Another issue is what an employer considers a good employee. The boss' favorite employee is the one who is a yes man and a backstabber constantly trying to run down those who are doing the real work. The boss doesn't want to help working employees push the company forward, he wants to be constantly validated. That's why most companies have a useless majority doing a fraction of the work and a tiny minority who are always overworked and overstressed and are only compensated enough to barely survive.
@@kyleruggeri7533 you HAVE to be joking. This is what I mean, you people live in a bubble of propaganda and delusion. ALL is your society is violent.. You have the motto of ''all options are on the table''. You have to be a clueless teen.
Oh, they DO! She isnt accounting for people with certain mental illness or the.people they manipulate. She is right you shouldnt ever let a boundary or disrespect issue go, thr first time.
💯! there are some ppl that are untrainable. if you have to be around them anyways then you have no choice but to make them respect you. i have to train myself how to respect ppl the way they prefer it sometimes.. different ppl view that differently, fun part is figuring that out.
This only works if you have rational people focused on success and driving for a common goal... go to a meeting with vendors...it's all politics and garbage.
@@UncleRoams i don't know about coward, sure he folded like a piece of paper when hes wife looked at him, but to have the balls to get up and slap a guy on national television in front of millions of people? i would not call that cowardness.
you don't know what the term narcissist means. It's banded around by people like the term racist these days... hardly anybody has any experience with narcissistic people... they just feel like they do... usually women or feminine men...
I’ve learned that sometimes, your appearance is all you have to do to cause people to disrespect you. Don’t confirm those assumptions with lack of action.
People judge alot just by your attire. (And this will depend on the society and mindset of the demographic) I have experienced, I unconsciously wore a military looking pants and a Normal Fitting Black shirt. (Now I'm not Jacked like the Marines but I am considerably okay in physique) And people really acted different around me. Like I was someone who they'll have interest in... They'll respect. (Honestly I realised this way later) _Also recently started going to the gym and getting life somewhat sorted and improving myself constantly_
I completely agree with you. My appearance and my voice tone makes people think they can disrespect me. When I call them out on it to put boundaries in place this people act like I am the difficult one!
To be honest some ppl are just disrespectful. If a person disrespects you, that's accountability on them. We all should have been taught basic home training on how to have manners and have mutual respect.
Nope sometimes ppl also myself included INV literally toxic behaviour cuz we were too kind / naive and think highly of ppl who put on masks. Take care as a doorman who u let in...
Well that's something every good teacher knows: Set your boundaries good and firm. Once that's established, you can get away easily with a more relaxed way of doing things
That's for handling immature people (and narcissists). For the rest of the adult/more emotionally mature population you can just be your kind good spirited self... people who don't appreciate that or feel they can take advantage of you for showing 'weakness' can go sod off. You can't please everyone and you can't command respect from everyone (if you're confusing fear with respect you've got other problems). Even if you'd bring the moon down for someone they'd still not respect you, trying harder more often than not makes things even worse.
Agree with the CIA station chief. Still, meeting people socially naturally exposes you to social predators of all degrees. Upshifting to higher gears is sometimes required with such people, know and understand directness and walking away as tools, confrontation is not the goal but is in fact the last tool in the kit - use it wisely.
Saw a few people say you can do this to people over you like your boss. My real world examples ive had to use: set boundaries and consequences if they cross those boundaries. If your boss is condescending, simply call them out on it and say you dont appreciate it. If your boss is overcontrolling just let them know they are borderlining what is bullying or harassment. And the key is to be as cold and unemotional as you possibly can.
Exactly, the only caveat is that the person doing that need to have confidence, and not fake it, because it will show quickly and defeat the purpose of setting boundaries, problem is majority of people didnt put themselves in enough uncomfortable zones in order to gain self confidence in majority of cases
So glad to be out of this nonsense and never again having to deal with staff who need a constant checking on and management. Sad but true that the average person cannot practice self - management and need someone to keep him on a leash.
Absolutely true, I was appointed as the acting Unit manager in my department. I found it hard for the first few weeks to get out of my normal boundaries with my work colleagues and some senior staff almost took advantage of it. During my managerial period, I realized that people don’t respect or fear a nice manager instead they take advantage. I wonder why some leaders are dictators
Show them a higher value, or higher concept, that we are all human beings, each on our own unique journey, and we are all going to die someday. It doesn't mean I am now work under you, you can treat me with disrespect, and for those who resort to bullying, it might be a sign of past struggles.
