and I still pay more attention to my husband. He is my #1 best friend and although we have our relationship troubles I still could never imagine enjoying anyone else more. ❤️
But can you let the friend go? Not coming from a malicious point here, I'm just curious if your husband is your best friend, can you then not need to hang out with them
It also depends on how long you've been together and at what stage your relationship is. Also if you have some friends who live further away then it actually could happen that your partner doesn't know about them or at least haven't met them in person
I do believe that a couple can have opposite sex best friends; that can even be looked at as like family as long as everythingggg is respectful, honest & transparent among all parties involved; otherwise it’s a deal breaker ❤️👑🙏🏻
my bf is my best friend all the way, no doubt about that. and I do have male friends, some closer than others, and that's totally fine with both of us. so it is possible, as long as you treat your partner right.
Yes..It may be difficult with the man.Your partner should know of this friend. One better not see them too often if you have a current relationship...Everyone should understand their #PLACE...period...............
My ex husband over 20 years ago used to put me down and exalted his lady friend. He called me names and was abused. He had his lady friend in our business and had her did his dirty work. Later, he admit his abusive towards me to his lady friend. She felt bad. The Most High made a way for me and our daughter who was a small toddler. His lady friend told my mother of everything over the phone of how he was abusive and controlling. I give all praises to the Most High🙏🏾👑📖
Had arguments/discussions about this exact reason with someone also others but this was my main one of all each time. he said was he was allowed to have friends and talk to and do whatever , hang out , without anyone elses permission. It's his life and we weren't official anyways so I can't tell him anything. Yes, it's true we weren't together but we didn't act nor treated each other as friends , it was a romantic relationship, just without the official title and said he wasn't ready for one but still wanted to tho. That's how we started anyways, talking becoming friends and opening up and if be can do that w me he can do it w anyone I said even tho he said he has that choice to decide if it'll happen or not and he won't do anything if he's w someone tho he can talk to any girl and open up without telling you even if he's interested and wanting a relationship cuz it's his life and he's right to have his own friends when I would tell him everything. Now he wants everything separate no talking about each other life's, live separate and not talk like before =cutting me off tho I said it first when upset cuz I felt he was being distant and thought he wanted and he said it yes he does so we're not talking now. Sad when I was there through all his issues and he can't see my side saying we can't communicate o wells.
Guys take it as you're being a dramatic psycho jealous girl who's cutting him off from his friends and being watched and that they can't do nothing. When in reality it's about respect and boundaries. Sad they don't see it and see it as they can't be w you cuz ur a super jealous chick making up drama/fights.
I had to let go all my female friends since child hood we use to joke laugh now they have boyfriends and i have a girlfriend its not worth the head ache
Your girlfriend becomes your first priority. If you’re going to have female friends, your girlfriend needs to come with you when u hang out with them at all times. Same goes if she has guy friends.
@Messup7654 nah if you just drop someone with the quickness you didn't care about them, and I do have guy friends I've grown up with and have know since childhood and my fiance is friends with them too not a big deal cause were adults 🙄
I have to say that for me friendships are way more important to me, and it is my default. I also talk to younger people and for what ever reason , society is so screwed, that we no longer have "elders" helping "younger generation". That is insane. I am very empathetic and was relating to a younger person working at the bar, I had same issues in school as she but people judge an older person talking to younger. Like what? I had so much to offer her and to learn from each other. Crazy society I tell you!
i did remeber a time i was in this relationship with a girl an sje did tell me i don't need to know her male friends i figure to myself that was a red flag right there.
