7 Reasons We Hurt the Ones We Love
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- Опубликовано: 7 фев 2025
- Have you ever shouted at your parents, and then immediately regret it? Or perhaps you lied to your partner’s face or ignored their calls? Dr. Deborah South Richardson, a psychology professor at Georgia Regents University has stated, “The people who are likely to cause us harm of any sort are likely going to be people we know.” Hurting the ones that are closer to us is something that happens naturally for many different reasons. See if you can relate to any of these reasons!
If you relate to this video and you're wondering if you're in a toxic relationship, watch this video to find out: • Toxic Relationship Signs
Writer: Bright Sky
Script Editor: Vanessa Tao
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Animator: Madhurima (new animator)
RUclips Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Almendrala, A. (2014, June 26). The scientific reason why we hurt the ones we love most. Retrieved April 08, 2021, from www.huffpost.c...
Feuerman, M. (2020, March 02). Coping with an insecure attachment style. Retrieved April 08, 2021, from www.verywellmi....
Jacobson, S. (2019, October 11). 12 signs you Lack healthy boundaries (and why you need them). Retrieved April 08, 2021, from www.harleyther...
Pantazi, J. (2019, September 29). 8 reasons why we hurt the ones we love the most. Retrieved April 08, 2021, from www.youniverse...
Weiss, R. (2017, October 25). 4 signs you need to rethink your boundaries. Retrieved April 08, 2021, from www.mindbodygr...
Wolff, C. (2017, December 01). 9 signs your Relationship expectations may be too high. Retrieved April 08, 2021, from www.bustle.com...
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Happy Friday!!!
I would ask her how to become a slightly decent person
“𝕎𝕙𝕠𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕊𝕦𝕓𝕤 𝕋𝕠 𝕄𝕖 𝕀’𝕝𝕝 𝕊𝕦𝕓 𝔹𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝕥𝕠“ 𝕀’𝕞 ℕ𝕠𝕥 𝔸 𝔹𝕠𝕥!!
Can u do a vdo about how can an Introvert manage to socialize after a long time, like forgot to full the batteries...
Coz I'm having a day coming soon that I should socialize... if not I'm gonna loose an opportunity 😐
#8: They are the ones who will forgive us when we lash out.
ooooh that's a good one!
Unless the damage is that bad.
The truth nobody wants to reveal.
Not all the time 😔
Not me ✌😭
we are not always victims, we can be toxic to those around us and we have to work on our insecurities so as not to hurt the people we love... thank you for this message
I just need to think before I blow up.
This right here, tell it like it is always so people can get better!!!
Right on😊
"We hurt others in order to hurt ourselves."
I've never heard a truthful sentence like this one.
If you truly love the ones you hurt, that is.
Ikr that one hit hard 😢
I hurt others because I rather hurt them before they hurt me
It's my reason though
Now that I know it I can stop
Hey... I like to hurt my loved ones because by hurting them i also hurt myself... Nd i knowingly hurt them because i enjoy the pain 🙂
I thought this is normal but todal i realise that it's not.... What's happening with me????
The saddest part is we're all living in FEAR of love. Nothing is valid and transparent in these modern days.
Yes. 😭💔
what are you talking about
I'm an INTJ. I can understand care, respect, and kindness. But not love.
That's because it wasn't supposed to be. Not back then. Not now. Not ever.
It's bcoz of our fear that. what will happen our future......
a) We don’t love anyone in the first place because we’re scared they’re going to break their heart
Yo get out of my head
Bro stop saying my whole life lol
vulnerability is 💎
Or even our heart
Accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate accurate
Thats stupid to say for family
A wise man once said "When you hurt the one you love, you are bound to hurt yourself"
Good thing I love no one. (Yet.)
Even though you never hurt the person you love, but then they just hurt you
I can’t bear this-I am an empath, and if I love someone, it’s just uncontrollable, I love them too much that it hurts them without giving them space-I don’t want to hurt them, but I don’t know how to give space when I know they are hurting, my best friend is hurt because of me, why am I like this? How can I make this better?
A minute of silence for the people who have still not found this channel
Yeah, there's no excuse not to subscribe to Psych2go.
it’s been an hour
I don't watch it enough.