Self respect, Consistency, authenticity and let them know you know your contribution and value. In reality your boss is just a piece of the puzzle trying to make sure their boss doesn't come down on them so they want to perform. By respecting yourself and having boundaries if they disrespect you, you have options you can execute on.
Unfortunately in the private sector. It does not work like that. Upper management will go team up with an orderly against mid management. Because they consider mid management a threat
Wholeheartedly agree with this. Let me add that mid-management is also its own dogpile too. The whole managerial class I would say. I don’t think there’s THAT much leeway regarding flexible hours, work loads, etc anyways just tying to keeping it at arms length as much as possible… I have found time and time again that, for example, working hard and very efficiently gets punished with more work taken out of the blue and will still have low chances of being reciprocated on the next performance review for wage increases and promotions.
If someone was rude to me, I apologise and let him or her know how I felt and feel like (crying for eg) after getting yelled at or misunderstood. And it immediately calms the person down so that I can listen to what was upsetting them in the first place. Great advice in this video⚡️Thank you for sharing with us.
I'm a freelance editor. At a meeting at work, I was asked if I thought something could be done differently or improved upon in the production fase and I gave, what I felt, was some constructive criticism from my experience working on a several projects for the company. That was in 2021, I have not been hired back at that production company since, despite them always praising my work in the past. Some people can't take criticism, even when they ask for it and it would benefit them to listen to it. Fragile egos can be very tricky to navigate.
I've learnt a trick. The issue with criticism is the where and from whom that really matters. If the person criticising isn't perceived as better that the person requesting criticism, then they will never respect it or take it in.
I like this lady’s attitude here. Great insight. She’s totally correct. She’s banging on . She has definitely resonated with me. This is how you get things done . I will now follow her advice. I like this video !
In case of infantile personalities - they are not able to respect. If you think they respect you, no, they just pretend to respect because they are afraid of you.
First step is realizing who you do and don't need respect from. That by itself will drive people nuts when they're faced with the fact that their respect simply isn't worth earning
I supervised/managed police officers using this model. I got great performance from them. They kept me out of trouble and made it easy to be their boss.
@Speeches2Succeed I work in school kitchens managing hundreds of kids a day. Even the adults can be just as much of a challenge. There's always something new to learn from a different perspective, so it is nice to hear them from people with different backgrounds. Thank you ❤ keep up the good work!
I'm good hearted to everyone but it usually ends up with people being mean to me as they think they can be mean or disrespectful with no consequences to them
Easier said than done, especially when you are a nobody (not in power). Doing this makes relationships a transaction and people are not their organic self around you then. People would then find ways to hide stuff and avoid you or even “target” you. Congratulations, you are now the “target” of despised. Being like what this female said is not necessarily all good.
I was taught in the military in the early 80s as a supervisor,,, its always better to be a hardass at first,,, its always easier to throttle back,,,, than to be easy at first to people than to try to be a hardass later!!!! Trust Me,,, 20 year Retired Navy Chief here, and that worked and opened my young eyes Big time early in my career!!!!!
1:10 because respect starts with you. If you don’t respect yourself, you can’t expect others to respect you. When you respect yourself you conduct yourself in a respectful way. Others will see how you conduct yourself and have no choice but to respect you. How you present yourself is exactly how people gonna receive you. It all starts with you.
This goes back about 50 years. Eighth grade. We had a new math teacher, and on the first day of school she threw the principal's son out of class. Almost no discipline problems from that moment on, She taught us a lot, and I actually developed something of a friendship with her. (Of course, it helped that the principal backed her up.)
A good start is saying to yourself "Not in this way!" first and show it to others. If someone insults you, say:"Not in this way!" Repeat if you must but go into conflict. Go through it.
People always used to come to me for advice and usually the first thing I would tell them is to communicate, ensure they know the truth of the matter before acting and then to act immediately and not let whatever happened slide. To set a hard boundary and stick to it. Very few people ever took that step. I've stopped bothering to console or advise people once they've already ignored me once. I don't have time for someone crying over the problems they allowed to build up. It's infuriating how many people willingly allow awful people to get away with crap because they don't want conflict. When if they had taken a single step, suffered a single conflict at the beginning of the entire mess, they wouldn't have to endure a constant cycle of more conflict. That's how you get crappy people in managerial positions. That's how mediocre, uninspired, arrogant people gain more power. Because people would rather move away or put up with it or ignore it than to rip the weed out by the roots.
