I learnt something in life. Behind every bully, there is another bigger bully in a big brother, father or someone else - Trickle-down bullying. You can break the chain.
In my experience there's two types of bullies. Sadists who enjoy hurting and humiliation of others, and then the majority who lack confidence and are seeking to impress their peers. You can't cure the sadists, and as a martial artist beginner they'll find themselves getting hurt more than they're hurting others in training, so they'll move on after a few weeks. The others though if they learn martial arts they'll develop confidence and they won't feel the need for the adoration and respect of their peers anymore.
yea, there are some who are already too far gone for just good guidance to help them. But there's others that take surprisingly little to realize what they've been doing
If you were able to drive bullies off their bad way, it's awesome. From my experience, the answer to this question is YES and NO. Yes, I take them in, because I belive that everybody deserve a chance, and there is a chance, that they will choose to obey the rules, and no, because unfortunately , bullies either lack the discipline to stick around, or they endanger other students, which I cannot tolerate. Maybe I'll be able to make a bully better. Time will tell.
The battle is ultimately internal in everyone, not external. When a bully fully comes to terms with this one VERY serious aspect of our reality and situation as imperfect mortal beings, it changes EVERYTHING... Being more sober minded is one of MANY results of true, strenuous martial arts training...
From my experience beating up a dozen or so bullies growing up they always target someone they think is weaker than them. When I hurt them they went down quickly and weren't a problem after that. They didn't want the word to get around about their failure a second time nor go through it again. You have to make them regret it. So most likely bullies won't show up for training because people there are equal or better than them at fighting.
What some people don't understand though, is that there are many bullies who don't have it hard, and may even have good parents. There are just bullies who do what they do willingly, put others down just because they can.
Also, disassociating fighting from anger will help them to control violent urges. And helping them feel in control will help them stay in control of themselves.
yea this is what I see a lot since my training is focused on self defense. Like looking for a fight or continuing one when you could instead escape the situation are completely against what self defense is. So there's so much more focus on not really wanting to fight that really confuses some people I've trained with who are so used to the idea that both people always want to fight. I found it so much easier to do take down defense when I wasn't trying to strike or take them down but just keep distance so that mindset can be a powerful tool to teach
You make me wish I lived in China so that I could attend your gym. You seem like someone I could really relate to and share ideas with. Great video and please keep making them, we need more people making these positive messages.
Understading the "abused" end of bullying, this hit me hard. I watched this video a year ago and found it really difficult to agree with. I'm watching this on October 26th, 2018. Now that I'm a well trained fighter, and more mature, I can recognize for myself how correct you are when you say to love your enemies.
Man I wish I could go to your gym. You seem to have not just the skill, but the mentality, the philosophy required to be a good fighter and a good human. Someone I could definitely learn from.
Bullies, by definition, don't want to fight on equal terms, so I doubt you'll find them in any martial arts club. Another thing, they're not great at taking pain. I learnt, early on, if you give another guy a bloody nose he won't come back for more, even if he wins the fight.
not necessarily. very often it's a just a kid from poor families who doesn't see any nice future for himself and don't believe in fairy tales adults tell him. and often in gym he get what you could call 'level-up' - he becomes not so interested in beating random people, now he wants 'that guy from another gym' on the ring
Yeah you gotta be careful of thinking in absolutes, or predicting the behaviour of people you haven't met yet. Reactions always vary, as do the circumstances that lead to them. You can guess at general guidelines that apply more often than not, but nothing's ever gonna forecast a specific individual who you don't yet know. I've certainly met bullies who are good at taking pain, for instance. Heck, some get off on it.
Definitely not true, I know cats that are mean tough motherfuckers that like to pick on other mean people, they look for challenges not easy wins sometimes
I was not bullied in school, but I was a victim of parental abuse. Because of that physical abuse, I became driven to develop into a strong, physically skilled fighter and worked hard on endurance, and durability just due to that. I actually kind of over did it, which I finally realized later, but I never hurt another person. I directed all my fear and anxiety from my youth internally and it made me what I became in the end. So I turned a bad thing into a good thing.
@@CriticallyGnart but it is, most rackateer criminals had trained some martial art at some point in their life, having a training in ma is like a star on your CV in those circles.
You made a very sensible point in this video: bullies have been neglected in some way in their education, and they do need someone to steer them away from violence.
Ramsey, I totally get your point about being a teacher. I'm a table tennis trainer from Germany and I teach child beginners the sport. And here it's the same. I'm not just there to teach them about topspins and hitting a small white ball over a net, but I teach discipline, and being humble and friendly. There are also some difficult children in my group, but I find it so satisfying to see their behaviour change for the better over time. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and values.
"Love those that hate you". Like many of us from a secular western background, I encountered these words but forgot them. I still don't believe in Jesus but I believe in the wisdom of those words and i believe in the heart you put into delivering them. Thank you. You've moved me.
People change, I’m friends with people who I hated at school, most of those guys tend to grow up, and the ones who don’t end up looking really pathetic
Martial Arts training can REALLY help a lot of the issues that make someone behave as a bully. A lot of the time that behaviour is based in projected fear and anger, and martial arts really helps you work through negative emotions like that. If you can help someone like that learn to better understand and channel their negative emotions, you don't just help them, you help everyone they will ever interact with. That said, some people are just assholes, but you can usually figure them out pretty fast.
I'm honestly conflicted about this. I've had experiences at both ends of the spectrum with having toxic people in clubs I've run. I've had people who have become better for training in a safe friendly environment, and I've had people who made the club awful just by virtue of being there. I once trained with a guy who had internalised toxicity to the point where he acted like I was having a go at him whenever I praised him for doing well (I don't think he had experienced much encouragement growing up) and his idea of "friendly teasing" always seemed a little mean spirited. At one point when he was fencing I told his sparring partner to compliment him while they were sparring as it would throw him off. Through the course of the bout his partner told him his hair looked nice, that his attacks were well executed, that he had a nice smile, etc, which did in fact throw him off. I suspect that got him thinking because he started to mellow out after that, which was nice. Then I had someone who just thought everyone was having a go at him. He would say nasty things to everyone, hit too hard or yell to intimidate his opponents, brag, if you got hits on him he'd make up excuses as to why they didn't count, he'd even get angry at me for correcting his technique while I was instructing. At first I didn't do anything because I"m not fond of policing behaviour and most of the people at the club said they were happy enough to just ignore him. It wasn't until later that I found out that a number of people had been turned off the club because of him specifically (most were still in my extended social circle, some even asked for private lessons to avoid him). While we ultimately decided to freeze him out (and the club was a much nicer place because of it) I often wonder how many good training partners I lost because of one really noxious person. I guess the question comes down to how does this person affect club culture?