Before my current boyfriend, I used to think it was okay to have male friends. Now, I don't feel it's necessary. My partner is my best friend, and I'm his. He's everything I need and want. Why do I need other male friends? I can see if we were friends before I met him, but not a new friend, and the old ones would have to respect that I'm in a relationship. But this is something my boyfriend doesn't have to worry about
Play with fire, most times you get burnt, if its deeper then physical attraction theres worry, if its physical attraction there is worry, to go out and above to hang out and with the opposite sex and claim "friends" doesn't seem honest with yourself, so how is loyalty there, you know anything is possible if you are "friends" of the opposite sex to say it isn't no matter how loyal very niave, you must think you aren't mortal if you can't start forming feelings for someone, a relationship with one person has enough complications, add opposite gender friends seems not the best idea imo,
So recently I started dating this guy, his best friend is a girl they’ve known eachother for years. She’s super cool but she oversteps her boundaries and he doesn’t say anything. She will go touch his face lay on top of him hug him super tight say I love you all the time and stay the night on his couch. It definitely bothers me because it’s disrespectful asf in my opinion, but I don’t know how to approach it because they’ve been friends for so long and I just started coming into the picture
Address how you feel to your partner without attacking him. It's important to bring up whatever is making you feel uneasy and set up boundaries. It's totally ok to do so!
In this exact predicament, she already cross boundaries he don’t do none about it until it’s too late and I’m Getting embarrassed n undermined in front of my whole family. Yet he still wants to keep me and her in his life. That’s a no go, she can have it all, whether he link it or not
I agree to his point. I just her to treat me as her best friend. Good friends are okay to chill with but I don't like her chatting and talking everyday about every little thing in life with someone else.(Even a female or male for that matter)
For more insight and advice be sure to visit me here 👉 www.StephanSpeaksShop.com 👈 I'm sure you'll find something you'll love!
He speaking from a place of pain being HIS woman had those hidden dudes. Read between the lines
Amen ❤ 😍 💖 ❣ 💕 💘 ❤ 😍 💖 ❣ 💕
I am a lawyer, if you're in a committed relationship. Do not have friends of the opposite. What I see, with our divorce clients, it is often the 'friend' who ends up becoming the next husband/bf/wife/gf.
Thanks for sharing. People need to hear these experiences. The same people that will tell you that you're wrong for not having close friends of the opposite sex are the same ones who will be forced to learn the hard way when their partner ends up cheating on them with one of their close friends. Nobody wants to be told what to do these days, they don't want to set healthy boundaries and they will call these kinds of rules or boundaries toxic and controlling but in reality it's a necessary sacrifice for most relationships. Speaking for men , most men aren't going to care that a woman is in a committed relationship, especially of they don't know the guy.
Or fuck buddy
100% 👏 👏 👏
@@JFP1988yes strong men are
So the better person who isn't insecure. I agree with you mister lawyer.
Men treat their female friends better than their girlfriends then try to act like emotional cheating isn't a thing.
This part!! 🎯🎯🎯
And girls like to be “friends” with guys who obviously have a thing for them, or put themselves in scenarios and situations dolled up to the max where they know guys will approach them so they get extra validation outside of their relationship and then act like they haven’t done anything wrong
Woman do the same
Sooooo true
So if you’re aware of it dump them. Easy. Don’t even need a long conversation. Pack their shit and mail it to the friends house.
To set boundaries or ask for boundaries is NOT a sign of insecurity either. I’m sick of being accused of being insecure for asking for healthy boundaries. Because I spent my entire childhood being put last and being neglected and never being given a choice but to be forced around people who hurt me and disrespected me, that as an adult now I can say no and put my foot down and command respect to be surrounded by people who are respectful, kind and positive people. I put four years into therapy for this and I learned coping skills and how to quit being another person’s doormat. I found out I deserve respect. I say no to cattiness, drama and all the other negative bs that comes with a lot of these female friends that men have.
Amen... respect. I had the similar situation neglect and marginalization and I promised myself when I grew up that I would stand up for myself and honor my personal boundaries. ExBF tried to get me back for a couple years but he never addressed the issue. He was always sweeping my desires under the carpet. I once asked him, "Do you think you know me?" and he said yes. I replied "then what HURTS me?"
Wow. I love this for you 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
If you have to set boundaries, that shit ain't platonic.
@@underleftexactly
exactly!!!!