There isn’t much that pisses me off more than people who think that respect is a one way street. They think that they are all that and then some, sorry you’re NOT. They think that their 💩don’t stink, sorry but ACTUALLY IT DOES!!!!💁🏼♂️
when i got promorted, i got told your colleges are no longer your friends, you are in charge, its them and us..a line has been draw. respect is earned. i earned it . colleges can become friend, but the line is still there..
I believe in people first, warmth and support and trlling people to go home at home time. Try and put the same things on myself and I'm late, over worked, over involved eveytime. I cant turn it off.
Some people no matter what will not respect you ever, they dont respect others either, nor do they respect themselves. They only fear people who can lean on them or expose them at that still isn't respect, it just mimics it
This wont work in all situations and some people are disrespectful no matter what, usually because they have psychological issues. There is also a difference between respecting someone or fearing them. Someone that fears you will likely stab you in the back.
Easier said than done, especially when you are a nobody (not in power). Doing this makes relationships a transaction and people are not their organic self around you then. People would then find ways to hide stuff and avoid you or even “target” you. Congratulations, you are now the “target” of despised.
Listen, the only thing harder than this, is remaining stuck with this woe is me attitude. No one is coming to save you and no one owes you anything. You are an adult, you are not a tree - MOVE. Doing this makes relationship a transaction? It's still a transaction whether you know it or not, are you going to increase your currency or stay a beggar?
There are people tho who don't care if you tell them that something is not okay and are intentionally doing it. What can you do in that case, because often times you can not inflict violence on them because that can get you in trouble, if you get bullied at work and you bosses don't care about that you don't have many options.
This is why Narcissists can't be good bosses. They will never look at "I", its always "Them's" fault. This attitude makes it impossible to learn and grow, in the end it cripples departments and whole organizations. Adapt or die, and they can't adapt because they are already perfect in their own eyes. Quite sad, really.
Ever talked with someone who spent 10+ years in prison? They speak in a very careful manner, because they were in an environment where the slightest perceived disrespect can result in death.
Beautiful collection of my favorite fix blade design. I still have an old stag handle Western brand bird & trout knife I got as a child. Growing up I wore it as a neck knife in a rawhide deer skin sheath I made for it covered in leather from an old welders apron. Today I carry it on my belt in a sheath and men have told me they really like it and ask where I got it. They're always surprised to learn I've had it since I was a boy growing up in the boonies when America still seemed like a free country. I also like pukko knife design from the Scandinavian countries. Fin commandos used 5" pukko knives to take out soviet sentries during the great winter war.
i have a brother who disrepected me for years, i tried to calmly and politly talk and try to fix the situation and i got a F@#%!! YOU!! to my face, then it got worse then he started treating my kids like shit and then stuck his middle finger in my wifes face after she said he was a nice guy,after that i went nucular on him and that worked , i no longer have a problem,you show people kindness and respect they see you as a target,Evy is right set clear boundries first. in my life i have leard there is no respect ,only fear.
I find these issues happen with me in two situations: 1) the other party has some sort of personality disorder or mental illness, making it hard to have a rational conversation with them; or 2) there is a power imbalance, usually involving money (boss, landlord, etc.). I have found that standing up for myself backfires in these cases. Suggestions?
I don’t laugh and I don’t joke. I smile lightly and not to everyone. I notice people respond with respect more than if I act comfortable or relaxed around them. All that is not necessary to be polite and kind.
I smile at everyone and there will always be people who will test you or take you being very nice as a weakness and I immediately address them, and they nvr try me again. Whether it’s personal or professional I’m not going to let other humans control who I am to the core, and that’s a person filled with joy
even with your peers may be dangerous, it depends a lot whether they're under the management's wings. I avoided that because if I had responded the same way I would have been fired.
I don’t believe this advice works in every situation. I wouldn’t necessarily use this in educating children, for example. That’s because my goal in educating is not to maintain control and respect, but to engender confidence and ability in children-my goal is to give them control and enable them to handle it.
I adress always everything. yet people just don’t care. even if you set boundaries, some people won’t even notice cause they themselves have none. The best thing is just go cold on people who aren’t worth your time and ignore them completely. I guess otherwise they won’t understand.
So what about when a teamleader is disrespectful to you. So like someone in a higher position? This is, i think, more complicated. Maybe i gave space to be disrespectful. How to turn that when you are in a weaker position.
That advice is still anecdote and works in certain type of industries, not all of them. It depends a lot on what type of workers you have to work with -- creative types need freedom and flexibility to "create".