Yeah, everyone is an individual. I think some bullies have it in them to be better, while others are lost causes. One has to play it by ear, and, always, err on the side of caution. One also has to balance what one gains by helping out a bully by what he loses by doing so; you never asked him to be a bully, that's on him at a certain point into adulthood.
This is what I just commented about. I see this in a lot of other places in my life. There's this complexity between creating an opportunity for bad people to learn to be better and creating a safe place for those who have already learned this and don't want to be around those who haven't yet. Some people like Ramsey and you are nice enough to put up with it to help them learn, but others are coming to these places for martial arts and sometimes even safety from people like that in their lives. That's why I was saying I would probably keep a problem child class that I would restrict people to if I learned they were hurting people so they would be separated from anyone that doesnt choose specifically to work with them and if they got bad enough I would just kick them out.
@@snorcutter honestly yeah, like if I'm fighting and they start complimenting me, much less like giving me good advice for improvement, that would really mess with me because it really is just a power play. That's essentially them acting as your instructor just having a nice guided session to show how superior they are to you.
I like to give out advice during sparring, because it helps people and because I am in fact often superior. I am not above taking some advice though and you shouldn't be either.
Usually the person who comes to the gym/dojo wanting to learn how to fight "to kick the shit out so-so", don't stay for long, they just leave, always. Loved the vid.
Your words are prophetic, sage, and kind. Your demeanor and poise are so calm and inspiring. I love how you pause as if every syllable was carefully considered. You don’t say two words when one word will do. If I ever had a teacher even a tenth as wise, careful, and compassionate as you, my life would be much richer for it.
Ramsey. You are completely correct. I went from the abused and therfore the bully. I was good. Not you, not even God him self could stop me. It was only the teachings from men like you that saved me. Turned me from a monster into a protector. A savior Thank you for your strength.
You have been one of my mentor figures for a long time, Ramsey. I realised a long time ago that my hateful, aggressive, sometimes violent ways were not really making anybody happy, including myself, and since that realisation I’ve been working to become a nicer person. But all I had ever known until then was that life, and I was surrounded by people who encouraged it in various ways, and changing meant losing most of the people I cared about because they didn’t change with me. I was also without mentor figures, so for a while I felt quite alone and lost. But eventually I found a small number of people who could guide a person like me to a more peaceful, productive lifestyle. I’ve had much therapy and almost copy my role models, sometimes, because I want to be a good person, but I struggle a lot to not give in to the ways I learned, that animal inside me that seems to always want violence, even when there’s nothing making me angry. I’ve found that practising martial arts seems to make me seek out violence less. Even just shadowboxing. Sparring with people who enjoy the exchange seems to satisfy that urge to be violent while engaging in an activity that makes everyone involved happy rather than sad, too. And when tempted to use anything I learn for unnecessary violence, I think of my role models, speak to them when I can, to get a reminder of the logic behind abstaining from that violence, and the spirit behind choosing a different way, too. Without these few mentor figures I’ve found, including yourself, I do wonder how well I would do at continuing to strive for doing good instead of evil. Thank you for being a good example to follow, and thank you for teaching me.
I had the same bullying issue and I figured out that I had to move on and become a better person because having that hate and anger within doesn’t help you So thanks for sharing your story
You delivered a powerful message in a very powerful way. The pauses and silences between your phrasing blocks make me, the listener, hang on to every word you make and sink in to my soul and understanding . Today's lesson was very important and impactfull. Thank you.
For me, a 5'5 dude. Policy would be to de-escalate but if that doesnt work. Strike First, Strike Hard. No Mercy is left at the Cobra Kai training centre.
It's similar to what my Master's said she is very wise! Thank you! You helped me raise my awareness! She said that after a student punched her in the face, a male student! She followed that statement up with knocking him out! Then set their tell he got up, not to fight some more, but to ask him if he wanted some water! Kindness goes so far, if you show kindness to someone that's never seen it, they don't know how to react to it. Then she said get up and do it again.
I couldn't have said it better myself. Martial arts is so much more than just fighting. It's about a mindset, discipline, and learning to respect the way the world is. Fighting is what most people see on the surface, but what people don't see is the mindset. Would I teach a bully to fight? Absolutely not. Would I teach a bully about discipline and respect? Absolutely. If I can see someone change the way they behave and become a respectable person, I can teach them the fighting aspect of martial arts and feel safe knowing that they won't abuse the power they've been entrusted with.
Your compassion should be commended. I was lucky to be a large child. I was even luckier to have began self defense training from my father at an incredibly young age. I hated Bullies. Still do. I'm not proud of it. However, I will admit I absolutely enjoyed teaching bullies how to fight. From the "First Person" point of view. These days I happily train my sons to defend themselves. But, I also grind into their psyche the need to avoid the physical response as much as possible.
there was this one kid, who for some reason was infinitely stronger than i was . He would bully me and i would try to fight. after sometime I gave up and told my mom. she comes out confronts the kid and slaps the crap out of him. He never bullied me again.
Your interpretation of Matt 5:48 is spot on. I have three degrees in this stuff (theology) and prepare my sermons and lessons out of the Greek New Testament. It's so refreshing to hear somebody nail it so eloquently. On top of that, your emphasis on integrity and completion is spot on. In my day job, I'm a hospital chaplain and I specialize in clinical research around spiritual assessment. What I can tell you is that integration, the idea of telos (the Greek word you're talking about there -- you probably know that), really is at the heart of it. Major props to you, Ramsey!
Good screen presence, good voice, good communicator, a sense of drama, philosophical viewpoint, good story teller, If I were you I'd start learning the dance moves, dialogue and songs from " The King and I" there is a living in it for you. Not as silly as it sounds!
I remember my grandfather who was a martial artist always used to tell me that all bullies are cowards who are trying to boost theyre self esteem because they are mentally weak and dislike themselves deep down. And ive encountered countless bullies of all kinds in my life and it was always true. Bullies always pick and choose easy battles.
I've been watching your videos for a few days now and I must say, good sir, you are one of the wisest people I've ever had the privilege of listening to!