Someone once told me that opposite sex best friends are one step from being lovers or they have already explored that area; most people are attracted to their best friend; something about them got their attention from the start even if they met as kids the bond will only get deeper and stronger most times. I would be careful because some play by holding on to that bestie in case the situation they have ends, well they have someone to move on with.
300% true, my friend!!
It’s guys I’ve been friends with from young age to college and it’s not like that.
Nah, it’s never happened. My guy friends interact with me like siblings.
@@christinadg Either bring it up, or you fat and they don't want to hit it
But if you bring it up to them, flirt a bit and tee up the D, you'll get it.
Not completely tru
Yes, make your partner your best friend!
Yes, I agree
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.
I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner is? Also, you you would more likely be much closer to a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a partner or spouse.
People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
Also, there are a lot of toxic romantic relationships, while there isn't that many toxic platonic relationships. Like an example is that abuse happens a lot in romantic relationships, while abuse is rare in platonic relationships. So there is a lot of abusive romantic relationships, while there is isn't that many abusive platonic relationships.
Why do you think abusive romantic relationships have a term for them called "domestic violence", while abusive platonic relationships don't have a term for them? It's because abuse in platonic relationships are very rare, while abuse in romantic relationships happens a lot.
And also, a lot of people cheat on their romantic partners with someone else, while most people won't do stuff like that with their platonic best friends.
And also, it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".
Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.
So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.
So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone.
Also, I heard that most people can live a life without romance and can still be happy. But most of the time, if someone doesn't have any platonic friends in their life, it can effect them really bad mentally; much worse than living a life without a romantic partner. In today's world, less people are dating and getting married now, and they seem to be more happy being single rather than being in romantic relationship with someone.
And also, most people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards.
So those are other reasons why romantic love isn't real or special, while platonic love is.
True girl Shaylas
Well that explains all those cheese instagram posts titled “2 years with my best friend.” Personally I believe friendship and romance are mutually exclusive however. I find the whole notion that friends become partners confusing and paradoxical.
Your best friend might treat you better than your partner do.
Agree with you. The moment something becomes non-transparent/secretive, it's a red flag.
If it bothers you that your significant other has opposite sex friends then (IMO) it's always going to "bother you". You can do all sorts of mental gymnastics to try to convince yourself that "it's now OK" but there's a cancer cell in your relationship. If it bothers you and your SO laughs it off..decides that the friendship is too valuable compared to your peace of mind then it's time to move along.
There needs to be a plain list of "deal breakers" right at the start of a serious relationship. If either side has an issue over where the lines are drawn then that's a sign you are probably not going to be compatible. I'm a religious type and when I got married we both vowed "to forsake all others". That's not just referring to sexual intercourse. Now, forsaking doesn't necessarily mean cutting people entirely out of your life, but your spouses want's/needs/fears should take precedence over your desire to spend time with any other person.
Romantic relationship should also have boundries. There are men who are married to women and their wives do not even allow them to socialize with their guy friends. They control every aspects of their husbands' lives and husbands cave in to make their wives happy or to make peace. People always talk about compromise and being considerate. Where do you draw the line. It is not only children who needs boundries but so are adults. Adult can be emotionally selfish too but children do not know they have to be taught. If you have that kind of mindset you can easily be emotionally manipulated. Sometimes, you have to let the person work with their own emotional insecurity as well.
Yoooooo this is a word!!!!!!!
Thank you for writing this ❤
I found out a guy I wanted to be with has an unhealthy emotional attachment to his female 'best friend.' They both put their 'friendship' above their partners so I called it quits. It's not okay to ignore your partner and come up with excuses saying you're busy but you message and interact with that 'friend' all day. I saw all their countless social media interactions but he just ignored me. Bye forever. All trust is gone now.
@@cwagner7412 leave him! He has no respect for you or the relationship. He values those chicks, not you.
@@cwagner7412 He sounds no good to me. He should want to please you above all else!
If a person doesn’t respect their relationship and put their partner first above that “friendship”, they shouldn’t be in a relationship.