In the Army every time we had a new General take over the base, he would immediately ramp up enforcement of the dumbest most trivial rules. Then 2 months later everything would go back to the way it was. 2 things would happen. First, every last person on the base would know that we had a new General and what his name was. Second, everyone would start acting right.
Or you can do the exact opposite, act like a friend or at least be cool with your employee and be cold when needed. Usually when they don't recognize you they don't want it to happen again. One of my former boss was like that, he could bring the light in a room and be the warmest person on earth and instantly shut it off, that was very disturbing
Nothing will destroy a good employee faster than watching an employer tolerate a bad employee.
So right. The very reason I quitted my job, actually.
Exactly that
Another issue is what an employer considers a good employee. The boss' favorite employee is the one who is a yes man and a backstabber constantly trying to run down those who are doing the real work. The boss doesn't want to help working employees push the company forward, he wants to be constantly validated. That's why most companies have a useless majority doing a fraction of the work and a tiny minority who are always overworked and overstressed and are only compensated enough to barely survive.
That’s so fucking true..
@@DrMikeOckhertz - or catching your employer having sex with your wife.
Be aware of what you tolerate from people. You are teaching them how to treat you.
You get what you tolerate. Sometimes walking away is better than going to prison.
...you have to be am3rikan.....your violent side is ALWAYS present. That doesn't mean you know the GRAVITY of violence.
@@tiberio135 I know more about inflicting violence be it physical, psychological, or both. Have a blessed day.
@@dylanhill1640 🙃 Ohhhh surprise.... it comes from mother´s milk in am3riKa. Get help. No blessings needed.
@@tiberio135why do you say that? What about Americans makes us violent?
@@kyleruggeri7533 you HAVE to be joking. This is what I mean, you people live in a bubble of propaganda and delusion. ALL is your society is violent.. You have the motto of ''all options are on the table''. You have to be a clueless teen.
Disrespectful bullies literally destroy good companies.
Oh, they DO! She isnt accounting for people with certain mental illness or the.people they manipulate. She is right you shouldnt ever let a boundary or disrespect issue go, thr first time.
bullies can't exist in a vacuum
@@kaspars804 GROUPS of bullies.
And families!!!!
"You train people how to treat you" is my favorite saying.
💯! there are some ppl that are untrainable. if you have to be around them anyways then you have no choice but to make them respect you. i have to train myself how to respect ppl the way they prefer it sometimes.. different ppl view that differently, fun part is figuring that out.
It's tripe...in biz you have despicable people who want to cheat and dis you at every corner, and I'm talking about big companies.
Said every despicable despot
Key takeaways:
- Set clear boundaries first
- Give people the opportunity to explain their mistakes
- Offer your help to avoid further mistakes.
This only works if you have rational people focused on success and driving for a common goal... go to a meeting with vendors...it's all politics and garbage.
Some people don't care about your boundaries.
Then it's time to be Will Smith 2.0
@@sempakrangerggSmith was a coward that night.
@@UncleRoams i don't know about coward, sure he folded like a piece of paper when hes wife looked at him, but to have the balls to get up and slap a guy on national television in front of millions of people? i would not call that cowardness.
@@kaas323That's just an arrogant coward. If John Cena, or similar, made the joke would he have done it? Nope
@@snoopycharlie8718 And how do you know ? You are just projecting ^^
My typing teacher, Ben Enriquez R.I.P. said, “You can tighten up, then lighten up, but not the other way around."
Yes every teacher knows that. And teachers also say “you shouldn’t show your teeths until Christmas!” Teacher to teacher 😅
@@carlavalverde2604Didn't understand the relevance, so I looked it up. Makes sense.
@@ReallyStrongGuy thank you for posting it here as well so we don't have to go through the same trouble you had to.
Yep doesn‘t work with narcissistic family members. best is to ignore. or go no contact
exactly.
Yeah, but at least it work with all the others
you don't know what the term narcissist means.
It's banded around by people like the term racist these days...
hardly anybody has any experience with narcissistic people...
they just feel like they do... usually women or feminine men...
@@Jafmanz You are making an assumption without enough information. Kills your credibility.
@85Funkadelic the chance that this person has multiple family members who are narcissistic is minute.
I'll take the gamble!
I’ve learned that sometimes, your appearance is all you have to do to cause people to disrespect you. Don’t confirm those assumptions with lack of action.
Hence, judging a book by its cover.
People judge alot just by your attire. (And this will depend on the society and mindset of the demographic)
I have experienced, I unconsciously wore a military looking pants and a Normal Fitting Black shirt.