Must add, I'm quite impressed that your mind is consistently 'in a good place-you think in a good way"...as my Native American friends would phrase it. Well Done!
Wow, I'm impressed! I didn't expect to hear words from the Bible and I'm beyond pleased that you know those precepts and live them out! I hope to one day talk with ya on the golden shores.
This video convinced me to subscribe. The best, the most important thing we can teach in _any_ discipline - martial, athletic, or scholarly - is correct principles. Not _what_ to think but _how_ to think; not _what_ to do but _why_ to do it. A fact can only ever tell us where we came from, and where we are; a principle can tell us where we can go. Better to have direction and no knowledge, than knowledge and no direction. At least, that’s what I think.
Knew there was a reason I liked you! There's a word that people don't look at... endure. "He that endures to the end..." and sometimes.. a lot of times in life that is done by picking your battles, body-shifting (so to speak) and the worst... taking the licks. One of the strongest people I knew was my grandfather a WWII veteran... a small man of 5'5". It was not the battles he fought nor the damage he dealt... but the things I watched him take on the chin... and still keep walking.
So true. I used to get bullied, and my dad taught me how to punch and how to take some one down. I eventually beat off my bully, but my dad got arrested, and I became lost. We all need to be taught, and lead in a way that make use more knowledgeable, and compassionate towards the people around use. I used to want to go fight in the ring untill I hit my sparing partner in the temple, and rocked him. I barely hit him, but I do not need to make money hurting my friends, or fellow Americans.
I've actually had the opposite experience, an old bully of mine (not a horrible bully, but a bully nonetheless) taught me wrestling and honestly he's the chillest dude now, weird how things work out.
You know, I actually thought this talk might go the direction of "teaching someone how to fight is to teach them not to fight" and there are a lot of reasons why that applies- fighting hurts and lessens your ability to fight later on. Learning how to fight competitively means that you are focused on ONE fight and the rest of your energy cannot be wasted on other, petty things. But this got deep fast. I hope those in other communities take those same sorts of lessons. In all things that you do, make someone else a better person.
I started martial when I was younger because I was bullied. Once I started training and got better bullies didn't bother me anymore emotionally. I knew that at any time I could fight them. But I learned that martial arts is to protect yourself and others. Words don't hurt me. You put my hands on me then we have a different story. But after training most fights I've gotten into were to help someone who didn't have my skill set. I fought others who were attacking people that were in the same position I was before training.
Your a good dude man, I think you need protection against those that are truly evil. Psychopaths and serial killers need to be destroyed mischief makers may get another chance.
To forgive others is the key for spiritual and mental breakthrough in our life. It is a giving away of an illusion that seperate us from each other. I can tell about a bully in my school. He tormented me everyday. I decided to beat him up at the last day. Befor that day i made a decicion to forgive him what he did and bought him a present instead. A cd of a band he liked. I will never forget the expression on his face. This was one of the most liberating experiences i have ever made. I defeated an enemy. An enemy deep inside in me.
The hard workouts in bjj over many years has killed a lot of negativity in my mind. Helped me getting over ex girlfriends, sorrows of any sort, jealousy, any short coming in my life of the mind or the heart, bjj and running has helped me greatly. I love your advice. I’ll for sure come by when I visit Shanghai
Yeah. Brother. If you keep hating ppl who hurt you, you give them control over your life, but also in the case where you overcame them harming you you deny they made you what you are. Then if you end up able to help them correct their failures that started it all....full circle.
An interesting thing happened with my bullies. From 1st-4th grade I was typically bullied and attack by a group of 4-6 kids simultaneously. Several trained at a McDojo that was part of a franchise, which I may or may not have put the local branch out of business in high school when I outright outclassed them utterly during their demo in gym class. Anywho, after 4th grade, my body and athleticism finally kicked in and surpassed all of them. Of that group, I actually did have a defector come to train at the dojang I studied at (my trainer had been a coach/trainer for the 1988 US Olympic Taekwondo Team). He immediately found it better and his normal antagonism became more of a rivalry instead (I actually converted 3 people I knew to my dojang, though only one had been from the group of bullies I had). Anyway, by the time I got to high school, the leader of the bullies actually became a nice guy, to the point that others he had bullied actually agreed he had become a nice guy. As for the others, well, they had their own issues to deal with, but not sure if any have actually progressed or not.
I enjoy listening to your tips on fighting,training and you comparing and contrasting different martial arts and fighters.I am more impressed however,by your philosophy on fighting,and the world in general.
Georges St-Pierre has a great story about how he met his bully later in life living on the street. They recognised each other, and Georges decided to help the guy out, and felt bad for him despite everything he had done to him. Great example.
I've always had the pleasure of training with very nice people. And there is rarely anything more connecting than getting to know people while grappling in each others sweat ;-) But I agree wholeheartedly about teaching bullies martial arts. I've always felt that you learn much more than effectively hurting people. Because it is never about sadism (I hope, at least that's my experience), but much more about learning something about yourself, and how to interact with others.
I was a monster inside. I was a violent, vengeful person, and it was only a matter of time before I'd come into conflict with someone. However, before I ever learned martial arts, I wanted to repent. I didn't want to hate murderers and spouse/child controllers and people who'd kicked me when I was down forever. Now that I do have some knowledge of martial arts, I feel that my control of my violent nature is much better. Umm. I love this! As a Christian who does martial arts, I love this!
In my experience, once bullies realize they're not invincible, they fold. Once you get your ass handed to you on the matts; in a cage, in a ring, etc. you either want to learn how to get better or you quit. Once you appreciate the artform and want to learn more from it, it becomes a whole lot less about hurting other people and more about how to better yourself. If you quit, you either go back to bullying "weaker" people or take home a nice fresh batch of freshly baked humble pie.
I am 70 years old now, 150lbs and always held grudges. I was bullied by a very nasty guy in high school. Took me 30 years to finally, locate him. Then considered knocking his teeth out. Took me 2 more years to get the courage to knock on his door. People who knew him said he was 220 and a construction worker. Gotta say, I thought it was a good day to die. The door opened. I asked him if he was the guy I wanted, and when he answered, I hit him with a solid right to the jaw and he went back on his ass. He sat on the floor rubbing his chin and said "I was waiting for your visit for a long time" What I did in school was pretty cowardly. I regretted it ever since". I was happy he sat there as I turned to leave. All that anger was gone in one punch but I realised that if he had chosen to get up, I would be in a world of pain. The moral here is, be very careful who you choose for revenge cause it can bite you in the ass just as well. Your video brought back that memory and I appreciate your straight shooting.