Isn't the plant in the head the cutest thing?
It just passes alot positive vibe🍃
Beautiful way to symbolize life❤
True!
Like Sprout from Brawl Stars.
My friend group said that they don't find her voice calming
Now I'm the only member of my friend group
You’re right, Amanda’s voice is really calming.
@einweitereruser Me too. It sounds bored and overly passive. It's not calming or attractive in my opinion.
@@Weird_dude265 oh my not trying to be offensive but- aTtrAcTivE?? 😳🤭
@@user-tr3jw1df6q Attractive has multiple meanings, y'know? Not all of them have to be that.
@einweitereruser I mean, its ur opinion. I find it pretty calming.
The realization that I do all of these feels like a much needed slap in the face.
Same
bruh same
@@taliyahrae8223 this always happens to me but I don't hurt them instead I whisper insults to them alot in and end up hating myself
Ew
1) 00:32=7lwe hurt others in order to hurt ourself
2) 1:20=we want to gain control for protection
3) 2:06=we feel more freedom to be ourselves and not censor our words or action
4) 2:55= we develop an insecure attachment style
5) 3:46=we want to assert our own independence
6) 4:12=we want to test the boundries and see how far we can go before they draw the line
7) 5:00=we have idealization and hight expectation
HOPE THIS HELPED YOU :)
Thank you Sandra, it helped me :-)
Eye opener definitely, thank you
Thank you ❤❤
I got them all except number 3 😢
Sometimes people hurt you so they can feel happier about themselves and their lives and blame you for their problems. Scapegoating. At least that what my family did to me growing up.
#1. We hurt others in orther to hurt ourselves.
We are indeed toxic ourselves.
My mom told me that we often stop holding back around the people we are closest to because we feel safe putting our feelings out there and loosening our self-control with those people. She said it’s just like a child who is well-behaved at school may be bouncing off the walls at home, because they don’t have to fear the judgment that displaying their feelings may bring.
In an argument, I always end up just giving up, not fully though. I give up in a way I don't assert dominance to show I'm right. Instead I ended up poisoning them because of all the anger I bottled up. They know I'm defending myself, or so they thought. As they tell, again, how anger is bad for me, I burst out with insults I tell to myself over and over. They look shocked... the whole "I don't care if you insult me, I do that to myself everyday" thing has started to pile up.
"I'm not worthy of anything" I tell to myself locked inside my room, feeling a mixture of hatred, anger, hopelesness, and loneliness. Wanting to burst out, but can't. Even though I keep thinking "They never even looked like they felt guilty" I know I hurt them. The regret rushes through my veins.
"That's it. Another day ruined before the moon rises. They're right aren't they? I can never smile! Ever!"
I turn on my phone... a Psych2Go video (it's not this one. This experience was from a month ago) appeared. They comforted me.
I've been trying my best to stay positive for the past month. Though I'm smiling more often, the feeling of loneliness, boredom, and anger will never leave me. If I ended up pushing them away, hurted them because I wasn't thinking straight, now emberrased to show my face, I atleast know a place filled with walking marshmallows to feel safe...
Sorry to hear that. I hope you can work things out with them, try to stay strong. Things can get better
Just remember you’re not alone. Even if it feels like it.
I feel communication is the tool for avoiding these pitfalls of hurting people we care about and or love. 🙂
u are so right
#8: Because we always know, consciously or subconciously, they won't leave us no matter what
Note totally true!
I met a friend, I talked to her everyday for the past 2 months. Just, she is sometimes really toxic. Me always apologizing for stuff you don’t have to apologize for in different situations. Maybe, love is the reason she is like this. I definitely love her, but not on a romantic level at the moment. She blocked me a couple hours ago, and I think she did the right thing, because she knows best.
mmm, do you hate her?
@@nad-hi3fi no, I still love her. I think she did the right move for both of us, our friendship was just so toxic.
Sounds like me- I'm not that hard to deal with though, and i guess i never broke a friendship by those actions because i have mood swings, anyway, i wish you the best
That same thing kinda just happen to me in a way
My own theory is simply that keeping a smiling face and civil tongue all the time to meet social norms wears us down. When we do finally let loose, we do it at or around the ones we love most because we know that they will still love us after the fact. It actually boils down to....we hurt the ones we love, because we can trust that they will continue to love us.