(Now I'm not Jacked like the Marines but I am considerably okay in physique)
And people really acted different around me. Like I was someone who they'll have interest in... They'll respect.
(Honestly I realised this way later)
_Also recently started going to the gym and getting life somewhat sorted and improving myself constantly_
Yeah, be Will Smith.
I completely agree with you. My appearance and my voice tone makes people think they can disrespect me. When I call them out on it to put boundaries in place this people act like I am the difficult one!
@@KR_11117 womp womp.womp
Reminds me of extreme ownership. You have to look at yourself first and see if you're creating the issue. Great leaders think similarly.
There are people you can never reason with, you try being calm and talk out an issue they get aggressive.
Then you expose them for the fools that they are. Calm is powerful. 🙂
To be honest some ppl are just disrespectful. If a person disrespects you, that's accountability on them. We all should have been taught basic home training on how to have manners and have mutual respect.
i agree!
Having a idea about how the world should be in utopia doesn't change the fact that people treat you the way you allow them to
True. But they haven't been taught that. And that's the world we live in.
Nope sometimes ppl also myself included INV literally toxic behaviour cuz we were too kind / naive and think highly of ppl who put on masks. Take care as a doorman who u let in...
Well that's something every good teacher knows: Set your boundaries good and firm. Once that's established, you can get away easily with a more relaxed way of doing things
That's for handling immature people (and narcissists). For the rest of the adult/more emotionally mature population you can just be your kind good spirited self... people who don't appreciate that or feel they can take advantage of you for showing 'weakness' can go sod off.
You can't please everyone and you can't command respect from everyone (if you're confusing fear with respect you've got other problems). Even if you'd bring the moon down for someone they'd still not respect you, trying harder more often than not makes things even worse.
@solmariuce5303 it's actually simple social dynamics, no adult child divide, it applies to all
Agree with the CIA station chief. Still, meeting people socially naturally exposes you to social predators of all degrees. Upshifting to higher gears is sometimes required with such people, know and understand directness and walking away as tools, confrontation is not the goal but is in fact the last tool in the kit - use it wisely.
Saw a few people say you can do this to people over you like your boss.
My real world examples ive had to use:
set boundaries and consequences if they cross those boundaries. If your boss is condescending, simply call them out on it and say you dont appreciate it. If your boss is overcontrolling just let them know they are borderlining what is bullying or harassment.
And the key is to be as cold and unemotional as you possibly can.
Exactly, the only caveat is that the person doing that need to have confidence, and not fake it, because it will show quickly and defeat the purpose of setting boundaries, problem is majority of people didnt put themselves in enough uncomfortable zones in order to gain self confidence in majority of cases
She is good & has a great delivery!! Was told many years ago PART OF BEING WISE IS KNOWING WHAT TO OVERLOOK!! 🙏🙏
great quote. it takes a lot of self restraint to be quite.
So glad to be out of this nonsense and never again having to deal with staff who need a constant checking on and management. Sad but true that the average person cannot practice self - management and need someone to keep him on a leash.
Absolutely true, I was appointed as the acting Unit manager in my department. I found it hard for the first few weeks to get out of my normal boundaries with my work colleagues and some senior staff almost took advantage of it. During my managerial period, I realized that people don’t respect or fear a nice manager instead they take advantage. I wonder why some leaders are dictators
I’ve learned that it’s great to set boundaries but in life you need to know when and how to pick your battles.
This sounds great when you’re talking about people under you. How do you get people over you to respect you or stop bullying you? Where’s that advice
Show them a higher value, or higher concept, that we are all human beings, each on our own unique journey, and we are all going to die someday. It doesn't mean I am now work under you, you can treat me with disrespect, and for those who resort to bullying, it might be a sign of past struggles.
Self respect, Consistency, authenticity and let them know you know your contribution and value. In reality your boss is just a piece of the puzzle trying to make sure their boss doesn't come down on them so they want to perform.
By respecting yourself and having boundaries if they disrespect you, you have options you can execute on.
By carrying a firearm, this problem ceases to exist.
@@Aryan-nv9kd what? Lmao at work? Ok dude
Increase your leverage, when your skills and impact has a direct impact on the profit margins you are no longer just an “employee”
Unfortunately in the private sector. It does not work like that. Upper management will go team up with an orderly against mid management. Because they consider mid management a threat
Wholeheartedly agree with this.
Let me add that mid-management is also its own dogpile too. The whole managerial class I would say.