MY fiancee thought the same thing , i Ben into martial arts my whole life, now i am taking my son to kids bjj school with me, the funny thing is she always thought martial arts would make my son violent, and she always hated the fact i trained, fast forward 8 months and my fiancee has spent alot of time at the bjj school, watching the kids class, and she realized what i have ben telling her, how training in any martial art, if in the right school is about building character, confidence, and knowing one limits and respecting other peoples limits. For me martial arts has always ben about a character development thing and healthy life style thing, and yes i competed in point sparing, and have competed in BJJ. im 34 and i have seen martial arts training change and shape people into better respectful humans, in most part.. great videos man. keep it up osss
Wow it’s a year on I asked Ramsey this question That’s what I love about Ramsey Could coach and create the biggest baddest ufc fighter But would still feel as though he would have failed as a coach if all the person cared about or knew & did was “how to punch , kick & grapple) That the sign of a good caring coach
Good insight, real teaching. That's what a teacher is... I think: (1) there is nearly always some hope to change them (not for a real psychopath however) (2) you can often change them at least temporarily, so that they may be able to relate to you for that moment- getting you past the danger and making your own experience much more tolerable (3) it's much better for your own head to try to deal with anyone in a compassionate way. Not to react on the same level....
Astounding wisdom to come by at 13 14 yrs old forgiveness. The All Mighty father of the Messiah Jesus Christ says that when we ask him of forgiveness to come with forgiveness in our hearts towards ppl who wronged us so that He can forgive us.. Great video..
The most important thing that a sensei has to offer a student is to teach them the discipline to identify and control their own ego. Humility is the first lesson a student should learn. And if they can't get that part down, they aren't ready to receive the true spirit of martial arts, and have no business receiving further training. If they are full of pride and their ego flares up everytime they spar, they need to be put onto their backs and forced to submit over and over enough times until their ego either releases its grip, or they are driven out of the gym entirely. Pai Mei from Kill Bill 2 does a good job demonstrating this with Beatrix. He had to shatter her ego before she could be liberated from her pride. It needs to be about self-mastery. Self-improvement. If it's about satisfying your ego, which is what the bully is seeking, then additional skills are only going to compound the problem. I think that having the wisdom to differentiate is the burden and responsibility of the teacher because you are partially responsible for the results if you feed a monster.
Great topic! Catch 22. The thought that as instructors we are that powerful we are able to change 'a bully student' and transform a BULLY to a 'virtuous fighter' or to a person with good values could be a murky domain. In my view it happens but not that often. People usually change because they intrinsically desire to change. I can pour all that knowledge into the student who fails to 'get it' , I do agree with the female student to a degree. That way I basically 'enable' the bully to be more of a 'lethal bully' now. In ancient days a master will evaluate students and if there was a red flag to ill character they would not get thought. That would be the Sensei's, Sifu or Instructor integrity and his lineage of school integrity. Keeping on students moral development must happen to ensure the school will continue to carry a reputable name in which that student might endanger by being a 'bully' or 'ill of character'. On the other hand at times an Efficacious instructor can enable and help students with ill disposition re-think their ways and maybe even change. In my experience it does happen but NOT TOO OFTEN ! Instructors hold the responsibility to gauge, assess and evaluate where each student is, not only physically and technically but virtuously , morally, and ethically. In the old days we called it the Dojo-Kun. We called this ethical training “wu de” in Mandarin or “mo duk” in Cantonese. When I trained gung fu. Students who fails to conform to the ethical guidelines risk being expelled. Great topic Ramsey. Keep them thought provoking topics rolling. Essential !
Valuable words for life in any situation. Bullies are generally run by fear. Through discipline and work one can learn to respect others and abandon fear. We train the body, we train the mind and vice versa, until we become one unity and true to ourselves . if we concentrate on fear everyone is a potential enemy hence the aggressiveness. thank you kindly for your words!
Also very right, for me it is comprehensible that action have always consequences, good and bad. One may find the courage to stand up and recognise it, another runs back to his own little place/ego, if you want, and stay blind, my point of view but still I can be wrong, they stay ignorant because it is simpler. I also seen many I am afraid, but in the end I understood that they are also simply humans.... ;)
I've been addicted to your videos for about 3 days now and I'm surprised you're not more popular.
Mr. Zenix same
Same here
Those who speak only truth rarely are.
Mr. Zenix me too i like his views on most things
I wish he taught in my area
Chuck Norris beat up Ramsey Dewey in his dream, woke up and apologized.
I laughed harder than I should have... awesome.
I can see that!
How could anybody bully you man, your heart is gold
That is exactly why
I learnt something in life. Behind every bully, there is another bigger bully in a big brother, father or someone else - Trickle-down bullying. You can break the chain.
In my experience there's two types of bullies. Sadists who enjoy hurting and humiliation of others, and then the majority who lack confidence and are seeking to impress their peers. You can't cure the sadists, and as a martial artist beginner they'll find themselves getting hurt more than they're hurting others in training, so they'll move on after a few weeks. The others though if they learn martial arts they'll develop confidence and they won't feel the need for the adoration and respect of their peers anymore.
This 💯💯💯
yea, there are some who are already too far gone for just good guidance to help them. But there's others that take surprisingly little to realize what they've been doing
"Even the worst people in the world let in those who are nice to them"... When you said that, it really struck a chord in me. Thank you.
If you were able to drive bullies off their bad way, it's awesome. From my experience, the answer to this question is YES and NO. Yes, I take them in, because I belive that everybody deserve a chance, and there is a chance, that they will choose to obey the rules, and no, because unfortunately , bullies either lack the discipline to stick around, or they endanger other students, which I cannot tolerate. Maybe I'll be able to make a bully better. Time will tell.
Some bullies have to learn by hard way and victim have to learn to protect them self
The battle is ultimately internal in everyone, not external. When a bully fully comes to terms with this one VERY serious aspect of our reality and situation as imperfect mortal beings, it changes EVERYTHING...
Being more sober minded is one of MANY results of true, strenuous martial arts training...
From my experience beating up a dozen or so bullies growing up they always target someone they think is weaker than them. When I hurt them they went down quickly and weren't a problem after that. They didn't want the word to get around about their failure a second time nor go through it again. You have to make them regret it.