PREACH!! Boundaries boundaries boundaries!! My ex had ZERO boundaries with his girl best friend, talks/texts with her EVERY DAY, takes her to go get massages on her bday (boundary suggested: give her a gift card and she takes herself), he would go above and beyond for her and was dead set adamant about me meeting her to become friends with her, then blew up at me when I asked "well what if we don't get along?" This ended our relationship and it's not a jealousy thing to ask that he set healthy boundaries with her, it's respect.... he refused. I left because I received none....
You did the right thing
I applaud u for tht. wish everyone had the strength to move on
I am not saying you are wrong for what you did, but your explanation is why i am adverse to romantic relationships.
I know it would be difficult to form thpse types pf relatipnships bexause my friends are just as important (sometimes more important) than a romantic partner.
Romantic partnerships for me contain too many expectations that platonic relationships just don't have.
I just always wonder why people place friends as secondary when they were primary.
You share everything (for example, private information) with your friends, but not your partner, and I find tjat interzsting and disturbing.
If they are your partner, why would they not know everything about you?
Once again, I am not saying you are wrong, I am just confused by it all.
@@fedoramcclaren4294 I’m dealing with something difficult now so I’m in a relationship and I have an opposite sex friend but I kinda keep it a secret for a while because he won’t allow it but I was already friends before he said that. what should I do ?
@@EmmaDeFazio5938
When it comes tp advice giving, I do my best to remove my perspective from it, however, withholding secrets is not the healthiest in any type of relationship.
If you feel it is too much to tell your partner, then it would be best to not continue the relationship, because they will most likely discover it anyways and not be pleased eother way.
You can always go with who your biggest genuine suppprter is as well through your ups and downs.
My ex girlfriend broke up with me last night (a number of reasons), but she told me she confided in a male friend about a situation because she didn’t want to bring problems into my life. That same friend who is like a “father figure” also asked her on a date several times. I’m grateful we broke up because of all the red flags I was ignoring. But I was “insecure” lol. Have healthy boundaries, and don’t let anybody make you feel like you’re crazy for not being comfortable about a situation. Love yourself first.
Much needed 😢
A lot of them are like this and will lie about the fact that the dude has shown clear and obvious signs of attraction but they keep him around for attention and and ear to listen to the problems she’s don’t wanna share with her man. They know what they doing but will never tell the whole truth
Thank you! I’m glad people are becoming more honest with how they feel about this topic. Most people try and say they don’t feel a ways so they won’t come off as the jealous type.
They want to be politically correct.
Forreal!!
Yes.
Bingo... it is more about respect and boundaries than outright jealousy anyways.
100% agree with you.
I love what was said about boundaries have to be created and that your partner should be your number one best friend. But the partner may still be insecure even after introducing them to the friend of the opposite sex.
I don’t have any male friendships at all. In my experience, being friends with guys didn’t work out because the guys liked me and I wasn’t interested in them like that. I couldn’t maintain a friendship knowing I would never be interested in dating them. I would not be comfortable if I had a boyfriend who had a woman as his best friend - especially if they’re super close, on the phone everyday (what man gabs on the phone like that anyway???), hanging out, etc. I can admit that I have trust issues so I’m terribly jaded in this scenario.
If she is his best friend,she should be his girlfriend or wife right? That's why I don't believe someone of the opposite sex could be your Best friend, because it becomes a problem in a marriage,role wise.
Exactly 👏
Stephan You are So Strong. I see.
@@ladydignity first of all, I don't use the term "best friend" because it sounds elementary school term. I use the term "close friend". People do not marry their close friends for many reasons such as lack of sexual compatibility, age generation gap, share values. He/she could be muslim while the friend is Christian.
well clearly your terribly insecure lol
Mine is the opposite. When his female friends weren't involved, we were at our happiest and our relationship was healthy. When they were became involved the whole relationship tore apart and it became toxic. The girls didn't respect boundaries or care for our relationship dynamic. He started giving his energy to them so I received hardly any energy from him. It was like I was suddenly seen as dirty because I was the one dealing with helping him through tough times while his female friends provided him with a sense of youthfulness and recklessness
As the female platonic friend, I agree with you. Transparency is needed
I’m going through this with my child’s father ... we’ve been together for almost 4 years. He is my best friend but I just learned I’m not his
Thank you so much. This is what I was thinking and feeling but I needed it validated. Beautifully explained.