I don’t think there’s THAT much leeway regarding flexible hours, work loads, etc anyways just tying to keeping it at arms length as much as possible…
I have found time and time again that, for example, working hard and very efficiently gets punished with more work taken out of the blue and will still have low chances of being reciprocated on the next performance review for wage increases and promotions.
Simple. Show respect, be high value and have integrity. Really that simple.
If someone was rude to me, I apologise and let him or her know how I felt and feel like (crying for eg) after getting yelled at or misunderstood. And it immediately calms the person down so that I can listen to what was upsetting them in the first place. Great advice in this video⚡️Thank you for sharing with us.
Cringe.
I'm a freelance editor. At a meeting at work, I was asked if I thought something could be done differently or improved upon in the production fase and I gave, what I felt, was some constructive criticism from my experience working on a several projects for the company. That was in 2021, I have not been hired back at that production company since, despite them always praising my work in the past. Some people can't take criticism, even when they ask for it and it would benefit them to listen to it. Fragile egos can be very tricky to navigate.
I've learnt a trick. The issue with criticism is the where and from whom that really matters. If the person criticising isn't perceived as better that the person requesting criticism, then they will never respect it or take it in.
People aren't afraid of conflict. There afraid of the truth .
Yes
people definietly are afraid of conflict though. If they werent you wouldnt have so many bullies in this world.
people are afraid of conflict, liars are afraid of the truth.
They’re afraid of different things. Everyone is different.
I like this lady’s attitude here. Great insight. She’s totally correct. She’s banging on . She has definitely resonated with me. This is how you get things done . I will now follow her advice. I like this video !
You get treated in life,..
THE WAY you ALLOW others to treat YOU!
In case of infantile personalities - they are not able to respect. If you think they respect you, no, they just pretend to respect because they are afraid of you.
That’s a Dr Phil quote : You teach people how to treat you 🧐
First step is realizing who you do and don't need respect from. That by itself will drive people nuts when they're faced with the fact that their respect simply isn't worth earning
I supervised/managed police officers using this model. I got great performance from them. They kept me out of trouble and made it easy to be their boss.
New trend is everyone is former CIA FBI agent 😂
Could not have gotten to this video at a better time. It can be hard managing other people! Super insightful info!
Glad you enjoyed it!
@Speeches2Succeed I work in school kitchens managing hundreds of kids a day. Even the adults can be just as much of a challenge. There's always something new to learn from a different perspective, so it is nice to hear them from people with different backgrounds. Thank you ❤ keep up the good work!
I'm good hearted to everyone but it usually ends up with people being mean to me as they think they can be mean or disrespectful with no consequences to them
Easier said than done, especially when you are a nobody (not in power). Doing this makes relationships a transaction and people are not their organic self around you then. People would then find ways to hide stuff and avoid you or even “target” you. Congratulations, you are now the “target” of despised.
Being like what this female said is not necessarily all good.
Why dont you use that to better yourself and change something instead of indulging in a cliched self pity?
@@adrianveidt3600 You obviously didn't read the comment.
@@waykee3 I wasnt talking to you. Its the original comment
@@adrianveidt3600 👌
I was taught in the military in the early 80s as a supervisor,,, its always better to be a hardass at first,,, its always easier to throttle back,,,, than to be easy at first to people than to try to be a hardass later!!!! Trust Me,,, 20 year Retired Navy Chief here, and that worked and opened my young eyes Big time early in my career!!!!!
There’s no such thing as a former CIA agent. 🤦🏻♂️
Yes there is. Same as a former police officer, former fighter, former fireman, etc
How to earn respect: DON'T work for the CIA
1:10 because respect starts with you. If you don’t respect yourself, you can’t expect others to respect you. When you respect yourself you conduct yourself in a respectful way. Others will see how you conduct yourself and have no choice but to respect you. How you present yourself is exactly how people gonna receive you. It all starts with you.
Food for thought. Thank you.
This goes back about 50 years. Eighth grade. We had a new math teacher, and on the first day of school she threw the principal's son out of class. Almost no discipline problems from that moment on, She taught us a lot, and I actually developed something of a friendship with her. (Of course, it helped that the principal backed her up.)
A good start is saying to yourself "Not in this way!"
first and show it to others.
If someone insults you, say:"Not in this way!" Repeat if you must but go into conflict. Go through it.
Once you take more accountability the more control you have over your life
People always used to come to me for advice and usually the first thing I would tell them is to communicate, ensure they know the truth of the matter before acting and then to act immediately and not let whatever happened slide. To set a hard boundary and stick to it. Very few people ever took that step. I've stopped bothering to console or advise people once they've already ignored me once. I don't have time for someone crying over the problems they allowed to build up.