So most likely bullies won't show up for training because people there are equal or better than them at fighting.
What some people don't understand though, is that there are many bullies who don't have it hard, and may even have good parents. There are just bullies who do what they do willingly, put others down just because they can.
Also, disassociating fighting from anger will help them to control violent urges. And helping them feel in control will help them stay in control of themselves.
yea this is what I see a lot since my training is focused on self defense. Like looking for a fight or continuing one when you could instead escape the situation are completely against what self defense is. So there's so much more focus on not really wanting to fight that really confuses some people I've trained with who are so used to the idea that both people always want to fight. I found it so much easier to do take down defense when I wasn't trying to strike or take them down but just keep distance so that mindset can be a powerful tool to teach
If only there were more teachers like you.... Realistic, honest, big heart and strong character....
2:14 "I had a dream" - Ramsey Luther King Jr
You make me wish I lived in China so that I could attend your gym. You seem like someone I could really relate to and share ideas with. Great video and please keep making them, we need more people making these positive messages.
Understading the "abused" end of bullying, this hit me hard. I watched this video a year ago and found it really difficult to agree with. I'm watching this on October 26th, 2018. Now that I'm a well trained fighter, and more mature, I can recognize for myself how correct you are when you say to love your enemies.
Man I wish I could go to your gym. You seem to have not just the skill, but the mentality, the philosophy required to be a good fighter and a good human. Someone I could definitely learn from.
Bullies, by definition, don't want to fight on equal terms, so I doubt you'll find them in any martial arts club. Another thing, they're not great at taking pain. I learnt, early on, if you give another guy a bloody nose he won't come back for more, even if he wins the fight.
That's why if they do get into martial arts they will either give up soon or stop being bullys (most of the times at least).
not necessarily. very often it's a just a kid from poor families who doesn't see any nice future for himself and don't believe in fairy tales adults tell him. and often in gym he get what you could call 'level-up' - he becomes not so interested in beating random people, now he wants 'that guy from another gym' on the ring
Yeah you gotta be careful of thinking in absolutes, or predicting the behaviour of people you haven't met yet. Reactions always vary, as do the circumstances that lead to them. You can guess at general guidelines that apply more often than not, but nothing's ever gonna forecast a specific individual who you don't yet know. I've certainly met bullies who are good at taking pain, for instance. Heck, some get off on it.
Definitely not true, I know cats that are mean tough motherfuckers that like to pick on other mean people, they look for challenges not easy wins sometimes
@@Torthrodhel In other words, "only a sith deals in absolutes".
On a more serious note, I agree completely. People display a lot of variance.
I was not bullied in school, but I was a victim of parental abuse. Because of that physical abuse, I became driven to develop into a strong, physically skilled fighter and worked hard on endurance, and durability just due to that. I actually kind of over did it, which I finally realized later, but I never hurt another person. I directed all my fear and anxiety from my youth internally and it made me what I became in the end. So I turned a bad thing into a good thing.
You are absolutely correct! Every guy I know that actually learned something, learned honor.
Win94ae thanks for spoiler
Im not so sure about that, most violent criminals have some sort of martial arts training
@@oreocarlton3343 that's entirely not true.
@@CriticallyGnart but it is, most rackateer criminals had trained some martial art at some point in their life, having a training in ma is like a star on your CV in those circles.
You made a very sensible point in this video: bullies have been neglected in some way in their education, and they do need someone to steer them away from violence.
Ramsey, I totally get your point about being a teacher. I'm a table tennis trainer from Germany and I teach child beginners the sport. And here it's the same. I'm not just there to teach them about topspins and hitting a small white ball over a net, but I teach discipline, and being humble and friendly. There are also some difficult children in my group, but I find it so satisfying to see their behaviour change for the better over time.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and values.
I found this answer quite surprising. I guess this is what they mean by guidance.
"Love those that hate you". Like many of us from a secular western background, I encountered these words but forgot them. I still don't believe in Jesus but I believe in the wisdom of those words and i believe in the heart you put into delivering them. Thank you. You've moved me.
People change, I’m friends with people who I hated at school, most of those guys tend to grow up, and the ones who don’t end up looking really pathetic
Martial Arts training can REALLY help a lot of the issues that make someone behave as a bully. A lot of the time that behaviour is based in projected fear and anger, and martial arts really helps you work through negative emotions like that. If you can help someone like that learn to better understand and channel their negative emotions, you don't just help them, you help everyone they will ever interact with. That said, some people are just assholes, but you can usually figure them out pretty fast.
I'm honestly conflicted about this. I've had experiences at both ends of the spectrum with having toxic people in clubs I've run. I've had people who have become better for training in a safe friendly environment, and I've had people who made the club awful just by virtue of being there. I once trained with a guy who had internalised toxicity to the point where he acted like I was having a go at him whenever I praised him for doing well (I don't think he had experienced much encouragement growing up) and his idea of "friendly teasing" always seemed a little mean spirited. At one point when he was fencing I told his sparring partner to compliment him while they were sparring as it would throw him off. Through the course of the bout his partner told him his hair looked nice, that his attacks were well executed, that he had a nice smile, etc, which did in fact throw him off. I suspect that got him thinking because he started to mellow out after that, which was nice.
Then I had someone who just thought everyone was having a go at him. He would say nasty things to everyone, hit too hard or yell to intimidate his opponents, brag, if you got hits on him he'd make up excuses as to why they didn't count, he'd even get angry at me for correcting his technique while I was instructing. At first I didn't do anything because I"m not fond of policing behaviour and most of the people at the club said they were happy enough to just ignore him. It wasn't until later that I found out that a number of people had been turned off the club because of him specifically (most were still in my extended social circle, some even asked for private lessons to avoid him). While we ultimately decided to freeze him out (and the club was a much nicer place because of it) I often wonder how many good training partners I lost because of one really noxious person.
I guess the question comes down to how does this person affect club culture?
Yeah, everyone is an individual. I think some bullies have it in them to be better, while others are lost causes. One has to play it by ear, and, always, err on the side of caution. One also has to balance what one gains by helping out a bully by what he loses by doing so; you never asked him to be a bully, that's on him at a certain point into adulthood.
Well i don't know what it says about me but i'd be totally thrown off if a guy complimented my smile when we were sparring, lol.