Also, what he said about the buffer is so true. In my previous relationships I would give my number out to dudes with the intent of being friends. I saw nothing wrong with it, but looking back, the reason I did it was cause there were things lacking in my own relationship. With my current partner, I wouldn't dare. He's a great man. We're in love and I respect him too much.
Once you get married. All friends should transition to family friends. You are friends of the family. Our friend
I agree with you in marriage. I just cannot understand with this boyfriend and girlfriend too much rules.
@@saragirma6577 quick question, do you date for fun or knowing you guys are in a step about to move to another?
If you can’t have rules down or create this boundaries, how do you expect them to stay true to it when married?
Being friends-lovers-marriage-to forever.
You have rules as friends, you have has boyfriends and girlfriends and as husband/wife’s (Children rules and all)
@@saragirma6577Because confiding in a best friend of the opposite sex is how "emotional connections" begin that can prevent your current relationship from blossoming. Also...Men don't comfort men with advice the way that women do and vice a versa. If a female best friend is playing the role as your "ride or die" bestie...Where will your current partner fit in? And I'm not talking about someone you're dating for only 6mos to a year. I'd say at least 3yrs or more. Someone that you've invested some REAL time in with. Because truth be told, there's just no way you can focus on making your current partner your best friend IF you're still confiding in your best female friend when things go sour in your relationship. Because like Stephan said, you're using her as a buffer for emotional comfort.
I am sooo glad I stumbled upon this channel. I love your advice. 👍🏼👍🏼
In my 32 years of life I have realized that in general men don’t seek friends 👫 in woman just to be friends. men are opportunist and will see a female friendship for selfish reason for example sexually relation or clout. Some woman fall in to this also but it majority men. This is the major reason why this topic is so controversial
You're making a generalization. Just as me being a man, I cannot speak for all men, and you being a woman, you cannot speak for all women. Each person has to speak for themselves, and any friendships I have with women are just that. If there is an attraction between us it manifested in the friendship period and would have to be something that is mutually shared if it evolves into something more, whatever that may be. I can be attracted to a woman and not desire her sexually but that takes a level of maturity on a spiritual level. I don't have to have every woman, though those type of men exist, each man has his own mind.
Asante-Sudani Adé the key word was god in general
I kinda agree with your comment most men just stick around for their selfish interests. They use the guise of friendship to get boyfriend benefits but would never seriously want to date, they use women as floor mats at their convenience. Having an opposite bestie is a slippery slope because someone would low-key have feelings for the other when they spend most times together. There is no much pressure with the friend title which is very easy to walk away from.
You ever think that a relationship has flaws because of the friendship of the opposite sex? They will just agree with you because they are your "friend" never tell you that you are wrong. Instead of running to your friends they should talk to the person they are with and try to understand them. Not all advice is good advice from friends n family 🤷🏿♂️.
My guy best friend has been integral in how I handle my husband. I grew up in a single family household so I didn't know how to stand my ground AND be respectable at the same time. My husband has met my best friend, but we definitely have boundaries. No late night phone calls unless it's an emergency, and some topics are off limits. He's like a brother.. Any convo Im not comfortable talking to my brother about, I'm not talking to my best friend about.. Not doing it.. Nope..we not sending no selfies, cuz we're friends on social media.. We can see them there. I agree with Stephan. The word here is boundaries.
luvmifro1003 👏🏼
You drew the lines. Good job. In this way the friendship is ok. Problem is...lotta folks don't set clear boundaries as needed.
Sounds weird
This is the rare exception to the rules, the key word you used is boundaries. 99% of the time, it doesn’t work.
So if you didn’t connect on social media you would send one another selfies?