It's infuriating how many people willingly allow awful people to get away with crap because they don't want conflict. When if they had taken a single step, suffered a single conflict at the beginning of the entire mess, they wouldn't have to endure a constant cycle of more conflict. That's how you get crappy people in managerial positions.
That's how mediocre, uninspired, arrogant people gain more power. Because people would rather move away or put up with it or ignore it than to rip the weed out by the roots.
Don't give people what they deserve but what they need.
So profound! Thank you!
There isn’t much that pisses me off more than people who think that respect is a one way street. They think that they are all that and then some, sorry you’re NOT. They think that their 💩don’t stink, sorry but ACTUALLY IT DOES!!!!💁🏼♂️
She's talking about Habitual Line Steppers.
great advice, very insightful
when i got promorted, i got told your colleges are no longer your friends, you are in charge, its them and us..a line has been draw. respect is earned. i earned it . colleges can become friend, but the line is still there..
i just lost respect for her...
It is your responsibility to train others on how they should treat you. No training and they just make it up on the fly.
my manager’s best tactic when I make a mistake is saying “what’s going on with you? this is not like you”
A lot of things go out the window with narcissists. If youre dealing with a narcissist then none of this matters lol
Then don't deal with a narcissist, everyone in your life has been invited in by you
God, can we please let go of our desperate need to label everyone as a narc. And the craziest thing is the narcissists are typically those doing it 😅
@@daveericson8447 Ah I see, so you chose where you were born.
@Tackitt totally nonsense 🙄
I believe in people first, warmth and support and trlling people to go home at home time. Try and put the same things on myself and I'm late, over worked, over involved eveytime. I cant turn it off.
Some people no matter what will not respect you ever, they dont respect others either, nor do they respect themselves. They only fear people who can lean on them or expose them at that still isn't respect, it just mimics it
This wont work in all situations and some people are disrespectful no matter what, usually because they have psychological issues. There is also a difference between respecting someone or fearing them. Someone that fears you will likely stab you in the back.
Teachers in Australia say don’t smile before Easter (term 1)
Easier said than done, especially when you are a nobody (not in power). Doing this makes relationships a transaction and people are not their organic self around you then. People would then find ways to hide stuff and avoid you or even “target” you. Congratulations, you are now the “target” of despised.
Reap what you Sow...Only you can change You & your Life. Quit complaining and a negative mindset will always keep you stuck.
Listen, the only thing harder than this, is remaining stuck with this woe is me attitude. No one is coming to save you and no one owes you anything. You are an adult, you are not a tree - MOVE. Doing this makes relationship a transaction? It's still a transaction whether you know it or not, are you going to increase your currency or stay a beggar?
You can drum up all the allies you want, but nepotism and clicks will change people.....find another job.
There are people tho who don't care if you tell them that something is not okay and are intentionally doing it. What can you do in that case, because often times you can not inflict violence on them because that can get you in trouble, if you get bullied at work and you bosses don't care about that you don't have many options.
This is why Narcissists can't be good bosses. They will never look at "I", its always "Them's" fault. This attitude makes it impossible to learn and grow, in the end it cripples departments and whole organizations. Adapt or die, and they can't adapt because they are already perfect in their own eyes. Quite sad, really.
BOUNDARIES
Ever talked with someone who spent 10+ years in prison?
They speak in a very careful manner, because they were in an environment where the slightest perceived disrespect can result in death.
Examples of specific ACTIONS please. Address it HOW …to “set boundary”. And what about narcs who revel in glee that they caused grief?
To deal with narcs, you should be looking for a therapist. She has specific actions in her book
Next episode: How to resolve conflicts of disrespect in lawless places. Looking forward to it.
Beautiful collection of my favorite fix blade design.
I still have an old stag handle Western brand bird & trout knife I got as a child.
Growing up I wore it as a neck knife in a rawhide deer skin sheath I made for it covered in leather from an old welders apron.
Today I carry it on my belt in a sheath and men have told me they really like it and ask where I got it.
They're always surprised to learn I've had it since I was a boy growing up in the boonies when America still seemed like a free country.