This is what I just commented about. I see this in a lot of other places in my life. There's this complexity between creating an opportunity for bad people to learn to be better and creating a safe place for those who have already learned this and don't want to be around those who haven't yet. Some people like Ramsey and you are nice enough to put up with it to help them learn, but others are coming to these places for martial arts and sometimes even safety from people like that in their lives. That's why I was saying I would probably keep a problem child class that I would restrict people to if I learned they were hurting people so they would be separated from anyone that doesnt choose specifically to work with them and if they got bad enough I would just kick them out.
@@snorcutter honestly yeah, like if I'm fighting and they start complimenting me, much less like giving me good advice for improvement, that would really mess with me because it really is just a power play. That's essentially them acting as your instructor just having a nice guided session to show how superior they are to you.
I like to give out advice during sparring, because it helps people and because I am in fact often superior. I am not above taking some advice though and you shouldn't be either.
Usually the person who comes to the gym/dojo wanting to learn how to fight "to kick the shit out so-so", don't stay for long, they just leave, always. Loved the vid.
If they are bullies into adulthood, they can't change. They've had their way for too long. They won't give that power up.
Please keep teaching and beeing wise as you are!!! The World need you so much!!!!
Your words are prophetic, sage, and kind. Your demeanor and poise are so calm and inspiring. I love how you pause as if every syllable was carefully considered. You don’t say two words when one word will do. If I ever had a teacher even a tenth as wise, careful, and compassionate as you, my life would be much richer for it.
Ramsey. You are completely correct. I went from the abused and therfore the bully. I was good. Not you, not even God him self could stop me. It was only the teachings from men like you that saved me. Turned me from a monster into a protector. A savior
Thank you for your strength.
You have been one of my mentor figures for a long time, Ramsey. I realised a long time ago that my hateful, aggressive, sometimes violent ways were not really making anybody happy, including myself, and since that realisation I’ve been working to become a nicer person. But all I had ever known until then was that life, and I was surrounded by people who encouraged it in various ways, and changing meant losing most of the people I cared about because they didn’t change with me. I was also without mentor figures, so for a while I felt quite alone and lost. But eventually I found a small number of people who could guide a person like me to a more peaceful, productive lifestyle. I’ve had much therapy and almost copy my role models, sometimes, because I want to be a good person, but I struggle a lot to not give in to the ways I learned, that animal inside me that seems to always want violence, even when there’s nothing making me angry. I’ve found that practising martial arts seems to make me seek out violence less. Even just shadowboxing. Sparring with people who enjoy the exchange seems to satisfy that urge to be violent while engaging in an activity that makes everyone involved happy rather than sad, too. And when tempted to use anything I learn for unnecessary violence, I think of my role models, speak to them when I can, to get a reminder of the logic behind abstaining from that violence, and the spirit behind choosing a different way, too. Without these few mentor figures I’ve found, including yourself, I do wonder how well I would do at continuing to strive for doing good instead of evil. Thank you for being a good example to follow, and thank you for teaching me.
If I didn't have to train so much I would watch your videos all the time.
This is very helpful. Thanks.
Man Ramsey you’ve taught me more than you’ll ever know
this might have been one of the most inspirational videos I saw in quite a while. Thank you.
You Mr Dewey are the ultimate coach. You tech mind and body when most just tech body
I had the same bullying issue and I figured out that I had to move on and become a better person because having that hate and anger within doesn’t help you
So thanks for sharing your story
You delivered a powerful message in a very powerful way. The pauses and silences between your phrasing blocks make me, the listener, hang on to every word you make and sink in to my soul and understanding . Today's lesson was very important and impactfull. Thank you.
For me, a 5'5 dude. Policy would be to de-escalate but if that doesnt work. Strike First, Strike Hard. No Mercy is left at the Cobra Kai training centre.
I started watching your videos to get some fighting tips but subscribed for videos like this!
It's similar to what my Master's said she is very wise! Thank you! You helped me raise my awareness! She said that after a student punched her in the face, a male student! She followed that statement up with knocking him out! Then set their tell he got up, not to fight some more, but to ask him if he wanted some water! Kindness goes so far, if you show kindness to someone that's never seen it, they don't know how to react to it. Then she said get up and do it again.
I couldn't have said it better myself. Martial arts is so much more than just fighting. It's about a mindset, discipline, and learning to respect the way the world is. Fighting is what most people see on the surface, but what people don't see is the mindset. Would I teach a bully to fight? Absolutely not. Would I teach a bully about discipline and respect? Absolutely. If I can see someone change the way they behave and become a respectable person, I can teach them the fighting aspect of martial arts and feel safe knowing that they won't abuse the power they've been entrusted with.
I guess it wouldn't take much time to determine if they were there to truly develop as a person.
Good sir, you are truly "salt and light"....this video....wow. God bless you Ramsey Dewey.
Your compassion should be commended. I was lucky to be a large child. I was even luckier to have began self defense training from my father at an incredibly young age. I hated Bullies. Still do. I'm not proud of it. However, I will admit I absolutely enjoyed teaching bullies how to fight. From the "First Person" point of view. These days I happily train my sons to defend themselves. But, I also grind into their psyche the need to avoid the physical response as much as possible.
I like to thank martial arts at a young age for making me the decent person I am today
If more people in the world had your mindset it would be a better place for us all to live
there was this one kid, who for some reason was infinitely stronger than i was . He would bully me and i would try to fight. after sometime I gave up and told my mom. she comes out confronts the kid and slaps the crap out of him. He never bullied me again.
Your interpretation of Matt 5:48 is spot on. I have three degrees in this stuff (theology) and prepare my sermons and lessons out of the Greek New Testament. It's so refreshing to hear somebody nail it so eloquently. On top of that, your emphasis on integrity and completion is spot on. In my day job, I'm a hospital chaplain and I specialize in clinical research around spiritual assessment. What I can tell you is that integration, the idea of telos (the Greek word you're talking about there -- you probably know that), really is at the heart of it. Major props to you, Ramsey!
You changed my perspective about life! Thank you!
Today's society calls the guy fighting 3 guys that started it, a bully.
Good screen presence, good voice, good communicator, a sense of drama, philosophical viewpoint, good story teller, If I were you I'd start learning the dance moves, dialogue and songs from " The King and I" there is a living in it for you. Not as silly as it sounds!