I don’t think that’s what he is saying. I agree with him wholeheartedly. If you are in a committed relationship and your partner is the one that God has sent to you then there definitely has to be some boundaries put in place . You as well as your “friend “ have to have an understanding that your partner, who is now your friend comes first you have to invite your partner into that relationship as well.
I agree that your partner should be your best friend
I have several best friends, and one is a man. He has a girlfriend he is so in love with. He introduced us immediately, and she and I are now messaging and getting to know each other. There's a huge age difference. We were sounding boards for each other, and now it's he's mine if I need it. We have a great sense of humor with each other, which is fun. He's a wonderful human being, and we encourage each other. I truly think opposite sex friendships can work with the right honesty and open communication.
do you honestly know what goes on in a man head? He probably using her as a time buffer and wants something more with you. Y’all don’t get it😂😂😂
The truth.. I havent listened to too many of his talks, but now I'm in
Music to my ears thanks so much and nobody can explain better than this
God LAAAAWD you good...luv your videos and advice thank you for providing this info on a free platform (as many need this and may not afford to talk to someone) ...you'll still be financially BLESSED 💯🙌🏽🙌🏽
I love and appreciate the direct thoughts. Speaking truth. Thanks.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Wish more people had your sense!!
My "friends" of the opposite sex either they were my ex or wanted to date me. Dont trust those "friends" if your gut telling you not to if you in a relationship with someone who has "friends".I choose to not cross the line but my "friends" be wanting me to.
110% facts. Ugh I love your videos. Black and white and straight to the point. No filler bullshit.
Thank You My Brutha! You really solidified for me why I know there was something wrong with my ex talking to another at OUR JOB PLACE--Which is where we met and how we hooked up, but never ended introducing me to HIS NEW FEMALE "FRIEND"
I love his response!💯
Thanks for that one! Very needed for me
I am in agreement with what you said....you are on point!!
Dude this is the best thing i've heard all year
Me too
Boundaries for sure because cashing my man to watch your son while you run errands, calling him to help you with car trouble, calling him when you need to vent or talk, only thing he isn't doing is having sex with them and that's not cool.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
I'm dealing with this right now. I know he's not her son's father but she's treating him like her baby daddy and errand boy.
That's right. WORD, thank you Stephan.
Nice!! Say it like it is brother. Well spoken.
Wow, love this conversation😍
right on. don't call it exclusive or monogamous if you are letting yourself surrounded by the opposite sex.
👏👏👏👏
Don’t entertain people who want the benefits of an exclusive relationship without taking on the responsibilities.
So glad to hear, extremely happy she left 😌
This is so true. Glad I came across this.
Only immature people think it's okay.
To the point. 45 likes lol.
Emotionally immature, hands down!
Amen!!
I hate when people call me insecure
💯 agreed bro.. 🙏🏼 thanks for your view. Appreciate it.
Why does this topic concern me so much when I’m not even dating!!!!😫😫 thanks for uploading this video👏🏽
Because it's about morals and you have them
One person is going to catch feeling...
Not good!
umm not always, I have a boy bsff and we been friends for years and never had any types of feelings towards each other, we just don't see each other in that way
Or both is going to catch feelings
@@Wesss509 just because they haven't communicated it to you doesn't always mean they don't have feelings for you
@@orlandofranconovesterasjr.5548 He said it himself💀
@@Wesss509 YET! This thing called life isn’t over, and you don’t know what the future holds
I love this advice!!!
Amen...Yep, my exBF kept me separate from his "friend". He did a conciliatory meeting when he took me out to drive go-carts on my bday. He didn't even introduce me as his girlfriend. The "friend's" mother took a pic of me and my exBF in front of our go-carts, he had serious sort of smile with a little physical distance from me, and when I took a pic of the 3 of them sitting on a bench, he had his arms around them and the biggest possible smile ever. After that he never allowed me around the "friend"... he would call her everyday, he entertained her all the time, lunches, dinners, rollerblading, kayaking, parties at his guy friends' house, those are only the things I actually knew of. I told him, do what you want but that I couldn't be with a guy like that. He agreed, but the next day (probably after talking to said "friend") he changed his mind. So I said "Ok you made your choice...plus I don't want to be with a 'waffler' "
The first video ive seen on youtube without a “dislike” 😂😂😂.
