Thank you Matthew for this very important discussion. Yes, these are not helpful behaviors, they are usually hurtful. However, they are "learned" behaviors. Often times our brothers and sisters have "learned" these behaviors as children. They did not learn how to communicate effectively, poor role models, and most importantly, they were often made to feel that they were not "important" enough to express their needs, limits, wants, opinions, ect, all the components of a emotionally healthy perception of themselves and their place in this world. The irony is those who need our love the most are often times the most difficult to get along with. Though this is often the "reason" for their behaviors, we do have a right to set limits and expectations in our relationships, loving ourselves. I agree with your explanation to calmly ask for an explanation of the behavior, and set healthy expectations, your behaviors can change the patterns, you can become a role model for healthy communication. I find it helpful to be patient with these behaviors, they will not change overnight and sadly some peoples behaviors will never change. We often don't know what our brothers and sisters have learned or experienced along their journey in life. This is a "real life" example of how to love each other and ourselves as we engage in relationships with each other.
Thank you so much for addressing this. This has sadly been going on between my daughter and I for several years now. I simply didn’t know how to address each situation thinking no matter what I say would only cause her to become more hurtful toward me. She comes to visit once a year for about 2 weeks and makes me feel awful about everything. She leaves me out of everything that we use to love doing together. Example such as She tells me she’s going to go shopping for a while and takes off without me. We use to always go shopping together and then stop somewhere for a bite to eat and have so much fun. Another example- she tells me that she doesn’t believe in giving birthday cards, Mother’s Day cards or Christmas cards to me any longer because a card cost to much and it’s a waste of money. She knows I used to save every card I’ve ever received from her since she was a child and how much I love looking back at my old cards. She even tells me now that she does not want me to get her a card either nor am I to ever buy her a gift for any occasion. Well these things really hurt my feelings and I feel so left out. It’s to the point that I’d rather her not come to visit because she makes me feel so awful when she’s here and acts like she’d rather not be here. Would that be passive aggressive behavior? Sounds like it to me and I just don’t know how to respond to that kind of behavior. She’s become so self centered and I don’t know what to say or do anymore. Please pray for my daughter and I.
The next time she wants to visit make sure you have other plans. I would not want a visit for 1 day let alone 2 weeks from a family member who treated me that way. It's time you're truthful with her and explain how hurtful she is towards you. She needs God in her life.
@@sherrylyon5530 Thank you for your response. The holidays will soon be here and there’s not a day that I don’t feel anxious with the thought of her coming to visit. It takes me months to get past feeling so sad after she leaves. I guess I’m just getting to old and can’t do things the way I use to and she’d rather be doing something more exciting than being around d me. Someday she’ll find out what it’s like to be all alone as all your friends start dying off from old age. I think I will make sure to let her know I’ll have other plans if she decides she wants to come visit and I will tell her how hurtful she is. She may never speak to me again but then again I don’t hear from her anyway. It’s just sad , real sad to me. She was really close to God and such a happy spirit growing up but once she went off to college it changed everything. I don’t know her anymore. Please pray for us.
@SwtTrisha8 Hi Trisha, I'm so sorry that you're going through this with someone you love. The moment you said it was during her time in college that you saw negative changes in her makes total sense though. The ideologies pushed on these kids to live self-centered life is so abhorrent. Then the kids in turn, look at others (you) and want them to go along with their foolishness. I've gone through this myself and what I've learned is, you can't compromise your values for someone/anyone. You just keep being the kind patent you are-buy her the darn card if you want to!- if she doesn't receive it, she should be ashamed of herself, not you. You know your intentions were good, God will know as well. Stay true to your morals and values, it'll make you happy and they will see how happy and peaceful you are and may eventually go to seek God for that happiness themselves. Also, maybe pray to St. Monica, she would be a great intercessor for you and your daughter's situation. I'm praying for you! God bless you!
@@alldoneup Thank you for your response. It has made me feel a little better hearing g other opinions about what I’ve been subjected to. I just bought a book titled “ Done with crying” by Sheri McGregor and it’s about help and healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children. It has really helped me understand a lot about my feelings and about what has happened with my daughter. It’s a great book and I’m finding that it’s not really an uncommon thing anymore with how a lot of grown children turn against their mother as in my case. I will pray to St Monica as well/ thank you for reminding me of her, and God bless you.
thank you Matthew! - Let us pray for all those who are mentally abused. It seems many Catholic families have this going on right now. Evil prays upon sweethearts and the innocent. It has only gotten worse since 2020 as the veil is being lifted. Its hard to wake up and rationalize that people you love are manipulating you. The constant questioning yourself can keep you going in circles. Only after cutting ties with my family was God able to show me how bad the mind games and verbal abuse were and how it was wrong. I knew it was, but didn't know how to escape. As soon as they kicked it up a notch and would do it to my kids (their grandkids) in front of me - It was a hard NO and DONE. Narcissism seemed to fit their behavior the more I learned about it. I thank God for picking me up from the dust and He's still healing me- Thank you Daddy! Hope this is helpful for someone. Keep your eyes on Jesus, He's got you!