But what if we hurt them so badly they go away? We can't take people for granted 😕
@@MisoraNaomi_888 yes. Sadly it can turn us into toxic people. I didn't say it was a positive reaction, just a natural one. Be fake to the public at large, but be real with the people who we believe will still love us. It can go either way. It could be a beautiful or ugly human response.
So true
I lack healthy boundaries and am struggling with building healthy ones .
I was raised with unhealthy boundaries, I wasn't allowed to say no !
1:20 i don't do this to manipulate people. I just push them away or sabotage part of the connection so it won't hurt when they leave me. I'm controlling how deep this goes so I feel safe.
I'm a blunt and straightforward yet sarcastic person so I usually say things and people take it the wrong way and then I justify it by saying "it's the intention behind it that matters" which sounds very inconsiderate and rude but that's just the way I talk to and be honest with myself. I like to be hard on myself, go to the extreme to enforce improvements but i guess that influences the way I communicate with others so I come off kinda harsh.
Same
I agree.
Glad you’re all at least aware of that but depending on the people in your life it’s often appropriate to make adjustments when communicating with them. Some people think of that as walking on eggshells but in reality it’s being compassionate and considerate. Which shouldn’t be troubling actions to commit to for our loved ones and those we care deeply for.
Cringe 😂
I have been hurting my family with my rude words lately I tried to change and clam myself down n not react that way but it was so hard I didn't know why I was like that thank you so much for your video I learned a lot today❤️
me too. I think I'll start counting from 1 to 5 backward in my head before I say anything, so I don't regret it.
People who hurt others are the worst people, for any reason.
I can't thnku enough that helped me understand my husband a lot for saying something that i translated too sensitely..turned out as u said i was too idealistic about relationships he was just kidding..which is normal...but he's always kind and charming but that doesn't mean he will never say anything that maybe different..also other points were so true
I am In a middle of an identity crisis, thinking I'm the worst and most toxic human, even though I search for professional help and have grown healed and learn better emotional connection skills, I still feel so bad when I "drop the ball" anthe the ball is one of my loved ones feelings. I hate myself when I do it. It's hard to look inwards with compassion when you have all these feelings ... thank you for putting this video in the world, many of us needed it
i swear these videos, changes people's lives
I feel like a lot of these reasons are why people close to me hurt me a lot
I'm sorry.
*Amanda: "Please remember this video is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional advice."*
Amanda is my therapist in my head.🤫🤭
I can relate to the first one so much and unfortunately I tend to take it out on my little sister and it makes me hate myself even more leading me doing worse things towards myself one way or another. Im atleast trying to get out of this cycle cause I dont want my shitty messed up behaviour to reflect on her future life ahead of her; and I dont want our relationship to be at the point where its broken and difficult to fix. I just wish I could have been a better person.
I have always stayed single and not ever been intimate, PARTLY due to feeling insignificant and feel others are better than me in everything. But I do get along with others well, but keep people as friends. But I'm ok with it
Glad you are doing well. And some people with insecurities of feeling insignificant actually go the opposite way and just have sex with so many people so be glad that you’re the better of the two scenarios that could have been.
Sometimes I do something bad and regret it badly always !!! That's why someone said think twice before doing something
When you have a good ❤,you help too much,You TRUST too much,You GIVE
too much,You LOVE too much,And it always seems you HURT the MOST......
I wish more people would see this. I honestly feel like it’s so true. :( no matter how hard you work to make everything around you better, nobody cares.
@@TT35109 Some of us care.TT.
Its true but there comes a time you have to think of ypurself first..
@@rosellamartinez6048 And you know it.😀
I’ve noticed myself using almost all of these things throughout my life. What a great video!
:c
“A good human being, a fulfilled human being doesn’t need to break anyone down, all they do is want to build you up. So if there’s anybody you meet that calls you out of your name, that bullies you, that hurts you, that messes you up or doesn’t make you feel lifted, they are dealing with something deep rooted.” -David Goggins
I think the one we love are hurt by us, because we're the only ones who can hurt them.
If I am apathetic towards someone, whatever they do or be, affects me not at all.