This deserves several thumbs up!!!! 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Absolutely spot on my man good for you
OMG I just had this conversation with a friend.
I agree with you on this Stephan 🙌👊something wrong if you gotta hide them from me👀 My husb (man) will be my BFF !
Thank you! Thank you! I agree with your opinion.
Excellent points!
Yes you can. I have 3 male friends and it's strickly friendship. 1 is know married to a female friend of mine lol. I do agree you partner is to be your best friend. I understand my role as a friend and agree with Stephan whole heartly
your friends with his wife not him. also do y'all text, call send pictures to each other like friends do? y'all be going to lunch hanging out alone because thats what friends do?
I totally respect this out look. I am in a situation, not attracted to this friend at all and I still pay more attention to my husband. He is my #1 best friend and although we have our relationship troubles I still could never imagine enjoying anyone else more. ❤️
But can you let the friend go?
Not coming from a malicious point here, I'm just curious if your husband is your best friend, can you then not need to hang out with them
Thank you for this!!
Woooow. On point!
So true.
It also depends on how long you've been together and at what stage your relationship is. Also if you have some friends who live further away then it actually could happen that your partner doesn't know about them or at least haven't met them in person
He’s so knowledgeable, it gives me chills. I wish he was cloned so I could pick one of him lol
I know. I love his straightforward advice.
I try to do Something heard everyday. Your video challenged me. Thanks.
Well said!
I do believe that a couple can have opposite sex best friends; that can even be looked at as like family as long as everythingggg is respectful, honest & transparent among all parties involved; otherwise it’s a deal breaker ❤️👑🙏🏻
Excellent analysis ❤
my bf is my best friend all the way, no doubt about that. and I do have male friends, some closer than others, and that's totally fine with both of us. so it is possible, as long as you treat your partner right.
I needed this!!!
Your woman/wife should be your best friend....
Yes! You can.
Bro always set the record straight🔥🔥🔥
Lovely said always on point thanks
Thank You my sentiments exactly.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching and sharing. I appreciate that 🙏
Ty so much ! you answer my question and I have to move on
Spot on
Yes..It may be difficult with the man.Your partner should know of this friend. One better not see them too often if you have a current relationship...Everyone should understand their #PLACE...period...............
My ex husband over 20 years ago used to put me down and exalted his lady friend. He called me names and was abused. He had his lady friend in our business and had her did his dirty work. Later, he admit his abusive towards me to his lady friend. She felt bad. The Most High made a way for me and our daughter who was a small toddler. His lady friend told my mother of everything over the phone of how he was abusive and controlling. I give all praises to the Most High🙏🏾👑📖
No issue on my side having friends opposite sex is actually great !
She even said last night if she had to choose it would be her bsf over me and it crushed tf outta me
She’s already telling you the end game so I hope you cashed out and found someone else.
@@dimmyslife She already told you brother
Dump her and move on. You deserve better.
Best said!
Had arguments/discussions about this exact reason with someone also others but this was my main one of all each time. he said was he was allowed to have friends and talk to and do whatever , hang out , without anyone elses permission. It's his life and we weren't official anyways so I can't tell him anything. Yes, it's true we weren't together but we didn't act nor treated each other as friends , it was a romantic relationship, just without the official title and said he wasn't ready for one but still wanted to tho. That's how we started anyways, talking becoming friends and opening up and if be can do that w me he can do it w anyone I said even tho he said he has that choice to decide if it'll happen or not and he won't do anything if he's w someone tho he can talk to any girl and open up without telling you even if he's interested and wanting a relationship cuz it's his life and he's right to have his own friends when I would tell him everything. Now he wants everything separate no talking about each other life's, live separate and not talk like before =cutting me off tho I said it first when upset cuz I felt he was being distant and thought he wanted and he said it yes he does so we're not talking now. Sad when I was there through all his issues and he can't see my side saying we can't communicate o wells.