This is so true and sad. Thank you love all your videos and you are so inspiring to me. I cry and pray at the same time as I watch and listen to you its hard being a parent at times especially in todays world so many people are self centered and its wrong.❤🙏🙏
Thank you Matthew for this very important discussion. Yes, these are not helpful behaviors, they are usually hurtful. However, they are "learned" behaviors. Often times our brothers and sisters have "learned" these behaviors as children. They did not learn how to communicate effectively, poor role models, and most importantly, they were often made to feel that they were not "important" enough to express their needs, limits, wants, opinions, ect, all the components of a emotionally healthy perception of themselves and their place in this world. The irony is those who need our love the most are often times the most difficult to get along with. Though this is often the "reason" for their behaviors, we do have a right to set limits and expectations in our relationships, loving ourselves. I agree with your explanation to calmly ask for an explanation of the behavior, and set healthy expectations, your behaviors can change the patterns, you can become a role model for healthy communication. I find it helpful to be patient with these behaviors, they will not change overnight and sadly some peoples behaviors will never change. We often don't know what our brothers and sisters have learned or experienced along their journey in life. This is a "real life" example of how to love each other and ourselves as we engage in relationships with each other.
Thank you so much for addressing this. This has sadly been going on between my daughter and I for several years now. I simply didn’t know how to address each situation thinking no matter what I say would only cause her to become more hurtful toward me. She comes to visit once a year for about 2 weeks and makes me feel awful about everything. She leaves me out of everything that we use to love doing together. Example such as She tells me she’s going to go shopping for a while and takes off without me. We use to always go shopping together and then stop somewhere for a bite to eat and have so much fun. Another example- she tells me that she doesn’t believe in giving birthday cards, Mother’s Day cards or Christmas cards to me any longer because a card cost to much and it’s a waste of money. She knows I used to save every card I’ve ever received from her since she was a child and how much I love looking back at my old cards. She even tells me now that she does not want me to get her a card either nor am I to ever buy her a gift for any occasion. Well these things really hurt my feelings and I feel so left out. It’s to the point that I’d rather her not come to visit because she makes me feel so awful when she’s here and acts like she’d rather not be here. Would that be passive aggressive behavior? Sounds like it to me and I just don’t know how to respond to that kind of behavior. She’s become so self centered and I don’t know what to say or do anymore. Please pray for my daughter and I.
The next time she wants to visit make sure you have other plans. I would not want a visit for 1 day let alone 2 weeks from a family member who treated me that way. It's time you're truthful with her and explain how hurtful she is towards you. She needs God in her life.
@@sherrylyon5530
Thank you for your response. The holidays will soon be here and there’s not a day that I don’t feel anxious with the thought of her coming to visit. It takes me months to get past feeling so sad after she leaves. I guess I’m just getting to old and can’t do things the way I use to and she’d rather be doing something more exciting than being around d me. Someday she’ll find out what it’s like to be all alone as all your friends start dying off from old age.
I think I will make sure to let her know I’ll have other plans if she decides she wants to come visit and I will tell her how hurtful she is. She may never speak to me again but then again I don’t hear from her anyway. It’s just sad , real sad to me. She was really close to God and such a happy spirit growing up but once she went off to college it changed everything. I don’t know her anymore. Please pray for us.
@SwtTrisha8 Hi Trisha, I'm so sorry that you're going through this with someone you love. The moment you said it was during her time in college that you saw negative changes in her makes total sense though. The ideologies pushed on these kids to live self-centered life is so abhorrent. Then the kids in turn, look at others (you) and want them to go along with their foolishness. I've gone through this myself and what I've learned is, you can't compromise your values for someone/anyone. You just keep being the kind patent you are-buy her the darn card if you want to!- if she doesn't receive it, she should be ashamed of herself, not you. You know your intentions were good, God will know as well. Stay true to your morals and values, it'll make you happy and they will see how happy and peaceful you are and may eventually go to seek God for that happiness themselves. Also, maybe pray to St. Monica, she would be a great intercessor for you and your daughter's situation. I'm praying for you! God bless you!
@@SwtTrisha8 I will pray for you
@@alldoneup
Thank you for your response. It has made me feel a little better hearing g other opinions about what I’ve been subjected to. I just bought a book titled “ Done with crying” by Sheri McGregor and it’s about help and healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children. It has really helped me understand a lot about my feelings and about what has happened with my daughter. It’s a great book and I’m finding that it’s not really an uncommon thing anymore with how a lot of grown children turn against their mother as in my case.
I will pray to St Monica as well/ thank you for reminding me of her, and God bless you.
thank you Matthew! - Let us pray for all those who are mentally abused. It seems many Catholic families have this going on right now. Evil prays upon sweethearts and the innocent. It has only gotten worse since 2020 as the veil is being lifted. Its hard to wake up and rationalize that people you love are manipulating you. The constant questioning yourself can keep you going in circles. Only after cutting ties with my family was God able to show me how bad the mind games and verbal abuse were and how it was wrong. I knew it was, but didn't know how to escape. As soon as they kicked it up a notch and would do it to my kids (their grandkids) in front of me - It was a hard NO and DONE. Narcissism seemed to fit their behavior the more I learned about it. I thank God for picking me up from the dust and He's still healing me- Thank you Daddy! Hope this is helpful for someone. Keep your eyes on Jesus, He's got you!
Very informative! Thank you and God bless you🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
A lot of times, the manipulator just ends up exchanging one tactic for another. It's especially awful when it's a parent....
This is so true and sad. Thank you love all your videos and you are so inspiring to me. I cry and pray at the same time as I watch and listen to you its hard being a parent at times especially in todays world so many people are self centered and its wrong.❤🙏🙏
🙏🏼
Pray for the peace of The Lord to come to them 🙏🏻✌️
Such good advice that I can benefit from now and going forward! God bless 🙏❤️🙏
Thank you
Interesting 🤔
A great way to end your marriage...that's no relationship.