I remember my grandfather who was a martial artist always used to tell me that all bullies are cowards who are trying to boost theyre self esteem because they are mentally weak and dislike themselves deep down. And ive encountered countless bullies of all kinds in my life and it was always true. Bullies always pick and choose easy battles.
I've been watching your videos for a few days now and I must say, good sir, you are one of the wisest people I've ever had the privilege of listening to!
You're such a good man. Besides forgiveness though maybe those bullies helped you become the fighter and man that you are.
There is only one that is Good, and that is God.
Must add, I'm quite impressed that your mind is consistently 'in a good place-you think in a good way"...as my Native American friends would phrase it. Well Done!
Wow, I'm impressed! I didn't expect to hear words from the Bible and I'm beyond pleased that you know those precepts and live them out! I hope to one day talk with ya on the golden shores.
This video convinced me to subscribe. The best, the most important thing we can teach in _any_ discipline - martial, athletic, or scholarly - is correct principles. Not _what_ to think but _how_ to think; not _what_ to do but _why_ to do it. A fact can only ever tell us where we came from, and where we are; a principle can tell us where we can go. Better to have direction and no knowledge, than knowledge and no direction. At least, that’s what I think.
My respect, you are one wise person.
Knew there was a reason I liked you! There's a word that people don't look at... endure. "He that endures to the end..." and sometimes.. a lot of times in life that is done by picking your battles, body-shifting (so to speak) and the worst... taking the licks. One of the strongest people I knew was my grandfather a WWII veteran... a small man of 5'5". It was not the battles he fought nor the damage he dealt... but the things I watched him take on the chin... and still keep walking.
I didn't forgive my bullies until after I left school. So props to you.
So true. I used to get bullied, and my dad taught me how to punch and how to take some one down. I eventually beat off my bully, but my dad got arrested, and I became lost. We all need to be taught, and lead in a way that make use more knowledgeable, and compassionate towards the people around use. I used to want to go fight in the ring untill I hit my sparing partner in the temple, and rocked him. I barely hit him, but I do not need to make money hurting my friends, or fellow Americans.
I've actually had the opposite experience, an old bully of mine (not a horrible bully, but a bully nonetheless) taught me wrestling and honestly he's the chillest dude now, weird how things work out.
You know, I actually thought this talk might go the direction of "teaching someone how to fight is to teach them not to fight" and there are a lot of reasons why that applies- fighting hurts and lessens your ability to fight later on. Learning how to fight competitively means that you are focused on ONE fight and the rest of your energy cannot be wasted on other, petty things. But this got deep fast. I hope those in other communities take those same sorts of lessons. In all things that you do, make someone else a better person.
Wow Ramsey, that story about your dream really hits home. Thanks man. Youre a badass
I started martial when I was younger because I was bullied. Once I started training and got better bullies didn't bother me anymore emotionally. I knew that at any time I could fight them. But I learned that martial arts is to protect yourself and others. Words don't hurt me. You put my hands on me then we have a different story. But after training most fights I've gotten into were to help someone who didn't have my skill set. I fought others who were attacking people that were in the same position I was before training.
Great words and philosophy. Definitely brain food. Thank you
Your a good dude man, I think you need protection against those that are truly evil. Psychopaths and serial killers need to be destroyed mischief makers may get another chance.
Spot On, very profound.
To forgive others is the key for spiritual and mental breakthrough in our life. It is a giving away of an illusion that seperate us from each other. I can tell about a bully in my school. He tormented me everyday. I decided to beat him up at the last day. Befor that day i made a decicion to forgive him what he did and bought him a present instead. A cd of a band he liked. I will never forget the expression on his face. This was one of the most liberating experiences i have ever made. I defeated an enemy. An enemy deep inside in me.
The hard workouts in bjj over many years has killed a lot of negativity in my mind. Helped me getting over ex girlfriends, sorrows of any sort, jealousy, any short coming in my life of the mind or the heart, bjj and running has helped me greatly. I love your advice. I’ll for sure come by when I visit Shanghai
Yeah. Brother. If you keep hating ppl who hurt you, you give them control over your life, but also in the case where you overcame them harming you you deny they made you what you are. Then if you end up able to help them correct their failures that started it all....full circle.
Great video, great quote forgive a d move on, thank you for the inspiration.
And everyone said. Amen.
An interesting thing happened with my bullies. From 1st-4th grade I was typically bullied and attack by a group of 4-6 kids simultaneously. Several trained at a McDojo that was part of a franchise, which I may or may not have put the local branch out of business in high school when I outright outclassed them utterly during their demo in gym class. Anywho, after 4th grade, my body and athleticism finally kicked in and surpassed all of them. Of that group, I actually did have a defector come to train at the dojang I studied at (my trainer had been a coach/trainer for the 1988 US Olympic Taekwondo Team). He immediately found it better and his normal antagonism became more of a rivalry instead (I actually converted 3 people I knew to my dojang, though only one had been from the group of bullies I had). Anyway, by the time I got to high school, the leader of the bullies actually became a nice guy, to the point that others he had bullied actually agreed he had become a nice guy. As for the others, well, they had their own issues to deal with, but not sure if any have actually progressed or not.
I really appreciate your videos bro. Ive been wanting to change my life for a while. Your giving me the strength ans knowledge to ❤️🔥
I enjoy listening to your tips on fighting,training and you comparing and contrasting different martial arts and fighters.I am more impressed however,by your philosophy on fighting,and the world in general.
Georges St-Pierre has a great story about how he met his bully later in life living on the street. They recognised each other, and Georges decided to help the guy out, and felt bad for him despite everything he had done to him. Great example.
Dude you look much better with some facial hair you should keep it that length or a little longer
He looks just fine as he is... much better in the tight Spider-Man suit though...
He even talks well.. makes funny faces.. I haven’t heard any videos explaining why he ended up in Cina though
You fool, now he's santa claus
@POOR PIRANO so what?
I've always had the pleasure of training with very nice people. And there is rarely anything more connecting than getting to know people while grappling in each others sweat ;-)
But I agree wholeheartedly about teaching bullies martial arts. I've always felt that you learn much more than effectively hurting people. Because it is never about sadism (I hope, at least that's my experience), but much more about learning something about yourself, and how to interact with others.
I was a monster inside. I was a violent, vengeful person, and it was only a matter of time before I'd come into conflict with someone. However, before I ever learned martial arts, I wanted to repent. I didn't want to hate murderers and spouse/child controllers and people who'd kicked me when I was down forever. Now that I do have some knowledge of martial arts, I feel that my control of my violent nature is much better.