Guys take it as you're being a dramatic psycho jealous girl who's cutting him off from his friends and being watched and that they can't do nothing. When in reality it's about respect and boundaries. Sad they don't see it and see it as they can't be w you cuz ur a super jealous chick making up drama/fights.
I had to let go all my female friends since child hood we use to joke laugh now they have boyfriends and i have a girlfriend its not worth the head ache
Y'all weren't friends then
Good for you! I’m trying to get my boyfriend to understand this 🤦♀️
Your girlfriend becomes your first priority. If you’re going to have female friends, your girlfriend needs to come with you when u hang out with them at all times. Same goes if she has guy friends.
@Messup7654 nah if you just drop someone with the quickness you didn't care about them, and I do have guy friends I've grown up with and have know since childhood and my fiance is friends with them too not a big deal cause were adults 🙄
@Messup7654 well im mature enough to maintain male friends, that's what I meant
This is spot on. 👌
Makes sense!
Exactly!
I have to say that for me friendships are way more important to me, and it is my default. I also talk to younger people and for what ever reason , society is so screwed, that we no longer have "elders" helping "younger generation". That is insane. I am very empathetic and was relating to a younger person working at the bar, I had same issues in school as she but people judge an older person talking to younger. Like what? I had so much to offer her and to learn from each other. Crazy society I tell you!
100% Agree!
Facts, I don’t share.
Well said
i did remeber a time i was in this relationship with a girl an sje did tell me i don't need to know her male friends i figure to myself that was a red flag right there.
Man I’m dealing with that now. But she quick to say “WHY” I don’t talk to them. It’s always an excuse not to meet them. Yes red flags 🚩
👏👏👏👏👏👏 beautiful stated (Tamar neckroll/duck lips through entire conversation lol😂😂)
Before my current boyfriend, I used to think it was okay to have male friends. Now, I don't feel it's necessary. My partner is my best friend, and I'm his. He's everything I need and want. Why do I need other male friends? I can see if we were friends before I met him, but not a new friend, and the old ones would have to respect that I'm in a relationship. But this is something my boyfriend doesn't have to worry about
I am male. Half of my friends are female and my best friend is female. I will never just abandon all my female friends because of random woman
Very helpful! Thank you.
he said the truth
Play with fire, most times you get burnt, if its deeper then physical attraction theres worry, if its physical attraction there is worry, to go out and above to hang out and with the opposite sex and claim "friends" doesn't seem honest with yourself, so how is loyalty there, you know anything is possible if you are "friends" of the opposite sex to say it isn't no matter how loyal very niave, you must think you aren't mortal if you can't start forming feelings for someone, a relationship with one person has enough complications, add opposite gender friends seems not the best idea imo,
So recently I started dating this guy, his best friend is a girl they’ve known eachother for years. She’s super cool but she oversteps her boundaries and he doesn’t say anything. She will go touch his face lay on top of him hug him super tight say I love you all the time and stay the night on his couch. It definitely bothers me because it’s disrespectful asf in my opinion, but I don’t know how to approach it because they’ve been friends for so long and I just started coming into the picture
Update, please! Is she still being innapropriate?
Address how you feel to your partner without attacking him. It's important to bring up whatever is making you feel uneasy and set up boundaries. It's totally ok to do so!
@@Tabshot The bad thing is when they think it is okay and they don't hear
:Pray for God to remove her out of his life or to remove you out of his life
In this exact predicament, she already cross boundaries he don’t do none about it until it’s too late and I’m
Getting embarrassed n undermined in front of my whole family. Yet he still wants to keep me and her in his life. That’s a no go, she can have it all, whether he link it or not
I agree to his point. I just her to treat me as her best friend.
Good friends are okay to chill with but I don't like her chatting and talking everyday about every little thing in life with someone else.(Even a female or male for that matter)