I also like pukko knife design from the Scandinavian countries. Fin commandos used 5" pukko knives to take out soviet sentries during the great winter war.
i have a brother who disrepected me for years, i tried to calmly and politly talk and try to fix the situation and i got a F@#%!! YOU!! to my face, then it got worse then he started treating my kids like shit and then stuck his middle finger in my wifes face after she said he was a nice guy,after that i went nucular on him and that worked , i no longer have a problem,you show people kindness and respect they see you as a target,Evy is right set clear boundries first. in my life i have leard there is no respect ,only fear.
People will disrespect you because they want to and this idea that you can make people respect you is silly, this person is blaming the victim
People always say respect is earned not given. Kinda weird... because you have to give respect to get respect.
Everything is our own fault. Thinking like this puts all the power in our hands.
Extreme Ownership, indeed!
Works for parenting too
oh, so that's why I have gotten disrespected for the past 10 years. Just because I'm being too nice to people.
She wasnt saying that. She was saying also that her standards and strategies have to be improved
In a way yes. If people disrespect you and you are nice and let that happen, this disrespect seems acceptable.
but you weren't nice to yourself.
Were you too afraid of confrontation? Because disrespectful people will se an easy target on you.
Yup, that could be true.
I find these issues happen with me in two situations: 1) the other party has some sort of personality disorder or mental illness, making it hard to have a rational conversation with them; or 2) there is a power imbalance, usually involving money (boss, landlord, etc.). I have found that standing up for myself backfires in these cases. Suggestions?
Move on. Increase your 'value' by moving on and doing better
its ok to pretend stupid, if the situation isn't daily interaction.
Tip 1: don't work for the CIA
She obviously never had to use Windchill software.
All these « former something » are not former at all...
Hiding in plain sight.
Damn!!! She is soooo brilliant
I thought from thumbnail that she was invisible woman from fantastic four
Just be a normal people person simple, if not given back your not obligated to keep a relationship with that person
I don’t laugh and I don’t joke. I smile lightly and not to everyone. I notice people respond with respect more than if I act comfortable or relaxed around them. All that is not necessary to be polite and kind.
I smile at everyone and there will always be people who will test you or take you being very nice as a weakness and I immediately address them, and they nvr try me again. Whether it’s personal or professional I’m not going to let other humans control who I am to the core, and that’s a person filled with joy
Your comment @bethz is better than the speech this lady gave. Great advice. “Don’t laugh, don’t joke. Smile lightly” 👍
You don't want others to respect you per se. Living by the approval of others is a slave mentality thing. You want you to respect you.
OT You need better lightning in the room. She is in the dark, "all" the lights should be on her
This advice will never work with your superiors, maybe your inferiors or your peers
even with your peers may be dangerous, it depends a lot whether they're under the management's wings. I avoided that because if I had responded the same way I would have been fired.
Well I just walk away than expecting admiration/respect from a group or a person.
I don't give a shite about people like this.
Whatever you tolerate you will get more of.
You'll realize that you really don't need respect from strangers if you have self respect.
You may or may like me BUT YOU WILL RESPECT ME.
I don’t believe this advice works in every situation. I wouldn’t necessarily use this in educating children, for example. That’s because my goal in educating is not to maintain control and respect, but to engender confidence and ability in children-my goal is to give them control and enable them to handle it.
Yes. Boundaries. Hearing. ❤
I adress always everything. yet people just don’t care. even if you set boundaries, some people won’t even notice cause they themselves have none. The best thing is just go cold on people who aren’t worth your time and ignore them completely. I guess otherwise they won’t understand.
And this is the exact verbatim speech she gives to each of her new boyfriends
Evy is GREAT!!! I would love to have a self developing meeting with her.
So what about when a teamleader is disrespectful to you. So like someone in a higher position? This is, i think, more complicated. Maybe i gave space to be disrespectful. How to turn that when you are in a weaker position.
Thank you 😁 so much
See my smile it has meaning...
Thank you
That advice is still anecdote and works in certain type of industries, not all of them. It depends a lot on what type of workers you have to work with -- creative types need freedom and flexibility to "create".
In the Army every time we had a new General take over the base, he would immediately ramp up enforcement of the dumbest most trivial rules. Then 2 months later everything would go back to the way it was. 2 things would happen. First, every last person on the base would know that we had a new General and what his name was. Second, everyone would start acting right.
Or you can do the exact opposite, act like a friend or at least be cool with your employee and be cold when needed. Usually when they don't recognize you they don't want it to happen again. One of my former boss was like that, he could bring the light in a room and be the warmest person on earth and instantly shut it off, that was very disturbing
I just lost all respect for this woman. 😆
Those who want respect, give respect. Don't need agent orange to tell you that