Umm. I love this! As a Christian who does martial arts, I love this!
A very poetic discourse. Great.
Dude your knowledge is gold
Good advice brother, learn something new every day
In my experience, once bullies realize they're not invincible, they fold. Once you get your ass handed to you on the matts; in a cage, in a ring, etc. you either want to learn how to get better or you quit. Once you appreciate the artform and want to learn more from it, it becomes a whole lot less about hurting other people and more about how to better yourself. If you quit, you either go back to bullying "weaker" people or take home a nice fresh batch of freshly baked humble pie.
I think it's one of your best video Ramsey, peace.
I am 70 years old now, 150lbs and always held grudges. I was bullied by a very nasty guy in high school. Took me 30 years to finally, locate him. Then considered knocking his teeth out. Took me 2 more years to get the courage to knock on his door. People who knew him said he was 220 and a construction worker. Gotta say, I thought it was a good day to die. The door opened. I asked him if he was the guy I wanted, and when he answered, I hit him with a solid right to the jaw and he went back on his ass. He sat on the floor rubbing his chin and said "I was waiting for your visit for a long time" What I did in school was pretty cowardly. I regretted it ever since". I was happy he sat there as I turned to leave. All that anger was gone in one punch but I realised that if he had chosen to get up, I would be in a world of pain. The moral here is, be very careful who you choose for revenge cause it can bite you in the ass just as well. Your video brought back that memory and I appreciate your straight shooting.
MY fiancee thought the same thing , i Ben into martial arts my whole life, now i am taking my son to kids bjj school with me, the funny thing is she always thought martial arts would make my son violent, and she always hated the fact i trained, fast forward 8 months and my fiancee has spent alot of time at the bjj school, watching the kids class, and she realized what i have ben telling her, how training in any martial art, if in the right school is about building character, confidence, and knowing one limits and respecting other peoples limits. For me martial arts has always ben about a character development thing and healthy life style thing, and yes i competed in point sparing, and have competed in BJJ. im 34 and i have seen martial arts training change and shape people into better respectful humans, in most part.. great videos man. keep it up osss
Wow it’s a year on I asked Ramsey this question
That’s what I love about Ramsey
Could coach and create the biggest baddest ufc fighter
But would still feel as though he would have failed as a coach if all the person cared about or knew & did was “how to punch , kick & grapple)
That the sign of a good caring coach
Thank you my friend!
Welcome Ramsey :) loving the regular updates and content
Good insight, real teaching. That's what a teacher is...
I think:
(1) there is nearly always some hope to change them (not for a real psychopath however)
(2) you can often change them at least temporarily, so that they may be able to relate to you for that moment- getting you past the danger and
making your own experience much more tolerable
(3) it's much better for your own head to try to deal with anyone in a compassionate way. Not to react on the same level....
Fellow Muay Thai guy here and instructor at times. Well said brother. 90% of MT has nothing to do with fighting
Good, walking amongst others with definition . Life , positive, life terms ...
Astounding wisdom to come by at 13 14 yrs old forgiveness. The All Mighty father of the Messiah Jesus Christ says that when we ask him of forgiveness to come with forgiveness in our hearts towards ppl who wronged us so that He can forgive us.. Great video..
Your vids are great. You stand out because of these videos in which you TALK and not just show fight moves 👌🏻
The most important thing that a sensei has to offer a student is to teach them the discipline to identify and control their own ego. Humility is the first lesson a student should learn. And if they can't get that part down, they aren't ready to receive the true spirit of martial arts, and have no business receiving further training. If they are full of pride and their ego flares up everytime they spar, they need to be put onto their backs and forced to submit over and over enough times until their ego either releases its grip, or they are driven out of the gym entirely. Pai Mei from Kill Bill 2 does a good job demonstrating this with Beatrix. He had to shatter her ego before she could be liberated from her pride. It needs to be about self-mastery. Self-improvement. If it's about satisfying your ego, which is what the bully is seeking, then additional skills are only going to compound the problem. I think that having the wisdom to differentiate is the burden and responsibility of the teacher because you are partially responsible for the results if you feed a monster.
Thankyou for your videos, please keep them up.👊
You are a sage and a good person!!!
I’ve known a few bullies that took up MMA. Some of them just became even worse, even more of an arsehole.
Great topic! Catch 22. The thought that as instructors we are that powerful we are able to change 'a bully student' and transform a BULLY to a 'virtuous fighter' or to a person with good values could be a murky domain. In my view it happens but not that often. People usually change because they intrinsically desire to change. I can pour all that knowledge into the student who fails to 'get it' , I do agree with the female student to a degree. That way I basically 'enable' the bully to be more of a 'lethal bully' now. In ancient days a master will evaluate students and if there was a red flag to ill character they would not get thought. That would be the Sensei's, Sifu or Instructor integrity and his lineage of school integrity. Keeping on students moral development must happen to ensure the school will continue to carry a reputable name in which that student might endanger by being a 'bully' or 'ill of character'.
On the other hand at times an Efficacious instructor can enable and help students with ill disposition re-think their ways and maybe even change. In my experience it does happen but NOT TOO OFTEN ! Instructors hold the responsibility to gauge, assess and evaluate where each student is, not only physically and technically but virtuously , morally, and ethically. In the old days we called it the Dojo-Kun. We called this ethical training “wu de” in Mandarin or “mo duk” in Cantonese. When I trained gung fu. Students who fails to conform to the ethical guidelines risk being expelled.
Great topic Ramsey. Keep them thought provoking topics rolling. Essential !
Valuable words for life in any situation. Bullies are generally run by fear. Through discipline and work one can learn to respect others and abandon fear. We train the body, we train the mind and vice versa, until we become one unity and true to ourselves . if we concentrate on fear everyone is a potential enemy hence the aggressiveness. thank you kindly for your words!
Also very right, for me it is comprehensible that action have always consequences, good and bad. One may find the courage to stand up and recognise it, another runs back to his own little place/ego, if you want, and stay blind, my point of view but still I can be wrong, they stay ignorant because it is simpler. I also seen many I am afraid, but in the end I understood that they are also simply humans.... ;)
Hi Ramsey!!! Great inspiration. Thank you for your time. I like watching your videos you are very smart.
Very true sentences. Thank you for that video.