No one EVER hurt us, that was just predestined loss, abandonment, rejection & not being received trauma to be experienced, along with all predestined emotions, feels & even energy levels nobody EVER created either, also insecurity, jealousy, unworthiness etc etc, time to start owning & being accountable for it all, that’s heart honesty vulnerability.
But..
A mind can’t do vulnerability, only someone in heart can, exposing their soul & connecting to soul.
A person in mind can only manipulate, control, deceive, or be deceive, act & stay a blamer & victim.
I learned long ago to warn potential friends that, if I'm comfortable with them, I'm likely to act out against them when someone i don't like or know upsets me. If I find myself getting angry with someone frequently, I feel compelled to tell them that it's a bass-ackward compliment because it indicates that I like them enough to let my dark side show. This does not absolve me of responsibility, and I'm constantly en gard for signals that I might be misdirecting my anger (or more often, frustration).
Just finished watching, I especially related to 'idealization and high expectations' and 'gain control for protection' the most. Quite late in commenting but I wanted to say, thanks for helping me understand myself more psych2go! I also started late today for the Simple Wellness Challenge 'cause I didn't see the post yesterday :( I hope the psych2go team and everyone reading this comment has a good day/night!
Thank you so much, Melon. We are so proud of you completing the first day challenge. It's ok to start late! It's better to start late than not doing at all! Have a wonderful evening! - Cindy
This helps me find a little more sense in what my ex did to me back then. Perhaps what she accused me of and labeled me as were somewhat unintentionally aimed at herself. She hurt me a ton still but I did know that her self esteem and sense of trust wasn't the best. The way she attacked me was inexcusable, and the things she accused me of all lined up with things she's done. I love having new perspective and your videos always help me through this rough time.
These little drawings help me understand everything even better and they're frikin adorable
I am socially anxious and think 1000 times before saying something. But when the person is my best friend I tell myself to not think too much before I speak for once, end up telling something hurtful.😬😓
I wish I knew why someone I'm supposed to trust has been tearing me down for the past few years while I heal. What kind of "wake up call" do you think you're giving by destroying my confidence instead of listening to what's wrong and offering help? 😞
No matter what I do, No matter how hard I try, it's the one's I love who will always be the one's who pay
👍👍👍
Hurting goes unintentionally on my part & always has to suffer
Thank u so much for sharing ! Keep growing 👍❤️
this hit
really
HARD
This.
2:46 I've always felt the opposite. It's easier to tell off a perfect stranger but a person you want to be with long term you need to be very mindful of what you say. But yes I can totally see the opposite also true.
Good job keeping us educated on whats happening on the emotional side. Happy to learn... Thanks for teaching.
"Earned Security" I'm going to work on that part 🤍 Love you guys 🤍
Awesome!
One should accept KNOWINGLY that any behavior purposely done to hurt other will push them away. So decide if wish to push them away. These behaviors appear to be that of women who have been hurt; and it is important to acknowledge this of the woman; and then tell her if you wish me to leave I’ll go now; and know it not my desire to leave; however I deserve love and affection too; and will not put up with this behavior if persists in it. I’ll support you emotionally provided decide “change” NOW.
Everyone: *watching and learning how you can hurt your loved ones*
Me that did all the things psy2go said: uhhh..... *apologizing to everyone*
Haha 😆 me too 😒
@@editsandarts7282 lol
Psych2go : We hurt others in order to hurt ourselves.
Me : don't expose me like that- 🏃🏻♀️💨
While things may hurt us, it may not always be about us. Yes we were the target, but I truly feel that healing only comes when egos are out of the window, truth and nothing but the truth is on deck and non- judgemental vulnerability is welcomed. All parties must be mature and open to resolve.
I can’t bear this-I am an empath, and if I love someone, it’s just uncontrollable, I love them too much that it hurts them without giving them space-I don’t want to hurt them, but I don’t know how to give space when I know they are hurting, my best friend is hurt because of me, why am I like this? How can I make this better?
This video motivated me to open up to my mom about abandonment issues I picked up as a child, due to others. I’ve had a wall up since I was about 6 that never served me, yet I kept it as protection.
I’m excited to show her the genuine love I have for her! Even so, I know that now I’ll be open to real love which is a blessing. Thank you so much for these type of videos, they assist us in being better versions of ourselves 🤍
To all those those *who were hurt* from someone they love -> ❤️❤️❤️
Such people don't trust love anymore because we associate it with pain. "If you really love someone," they think, "you'd hurt them." This is a half-truth that must be exposed and destroyed. Love is care, and you cannot care carelessly because everyone is entitled to kindness, no matter how deep in darkness they may seem.
90% of hurting is disciplining, getting the upper hand. 10% is creating walls in the hope that the other one's love will find the power to tear them down, a.k.a testing.
The aim of discipline is not to diminish, but to tame.
thank you for posting this. I always kick and shout at my parents and loved ones all the time, and I have no idea why. thank you for posting these videos, you have no idea how much this helps a lot of people worldwide. 🙏♥♥
You're very welcome! Sometimes it comes down to our frustration and we really don't know how to communicate it. We're glad to hear that you're now being more self-aware about your actions.
I've been actually thinking about something similar all day and I think I needed to see this, thank you
Honestly I needed this video I been kinda pissed at my parents lately and very snappy in general mainly since my mental health is slowly getting worse and they don't understand it well but still this video helps alot tysm :)
Hey psychtogo,
I feel like I hurt my best friend because I wanted him to know that life is not taking ones seriously all the time. I asked myself if I am hurting my friend and he said he's not although his actions speak louder than his words. I do idealize my friend because he had helped me so much but he doesn't think highly of me. Not even invited me to DND. I just decided to approach in a none abrasive way and that took 2 years but it felt like he can't trust me or forgiven me even though he said that he has. Therefore best solution for my friend is not be friends and let him grow on his own.
He has depression and low self-esteem and kinda depends on everyone happiness to be his own. I just can't anymore.
If this decision view me as a bad friend then I really don't care. I just want to surrounded myself with people with hope, determination, encouraging ( like I have been without condescending remarks about one self), and just opened minded.
Thank you for this video
Alice
Basically Me because I don’t like how they restrict me for my habit of walking around and talking to myself Because they don’t understand and think it’s bad for me.
Same my family makes fun of how I talk to myself, I mean I do scream to myself alot.....but its still completely normal.
everyone talks to themselves. if not out loud inside. yea. its normal.
"It's always best to do what you think is best after thinking through the situation."
To start out this new year, I had an emotional breakdown over a girl who was clear she wasn’t into me. She got with my best friend and I started twisting so many things in my head, starting to lash out against my friends that were only trying to help. I blamed my best friend for taking away my chance that was never there. It took me 2 weeks to realize how very wrong I was in all this. I’ve made my apologies but I hurt them all so much I can’t forgive myself. They said they forgive me and want to move on but I don’t think I can. I think I did irreparable damage to their relationship with my parents too. I’ve messed up terribly.
Whenever I have an argument with my mom and we are avoiding each other , my routine is perfect and at time😅. I don't get why?
I don't argue with my mom anymore. How I do it, you ask? Simple: I express myself as little as possible and don't reply to every comment.
Stop hurting the person that will love you like no other give things a chance
#8 "do you like hurting people?"
-Hotline Miami
And in the end, no one is a perfect person. Someone is always going to end up hurting someone to some degree, intentional or not. It's how we choose to own up and do something.
Me: * activates subtitles so I can understand better becouse i'm spanish *
The subtitles: *K O R E A N*
Oppsss haha! We will fix that!
@@Psych2go ok xD
I have become so hurt that I have to hurt others to stay sane. It is a terrible feeling
The Unspoken Number 8:
They stole your food from the fridge
Number 3 is definitely a mood for me. I can tend to get carried away and forget to censor myself around people I feel comfortable talking to and forget (or misread) their boundaries and it recently (this month) led to disaster for me 😢
Thank you! I really needed to hear this today
I need this right now. I'm sorry for everything
Even tho I haven't watched the full video, I still liked it cuz I know its gonna be super informative and great! Love these videos!
I miss you, and im sorry i pushed you away, and im sorry I hurt you. I was the problem. I’ll always love you
Bro are u aight
My brother always hurt my feelings and i'm glad this helped me understand better 🥰
I hurt my boyfriend so much... And I don't want to. He is too good for me and I'm too mean.
Usually, if someone hurts us badly, we feel that we must hurt them in return. If someone hurt me, I'd hurt them back, and make hurt worse than I did. I need them to know what I'm capable of doing and how much I am willing to make others suffer. So I take it out on those close to me, by siphoning my pain to someone else.
"We hurt others in order to hurt ourselves"
Ow...
I still don't fully understand how to change...
I can't keep doing this...
One must make habit to think to not knowingly do anything that hurts another; unless are in a actual self defense situation. Love doesn’t hurt another. Hurting one you love purposely doesn’t cause them to come to you. However must use punishment when their behavior is bad, however they must been told about their behavior behavior being bad and why so before punishment. Don’t assume they know unless had already told them. Some things are always obvious particularly to children and adults too. Also sometimes must tell other truth that can be hurtful, and must consider to be considerate to not embarrass and say whatever in front of any others. Somethings need to be said and some not; however never discount very serious issues to know about, such as USGS down grades earthquake magnitudes to not scare people; and thus leave people not prepared to deal with their dangers. Not telling children of bad situations, leaves child to not be aware... and to then not know what to do to avoid bad situations when it appears before child. Children are smart. Not really being sheltering & protective to not tell about obvious dangers.
Thanks for making these videos you make me smarter with each video.
Glad you like them! Also, that means you're learning to be more self aware around you. :)
You also help me understand my friends more. Thanks for that.
This is so accurate. Thank you you are very easy to listen to
I know he loves me , he tried to give me everything he could to make me happy . I was happy too with him. But i couldn't give him what he expected from me . And slowly he ended up saying i should lower my expectations . But i didn't like what he said . At first i burst out at him . He tried to make me calm instead, and told me not to react like this , he will forget everything and live happily with me . The only thing he wanted from me was to understand him and to be with him. But i was always in my zone . I have been doing this for 2 years . I promised him several times that i will not repeat my mistakes yet i ended up shouting at him and showing as if it was never my mistake . Today i finally told him to go . So that things don't get much worse than this because everytime i think i will make things right i end up adding new harsh words to his life . I just he will be fine soon. I couldn't help myself with my actions and i can't risk his life too . I let him goo. Infact i left him. But he will be always in my heart , his love, everything he gave me . But unfortunately he won't have much good memories to remember about me . I will always love him. But i can't let him suffer because of my ill habits .
Madhurima has done a great work animating...
This made me realise i have many problems tbh
And ngl helped me a lot
I hope my partner forgives me
I love getting notifications from this channel ❤
Thank you! Thank you for turning on the bell notifications! :)
I've tried. I've tried so much, I can't even try anymore. Despite the fact that I always think before I speak, I've never been able to cope with people, I always hurt their feelings accidently.
Why do your illustrations always make me cry?
Aww.. is this a bad thing? 😕 We're open for feedback, if it's negatively affecting you. - Cindy
@@Psych2go No, Cindy. The illustrations just touch me, is all. Thanks for your concern 🌷
I really love these videos coz they are very informative and i learn a lot because of these videos. Plus the voice is very calming and soothing
My reason, I’m actually aware of why I hurt the ones I love. It’s because I want others to keep their distance from me, cause I know one day they’ll leave me all alone. So when they leave later on, I start breaking the bond so it does not hurt me, like my last strong friendship
My nark ex would do this to me he knew his mum was cold hearted and I was the one constant person who would always be there no matter how he treated me then after 23yrs I tapped out even empaths have there breaking point
THIS HELPED ME THANK YOU I CAN GET OVER MY LOVE
Entertainment could be a reason
"pls don't feel attacked" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 i am so done with the internet and this... everything need a *fragile* sign
I recognize your voice from other internet things. You have a pleasant voice, keep up the good work
They feel the insecurity more intense in themselves and they think that hurting someone too close to them,they can control them!!but thinking open minded,the solutions are too many!!💗💗
This was a very eye opening video I appreciate you guys
You're very welcome, Warren! We won't know what we don't know. Glad to hear this video was educational for you! - Cindy
What I Would love to see next is most common Reasons children Are whining all the time
Thank you 🙏